


Twisting the Knife

by TaoAndThen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Canon, Alternate History, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ancient History, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon Dialogue, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eugenics, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Government Conspiracy, M/M, Mythology - Freeform, Organized Crime, Pseudoscience, Psychological Trauma, Redemption, Retcon, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Titan Marco Bott
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:37:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 54
Words: 367,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaoAndThen/pseuds/TaoAndThen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Before humans existed there were Titans, though they were nothing like the Titans we have today. They had names, identities, distinguishable appearances, and unique abilities not unlike our shifters. These Titans gave birth to what our ancestors called Gods, who later created the human race.  What if those individuals our ancestors called Gods were not truly deities but merely glorified humans? Godlike if you will, who possessed the abilities of their Titan ancestors?  What if Titans are our ancestors?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this when I got to thinking about the huge deal that was made about Mikasa and her mother being the last 'Orientals' and the sex slave trade they were almost sold into. I got to thinking about exoticism and racial stereotypes, which later led into not only race fixing someone's character from birth but also astrological sign and etymology of name. Then this story was born. Because I'm limited to the anime and bits and pieces of the manga it's going to deviate a lot from where season one ended and will involve the manga (especially the Birth of Levi) and a lot of flashbacks as backstory/context for where this OC came from. For those who haven't read the Birth of Levi it takes place in 844, one year before the fall of Wall Maria and six years before the trainees of the 104th join the Survey Corps. It's also my first SnK fanfic so if anyone's out of character...go easy on me, it's still very much a work in progress.

There is a belief in the concept that one’s relative proximity to things in space and time will directly impact the person they will become. These variables and factors generate a set of innate predispositions that will, over the span of one’s life, encounter other variables and factors and their contact instigate and perpetuate this development. This belief existed in the pre-Titan world and only the oldest of the older generations have any recollection of this belief expressed and exercised regularly. Government banning of knowledge regarding the outside world resulted in most of humanity’s written culture being erased; much of what was known about these ideas exist almost exclusively in memory.

The three most widely acknowledged influential entities are name, date of birth, and race. With humanity having been reduced not only in size but geographic distribution the concept of ‘race’ and ‘ethnicity’ has been almost entirely eradicated; most humans today are descendents of closely related racial groups and this common ancestry contributed to erasure of notions of ethnic diversity. Aside from the majority there existed small pockets of what remained of an ethnic group known as ‘Oriental’, but there are no records of any individuals with Oriental ancestry today. Characteristics of Oriental culture were believed to be inherent to those with Oriental blood, which is why human traffickers sought out men for human capitol and women for sex trade. Very few who follow the belief in the predispositions are versed in the ugly history of humanity contributing to its own destruction, and know only of the names and dates of birth.

The languages of the pre-Titan world which gave birth to today’s common tongue coincided with sacred naming practices. To name was akin to making a wish or leaving a mark, as names often translated into a trait or description such as ‘strength’ or ‘born during the rains’. A surname held just as much relevance, denoting a family’s occupation or reflecting the ancestry as a whole (ex- a clan founder or place of origin).

The dates of birth coincide with twelve particular constellations collectively known as the Zodiac Wheel, as it follow a circular pattern moving throughout the seasons with the first constellation (known as a ‘sign’) beginning in mid-spring. When they are visible in the night sky those born ‘under’ a sign (literally beneath the sky above) they imprint a personality type onto the child which self-cultivates in tandem with other variables such as the child’s name and racial ancestry.

Or so the old stories, of which a tiny fraction of humanity is aware of, will say.

**_-Around the Year 820-_ **

_“I’m begging you, please take her. She’s no safer inside of the innermost wall than she is outside the three of them!”  
_

_“The Survey Corps doesn’t rear children. The Survey Corps kills the things that keep those children from becoming adults and allowing humanity to continue on.”  
_

_“But…I…If I’m found-”  
_

_“Then the child is already better off dead, isn’t she?”  
_

_“…she’s Oriental! She has Oriental blood! Her father, he is one of the last full-blooded Oriental humans. You know what they say about the Oriental, don’t you Commander? If you can’t take her in and protect her as a child then take her in and train her as a soldier. It’s already in her blood. She could very well be the strongest Titan killer the world will ever know. A weapon waiting to be forged.”  
_

_“Oriental?...These next words are purely hypothetical so only take so much to heart. If I take her then she will never know of you or her father. You are forbidden from even attempting to contact or see her. She will be raised to believe that both of her parents were soldiers. Her father died on an expedition outside the walls and her mother died giving birth. To keep her valuable blood a secret she will take your last name, not her father’s. But if no weapon can be forged from this little bundle of skin and bone I will not hesitate to do away with her as she would be a hindrance. If that happens you will never know. Can you live with that?”  
_

_“Yes Commander. This way she at least has a chance, which is unfortunately I can’t give her.”  
_

_“Have you named her yet?”  
_

**_-Around 830-_ ** _  
_

_New recruits were always surprised to see someone with no official title or rank treated as though they had superior officer status, especially when said person was so young. The walls whispered about infractions of child labor laws until stories were shared about a man who bravely gave his life to save a fellow soldier from a Titan and a woman who died of exhaustion and blood loss and the Survey Corp medical wing, their deaths only hours apart. How could the Commander not feel partially responsible for the well-being of the orphan with no other family, and what better way to commemorate her courageous parents than to raise her to carry on their legacy? It’s not as if she had been going out beyond the walls her entire life. Only once or twice thus far.  
_

_“What exactly is it that you do?”  
_

_“Anything and everything. Repair equipment, assist in the medical wing, all sorts of paperwork, preparations for expeditions, assisting squad leaders with training, reprimanding and punishment…Whatever needs to be done.”  
_

_“But you yourself are treated like a squad leader.”  
_

_“I am aware. I am not entirely sure why. Then again I have spent my entire life here. The Commander has been raising me since my parents died. My father gave his life to save his Squad Leader, or maybe it was Superior Team Leader, while on an expedition outside the walls. My mother died giving birth to me. I was told their deaths were not that far off, time-wise.”  
_

_“That would explain why you seem to know what’s going on better than some of the superior officers sometimes. Have you been outside the walls before?”  
_

_“Twice, yes. What is your story then, Cadet…?”  
_

_“Smith. Erwin Smith. What was your name again?”  
_

**_-844-_ ** _  
_

_“He is going to make you the next commander.”  
_

_“Oh? What makes you so certain?”  
_

_“You are the most obvious choice. Is that the new formation pattern you are drafting? The idea you told me about yesterday?”  
_

_“This? Yes, this is the rough draft for it.”  
_

_“Things like this are what make me certain. I have seen so many Squad Leaders come and go but you? You are different. You always have been. And you have the personality.”  
_

_“My personality or ‘personality’?”  
_

_“You know they are the same to me, but yes, I am referring to the fact that you were born under the scales. Some seem to think that lions are natural born leaders but from what I have read they merely know how to take the lead. But to direct? No, I do not think so. Natural born leaders are diplomatic, make informed decisions by weighing the pros and the cons and considering all possible outcomes, they think about the greater good. And that is what scales do. Sometimes I feel as though I am the only person who appreciates the fact that the Survey Corps is in possession of government-banned literature. That has always seemed so counterproductive to me, in regards to securing our survival. ‘Humanity’ by definition is not limited to those who still have a physical presence. The material culture that we as humans create is just as much a part of humanity as we humans are. The only reason those old stories sound so silly is because they have been expunged from our daily life and active culture.”  
_

_“If you say so. Are you scheduled to come on patrol with me next week?”  
_

_“No, sadly I will not be able to this time. The Commander wants me to sort through the 3DMG we salvaged from the last expedition and pick out the parts which we can use as replacements later on. You look rather disappointed that I will not be able accompany you for a routine patrol.”  
_

_“There are rumors going around about thugs in the underground possessing and using 3DMG just like ours. I’m hoping to ‘accidentally’ bump into some.”  
_

_“We are not that desperate for recruits. Not yet, at least. But that does sound exciting.”  
_

_“I think it would be a shame for me to advance on to commander and for you to still be-”  
_

_“Oh no, no, no, no. I have said this countless times now. I do not need a title or a rank. I just need to do my job and my job is to do whatever needs to be done.”  
_

_“And that’s my point. You’re like an unsung hero around here, you know.”  
_

_“Erwin…”  
_

_“I’m serious. And for that very reason. You’re not specialized. You’re not coming with me because you’re able to devote your energy and time elsewhere here. Anywhere. You’re generalized. If you’re correct and I do become the next commander, than I’m going to give you a rank.”  
_

_“What? Oh, no, Erwin, please do not-”  
_

_“General. The first General of the Survey Corps.”  
_

_“…because I am ‘generalized’. It is a cute play on words…For that reason alone I might concede.”  
_

_“You must admit, it would have a nice ring to it.”  
_

**-850-**

“Welcome back from a very short-lived expedition. It’s a shame you had to come back under such conditions. This is going to sound ridiculous and the fact that they are Pixis’ orders doesn’t help that much.”

“Tch.  No more ridiculous than that shit about personalities being determined by the night sky that you buy into.”

“You might be eating those words momentarily. To spare you the long story that even those of us who were in the area still don’t fully understand, we are apparently going to be plugging the hole in the gate by dislodging a boulder and having a newly graduated trainee morph into a Titan and carry it over. Look me in the eye and tell me that my belief in the stars is more outlandish than _that_.”

“Tch. How in the hell did that drunk become Commander of the Garrison?”

“Don’t ask me, I am not his predecessor. Either way that’s the plan in place to take back the Trost District and judging by the flares that they’ve been shooting off it is already underway. Where is my brother?”

“Finishing up an expedition that barely began. Enough talking. Disregarding the drunk’s delusional plan, Titan’s are polluting the air I’m trying to breathe. I’d rather they not.”

“If only your adoring fans could hear you at times like these…I believe that Hanji’s right. If all the admiration irks you so, you need only disappoint them by showing how much of a clean freak you are.”

“Gladly. I’ll start by cleaning up Trost. Let’s go Saskia.”

“I was waiting on you.”

“Just get moving, brat.”


	2. Come Nightfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of the flashbacks will come from the spinoff the Birth of Levi; if you haven't read it I highly recommend doing so. You don't need to know it well to understand the history here but it might help. And it's just plain awesome.
> 
> The honorific '-chama' is a combination of '-chan' and '-sama'. Saskia uses it in reference to Erwin to acknowledge him both as her brother and her superior/the Commander of the Survey Corps.

**-844, Five Days After Isabel and Farlan Died, Morning-**

Had it not been for the heavy sound of footsteps preceding the thud on her door Saskia may have jumped out of her chair in fright. “Come in Commander Shardis.”

The door closed slowly behind him. “How did you know it was me?” he asked as he approached her desk, arms behind his back.

“You have a…distinct way of knocking on a door, sir. As though you are trying to punch through it.” Bright green eyes reluctantly tore themselves away from paperwork she had been whittling away at since she woke up. “What do you need?”

He nodded towards her left arm. “Shouldn’t you be in the infirmary?”

Saskia slowly shifted her gaze to the limb, encased from shoulder to wrist in a thick cast, and then the stack of paperwork in front of her. “There is work to be done and I am ambidextrous.”

“Do I need to order you to go there?” Shardis asked raising an eyebrow.

“If I do go, can I bring my paperwork with me?”

“You’re unbelievable, Messmann.” The Commander cracked a small grin. “Some have broken their own arms to get away from work. Injured or not you would kill to keep doing it.”

“Killing is part of my work,” she reminded coolly. “But that is not why you are here. You have that look. That ‘life or death matter at hand, we need to discuss it’ look.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s life or death, but it does need to be discussed. Cadet Levi.”

Saskia cast a quick glance at the small vase of magnolias on the corner of her desk and then looked up at her superior officer. “What about Cadet Levi?” she asked quietly.

“Squad Leader Flagan wants him gone. I doubt that surprises you. Your brother disagrees. And I don’t think kicking him out is the right course of action to take. But I can’t come up with any concrete alternatives. I need consul from the second-in-command, despite the conflict of interest.”

“Conflict of interest?” She leaned back in her chair, sounding slightly confused.

“It’s safe to say that you and Flagan aren’t the best of friends. You became quite close, officer-to-soldier, with Cadet Isabel Magnolia. And five nights ago Cadet Levi almost killed the closest person you’ve ever had to family.”

 _Human-to-human, not officer-to-soldier_ , she mentally corrected fighting a scowl. “I am aware, sir. I was present.”

“Then I’m sure you see why this puts me in a difficult position.”

 _This may be the only chance I have._ “Might I suggest taking him off Flagan’s roster and working with me instead?” She tapped her pen on her desk as she sifted through her vocabulary, seeking out the best words to form her argument. “The biggest complaint I have heard, aside from the fact that he does not ‘play well with others’, is having no respect for authority. I am not surprised as avoiding authority was a part of survival for him not long ago. I have no intention of forcing any hierarchy or chain of command down his throat. Considering the skill he possesses I do not think forgetting to salute or address by rank matters. Because I am no squad leader I would be the only other person he would ‘deal with’ so his lack of amicability would be non-problematic and I sincerely doubt he requires more, if any, training. I think his cadet status is a hindrance but appointing him as a Team Leader, Superior Team Leader, or Squad Leader at this point is either premature or a position he is ill-suited for.”

“That sounds very well thought out. Rehearsed, even,” he remarked. “Working side-by-side, in other words, until he gets used to exercising social skills. Alright, out with it. Why are you taking such personal interest in this cadet?” Shardis demanded.

“Because no one else is,” she replied swiftly.

“Plenty of other squad leaders have wanted to get their paws on him after seeing what he can do.”

“They are interested in a soldier and nothing more. I am interested in a human being.”

“A human being,” he repeated. “General Saskia, your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness.”

“As is usually the case. What is _my_ offense?”

“You care too much.”

“Better too much than not enough. Trust is important, more valuable than gold, in the military. He is not a trusting individual. A group setting is counterproductive as it forces others to uncomfortably _try_ to rely on him and vice versa. I understand that cohesion is essential but there was a process skipped. He was to go from lone wolf to ‘team player’ in the course of a day, to operate in sync at the blow of a whistle. He never had formal training. He never had an opportunity to form the sorts of bonds one does as a trainee. He has had never had to rely on another for survival. Even if I did grow up here and understand the value of camaraderie, I too have no years as a formal trainee. We are both almost exclusively self-taught. And if memory serves ‘playing well with others’ is not a prerequisite for being able to fight, to kill, and to win. While it may be mandatory to have such abilities in a militaristic unit it is not something learned overnight. That is the biggest mistake we made in terms of expectations placed on him. Working with only one other with whom he is on par makes far more sense than the current…the orthodox approach.”

“You mean protocol? He never struck me as the trusting type. And you’re right, trust is important.” Shardis pointed at Saskia’s cast. “That proves I can’t always trust you with yourself. How can I trust you with him?”

“Trust him with me. There is something keeping him here, something he is gravitating towards, and I want to positively influence him in a way that brings it out. He is like a spark ready to explode into something much bigger, much greater but is forced to contain itself because this is not an environment conducive to cultivating success for someone with a background, personality, and fighting style such as his. That has to happen at its own pace. The question becomes whether or not you deem it worth the wait, Commander.”

“I think ‘firecracker’ would be more fitting,” he snorted. “Skill like that can’t be overlooked. We need someone like him. I won’t kick him out. But I’m not convinced I should give him to you.”

 _‘Give him to you’. He is not an object I covet._ “You trust me enough to make me second-in-command, the General. That position was invented specifically for me, and at the suggestion of another no less; the idea was not yours. You trust me enough to make that exception. If you did not trust me with myself you would not have granted me such authority to wield. I am asking you not to let me try, but to let me let him try.”

“You’re very determined to do this, aren’t you?”

“Yes sir, I am,” she nodded.

“And you understand that if it goes sour the responsibility is on you to fix it and accept the consequences, correct?”

“I could not comfortably call myself a soldier if I did not understand consequences and responsibility, sir.”

“That’s one hell of a risk you’re taking.” He exhaled slowly. “But you never take a risk unless you’re absolutely certain you’ll come out on top in the end. You care, but you’re careful. Otherwise you would have broken more than just your arm…You would probably be dead. Should he agree to your proposal then consider him your partner-in-crime. Excuse the pun.” **  
**

**-Early Afternoon-**

Not long after she spoke to the Commander Saskia’s aches got the better of her and she had no choice but to take a break. She was lying on her couch, arranged perpendicularly to her desk, staring at it wistfully while longing for the feel of a pen in her hand and paper beneath it. She weakly sat up and leaned her back against the couch arm, eyes on the door as she continued to wait for her next visitor. Her face lit up when she heard the knock.

“Name and business.” It was hard to mask her excitement behind her work persona.

“Cadet Levi. You wanted to see me.”

 _Such unbridled enthusiasm_. “That I did. Come in.”

Tense and awkward didn’t scratch the surface when he entered her office. When they first met she was an enemy by extension, the younger sister of the man who had forced him to choose between the military or prison. It wasn’t long before she became friendly with Isabel, inexplicably so. Countless times he found himself scolding the redhead for reciprocating the attitude. She despised the Survey Corps but she made an exception for the General who caught her trying to sneak food late at night but instead of punishing her gave her cake and taught her how to make flower crowns. He didn’t trust her to begin with and her unwarranted kindness towards Isabel made him all the more weary.

And her kindness didn’t stop at Isabel. She was constantly arguing with their squad leader, Flagan Darlett, about the ‘mechanistic dehumanization’ he subjected them to. She was caring and protective towards all soldiers but not in a way that hindered the growth. She went out of her way to do anything and everything for anyone and everyone, actively seeking out work beyond her obligations. One of her most defining characteristics was the fact that she was always smiling. She was the sweetest soldier one could ever hope to meet.

Except when she was gracing the battlefield with her ferocious presence. Her kindness didn’t extend to Titans but it didn’t come to a screeching halt. Instead it completely inverted; since she was able to handle a blade (some say as young as age six) Commander Shardis had raised, interchangeable with ‘trained’, her to be a soldier. Her passion for protecting others and determination to annihilate the Titans pushed it even further. She wasn’t just a soldier; she was a ruthless, vicious, sadist. She would torture them, slicing off their faces, severing limbs, and carving out eyes, only to let them regenerate and continue the process until she absolutely had to kill them. Her movement was like parkour, running and jumping along buildings, trees, and even Titans themselves until she needed her 3DMG. She adapted to her surroundings, reserving gas in the process.

Her greatest asset was stealth; she protected her comrades from the shadows, so rarely if ever did anyone know her location until they found a mass of evanescing corpses. She was quick and quiet until she started screaming at them to ‘bow before humanity’ or some other battle cry. Her extreme violent measures, stealth, and innate aptitude for the blade earned her the moniker ‘The Silent Knife’. Even outside the walls the General was always smiling, which made her all the more disturbing to watch when fighting. The first time Levi saw her in action he thought she had lost her mind until it was over and she applauded others for their ‘phenomenal effort’ and ‘remarkable strength’ like a proud mother. She confused him and because he couldn’t make sense of her she was by default one that could not be trusted, period.

“I have a very simple question I would like your thoughts on before delving into what I would like to discuss. Which poses a greater threat to humanity- the Titans, or humanity itself?”

“Odd question coming from the psychopath who’s so hell-bent on protecting humanity she’ll leap into a Titan’s mouth to save a cadet,” he said eyeing her cast. “Walking away with no more than a broken arm…You’ve had experience doing crazy shit like that, haven’t you?”

“Not a cadet, a human,” she corrected, finger in the air. “As for my sanity, or a privation of, an argument could be made for either. I ask because…” _How do I start this? Well done. So eager to speak with him you did not think of what to say._ “Unlike them we are already behind the walls. We made the walls. We cornered ourselves, shackled ourselves, and are systematically eviscerating ourselves. Some are conscious of it, some are not. Flagan is.”

 _She really loves the sound of her own voice._ “You ‘requested’ I come here because you had an urgent matter to discuss with me, or so I was told. Are you planning on making a point anytime soon?” he asked in a bored tone, leaning against the side of her desk.

“Your humanity is what makes you so dangerous, you know. I know that no one believes me when I say you are not at fault for what happened five nights ago. The look on your face says even you do not believe me. The fact that you want to held accountable, that you doubt your innocence…It only strengthens my conviction in both the fact that you are innocent and out of all involved in this disgusting charade of an attempt at seeking closure, the most in touch with your humanity.” She paused and inhaled deeply. “I was told to follow and kill you should you seek out Erwin, which you did, but I chose to do otherwise. I went to find Flagan. Much to my surprise we were taking the same direction, though we had radically different intentions…and targets.”

“This is why you wanted to see me, General? To philosophize? To complain about Flagan? To compliment me? To confess your guilt?” he mocked.

“No.” Saskia smiled and glanced down at her broken arm. “I was going to ask you to sign my cast. With your skill there is no doubt that someday you will be…a hero or icon of sorts. I would like to be able to brag about having your autograph.”

“Tch. Hero? Icon? Coming from the bitch ordered to kill me five days ago I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

“Take it however you wish. So, will you sign or not?”

He contemplated for a moment. “Only if I can write ‘You’re a crazy bitch’.”

She looked delighted by the prospect. “Absolutely! Thus far everyone has written ‘Get well soon’. Yes, variety is most certainly welcome. Everything I have said thus far is not why I wished to speak with you though. Consider it a prelude.”

He took the marker she gave him and scribbled away on her cast, following through with his stipulation. “Great. You’re going to waste even more of my time.”

“You have very neat handwriting. You should draw a smiley face next to it,” she suggested.

“No, I think I’ll heavily underline ‘crazy’. What the hell is wrong with you? Hit your head too many times on expeditions?”

“On the rare occasions that I do sustain injury it is merely a sprain but a sprain is very easy to walk off.”

He blinked at her a few times, unsure if she was oblivious to his sarcasm or being sarcastic herself. “Tch. I should have written ‘fucking crazy bitch’.”

“Maybe next time I severely injure myself,” she grinned. “Back to what I had mentioned prior. Please, sit down.” She motioned to her office desk chair.

He complied and she wrinkled her nose in annoyance, her pain tolerance betraying her as she shifted her center of gravity slightly. “I have already spoken to the Commander and he has granted approval, pending your acceptance or decline. How do you feel about continuing with me instead?” She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the couch, resting the thick cast against her chest as if cradling an infant. “I am told I should hold Cadet Hanji accountable for my injury, but I defend her because I know she has a brilliant mind and that intelligence needs to nurtured, not shunned because her interests are atypical. This injury is a result of that intelligence being neglected, trying to nurture itself. I plan to speak with Shardis about allowing her to take on a more scholastic role as a soldier; forcing her to stay on the field simply to fight would be to take her out of her element. I want you to have the same opportunity in regards to your innate skills. That is something Flagan cannot offer you. Not properly.” _I wish I could say why…But I need an answer first._

“You want to work with the person who almost killed your brother?” he asked incredulously.

“No.” She leaned forward and locked eyed with him. “I want to work with the person who understands that every human life is valuable, none more or less than another. I want to work with the person who understands that people do not join the Survey Corps to die, they join to fight. I want to work with the person who knows that humanity has no hope unless we maintain _our_ humanity, and accept that at the end of the day soldiers are still human beings. The person who knows that the only way to protect humanity is to start by protecting the humans here. Above all, the person who does not want to stand their ground but to overcome! One of the few who believes that we will destroy them someday, even if not in our lifetime.” She swallowed heavily, throat growing raspy after her sudden outburst.

“Tch. I’m still waiting for you to make your point,” he challenged sarcastically. “Go on. Humor me.”

“You know I was raised to be a soldier, to fight to the very end. To do so I fight to ward off that end, both for myself and my comrades. When the circumstances of my upbringing are taken into consideration it makes sense that I am desensitized to death, but not dying. Soldiers ‘come and go’ but they are not expendable, their lives are not a commodity!” She pointed to her cast. “Better a broken arm than an unnecessary death. And I can tell by the look in your eyes, which radically contrasts with your apathetic facial expression, that you too detest unnecessary death. I always take that route if I am confident that I can succeed despite the risk. It seems reckless at face value, but without taking risks we have no hope.”

 _I think I see why Isabel was so fond of her now._ He hesitated to respond, mulling over her words and slightly taken aback by the fierce passion displayed a woman who had always appeared quite harmless to him. “Give me some time to think about it,” he finally said.

She nodded, offering a warm smile. “Of course. I have no intention of pressuring you. What I want is inconsequential. Ultimately the decision is yours. All I can do is hope that you do not make a choice you later come to regret.”

“For someone so ‘dangerous’ you smile too much.”

“Many have made mention of that and many more tell me that I have nothing to smile over. I disagree. I smile so often, so easily, for that very reason. When you are in an environment characterized by gloom and surrounded by the downtrodden there are few ways to prevent succumbing to it. I smile to ward it off and I smile to alleviate the dismay, hatred, and hopelessness others feel.”

“Tch. You’re too nice for your own good.”

“I know.”

“It’ll probably get you killed.”

“I know.”

“And you do it anyway,” he said flatly.

“If having compassion gives me a say in it, I would much rather die with a smile on my face than spend my last few moments miserable and terrified. I do not want to give the enemy that satisfaction.”

Levi glanced around the room and returned his gaze to her, this time his eyes expressing disapproval and condescension. “I’m not working with anyone who doesn’t know how to clean their God damn office.”

“I have a broken arm!” she snapped defensively. “I despise it as well! If you take such great issue with it, then you can clean it!”

“Tch. Don’t tempt me. I’ll give you my answer tonight.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Only one day to think about it? I do not want you to rush-”

“You mentioned Flagan being part ‘systematic evisceration’ and that you sought him out that night. You went against a direct order to go after him instead. You know something, something I damn well deserve to know too if it has anything to do with Isabel and Farlan.”

“I apologize if it sounds as though I am using that information as leverage but it is very sensitive. I cannot trust just anyone with it.”

“Tch. But you would trust me? How do you know I’m not taking advantage of you to get that information?” He leaned towards her. “I did warn you that being too nice might kill you, didn’t I?” he said somewhat menacingly.

She pulled a spare key to her office out of her jacket, which hung loosely over her shoulders. “At least I would die with a smile. And if you think that tone is going to intimidate me…Do be mindful of the fact that I broke my arm after slamming against the teeth of a Titan I myself had slain. I will be here the entire evening save for dinner. Hold onto it and come to me tonight when you have made your decision. I will tell you everything in full then. I promise.”

He eyed the key in his palm and smirked. “You won’t be in your office during dinner. How do you know I won’t abuse this?”

“You said so yourself, the sad state of my office repulses you. If you were to come it would be to clean it, which I would greatly appreciate.”

“Tch.” As he rose and brushed past her he replied, “Pretty big risk, isn’t it General? I thought you only did that when you were confident in the outcome.”

“I do and I am.” She glanced up at him as he opened her office door. “You have nothing to lose,” she pointed out.

“Aside from your dirty little secret what do I have to gain?” Levi asked skeptically, looking over his shoulder.

“We will see when that time comes, will we not?”

**-850, One Day After Reclaiming Trost, Early Evening-**

“You claim you are trying to forget about work and yet you have been holed up in your office all day. Please correct me if I am wrong but is that not…counterproductive?” Saskia handed Levi a cup of what she affectionately called ‘panic tea’, an herbal blend she reserved for stressful and trying times. More often than not the offer was unnecessary but he found it hard to complain as the much appreciated gesture was always accompanied by her presence, and there was no denying it was delicious.

As she sat down on his couch a faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. “Take a look at this and tell me if it constitutes as ‘work’.” He handed her the thin stack of paper before him. Setting her cup aside she accepted curiously. Her eyes were greeted by a poorly drawn doodle of Hanji watching in both horror and excitement as her new test subjects, Sawney and Bean, escaped from their restraints.

“I had no idea you were such a talented artist…”

“Flip the pages.”

With a light shrug she did as instructed and what started as a harmless and mildly accurate depiction of a hypothetical scenario turned into Hanji being chased around by the escapees. Her chest trembled lightly as she clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle her gigging. “I should not be laughing at this,” she managed weakly through parted fingers and thumped him on the shoulder with it. “And shame on you for drawing that!”

“Tch. It was cathartic.”

“Ah, so _that_ is the reason you have been in here all day.” She traded in his artwork for her cup and took a few sips. “Hiding from Hanji.”

“Hiding from her rants after she killed my appetite at dinner last night,” he corrected, folding one leg over the other as he turned in his chair to face her. “You heard it, didn’t you?”

“Something about if the ‘Titan-shifter’, being presumably human, had a fully-functional gastrointestinal system -unlike a ‘true Titan’- and was capable of defecation while in ‘Titan form’. Yes, I heard. Unfortunately.”

“Didn’t need to repeat it.” He gave her a quick once over and noticed dark circles under her eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve actually been working since this bullshit started,” he remarked with immense disapproval. “Never mind, don’t answer that. Dumb question to ask your dumb ass.”

“You know me so well,” she chuckled, brushing off his insult with ease.

“Did you even sleep last night? You look like shit. Your hair is a mess. Fix it,” he said authoritatively.

She rolled her eyes and pulled a dark blue ribbon off of her wrist, using it to tie up her long black hair in a ponytail. “‘Saskia, your desk is a mess. Organize it. Your office is a mess. Clean it. Your uniform is a mess. Wash it. Your bed is a mess. Make it’.” She curled her lips inward to fight a grin, the look on Levi’s face indicating he was not pleased with her terrible impression of him. “And now my hair? Will you ever run out of things to criticize me for?”

“Tch. With a name like ‘ _Mess_ mann’? You’re kidding, right?” he replied in a genuinely amused tone.

She smiled softly and started slipping out of her jacket. “You’re in a much better mood than I anticipated. That’s good.”

Levi shot her a glare. “Fold it.” She rolled her eyes, still smiling. _That damn workaholic wouldn’t know relaxation if it bit her in the ass_ , he thought to himself as he drank. _Since she’s ditching the jacket and not talking so damn formally she must be calming down. Progress._ Levi quickly came to notice those to be the primary indicators that the General’s work persona was melting away; notorious for working too hard and too much he was relieved to see her visibly abandon that side of herself. _Last thing I need is her dumb ass falling apart because she thinks she’s a superhero._ “You’ve spent your entire life here and you don’t know how to properly fold your uniform.” He took another sip. “You’re hopeless.”

“I’m well aware, as you always go out of your way to remind me.”

“Yeah, I’m thoughtful like that.”

“I count my blessings every day to have such a sweetheart for a best friend. Since the topic of work is off limits, there’s something I have been meaning to ask you about…” Her visibly tense form finally relaxed as she finished her tea and leaned back into the couch.

“Petra?” he asked monotonously, trying not to cringe. Now the offering of panic tea was warranted.

“Petra,” she echoed with a nod.

“What the hell am I supposed to do? ‘I’m sorry you’re in love with me, not because it’s one-sided and I’m breaking your heart but I can’t find it within myself to give a damn since you were stupid enough to let your emotions get the better of you, and I also happen to be a callous bastard’.”

“If you wish for your squad to remain intact I wouldn’t take that approach,” she advised as she folded her arms over her chest. “Often I find myself wondering what the rest of the corps would think of you if they could hear you in moments like this, when you aren’t the ‘scary Lance Corporal’ but a whining, bitter little bitch.”

“Tch. I’d rather be a bitter little bitch than a crazy little bitch.” Seeing as Saskia and Levi were almost equal in height, she being slightly shorter, he allowed her to get away with mocking him for it when he could use it as an opportunity to do the same to her.

“Touché,” she said putting up her hands in defeat.

He drummed his fingers on his desk. “All the more reason to take a break. No ‘Lance Corporal’ this, ‘Heichou’ that -especially from Petra-, and none of that ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ crap.”

She nodded slowly in agreement. “It is nice to get away from the adoring public for a while. The Silent Knife can retreat to the shadows and stay in the shadows, where she belongs.” _Who invented that nickname? It sounds like state-of-the-art silverware._

“The next person stupid enough to mention that shitty Titan brat in my presence is getting thrown out a window.” He carefully eyed the half-empty cup in his hand before quickly finishing it. “I needed that. Thanks.”

“Of course. I’m available to assist when we succeed in taking the boy into our custody. The responsibility of monitoring him doesn’t need to fall on you and your squad.”

“Would you be able to tear yourself away from this place?” He glanced around his office and looked back at her. “It would fall to shit without the crazy little bitch of a General running around like headless chicken, even if it’s at the expense of what little sanity she has left. Not to mention she gets off on working herself to death. How in the hell are you able to form a coherent sentence right now? I have half a mind to order you to go to sleep before your sorry, stupid, shitty self collapses from exhaustion.”

 _He seems to enjoy forgetting that he technically has no authority over me. That ego…It must be how he gets all the girls._ “It would be difficult, yes,” she agreed. “There’s always something to be done around here. You know I would always make an exception for you should you need me.”

“Yeah, I know,” he muttered averting her gaze. Despite their six year history it was still awkward for him to accept her expressions of affection, and harder still to show they reciprocated. Rarely if ever verbalized Saskia knew it was mutual. The fact that he need not verbalize it and she learned how to intuit it was arguably the thing about her he both appreciated and was annoyed by the most.

She waved a hand dismissively, shooing the topic away. “But that can be discussed later. You wish for a break from all things work related, and far be it from to interfere with that wish being granted if it’s alleviating stress. Back to Petra.”

“Yes, back to Petra. Because that’s an improvement.” He ran a hand down his face and sighed deeply. “Saskia, you’re a woman, right?” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “What’s the easiest way to ‘let her down gently’ or however that crap works? The last thing I need is for my squad to fall apart because she can’t keep her shit together. You women and your…feelings.”

The emerald-eyed officer burst out laughing and mimicked his posture. “I don’t know which concerns me more. Questioning whether or not I’m a woman or **you** of all people wanting to let someone down gently. Are you ill?” She feigned concern and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. “No fever…She is without any fraction of doubt a very strong individual but when it comes to matters of the heart…You said so yourself, albeit blunt and abrasively-”

“You were expecting otherwise?” he interrupted with a smirk.

“Had you not I think your sanity should be called into question this time, not mine. Anyway, she is a rather emotive creature though she manages to keep her feelings from interfering with her role as a soldier very well. However, the fact remains that she allowed herself to open up, which was brave, yes, but I feel as though she’s expecting it to reciprocate simply because she feels that way towards you. And if that’s true, she’s expecting it from the wrong person. That’s something you could tell her.”

“Maybe. It does seem that way.”

“And she doesn’t seem to be a good match for you. Petra isn’t your type.” She shook her head.

“My type? Alright resident expert on matters of the heart, tell me what ‘my type’ is.”

“We’ll see when we get there, won’t we?” she grinned. “Six years and I still haven’t figured it out…”

“You’ve been trying to figure it out?”

“Of course! Should the right person come along then I, as your best friend, have an obligation to- Ow!” She squeaked in pain when he flicked on the forehead.

“You have an obligation to shut up because you’re being annoying.”

“I hate you,” she grumbled rubbing her forehead.

He narrowed his eyes and flicked her on the forehead again, making her jump. She wrinkled her nose and shot him a glare. “What was that for?” she hissed.

Donning his typical apathetic expression he asked simply, “Do I need a reason? Now turn around. Face the door.”

“Why?”

“Just do as you’re told,” he said briskly.

“Trying to escape from work but still as bossy as ever.” She turned around, pulling her ponytail over her shoulder and twisted it nervously as he sat behind her. His hands settled on her shoulders, thumbs on the back of her neck, and began massaging firmly.

“Tch. Titans aren’t going to kill you. Paperwork will. You’re going to work yourself to death.”

“So I’ve been told. Often. By you.”

“Then maybe you should stop being a God damn moron and listen to me. You’re incredibly tight,” he remarked with a frown and massaged more firmly.

“It’s been awhile since you’ve done this for me. I think it’s safe to say I’m overdue. Yes, right there. A little more pressure though. That’s perfect.”

“Finally!” an ecstatic voice out in the hallway cried and Levi’s door burst open. “I’ve caught you two in…the…act…Oh, it’s just a back massage.” Hanji bit her lip and grinned sheepishly. “Well this is embarrassing! And underwhelming.”

“Why are you so determined to walk in on us fornicating?” Saskia asked so shamelessly and bluntly it almost made Levi blush.

“You can’t fool me,” the scientist murmured in her signature creepy voice with two fingers pointed at her wide eyes and then towards them before slinking back into the hallway, slowly closing the door as she departed.

“…I thought…you changed the lock…on your door…” She looked over her shoulder at him, trying not to laugh at the frustrated face he was making.

“I did,” he replied through grit teeth.

“I understand that you’re irritated but if you squeeze any harder you’re going to break my shoulder blades. I think I’m going to invest in a stress ball for your birthday.”

“Tch. No need. Shitty Glasses’ head will suffice.”

“What has possessed her into thinking we’re more than friends?”

“Simple. She’s a fucking idiot.”

“She has her moments, I suppose-“

“No, she’s just a fucking idiot.”

Saskia glanced at the window. The faint glow of the pyre used for burning the remains could be seen in the distance. “If I had arrived sooner maybe they wouldn’t have so many to burn…”

He turned her head around, facing forward away from the window and towards the door. “You can’t save everyone,” he said pointedly.

“I can try.”

“Only to get upset later when you don’t.”

“I would be more upset if I didn’t try. If all I can do is try, then I should try to do all I can.”

“Do you enjoy breaking your limbs? You almost completely shattered your left arm when you saved Shitty Glasses’ life.”

“That’s the natural consequence of flying into a Titan’s mouth, slicing through the weak spot from inside the back of the throat, and not escaping through the cut soon enough so when the dead Titan collapses you hit the teeth.”

“You’re lucky it was just your arm. Your spine could have snapped in half.”

She chuckled. “I still have that cast. I wanted to save your ‘autograph’. I told you that someday I would he be able to brag about having it in my possession.”

His eyes were very cold. “I’m serious, dipshit.”

“Did Erwin order you to scold me more so than usual in his absence?”

“Alright, that’s it. _Move_.” He turned her around and she leaned into the couch as she braced herself for a lecture. “You’re not a miracle worker and I swear to that pathetic excuse for a God, assuming there is one, if you even think about martyring yourself I’ll find a way to bring you back to life just to beat the shit out of for being an idiot. You **can’t** save everyone. You **can’t** blame yourself for every death. You want someone to blame? Blame the Titans. Blame people like Flagan. I don’t care how strong you are, I don’t care how fast you are, I don’t care how stealthy you are. Every soldier is still what?”

Her shoulders dropped and she placed her hands on her lap, one over the other. “A human being,” she mumbled, eyes downcast as she started kicking at the floor.

“True or false, every human life is equally valuable.”

“True.”

“How do you protect what’s left of humanity?”

“Start by protecting those here in the Survey Corps.”

“That includes you,” he said sternly, tilting her chin upward and locking eyes with her. “If you don’t look out for yourself, something which no one will do for you, then not only are you a hypocrite by neglecting a human being but you’re undermining your own worth. Now do me a favor and stop pissing me off. I hate when you start torturing yourself over shit that you have no control over. You did the same thing when Maria fell and what came of it? Nothing. You can mope all you want but that’s not going to rebuild a wall and it sure as shit isn’t going to bring anyone back to life.”

“Thirty-eight. This is the thirty-eighth time you and I have had this conversation. This year.”

“And how many more times are we going to have it until it sticks? I’m getting tired of repeating myself, Saskia.”

“Until I become a miracle worker so I’m able to prove you wrong and laugh in your face."

He sighed in defeat.  “What the hell am I going to do with you?”

“Lecture me, apparently.”

“You’d get your dumb ass killed if I didn’t. And I don’t think I could function without you.” Her eyes lit up upon hearing that, as he rarely issued a genuine compliment, until he added, “You’re the only person here who knows how to make a mildly acceptable cup of tea and the only person who bothers trying to keep this shithole clean.”

She punched him playfully in the upper arm. “I am no maid.”

“Then stop taking responsibility for the messes that others cause. Instead of beating yourself up, beat the shit out of Titans like you’ve always done. Maybe ‘butcher’ would be a more fitting word for what you do.”

“How so?” she asked innocently.

“How so?” He gave her a ‘Did you really just ask me that?’ look. “Are you mentally present when you fight? Have you forgotten people call you the Silent _Knife_?”

“I thought it was related to stealth.”

“You need to be pretty damn stealthy to skewer them without drawing much attention. Most of us don’t even know where you are, we just ‘follow your trail’.”

“What can I say? I’m a trendsetter, a trail blazer.”

“About damn time.”

“Time for…?”

“You’re smiling again.” He let go of her chin. “Who do you think you’re going to drive completely insane first? Yourself or me?”

“That’s a good question,” she replied thoughtfully. “I would have to say you.”

“Why me?” he asked cautiously.

“Because I do things like this!” She hug tackled him into the cushions.

“God damn it woman, get the fuck off of me!” he barked

The door burst open again. “CAUGHT YOU THIS TIME!”

“FUCK OFF HANJI! BOTH OF YOU, OUT OF MY OFFICE!”

Saskia was so accustomed to being yelled at by Levi it made her laugh. She climbed off of him and grabbed her jacket. “A splendid idea.” She threw her jacket over her shoulder. “I have more paperwork to do anyway. And Hanji, I would love to hear more about your hypothesis on the gastrointestinal system of the ‘Titan-shifter’.”

“I knew you would be interested!” she exclaimed, practically drooling. “Well, it started yesterday when I was taking a shower and realized I was out of shampoo, the lemon scented one I usually use…”

Hanji was talking to the wall as Saskia closed the door behind them. She shot Levi a final smile. “Have a lovely evening. Try not to miss me too much.”

“Go to Hell.”

“I’ll reserve a spot for you.”

**-850, One Day After Reclaiming Trost, Night-**

“Good, you’re out of your office. Now I don’t have to kick your ass for working too much.”

Saskia sighed peacefully. “No, on a night as clear and beautiful as this it would be criminal to stay inside. Sit with me Levi? I washed my cape three times to cover the ground for you.” She patted the spot on the rooftop next to her.

“You drive a hard bargain,” Levi replied sarcastically. He would have stayed regardless of an invitation, at the very least to make fun of her obsessing over balls of light in the sky. During the evening hours if Saskia wasn’t in her office the second most likely place to find her was on the roof stargazing. She stretched out her dark green cape on the ground next to her for him before lying down, arms folded behind her head.

“It’s funny, in a way.” She tilted her head to the side towards him. “Six years ago we were tangled in that scandal, the one with Flagan regarding the Military Police. Almost to the date I believe. And only days beforehand you and I were up here on the roof just like this. I was stargazing, you were sitting next to me…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath out of almost pensive nostalgia. “Perhaps that is the reason this is taking so long? It isn’t so much bureaucracy as it…Nile Dawk pouting?”

“Tch. What’s the difference?” Levi sat beside her on the neatly pressed cape. “You did sully their reputation and temporarily destroy the people’s trust in them. That’s not how you make friends, Saskia.”

She chortled. “You say it as though you’re the resident expert on amicability and friendship.”

“Funny you should mention the ‘f’ word. On one of the rare occasions I listened to your prattling you said something to the effect of being willing to do _anything_ for me, should I need you to. Is that correct?”

“I’m not talking to Petra for you,” she replied deadpan. “Titans don’t pose a threat, but God forbid you ever be forced into the terrifying situation of rejecting a woman! You poor, pitiful creature.” She reached up to pinch his cheek and he quickly swatted her hand away.

“Shut your shitty mouth before I throw you off the roof. Then again, you have been putting on weight lately…”

“Are you calling me fat?” she exclaimed exasperatedly.

“Maybe,” he shrugged apathetically. “Yes.” He leaned back, resting on his elbows and forearms for support and glanced over at her. “Which one are you looking for tonight?” Levi cared little for astrology but rarely if ever were the two of them allowed to revel in the luxury of leisure time. He would much rather spend his free time in her company enjoying a calm evening such as this even if it meant feigning interest. It was also the perfect way to hide from Hanji; this was the last place anyone would think to look for him.

Eyes fixed on the black expanse above she replied, “The twins. Based on the month and current time of night they should be somewhere in that general direction.” She pointed upward to the right. “But I’m having trouble finding it. Do you see it?” She turned her head to him sounding pathetically hopeful.

“Tch. Why would I even be looking?”

She wrinkled her nose and elbowed him in the arm. “Don’t mock my passion. Better stars than Titans, yes? The twins, they’re very easy to distinguish. The open rectangle, remember?”

“It’s just a mess of glowing dots,” he replied monotonously. “You could see any image or shape or whatever up there.”

“True, you could. Hanji saw an Abnormal Titan once. And I saw a dead Abnormal Titan.” She announced this with a hint of pride.

“Surprise,” he muttered rolling his eyes.

“You sound rather grumpy. Grumpier than usual, that is.”

“My patience is nearing its end. Erwin might as well stop wasting his time trying to negotiate and kidnap the brat.”

“He doesn’t strike me as the sort of individual capable of such an act. Do you know what else being up here reminds me of?” She turned to him again.

“Was it the conversation on that night?” he suggested.

“Yes!” She nodded quickly, eyes alight. “Yes, that was it. Oh, damn, I forgot that the magnolias on my desk are wilting. I need to replace those…”

“Already taken care of. I noticed it and put in fresh ones when I was looking for you.”

“You did? Thank you, I appreci-”

“The dead ones made your office smell like shit. I could barely breathe.”

“How silly of me to think you did so out of the goodness of your heart,” she chuckled.

He settled his eyes on her. “I want you with me when we get our hands on that kid. To be honest, I think I need you. It will be hard to do much of anything without you around.”

“That’s not true,” she replied encouragingly.

“The thought of working without you…No one could ever replace you, you know.”

“Oh, um, I-”

“How in the hell can I stay sane locked up in that shithole with a woman who doesn’t understand ‘unreciprocated feelings’ and a kid who can turn into a mother fucking Titan without my verbal punching bag around?”

“And what an honor it is,” she said with a sarcastic grin. _Twice now he tricked me into thinking he was complimenting me. Jackass_ , she mentally pouted. “Yes, of course I will. I already told you that. But you don’t merely need there to serve as a verbal punching bag I hope,” she giggled.

“No. Occasionally physical,” he replied bearing his typical apathetic expression.

Mouth agape she smacked him on the back of the head. “Hardly any incentive!”

Rubbing the back of his head he replied with a slight grin, “That definitely brings back memories. All the stupid, petty brawls we would get into.”

“I still have five scars from you. You were a rather rowdy ‘cadet’. But I think I would have been quite bored with you otherwise. Why can’t we go back to the good old days when we were dealing with corrupt officers and conspiracies within the military?”

“Because you rooted most of them out.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you though.”

“Tch. I didn’t care at first, I just wanted a chance to shit on Flagan’s reputation.”

“Mission accomplished.” She wrinkled her nose. “Come on twins, where are you? Stop hiding from me!”

“Keep your voice down,” he hissed, flicking her on the forehead again.

“I can’t help it. I’m madly in love with the story.”

“You’re in love with all of them.”

“Pisces’ story is boring,” she snorted. “The Gemini story is beautiful. Twin brothers, one human and one divine. The human died and the divine brother begged their divine father to put him in the sky. And when he died they were reunited. Maybe it’s the bond between the brothers I find so attractive. Though he was ‘just a human’ his body turned into stars. He lived and died a human but he became immortal, watching over the rest of us here on Earth. Strange, isn’t it? At first they look like little glowing balls spilled over an endless black void but when you see those shapes and hear those stories it doesn’t seem so far away. Like you can just reach out and touch them. They have character. Personalities. And the history they hold, the very history the government tried to do away with, the history that resulted in Erwin’s father being **murdered** ,” she elaborated in a hushed tone.

Only five in the Survey Corps knew of the locked storage room carefully tucked away in the deliberately neglected sub-basement. Saskia literally stumbled upon it at a young age while trying to clean the basement, engaged in a fierce skirmish with ugly markings on the stone walls. By applying pressure while scrubbing a stone otherwise indistinguishable from the rest she triggered the passageway. Gravity took hold of her and she tumbled down a small staircase. After feeling the walls she found the door to the hidden room which she, out of youthful innocent curiosity, couldn’t help but pick the lock to using the pins in her hair.

It housed countless books the government had banned during the era in which the walls were constructed, but the books themselves came from a time before the walls were necessary. After her discovery she frequented it under the pretense of ‘cleaning the basement’, which proved an easy card to play as few would willingly enter the spider infested chilly and dusty depths. She hadn’t gone to that room since she began working alongside Levi six years ago. Despite the lapse in time the information tucked away within those torn and frail spines, scrawled across fading yellow paper was forever burned into her memory.

She was most fascinated by books on the history of languages after noticing similarities between the vernacular and dead tongues. She only voiced this interest to Erwin, Hanji, Mike, and Levi, as knowing such languages once existed could lead to public execution. The star patterns were harmless so long as she passed it off as noticing random shapes. Her knowledge of the Zodiac Wheel and each fable of origin attached to the twelve also stayed between them. These remnants of a seemingly mythical world, one without walls, were where she derived her philosophies about what it meant to be human and prerequisites for securing the future of the human race.

“To think hundreds of years ago people were reading those same stories and looking for those same patterns…our ancestors. We are looking at the things they saw, back in time at an indestructible historical record which does not live and cannot die. They’ve always been there and we’ve always be connected to them. Their longevity and fixed forms are an affirmation that this world is ours, always has been, and always will be. Though the information comes from a world we can never return to its stories survived. They survived!” Her eyes gleamed with excitement. “Proof that world existed. Like a gift passed on from the pre-Titan generations to us, and those people live on through those ideas. Humans have been granted immortality by having these things, these facets, which are engaged in this system of being passed down. They’re part of our legacy. And one mind alone is all that is needed to preserve **centuries** of information. Books can be burned, writing erased, but a thought is immortal.”

“If you’re done rambling, I think I see it. Maybe. Hell if I know.” He leaned over her and pointed to the far left.

She bolted upright, frantically scanning the sky for the Gemini constellation, eyes narrowed and studying carefully. “I…I don’t see it.” She straightened her back up, folding her legs beneath her, arms at her sides.

He fought a smirk. “What a coincidence. Me neither.”

“You jackass!” she yelled. “I should throw YOU off the roof!” She whipped her head in his direction, not having realized how close they were, and their noses were barely touching.

"You have circles under your eyes.  You should go to sleep,” he advised with an underlying hint of concern.

“Because I ‘look like shit’, right?” she scoffed, turning away.

“You’ll make yourself sick if you keep this up.”

“God forbid we let germs inside headquarters,” she joked.

He put his hand on her cheek and slowly turning her face back towards his, though not as close as they were before. “When Erwin manages to successfully negotiate we will need to reconvene with him immediately. That could happen tonight, but you’re in no condition to be going anywhere other than to bed. I can’t have my favorite General falling apart on me.”

“I’m the only General there is, has been, and as far as onii-chama is concerned the only one there ever will be.”

“Then I forbid my favorite shithead, who happens to be a crazy little bitch and _the_ General, to fall apart on me. Better?” He nodded towards the exit. “I’ll wake you up if we get word from him. Until then, get your dumb ass inside and in bed before I pick you and carry you there myself.” He paused, gray-blue eyes narrowed in careful contemplation. “Then again, with all the weight you’ve put on-”

“I will hug tackle onto the ground and knock you unconscious if you finish that sentence.”

“You might crush me in the process.”

“I hate you,” she grumbled groggily as she stifled a yawn.

“I know. Now go to sleep dumbass.”

**-844, Five Days After Isabel and Farlan Died, Evening-**

_Dear Levi,  
_

_I apologize for the inconvenience but to speak to further you will have to come to the rooftop. At the very least please do so to return my key.  
_

_Sincerely,_

_General Saskia  
_

Saskia turned her gaze from the sky above to her right after hearing footsteps behind her and smiled as Levi stood next to her. Since she was unable to properly wear her jacket because of the sling her cast was in she gave up trying to keep it on and was wrapped tightly in the Survey Corps’ emerald cape.

“Here’s your key.” She extended her palm and he dropped it to her. As she put it in her pocket she returned her gaze to the stars overhead. “I don’t know why I’m still here,” he murmured simply. She chuckled softly under her breath.

“I think what you mean to say is you are still here to find out why you are still here. It is not that you have no reason to stay. You do not know what it is and you strike me as the sort of person who hates not knowing things.” She turned at her waist to fully face him. “Have you ever seen a tiny ember struggling to stay warm and bright under ashes and charred wood in a fire pit? That is how I see you. A tiny flame buried under debris of confusion, loss, anger. Instead of struggling to stay warm and bright, just to get by, you want to explode into a massive inferno the likes of which would put Hell to shame. As I said earlier today, I want Cadet Hanji to have the chance to pursue her passion. And I want you to have that chance to become an inferno. You will not have that with Flagan.”

 _Does she ever shut up?_ “Is there any way I can convince you to give me that information before I give you my answer?”

She turned her eyes to the stars again and pointed up. “Found you! Found you, you elusive bitch!” Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the awkward stare he sent her way and smiled. “Oh, don’t mind me, I like hunting for shapes that the stars seem to form. Last night I noticed one similar to the Wings of Freedom and was trying to find it,” she lied. _Careful Saskia. No one other than Erwin can know about the books._ “You need not try. When you possess this information, should you act on your own you would stand in my way. I have no tolerance for obstacles. I would much rather have you as an asset. Telling you guarantees a ‘yes’.”

“We’ll see about that,” he scoffed. “What did he do?”

“I noticed that Isabel’s cords were unnaturally tangled. By unnaturally I mean someone else would have had to handle them to cause that to happen, what with how they had twisted and knotted. Flagan was absent because he fled after disrupting her gear. This is going to take some time to explain in full so you might want to sit down.” She took off her cape and spread it on the ground beside her. “I cleaned it this morning. It is safe to touch.” Hesitantly Levi sat down facing her. She turned her entire body around so they were face-to-face. “They were two of many that he…sacrificed.”

“Sacrificed?” he snarled.

She nodded. “Yes. Flagan has some sort of connection to the Military Police, who enjoy maintaining a rivalry with us. I do not know all the details pertaining to-”

“Then tell me what you do know,” he demanded impatiently.

“He exploits cadets and has built a reputation on the pile of corpses accumulated through his efforts. He instills in them the belief that they are maladroit which equates to worthlessness. Our numbers are not as low as they are because of causalities through accidents and mishaps. It is because of cadets conditioned to be Titan fodder in a sickening and self-aggrandizing ploy to give ‘stronger cadets’ an opportunity. A chance to show that their training has been a success. His reputation is dependent on the success ratio of causalities and heroes he ‘created’. He is perpetuating a cycle, the false dilemma that the weak exist for the strong to prey on and the strong exist to prey on the weak. Cadets spiral down into a pit of hopelessness and loss of self-worth so they willingly sacrifice themselves while turning the ‘survivors’ into ‘heroes’. Under Flagan’s control, they become mindless killing machines.”

“And that’s where I come in?” he surmised.

“I said I see great potential in you. So do others. And while Flagan may be the epitome of fuckwit he sees it too. He would have pushed you, made you hate him, all the while taking advantage of this borderline miracle talent you possess. I **had** to get you away from him. I refuse to allow him to strip you of your humanity. You may be a cadet but in my eyes you are ten times the soldier someone like him could ever aspire to be. I would bet my life that someday you hold both rank and title as a beacon of hope that humanity as a whole needs to believe we have a chance.”

“And that’s where you come in.”

“Flagan told the Commander that he wants to have you removed. He lied. He knows Shardis recognizes we need you. He knew the suggestion would strengthen Shardis’ refusal to remove you, so you would stay on his squad if kept. If you knew he wanted you gone that would have been his first step in making you hate him. That was why I suggested that you be taken off of Flagan’s roster and we work together instead. I could not stand by and let him strip you of your humanity, your greatest strength. Especially not after what he did to Isabel and Farlan,” she added funereally.

His eyes darkened. “What’s his next move?”

She held up three fingers. “There are three I believe he is targeting to make into ‘heroes’. It will take more than three to make up for losing you, of course.”

 _Enough compliments already._ “What if I declined and stayed there as your informant?” he suggested.

She grinned. “What if I told you I already have one? Unfortunately she is in the infirmary right now. I believe that Flagan suspects I am conspiring against him and he put Hanji in that situation to do away with ‘my eyes and ears.”

“What’s _your_ next move?”

“Find his connection to the Military Police. I feel this is a tiny thread in a grand tapestry of a conspiracy…But who am I to challenge the king?”

“You think it goes that far?”

“It could. And if it were to go that far, to the government…Earlier when I said we are ‘systematically eviscerating’ ourselves I was referring to Flagan specifically but I would not be surprised if he were part of something much bigger. Perhaps bigger than even he knows.”

“And you want to bring the whole thing crashing down, starting with him?”

“Yes. He is the ultimate objective as it stands. If and when more details come to light then I will act accordingly, as will Erwin and Hanji. Until then he is a threat to my immediate environment, the only home I have ever known, and every single God damn member of the Survey Corps. He must be eradicated.”

“Connections to the MP…Where should we start looking?”

Her eyes lit up. “I get the distinct impression that this is either the start of something phenomenal or a complete disaster.”


	3. Necessity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of what I put together for Levi's backstory was done before the most recent volume of the Birth of Levi was released. So it's going to deviate a lot from what's out now.
> 
> ALSO- SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO AREN'T UP-TO-DATE ON THE MANGA. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

“Saskia.”

… 

“Oi, Saskia, wake up.” Levi shook her shoulder. 

“Ngh…What time is it?” A pair of sleepy green eyes struggled to open, barely able to see any more than a familiar silhouette in the darkness of her bedroom. 

“Time to go.” 

“Go do paperwork?” she yawned, trying to lift her head from the pillow 

“No dumbass, the sun is barely up. There’s no paperwork to do yet.” 

“Then I’m going back to sleep.” Her eyes fluttered shut as her head dropped down to the pillow and she rolled over facing the wall. Levi pulled her pillow out from underneath her and hit her over the head with it. 

“Get your lazy ass out of bed!” he barked. 

She bolted upright, nose wrinkled as always when agitated. “Do you want me to sleep or not?!” she shrieked. “Make up your mind!” She grabbed the pillow, hugging it to her chest and fell back down on the bed, curling up into a ball. 

“You’re such a pain in the ass…Get up and get ready. We have to leave _now_.” 

“But you told me to sleep…Can’t disobey a direct order from the Lance Corporal,” she said with a cheeky grin, eyes still shut. 

“Do I need to pour cold water on you?” He grabbed a handful of her blanket. 

“I wouldn’t do that,” she muttered sing-song, clutching her pillow tighter. 

“Tch. I’ll drag you out of that damn bed if I have to.” 

“Ill-advised,” she sang again. 

“Shut up and get-” He yanked it off and stopped mid-sentence. 

“In case you forgot, it’s summer. It’s warm in the summer. I have a low tolerance for high temperatures. That’s why my blanket is thin. That’s also why I’m not wearing pants.” She peaked an eye open and cursed the low lighting, wanting to get a glimpse at the look on his face. 

_That’s…one way to start the morning…_ “We’re going to meet with Erwin. He convinced the MP to let us see the Titan brat.” He tried his best not to sound flustered and threw the blanket back on top of her. 

She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t understand why you sound embarrassed. We’ve lived together for six years now.” 

“What’s your point?” he snapped and headed for the door. 

She shoved the blanket aside and stretched. “How many times have you walked in on me changing or in the shower? How many times have I walked in on _you_ changing or in the shower?” 

“Too many,” he replied and shut her door. 

“And the tradition shall continue until we expire.” She hopped out of bed and went to her personal bathroom to shower and prepare for the long day ahead of them. 

Levi waited as patiently as possible in her office, pacing back and forth. He stayed up all night in the event that a courier from the Military Police might arrive this early. Currently running on five cups of coffee, he was doing his best to convince himself that he was trembling from the surge of caffeine and not what he (barely) saw in her bedroom. Seeking a distraction, he quickly found one at the very top of her bookshelf in the form of a leather bound journal. The word ‘DIARY’ was scribbled across the spine. “You say diary, I say blackmail,” he smirked and grabbed it. The water started running; he had approximately five minutes to find something juicy. 

Hardly to his surprise most of the pages were full of drawings of the twelve constellations and little blurbs and descriptions of each. She even kept a list of names next the sign they were born under. 

“Tch. I can’t believe she thinks this stuff is real…If anyone found it she’d get her head cut off. There must be something in here I can use…” 

_December 15 th, 848  
_

_How is it that I can know someone for four years and STILL never know what to get them for their birthday? My best friend at that! I asked Hanji for a suggestion as to what I should get for Levi. Needless to say, as much as I adore her, that wasn’t my brightest idea. She suggested I tie myself up to his bedpost wearing nothing but three bows (guess where) with the word GIFT written across my legs and tell him to ‘open his gift’ when he sees me.  
_

“Blackmail can wait.” He snapped it shut and placed it back atop the shelf seconds before she came out of her bedroom. Her long hair was up and she smelled strongly of vanilla. 

“I have half a mind to stall just to piss off the driver.” She straightened out her shirt and slipped into her jacket. 

“You’d piss off Erwin in the process by keeping him waiting too.” 

“Considering he’s in their company I can’t imagine he would be in a very good mood to begin with,” she snickered. 

“We’ll see. Ready?” 

“Very,” she replied with a nod. 

Saskia fell back asleep along the way and Levi kept kicking her in the shin to keep her awake. By the time they arrived at the courthouse the sun was halfway up and she was sporting ugly bruises on each leg. Two guards escorted them down to the prison cell where Eren Jaeger was being kept. Erwin was sitting before it, his tired eyes fixed on the sleeping adolescent. 

“Tch. This place is fucking filthy,” Levi said condescendingly folding his arms over his chest. 

Hands behind her back Saskia replied thoughtfully, “Do be mindful of the demographic the facility is meant to cater to. They probably do not feel compelled to maintain high sanitation standards.” _Perhaps that is why he chose the Survey Corps over prison_ , she internally laughed. 

“They don’t need to pamper them like princesses but they could at least do something about the repulsive stench. Lazy fucks.” 

“Perhaps their superiors do not issue the order? Perhaps they are the lazy ones?” Even while donning her professional persona Saskia had difficulty refraining from taking stabs at the Military Police, especially in their immediate presence. Levi’s company only encouraged her further. 

“Has he been like this the entire time?” Levi asked Erwin, leaning against the wall next to him. 

“Yes. He collapsed from exhaustion not long after being taken into custody. I would assume it’s like a type of hibernation. From what I was told he has only undergone this transformation twice.” 

Saskia walked up to the cell and peered in at the slumbering teenager. “Sleeping the entire time. I was under the impression that the Military Police barred us from seeing him to cover up inhumane torture they were subjecting him to.” She stood in between them. “And now we continue to play the waiting game?” 

“Sadly, yes. That’s all we can do for the time being.” 

“I stayed up all night just to watch this little shit sleep.” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. “The day has barely begun and I already hate it.” 

“You hate a lot of things. But it could be worse. Hanji could be here,” she pointed out. 

“Just the thought of her acting like a frantic lunatic is giving me a headache.” 

“Acting?” Saskia giggled quietly as Eren began to stir and then shot up in bed. His vision was a little blurry but there was no mistaking the three outlines and the insignias they bore on their matching uniforms. 

After giving him a few seconds to regain his senses Erwin locked eyes with the boy. “Any questions?” 

_Survey Corps Commander Erwin…and General Saskia…and Lance Corporal Levi?_ “Um,” Eren began in a shaky voice, “where am I?” 

“As you can see, it’s an underground jail cell. The Military Police has regained custody of you. We only recently received permission to speak with you.” 

Eren looked around the cell, tugging lightly at the chains around his wrists and examining his body as though searching for something. Erwin held up the object in question. “That key…” he began. 

“Yes. It’s yours. You can have it back later. The basement of your house in Shiganshina, Dr. Jaeger’s house, holds the answer to the mystery of the Titans. Is that correct?” Rico Brzenska made mention of the basement and what was possibly beneath the rubble in her report concerning the attack on Trost after trying to learn more about Eren from Mikasa and Armin. The Military Police reluctantly shared the documents with Erwin and allowed him to hold the key temporarily so he could share the information with Levi and Saskia after they arrived. 

Eren gave a slow nod. “Yes,” he replied softly, sounding unsure of himself. This was confirmed after he added, “I think so. That’s what my father said.” 

“You think so or you have sufficient reason to believe so?” Saskia raised an eyebrow. “There is a difference, one of which could make _all_ the difference. That aside, Dr. Jaeger’s whereabouts have not been confirmed since…845. Curious timing, is it not?” She deferred to Levi. 

“You have amnesia and your dad’s missing. Pretty convenient.” 

Erwin shot them a warning glance. “Levi, Saskia. We have already reached the conclusion that he has no reason to lie. There’s still so much we don’t know. But right now, we do need to ask what you want to do.” He returned his attention to Eren. 

“What I want to do?” He sounded surprised that the subject was open for discussion. He found the answer to that question years ago; there was no need to think on it further. 

“To get back to your house we must take back Shiganshina and Wall Maria. The simplest and easiest way to seal the shattered gate would be to use your Titan power. It’s likely that Titans will determine our fate. It’s possible the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan are the same, in principle, as you. Your decision is the key. The key that can save humanity from despair.” 

“I…I am?” He clutched at the bedding. Beads of sweat began running down his forehead and cheeks as the gruesome memory of his sole motivation for entering the military played over and over in his mind. 

“How overwhelming it must be, knowing the determining factor for whether or not humanity overcomes the Titan threat is on the tip of your tongue.” Saskia leaned forward, her intense gaze meeting his cautious and frustrated one. “Is that a responsibility you can accept? Are you prepared for the burdens and consequences? Or are you too scared?” 

“Answer up, you piece of crap.” The thinning of Levi’s patience was beginning to show. “What do you want to do?” 

“What can you do?” she pressed further. “If anything at all.” 

Eren looked down and began breathing heavily. The pressure to answer and the belittling of his capability was a volatile combination of insulting and infuriating. He raised his head to the three of them, eyes wide with an eager madness and lips trembling to reveal a toothy grin. “I want to join the Survey Corps and slaughter as many Titans as I can!” he exclaimed as if the blades were already in hands. 

Levi raised his eyes slightly, expressing interest. “Oh? Not bad.” His tone still lacked emotion but the intrigue was blatant. 

Saskia’s brisk demeanor softened and she offered a genuine smile. “I second that,” she said softly. “I approve of the enthusiasm. If we can…comfortably call it that.” 

“Erwin. We’ll take responsibility for him,” Levi announced as he approached Eren’s cell. “Convey that to the brass.” The Commander eyed them curiously, not expecting her to take part in what was originally intended to be handled by Levi and his squad, but he showed neither objection nor surprise. Gripping the cell bars, Levi stared the boy down. “It isn’t that I trust him. If he betrays us or loses control, one of us will kill him on the spot.” Eren visibly jumped, gasping loudly. 

“I doubt they will have any complaints to voice. None are better suited for the task than Levi and I.” 

“We accept your request. You can join the Survey Corps.” 

“Congratulations, Cadet Jaeger. Welcome to the family.”

* * *

**Later That Morning**

The primary reason the Survey Corps’ chance to meet with Eren required two days of negotiation was because the Military Police wished to keep him. For what reason, Erwin was never informed. All he was told on the day after reclaiming Trost was that the MP wanted him, but he made it very clear the Survey Corps had intentions of their own though he dare not disclose further. A military tribunal had been called to determine whose hands he would be placed in. Not long after meeting with the boy Erwin ‘happened’ to run into Dot Pixis, who informed him that the tribunal would be overseen by the Commander-in-Chief of the Military, Darius Zackley. 

_“His decisions are based on one criterion. Whether it’s good or bad for humanity.”_

“I have a great deal of trouble taking the Military Police seriously when their insignia is a unicorn. Are you excited to play house?” Saskia asked Levi with a tiny grin as the guards dragged in the shackled brunet.   

“I’ve had enough practice babysitting you. I can handle a little shit like him.” 

“Six years and I’m still unable to tell when the two of you are arguing or holding a ‘normal’ conversation.” If the general public knew the members of the Survey Corps as people, how they conducted themselves when out of the public eye, they would have a radically different opinion of them, for better or for worse. 

“I have difficulty telling the difference myself at times.” She sounded amused by her admission.

“Tch. That’s probably because you don’t think before you speak.” 

“Why do I feel like I’m the one babysitting?” the Commander groaned quietly as Darius Zackley took his seat. 

“Well then, let us begin,” he said, calling the court to order. “Eren Jaeger, yes?” He adjusted his glasses and examined the paperwork in his hand. “You are a soldier sworn to sacrifice your life for the public good. Is that correct?” 

“Yes sir.” 

Saskia grit her teeth. _Sacrifice your life for the public good…You are no use to any greater good if you focus on ‘sacrifice’! You fight to prevent having to make that sacrifice. His answer, his pathetic affirmation, is so miserably apprehensive. He does not want to sacrifice himself. He wants to fight. You will have that chance, Eren. Rest assured. We **will** see it through.  
_

“What I will decide today is which force will have custody of you. The Military Police? Or the Survey Corps? I ask the Military Police to present their proposal.” 

Fists balled and knuckles turning white, she crossed her arms tightly over her chest as if attempting to restrain herself and suppress her bubbling anger. Levi shot her a warning look out of the corner of his eye. Her response was a sharp exhale. 

“So we ask him to die for humanity’s sake, leaving behind all the information he can.” 

_‘Asking’ a clueless child to die for humanity’s sake? There is NOTHING humane about that. You may have been a low ranking officer at the time, but you are no better than your former superiors…Those bastards who co-conspired with Flagan._ “After hearing **that** you truly expect me to remain calm?” she hissed. 

“We’ll hear the Survey Corps proposal next.” Darius Zackley turned in his chair to the other side of the courtroom. 

“Yes sir,” Erwin began. “I, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, will present my proposal. We would welcome Eren as an official member of our forces, and use his power to retake Wall Maria. That is all.” 

“Hm? That’s all?” the Commander-in-Chief asked surprised. 

“Yes sir. With his power we can retake Wall Maria. We believe it is clear what our priorities are.” 

“I see. And where do you plan to begin this mission? Pixis, the Trost gate has been completely sealed, correct?” 

“Yes, it can never be opened again,” the Garrison Commander confirmed. 

“We would like to set out from Karanese, in the east,” Erwin elaborated. “From there we will proceed to Shiganshina. We will determine the route as we go.” 

“Wait a minute! Shouldn’t we seal all the wall gates once and for all? The Colossal Titan can only destroy the gates. If we can strengthen them we needn’t endure further attacks!” 

“Shut up, merchant dog! With that Titan’s power we can return to Wall Maria!” 

“Would you like to tackle them or shall I?” Saskia whispered to Levi. “You look rather bored. Then again, that is not very telling.” 

“I believe it’s my turn, if we’re still keeping track,” he whispered back before clearing his throat. “You talk a lot, pig. Where is your proof that the Titans will wait while we seal the gates? The “we” you speak of are only those you wish to protect, your “friends” who help line your pockets. The people who starve because there isn’t enough land to sow don’t even figure into the thoughts of you pigs.” 

“We just thought that we could survive by sealing the wall gates-” 

“Silence!” Pastor Nick shouted. “Impious traitor! Mere humans altering Wall Rose, walls that were a gift from God?!” 

“Noble effort. At least half of the choir stopped singing,” she remarked. 

“It baffles me how they can worship a pile of bricks,” he scoffed. 

“Would that make the masons comparable to saints?” She fought a snicker. 

“Tch. Don’t give them any ideas. They’re full of enough shit as is.” 

Zackley called the court back to order and then addressed Eren. “Jaeger, I wish to confirm something. Can you continue to serve as a soldier, using your Titan powers to benefit humanity?” 

“Yes, I can!” he declared confidently.

“But the report on Trost’s defense says this…” He held the paper up to eye level and read aloud, “‘Immediately after turning into a Titan, he swung his fist at Mikasa Ackermann.’” 

Saskia noticed Levi flinch slightly. She lightly tapped her foot against his and murmured, “Hey now, stay with me.”

* * *

**October 2 nd, 844, Night**

“I didn’t expect to see you up here. Waiting for me?” There was a hint of hopefulness in the General’s voice. She came to the rooftop to hunt down the current Zodiac sign and was surprised to see Levi there. 

“Maybe,” was the monotonous response, easily translatable into a ‘yes’. 

She sat down next to him and drew her legs to chest, arms locked around them and chin on her knees. “You seem…off.” She cocked her head to the side out of curious concern. “I can think of no other way to articulate it.” 

His eyes were void of emotion, not due to apathy but from effort to fight showing any at all. “What would you say if I told you, hypothetically, that I wasn’t always just a thug?” 

“There’s a stark difference between theft and survival. To answer the question I would say, hypothetically, if you wish to elaborate I’ll listen. But if not that’s alright.” 

“What if, hypothetically, I told you I was a hired hand?” 

“You mean whether or not, hypothetically, I would judge you? No, of course not.” 

He had noticeable difficulty hiding his surprise at her response. “Hypothetically, what would you say if I told you it wasn’t hypothetical?” 

“It sounds as though you have something to get off of your chest.” 

Levi looked forward, staring at nothing in particular but gaze unwavering. “I was the ‘protégé’ of a demented fuck who monopolized the assassination business. His name, the name he went by, was Captain Ackermann. Also known as Kenny the Ripper. I don’t remember how I ended up under his thumb. I don’t remember how I left. I blocked it out. But that shitshow with Flagan and the Military Police started to bring it back.” 

“It may be coming back to you, but you don’t have to return to it. You’re here now.” 

“Tch. Only because I knew Isabel and Farlan wouldn’t last two hours in prison.” 

“I meant right now, here on this rooftop. With me. So stay with me, okay?” She nudged him in the arm with her elbow. “Otherwise I’ll become lonely.” 

“Tch. You’re so damn clingy.” 

“No…You have yet to push me away, is all. That wasn’t meant to be a suggestion of course!” 

He turned to her, a faint flicker of emotion in his otherwise empty gray-blue eyes. “You’re quick to worry over nothing.”

* * *

**Present**

“Let’s just get this bullshit over with.” 

It didn’t take long for a buzz to stir up again after Mikasa confirmed what was in the report. Her effort to defend him only served to backfire and paranoid accusations of possessing the Titan-shifting ability were being thrown at her, prompting the ever-impulsive Eren to quickly lose his temper. 

Saskia bit her lip. _Is this really the only option we have?_ “The confidence he displayed earlier is being twisted into aggression now that they have attacked his sister. If he does not keep his mouth shut we **will** lose him. Make him look weak, vulnerable, something not to be feared. It will undermine their feeling that killing him is necessitated.” 

“Tch. You’re just looking for an excuse to mouth off to the MP, obnoxious little shit.” 

“I need not look far. You had best hurry. They are preparing to shoot.” 

In a matter of seconds Eren went from losing a tooth to bruised, battered, and bleeding profusely. He was face down on the ground, Levi’s boot atop his head, holding him in place. 

“This is my personal philosophy. But I believe pain to be the best way to discipline someone. What you need is to be disciplined by actions, not by words. You’ve fallen low enough that you’re easier to kick around, anyway.” 

As Levi continued to pummel Eren, Saskia couldn’t stop thinking about how furious he was going to be while trying to get the blood stains out of his clothes. The amused grin she was sporting was highly misleading, giving the impression that she enjoyed watching the violent beating. Mikasa, who was already enraged by the Lance Corporal’s actions became even more so when she misinterpreted the look on her face as sadistically entertained. 

“Wait, Levi!” Nile Dawk shouted. 

“What is it?” he asked monotonously, Eren’s head between his foot the pole and was chained to. 

“That’s dangerous…What if he gets angry and turns into a Titan?” 

Levi kicked him again, then grabbed him by the hair and turned him around so the opposition could see his face. “What are you talking about?” That was Saskia’s cue. 

“Only moments ago you were begging for permission to dissect him. During his last transformation that boy killed twenty Titans. That is twenty more than you have seen, and a thousand more than you pray you ever will. If he is in fact dangerous it is not because of his strength, it is because of his intellectual capacities. That is not something Titans possess in caliber. You want custody of him so you can kill and study him. And yet you are afraid to go near him? You would not know where to begin your ‘research’; all you would manage to do is rummage through guts and muscle. But if you are afraid of this **child** while he has been incapacitated by a few…” She glanced at Eren and the handiwork of her partner, placing great emphasis on her next few words. “ _Measly_ ‘blows’ to the head, how can you expect to get that far? Even if his strength was reason enough to consider him a threat the entirety of your branch combined could not even manage to do a fraction of what we can.” 

“You little,” Nile snarled. Even if he wasn’t in charge when Saskia challenged the Military Police he witnessed the damage firsthand, constantly being harassed and spat on while patrolling the streets during the time of the investigation and the following trial. 

Before any more commotion could be stirred up by either side Erwin quickly raised his hand. “Commander-in-Chief, I have a proposal.” 

“What is it?” 

“The details of Eren’s Titan power remain uncertain. That makes it very dangerous. Thus, I propose to have Lance Corporal Levi and General Saskia take responsibility for Eren’s control and embark on an expedition outside the walls.” 

“With Eren in tow?” 

Pixis’ advice echoed in his mind. “Whether Eren can control his Titan power or not and if he is a benefit to the fate of mankind will be determined by the results of the expedition.”

“Control Eren Jaeger? Can you do it Levi, Saskia?” 

_Well done, you obnoxious little shit._ “If you mean can I kill him? Certainly. The only problem is I doubt I can do any less.” 

_They should know better than to challenge us._ “He may possess the ability assume Titan form but he is still a child. I have no difficulty silencing either of those things **permanently**.” 

“Then my decision is made.” The gavel fell. 

* * *

 

“That was really terrible,” Hanji groaned as though she were the one who had been beaten. Saskia, kneeling next to her, handed her a bottle of antiseptic and she squirted a few drops on a cotton ball, then dabbed Eren’s wounds. “It hurts, right?” 

“A little,” he admitted. 

“So how does it hurt?” she inquired excitedly. 

“Hanji, calm down,” Saskia scolded. “Even if he does take part in some of your experiments, do not confuse him for being an experiment. 

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said sincerely as he approached Eren. “But thanks to that we had you turned over to us.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“The pain you endured allowed me to play my cards at the right moment.” He squatted down in front of him and held out his hand. “You have my respect. Eren, I look forward to working with you,” he smiled. 

“Yes sir! Thank you!” He eagerly shook Erwin’s hand. 

Levi ungracefully dropped down on the couch next to Eren, an arm slung over the back almost around his shoulders. “Oi, Eren.” 

“Yes sir?” he stuttered nervously. 

“Do you resent me?” Levi wasn’t the least bit concerned about what Eren thought of him but he needed to be sure that Eren understood why he assaulted him during the trial. 

“No. I understand it was an act you had to put on.” 

“That’s good. If you’re going to get pissed off at anyone, get pissed off at Saskia. It was her idea,” he added. She said nothing, only wrinkled her nose. 

“But you took it a little too far,” Hanji chided. “You lost a tooth.” She unfolded a white rag in her hand, the tooth nestled in the wrapped cloth. “See?” 

“Don’t pick that up, it’s disgusting,” Levi spat, looking away. 

“Even this is an important sample.” 

“Eren. It’s still better than getting dissected by people like her, right?” 

“I’m not like them. I wouldn’t kill him,” Hanji said, as if that made all the difference. “Hey, Eren. Let me see inside your mouth!” She leaned closely towards his face, invading his personal space. Slowly he opened his mouth for her to examine and her eyes widened in shock and awe, a heavy gasp escaping her lips. “The tooth…It’s already grown back,” she murmured in disbelief. 

“It has?” Saskia, in her excitement, almost pushed Hanji over onto the floor so she could take a peak. “What did I tell you? A few measly blows. I would not have suggested it if I was not certain you could tolerate it.” Her smiled was reminiscent of a proud parent, confusing him further. That morning she had berated him, she had engineered the plan to beat him up, and now she was showing interest in his Titan abilities and slight affection towards him. “Yes, I admit, it was my idea. But if it makes you feel any better there is a reason I asked Levi to carry it out. Physically speaking, he is weaker than I am.” She shot Levi a smug smirk. “I had only your best interest in mind.” 

“Oh, I see. Well, then, thank you General.” 

“Tch. Moron…” He kicked her in the shoulder. 

_He is really enjoying kicking me today._ “I also grant you permission to eat Levi, should you lose control of yourself.” 

“I **order** you to eat Saskia first, should you lose control of yourself.” 

“Aren’t they adorable?” Hanji fawned. 

* * *

**Outside the Walls**

“The former Survey Corps Headquarters. It’s nothing more than a renovated old castle. While it definitely looks impressive it’s so far from the Wall and all rivers that it’s completely useless to the Survey Corps. The story goes back to the ambitious early days when the Corps was formed. Who would’ve thought we’d end up using it again to serve as your hideout?” 

Levi’s special operations squad and Saskia were going to use the old facility to house and study Eren until recruitment time came, after which they would relocate back to the Survey Corps headquarters. ‘Study Eren’ meant that Hanji would insert herself into the operation irrespective of a direct order being issued or not and she was expected to arrive sometime that evening. 

“Don’t get cocky new blood.” 

“Wh-what?” 

“I don’t know the deal about this crap with you being a Titan, but we can’t have Levi Heichou babysit-” 

During most of the ride out to the castle Eren was heckled by one of Levi’s elite, Auruo. By now everyone had learned to tolerate and ignore his arrogance but Eren, being a greenhorn, was completely at his mercy. That is, until Auruo once again engaged in another one of his terrible habits- biting through his tongue mid-rant. 

“That’s what you get for talking while riding your horse.” After they arrived Petra scolded him while tending to her horse in front of the castle. 

“The first moments leave the most important impression. The newbie was scared shitless.” 

“I think he was just stunned silent by how lame you are.” 

“Still, it’s all going according to plan.” 

“Man, you never used to talk like that. If, by chance, you’re trying to imitate Levi Heichou you should really stop it. You two are nothing alike, but still…” 

“Do you want to chain me down Petra?” he smirked. “You still have a ways to go to be fitting for my wife.” 

“If only you’d bled to death from biting your tongue. You keep on boasting about how many Titans you’ve killed too.” 

“So what? I’ve boasted about you guys too.” 

“You’re pathetic!” 

After dismounting and securing her horse Saskia approached Levi and quickly pulled him aside. “How are you feeling?” 

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I was…caught off guard, that’s all.” 

“If you say so. Should that change…Well, you know. In the mean time we need to take the necessary preliminary steps to making this place a suitable housing facility.” Her tone was hushed but very serious. 

“It’s covered in weeds.” 

“It looks terrible.” 

“Inside, a sea of dust is probably awaiting us.” 

Guenther and Erd, who were talking amongst themselves about the condition of the castle, triggered Levi’s cat-like sense of hearing as soon as they dropped the word ‘dust’. He twitched in disgust making Saskia giggle. 

“You have the gall to mock me?” 

“Unlike you I don’t clean obsessively for the sake of cleaning obsessively. I like to keep my work place tidy is all. That said…that is indeed a severe problem.” 

The special ops overheard Levi and Saskia and internally groaned in agony, waiting for the ridiculous command. 

“We must sort it out immediately,” he agreed. 

Bit-by-bit they tackled the interior and exterior of the windows, the exterior of the building itself, the weeds in the pavement, and of course the aptly described ‘sea of dust’. Eren had been assisting with the upper floors while Levi and Petra were on the lower and middle levels. Saskia supervised the exterior, her stealth nearly scaring those outside half to death when she would drop out of nowhere to harass them to work harder. Every now and then she could be heard barking “Scrub until you bleed if you must! And clean up the blood too!” at those under her supervision. 

Eren slowly entered the room Levi began working on. “I’m done cleaning the upper floors. Where will I get to sleep in the building, sir?” 

“Your room is in the basement.” 

“The basement again, sir?” 

“Of course. You’re not in complete control of yourself yet. If you turned into a Titan in your sleep and you’re already underground we can restrain you right away. That was one of the conditions we agreed upon for us to get custody of you. It’s a rule we must follow.” He paused. “I’ll take a look around the rooms. You do this room, Eren.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Not long after he left a smiling Petra, broom in hand, stepped into the entryway. “You’ve got quite a despairing look on your face Eren.” 

He spun around. “I do?” Despite the floor being made of stone he didn’t hear her approach, momentarily lost in thought. 

“I’ll be calling you Eren. Levi Heichou does the same. Here, his word is law.” 

“Right…I don’t mind that, but did I really have a despairing look on my face?” 

“It’s not surprising at all. He doesn’t come across as the perfect, invulnerable hero people think he is, does he? The true Levi is surprisingly short, irritable, violent, and hard to approach.” 

“That’s not it. I was surprised by how obediently he accepts orders from the higher-ups.” 

“Did you think that, as strong as he is, he wouldn’t care about rank or chain of command?” 

“Yes,” he admitted. “I expected him not to acquiesce to anyone’s words.” 

“I don’t know the details myself, but I heard he was like that originally. Before joining the Survey Corps, he was a famous thug in the capitol’s underground.” 

“But then, why?” 

“I don’t know what happened,” she shrugged. “He was taken in to the Survey Corps under Erwin’s hands. Saskia knows the story better than any of us. His Squad Leader tried to have him kicked out. But when she found out Saskia stepped forward and somehow…he changed. She’s a little strange and can be harsh, but she’s a reliable leader who cares a great deal about every soldier in the Survey Corps. They may bicker but they have a strong mutual respect for each other.” Petra paused and shifted uncomfortably. Her smile returned and she continued. “I guess it’s safe to say that her word is temporarily law since they’re both in charge of this particular operation as per Erwin’s command.” 

“The Commander? He recruited Levi? I thought for sure he would’ve been the one to work with him. They seem close as well.” 

Petra bit her lip. “They are but Saskia and Levi are closer. Or very close in a different kind of way.” From outside the open window they could hear Saskia scolding Guenther for all the spots he missed and the streaks left behind from washing the large window. “And they have some strange things in common.” 

“Oi, Eren!” Levi poked his head into the room. Petra quickly returned to sweeping. 

“Yes, sir?” he asked nervously.

“It’s no good. Redo it all from scratch.” 

Saskia dropped down using her gear and sat on the edge of the open window. “Not you too,” she said shaking her head. “At least you have the ever responsible Petra to help you out, while here I am stuck with the moron brigade.” She shot Petra a smile but it wasn’t reciprocated. 

“Hey! I heard that!” Auruo barked down at her. 

“Good, you were supposed to!” she yelled before leaping back up off the balcony edge. “And get that God damned blood off the God damned window or I will lock you in with Hanji’s live test subjects!” 

“What was I thinking? Trapping myself in here with that maniac…Eren, get moving!” 

“Y-yes sir!” 

Levi watched him run off and then turned to Petra. “Why did you tell him? Neither of our life stories are his business.” 

“Hm?” She jumped. “Oh, you overheard.” 

“I don’t enjoy knowing that I’m the center of gossip amongst the civilians. I’m not going to deal with it here.” 

“Right. Sorry Heichou.” 

* * *

**Evening**

After Hanji arrived to ‘check on her favorite Work Husband and Work Wife’ and gain their permission to gain Eren’s assistance in her upcoming experiments, said pair had departed to the room they were sharing for the duration of their mission. Seeing as it was the first night there was minimal work to do. 

“I know you try not to pay attention to her so you probably haven’t noticed, but Petra wouldn’t stop glaring at me today. Please tell me you set the record straight when she pulled you aside after dinner.” Saskia was reclining in her bed rereading the checklist of objectives Erwin had generated for them. She folded it into a paper airplane and threw it halfway across the room to Levi, sitting at the desk in between their beds. 

“No, she was whining because you and I are sharing a room. She thought it would be ‘more appropriate’ if the women were sharing a room. Ironic, since she wishes she was in your place right now. I think she’s under the impression we’re having an X-rated slumber party.” He smoothed out the paper airplane, gray-blue eyes quickly running down the document. 

“I shouldn’t have to tolerate that on the job, Levi. Or at all, for that matter. And it’s not fair to her.” She rose and went to the open window, arms resting on the sill as she admired the night sky. “Continue to draw it out and she’ll remain optimistic.” 

“I’ll get to it when I get to it.” His tone made it very clear it was low on his priority list. “Shut the window before you make yourself sick.” 

“Then it’ll become unbearably hot,” she grumbled. “You know how easily bothered I am by such temperatures. Or have you forgotten what happened this morning?” 

_I don’t think that’s possible._ “Saskia, this is an old ass building. It’s drafty as hell.” 

“Hell isn’t drafty. It’s my understanding that it’s full of fire.” 

“Shut the damn window. I’d rather deal with you hot and bothered than sick.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, dropping his shoulders. “That could’ve been worded differently.” 

“No wonder Petra is envious.” She pressed the back of her fist to her mouth to stifle her laughter when he shot her a murderous glare.

“Shut. The. Window.” 

“And you accuse me of not thinking before I speak.” She closed the shutters but not before noticing gray storm clouds rolling in. Her eyes widened and she quickly locked them tight. Levi, noticing her sudden tension, watched her curiously as she sat on the edge of her bed. 

“What the hell is your problem?” He laid out all the reports and paperwork they brought with them on the desk and began reviewing. 

“Gray clouds,” she said quietly. Since childhood Saskia was inexplicably terrified of thunderstorms. The only time her fear never bested her was during expeditions, as demonstrated the night Isabel and Farlan died. 

“Tch. It’s just water. What are you, five?”

“Easy for you to say. They don’t terrify you.” She pulled the ribbon out of her hair, letting her dark tresses cascade down like a waterfall in the midnight hour. “I’ll be back. Hope you’re thirsty.” 

“Panic Tea?” 

“You know we both need it.” She had adopted his monotonous tone. 

He hung his head as she shut the door. “It’s not an uncommon name, it’s not an uncommon name,” he repeated, trying to distract himself with the papers in front of him. But the letters ran together like melting wax and he couldn’t process a single word. Had the walls not been made of stone he would have punched them. 

When she returned there was an unspoken agreement that they both needed a break from the work they had yet to start. They sat on their beds drinking in silence, though Saskia spent more time glancing at the closed window trying to brace herself for the impending storm than she did drinking. 

“Staring at the window won’t make it go away.” 

“Obsessing over the memories won’t change the past,” she countered pointedly. 

“…you wonder what the rest of the corps would think if they heard me complain about Petra and see you tackle me into a couch. I wonder what they would think if they saw us like this.” 

“It doesn’t matter. We agreed to bear this cross of reluctant heroism together when you became Lance Corporal.” She ran her finger along the edge of the teacup.

* * *

**December 19 th, 846**

“I was right,” Saskia practically sang as Levi trudged into her office to escape the holiday cheer. “Shardis put in his resignation for the beginning of 847 and, as I predicted, named Erwin his successor! That means there will be a vacancy for a squad leader.” 

“No,” he sharply refused, laying down on her couch and stared at the ceiling. 

“…I already suggested you be promoted...”

“You what?!” 

“Before you bite my head off just…Well, come here. Take a look at these.” 

Levi rolled his eyes and grabbed the paperwork she handed him, reading carefully. “…this is a resignation letter with _your_ signature.” He raised an eyebrow at her. 

“No, no, no. Not a resignation. I will step down as second-in-command when Erwin becomes Commander, leaving that position open as well. I suggested you become our Lance Corporal. We haven’t had a proper one in years. I’m the second-in-command because of favoritism. They invented a rank for me! I don’t want that. You, however? You could do it. I want you to do it.” 

“Tch. If you’re no longer second-in-command this place would fall to shit, but there are only so many others qualified for the position.” 

“You arrogant prick,” she said affectionately. “I’m still amazed by the improvements you’ve made since you came here, though I think it’s safe to say you had little to improve to begin with. Except your people skills.” 

“Fuck people.” 

“Which is clearly a lost cause,” she chuckled. 

“Before I sign anything I have one question.”

“What’s that?” 

“Though you’re stepping down as second-in-command we aren’t losing General Saskia in the process, are we?” 

“No, General Saskia isn’t going anywhere. It’ll merely be a change in responsibilities.” 

“Good. I’d have to beat you senseless if you said otherwise.” 

“Funny, as I plan on doing the very same should you decline.” She went to her cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses. “And this means we’ll be able to continue working together, spend even more time around each other. Working, but still, time spent together is still time spent together.” 

“It also means being in the public eye.” 

“That’s one of the unfortunate and annoying aspects of this job. You become a face, an icon. But I did warn you that would happen.” She sat on the corner of her desk and handed him a glass. He was hesitant to sign the documents confirming his promotion. “If that’s what humanity needs from me then so be it. I can’t control the thoughts, actions, and feelings of others. I can’t decide what I am to others. If I could then I wouldn’t be General Saskia Messmann. Even if it’s an artifice, a construct, you’re going to be a household name. And every time they speak of you, say your name, that name will be reference to all you do and all you’ve done. That’s what we do. Remind people that someone is fighting for them, for us all. They’ll never know who we truly are but…would you want them to? Or would you rather be an icon instead?” 

“Tch. If those are my only options then I repeat, fuck people. They don’t need to know who I am to know I’m risking my ass to save theirs.” 

“Exactly. They just need to know you exist.” 

“I’m not signing this unless you make a promise right here, right now. Even though you’re stepping down, no more of this ‘returning to sidelines’ bullshit. We’ll keep doing what we’ve been doing. I’m not doing anything without you.” 

“You don’t need me.” 

“That’s not for you to decide,” he argued. “Countless times I’ve found myself questioning your sanity but not once have I questioned your dedication. I refuse to work alongside another unless it’s temporary or they’re under my command. But I also refuse to work without my partner.” He glanced up at her. “So are you with me, or were you all talk?” 

“Commiserating together over a shared disdain for mass public adoration and working side-by-side to slaughter Titans until I collapse? I don’t know…” Signature smile gracing her lips she added, “But I’m with you. Always.” 

He signed the document and raised his glass. “A toast, to reluctant heroism.” With a snicker she bumped her glass against his. 

“To reluctant heroism.” 

“And keeping this shitty building spotless.” 

“Scrub until you bleed.” She emptied half her glass. “To Flagan being dishonorably discharged.” 

_Clink!_

“And executed,” he added. 

_Clink!_

“I’ll drink to that. And to us. Inseparable and unstoppable.” 

_Clink!_

* * *

**Present**

“There’s no rain or thunder right now…” She finished her cup. “Work. We should work. But only if you’re-” 

“I’m fine,” he lied. 

They read and reread Rico Brzenksa’s report of the Trost attack a few times before tackling the map detailing their itinerary starting at Karanese. 

“What did Erwin tell you about the extramural?” he asked as he traced his finger along a potential route. 

“No more than you were already told. Why not take this route instead?” She pointed to a different spot. 

“The geography is ill-suited for the use of 3D gear.” 

“Any location outside of the walls is ill-suited for gear,” she pointed out. “But the open space would make it easier for the formation to maintain itself, and leave plenty of room available should a Titan threat force it to separate.”

“But open space only lasts for so long.” 

“Right, it does lead towards a straight. That would certainly throw off the formation.” 

Both took their hands off of the map and rested them on the table as they examined further, Levi accidentally placing his atop hers, causing her to jump. They fell quiet but the awkward silence was quickly killed by Levi’s complaint about being ‘contaminated’ after touching her. 

“We’ve done enough work for tonight I think. And if I’m going to be of any use here I need to get a good night’s rest. For once. Shall we call it here?” Her face had reddened slightly but the change in hue was hardly visible by candlelight. 

“Yes, we can do more in the morning.” He actively avoided looking at her, though doing so only served as a reminder that there was something to avoid in the first place. 

It was much cooler in the old building so there was no need to ditch any layers of clothing, much to Levi’s relief. The two awkwardly bid each other goodnight and quickly fell asleep. Four hours later Saskia’s peaceful slumber was abruptly interrupted by a boisterous clap of thunder. 

When she heard it her eyes shot open and she was breathing heavily, sweaty palms gripping the bedding tightly. She tried to panic in silence so as not to wake Levi, jaw clenched as she flinched at every booming echo. As she tried to steady her loud breathing the thought of having to relax made her all the more tense. Swallowed up by her anxiety, she didn’t hear footsteps approaching her bed nor did she feel any movement on her mattress. What she did feel was an arm slip beneath her and pull her against a warm body. 

“L-l-evi?” She blinked in surprise looked over her shoulder. “What are you doing?” 

“Shut up and go to sleep,” he mumbled into the pillow, eyes closing as he spoke. He put his other arm over her. 

“I’m trying,” she whispered shakily. “I hate thunderstorms…” She gripped the sheets tightly. 

“I know.” He put his hand over hers and pulled it to her chest, fighting his way between her fingers to undo the tight fist they had reflexively balled into. “Breathe. You’re fine.” 

“I’m going to keep you awake if you stay with me.” 

“Then I’ll stay awake until you fall asleep, if that’s what it comes to.” 

She squeezed his fingers tightly. “Why are you doing this?” she asked confused. 

“You have enough trouble getting your dumb ass to bed as is. And who always has to scold you for working yourself to the brink of exhaustion? Me. For once in your life you drag your ass to bed at a reasonable hour and this shit stirs up. It’s the least I can do. So stop panicking over nothing and sleep. By the time you awaken, it’ll be long gone.” 

“I’m ridiculous. I run around slicing Titan faces off, but I can’t handle a thunderstorm…So many look up to me, rely on me, but what good am I if I’m afraid of…water?” 

“Idiot. Your fears don’t make you useless. Giving in to them does. But you’re right, you’re ridiculous.” 

Despite the sound of heavy rain pelting against the closed window and the crashes of thunder she managed a small smile. “Thank you Levi.” 

“You better not be sick. And if you start drooling-” 

“How about you shut up and go to sleep too, hm? We have a lot of work to do tomorrow…seeing as we accomplished nothing tonight.” Eyelids heavy, she snuggled into the pillow and bid him goodnight once again. By the time he returned the sentiment she was already asleep. 

For once Levi’s nightmares of his life in the underground, before Isabel and Farlan, worked to his advantage; had they not kept him awake he would have been forced to spend another night alone. Instead he had a normal, pleasant dream for the first time in over a few months.

_“You don’t need me.”  
_

_“That’s not for you to decide.”_


	4. Back to the Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the events regarding Levi and Eren in this episode happen concurrently with the induction ceremony, but I'm going to space it out for chronology sake. The testing and transformation gone wrong from episode 19 being in a flashback? Not too fond of that. But in a chapter or two we'll reunite with the others!
> 
> Also, some lyrics used from Jiyuu no Tsubasa/Fluegel der Freiheit come from the complete version, not the shortened one for the opening sequence.

**July 1 st, 844, Survey Corps Training Grounds**

“We have an act to keep up, in case you forgot. We can’t afford to parade our true intentions around, something we’ll inadvertently end up doing should we not maintain the ruse. The Military Police would tear the Survey Corps apart for harboring a fugitive and you may very well spend the rest of your years behind bars. Very, very unsanitary bars at that. So I’m only going to say it once more. Pretend that I’m training you.”

Levi pretended to give her words careful consideration. “…no. You can say it all you want. Doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to you.”

Saskia dropped her forehead into her palm, sighing exasperatedly. _He is by far the most unruly and obnoxious cadet I have ever encountered in my twenty-two years._ “What do you gain from being so stubborn with me?”

“Entertainment,” he replied with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh, so you’re amused by seeing my frustration? Continue this behavior and I’ll have no choice but to start exercising my authority and resort to punitive measures; if this is amusing then that may very well inhibit your ability to breath because you’ll be laughing so hard.” She grit her teeth. “Or perhaps I’ll save us both the trouble and inhibit your ability to breathe right here and now?”

“Tch. I wish you could see the look on your face. You really think you’re intimidating, don’t you? Oh that’s precious.”

“Think? _Think?_ I **know** I could snap you like a twig with my bare hands if need be.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Was that a challenge?”

“No. That’s the painful truth. You think I believe myself to be intimidating? I think that’s a testament to your arrogance. Rather, your arrogance leading to you overestimating yourself.” _Deep breath or you’ll say something you’ll come to regret. Relax. He’s inherently an asshole. It’s not worth getting worked up over. Not the first time, and certainly not the last time he’s going to give me this attitude._ “I could always send you back to Flagan if you continue to resist.”

“Hiding behind your artificial rank, _General_? I’m shaking,” he mocked.

“I’m starting to get the impression you **do** want to fight me.”

“You’re good with the gear, there’s no denying that. You’ve been using it since you were eight-”

“Six.”

“Tch. Whatever. I can’t help but wonder if you’ve become dependent on it.”

Saskia undid her harness and let her 3DMG drop to the ground. “Do you honestly think that someone raised to be a soldier would have no experience in combat that doesn’t involve any sort of weaponry other than the human body?”

“I’m sure you were. But when was the last time you had to use it in a real fight?”

 _A real fight? Everything up until now was just an act then? This is going to be fun._ “…today.” She threw her jacket aside and rolled up her sleeves.

Despite the common objective and the pretense he agreed to, Levi and Saskia quickly came to find that they despised each other. Though barely having worked together for a month this wasn’t the fist fight the two had engaged in. Sometimes, like in cases such as this, they were deliberately instigated; other times one pushed the other a little too far and push literally came to shove. The problem was that they were evenly matched so skill didn’t determine the victor. They had no choice but to resort to playing dirty. Saskia learned were Levi was ticklish, he knew almost all the pressure points that could render a person unconscious, and so on. But the more they fought the more aggressive they were with each other, and their victories by forfeiture became all the more unscrupulous due to the ever-evolving nature of their trump cards. This particular fist fight marked a whole new level, bordering on sordid.

“Five second time out,” she gasped as Levi had her locked in a chokehold. Reluctantly he let her go and she quickly unbuttoned her shirt, tossing it atop her jacket. Her tight spaghetti-strap undershirt barely contained a body he had no idea she possessed and her tousled hair, skin glistening with sweat, and heavy breathing made it all the more distracting. “I just had to get out of those clothes. Good Lord, I’m so hot and wet.” She continuously tugged at the fabric to fan herself.

 _‘Hot and wet’? She looks like she just had the best fuck of her life._ He was about to mentally throw himself into a chokehold for thinking that until he realized that was her game. _You lowly little siren. Alright, I’ll play along._ “Make it ten.”

“Five for you? Fair is fair.”

He took his shirt off.

 _Not fair. I guess this means he figured out my ploy…Well, at least I know I have his attention. Unfortunately he has mine as well. Alright Erwin, you win. I think he’s attractive. For the love of God don’t enter ‘overprotective older brother’ mode._ “Ready when you are.”

“I’m waiting on you.”

“Then allow me to deliver in full!”

With their strength being the same and their stratagem being quick and easy to implement such bouts never lasted long. It all came down to who could dodge the other’s maneuvers, literally and figuratively, and play their own first. There were rare occasions where it was a matter of dumb luck, however, usually in the form of an accident. Sometimes all it takes is a loss of balance to knock the other on the ground and land atop them to cease their movement, albeit very suggestively.

Quick as her reputation implied Saskia didn’t hesitate to pin Levi down by his wrists, not realizing the position they were in. More specifically, she was completely oblivious to the fact that she was straddling him. All she cared about was winning. It wasn’t until she noticed that they were both out of breath and flushed, and she wasn’t entirely certain it was because of the skirmish. That, and she felt a sudden inexplicable knot in her stomach.

“We’re evenly matched,” she panted. “Even if the roles were reversed neither could outdo the other.”

“And you can’t do a damn thing to me if you have to hold me down,” he taunted with a smirk. “I’m the one who got thrown onto my back, unable to move, and yet there’s nothing you can do to claim victory.”

“Shut up,” she snapped. “I refuse to call a stalemate!”

“Then make your move. If you can.”

An idea came to mind. She prided herself in her integrity on the battlefield, leaving no man behind and always fighting nobly, but this was different. This was a one-on-one between two agitated and cunning individuals, the sort of fight where honor and nobility were comparable to a death wish. She was out of tame options. If she wanted to win she had to rely on subterfuge.

“The first to catch their breath wins. How does that sound?”

“Still a test of stamina. Fine. But get the hell off me first.”

She narrowed her eyes. “No.”

This is the story of Saskia’s first kiss, as well as her second and third, leaving Levi breathless and crowning her champion.

* * *

**Present Day**

Having been raised in the Survey Corps, Saskia was absurdly knowledgeable of its history. She could rattle off the name of every Commander and the years during which they served. She was one of the few who memorized the now defunct mottoes used by the military faction, as well as the age old abandoned anthem; aptly titled _The Wings of Freedom_ , it was written and composed by the 3rd and served as the inspiration for their insignia. In addition to the lyrics she taught herself to play the song on the piano, but it was the only piece she knew.

“‘Oh my friend, now here is victory. This is the first Gloria. Oh my friend, let us celebrate this victory for the next battle…” She sang quietly to herself tapping her pen on the desk to the melody, reading over a list of prospective experiments Hanji left for them, the majority of which she was going to reject. Her emerald eyes kept settling on Levi at twenty second intervals, still sound asleep in her bed.

She slept surprisingly well despite the storm, feeling well-rested and ready to tackle the work they neglected the evening prior. Equally surprising was the fact that Levi was still asleep, very deeply at that. This proved getting out of bed without waking him to be a feat worthy of a trophy as he is extremely clingy and cuddly. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the storm wasn’t the reason he conveniently happened to be awake when she was; he was awake the entire time to avoid enduring another sequence of nightmares. He rarely spoke of the spectrum of a dark and miserable past that haunted him almost every night; it ranged from Captain Ackermann (and the guilt she suspected he harbored) to the gruesome demise of Farlan and Isabel. Though she knew he wouldn’t be pleased with her, she would rather grant him a few extra hours and be lectured for not waking him than wake him and cope with an even crankier Levi. Duration of slumber aside Saskia couldn’t bring herself to wake him because she couldn’t recall the last time he looked so at peace.

“‘We won’t let them say we met meaningless deaths. We’ll fight to the last man. We grip two steel blades, Gloria. On our voices, songs of victory. Our on backs, the wings of freedom. With determination clutched to our chests we cut through the spiral of madness, dancing in the azure on the wings of freedom…’”

A stir and a groggy groan to her left served as a queue to heat up some of the water rations collected yesterday. A long day of work ahead meant starting the morning with tea or a certain Lance Corporal was more prone to conniptions than usual. Upon her return Levi was sitting up, rubbing his tired eyes with the heel of his palm. As soon as she closed the door he narrowed them at her, full of murderous intent.

“Saskia, what time is it?” His tone indicated he already knew the answer, he only wanted yank a guilty confession from her.

Through his thin, loose-fitting shirt she was able to see the red lines from the 3DMG straps. They were as deeply embedded in his skin as every scar he sported, each with a story she knew by heart. It made no effort to hide his muscular frame and build which came as a surprise to most due his stature. She had a similar structure, but with feminine curvature; she thoroughly enjoyed the shocked looks on the faces of cadets who towered over her when they saw that a woman, a petite one at that, could have such defined biceps.

 _Closed and abrasive or not, it’s hardly a surprise Petra is attracted to him._ She blinked a few times and came back to reality. “Um, I apologize, what? I was mentally-”

“Vacant? Tch. Clearly, as you thought it to be a good idea to let me sleep in so damn late,” he snapped. Unfazed by his attitude she sat next to him and handed him his mug, which he grabbed from her like a spoiled child.

“It makes perfect sense that I, someone who fears storms, would be awoken by the sound of thunder. You? Hardly plausible. You hadn’t slept at all. You were forcing yourself to stay awake to avoid nightmares.”

He scoffed. “No I wasn’t. I’ve had enough by now not to be bother-”

“ _And_ you didn’t sleep at all the night before the trial, remember?” she interrupted. “Even the Lance Corporal deserves a chance to sleep in every now and then. Most importantly, already having experienced nightmares doesn’t mean you should have to experience more.”

His nose twitched. “It smells like someone puked vanilla frosting all over the damn place.”

She inhaled deeply and smiled in contentment, looking dazed. “You know I love the scent of vanilla. My bed smells of it, my desk, the rest of my furniture, _me_. Everything I shower with is vanilla scented. Almost all of my tea is vanilla flavored, now that I think about it…Oh, that reminds me. Due to our rooms being the former female cadet dorms and there only being one shower on this floor we decided, due to proximity, to make it co-ed. Another part of the reason I let you sleep in. Petra can’t spy on you in the shower this morning.”

“It’s times like these that remind me why I keep you around.”

“Because I make perfect tea, I know,” she replied in a faux-haughty tone.

He smirked. “Tch. Sure, we’ll go with that.”

“Are you denying it?” she asked raising an eyebrow at him. “Now, be honest with me this time. How are you feeling?” _Six years and he still puts up a fight. I can understand not wishing to discuss it due to subject matter but…it’s me. It’s only me. Isn’t that enough?_ The thought alone of his insistence on avoiding talking about the issue troubled her immensely. Not only did he continue a self-destructive habit, she couldn’t help but take it personally and feel a twinge of both insult and hurt. The ‘wrong place, wrong time’ argument could easily justify it but that implied there was a right place and right time, something he would actively deny now and then. However it is often said that those who push people away are the ones who need the comfort of another more than anything else, which only worried and agitated her further.

He brought the mug up to his lips as if trying to hide behind it. “I don’t know,” he replied in signature monotonous tone, though it was anything but convincing.

 _I wonder if he does this to test me. To see how far I will go to force it out of him, knowing it’s in his benefit._ “Levi…” she sighed, calling his bluff. _To be sure that I keep my word._

 _Doesn’t she realize how counterproductive her constant prodding is? If I want to forget, then let me forget._ “Why does it matter?” he snapped. “I have a job to do. So do you. If it won’t interfere with-”

For a fleeting moment she had half a mind to punch him square in the jaw. “Did you really just ask me, me of all people, why it matters? You know **damn well** why it matters.” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Because you matter. And if it’s still on your mind, if those thoughts and memories are still shadowing you, then it is very much posing interference. It will bleed over. Please don’t extenuate this. It serves no purpose other than to postpone.” _Six years is a long time, but in the grand scheme of things…Relative to his past as a whole, the things he tries to erase and forget, it’s like a candle to the sun. Does he still need reassurance? Six years is the longest he’s ever had anyone by his side this intimately. That must be comforting but also intimidating. The fear of losing that connection, feeling as though he himself might not be worth the effort to maintain the connection. He would never admit it, that’s for certain. But if that’s what he needs, nothing can stop me from accommodating. Not even Levi himself._

 _Damn stubborn shitty brat won’t let it go. I’m not a child, she’s not a therapist._ “I did stay awake,” he conceded only to try and get her off of the topic, but he couldn’t keep the words from spilling out. It the uncomfortable comfort her presence offered that inadvertently drew it out. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About him. I thought it best to endure until it subsided, rather than cling to a thin shred of hope that it wouldn’t follow me as I slept. Happy? Is that what you wanted to hear? That you’re right?” His hopes of moving away from the issue evaporated the moment he challenged her. Even he couldn’t tell if it was spoken out of anger or an attempt to make her prove otherwise.

“Don’t take your frustration out on me.” She pushed a finger into his chest. “Don’t you dare question whether or not it matters, and for the love of God stop closing yourself off like this. It’s just me, after all. The same person you’ve talked to, confided in before. Doesn’t that mean something to you?” _I know it can’t be easy but…It’s only me! God, I sound entitled._

He avoided her question. “I didn’t have any nightmares about it. Sure as shit not complaining, just surprised. Though I could’ve done without being elbowed in the ribcage and punched in the shoulder.”

 _Congratulations. Successfully postponed. Don’t you dare think I’m done with you._ “Sorry,” she said quietly. “Speaking of injuries-”

“What the hell kind of segue is that?” _Finally…_

“One which clearly caught your attention. Eren. We need to come up with a way to safely remove him from the Titan body so killing him becomes a last resort. I doubt we would need to resort to such extreme measures considering you and I are in charge of this operation. I have an idea…It’s a tad macabre but that comes with the territory…”

“Tch. ‘Safely remove him’. You know that isn’t possible.”

She nodded. “I do. And I also know it’s possible for him to…regenerate. Do you remember Brzenska’s report making mention of a foot and hand he had lost prior to his first transformation?”

“Should the situation escalate don’t hesitate to cut him out, even if it means slicing through his limbs in the process.”

She smiled. “Yes, exactly. Even if we don’t understand the nature of this healing factor he possesses we know for a fact he has one. The only problem I foresee arising is another fact we must take into consideration. The reason we’re here.”

“He doesn’t know how to control it. Any of it.”

“Even if his body has the potential to grow back limbs, that doesn’t mean we can count on it to happen at our convenience. It may kill him should the area become infected or he bleed out. That said…” She looked down at the ground. “I don’t know him very well, not yet. But from what I do know of him I think he would much prefer to die a human than a Titan.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Who wouldn’t?” he said flatly.

“Valid. I read over Hanji’s proposal…Brace yourself. It’s twice as comprehensive, and ridiculous to a degree I never thought her capable of.” Saskia stood before the desk and rummaged through the many piles of paper. “I split them into three categories. ‘Yes’ is underlined in green, ‘Maybe, but you’ll need to persuade us’ is blue, and ‘Fuck no’ is red.” She straightened out the documents and traded them for his now empty mug.

“More disapproved than approved. Why am I not surprised?” he mused sarcastically. He lazily flipped through the pages until he saw a particular experiment proposed, one which Saskia had furiously scribbled over in red. His eyes widened in shock and horror. “She can’t be serious.”

“That was my initial thought…Then I remembered her fascination with the possible differences in the gastrointes-”

“Again, we don’t need to bring that up. She…wants him to eat her…and then puke her back out like a normal Titan does when full…and compare what she saw to what he did after being eaten…just to see if a difference does in fact exist?!” Cringing, he tossed the papers up in the air sending then scattered across the floor and dropped back down onto the bed. “As if being stuck in here with your crazy ass wasn’t bad enough…I’m going back to sleep. You deal with that maniac.”

“Oh no. No, no, no, no. We’re in this together, for better and for worse.

“If it wasn’t for you she wouldn’t have license to make such ridiculous proposals in the first place!” He rolled over face first into the pillow. “I. Hate. Everything,” he groaned.

“And mornings hate you. Come on my little ray of sunshine, time to get up and face the day.”

“You’re more than capable of running this shitshow on your own. I trust you. Now go be productive.” He waved a hand dismissively at her. “That’s an order.”

“Do _I_ need to drag _you_ out of bed, hm?” He reached out and lightly punched her in the stomach. She put her hands on her hips. “You accuse me of acting juvenile and yet here you are…no different than I.”

He tried his hardest not to laugh. Turning his head to face her, an obnoxious smirk on his face he replied, “There is a difference. You aren’t acting.”

She was about to retort but her finely tuned sense of hearing caught the sound of a commotion below and someone calling for Hanji. She immediately began gathering her gear when she heard what followed. “Up, ready, now,” she commanded in a voice almost exclusively reserved for her professional persona.

He lifted his head. “What did you hallucinate this time?” Though he trusted her powerful sense of hearing that didn’t mean he found it any less disturbing.

“Someone or something killed the test subjects.”

* * *

**Survey Corp Headquarters**

Upon arrival Hanji spared no time, sprinting to her testing site only to be greeted by a horrific sight- steaming skeletons of Seaney and Bean. She dropped to her knees wailing and screaming in a fit of rage and utter despair, shouting their names over and over again.

“This can’t be for real!” she cried, most of the Survey Corps gathered behind her. “Someone tell me I’m dreaming!” Saskia was doing her best to comfort the frantic scientist, embracing and consoling her with gentle words.

“Those experimental subjects were very valuable. Was it a soldier?” Guenther muttered to Erd. The blond gave a slight nod of confirmation and turned to the horrific sight. “Yes. The culprits are still unknown. Both subjects were killed before sunrise. When a guard spotted them, they escaped using their 3D Maneuver Gear.”

“So it was a premeditated move by two people?”

“Check it out,” Auruo mocked with a smirk. “Squad Leader Hanji is losing her shit.” Petra, who was standing beside him and within earshot elbowed him in the ribcage.

“What on Earth…” a hooded Eren muttered, situated near the far back to avoid garnering attention. Levi, who stood at his side apathetically ordered, “Let’s go. This is the jurisdiction of the Military Police.”

“Yes sir,” he replied meekly. He returned his attention once more to Hanji’s outburst and the Titan remains before turning to leave. Erwin approached him from behind, making him jump in surprise.

“What do you see there?” he asked quietly. “Who do you think the enemy is?”

“Who the enemy is?” He looked at him completely confused.

Erwin paused. “Sorry, that was a strange question.” He went to retrieve Saskia who was reluctant to leave Hanji in such a state and the two reconvened with Levi near the exit. Eren watched them as a steady, somewhat ominous wind began to pick up. Levi glanced at him and nodded towards their destination to hurry him along.

“Poor Hanji,” Saskia muttered softly, glancing over her shoulder as Eren regrouped with them.

“Tch. She’ll live,” Levi scoffed boorishly. “There are plenty more where they came from.”

“Levi!” she scolded. “You know how much they meant to her. You are such a cold hearted bastard sometimes.”

“Better that than-”

“Than what? A crazy little bitch? Come now, surely you can be more original than that. It has grown stale.”

“Shut up Saskia.”

“I am by no means obligated to listen to you.”

“It’s no wonder those two are sometimes mistaken for a couple. They certainly argue like one,” Erwin muttered to an extremely confused Eren, who only yesterday was told by Petra that the two deeply respected each other because of their solid history.

“I heard that!” Saskia barked, whipping her head over her shoulder and glaring at Erwin.

“I have far too much self-respect to be involved with the likes of _you_.”

“Self-respect? I believe the word you seek is self- _aggrandizing_.”

“Juvenile little shit.”

She ignored him and turned to Erwin, kicking at the pavement. “Go ahead without me.” Her tone was firm but her eyes were a sudden mix of anxiety and sadness. Levi said nothing and continued on, nodding forward when he noticed Eren became distracted.

 _Why is General Saskia on edge?_ Eren thought to himself, occasionally peering over his shoulder at her and Erwin. She had pulled him aside, arms over her chest, and by the looks on their faces and body language it didn’t take much to infer they were engaged in a very serious conversion. “Are we really going to leave without her?”

 _Saskia, you damn idiot._ “She and Erwin have something ‘important’ to discuss. Enough stalling.”

“Yes sir.”

* * *

**After Returning to the Former Survey Corps Headquarters**

“It seems like they didn’t find any soldiers who’ve used their maneuver gear without permission. Then who did it?” Erd wondered aloud.

“No idea,” Guenther replied after taking a sip of the low quality coffee they were stuck with. “Right now, I’m more worried about the upcoming induction ceremony. How many among the new troops will be crazy enough to join us? It’s probably why the General was so tense earlier and stayed behind to talk to the Commander. She needs to stop doing that to herself.”

“Yeah. I still can’t believe how hysterical she was when Wall Maria fell. It got so bad she blamed herself for it. Hey, Eren!” Guenther called over to the adolescent. Eren had been tasked with brushing and feeding the horses after they had returned to the castle. “Are there any in your class who will request to join us?”

“There are,” he replied confidently, then hesitated and sighed. “No, there were. I don’t know about now.”

Suddenly Erd noticed Levi’s approach. “Attention!” he called and the three gathered beside the squad leader, Erd and Guenther immediately greeting him with a salute.

“Get ready. We’re going out on patrol.”

“Yes sir!” the elder two said in unison.

Eren offered his salute. “Good morning, Levi Heichou!”

“Listen, Eren,” he began sternly. “Never fall two horse lengths behind me, or Saskia if she returns in time to come with. Don’t forget that the only reason you’re not locked up is because we’re watching you.”

“Yes sir!”

“Let’s go.” He quickly rode off, giving the others little time to get ready and catch up. Eren was particularly worried considering it wouldn’t take much for him to fall too far behind the captain at the speed he was going. Not long after they left a fifth member joined them, seemingly out of nowhere remaining close to Eren’s side.

“General,” he gasped, startled when he noticed her. “You returned.”

“Yes, I did,” she replied in a strangely distant voice, eyes forward. “I noticed after you left that you were falling behind, so I will remain close to you for the duration of the ride. It is best I hold up the rear.”

“Why’s that?”

“Shut up Eren,” Levi scolded. _Dumb kid doesn’t need to add to her stress. Erwin isn’t helping either, entertaining her obsession like that._ He cast a quick glance of disapproval over his shoulder at the General. _Damn idiot._

Eren remained silent for the rest of the patrol. It lasted well into the night and after their return he was ordered to finish his stable chores from earlier. Saskia was reluctant to go inside, something only Levi picked up on as he had anticipated it from her.

“Levi?” Saskia murmured, one foot on the steps to enter the castle. “I’m going to remain out here so one of us can supervise Eren.”

His stoic gaze shifted from the woman standing three steps below him to the boy at stables. “Bullshit. You’re going to ask about them,” he accused.

“I-”

“You’re torturing yourself. You’ll find out soon enough. Knock it the hell off before I knock it out of you. Only so much of what he says will be reliable anyway, if other trainees from the 104th will be joining. Do you want his biased responses poisoning your mind with preconceived notions? Or would you rather find out for yourself?”

“I torture myself? You say it as if you’re any better.” She rolled her eyes and shook off the steadily rising tension. “I will remain out here to supervise him. But I won’t discuss it. You have my word.”

He said nothing, offering a silent approval and left her to stay with Eren. After he departed and was out of earshot he said quietly to himself, “You don’t need to keeping reminding me of that, moron. If I didn’t trust you, you wouldn’t be here.”

Saskia donned a pleasant smile as she approached the stables. “Eren! I’ll be staying out here with you until you are done. How much do you have left to do?”

“Oh, um, not much. Just your horse and Levi Heichou’s.” He quickly put down the bucket he was using the feed the horses and saluted her when she stood before him. “My apologies General Saskia for not salut-”

She shook her head. “At ease. There’s no need to be so formal. You’re just tending to the horses anyway. Unlike most others I prefer to be addressed by my first name save for strictly professional settings in which case I am no one other than the Silent Knife, General Saskia, or both.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Why?” he asked as he started feeding them again. “If you don’t mind me asking.” _One moment she’s confrontational and assertive, the next she’s friendly and kind. Which side is the real her?_

“I don’t broadcast my life history but I’m not one for reluctance when asked appropriately. And it is a fair question, considering how closely and how long we’ll be in each other’s company. ‘General’ is not an actual rank in the Survey Corps. Erwin invented it for me before he became Commander. After the Lance Corporal we had under Commander Shardis died, the Commander took his idea into consideration and I acted as second-in-command until Shardis passed on the torch to my brother. When he did I insisted that Levi be the one to take the role of Lance Corporal, but he did so only on the condition that I maintain the title.”

“You were here when Shardis was the Commander.” _Hard to imagine him as a father figure._

“Indeed I was. He was my legal guardian until I was legally considered an adult. I visited him a time or two after he became the instructor. Hold on…” She studied him carefully, then her eyes lit up gleefully. “I remember you! You were the ‘acrobatic trainee’. Quite fond of flipping over and hitting your head on the ground.”

He paled and almost dropped the bucket. “You saw that?!” _At least I left a first impression…That counts for something, right?_

“Watch your volume or you’ll scare the horses. They startle easily,” she scolded gently as she ran her fingertips along the silky snout of her stead. “My parents were soldiers. My father died in combat and my mother giving birth to me. Out of respect for their memory, instead of sending me off to an orphanage I stayed and was raised here, raised as a soldier. Everything you learned as a trainee was part of my daily routine since childhood. I was using maneuver gear by the time I was six or seven, handling the blades around ten, and went on my first expedition not long after. When Erwin joined as a cadet he and I took to each other very quickly, which is how he became my ‘brother’. I knew Shardis would choose him as his successor and he told me that I should have a rank of my own, so I became the ‘General’. I don’t fight. I do a little bit of everything. Paperwork not assigned to me, assist the medical wing, repairing gear, records and inventory…It’s all I know as it’s how I was raised. I’m not ‘specialized’. I’m ‘generalized’. That’s the joke behind the title. Erwin’s recognition of that is the reason he insisted I receive officer status. To him and all others what I do is exceptional. But to me…” She hesitated, folding her arms over chest, biting her lip. “As I said, it’s all I know. I see nothing extraordinary about it.” She rolled her shoulders.

 _Outside the walls at ten?! Killing Titans at ten?! She’s already short as is. She would have been tiny at that age! How is that even possible?_ “I see. And you’ve known Levi Heichou since he joined.”

“I have,” she smiled. “Our relationship is…unorthodox. But I consider him my closest friend even if we have strange ways of showing it.” _Not to mention his terrible habit of shutting me out at the worst of times._

“Why did he want you to keep the title?”

“I’m too humble and modest for my own good according to others. I feel uncomfortable accepting praise. Part of the reason I am the Silent Knife, why I use stealth I should say, is because I don’t want to be seen. If no one can see what I do as I do it, they cannot commend me for it. Levi, like Erwin, wanted my contributions to be recognized. And because he and I have worked together since he came here he knows far better than anyone else what it is that I do, even if he doesn’t see it. Levi scolds me whenever I avoid allowing myself to be credited or deny an accomplishment. I earned the rank not long before he joined; he only took me so seriously in the beginning as an officer. Seeing as this is Levi we’re talking about I can’t say I’m surprised. He was the rowdiest and most difficult cadet I have ever seen. But I never saw or treated him as such. He has always been my partner. Thinking back, I suppose it was personal for him.” _Had I not agreed…Was that a test? Forcing me out of my comfort zone to remain near him?_ “I prefer to be considered the support pillar, as that’s how I see myself.” The wind began to pick up and Saskia untied her hair to keep the chill off of her neck. “It appears that you are done so let’s head inside. Levi will rip my head off if you catch cold while I’m supervising you. Because he can’t stand the germs, not because he’s overly concerned for your welfare.”

“I knew what you meant,” he replied with a nervous laugh as they entered the building. “That’s how you seemed to appear out of thin air, isn’t it? When we were on patrol you were suddenly…there.”

“I couldn’t comfortably claim that I use stealth as my signature tactic if I can’t even sneak up on a teenager on horseback, can I?” she joked as she led him to the basement to chain him up in his cell-turned-bedroom.

From their bedroom Levi had been watching Eren and Saskia carefully, a warm mug of her vanilla tea waiting for her on her bedside table; it was a non-verbal attempt at an apology for their exchange that morning. He trusted Saskia not to broach the subject while in Eren’s company but he worried regardless. The thought alone bothered her greatly, in way similar to his reaction to hearing the name ‘Ackermann’. He mentally cringed when familiar footsteps approached a door carelessly left open.

“Hey Shorty, do you have a moment?”

“No,” he said bluntly as he turned to Hanji, but his thoughts were still fully invested in the courtyard below. He knew his response wouldn’t keep her from entering.

“I’m not interrupting something, am I?” she asked cautiously taking a few steps forward. She was uncharacteristically collected and reserved; it was plausible her energy and overwhelming enthusiasm had been sobered by the deaths of the test subjects.

“No,” he repeated as he glanced down at the two. “I’m watching Saskia. Saskia with Eren. I’m supervising Saskia supervising Eren. Just in case.”

“The General can handle herself should something happen. I speak from experience.” She lightly bopped herself on the head, alluding to the concussion she received when Saskia saved her life.

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Hanji sighed and folded her arms over her chest. “The recruits. Is she talking to him about them?”

“ **No**.”

“Quite the vocabulary you’ve got there.” She walked up to his side and looked down. “After all this time it’s still strange to me, how much you trust her. Especially considering the fact that the two of you, despite working together so well, hated each other in the beginning. I still remember those fights you two were always getting into. Poor Erwin desperately wanted to kick your ass but knew Saskia would have a hissy fit, seeing it as him not having faith in her ability to do it herself. And you aren’t exactly the trusting type, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Aren’t you observant? No wonder you’re our resident mad scientist.” He cast another glance in their direction and saw her leading Eren inside, lustrous smile penetrating the shadows of nightfall. “I’m not the trusting type, but she always keeps her word. Not once has she let me down when it comes to making a promise or…” He paused contemplatively, mentally condensing the past six years into six seconds. “Or anything. If there’s one thing I know I can rely on that smartass with a martyr complex to be, it’s to be reliable. No matter how damn annoying it is sometimes.” _This morning being a great example._ “Her moniker, the Silent Knife, is misleading. Her word is a tenfold stronger than her blade.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, my friend. She almost died saving my life. She insists it’s not necessary but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay her for that. She’ll go out of her way to do anything for anyone.”

 _She didn’t ‘almost die’. If she wasn’t certain she would succeed she wouldn’t have done it._ “She doesn’t go out of her way to do anything, you know that. It’s…‘part of her charm’,” he replied with mild sarcasm. “Or perhaps a fetish. You wanted to speak with me about something?”

“Yes, I did. As I said, you’re preaching to the choir. I’m worried about her too. And I’m worried that her…‘habits’ might influence her placement in the formation. Receiving recruits right before an expedition _and_ having her placed in the middle would give her a perfect view of the rest of the soldiers. Receiving recruits in a matter of days. Try and keep her from attending the ceremony, okay? If not for her sake then for yours. She’ll drive you ten times as crazy if she has to hear Erwin’s ‘motivational speech’ again.”

“Tch. Unless Erwin’s brain has turned to shit she’s staying with me.”

“You mean your squad?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Oh my,” she grinned, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Someone’s getting a little defensive.”

“Piss off, Hanji. She knows it’s different this time. She knows better, no matter how much she hates it.”

“Alright, alright, I can take a hint. I just wanted to let you know. Something to keep in mind. Good night Levi.” She waved as she made her leave.

He offered no response, staring out the window at the now vacant courtyard and stables below. All day her words ricocheted in his skull to the point that it gave him a mild headache.

_“It’s just me, after all. The same person you’ve talked to, confided in before. Doesn’t that mean something to you?”  
_

“Why do I keep putting her through that shit?” he whispered to himself. “And how in the hell does she put up with it?”

“‘We ask for what reason we were born. It’s troublesome because we don’t understand. But even if it was a mistake we know why we’re alive. It is beyond reason, we exist to be free.’” Saskia plopped down at the desk chair, slowly swiveling back and forth. Had Levi not acclimated to her ability of moving about like a whisper on the wind he might have reacted the same way Hanji does- scream and hyperventilate.

“Trying to keep even the faintest sound from a master of stealth is like trying to trick Mike into drinking spoiled milk. It doesn’t happen.”

“You’re a little too good at what you do, you know that?” He gave her the tea, which she graciously accepted.

“I can’t answer the first question.” She blew on the warm liquid to help it cool quicker. “That’s on you to figure out. As for the second…It’s hard to adequately articulate the ways and reasons as for why one cares about another.” She took a small sip and scrunched her face. “Good Lord, that’ll scorch the tongue. Needs more time to cool. Thank you for the tea.”

“What if she’s a plant, like Flagan was?”

 _Sudden. Is that what this morning was about?_ “What would make you think that?”

“Something about her appearance reminded me of…someone Ackermann worked with.” He gritted his teeth.

“That might be delving a little too deep right now. Just talk to me about this morning,” she suggested.

 _That was the reason this morning went to hell._ He shook his head. “No. It needs to be said. I never met the crazy fuck, only saw him a time or two, but he was convinced that it was possible to…breed the perfect soldier. I think his reasoning was inspired by something you’re quite familiar with.” He gave her a glance to get the wheels turning.

“Breed…? Race? The information in the sub-basement?” She furrowed her brow. “Only so many know about that…”

“He was from a race which had, as far as anyone inside the underground knows, gone into hiding. Everyone else thinks they’ve died out. Deplorable, considering his was the race he wanted to ‘experiment’ with. I don’t know much about it or him, other than the fact that he ran the slave trade. They were called…Shit, what’s the word…? Oriental.”

 

“I’ve read about them, yes. But as you said it’s believed that they had died out. All I remember is that people believed Oriental men were ideal for labor because of an inherent strength they are born with, and Oriental women make the perfect lovers. I see now. Labor and sex slave trade.”

“The experiment had something to do with making the perfect soldier, and she graduated top of the class. She resembles Isamu -the head of the slave trade- and her last name is Ackermann.”

“Taken in by the family possibly responsible for creating a Titan-shifter as Eren’s **missing** father kept the secrets to defeating the Titans in the basement of their home. He was also the one who took her in, and had known her since she was a child. Her doctor, at that.” She rubbed her forehead. “Eren may very well be a plant. They may not know, if that is in fact the case.”

“That’s why, despite my apprehension, I agreed to monitor him. To keep an eye on him and, should she join the Survey Corps, the girl his family took in. That’s why I couldn’t sleep. And let’s not forget the test subjects were killed by someone who could escape the guards. Again, top of the class.”

“Flagan was a plant from the Military Police. If she were, and if Eren is, then I take it you surmise they’re a plant by Ackermann and Isamu.”

“What better place to send the perfect soldier and the shifter to than the Survey Corps? And Ackermann knows I’m here. You were right, unfortunately. Everyone knows Erwin’s name, your name, and mine. It might have something to do with me, which puts the entire corps in danger.”

“Not so long as I’m around. Neither them nor you. Especially not you.” She finished her tea. “Thank you for telling me. Not simply because I wanted you to be alleviated of the stress it clearly induced, but…Moments like this morning cause me to worry that you no longer trust me the way you have up until now,” she admitted. “Irrational in hindsight, I know. Can you blame me though?”

“Tch. Can you blame me for not wanting to talk about it?” he countered.

She sighed in frustration. _Either it’s that big of a deal or he’s that blinded by his age-old anger…The more he harbors it, the more it’s going to corrode his sanity and rationality._ “After everything you just told me, what you were keeping to yourself, you become defensive. I know I’m not entitled to be informed-”

“Then why the hell do you push me?”

She knit her brow. “Someone has to. Or would you rather I had let Flagan get his hands on you?”

 _This again._ “All hail Saskia, the Angel of the Survey Corps.” He glared at her. “You know I never wanted to be here in the first place. You know I only stayed because of your little crusade against Flagan. And now I have my back to the wall. Why the hell else would someone like her be here and not in the Military Police?”

She clenched her jaw and swallowed heavily. _Only stayed for that. Really? That’s the only reason you’re still here?_ “You have no way of knowing for certain.”

“I’m not going to wait to find out!” he barked curtly.

She slammed a palm on the desk. “So what will you do to prevent the escalation of a hypothetical situation? Kill her based on an assumption? Is that it? No wonder Ackermann may be after you. Perhaps he wants his protégé back? You may have left the underground but seeing as it wasn’t by choice it certainly didn’t leave you. I’m quite surprised Petra has fallen for you; I never thought her to be the type attracted to cold-blooded killers.”

His fists balled at his sides. “I had to be taught. You were **born** a killer. Your mother died giving birth to you and your father was so distracted by the thought of his wife in labor it comes as no surprise he was eaten. Living proof that soldiers have to sacrifice the potential for a relationship if they want to live. Maybe that’s what I should tell Petra to get her off my back!”

“Hiding behind me like a spineless bitch?! Using me as a shield instead of telling her what you truly fucking think? How bold of you.”

“You want to know what I ‘truly fucking think’? I think you’re a suicidal maniac with a martyr complex who feels the need to hold everyone’s fucking hand because you’re a pretentious bitch who gets off to flaunting her strength and skill while parading around as a modest little sweetheart. You’re twenty-fucking-eight. Do you honestly expect people to buy that bullshit anymore? You get pissed off when people sing your God damn praises, yet you also get pissed off when you _can’t_ show how capable you are by saving every single life. First, make up your God damn mind. Second, get over yourself. You said it best, the only reason you have that artificial rank is because Shardis played favorites. You don’t deserve it. You never earned it.”

Her face flushed and her mind blanked, completely consumed by rage. She knew this wasn’t Levi, this was Levi’s temper let loose. But she also knew he was more than capable of reeling it back in and this time he had gone too far. She had no retort, only one response. “Ackermann.”

He flinched. “Is that the best you can do?”

“Ackermann,” she casually repeated, crossing one leg over the other.

“If you don’t shut-”

“Ack-er-mann.” She placed heavy emphasis on each punctuated syllable.

He was breathing heavily. “Don’t test me.”

“Ackermann,” she sang, avoiding eye contact and pretending to brush him off in an attempt to rile him up more.

He slammed his hands on the arms of the chair, trapping her. “I’m warning you,” he growled. “Once more and-”

“And you’ll what?” she challenged, leaning forward. _Yes, fondly reminiscing on our little skirmishes. That’s what this is._

He hesitated for a moment. The next thing she knew she had been slammed up against the wall, almost knocking the wind out of her, a fistful of her shirt in Levi’s hand. “If that name comes out of your shitty mouth again I’ll shut you up myself,” he threatened, tightening his grip. “Understood?”

After the initial shock wore off she said nothing, she did nothing. Then her eyes hardened into a fearsome glare. “Seeing as I’m not obligated to follow any command you issue, I’m afraid you’ll have to make me…Lance Corporal Levi _Ackermann_.”

There are multitudes of ways to silence someone. A slit to the throat, suffocation, choking, strangling, decapitation, and the like. But these methods are all permanent, something he could never bring himself to do to her, no matter how livid he became. And such means were her specialty, as the nickname implied. There was only one way to cease her verbalizing that God awful name. It required no conscious effort, not his violent second nature, but rather a primal impulse.

Levi tasted vanilla.


	5. Brace Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens between Levi and Saskia...But what exactly? I'll let you decide ;)
> 
> Oh, and for the record this isn't a Petra-bashing fic. While I'm not a big fan of her I really do see a one-sided thing between the two so I doubt she'd take well to 'competition'. She's always struck me as kinda pushy and bossy...That's where it's coming from. Yeah, not a Petra-friendly chapter.

**Next Morning**

Sometimes when friends fight they are able to quickly make amends and move on. Others let it linger until it creates a fault line in their bond, eventually separating them. Then there are those who act as if nothing happened. Levi and Saskia fall under the last category.

The first time they kissed Saskia was using it as a ploy to win a fight. The first time was deliberate but it gradually became habit and reflex for both parties. Perhaps it was because they knew they couldn’t kill each other so they resorted to other cathartic means. Perhaps it was because they were in denial of something they were hesitant, maybe even scared to consider, and took the brief opportunity to act upon it when made available. Whatever the reason it held no bearing on their interactions immediately after. What’s done is done, sealed with a kiss, and life recommences. They never spoke of it, never alluded to it, and rarely if ever did they find themselves thinking about it.

Up with the sun, tea for two, breakfast, and then Hanji’s experiments. That was the agenda for the day should all go according to schedule.

“Saskia?” His tone was uncharacteristically quiet, in a deadly calm sort of fashion.

Legs folded beneath her, she glanced up from her piping hot cup of vanilla tea, blowing on it to help it cool faster. “Yes Levi?”

“We need to talk about the expedition.”

She paused and shifted at the waist towards the door, listening intently to ensure no one was within earshot. This expedition carried heavy loads of privileged information and only three from a very small group allowed to possess said information were in the building. “What about it?” she asked curiously before taking a cautious sip, carefully testing the temperature.

“Your placement.”

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow.

“It’s hard enough for you as is with the induction ceremony coming up. But if the rumor is true that the new cadets will be coming with…” He had to choose his next words carefully. She waited patiently as he did, aware of the difficulty in choosing diction when it came to this subject. Saskia was terrified of thunderstorms but she was horrified by the prospect of lives being lost under her watch.

“I trust you. You know that. And I know despite your need to try and protect everyone you understand that this is not like any other expedition. You don’t have free reign.” Wherever Erwin stationed Saskia was merely a starting point and she was granted ability to move throughout the formation, so long as she didn’t disturb it, to go where she may be needed. “I know you hate that. I trust you to stay with me. I trust you to do what you know has to be done, no matter how greatly the potential sacrifices disturb you. But I think I’m in the minority.”

She nodded slowly. “That had crossed my mind as well. It’s not as if I don’t believe Erwin trusts me, rather he trusts me too much…if that makes sense. He knows I can be counted on to go where needed. Staying put poses a problem. It’s likely that he would station me near the front with Hanji and himself so I have no view of the rest of the formation, save for the flares. There is something else that occurred to me.”

He knit his brow in frustrated curiosity. _Not what I wanted to hear._ “What’s that?”

“I was never supposed to come here in the first place,” she reminded. “Eren was to be your responsibility. He didn’t object to my coming along but that was it. There has been no talk of what is to become of this after we return to HQ. Despite having worked with Eren and becoming familiar with him I wonder as to whether or not this will make a shred of a difference to Erwin. When this is over our working together concerning Eren may end. And if that is so, there would be no justification for my staying with you and your squad.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Not happening. You’re staying.”

“That isn’t your decision to make,” she replied with a gentle sigh. She didn’t mind when Levi challenged Erwin’s authority but she did take issue with being the subject of debate and the center of conflict.

“Tch. Guess how many shits I give. I’ll give you a hint- it rhymes with hero, which I know you won’t try to play on the 57th. And if Erwin has a problem with it, oh fucking well. He’s a big boy, he can deal with it. You’re staying with m-” He stopped when she began to giggle softly, which quickly erupted into a bout of laughter so intense she had to set her mug aside or she was sure to drop it. **  
**

“I’m sorry,” she gasped between her chuckling, clutching her sides. “But it’s amusing to hear you say such things. If memory serves that’s my line.”

“No,” he corrected. “Yours is something to the effect of doing everything together, thick and thin, that sentimental crap. I’m saying that you’re staying with me. There’s a difference.”

“Possessive are we?” she teased. She reached out for her mug but quickly retracted her hand as soon as his next words hit her auditory nerves.

“I need you there.”

Her lips curled inward as the events of last night flashed through her mind. “…define ‘need’.”

“I don’t _need_ you there. _I_ need _you_ there. Hanji is driving me insane. Petra is driving me insane. Eren is driving me insane. And I’m paranoid as all hell thanks to his potential-plant of a sister. Everything we’ve done thus far isn’t just about Eren. It’s preparation for the expedition as a whole, including retaking Wall Maria. I will lose my God damn mind if I have to put up with that little shithead whining and pissing himself once we enter that forest. And I know my squad is going to lose their shit because I can’t tell them a damn thing. This entire mission we’re on is a mess, yet somehow the most insane person here has been handling it better than the rest.”

“If I am the insane person in question then being in an insane environment would put me at ease,” she grinned. “I’d be in my element.”

He nodded. “That’s my point. You’ve been doing this shit for eighteen years. I’ll admit it and I don’t care who hears it.” He glanced down at the floor, slowly turning his mug back and forth in his palms, then back at her when he could no longer handle the sight of the accumulating dust. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Not this time.”

“Levi,” she began firmly, “I will beat you into the next century if you say what I know you’re on the verge of saying. It’s not true and you know it. Enough. I have utmost faith in your ability to lead your squad on the upcoming expedition. Yes, it’s going to be different. Yes, you’ll be keeping information from them. Yes, Eren is bait. If you’re going to scold me for torturing myself, don’t think for even a fraction of a second I will refrain from doing the same to you.”

* * *

**Early June, Morning, 847**

“You’re up early.” Levi didn’t even bother looking up from his desk as Saskia entered his office. That is, until he caught the scent of coffee instead of her usual vanilla tea. “You didn’t sleep at all, did you?” he asked rhetorically with a slight roll of his eyes.

“Why else would I be drinking coffee?” she asked with a stifled yawn.

“Excess sleep deprivation can kill you, you know.”

She took a long, slow sip before leaning a hip against the side of his desk. “So can being in the military, but I have no intention of defecting anytime soon. Or ever.”

He shook his head. “You’re hopeless.”

“I know. Are you terribly busy today or tomorrow?”

“Probably. Why?” She handed him his cup and he took generous gulps. “You’re the only person around here who knows how to make this shit properly…” he muttered as he set it down.

“You’re the only person who drinks so damn much of it,” she teased poking him in the shoulder. “I ask because I plan on going to see how the trainees are doing. We will be receiving some of them after all…And I want to see how Shardis is fairing as the Instructor. I heard he’s bald now. He isn’t very old…”

“He probably pulled his hair out because he has to deal with those damn kids.”

“The argument could be made. Is the newly appointed Lance Corporal and leader of the Special Operations Squad too busy or does he have time to accompany the General?” After their most recent trip outside the walls his insecurities about being a leader were starting to get the better of him. 

He slowly shook his head, gulping heavily and dropping his gaze to the floor. “I can’t lead a squad,” he said quietly and gravely.

She narrowed her eyes in confusion until it occurred to her what day it was- three years ago today Levi, Isabel, and Farlan went on an expedition from which only one returned. “Yes, yes you can,” she said calmly to try and relax him.

He dropped him forehead into his palm. “Blame Flagan all you want but I left them for dead. All I cared about were those damn papers and killing Erwin…That was it…” His voice was tapering into a whisper almost inaudible. Isabel’s screaming started echoing in his mind over and over like a masochistic mantra. To this day he still didn’t know if the parting expression on Farlan’s face meant ‘See you on the other side’ or a permanent goodbye.

“Levi, if you didn’t believe deep down that they could take care of themselves you would have stayed. You put your faith in them as you damn well should have. I’ve seen them fight before. I know how strong and capable they are. I helped train Isabel when granted the chance.” She tried her best to maintain her composure for his sake, but the bittersweet memories of her friendship with Isabel stirred up an age old heartache. “But as I’ve said countless times, Flagan had it out for all three of you. It was his doing, it was more or less an ambush. We found and exposed their scheme, remember? Yes, you went ahead to try and obtain the papers and kill Erwin. But Flagan **was** there. He had a responsibility to prepare all of you for situations like that which he neglected to do. He was notorious for conditioning. That’s part of why he was put to death. And let’s not forget that you came back-”

“To see them die.” She opened her mouth but he glared up at her, instantaneously rendering her silent. “Don’t bother, there’s nothing you can say,” he snapped and then his voice softened. “Just…shut the hell up.”

“Absolutely not. Isabel looked up to you for a reason,” she murmured. His other hand dropped to his lap, balled into a shaking fist. “If they doubted you, distrusted your decision, they would have followed you.”

 _They did question me. Why did they agree to it in the end? I didn’t give them a choice…Some leader._ “I wish you weren’t the General,” he said quietly. “Then I would be able to put you on my squad. And that would be enough. But everyone else needs a piece of you.”

“Everyone else needs to learn how to be capable enough to carry out their respective duties. The same way that I know you’re **already** capable enough to lead a squad.”

“I don’t want that blood on my hands.” He winced and took a deep breath. “Not again.”

“I know. I know you feel that way. That’s why I recommended you. Not simply because of skill but because I know how dedicated you are, that you and I see things very similarly here. And I know that you would treat your squad like a microcosm of the whole of humanity. You can lead and you can protect. You are the only person in the entirety of the Survey Corps I would trust in this position.  Coming from someone who has spent her entire life here...that's saying something, I believe.”

“I want you on my squad,” he repeated.

“If my responsibilities didn’t require me to be elsewhere you know that I would be. And it would be just you and I out there, monopolizing every God damned battle like we always do whenever Erwin sends us both out. But you can do it on your own. Just the same as I take risks if and only if I am absolutely confident in my ability to succeed, I am confident in your ability to be leader of  the Special Ops and Lance Corporal. If you didn’t trust my judgment you would not have accepted and signed the papers.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him towards her in a tender embrace. “You’ll be fine Levi. I know you will. I know you can do this,” she encouraged.

“So much for a toast to reluctant heroism,” he mumbled as he lazily leaned sideways into her chest, temple against her clavicle. “The heroism part anyway. Plenty of reluctance to go around.”

She rested her chin on his head and placed a hand atop his shaking fist, which he squeezed tightly. “I know. And I don’t blame you if blame me for making you feel like this, seeing as I am the one who suggested the promotion…”

“I signed the paperwork on the condition you maintain your officer rank. And you did. It’s a choice I made. Reluctantly, but I don’t regret it.” He glanced up at her and deadpanned. “Are you falling asleep on top of me?”

“Hm?” Her eyes flickered open. “No, I wasn’t falling asleep. I was…I was…”

“Lying? Poorly?”

Without hesitation she grumbled, “Yes.”

“Tch. Dumbass. Go to sleep before I beat you senseless.”

“Seems as though someone is starting to enjoy abusing his authority.” She could feel the faintest of faint grins tugging at his lips. “Shardis can wait.”

“Sleep first.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re using me as a pillow.”

“I most certainly am not,” she replied, doing her best to stifle another yawn. “I’m hugging you. You happen to be quite comfortable is all.”

“You’re impossible.”

“You’re a hypocrite.”

“I never said I wasn’t impossible.” He closed his eyes and listened closely to the slow, steady rhythm of her heartbeat. It seemed to reverberate from her touch into him and course through his veins until it reached his own, gradually bringing it down.

“I can feel your pulse dropping to a healthy sitting heart rate,” she said with words more blithesome than the norm.

“That’s because you’re a freak of nature who somehow has a very calming effect on people.”

“I keep telling you, a smile can do that.”

“Why the hell can’t you let me brood in peace, interloper?” he asked sarcastically.

“Because you don’t want me to. I have an idea.” She broke the embrace but kept her hand atop his, lifting it to his desk and easing his digits out of the tense fist they formed. “Why don't you take a break to clear your mind?  Get out of your office for a spell?”

He turned to face her, looking bored as ever. “And do what?”

“Clean?” she suggested with an obnoxious grin.

“Not a terrible idea.”

“Oh good Lord, I was joking. Get out of your office for a little while, away from any reminders.” She bit her lip, knowing the mere mention of the painful anniversary wouldn’t serve to counteract his depression. _Sometimes things need to become worse before they can become better._ She felt his hand begin to tense up again and she squeezed it tightly to keep it still. “You agreed to do this on the condition that I’m still here. And I’m not going anywhere. Not even the Titans could keep us apart.”

“…they would kill you, idiot.”

“No,” she smirked. “They would try. And they would fail, as per usual. They are creatures of habit after all.”

“Tch. Don’t remind me.”

“That’s why we’re going to take them down, take them all down, no questions asked.” She bent slightly, hands on her knees so they were face-to-face. Emerald bore into cobalt. “But if that is to happen, I _need_ you. Rather, _I_ need _you_. Collected, level, and confident. It’s difficult for me to do the same without you in such a state. That aside I truly do need you, and by that I don’t mean a Squad Leader or Lance Corporal. My other half on the battlefield. I need my best friend. My better half behind the walls.”

He rolled his eyes again, trying to ignore her warm smile. “Fine, whatever, I’ll take a break. And you’re gonna get your ass to bed.”

“That’s the Levi I know and love!” she chirped. “Now…” She brought her hands up to his face, gently cupping his cheeks. “You relax or I’ll pummel you so viciously you will be reduced to nothing but an unrecognizable mess of blood, shattered bones, and crushed organs. Understood?” Despite the threat her tone was sweet as honey.

 _That’s comforting._ “I already said I would, didn’t I?”

“Just reinforcing it. If there’s one thing I can say that I truly hate it’s seeing you miserable, but even worse…you hide it. You ignore it. And it only worsens the problem.”

“You of all people should know that I don’t know what the hell else to do, and even if I did it would be second nature to still ignore it.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“…your eyes are closing again.”

* * *

**Present**

“And who’s to say I’m any better? Yes, I’ve remained relatively level-headed but the closer we are to the ceremony, the more I feel I’m on the verge of completely losing my mind.” She clapped her hands together and dropped her chin onto her fingertips. “Hearing you say that you trust me in such a situation means the world to me. It truly does. But I’m going to be completely honest as well. I don’t trust myself.”

“That’s what I’m here for. To keep you on a leash. Can Erwin do that?”

“He can try.”

“Tch. And he can fail. I’m losing what little patience I have to begin with and you’re starting to panic like it’s 845. Don’t give me that look. Too soon? Learn to take a joke. Ignoring that _and_ you, I’m ready to explode and you’re ready to implode. I’ll take back what I said and reword it. I know myself well enough to know that, with this being unlike anything we’ve done before, never have I felt as unprepared and insecure as I do now. This whole thing is shitting all over my confidence. And who just so happens to be our self-proclaimed cheerleader?”

“Me!” she exclaimed enthusiastically. “But…you scold me when I claim to be such.”

“Yeah, well if I can use it to my advantage then cheer away.”

“Opportunist.”

“No, I’m being resourceful.”

“So you’re objectifying me?” She folded her arms over her chest.

“Tch. By calling yourself a cheerleader, you objectify yourself.”

“You’re mean.”

“I know.”

She rose and walked to the other side of the room, sitting next to him, folding her arms in her lap. “Again, if the rest of the corps saw us during times like this…”

“Then everyone would leave me the fuck alone. Sounds like a sweet deal.”

“I meant it, you know. I don’t think you understand how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me these past six years. Thank you for trying to keep me sane during…whatever the hell this is.”

“Thank you for not going insane,” he half-mocked.

“I **would** go insane without you,” she almost whispered, her serious and somber tone surprising him. Only moments ago she was chipper and energetic. Now she seemed lost and confused. She dropped her forehead to his shoulder. “When recruitment season rolls around I…I just can’t…I can’t help it. And I hate it. Coming from you, you’re the only person I would believe when told that I can be trusted not to act upon it. But it feels like a reflex…an instinct…” She gulped. “I’m not a leader. I’m a guardian. A reckless, impulsive-”

“God damn it Saskia,” he growled through grit teeth. “Your turn to be lectured.” He shook her off of him and planted a hand on her head turning her towards him. “For the thousandth time, you are not reckless. You are not impulsive. And you are more than a guardian. Part of that cross we chose to bear together was to be a leader. Like it or not, it comes with the territory. You told me that. You warned me about that. So you have no right to bitch about it. Why am I where I am right now? I refused to take the position unless you got your head out your ass and accepted that you don’t belong on the sidelines. You’re not just a cheerleader, and you’re sure as shit not the poster child or our mascot. I told you that your overwhelming and occasionally annoying kindness could kill you. But that’s not a bad thing. Is there any other way you’d want to go down? Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Would you rather die because your plan was fucked from the start, or because you relied on what you know and what you do best but made a miscalculation? Would you rather die because of a stupid mistake on your part, or die knowing that if trying is all you can do then all you can do is try?”

“…that’s a false dilemma. I never take a risk unless I know it’s foolproof. And my concern, my care, my compassion is the reason I’m still alive. It’s my drive, my shield and my sword. Neither. My answer is neither because I can’t choose how I’m going to die. All I can do is choose to do so with a smile on my face.”

His lips slowly curved into half a smile, a pleased one at that. “Exactly what I wanted to hear. If that’s the case…why does it upset you so damn much?”

“Because if I fail-”

“You don’t. You care, but you’re careful,” he replied sincerely.

She gasped softly. “That…that’s exactly what Shardis told me, verbatim, when he granted me permission to make my proposal that we work together.”

“Was he wrong?”

“You’re still here so no, I suppose not.”

He leaned closer as his hand fell to her cheek. “Does it look like I’m going anywhere?”  His tone softened dramatically.

“No.”

His hand dropped to the curve between her shoulder and her neck. “Do you trust me?”

“Irrevocably.”

His hand settled on her lap. “Then why do you doubt my judgment?”  His eyes were laden with concern.

“I’m only human. Contrary to popular belief I’m not perfect. We are far more critical of ourselves than anyone else. Perhaps that’s why.”

“That is why. The fact that you know you’re being a dumb ass in thinking that way proves deep down, even you know you’re wrong. If I hear another word come out of your shitty mouth about how weak you _think_ you are, you’re ‘reckless and impulsive’, you’re not a leader and belong on the sidelines, any of that nonsense I’ll rip your damn tongue out so never again will I have to hear it nor will you be able to say it. You’re under stress and pressure as it stands. You shouldn’t add to it.”

“That’s what paperwork is for!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, unsure if she was joking or not. “You’re hopeless.”

“That’s what I have you for.” She smiled brightly.

“Then calm the hell down already!”

“I was calming down until you screamed in my ear just now!”

“How the hell else can I know you’re listening to me?!”

“By almost causing me to become deaf?! Yes, that’s not remotely counterproductive!”

“Counterproductive?! You’re the one being counterproductive by doubting yourself!”

“Then tell me, exactly what is it that you’re doing?!”

“Calling you an idiot for doubting yourself!”

“You’re no more guilty than I!”

“At least I can admit to it!”

They became so caught up in their love-hate exchange neither had noticed that at some point or another the hand he had on her lap migrated to her waist.

* * *

**Early Afternoon**

An audience had been assembled composed of Hanji, Squad Levi, and Eren.  Now that the excitement of the test subjects died down, pun not intended, it was time to begin the testing on Eren.

“Yesterday morning, before the incident with the test subjects, we came up with a way that’d only half-kill you.” Levi drew a humanoid outline and circled the nape of the neck on a chalkboard. “I said Saskia and I would only be able to stop you as a Titan if we killed you.”

“This method would only wound you…severely.” Saskia tapped on the outline. “It is reliant on the squad’s skill. An intimidating prospect, yes. However, despite the danger it poses you need to take the cost-benefit into consideration. The idea is to slice through the neck, just as you would to kill a Titan, but instead of delivering a fatal blow it would result in cutting off the ends of your limbs.”

“But they’d grow back just like a lizard’s.”

“We know for certain that your body is capable of regeneration. More than just something as small as a tooth.”

“Creepy, really.”

Saskia rolled her eyes. “Very reassuring Levi,” she muttered under her breath.

“Wait,” Eren began nervously. “I don’t know how they grow back. Is there some other way?”

Levi narrowed his eyes at him. “So you’re saying you don’t want there to be any danger or sacrifice?”

“N-n-no,” he stammered.

“Then just resolve yourself. We will too. The danger for us is that we might kill you. So don’t worry. Especially with mother bear around.” He nodded towards Saskia who said nothing, unable to deny the comment, and could do little more than scrunch her face at him. She turned to Eren.

“Does _anyone_ know how this regenerative property you possess works?” She shook her head. “But the fact remains that it does. And there is only one way to gain a better understanding of it, allowing you to gain the knowledge you lack on the triggers, using it at will, and so forth. It also gives us the opportunity to understand it better. ”

“Yes…Understood.”

“Th-then…I can do experiments?” Hanji asked hopefully.

“It’s very risky. But that doesn’t mean we can’t use him to investigate,” Levi replied.

Unable to refrain after hearing the ‘r’ word the raven-haired woman added, “And do not forget that if we are unwilling or unable to take risks, we have no hope.”

“I can be in charge of this planning, right? Eren, if there’s something you don’t understand, learn to understand it. It’s well worth any risk to our lives.”

He glanced at Saskia. _No risks, no hope. If that’s what it takes…_ “I’m ready when you are,” he declared.

* * *

**Testing Site**

The first experiment was the simplest of all- inducing a transformation. Hanji had Eren situated in a well in hopes that it would be enough to restrain him after undergoing his change. “Ready Eren?” Hanji called him. “When it’s prepared I’ll use the smoke round to notify you. After that, any decisions are up to you.” She peered down into the well.

He raised an arm. “Roger!”

She grinned. “This dried-up well could hold even a mindless Titan…Probably.” Hanji set off a green flare from a distance where she, Levi, and Saskia were waiting on horseback. There was only silence and inactivity. “Did he not see the signal?” she wondered aloud.

“No. His ability just isn’t that reliable,” Levi replied.

Saskia nodded in agreement. “Proceed to find out why.”

“Oi, Eren!” he shouted. “We’re calling it quits for now.”

“Did something happen?” Hanji asked him as the three approached the well on foot, all startled by surprise at the sight that awaited them at the bottom.

Crestfallen eyes met hers. His lips, chin, and hands were covered in blood. “Hanji,” he began dejectedly, “I can’t become a Titan.”

There was no need to deliberate. Not only was that particular test over, testing for the day was aborted. Despite being in Titan territory they all comfortably ate lunch outside near the testing site.

“The bite wounds. They have not healed, have they?” Saskia knelt beside him and finished wrapping the bandaging around his hands. Outside her office she spent the majority of her time assisting in the medical wing. Though he would never say it aloud Levi felt that if she were the one to try and save the soldier Petra attended to before they entered the fray in Trost, the man would still be alive.

“No,” he murmured, fidgeting with them. He couldn’t bring himself to face her, let alone thank her, after what happened. One of the most striking differences between the Lance Corporal and the General was whereas he had expectations she had faith; Eren not only felt that he had failed but her faith was misplaced because of it, and the entire objective crumbled like the wall they planned to retake.

“If you can’t transform into a Titan our main goal of sealing Wall Maria is off the table. This is an order- make it happen.”

“Yes sir,” he whispered as both officers walked away to discuss amongst themselves what the next move should be while the squad tried to ease his anxiety. Before the two could begin Petra approached Levi. “Levi Heichou, there’s something I need to ask you.”

 _In my presence no less_ , Saskia thought to herself. She glanced at Levi, hoping that this grossly overdue conversation would finally transpire. There was a reason she brought the Panic Tea along. He took a sip while trying to formulate a response but before he could even swallow something erupted behind them, thick steam bursting out from the source.

“His timing is off but he succeeded,” the General muttered and Levi glared at her. Now was not the time for humor, as they could anticipate how the others would respond. There was no need for words; they both knew exactly what the other would do to keep the situation from escalating and jumped into action without hesitation.

After it cleared everyone saw Eren’s right arm was stuck inside a massive red shoulder that was forming a fist and attached to the upper half of a spine and ribcage. He desperately struggled to detach but the wounds on his hands posed a great hindrance. “Why now?!” he exclaimed in a panic.

“Calm down.”

Thinking Levi was addressing him he looked over his shoulder. “Levi Heichou! This is-!”

“I said to calm down,” he repeated, his back to Eren. “All of you.”

Eren’s anxiety skyrocketed when he saw Squad Levi was armed and at the ready to attack him. Moments ago they were consoling him, though he now suspected they were all at ease because he had failed to transform earlier. Having used the steam as her cover to stealth, Saskia was armed as well but she stood very close to Eren, leering at the squad in effort to make them stand down. Though she outmatched the four of them combined she was outnumbered, hardly making Eren feel as safe as he knew he should have with her there to guard him. She said nothing, leaving the orders to Levi and firmly stood her ground. No one would be able to come any closer to him so long as she stood between him and any imposing threats.

“What? What was that sound?” Hanji emerged from the woods, Moblit behind her. Upon seeing Eren she broke into a mad grin and jumped for joy, shouting gleefully.

“Eren, what’s the meaning of this?!” Erd demanded.

“Sir?”

“Why now? Without permission?” he demanded. “Answer me!”

“Erd, wait.”

Ignoring their Captain the squad continued to berate him. “Answer him Eren!” Auruo commanded. “What are you thinking?!”

“No, that can wait.” Guenther approached him, seemingly preparing to attack then and there. “Prove you’re not our enemy, humanity’s enemy! Prove it now! That is your responsibility!”

“I dare you to make a single move with that arm! I’ll cut off your head!” Auruo threatened. “I can do it…I’m serious! Want to try me?”

“Auruo! I said to **calm down**.”

“Heichou, get away from Eren!” Petra shouted. “You’re too close!”

 _Of course she says nothing about Saskia’s safety._ “No, you’re the ones who should get back. Get back.”

“Why?!” she screamed.

“My intuition.”

“What’s wrong Eren?! Say something!”

“Like I said, no sudden movements! Prove it to me Eren!”

“I said I don’t understand!” he exclaimed desperately.

“Answer us! You think we can’t kill you? I’m serious! Do it now! Are you even listening?!”

“OK, let’s do it!”

“Are you humanity’s-?”

“Please shut up for a second!” he shouted, throat raw.

“Eren!” Hanji shrieked. “Can I touch the arm?! It’s okay right, right?! Just let me touch it!” She was like a kid in a candy store, both excited and drooling.

“Hanji, wait a second!” he warned but naturally she paid him no mind and proceeded to touch it. Her palms felt as though they were on fire, steam rising from the contact.

“It’s hot!” she exclaimed, reveling in her painful discovery. “Without the skin it’s really damn hot!” She ran around before diving into the grass, landing on her shins. “Unbelievably hot!”

“Squad Leader, you’re too reckless!” a frantic Moblit cried, trying to bring her down from her scholastic high.

“Hey, don’t you feel it’s hot Eren?” She ran back up to him. “How does it feel where the right hand connects? I really want to see!”

Eren continued trying to pull his hand out but his injuries became increasingly agitated by the heat and the pressure applied.

“Eren, don’t do anything rash!” Auruo warned from behind him.

“ **No one** is going to do _anything_ rash. That includes **the four of you** ,” Saskia warned sharply. Only three of the four respected the General enough to willingly comply with her order, the fourth doing so out of obligation and in hopes of showing dedication to her captain. She turned around and began to slowly and carefully slice through the arm so he could pull himself out. She waited patiently for the paranoia to dissipate before taking action lest she be accused of being rash herself. He broke free and tumbled backwards.

“Wait, Eren, that was too fast!” Hanji complained, hands on her head and running in place. “I still wanted to investigate things!”

Eren was still on the ground, trying to catch his breath. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Levi approach him. “Heichou…”

“How do you feel?”

“Not…not so good…”

“Decision made.” Saskia sheathed her blades and helped him up. “Time to go back ‘home’. At least the wounds on your hands have healed.”

* * *

**Late Evening  
**

“Am I the only one who feels as though we hardly accomplished anything while here?” Saskia shifted uncomfortably as she attempted to sit upright in bed and smacked the back of her hand on a piece of paper she was holding. “Look at this list of objectives Erwin put together. We’ve only crossed off three, one because we decided not to do it. And out of the six experiments we approved, Hanji only attempted one. We didn’t even transcribe her notes into our official report yet, and her hypothesis about Eren needing a goal is…crucial.” She folded it up and let it fly across the room.

“Her penmanship, penmanshit rather, is hardly legible.” Levi was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, arms folded behind his head. “But sadly you’re right. We haven’t done a damn thing.” The paper airplane landed on his chest and with a half-lidded heavy huff he blew off to the side. _No point in reviewing our shortcomings._

“And we return tomorrow with nothing to show for our efforts.”

“Erwin can go cry to someone who cares. I sure as shit don’t.”

“What’s wrong with you?” She cast him a suspicious glance, twisting at the waist as she reached for her vanilla tea.

“Tomorrow is the ceremony. By the time we return it will be over. And I get to start the morning bright and early having to see _her_ fucking face.” He turned his head towards Saskia. “Why do you keep cringing like that?” he asked slightly concerned, though he already knew the answer.

“Like what?”

“You can’t sit still.”

“My back is a little sore.” She paused awkwardly. “I think I slept in a position which caused the muscles to tense up,” she lied. _What are we doing?_

“I see.” _One fight and here we are six years later about to rip each other’s clothes off...What the hell am I saying?  Nothing of the sort happened.  Nothing at all..._

“It’s nothing. I’ve had much worse, as you know.” _Why did I kiss him?  Why did I kiss him back then?_

“Still have the cast to prove it.” _My neck is killing me…_

“…should we bullshit our way out of it?” _Among other things…We've become disturbingly adept at fooling each other, and ourselves._

“No point. We hardly had enough time to do much of anything.” _One more night. Can’t I have just one more night before we go back?_

“Right, not enough time alone. To focus and work on…on our work, I mean.” _That’s not what I meant._

“Tch. I know what you meant.” _Maybe._

“Tomorrow we’ll go over the formation and then return.” _Return to a world where we are forced to keep up that charade._

“Don’t remind me.” _Is one night asking too much? There’s still tonight…_

 _This needs to be settled.  Whatever 'this' is.  No hope for that without taking a large risk._ “How’s your neck?”

His eyes widened and he quickly looked away, trying his hardest not to wince at the pain the movement caused. “Fine. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You know why.”

Her back muscles were far from tense but the muscle in her chest cavity ached. Aggressive nails raked so deeply down her back that the fabric of her shirt clung to rust red lines of dried blood. His neck hardly survived the attack from a hungry pair of lips and the tongue and vicious teeth hiding behind them. Had it not been for the spare cravat he was wearing, the other shredded in a haze of lust, the world would have seen the bite marks and dark bruises he was sporting.

“We return tomorrow. Tomorrow you’re the General again and I’m Lance Corporal. Mission or not this time away from headquarters has felt like…a break from all of that.” He turned to her again. “But that’s just me. I can’t speak for you.”

“Words need not be exchanged. If this is our last night outside the walls, the only place where freedom is more than an ideal…I see no harm in indulging in that.”

First the first time they thought about what had happened. They even alluded to it, and while they did not speak explicitly of it they continued to converse non-verbally well beyond the twilight hour.

Down in the makeshift mess hall Petra had stayed behind after Hanji presented her hypothesis. She was slumped at the table, chin in her palm and sighing heavily for the entire time she was down there. She was complaining to herself about what had happened earlier that day.

“I don’t see why I should have to listen to her,” she griped quietly for the umpteenth time. “She isn’t my Squad Leader. She isn’t _anyone’s_ Squad Leader. Who does she think she is, imposing her authority over Levi Heichou like that? She’s so damn full of herself. But she’s the ‘pride and joy’ of our regiment so no one does a thing about it. Why is he even friends with her?”

“This is where you’ve been hiding?” She looked up and saw Erd in the entryway. He came in and sat across from her at the table. “You can’t be that fascinated by Hanji’s hypothesis, otherwise you would be with her. Why the isolation?”

“Just wanted some space. Mentally preparing for the expedition.”

“You aren’t a very good liar.”

“Screw off,” she snapped.

“No need to get so defensive. What’s going on with you?”

“Why do you care?”

“The three of us have been waiting for two hours for you to come back for our nightly poker game. When you stayed behind we didn’t question but when you didn’t show we started to worry.”

“I’m fine.” She hung her head slightly. “Perfectly fine.”

“Is it about Levi Heichou? Again?”

She snapped her head upright, eyes wide like a cornered baby woodland creature. “What are you talking about? Why would it be about him?” she asked in a quick, high voice.

“Because you have strong feelings for him but everyone and their mother knows he’s crazy about General Saskia, and it’s mutual.”

“Pfft. No it’s not. They’ve worked together for a long time so-”

“So they’ve had plenty of time to fall for each other, even if they don’t act on it and are probably in denial about it.” He rested his arms on the table and leaned forward. “In the spirit of our captain I’m going to be as blunt as possible- even if he doesn’t show his feelings for her, that doesn’t mean you have a chance at winning him over.”

A loud _SMACK!_ echoed throughout the room. Half of Erd’s face was bright red in the shape of a handprint while the entirety of Petra’s face was crimson with anger. “You think so?” She abruptly rose. “Then I should go and tell him before that bitch tries anything.”

As she stormed off he shook his head and then called, “If you really love him you’d want him to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t come from you.” She froze, grit her teeth, and continued on. She marched upstairs to the hall where they established their quarters, en route to the room the top ranking officers in the vicinity shared. After arriving at her destination she raised a hand to knock, which she quickly slapped over her mouth after making out some of the sounds coming from the other side.

* * *

**Next Day, Afternoon**

Hanji and Moblit left that morning to prepare for the new recruits she would be receiving. After one last extensive patrol, during which Saskia both dazzled and terrified Eren when she brutally tortured and killed a fifteen meter aberrant by herself (“Who better to handle the Titans that don’t pay attention to humans than the one who lurks in the shadows?” was Levi’s calm explanation), they reviewed the formation Erwin established. The ceremony would be held that night, the new recruits would arrive and begin training the day after, and following one more month of training they would embark on the expedition. Everyone suffered from varying degrees anxiety, Eren more so than the rest. The pressure of knowing so many lives rested in his hands was daunting to say the least.

“The Special Operations Squad will be here, standing by in the center of the last ranks,” Guenther explained pointing to a copy of Erwin’s formation pattern. Levi was off tending to his horse while the rest of his squad, Eren, and Saskia paid attention.

“We’re pretty far back,” Eren commented staring intently at the map.

“It’s a matter of safety,” Saskia replied, pulling her long hair back and tying it up. “It provides better protection than that made for the supply carts.”

“This time our goal just to go out and return,” Guenther continued and turned to Eren. “This expedition is so short because it’s a practice run for your journey to Shiganshina.”

“Um…I still don’t know what this power should be used for…” The adolescent hung his head.

Saskia patted his head reassuringly and ruffled his hair some before going over to Levi. “Answer honestly,” she said in a low voice, arms over her trembling chest. “Do you think Erwin will keep me from going?”

He looked at her as if she had finally gone completely insane. “Keep you from going? You’re kidding. He’s not that mentally impaired.”

“I’m serious. If he’s worried that I might try to ‘play savior’, as he always does, considering the nature of the expedition do you think he might let that concern influence his judgment to such a degree?”

“Don’t forget what I told you. If he forbids you then he’ll have fun trying to make me go. My selfish ass aside he made you the General for a reason, and it wasn’t to shovel horse shit, perform amputations, and make my tea.”

“You would complain regardless if I didn’t.”

“That’s because you’re the only one who knows how to make it correctly.”

She put a hand on her hip and flicked his forehead. “Spoiled rotten. It would appear that they’re done discussing.”

“Saskia, wait.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back towards him so they were face-to-face. “You know what’s going to be waiting there for you, right?” She gave a single nod. “Keep yourself together.”

“I’ll be fine,” she said with exceptional confidence, something he had been waiting to hear since their work with Eren began. “Same goes to you when in the presence of his sister. Should that prove difficult…Don’t fight me, alright? Don’t shut me out. Not under such circumstances. Not under any circumstances.” She didn’t bother giving him the privilege of being able to respond; her word was final. She turned to the others, hands on her hips as Levi mounted his horse. “Time to go back,” Saskia announced. “We have a lot of preparing to do for the 57th.”

“General Saskia,” Erd began as she mounted her horse. “Will you be remaining with us for the expedition or will you be elsewhere?”

“I was given an explicit order by the Commander, that being taking half of the responsibility for observing and recording Eren’s progress and gauging his usefulness. To pull me out of the operation now, considering all I’ve invested in it and the oversight I’ve exercised, would be illogical. That, and all the responsibility would suddenly be placed on Squad Levi should Erwin decide to place me elsewhere. And if he does make that decision he had best be able to present a substantial and solid case for making that call as I would NOT hesitate to question it or his authority.” Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a satisfied, relieved look on Levi’s face. They need not rely on each other in combat but there was something comforting about the presence of the other beyond the walls just as much as there was within them.

“That’s reassuring,” he replied. “Especially if we’re going to be out on such open terrain, since you aren’t as reliant on your gear.”

“Let’s move!” Levi yelled impatiently.


	6. A Touch of Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry for the delay folks! It took a very long time to figure out how I wanted to end the chapter and once I finally did I realized it was a terrible ending, so I had to redo it. There are some brief mentions of Saskia's childhood so if it's hard to follow fear not, for it shall be elaborated on later. But we finally start to have an idea of why she's always obsessing over saving everyone and blaming herself for every causality. Enjoy the angry fluff!
> 
> So...who's ready for a retcon? Because starting next chapter we're going back six years to a rewrite of The Birth of Levi! If you haven't read it yet, you should be ashamed of yourself. http://www.mangago.com/read-manga/shingeki_no_kyojin_birth_of_levi_kuinaki_sentaku/
> 
> (And in case the dialogue doesn't give it away, Levi and Saskia totally banged each other outside the walls. The more you know!)

**Former Survey Corps Headquarters, Early Evening**

“I think I should go. If I am to maintain my composure maybe attending the induction ceremony wouldn’t be such a terrible idea. An exposure therapy of sorts.” Saskia neatly sorted their paperwork, separating the complete from the incomplete.

“Are you _sure_ about that?” Levi looked at her skeptically as he finished packing what little he had brought with him, muttering something under his breath about ‘desperate need of doing laundry’.

“Do you doubt me?” she asked, mild undertone of hurt in her voice.

“Tch. You want a sugar coated lie to placate you, or the brutally honest truth?” His blunt response came as no surprise though that didn’t make it sting any less.

She tucked the stack in a thick black binder and packed it away. “The vote of confidence is greatly appreciated,” she grumbled, shooting Levi a subtle sneer.

“Earlier today you told me that you’d be able to keep yourself together. But you shouldn’t overdo it,” he advised, straightening out his jacket. “You expect too much from yourself, as usual, and you’re only going to end up disappointed in the end. As usual.” She said nothing as she slung her cape over her shoulder. “Tch. Quit moping. One thing at a time. Focus on getting ready for the expedition.”

She sighed heavily and led the way out of the room they had been sharing, exiting for the last time. “You’re right, as much as I hate to admit it. It would be far too much. I just wish I could shake this compulsion to...you know.” She glanced over her shoulder at the man walking close behind her. “Break out the wine when we return?”

“I don’t know why you didn’t bring it with you in the first place.”

She cracked a tiny grin as they reconvened with his squad and Eren at the entryway, recalling some of the most hilarious moments resulting from his inebriation. Though she could only count on one hand the number of times she had seen him completely smashed it provided her with enough blackmail for countless lifetimes. Having been raised by soldiers to be a soldier herself Saskia was exceptional at holding her liquor; Levi had no hope of ever being able to garner blackmail on her through the same means as she did him so long as that stereotype remained factual.

Eren had extreme difficulty containing his excitement at the prospect of possibly seeing his friends again in the morning. But until then he would be left in the company, interchangeable with supervision, of Levi while the squad attended the induction ceremony. He had spent most of the evening begging and pleading to see who would join but Levi or Saskia could be court marshaled if he were to be seen unaccompanied by one of the two. Upon their return, for sake of both protocol and a surreptitious attempt at keeping Saskia from the new recruits, Levi insisted she stay in her office and catch up on her work while he kept an eye on the young Titan-shifter. Eren still had to remain in the basement which helped minimize the concern that he may inadvertently act a bridge to her meeting the recruits arriving that night. To ensure she didn’t even catch a glimpse of them he suggested that they hold their meeting with Erwin after cadet curfew.

Even Hanji and Mike put in effort here and there to ensure Saskia was kept away from them; Levi need not enlist in their aid as they knew full well how the General could spiral down into her overprotective panic, this time potentially more damaging than in cases prior after it was confirmed that the new recruits would be joining them. Since she would meet the cadets the next morning they wanted to keep her focus on the expedition itself, at the very least for the night. Come the curfew hour the four of them went to the office of an extremely exhausted Commander to present what little information they managed to scrounge up while studying Eren.

Much to their surprise, he himself wasn’t surprised by their underwhelming reports.

“I hoped that the checklist I put together for the two of you would serve as a starting point and nothing more,” Erwin admitted, struggling to keep his eyelids from succumbing to the gravitational pull of fatigue. “As I told Zackley there is still so much we don’t know. How could we possibly know where to begin? Hanji, your finding was a miracle. My expectations were low. We’ve been blindly groping around in the dark. Regardless of our unfortunate situation I do appreciate the time and effort the three of you have invested in gaining a better understanding of Eren’s powers. Particularly you Saskia, as you weren’t obligated to go with Squad Levi, though your volunteering to assist came as no surprise. We may uncover more about Eren in the month we have remaining before we go beyond the walls, but I can only hope it isn’t because of another ‘accident’ or a result of loss of control. Continue to supervise him but don’t actively test unless I say otherwise later on.” Hanji nodded. “Additionally, words can’t begin to express how much I appreciate the patience you’ve exercised during this trying time. We have only one month to prepare these cadets for their first expedition outside the walls, and due to our true objective I expect the four of you to exert even more effort than you have done thus far. There is one job in particular I need you to perform.” He looked over at Saskia.

“Oh? We really are going all out with the novelties for this expedition.” _A particular job? Rarely if ever does Erwin assign me a specific task. I am ‘generalized’ after all. It must be extremely important._

“Without taking into account the fact that you have the most experience outside of the walls you are the only soldier who has been trained to fight in open terrain, and you are quite adept at it as you are less reliant on your gear than the rest of us. I want you to lead training exercises with the cadets to help them gain a better grasp on exactly how one fights under such circumstances. I leave the scheduling to you and the squad leaders. I would also encourage all officers to participate so they are just as prepared, seeing as they are responsible for their squads.”

Saskia blinked in surprise. “Lead training? I...” _Thus far they have only grappled with Titans once, but there were plenty of architectural structures they were able to take advantage of. If I am to teach them, even if the responsibility to lead and protect is left to squad leaders, I will be responsible for the whole lot of them._ She felt a sharp pain in her side and looked to her left. Levi elbowed her in the ribcage, his eyes scolding her for falling prey to guilt induced by a hypothetical. “Understood.” _What is he thinking?_

* * *

**Saskia’s Office, 11 PM _  
_**

Saskia massaged her temples. “Why?” she griped. “Why in the hell is he making me-?”

“Shut up.” Levi abruptly cut her off before her ramble could escalate to a self-deprecating rant. He poured himself a glass of her high-quality white wine imported from the finest vineyard Sina had to offer.

Laying on her couch, knees bent and fingers drumming on her stomach, she lazily rolled her head in his direction and frowned. “What about me?”

“The last thing you should be doing right now is drinking.” He sat next to her and folded one leg over the other, arm slung over the back of the couch. Even if it took a great deal of alcohol to get her drunk she wasn’t immune to the effects it had on an already emotionally compromised individual.

She stretched out, resting the back of her neck against his leg. “And why, pre tell, shouldn’t I be?” She glanced up at him, surprised to see his eyes were so cold.

“I know what’s going through your head right now.” Neither could recall the last time he used his ‘cadet scolding voice’ on her.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She didn’t bother trying to cover her lie.

He shook his head. “You can’t even begin to imagine how tired I am of having to tell you this. But seeing as I’m the only person you _occasionally_ listen to it seems I have no choice. You know better,” he said firmly, punctuating each word in what was now bordering on a mantra. “Knock it off before I knock out your teeth. Get that asshole out of your head. Get your head out of your ass while you’re at it.” He took a swig. “He was no better than Flagan. Except instead of making killing machines he tried molding a child into the perfect soldier.”

She gulped heavily and slowly unrolled her sleeve to examine a collection of scars she received at the hands of the man who raised her, the one responsible for making her believe the safety of all her comrades was her burden alone to carry. Levi used his free arm to force hers down and rolled the sleeve back up. She folded her arms over her chest, his resting atop them to keep her restless eyes from gazing at the scars further. “Why is Erwin making me do this?”

“It’s your job. It’s not a punishment,” he reminded.

“Yes, I know, but…I think because I have such great difficulty separating myself from my own work, that I fail to remember there’s a difference between the rank ‘Commander’ and the person who holds the rank,” she mused aloud. _Someday I’ll no longer let those fragments of my childhood dominate me. I’ll stop following orders that Shardis ceased issuing to me years ago. As long as I have Levi around to remind me of how irrational I’m being and scold me like **I’m** the former cadet, being the lovable asshole that he is and what not._

“Makes sense to me. You’re going to need someone to test out the training you come up with you know. I highly doubt you can come up with something rudimentary with all the experience you have.”

“I most certainly will. Is that an offer, or are you just bossing me around again?”

“Tch. They’re not mutually exclusive.”

She gave him a backhanded slap in the chest. “You’re so mean.”

“Suck it up. I’ve said worse to you,” he smirked.

“True. You do know that the only reason I tolerate you is because I need someone to play the bad cop to my good cop, right?”

“Whatever you say. Done dwelling?”

“For the time being. Oh don’t bother saying it, I already know, I’m hopeless.”

“Yes. Yes you are.”

* * *

**Next Morning, Outside Survey Corps Headquarters**

“Salute!”

A row of greenhorns stood in a straight line before the officer accompanying them on their tour of the building they would come to call home until their last breath. They had assembled out near the horse stables where Squad Leader Ness was waiting for them.

“I’m Squad Leader Ness,” he introduced. “And this is Shallot, my horse.” He affectionately stroked the side of the animal’s neck. “She loves to chew off your hair, so be careful if you don’t want to go bald.” It was a weak attempt at humor to ease their collective anxiety but it was far from exaggeration, and he had the lack of roots to prove it. “Nice to meet you all!” As if on cue Shallot began pulling at the white bandana covering his entire scalp, or what remained of it.

Their training began with memorizing the formation pattern Erwin drafted six years ago and perfected not long after. Despite how much or how little attention they were paying, all graduates of the 104th Trainee Squad noticed that Eren’s position was not remotely alluded to.

“You new recruits will be here,” Ness began, tapping on the enlarged map with a long wooden pointer. “You’ll be between the recon support team and those who guard the carriages. Your job will be to ride alongside the spare horses and relay messages.” No one was surprised to see Armin was the only one taking detailed notes. Mikasa stared at the map, far more concerned with where Eren would be located so she could prepare for the worst based on their proximity.

The lecture concluded with an explanation of the flares and was followed by a brief tour of the interior, showing the location of the dorms and the mess hall as they were led outside to become familiar with the exterior of the building. Cadets spent almost all of their time outside either undergoing their physical training exercises or in the stables, be it for chores or punishment (Levi’s favorite type of punishment; he didn’t trust them to come within a fifteen meter radius of his office armed with cleaning supplies) and none of the officers tolerated tardiness without legitimate reason. Criteria for such was almost impossible to meet as far as Survey Corps standards went; if you couldn’t make the effort to train you were of little to no use and had no right to call yourself a soldier. Eren happened to be on stable duty at the time of their tour.

He emerged from the brick structure, Auruo keeping an eye on him in Levi’s and Saskia’s place as they prepared for creating the training sessions Erwin ordered her to lead. Stepping out into the setting sun he noticed the group pass by.

“Th-that’s…” He turned to the soldier to his left, casually drinking the quality coffee his squad was deprived of outside the walls. “Sir, may I go talk with my classmates?” he asked, trying his absolute hardest to bottle his overwhelming enthusiasm.

Unable to resist imitating Levi he clicked his tongue in the same manner his captain did. “Tch. Get going…” he said apathetically.

Eren immediately ran off. “Oi, Mikasa! Armin!” The two came to a halt the second the familiar voice hit their ears and spun around. Armin’s face lit up and he let out a gasp of relief.

“Eren…” Mikasa could hardly believe what she was seeing. After the trial their separation, in both time and distance, made her feel as though she may never see him again. She knew it was merely an irrational fear gnawing at her but she was programmed to worry regardless.

“Feels like it’s been a long time!” Eren struggled to tame a twinge of guilt knowing his absence instigated a state of duress for both of his friends. Not since before the fall of Wall Maria had the three been separated.

“Eren, did they do anything bad to you?” she demanded, grabbing his hands. “Like examining every square inch of your body? Or psychological torture?” Her tone bordered on frantically maternal.

“No way,” he said dismissively. He wouldn’t admit it but he missed her doting and overprotective nature.

Her face darkened as she clicked her teeth. “That short guy went too far. And that woman was no better, smiling the whole time. Someday I’ll see them pay for it.”

“You don’t mean Levi Heichou and General Saskia, do you?” He had no idea but the two officers were in earshot of the, leaving the stables during Eren’s reunion.

“Yo, Eren.”

“It’s been so long!”

“What? Everyone’s here?”

Levi cast a bored look at his partner as they departed. “What are you so damn giddy about?”

Signature smile broader than usual she replied, “Seeing him happy. I thought that seeing his friends again would trigger that undesirable protective streak of mine, but in all honesty it’s triggered a converse reaction. I would harken it up to their unwavering camaraderie derived from such an emotionally charged history. It’s the first time we’ve ever received recruits so familiar with each other, comfortable and confident and cohesive. I think their attitude as a whole is rubbing off on me.”

“Tch. Sap.”

“You rather I break down and continue to subject myself to the blame game?” she countered, only to freeze in place a fraction of a second after the words escaped her lips.

“What was that? Did you say Marco’s dead?”

 _There was a ‘Marco’ on the enormous causality list…Recent graduate of the 104 th. A friend of Eren’s lost in Trost? I was there. I could have…I SHOULD have…Damn it all! What’s wrong with me? I let them down. They had graduated the day before and were thrown to the wolves. I, I had a responsibility and- _Her manic internal rant was abruptly cut off by a rough pull at her arm.

“You promised,” he glared as he pulled her along. “You promised me.”

“I never explicitly-”

“Doesn’t matter,” he hissed. “No excuses. Keep moving.”

She shook her head, sending the thoughts flying. “Yes, right, sorry,” she murmured as she gathered her bearings and matched his pace.

“Any idea how you’re going to teach a bunch of kids how to use 3D gear in open terrain?” he asked as they reached the practice grounds.

Saskia surveyed the area before her and sighed. “No. I mean, well, yes, maybe-”

“Make up your mind. Which is it?”

“Thus far the only exercise I can think of is…how I learned.” She shook her head. “I’m not subjecting them to Shardis’ routines, and not simply because they were designed specifically for me and his attempt to create the perfect soldier,” she said firmly.

 _Create the perfect soldier…_ He looked over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes at Mikasa to get a better look at her, hiding his surprise when he realized Saskia bore a slight resemblance in terms of her distinguishing racial features. _That was what the deranged slave trade leader wanted to do. Shardis kept Saskia out of respect for her parents but what reason would he have to train her so harshly as soon as she was able to crawl? Was he trying to do the same? Does…Saskia have Oriental blood? She doesn’t know anything about her parents. And Shardis may have attempted to take advantage of that, turning her into ‘the perfect soldier’. But he couldn’t possibly have been a plant for Isamu or-_

Saskia flicked him on the forehead multiple times, alternating between both hands and frowning at him. “You made a promise too!” she scolded. “Stop staring at her like you’re about to impale her and-…I didn’t mean it like that. In fact I’ve been meaning to apologize for what I said about you being a cold-blooded killer. But you really did look as though you were preparing to strangle the girl just now.”

He shrugged. “You were pissed off. I didn’t take it personally.”

She snorted in amusement. “Oh? Is that so? It certainly didn’t seem that way at the time.”

“I was pissed off too, in case you forgot. But I know you well enough to know it was out of anger, nothing more. Same goes me. You weren’t responsible for what happened to your parents.”

“…are we both apologizing?” She gasped, her mouth agape. “We are! Good Lord, this is the first time we’ve ever verbally apologized to each other after a fight.” _Prompted by a kiss, no less._

“First time for everything.” _And we had to fuck to make it happen._ “Done being a self-loathing idiot?”

“For the time being,” she grinned.

“Tch. Hopeless as always.”

“I am a creature of habit. All my faults aside, it’s time to engage in the one thing I excel at other than being hypercritical of myself.”

“An apology followed by complimenting yourself?” He feigned shock. “You really have gone mad.”

She scrunched her face. “You, you hush!”

“Tch. No retort or counter?” he smirked as she left his side to situate herself on the training grounds. Her response came in the form of her middle finger. He tied his horse up to one of the many trees surrounding the area that was used to practice for the sparse dense woods scattered about the land beyond the walls. He leaned against it, arms over his chest and bit his lip. She tossed her jacket to the side, rolled up her sleeves, and undid the top three buttons of her shirt. _Creature of habit? Understatement._

Levi had difficulty watching for any mistakes or areas that needed improvement as she moved about the grounds relying almost entirely on her body, treating her gear as a last resort at best and extra weight at worst. It wasn’t hard for her to work in enclosed spaces with architectural support but in locations such as this, liberated from the buildings that seemed to hold her back, she became the living embodiment of the Survey Corps’ emblem.

* * *

**December 25 th, 844, Saskia’s Office**

“If you want to go, then go. Not hurting my feelings. Then again I don’t have a lot to begin with.”

“Not a chance Levi!” Saskia called from her bedroom. “As much as I enjoy the annual winter formal I enjoy your company much more. And no one should have to spend their birthday or the holiday season alone.”

Leaning against her bedroom door he rolled his eyes. “Tch. Christmas can suck my jingle bells.”

An uproar of laughter erupted from the other side of the door. “Ever the eloquent one. Tell me how this sounds. I’ll stay for a half-hour or so and then come back so you and I can spend the rest of the night together? No holiday cheer and the like, just two friends enjoying each other’s company. And I can bring you back some eggnog if you’d like!”

“Spiked I hope.”

“Is there any other way to drink it?”

He could hear the grin in her voice and fought one himself. Levi was very surprised when he learned she was very adept at holding her liquor. This information came courtesy of an embarrassing story Hanji, who had been sworn to secrecy, shared during her own inebriation about Saskia drinking Erwin under the table the day she reached legal drinking age. The thought of Saskia, who made no secret of being very partial to white wine and other light flavorful drinks, pounding down heavy whiskey from the breweries of Rose like milkshakes while poor Erwin was drunk within minutes was something he secretly hoped he could someday see for himself. Absurd as it sounded he had great difficulty finding it all that outlandish.

He heard a loud groan and foot stomping heavily from the other side. “Damn it all…Levi, could you come in here?”

“Are you decent?”

“For the most part, which is the problem. I’m engaged in a heated bout with a stubborn zipper. Would you mind…?”

He dropped his face into his palm. “Are you serious?”

“Yes! Now get in here and help me!”

“You torture Titans for fun but can’t handle a damn zipper. When was the last time I told you that you’re hopeless?” he asked condescendingly as he opened her bedroom door.

“I believe it was…” She tapped her chin in thought and then pointed her finger in the air. “I remember! Approximately one hour and twenty minutes ago.”

“Too long in my humble…” His voice was caught in his throat when he saw her. “…opinion.”

She looked over her shoulder. “There is absolutely nothing humble about you,” she said with a playful smirk.

“Shut up.” He approached her and slowly zipped up the back of her dark green dress. “I can’t help but wonder if the problem isn’t because you couldn’t reach it…”

“Then what is the problem?” she asked narrowing her eyes.

“It’s too tight.”

She gasped loudly. “For the sake of your physical well-being I sincerely hope you’re not implying that the dress is too small for me,” she hissed.

“Not at all. I’m implying you’re too big for it.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

She shook it off with a smile and spun around, arms folded behind her back and hands clasped together. “How do I look?” The dress had been custom made and fit her perfectly, too perfectly, hence Levi’s brief moment of hesitation when he first saw her. It matched the color of her eyes, the modest v-cut neck bedecked with a handful of fake emeralds that glistened in the faint glow from the gas lamps scattered across her bedroom. The straps were roughly an inch in width and criss-crossed over her shoulder blades. It cinched at the waistline and settled just below her knees. Her long hair was tied up with her beloved blue ribbon in an intricate braided bun. Her feet had been forced into what looked like the most uncomfortable heels in all of recorded history, handcrafted in the deepest pits of Hell.

Levi shrugged. “Nice, I guess.”

“Oh…” She pivoted a foot on the floor. “Well, a compliment is a compliment.”

“Tch. You women are so touchy about your appearance.” He tucked the longer bangs that framed her face behind her ears. “Better. Now I can see your face.” He noticed the wrinkles at the waistline and frowned. “What the hell? You can’t take care of your uniform, casual wear, or formal attire.” He attempted to smooth out some of the wrinkles in the fabric, not realizing how intimately he was running his hands down her waistline and across her abdomen.

A knot began to build in her stomach. “Um, Levi?” she almost squeaked.

 _That was annoyingly high-pitched._ “Shut up, I’m fixing you.”

“No need. It’s supposed to do that. The waist is cinched.” _Hands. Off. Now. Please. Erwin would tear him in half if he saw Levi touching his baby sister like this! Why is my face warm?_

He settled his hands on her hips and lightly brushed his fingertips along he cinch circling her waistline. “If that’s how it’s supposed to look then it’s alright. Don’t look so damned heartbroken, I’m not calling you repulsive. It’s just different. It’s not you.”

She blinked. “Not me? How so?”

“Hair up, uniform minus the jacket, top three buttons of your shirt undone, sweaty, covered in blood, 3D gear on. That’s when you look your best. In your element. None of this frilly shit. It looks good on you but I wouldn’t call it beautiful. Conventionally, sure, but…you’re happier on the battlefield than a stupid black tie affair. It’s reflected in your appearance. Now wipe that shit off your face before I scrub it off.”

 _He wouldn’t call this beautiful. Is he implying that I’m beautiful when I’m…covered in blood? That’s a little bizarre._ “I’m not…wearing makeup…” she admitted in a voice so meek and awkward it was startling.

“Then why are your cheeks pink?” He brushed his thumb over her flushed features and inspected it for powder.

She glanced down. “You can take your hand off of my waist, you know.”

* * *

**Present**

“I won’t be able to implement any training exercise until the day after tomorrow, possibly the next, but I feel that I made a great deal of progress. More than I had anticipated seeing as I need to create a curriculum that’s miserably rudimentary. But I have you to thank for this evening’s success.” Saskia stretched her arms up and then rolled her shoulders. “I feel as though the Colossal Titan trampled on my back.” She noticed Levi staring at her and tilted her head to the side. “Why the look?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. It just occurred to me all that you’re missing something.”

“That being?”

He grabbed the reigns of his horse and the two headed back towards the stables. “Blood.”

“Blood…?” She chuckled. “Right, my ‘ideal look’. I almost forgot about that.”

 _I could never forget it. Especially not in this weather._ He shot her a quick glance from the corner of his eye. _Does she even realize you can see through her shirt when she works up a sweat like that? You’re wrong Saskia. I won the insanity race._

 _Stop staring at me, stop staring at me, stop staring at me…Is my shirt translucent? Is that what he’s staring at?!_ “I’m going to take a shower before dinner. I’ll see you in the mess hall. Oh, could you do me a favor?” She clapped her hands together.

“Depends. Does it involve Hanji?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Jaeger?”

Her eyes narrowed. “No.”

“Petra?”

“No!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I was just going to ask if you could make me some tea. I’m in desperate need of something vanilla flavored.”

 _You’re not the only one._ “Sure.”

After a quick shower and change into a clean uniform Saskia left her office, warm mug in her hands that Levi left behind for her, and found Eren waiting for her out in the hallway. He immediately saluted and she raised an eyebrow at him. “What did I say about formalities?”

“Sorry Gener- Saskia. You’re the only one who prefers that, so it’s hard to remember.”

“Do not worry about it Eren, I will not hold it against you. Unless you make a habit out of forgetting, that is. Then I will complain to Levi and you will be at his mercy,” she joked. “I take it you need something?”

He shook his head. “Not really, I just wanted to talk to you briefly before dinner. I remembered what you said about how receiving praise makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable. I realized that I feel the same way about this Titan power. I don’t know how I got it or what I can do with it, aside from lift boulders and smack myself in the face, so it’s strange to be praised for something I can do but don’t understand. Like people are admiring the power, not the person who’s trying to use it or their reasons.” He looked down at his right hand and flexed his fingers. “And you’re the same way, right? People praise your skill because it’s something they don’t have so it’s going to seem extraordinary to them.”

She took a long sip before nodding slowly. “Yes, that is correct. What brought this on?”

“When I was talking with my friends they began asking me questions about what happened outside the wall. That quickly led to questions about you and Levi Heichou. I know that he doesn’t care and can brush people off but you’re not like that. You’re very open and comfortable in social situations. But I also know being swarmed with praise and admiration makes you uncomfortable so I felt like you should know.”

“Thank you Eren. I appreciate it. Considering what time it is we should hurry down to the mess hall. I always sit with my fellow officers but…Well, it would not be the end of the world if I also spent some time with you and the new recruits. I need to get to know them anyway, do I not? I will have to deal with a bombardment of questions and compliments eventually.” She waved a hand to urge him along. “Walk and talk. Tell me about them so I have an idea of what to expect.”

“Sure.” He thought for a moment. “The two you probably need to worry about the most are Jean and Reiner. They’ll flirt with you. Relentlessly.”

 _Levi is going to love seeing that._ “Noted.”

“Oh, and of course Sasha. She’ll steal your food.”

“From a master of stealth? Impossible.”

“I think you might have a worthy opponent in her.”

* * *

**After Dinner, Kitchen**

“And of course I had to talk about slicing off Titan faces. Why is that the most popular story? Why does everyone want to hear about that?”

“You’re the only idiot crazy enough to do it.” Levi paused. “I’m proud of you.”

Saskia almost dropped the dish she was drying off. “Y-y-you’re **what**?” she exclaimed, eyes wide. “Did you say that you’re…? No, I must have misheard you. **You** would **never** say something like _that_. I should go to the medical wing tonight and have my hearing checked. Must be the signal flares catching up with me after all these years.”

Levi, who was casually sitting at one of the prep tables as she worked, rolled his eyes. Her jacket had been tossed onto it and he couldn’t resist folding it perfectly for her as she was ‘incapable’ “You heard correctly. You’ve never done something like that before, willingly or otherwise. It’s an accomplishment for you. But more importantly you can’t bitch about being complimented or continue to act shy and modest.”

She put a hand on her hip and frowned. “I most certainly can. It would be rather baseless, but I’m still quite capable of refusing praise.” She giggled. “Especially knowing that it vexes you so.”

“Tch. Sometimes I think you exist just to give me a headache. Why the hell are you doing the dishes? That’s grunt work.”

“Seeing as you have yet to find a half-assed excuse to punish any of the new cadets you have no one whom you can force into washing them. And even if you had issued a punishment of that nature I would argue with you until you caved, and then proceed to do them myself. It’s too early for you to start picking on them, Levi.”

“No such thing,” he smirked. “Someone needs to teach those shitheads how the chain-of-command works around here.”

“A jackass like you hardly constitutes as a suitable mentor,” she muttered shaking her head. “If you’re going to be in here while I’m working can you, instead of bothering me, at least be useful and-?”

“Yeah, yeah, more tea. Spoiled brat.”

“You’re one to talk,” she grinned as he heated up the water.

“I did overhear some of the conversation.” He eyed her suspiciously. “Sounded like some of the cadets were flirting with you.”

 _He sounds even more thrilled than I had expected._ “Eren had forewarned me about each and every one of them, the incorrigibly flirtatious two out of the gaggle being no exception. I was prepared.” She dried off a mug and handed it to him.

He frowned as he dropped the tea bag inside. “ **That** warrants punishment.”

She waved a hand dismissively. “They’re hormonally-charged adolescents deprived of the company of a woman, should that be their preference, so it’s only natural that they would flirt when an opportunity presents itself. They weren’t flirting with me specifically, they were simply flirting with a woman who happened to be within a five meter radius.” She finished doing the dishes, dried her hands, and waited for the water to finish boiling.

“Funny how the only woman they were flirting with was you.” _Not that I’m surprised._ He gave her profile a quick once-over. _Unlike a certain ginger, you have a rack._

“Someone sounds a little protective. Jealous even?” she teased as she turned around and leaned against the counter top, resting her forearms behind her.

 _Stupid people ask stupid questions._ “You’re their superior. They need to learn to show a little respect.”

“That’s hilarious coming from you. Or have you forgotten how you treated me when you were a cadet? In fact, now that I think about it, very little has changed since then. Though you might be a tad bit taller-”

“You must really want me to break your jaw.”

“See!” she chirped poking him in the arm. “My point exactly! We really aren’t all that different, are we?”

“Sleep with one eye open,” he warned as he handed her the tea.

She snickered. “I don’t even need to present an argument, do I? This exchange is proof enough. So, in your professional opinion.” She deeply inhaled the scent of vanilla before blowing on the steaming liquid. “Which do think takes higher priority? Taking inventory of our equipment or stocking up on medicinal supplies we will need to bring on the expedition?” She took a sip to test the temperature. “Mm. Perfect.”

“My ‘professional opinion’?” he asked slightly confused, then ran his hand down his face. “God damn it. Your favorite ‘holiday’ is upon us.”

She nodded and began emptying her mug. “That is correct. Expedition Eve! One month to prepare. Now that we have returned it is time to begin and my workload has increased since Erwin tasked me with leading trainings so time management and prioritizing-”

“Do you want to work yourself to death?” He shook his head out of agitation and disappointment. “You hardly get enough sleep as is. Keep it up and you’ll exhaust yourself to the point of uselessness.”

“You are exaggerating and, quite honestly, overreacting. It has to be done. It is my job.” She frowned at him.

“Tch. It’s not your job to work yourself stupid, but I guess it’s too for that.”

She finished her drink and the empty mug found home in the sink. “Who else is going to do it all?”

Levi suddenly turned around and pushed her as far back as possible, pinning her against the counter with his upper body strength. He firmly held down her forearms on the countertop with a vise grip, pleasantly surprised when she didn’t put up a fight. He could see in her wide eyes that she was far too curious to resist. “You need to stop defining yourself by your soldier persona. You continue to neglect the one human you should care about more than any other…Yourself.” He exhaled heavily out of exasperation. “What more do I have to do to make you understand that aren’t just blades and a badge?!” he barked through gritted teeth, nails raking into her skin. “What more do I have to do to make you realize there’s more to you than being a soldier?!” His tone softened slightly. “Why do you do this yourself?”

Saskia blinked in surprise. “I…Um…Force of habit?” she offered weakly with a shrug. _What in the hell has gotten into him?!_ “It is all I know so it makes perfect sense that I would-” _  
_

“Don’t give me bullshit.” He leaned closer, their faces only a breath’s distance apart. “Do you know what the definition of madness is? Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. You dwell, you doubt, you blame yourself, and yet you continue think that someday you’ll be able to go out without a single casualty. You’re not responsible for everyone’s safety, be it soldier or civilian. Shardis tried to do the impossible by making you believe that the responsibility to save or protect everyone falls on you alone. It backfired. Instead of motivating you it sends you into a panic. You know better Saskia. You know that’s beyond your capabilities.” He had grown tired of the repetition, but in that moment it occurred to him there was something very important he had been neglecting to remind her of, something that might finally get the message across.

“There’s nothing wrong with not having turned out to be the savior Shardis expected you to be. It doesn’t make you any less of a soldier and it certainly doesn’t violate your principles. You’ve been in the Survey Corps longer than anyone else here. You didn’t only survive his abuse, you’ve survived Titan territory for eighteen years. Stop confusing self-preservation for selfishness. You’re upset by people only seeing ‘General Saskia’ but you actively ignore ‘Saskia Messmann’. How you can do that is beyond me considering she’s a noisy and irritating little brat. Not more trouble than she’s worth, but trouble enough.” It was a weak attempt at humor but comedy had never been Levi’s strong point.

“I guess I was wrong then.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “About what?”

“You were not the first one to go insane.” She smiled. “I won.”

“Tch. Didn’t realize it was a race.”

“If that is the definition of madness, what is sanity?”

“Something far beyond your reach, moron.” _So long as you keep treating yourself this way._ “Fine, I was jealous. Not because they were flirting with you. They were flirting with the General. Do you honestly believe you’re the only person I get pissed off at for treating you as if that’s all there is to you? When you warned me that rising in the ranks would cause people to fawn over an image I had no idea it would go this far. And the last thing…that I want for you…is to be with someone who can’t see beyond that.” His volume tapered with every pause. “You hate being seen as- Saskia, look at me when I’m talking to you. You hate when people define you by your accomplishments, you hate being praised, but if you keep this up you’re damning yourself to live out the rest of your life that way.”

The close physical contact was ironically enervating as him forcefully pressing against her was the only thing preventing her wavering equilibrium from besting her. She knew what she was about to say next would likely infuriate him but it had to be said as he clearly wasn’t taking it into account. “If I do not try harder, and by that I do not mean to become the perfect soldier but to live up to the expectations I hold myself to…some of which are not as out of reach as you may believe…who is to say I will live long enough to reach a point where I can afford that luxury?” _And now, to twist the knife even deeper…_ “And when or how did I ever give you that impression? That I want to be with someone?”

His hands slid up her arms to her biceps, the look in his eyes telling her that if she weren’t made of flesh and blood he would pop her like a balloon. “You aren’t a terrible liar. But that’s by far the most ridiculous, biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard you say. That’s pretty telling considering all the crap I’ve been forced to hear you spew for six damn years.” He put a finger under her chin and tilted it upwards slightly. “Look me in the eye and say it again. Look me in the eye and tell me you want to be lonely for the rest of your life.”

“What has you so convinced that I am lying?” she hissed.

“Say it.”

“I…” She hesitated. “It is not something I have invested a great deal of time and energy into considering, so I cannot say for certain. But after what happened to my parents I do not want to put someone in a similar position. Even if I wanted to be with someone I would likely refrain for fear of causing another person that pain. To join the Survey Corps is an acceptance of knowing one will see first-hand great loss every damn day, be it Titans or injuries or in worst case scenarios…suicide. I refuse to amplify that, especially to inflict it upon someone I care about. Now you answer my damned question before I shatter your ribcage like glass!”

“You’ve never been alone, but you’ve always been lonely.”

“That is ridiculous!” she insisted, stomping a foot on the tile floor. “Oh, and let me guess. It was not until you came along that I was set free from the confines of loneliness, you audacious prick.”

“Damn right. Because I’m the only person who could see behind that stupid smile. You said you do it to keep from succumbing to misery. How’s that been working out for you? You also said you do it to keep up morale. You don’t do it for yourself. It’s a mask.”

“If I were as unable as you are from maintaining self-control, I would see to it that your pretty little face were painfully and intimately acquainted with the floor right now.”

“I’m well aware of how much self-control you possess. And by that I don’t mean how disciplined you are but how much you hold yourself back.”

“Back from what?”

“Have you been listening to a single word I’ve said?! You’re a slave to your work, you never treat your well-being as a priority unless it means you can continue working, and all you care about is keeping this place from falling to shit!”

“All I care about?! Are you blind?! Yes, I put others before myself, but not because I neglect my own well-being!” She clutched his shirt and squeezed so tightly her knuckles were turning white, breathing heavily and lips curved into a thin line. “Maybe you are right. Maybe it is a mask. Maybe I was lonely for twenty-two years. The only reason I can accept that as plausible is because…” Her breath became ragged as she continued.

“There is one person about whom I care for in a way where it is impossible to articulate the depths of my affection. That person is the only reason I am able to keep fighting, to keep hope alive, to even consider that there is more to me than blades and a badge even if I have extreme difficulty showing it. Without that person I would not be living, I would just…be here. I might not even still be alive! And I doubt I would still be able to smile. But mask or not I know for certain that it is genuine when I smile because of him. I do not smile _for_ him, he makes me smile. He is the only person who has ever treated me as more than just a soldier. My familial relationship with onii-chama is strained because he is the Commander. My friendship with Hanji is no different because I met her during her cadet days, so even now she will occasionally treat me as if she were beneath me. There is one person I knew I could try not only to put on equal footing to myself, but who would treat me the exact same way. Even if that person hated me at the time. Because that person is right, even if I was unaware until only moments ago of the fact that I desperately needed another.” She bit her trembling lower lip.

“Lonely souls gravitate towards each other because they are able to recognize that wretched commonality and fill in the missing gaps. I have never been alone but for the past six years I learned how to no longer be lonely. And learning what that felt like, what that meant, is the reason I could learn to care about myself. Because someone else cared about me in a way unprecedented, teaching me to do the same in the process. Even if he has a rather aggressive way of showing it. But that is the sort of person he is, and I need someone like that in my life the same way he needs someone as gentle as I. And the concern he shows for me reciprocates in abundance. More than he will ever know. Even deeper than I myself know.” She rested her forehead on his shoulder, squinting a few times to dam up the tears that were collecting. She was hardly able to choke out her words.

“Levi, if you truly believe me to be incapable of caring about myself then it would be impossible for me to care about another as strongly as I do. And I sincerely hope that after all I have just told you, you know who that person is.” She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, but a few tiny tears were able to get past her defenses.

“Tch. Jaeger is one lucky little shit then. And here I thought I couldn’t be any more jealous of those brats.”

Even if comic relief wasn’t his strong suit it was enough for her. She tried to fight a smile but it was a losing battle. She let go of his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles before he scolded her for that too. “Stop trying to make me feel better,” she sniffled.

He shook his head. “Not happening. Done crying?” She shrugged. He put his hands on her shoulders. “I need you to make me a promise.”

She glanced up at him, still rubbing her eyes. “I refuse to do so blindly.”

“I don’t expect you to. But I need you to promise me that you won’t overdo it. Promise me that you won’t celebrate Expedition Eve. Promise me you won’t take on extra work.”

“I’ll try, but it really is force of habit. You know that.”

He cupped her chin. “Remind me why the hell I waste my time with you. Prove to me that no matter what you will always keep your word…if you care about me as much as you claim.”

“I said I’ll try-”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Swear on Isabel’s grave you won’t let me down.”

Without the slightest ounce of hesitation she nodded quickly. “That I can do.”

“You better.”

“I said I will.”

“Say it back to me.”

“I swear I won’t overdo it, I’ll cancel the Expedition Eve festivities, and resist taking on extra work.” She grinned. “I swear I’ll remind you why you waste your time with me, prove that I will always keep my word, and above all I swear I’ll show you how much I care about you.” She pinched his cheek. “No matter how much it might annoy you. But a promise is a promise.”

“You know I didn’t mean-”

“But you said it.” She cut him off and cupped his cheek. “And I always keep my word.”

“I hate you.”

“I know. Again, nothing has changed between us,” she teased. “I haven’t thought about whether or not I wish to have a romantic relationship in my future. What about you?”

“Doesn’t matter. You would scare her off.”

She pouted and folded her arms over her chest. “I would do no such thing. If securing your happiness required me to decrease the amount of time we spend together then as painful as it would be I would do it nonetheless.”

“Like hell I’d ever be with someone who would force me to choose between you and her.”

“Would you tell her about…that night we spent together? Honesty is quintessential in a relationship.”

“I would. And if she took issue with it I’d leave her on the spot. I couldn’t be with someone who lets my past interfere with our present. Mine and hers I mean, not yours and mine. Why the sudden Q and A session?”

“You asked me. Am I not allowed to do the same? After all, as your best friend I do have a responsibility to bring you together with the woman perfect for you should I ever encounter her.”

“And if I found someone I thought was right for you? What would you do? After all, as your best friend I do have a responsibility to bring you together with the man perfect for you should I encounter him,” he mocked.

She snorted in amusement. “The hell you would. You’re far too protective to let anyone near me, especially someone ‘perfect for me’ should he even exist. And you would be jealous.”

“Tch. No I wouldn’t.”

“You were jealous of the cadets who were flirting my public image. Individuals whom I harbor no feelings towards and vice versa. You would be **extremely** jealous of someone flirting with the real me, someone I had feelings for, and who also had genuine feelings for me. No, I take that back. Not extremely jealous. Violently jealous.”

“You have a very hyperactive imagination.”

“And have you have a very strong jealous streak.” She rolled down her sleeves. “Exactly how long do you intend to keep me like this?”

“…I didn’t think that far ahead.”

“Typical. Damn near everything we do around here is impromptu.”

“What do you plan on doing for the rest of the evening?”

“I was going to do everything I promised you that I wouldn’t, so much of my evening has opened up. After I finish my paperwork, and only **my** paperwork, I was thinking about going into the sub-basement. I haven’t been there in six years. I was so busy working alongside you I never had the opportunity.”

“That won’t be easy, even for a master of stealth, to pull off right now. Everyone else is celebrating Expedition Eve in their own stupid way. At least you’re productive, even if you’re exhausting yourself beyond your limits.”

“What is everyone else doing?”

“Tch. Shitting themselves, what else? But no matter who asks for what or why you’re not allowed to help out with anything other than what you’re supposed to do. Got it?” he ordered, flicking her on the forehead.

“What was that for?”

“Force of habit.”

“Oh? Because I’m starting to get the impression that you don’t trust me- Ow!”

“Shut the hell up before your pretty little face gets acquainted with that filthy ass floor.”

“Fine, fine.” She rubbed her forehead. “It’s just that you keep reminding me as if you’re afraid I’m going to forget to keep my word.”

“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about you. You’re already in a pretty shitty state, mentally and physically.”

“Hard to argue with that,” she sighed. “Stargazing it is then. Join me?”

“Unfortunately I can’t. Too much to do.”

“Unfortunately? You hate stargazing. You…don’t even do it.”

“Unfortunately I won’t be able to spend more time with you before it gets even busier around here.”

“We’ll still see each other.”

“Yeah, when we’re working. Not many chances to spend time together, just the two of us. As a break from work I mean.” He averted her gaze. “And if I even hear about one of those shitheads flirting with you again then they automatically volunteer to help Hanji with her crazy ass experiments until the expedition.”

“Say, Levi, what if the ‘perfect man for me’ happened to be one of the cadets? What if my future husband was in this very building? Mind you he would have to be much, much older than he is now but what if that were the case?” She rubbed her chin and leaned closer. “Would you still fulfill your obligations as my best friend and ensure that he and I were to become involved?” She grinned mischievously. “What if it were Eren?”

“I will tear out your intestines and strangle you with them for suggesting that shithead is worthy enough to even hold your hand.”

“Jealous. Even if you believe it to be beyond my ken, what is the definition of sanity?”

“When I figure it out you’ll be the first to know.”

“I’ll be waiting with bated breath. Until then, I need to finish my work so I’ll be able to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. Saying that aloud feels like speaking a foreign language…or my tongue doing a tango.” _Only once before have I experienced that feeling._

“Are you sure you aren’t already getting sick?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Why?”

“You look flushed. If you make me sick I’ll-”

“You’ll do something terrible because how dare I contaminate you with some sort of contagion. Unless you can find a way to cover yourself in liquid barrier bleach you will never be able to escape from germs.”

“I can try.”

“You’re such an idiot. Even if I were sick and you caught whatever bug I may have it’s your own damn fault. You’re the one who thought it was a good idea to pin me against the counter.” She grabbed his hand and put the back of it to her forehead. “See? No fever.”

“Then why the hell are you blushing?”

“Because fuck you, that’s why. Can you let me go now?” she asked impatiently. He stepped aside and she took a deep breath, able to fully inflate her lungs again. “Finally. Well, I’ll be off then.” She grabbed her jacket and folded her arms behind her back. “Thank you. For everything you said. Bringing it to my attention and what not.”

“Tch. Just doing my job. As aggravating as it is.”

She smiled lambently before turning on her heel. “That’s how tough love works, is it not? And you know damn well I could just as easily say the same to you. If you have the time you know where to find me. Otherwise, good night Levi.” She closed the door before he could return the sentiment, quickly walking to her office. She sat at her desk trying to work but was unable to focus as the previous twenty or so minutes kept playing over and over again in her head.

“Why did I blush?” She folded her arms on desk and rested her head on the makeshift pillow. She looked at the magnolias and sighed. “Isabel, I have a question only you can answer. Well, Levi could, but I could never ask him. Why does he care about me so much? He hated me, remember? Why did that change?” Her gaze shifted to her bookshelf and she slowly rose, grabbing her diary and flipping through the pages until she found an entry dated March 2nd, 844.

Down in the kitchen Levi was back at the table, one arm over the back of the chair and one leg over the other. He slowly tapped his fingers along the glossy wood, brow furrowed as he reflected on her words.

_“And the concern he shows for me reciprocates in abundance. More than he will ever know. Even deeper than I myself know.”_

_“Levi, if you truly believe me to be incapable of caring about myself then it would be impossible for me to care about another as strongly as I do. And I sincerely hope that after all I have just told you, you know who that person is.”_

“Of course I know, idiot,” he muttered to himself. “Why? I know why I came to see you in a different light but you had no reason to care. You always say you don’t need one, but even if that’s true it doesn’t explain why you are care as much as you do. ‘Impossible to articulate’ and deeper than even you know. It doesn’t make any sense considering the circumstances we met under.”

Some questions are best left unanswered. These do not fall under that category.


	7. The Birth of Hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins the retcon! Anything bold and italicized is Levi's narration. These chapters are going to be pretty short since it's just a rewrite of the manga, which itself is brief, but there will be original additional content. The narrations will alternate between Levi and Saskia so her thoughts will be in the next chapter, also bold and italicized. This chapter is a rewrite of volume one, chapters one and two.
> 
> For those of you who've read the manga and are familiar with the very beginning, the plan to go to the underground and find Levi and what not...Compare it to the prologue, the second to last blurb when Erwin and Saskia are talking. You might notice that it doesn't entirely coincide...Breaking canon? A bit of deception? We shall see what we shall see :)
> 
> Also, pay VERY close attention to the last sentence. Is that...a confession...?
> 
> (As for the thing about Isabel's hair, it does magically fix itself in the manga so I wanted to come up with some explanation for that...Saskia likes sharp things so why the frick not?)

**_It was hate at first sight.  
_ **

**March 2 nd, 844, Survey Corps Headquarters, Courtyard**

“I’ll go report your arrival. Stay here.”

Levi, Isabel, and Farlan had just arrived at the Survey Corps headquarters, ready and unwilling to begin their new lives as soldiers. That is, until the time came for Levi to get his revenge on Erwin.

“Levi…” Farlan began quietly, getting a good look at their surroundings. Outside the main building stood three brick walls spanning the perimeter of the courtyard, banners with the branch’s emblem running along them. One wall had a large metal gate leading to the stables and a fenced expanse of land used for practicing horseback riding; the wall opposite had a similar gate which led to the training grounds. “About joining the Survey Corps…”

“I’m _not_ joining the Survey Corps,” he snapped. “I only came here to get closer to that blondie. That bastard. Once I get the chance I’ll kill him straight away.”

Isabel and Farlan exchanged both surprised and nervous looks. “Hey…” She was unsure of what to say and elbowed Farlan.

“You remember my plan right? If you’re still not sure, tell me. Those guys won’t come to contact us again. It’s meaningless to kill Erwin now. This is our chance. It’s definitely going to work. Trust me.” Isabel nodded in agreement. Levi shot Farlan a relatively harmless glance of annoyance which quickly evolved into a menacing glare.

“You three, come here!”

Levi played along while Farlan and Isabel were still coming down from the shock. He called to Levi but was ignored.

 _I’m serious. Someday we’ll get out of that trash dump and live up here_ , the eldest of the trio thought to himself, eyes narrowed slightly. When he reached the officer who had reported their arrival he saw a woman accompanying him. He hadn’t heard or seen anyone else arrive while the three were waiting and assumed she came with the man whose name he had already forgotten and didn’t care to remember.

“This is General Saskia Messmann, our second-in-command.” **  
**

**_Even to this day I don’t know why hearing your name made me feel so…anxious. I’m certain I’ve heard it before so when that man introduced you I had half a mind to knock you out right then and there. I don’t know what came over me. Such strong contempt over a name alone? I still haven’t told you the reason I held so much disdain for you as soon as I did was because of your name, but if I ever learn why you’ll be the first to know._ **

Head tilted to the side and arms folded behind her back she did something that angered Levi even further, which he hadn’t thought possible. “Welcome to the Survey Corps,” she greeted with a bright smile.

**_That damn smile was just icing on the hate cake. I didn’t know what to make of it. You knew where we came from, why we there, and yet you acted as though we were at a God damn soiree. Then again, it probably felt that way to you at the time. You didn’t know any better or any different, having been Shardis’ ‘pet project’._ **

“The Commander told me to give you a tour of the building and adjacent facilities while space is prepared in the cadet dormitories. I am afraid that you three will not have proper living quarters until tomorrow.” She grimaced. “I apologize for that. After the tour you will be required to take a mandatory medical examination and then fill out a little bit of paperwork. Background information and the like. Oh dear, that was worded awkwardly.” Saskia laughed nervously. “Demographic might the better word. We have to keep records of every soldier on file. Protocol. It is just a simple dossier. Age, sex, height, weight, birthday, and so forth.”

“I don’t know my birthday,” Isabel admitted awkwardly.

“No need to worry. Your birthday is not crucial, relatively speaking. The rest of the information is mostly for medical purposes, which is why the check up precedes it. Have you to make you are at a healthy weight for your stature and the like.”

“General, will you be alright by yourself?”

Saskia shot the officer a slight glare. “And what gives you the impression that I would not be?”

“Well, it’s just that-”

“Just that Erwin forced them to come here or go to prison and judging by the looks on their faces none are thrilled about having to come here, even if it is the lesser of two evils, and you fear that because I am tiny and female I am an easy target who will be found at some heinous morning hour with my throat slit because they are from the underground. Do you think I give damn about that? If you do, then I am afraid you are sorely mistaken. I can take care of myself. I have been killing Titans since I was ten, for fuck’s sake.”

**_I don’t know which surprised more- hearing that you’d been killing Titans since you were even more of a petite little shit than you are now or your comment about getting your throat slit, since I did have a switchblade on me._ **

“Yes, right, sorry ma’am, I meant no offense,” he quickly apologized.

“None taken!” she chirped. “Dismissed.”

“Is she bipolar?” Isabel murmured to Farlan who could only shrug.

“Though my mental health is quite stable, which in and of itself is disturbing considering all the things I have seen and done, my sense of hearing is exceptional. So to answer your question I, as far as I know, am not bipolar. Ready to begin the tour?”

“Tch. No.”

Saskia gave Levi a playful grin. “Something tells me your presence in particular is really going to liven this place up.” Isabel clamped her hands over her mouth to stifle a snort of amusement.

“What’s it like outside the walls?” Farlan was mesmerized by the expanse of land she had presented to them thus far. He expected the training grounds, which she was currently taking them through, to nothing but obstacle courses and other methods for testing and building stamina and endurance; Saskia quickly explained that all the workout rooms were inside the headquarters to keep the equipment from being damaged by the weather. Never before in his life had he seen so much as a carefully tended flowerbed so the sight of the forests that were part of the open grounds looked like something out of a dream.

“Empty,” she joked, looking over her shoulder. “If you are referring to Titans however, I am the wrong person to be asking. Having fought them for so long they hardly seem like a threat to me. Me specifically that is, which is why I try so hard to ensure they are not a threat to my comrades. The first time I fought them I was very afraid but also quite comfortable using 3D maneuver gear so killing them became…It is hard to describe. It is like an adrenaline rush, purely instinctual. Survival instinct. But if you wish for a more objective explanation as to what they are like you are better off asking another officer.”

Isabel ran up to her side and folded her hands behind her head. “You’ve been really fighting them since you were ten? That’s crazy.”

“I was born and raised here so it was only natural that I would be raised as a soldier.”

“But _ten_? You’re shorter than my Big Bro back there, so you would’ve been **really** tiny at ten!”

“Indeed I was. But my size worked in my favor. It made me a difficult target, being so small and so quick, for those lumbering cretins to try and catch. Since then I have worked very hard to enhance my speed to a point where I am almost impossible to track, even for other soldiers. Stealth. That is what everyone has been saying. That stealth is my forte. Hold on…” She looked over her shoulder at Levi, who returned her curious glance with a bored expression, and then returned her attention to Isabel. “Levi is your brother?”

“Yup!” she nodded proudly. “Not by blood, but in the underground blood’s got nothing to do with family. He took me in when I was really young and has been looking out for me ever since.”

“I know what you mean about blood not determining family. I have been an orphan since birth but around age ten or so I ‘adopted’ a brother of my own. He is ten years older than me so he joined much later than most but his reasons for doing so are his story to tell, not mine. Sometimes he becomes a little too caught up in his work to remember that he has a personality, but he has always been there for me when I needed him.”

“Is he also an officer?”

“A Squad Leader,” Saskia replied and then grinned. “I believe you have already become acquainted with him though.”

“That fuckface is your brother?!” Isabel exclaimed and the General burst out laughing.

“Yes, for better or for worse. I completely understand your harboring ill-will against him. Truth be told when I was informed that he was going to the underground I was already scheduled to work elsewhere and was unable to accompany him. But if I had then I would have been in charge of his ‘recruitment operation’ and it would have transpired very differently, I assure you. When he told me about how everything played out after finally catching up to you three I punched him in the face.”

Isabel’s jaw dropped. “You did? Awesome! But why?”

“He and I rarely if ever see eye-to-eye on what it means to be a soldier and how one bearing the title must conduct themselves in order to live up to it. That is not to say I am incapable of being harsh but…He went overboard. I would offer an apology for what the three of you had to experience before coming here but contrary to how I normally act under such circumstances, I refuse. If anyone should do so it is him. But he never will and I would not expect you to accept it.”

 _His sister?_ Levi’s eyes narrowed at her. _That bastard’s sister is second-in-command here? Then I guess it’s only appropriate she occupy the second spot on my to-do list. Any ally or blondie’s is an enemy of mine…Especially that peppy, giddy little shit. Killing Titans since ten my ass._

**_By ‘to-do list’ I of course meant list of people to kill. I tuned you out after that, livid not only because of what I had just learned but Isabel seemed to be hypnotized by you. She began to idolize you almost immediately. I suppose I was a little jealous of you for that. It seemed like you were taking her away from me, and I hardly had anyone or anything left to lose at that point. Had I known you would eventually do everything in your power to protect her I would have forced myself to work alongside you, but I understand why you had to keep that information to yourself._ **

After a full tour of the grounds, during which Saskia had been bombarded with even more questions about the world beyond the walls and her childhood, she gave them a very quick tour of the interior. Isabel was too caught up in learning more about the woman who was slowly becoming her idol but Farlan and Levi could tell right away the more she spoke of her youth the more uncomfortable she became.

It was near evening when it ended and she took them to the makeshift quarters that had been assembled for them until they could proper dorms of their own. Levi was pleased to see her smile was now forced and faltering. Whatever memories Isabel had dug up were eating away at her like a corrosive acid and the sight of her empty green eyes and quivering lower lip would have been pornography to an emotional sadist.

**_If I knew why Isabel’s questions made you so upset Shardis would have occupied every spot on my ‘to-do list’. You would’ve been kicked off of it immediately. I can’t say the same for Erwin, not at the time. And though I hated you then I would have hated him far more after learning how you got back burn mark on the back of your right leg or that scar on your left palm. Among many others, of course, but those two bother me the most. Born left-handed, he forced you to become ambidextrous by cutting into your palm and later breaking your wrist so you had no choice but learn to use your right hand. The longer it took you to learn the more injuries he would inflict. It took you a few months, after which you were allowed to begin 3DMG training.  I don’t remember how you received the burn but it doesn’t matter. All I remember is even you don’t remember receiving it. You couldn’t have been older than three if that’s the case. Even though I hated you at the time I would’ve ripped his trachea out. Not for you though. Just to rid the world of one less worthless scumbag like him._ **

Levi sat hunched over on a wooden bench, aimlessly playing with his switchblade. Farlan was sitting in a chair across from him, trying to reason with him.

“Things had never gone according to plan until now, but if you’re around, we can do with a few slip-ups. If we join the Survey Corps-” He stopped and turned his head in the direction of the door as it slammed shut. Isabel stormed in, covered in dirt and bruises. One of her pigtails had been cleanly cut off. “Isabel? What happened?” he asked concerned.

“Nothing,” she huffed.

“Don’t tell me you went to meet those guys from the lower levels again?”

“I said it’s nothing!” she exclaimed, fists balled at her sides.

Levi ran his fingertip along the cool metal of the blade. “What happened to your hair?” His monotonous tone was his way of calling her bluff. He wouldn’t show any concern unless she gave him reason to, that being providing the truth. If nothing happened as she had claimed there was no point in treating her as though something had. And this method worked every time when she tried to keep them from yanking the truth out of her.

Knowing his tactics all too well she bolted for the door, not wanting to be cornered once again by his foolproof interrogation attempts. “It’s going to grow back soon!” she shouted as she slammed it behind her.

Levi left that night, despite Farlan’s protests. His departure was even more concerning when he refused to disclose his destination, leaving the younger man to only assume the worst. He tried to keep his mind off of it by reading one of the many books lining the five tiered bookshelf, the subject being the history of the Survey Corps. Even if they had no intention of staying and joining the stories that Saskia shared about its origins and commanders prior were very interesting. Levi’s absence made it hard to focus but Isabel’s pathetic attempt at trying to stifle her sobbing as she pretended to sleep made it impossible.

“I’ll kill them,” she whispered through her sniffles. He rose and stood near the entryway, concealed by the partially closed door. “I’ll definitely kill them!” She continued murmuring threats to herself and crying into her pillow.

Farlan’s light brown eyes fell to the ground. He scowled and knit his brow. “They all never think about anything except dragging others down to their level,” he murmured, shaking with anger. He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. “The underground is bottomless. That’s why I’ll-”

“…kill them all…” the redhead continued to whisper, causing Farlan to wonder if she could hear him after finishing his sentence.

**_After I came back Farlan told me about Isabel and it made me hate you even more. You went on and on about protecting other soldiers and all that crap, but you didn’t notice Isabel and the state she was in after she stormed out. I can’t hold it against you now since I have no idea where she went or where you were. It was funny in a twisted sort of way, as I was hoping to find you. When you said you so gifted at stealth I wanted to test you, see just how observant you really were. If I was lucky perhaps even kill you in your sleep. It was a terrible idea; if I were caught between killing you and trying to find Erwin I would’ve have been able to kill him too. That was the only thing that stopped me from cutting your throat as you slept. Had I known back then how much of a workaholic you were I wouldn’t have been suspected, and later executed no doubt. You would’ve been sitting there are your desk working, catching me before I could even attempt to go after you. Probably smiling too, greeting me with an encouraging ‘Nice try!’ or something like that as if you wanted me to try again. Everything that was happening was your fault, as far as I was concerned. Sure, Erwin brought us there. But you rolled out the red carpet for us when we arrived and treated us like equals. Like human beings. I’d never encountered that before so naturally my first response was to get pissed off._ **

_“‘This is our chance, trust me.’”_ Farlan’s words rolled around in Levi’s head as he twirled his switchblade around aimlessly but attentively enough so as not to cut himself. He was on the rooftop staring at the never-ending night sky, hoping for some peace and quiet so he could think. His hopes were sorely misplaced.

“Whoa, it’s beautiful.” Levi immediately pocketed the knife and looked over his shoulder, slightly agitated by the interruption. “You’re keeping all this to yourself? That’s so unfair,” the sandy blond complained.

“You sneaked off all on your own too…” Isabel grumbled. She hated being left out as it made her feel as though she were being treated like a child.

“It’s because you two are so noisy,” he snapped. “I can’t kill anything quietly with you around.” He ignored Farlan’s anxious expression and raised an eyebrow at Isabel. Her hair had somehow been fixed.  “When the hell did you run off to the salon?”

“When we came looking for you we bumped into the General. We thought we would get in big trouble but she said she saw you head up here and let us go. Somehow she knew we were trying to find you.”

**_You were probably on your way to the roof and noticed me already up the stairs._ **

“Then she noticed my hair and she fixed it!” Isabel beamed. “She messed around with the part in the middle a little bit, moved it to the side, to cover up the part that got hacked off- I mean lost. That made it look even again and she cut it a bit shorter to make it more even. Then she put the pigtails back in and now you can’t even tell anything happened to it!”

**_Again, she was singing your praises. I really hated hearing that. At the time. Now…I would kill just to hear the sound of her voice. Even if she were screaming at me and telling me off, accusing me of having left her for dead. I could put up with her idol worship of you too, now that I know why she liked you so much. Her admiration was the catalyst. I have Isabel to thank for having you in my life, but I’ll never get the chance to tell her that. Not unless you do actually become a miracle worker and find a way to bring people back from the dead, but I’m pretty sure you’d need the body to do that…_ **

“And then she gave us these!” She presented three bottles that she had been holding behind her back, two weak alcoholic drinks and one non, since the redhead was underage. “Heheh! She’s awesome! I mean, you know, for someone in the Survey Corps.”

Farlan sat cross-legged on Levi’s left and Isabel was on his right, kicking her legs back and forth. They spent a great deal of the night admiring the starry sky together as they indulged in Saskia’s gift.

“They say stars actually go round and round in the sky. Is that true?” Isabel asked.

“Seems like it,” Farlan replied.

“Compared to the place you came from Levi, which one’s prettier?” Isabel pointed overhead as if giving him options to choose from.

“…who knows…” Levi couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight above them. “It’s been a while since I last looked up at the sky like this.” _I haven’t been able to get a good look at the night sky since…Ackermann._ He fought a shudder.

**_I don’t hate stargazing. But being reminded of that night isn’t something I’m fond of. That’s why I only dare go on that rooftop at night if I know you’ll be there. Now that I think about it, had you not been forced to keep that astrology nonsense to yourself, your presence would’ve lightened the mood a little. Like hell I would’ve let you overhear anything about our plans but since it was only a few days after your birthday, that fish thing was still in the sky. I’m sure those two would have enjoyed listening to you ramble on about its story, and the other eleven for that matter._ **

“Farlan. I’ve decided I won’t kill him now.” A surprised Farlan set his almost empty bottle down and looked at Levi, mouth slight agape. “I’ll trust you.” He couldn’t help but smile since Levi rarely dropped the ‘t’ word in a positive manner until Isabel piped up.

“Me too! I’ll trust you!”

“Isabel…” he groaned, knowing she was only agreeing because she wanted to take the same position as Levi.

**_I’ll never forget the day I met you. Not because I was ‘hypnotized by your beauty’ or some bullshit like that. Not because I hated you almost as much as I hated Erwin. But because I couldn’t figure out why. Everything that followed our first encounter would have just annoyed the hell out of me but hearing your name is what did it. Any other name and I probably would’ve ignored you. But I know I’ve heard that name before, somewhere. Before I even knew about the Survey Corps, maybe even before I was away from Ackermann, I had heard the name ‘Saskia’. Saying it made me want to rip my tongue out. Hearing it made me want to shove a screwdriver into my ears. Now? Knowing that your name, even if it has nothing to do with you specifically, has something to do with a past I’ve long since forgotten and hope I never remember is extremely comforting. It’s not a tainted and miserable memory. Not so long the woman that Petra has every reason to envy bears it._ **


	8. The Birth of Intrigue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being Saskia's chapter this includes almost exclusively original material, but it starts out with the beginning of volume one, chapter three. Like last time the bold and italicized blurbs are Saskia's thoughts in the present.
> 
> AWKWARD BROTHER-SISTER MOMENT AHEAD!

**_The morning after we had a staff meeting. As usual, Flagan was whining about having to do his job. Though I had only recently been promoted to General I sat in on many staff meetings in the past. This meeting was by far the most unnerving. I kept my eyes on Flagan the entire time. Though not aesthetically pleasing I needed to read his body language. With someone of your skill now amongst us I knew right away what he would try to do._**

The room was quiet until Flagan Darlett pounded a fist on the table, almost knocking over the glasses of water set out before each member present. “Honestly, this is humiliating!” he cried. “Enrollment of recruits is conducted after the training course. You want to add them to our ranks and just piss on the rules?” 

“If there are any objections, don’t hesitate.” After Flagan’s outburst Commander Shardis couldn’t resist the sarcasm. He had a reputation for complaining. 

“They joined us because we threatened them,” Flagan snarled, glowering at no one in particular. “How will I explain this to the subordinates?” 

Erwin saw the menacing look Saskia’s face was beginning to contort into and quickly spoke up. “Squad Leader Flagan, I understand you perfectly.” 

**_Erwin started with a diplomatic and sympathetic approach. Typical Libra…_**

“Currently they don’t have any training and that may cause concerns for some time. However, we cannot overlook the fact that there happens to exist an officer with approximately the same amount of experience as you and I combined. We do have a means of addressing that aforementioned concern.” 

**_That’s my brother for you. I know he always volunteers me for things because he believes me to be capable and is confident that he can always rely on me, that my efforts yield success. I tend to be annoyed by that habit of his. This was one of the few times I could barely contain my excitement when he did so. He knew exactly what I was thinking and wanted to see to it Flagan’s attempts at getting his hands on you could be hindered, maybe even curbed altogether._**

“Squad Leader Erwin, while I do appreciate the suggestion I request that you remain mindful of the fact that I am your superior and you do not possess the authority to bequeath any tasks, duties, responsibilities, obligations, and so forth upon me.” Saskia folded her hands in her lap. “However, I would gladly take on the task of overseeing any necessary training they need should I be granted permission to do so.” She turned to the Commander, awaiting his approval. 

“We need to see what they’re capable of first before we decide to do any kind of formalized training. You will oversee testing them.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Putting aside the thought of any skills they may lack,” Erwin continued, “certainly, they will be a key part in the reform.” 

Saskia wanted to punch Erwin on the other side of the face, for symmetry sake, after hearing that. He knew her feelings and philosophies very well and anticipated they would cause minor conflict between the two both inside and outside of the office. But he did take time to consult her and receive her opinions before moving forward with his ideas, especially in this instance as she was head of their conspiracy against Flagan to expose him and his ‘mechanistic dehumanization’. 

**_It wasn’t until you, Isabel, and Farlan entered my life that my manner of speaking changed with my surroundings and mood. I had never used a contraction until I was twenty-two. My vocabulary consisted of things like ‘mechanistic dehumanization’ and very formal ways of speaking no matter who my audience was composed of. I learned a lot from you three, the first being how to relax. I have Isabel to thank for that. You’re the only person who understands why I came to care so much for that girl, even though I’ve never explained it aloud. I’ve never put it into words before. Not in my head or on paper. But if anyone asked you, you would say it was to give her the things I could never have. Things she could never have if she remained in the underground. I saw myself in her. She was no Pisces like I; I could tell almost by looking at her she was either a fire sign or an Aquarius. But that spunk, charisma, sass, humor…Everything I had been denied for sake of appearance and she had to suppress for sake of survival. I wanted her to be free from that. I wanted her to be happy, despite the reasons she had come to the Survey Corps. I wanted Isabel to have the chance to be Isabel._**

Flagan backed down but leered at Erwin and then Saskia, his harsh gaze intensifying when his eyes settled upon her. Her smile wouldn’t falter though, not even under the pressure of his nerve-wracking glare. 

“A key part of the reform?” The Commander sounded skeptical. “I hope that the expedition outside the walls does not become the greatest crime of them.” 

“If I may, Commander Shardis.” All eyes moved to Saskia, Erwin silently praying like a madman that she wouldn’t say something to deliberately agitate Flagan in the guise of productive contribution to the conversation. “I realize that the methods used for bringing them here are…unorthodox, shall we say? But if you look into the entirety of our history the Survey Corps has never been ‘orthodox’. When we began we too were considered criminals.” 

**_Something I’ve always loved about our history is how little people know about it. I remember telling what little bits and pieces, the few fun facts I could share to Farlan and Isabel during that tour and how fascinated they were. Knowing that the branch wasn’t officially recognized as a legal military unit until decades after it was established became a bit of an inside joke for us. ‘Right at home’ Isabel had said. Shame I never had the chance to tell her the full story of how we came to be. But you certainly found it hilarious! When I told you…I think that was the first time I saw you smile. Not smirk or grin, but smile. I can’t help but feel a little entitled knowing I’m one of the few people alive today who has the privilege of seeing you smile. What’s more, I love knowing that sometimes I can be the cause of it._**

“So because the founders of the Survey Corps were a bunch of wacky anarchists means we should welcome the thug trio with open arms?” Flagan crossed his arms over his chest and Saskia shook her head. 

“No, not at all. I suppose I had best get to my point seeing as the cadets will be awake soon. Not once in the history of the Survey Corps have we resorted to orthodox methods in how we conduct ourselves. We have rules and protocols that we follow, yes. But due to the nature of our line of work, how unpredictable and volatile it can be, they were designed to be open to interpretation and adaptable. If memory serves chapter twelve, section seven, subsection four, point D of the twenty-seventh and most recent edition of the Survey Corps Code of Conduct reads as follows- ‘While recruiting is encouraged among those who have successfully and satisfactorily completed the contemporary training regiment by meeting average standards or performing above, recruitment is not exclusive or limited to those who have undergone formal training.’” 

“You better get to your point kid- General.” 

“Nowhere in chapter twelve, that which is concerned with recruitment and retention, does it say that we are only to recruit from the graduates. I never underwent any sort of formalized training program under the supervision of the Trainee Instructor and I was formally recruited not only as an officer but **second-in-command**. If we can justify such a course of action to Commander-in-Chief Zackley, I personally fail to see the harm in putting forth effort into recruiting cadets from a group who has not undergone the formalized training program and already has experience with the specialized weaponry we use here.” 

Flagan’s lips curled into a thin line. For as long as he had been in the Survey Corps he and Saskia had an antagonistic relationship, even during his cadet days. He hated knowing that there existed someone so much younger than him who was once on par with his skills, now vastly above, but was nauseated by the fact that he now had to take orders from her and treat her with respect as per the structure of the chain-of-command. 

“Alright, let’s end this here,” Shardis interrupted sharply. “Cadets will be waking up soon. While they’re clamoring into the mess hall I want you to find those three and bring them to me when they’re done eating so they can be formally inducted and introduced. And be sure to get the youngest what we found when reviewing the results of her medical examination.” 

Saskia gave a single nod. “Yes sir.” 

“Dismissed.” 

As the officers filed out of the room Erwin pulled Saskia aside. “Must you?” he asked quietly frowning slightly at her. 

“I was not trying to irk him, for once. But…” She looked around to see if anyone was within earshot and cupped one ear to ensure no one was approaching. “You have seen his skills firsthand. They were the reason Commander Shardis had you patrol the underground, because of the circulating rumors. I want them as far away from Flagan as possible.” 

“And I want them as close to you and I as possible for the very same reasons, but that won’t happen if you continue mouthing off.” 

“How was I mouthing off?” 

“You were directly calling his intelligence into question. And while I agree he is lacking in that department I don’t treat that as common knowledge or go out of my way to parade it around. I advise you do the same.” 

She scrunched her face. “While I detest abuse of authority I do believe that being second-in-command grants me the right to openly call someone’s intellect and reasoning, or lack thereof, into question if it is arguably counterproductive and potentially threatening. Especially in a staff meeting, as that brings it to the attention of our fellow officers. Did it aggravate him? Of course. The fact that my lungs fill with oxygen and my heart beats aggravates him. But that was _not_ my intention.” 

Erwin sighed heavily. “Fair enough. It’s hard for you to be careful when speaking with him since he takes everything you say so personally, even when your words aren’t directed at him. I do want you to be careful around those three however.” 

“What reason have I given you to believe I would not be?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“You’re the second-in-command and you’re going to be spending a great deal of time around them. That puts you in immediate danger.” 

“Immediate danger?” she scoffed and put her hands on her hips. “Please, go on.” 

“I can’t say for certain about the other two but be cautious around Levi.” 

“Erwin, he had a switchblade on him. Why a thorough investigation of their persons was not conducted, I cannot say. But somehow he managed to walk around for hours in my presence with a switchblade in his pocket. I doubt he realizes exactly how observant I can be but I did make mention of my stealth skills. Maybe he does not understand that extends to noticing when others are attempting to do the same. But I was alone with them. He had plenty of opportunities to penetrate a vital point but he did not. I do not know why, but I know he holds me in great contempt. His eyes are very telling. Funny, as their color resembles a veil of clouds but decoding them takes little effort.” _Stormy clouds. Passionate clouds. What is his story?_

“That is…more so what I meant when I said to be cautious around him.” Erwin looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “You are twenty-two after all, an adult. As hard as that was for me to accept I knew that someday we would need to have a talk about-” 

She clamped her hands over her ears. “Oh dear God, no, stop, enough, as your superior I order you to shut up!” She stomped her feet like a child having a temper tantrum. “That is your warning?” she hissed. “You fear that because of his criminal background he might try and seduce me, then kill me?” 

“No, no, that’s not…I was under the impression that it was typical for young women to gravitate towards the ‘bad boy’ type,” he muttered awkwardly, face reddening with embarrassment. 

Saskia deadpanned. “You are not warning out of concern that he may try to kill me. You are warning me because he is not, as the saying goes, the sort of man you ‘bring home to mother’.” She couldn’t help but chuckle. Standing on her tiptoes she patted his cheek. “Fear not. My mother is dead so that will not be an issue.” 

**_That was his biggest concern. I suppose his weak sense of humor can be justified by his job requirements, insofar as how they affect his countenance, but was he that sheltered in his youth? He truly thought I was in danger because of hormones and pheromones and other moans. I couldn’t think of anything else to say other than mentioning my dead mother. That’s how surprised I was. Flabbergasted. And VERY amused. I can only imagine what it would’ve been like if he tried to give me ‘the talk’, but I learned all about sex after overhearing stories soldiers would share about their escapades inside…‘other walls’._**

“Though I must admit…” She turned on her heel and folded her arms behind her back. “He is rather attractive. Not to mention close to my age and even closer to my height. I take it you are going to watch him like a hawk when he is around me?” She began walking away, an exaggerated bounce in her step. Looking over her shoulder she grinned at the very confused and awkward Erwin. “Who is to say he should not be the one weary of me? If I, by biological design, will inherently ‘gravitate’ towards him I may be the threat in this equation.” 

“There will be no equations! And if there are any, they will be subtraction!” 

“Of clothing? I would not be opposed to a game of strip poker. Stohess Hold ‘Em style, of course.” 

“Subtraction of his manhood!” 

“I would not shout that so loudly…Things tend to echo in these halls, you know.” 

**_I guess he wasn’t entirely off. I did proposition you when we were studying Eren._**

In the mess hall the ‘thug trio’ as Flagan affectionately referred to them earlier were actively avoided by all other members. Even the cafeteria staff seemed nervous around them. They had anticipated as much and were completely unfazed, being accustomed to such treatment. What did come as a surprise, one which greatly annoyed Levi, came in the form of young woman with black hair and green eyes who appeared out of nowhere and plopped down next to Isabel. Levi opened his mouth to tell her off but she quickly pointed her knife at him, looking far more threatening than intended. 

“You, hush,” she ordered sternly. “Now, as we speak three uniforms are being taken to the makeshift room you stayed in last night while the empty barracks are being cleaned. Why no one took care of that last night is beyond me and I have half a mind to scream at whoever was supposed to clean the damned place and then force them to do it until they scrub so hard that they bleed. Unless they want to be screamed at again they had best clean up the blood as well. No one seems to understand how high a priority cleaning is. My personal gripes aside, there will be a formal induction and introduction ceremony held after breakfast. It is strictly a formality so I humbly request that you all be on your best behavior, but by all means fake it if you must. Because you have not received any formalized military training I have been placed in charge of assessing your skills and then determining individualized training regiments after collecting the data I need. This will be incorporated into the mandatory daily trainings you three will be partaking in, which you are excused from today but will begin tomorrow after I finish assembling my work.” She glanced at Isabel’s tray and frowned. “I also need to inform you, Isabel, that the medical information we collected yesterday found you are underweight for someone of your age and stature. The cafeteria staff has been informed and is supposed to give meals specifically meant for addressing that…It appears they have failed to do so. Deliberate or not, failure is failure and not something I take very kindly to. Particularly when deliberate.” She shuffled their trays around. “Have mine. It is far more substantial than what you were given.” 

“Underweight?” The redhead blinked in concern and glanced down at her midsection. “Like, really badly?” 

“Not terribly underweight, but it is not something that can be left unaddressed. Especially for someone so young. You are still growing, after all.” 

“Young?” She huffed. “I’ll have you know-” 

“Shut up and take it, punk,” Levi ordered. “If you need it, you need it. So don’t bitch.” 

**_You hid it well, well from those who aren’t adept at reading people that is. But I knew you were insulted by that. Isabel had been under your care for years. What I had said, as well as my offer to switch trays with her, you took it personally. As though you had failed to care for her properly. I know that deep down you were aware that it was not your fault. Finding access to proper nourishment in the underground isn’t easy. But there is a difference between knowing and feeling. Not to mention, well, you hated me. I wouldn’t be surprised if you interpreted that as infringing on your territory. You were extremely protective of her, after all. Not in the same way you are of me though…Then again you don’t see me as a little sister. How do you see me?_**

“Did we check out okay?” Farlan asked and Saskia nodded. 

“Yes, you did. But do not worry, as I will personally see to it that you are taken care of.” She smiled at Isabel. 

“Tch. Isn’t that your job?” Levi grumbled monotonously. 

“Well, yes, it is. But I do not do it out of occupational obligation.” She tapped her chin. “Having grown up here one could say that my ‘job’ is my life and my ‘life’ is my job. Interchangeable. It is all I know and it is what I do. It is all I have done. And I am perfectly content with living out the rest of my days caring for others and making sure that the Survey Corps is able to function at its prime. Not an easy task as some do not take their jobs as seriously as they should, but that is only my opinion. They, unlike myself, do not call this building home. They do not call the Survey Corps itself ‘home’. They have spouses and children, extended family, backgrounds stories, and memories inside of Maria, Sina, and other areas of Rose. And I highly doubt that, unlike myself, their first word was ‘die’ and their second ‘Titan’. Well, that is what the Commander told me. Natural consequences of being raised by soldiers to be a soldier,” she shrugged. 

“Do you believe everything he tells you?” Levi raised an eyebrow at her. 

“He has yet to give me reason not to, and I highly doubt he ever will.” 

“Why am I not surprised they let someone so naïve become second-in-command of shitty place?” 

**_It was not until our heart-to-heart about how the Commander treated me that I agreed with you. I was naïve. But of course I took your words in stride._**

“Because your preconceived notions color your opinion of the Survey Corps as a whole,” she replied smoothly. Arms folded on the table, she cocked her head to the side and studied him carefully. 

“The hell are you staring at?” 

“Why you do treat me as though I am a threat?” 

Farlan’s eyes went wide and Isabel dropped her fork. 

**_I will never forget the look on their faces. Or yours. You tend to reserve that look for disobedient cadets now. I was rather amused, I’ll admit, but also fascinated. You were an enigma. Still are in some ways. I couldn’t help but poke and prod if it meant getting to know you a little better. Especially considering how much you hated me. I like to think it’s because I was second-in-command and the little sister of the one who forced you here, the man you wanted to kill. But something made me feel as though there was more to it than that. What that could be, I don’t know. Sometimes I still wonder._**

“You? A threat? Don’t flatter yourself.” He did his best to ignore her unwavering gaze but the smile plastered to her lips seemed to cause his irritation with her to skyrocket. 

“My point exactly,” she said calmly and began counting off on her fingers. “I am smaller than you, naïve apparently, and thus far have done what no one else here has. I have not let your background color my opinion of _you_. Or is that just it?” 

**_It was._**

“You do not know how to react to such treatment, do you?” It was a harmless question. But the one asking was far from harmless, as was the one being asked. Levi almost snapped his fork in half while Saskia proceeded to shovel down the low quality meal that she took from Isabel. She didn’t anticipate an answer considering his usual apathetic demeanor; despite knowing how to read people she knew nothing of his temper and took Farlan’s and Isabel’s reactions as surprise to her question, not fear of Levi’s response. 

“I am going to go have a word with the cafeteria staff to make sure there is no repeat of what they served you today. I will see the three of you later.” She rose, tray in hand and turned in the direction of the kitchen to quickly clean the dirty dishes before scolding the negligent staff. As soon as her back was turned a cold, belligerent voice hit her like volley of artillery projectiles. 

“If you don’t drop the pseudo-compassion bullshit, I’d advise you sleep with one eye open General.” 

She fought a snicker as well as a shiver of momentary fright. “For someone who seems to have such great difficulty taking me seriously you still address me by rank. Curious. Then again, addressing me by name may imply some sort of interpersonal bond. God forbid you express such sentiment.” 

**_For a brief moment I was truly afraid of you. Never before had anyone other than the Commander used such a tone with me, but I expected that from him. As intimidating as it was, it only strengthened my…interest in you. What shaped you into such an abrasive person? Isabel was full of energy and quite sprightly. Farlan was level-headed and intelligent. You were the cohesive unit. But how could someone so aggressive serve as such? That spoke volumes to me about your character, the real Levi. Not only did I want to know the real Levi better, I wanted to know why he hid himself behind that mask…just as I did with my smile._**

After Saskia left Levi kept his eyes on her, watching her every move. She could feel piercing into her but it didn’t serve to fulfill his intentions. The aggressive nature he displayed only deepened her intrigue, but he couldn’t possibly show her his true colors. He quickly realized, much to his chagrin, there was no escaping that prying and inquisitive mind or inexplicably kind heart. It also didn’t take him long to realize that she was just as aware of this fact as he. After taking into account the behaviors she had exhibited thus far there was no doubt that she would exploit this fact, and she did in fact have every intention of doing so. 

“Oi, Isabel,” he growled, narrowing his eyes at the General until she was out of sight. 

“Yeah Big Bro?” the redhead asked, looking up from the fantastic food Saskia had given her. 

“Stay away from her.” 

Isabel looked over her shoulder but Saskia was already gone. She turned back to Levi and nodded. “Yeah, right, she’s still an enemy. Even if she is really nice to me,” she added in a low murmur. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing!” 

“Don’t forget why we’re here,” Farlan added. 

“Yeah, yeah.” She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m just playing along. She may be nice but she’s still a member of the Survey Corps. And that makes her an enemy. I know. But she’s kinda weird, isn’t she? Other officers would bite your head off if you mouth off to them. She’s…She’s just weird!” 

“Tch. Annoying is more appropriate.” 

**_I wasn’t present for that exchange but I remember you telling about that after Flagan’s execution. You felt guilty. You believed that -had Isabel remained under my protection as well as yours- she would have been present to see justice prevail. You still blame yourself for what happened to them, don’t you? You regret not having opened up, even if only a tiny bit, to combine our concerns for her well-being. You wish for me to stop treating my life and my work as interchangeable. But you engage in self-loathing just the same as I do. Perhaps that’s why it’s still so difficult for you to understand and accept my concern for you. Not simply because it’s alien to you, even to this day, but because…It’s hard for someone to welcome the warmth of another when that person doesn’t love themselves._ **


	9. The Birth of Strategy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of the beginning to middle of volume one, chapter three.
> 
> Minor/brief sexual references.

**_I’m not what you’d call a ‘people person’. You know that better than anyone else. And while I have no difficulty speaking in front of a large crowd I really don’t give a shit about my audience or what they think of me._ **

**March 3 rd, 9 AM, Survey Corps Courtyard**

“Attention!” Shardis’ booming voice echoed throughout the gated courtyard, causing some of the soldiers standing before him to jump. Isabel, Levi, and Farlan stood alongside him wearing the new uniforms that had been provided for them.

**_When we went back to that shithole room we were shafted with for the night to change into the Survey Corps uniforms there was something extra neatly folded atop mine. I didn’t care at the time because I didn’t care about you. I doubt anyone else noticed it. Maybe it was an attempt to get on my good side. If so, it was a wasted effort seeing as I had no ‘good side’ for you to get on.  That was what I had thought to myself when I first saw it.  Now that I know the reason, silly as it might be...the sentiment is appreciated._ **

Levi’s typical foul mood was only worsened by Isabel’s enthusiasm. He and Farlan knew she was lying when she claimed to be playing along to try and fool Saskia. He could only hope it was a phase she was going through, her way of reveling in the fact that they no longer lived in the underground and finally had a taste of freedom (even if it was within the confines of a military branch and all its rules).

“From now on, these three will fight alongside you. You three…Introduce yourselves to your fellow soldiers.”

Farlan kept his eye on Levi the entire time. He was confident that Levi wouldn’t cause a scene with such a large audience present but he and authority were like water and oil; in the underground he took every chance he had to undermine the power of those deemed above him. Now he had a buffet of people to pick from, and there were two people he wanted to tear apart more viciously than a rampaging Titan. His eyes settled on both of them, standing side-by-side in the front of their respective rows. Both Erwin and Saskia returned his gaze, the former very serious and the latter even perkier than before; he didn’t think it possible but this amplified his hatred for her a tenfold.

 _Might have to flip a coin to pick who dies first. Blondie or Smiley McTalks-a-Lot?_ “Levi.”

Isabel pointed at herself with her thumb. “I’m Isabel Magnolia! Nice to meet you!” she chirped and then folded her arms over her chest.

“Farlan Church. Pleased to meet you.” He pounded a fist to his chest, causing some to wonder if he was trying to salute and failing miserably or just emphasizing his introduction.

A suffocating silence settled upon the branch now that it had been made official that the three were Survey Corps cadets. The Commander cleared his throat to regain everyone’s attention. “They will stay in Flagan’s squad. Flagan, take care of them.”

“In my squad?!” he exclaimed, his tone a combination of disgust and bitterness.

**_I didn’t know why at the time but you and Erwin became visibly pale after Shardis announced his decision. I know the two of you tried to place us on Erwin’s squad, which only would’ve made me dislike the both of you further…if that were possible._ **

“Do you object?” Shardis asked narrowing his eyes.

“No, I just thought they would join Erwin’s squad,” he argued weakly.

“Squad Leader Erwin is working on a new formation for the next expedition. He entrusted the new recruits to you.”

Saskia’s head immediately snapped in Erwin’s direction but he remained motionless, knowing the Commander’s impending elaboration would be sufficient enough to ease a sliver of her darkening temperament.

“And as you _should_ recall from this morning, General Saskia will be overseeing the testing of their current skills. You will now be responsible for their training. However, after a brief discussion with Squad Leader Erwin I have decided that they will be placed on a probationary period that will come to an end after the upcoming expedition, a period which the General will have absolute authority over. You will remain their Squad Leader but she will be responsible for their integration into the military life. Is that understood?”

Flagan looked at the ground and forced a salute. “Yes! Understood!”

With perfect posture and a solitary nod, Saskia firmly pressed a folded fist over her heart and slammed the other against her lower back. “Yes sir, Commander!”

“That’s all. Each squad should provide a standard report.” The Commander dismissed the assembled troops and they dispersed to go about their day as usual, but the news was weighing heavily on everyone. Saskia appeared to be the only person delighted to hear it.

 _Kill me_ , Levi internally groaned. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Isabel glowing with excitement. _No. Kill that damned General. What I wouldn’t give for her to drop dead right here and now…_

**_After hearing that we were stuck with you I wanted nothing more than for you to be spontaneously struck by lightning. If I knew how terrified you are of thunderstorms I may have prayed for it to a God I have trouble believing in. However, despite what I think of that repulsive man, I’m glad he made that decision. Even at the time a small part of me was glad, though I would’ve vehemently denied it and my reason was extremely shallow. You did serve one purpose back then- eye candy. Vanilla flavored, to be precise. The memory disturbs me now but I wanted to make you suffer, to make you feel pain, to make you bleed. Hell, there were a few times I found myself daydreaming about sadomasochistic hate sex with you. Good things come to those who wait though. Great things come to those who wait six years._ **

Flagan led the trio to the recently cleaned cadet dorms while Saskia waited patiently on the training grounds that had been reserved for her assessments. It was hard to tell who was the least enthusiastic about having to work alongside her; a compelling case could be made for both Levi and Flagan.

“This is the squad barracks.”

“There are a lot of beds!” Not only were there a large number of them, it was the first time in Farlan’s life that he had a comfortable bed he could lay claim to.

“Yay! Does that mean we live together?” Isabel inquired eagerly as she skipped behind the others.

“Women live separately,” the squad leader replied in an apathetic tone that rivaled Levi’s.

She skidded to a halt. “Eh?! But I’m fine here!” she protested.

“Don’t argue Isabel,” Farlan gently scolded.

“Why are you so boring?”

“Don’t call me that!”

Flagan clenched his jaw to keep from unleashing an ungodly tirade on the bickering cadets behind him. To sate his need to demean them, something he intended on making a habit of, he approached the oldest and most unstable wooden bunk tucked in the back corner of the room. “You will sleep here.”

**_The sight of that thing made me want to vomit. After touching it gently to inspect exactly how crappy it was compared to its appearance I almost did vomit. Wood particulates, mold, and insects both dead and alive fell from the crevice I barely grazed. I wasn’t surprised by what Flagan had done. For the first time since I came to the Survey Corps I was caught in a debate as to whether or not I wanted you there. Like hell I needed you constantly defending us but there’s something attractive about a tiny little thing such as yourself compensating for lack of height with a ferocious intolerance for anyone’s bullshit. Even my own. That very well could’ve been the reason I went out of my way to piss you off all the time, and why I still do on occasion simply for the sake of doing so. You’re cute when you’re angry. Can’t say the same for when you’re screaming like a menstruating banshee. But God damn, there are few things I find more attractive than a woman who knows how to assert herself, stand her ground, and above all not be afraid to speak her mind no holds barred. Sort of like what Eren tried to do at his trial before you told me to beat the shit out of him._ **

“You lived in the underground sewers so much that you’re probably used to the dirt,” Flagan mocked coolly. “But here you have cleanliness and order.”

 _This is considered cleanliness? What’s their definition of filth?_ “What did you say?” Levi growled, looking over his shoulder. He turned around fully to face him. “You bastard! What did you say?”

“What? Don’t you dare talk to an outranking officer that way, you filthy piece of trash!” Flagan snapped.

Farlan quickly stepped in between the two. “Ah, don’t worry Squad Leader! We’ll keep the place clean! Yes?” He cast a nervous glance at Levi, who silently backed down. Once again the sandy blond put a fist to his chest, trying his best to salute his squad leader.

Flagan’s lips curled to the side in an ugly sneer, slightly baring his teeth. He clicked his tongue in frustration. “Once you finish unpacking go to the training grounds!” he barked and stormed to the exit. “That bitch of a General can teach Church the correct salute.” He slammed the door behind himself, causing more particulates to fall from the rickety old bunk bed Levi and Farlan were forced to share.

Once he was gone Farlan spun on his heel and glowered at the oldest of the three. “Levi! I told you not to fight!” he exclaimed.

He narrowed his eyes slightly before brushing past him to try and make some sense of the messy bedding of the bottom bunk. “Did you not hear what he called us?”

Farlan put his hands on his hips. “Well…senior officers will treat you poorly if you behave like that,” he reasoned.

Levi grit his teeth, fist tightly clenching the bed sheet he was inspecting. While the truth behind Farlan’s words frustrated him the exception to that line of reasoning immediately came to mind and the thought of her agitated him even more.

**_You were absolutely correct when you accused me of being annoyed by how you treated us. Flagan I could tolerate, even if I couldn’t snap his neck. You? You and your unwarranted kindness? I didn’t know how to react to it so I became even more defensive than I knew I was capable of. You bring out both the best and the worst in me. That’s to be expected I suppose, for people as close as you and I. I would give anything to permanently close that tiny gap…but not until you start to see yourself for who you really are, not just what you are._ **

“They call this cleaning?” Levi motioned to the bunk which was dramatically lacking in quality. “I treated him like he was with me,” he replied defensively. “And if he continues to behave that way he will receive no salute from me.”

“In that case-”

Isabel cut him off as she climbed up the ladder to the top bunk and folded her legs beneath her. “That sucks. Do you remember why we’re here?”

 _I should be the one asking you that._ “I remember,” Levi muttered.

“We can’t attract attention to ourselves. We must get those documents!” Farlan reminded in a hushed tone.

Levi appeared to have devoted more attention to the disheveled bedding before him. “That’s annoying,” he griped. As soon as the words ‘attract attention to ourselves’ escaped Farlan’s lips his thoughts floated over to the training grounds. Despite their having done nothing to attract the attention of a certain officer waiting there for them was what he was actually referring to in expressing his frustration.

Farlan, feeling defeated, fell quiet. Isabel leaned over the side of the bed and brought her face uncomfortably close to his. “Don’t worry Farlan!” she encouraged. “We will handle all who try to stop us, just like we did when we were underground.”

“Be quiet. It is best to remain silent here.”

“Hey! Do you think I’m stupid?” she barked as Levi shook away all thoughts of Saskia and inspected the bedding of the top bunk, the condition of which being no better than that of the bottom.

“Alright, what’s eighteen plus twenty-two?”

“Um…” She started counting on her fingers, still hanging upside down. “We add two to eight…”

“It’s forty, stupid.” Levi lightly bopped her on the head.

“Ouch!” She straightened herself out and pouted slightly, tears beginning to well in her eyes. “Even brother calls me stupid.”

He sighed and ruffled her hair. “Don’t talk nonsense, stupid.”

“Math wasn’t needed in the underground. It was more important to fill your stomach than to know how to count.”

**_After you told her that she was underweight I knew she was referring to what you had done for her that morning. Why else would she bring it up?_ **

“Okay, Farlan.” Levi turned to him as he shoved Isabel all the way back onto the bed by her chin. “In your plan, we had to join Blondie’s squad.”

“Well, not everything goes as planned,” he replied with a slight roll of his shoulders. “Now that we have entered the Survey Corps, we need to complete our plan before the expedition. That’s going to be even harder with the General watching up like a hawk and Flagan like a vulture.”

Levi punched the weak bedframe. “And yet we must destroy it. Ideally her in the process.” He noticed Isabel’s demeanor drop to sullen at how he referred to Saskia. _That witch has started brainwashing her._

“I understand, but-”

“Farlan, follow your plan and get rid of it- that is my concern. Leave that self-entitled little parasite to me.”

“…I know.”

“But…before that…” Levi looked around the room, mood slightly elevating when he saw a mop resting against a cabinet he assumed housed other cleaning supplies. He tossed his jacket onto the bottom bunk and tied a white bandana over his jet black hair. After opening the window he declared, “We need to put things in order. We will clean until not a single speck of dust is present.”

A silent Farlan deadpanned while Isabel let out an obnoxiously loud groan. “Right now?” she whined.

“You said you didn’t want any conflicts.”


	10. The Birth of Hypothesis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No rewrites here, just some Hanji and Saskia goofiness and awesomeness.
> 
> Iolana- Hawaiian, "freedom"

**_I had a feeling you would take your sweet time coming to the training grounds but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it was because you insisted on cleaning the barracks.  
_ **

**11 AM, Cadet Training Grounds  
**

Saskia was lying on the soft pristine grass, arms folded beneath her head and jacket acting as a makeshift pillow. She made no secret of her disdain for warm weather and though it was only March ditching layers had become a habit for her. She made such a habit of it that she would occasionally go without her jacket while shoveling snow out in the courtyard, all the while wondering why her fingernails and lips were starting to turn purple. It had become a running joke throughout the Survey Corps that the so-called master of stealth, always aware of her surroundings, could be completely oblivious when it came to her own state. 

To her right was the clipboard she would be using to take notes on their skill level and to her left was a thermos full of Panic Tea. She hid it well behind her sarcasm with Erwin and kindness towards Isabel but Levi did intimidate her slightly. It wasn’t his background, the pocketknife she suspected he would continue to carry with him, Erwin’s warning, or his skills. Everything she knew about his 3DMG and combat abilities thus far was only hearsay and she was quite eager to see them first hand. It was the fact that he intrigued her so much. What was it about him that caught her attention to begin with? And why did that enigmatic aura send shivers down her spine? 

_Erwin is overreacting_ , she thought to herself with a slight roll of her eyes as she sat up and took a sip of the warm herbal infusion. _Change. It is the change. A minor disruption. I will defend the methods in which they were inducted but it will take some acclimating, this shuffling around_. _That must be reason._

**_That wasn’t the reason. It was the only reason I could think of. Even now…you still intimidate me. And I still don’t know why! Maybe it’s because you’re just as perceptive as I. I can read you better than anyone else, better than you can. But you’re more than capable of doing the same to me. And my failures- I mean my self-perceived failures…I’m embarrassed that there exists someone who can see them. At least that person doesn’t think of them as failures but rather…but rather as milestones. There is more to it than that though. There must be. Otherwise that twinge of slight fear I feel around you would have dissipated long ago. It’s strange how the one who brings me the most comfort is also the source of my greatest fear. I wonder, what would you do or say if you knew that you scare me more than thunderstorms do? It’s a common fear, I know, but you in comparison are a very deceptive calm before the storm. The very thing that makes you so magnetic is the identical twin of why I still feel that intimidation. Hell, they could be the very same thing._**

She had spent a grand majority of the morning brainstorming how she would test their skills. Her fighting style had always been very different from the average soldier, a trait she picked up from the combination of her specialized training and difficulty learning how to ride horseback because Shardis forced her to start when she was quite young. She had been given her own steed once she reached his expectations, a mare she named Iolana. To most it was mere gibberish but, having been given the horse after she discovered the sub-basement, Hanji and Erwin knew the reason for the strange name was because it meant “freedom” in a dead language from the pre-Titan world. It was meant to pay homage to their emblem, the third Commander who penned the anthem which inspired the symbol, and above all the values and mission of the branch itself. 

When put into militaristic terms the Survey Corps was a cavalry, strategizing in the context of being on horseback, whereas Saskia was infantry, a foot soldier. Once the gates opened and they entered Titan territory she would ride Iolana with her comrades but when the situation allowed for it she would run to her destination before considering implementing maneuver gear. If not reminded before embarking on an expedition that she would exhaust herself she was even prone to moving about the bodies of the Titans as if they were jungle gyms. Use of her gear was rare as it happened only when absolutely necessary, which had a very narrow definition. After finishing them off she would rejoin her flank where Iolana was waiting patiently but her comrades had to once again bring to her attention that she was given the horse for a reason and it wasn’t for show. But her physical strength and endurance had been honed in a such a way that she almost had to rely on her body alone to comfortably move about, needing the open terrain as it was easier to ascend any structures be they man-made or natural. Switching back and forth to horseback was taxing and her quick movement and sensitive eyes and ears gave her an advantage the rest of the Survey Corps lacked because of their positioning- she could detect the presence of Titans on the path before them, giving them ample time to redirect and avoid confrontation. As much as her approach annoyed him her sensitivity to sight and sound indicative of Titans helped inspire Erwin’s formation plan centering on the idea of avoidance to reduce causalities. But Saskia, being both uncomfortable with taking credit and seeing it as the natural (if not more sensible) way of navigating Titan territory, couldn’t accept having played any part in drafting the formation plan. 

After taking that into consideration she wasn’t sure how to appropriately assess anything other than their 3DMG skills as she had no frame of reference for riding horseback. Her brainstorming session served little more purpose than giving her a minor headache. The Commander was painfully aware of this and sent her an assistant in the form of a cadet also on Flagan’s squad. 

_“_ Morning General!” a cheerful voice greeted from behind. Saskia smiled softly, having heard the distinct footsteps long before she was even within range of her visitor’s line of sight. 

“Good morning Hanji.” 

The brunette plopped down next to the officer and pulled her knees up, throwing her head back and closing her eyes. “Is it just me, or is it pretty sunny for early March?” She looked over at Saskia who folded her legs beneath herself. 

“Try not to jinx it,” she chuckled and then frowned slightly. “Correct me if I am wrong but Flagan’s squad is scheduled for mandatory training right now, is it not? I believe you are supposed to be using this time to practice maneuver gear on horseback.” 

Hanji gave a single nod. “You bet I am.” 

“Then…why are you here?” 

“Commander’s orders. Something about you being clueless when it comes to training people on horseback and needing some assistance.” 

Saskia sighed heavily and took another sip of her tea. “Your tone makes it sound as though my shortcoming is celebratory.” 

“Oh come on Saskia, you know I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Hanji gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder. 

“How can I not be?” She looked forward, staring at nothing in particular. “As second-in-command, no, as someone who was raised to be absolutely capable in every aspect that is definitive of a strong soldier I should be-” 

“You should be quiet, missy. I know you’re not perfect. You know you’re not perfect. But that’s okay. You’re still capable and strong. You don’t need to be the best at _every damn thing_ to be a good soldier. You just need to be the best at what comes naturally to you. And if it comes naturally to you then you’re already the best at it. The more you practice it you aren’t becoming any better at it. It’s still the same because you’re still the same person using the same skills you were born with. You can’t perfect something that comes naturally to you. It’s as good as you make it, and if it’s your natural talent then it’s already as perfect as it needs to be.” She paused and grinned sheepishly. “If that made any sense.” 

**_Of course I wouldn’t take Hanji’s words to heart. She and I were nowhere near as close as you and I would become. Hardly an hour ago you told me the very same thing, that there is no shame in not being perfect. Now I have taken it to heart. And I’m trying to believe it. To feel it. It will take time and though you are no doubt the most impatient person I know, I also know you’re trying hard to be patient with me. It is not a concept which can be forcibly taught, especially if one has been trained to believe otherwise for twenty-five years. Stubborn and determined as you may be, you really have your work cut out for you. But I know you enjoy a challenge. And you said so yourself…‘Not more trouble than she’s worth, but trouble enough’. Not more trouble than I’m worth? When did that change?_**

“It did make sense, even if your words ran a mad dash in circles. But…you are still a cadet.” Saskia exhaled slowly between puckered lips. “I would not expect you to understand the pressure I am under. Second-in-command. Soldier since birth. Born to be a soldier. It is in my blood. And if I do not perform above and beyond I let the Commander down. I let onii-chama down. I let my comrades down. I let the military as a whole down. Most importantly, I let my parents down. I have a legacy to carry on. My birth was, in a way, picking up where they left off.” 

**_I can only refer to Erwin using foreign terminology around he himself, Hanji, Mike, or you. At the time it was just the first two because they were the only ones who knew about that room. It’s possible that Shardis knows. I’m certain that the founders, having been radical anarchists, are the ones who pooled together whatever reference material they had on the outside world for safe keeping. They probably should have invested in the work of a professional locksmith however, seeing as I was able to pick the lock with bobby pins. The oldest trick in the book. That was what you told me. I would love to show you that room but I am certain the thought of descending the stairs to the basement makes you nauseous. A room untouched for six years, a haven for spiders and centipedes with no source of natural lighting…No amount of money would be enough to bribe you to go down there. You hate having to go into the basement to lock Eren in the cell we still have to keep him in, and I know how much he hates being confined to that cell. If you weren’t a psychological sadist you wouldn’t set foot down there. You have no idea how tempting the idea of pushing you down those stairs is. Should I dare attempt I’m certain you would kindly introduce me to that switchblade of yours._**

“Hey now, don’t say stuff like that. You’ve poured your whole heart and soul into this place and helping the people here. I heard from the Lance Corporal, before he passed away, that you once successfully negotiated with some pretentious rich guy who wanted to pull all our funding for expeditions. Your passion and way with words convinced the nobles to keep funding us. Is that true?” 

“Yes, that did happen. Though I cannot comment on whether or not my ‘passion’ swayed them, as I am no mind reader.” 

“And how old were you?” 

“Sixteen.” 

“What are the odds that they would take someone as young as the average cadet so seriously, hm? I’ll tell you- very, very low. You’re the heart, the soul, the backbone, and the kidneys of this place!” she replied with an encouraging smile. 

“The kidneys?” The raven-haired woman cocked her head to the side. 

“You help filter out the crap that goes on around here,” Hanji explained. 

“Heh. Suppose I do. Do you know who that man was? It was Nicholas Lobov.” 

The cadet gulped. “The one who commissioned the thug trio?” she gasped quietly. 

“Cadet Zoe!” Saskia scolded fiercely, making the brunette jump. Her body relaxed and she hung her head. “I apologize for raising my voice, but I am extremely irked by anyone referring to those three in such a demeaning manner. You picked it up from Flagan I assume?” 

“Yeah, I guess I did. I should be apologizing.” She twirled her index fingers around each other. “But they do make me a little nervous. Especially Levi.” 

“He does have a very powerful presence. Initially I took him to be a Scorpio, but from what little information he willingly provided he is actually a Capricorn. Do you want to know his birthday?” 

“…a Capricorn day?” 

Saskia’s lips curved to the side out of amusement. “Yes, obviously a ‘Capricorn day’. Christmas. His birthday is Christmas.” 

“So he’s a miracle baby?” 

“That was what I said. He did not take kindly to that.” 

**_Even if you hate being referred to as a miracle baby I still see you as one. Not because of the day of your birth, but because of how long you have persevered since 816. Everything that you have endured and experienced, the hardships and the losses…Most would give up. But you aren’t like most. Go ahead and accuse me of being a sap for thinking so, but meeting you was like a miracle in disguise. The fact you are still here is a miracle. By that I don’t mean it was unlikely, but that you help bring the improbable and extraordinary into my life. And I thank my lucky stars day and night for the preordained which forced our paths to overlap. It need not be said I enjoy walking side-by-side with you. It also need not be said that you are the most extraordinary thing in my life._**

“I doubt there’s a lot he does take kindly to. Why are they called ‘miracle babies’ anyway? People born on Christmas?” 

“I cannot say for certain but I have found mentions of a holiday held every December 25th meant to commemorate the birth of a very important person in certain pre-Titan cultures. A religious holiday I believe. But religious texts were the first to be destroyed as the Wall Cult rose up alongside the walls themselves.” 

“Why do those books on astrology still exist then?” 

“They are not part of an organized religion. I doubt the political structure at the time, which I believe was an oligarchy, did not see it as a threat to the wealth they gained from the Wall Cult.” 

“What are they part of?” 

“An alternative. We all need something to believe in, some sort of guidance. Some people look to the walls. Others reflect on their individual values that they have shaped without assistance from or belief in something beyond this world. And then there are some who look to nature itself, as it is the epitome of self-preservation. Because this world always has and always will belong to the human race I see no reason why we should not find our source of guidance in the one thing which has always been able to provide not only for itself but to provide for us as well. Where would we without agriculture, fodder for meat and poultry, fodder for horses? There would be no industries for lumber, for ores and minerals, or precious gems. And this world is wrapped in a blanket, held tightly like an infant to its mother’s breast.” Saskia looked up and shielded her eyes. “The rain feeds the crops and gives us water to cook, bathe, and clean with. The sun keeps us warm and gives us light when the candles melt and the gas runs out. And the night sky, throughout all of recorded history, has not changed. The stars have always maintained their patterns. Nothing is more stable and yet it has no means of sustaining itself. What more could we possibly need?” 

**_Other people. That’s what we need. The stars seem to shine a little brighter when I gaze upon them while in good company. And seeing as you’re the only person who allows me to marvel at the night sky in peace you’re the only person I can consider good company. Mind you, that isn’t the only reason._**

The ever inquisitive Hanji bit her thumb nail as she tried to piece together a question. She was one of the most intelligent cadets in her graduating class and enjoyed these conversations with Saskia, hoping that she would someday be able to back her into a corner with a question she couldn’t adequately answer. Her lack of success by no means lessened how riveting she found the conversations to be. “Well, if that’s true, then why do the seasons change? We gain nothing during autumn and winter except dead leaves and frostbite.” 

“Have you noticed that the seasons follow a pattern comparable to our life cycles? Spring is youth, when the buds are blossoming and animals give birth. Summer is adolescence, when we have the most opportunity for both growth and recreation. Autumn is adulthood, when the exuberance calms down and crops are harvested, reaping the benefits of what we invested in the months prior. Winter is old age and death, when the world enters a period of absolute stagnation. But underneath the snow and frost are more plants ready to come to life when it transitions to spring, the melting snow acting as the water of life. Animals in hibernation reserve energy to care for the families they will create in spring. What do we gain during adulthood and old age? A time to reflect and eventually…silent tranquility.” 

Hanji blinked, mouth moving as she tried to form words. “That’s…um…Wow! I never thought of it like that before. If nature is self-sustaining and follows its own life cycle…then maybe humans are the ones following its example, not the other way around like you described it.” 

“I did not mean to describe it that way. Merely made it analogous so it was easier to explain. But that is what I believe. The planet is meant for the human race, not the Titans, because we come from it. Our lives emulate it’s never ending pattern. And that is something the Titans can never infect with their toxic existence.” 

“Now I know why you’re still single.” 

**_In that moment I began to put serious thought into why some people called her crazy._**

“…why I am **what**?” Saskia raised an eyebrow. 

“Don’t sound so offended! My mom once told me that the reason boys avoided me is because they’re afraid of smart girls. It insults their masculinity. Men are supposed to be the smart ones, the strong ones, things like that. And women are supposed to stand still and look pretty, popping out babies. Gender roles is what she called them. So when men meet women who are pretty but won’t ‘stand still’ they head for the hills because they don’t know how to handle it! It scares them and they feel like less of a man because of it.” 

“God forbid a man show any fear,” the eldest scoffed. 

“Mm hm. And you’re pretty, second-in-command of the Survey Corps, no doubt our strongest soldier, very smart, hard working, bold, and you can hold your own. I bet a lot of the ladies look up to you, especially since there are more men than women.” 

**_I don’t know if there are a lot but I do know of puckish little redhead who looked up to me._**

“Speaking of female soldiers, I hear them approaching. Are you ready to assist me?” Saskia rose, clipboard under one arm while brushing herself off with the other. 

“Yes ma’am! But can I have some of your Panic Tea first? Like I said, Levi makes me nervous.” 

_How did she know it is Panic Tea? Must have smelled it. Very observant. Clearly a Virgo._ “No. He is your comrade. You need to learn to be comfortable around him.” 

“Then why do _you_ have it?” Hanji asked as she jumped up. 

“I have never been in charge of such an operation before,” she replied. Her ruse was perfect as it couldn’t be refuted. 

“You know, now that I think about it…” She tapped her chin. 

_Oh no. Do not say what I think you are about to say!_ the General mentally panicked. 

“You and Levi are veeeery close in height.” She bent at the waist so they were face-to-face. “And a certain someone’s certain older brother told me to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t go gaga for him. But you can’t tell Saskia that Erwin told me to do that, OK?” She winked. 

“I am going to punt you into the next century.”

“See, you’re perfect for each other! Both short, both aggressive…and you both have black hair!” 

“Hanji,” she growled in a warning tone as Levi, Farlan, and Isabel reached the entryway. 

“So being a you-know-what,” she muttered pointing up at the sky, “and being in charge of something you’ve never led before, does that make you a…fish out of water?” She bit her lip to keep from snickering. 

Saskia lightly tapped her on the head with the clipboard. “Do you want stable duty?” 

“Does anyone?” 

She shrugged. “Well if it needs to be done then I would gladly-” 

“You need a new hobby!” 

“I have plenty.” 

“Cleaning and paperwork don’t count!” She quickly whispered in Saskia’s ear, “By the way, I saw that.” 

“Saw what?” she asked cautiously. 

“The way you looked at him,” she quietly sang. “You think he’s cute, don’tcha?” 

_A little too observant._ “Stable duty,” she muttered calmly as she undid the top three buttons of her shirt. 

“Aw, c’mon!” she whined. 

“Stable duty,” she repeated. “For a week.” 

“Abuse of authority!” 

“No, abuse of authority would be stable duty for a month. Continue acting this way and such punishment would be warranted.” 

“I’m just doing what Erwin told me.”

“If my brother told you to jump off the wall, would you?” 

“Well that depends. Would there be a net below to catch me?” 

“…I will let you off with a warning only because that was a witty and creative answer.” _‘Still single’ because I intimidate men? Impossible. There is nothing remotely intimidating about me! Not to mention it is difficult to intimidate when one lacks vertically._ She glanced at Levi. _Though he seems to have mastered the art._


	11. The Birth of Cognitive Dissonance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end of volume one, chapter three! After another Saskia chapter we will embark on the expedition :) From there on out Levi and Saskia will both narrate the same chapters but separately; I'll format it to keep anyone from getting confused as to who's saying what. Also, speaking of formatting, the reason I'm not using dividers after a time lapse is because of how short these chapters are. Doesn't seem very necessary since they don't cover a great deal of time.
> 
>  
> 
> Cognitive dissonance- psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously (Merriam-Webster)

**_After you gave the cafeteria staff a vicious tongue lashing they started giving Isabel the recommended diet to help her gain weight. Rather, they stopped deliberately giving her the same shit the rest of us were forced to shovel down except for the officers. When you gave Isabel your food it was much more substantial than what the rest of us had. I didn’t know it at the time but your body was under a great deal of stress thanks to Shardis’ training regimen; you almost came down with vitamin poisoning because he kept forcing you to eat so damn healthy all the time. That aside it didn’t take that little glutton long to start putting on, and keeping, weight so she could catch up to the rest of us. In a matter of days she was on horseback. Still under your watchful eyes. And Erwin’s. I had reached a point where I didn’t know who pissed me off more- the man I rarely if ever saw or the woman who wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. Erwin had that paperwork, or so I thought at the time, and I had no way of getting to him. His lack of presence frustrated me but he was one of the last people I wanted breathing my air. You on the other hand? You wouldn’t shut up. You wouldn’t stop being so serious and yet so amicable at the same time. And you wouldn’t stop smiling. I wanted you to fuck off but if you weren’t around it would’ve been harder for me to get my hands around your pretty little neck and strangle you. I imagined all the different ways I could kill you whenever I had trouble falling asleep, which was often, and strangling was my favorite. Can’t call yourself a ‘master of stealth’ if you can’t keep quiet, can you? You made the cutest faces when asphyxia set in. He pissed me off but you brought out a morbid side of me I thought I had buried long ago. Thanks._  
**

**3 PM, March 17 th, 844, Survey Corps Horseback Training Grounds  
**

“Yahoo!” Isabel cried, galloping about the training grounds as she practiced using 3DMG on horseback. Her ‘war cry’ told all within earshot that Hanji had some role in her training. She veered to the left before propelling forward to the right and when her horse was directly beneath her she gracefully dropped down, landing perfectly into the saddle as the grappling hook snapped back into her gear. She continued flying about the area and landing back onto her horse, laughing gleefully the entire time; her balance and strengthened depth perception made it hard to believe that she had only been using the gear on horseback for a little over a week. 

“That’s good! Yeah!” she congratulated herself as she took the reins again. 

“Wow!” one of her fellow cadets on Flagan’s squad exclaimed, shielding her eyes as she watched the show the redhead was putting on. Though it was only practice Isabel had a habit of making her performance theatrical. The girl ran up the Isabel as she brought the steed to a halt. 

“Well?” she asked with an eager smile. 

“That was impressive!” the other cadet admitted with a hint of reluctance. She, like many others, still had difficulty complimenting the ‘Thug Trio’ on their skills, or even acknowledging them at all. “I didn’t think you would learn to work with a horse so quickly.” 

“Underground, I always got along with animals,” Isabel explained ruffling the mane. “Humans were the worst so…” Her voice trailed off. 

“The Commander and the others, except for the General, speak poorly about those who lived in the underground city. Was it hard to live there? Did you suffer?” 

Isabel blinked in surprise. It was painful to reflect on but the question was innocent and the girl seemed genuinely curious after seeing how Isabel handled the animal and hearing that she had a knack for doing so. “Hmm, yes. I was born and raised in the city. I lived among the garbage, though that’s obvious.” She shivered slightly. “When I was about to die, Big Brother saved me and I became a little better as a person.” 

“Oh, you mean Levi?” her comrade asked with a nervous stutter and turned to a large pile of lumber where Farlan was watching Isabel from. He too had company in the form of another member of Flagan’s squad. 

“Yeah, my brother was the strongest person in the city,” she gloated. 

“Farlan too?” 

“Ahhh, Farlan…” She broke into a sheepish grin, unsure of how to respond. Little did she know that the sandy blond’s conversation paralleled her own. 

“Yes, he basically became it!” he explained enthusiastically. “And thanks to that, our group soon became known. Since then, we have always followed him. It’s not spoken aloud, but Levi has always been considered the leader. We don’t tell him this because we don’t want to burden him.” 

**_It didn’t matter if they voiced it or not. I still knew. And I…I don’t care what you say. I failed. I failed them. It was my fault. The only reason I can accept being called a leader these days is because of you. Had you backed out, left me, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to become the Lance Corporal or lead the Special Ops squad. But instead of backing out you backed me up._**

“So, he’s good?” Sayram asked nervously. 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t pick a fight with him.” 

“Uh oh!” The dark haired cadet jumped up. “Looks like we have to get back to work. Squad Leader Erwin is watching us.” 

Farlan leaned forward and narrowed his eyes to get a better view of the building. “From that room?” he asked, eyes fixed on a window on the very end of the third floor. 

“If we become important, we can also have our own room. Come on. Let’s get back to training.” 

Flagan took his squad to the other side to the open field, where Saskia spent all morning putting up thin wooden statues with large rubber fixtures embedded in the neck area. It was time for a routine Titan slaying practice. But before they could even begin he already started picking a fight with Levi. Holding true to his objective he found a new reason to criticize and belittle Levi every day, this time targeting the way he handled his blades. 

“You’re shit!” He narrowed his eyes at Levi. “You don’t actually hold your weapon like that, right? They aren’t meant to be wielded that way. Do you want to die on your first expedition?” 

**_The only reason I didn’t stab him was because I went to my happy place. And by happy place I mean imagining stabbing you instead._**

“Bastard, soon it will happen to you,” Levi snarled under his breath. 

“What did you say?” 

Levi looked over his shoulder at the angry Squad Leader. “It’s only meant for cutting the back of a Titan’s neck. Let me do what I think is comfortable,” he said coolly. At the far back of the group Farlan let out a heavy sigh of relief, uncrossing his fingers after seeing Levi keep his temper in check. Flagan said nothing, only grunting in annoyance before the cadets were off to tackle the obstacle course set up for their daily training. 

Along the way Levi was earning glares from a cadet who seemed irate at the prospect of losing to him, more specifically losing to someone ‘like him’. Seemingly trying to outdo him he offered to go ahead, surprised when Levi not only agreed but warned him to be careful. Whatever he was trying to do fell to pieces along with his blade as he struck with too much force but no precision. 

**_Whatever that kid was trying to (im)prove, he fucked up._**

Lacking the patience to watch anymore of whatever it was he had watched thus far, Levi barreled forward in a spiral maneuver unseen before save for by those who were present at his capture. He sliced through the rubber neck of the fake Titan without exerting any effort and continued on, knocking down the other cadet in the process. As he regained his balance, standing on the diced rubber while watching Levi continue forward, Flagan watched from a nearby tree and leered. 

**_Needless to say the bastard wasn’t happy that I outshined everyone else by using my own technique. Naturally, he took it out on Isabel. Stable duty for two months. He made up some bullshit story about Isabel having rigged the obstacle course so I could come out on top. Shardis didn’t have time to look into every single issue with a cadet and I highly doubted he had the patience for Flagan’s incessant whining so he allowed it.  
_ **

**12 PM, April 29 th, 844, Horse Stables**

“It’s almost May 17th, it’s almost May 17th, it’s almost May 17th,” Isabel chanted as she brushed down the Commander’s horse. She exhaled deeply and wiped the sweat off of her forehead, stepping out of the stuffy building and into the cool spring breeze. She smiled and closed her eyes as the wind rushed past her, ruffling her red pigtails as her the ends of her unbuttoned jacket flapped behind her. “Almost done with this crap.” She opened her eyes and took a deep breath, getting her second wind. She was about to reenter the warm brick building until she heard two familiar voices nearby, one rambling about Titan physiology and the other challenging every hypothesis presented. 

“Hey, General!” Isabel called waving an arm in the air and the officer whipped her head in the cadet’s direction. She waved goodbye to Hanji, who entered the main building, and approached the redhead. She had a small bouquet of flowers in her hands. 

“Good afternoon Isabel.” 

“Good afternoon, Saskia.” She offered her best salute. 

“Your form is perfect,” she complimented. “That is one of the best salutes I have seen. Did you need something?” 

Isabel pointed at Saskia’s head. “What’s that thing you’re wearing?” 

She crossed her eyes and looked upward. “This? Oh, this is a flower crown. Hanji and I have been working on cleaning up the outside of the building and she suggested a flower garden. We have been tending to it ever since and using the smaller ones to make these crowns.” She took it off of her head and held it out for Isabel to see. 

“Whoa, that’s cool. There aren’t flowers or any plants at all really in the underground. It’s pretty. Can you make me one?” she asked with sparkling eyes. 

“Hm…I could.” She put her crown back on. “Or when you are done here with the stables I can show you. That way you can make some for the boys too. I am certain Levi would look adorable with one. The little blue flowers we have would certainly bring out the color of his eyes.” 

**_When Isabel told me that I almost kicked her in the face. And she wasn’t even the one who said it._**

Isabel giggled and was about to respond until she saw Levi and Farlan heading inside. 

“Isabel, finish up already or you’ll miss lunch,” Levi called. 

“OK! I just need to-” 

“Isabel, let me.” Saskia took off her crown and placed it on Isabel’s head. “Go eat. Oh, by the way, there are magnolias in there,” she winked. “Right here.” She pointed them out and Isabel looked up. “It is almost as if this was made just for you.” 

“Thank you Saskia! You’re the best!” She saluted again and ran off to Levi and Farlan. 

“What the hell is that?” Farlan poked at it and Isabel swatted his hand away. 

“It’s a flower crown and the General gave it to me. She even took over my chores so I could have lunch. She’s the best!” She noticed the disapproving look Levi gave her. “Um, for a member of the Survey Corps that is.” 

“Tch. She’s like a disease. What’s it gonna take to cure you?” Levi flicked Isabel’s forehead. 

“I’m only playing along,” she insisted, wrinkling her nose. 

**_I recognized that look immediately. She was mimicking you. You two already had the same eye color. All she needed to do was grow out her hair, dye it black, and then you would’ve had both a minion and lookalike._**

“Oh yeah, you’re quite the actress alright,” Farlan snorted as they entered the cafeteria line. “Even had me fooled.” 

“Acting is a sophisticated and complex art,” she replied haughtily as she grabbed her tray, taking one step to the right every few seconds as the miserably slow line tried to keep moving along without congestion. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand, Farlan.” 

A brouhaha began to stir up behind them where the other soldiers were eating. The three looked over their shoulders and saw Flagan arguing with Erwin, who was seated across from Shardis. They did their best to pay him no mind, now desensitized to the sound of his shouting and complaining, until they heard a very distinct and startling string of words spew forth from his mouth. 

“I refuse to let them those criminals go on the expedition! For all we know they’ll side with the Titans and try to kill us all!” 

They couldn’t hear Erwin as he was effortlessly maintaining his composure, calmly and quietly responding to the frustrated Squad Leader. This made Levi even more suspicious of him. 

_Is he defending us now too? Wonderful. We’ve made another friend._ He rolled his eyes as his tray was filled with sub-par quality food. Because it was early spring most of the livestock were birthing litters and crops were being planted so there wasn’t much meat or produce available. “Ignore him,” he advised monotonously until he noticed the last person he wanted to see entering the cafeteria, eyeing the situation carefully. 

**_I watched you the entire time, something Isabel quickly mistook for attraction. Farlan was afraid to admit it but I knew he had his suspicions as well. Instead of exploding at him like I expected you to you diffused the situation very calmly. I thought the food had been drugged because there was no in hell you could’ve done that. Not with Flagan. I thought I was hallucinating. After that rat bastard stormed off to go sulk in a corner somewhere you sat down next to Erwin. You glanced over at us and smiled at Isabel. She waved back. Then you turned your attention to Erwin and Shardis. Of course I didn’t know at the time but from your profile I saw a look I had never seen before. That damned smile was still there, hardly to my surprise, but you looked…apprehensive. Reluctant. Nervous. Shardis had just given you an order and you had no choice but to follow through without inhibition or hesitation. That was the conversation where it had been decided, should I pursue Erwin on the expedition, you would kill me.  
_ **

**3 PM, Survey Corps Headquarters, Second Floor  
**

**_I timed it perfectly. Everyone had somewhere else to be except for you, the hermit who would live in her office if given the chance. I heard you approach. I’m sure you knew I was there. You didn’t look at all surprised when I stepped down from the bottom of the staircase just as you passed it and tightly grabbed your upper arm.  
_ **

“I’m only going to say this once, so you better fucking listen,” Levi growled as he tightened his grip. “Stay the hell away from Isabel.” 

Saskia lowered her head slightly, still smiling softly which only served to anger Levi further. She turned to him and in one swift motion twisted her arm out of his grasp and took hold of his own, spinning him around and throwing him face first against the wall. She squeezed his wrist tightly, pressing his folded arm against his back to restrain him. 

“You are a rather audacious individual, Levi. Giving your superior officer an order, insisting that I refrain from interacting with one of the cadets at that. I am afraid that is something I am incapable of doing. If I truly do not pose a threat to you then what is the harm in my interpersonal relationship with her? Not only is it my job to ensure all soldiers remain safe and secure outside the walls, but within as well. I wanted her transition to be as painless as possible considering her age, health concern-” 

“Take that pseudo-compassion and shove it up your ass.” He turned his head and glared at her out of the corner of his eye. 

“Pseudo-compassion? If my compassion is a ruse then that would in fact make me a threat, would it not?” 

**_You had me cornered, literally and metaphorically._**

“Perhaps there has been a slight misunderstanding between you and I. Miscommunications in the military can spell life or death, so I would like us to be on the same page. Despite my behavior towards Isabel, who I have come to adore and treasure, I cannot say I hold any level of sentimentality towards Farlan, nor do I hold any level of sentimentality towards you. I do not trust you.” 

“The feeling is mutual, bitch.” 

“Well I am glad to hear we are in agreement about something though I still think you misunderstand me. I do trust the two of you in the context of your newfound…‘occupation’. Isabel takes the responsibilities of a soldier quite seriously and in noticing that I was reminded of one of the many facets of my personal philosophy regarding the life of a soldier. At the end of the day all soldiers are still human beings. As she opened up to me I came to trust both Cadet Isabel Magnolia as well as Isabel. Because there is still lack of intersectionality I trust Cadet Farlan Church and Cadet Levi Ackermann but I do _not_ trust Farlan and Levi.” He could hear her grinding her teeth in frustration as his hand began to go numb from obstructed circulation. Suddenly she let go, grabbed him by the shoulder, and turned him around. Still pinning him to the wall she added quietly, “But I truly wish I could.” 

**_After you told me about Flagan I remembered that afternoon. And as I recalled that exchange your words hit me like the Armored Titan. It wasn’t because you wanted to enlist in my aid to carry out your plan. You sincerely wanted to trust me enough so that we could work together just as we do now. You didn’t want to follow Shardis’ order. Even if it took awhile for us to get along it didn’t very long for us to trust each other. Why? I can’t say. But I think you’re right. ‘Lonely souls gravitate towards each other because they are able to recognize that wretched commonality and fill in the missing gaps’. And I could see behind that smile was a lonely, isolated little girl who didn’t know up from down unless the Commander explained it to her. You hung on his every word because that’s what your world was limited to. You were abused and exploited to the point where there was hardly anything to you. You had no personality except for that compassionate streak, which I’m convinced is the only reason you never tried to kill yourself. You weren’t just doing your job, you were your job. Though I had Isabel and Farlan, I had always been lonely…just like you. I couldn’t admit to it but after you said that to me there was a brief moment where I secretly wished that you could trust me. Not just for Isabel’s sake but for my own as well._ **


	12. The Birth of Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last solo chapter! From here on out it's Levi and Saskia tag-teaming.
> 
> Never mentioned this before but in canon, Flagan dies (yay!). I'm keeping him alive for reasons alluded to prior and touched upon here. Does the conversation between Erwin and Saskia make a lot of sense? No? Good. It's supposed to be vague, and not just because they know more than we do. Maybe one of them knows more than the other but is keeping it a secret...?

**_Expedition Eve officially began on May 1 st, the expedition having been scheduled for June 1st. I like to give myself an entire month’s time to prepare but that expedition’s preparations proved to be increasingly difficult. I was able to keep up with my work just fine, even lend a hand here and there when needed. After our confrontation in April I noticed Isabel becoming more and more distant but the longing look in her eyes told me she had to force it. On May 17th, when her two months of stable duty finally came to an end, I thought she deserved a chance to celebrate and relax a little. I finished my work even faster than normal that day, but not at the expense of efficiency and issued an order for her to come my office after dinner for an ‘evaluation’. Evaluation was just a fancy was of saying ‘celebration’. When she didn’t show right away I thought it was your doing. I thought correctly.   
_ **

**May 17 th, 844, Saskia’s Office, Evening   
**

“So, am I in trouble?” Isabel asked nervously. Saskia motioned towards her couch and the young cadet sat down. 

“No, not at all. In fact I wanted to give you a chance to take a break from all things Survey Corps related now that your two months of probation has ended.” She peeled a sheet of metallic foil off a small plate on her desk, revealing a slice of chocolate cake. “One of the Superior Team Leaders’ birthday was yesterday so I saved a piece for you. Though I highly doubt anyone would’ve complained about my decisions regarding the trafficking of the cake.” She handed Isabel the plate and a plastic fork. 

Her eyes lit up, mouth watering. “Seriously?! Thank you so much Saskia!” she exclaimed as she reached out, but then hesitated and retracted her hand. “Actually, I shouldn’t. I think I’m allergic to chocolate.” 

“Oh? You didn’t make mention of any allergies during your preliminary medical examination.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause I forgot.” She looked at the ground. “But I remember now.” 

“Did Levi remind you?” she asked leaning back in her chair, setting the cake back down. 

“Whaddya mean by that?” the sprightly cadet asked defensively, frowning slightly. 

“Considering all the time you spend with him I’m certain you know by now how he feels about me. And I don’t know if he told you about a minor confrontation we had a few weeks ago. He warned me to stay away from you without giving any reason why, though I can only assume it’s because he isn’t fond of me.” 

She huffed and looked away. “Something like that. It’s complicated.” 

**_I’m certain that she was referring to Lobov, but only in part. He was a fraction of the complication. The rest was no doubt you.  
_ **

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable sharing. But don’t forget that my door is always open should you need me. For any reason.” 

**_I wanted to tell her. It was heart wrenching to see her sitting there, confused and anxious, not knowing she was the target of Flagan’s plan. Looking back the image is even more upsetting…The bastard succeeded._**

Isabel nodded slowly and faced Saskia. “OK, yeah, actually, there is something on my mind. You don’t judge us or call us the ‘Thug Trio’ like everyone else. You’re always nice to me and I know you try to be nice to Farlan and Levi. I know he doesn’t like you as a General, as a member of the Survey Corps. But as a person?” She shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

_If I can get her to confess that Lobov commissioned the three of them to steal those documents from Erwin, I can easily argue in their defense using Flagan’s track record. The numbers don’t lie. It’s quite convenient that Erwin managed to find them when he did._ For a split second Saskia found it almost too convenient but quickly shook the thought away. “I don’t expect everyone to get along here. But I do trust the three of you as my comrades. You’re the only one I feel I can trust beyond the uniform.” _Isabel, forgive me for manipulating you like this. It’s for your own good._

**_Erwin didn’t want to believe it, or even hear it, but I wasn’t using her. He hoped that I would remain detached and use her adoration of me to squeeze the truth out but I refused. I felt that the only way to save her was to know her, to be attached. That was something I didn’t have with you and Farlan, and that scared me. Our trust issues aside I didn’t want to lose you, neither as a soldier or a human being. A very cocky, pretentious, aggressive human being who I have come to treasure more than anyone else in this world.  
_ **

“Oh, well, thank you,” she muttered shifting awkwardly making Saskia grimace, guilt beginning to gnaw away at her. 

“The expedition isn’t far off now. Enjoy the cake, relax tonight, and use the time that’s left to prepare.” She gave her the cake again, this time the gift being accepted. “And no matter what do _not_ listen to anything Flagan tells you. You’re strong. Stronger than you realize. He likes to play favorites and if you don’t fit the bill then he’s quick to cast you aside and treat you as though you are absolutely worthless. It isn’t just because you’re from the underground-” _Damn._ Both her internal and external monologues were cut short by the sound of Erwin’s footsteps approaching. 

Isabel nodded as she began shoveling cake into her mouth. “OK. Gank ooh foh da cag (Thank you for the cake).” She swallowed. “Is there anything I need to know about Titan territory that Flagan hasn’t told me?” 

“That it’s possible for you to survive,” she replied firmly. 

**_Possible. But I was too late. I couldn’t save her._**

“He definitely hasn’t said anything about that,” she replied laughing it off as she rose, finishing the confection. She tossed the paper plate and plastic fork in the trash bin by Saskia’s desk and was about to make a parting salute until she noticed something strange occupying the edge of her desk. 

“When did you put that there?” Isabel pointed at the translucent green vase full of magnolias from the garden she and Hanji tended. 

“Once they bloomed. Perhaps I have a slight bias but I think that they’re the prettiest.” 

“Even prettier than roses?” 

Saskia scoffed. “Roses. Hackneyed, cliché. I can’t say I’m very fond of the orthodox.” 

She nodded and wiped the crumbs off of her lips and cheeks with the back of her hand. “So if a guy ever gives me roses I should tell him to be more original and kick his ass to the curb. Got it!” She gave a wink and a thumbs up. Saskia chuckled softly as a heavy knock assaulted her office door. 

_He’s going to leave an indent again…_ “Name and business.” 

“Can’t you recognize me by the knock?” 

“Of course I can. Come in Erwin. Isabel, I need to speak with him in private but I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” 

“Yeah, of course. G’night!” She happily skipped out of the office, waltzing past Erwin, and sticking out her tongue at him once his back was to her. Saskia caught a glimpse right before the door closed and put the back of her hand to her mouth. 

“She seems to be in high spirits. And so do you.” Erwin took the spot Isabel had been sitting in. “I wasn’t expecting that as you were so reluctant to get any information out of her.” 

“That’s because I didn’t,” she said coolly. “And not due to failure. I refuse to take advantage of her.” 

He raised an eyebrow at her, puzzled by the noticeable change in her diction. She gave him a curious and expectant look. “It’s nothing. I just noticed that your manner of speaking is a little different.” 

“Perhaps Isabel has been a positive influence on me, and I her.” 

“Saskia, we already took the real documents to Zackley. Months ago in fact. They are not a concern. The concern is Flagan.” 

“Not at their expense,” she said sharply. “Follow Levi in case he tries to kill you? Who is commissioning who for murder now? Honestly, he was no better than Lobov when…” Her voice trailed off. _That’s a grossly unfair comparison. The Commander has his reasons. He always does._ “Never mind. Forget I brought the Commander up.” 

“His entire squad is bait, but those three are particularly important. If they die we the only link we have between him and Lobov. We have the records to show that large amounts of our funding have ‘disappeared’ and we’ve already established that he is funneling them to the Military Police while Lobov tries to cut off our funding permanently. Lobov can’t do that without the vital information in that paperwork. They need to be kept safe and monitored, but it will be hard to get them to cooperate if they will not be honest with us. If you can make the girl talk surely Levi will have no choice but to elaborate.” 

“Hm, surely. But I don’t want to resort to methods such as manipulation. If we expect them to be honest we need to gain their trust. Trust isn’t gained through manipulation Erwin, that’s how trust is lost.” 

“What other choice do we have? As it stands Flagan will surely discard Church and Magnolia with the knowledge that Levi, being their leader, will pursue me and the documents he believes that I’ll have on my person. When he finds they are fake he will try to kill me, I’m certain of that. In doing so he exposes his true motivations and Flagan can claim innocence. So even if they don’t get the papers for Lobov, Flagan will still be able to continue his ‘mechanistic dehumanization’. Those three are the link-” 

“I heard you the first time! Do not lecture me about mechanistic dehumanization. ‘Part of the reform’…Reform of what? If people like Flagan can work their way up in the ranks then the Survey Corps is…” She gulped. “We’re doomed.” 

“Then get a confession out of them. We can use Levi’s skill-” 

“For someone so insistent on keeping that man away from me, you certainly talk about him a great deal. Is there something you haven’t told me, hm? The real reason you refuse to have a girlfriend, maybe?” She fought a smirk. “And what’s this about ‘using’ his skill?” 

“Fine, utilizing. Better? Not ‘using’ him like he’s our plaything but adding him to our arsenal, which grows weaker by the day. If Flagan is able to continue siphoning our money to the Military Police…” 

**_I began to tune Erwin out. I still haven’t figured out how he knew that you, Farlan, and Isabel had been approached by Nicholas Lobov to take those documents from us. Rumors were flying left and right about people in the underground using 3DMG illegally purchased from the more corrupt members of the MP, which certainly warranted investigation. But why you three? He was very insistent on getting you and keeping you. I always felt like there were pieces missing or something that I wasn’t informed of. Maybe Shardis told him something. It doesn’t matter now though.  
_ **

Another pointless conversation ended with another pointless argument and they were back to where they had started from. Saskia was more concerned with Levi, Isabel, and Farlan whereas Erwin wanted to focus on Flagan. This was one of the rare occasions where an ‘agree to disagree’ wasn’t sufficient enough. Even though Hanji was acting as their informant they couldn’t allow her to know everything; Saskia didn’t want her to become tangled in something that proved too much for a cadet to handle and Erwin didn’t deem it necessary. A grand majority of evenings before the expedition followed this tired format until they were finally able to make a compromise- do what the Survey Corps excelled at and work impromptu. Expeditions alone were unpredictable and volatile; to try and apply a firmly structured plan and expect fate to favor them during the duration of the time outside the walls was both illogical and suicidal. 

**_Expedition Eve ended and I couldn’t sleep the night before. That had never been a problem for me. Nights before expeditions are usually the nights I sleep most soundly.  
_ **

**May 31 st, Near Midnight, Saskia’s Room   
**

The General had never been the religious type but she was certainly a spiritual person, investing much of her faith in the natural world and its phenomena. But she never bothered to consider the moving force behind it all. Unable to think of any other way to ease her mind she knelt at her bedside and clasped her hands together. 

“If there a God, a Goddess, _something_ beyond human, then I have but one request,” she whispered into the night air, squeezing her eyes tight. “Keep Isabel safe. The rest will take care of itself, I will see to it. So many innocent lives have been lost beyond the granite horizon but if you really are as omniscient as I’ve heard then I don’t need to tell you she’s special. I am literally on my hands and knees begging you. I’ve never asked for anything before and I swear I’ll never ask for anything again. But for the first time in my twenty-two years I don’t feel strong enough that I can protect everyone. Please…don’t let Isabel die.” 

**_In a matter of days I would come to realize that I’m an atheist._ **


	13. The Birth of Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I wasn't able to fix the formatting problem or get any feedback on how to differentiate between Levi and Saskia, I'm gonna hope that context clues will be enough for now or that someone can give me a suggestion. Their blurbs will be in one full paragraph though, so one following another means switching from one to the other. Until then, this chapter covers all of volume one, chapter four.
> 
> Btw, action scenes aren't my forte so I apologize for what I'm about to subject you to.

**June 1 st, 844, Shiganshina, Wall Maria Southern Gate**

**_I always found it interesting how before embarking the people would cheer for us, shouting words of praise and encouragement for our bravery and sacrifices. But Heaven forbid we return looking as though we were caught in a war zone!  
_**

**_We left headquarters very early in the morning. The only time you’ll ever get you lazy ass out of bed early is when we’re getting ready to leave for an expedition. While the cadets were busy puking, fainting, and shitting themselves you were running around like a squirrel on cocaine. This was the first time I had seen you using your authority to the fullest extent. Not enough provisions in the supply carts three hours before departure? Tongue lashing. Saddles not on every horse, placed by the respective owners, cadets and officers alike? Tongue lashing. I almost pitied anyone who had to face your wrath if you sniffed out what you deemed an insufficient amount of medical equipment in the carts…four hours before departure. You’re nowhere near as rigid about the timing now. Last I recall you give a two-and-a-half hour grace period before departure. Usually. It was pretty comical watching you running all over the place screaming your head off at everyone. And the cadets think I’m evil incarnate…  
_ **

Serpentine columns of soldiers on horseback, a few walking beside their horses, left the Survey Corps Headquarters at zero seven hundred. Officers were up before the sun while cadets were expected to be out of bed and in uniform no later than zero five hundred. Any stragglers were subjected to a very loud awakening from the ironically nicknamed Silent Knife, who took it upon herself to keep the entire preparation process running as smoothly and efficiently as humanly possible. Considering how little sleep she generally got many assumed she was running on pure adrenaline as she refused to consume caffeine before departure for fear that potential jitters later on would interfere with her ability to handle her blades.

Saskia held up the rear and slowly worked her way towards the front of the battalion before they reached the Wall Rose gate to keep an eye out for any unsavory behavior or circumstances that needed correction before they entered Wall Maria. By the end of her inspection she was situated by the Commander’s side where she would remain until he gave her orders to relocate. She was expected to understand exactly what it was he was asking of her when issuing such a vague, one word order but she proved to be a quick study after learning what the punishment was for anything less than ‘perfect’.

Isabel watched curiously as Saskia strode past them, her green cape giving a regal appearance as it gently fluttered behind her. Noticing how she was marveling at the majestic sight, Levi wished he was within arm’s reach to punch her. Whether it was Isabel or Saskia he took more issue with however he couldn’t say and merely clicked his tongue in annoyance. _You’re no different than the rest of them_ , he mentally scowled. _Acting so high and mighty…Who are you trying to fool with that angelic façade of yours?_ Her question about pseudo-compassion making her a legitimate threat to him ran through his mind. Truth is she was a threat, something he came to learn over the course of the past three months. What’s worse, he also learned that the two of them weren’t all that different which may have explained why Isabel idolized her so much; she was female equivalent of Levi insofar as serving a role model for the puckish adolescent.

Once she reached Shardis’ side she gave him a single nod to confirm that all was in order and they passed through from Wall Rose to Wall Maria, civilians crowding the streets to see them off and give their best regards to their loved ones in uniform. When they reached the southern gate in Shiganshina she strained her eyes to see Isabel but her search was interrupted by a loud sound to the right.

“Open the gate!” Shardis shouted to the Garrison soldiers. “OPEN THE GATE!”

The stone structure before them began to rumble like a tremor of the earth, startling the horses as it made its gradual ascent. The wait between the order to open the gate and when it reached the top was the most anxiety-inducing moment. Minds were flooded with second thoughts, doubts, prayers, and on very rare occasions some would faint from the overwhelming anticipation.

“TODAY WE WILL AGAIN TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD!” the Commander’s voice boomed over the sound of the rising gate. “LET’S SEE WHAT YOUR TRAINING HAS TAUGHT YOU! SHOW THEM THE STRENGTH OF HUMANITY!”

“I have every intention of doing so,” Saskia whispered to herself.

“ALL SOLDIERS…ADVANCE!” Shardis kicked his steed and it bucked before flying off into the open terrain. The rest of the Survey Corps followed suit and mentally prepared themselves to the best of their ability for the danger that awaited them in Titan territory.

“Hey…Now would be a good time…someone…No way. Someone tell me this is all a lie,” Farlan muttered to himself in disbelief as the rows positioned before him began to take off.

“Yeah.” Levi tightened his grip on the reigns before his horse took off. “It sounds like some made up story. A few thugs from the underground going out beyond the walls.”

**_The stalactites in the gate’s tunnel looked disgustingly familiar. What I saw next compensated for that dull ache of uncomfortable nostalgia. I never truly appreciated the freedom the world beyond the walls offered until…that night with you. But you never forget your first, or so they say, and that first glimpse of beautifully volatile open land was surreal.  
_ **

“Amazing!” Farlan exclaimed.

“Wow!” Isabel cried.

“Yeah,” Levi quietly agreed. “Not bad.”

The sandy blond’s mood quickly soured. “This is the worst,” he sighed. “We actually went outside the walls. According to our plans, we were supposed to have those documents by now, but…where is that Erwin guy hiding it…?”

“The obnoxious little General has a big enough mouth,” Levi remarked. “Maybe she stuffed them down her throat. Shame she didn’t choke. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the Titans.”

“Levi even you can’t handle all of them-” **  
**

“Do you not trust me?” the eldest snapped, sending a slight leer in Farlan’s direction.

“No, that’s not what I meant to say…” he said shrinking back slightly.

**_That should’ve been what he meant. He shouldn’t have trusted me.  
_ **

“Hehehe, Farlan’s scared!” Isabel mocked with a smirk.

“Hey! Who’s scared?!”

“Just leave it to me, Farlan! I’ll kick those Titans’ asses, one by one.”

“Listen here you-”

“QUIT SCREWING AROUND!” Sayram yelled from behind them. “The Titans aren’t the easy prey you think they are! Do you have any idea how many excellent soldiers have been devoured by the Titans? You thugs from the underground…you’re getting too cocky!”

Isabel started to fall back until they her horse was next to his. “Hey. When I take down a Titan it’s gonna mean those guys are less than some thug.”

“Wh-what did you just say?! You…” he seethed, anger drowning his vocabulary. He was about to ram his horse into hers until Levi drew back and rode between them.

“You bastards…”

 _How creative_ , Levi thought with a roll of his eyes.

“KNOCK IT OFF, SAYRAM!” Flagan ordered from the far right.

“But Squad Leader-”

“CALM DOWN! For now, remain in the new formation that was practiced! We don’t know when the Titans will appear, so don’t break formation!”

**_It looked like it physically pained Flagan to issue an order that meant keeping his squad safe._ **

“Once they actually fight real Titans they’ll change their tune. There’s a difference between practice and the real thing, after all,” he added condescendingly.

 _Someone’s getting an early start on the patronizing. Must be so afraid that he’ll get eaten that he’s getting in his jabs at quick as possible._ After hearing the commotion after the front of the formation Levi wondered if he jinxed them.

“TITAN SIGHTED!” Shardis boomed as the mindless humanoid bloodthirsty beast meandered its way out from the forest they were nearing. “A FIFTEN METER CLASS ON THE LEFT SIDE COMING FROM THE FOREST!”

“IT’S COMING RIGHT THIS WAY!” one of the squad leaders behind him exclaimed.

“It’s close…Getting past it is impossible on horse…THEN WE’LL STOP AND FIGHT! THE ADVANCE GUARD, COME WITH ME! ALL OTHERS CONTINUE ON TO THE DESTINATION! HURRY! DON’T LET IT LEAVE THE FOREST! SWITCHING TO 3D GEAR IS OUR BEST SHOT!”

**_Then instinct took over._ **

As the advance guard veered to the left into the forest Saskia began to slow down, brow furrowing. She snapped her head to the left, eyes carefully and quickly darting about until she noticed a shadow emerging. “COMMANDER, ANOTHER TITAN APPEARED!” she shouted to the front. “TWENTY METER CLASS!”

“WE’LL DISTRACT IT! YOU KILL THIS ONE AND REGROUP!” She nodded and sped past them towards her target in a black and green blur. “REAR GUARD! PICK UP YOUR SPEED AND SHAKE IT OFF!” he shouted over his shoulder before turning back the rest of the advance guard. “LEAD IT INTO THE FOREST!”

“HEY DUMBASS, THIS WAY!”

“WAIT, WHAT’S WRONG?”

“IT’S NOT FOLLOWING THIS WAY!”

“Shit…” one of the advance guard breathed. “It’s no use…This one’s…A DEVIANT!”

“IT’S HEADING RIGHT FOR US!” someone in the rear guard shouted.

“IT’S NO GOOD, THE SQUAD IS SCATTERING!”

“THERE’S AN EMPTY SPACE AROUND THE SUPPLY CART!”

“FLAGAN’S SQUAD! CLOSE THE DISTANCE AND DEFEND WITH YOUR LIFE!” Shardis looked forward. “WHERE THE HELL IS THE GENERAL?!” His answer came in the form of a cacophony of collapsing Titan bodies within the forest, some dragging the trees down with them. There were more inside and she was fighting them by herself to keep them from exiting and going for the soldiers. Erwin cast a disdainful look at the distracted Commander; if two already came from the forest it was plausible that there were more within, all sorts of classes within the wooded area, and yet Shardis sent Saskia inside by herself to kill them all.

**_I’m sure Erwin was glaring at Shardis after he starting wondering where I was. He’s never been the sort to hold me back. When I began using 3D gear he was in the midst of puberty. Having far more experience than him he never questioned what I was capable of. He’s the very reason I’m an officer! But that didn’t stop him from getting agitated when Shardis ordered me to enter such dangerous situations. That’s not to say he himself goes easy on me. Keeping the professional and the private life separate has never been easy for him. You’ll be fed to a Titan if he finds out you took both my virginity and my innocence simultaneously. I’ll be fed to a Titan if he finds out it was my idea.  
_ **

“DON’T LET THE TITAN GET NEAR THE SUPPLY WAGON!” Flagan shouted. Three seasoned members of his squad hooked into the deviant, one in each shoulder blade and the third in its left clavicle. The latter of the three was grabbed and the deviant stopped moving, his comrades unaware that he was being grinded down to an unrecognizable pile of tendons, muscles, and shattered bones until they saw the sides of neck expand as the esophagus muscles pushed the remains down. They took its stationary position as an opportunity to slice through its weak spot only to meet the same fate as the first.

“What is up with this huge thing?” Levi mused as a human head hit the ground and rolled towards him. Isabel and Farlan stared in silent, fascinated terror.

“Shit! It’s started running again!” Flagan exclaimed exasperatedly. He hesitated, trying to formulate a plan, but there was no time. The Survey Corps was notorious for many things, winging it being one of them (a joke used in times of victory because of their emblem). “Sayram, follow me!”

“Yes sir!”

Flagan noticed Levi turning to the left, effectively cutting them off and moving closer to the deviant. “You…what do you plan on doing?”

“Weren’t you the one saying Titans aren’t that sweet?” he replied monotonously. “In that case, don’t go off trying to fight them by licking them.” _Is that little shit of a General still in the forest?...And there’s another thud. Alright you pretentious brat, I’ll admit I’m impressed. Impressed that you’re still alive, not that you’re still fighting. Can’t wait to see the terrible condition you’ll be in once you get out of there.  
_

**_It’s true. At the time I was hoping to see you come out with a limb or two missing. I…forgot just how much I hated you. Of course the real reason I hated you was because I couldn’t bring myself to accept that I was slowly growing fond of you. Which made me hate you even more.  
_ **

“Isabel! Farlan! Let’s go!”

“Damn it! I’d rather go back to drinking sewer water than dealing with this guy!”

“Farlan, stop being so scared and get it together!”

**_Isabel was brave, I would never deny that. But this was a little much, even for her. It was genuine though. It occurred to me that you were likely within earshot or able to see us and she wanted…She didn’t want to impress you. She wanted you to be proud of her._ **

“Wa-wait you three!” Flagan barked from behind them but he was easily ignored as usual.

“The way it was swinging its arms will be troublesome.” Levi’s gray-blue eyes with overflowing with fierce determination. “But this time I plan to stop that Titan dead in its tracks. I’ll draw the Titan’s attention by hooking into it.” He looked over his shoulder and began to advance. “You guys break its knees and cut off its mobility, alright?”

“Easy-peasy!”

“Yeah, yeah, got it.”

**_While I continued hacking and slashing away at the horde in the forest I heard your plan. I wasn’t surprised that Flagan could think of nothing more than to take it head on; how else would he be able to endanger his squad to weed out the weak? Though the steam from the evanescing bodies was slightly inhibiting my vision I caught a brief glimpse of you riding ahead of them before a Titan almost caught me. It was the first time I ever lost my concentration. It was also the first time I saw you working in a team…out of your own free will, that is to say. Not only that but you led the way without hesitation. And instead of your usual cocky attitude which I’ve come to adore…somehow…you were confident. You were fearless._ **

“He’s taking a risk,” Saskia whispered, wiping the warm evaporating blood from her cheek as she leapt from branch to branch, taunting the small class Titans beneath her. “But riding on hope.” A flurry of green and black cascaded down to the eager horde below and pounced from neck to neck like a newborn kitten clawing its way through a pack of rabid dogs. As she gracefully landed on the ground, catching her breath before sprinting off to tackle another twenty meter her smile broadened. “Welcome to the family, Cadet Ackermann.”

Levi rode up next to the Titan’s right leg and jumped to his feet, releasing a hook that buried itself deep in the middle of the lumbar curve. Blades out, he let the gear fling him in the direction of his target, releasing the second hook to secure his position as he thrust the blades into its flesh.

“DO IT NOW!” he shouted down to Isabel and Farlan.

Isabel swiftly pulled out her blades. “Let’s go Farlan!” she ordered propelling forward.

“Ah man, it’s inevitable! We have to!” With a wince he released a hook and followed right behind her. As their gear made contact with the posterior they flew in between its legs, releasing one more time into upper thigh. Both spun downwards in a perfect one-hundred eighty degree semi-circle, slicing into the creature’s knees. With its muscles lacerated Levi was able to propel upward above the Titan as it fell to the ground. After flipping backwards in midair he crashed down onto the neck and carved through the nape, steaming red liquid spraying out from the vicious cut like a gentle spring rain.

**_The look on Flagan’s face was fucking hilarious after he bore witness to history in the making, the first kill of ‘Humanity’s Strongest’.  
_ **

“That was awesome Big Bro!” Isabel cheered.

He nodded slowly as he caught his breath. “You guys did well too.” _Under different circumstances I could see myself making a habit out of this._

Erwin was watching from nearby, too stunned to speak. He was so amazed by what he had just seen that he completely forgot why he was waiting proximal to where the last crashing sound in the forest originated from. A soft whistle echoed and he looked forward to see Iolana bolting towards him. Saskia jumped down from one of the branches jutting out from the woods, landing into a tuck and roll before springing to her feet. She wiped the sweat off of her forehead and caught her breath. “The forest is clear,” she reported. “It appears the situation here has been taken care of. Time to re-assume formation.”

He cleared his throat and she gave him a puzzled look. “You’re forgetting something, General.”

“Hm? I am?” She inspected herself. “I still have all of my blades…”

He exhaled slowly to maintain his patience, something only a younger sibling could drain from the ever composed and serious Squad Leader. “Your horse.”

“Ah, yes, right.” She hopped onto her steed and waved forward, signaling to the scattered soldiers to reassemble the interrupted formation. She glanced at Erwin and nodded towards where the advance guard was positioned. “Give me a moment. I will regroup shortly.”

“Yes ma’am.” Only outside the walls would they address each other exclusively with formalities.

She rode up to Isabel, who was doing a victory dance. “Cadet.”

The redhead spun around to face her and saluted with such enthusiasm she accidentally punched herself in the chest and lower back. “Yes ma’am!”

“You did well for your first kill. The effort you invested into improving your health and combat prowess is stunning, especially for one who was forced to under such a tight time constraint.”

She gave a toothy grin. “Well, I did have a great teacher.”

“I do not take to flattery, you know that.”

“Oh it wasn’t flattery, General. I was implying that Flagan sucks at his job.”

Saskia curled her lips into a thin line. _I am the General, I am the General, I will refrain from laughter, outside the walls I am the General and only the General, I will refrain from laughter._

**_Had I laughed I think I would’ve fallen off of Iolana.  
_ **

Shooting a warm smile in the direction of the squad leader she coolly replied, “Intersubjectivity is beautiful, is it not?” Ignoring Flagan’s grumbling she looked to Levi as he mounted his horse.

“What are you staring at?”

“The sophomoric soldier whom everyone has thus far believed to be incapable of teamwork. That was very well executed.” She peered at the collapsed steaming skeleton out of the corner of her eye. “No pun intended.”

“Tch. Flattery doesn’t work on me either.”

“While not mutually exclusive there is a difference between flattery and honesty. Thank you for affirming my trust in you, cadet. Even if that was not your intention.”

“You were the last thing on my mind. You weren’t even on my mind.”

**_Utter bullshit. I was interested to know about what crimes against inhumanity you committed in the forest. The endless crashing sounds, though slightly distracting, were reassuring. It was comforting to know that someone out there knew what the hell they were doing and didn’t need to rely on anyone else to get it done. And how the hell you managed to do it in the first place. I had yet to see the legendary Silent Knife in action.  
_ **

**_If there’s one thing I can say that I envy Flagan for it’s being able to watch the beginning of a legacy. Your legacy. After I came out of the forest I was relieved to see Isabel was safe, impressed by your work, but I was also terrified. There was no reason Flagan wouldn’t want to get his hands on you now. Had I been able I would’ve maimed him and left him barely alive but completely immobile in the forest, lying atop whatever remained of the Titans I piled up in there. It’s only fitting that monsters rot with other monsters.  
_ **

“If you must actively remind yourself that I am of no concern, does not mean you are in all actuality thinking of me at all times?” She tugged at Iolana’s reigns and sped back to the advance guard before he could give a rebuttal, not that he had one to offer.

“How is she in one piece?” Farlan scratched his head. “Or…did we just encounter a ghost? She was killing Titans in there, right?”

“I hope that when I grow up I can be as badass as her.”

“Tch. Then I hope you never grow up.”

“Levi.” Farlan approached him and the three held up the rear of the squad to remain out of earshort. “What if she has the documents?” he asked quietly. “She just killed…she just killed an entire ‘army’ of Titans **by herself**. And she had no noticeable injuries. Think of what she could do to a human.”

Levi remembered their first confrontation and how she had him pinned against the wall in the blink of an eye. He couldn’t deny she was strong, quick, and had impressive endurance. If Saskia was carrying the papers retrieving them would border on impossible. She was too perceptive. “If that’s the case…I’ll deal with her. You might be right. Acting like a sweetheart to shirk suspicion onto Erwin. You continue on with the plan as it is, just in case he has them. Isabel, she trusts you, which is very unfortunate for her. Think you can try and get some information out of her without making her suspicious of your true intent?”

“…I don’t know…”

“For fuck’s sake, she’s not worth crying over.”

“I’m not crying! I just don’t like the direction this is taking. I thought we were trying to get away from the life we had in the underground. But-”

“Can you think of any other way? No. Because that life is all you know. Keep playing adoring fan and you might be able to choke something out of her.”

“But Levi-”

“Isabel, who’s side are you on?!” Farlan hissed. “If she knew what we were up to she would do everything she did to those Titans to us, and then some. Did you ever think of that? That she would kill you if she knew the truth?”

Isabel shuddered. “No…I hadn’t…”

“Tch. If the thought alone is enough to make you hyperventilate then don’t bother. Farlan and I will take care of it…”

“Don’t try to guilt trip me!”

“I don’t need to try,” Levi said sharply. “I already know it’s working.”

“So what happens after they die, huh? They’ll know exactly who to pin it on and it’s a lot harder to hide in the big cities ya know. Or are you just that obsessed with getting revenge that you didn’t even that part out? Of course not. Because that’s the only life you know. Well we’re not in the underground anymore so getting away with murder isn’t as easy as hiding the evidence and bribing or threatening the witnesses. Go ahead and steal the papers. But do they have to die? What’ll that accomplish? Will it heal your wounded pride? Is that what this whole thing is about? For the first time in my whole life I feel completely safe and I don’t have to worry about waking up not knowing whether or not I’ll be able to eat for a day. You wanted a chance at a better life outside the underground, didn’t you? Well we have that now. But you’ve been too busy being an argumentative, dictatorial, confrontational jackass to realize that. What’s waiting for us in Sina, huh? Nothing. Because life in the underground is all we know. And we can use what we learned in that hellhole here, in the Survey Corps. What’s wrong with staying in Rose? We did a great job together, killing that Titan. So if you…if you’re really going to try and kill General Saskia…” Isabel gulped and took a deep breath, green eyes burning with a fierce rage. “Then I’ll tell her everything. I’ll even turn myself in. I told another girl on our squad that you helped make me a better person. But you’re a totally different person now, and definitely not the kinda person who could make someone else a better person.”

“Isab-”

“No, you shut up and let me finish Farlan. When was the last time you found yourself wondering if you would survive the week? The day? I haven’t worried about that since March-ish. Look, that Lobov guy has a beef with the Survey Corps, right? So why do we have to be his puppets to get a better life? We already have one! And if we turn him in we can keep that life without having to worry about any sort of retaliation. He’s been trying to get rid of the Survey Corps for years. YEARS. I heard that General Saskia told him off when once but she did it so eloquently that she convinced a bunch of nobles not to cut our- the Survey Corps’ funding. So let’s turn in Lobov instead, confess, and I **know** the General would defend us. She’s been doing it from the beginning, and while I like to think I can take care of myself it’s nice to know that I have like her on my side. Someone who isn’t obsessed with revenge and doesn’t let her anger control her and thinks about other people and their happiness without expecting anything in return. She doesn’t only think about herself. And ever since we came here the two of you have been ‘papers this’, ‘kill Saskia and Erwin that’. I barely recognize you two anymore. Same on the outside but the inside…I don’t even want to think about what this whole ‘plan’ of yours has done to you on the inside. But I do know that I want no part in it because I have all I need, and I have her to thank for that. So if you wanna get to her…” She narrowed her eyes. “You have to go through me first.”

**_The scary thing? She meant it. And her argument made perfect sense. Even if I didn’t know for sure at the time that you would’ve defended us if we confessed everything we knew, the potential positive outcome would’ve been much better than going through with the plan we already had. That’s all it was. A plan. There was no guarantee that we would get anything out of it. Everything I wanted to give them, to get for myself, it was already there. Even though she brought that to my attention, even though I followed her logic, my pride did get in the way. It would continue to get in the way until…You already know. But I was too afraid to back out. I was too afraid to admit I was wrong.  
_ **

In the advance guard Saskia did her best to hide it but she looked visibly shaken. Shardis didn’t notice, only paying any mind to her when he needed her to carry out a task for him. She rode close to Erwin out of subconscious need for comfort. Her concentration had been broken for the first time and the guilt was weighing on her. She was the General, the first and the last according to Erwin, and obligated to be the perfect soldier according to Shardis. But if taking delight in seeing Levi cooperate with others out of his own volition, lead the fray, and slay one Titan was enough to distract her she feared how she would react later on when they encountered multiple Titans.

 _If he pursues Erwin then I must kill him. It is a direct order from the Commander. Why am I so crestfallen over the prospect? It is my duty to protect my comrades and that extends to Erwin. But…I feel that I can trust Levi. I know I can. Out in Titan territory I know I can trust him._ Her shoulders dropped and her eyes became hazy with confusion. _This is why I swore never to become close to any specific soldier, only be open to them all._ She glanced at Erwin out of the corner of her eye. _Thus far I have made only one exception to that vow, and despite our sibling spats and conflicting views in a professional context he has always supported me and I him. But what I feel for Levi is…_ She gulped, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. _If anything happened to Isabel I do not know how I would react. And should I find myself in a position where I need to kill Levi…Can I do it? I know I will, as I have to, but can I?_ She shivered at the thought. _I need to shed these feelings. I have a responsibility. If the death of one man secures the future of humanity then so be it. Even if that man is…someone who could secure humanity’s future if shown that path is available to him._ She grit her teeth and tightened her grip on Iolana’s reigns. _Why is he causing me to question the Commander? What…what is so damn special about him? Why do I care about his well-being? To hell with Erwin’s asinine concerns, there is no attraction. But there…is an…attachment. Why? Who is he? What is it that I see in him? What is the source of this magnetism?_... _Who in the hell is he?!_

She felt her lower lip begin to quiver and her heart rate escalate. This was not only a first for her in terms of placement on the emotional spectrum but the experience of such strong emotions altogether. If there was one thing that Shardis had firmly drilled into her mind as soon as she was capable of understanding language it was that there was no place outside the walls for emotion; that was not a luxury she was permitted to. Though she tried to push the thought out of her head having to do so was no different than the accusation she threw at Levi. The more she actively forced herself to deny her right to emotional attachment or placing him in such a context the more it served as an affirmation of how strong her attachment to him was, as well as her growing fascination. Try as she might to expunge him from her brain, the thought of him alone triggered a powerful and alien reaction from another organ nestled safely behind her ribcage. These feelings were a first for her and though she couldn’t identify them properly she could identify the physiological toll they took on her, delivered in the form of another first- anxiety attacks outside of the walls. Saskia Messmann was invading General Saskia’s mental and geographical territory. _  
_

**_I had completely forgotten about that. How I felt. Torn. My world, my narrow and sheltered world was expanding. You were forcefully yanking me out those boundaries. I started to question my role as a soldier, my loyalty to the Commander, my obligations to humanity, and why I became so inexplicably attached to you despite still being a little fearful of you. I was angry about the fact that I cared. Hard to believe considering how I damn near smother you now. Whether or not I was becoming attracted to you at the time, I can’t say. Attached though? Absolutely. I don’t know what triggered it but does it need an explanation? I don’t think so. At the time I did wish for one because of my internal crisis. But I don’t need one now. You’re still here. There is still someone for me to be attached to. That loyalty, unspoken promise of permanence, is more than enough for me. Loyalty is something you place great value in and after seeing you do so on such an interpersonal, intimate level…Maybe that was the cause of my concerns. Knowing you had the potential to subject me to the same treatment and did so with minimal effort. We both needed each other whether we knew it or not, liked it or not. And that gravitation was tearing apart the separate lives we had comfortably led up to that point. There was nothing comfortable about continuing to lead a life I was calling into question._ **


	14. The Birth of Inspiration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This covers volume 2 chapter 5.
> 
> REQUEST- Please don't look up the meaning of Saskia's name as it's highly plot relevant and it'll spoil a big surprise! If you already know, keep it to yourself. Thanks ;)

**Titan Territory, Early Evening**

The sun made its steady descent beneath the horizon not long before they reached their haven for the night, a Survey Corps base established around 790. Having been located so close to the walls it was the easiest to maintain and as such had remained stable longer than any other; most didn’t stand to see their fifth year due to weather conditions and the age of the buildings. Upon arrival they tied their horses to the makeshift outdoor stable and took water and feed out from the supply carts. As she tied Iolana’s reigns Saskia tilted her head up and inhaled the sweet smell of fresh air, untainted by pollutants generated by human activity. As she opened her eyes she caught hint of a faint spark in the gathering darkness overheard and she radiated an exuberance only Erwin and Hanji had seen before. While she had always been adept at shutting down her emotional self, up until now, she failed drastically at hiding the invigoration the glimpse of starlight instilled in her. The skies were clearer beyond the walls making the stars appear brighter. 

_Our guiding lights. This is dangerous land for mere humans to trek._ She reached up and scratched Iolana affectionately behind the ear. _But this is still our land. And the stars, in all their brilliance, serve as a reminder that this world is ours. In the so-called safety of the walls they are hard to see. However…in open land, lands the Titans tried to take from us, they are brighter than ever!_ She sighed contentedly. _Maybe I will see the twins tonight. Representing the imagination, creativity, communication…Inherent human traits suppressed by the disgusting political industrial complex we have come to rely on to provide for us and sustain us. Continuing to reject the natural world and all it has to offer, beyond the tangible, deprives us of those traits. How long until they are suppressed to the point where we are completely disconnected? Will we still possess the passion to reclaim these lands if our innate ties are permanently severed?_

Saskia refilled Iolana’s bucket of water and with a confident smirk whispered to herself, “The one who bears the name Silent Knife knows both how to wield the blade and to hinder it when in the hands of another. No one with sever our ties to the natural world. Not so long as I live and breathe. Someday…someday we will cleanse the Military Police until we work our way up to the monarchy itself. And like the Titans who forced us into the walls, I will see to it those who lock us inside them are eradicated and return the world in its entirety to the people.” She stood on her tip toes and leaned towards Iolana’s ear. “What do you think people would say if they knew the second-in-command of the Survey Corps was, like the founders, a radical anarchist?” With a slight shake of her head and light gruff, Iolana appeared to express amusement. 

“General.” 

Saskia turned on her heel and saluted. “Yes Commander?” 

“I want you to lead a routine patrol after we settle in to ensure the perimeter is safe.” 

“Lead a patrol? Will Squad Erwin be accompanying me?” 

“No,” he replied shaking his head and looked over to the newest recruits. “Church, Magnolia, and Ackermann. Titans are not as active at night so while it is unlikely you will encounter any, should misfortune smile upon you the numbers will be low and grant them relatively safe practice killing more. I leave them in your capable hands.  Remember to keep an eye on them though. Especially Ackermann. You have a keen eye. If your instincts tell you there is an immediate threat other than a Titan…you know what to do.” She nodded. “Yes sir.” 

“Excellent. As you were.”

 ** _Hearing those words was…It was worse than any form of abuse he had forced me endure in the past. Twice now I had been told to kill you. I know I hid it well or he would have questioned my ability and dedication but God damn it! Hearing that AGAIN was brutal. Absolutely brutal. I felt a pain unlike any other on both a physical and psychological level, originating in my heart._**

Come nightfall all provisions had been carried into the base and the soldiers were settling in for the night, taking full opportunity of the downtime to socialize and attempt to relax. Food was distributed and sleeping alcoves were designated, blankets and bags laid out on the cold stone floor. 

“There we go.” Farlan dropped a burlap sack to the floor and leaned against the wall, slowing sliding down until he was comfortably seated next to it. “Man, I didn’t think it would be that easy to bring down a Titan,” he said with a sigh of relief. 

Levi rummaged through the burlap sack for his bedding. “They move faster than I thought, but if it’s only one I can handle it.” 

Farlan chuckled. “Even against the Titans, the ‘Invincible Levi’ still prevails.” 

Stretching her arms upwards Isabel piped up, “Yeah, ‘cause Big Bro is so strong!” 

“If you’re with us, it looks like we’ll manage to home alive somehow.” 

**_I thought so too. I hate being wrong._**

“If a large group of deviants show up I’m not so sure though…” he admitted, sinking to the floor. “Anyways, Farlan.” 

“What?” 

“From what you’ve seen thus far who do you think has them? Is that guy carrying those documents with him or does she?” 

“It’s hard to say. They could be alternating possession. Before I snuck into Erwin’s room I searched all the suspicious places in his room. I hadn’t thought it would be easy to find, but there was a surprising amount of documents scattered everywhere. I found a desk drawer that opened with a key. It was almost as if he was inviting someone to take them. But he wouldn’t be so careless. I picked the lock and the drawer was definitely overflowing with secret documents, but the documents that mattered weren’t there.” 

Levi shot Isabel a warning glare, prompting her to speak up. With a heavy gulp she stammered, “The fact that…that those documents are the only ones missing…means that either he or someone he trusts is walking…walking around with them on ‘em, right?” She hung her head and rubbed the back of her neck before taking a swig of water from her canteen. 

“Yeah, he’s probably brought it with him outside the walls,” Farlan confirmed, ignoring her hesitance to continue taking part in their endeavor. “Now it’s just a matter of who is carrying them. I never had the chance to check her office for anything because she’s always in there working. And when she’s not…well, she said so herself. Stealth is her thing. And we’ve seen it firsthand, kinda. I figured she would’ve noticed signs of forced entry or something out of place. You can’t claim to be great at something unless you know all the ins and outs of it, including any mistake or slip up that could be made. An amateur like myself would’ve been taking a big risk rummaging through her things or worse, walk in on her unannounced. There’s no way, is there?” 

“If Erwin was trying to hide something from us outside the Corps then old man Lobov would have definitely found out something by now,” Isabel replied quickly coming to his defense and vicariously Saskia’s. “Hey Farlan, how much of that old man’s information can we trust?” 

“With the exception of the reward, he wouldn’t lie would he? After all, Erwin did get us into the Corps, just like he said.” 

“But what if it’s all a lie to get us arrested?” she asked in a slight panic. 

“I can’t believe you let her act fool you,” Levi muttered disappointedly and deferred to Farlan, hoping he could reason with her. 

“From a noble’s point of view we’re nothing more than worthless insects. If he really wanted to crush us he wouldn’t have put himself through all this trouble.” He motioned for them to come closer and they complied. “At any rate our goal is to find those documents. Earlier I saw the Commander, Erwin, and Saskia go over that way. Erwin and Saskia appear to be sharing their sleeping quarters so while they’re gone Isabel and I can search their belongings. Levi, until I give you the signal, I need you to watch that corridor. If they happen to come back before I give the signal, you’ll have to keep them busy.” 

“Keep them busy…even if it means fighting them?” 

“Don’t cause a ruckus!” he hissed. As he rose he added with a finger in the air. “Also, no matter what, don’t kill anyone. If we lose the Commander while on an expedition outside the walls, we’ll all be in big trouble.” 

“Tch. You’re right. That little shithead General would have to temporarily takeover, wouldn’t she? Like hell I’ll let that happen.” Levi narrowed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. “But how are you going to sift through her things if you’re afraid of her noticing?” 

“This isn’t her office. The way I see it, in a space that isn’t as familiar, it’s gonna be harder for Saskia to notice if something is a little out of place.” 

Levi scowled at the mention of her name. _‘Saskia’…‘Saskia’…Where do I know that name from? And why is it pissing me off so much?”  
_

**_I’m relieved it no longer stirs up that bizarre discomfort it once did. I’m glad it has the opposite effect. Though never did I imagine, even when I began to respect you and…not be as much of a prick to you, as I like to reserve that for special occasions when you deserve it most, that it would escalate to such a degree. A name that once left such a bitter taste in my mouth I wanted to scrub my tongue down with bleach has become the verbal cure for all ills. Except when I’m pissed off at you. You still have yet to uncover the meaning of your name and I’m certain when you do you’ll concoct a farfetched story about how it directly corresponds to who you are and how you became that way. As ridiculous as I find your obsessions I can’t think of any word other than your name which would adequately sum up someone otherwise indescribable. A picture might be worth a thousand words but a true masterpiece only needs one. And there’s something very savory about the way it rolls off the tongue. Fitting for someone who always tastes like vanilla.  
_ **

It was almost impossible to appear inconspicuouswhile waiting for Farlan and Isabel to search through Saskia’s and Erwin’s things. Levi leaned against the cool stone wall and sighed out of boredom. His tilted his head up slightly and his entire body tensed as he heard footsteps approaching, gritting his teeth out annoyance and impatience. “Shit, hurry up,” he muttered as Saskia and Erwin came down the corridor, both with a file folder tucked under one arm, talking quietly amongst themselves. He growled low in his throat out of annoyance. _Don’t tell me…that those are the documents…and they divvied them up. That they’re BOTH carrying them! Son of a bitch._

Erwin looked forward and stopped when he noticed Levi, who quickly looked away to avoid eye contact. His angered facial expression would only make him appear all the more suspicious. Saskia remained by her brother’s side, silently hoping that Levi would be the one to instigate conversation. 

“To what do I owe the displeasure?” he asked with feigned interest. He was far more concerned with the documents they were holding, specifically if they were the documents Lobov had commissioned them to take. 

“Your subordinates aren’t with you?” the squad leader asked surprised and Saskia shot him a disapproving glare. 

“…they’re not my subordinates.” 

“I see.” Erwin cleared his throat and glanced down at the General hoping that she, being the more social creature, would be able to unravel the brewing tense atmosphere. 

“What do you think so far, now that you have gone beyond the walls? Any improvements in your adjustment to the military life?” she inquired sweetly yet still managing to maintain her serious, professional persona. 

“Everyone is hot-faced and won’t shut up about Titans,” he replied bluntly without hesitation. Saskia’s playful side went head-to-head with her professional side as she fought a chuckle; she completely agreed with him. 

“Well of course,” Erwin replied. “The Survey Corps is made up of and appeals to those kinds of people.” 

He cast a bored glance at Erwin and curious one at Saskia, still unsure of how to read her or interpret her treatment of Isabel. “Really now? You must be first on the list then.” Neither of them was certain as to which he was referring to. 

“You did really well in today’s fight,” he added genuinely. “You even managed to take down a deviant in your first battle. Your teammates can rest easier knowing they have someone as talented as you around.” 

**_I was frustrated by the implication his words may have carried, as it was easy to misinterpret them for placing pressure on Levi. Then again I’m in no position to scold. Not anymore. I’m the reason you’re the Lance Corporal and Captain of the Special Operations Squad._**

“…there was another soldier in front of me who fought and got eaten. When that happened I watched the Titan’s movement and figured out a way to fight it.” 

“Resourceful, but unfortunate that was how it happened,” Saskia murmured shifting uncomfortably and then grimaced. “That came out wrong, did it not? Please do not interpret that as an implication of willingly throwing a comrade to their death,” she added apologetically. 

“You’re a General, not a miracle worker,” Erwin remarked and she rolled her eyes. “Just as you’ve said,” he began returning his attention to Levi, “the Survey Corps has made innumerable sacrifices. There are still too many things we don’t understand about the outside world. But if it means if it means that humanity can take back the world there’s no one here who wouldn’t offer up their heart for that milestone. There are no regrets for the sacrifices that have been made, not a single person.” 

Saskia huffed. “And since when are you capable of speaking for our soldiers as a whole, as though we all share the same views as you? That is not true, that is your perception imposed on the corps as a whole. People do not come here to die for humanity, they come here to fight for humanity. A prerequisite for joining is **not** an eagerness to throw yourself at a Titan if it means a sacrifice for the greater good, it is knowing that the potential for the situation exists. That is a decision made in the heat of the moment. You are of no use to humanity if you will throw your life away that easily! Keeping humanity alive means living for humanity!” She stormed off, fists balled at her side and a colorful string of curses pouring from her mouth as she marched off towards the main quarters claimed for the non-officers. 

**_Yes, I was pissed off at him. But only because his words reminded me of what Flagan was doing. I know that the two have different viewpoints and I was actually the one guilty of making a generalization, not him. I sincerely hope Erwin wouldn’t have been surprised by that. After all, that’s the reason he made me the General. Well, not really, but I still find the play on words amusing._**

“What’s stuck up her ass?” 

Erwin sighed. “She has always held a firm belief that we must avoid as many unnecessary deaths as possible, which is part of the reason she approves of this new formation plan I’ve drafted. But sometimes…I feel that she confuses any death for an unnecessary death. She pushes herself too hard to try and assist as many as possible which has led to neglect for self-care. When you eventually see her in action you’ll understand the lengths at which she’s willing to go to protect as many as she can. It may appear reckless but she insists that she never acts if not confident her plan will not fail, even if it is extremely risky. That aside she is incredibly skilled, though she will never admit it.” 

“Tch. Pretty critical for a ‘big brother’.” 

“Someone has to try and keep her grounded or she’ll get herself killed. Harsh as this may sound, she cares too much.” 

“Big Bro!” Isabel came darting out. “Sorry, that took longer than I thought! I’m done changing so you can go back now!” 

“But you know what that’s like, don’t you? Having a little sister to watch over?” 

Levi said nothing, following Isabel as she skipped off, scolding her for her for her pathetic excuse. 

“By the way, the Commander has scheduled the three of you to accompany the General on a routine patrol after cadet curfew,” Erwin called. 

He stopped for a moment, then grinned. _Did he now? If she has those papers…and we’re alone with her in Titan territory…This is too easy._

The three of them regrouped in the main area. Levi was keeping an eye on Saskia as she ‘made the rounds’ socializing with the other officers and checking in on the cadets to see how they were fairing. Still reveling in the idea that they might have a chance to remove her from the picture he turned to the other two. “I figured you two wouldn’t find anything. If they’re carrying the documents, then there’s only one way.” 

“So then…” Farlan began quietly, visibly anxious. 

“I think they may have split up the documents amongst themselves. And even if they didn’t then, for safe measure, we have to kill them both.” 

“Don’t say that out loud,” he scolded softly. “It’s not going to be easy to do it so…” 

“I beg to differ,” Levi smirked and Farlan cocked his head to the side in confusion. “New plan. You’ll see soon enough. That fickle bitch Lady Luck is on our side tonight.” 

Isabel hung her head and remained silent the entire time. 

“Hey you!” Hanji called. “Can I disturb you for a moment?” Farlan looked over his shoulder at the ecstatic cadet. “I saw it, you know. The decisive moment!” 

“The decisive moment?” Levi slowly moved his right hand behind his back and pulled out his switchblade. “What are you talking about?” 

**_I could see on their faces that Farlan and Isabel were afraid Shitty Glasses had spotted them. Had that been the case she would’ve said something to you. How you would’ve used that information, we had no way of knowing. I couldn’t take any chances.  
_ **

She leaned over, hands resting on her knees. “What am I talking about? It’s obvious that I’m talking about the moment when you brought down that Titan!” She clenched a fist. “That was really amazing! I was overwhelmed with excitement!” 

**_I was overwhelmed with relief that she hadn’t seen us. As far as we knew anyway. With that loud mouth of hers, like hell she’d bring it up in such a public place._**

“Ah…” _We’re in the clear. Maybe._

“I don’t remember if the General ever formally introduced us when I helped her assess you three and we are on the same squad but Flagan isn’t one for encouraging camaraderie. I’m Hanji Zoe. She never shuts up about you, Isabel.” She pointed at the girl. “Or you for that matter, Levi.” He fought a look of surprise upon hearing that. “And…this is…” 

“Farlan,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes. 

“Right, right, Farlan!” She plopped down between the younger two and gave a friendly, overly excited pat on the back causing him to visibly jump and yelp in surprise. “You didn’t come here from the Training Corps, Levi. How are you so skilled at 3DMG? I’ve been meaning to ask for awhile, especially with how a certain teeny-tiny smiley officer goes on and on about you, but never had the chance.” 

“Be sociable,” Farlan whispered to him. 

_She talks about me? She…praises me to others? Who in the hell does she think she is, founder and president of my fan club?_ “I practiced. Nothing special,” he shrugged. 

“Did you learn from anyone? The first time I tried, I had a hard time balancing myself on the belts…Do you have any tips or trick for improving?” Isabel scrunched her face in a way similar to Saskia when frustrated as Hanji droned on. 

“Not really.” _Definitely one of that little shithead’s minions. Doesn’t shut up…Did she send this psycho over here to bother us?_

“Maaan, you don’t mince words, huh? Even a tiny bit would be great. Come on, I’m sure everyone is itching to know.” She looked over her shoulder at the other cadets who had been watching the exchange the entire time. Hanji, being as eccentric and bold as she was, no longer had difficulty approaching Levi anymore after seeing his performance and hearing more words of encouragement from Saskia. But she was the only one able to do so. Levi glanced over in their general direction and saw all eyes were on him, Saskia’s sparkling gaze included. 

“Everyone saw how you fought. The way you fight encourages us to believe that humanity will not lose to the Titans. The General herself has been in a bit of a slump about the Survey Corps performance over the past few months but your presence has made her mood improve dramatically! Overall, it was really awe-inspiring to watch you fight. So by all means…” 

The mention of her idol made it impossible for Isabel to chime in, especially if it meant bragging about Levi. With a chipper laugh and matching grin she replied, “We’re amazing, aren’t we?! They’re thinkin’ better of us? Did you get a good look?!” 

“Yep, it was awesome. Exactly why Levi should-” 

“Big Bro is the strongest one out there! Even underground he was the strongest!” 

**_I think Isabel was intentionally trying to piss me off when she said that, reminding me that you and I were likely on par. It didn’t take much to confirm that as possible. Not only possible, but true.  
_ **

“Really now? I’d love to know the secret of his strength, you know. Hey Levi-” 

“Big Bro is…um…um…anyways, he’s strong!” 

Hanji smiled warmly in a way reminiscent of Saskia, whose eyes were still on him. “Here Isabel. The General gave me these earlier but I’m not hungry for candy. I’m hungry for knowledge!” She passed a small bag of candy to the redhead who eagerly took it and began munching away. “So how about it? Would you be willing to let us know what goes on inside of you head?” 

“I can’t, I’m self-taught. It’s not something that you can easily teach to others.” 

“Oh? Sort of like General Sa-” 

“Sorry, I’m exhausted,” he muttered cutting her off. 

“I see. I’m sorry for disturbing you. Thank you Isabel, thank you Farlan.” She gave the former a pat on the head and the latter a pat on the shoulder as she rose. As she departed she said with a wave, “If we make it back alive I’ll buy you lunch sometime!” 

**_She still hasn’t. Then again, we didn’t all make it back._**

“Man, what a weirdo,” Farlan snorted. “But…couldn’t you have given her some sort of trick to help them out?” 

“I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s life except yours and Isabel’s.” 

“What an ecstatic person she was. Doesn’t seem like the kind who particularly minds what others think.” 

Isabel popped another piece into her mouth and slid back until she and Levi were shoulder to shoulder. “Hey, Big Bro. I don’t really get all that stuff about “humanity taking back the world” or whatnot. These guys are actually ready to die for that sort of thing…But you’re wondering if it’s okay for them to die for that reason, aren’t you?” 

He remembered Erwin’s words about ‘offering up their heart’ and Saskia’s angry reaction as well as her argument. He found himself agreeing with her for one reason- her perspective allowed for the freedom to make your own decisions. Nothing was as black and white as Erwin had described. And unlike Erwin she didn’t approve of a mindset which defaulted to seemingly blindly dying for the ‘greater good’, she wanted to fight for it against all odds. 

**_I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I agreed with you, mostly because I still didn’t trust you. But another part of why I couldn’t was because it meant we were alike, something I had never encountered before in that respect. The last thing I wanted was to grow attached to someone I was convinced I had to kill, or worse…attracted to._ **


	15. The Birth of Foreshadowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of volume two, chapter six. There are three things which this chapter foreshadows. Can you catch them all?

**Titan Territory, Late Evening**

Flagan was explaining his squad’s position using the new formation that Erwin had drafted to his cadets. While most were listening intently Levi and Farlan were hoping to get an idea of where Saskia and Erwin would be in the event that they wouldn’t have the chance to kill her that night.

“Our position is here. We will relay to the next row, row four.” He pressed a palm against the enlarged drawing of the pattern. “We’ll run the spare horses side-by-side while focusing mainly on relay. However, no matter how superior this formation may be, there’s no guarantee that we won’t run into a Titan at any given time. Don’t forget, we’re outside the walls here. We should always expect the unexpected, because anything can happen. This squad lacks a particular sense of unity.”

As soon as those words passed his lips Saskia, who was conversing with the Commander on the other side of the room, looked over her shoulder and her back stiffened. _I wonder why that could be_ , she thought to herself with an internal roll of her eyes.

“Something wrong General?”

She turned back to the Commander. “No sir. Merely listening to Flagan. I need to pull Levi, Isabel, and Farlan aside soon so I wanted to get an idea as to far into his explanation he was. You were saying?”

“Thus far our causality rate has only been eight percent. Should that multiple beyond four however, you know what the consequences are.” He narrowed his eyes at her.

She nodded quickly. “Yes sir. But, if I may, why must I pursue Levi? If I am to monitor the safety of the entire battalion then focusing on one soldier-”

“Are you questioning my order?” His tone was low and dark. She shook her head. “Good. You’ve been doing this for twelve years now. You don’t have any excuses for these continual failures. If you mess up again, this time the consequences will be much more severe. Am I understood?” She nodded again. “Excellent. What in the hell is going on over there?”

Saskia looked over at Flagan’s squad again, the source of the commotion, and saw Sayram scolding Isabel after her outburst. _Flagan, if you contribute to this I will not hesitate to-…There is nothing I can do in the Commander’s presence. ‘Change the future’? ‘New world order’? What are you babbling about now, you parasite?_

**_What Flagan did next would have sent me into a blind rage had the Commander not been there. That, and I was still brainwashed by him. There was nothing wrong with Isabel’s salute. NOTHING. I think he narrowed her out because he knew how fond I am of her and that there was nothing I could do about it with the Commander present._ **

Flagan narrowed his eyes at Isabel and leaned forward. “What was that, Magnolia? Can’t you do a proper salute? Do me a favor and don’t humiliate me anymore.”

Isabel looked at the ground dejectedly, and then turned to Levi and Farlan for some sort of comfort but their expressions were blank. She sighed and tried to brush it off. Saskia approached the three of them, arms behind her back.

“I would suggest that the three of you rest up for a bit right now. After curfew the Commander has ordered me to go on a routine patrol and that the three of you are to accompany me.”

“Erwin said something about that after you stormed off pouting. Patrol for what? Titans aren’t active at night.”

“Actually they are Levi, only less so. Rather, they are less active when the skies are darkened. In the case of, say, a thunderstorm we would not encounter as many. Unfortunately such weather makes fighting them extremely difficult and would pose a detriment to the formation. Anyway it will still be somewhat noisy out here until curfew hour so if you would like you can take my room.”

“Sleep in a real bed out here?” Isabel’s eyes went wide. “Hell yes!”

“Wonderful. I will retrieve you when it is time to depart. Sleep well.”

“Um, aren’t you going to show us where it is?” Farlan asked as she walked away.

“There is no need.” She glanced over her shoulder and shot a subtle smirk at Levi. “You already know.”

Levi glowered at her and her smile widened. After she left he folded his arms over his chest and began walking towards her room. “Stupid bitch knows,” he growled.

“We’re screwed, we’re so screwed,” Farlan muttered in a panic.

“Re-laaaaax,” Isabel drawled with a wave of her hand. “If she was gonna do anything about it, she already would’ve, right?”

“Tch. Not necessarily. She could try to exterminate us once we leave the compound. But it doesn’t matter.” When they reached the room he opened the room and they filed in. Isabel hopped onto Saskia’s bed and curled up into the comfortable bedding. Farlan stayed by Levi who was leaning against the door.

“So…Lady Luck?”

“You heard her. Routine patrol. The three of us alone with her in Titan territory.” Levi smirked. “It’s simple. Even if she doesn’t have the documents she needs to be taken out of the picture. We’ll kill her, discard the body, come back, and blame a Titan.”

“No one will believe that. Not with a skill level like hers.”

“They will if we say she did it to save us. That is her modus operandi, isn’t it? Playing guardian angel?”

“Well yeah but…how can we kill her?” He sat on the edge of her bed and Isabel rolled over facing away from both of them. “I feel like she could take us all down in less than five seconds.”

“She wouldn’t dare strike Isabel, would she?”

“Stop trying to use me like that!” she snapped and kicked at the wall. “Let’s just give up. Besides, if she died, the Survey Corps would be in big trouble.”

“Tch. What’s your point?”

“Exactly what I said earlier. You were thinking about it. About all the people that died out here. And how they keep dying. And how you hate it. The General would beat the shit outta you anyway,” she added in a huff.

Levi was quiet a long period of time as he reflected on Saskia’s outburst and Hanji’s words of praise and encouragement. _Since when do I give two shits about humanity? What the hell has humanity ever done for me? I don’t owe it a damn thing.  
_

**_But I do owe you plenty. Yet one more thing I couldn’t admit to myself at the time.  
_ **

“Given how well-formed their formation is, we’d be sure to stand out if we broke away,” he began, desperate for a subject change. “And that’s already taking into consideration the risk of it falling apart on its own somehow.”

Farlan rested an elbow on his knee and dropped his chin into his palm. “We should just give up on snatching the documents while we’re out beyond the walls. The chances of us not being noticed by anybody, from the rear guard we’ve been placed in all the way up to where Erwin and Saskia are in the advance guard, are pretty much slim to none.”

“…guess three people _would_ stand out,” Levi conceded. _I wonder what Lobov would do if we terminated the bargain without notice. Would the Survey Corps back us?_

“Besides, we oughta concentrate on getting home in one piece. ‘Cause really…we seriously came all this way…”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you idiots.” Isabel sat up. “Those documents are important, obviously, but I would hate to get in their way. And if you did somehow manage to…to kill her, then I feel like the odds of us getting back alive would reaaaally drop. And I…I think I kinda get why they journey outside. Going beyond the walls is a lot like how we used to dream of leaving the underground someday. We’ve got so many friends down there who just die as they dream of the surface. I’d always look at ‘em and think ‘I’m getting the hell outta here for sure’. And I dunno if this is weird or anything, but I don’t just wanna stay in the Survey Corps because it gives us everything we never had but always wanted, being out of the underground and all. Today after I was done talking with everyone, and thinking about everything the General has done and seen yet still manages to keep going, I realized I really want ‘em to go outside the walls and fight more. Lots and lots more, more than they already do.” She threw herself down onto the bed, noting that it smelled strongly of vanilla as she closed her eyes to get in a nap before the patrol.

“Before you guys start talking about offering up your hearts and shit, we’d better rethink our plan to grab those documents, huh?” _Would Saskia really back us like Isabel believes if we changed our minds?_

She groaned loudly and put the pillow over her head to drown him out. “Shut up and sleep or something…Saskia’s bed is really comfy. And it smells like vanilla. Just like those candies…that Hanji…” She yawned. “Gave me…”

“Oi, Isabel. Listen. I know you like her. I know she’s important. But we made a choice to get those documents. And that’s what we’re gonna do.”

“No…that’s what you two are gonna do.” She kicked Farlan off of the bed who landed on the floor with a loud ‘Oomph!’. “You go after her and I’ll set off a black flare. Think the Commander won’t send her running to us if that happened? Think you wouldn’t run into her as you advance and she comes to the rear guard? I’ll do it.” She sniffled. “I’ll fucking do it.”

Farlan got up, looked at Levi, and shrugged. While he agreed that retrieving the documents now was pointless he wasn’t sure what to do about Isabel’s devotion to the officer. They had to convince Levi to change his mind or Isabel might say something, and they had no way of knowing if her faith in the General and her support of them was exaggerated. Levi shook his head at him, telling him to drop the subject for now. Though spacious it wasn’t spacious enough for three and Levi wanted to talk to Isabel before they departed so Farlan was forced to choose between Erwin’s bed or the floor; he put no thought into the decision and chose the lesser of two evils, dropping back down to the spot where Isabel kicked.

Levi sat next to the redhead as he waited for Farlan to fall asleep. Once he did, he shook Isabel’s shoulder gently. She stirred with a soft groan and rolled over onto her back.

“What?” she grumbled with a groggy yawn.

“Why do you like her so much?” he asked quietly, trying not to wake Farlan.

“For someone so obsessed with her, you don’t pay a lotta attention to her.” She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“She’s all you think or talk about ‘cause you ‘hate her’ but you haven’t noticed anything about her other than the fact that she might have those stupid papers. Why do I like her?” She began counting off on her fingers. “She’s really smart and always has something interesting to say. She obviously cares a lot about us, not just because of her job. She helped me get healthier and has always looked out for me since we got here; I feel like I can go to her for anything. She’s taught me a lot. She’s strong and bold and tough, physically and mentally. Everything I used to like about you before you changed. You’re…you’re just angry all the time now and I’m sick of it. I snuck out of the dorm once and went to the kitchen ‘cause I was super hungry thanks to the dumbass cafeteria staff and she caught me down there. Instead of getting in trouble she told me the stuff I was trying to take was expiring soon and then cooked a meal for me. She even gave me cake! She likes giving me cake for some reason. This is the second time I told you that, but the look on your face tells me you don’t remember. Like this is the first time you’re hearing it.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s almost creepy how obsessed you are with her. Are you sure you don’t have a creepy stalker crush on her?”

“I have standards,” he retorted.

“Yeah, I know. You haven’t had a girlfriend for as long as I’ve known you because all the women in the underground were uneducated, boring, or whores. Or all three. She’s smart, independent, interesting, and really pretty. I…I used to think to myself that you might not just stop hating her, but you would start to like her. _Like_ her like her, I mean.”

“I think I’m gonna puke,” he deadpanned.

“You asked,” she hissed defensively. “And why do you wanna know anyway? Why do you care why I like her? It’s because of those second thoughts, isn’t it? Well I’m not the only one who likes her a lot ya know. She does a lot for everyone outside and inside the walls. She’s hard working but never complains about it. I’m neutral towards Erwin so I don’t know what to do about him. But if you try to hurt her then I’ll never forgive you.” She pointed a finger in his face. “I’m not asking you to give her a chance but hell, we might not still be alive without her. She’s not even tired after all of the Titans she fought.”

“Yes she is. She has to hide it because of her high rank.” He paused. “What possessed you into thinking that smartass cretin would catch my attention? That I would ‘ _like_ her like her’?” He sounded mildly disgusted as he mocked Isabel’s tone.

“Forget about the underground and the Survey Corps and the papers and everything else just for a second, OK? And just think about her and the kinda person she is. What’s not to like?” She shrugged casually.

**_I pretended to ignore her. But I couldn’t help it. I imagined it all as she described. I didn’t begin to recognize exactly what it was she liked about you so much until the day you proposed we work together, but when Isabel presented me with that thought experiment it was the first time I actually thought of you as a person and not an object of hatred. Despite my knowledge of you being limited at the time, I started to see the appeal. There’s a lot to be said about you Saskia, a lot. And back then I couldn’t say much but in that moment I could say…I wanted to believe all the positive things Isabel said about you. That if we ditched Lobov and confessed you would defend us. I wanted to have a person like that in my life because I was exhausted from always being the leader. I wanted to be able to rely on someone else for a change, which was foreign. But I needed a break. My wish was eventually granted. I just wish Isabel could’ve survived to see it. So she could make fun of me, go on and on about how she ‘told me so’. I wanted her to be able to revel in that victory. I want her to see I was able to put that anger aside and not only stop hating you but…start doing the opposite. Comparing me to you didn’t faze me at all. It was the fact that Isabel, my little sister, felt I wasn’t the same person anymore and that she couldn’t depend on me. That I had pushed her away and she found comfort in the company of my greatest enemy at the time. Shit, was I jealous. And it stung like a mother fucker to hear her say she didn’t recognize me anymore, that I only cared about the papers. Not because she said it but because she was right._ **

Midnight came quickly but Levi hadn’t managed to get any sleep. He was far too deep in thought about Isabel’s defense of the officer she admired and Saskia’s argument with Erwin. He was starting to feel a twinge of wanderlust himself, wanting to explore the outside world more. But he knew he couldn’t do so alone and few things felt more satisfying than annihilating a Titan. He may not have owed anything to humanity but knowing that he had made a contribution to defending it brought a sense of pride, something he had never felt before save for accomplishments in questionable endeavors. He once took pride in making a living by erasing the enemies of those who could make the highest offer; now he took pride in defending everyone within the walls, even those in the underground who sickened him and destroyed his faith in humanity but he depended on nonetheless for survival.

 _Flagan made it clear that the other branches don’t like to play nice with the Survey Corps. It’s the black sheep of the military. But I wonder…if being in the military, regardless of branch, means I could find and do away with Kenny. Maybe even the drug cartels and that crazed head of the human trafficking business. Not remembering his name doesn’t help though. Isamu…Isamu...something with an ‘M’. Then again, there aren’t many of his kind left. Process of elimination would be enough, assuming those dipshits know how to do their job right. Maybe if I work my way up I could do the job myself. I’m sure Smiley McTalks-A-Lot would be more than happy to do away with them if they pose a threat to humanity, even if they’re humans themselves. Biologically anyway._ He glanced down at the sleeping girl. _They aren’t very different from Titans, are they? Preying on the weak._ He leaned his head back. _How in the hell can the Wall Cult manage to convince people there’s a God if they need those walls in the first place? If there is a God why do Titans exist? Why do people like Kenny and Isamu exist?_ He exhaled slowly through puckered lips. “People like them make me wish I’d never been born into this shitty world,” he whispered. “Clearly no one wanted me anyway. Otherwise I wouldn’t have ended up with Kenny. Bet my ‘parents’ sold me to him. How much was I worth? Or was I up for grabs?”

**_Thank you for proving me wrong about not being wanted._ **

Knuckles gently rapped on the door and Levi eased off of the bed, doing his best not to wake the others. He opened it slowly, wincing slightly as the candlelight from the sconces lining the halls streamed in. After a few blinks his eyes adjusted to the lighting. “Time to go?” he asked quietly.

Saskia nodded. “Yes. You have not slept, have you?”

“And if I haven’t?”

“I do not want you to exhaust yourself,” she replied, soft voice laced with concern. “I did not think Hanji would give all of the candy to Isabel. The sugar did not keep her from getting enough rest, did it?”

“She crashed pretty quickly.”

“Good. Wake them and retrieve your gear. Refill on gas if necessary and replace any broken or severely dulled or damaged blades. Though I highly doubt yours sustained much if any after such a clean slice. Meet me outside by the horses when you are ready.”

“You said this was a ‘routine patrol’. Does he always send you out at night?”

She nodded. “Of course. Even if they are less active at night it is not uncommon to find some near clusters of humans, lying in wait until daytime to strike. Whether or not that is indicative of intelligence or baser, animalistic instinct is hard to say. They do not seem to possess a pack mentality insofar as hunting the same way wild animals such as wolves do but this is their…‘playground’. With such high numbers it is safe to say that where there is one, there are others.”

“Which is why he sent you into the woods. He didn’t need to tell you to eliminate them all. He knew they would be there.”

“As did I. Remember, I have been slaying those beasts for twelve years now. Though still very unpredictable in the sense that we do not have a strong grasp on their functioning beyond the obvious, that they kill merely to kill, I have noticed slight patterns in their behavior and observations in anatomy and physiology. Hanji is actually quite fascinated by them and is very quick, quicker than I, to notice such things. While we do not possess a great deal of information about them Flagan was incorrect. He grossly undermined how much we actually do know. We cannot release much of it to the public as it is mostly conjecture, but the information is passed on to those in training.”

**_I had called her ‘Hanji’. Not ‘Cadet Zoe’, but by her given name. I always spoke formally outside the walls, including how I addressed other soldiers. That’s no longer the case, purely situational. But the ‘contraction thing’ that I do…That’s a habit I have yet to shed and doubt I ever will._ **

“You said they kill just to kill?”

“Wake them and I can tell you what you would have learned about Titans in the Trainee Corps while on our patrol. How does that sound?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, whatever. See you out there.”

“That you will.” Saskia exited the corridor and turned the corner where Erwin was waiting for her.

“Notice anything?”

“They did not search through our belongings a second time,” she reported. “It is safe to say they know the documents are with us. I also think we can assume that they do not know which of us has the documents and may have surmised that we split them amongst ourselves.”

“It’s one thing to dangle the bait before them but to send you out alone with-”

Saskia glowered, silencing him immediately. “Do not dare question the Commander’s orders. There is a reason for everything he does. And do not be so audacious as to question my ability to take care of myself.”

**_Good Heavens, I really was brainwashed by Shardis._ **

“I don’t, you know that,” he reminded encouragingly. “But you said so yourself. You trust them as soldiers, but not people. Answer honestly- out there will you be in the company of other soldiers or three people from the underground determined to take the documents?” With a steady inhale Erwin folded his arms over his chest. “Give them to me. For now.”

“Regardless of whether or not I carry them on my person they could still try to attack me, you know. Again, you express doubt in regards to whether or not I can take care of myself. I will not give them to you.”

“Sas-”

She exhaled sharply, silencing him again. “Try again, Squad Leader.”

“General,” he corrected himself. “In the interest of the papers and the sensitive information they obtain I suggest that you give them to me for safekeeping. Even if they are blank fakes the temptation to take them from you is present nonetheless. If they find you carry nothing but blank copies then they will know mine are as well and the plan-”

“Or they will assume I carried blanks and posed as a decoy while you carry the real ones. That would endanger your life further. I have been charged with monitoring Levi should he pursue you, something I am already very reluctant to-” She winced and bit her lip. _Those words were not meant to be granted passage beyond my lips._

“…you’re what?” he breathed. “Who is questioning the Commander now? And why the reluctance? Reluctant to kill another human or reluctant to kill Levi? I knew this would happen…”

“It is not what you think. I may not trust him as a person but I want to. Even you were impressed by and praised what he did on our journey here. And I want him to feel that, like Isabel, he can trust me as well. I hope that some way or another they will confess out of their own accord, not because you want me to force it out of them. That will serve no purpose other than strengthening their distrust and disdain. They have traded in one very harsh life for another, but here they have an opportunity for recognition. For enhanced self-esteem and self-image. They are taken care of and provided for, but they also know how to take care of and provide for themselves. Those skills are transferable and the Survey Corps is in desperate need of people with their skill level. You said so yourself, Levi has earned his Wings of Freedom. So why do you insist on hindering my attempt at allowing him to use them?”

“Because you are focusing on Levi the person, not the soldier. I warned you about him and you foolishly disregarded my warning.”

“It was baseless.”

“Then why the attachment?”

“Why the obsession with my personal life?” she hissed.

“Because you’re my sister,” he spat.

Her fists balled at her sides and face began to contort with rage. “I am also your superior,” she whispered in a deadly calm voice. “You would do well to remember that. Attempt to monopolize my actions again and I will not hesitate to take punitive measures.”

“All because I express my concern?” he asked dubiously.

“Because you are concerning yourself with something that does not concern you.”

“You and your word games…”

“Remind me again how exactly where you derived the inspiration to make me ‘General’? Was that too not a play on words?”

“This is very unlike you, allowing your emotions to surface outside the walls. What next? Will your fear of storms take hold of you as well?”

She gritted her teeth. “As. You. Were.” _Protect yourself from Levi should the situation arise for all I care. A Squad Leader surely does not need his ‘hyperemotional’ little sister to do so!_

“Yes ma’am,” he said with a mocking tone and waited for Levi, Farlan, and Isabel to leave the room while Saskia regained her composure and walked away en route to the courtyard. The winds were calm, the skies clear, and the temperature perfect for someone who despised the heat so much. She attached her cape and waited patiently for the others to arrive, tending to Iolana to help pass the time.

“Do you see the twins?” she asked her horse. “The other stories are tragic or bittersweet but Kastor and Polydeuces are excellent role models, yes? One in a position of power and authority, another deemed weak in comparison, but their devotion to the other transcended death. That is love to me. Familial, but it can easily manifest between friends, lovers, military comrades…To hell with sacrificing your life for the greater good. Humans are all equal. In preserving your own life you vicariously preserve the lives of the civilians. What do you think?” The horse bobbed her head from side-to-side and snorted softly. “Comforting that someone agrees with me. I suppose Hanji does but…she is still a cadet. She has much to learn. Though I doubt that will be difficult for her. She is intelligent, that one. Born under Virgo, after all. I wonder if Isabel is a Gemini…No, no, probably an Aquarius. If she is an air sign I would wager Aquarius and if a fire sign I would wager Sagittarius. Farlan is no doubt a Taurus. You disagree? Then what? Scorpio? Oh yes, I can understand why you would think so.”

The doors opened and a perky Isabel led the pack, skipping merrily up the officer. She saluted, then frowned slightly. “Was my salute really that bad?”

“To Flagan? Goodness no. It was great. Flagan picks on you because I like you.” She ruffled Isabel’s hair. “He, however is incapable of a proper salute.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“To salute properly one must fold their left arm behind their back and tighten their hand into a fist curling it inward, like so.” She demonstrated. “While simultaneously bending their right arm at the elbow at a fifty-five degree angle and placing their right fist over their heart, also curled inward.” She demonstrated the salute in full and then put her hands on her hips. “The problem he seems to have, the reason for his inability to properly salute, is that the right fist goes directly over the heart. That is, however, impossible to do if one is lacking a heart. He was looking for an excuse to go down the list of those unfortunate enough to be in your squad to humiliate them. It reflects quite poorly on the corps as a whole. No wonder the taxpayers take issue with us. Our so called ‘leaders’ and ‘commanding officers’ are too concerned with a ‘slightly improper posture’ than finding that information about Titans outside the walls like _we are supposed to be doing_.” She shook her head.

“I would be lying if I said I had not grown tired of his bullshit but as second-in-command I have an obligation to make sure that everyone in the corps is fulfilling their respective responsibilities accordingly. Being the generous soul that I am I have left him with that friendly advice in effort to assist in grasping a better understanding of his role as a squad leader. Because I, unlike him, know what my fucking job is and it would seem I know his as well, better than he himself. Otherwise there would have been no need to have that conversation with him. I understand that spending our days within those stone walls can be lonely but I advised he find something other than unnecessarily berating cadets to get off to, or one morning he might wake up to find he is not only incapable of properly saluting but also getting off.”

Farlan tried hard not to laugh for fear of agitating Levi. He wasn’t aware though that Levi’s opinion of Saskia was beginning to change for the better, but he was still intent on carrying out their plan. “Levi said you were going to tell us more about the Titans.”

Saskia mounted Iolana, the other three quickly following suit. “Yes. Thus far your knowledge is limited to the fact that their weak spot is the nape of the neck, correct?”

“You also said they kill just to kill,” Levi reminded as they left the exterior of the base and ventured into the open land.

“Correct. Humans are not a staple in the Titan diet. Nothing is, from what we have gathered, as you may have noticed that the fauna are very prosperous out here. Whenever we find an animal carcass the cause of death was natural or an attack from another animal. Not once have we found an animal killed by a Titan or witnessed such an event. And because they still exist in very large numbers despite not having access to human courtesy of the walls we have come to the conclusion that they do not need to eat humans to survive. They eat humans to kill them. As for why, we still have yet to uncover the reason.”

Isabel shivered. “It’s almost like they do it for fun.”

“Perhaps it is recreation. Perhaps it is genocide. Titans possess very limited intelligence, if any at all, and seem to operate on instinct alone. If that is so then it is a killer’s instinct, so the purpose would not be recreation. They kill because they are engineered to do so.”

“Engineered? By what?”

“Another question we have yet to answer Farlan. We do not know where the Titans came from, both in terms of geographic origin or biological ontology. Were they created? Did they evolve from another species? It is impossible to say. That is why we venture outside the walls. You cannot destroy an enemy if you do not understand it.”

**_You really come to life when talking about killing. It’s a little disturbing but also cute. In a disturbing way. That didn’t make any sense. But you don’t make sense, so it’s fitting! If anyone is going to lead not only the revolution against the Titans but also the corrupt government and military, it’s you. I was surprised to hear you talking like that. You, the smiley and protective sweetheart, going on and on about killing Titans. Mentioning the times you’d tortured them before doing away with them. You seemed like a different person during that conversation. In actuality you weren’t a different person, you were your real self. Not Shardis’ lapdog, not ‘the General’, just Saskia. As you should be._ **

“And that is why the nape of the neck is so important. The rest of the body will regenerate, as you have been told or heard I am sure. But you have yet to see an artillery shell make a Titan’s head explode on impact for it to grow back. Part of Garrison training is learning how to use the cannons on a Titan in the event of emergency, so we will go outside the walls to attract one and bring it close enough to Wall Maria where they are stationed to practice shooting them. I really enjoy toying with them!” she chirped.

 _...you’ve gotta be shitting me. She sounds like an assassin. She sounds like Kenny’s wet dream._ “You enjoy killing?” Levi asked with an eyebrow raised.

“I enjoy killing a threat to humanity,” she corrected. “Titan, human, it does not matter. I feel a sense of…accomplishment, knowing that everyone can rest easier for another night if a threat to our livelihood and odds of survival has been eradicated.”

“Whoa…wait. You’ve…killed humans before?” Farlan gulped.

Saskia shook her head. “No. They are only human in appearance but some…I believe that everyone is born inherently good, but we all encounter all sorts of toxic influences over the course of our lives. They can corrode our morality and values, making us no better than the Titans. And when that happens I see no difference between the two. I also believe that redemption is very much possible and I do my best not to judge until I am as absolutely aware as I can be, context and so on. There are some though, some who are beyond saving. They are not worth the effort. They have willingly given up their humanity to the point where they are no longer human. I only cease the breathing of the shell they leave behind.”

Farlan turned to Levi, shaking nervously. ‘Now what?!’ he mouthed out. Levi couldn’t look him the eye. If they turned on her and the Survey Corps she wouldn’t hesitate to kill them. Once again she had disrupted and dismantled their plans. Not only that but she seemed to be dropping the hint to them that she was aware of their ruse. With Saskia at the front and Isabel by her side she didn’t notice the silent exchange between the two trailing behind them.

“Is it hard to fight Titans at night?”

“I have acclimated to the challenges and demands that come along with fighting in the dark. However…” Saskia looked up at the clear sky, basking in the radiance of the full moon and endless sea of stars overhead. “It is not completely dark. There are still sources of light. Fighting Titans underneath the moon and stars…This is going to sound silly and perhaps demeaning but I think there is something somewhat romantic about it. I am madly in love with the natural world and all it offers so killing Titans out here, land that belongs to us and we will someday reclaim, with the moon and stars as my witness is tantamount to saying that we can destroy them no matter what the circumstances. Day, night, rain, shine, no matter what the natural world throws at us we overcome. Titans are hindered by darkness. We are not. If anything the natural world, the land the Titans seem to have claimed as their own, works against them in that respect.”

“Why would that sound demeaning?”

“Because Isabel, as I said…I have acclimated.” She sighed. “The same cannot be said for most others as they…do not generally survive for more than four years. I still do not know how I managed to survive this long, especially having gone outside the walls at the tender age of ten. I had the privilege of gaining all this experience. I do not know why the Commander turned me into a soldier, in all honesty. I would not have been useless otherwise. There is always plenty of cleaning and paperwork to do after all, and God forbid anyone do something as taxing as use a fucking broom!”

The youngest giggled wildly. “You sound just like Levi!”

Saskia cast a quick glance over her shoulder at the oldest in the party. “Oh believe me, I have heard. And I am very relieved to know that someone understands the importance of keeping the headquarters from dropping below the sanitation threshold. I am utterly baffled by officers who choose to punish cadets with extra training, running laps for hours, and so on. That is exactly what they should doing with their cadets to begin with! Using that as punishment is just lazy. Making them clean however…When I was very young there was a Superior Team Leader whose motto was ‘Brooms and bleach build character’.”

**_Cue my blinding five second infatuation after hearing those words pass your lips._ **

**_Right after I said that I could feel your eyes on me as though you were trying to peer into the very core of my being. Yes, Erwin did in fact have reason to be concerned. He doesn’t anymore, of course. What happened beyond the walls was…It was stress relief. And something I could never do with anyone other than you, as you are the one I trust most in this world and beyond. It’s never…I’m sure you would agree with me. Never again. Never._ **

The perimeter was stable and Titan-free which greatly underwhelmed the four. After they reached the farthest point they were permitted to travel Saskia gave the order to turn back. As soon as she did her instinct took over. There was something within the vicinity that didn’t belong.

“General? What’s wrong?”

She put a finger to her lips and Isabel nodded. Saskia dismounted her horse and slowly followed the source of her growing suspicion and discomfort, not making a single sound as she walked.

“What’s going on?” Farlan whispered.

“Dunno,” Isabel shrugged. “But if she’s off of her horse there might be a Titan nearby.”

The area surrounding them was open for miles on end in all directions and there was nothing suspicious visible, even to her carefully cultivated night vision. But something was still amiss. She continued forward letting her intuition take the lead and came to a stop when she felt a light tremble beneath her feet. She could hear the horses behind her begin to grow restless. The trembling turned to a shaking, but not aggressive enough to disrupt her balance. She waited, turning her head so her ear was facing the source of the mysterious entity in the area. Heavy footsteps could be heard, growing louder and louder. It wasn’t long before something large and humanoid was in sight, far off in the distance and sprinting south.

 _Away from the walls. Something was near the walls. A Titan was near the walls…and is now leaving? It did not attempt to take any human lives? I heard no cannons fired…How could the Garrison not notice?_ Saskia studied the Titan off in the distance as it continued running, its movements reminiscent of a jogger. _Is it emulating human behavior?_ She knew it best not to pursue, only study from a safe distance. There was no risk worth taking at the current as following it would surely lead to other Titans. She had no idea that those Titans would be summoned. After the mystery Titan, which she assumed to be some sort of deviant type, was out of her range of sight an ear-piercing screech shattered the quiet atmosphere. Within a matter of seconds more trembling could be felt beneath her feet as Titans began pouring out from all directions, though none within a dangerous proximity, and seemed to run to the source of the sound as they went in the same direction that the bizarre deviant had.

 _A deviant that can…summon other Titans? What in the world?_ She quickly returned to the other three. “I am not sure if you could from back here but whatever that deviant did, that shriek seemed to draw out all those other Titans to follow it. This is unheard of. We need to return immediately so I can inform the Commander that such a thing exists, as we may encounter it sometime during the remainder of the expedition.”

**_We never did run into that Titan, whatever it was, nor have we seen or heard it since. But since that night my damned Pisces intuition has been telling me we will encounter it again. Somewhere. Somehow. I try not to put too much thought into it to avoid preconceived notions and limiting my thinking process. But…it must still be out there.  
_ **

**_Unfortunately the Commander didn’t believe you and said you sleep deprived and hallucinating. Erwin does. Hanji does. Mike does. And seeing as that thing came from the direction of the walls without catching the attention of the Garrison it may have been a shifter ‘practicing’ for destroying Maria and the attempt to destroy Rose._ **


	16. The Birth of Disruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character death alert!
> 
> This covers the rest of volume two chapter six and all of chapter seven.

**June 2 nd, Early Morning, Further Into Titan Territory**

Deeper and deeper the battalion ventured into Titan territory; the further away they were from the compound they had called home for the evening the more dangerous the journey became. Though impossible to predict roughly how many Titans were nearby any encounter warranting a retreat always had a higher casualty rate, the bane of Saskia’s existence.

Erwin had managed to convince the Commander that Hanji should join his squad for this expedition as her keen eye and observational skills, though unlike Saskia’s ability to intuit Titan presence, would likely be able to pick up new information about the monsters they would not find otherwise. Deliberation would continue later on as to whether or not she would transfer to his squad but Hanji, Erwin, and Saskia would need to fabricate a convincing reason for why that would pose some sort of detriment; she needed to remain in Flagan’s squad as their informant.

Though no explanation was given as to why the General was placed in the center column the Commander’s decision wasn’t questioned. He needed her near Levi in the event that he would attempt to advance and seek out Erwin. This did not go unnoticed by the three even though the formation hadn’t been implemented yet. She always began in the advance guard and moved elsewhere when ordered by the Commander, never beginning elsewhere. There was another reason which coincided with Shardis’ unreasonable expectations of the officer, his decision based on an old age adage of the pre-Titan world; it was rarely used in the conversations of the everyman due to being archaic and very few even knew of it. ‘Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning’. They altered it slightly, ‘shepherd’ being replaced with ‘soldier’s’ and ‘sailors’ with ‘officers’. No mention was made of his secondary reasoning, not even to Erwin, as he needed the Squad Leader to focus on the advance guard and not concern himself with the potential for a storm. Saskia had to be aware for it was her responsibility to be sure that the remaining soldiers all returned alive. Being in the middle gave her a better view of all flanks and the flares they would fire. There was no guarantee that a storm would stir but it wasn’t a risk they could take.

**_I don’t know why storms don’t bother me outside the walls. I would wager to say that Shardis’ psychological abuse had something to do with it. He did enjoy locking me out of the headquarters during flashfloods to create blockades around all potential points where the small torrents could weave their way into and keep an on the supplies stored outside to ensure they weren’t damaged by the rain. God forbid any rainwater pool anywhere or…there would be consequences. Now that he is no longer in the Survey Corps I’m free to show my fear though you are the only one who sees it most, as you’re the only one who can comfort me until it passes. But even now outside the walls Saskia Messmann has to be shoved into a cage so the General can take charge. Back then it was probably fear of Shardis should I express ‘weakness’ but now it’s habit. I won’t allow myself to be hindered by a cloudburst or streaks of lightning. You’re right. They can’t touch me. Titans can, and so my focus is exclusive to the real threat. The only threat._ **

After a half-hour or so of riding the Commander gave Erwin the signal. He extended his right arm. “EXECUTE LONG DISTANCE SCOUTING FORMATION!” the squad leader commanded and the orderly column of horses began to disperse until occupying their respective flanks.

The flank farthest to the right spotted a Titan and shot off a red flare, more being shot off until they reached the advance guard where Erwin fired a green to redirect. Those at the front right and front left did the same and the officers behind them shot one by one, each flare moving farther and farther back until each flank had fired. The entire formation quickly veered to the left to avoid the Titan.

“Pretty impressive,” Levi muttered. “It’s a huge battalion but it’s moving as if everyone in it has become one.”

“Yep, I should known that Squad Leader Erwin’s no ordinary guy,” Farlan agreed, shielding his eyes. “Looks like he’s arranged it so there’s no chance of the rear guard running into any Titans before we reach the next supply point.”

Isabel quickly counted off on her fingers. “Up ‘til now we’ve changed course fourteen times. Guess there’s a lot more of ‘em than you’d think, huh?”

“So in other words, we’re all fucked if we stop moving. Is that what you’re saying?” the blond teased.

In the advance guard the Commander’s concerns had manifested into reality as thick, gray wisps began to gather overhead yielding the promise of a tremendous storm as they began to block out the sun.

“Erwin, do you see that?”

“Yes…Storm…clouds are gathering…”

Panic began to spread like a contagion throughout the whole of the battalion. Nature, though Saskia’s source of divine inspiration, was a fickle Goddess. A few light droplets fell, harmless enough should the weather continue on as such. But luck was rarely on the Survey Corps’ side and just as everyone began to breathe a sigh of relief, hoping or believing that the conditions wouldn’t worsen a torrential downpour plummeted to the earth below.

“Shit! It started raining!” Farlan shouted. “Damn it, I can’t see anything in front of me!” He shielded his tightly clenched eyes.

“HEY!” Flagan shouted over the low rumbling thunder. “DON’T BREAK FORMATION! STAY TOGETHER WITH-!”

Isabel was the closest to him but his words sounded like a tirade of gibberish. “I can’t hear anything you’re saying!” she cried.

“Isabel, Farlan, don’t get separated!”

The conditions were too harsh to keep advancing in an orderly fashion and, though extremely dangerous, Erwin proposed they break the formation. There was no chance that they would be able to maintain it anyway. He tried firing a flare but the rain made the smoke disperse. They had no contact with the other flanks. Horses began slipping and tumbling in the mud. Mother Nature was not only fickle, she decided to be cruel that morning and released a heavy fog before them. The rest of the soldiers couldn’t see the flares, and now everyone’s vision was inhibited altogether.

“Hey, what the hell are we gonna do?!”

“All we can do is keep moving,” Farlan replied in a shaky voice. “I’m sure we haven’t gotten too far from the rest of the squad. We just have to keep going forward blindly…and hope this fog will clear up fast.”

“But the way things are going now, the flares are gonna be useless no matter how much time passes!” Isabel pointed out.

“As long as Squad Leader Flagan’s noise rounds still work I bet we can find the others if we’re lucky enough. Ah, this isn’t looking too good guys. If Erwin gets eaten up by the Titans, there’s no way we can get our hands on those documents. The only way to steal them is to go for the center.”

“But that’s where General Saskia is!” Isabel reminded. “She’ll see!”

“In this fog? Doubt it! She might be strong and fast but she’s still human. Even she has her limits!”

Isabel sneered and then gasped loudly. “I heard a noise round! Is it from our squad?!”

“Looks like it’s not too far off. We can probably catch up with everyone but- Levi?” Farlan noticed his attention was elsewhere.

 _If all three of us go…the rest of the squad will be in serious trouble. But if I go alone…there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to find them again. I have to choose._ The image of Isabel’s determined, excited salute from the night prior flashed through his mind.

**_I don’t know why I thought about it. I think deep down there was a part of me that hoped she would be able to channel you. I saw you in her, even if she was far more vocal about it. But the weather quickly reminded me of having my face shoved into the mud and looking up at Erwin after we were apprehended. Anger clouded my judgment. Pride clouded my judgment. Hatred clouded my judgment. I was selfish. In the end it really was about my wounded pride, just as Isabel said._ **

“I’m going alone. You two catch up to Flagan.”

“Hey…” Farlan wanted to argue but Levi was far too stubborn and domineering.

“I’ll get my hands on those documents. Besides, the one who’s going to kill that him and that little bitch is me. I won’t let a damn Titan get to them first.”

“But!”

“Big Bro! I’m gonna go with you, too!”

“Isabel. Think about it. Me alone, or Flagan and Sayram? Who do you think is more likely to become Titan food? As long as I can avoid Saskia and get to Erwin first she’ll be close enough to kill them as well. Don’t you trust her to protect you?”

**_I don’t think I’d ever said anything more passive-aggressive to her.  
_ **

“With the four of you together and her nearby, your chances of survival are much higher.”

“Levi! Use your head! The fog will clear up if we just wait it out awhile!”

“And? You think the Titans are just gonna sit back and relax until it does?”

“It doesn’t matter, just listen to me!” Farlan barked. “We have no idea where the Titans might come from in a situation like this! It’s too dangerous to be out there on your own!”

“I don’t need to hear all this shit from you! I can do it alone! Just trust me!”

**_That trust was what dug their graves.  
_ **

“Is that an order, Levi?” the blond snapped.

“An order…? What are you saying? I just…You guys are…I want to…”

The clueless and pathetic look on Levi’s face caused Farlan to burst out laughing. “Alright, then. I’ll trust you. Just don’t get yourself killed!”

“Ya better come back to us, Big Bro. No matter what!”

**_I did. I came back. But there was nothing to come back to._ **

Levi sped off towards the front of the formation, doing his best to try and stay away from the center where he last saw Saskia situated. _Visibility is pretty much zero. I’ve got no choice but to keep going and rely on my intuition. As long as the formation is still intact, I can use the fourth column as a guide to advance toward the front left, and run straight into the center unit. Don’t you dare die until I get there._

He wasn’t able to hear much over the sounds of the thunder and heavy rainfall but a certain onyx-haired officer, the one who set off the noise round to trick the three into trying to move closer to Flagan’s squad until she caught sight of them, was following behind him.

As they moved forward, her presence still unnoticed, they passed a menagerie of limbs and bodies chewed in half. Saskia was quick to notice that the Titan footprints led backwards. She began questioning the Commander’s order again until she saw Levi was hesitant as well, having made the observation himself. If he turned around he might notice her but it didn’t matter if he did. They both had the same targets in mind- the Titans and Squad Flagan.

“The others…Shit! SHIT! I’ve gotta hurry!” He quickly turned around and bolted back in the direction from which he came. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a human on horseback, no doubt the last person he wanted to encounter but her presence didn’t stop him. She continued to follow him, this time catching up so they were side by side.

“Do not ask questions, just focus on returning to the squad!” she ordered.

“Were you following me?! How did you navigate through the fog?!”

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO ASK QUESTIONS! NOW FOCUS!” _Isabel, please be okay…_

“Shouldn’t you be watching over the entire army like the guardian angel you like to think you are?!”

Saskia’s face went red with rage, highly visible despite the dense fog. She wanted to protect everyone and knew there would be dire consequences should the casualty rate exceed thirty percent but for the first time she not only wanted to defy the Commander for her own ‘selfish’ reasons, she placed hope in the rest of the army to fight the Titans without her aid so she could assist a select few. “Maybe…But if I do not trust the rest of the army to fend for themselves then what example do I set?! I do not want to be the Commander’s puppet any longer! Fighting for some is still fighting for all! This goes against everything I was raised and trained to believe, to do, but to hell with his orders!”

**_It had never occurred to me before that in fighting to protect everyone I got in the way of their ability to fight and focus. In a sense, Shardis was no better than Flagan._ **

“Puppet?”

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO ASK!” she screamed. “FOCUS LEVI! WE NEED TO GET TO YOUR SQUAD IMMEDIATELY! IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ISABEL THEN SO HELP ME… **THE THINGS I WILL DO TO FLAGAN IN ALL HIS INABILITY TO PROTECT HIS SQUAD WILL MAKE HIM WISH THE TITANS HAD GOTTEN TO HIM BEFORE I**!”

**_You said it. I’m holding you to it, even if you’re being stubborn as all hell. Six damn years since you told me that and it wasn’t until tonight that I realized my approach was wrong. Scolding you accomplished nothing. Telling you that there was nothing wrong with not being the ‘perfect soldier’ Shardis convinced you that you were born to be, that you’re more than enough as you are, seemed to register. But I know you want to change. It would take me quite some time to trust you but, just as you did me, for the hours to follow I trusted you as a fellow soldier. Common goal, common enemy._ **

“Why put it all on Fl-?”

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO ASK QUESTIONS!” _Judging by the size of the footprints…_ Saskia began assessing the situation they were about to run into.

 _They won’t be able to handle all those Titans at once._ Levi gulped and glanced at Saskia. _I still don’t trust you. But at least I can trust you to kill them. I don’t know if I’ll need your help. But I won’t turn it down. Not this time._ “We’re almost there.”

“Yes, I can see the enormous humanoid figures. Judging by their erratic movements Squad Flagan is fighting them. Prepare yourself, Levi. We may be en route to a mass slaughter.”

“Except for Isabel, right?”

“Of course not! She will be-!” Saskia stopped, eyes wide when they neared the Titan infested area.

They were greeted by the upper half of Sayram’s bloodied body tossed to the ground before them, his lifeless eyes challenging to her a staring contest. Further ahead Farlan was shouting to Isabel that they had to split up but he was cut off, whatever interrupting him being followed by a thumping sound. Something hit the ground, too heavy to be human but too light to be Titan. Levi and Saskia saw his profile tumble downwards into the mud; it was impossible for him to regain his footing. Isabel was screaming at him to hurry out of there.

Though they didn’t make the effort to coordinate both Levi and Saskia used their 3DMG to leap from their mounts and propel as far as the ropes would land, skidding into the mud but still landing on their feet. Saskia had her sights set on Isabel, who was trying to protect the fallen Farlan from a Titan looming over him by slicing through its hand. Levi was going after the other Titan before it could compete with the other for Isabel’s flesh.

She flew down to its back. She missed the nape. She hooked into its shoulder. She lost her footing on its wet back. She dangled sideways from her gear. The fog was starting to clear now, just in time for Isabel to see the Titan moving in for the kill.

She tried to call out for Levi. She tried to call out for Saskia. But by the time she came to her senses and was able to make a sound she was sliced up by a pair of enormous teeth, blood spraying out from between the back of the Titan she dangled from and the clenched jaw of the one that crushed her small body. Both Titans fell to the ground from the impact of the latter ramming into the back of the other in its effort to devour her.

Levi, Saskia, and Farlan froze. The first two still weren’t close enough to go in safely for a kill with the ground reduced to rivers of mud and Farlan had been left to fend for himself. The Titan that claimed Isabel rose sluggishly, its face stained with crimson innocence. It reached out for him but the other quickly sat up, sending its competitor flying backwards. By the time Levi and Saskia were close enough to attempt killing the Titans, Farlan was already in its grasp.

 _Everyone is going to end up dead. The choice I made back then…was wrong._ The guilt and disbelief were consuming him but a harsh kick in the back from the shorter woman brought him back to reality. It was her way to telling him to keep going while her sharp eyes would monitor the area and do all she could to keep him meeting the same fate at Isabel. Levi’s gear hooked into the Titan’s arm. _Please let me make it in time_ , he begged to any and every higher power that may have heard him, should one exist. Saskia did her best to keep up on the ground below him.

He saw Levi coming to his rescue. He lifted one arm as if to offer a farewell. Levi managed to cut off the arm holding his friend but his timing was off by only a fraction of a second as Farlan had already been stuffed into the Titan’s mouth. One leg was hanging out, barely attached to whatever remained of his body by a few strands of muscle and tendon.

**_I should have defied the Commander altogether and gone after Flagan instead. I was closer to them than you were. Flagan is ultimately at fault, but I didn’t do all I could have to try and keep them safe. If I had pursued the real threat she would have been able to help take down Flagan. She could’ve been there to celebrate with us after he was found guilty. Isabel would still be here in the flesh, not only in spirit and memory.  
_ **

**_Say what you will. Blame Flagan. Blame Titans. To a degree you blame yourself. But I was the one who left them behind. I told them that their safety, their lives were the only ones I was concerned about. The only ones I had an obligation to protect. I had a funny way of showing it, didn’t I?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character death alert!
> 
> The rest of volume two chapter six and all of chapter seven are covered here.


	17. The (Re)Birth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has some minor references to the visual novel version of The Birth of Levi. We're also done with it! But we're still not done with the flashbacks. After all this 844. The present story is in 850. And we do have a romance to lead up to.

**The Birth of Saskia**

Shardis’ threats echoed through her mind as the General fell to her knees, sending splatters of mud everywhere. Her arms hung limply at her sides and her eyes were glassy, transparent with nothing to be seen on the other end. The vibrant green flames had been dowsed by the rain, reduced to nothing but embers soaked in a horrific combination of precipitation and blood of her comrades. Her smile split in half down the middle revealing a pair of teeth rhythmically clacking from the cold fabric clinging to her skin. All color left her complexion leaving her as ghastly pale as an antique porcelain replica left in the dark for decades, smothered by dust and cobwebs. She was going to be severely punished for not killing Levi while he was in pursuit and failing to save Flagan’s squad, as well as all others in danger. But at this point there was nothing the Commander could subject her to that was worse than the punishment she inflicted upon herself.

“I was not fast enough,” she breathed, her petite body trembling as the Titans who decimated Squad Flagan noticed her and her vulnerable state. “I was not strong enough. I…I…” ‘ _Isabel’ comes from an ancient language meaning ‘God is my oath’._ She fell forward onto her hands and knees. “There is no God.”

Levi noticed that Saskia was completely detached from reality and had to dispatch the Titans himself, though this took little effort. She remained motionless and delusional throughout it all. She didn’t even notice the four other Titans that advanced on them from behind.

**_Despite the fights both verbal and physical that were to come later on, that was the moment I began to place a sliver of trust in Levi Ackermann. It wasn’t Cadet Ackermann fighting and avenging Isabel and Farlan. Protecting me, even if that wasn’t your intention. It was Levi Ackermann. You go on and on about how I never give myself enough credit but…Has it ever occurred to you that the reason for that may be because in my greatest moment of weakness you saved my life? That the reason I was able to come to my senses, get my second wind, and prepare myself for whatever Shardis had in store for me was because your passion and strength spilled over into me? Inspired me? Revitalized my faith in the Survey Corps’ future? That the reason I’m not only alive but functional, a bona fide human being, is because of you? Fuck my accomplishments. You deserve it all. And…and fuck General Saskia! The more I think about that dreadful morning the more I’ve come to realize that the pain I felt from Isabel’s death wasn’t because I had ‘failed as a soldier’. I had failed to protect one human being whom I had come to care for deeply, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. I had no idea what it meant to feel attached. Is that why you scare me? Because you forcibly yet inadvertently introduced me to that part of the emotional spectrum? I thought that I had been broken when in reality it was my shell that broke._ **

After the carnage ended she felt a sharp pain in the side, the sensation bringing her back to reality. She sat up slowly and examined her hands, coated in a mixture of mud and blood.

“Are you bowing to them? After all of that, you’re submitting to the Titans? Get the fuck off the ground!” She felt another jolt of pain as Levi kicked her in the side again, barely making contact with her ribcage.

“Their blood is on my hands…” She looked slightly hysterical. “Their blood…is literally… **on** my hands…” Her hands fell to her lap and she looked up at Levi. “I do not have them. What you seek…is not in my possession.”

“Just how much did you already know?”

“Hard to keep secrets from me.”

He extended a blade to her crestfallen form, lightly grazing the dip between her shoulder and her neck. “If you value your life, you’ll tell me where they are.”

 _Does he no longer intend on killing me? Is he giving me a choice? How most unexpected…_ “Value my life?” She laughed softly. “What life? The Commander’s puppet? Born and raised to do nothing more than…? God, I do not even know what I do. I play a role. I function. Again, I ask you, what life? There is nothing you could possibly take from me.” She glanced over at Isabel’s severed head. “Not anymore.”

“This is the true face of the great General I’ve been forced to hear so much about? Isabel’s damn idol?!” He sheathed. “Pathetic. Not even worth the minute amount of energy it would take to slice that pretty little head off,” he spat.

She extended her arms outward so the rain could wash away the combination of dirt and death. “Perhaps. Perhaps Saskia Messmann truly is pathetic. I would not know. I have never met her before.”

“So it was an act. Everything you did for Isabel was just an act.” He almost sounded disappointed.

“That…is why I am so uncertain…You most definitely are not helping this conundrum of mine.” _I just wanted her to have everything I never could. But if I was never meant to have a life beyond that a soldier…then she would not be granted the right to go on living, should she try to break beyond that in ways I never had. There…is more to this world than the Survey Corps. No, the Survey Corps is my world. But never before have I seen myself as…part of…someone else’s world, nor let anyone else into mine._ She looked up at the gray skies overhead, wincing whenever the droplets hit her squinted eyes. “What am I?” she mused in a barely audible whisper. _I may never know._ On unsteady legs she slowly rose. _But I know what I must do now._

“Hey! Are there any survivors?”

 _And so it begins._ Saskia gulped heavily when she thought of everything the currently absent Commander would do after confronting her on all that transpired but cast aside any lingering fear she ever had of the man. _You…are not my master, nor I your servant._

“Levi! Saskia! Are you the only ones who managed to make it out alive?” Erwin glanced around. “These Titan remains…Did the two of you-?”

Before he could finish Levi lunged at Erwin and hooked his arm around his neck, knocking him off of his horse and down into the mud. Mike quickly leapt off of his steed but Saskia, feeling oddly rejuvenated despite being in the epicenter of a cesspool of turpitude and despair, appeared by his side and extended an arm in front of him signaling him to halt. He glanced down at her, fearing for a brief moment that she had finally reached her breaking point and abandoned all reason.

“Back off,” Levi snarled, looking over his shoulder.

“Stand down, cadet,” Saskia ordered firmly. For a brief moment her eyes locked with Levi’s, an uncomfortable combination of confusion, gratitude, and unbridled rage.

“But Gener-”

“I said stand down!” she yelled, pushing him back. “Everything is fine. Or do you not trust me?”

**_I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He probably thought I went batshit insane._ **

As Erwin struggled to rise Levi advanced on him. “Erwin.” The Squad Leader felt the cool metal edge of Levi’s blade against his cheek and froze in place. “I’m going to fucking kill you. That’s the only reason I’m still here.”

Saskia could feel Mike shaking behind her, both out of anxiety and a growing urge to strike, so she stepped forward to stand between him and the confrontation. “It does not concern you. At ease,” she said softly in a way a mother would try to comfort a frightened child. Unlike her he wasn’t the sort to take a risk without absolute certainty and without having the background knowledge of Levi and the documents that she did he was just as clueless as any other cadet; there was nothing comforting about the scene unfolding before them.

“You friends…must have died…I see…” Erwin reached under his cloak and pulled out a soaked envelope. “These are the documents concerning Nicholas Lobov.”

“You bastard…Your bitch sister already tattled on you. Now you’re gonna tell me everything you know and how you came to know it, got it?” he glared.

“I’m sorry…that I took so long.” He opened the envelope and scattered the contents onto the ground. Every single piece of paper was blank save for the vine border decorating them.

“Hey. Just what the hell are you trying to do?”

“General…” Mike whispered nervously. “What-?”

“I already gave you an order,” she interrupted coolly. “Remaining uninvolved is the wisest choice you can make at the current. You do not need to fully understand what it is you are witnessing. All you need to know is that everything is fine. Everything is just fine.”

“It was a bluff,” Erwin admitted stoically.

“What?” Levi gasped angrily.

“Saskia and I examined the numbers and uncovered that Lobov was embezzling funds…using what was left from our suspended expeditions over the past several years.”

**_And Flagan was his liaison, his spy who maintained his image as a reliable and strong Squad Leader through his conditioning methods._ **

“We wanted definitive proof, enough to convict him, so we spread false information about him. Lobov is a vigilant man so I figured he would do something to confirm the existence of the documents first.   Sure enough, he approached the three of you with a request. Making a move would surely leave a trace behind, and it didn’t take long for our most stealthy soldier to clandestinely find the trail of and get her hands on the evidence. The more he acted on his own, the better I was able to gain the evidence we needed.”

Levi looked over at Saskia curiously. She had said she was not scheduled to be present when the three of them were to be apprehended and she would have handled it much differently, but she was the one responsible for getting them involved.

**_Again, I still don’t know how he knew it was you three. All I found was that Lobov had approached someone. No names, no places, nothing else. But he and I weren’t the only ones working on the investigation, and I cared far more about the Flagan angle than Lobov. Erwin picked up on the rumor about the black market for 3DMG not long after. With his ties Lobov would be able to arm you with 3DMG from corrupt MP officers, so it was likely that whoever was doing the selling knew something about who Lobov had armed. That must be how Erwin found out who it was he was going through to get the documents. I could see in your eyes though, that once you knew exactly how deeply rooted my ties were in the Lobov angle of our conspiracy, that part of the reason I was so heavily invested in creating an amicable relation with the three of you was to protect you. You were finally out of the underground. I wanted it to stay that way. It reached a point where I had grown so used to your presence that I wanted you to stay, period. As for Isabel…Well, you already know. I wanted her to have everything I never could now that she was free. But that freedom came at the price of working for Lobov, the most corrupt nobleman of them all. And being placed in Flagan’s squad put you in even more danger. I couldn’t allow him to subject you to his mechanistic dehumanization, nor could I allow for Lobov to do away with you after you served your purpose and gave him the papers. No longer having need of you, he would have discarded you to keep the whole thing covered up. What proof did we have of his actions without you, his underlings, the ones who interacted with him directly, to testify?  
_ **

“If you knew all that…why did you make us join your Survey Corps?”

“For one, your fighting skills are truly outstanding. The other reason is because I wanted to use you, the ones Lobov made a deal with, in order to throw him off. But none of that matters anymore. The real documents are now in possession of Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackley. It’s all over for Lobov.”

**_That must have been when you fully understood what I meant when I said I would’ve taken a different approach than Erwin. I wouldn’tve used you like that. I wanted to free you from Lobov’s grasp, while still having you play the part of his minions to throw him off, in a joint effort to stop him. Had I been able to fully trust you at the time we could have done away with Flagan much sooner than we did._ **

“…my friends…they threw their lives away for nothing.”

**_They did. But Erwin wouldn’t listen to me so matter how hard I tried to make him understand it would come to that. I started to get the impression that he didn’t care, so long as we succeeded in stopping Lobov and eventually Flagan. Everyone in the Survey Corps is ready and willing to make the sacrifice for humanity, even if it means their lives, right? His approach only solidified my stance in opposing his views._ **

“You just dragged us into your worthless schemes…But now, I’m gonna drag you down too. Don’t think you’re off the hook, General. I don’t care how good your intentions may have been. That’s what the road to Hell is paved with, so I hope you’re ready to walk it and revel in your fine work!”

Mike tried to move past her but she spun around and jumped back a blade’s length, pulling one out and putting it between the two of them pointing it at his solar plexus. “Not another step,” she warned. “If it disturbs you so greatly, look away.” She felt no need to watch what was happening between Levi and Erwin. Even if she had seen Levi’s attempt to slice Erwin’s head off she knew he would be able to stop the blow at the expense of his palm as the sharp steel left a deep laceration in his skin. His blood pooled around his clenched hand and dripped slowly to the ground.

“Worthless schemes? Who was it who killed my subordinates, killed your friends? Was it me? Was it Saskia? Or was it you? Even if you had gone together with them to ambush me, do you really think that they would’ve survived unharmed?”

Levi’s visible hesitation was enough to finally calm Mike down. Keeping her blade out in case impulse took control of him, Saskia turned around to watch the pivotal moment.

“You’re right…my arrogance…my own fucking shitty pride…”

“NO! YOU’RE WRONG!” Erwin forced Levi’s blade down. “IT’S THE TITANS!”

**_I told you that I was the only one who believed you were innocent in regards to their deaths. That was mostly true. The Titans did kill them, yes. But even Erwin, to a degree, thought you to be accountable regardless. Rather, he placed the blame in your decision making. Why else would he have brought up that, no matter what route you chose, he believed their deaths to be inevitable?_   
**

“Where did the Titans come from? Why do they exist? Why do they devour humans? I don’t have the answers. None of us do. Limited by our ignorance, we’ll continue to be devoured by the Titans! If we just stay shut behind the walls, we are never going to escape this nightmare.” The downpour began to taper into tiny droplets.

 ** _‘Who poses a greater threat to humanity- the Titans, or humanity itself?’_**. ** _The question I asked you which started it all. When we spoke that day I was so utterly clueless as to how to begin that conversation. Then I remembered my brother’s words about the walls. How could it not have still been on your mind? You traded in one cage for another._**

“Take a good look around you!” Erwin pointed behind himself. “No matter how far you go, there aren’t any walls here. In this wide open space I believe there is something there, illuminating our despair. But there are those who seek to prevent us from going beyond the walls. They are consumed by selfish thoughts of their own gains and losses where it’s safe! It’s only natural. During the past one hundred years, hindered by the walls, the eyes of humanity have been clouded. They cannot see the landscape on the other side. But what about you Levi? Will you let your eyes remain clouded?”

**_I’m not sure why that, of all the times, I reminded of the color of your eyes. Perhaps that’s why I’m afraid of you. Your eyes are the color of storm clouds!...Actually, that sort of makes some sense now that I- No it doesn’t! That’s just fucking stupid. That’s as ridiculous as you having hated me for, I don’t know, having black hair- You have black hair, that doesn’t work. My name! That’s as silly as you having hated me because of my name. Besides, your eyes are a lovely color._ **

“Will you kill me and return to the darkness of the underground?” Erwin towered over him. “We will not give up our journey outside the walls. SO FIGHT FOR THE SURVEY CORPS, LEVI! HUMANITY NEEDS YOUR STRENGTH!”

The rain finally ceased and the sun broke through the clouds as though trying to provide the very illumination Erwin spoke of prior and prompt an answer out of Levi. He glanced upward as he lowered his blood-stained blade.

Erwin returned to his characteristically composed demeanor and tone, but he seemed to be fighting a smile. “I’m not making a deal with you this time.”

**_I didn’t know what to say. But it quickly occurred to me that I need not say anything at all. You were deep in thought. I did want to contribute though. There was only one thing that I could say in hopes that it would ease the tension of making your decision. Doing that is, as far I’m concerned, the greatest risk I have ever taken. But my hopes had never been higher, nor my confidence. You didn’t trust me, you still probably hated me, perhaps even blamed me some now that you knew the extent of my involvement. But whereas Erwin is one for presenting an option as though it’s an order or the best (therefore only) option, I much prefer to remind there is another way of going about reaching a decision._ **

“But humanity will not begrudge you should you decline.” Levi looked over his shoulder at Saskia, eyes riddled with confusion. She slowly approached him the way a medic would a shell-shocked and paranoid soldier with a life-threatening injury. “You can fight with us and make the same contributions and sacrifices as the rest. You can decline and go wherever you feel your calling is. It all comes down to where you place your trust. I chose to place my trust in you today. Did you trust me, even if only briefly?”

“Right now I’m trusting you not to live up to your reputation and cut me in half as soon as I blink.” He paused and then fully turned to her. “Blondie is barking orders at me like I’m already a ‘real’ cadet. You’re not even trying to sway me and you’re the second highest ranking officer. What the fuck is wrong with you people and your ‘chain-of-command’?”

“‘Chain’ is a misleading word. Implies that all is rigid and linear. I will not tell you what the best choice is for you to make. I am not you. I have no way of determining that. I will not tell you what I want you to do. It is not my choice to make. I do not want my thoughts to influence your own thought process. But I do want you to know that if you decline, you need not fear litigation. You are not the enemy. You never have been.”

“I wasn’t your ally either.”

“Does it have to be black and white? Do not focus so much on what is ‘best’, ‘right’, ‘good’, for those words are much very open to interpretation. Instead of being able to reach a conclusion, you become so wrapped up in what they even mean that it becomes difficult to think straight. And exerting all that effort, only to pick a path leading to nothing but regrets? So focus on your anger. Your pain. You hatred. Which is the route that will not exacerbate them? Do not seek out a light. Just avoid the dark.”

**_That was when it clicked. Your eyes really do give away far more than you probably like to believe. Or maybe I was the only one standing close enough to see it. Whatever the case may have been, I’m glad I was there to witness it. That was when I first met Levi Ackermann. My shoulder to cry on, my rock to cling to, my source of strength, my best friend. What a sentimental idiot you’ve turned me into…_ **

**…**

  **The Birth of Levi**

After slicing off the Titan’s hand Levi flew back up to pull what remained of Farlan out of its mouth. He had difficulty maintaining his grasp for the arm he grabbed was coated in a freshly spilled rust red layer. He gently set the severed body on the ground and rolled it over so it was face forward. Despite the cause of death Farlan looked somewhat peaceful, as though he had accepted his fate before his untimely end. Seeing that and knowing his friend was put into such a position in the first place only served to fuel Levi’s anger, which he had every intention of taking out on the four Titans advancing on Saskia and himself. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder hoping he wouldn’t see her; a sudden absence implied she was already in action. Instead his eyes fell upon a shaking and potentially delusional young woman talking to herself. She remained stationary until eventually falling onto her hands and knees.

 _Like hell I’m letting them get to her_ , he thought to himself as he mentally braced for battle. _If anyone’s killing her it’s me._

**_And I accuse you of being clingy…_ **

Even someone who was fully invested in reality wouldn’t have been able to keep up with Levi’s exceptional speed as he brutally slaughtered each Titan one-by-one. To say he wasn’t enjoying it, receiving both a sense of satisfaction over having thwarted an enemy and the adrenaline rush from the act itself, would be even more absurd than claiming Titans were as harmless as a newborn kitten.

Only one remained. The one that killed Farlan. Earlier in the onslaught Levi had rammed his blades into its eyes, temporarily rendering it blind. He reveled in watching it suffer as he approached it, a fresh kill hitting the ground behind his casual stride.

“Hey, fuckhead. Do humans taste good to you?” He jumped up and hooked into its neck, shifting his center of gravity so he could balance on its right shoulder with just one foot. “C’mon. Were they tasty?”

The Titan could do little more than grunt and groan in agony as its eyes began regenerating.

“Answer me.”

**_I don’t know why I was talking to it. I think it’s because you were psychologically MIA and I wanted to yell at something._ **

A burst of steam exploded the enormous gash in its neck as the dead creature hit the ground. He spat on the body as it began the decaying process and walked up to the frantic General. He saw Isabel’s severed head on the path before him and froze. Her green eyes were wide with fear and desperation, staring at him as though she was still waiting for him to come to her rescue. He knelt down beside it and gently pulled her eyelids down.

 _She’s acting like she’s never seen a Titan before, let alone watch it kill someone._ He continued advancing on the General, bracing himself for what might be the moment he had waited three miserable months for. _Why the fuck was she following me? Whatever happened to caring so much about Isabel?!_ His face contorted in anger and he delivered a sharp kick to her side, both to inflict the pain and snap her out of her trance. Levi rolled his eyes as she sat up and examined her limbs as though surprised by the mud and blood she was drenched in.

“Are you bowing to them? After all of that, you’re submitting to the Titans? Get the fuck off the ground!” he barked. He delivered another kick, this time with the intention of leaving a bruise; as greatly as he wanted to hit her in the ribcage he would have to settle for second best.

**_It was a lot like that little show we put on with Eren, the only difference being my motive for kicking you while you were down was genuine. I needed something to take out my anger on and I was already pretty damn angry at you. You were such an easy target. It almost pained me knowing I couldn’t kill you in that moment._ **

“Their blood is on my hands…” She looked slightly hysterical. “Their blood…is literally… **on** my hands…” Her hands fell to her lap and she looked up at Levi. “I do not have them. What you seek…is not in my possession.”

“Just how much did you already know?”

“Hard to keep secrets from me.”

 _I don’t have time for your word games woman!_ He extended a blade to her crestfallen form, lightly grazing the dip between her shoulder and her neck. “If you value your life, you’ll tell me where they are.”

She seemed surprised by his bargain. “Value my life?” She laughed softly. “What life? The Commander’s puppet? Born and raised to do nothing more than…? God, I do not even know what I do. I play a role. I function. Again, I ask you, what life? There is nothing you could possibly take from me.” She glanced over at Isabel’s head and reluctantly he followed her gaze. “Not anymore.”

**_When you said ‘Commander’s puppet’ I thought you finally realized was how brainwashed you were, his little watchdog. What you told me after Maria fell…Never before had I wanted to kill anyone so badly. I’m still amazed I was able to keep myself from doing so. If I ever see his fucking face again you might need to restrain me._ **

_And it took her death for you to have this existential epiphany. Fucking lunatic._ “This is the true face of the great General I’ve been forced to hear so much about? Isabel’s damn idol?!” He sheathed. “Pathetic. Not even worth the minute amount of energy it would take to slice that pretty little head off,” he spat. _What in the hell did Isabel see in her?_

She extended her arms outward so the rain could wash away the combination of dirt and death. “Perhaps. Perhaps Saskia Messmann truly is pathetic. I would not know. I have never met her before.”

 _Pathetic, huh? No shit._ “So it was an act. Everything you did for Isabel was just an act.” He almost felt disappointed.

“That…is why I am so uncertain…You most definitely are not helping this conundrum of mine.” On unsteady legs she slowly rose and Levi detected a slight air of confidence stirring around her, greatly contrasting her prior emotional state. In a matter of seconds he knew where she was deriving it from, now able to hear what she picked up long before he did.

“Hey! Are there any survivors?”

He glanced over his shoulder. _Just in time. Which one gets to go first? Hm…Seniority rights._

“Levi! Saskia! Are you the only ones who managed to make it out alive?” Erwin glanced around. “These Titan remains…Did the two of you-?”

Before he could finish Levi lunged at Erwin and hooked his arm around his neck, knocking him off of his horse and down into the mud. The cadet in his company jumped off of his horse but Saskia quickly intervened, putting out an arm in front of the confused soldier. Levi didn’t know why and he didn’t care in the slightest. She was making his job easier.

“Back off,” Levi snarled, looking over his shoulder.

“Stand down, cadet,” Saskia ordered firmly. For a brief moment his eyes locked with Saskia’s, a volatile combination of intrigue, determination, and a bit of encouragement seemingly directed at him. The cadet protested but she ordered him to remain as he was.

As Erwin struggled to rise Levi advanced on him. “Erwin.” The Squad Leader felt the cool metal edge of Levi’s blade against his cheek and froze in place. “I’m going to fucking kill you. That’s the only reason I’m still here.”

“You friends…must have died…I see…” Erwin reached under his cloak and pulled out a soaked envelope. “These are the documents concerning Nicholas Lobov.”

“You bastard…Your bitch sister already tattled on you. Now you’re gonna tell me everything you know and how you came to know it, got it?” he glared.

“I’m sorry…that I took so long.” He opened the envelope and scattered the contents onto the ground. Every single piece of paper was blank save for the vine border decorating them.

“Hey. Just what the hell are you trying to do?”

“It was a bluff,” Erwin admitted stoically.

“What?” Levi gasped angrily.

“Saskia and I examined the numbers and uncovered that Lobov was embezzling funds…using what was left from our suspended expeditions over the past several years.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “We wanted definitive proof, enough to convict him, so we spread false information about him. Lobov is a vigilant man so I figured he would do something to confirm the existence of the documents first.   Sure enough, he approached the three of you with a request.” Levi remembered the triumphant look on Farlan’s face when he figured out the name of the man who commissioned them. “Making a move would surely leave a trace behind, and it didn’t take long for our most stealthy soldier to clandestinely find the trail of and get her hands on the evidence. The more he acted on his own, the better I was able to gain the evidence we needed.”

Levi looked over at Saskia curiously. She had said she was not scheduled to be present when the three of them were to be apprehended and she would have handled it much differently, but she was the one responsible for getting them involved.

**_After hearing that I wanted to hate you even more for leading Lobov to us. But then I noticed something very peculiar. Even you looked a little lost, listening intently as Erwin explained in great detail. Compartmentalization courtesy of Shardis? Who the hell knows? One thing was for certain though- even you didn’t know every damned detail of the plan at the time, and you had just learned that.  
_ **

“If you knew all that…why did you make us join your Survey Corps?”

“For one, your fighting skills are truly outstanding. The other reason is because I wanted to use you, the ones Lobov made a deal with, in order to throw him off. But none of that matters anymore. The real documents are now in possession of Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackley. It’s all over for Lobov.”

**_That was when I understood what you meant by saying you would’ve taken a different approach. Had I not been so selfish, so guarded, so blinded by hatred then I would’ve listened to Isabel. I wouldn’t have liked it at the time but I would have given you a chance, for their sakes. Hindsight isn’t twenty-twenty. It’s blinding._ **

“…my friends…” He recalled Isabel’s and Farlan’s excitement about finally getting out of the underground. “…they threw their lives away for nothing. You just dragged us into your worthless schemes…But now, I’m gonna drag you down too. Don’t think you’re off the hook, General. I don’t care how good your intentions may have been. That’s what the road to Hell is paved with, so I hope you’re ready to walk it and revel in your fine work!”

The cadet became active again but Saskia continued warding him off for reasons Levi couldn’t even begin to fathom. He was far too distracted by the subdued man before him, in a perfect position for beheading. It was nostalgic in ways that disgusted him but were very cathartic at the same time. One more enemy was about to fall by his hands. Rather, he would attempt to slice Erwin’s head off. He didn’t anticipate him to try to stop the blow at the expense of his palm as the sharp steel left a deep laceration in his skin. His blood pooled around his clenched hand and dripped slowly to the ground.

**_I started to wonder if insanity and masochism ran in your ‘family’ when he did that. Granted, it wasn’t to save his life. He did it to save mine._ **

“Worthless schemes? Who was it who killed my subordinates, killed your friends? Was it me? Was it Saskia? Or was it you? Even if you had gone together with them to ambush me, do you really think that they would’ve survived unharmed?”

Saskia kept her blade out to keep the other present soldier in line and turned on her heel to watch it all unfold.

 _If I hadn’t left them behind back then…_ “You’re right…my arrogance…my own fucking shitty pride…”

“NO! YOU’RE WRONG!” Erwin forced Levi’s blade down. “IT’S THE TITANS! Where did the Titans come from? Why do they exist? Why do they devour humans? I don’t have the answers. None of us do. Limited by our ignorance, we’ll continue to be devoured by the Titans! If we just stay shut behind the walls, we are never going to escape this nightmare.” The downpour began to taper into tiny droplets.

 ** _‘Who poses a greater threat to humanity- the Titans, or humanity itself?’_**. ** _The question you asked me which started it all. Great pick up line._**

“Take a good look around you!” Erwin pointed behind himself. “No matter how far you go, there aren’t any walls here. In this wide open space I believe there is something there, illuminating our despair. But there are those who seek to prevent us from going beyond the walls. They are consumed by selfish thoughts of their own gains and losses where it’s safe! It’s only natural. During the past one hundred years, hindered by the walls, the eyes of humanity have been clouded. They cannot see the landscape on the other side. But what about you Levi? Will you let your eyes remain clouded? Will you kill me and return to the darkness of the underground?” Erwin towered over him. “We will not give up our journey outside the walls. SO FIGHT FOR THE SURVEY CORPS, LEVI! HUMANITY NEEDS YOUR STRENGTH!”

**_Either he forgot how close he was to me or has severe volume control issues. My ears were ringing slightly after he screamed in my face._ **

The rain finally ceased and the sun broke through the clouds as though trying to provide the very illumination Erwin spoke of prior and prompt an answer out of Levi. He remembered the first time the three of them left the walls, tasting true freedom. Isabel was excited, like a fresh recruit ready to work her way up the chain-of-command and follow in the footsteps of her idol. Farlan was eager to see what waited for them outside the pseudo-safety of the walls. He glanced upward as he lowered his blood-stained blade.

Erwin returned to his characteristically composed demeanor and tone, but he seemed to be fighting a smile. “I’m not making a deal with you this time.”

**_I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn’t find the words for it. I wanted to say yes, to join, but I felt as though in doing so I was conforming to someone’s agenda. From what I know of Erwin now, I more or less would have. He wanted me to stay for my strength. Understandable considering his principles and priorities, and I don’t blame him for it. I used to think that both of you were arrogant, especially you and your feigned modesty. Rank really doesn’t mean a damn thing to either of you. I began to understand the magnitude of what you both dedicated your lives to. And I couldn’t turn away from it, for reasons I didn’t know at the time. Didn’t take long for you to figure that out though. But I didn’t want to agree because I was being pressured so I could be utilized like an asset. Enter you in all your ‘infinite wisdom’. You knew what I needed to hear._ **

“But humanity will not begrudge you should you decline.” Levi looked over his shoulder at Saskia, eyes riddled with confusion which he hid behind rolling them out of forced annoyance. She slowly approached him, clearly unsure of what to expect now. But she seemed compelled to speak nonetheless. “You can fight with us and make the same contributions and sacrifices as the rest. You can decline and go wherever you feel your calling is. It all comes down to where you place your trust. I chose to place my trust in you today. Did you trust me, even if only briefly?”

“Right now I’m trusting you not to live up to your reputation and cut me in half as soon as I blink.” He paused and then fully turned to her. “Blondie is barking orders at me like I’m already a ‘real’ cadet. You’re not even trying to sway me and you’re the second highest ranking officer. What the fuck is wrong with you people and your ‘chain-of-command’?”

“‘Chain’ is a misleading word. Implies that all is rigid and linear. I will not tell you what the best choice is for you to make. I am not you. I have no way of determining that. I will not tell you what I want you to do. It is not my choice to make. I do not want my thoughts to influence your own thought process. But I do want you to know that if you decline, you need not fear litigation. You are not the enemy. You never have been.”

“I wasn’t your ally either.”

“Does it have to be black and white? Do not focus so much on what is ‘best’, ‘right’, ‘good’, for those words are much very open to interpretation. Instead of being able to reach a conclusion, you become so wrapped up in what they even mean that it becomes difficult to think straight. And exerting all that effort, only to pick a path leading to nothing but regrets? So focus on your anger. Your pain. You hatred. Which is the route that will not exacerbate them? Do not seek out a light. Just avoid the dark.”

**_There was a time when I believed that the reason I thought I understood why Isabel took to you so quickly came during the conversation in your office a few days later. But looking back…Looking back I’m certain that was the moment. Having lived in darkness my entire life, I didn’t know how to avoid it. I hadn’t even realized it was possible. And it was much easier than I had anticipated. All I had to do was follow your lead and the rest simply…fell into place._ **

**…**

“Hurry, we should bring the dry noise rounds back to the supply squad.” Erwin mounted his horse. “We will regroup from there.”

“When the weather conditions improve, the Titans will probably become active again,” Mike pointed out to his Squad Leader.

“Then we need to join the Commander in the vanguard before we suffer any more losses. We will make it back alive!” he declared. He knew full well that Flagan was already there feeding Shardis a ridiculous fabrication justifying his survival but the death of his entire squad, and already had plans for Levi. As much as he wanted to intervene Erwin decided that he had done enough, hardly accomplishing anything at that, and would leave Levi to Saskia’s discretion. He would always remain concerned regarding their interactions but he had to show that he trusted her, both as his superior and as a young adult.

As the four of them bolted off Levi looked back at the scene of the bloodbath one last time. He was becoming slightly distracted but a gentle voice to his left pulled him from his thoughts.

“Better they return to the Earth then rot in a mass grave within the walls,” Saskia murmured.

“…guess so,” he conceded.

“Levi-”

“We’re not on a first name basis,” he growled slightly.

“True, you do only refer to me by my rank. Then, Cadet Ackermann-”

“ **Don’t** call me that either.”

“…Cadet Levi?” she offered with a slight shrug.

“Tch. Fine. Whatever. What do you want?”

“Thank you for saving my life. Even if you only did so with the intention of killing me afterward. I am deeply indebted to you.”

“I’ll hold you to that. And probably take advantage of it.”

“I would expect no less from the one whose presence did indeed liven up the Survey Corps. For better and for worse…just as I had predicted.”

“Erwin! Does she have an off button?” Levi called, deadpanning when he received nothing but a laugh from the Squad Leader riding ahead of them. Mike tried stifling his but failed miserably.

“You know, I still do not fully trust you.”

“What a coincidence. I don’t fully trust you either.”

“I look forward to the day I can.” She turned to him, eyes sparkling with delight at the prospect. “By ‘not fully’, are you implying that you do trust me to a degree?”

“Even if you stop talking to her, she’ll keep going!” Erwin half-warned.

Saskia did indeed continue talking along the way, a noticeable change in character which confused but also pleased Erwin. Though he didn’t want to thank Levi he knew that their interactions, with Isabel as the catalyst, was causing her to come into her own. It was strange not hearing her speak monotonously and limit her words to the subject of the Survey Corps and all related topics but incredibly refreshing.

Levi had no idea what he breathed life into, nor did Saskia understand the depths of which her actions impacted his starting over. She had just begun while he had begun anew.

All it took was a little hatred to give birth to something phenomenal or a complete disaster.


	18. Enough is Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE
> 
> Anyone remember why 30% is significant to the AoT canon? If not, rewatch episode 16.
> 
> We're finally back to 850! Now, here's my question for you guys. Do you think Levi is gonna go slightly yandere on Saskia?

**June 4 th, 844, Titan Territory, 4 PM**

The return to the walls after the dreadful expedition was like a sick sequel to the misery they had already experienced. There was a small Titan encounter, not one great enough to disrupt the formation, but threatening enough that vanguard had to intercept before the threat grew for fear of the formation splitting down the center. Shardis' words made no difference however, as Titans are known for ignoring human commands and their numbers grew. They encountered not one but three deviants, the largest of them almost claiming Hanji’s life. 

Two of the three deviants were subdued and the formation’s interior hadn’t been touched; only the exterior dealt with slight dispersal. However the entire formation had been completely disrupted by the presence of the remaining Titan. Its location was dangerously close to Squad Flagan, almost completely annihilated and consisting of three members- a negligent Squad Leader, one adept Titan slayer, and soldier with the mind of a scientist. One need not pour much thought into determining who the most vulnerable target was and odds of killing it were higher if no energy was put into protecting the weakest link due to their low numbers. Flagan cared not for her life and Levi would have been focused on killing the Titan without necessarily taking Hanji’s potential expiration into account. Little effort would have been exercised to kill it with Levi in proximity; what kept them quickly killing it to maintain their rigid organization came in the form of another soldier, the second-in-command, who absolutely refused to let another friend die on her watch. Her abdication from the vanguard parted the formation down the center. For once a Titan was not to blame for the formation unraveling. 

Levi was preparing to go in for the kill until he noticed the black and green blur approaching. _She moved all the way from the vanguard to rearguard…She knows I can kill it. She’s the reason the formation is a mess. Doesn’t she realize that?_ It was in that moment Levi noticed the Squad Leader he and Hanji shared seemed to be ignoring the situation. Not actively ignoring but unresponsive altogether as though such a threat to his squad didn’t faze him. His eyes widened in realization. _Where was he when the rest of the squad-?_

_CLAMP!_

A panic broke out amongst the scattered soldiers when Hanji had been grabbed, presumably eaten, and Saskia hooked into its hand and ran up along the arm before releasing her grappling hooks into the Titan’s still open mouth. They had lodged securely into the back of the throat. Hanji was too busy having a panic attack to do much of anything, which Saskia had anticipated, and the shorter woman quickly slashed through the tongue to temporarily paralyze the muscle. Its ability to swallow was mildly inhibited, but it provided her with all the time would need before it stitched itself back together and consumed them bother. 

“What in the hell is she doing?!” Levi exclaimed to no one in particular, then he recalled her brief moment of disassociation. _Compunction? Is that it? Nice to know Isabel’s role model is a suicidal maniac._

“Nothing productive, that’s for damn sure!” Flagan replied. “You cut into its knees and ankles and I’ll go for the ne-” 

“Like hell I will!” 

“Now’s not the time for insubordination you worthless shit! They’re already dead!” 

_The rest of the formation isn’t interfering with…whatever she’s trying to do. Do they believe she can save her? Does the entire battalion have that much faith in her? Or are they too clueless to try anything?_ “It hasn’t swallowed yet you inattentive dumbfuck!” Levi pointed at the Titan, who had its hands around its throat as though struggling to force something down. “When she went in, she probably hooked into the back of the throat to secure her position. She’s trying to kill it from the inside out. You slice through the neck, you slice through her.” _Not that you seem to give a damn…_

“That’s what she deserves for playing hero all the time! It was just one cadet! A cadet weak enough to get grabbed by that monstrosity! The formation has gone to hell thanks to her!” 

“Then why aren’t the rest of them trying to kill it?! Why are they leaving the job to her?! Are they waiting for the second-in-command to get her dumbass killed?!” _Why am I defending her?_ “Where’s the sense in that?!” _Why am I leaving it to her?_ “Either they want her to die or they trust her to get the job done! She was made second-in-command for some reason or another!” 

“I don’t know who she had to suck off to get that rank but she doesn’t deserve it!” 

“It’s been made pretty damn clear that she’s able to do more for the Survey Corps in a matter of months than a dumbfuck like you could in a year!” _She is a hard worker…and for some reason I care. Fine, whatever, I concede, she’s incredible or something…pending her survival. What are you made of General?_

Inside the mouth the tongue muscle was starting to heal as Saskia picked up Hanji, who fainted from terror, and threw her over her right shoulder. _We would certainly be doomed if I were not ambidextrous._ With Hanji secured under her left arm and a blade in her right hand she propelled and slashed twice into the Titan’s weak spot, penetrating it from within in the form of a large criss-cross. Her 3DMG was still functioning at its prime, keeping them from making the lethal descent into the boiling liquid laying in wait beneath the esophagus. 

* * *

**June 5 th, 844, Near Wall Maria, 7 PM**

Saskia’s deep green eyes slowly flickered open, greeted by a comforting view of the night sky. Her body was in immense pain but it wasn’t beyond her tolerance. She weakly turned her head and saw both she and Hanji were laying down in one of the empty supply carts, the brunette’s head wrapped up in layers of bandaging. Saskia tried to reach up and feel her own head but the moment she moved her left arm she almost bit through her tongue to hold back a shriek of pain. She lifted her head and saw it was strapped down using the belts from her 3D gear to try and keep the bones in place, which she could almost feel rattling about beneath her skin. 

_We used so many medical supplies after…after that storm. There must not have been any adequate slings or equipment to fashion a makeshift one in our remaining inventory. Regardless, it worked. They may see a failure because of the injury I sustained but the risk was taken to save Hanji’s life, my own survival being inconsequential._ She winced and threw her head back. “Comminuted fracture of the ulna and radius,” she breathed. _Is there another fracture in the humerus? How many did I receive? And how?_

“You’re one lucky bitch, General.” As soon as she awoke her natural scent changed and Mike, who was driving the cart, picked up on it immediately. “Remember anything?” 

“…it was very wet.” She held back a soft laugh. 

“I bet. After you killed it, it fell forward. You had Hanji held so tightly to you that she only received a severe concussion and has been out cold since. Your arm took the blow and hit the teeth, and you damn near shattered the entire thing. Do Squad Leader Erwin a favor and don’t pull a stunt like that again, alright? He looked ready to have a heart attack.” 

“When did this new trend of cadets giving their superiors orders develop?” she grinned, mentally struggling with how her left arm was so incredibly damaged. If what Mike said was true she would have at the very least taken impact in her upper arm. She exhaled deeply to steady her heart rate. “Did the Commander pull us out?” 

“Sure did.” 

_My punishment disguised as an injury from saving Hanji’s life._ She looked down at her arm again. _He broke it further._

“You impressed Levi to hell and back though. But I don’t think he would ever let you know it.” 

“I did?” 

“Couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. Well, no one could. But the Commander sent Erwin and myself after you, just in case he tried anything. He’s still extremely cautious about Levi, but he’s trusting your judgment. Which is odd, seeing as you don’t trust him. Anyway, I think it was your atypical movements that got his attention. That was his first time seeing you in action, wasn’t it?” 

“…yes,” she replied in a low voice, reminiscent of a confession of guilt. 

“Why the change in tone, Saskia?” 

“He should have seen it before. Back when…I never should…Ignore me. The ramblings of an injured lunatic. No more.” _He should have seen it when I saved Isabel. I should have saved Isabel. Why did I go after Levi, THEN change my mind? Why not seek out Flagan immediately?_

“If it makes you feel any better, Maria is in sight. You won’t have to see all the pissed off Shiganshina residents when we enter.” 

“Certainly we are not in the vanguard, as there are no supply carts in the flanks closer to the front of the formation. But the Commander cannot afford to remove you from it, can he?” 

“Levi’s up there.” 

A gossamer veil of warmth settled over her upon hearing those words. _Away from Flagan, close to Erwin, and in the vanguard._ Her eyes darted about for Pollux and Castor but once again they eluded her gaze. _What is that old saying from the pre-Titan world? Something about being humble for we come from the earth but noble for we come from the stars. Is that why you took her? It does not matter now, nor in the long run. She is safer and that’s all that matters. Wherever she is, she’s safer. Wherever angels can be found. That is where Isabel went. Now she really does have her Wings of Freedom. Is that the only way to achieve true freedom? Through death? Rather, the end of a controlled life? No. Such thoughts reflect submission. True freedom comes from revolution, from the oppressed. People need only realize how much power they truly hold._

They arrived at the headquarters close to ten, harassed and heckled all the way. Streets were crowded with livid townsfolk, the very same people who wished them well when they left. Now that they were behind the walls again Saskia’s identity crisis surfaced again and she remained silent for the rest of the evening, save for the groans and moans of pain when her bones were set back into place after being transferred to the infirmary. Erwin came to see her but she had little to say. More specifically, little she could say outside the safety of her office. 

“Erwin, answer me honestly. Do I…?” She pushed her head back into the soft hospital bed pillow, empty eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Do I have an identity outside of ‘General Saskia Messmann’?” she whispered. 

“Of course. I…noticed some changes in you over the past few months. At first I thought they were long overdue acts of adolescent rebellion from a certain new recruit’s terrible influence on you.” His sarcasm earned a weak grin and he sat down at her bedside. “But in the aftermath, before the retreat was officially called, when you, Mike, Levi, and myself were returning to meet the Commander I saw those differences were still there. And you seemed happy. Truly happy. In your element. This time **without** paperwork in hand. Being my superior I do sometimes forget that you are more than a figure of authority, stability, and an embodiment of the Survey Corps’ creeds and tenets. But you’ve never had an opportunity to be anyone other than ‘the General’, have you? Trained since childhood, and the like.” 

“Only a few times.” She pointed downwards towards the sub-basement giving him a knowing look and he nodded quickly in understanding. “Aside from ‘the escape’ where I could lose myself to myself, within myself, no. I have never been Saskia Messmann before. I believe it’s time to start. I believe she deserves it. Do you still wish for me to avoid Levi?” 

“I never wanted you to avoid him, just to be careful around him.” 

“Mike told me he replaced him in the vanguard. What sort of impression did you get from him? The real him? Not the Levi that was solely motivated by revenge?” 

“He said very little but he did ask me something. It was about you. He wanted to know why you would go to such lengths while knowing the risks. I think he is unaccustomed to seeing another put so much at stake for someone’s well-being in very dire situations. Probably more accustomed to an ethical egoist approach,” he reasoned. 

“What did you tell him?” 

“That he would have to ask you himself,” he smiled. 

She nodded slowly, trying not to strain her neck. “As soon as I am out of here I will be sure to explain. He has stirred something inside of me, bringing back my faith in the Survey Corps. Not a source of inspiration to try harder as my performance hasn’t wavered. But the state of the Survey Corps as a whole? He’s triggered something. Everyone can feel it.” She wrinkled her nose at him. “Don’t you dare give me that look. You were the one who screamed at him about lending his strength to humanity. You know my intentions. We need him. I need him. And not just as human capitol the way others desire.” _Both as another comrade in bringing down this conspiracy against us and…How I wish I could fully trust him._ “I know you wish for me to remain cautious, but I will not ask for permission for the endeavor I wish to undertake. I am not obligated. I want to pull him completely away from Flagan. I want to work with him. To have him as a partner. By all means protest my desire, present alternatives because of your discomfort, but do remember that we agreed -though collaborative- I would take care of Flagan and you Lobov. Lobov is being dealt with accordingly. I need Levi to prove our suspicions are more than just wild accusations thrown about because of bitter rivalry.” 

“I won’t protest. My thoughts on the matter shouldn’t hold any bearing over what you do or don’t do. You’re my superior; I’m obligated to trust your judgment. And you’re my sister; I’m obligated to learn how to trust your judgment and accept the fact that you’ll make mistakes with the hope that you learn from them. You are growing up. If you could find a way to stop that I would greatly appreciate it…” 

“Keep dreaming.” 

“And besides…Had you not stepped forward, reworded what I was trying to say, adding to it, I don’t think he would have joined.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “What makes you so certain of _that_? He doesn’t trust me, nor I him. Not completely.” _Not yet._

“And yet you want to work with him. What do you think that says about how he views you? Think about what you said in comparison to my words. ‘Return to the darkness of the underground’. An incentive to join but what other choice was he given? He seemed reluctant due to that fact alone. But you told him that he didn’t have to seek out the light, just avoid the darkness. It was encouraging. And you would have no reason to say it if you didn’t think him capable of it.” 

“Naturally.” 

“Perhaps he needed a push.” 

“Perhaps.” 

“And I **highly** doubt he trusts me. But out of the two of us, who do you think he trusts more?” 

“Me, of course. I’m far more attractive. No offense,” she joked. 

“Oh, so that’s why you want to work with him?” 

“No you fucking imbecile!” she hissed. 

“I wish you all the best in proving me wrong.” 

She rolled her eyes and then glanced at her arm. “I would like him to sign my cast. He will make a name for himself and I want bragging rights over having his autograph,” she grinned. 

“Founding his fan club, are we?” 

Saskia was about to retort but she heard Shardis’ footsteps approaching and turned to Erwin. “The Commander is on his way. To see me, I’m certain.” 

“Alright. Rest up. And don’t you dare leave this bed until you’re fully healed,” he warned as he made his departure. He knew his words fell on deaf ears but it couldn’t be helped that he would continue to warn and worry over every little thing. 

When Shardis came in he was sporting a very dark expression. He did his best to remain quiet in the late hours of the night as he made his way to Saskia’s bedside. He folded his arms behind his back and stared down at the injured soldier. 

“The casualty rate exceeded thirty percent,” he spoke both grimly and condescendingly. “You know what that means.” 

She forced a nod. “I am to write every letter to the families informing them of the death of their loved one and explaining that I am at fault.” 

“Funny how you seem to know what your job is _after_ you fuck up. There are no excuses for what happened out there, Messmann. The deaths, your injury.” He narrowed his eyes. “None.” 

“I had no intention of making any.” 

“Good girl. When you’re ready to be released get started on those letters.” 

Shardis was unaware but Saskia heard another set of footsteps nearing the infirmary as they spoke. The owner of said footsteps stopped before the doorway and heard the stipulation about writing the letters due to the heavy loss, and then quickly departed. Said owner barged into Erwin’s office immediately after. 

“Hey, blondie,” Levi snapped, opening the door partway. “That formation of yours? It’s shit. Change it so the casualty rate doesn’t exceed thirty percent maximum.” 

“That’s an oddly specific number. Thank you for knocking.” 

“Go to hell.” He slammed the door shut. 

“And a good night to you too.” _She’s an adult, she’s my superior, I have to trust her judgment, I have to trust her judgment…_ He dropped his forehead into his hand. “Until they learn to play nice they’ll be at each other’s throats constantly. And who is she going to complain to about it?” He sighed. “Hanji is going to play matchmaker, I’m sure. Saskia needs new friends.” 

* * *

**August 29 th, 844, Survey Corps Training Grounds**

**_You had yet to tell me about Kenny, but I knew something was bothering you. I would press here and there. Considering the reactions I got out of you I quickly learned that was a TERRIBLE idea. Flagan and Lobov, though co-conspirators, were tried separately. Lobov’s conviction was swift, his execution swifter. Flagan however…The embezzlement was easy, but I only cared for the mechanistic dehumanization. Destroying the Survey Corps from the inside out. All the cadets we lost thanks to his schemes. The hardest part was eye witness accounts until you pointed out that the lack thereof, the most convincing being those from a squad which he sorely lacked, was telling. He cycled through them so quickly. One can only imagine why…_**

“Stop giving me that look.” 

“What look?” 

“You know what. Fucking drop it already. There’s nothing to say.” 

_Nothing to say or nothing you wish to say…yet?_ “I haven’t asked-” 

“You look like you’re going to.” 

_Paying oddly close attention to my appearance. What could have him so on edge?_ “Can you blame me for being curious? And more importantly, concerned?” 

“There’s nothing to be concerned about.” 

_I think an outlet of some sort would benefit him greatly right now._ “…I don’t know about you, but I feel like kicking something.” 

“I wouldn’t mind punching you right now.” 

“To the Training Grounds!” 

**_In two months you would tell me about Kenny. In a month and a half Flagan would be convicted and executed. The deeper we dug for evidence, the deeper we inadvertently dug into your subconscious mind and stirred up so many dreadful memories. Because I didn’t know what was bothering you, and you not sharing it bothered me, we were both becoming quite agitated with each other. I needed an outlet just as much as you did. The most obvious choice? Beating the shit out of each other. But there was something different about you around that time, about your technique. And you were getting the better of me because of it._**

Saskia found herself pinned down to the ground by her throat for the fourth time in a row, the match once again going to Levi. She coughed heavily as he let go and extended his hand to help her up. 

“So much for kicking something,” he mocked. 

She brushed herself off and shot him a curious look. “There’s something different about you. The way you’re fighting, I mean. I’m in the process of acclimating to it. Grant me a handicap?” 

He didn’t know whether or not to laugh at her or pity her. “…you’re kidding, right?” 

“It was worth the attempt…” she sighed with a slight roll of her eyes. 

**_Muscle memory was accompanying the actual memories. The more intensely you thought, the more intensely fought. Like you were back in the underground. Your personality didn’t undergo any major changes but you were certainly more guarded and your fuse tapered exponentially with every inquiry and push for an answer._**

“Different, huh? How?” he asked, mirroring the curious look she gave him. She shrugged slightly. 

“I’m not entirely certain how to put it into words but…it’s…more sporadic…and fluid…than calculated and methodical. If that made sense.” She wiped the sweat off of her forehead and put her hands on her hips. “That, and you’ve never come so close to choking me before.” 

“…I’m sorry that you’re vulnerable?” 

“Oh you can go to Hell! Really though, something is different.” 

He contemplated for a moment. “I think I know. You’re gifted at hand-to-hand combat, there’s no denying that. But you were formally taught every technique you know. You’ve altered them slightly to suit your build and inborn talents, but they all come from the same script. A formula. And that makes them predictable, so a little easier to counter.” 

“But you do as well. Until now, that is.” 

“You don’t know a damn thing about street fighting, do you?” 

Her eyes lit up and her lips parted slightly, then her gaze fell to the ground. “And just the same as how you couldn’t teach anyone your unique utilization of the 3D gear, this too is something that cannot be taught, can it?” she assumed with overwhelming disappointment. _That would be quite fun to learn. Using his own moves against him! And winning! Oh, the look on his face if I could pull off such a feat…_

“Stop moping. I can’t teach you ‘what’,” he began and she lifted her head slightly. “But I can teach you ‘how’. It’s simple. Don’t think. Just do. Don’t act. React. Put your mind on pause and let your body have absolute reign.” 

“Simple you say? Sounds easier said than done,” she griped. 

He flicked her on the forehead. “Tch. With an attitude like that, anything is. Now get all the noise out of your head and let instinct take over. You can do it with 3DMG but Titans are easier targets. They’re larger, relatively sluggish, and the gear is specifically designed to kill them. You don’t need to strategize; go for the neck and it’s dead. But humans have a multitude of weak spots.” He lightly pressed a fingertip against the hollow under her ear, a pressure point known for causing immense pain. “As you’re well aware,” he smirked and she smacked his hand away with a slight glower. “You have to protect all your vitals while sabotaging your opponent, running on nothing but pure adrenaline.” 

“That is something I certainly know how to do!” she chirped, fists clutched to her chest. Her excitement was like that of a child opening birthday gifts. 

“Yeah, I know, and your adrenaline rushes are a little creepy. Makes you cut off Titan faces like you’re slicing ham.” 

“Does not. Ham doesn’t feel pain.” 

“And this is why I’m reluctant to continue telling you-” 

“I could order you to.” 

“I could ignore you.” 

“I could blackmail you.” 

He paled slightly. “With what?” 

She grinned. “Hard to keep secrets from me, remember?” 

**_I didn’t have anything on you. But I knew you had plenty to hide so it would no doubt scare you into submission._**

“Shit. Fine, fine. Now hold still so I can show you everything you’re doing wrong.” 

“‘Show you everything you’re doing wrong’…And to think you almost passed up an opportunity to continue mocking me, you smug and self-aggrandizing jackass.” 

“You’re right. I must be getting sick- Damn it, I said hold still.” 

**_The summer heat forced me to lose my jacket and undo three buttons on my shirt, as always. You examined every inch of me to pinpoint where my strengths lied and what needed improvement. You tested me, looking for repetitive movements and stances, reliance on certain cues not always available…I had to loosen up my form and become more fluid; you couldn’t help but tease me about being a ‘fish out of water’ for lack of fluidity. Stupid Capricorn. We had kissed a handful of times by then but that was the first time we were so physically close. Like whenever you would stand behind me to correct how my arms or waist were positioned and I could feel your warm breath on the back of my neck. Or the way you spoke quietly right into my ear. Yes, never before had the physicality felt so…intimate. You were opening up a part of yourself to me that you had tried to kill, bury alive. Roping me further and further into your world, your past. The pain I would eventually help you unravel. I was never a very ‘touchy feely’ affectionate sort of person before I met you so when that contact was first made something dormant inside of me began to awaken. First it was a jumbled mess of feelings but it quickly evolved into a never-ending headache of uncertainty, frustration, and questions that seemed to have no answer. I know the answers now. Well, no, I always knew. I couldn’t bring myself to admit it because I didn’t know how to accept it. I have now and there’s no turning back. What’s to be done with that knowledge? I don’t know that either. Act upon it? Continue to deny it? Rid myself of it? I think…perhaps the best course of action…is to start by getting it all out of my head. It needs to be said aloud before it starts eating away at my sanity. Maybe it’s too late for that. We’ll never get to the root of the insanity race, will we?_**

* * *

**April 10 th, 845, Survey Corps Workout Room, 3 AM**

No amount of paperwork could ease Saskia’s troubled mind, making any attempt at sleeping futile. Since Maria fell three days ago she had been working twice as hard and sleeping half as much. No one knew exactly how greatly the tragedy had impacted her but one soldier has a decent idea. Levi, who himself was beginning to lose sleep, planned to see her that night once everyone else had gone to bed in hopes that he could alleviate some of her tension. After being greeted by an empty office he looked all over headquarters starting at the rooftop and working his way down until he found her in the workout room. 

The floor was littered with empty water bottles and the fabric of her workout attire clung to her moist skin, glistening with sweat. Her bangs were stuck to her forehead in serpentine rivulets while the rest of her hair was loosely tied back and pinned up. She had been relentlessly beating one of the suspended punching bags for hours, her uncovered knuckles scraped and bleeding and her knees raw and bright pink. Levi hooked an arm around her stomach and pushed her against the padded wall, his hands on either side of her head. 

“Alright fuckhead, start talking. What are you doing?” he demanded. He expected an argument to break out, to be ignored altogether, or to become a replacement for the punching bag. 

Her arms fell to her sides, fingers anxiously twitching and scratching at the padding. “I failed,” she murmured. “I have a job. My job is to protect everyone. I should have known. I should’ve known Maria would fall and mobilized for a reconnaissance. I’m supposed to be perfect but I’m worthless. I’m nothing, a waste of space, a-” 

After making contact with her cheek, leaving a stinging red handprint behind, Levi cupped her chin and forced eye contact. “Don’t ever say that again,” he growled, her words incensing him. “Don’t **ever** say that again. Don’t even think it. Got it?” 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

**_Nothing could have prepared me for what you were about to say._**

“Shardis stopped harming me as punishment for my failures-” 

“He what?” he breathed, voice cracking in disbelief. 

“How else was I supposed to learn? I do not answer to him anymore, not the way that I used to, not after he ordered that I kill you, but the things he tried to teach me…Someone had to. I had to be disciplined for my mistakes, and nothing ingrains it deeper into your mind than pain. That’s why he kept me, right? To make me strong? Of what use am I otherwise?” Her voice was frantic, intonation and enunciation awkward, and pacing of her diction spilling out at sporadic intervals. 

**_When Maria fell you had an absolute relapse. You had separated yourself from the hold Shardis had on you because you were forced to make a choice- to continue on living the only life you ever knew which was hardly a life to begin with, or…well, me, I suppose. I was the catalyst, that much I know. How much of it was due to me specifically…I don’t know. I never knew how deeply you struggled with carving out an identity for yourself from the remains of that bridge you burned, not until that morning. But you wouldn’tve taken that risk…if you weren’t certain…deep down, completely certain that it wasn’t a mistake. And you never turned back. But not much time had elapsed between when you began to make those changes and the fall of Maria. When it went down you were dragged along with it.  
_ **

“How many of your scars did you receive outside the walls?” The wait for the answer caused great anxiety, the possibility of the answer itself causing even more. 

“I would wager to say one-third.” 

“And the rest?” 

**_I knew. You’re not clumsy. You’re not careless. Process of elimination made it easy to figure out. But I had to hear it from you._**

“Him. My very first memory is of him breaking my left wrist so I could learn to be ambidextrous. Surely you know by now how useful that skill is.” She spoke quite casually as she elaborated on the history as though it were the norm. 

His eyes widened. “When did he stop?” 

“I don’t know for certain…Last year, but I don’t recall exactly when. He added to the injury in my arm when I saved Hanji. But he does make the occasional remark about the reason for my very existence is to be the perfect soldier.” 

“No it’s not,” he protested in utter disgust. “You’re one person. You can’t save everyone. You can’t protect everyone. And he’s been drilling this into your head since you were a child? And even though you actively defied, broke away from his grip on you, saving my life in the process, you still believe that shit?!” 

“Yes! I mean…No, I…I know it’s wrong. I know it’s not true but that was the self-image I developed. There was no Saskia Messmann, just the General. You saw the meltdown I had and heard what I said about not knowing who Saskia Messman even was! That she didn’t exist! It wasn’t until last year, on that expedition, until I knew you, I realized that was wrong!” she yelled and buried her face into her clenched fists. “Twenty-two years of being taught that, told that, ‘reminded’ that…I don’t know what to think sometimes! But even if I know it’s wrong…” She hiccupped, squeezing her fists together before bursting into tears. “It’s all I have! It’s how I was taught to view myself! How I was supposed to feel about myself! And there is a grand difference between knowing and feeling! How he taught me to think could be challenged, yes, and I have you to thank for that. For showing me how illogical it was. But…who the hell am I?!” 

Levi was completely caught off guard by her confession. He always knew Shardis had brainwashed her and she was striving to dismantle the rigid ways of thinking he had instilled in her, but he never would have guessed the methods he resorted to for ‘teaching her’. He was even more surprised by the fact that she struggled so strongly with establishing an identity outside of her rank. It never occurred to him that her change in state of mind wasn’t accompanied by an emotional perspective of equal standing. He pulled the trembling, bleeding, sobbing woman against him keeping one arm tightly around her waist while his other hand rested on the back of her neck. “Yet another reason to keep smiling,” he said softly and she nodded, crying even harder. Her fists clutched his shirt tightly and she continued crying into his shoulder. 

**_I thought it was just an identity crisis. But it was a complete existential breakdown. There was no identity to begin with. You knew that you lacked a sense of self. That something was missing and you were determined to forge it. ‘Who is Saskia Messmann?’ had been tumbling around in your head since June of the year prior and I had no idea. You knew there was someone there but you couldn’t make an emotional connection. Like General Saskia, Saskia Messmann was also a husk._**

“You’ve been trying to undo what he’s done to your head. I’ve seen a big difference, despite knowing you for barely over a year. But you’re making it harder than it needs to be. You don’t have to untangle that web of bullshit and manipulation alone. Don’t keep this stuff from me. Believe it or not I’m pretty fond of the person you’ve become. But I don’t just want to know that person and vice versa. Can you honestly say that you trust me, you care about me, and all that other sentimental shit you spew if you’re not even there? And who do I have to trust and care about? Why are you keeping her from me?” 

“You used to hate me,” she sniffled. “What the hell happened to that?” she muttered into his collarbone before looking up at him, eyes bright red and cheek shimmering from her tears. “That’s not to say I want you to again, of course.” She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand but the tears continued.

“There was once a time that my perspective was a little skewed. I’m not perfect either. I know it might come as a shock to hear, but I hide it well.” He wiped her tears away with his thumb. 

“Stop trying to make me feel better,” she grumbled. 

“Tch. You’re such an idiot.” He shook his head slightly, feigning condescension. “Right now I’m not even trying.” 

**_Twisted as it might sound I think that was the moment. You, in all your resilience and confidence, turned into the most vulnerable creature I had ever seen. You kept the abuse from your brother, you kept it from Hanji, but you didn’t hesitate to tell the person who plotted to kill you a year earlier. In spite of all things you let me see a side of you that no one had before. You were a hot mess on the verge of collapsing from fatigue and depression, letting out those twenty-two years of suffering through sweat and tears. But what stood out the most was that you held onto whatever strength you had left. You were still standing. You brought yourself to a point where you could say that enough was enough and you wanted to fight back. You wanted to let go. In time you did establish a sense of self. ‘Saskia Messmann’ came to be and she…There are no words. You still slip up to this day but just as you’re too stubborn to listen to me when I tell you how stupid you are, you’re also too stubborn to stop trying. Isabel wasn’t entirely wrong about my standards being high, but not once did I ever meet a woman in the underground I could empathize with. It isn’t just loneliness that pushes people together. I could never be with someone who didn’t understand how or why I ended up the way I am today, and neither could you. It’s not the fact that you trusted me of all people, showing how much you really did and still do value me, but your way of doing so implicitly assured me I had someone I could turn to in my moments of weakness. I’d never had that before and never knew how badly I needed it until I met you. So when you fell apart that morning I realized I wanted to be that source of comfort you too had been deprived of for twenty-two years. It was the first time I’d ever done it for you. Being the giver instead of the recipient. Thinking of all the times the roles had been reversed, all the comfort and advice you had provided for me, and then the experience of being in that position myself…What choice did I have? None. It couldn’t be helped, it couldn’t be stopped. The moment I saw you fall apart, the moment I saw you -not the General, but YOU- in your most fragile state, knowing that I was the only one you trusted to handle you with such great care when you broke…That was when I realized I’m in love with you._**

* * *

**850, Survey Corps Headquarters, 8 PM**

Up in her office Saskia was breaking into a nervous sweat. She quickly scribbled an entry into her diary, hands shaking, and then started to pace in effort to ease her growing anxiety. “What now, what now?” she mumbled to herself as she bit her thumbnail. “Hanji? Yes, of course. Hanji. I have to talk to Hanji right away.” 

Down in the kitchen Levi had grown tired of sitting in silent solitude. He had also grown tired of the secrecy he forced himself into and began entertaining breaking free from the self-imposed restrictions. “What the hell is she gonna say?” he wondered quietly to himself. “I suck balls at showing how I feel and she’s terrible at understanding her own feelings. It might put her in a panic. 845 all over again. Definitely not something I have the patience for…” He slapped a hand on the table. “I’m done. Done keeping quiet. Done waiting for something to happen on its own.” 

Saskia tried to hurry to Hanji’s office in the event that Levi might be coming to see her, which was highly probable. Unfortunately for her his inherent lack of patience caused him to hurry to her office, causing them to meet halfway. 

_He must have taken the higher floor to avoid all the cadets who are still out and about right now_ , she thought to herself, remembering that with her office being on the lower level he would have no reason to take the higher floor if he was on his way to see her. “Oh, hi, um, I was on my way to see Hanji-” 

“Can it wait?” _She already looks like she’s in a panic. And she’s going to Hanji of all people?_

“No, no it most certainly can’t. Oh don’t look so offended, it’s nothing you would want to hear about. Girl talk. It’s girl talk.” 

He skeptically raised an eyebrow at her. “You’ve bitch to me about menstrual cramps. I think I can handle it.” 

“Yes, true, I have, but really, I can’t. It’s important. I, um, I don’t know when I’ll be back in my office so in the event that I don’t see you again, um goodnight!” She resisted the urge to sprint knowing it would only arouse his suspicions further. But it was too late for that, as she was turning to Hanji for advice or comfort concerning a situation she deliberately kept from him. 

His eyes narrowed slightly as he contemplated and an idea struck him. As much as he didn’t want to violate her privacy he was extremely tempted to wait in her office for her inevitable return to force it out of her. But so long as he didn’t touch anything or go through her personal belongings why would she take issue with it? He continued on towards the lower level, weaving his way through a sea of cadets and using his master key to get into her office. 

“What the hell is going on with her?” He didn’t know whether to be agitated or concerned. He sat in the swivel chair at her desk and lazily turned back and forth, drumming his fingers on the desk as he thought. They landed on a stack on paper which came as no surprise until he looked down. Her diary was sitting open, a fresh entry beckoning him. 

“She’ll get pissed at me, but if something’s wrong then it’s for her own damn good.” He lifted it and carefully skimmed the page. It was brief, but the brevity was compensated for by the intensity of the words staring at him. He dropped it and leaned forward, an elbow on the desk as he raked his fingers through hair. 

“Son of a bitch,” he hissed, his entire body shaking. 

After reaching Hanji’s office Saskia didn’t bother knocking. She had her schedule memorized and knew that right now was her designated reading and research time. Whatever she was studying was no doubt important but Saskia’s emergency trumped it. 

The door slammed shut, causing Hanji to jump out of her chair. Saskia was leaning against the door, eyes on the floor and hyperventilating. 

“Damn it all, I hate when you do-! Saskia, what’s wrong?” 

She looked up. “You’re right. You’ve been right all along. I concede. It’s true.” 

Hanji tilted her head to the side. “What are you talking about? And why are you panicking?” 

_Dear Diary,  
_

_It’s true. I love him. I love Levi. Madly. But I don’t want to. How do you stop yourself from loving someone?_


	19. Hanji Knows Best...?

**Hanji’s Office**

“OK Saskia, from the beginning.” Hanji handed her a cup of tea but she shook her head in refusal. 

“I don’t know if I should be handling anything fragile at the current.” Saskia lifted up her hands and watched as they trembled like the earth beneath a stampede. 

“Fair, fair.” Hanji sat down at her office desk chair and turned to face Saskia who was curled up on her couch. “Before you get into any of the ‘not wanting to be in love’, tell me how all of this started.” _Hopefully we can have a happy ending. I don’t care about this ‘want’ of yours. It’s not what you need. Not if you want to be happy._

“Remember when we used to fight all the time? Fist fights? Well, we kissed, rather I kissed him-” 

“You what?!” she exclaimed leaning forward eagerly. Saskia shrank away in embarrassment and Hanji bopped herself on the head. “Bad Hanji. Down girl. I’m sorry. Go on.” 

“Thank you. During one of our fights I, to keep the story short and relevant to the conversation, kissed him to win. We have multiple times since and not only during fights. Sometimes when we argue we…We could be so aggressive and brutal. You remember the bruises and injuries we would give each other. But no matter how angry and violent we became there was a line we knew we could not cross. Had we, we could have killed each other! So instead we ‘killed each other with kindness’, you could say.” A light pink dusted over her cheeks and she kicked at the ground. 

“All the animosity poured into each kiss. In hindsight I am truly amazed it ended with just a kiss because that energy was channeled into such intense passion. I thought it was a mutual release, with both of us being deprived of that touch of another human being. Who else could we receive it from without having to fear something new and confusing? We were already close, comfortable with each other. How could it mean anything else? That’s what I told myself when the questions occasionally arose. But those angry kisses…We were already in a primal state having fallen prey to our hostility. Why not fall prey to something baser? Fall prey to an attraction we never fought nor acted upon regularly? We knew it was there and sometimes it would take over. But we never spoke of it or acknowledged it. It would happen and that was that. As time passed it…escalated. Greatly.” 

“How great is ‘greatly’?” 

“Sometimes…hands would accompany, but aggressively as if it were a way of continuing the fighting. And clothes would tear a little. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes in the heat of the moment…It reached a point where arguments and the like weren’t the only triggers either. Sometimes it would be much gentler.” _Like what happened when Maria fell…A wonderful way to end a tragic morning._

“You’ve been holding back all that sexual frustration for years. And the fact that it’s more than physical, with true feelings behind it all just makes it harder to hold back. That must be exhausting.” Hanji sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. “Go on,” she encouraged softly. 

Saskia bit her lip. “We had sex. While beyond the walls. But I…” She dropped her forehead into her palms. “It was my idea. I wanted it. I wanted him. And it was clearly very mutual. I try to pretend it never happened, but the day before we had an argument we ‘settled’ by covering each other in bite marks and lacerations! That was almost impossible to ignore. But when we slept together…That wasn’t just to pass time, relieve stress, end a debate, or something of that nature. We were just two people who needn’t worry about the world outside the bedroom door. We were Levi and Saskia, nothing more. He suggested we take a break from our respective duties on our last night there because it was the last night we had as just Levi and Saskia, but then added how he can’t speak for me. I said I saw no harm in indulging. I led him on. How could I do that to him? I didn’t understand the extent of my feelings but I was very aware of the physical attraction. My own denial of it is no excuse for what I did.” She shook her head in shame. 

“Saskia, you might get angry with me for this but it needs to be said. What’s done is done. And he’s right, he can’t speak for you. But you don’t know what’s going on in his mind either. You’re making assumptions because you can’t think clearly right now.” She paused. “And because you initiated, you feel guilty because you don’t want to love him? You feel like you led him on.” 

“Something like that,” she sighed. 

Hanji nodded slowly. “Alright. So why not? Why don’t you want to love him?” 

“I don’t know. That’s the worst part.” One hand fell to her lap. “There is no fear of losing my best friend because of potential rejection.” 

“That’s too cliché for you two.” 

“This will sound bizarre but…I’m afraid of him. I cannot stress enough how much I trust him, care about and care for him. But predating all of those feelings was a fear instilled not long after we met. It wasn’t related to the reputation he had garnered or his involvement with Lobov, nothing like that. Something about him, Levi himself, scares me. I don’t know what or why. And it gets worse. At the same time I want to get to the root of that fear and destroy it. I don’t want to not want to love him. His presence is so comforting, so safe, but there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head about that lingering fear birthed in 844. Both cure and curse.” 

“If it had nothing to do with that reputation he had in the underground or his plans to kill you I would guess it came from your interactions with him. In other words, you were developing that attachment and fear at the same time. Perhaps for the same reasons.” 

“I don’t know. I’m so God damn confused.” The hand settled on her lap clenched into a fist, her knuckles turning lily white. 

Hanji squeezed her shoulder lightly. “OK, OK, calm down. We don’t need to answer all of these questions right now. Sometimes these things work themselves out. You just need to give them the chance to. Don’t force anything, don’t assume anything, and things can fall into place. It just needs time.” 

_Not a commodity I have to spare. When did Hanji become so knowledgeable in this field? How did she-? Oh goodness, I think I know. But that conversation shall be postponed._ “I see. Hanji, you were the first to say anything. What made you so certain there was something beyond the platonic between us?” 

She winked and pointed a finger in the air. “I’m a scientist, my dear General! Observations are my specialty! There were so many giveaways. I thought the two of you were just shy and not sure how to express your emotions. But in truth you don’t fully understand them, whereas Levi…” She struggled in her search for the right words. 

“Levi is Levi,” Saskia deadpanned. “He is terrible at showing his feelings.” 

“Growing up with that parasite Shardis in your brain you never had the chance to understand the emotional spectrum. You didn’t get to experience it. That’s why you’re so clueless.” 

“That was what I told him after Maria fell. I had a magnificent breakdown, enough to satisfy four lifetimes, and I admitted that to him. That was when I first said anything about the abuse.” 

“Levi has a similar situation with his background. He couldn’t afford to ‘get soft’. That’s tantamount to suicide in the underground, if I understand it correctly.” 

Saskia gave a single nod. “Yes, is a sense. He doesn’t speak of it in depth because of the memories it brings up and I don’t want to inflict that upon him. But from what he has told me, very much like my cruel upbringing, there is no room for emotions in the underground. Not if you wish to survive.” 

“Which is why he struggles to show them and you struggle to understand them.” 

“Exactly.” 

“On top of that there’s a mysterious fear you have of him. Do you think the reason you don’t know what or why is because your emotional growth was stunted?” 

“It’s the most plausible explanation. It’s the only explanation. At the current.” 

“My advice? Continue on as you are now. Let this unravel itself. Don’t push for answers or you’ll just get even more confused, stressed, and angry. And worst of all it could take a toll on your friendship with him.” 

“What about the…occasional physical interactions? Seeing as they’ve become the norm, if I were to shy away from him suddenly…” 

“That could be problematic.” Hanji leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to tell you, in regards to that. You’ll have to take it as it comes. But even if you don’t know yourself as well as you’d like to, you know Levi well enough to be able work those things out. Eventually the two of you will have to sit down and talk this all out though.” 

“I’m sure we will, and I dread the day.” 

“Well, that day isn’t today. It happens when it happens.” 

“I ran into him on the way here. He was coming to see me and I stumbled and fumbled over my words as I told him that I was on my way to see you for a matter only you could address. He seemed…confused, perhaps even jealous, that he wasn’t the one I was turning to as I made it no secret that I was panicking.” Her eyes widened. “After seeing me in such a state he’s going to be concerned about me. No doubt waiting in my office.” 

“You have every right to kick him out.” 

She quickly shook her head and jumped up. “No, you don’t understand. I wrote something in my diary about how I feel and, oh shit, I’m a fucking idiot! I left it on my desk. Open. If he is in there waiting for me then he…Oh no, God no. I can’t, I can’t confront him on this. Not yet. It’s too fresh. I’m still coming to terms with it! If he were to know, oh no, no, no, no, I can’t deal with that. I just can’t. But if I avoid him…Shit!” 

“Saskia, calm down!” Hanji stood up and put her hands firmly on her friend’s shoulders. “Listen. You two will have to talk eventually. But you have no idea when it’s going to be so right now it’s not a concern. You don’t need to worry about the woulds, coulds, and shoulds. One thing at a time. Just like preparing for the expedition, it requires pacing. You can distract yourself with your work.” 

“I promised him that Expedition Eve was canceled this year.” 

“Then the open terrain training? Even just the cadets in general?” 

“Perhaps that would work. He can’t accuse me of going outside of my obligations and I have grown fond of Eren. I enjoy getting to know new recruits.” 

“Trust me, I know. Firsthand experience,” she smiled. 

“Maybe I should begin the open terrain training tomorrow. I don’t have enough material just yet for a comprehensive lesson but there are so many people I need to teach. What I have assembled thus far would fill up the majority of the day. Thank you Hanji. For everything. Don’t misunderstand my words, as I’m still very much in a panic-” 

“Naturally.” 

“But I’ll do my best to heed your advice. Speaking of…” Saskia folded her arms behind her back. “When did you become so knowledgeable in regards to matters of the heart?” 

The brunette blushed deeply. “Oh would you look at the time!” she exclaimed glancing at her invisible watch. “I apologize but I have to kick you out. I have…things to read! Yes, things to read. Lots of things to read…” 

“If you say so.” Saskia turned on her heel. “I’ll have to congratulate Moblit the next time I see him. And threaten him should he break your heart. Goodnight Hanji. If you believe you still are indebted to me for saving your life six years ago, consider the debt paid.” She made her departure, taking deep breaths that matched her pace as she walked. After she left Hanji sighed heavily. 

“Time to take my own advice and deal with that if and when it becomes problematic. Though I do hope she doesn’t threaten him…She’s a tad scarier than she realizes. Now where was I…?” She clapped her hands together. “Right!” She returned to her desk and pulled out the book she was tackling before Saskia barged in, Ilse Lagner’s journal. She carefully searched through the weathered pages for the final entry. “Where are you, where are you?” She lifted her glasses, eyes quickly skimming the page. “Ah ha! Found you. ‘Ymir-sama’. Not sure about ‘sama’ or what it could mean but ‘Ymir’ does sound very familiar…Perhaps Saskia knows about the linguistic origins. That would temporarily address her woes. She does love studying languages and the pre-Titan world. Surely there’s something in the sub-basement she could use.” Hanji rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “But that doesn’t explain why I’m familiar with the name ‘Ymir’.” 

After leaving Hanji’s office Saskia continued taking steady breaths and maintaining a slow, even stride. She had no particular destination in mind, fearing Levi was in her office, and meandered aimlessly about the headquarters until she found herself outside the kitchen. While a cup of Panic Tea was preferable at the current she and Levi had one of their most intense heart-to-hearts/arguments since the fall of Maria. She couldn’t set foot inside without remembering either. 

Her canine-like senses picked up the sound she had been hoping to avoid for at the very least the rest of the evening. _That sound…He’s coming down the stairs to this floor. He’s very adamant on finding out what sent me into such a downwards spiral, isn’t he? Not that I can blame him…Do I avoid him?_ She shook her head. “At the very least put his worries at ease for the time being. If possible.” She looked towards the bottom of the staircase and sat down, arms folded on her lap as she waited for his inevitable arrival. 

_I can hear him breathing…Is he trying to surprise me? The first time he tried that I threw him against a wall. I hope he didn’t go into my office. If he saw that…No, listen to Hanji. Do not fret over it until it’s an issue at hand._ She tried her best to remain patient but her leg starting bouncing anxiously. 

“What the hell are you doing down here?” She could almost hear him raise an eyebrow at her as he made the descent. He stopped at the very bottom, standing across from her. Aside from the usual arms folded over his chest his body language was indicative of a combination of annoyance, impatience, and a hint of distress. 

_Now it’s an issue at hand, if he did see it._ “Stalking me?” she asked, attempting to bring humor into a conversation that had just begun but was already very tense. 

“Maybe,” he replied in a tone as half humorously as hers. “Care to tell me what the hell’s wrong with you?” 

“Why are you entitled to know everything?” she asked more defensively than intended. 

“Oh, I see. So you can poke and prod at me all you like but should I do the same to you…” He was about to call her a hypocrite, but his concern greatly outweighed his frustration. “I can tell you aren’t on the verge of repeating 845, what happened when Maria fell, but I can’t tell what you are going through right now. And quite honestly, that worries me. Not only because you went to Hanji instead of me but because for the first time I don’t know how you to read you.” 

“I understand you want me to share these things with you-” 

“No you don’t.” He shook his head. “It isn’t that I want you to. It’s the fact that you won’t.” 

_I see. He feels devalued._ “Nothing, nothing at all,” she reassured softly. “I simply needed to talk to her first. The issue is… I can think of no words to describe it. But I promise I will discuss it with you. It’s a matter of timing. It’s unsettling for me and due to the nature of the problem consulting you immediately would have made it worse. Not because you’ve suddenly become incapable of bringing me peace of mind, nothing of the sort. I just know myself well enough to know I would have been overwhelmed.” 

_And I wouldn’t?_ “I suppose I can understand that line of reasoning.” _It’s one thing to be rejected by the person you love, but to find out through a third party that they not only love you but DON’T WANT TO…I can barely look at her without feeling as though she’s stabbing me in the heart, but the thought of turning away would only twist that knife deeper._ “Tell me before the expedition.” 

“I don’t want to force the conversation, Levi.” 

_That’s unfortunate. You owe me answers._ “Then what do you want?” 

_Answers. Is having that discussion the only way to find them?_ “To sleep. I’m exhausted in every sense of the word. And I have plenty of work ahead of me, despite Expedition Eve being canceled.” 

“It’s still rather early.” 

“True, but I do have quite the sleep debt racked up. Listen, part of the reason I didn’t wish to discuss it was because I…After the argument we had earlier I went through my diary and reread my entries from 844. _Those_ entries. From when we met to…the beginning of June. I didn’t want to put you-” 

“Why would you read those?” _Is that what sent her into a panic? The reason she didn’t want to talk to me about it? Fear that I would end up in a similar state?_

“After the argument I started thinking about how we met. How strange it is to me, even now after all these years, just how much you hated me. Now you explode at me when I even hint at something resembling the person- the thing Shardis molded me into. I thought I might find some clues by going back in time so to speak.” 

“Uncanny. I did the same thing after you left. I stayed in there and thought about it.” He nodded in the direction of the kitchen. “Why in the hell it is you can care even deeper than you yourself know, to use your words.” 

A tiny grin tugged at her lips. “Really now? It’s almost a little frightening how in sync we are.” _A little? It’s very frightening…Is that what it is about him which I find so unnerving?_ “I’m going to begin the open terrain training tomorrow. I know I didn’t make a great deal of progress insofar as establishing a curriculum but considering how many people I will have to teach I’m confident the material I do have will be sufficient enough for a first time effort.” 

“Just don’t overdo it.” _She’ll know I was in there._

“I don’t intend on it.” _I will distract myself with my work, as Hanji suggested._

“You never do. And yet…” He shook his head. “Never mind. You already know what I’m about to say.” 

“That I do. Goodnight Levi.” She turned around the corridor and returned to her office. 

“Fail to see what’s so good about it,” he muttered as they went their separate ways. 

_He seems quite tense himself. I wonder why? Don’t tell me…_ Upon her return she saw that her chair had moved since she was last sitting in it and the diary was closed. Hands over her mouth she leaned back against her door doing her best to keep from hyperventilating. 

“He knows,” she choked, sliding down the door until she was sitting on the floor. For the first time in years Saskia had to cry herself to sleep. She wasn’t the only one. 

* * *

  **Next Morning, Survey Corps Training Grounds, 6:30 AM**

Saskia was nervous about leading a training but after being reminded she was the only person who could teach the necessary survival skills they would need in open terrain she was forced to shove her insecurities aside. She knew she couldn’t protect everyone and she had to place her trust her comrades; what they did with the information she passed onto them was something she had no control over. It was hard to accept but Levi did a fantastic job of scolding her into submission. The General was in full control for most of the day and Levi didn’t protest, knowing today constituted as an exception. 

The area was cramped and she planned to cycle through groups of recently graduated classes throughout the day instead of leading training for everyone at once. Those not present were given duties delegated by their respective Squad Leaders. The training as a whole went well into the early evening. Hanji let her borrow Moblit for the day to assist her; as soon as he was out of the safety of Hanji’s authority and presence Saskia kept to her word and issued a morbid threat should he break Hanji’s heart. He wasn’t sure what disturbed him more- the threat itself or that she delivered in full with a smile on her face. Had she done otherwise however he would have been disturbed further. 

She paced back and forth before rows and columns of the newest recruits, as well as a few officers who wanted to be present during the rigorous training their squad members were about to endure. Those who had been in the Survey Corps for at least a year had an idea of what to expect. The greenhorns however couldn’t even begin to fathom just how greatly their opinions of her would radically contrast with those of the person they met the night before. Small stature aside her presence was commanding and intimidating, exhibiting an aura of fiery determination that was only so contagious. 

“First and foremost,” she bellowed, continuing her pacing. “I want to make one thing very clear to you, all of you. Some have witnessed my empathy first hand. I have earned a reputation for being ‘too nice for my own good’. True or false.” She stopped in front of Connie and turned to face him. “Springer. There is no room for empathy and compassion beyond the walls.” 

“Uh…true?” he stammered. 

“Why?” 

“Because it distracts you?” 

“You do not sound sure of yourself. Perhaps that is due to the fact that you are wrong!” She began to pace again, Moblit doing his best to keep up with her while shooting apologetic glances at the cadets as the fear slowly began to sink in. 

“The reason I am still alive today is because I exercise those traits on the battlefield. Camaraderie. Cohesion. How can you expect to fulfill your obligations as the protectors of humanity, what remains of it, if you are incapable of extending that as though it too can be used as a weapon? Have any of you lost someone to the Titans because they gave their lives to save yours? Leaving you with a terrible case of survivor’s guilt? It is alright if you feel the need to cry when reflecting upon such memories. I, unlike some officers, would not dare penalize you for expressing emotion. But survivor’s guilt is problematic and something I have extreme difficulty tolerating. It implies you doubt them. You do not trust their judgment. How can you mourn a loss, venerate, if you are incapable of recognizing why they made that call?! You may be soldiers but you are still human beings. Contrary to what you have been led to believe military service does not strip you of emotionality, as though it were a privilege. It is a right you are free to exercise at will. Thank back to the Battle for Trost. Yes, you heard me! Think back on it! Remember the agony, the terror, everything you felt! Now I want you all to ask yourselves this- if you felt nothing, would you have cared for your comrades? For yourselves? For Trost? For humanity, whatever the word may mean to you? Titans do NOT kill. **Apathy** kills. It expunges your ability to focus on assisting your comrades! It results in self-deprecation, making you an easy target! Are you familiar with the concept of ‘tough love’? If not you will be soon enough, that much I can assure you.” She cleared her throat. 

“Moving on to the reason you have assembled here this morning! The point of 3DMG is to, as the name implies, enhance your mobility. As a trainee you were taught how to use it ‘safely’ as there is a resource you will sorely lack outside the walls. The reason for this is because the three military branches all have very specific skill sets you are required to develop; the trainee curriculum does not include any of them. You learn after you choose. Those who join the Military Police learn strategy revolved around gunmanship; they use the gear less because it is harder to prevent lethality and killing other humans is frowned upon. Those who join the Garrison are taught how to handle heavy artillery; before the fall of Maria the Survey Corps would lure Titans towards the wall for them to practice on. Do we in the Survey Corps shy away from our gear like the MP and Garrison, who rely almost solely on other forms of weaponry? Absolutely fucking not! As I said before there are fewer structures available which you can use to move about the way you did in Trost. Well, all but one of you.” She glanced at Eren, who was positioned two rows back. “Yes Jaeger, I am singling you out. Should you dare become a little ‘too comfortable’, reliant, and complacent on shifting I may kill you myself for the waste of space, time, energy, and taxpayer money you would become!” 

“Yes ma’am, I under-!” 

“Do you now?” She glared and marched up to him. “Did I give you permission to speak?!” 

“No-” 

“Then why are you still speaking cadet?! Have you forgotten my moniker? Do you know why it was bestowed upon me? Not only am I dangerously adept at remaining silent and undetected, I am also dangerously adept at silencing loquacious insubordinate maggots such as yourself! I believe I made that quite clear at your trial. Do I need to demonstrate? Would you like to set an example for the rest of the new recruits? Permission to speak granted.” 

“No ma’am!” 

“Good. Now shut your fucking mouth!” She returned to the front. “As I was saying, you had the luxury of architectural structures. You will not find very many in the ashes of Maria. Arlert!” She stopped in front of Armin. “After an hour of riding out into Titan territory approximately how many structures do you think we will pass?” 

“Since Titans only attack people and not buildings there would still be some standing. But over time weather conditions and natural deterioration of the construction material, especially wood, can-” 

“I ordered you to provide me with a number cadet, not an elaborate explanation of you arrived at said number!” 

Inside the headquarters the window to Levi’s office had been left wide open so he could overhear her. Hand over his mouth and face bright red from stifled laughter, he was pleased to hear she hadn’t lost her touch. A knock on his door forced him to regain his composure. 

“Name and business,” he managed through grit teeth, the only defense he had against the laughter he was fighting off. 

“Oh, just little ‘ole me!” Hanji chirped from the other side.

 _Joy._ “Enter.” 

With a forced pep in her step she approached the window grinning, arms over her chest. “I think everyone is eavesdropping to enjoy the show. I’ve been listening in. Brings back memories. So many scary memories…” 

“I didn’t think she still had it in her,” he admitted. “I’m impressed.” 

“She does spend most of her time with you. I’m sure you’ve been influential on her.” _Saskia, should you find out about this…I don’t expect you to forgive me. I can only hope you realize it’s for your own good._

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, sighed, and turned his chair to face her. “You don’t need to act like I don’t know. When I saw her yesterday evening, en route to your office…” His eyes fogged over and he quickly pushed the memory of 845 aside. “I haven’t seen her even remotely close to that in a long time. I was worried. _Very_ worried. I didn’t want it to escalate. I went to her office, waiting for her to come back and find out what the hell was going on. Then I saw her diary. Want to know the best part?” He gave a grin overflowing with mirth and cynicism. “I was going to tell her. I couldn’t wait anymore. I’d had enough. It was eating away at me.” 

“What are you going to do now?” Levi nodded towards the window and Hanji closed it. “If anything at all, I mean.” 

He shrugged. “What can I do? If that’s what she wants then…I have to respect that. So fucking be it.” 

“No you don’t!” Hanji protested vehemently. “You have to fight for your woman! I know she confided in me and I’m violating her trust right now but what she’s doing to herself isn’t healthy.” 

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You think I don’t know that? But only she can change it.” 

“I really do treasure my friendship with her but I would gladly risk damaging it if it meant you two can be together. It’s unhealthy and she’s unhappy. She’s scared. And she told me about…what happened. Outside the walls. That you two slept together. She feels extremely guilty about it. She thinks she led you on.” 

“Tch. Of course she does. But she’s wrong, as usual. It was meant to be no strings attached.” 

She nodded. “Yes, _meant_ to be. But was it? Was it really? It wasn’t a casual fling, you know that. There already are strings and you two are most certainly attached. I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this but right now she has no incentive to initiate the conversation herself.” Hanji paused, silently indicating that Levi should brace himself. “She’s afraid of you. And that’s why she’s fighting these feelings, why she thinks she doesn’t want to be in love.” 

He ran his hand down his face. “Well that’s just fucking dandy.” 

“She doesn’t know why. But she also said that she doesn’t want to be. And she knows it’s not for the same reasons others were when you first came here. That was when it started but the two were completely unrelated. And it isn’t of being in a relationship, not being in love, but you yourself. It’s you yourself.” 

“…what?” he asked dubiously. “Six years she’s been…That’s doesn’t make any God damn sense.” 

“I told her that the two of you will eventually need to talk this out.” 

“So we’re playing the waiting game now? Even better. Who’s going to approach who?” he mused aloud. 

“Waiting a little longer might give her some time to get to the root of the problem.” 

He scoffed. “This is Saskia we’re talking about. She won’t. She stay huddled in her shell until someone pokes and prods at her. And if I do it, as I’m very prone to doing, then she’ll retreat even deeper because I’m the problem.” 

“You’re not the problem Levi,” she said in a balmy voice. “It’s a shared issue. It’s something the two of you have to tackle together. And you could never be her problem.” 

_Could if I tried._ “I want to be angry with her. I want to call her a fucking idiot and tell her all she’s doing is hurting herself. And me, just to pour salt into the wound. I want to be tickled pink knowing she feels guilty. And I want to shoot myself for thinking like that. But I wouldn’t feel so strongly about it if I didn’t feel strongly about her. I’d let it go. But I can’t. Because I can’t let her go. Know what’s really funny about all of this? I suck when it comes to ‘feelings’ and other sentimental nonsense yet here I am spilling my guts about the fact that I’ve been in love with her for at least five years. Painfully aware of that fact. She’s an open book in twenty different languages but she doesn’t realize what and how she’s feeling until the most inconvenient times. It’s ass backwards. She makes me want to punch a baby in the face.” He crossed one leg over the other. “What ‘brilliant’ advice did you give her?” he asked sarcastically.

“Indirect involvement,” she replied, leaning against the wall. “To continue on as if nothing is different, nothing has changed, and things will work themselves out. If she were to start shying away from you her fear, whatever the cause may be, would only grow stronger. I personally feel that the closer she remains to you, the better. It’s like exposure therapy. What purpose would taking one step backwards serve if you’re trying to move forward? And your interactions might give her some insight into why she’s afraid of you. So keep her close, like her life depends on it. The way I see it, life as she knows it…it does depend on it.” 

“I did run into her last night again, after she left your office. She said she would tell me what was going on eventually. My guess is later than sooner. But…she didn’t seem fearful or uncomfortable around me.” 

“I told her not to make assumptions about what you’re thinking and feeling. All she knows is the feelings are mutual. I don’t know what she’ll do with that information though.” 

“Do you think I should confront her on it?” 

“No. No, not yet. Give her some time to let things sink in.” 

“She did say she didn’t want to force the discussion and that we would talk eventually.” 

“She also said she would take my advice. And what’s one thing Saskia always does? She keeps her word. It’ll all get worked out. When, why, how, I don’t know. But it will.” 

“Yeah…Somehow.” He rose from his desk and stood by Hanji to watch the spectacle unfolding outside. “Even though I can’t hear her, there are few things more satisfying than watching her go ballistic on Jaeger,” he smirked. 

“You take pleasure in the strangest things, my friend. Speaking of pleasure…how was she?” Hanji asked suggestively. 

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Get out of my office.” 

“It’s a fair question! Or was it really that bad?” 

“You have until the count of five.” 

“I promise it stays between us. Is she at least a good kisser? Because she also told me this isn’t the first time you two have gotten phy-” 

“Five.” 

“Alright, I’m going, no need to give me the Glare of Murderous Intent, as Saskia likes to call it.” 

“Very appropriately named.” 

“Yes, I can see that. But before I go.” She halted in the doorway. “There’s something I want to talk to you and her about later. Just you two. I still need to research it further. But it’s related to one of her areas of expertise and, well, you’re your Work Husband-” 

“OUT!” 

After she left at a speed beyond human capability he opened the window again and saw his entire squad down there with the cadets, which he had suggested they attend. Because of the real intention for the expedition, something he couldn’t reveal to them, he found it in their best interest just in case. Saskia was currently on the verge of screaming at Petra, who was already screaming back, for mouthing off and insubordination. 

“Petra really enjoys parading around her disdain for Saskia,” he muttered to himself and then smirked. “Shame this a training session and not a bikini mud wrestle."

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

Time was passing by very quickly. They were past the halfway mark of when they would leave for the expedition. Saskia grew closer to the graduates of the 104th Trainee Squad through Eren. She smoothed things over with Mikasa, shared a great deal of Survey Corps history with Armin, and even beat Reiner in an arm wrestling competition (and every rematch he insisted upon after every embarrassing defeat). Levi’s impatience and jealousy only grew further when he not only saw but heard her brag about making physical contact with another male. She acted no differently around him despite being aware of the fact that they both knew, but she still wasn’t ready to confront him; she at least wanted to have an idea of why she feared him before any progression was made. He on the other hand tried his damndest not to force it out of her, reminding himself of how counterproductive that would be. 

The open terrain training yielded promising results, leaving Saskia with little more to do than paperwork until the expedition. She took it upon herself to assist the cadets around headquarters, something she both enjoyed and didn’t violate the promise she made to Levi that she would exceed that which was expected of her. 

But Levi, Hanji, and Saskia weren’t the only ones aware of the potentially problematic situation. Petra, with all her limited knowledge, felt compelled to share it. Drive by both spite and jealousy, she managed to work her way into Erwin’s busy schedule to tell him ‘everything’, where ‘everything’ constituted as what she overheard at the beginning of the month. 

“I know that they’re friends and they work well together.” She twirled her fingers nervously. “But I’m starting to worry that they might be…too attached. Maybe even, as much as I hate to say it, developing a dependency.” 

“That’s a very powerful accusation, Ral.” Erwin folded his hands on his desk. _I wish I could say I were surprised._ “What evidence do you have to back up this claim?” 

Petra’s eyes dropped to the floor. “I think that Hanji has been right all along about the two of them. When we were working with Eren I…” She bit her lip, doubting her very moral character for a brief moment. “I was on my way to speak to Levi Heichou one night and when I went to the room that he and the General were sharing I…overheard things.” 

“You’ll need to be more specific.” 

“They slept together,” she muttered nervously. 

He tried his hardest not to flip his desk over, praying he misheard. “Come again?” 

“Levi Heichou and General Saskia are, at the very least, involved in a casual sexual relationship. Perhaps romantic, I don’t know. But I do know that they slept together. I overheard far more than I wanted to. I was in disbelief. As much as I don’t want to believe it and hate to admit it, I know what I heard.” _Not for their sake of course. For my own. What claim does she have to him?_

“…I see. Thank you Petra. You are dismissed.” 

She nodded and saluted before leaving. As soon as she was gone Erwin’s face went bright red. It was hard enough balancing his closest friend being his second-in-command and his sister being his former superior and now third-in-command. But for six years he had feared this day would come. It was limited to that however, a fear. He had no plan for how to address the matter should it arise. For now there was only one way he could try to keep this was from escalating, that being changing her placement in the formation. He had already told Saskia that she wasn’t obligated to go beyond the walls with Levi and his squad. What reason was there to keep her with them on the expedition? She would be relocated to the vanguard, far away from Levi. 

* * *

  **Evening, Hanji’s Office**

The time had come for Hanji’s favorite Work Wife and Work Husband to look more into the suspicions she began to entertain while reading Ilse’s journal. She called the two of them to her office after dinner. Saskia was seated casually at one end of the couch, Levi on the other. The tension was beginning to visually manifest. Hanji hoped that giving them this shared task might alleviate some of that before it was too late. 

“I’ve finally done enough digging to be able to start expanding research on my…I can’t even call it a hypothesis because I’m not entirely certain what it is I’m looking for. For the time being I feel that you two are the only people I can trust with this information. It’s startling to say the least, if I’m correct. I hope I’m not but I need you for confirmation, Saskia. And if I am correct then I need the two of you, the two who work the most closely with the cadets as far as the highest ranking officers go, to do me a huge favor.” 

“Confirmation? What sort of confirmation?” Saskia asked curiously, bringing up her legs and folding them beneath her. 

“Linguistic.” Hanji opened a drawer and pulled out a small brown journal. “I noticed something very striking in Ilse Langner’s journal. After first reading it we learned that Titans are capable of verbal communication. One referred to Ilse as ‘Ymir-sama’. Saskia, you use a pre-Titan term when referring to Erwin sometimes. ‘Onee-chama’.” 

The General chuckled. “No, it’s ‘onii-chama’. ‘Onee’ refers to an older sister.” 

“Well be it Erwin or Erwina, do you know whether or not ‘sama’ comes from the same language?” 

She nodded. “It does. ‘Chama’ is actually a combination of ‘sama’ and-” 

“Save the language lesson for some other time.” Levi turned to Hanji. “In other words, not only could this Titan talk but it knew a language from the pre-Titan world.” 

“And the ‘sama’ prefix is used when showing respect, addressing someone of great importance like as a politician or noble. It was speaking to her in such a manner. It recognized her as…someone important to the Titans?” Saskia tapped her chin. “But it also recognized Ilse as human…Otherwise it would not have attacked her.” 

“It gets stranger. It called her ‘Ymir-sama’. Is ‘Ymir’ a name in our vernacular?” 

She shook her head. “Not as far as I know.” 

“Is it related to the languages our vernacular comes from?” 

“I do remember stumbling across a story of the mythological variety exclusive to a peoples who were the ancestors to the ancestors of the parent languages to our vernacular. The name ‘Ymir’ was in the story. But it’s been so long since I’ve-” Suddenly her eyes widened. “One of the graduates of the 104th Trainee Squad is named Ymir.” 

Hanji nodded. “Precisely. Do you remember anything at all about the story?” 

Saskia rubbed her forehead. “What I do know for certain is that the culture the story comes from is not the same culture that the language using those honorifics come from. The latter are Oriental. There is absolutely no relation between our vernacular and Oriental languages, which is precisely why I use it. The exoticism-” 

“Focus.” Levi elbowed her. “You think there might be something connecting the cadet, the old story, and the use of the unrelated language?” 

“I do.” 

“The language could be explained by the migration,” Saskia said, finger in the air. “It may have, if it was able to learn language, picked it up from humans coming from the homelands of the Oriental people when they made the journey to the walls. Which would provide us with a time frame for when it picked up the language, if we knew when exactly the migration occurred.” 

“Now the question becomes what role the cadet plays in all of this.” Levi turned to his partner. “Go to the sub-basement and research like your life depends on it. As far as we know, it may very well. Find that story and who exactly that ‘Ymir’ character is.” 

“As well as the character’s importance. Could the Titan have been referring to our Ymir, or the mythical Ymir? What if…they are the same?” Saskia bit her lower lip. 

“A shifter,” the scientist deduced. “Is that what you’re implying?” Her answer came in the form of a nod. “If the story is as old as you say then that means shifters have been around for a very long time. But how did they come to be in the first place…? That isn’t important right now. We can explore that when we have more information. We’re grasping at straws here. It’s pithy.” 

Levi shook his head. “I disagree. It’s lacking in substance but we have a means of strengthening your idea. However, said means of doing so is taking her sweet ass time going to the sub-basement.” 

“Alright, alright, I’ll go. No need to bite my head off. But don’t you dare scold me for losing sleep over this.” She shook a finger at him as she departed. “Far be it from me to defy the second-in-command.” 

“Tch. When it conveniences you.” 

“You’re no better,” she teased and closed the door behind her. 

Hanji and Levi waited silently until they were certain she was out of the hallway and heading downstairs. He folded his arms over his chest and turned to her. “Have you found anything?” 

“No. By that I don’t mean I haven’t looked hard enough. There’s nothing to find.” 

He furrowed his brow. “Elaborate.” 

She pulled her wheeled chair along the floor until they were face-to-face. “I scoured the records multiple times. There is no file for a soldier bearing the name Messmann other than Saskia herself. I don’t know what that could mean. Were the files destroyed to cover up her adoption? That’s the only reason I could think of, but why they would do that…Why _would_ they do that?” 

A few days after Levi began entertaining the idea that Saskia may be of Oriental descent he tasked Hanji with looking further into the matter, starting with her parentage. And as he suspected there were no records of any other soldiers with the name Messmann. Saskia’s knowledge of her parents was very limited, seemingly incomplete for someone adopted of ‘respect’ for her parents as she was led to believe. 

“They wouldn’t have any reason.” Levi glanced at the door. _I’m eighty per cent certain Saskia’s Oriental. And if that’s the case the reason Shardis was so adamant on making her into the ‘perfect soldier’ is because he knew. He knew the rumors about Oriental blood granting inherent strength. He must know about the sub-basement then. But how in the hell did he get his hands on her?_ Levi narrowed his eyes. _Isamu wanted to make the perfect soldier using Oriental blood. Did Shardis get his hands on her through the slave trade? Is she from the underground too?_

“Levi.” Hanji snapped in his face. 

“Expand your search.” He kept his eyes on the door. “Go through the public census records to find anyone with the last name ‘Messmann’. Tell me what you find. Birth, death, marriage, divorce, residence. Anything at all. And remember, Saskia **cannot** know.” _Especially if she was bred to be a soldier. That’s how Shardis treated her. As though he already had preconceived notions about what she was capable of…Or should have been capable of due to Oriental blood. Is ‘Saskia Messmann’ even her real name?_

She nodded. “Of course. There is one small hiccup in your request though. I’m well known, being a high ranking officer in the Survey Corps. If I were to request public census records it would look very suspicious.” 

“Then have your boyfriend do it, as long as he can keep his mouth shut.” 

“Probably a good idea. He’s not only a good artist but he has a photographic memory as well. Whatever he finds he could draw up for us to examine.” 

“Whatever it takes,” he replied sternly as he rose. 

“You never did fully explain why you want to-” 

“It’s none of your God damn business,” he snapped. “Not until we something more conclusive. Not until I have what I need to confirm or rule out my suspicions. No one will be informed before Saskia herself. In the mean time, I’m going to go make sure that idiot doesn’t get distracted. It’s been years since she’s gone down there and if she loses focus she’ll lose hours of sleep.” 

“You? Going to the sub-basement? Someone alert the press!” 

“I’m doing it for her.” 

“Is it a good idea for the two of you to be alone together? In an isolated area like that?” she asked as he went for the door. _Maybe they’re ready for the conversation. Maybe this will prompt it._

“…we’ll find out soon enough.” 

* * *

**Late Evening, Sub-basement  
**

After about an hour and a half of reminding himself that it was for Saskia’s sake Levi was able to bring himself into what he assumed to be the filthiest part of the building. He remembered where the panel was and how many steps there were courtesy of her numerous recounts of her discoveries there. He was certain she would be suspicious of his presence but doubted she would protest. In effort to make it appear as though he came for support and to help her focus, not time alone with her, he made sure to bring along a cup of her favorite flavor of tea. 

He found her in the old room reading by gas lamp at one of a few small tables pushed up against the walls. Much to his surprise it appeared, from what little amount of light the lamp cast, oddly clean. He could only assume it was done so recently; she anticipated his presence eventually. 

“I must be hallucinating,” she said shooting him a faint grin. “You? In the sub-basement?” 

“If this place is going to be your haunt again it should be sanitary. But it looks like you beat me to it.” 

“Liar. You just wanted an excuse to see me.” 

With a small smirk he handed the mug to her and she took a slow sip. “I don’t need an excuse to see you.” He sat down next to her, straining his eyes as he looked down at the book she was reading. “Anything yet?” 

“I’ve gone through two other books so far and it’s proven quite difficult to find anything on such an old culture. If my calculations are correct then this cultural group began over ten thousand years ago. I’m not sure how long it lasted however. But there isn’t anything written in the vernacular so I’ve been reliant on the graphics and few bits and pieces of the languages that I’ve picked up over the years.” 

“I’m sure you’ll find something. You’re too damn smart for your own good.” He moved closer to her. 

She dropped an elbow onto the table and rested her chin in her palm, turning at the waist to face him. “Hanji once told me that intelligent women intimidate men, as they are raised to believe intelligence and strength are masculine traits. Women are to be demure and speak when spoken to. She said it’s the reason I’m still single,” Saskia chuckled as she gently turned the yellowing page of the old book. _Why am I bringing that up now?_

_I was hoping to avoid this conversation. Stop making things more complicated than they need to be._ “What in the ever loving fuck is considered attractive about a woman who won’t speak unless spoken to?” 

“Being submissive.” 

“Tch. Ridiculous. Why do you think I can’t stand Petra, in that respect? She’s hypersensitive, blindly loyal, judgmental, clingy, insecure, and afraid to speak her mind.” 

_Things that he’s told me I’m not…_ She gulped and returned her attention to the book she was currently scouring through for information. “I’ve seen the name a few times but haven’t been able to match anything to it. To be honest I’m more interested in why a Titan would use an Oriental honorific.” 

“That’s what I was afraid of. I wanted to make sure you focused or you wouldn’t get any sleep tonight.” 

“I never have any fun,” she pouted. “Still surprised no one has questioned the ‘heichou’ title I randomly came up with. Unlike ‘onii-chama’ that’s used by damn near everyone.” 

_Hanji was right. We shouldn’t be alone together._ “Because they know you came up with it so they think it’s gibberish.” 

_He said he wants to help me focus but…his presence serves as a horrendous distraction!_ “Well they can all go to Hell,” she grumbled as she put the book on her reject pile and pulled another from the stack of potentially promising. As soon as she opened it her eyes lit up and Levi began tapping his fingers on the table anxiously. The light from the gas lamp’s gentle illumination amplified her already sparkling features in the dimly lit room, enhancing the color of her bright green eyes and giving her complexion a soft glow. She frowned when he began engaging in his nervous habit and glanced up at him, causing him to quickly turn away. “What’s wrong with you?” 

_Oh nothing, really, nothing at all. Just having to cope with the fact that it’s recently come to my attention that the person I’m closest to has distanced herself from me for six years. Right next to me but out of my reach._ “Nothing you need to worry over. Just curious. You look like you stumbled upon a possible lead.” 

Her smile broadened. “That I did!” _He’s lying. Dear Lord, is this about the diary? It has to be. Then why did he come down here in the first place?! He’s torturing himself…just to be close to me…_ “The language this book is written in is a direct ancestor to our vernacular; remotely pre-Titan if you will. I’m far more familiar with it than the older texts. This isn’t a possible lead my dear, it **is** a lead.” _…WHAT DID I JUST CALL HIM?!  
_

 _What did she just call me?_ “Then what the hell are you waiting for?” 

“Give me a moment to revel in my victory, would you?” She squealed excitedly before returning to her research. “Alright, let’s see…Table of contents…Don’t care. This entire book needs to be examined thoroughly.” She read to the best of her abilities in complete silence, Levi watching the entire time. Rarely did she exhibit such a genuine smile. 

_I missed seeing that._ “Anything yet?” 

“Be patient, will you? That’s asking far too much. I apologize.” He said nothing, only rolling his eyes at her, and her grin broadened. “Such a crybaby,” she teased poking him in the cheek. 

“Shut up.” 

“Make me,” she challenged as she finished her vanilla tea. 

Scent is the sense most strongly tied to memory. Though he brought it in effort to fool her and truly believing it to be in her best interest the memory of the night they spent together, which he hoped wouldn’t be the only, began to stir. What led up to the aggressive intimacy the night before was on the verge of being repeated. He clenched his fists together and inhaled sharply. 

“I found something!” she cried triumphantly. “I can’t make out the entire piece-” 

_Make out? God damn it…_

“-but I found the name Ymir and more information on the peoples that the entity belongs to. The myth is a…a creation myth, it would seem. The origins of the known world. And this Ymir character is…” She slapped a hand over her mouth. 

“What?” 

Through parted fingers she replied in a shaky voice, “A creature existing before humans. The first giant. A word interchangeable with…” 

“Titan,” he finished solemnly. 

“Does this mean that…Titans have existed for longer than we’ve been led to believe? The government has erased so much of the past, the pre-Titan world but this implies at the very least an awareness or conception of such beings. It’s time like this I wish I never found this room.” She closed the book and pushed it aside, arms resting on the table. “And what does this mean in terms of the cadet?” 

“I have no idea.” He put a hand on her shoulder blade, stroking softly with his thumb. “But we’re going to find out.” 

“What if she’s a plant? Or-?” 

“You’re getting carried away. One thing at a time. For all we know she could be a direct descendent of the older culture and her name is some sort of reverence of her heritage.” 

“Perhaps…It isn’t unheard of…” 

“Time for you to calm the hell down.” 

“No.” She scrunched her face and dropped it onto her folded arms. “I hate knowing things.” 

“You’d be boring as hell if you didn’t.” 

She turned her head to face him. “I know that you know.” 

“…why are you bringing this up now?” He retracted his hand but she took hold of it and rested it on the table, hers atop it. 

“You don’t know everything. Only what you saw in the diary.” 

_You go right ahead and think that._ “What’s your point?” He tried to free himself from her grip but she tightened her hold. 

“I wrote that in a panic. Truth is…” Her eyes fell to the floor. “I don’t know why, I only know why not. But as stupid as this is going to sound I’m afraid of you. Or something about you. And I don’t want to not want to…” 

“To what?” 

“You know. You saw the diary.” 

“Say it or I won’t believe you.” 

“Then I’ll reword it.” She straightened up her back and completely turned to face him, still holding firmly onto his hand. “It isn’t that I don’t want to not want to. Rather, I want to. I want to be able to…” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been trying very hard to get to the heart of the matter. I can tell you’ve been trying to keep putting this off but if we wait until I’m ready to hold the conversation, we may very well end up waiting forever. It’s not forced if I want to have the conversation despite not being fully ready. I hope it might instigate my ability to identify the root of this. The only thing stopping me is me. And I hate that because of the repercussions. The effect it has on you. It’s not something I should be doing to myself and it most certainly isn’t fair to you. I know you’re frustrated because you never wanted to feel that way towards someone and now that you do, you’re losing what little patience you have left.”

He shook his head. “What frustrates me and tests what little patience I had to begin with is that the person I feel that way towards, despite feeling the same, is holding herself back.” 

“That’s my point exactly. I’m losing patience with myself because...” Her voice started to crack. “I’m tired of trying to convince myself that ‘this is the last time and we’ll never do it again’, ‘it’s only casual’, and all that other nonsense.” She put her free hand over her heart, clutching the fabric of her shirt tightly. “I just need you to be patient with me Levi, wait a little longer now that I know what the problem is and that I’m trying.” She hung her head. 

“Saskia, I’ve waited at least five years. If you really are trying like you claim to be, and I have no reason to doubt you are, I can wait a little longer. That’s why this has become so difficult. I feel like I’m blindly trusting you because of how uncertain you appear…But as I once told Hanji if there’s one thing I can always rely on you to be, it’s to be reliable. Even if you’re a dumbass.” He brought his hand to her cheek and fought the urge to caress it. “I know you’re in there, somewhere. But you’re out of my reach. What frustrates me the most is knowing that countless times now I’ve touched you…without ever truly touching you. Once again I come to find that something is keeping Saskia from me. And I don’t know what it’ll take to bring her to her senses. To bring her back to me. Assuming she was ever here to begin with.” 

“There are many things I can't say I know for sure. But there is one thing I'm certain of.” She pressed his hand against her cheek, reveling in the warmth. “All I want is to be able to love you the way I know I’m supposed to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if this chapter seems rushed. There was a Saskia and Sasha scene but that's being put off until a later time. And we've got an expedition to get ready for!
> 
> I had originally written it so Levi was going to say that last line to Saskia much later on but decided that, if we're currently tackling the 'sentimental bullshit', to quote Levi then why wait? And who better to say it in the context of what's going on right now than Saskia? But don't let the dialogue fool you. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and now that Petra's opened her damn mouth and Erwin is ready to get the Garrison on their asses and blow them to hell things are going to get a bajillion times more complicated.
> 
> If you wanna know more about Hanji's ideas of indirect involvement look into the Taoist principle of 'wu wei'. I can't help but put a little Taoism into everything I write and if Hanji's talking Taoism then CLEARLY she knows best.


	20. Who Is She?

**July 3 rd, 850, Mess Hall, 6 AM (9 Days Until the Expedition)**

“Come on General, once more.”

“You wish to embarrass yourself this early Reiner? Well, if you insist.” Saskia set her tray aside and Reiner did the same, both putting their elbows the table. Her hand barely came up to his wrist.

“Hey guys, he’s doing it again!” Eren shouted and the two were suddenly swarmed by a group of cadets. Most were cheering on Saskia, whom Reiner had taken to calling ‘General Badass’, while the rest offered words of encouragement like ‘Maybe this time’ to the blond.

They latched palms and Ymir, who volunteered to play the role of referee and scorekeeper as she reveled in seeing Reiner ‘get his ass beat by a shrimpette of an officer’, took her position at the end of the table. “Alright, you know the rules. Sadly, we have to keep it clean. First to go down loses. On the count of five, begin. One…two…five!”

Though her smile wasn’t disarming it was very unnerving considering how much effort Reiner was putting into slamming her arm onto the table while she exerted hardly any effort to keep it up. “All good things come to an end you know. That includes your winning streak.” He grit his teeth. _This should not be possible…She’s as big as my damn arm!_

“Trying to discourage me?” She raised an eyebrow and tightened her grip on his hand, and he fought a wince. “If I felt sorry for you cadet then I would apologize. However…”

_SLAM!_

“You were the one who made the mistake of challenging me.”

Ymir grabbed Saskia’s arm and held it up in the air, almost pulling the rest of her petite form along with it. “General Saskia remains the undefeated champion with a score of fifteen consecutive wins! Here’s hoping someday she breaks Reiner’s arm rendering him unable to jerk off!”

“Ymir!” Krista scolded softly and the taller girl shrugged.

“What? It’d be funny.”

Over at the table populated by the higher ranking officers Mike couldn’t help but look at the rambunctious group disapprovingly. “Am I the only one who gets the impression that they don’t take the fact that we go outside the walls in nine days seriously?”

“Nonsense,” Hanji argued and pointed her spoon at him. “They’re just taking advantage of what little time they have left before going beyond the walls. And I think it goes without saying that Saskia helps boost their morale and confidence a little. If she got that impression I doubt she’d encourage or tolerate such behavior. I’m amazed that she’s managed to remain so collected.”

“I heard she canceled Expedition Eve and has actually been getting to sleep,” he murmured as though it were a scandalous rumor.

“I told I’d beat her senseless if she didn’t,” Levi replied monotonously. Hanji was the only one able to catch a hint of humor in his words.

“OK, so I can’t beat you at arm wrestling. But I bet I could take you one-on-one.”

“That boy has a death wish,” Hanji sang quietly.

“You’ve got quite the sense of humor there.” Saskia folded her arms on the table, a eyes glimmering mischievously. “I would gladly take **all** of you on at once. I guarantee that you would not touch me.”

“Is she serious?” Sasha whispered to Mikasa who rolled her shoulders nonchalantly.

“If you win you’re relieved of whatever senseless punishment Levi has inflicted upon you for two days. If I win, it’s doubled and left to Levi’s discretion. How does that sound?”

Hanji slapped her hands over her mouth to hold back an uproar of laughter as all the boys minus Armin immediately agreed to her terms, Ymir already taking bets. “Those poor souls!” she managed to choke out. “Volunteering to get their asses kicked! Oh God, this is great…This is too funny…Pfft, just look at them all! You’d think Eren at the very least would know better. Levi, you used to get your ass kicked by Saskia all the time. She can do it, right? She can take them all at once?”

“Considering how many times I’m embarrassed to admit she has bested me, it’d be a huge blow to my self-esteem if she lost to a handful of recruits.” Levi glanced over his shoulder at Saskia, who was beaming with delight at their youthful enthusiasm. “Tch. They’re fucked. And then they’re mine to play with.”

Three nights ago Saskia had made her stupendous confession to Levi. Her words kept him up that night, not because he couldn’t sleep but he didn’t want to stop replaying the memory. It was one thing for her to say that she wanted to love him, but in saying she wanted to do so in the way she knew was supposed to held a powerful implication. Coming from another it might sound as though it were an obligation but when she said it, it meant an utmost devotion only a significant other could exhibit; with the mysterious fear still gnawing at her insides it would be impossible for her to fully devote herself to him. His impatience had been amplified after hearing that but this time it wasn’t due to frustration with the situation. Saskia always kept true to her word and this was one promise he couldn’t wait for her to fulfill. Though it deprived him of sleep he couldn’t recall the last time he was allowed the privilege of such a peaceful night in solitude.

The remaining week before an expedition was relatively lax at first for the very reasons Hanji had explained earlier. It was around the four or five day mark that everyone began to buckle down and get serious. Day two marked a period of masked panic. Gear was examined at least ten times for even the slightest defect. Supplies were stocked up on in surplus should the current budget allow for it. A storeroom full of gas tanks was half emptied. Saskia powered through an average of three boxes of bandages per day from all the paper cuts she received while whittling away at the stacks of paperwork multiplying exponentially within that timeframe.

She had been provided with a decent amount of time to try and get to the bottom of the fear driving a wedge between her and Levi. It had yet to yield any promising results but the time she spent with the cadets and preparing for the expedition put her in the appropriate mindset to approach the issue from a happy medium of rational and emotional; she was in a perfect state of mindfulness at the current. If anything was putting a damper on the effort she was exerting it was one of the aforementioned cadets, Ymir. After her discovery in the sub-basement she had been weary of and nervous around the adolescent but she only expressed the feeling around Levi and Hanji. They too kept an eye on her but the three were still unsure of what to do with or make of the information Saskia found in that old book.

After judging the one-on-five contest, both smirking in satisfaction as they watched their beloved General take down those arrogant enough to challenge her (as well as poor Bertholdt, who Reiner had coaxed into ‘joining in the fun’), Hanji retreated to her office to go over the copies Moblit made of the documents he examined. His search in Rose proved fruitless, but the fact that he found a lead in Sina’s Central Department of Public Affairs was shocking to say least considering his reasons and what he found. Levi did his best to remain surreptitious but the three knew Saskia would become suspicious of him frequenting Hanji’s office, assuming she wasn’t already. Once they examined what Moblit presented they struggled with how to use what he uncovered.

“I don’t know if we should show or tell her,” the nervous cadet began as he handed Levi and Hanji flawlessly hand-drawn copies of the documents. “Not yet. Right now the only reason you’re looking into this is because of her appearance, right Lance Corporal?”

“…something like that,” he replied monotonously as his cold cobalt eyes scanned the paper he held, narrowing gradually in their descent.

“Well if you look at the documents-”

“I **am** ,” he interrupted with a brisk growl, scowling at the poor boy causing him to take refuge behind Hanji. Seated at her desk, she adjusted her glasses as she looked over the paper in her hands.

“Forgive me if I sound skeptical but…I’m skeptical. This is what you found? I can’t help but call its authenticity into question.” She looked over her shoulder at him. Levi’s intense, soul-searing gaze almost caused him to void his bowls.

Moblit nodded and gulped. “Yes. This is it. This is why I don’t think it’s a good-”

“Tch. Not for you to decide, kid.”

“He has a point, Levi,” Hanji replied calmly, coming to her boyfriend’s defense. “Her appearance alone isn’t enough. And this, while suspicious…Is this enough? Should it be brought to her attention? Especially before an expedition?”

“I highly doubt there’s an ideal time to show her something like this.” He folded one leg over the other and lazily draped his arm over the back of the couch, eyes continuing to devour the page he held. “This is it? This is seriously all you could fucking find?” His tone was a mixture of annoyance and condescension.

“Afraid so, sir. I realize that the authenticity is questionable, but it’s better than nothing. Rather, it’s something.”

“Of course. Because Saskia Messmann has to be…Saskia Fucking Messmann,” Levi grumbled.

**822 Census Record, Sina Central Department of Civil Affairs**

**Name: Luzia Messmann**

**Sex: F**

**Age: 27 years old**

**Date of Birth: May 14th, 795**

**Former Place of Residence : Shiganshina, Maria (5/14/795), Utopia, Rose (9/04/804)**

**Current Place of Residence: Stohess, Sina (1/20/818)**

**Marital Status: Engaged**

**Relatives: S----- M------- (Child; 2/25/822; F; 3 days old [deceased, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome])**

“After seeing the name had been scribbled out I asked to see the birth and death certificate of the child. I was kicked out of the building as soon as I asked,” Moblit explained.

Hanji set the document in her lap and massaged her temples. “Everything matches. But the last name is what concerns me the most. If this is her mother why does she bear her name? Children are usually given the surname of the father, regardless of whether or not the mother has kept her maiden name.”

“Not if her father is Oriental,” the Lance Corporal pointed out. “Rare blood needs to be kept under wraps. And if her father is Oriental she would be a target, even if she is a mutt.”

“But blacking it out? And still allowing it to be available to the public? If there is some sort of conspiracy going on, whoever is behind it did a very sloppy job.”

Levi shook his head. “It was intentional. Whoever is behind it, they want her to know. They’re leaving a trail.”

“Why would they that?” Moblit asked, his concern for the General growing.

“How the hell should I know?” the eldest snapped. _Whoever the hell is behind this, they aren’t getting their hands on her. Especially not-_

“Do you still suspect Ackermann?”

 _-him._ “Which one?” Levi glanced at Hanji who shrugged.

“Either.”

“Only one. Now that Saskia is in _her_ good graces she managed to choke some information out of her under the guise of getting to know her better. Apparently Mikasa’s father had a cousin or distant cousin, some relative whose exact relation is arbitrary, named Kenneth. She said that her father cut off ties with the man after marrying her mother, who was pure-blood Oriental. Something about expressing a bizarre and crude interest in his wife. And who killed her parents? Slave traders targeting her mother. When she was no longer ‘an option’ they tried to take Mikasa and…you heard the story at Eren’s trial. Kenny knew that asshole, Isamu. It’s possible they were collaborating to add to his little harem. It wouldn’t have been the first time Isamu used some of Kenny’s lackeys to kidnap Oriental people. Why they collaborated, I couldn’t say. They might still. No idea. Let’s pretend Saskia’s father is Oriental. What are the odds that two Orientals would end up here? One with connections to the head of human trafficking and another with unknown origins someone seems to be covering up? One adopted by the man who may have created the ability to shift into a God damn Titan, implying a connection between Jaeger’s father and the fall of Maria? And one who was trained to be the ‘perfect soldier’, the very thing Isamu wanted to create? Let’s not forget that, if this woman is Saskia’s biological mother, she’s from Shiganshina. The city that was attacked by the Colossal Titan. Of all the places for her to hail from…Too many factors are overlapping here.”

“And then there’s you,” Moblit piped up.

“Me?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

Hanji sighed before elaborating, knowing her words would agitate him further. “The protégé of Kenny Ackermann ending up in the same place as both Mikasa, the one with a blood relation to him and an almost-victim of the slave trade Kenny has connections to. The same place as Saskia, who was adopted for unknown reasons from an unknown family but rai- trained to be the ‘perfect soldier’ like Isamu hoped to create, as if Shardis already had an idea of what that was.”

“Only because of Lobov.”

“True. Why did he approach you of all people?” She crossed her arms over her chest, scientific mind beginning to postulate. “He was a very corrupt man. He may have had connections to the underground. Who knows what he did with the money he embezzled? And Flagan, what if he was reporting to other people? Like, say, Kenny or Isamu? They were connected to the Military Police, and the MP would be able to screw with documents like the public census records. What if Saskia was taken from her mother and brought here to be trained at Isamu’s command? For all we know Shardis may have been working for them too!”

Levi threw his head back. “Shut up Shitty Glasses. I don’t want to hear another word about it. Saskia being the ‘perfect soldier’. You have no **fucking** idea what it was like to her to undo all of that. She’s still struggling with it. Even if it’s true I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to think it, I don’t want to know it. Because if I do then I have to keep it from her. Can you imagine how she would react if someone told her that the very reason she was born was so she could be molded like that? To be someone’s puppet? That it really was meant to be her purpose in life? **I** can’t even begin to imagine it but I know she would lose her shit…to put it nicely. I’m this damn close to having her. I’m not going to risk losing her over a maybe.”

“What more do you need? What more can we find?” Hanji sounded uncharacteristically discouraged.

“Who her mother was engaged to. It should be listed here but that information has been omitted. Even if a fiancé wouldn’t be legally recognized as a relative his name would at the very least be listed if he’s Saskia’s father. It would absolutely be included on her birth certificate. And if that elusive bastard is Oriental it’s all the more reason to keep it from becoming public knowledge.” _But finding him might lead right to Isamu, perhaps even Kenny._ “Did you have to push them to give you this?” He looked at Moblit, holding up the copy of the census record.

He nodded. “The receptionist was very apprehensive. She had to think about whether or not it was a good idea. That was the impression I got from her.”

“Trying to decide whether or not the time was right to shed some light on Saskia’s origins, assuming a trail is being left. Why did Isamu want to breed the ‘perfect soldier’? And why not use someone who was a pure-blooded Oriental, like Saskia’s hypothetical father?”

“Can’t answer the second one…I hate thinking about those days.” Levi fought a shudder. “But if I recall correctly he specifically wanted someone of Oriental descent because of the stereotypes. Being born with the inherent ability to become incredibly strong. What he planned to do with that strength, again, I don’t know. Using someone of pure blood would’ve been ideal though.”

Hanji paused. “…didn’t Mikasa graduate at the top of her class?”

“Tch. Don’t tell me you’re buying into that shit now,” he scoffed.

“No, not at all,” she said shaking her head. “But if the notion is being reinforced by people who do believe it, like Isamu and maybe even Shardis…Shardis ‘raised’ Saskia and he oversaw Mikasa as a trainee. He may have tried to cultivate in her what he did Saskia.”

His lips curved into a thin line. “If this is all correct then she’s a genetic experiment. She’s a…living weapon.” Levi’s eyes widened. _God damn it._ “We don’t just need his name. We need to know if her parents are still alive. And if this Luzia bitch is still breathing she better savor what little time she has left, because I’m going to rip her head off with my bare hands for selling her daughter into-”

“Levi!” Hanji exclaimed, bringing him down from his enraged rant before he could completely succumb to his temper. “We don’t know if Luzia, assuming she’s Saskia’s mother, sold her into anything. She may have been kidnapped or, or…I don’t know. But please, don’t get carried away. I’m coming down with a migraine just from this brainstorming session.” Moblit put a hand on her shoulder and looked up at him, offering a weak smile. “I don’t want to think about Saskia being a ‘living weapon’ either-”

“No,” he said sternly as he rose, carelessly tossing the census copy aside. “No you don’t. We’re done until you can bring me something more concrete. If you can’t, I refuse to create any connections between Saskia and Kenny.”

“And if a trail is being left behind? If someone else makes those connections? If General Saskia found any of this?” Moblit asked quietly.

“We’ll deal with that if and only if that happens,” Hanji replied. “She’s one of the last people I would dare try to keep a secret from, and not only because she’s scary good at uncovering secrets. I don’t want to feed her false information. More importantly Levi’s right about her reaction. How would she handle the shock? Would she be able to handle the shock?”

“Give the General a little more credit, Hanji.”

“No. Don’t.” Levi shook his head as he headed for the door. _Not if I’m right. Nothing could prepare her for that._

* * *

  **Evening, Levi’s Office**

There was only one soul brave enough to venture into Levi’s office unannounced, especially after he holed himself up in there for the rest of the day. Curious as to why and concerned that he skipped dinner, Saskia used her master key to go in while balancing two trays on her other hand. Levi knew she would come eventually after noticing his absence in the mess hall.

 _I remember now. That was what he called it_ , he thought to himself as he heard his office door open. A soft hum of ‘The Wings of Freedom’ hit his auditory nerves making his heart rate escalate. _The Living Weapon. That was what Isamu wanted. Saskia could be the Living Weapon. She could be a failed prototype and Mikasa the second try. If any of that shit is true there’s only one good thing to come of it._ He sat up in bed as she opened his bedroom door, blushing faintly when she saw he was sans jacket and his shirt was unbuttoned. _If Lobov answered to Kenny and I was specifically chosen to come here, to infiltrate the Survey Corps…_

“Talk if you wish. Remain silent if you wish.” She sat next to him, setting one of the trays on his lap. She playfully poked his stomach when he scowled at her as she knew full well Levi hated eating in his room for fear of the potential mess it could cause. “None of that. You need to eat. I’ll shovel that down your throat if I have to.” With a cheeky grin she patted him on the head and added, “You are a growing boy, after all.”

“Fuck off, Messmann.”

“Make me.”

 _…then it was inevitable I would meet you. The real reason I stay in this miserable place. Let humanity fend for itself for all I care._ “Go to Hell.”

“I’ll save a spot for you.”

A silence fell over them as they ate and it was anything but peaceful. She was quick to break it with words he didn’t want to hear but at the same time anticipated.

“I know you aren’t telling me something.”

“Don’t ask,” he muttered between bites. “I won’t tell.”

“Oh I won’t.” She shook her head and smiled brightly at him. “I just hope you aren’t already cheating on me.” He shot her a bewildered look and she chuckled softly. “Relax you, I jest. I know you never would. I simply needed a segue is all.”

“To what?”

“I figured it out!” she beamed, but quickly frowned when he shook his head at her.

“Not yet. After we return.”

“Why?” She cocked her head to the side and set her empty tray on the ground by her feet.

“I know you do. But I refuse to hear it until I can say it back. Don’t you dare utter those three words. Understood?”

 _Until he can say it back? What poses a hindrance?_ “Why do you insist on trying to order me around, _cadet_?” she teased.

He smirked. “You’re cute when you’re submissive.” Her cheeks turning bright red he added, “And flustered.” He tugged gently at one of the straps on her back, eliciting a stifled yelp of surprise when he let it go and it snapped against her skin.

“What was that for?” she hissed and took his empty tray, setting it atop hers.

“Amusement. In case you haven’t noticed I like fucking with you.” His smirk had yet to dissipate.

“Trust me, I noticed.” She folded her arms over her chest and turned away, nose in the air and face scrunched. “Jackass.”

“Dumbass.”

“I feel that we have firmly established my status as ‘dumbass’, thank you very much!”

“Tch. Being the dumbass you are I’ve taken it upon myself to keep reminding you.”

“How thoughtful.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“I try.”

“You fail,” she sneered, though her tone was hardly playful this time.

“Why the sudden sour mood?” His bored expression contrasted his mildly troubled tone.

Her arms fell to her lap. “After having finally figured it out I am still unable to tell you.” What remained of her smile of triumph morphed into a look of dismay. “Who is untouchable now, Levi? Who is left waiting in the dark?”

 _If those two are still working together what if I was ‘sent here’ so they could get close to you?_ “…good things come to those who wait,” he attempted to reason but he failed to convince himself that was the case.

“Have we not waited long enough?” _Yes, you heard me. We._ “I’m right the fuck here! What more do you want from me?” The undertone of desperation in her voice was heart wrenching.

 _Is it safe for you to be near me?_ “Nothing,” he lied and raked his fingers through his hair, seeking out a generic but plausible explanation. “I just…I just need-”

“Me,” she said assertively. “You need me. And I need you. It’s that simple!”

“If only it were.” _I said I would wait. But do you let me? No. Do I need you to? Sadly, yes. Of all the things to come between us I never imagined my past might be connected._

With an exasperated huff she rose and slipped out of her jacket, neatly folding it and dropping it onto his dresser. “I don’t think there is much more to say.” She shrugged. “Perhaps nothing to say. Perhaps now isn’t the time for talking. Then again, you are clearly in need of a reminder.”

He raised an eyebrow at her curiously, once again finding himself unable to read her. It was both refreshing to see that she was still able to surprise him but at the same time worrisome now that the roles were reversing, coupled with his inability to provide sufficient explanation for his sudden evasive behavior. The moment he had been waiting for came at what was arguably the most inopportune of times. It was his turn to be overtaken by fear, though he was sorely lacking the answers needed to come to any conclusions as to whether or not his presence in her life did pose a threat. On a subconscious level he almost immediately succumbed to the possibility. Now that she was no longer out of reach he was afraid to sully her with his touch. However Levi couldn’t help but feel that even if Saskia knew of the alarming information that had recently come to light and the myriad implications it held she would remain undeterred.

“You greatly underwhelm me. I know something’s going on, and it’s clearly impacting you in such a way that you now believe it best to give up. Or at the very least to keep waiting, to play it safe. That is one thing I never in my wildest dreams thought I could accuse you of.” Her knees hit the bed and she settled onto his lap, firmly planting her hands over his to keep him still. “Who’s the one who has been torturing himself for five damn years waiting for me to come to my senses? You Levi, _you_. And now here we are, here I am ready to tell you that the rift between us is no more but you-” She hung her head and sighed. “I apologize,” she said quietly. “Whatever it is that you are keeping from me, I trust that you have good reason to. You wouldn’t do so otherwise. Even if it poses a hindrance I shouldn’t doubt or question your judgment. You are clearly in a frustrating and awkward position. Not literally, I hope.” Their eyes met briefly causing him to look away. She reached out to cradle his cheek for reassurance but quickly retracted her hand. “It would appear the roles have reversed. But please, I…I am on the verge of begging when I say this. Stop it. Stop fighting me. Look at me. Look me in the eye. Right now.”

She could feel him start to try to free himself from her grasp. Instead of tightening her grip she let go and grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him forward. Her covered chest was pressed to his bare skin and she could feel the contour of his muscles through the single layer of fabric between them, their noses almost touching. The feeling of her warm breath against his flesh made him shudder.

“You want me. Here I am.” Her voice dropped into a whisper as she pressed her forehead against his. “I’m right here. Just as I’ve always been,” she murmured, lips ghosting over his as she spoke. “It’s only me. You know me. You trust me. You were the one trying your damndest to be as patient as possible and now you’re shying away from me. I’m not _that_ intimidating, am I?” A faint grin tugged at her lips.

Though uneasy and apprehensive, his hands reflexively settled on her hips but he still wouldn’t look at her. “Tch. You’re the opposite of intimidating. I didn’t think you would ‘come to your senses’ so soon. You caught me off guard.” _Now I’m keeping things from her **and** lying to her face._

“Don’t lie to me, damn it!” she barked, then drew back slightly but still held firmly onto him. “The reason I am so irked right now is because…Well, just take a moment to reflect on all we have overcome together. Whatever happened to us being ‘inseparable and unstoppable’?” She paused. “Even if you have your reasons for keeping something from me you have no reason to keep yourself from me.”

 _…she’s right._ “Suppose I don’t,” he agreed softly. “No reason, no want.”

“If you had either reason or want, would you be able to bring yourself to do it?” She tilted her head slightly, heartbeat escalating rapidly. _Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me or I swear to God I…I’ll kiss you, you son of a bitch._ “Because, despite lacking both you’re doing it.”

He buried his face in the exposed side of her neck, hands tugging at the back of her shirt. “Yeah, you made that pretty clear. As if I didn’t already know.”

“Can you, at the very least, tell me why?”

“Inseparable and unstoppable when it came to anything or anyone other than the two of us. What would you say if I told you my reason wasn’t a fear, something I could overcome but…me?”

She rolled her eyes and deadpanned, “Did you forget how we met?”

“Considering I had never hated someone so much before I met you, no, I didn’t.” Upon realizing he posed more a potential threat to her well-being now than he ever could have when he had the intention of killing her, he had to suppress a laugh.

“Not long after you came here I went to the sub-basement. I was curious, as I found myself inexplicably magnetized. I had to know why. I never told you what I found because I couldn’t decode it.”

“What the hell are you babbling about now?” He raised his head and shot her an irritated look. As much as the subject at hand frustrated him it was far more pressing than one of her baseless discoveries.

“The meaning of your name.”

“Not this nonsense again…”

“‘Attached’. Many a times I found myself wondering ‘Attached to what?’. But I realize now I was asking the wrong questions. It’s the opposite. I shouldn’t have been pondering what it is or was that you’re attached to. Myself, however? It was damn near immediate. My attachment to you. I don’t know why and quiet honestly I don’t care. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. What does matter is the fact that you are constantly scolding me for not giving myself any credit for accomplishments and efforts. If I can comfortably bring myself to make an exception, it’s now. It’s here. It’s you. I made the effort to understand my arguably inexcusable fear, my strong attachment to you, and I’ll be damned and if nothing comes of it. I repeat- you want me, and here I am. So fucking do something about it. To hell with your own apprehension. To hell with the notion that you of all people could possibly be a source of concern for me. If I, the scared and hopeless and clueless one can take initiative like this without having to force myself to do so there is no way you could possibly justify following in my former footsteps.”

“Saskia, listen to me. You’re right about everything, but you also said you wouldn’t question my judgment call-”

“For keeping something from me, not for keeping yourself from me,” she reminded, patience dwindling.

“I can’t do this now. I can’t have this conversation with you now. If you knew the reasons why you would back the fuck off and as much as I’d love to share I can’t.”

“Not now? Then when? Is there such a thing as an ideal time?”

Her words struck him down to the core as they echoed the very sentiment he expressed only hours ago to Hanji and Moblit. There was no ideal time to look into her murky background. What’s worse, there was no ideal time to have the conversation she was trying to hold. He said he wouldn’t press or force the issue, and he wanted it to be at her pace. If this was the pace she was comfortable with who was he to question that?

_“All I want is to be able to love you the way I know I’m supposed to you.”_

Just as she struggled with her identity as both soldier and human, he struggled with accepting her affections. Initially playful and platonic he wanted more, he craved more, but he had no idea as to how to go about satisfying that need. Both feared that waiting for her to take initiative could carry on for years when in truth, with his legitimate inability to comfortably take in affection that wasn’t expressed the only way he knew how to show it -the banter and scolding he subjected her to for years-, Levi was the one who stood between them. It took the borderline miracle of her taking the initiative secretly feared to understand that. He had grown so accustomed to her own ignorance and blindness that he neglected to address his own, as it was all he knew and thus never something he saw worthy of calling into question until she cornered him.

“Tell me.”

“Oh, so now you want to know?” she asked dubiously.

“No, dumbfuck, I don’t. But I need to if this is going to go anywhere. I’ve had enough of being stuck in limbo with you. A very intelligent and indescribably annoying woman taught me that without taking a risk, we have no right to cling to any hope. You’re hopeless. But so am I. You’ve taken a huge risk. It’s only fair I return the favor. Seeing as there is no ideal time it’s now or never. If I pass this up I know I’ll forever regret it.”

She gave him a single nod, hands slowly trailing down his exposed chest until they were resting on his lap. Fists clenched, lower lip bitten, and eyes squeezed tightly shut she muttered, “You destroyed me. From the very beginning I intuited you had the ability to greatly impact the immediate environment but I couldn’t comprehend the repercussions your presence would have. My sheltered, dangerous, unhealthy life…You can’t easily express emotion as it’s far beyond your comfort zone. And regardless of the harm the former life I led was causing, it was a comfort zone nonetheless. We both know that. But in digging deeper I realized that not only did you bring it to my attention, you obliterated that world. There was safety in darkness. Then I began to question Shardis’ order to kill you. The aforementioned attachment. We both know that you forced me to realize how damaged I was…but it occurred to me that you have been, for six years now, in complete control of my establishment of identity. You destroyed me. That destruction being synonymous to making me. Try not to take offense to this but in a way you…replaced him. Once he was out of the picture, no longer pulling my strings and boxing me into one particular identity -the General- you inadvertently created her other half. You made me what I am today. Certainly for the best, yes. And you not once have you been the puppeteer. But since my birth I have been subject to someone else’s control and agenda. You forced his influence out of me only to replace it. You-”

“Stop. Stop talking. That…was what you…?” He let out a slow exhale. “And here I thought you were finally capable of taking credit. Listen to yourself, Messmann. I didn’t do a damn thing. You were the receptive one. Not because you had always been at the mercy of another. You knew better. You let me. Don’t you dare undermine your agency.” Her lips began to part but he put a palm under her chin and forced her mouth shut before she could protest his words. “Whatever moronic argument you have, shove it up your ass. I’m far from done. For once in your damn life keep quiet and fucking listen to me you troublesome cretin. And yes, that is an order from your God damn superior. Rhetorical question for you. Are you a killer or a fighter? I realize they aren’t mutually exclusive. But not once have you ever acted for the sake of the kill itself, that’s only the natural outcome. A mark of victory. What was expected of you? To be a killer. He forced you to learn how to kill but you taught yourself how to fight. He influenced you but he didn’t make you. He messed with your head since you were old enough to crawl. But he didn’t teach you how to care or the value of a human life. He molded your body, he molded your mind, but there’s one part of you that no one has been able to touch.” The hand under her chin traveled down her neck and over her collarbone until it reached the space above her cardiac cavity. He pressed his hand against it, the rhythm of the wildly pounding muscle beneath reverberating into to him, down to every nerve and marrow.

“You molded that. He didn’t have a damn thing to do with your progress as a soldier. All he did was slap a title in front of your name. That title has nothing to do with your ambition, your drive, your compassion, your conviction, everything that’s kept you alive. What does any of that have to do with your stupid accusations of my ‘creating’ you? It’s hard not to trust someone who has come so far without having to rely on anyone other than herself. If there is a such thing as a perfect soldier you don’t fit the bill but you did set the standard. I had nothing to do with that. Not a damn thing. Your word is more powerful than your blade. Think about what you told me three nights ago. What role did I play in instilling that in you? None. Did Shardis teach you that? Of course not.” He brushed a thumb against the corner of her lips with his free hand. “No amount of formal training can strengthen that. It was you and only you from the start. How else could you have been able to sever your ties to him?”

“My heart may be strong but it is far from impenetrable.” Her knuckles started turning white.

“I didn’t force anything. You let me in. If I had to force it I would’ve lost my damn patience with you a long time ago. I knew you would come around eventually. I’ll admit part of the reason I wanted you to open up more was for my own selfish gain. I had to have you. But unlike Shardis I had no intention of conditioning you. If I had, I wouldn’t have been able to wait this long. I wanted you but only when you were ready and willing, able to see yourself as desirable. You quite literally threw yourself at me so…is it safe to assume that time has come? Can I finally have you?”

“…on one condition.”

“Name it.”

She opened her eyes. “It has to be mutual.”

“A reasonable enough request.”

She shook her head. “That was not a request.”

“Trying to order around your superior?”

“Not trying.” She brought her hands up to his shoulders and roughly forced him down onto the bed, hovering over him. “Succeeding.”

In spite of overcoming such a great hurdle Levi still refused to hear or say those three words, firmly convinced that they should be saved until after he got down to the bottom of the Luzia Messmann mystery. Furthermore, he was firmly convinced that it wasn’t fair to her that he held privileged information. Ironically enough she served the perfect distraction from that. The roadblock still held an overwhelming presence but he was able to shed any and every concern, fear, and frustration with the situation. Holding true to her word that she would one day give him the love she knew he deserved, nothing was going to stop him from returning it in abundance. While use of the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ was still premature no longer were they in limbo, but one step closer to fulfilling a long overdue desire transcending carnal.

* * *

**Midnight, Sina**

“Nine days. Are you ready?”

“Yes sir.”

“You’ve been training for this for years now. I’d like to hear a little more confidence in your response.”

“Yes sir!”

“Better. Remember the rules?”

“Anyone is fair game except for Reiss’ kid, Erwin, Bertholdt, Reiner, Saskia, Mikasa, and Levi. And Eren obviously. He’s the target.”

“For now, yes. Feel free to rough up Levi if you’d like. One of our insiders will get you a uniform to blend in should anything happen to your Titan form. Also, take this.”

“A ring with a spike on it?”

“Our sources tell us that Grisha’s son shifts by biting his thumb. Should you ever get caught the same will probably be expected from you. Use that to inflict your injury so you can still shift. Our spies in the Garrison will help you get over Wall Rose without catching any attention. I’m fairly certain you know who will be leading them.”

“Yeah…The obnoxious blonde you took in.”

“Watch your tongue. She’s proven to be more useful than you so far. I sincerely hope you can change that come the expedition. After you’ve apprehended Jaeger some of my men will meet you outside Wall Rose so we can cut you out and sneak you back over without anyone noticing the Female Titan.”

“The others I can understand sir, but why is Mikasa off-limits? Wouldn’t her strength pose a hindrance to the objective? Shouldn’t she be removed from the picture?”

“That’s irrelevant to your mission Leonhardt. You don’t need to know.”

“…yes sir.”

“Good girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idiots in the five-on-one- Jean, Eren, Reiner, Bertholdt (poor thing), and Connie. Mikasa and Armin knew better, Sasha was scared, Ymir wanted to see them get their asses kicked, and Krista is too tiny.
> 
> Hold your horses people, 'cause they still aren't a couple just yet! They're just no longer friends with benefits is all. It's not Facebook official, if you will. Also, mention of another OC near the end! Can't wait to introduce her :)
> 
> Title refers to four female characters in this chapter, one obviously being Saskia. Can you guess them all?
> 
> HOLY SHIT was that scene between her and Levi a bitch to write. I might go back and edit it a million times. Is it too wordy? Too complicated? Did it make any freaking sense at all?
> 
> Another pop quiz! Who was Annie talking to at very end of the chapter?


	21. Don't Forget

_“Why so flustered all of a sudden?”  
_

_“In prospect it’s idealistic but in implementation…It’s a completely different context than the last time. The first time.”  
_

_“You? Performance anxiety? Never thought I’d see the day.”  
_

_“Stop teasing me!”  
_

_“Not in this lifetime. But you’re right, it is different. We weren’t paying attention. We were disconnected from each other. It just…happened, and that was that. So here’s what I need you to do differently. First, get on your back. Don’t move unless I tell you otherwise. You start to get stubborn and put up a fight, I tie you to the bed so you hold still. Don’t close your eyes, don’t look away from me. Every salacious cry of pleasure…every desperate gasp for air, suffocated by your own desires…begging and pleading for me to lick you here, or bite you there, or touch you riiiight here- Yeah, just like that. I had better hear it. No more holding back.   I want to see you come undone, I want to hear you done undone. I want to feel you unravel until you’re completely at my mercy.”  
_

_“…I think this is the part where I say that I am by no means obligated to listen to you.”  
_

_“How else am I supposed to know that you’re enjoying it? Isn’t that the point? Because as much as I’m enjoying the view there’s no way in hell I could look but not touch. Not anymore…But this isn’t about me. This is all for you.”  
_

_“That’s…rather considerate of you.”  
_

_“Tch. Don’t get used to it. I don’t mind doing all the work, but that’s only because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. You better take some God damn initiative and figure out what you like or you’ll never be truly satisfied. Your body, your responsibility.”  
_

_“And how am I supposed to do that?! I can’t exactly take notes right now…”  
_

_“It’s impossible to miss. You’ll know when it happens, trust me.”  
_

_“You know I do.”  
_

_“Good. Now relax and let me do everything. But…you have to tell me what you want from me. Be as elaborate and detailed as possible. Otherwise you’ll never figure out what you like.”  
_

_“What I want?”  
_

_“Did I fucking stutter?”  
_

_“I…Um…I want…”_

* * *

**July 8 th, 4:15 AM (4 Days Until the Expedition)  
**

“I want teeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” Saskia drawled loudly, face down into her pillow. She inhaled deeply and rolled over onto her side, snuggling with it. For once it wasn’t lightly covered in the scent of vanilla, but a musk reminiscent of pine. “And he sometimes mocks my love of vanilla…” She slowly sat up and yawned lightly, rubbing the back of her neck. “At least I’m not persnickety about the scent of my cleaning supplies.”

Compared to everyone else scrambling about headquarters Saskia appeared quite lackadaisical. However, a heavy weight threatening to crush her had been lifted from her shoulders after six years of struggling to carry it. Even if she and Levi had no definitive label for their relationship the fact that she could claim they were in something bearing the resemblance of one was enough for her. In expeditions prior she would have been directing the traffic flow, but when she stepped out of her bedroom and was serenaded by the madness outside it only made her feel more relaxed. She had always been so greatly caught up in ensuring everything was handled perfectly that she never took the chance to see how everyone else was preparing. Had she not heard a cacophony of spilling, cracking, yelling, dropping, or any other indications of frantic behavior she would he been highly concerned.

With the expedition so close the cadets had grown used to being awoken at four but that didn’t refrain them from complaining about it. Saskia did her best to see to it that, when they weren’t training or working out in their carefully allotted free time, they were addressing some task they would be highly suited for. Armin had made mention of doing repair work on 3DMG with a friend lost in Trost and, after working together to oversee his skill, the General left him to work with the seasoned soldiers who handled maintenance and repair. With Connie around to ensure she didn’t eat any of it, or get caught when she slipped a few things from the kitchen, Sasha was given almost absolute authority over preparing and storing the non-perishable provisions. Though still very reluctant to share much about himself, especially around someone whom everyone else greatly enjoyed conversing with, Bertholdt had mentioned in passing that his mother is the village doctor of his hometown; having overheard this Hanji quickly stole the boy away to become her assistant in the medical field, alleviating Moblit of the responsibility, but putting him exclusively on ‘Titan assistance’ in the process. Both knew that his rustic background meant his knowledge in the medical field would be more all-natural and holistic, which was exceptionally useful outside the walls where healing herbs can be found. Krista, being so sensitive to the needs of others, was quickly learning how to handle inventory and budgeting to guarantee they brought everything they needed with them and stock up on what they lacked before departing. One of the first observations made about Ymir was that she is extremely close to the petite blonde and was given the order to work alongside her; convenience aside it was a ruse to grant Saskia and Levi greater opportunity to supervise the mysterious cadet. Reiner was left at the discretion of anyone in need of human capitol. Not wanting to have to overhear their ceaseless bickering Levi had Eren and Jean work outside, though why his giving the both of them stable duty amused Eren so greatly baffled him to no end. Mikasa took it upon herself to stay with them to prevent any potential carnage of either the shifting or non-shifting induced variety, to which there was no protest. Everyone was starting to find a niche, surprised to find some to be so domestic in nature.

“Paperwork is all here?...Yes! All here.” Saskia stacked her piles together and tied twine around the bundles. “Now for everyone else’s…” Any pre-expedition paperwork had to be turned into Commander-in-Chief Zackley at least four days before the expedition except for a budget report, which was due much earlier on in order to review the proposals and debate disbursements. There was a loose turn-taking system for who would collect everyone’s papers and deliver them to Sina, to the man himself, and Saskia had been tasked with collecting for this expedition. No one save for Hanji, Levi, and Erwin had stacks roughly the same size as hers so she was able to gather them all in two or three trips.

She and Levi had yet to tell Hanji but they silently agreed it was for the best not to; if her observations were enough to cause suspicion of a possible relationship between the two them she would figure it out soon enough, a fact confirmed after Saskia picked up Hanji’s report and the scientist shot her a sly wink. After came Levi’s and finally Erwin. Once she had gathered them all she planned on stealing Reiner to help her carry them all to the carriage and accompany her to Sina for the delivery.

She slowly approached his door hoping her distinct footsteps wouldn’t give her away. Gently Saskia rapped her knuckles on Levi’s door, the unusually soft sound adding to her attempt at hiding her identity.

“Name and business.”

 _He sounds like a ray of sunshine this morning. I hope he’s done with the paperwork._ “My name is Sister Saskia and I’m here on behalf of the Wall Cult to see if you accepted granite into your heart as your lord and savior.” She bit her lower lip to keep from giggling, practically hearing his eyes roll.

“Apologies ‘Sister Saskia’ but I’m not the religious type.”

“Oh really?” she smirked as she pulled out her master key and slipped in. She sauntered up to his desk, dropped the bundles in her arms onto it, grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him forward. She climbed up onto the sturdy wooden furniture. Getting on her knees and free hand she replied, “I’m sure I could come up with a few ways to make you say ‘oh my God’ **over** and **over** again.” Suddenly quite serious she added, “So long as you have completed the paperwork you are required to, of course.”

As she hopped off and grabbed his papers, slowly sifting through them to check for any mistakes he glowered at her. “Fucking. Tease,” he seethed.

“Surprised?” she grinned. “Everything appears to be in order here…I only have Erwin’s to collect and then I will depart for Sina right away. We can pick up from where we left off upon my return. While I am there I plan to stock up on Panic Tea. Need anything?”

“I’m fine at the moment.” He glanced at the large bundle she dropped on his desk and then at the stack she held in her hands. “How in the hell are you going to carry all of that?”

“Hm? Oh, Reiner is going to help me,” she replied casually, then noticed a glint of restrained jealousy in his eyes. “No, no, no. None of that. We agreed.”

“It won’t go away overnight.”

“Then do me a favor and please don’t add to the poor boy’s list of tasks to complete before our departure. Not if _that_ is your motivation.”

“Good luck stopping me.”

She bopped him on the head with the papers she held. “If I am unable I will retaliate.”

“I look forward to it.”

By ‘we agreed’ Saskia wasn’t referring to a discussion the two had held regarding the inevitable relationship that would no doubt begin after returning from the expedition. She, with her lack of relationship experience and business-like way of thinking, suggested they draft up a formal agreement of what to expect from each other beginning now and carrying on into the future.

* * *

**Yesterday Evening**

“Sure, let’s leave a paper trail.”

“Then keep it in a lock box. You and I both have some less than desirable habits which will no doubt instigate arguments and general frustration with each other-”

Levi smirked offering a slow nod of approval. “General Frustration? I like it. I’ll make a note to add that to my list of pet names for you.”

“Be serious damn it!” Saskia softly scolded, hands on her hips. “But am I wrong?”

“No, you’re rather adept at pissing me off.”

“And it’s certainly mutual. In fact no one pisses me off more than you.”

“Clearly it was meant to be,” he replied sarcastically.

“…that isn’t a very healthy way of looking at it! Your idiocy aside I would like to set some ground rules. That’s all. A formal agreement.”

“It’s a relationship, not a business deal.”

“Both result in mutual benefit, require some sort of compromise in regards to goods and services one can part with and provide for the other, and lead to both a collective and individual prosperous-”

“Alright, alright, shut up, I get it.”

“…do you still have difficulty telling the difference between my sarcasm and when I am serious?”

“Do YOU know the difference between your seriousness and sarcasm?”

“…that’s not the point!”

After a few more minutes of playful banter the two drafted separate agreements for the other to sign off on, following a contractual format.

 

 

 _I, Levi Ackermann _(“Fuck my name…”) _, hereby agree to follow the terms and conditions listed below._

 _-Refrain from acting upon excess jealousy_ (“Only excess? Not a warranted amount?”)

 _-Not allow my working relationship to overlap/interfere with my personal relationship_ (“Never has in the past…Then again I’ve gotten into the habit of fucking you senseless. And your rack is mildly distracting.”)

 _-Not allow my working relationship with my superior officer(s) to interfere with my personal relationship with aforementioned officers or tentative girlfriend_ (“Officers? Plural? Am I being demoted?”)

 _-If confronted upon the relationship do not attempt to cover it up. Should it become problematic the matter will be addressed accordingly with the appropriate parties_ (“Erwin’s gonna have my ass when he finds out I’m fucking his little sister…Can’t wait to have that talk.”)

 _-Refrain from bottling my emotions or refusing to elaborate on periods of duress_ (“…I shouldn’t be doing that in the first place. You and your annoying ‘concern for my well-being’…I’m kidding! No need to get violent…”)

 _-Stop stringing Petra along but make every to keep the relationship a secret. While not the most agreeable character in regards to her one-sided affections, she has a right to know. More importantly she has a right to be happy and she will not find that if she is clinging to the hope that she will find aforementioned happiness with you_ (“Who’s jealous now? Are you blushing? You’re such a fucking adolescent…”)

 _Failure to adhere to the terms and conditions will not result in the termination of the relationship but there will be consequences should the aforementioned expectations not be met_ (“Consequences? Punishment is incentive to break the rules…What the hell woman?! Get a sense of humor, Messmann…Damn it, stop punching me!”)

_Signature- Levi Ackermann | Signature of Witness-Saskia Messmann | Date and Time-7/7/850, 8:32 PM_

 

_I, Saskia Messmann, hereby agree to the follow the terms and conditions listed below._

_-Accept the fucking fact that I’m strong and capable; a great portion of the attraction is derived from the fact that my survival has never been of great concern as it has been firmly established that I’m adroit at taking care of myself. Not once in the history of the drafter’s service has there been any amount of concern felt in regards to whether or not I will still be alive after the smoke clears. I’m too damn stubborn to die anyway_ (“That was uncharacteristically sweet of you, which I’ll admit had me worried that you might be sick. That last sentence quickly alleviated said worry.”)

_-Do NOT under any circumstances violate your ‘risks and hope’ principle for the sake of my safety. Should I find myself in a situation where my safety may be comprised and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it, don’t try. If I’m about to get eaten and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, don’t try. I’d rather myself be killed than you injure yourself to prevent that. Or worse, survive at your expense._

_-Do not begin to blend both our working relationship and interpersonal relationship into one. There is no need; let Levi and Saskia put up with each others’ bullshit, and the Lance Corporal and General put up with each others’ bullshit. The Lance Corporal has NO patience for Saskia Messmann’s dumbass_ (“Referring to yourself in the third person is bizarre. And since when does ‘Levi’ have the patience for me? Oh come on Levi, what’s that look for? You told me to get a sense of humor; you never said it couldn’t be at your expense. If anything you should take that as a compliment. I’m following your example.”)

_-Don’t be openly affectionate around others (not anymore than you already are) to prevent arousing any more suspicion than we already have_

_-No turning back now. You always keep your word. Don’t ever change that. Not just for my sake._

_-Don’t change, period_

_Failure to adhere to the terms and conditions listed above will result in an ass kicking. Brace yourself._ (“Why am I not surprised that you worded the stipulation in such a manner?”)

_Signature of Fucking Crazy Bitch With a Distracting Rack- Saskia Messmann | Signature of Distracted Witness- Levi Ackermann | Date and Time-7/7/850, 8:34 PM_

* * *

 

**Present**

“Everything is in order. With the paperwork complete how do you intend to spend the final four days.”

“Tch. Supervision, obviously.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Of whom?” she pressed.

“The latest batch of shitheads.”

“Don’t let any lingering jealousy color your treatment of them.”

“I signed the damned agreement, didn’t I?” He leaned back in his chair. “Or do you not trust me to?”

 _What in the world prompted that?!_ “Yes, yes you did. I was present in case you forget. However I do not expect it to happen overnight,” she replied, implying the lack of trust to be a baseless concern. “That was the very reason for establishing it now. Best to get such things out in the open now than allow a problem to arise later on. If I didn’t trust you I would not have made mention of it, as I would not deem it important or think you capable. Making mention of was not meant to point out a character flaw. It was so we could both recognize that it could become problematic, something which neither of us want. Please do not question my trust in you. As I said so before, it is irrevocable. And as you said…I always keep my word.”

“Can you blame me for getting defensive? I’m not protective of you and I sure as shit don’t treat you like I lay claim to you. But…”

“Permission to speak for you, as it appears you’re having difficulty articulating it?”

He shook his head. “I agreed not to bottle this crap, didn’t I? I told you before, the reason I get jealous is because I’m fucking tired of people fawning over ‘the General’ because there’s more to you than that. Even you have to admit, I’m the only person who’s seen the real you in your fullest. And I’m not fond of the idea of sharing that. Not after six years of…being the only one…you ever trusted to fully open up to. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel entitled. But it did feel like something that was just between us. I don’t want to lose what feels like a privilege, seeing as I’m the one who instigated you changing that.”

She bit her lip. “Perhaps now, if you look back upon your words, you will understand where the fear I once held stemmed from.”

He paused contemplatively. “Yeah. I think I do.”

“Wonderful,” she beamed. “Otherwise I would have to beat you senseless.”

“Do you have any idea how creepy it is hearing you threaten people while smiling like you’re the living embodiment of innocence? Because it’s pretty damn creepy.”

“So are your temper tantrums whenever you are unable to find pine scented cleaning supplies, but do you hear me complain about them?”

“Yes,” he stated bluntly.

“Well I don’t do it as often you,” she countered, gathering her large bundle of papers and heading for the door. She laughed softly to herself as she departed, hearing him grumble something under his breath.

When she reached Erwin’s office she found herself incapable of reaching for her key. Even when in his office Erwin kept the door locked at all times, a habit he developed after Hanji made it quite clear that opening a closed door wasn’t instructive but removing an obstacle. Levi’s door locked automatically so how she managed to barge in while Saskia was with him the night after the Battle for Trost still remained a mystery.

Luckily for her Mike was already inside, leaving the moment she arrived. Though there was no verbal exchange between the two the look on his face told her that something was amiss. After seeing the amount of paperwork Erwin had for her to collect she called over her shoulder for Mike to ‘sniff out’ Reiner to help her carry the bundles. Erwin’s pile alone would reach the middle of her shin.

“Before you leave there is something I need to tell you,” he said quickly, not bothering to motion for her to close the door. His tone, pace, and lack of body language could only mean one thing- there would be no room for discussion. This was an order.

“Listening, as always,” she replied, a bitter curiosity beginning to gnaw at her when the memory of Levi’s expression of concern regarding the formation was stirred up.

“I’ve moved you from the flank where Squad Levi has been positioned to the vanguard.”

“I see. Have you informed his squad?”

“Why would I need to do that?” he asked looking at her expectantly.

 _He couldn’t…Hanji wouldn’t dare, nor Moblit. Who and how…?_ “I had told his squad that I would be remaining with them-”

“That’s not your decision to make,” he interrupted briskly.

“-and if you were to decide otherwise I would like an explanation to be provided. I fail to see the logic in moving me after having worked alongside them while studying Eren.”

“Studying Eren,” he repeated quietly. “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

“You have yet to provide a reason.”

“I don’t need to, but if you desire one that greatly than I shall. Minimizing distractions.” There was a hint of venom in his tone.

“You do not trust me to work with them?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it.” She narrowed her eyes.

“Now you’re only making assumptions. Is there a reason that you are so deeply bothered by this decision? I do not need to consult you before making such decisions.”

“There was once a time that you did. And not solely based on the fact that I was your superior officer. Because you wanted a second opinion.”

“And now I have more faith in myself to make such important judgment calls without receiving consul from another.”

“Exactly what are these ‘distractions’ you refer to?”

“You already know.”

“I am trying not to make assumptions, as you advised.”

“I suppose a higher level of transparency is in order. You two have worked together for quite some time now. And you work well together. But there was no reason for you to continue doing so after…we accomplished the objective six years ago.”

“If we work well together why not take advantage of that?”

“Because you work well enough independently.”

“Independently? Am I to understand that you are accusing us of becoming ‘dependent’ on each other while working?”

“Your choice of language is telling. ‘Accusing us’ instead of ‘accusing Levi and I’. Do you see yourselves as a single functioning unit?”

“Of course not!” she hissed. She looked over her shoulder when the sound of Reiner’s heavy footsteps caught her attention.

“Then **do not** question my orders, General.”

“The last time I questioned a direct order from the Commander of the Survey Corps we gained a soldier, something you had hoped to achieve and failed to accomplish until I stepped in. You fear that some level of emotionality Levi and I share will pose an interference. I could just as easily say the same to you. This is not out of concern for work performance. You are concerned that-” She stopped as soon as the cadet was within earshot. Donning a forced smile she spun on her heel. “Thank you so much for helping me with these,” she said as Reiner stepped in, saluting them both.

“Yeah, no problem. Any idea how long it will take to get there and back?” he asked as she handed him the large pile she was carrying.

“No. Why do you ask?” She took the pile from Erwin’s desk.

“Just curious. I’ve never been to Sina before.”

“Well we won’t have time for sightseeing if that’s what you were implying,” she chuckled. “But there is one small stop I have to make while we’re there. That’s the closest to sightseeing you’ll get to experience I’m afraid.”

As tempted as she was to send a vile glare in his direction when they left instead Saskia and Erwin shared a quick glance of concern. Reiner was lying about never having been to Sina.

* * *

**Wall Sina, Military Headquarters, 3:12 PM**

“The Commander-in-Chief’s office is just up these steps and at the end of the hall. After delivering the papers I will need to speak to him briefly about sensitive matters. Wait for me outside,” Saskia instructed as they entered the building. Like most buildings in Sina, such as the courthouse where Eren’s trial was conducted, the walls were covered in murals and other elaborate décor. The hallways were lined with framed paintings and later on photographs of decorated soldiers, former high ranking officers of all three branches, and the head of the military as a whole.

Reiner couldn’t help but notice there was no picture of Saskia as former second-in-command, only as her term beginning in 847 as third-in-command. Recalling bits of pieces of her time as second-in-command both temporary and a touchy subject he didn’t ask. He also noticed a familiar blonde adolescent, dressed in the Military Police uniform, near the entryway.

“General,” he began as they ascended the marble staircase. “That member of the Military Police down there, the blonde girl, she was in the 104th. Good friend of mine, actually. While you’re speaking with the Commander-in-Chief is it alright if she and I catch up?”

“So long as she is not on currently on duty.”

“Great. Thanks.” _What is Annie doing here? I didn’t see any MP superiors with her. It’s a little conspicuous if she’s supposed to be here under **their** orders. Is she hiding in plain sight?_

“Here we are.”

His door partway open, Darius looked up from his desk and saw the General and Survey Corps cadet. “Afternoon General, cadet,” he greeted. After delivering the papers to him both saluted and returned the sentiment. Reiner took his leave while Saskia briefly updated him on the change in formation.

“Oi, Annie,” he called as he reached the bottom of the steps.

She turned to him, bored expression on her face that would put Levi to shame. “Why’re you here?”

“Helping the General.”

“Yeah…” Her eyes traveled up the stairs and then back to him. “I noticed. Not a good place to talk, you know.”

“Then keep it brief. Why are you here?”

She nodded towards Zackley’s office. “Receive updates. They told me that Erwin made some change to the formation and I have to play messenger, find out what it is. Hopefully it’s about you-know-who.”

“Doubt it. Bertholdt and I don’t even know where he’ll be. You look more pissed off than usual.”

“That bitch who’s working for them has been riding my ass non-stop like she’s in charge. She really enjoys…taunting me.” A disturbing memory from Trost flashed in her mind and she fought a shudder. “Still don’t know why they made me do it.”

“Doesn’t matter. Whatever it takes to get home.”

“Yeah. Whatever it takes. How is tall, dark, and squeamish doing?”

“Anxious as always.”

“Is he over his stupid crush yet?” she asked with a roll of her eyes, brushing her bangs behind her ear.

“I don’t think he even knows he likes you. He’s almost as bad at the General and Lance Corporal,” he replied with an amused grin. “I don’t know who they’re trying to kid-”

“Don’t get attached,” she scolded. “Don’t forget who they _really_ are.”

“Yeah, right, I remember. It’s just funny to watch, that’s all.”

“I don’t give a fuck. Find amusement somewhere else.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “We’re not here to make friends,” she murmured in a dangerous tone. “If you want to get home, do as you’re told. Remember who we really answer to.”

“I do,” he hissed defensively. “Get off my case.” He saw Saskia coming down the stairs out of the corner of his eye and noticed Annie glaring in the same direction, but not at the General. As she descended a young woman appearing their age wearing a Garrison uniform made her way up the stairs.

“That’s my cue,” she sighed in annoyed. “I hate that bitch.”

“I gathered that.”

“Cadet Braun, time to go!”

“Duty calls. See you in four days.”

“Yeah…Just don’t forget what your duties actually are,” Annie warned as they separated. She trudged up the stairs, the ‘Garrison’ soldier waiting for her at the top. She had dark, wavy brown hair that settled upon her shoulders and eyes of a similar color. Running along her scalp was a peach colored headband. She towered over Annie with a height rivaling Jean’s. She had a condescending air about her as made evident by the way she kept her head raised, cocky grin, and disengaged eyes.

“Was that one of the others?” she asked quietly.

“Like you give a fuck,” Annie snapped, keeping her irritable and narrowed eyes focused on their destination.

“And why wouldn’t I? It is a collaborative effort after all. Seeing as it’s my job to make sure you don’t fuck up _again_ -”

“Unless you want me to ram this gun down your throat and splatter your intestines all over the walls, shut your mouth.”

“Someone’s testy today,” the brunette mocked as they entered Zackley’s office. Annie did nothing more than glare as she closed the door behind them.

“Anything?” the brunette asked authoritatively, arms folded over her chest.

The older man shook his head. “No. Erwin has decided to move Saskia from Squad Levi’s flank to the vanguard.” He turned to Annie. “That should make your job easier.”

“But that asshole still won’t disclose where Eren will be?! What in the hell?!”

“He has not been instructed to do so. It’s my understanding that the reason for this is so Annie can kill as many Survey Corps soldiers as possible while seeking Eren out.”

The brunette grinned maliciously. “I have no qualms with that.”

“I would hope not Kseniya. You may hold more authority than I do, but you still answer to four others. Have you made any progress in finding your ancestor’s research?”

Kseniya shook her head. “No, not yet, but I have an idea as to where it might be. One of the founding members of this group was a Jaeger, right? Ancestor of Grisha and Eren? What was taken from Katya’s dead body? A key. What did we find on Eren’s body after we took him to the courthouse? A key. And what does that key open up? The basement in Grisha’s home. He gave that key to Eren instructing him to get back to Shiganshina and open up that basement, to find what’s inside. If Grisha knows Katya’s research is inside he could have been keeping it from us the entire time. Now, maybe he’s using Eren as a lapdog to do the work for us. Easier for a shifter in the Survey Corps to enter what was once Wall Maria and go into that basement. Or he’s a traitor. Whatever the case may be I think that’s where it is.”

“Have you presented this to the others?”

“I have.”

“What did they say?”

“They thought about it, but Kenny brought up a good point. If that’s where her research is, why didn’t Grisha bring it with him before the wall was taken down? We came to the conclusion that, if Katya’s research is in there it’s kept in something that he couldn’t have taken with him before leaving. A lockbox, something like that. It would’ve been too suspicious.”

“It would,” he agreed. “But Eren has known about the basement holding something of great importance since he was very young. The younger Ackermann knows this as well, and so does their childhood friend.”

“All the more incentive to find it then,” Annie finally spoke up. “I don’t think Grisha’s a traitor. It was his idea to have Kenny’s men find Mikasa’s family and try to get her Oriental mother. When that didn’t work he took her in and we’ve been able to keep an eye on Mikasa since.”

“Finally, she speaks. Also a possibility. Now that there’s some suspicion about Saskia’s origins -or it seems that way since they looked up info on the name ‘Messmann’- is there any plan to tell her where her father’s been all along? Odds are they suspect Oriental blood. Took them long enough.”

“That is being left to Isamu’s discretion. He is the one who regulates anything and everything related to the Orientals.”

“What’s left of them,” Annie muttered under her breath. “No one has confronted Luzia yet. Any idea why?”

“Bad timing,” Kseniya shrugged. “And from what Erwin’s said about Kenny’s little boy, he’s **madly** in love with Saskia. Funny how that worked out, isn’t it? After the infiltration attempt we all thought she’d kill him for threatening ‘her brother’ and the Survey Corps. But nope. She just HAD to recruit him. And she loves him too! I’d bet, since he knows about Isamu and the slave trade, he’s trying to protect her. Hell, he probably figured out the connection between Kenny and Mikasa. Might even be suspicious of Eren. And he should be if that kid is a plant to recover Katya’s research from Shiganshina.”

“Why are they keeping her mother alive?”

 “She still has her uses,” the brunette shrugged. “A bargaining chip, keep leaving a trail behind, something like that. We need Eren first since you messed up in Trost-”

“If someone had told me a blow like that wouldn’t have been fatal-!”

“No one had to! Why not cut his head off or stab him in the heart?! That would kill anyone, human or shifter! Thanks to your screw up that little shit is probably still alive somewhere! He doesn’t know as much as the rest of you but he knows enough about the Reiss family, the false monarchy, and Eren accidentally being the coordinate to take action! Both Eren and Historia are in the Survey Corps! All of the 104th except you joined the Survey Corps! How do we know he won’t squeal, huh?”

“He wouldn’t be able to prove a damn thing!”

“Historia knows who she really is! If she says something about her father sparing her life after Kenny killed her mother, we’re fucked!” She stormed up to Annie, grabbed her by the collar, and threw her against the wall. “And don’t forget that you, unlike Historia and Eren, are easily replaceable. Fuck up again and there isn’t a damn reason we wouldn’t have to gun you down like the useless piece of shit you are.”

“Kseniya, enough!” Zackley bellowed, slamming his palm on his desk a few times. With a sneer a string of mumbled curses she let Annie go, the distance from the floor rendering her unable to catch her balance and she fell onto her hands and knees. As she rose she almost instinctively took her signature fighting stance.

“You might be Katya Volkova’s descendent but that doesn’t mean you aren’t expendable either,” the blonde spat. “Even if her research notes are written in your ancestor’s language Saskia could probably decode them given the right incentive, like her mother’s life! And don’t forget there’s a genius in the Survey Corps who could easily be threatened to work on them if Eren’s well-being is on the line.” Annie mentally kicked herself when Kseniya shot her a malicious grin.

“Right, right, Keith did mention something about the brilliant little crybaby of theirs. Good idea Annie. Maybe you aren’t so useless after all.”

 _Idiot!_ she internally scolded. _The only way to keep Armin safe and away from these people…is to kill him._

Kseniya laughed and shook her head, hands on her hips. “Don’t even. Don’t even think about it Annie. You are, aren’t you? Clearly someone doesn’t want to go home…” She glared. “I may not have the most authority here but I am in charge of the operation to get you over the wall and back. That means everything you do outside the walls had better be acting upon a direct order. Kill that kid to keep us from taking advantage of him, and I’ll shove you off Wall Rose as soon as you hand over Eren. Add that kid to the list of untouchables.”

“Fine,” she growled, looking away. “And if the Titans get to him?”

“I will inform Erwin to place him with or near Reiner or Bertholdt,” Zackley replied, writing a quick memo for himself and then turned to Annie. “You should return to your district’s headquarters now. The two of you are expected to be at the Pine’s the night before the expedition for a last minute debrief.”

“Sounds good. I’ll escort you back,” Kseniya offered sweetly and Annie scowled, slamming the door behind them. She shoved her hands in her pockets and kept her eyes on the ground. With a lazy stretch Kseniya muttered, “You sure are asking a lot of questions. Getting nervous? Or…apprehensive?”

“Shut up.”

“Remember what happened to the last one who decided to betray us?”

“I said shut up,” Annie hissed through gritted teeth.

“What was his name again?” The brunette held the door open for her and she brushed past, gulping loudly.

“I said-!”

Kseniya grabbed her arm and twisted her around, a dark expression on her face which hovered over Annie’s momentarily timid one. “Unless you want to end up like that Bodt kid, stop asking questions and do as you’re told. Or you’ll never see your father, the only person who gives a shit about you, ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. Erwin is a bad guy? Annie killed Marco, who was a shifter and working for the same people as her (neither of which she knew)? The 3rd Commander of the Survey Corps has hidden valuable research somewhere? Eren's father is involved? He knows Kenny? Keith Shardis is part of all this as well? So is Zackley? Who is Kseniya and what are her motives? How did she get involved in the first place? 
> 
> WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
> 
> Stay tuned for more answers (and questions) :)
> 
> So why all the Annie-ness? For one, I love dramatic irony. Second, I don't wanna wait until the 'bad guys' appear in the lives of the 'good guys' to introduce them. Why wait? Why not show a little behind-the-scenes, like what Annie was up to before the 57th? Who the bad guys are, why they sent her over, what they're up to at the current, etc? If it's all happening at once and going to coincide/collide eventually, why freaking wait?


	22. The Lion and the Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- PHYSICAL ABUSE
> 
> 'Volkova' comes from the Russian word 'volk', meaning 'wolf'. 'Leonhardt' is a mixture of German and Roman-influence in the Germanic occupied regions which combines the 'lion' and 'brave'. Hence the chapter name.
> 
> Quote at the end is from episode 16.
> 
> Because there are so many characters featured during the expedition it's impossible to fit them all in and keep it cohesive, easy to follow. Some parts have been skipped based on the assumption that you've either seen the anime and read the manga. If you haven't...what are you doing here? O.o Just kidding! But seriously, if you haven't then look into it so you can follow along.
> 
> So ya know how one of the pairings listed is BertholdtxOC?...I say no more ;)

**July 12 th, Survey Corps Headquarters Courtyard, 2 AM**

“Alright, that’s the last barrel.” Saskia gave one final shove until the spring-loaded weapon was fully concealed inside the back of one of the supply carts. She wiped the sweat off of her forehead. “We have everything we need.”

The small group of soldiers who knew of the true objective of the mission awoke around midnight to prepare packing the traps Hanji had designed and spent the last three days constructing, along with the backup explosives. Erwin and Mike had taken to patrolling the corridors of the headquarters should anyone awaken to keep them from noticing the torches outside.

“In less than an hour all hell is going to break loose,” Hanji muttered and the General hopped out of the covered cart and brushed herself off. “I still remember my first expedition…Scared as I was, I had more than one month to prepare.”

“I’m not as worried as I thought I would be,” Saskia replied, watching the other begin loading up the rest of the supplies. “The cadets already have experience. That works in their favor. And as I told Levi, Eren’s group has a strong sense of camaraderie the likes of which I do not think I’ve ever seen before. Considering all they have endured together, what with the fall and their time in training, I cannot say I’m surprised.”

“That’s very unlike you,” she smiled. “I’m glad. But wonderful as it’s going to be up in the vanguard with you and your refreshing level-headedness, I still wish I knew why Erwin placed you there.”

“He knows,” she shrugged and folded her arms over her chest. “What difference he thinks changing the formation will accomplish, I can’t say. Perhaps he’s concerned we’ll be distracted by each other’s presences. That’s just ridiculous.”

“Mm hm. You’ve never been distracted by each other before so-”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” the shorter woman hissed. “I feel that he doesn’t trust me. Or him. Or us. I don’t know. But he’s concerned about something he need not concern himself over. He’s jumping at shadows, you could say.”

“Petra seemed quite pleased when he informed us of the change.”

“Of course she did.” She sighed. “Why won’t Levi just tell her already?”

“I can’t say. If anyone would know, it would be you, right?”

“One would think. Well if he wants to be with me as much as he claims to then he had best tell her before we leave today,” she huffed. “It’s not fair to Petra and I’m very tired of her constantly glaring at me like she has some claim to Levi and I’m being invasive.” Her shoulders dropped. “I have half a mind to tell her myself, but I feel that she will only take me so seriously as I am…‘the enemy’.”

“Ha, nonsense! The enemy is who we’re going to apprehend today courtesy of these beauties!” Hanji dramatically motioned towards the spring canons and Saskia couldn’t help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. Even if she could always bring herself to smile times like these rarely provided an opportunity to laugh. “I feel like I’ve really outdone myself this time.”

“The design is genius,” Saskia nodded. “Tightening around the joints and all.”

“Suck on that Military Police! Our genius knows no bounds when it comes to advanced weaponry!”

“Our genius also doesn’t know how to keep her volume under control.”

“Eh heh, sorry…”

“General, Squad Leader.” Moblit came up to the two and pointed over his shoulder with his thumb in the direction of the open training field. Levi was standing by the partially opened gate, overseeing the others at work. “I’m sorry for interrupting but the Lance Corporal needs to speak with you, General.”

“Oh? Did he say what for?”

“No,” he said shaking his head. “Only that it was urgent.”

“Urgent? Ohhhh, I believe I know what he wants.” _Exhibitionist._ “Thank you Moblit.” Saskia folded her arms behind her back and headed in his direction. “Moblit said that you need to speak with me about something ‘urgent’.” She rocked back and forth on the tips of her toes. “What is it?”

“I’m going to talk to Petra before we leave.”

“You will? Finally!” She clapped her hands together, then cocked her head to the side when she noticed the annoyed look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Tch. The fact that I have to tell her in the first place,” he scoffed. “I’m tired of her being a fucking adolescent but why is it my responsibility to get her to knock it off?”

“She won’t listen to me. Otherwise I would have done so already. I know it puts you in an awkward position since you are her Squad Leader, but it has to be done. I get the impression that she was a somewhat spoiled child…”

“She’s definitely acting like it. Still pissed off at Erwin?”

After Saskia and Reiner left for Sina, Erwin told Squad Levi and Hanji about the change in position but provided no elaborate explanation why other than her presence being more useful in the vanguard. Despite the slight alleviation of anxiety her promise had brought them, the squad dare not question the Commander. Hanji noticed that all the while Petra looked quite pleased, almost as if she were pleased with herself.

When they returned Saskia went on a massive tirade though Levi was completely unfazed. While not thrilled with the idea he knew he could accomplish his objective well enough without her there, which she hadn’t expected to hear. After being told that he needed her there because of his insecurity her primary concern was about him, not Erwin knowing of the budding relationship he no doubt didn’t approve of. Once she calmed down she admitted to her frustrations being over-the-top and mildly irrational but she didn’t the unsettling feeling that he was keeping something from her or the both of them, a concern which Levi had also shrugged off. As long as she was somewhere out there he was content.

“I still want to fuck you on his desk, but aside from that, I’m fine. No, no I’m not. He knows, I don’t know how he knows, and-”

“Petra said something,” Levi interrupted.

She furrowed her brow. “Plausible as it may be, how would she know?...Oh, right, everyone knew…I think…?”

“It doesn’t matter what she does or doesn’t know. Fact is she’s jealous and it was probably some sort of attempt at sabotage.” Levi looked over his shoulder into the open training area and then up the headquarters. “Isn’t her dorm at the end of-?”

“No. No, if you’re going to tell her then _you’re going to tell her_ , not hope she sees me throw you up the wall-”

“Other way around.”

“Not likely. Remember, I always keep my word.”

“Watch that mouth of yours General…Unless you plan on using it.”

“Is that an order from my superior officer? You know that rank means nothing to me Levi. Then again, we haven’t changed much sense we first met save for the fact that you no longer want to kill me. No wonder you’re always beneath me.”

While doing their best to maintain professional stature and body language Hanji’s innate ability to sense their pent up frustrations was being triggered. She glanced over at them and grinned.

“I can’t wait to be an auntie,” she squealed softly.

* * *

**Wall Rose Eastern Elevator, Karanese District, 3:12 AM**

“I envy you a little, being able to head out there.” Kseniya sat on the edge of the wall, letting her legs dangle off the side. “Must be beautiful.”

“The fatass Titans ruin the otherwise gorgeous view.” Annie, who was holding a green Survey Corps cloak in her arms, glanced around at the Garrison soldiers patrolling the top of the wall. Every single one of them had something peach colored, like Kseniya’s headband, on their person to signify they were part of the same organization, and all were Kseniya’s subordinates. She shivered slightly, feeling trapped within the suffocating sphere of the arrogant woman’s influence.

“Come sit by me, Annie.” The brunette patted the stone to her left offering a warm smile that beautifully masked a vicious tongue.

Begrudgingly she complied, not wanting to trigger her volatile temper. “It is nice to look at early in the morning. With less Titans active, there isn’t much to obscure the sunrise.”

“What does it feel like?” She leaned closer, violating Annie’s large bubble of personal space. “What does it feel like to turn into a Titan?”

“I don’t ‘turn into a Titan’,” she corrected harshly. “I make one and control it like a puppet.”

“It must feel empowering then. Knowing that you’re in complete control of humanity’s collective nightmares. The image alone of your ‘puppet’ must be terrifying.” She grinned. “Are you excited to see the looks of terror on their faces? When they realize that there’s absolutely nothing they can do but pray for forgiveness in hopes that they don’t leave the hell of reality for the Hell of the afterlife? Hearing their own limbs being crushed and crunched-?”

“I’m not eating anyone!” Annie barked in her face, abruptly rising and storming over to one of the cannons, leaning against it.

Silver peels of airy laughter rang throughout the calm night air. “Oh don’t be like that Annie, I was only teasing you! Of course you would never eat anyone. You don’t have the guts. Pfft. Get it? ‘Guts’?”

“Very clever.” The blonde glowered at her tormentor.

“So hypersensitive. Is that why you couldn’t kill Marcus? Because it hurt your feelings too much?”

“Marco,” she corrected again, this time gritting her teeth. “His name is ‘Marco’.”

“Was,” Kseniya smirked, then immediately jumped to her feet when she heard the elevator trigger. One of her superiors was coming up to oversee the operation thus far and the last thing she wanted was for them to see her lounging.

“Good morning everyone,” a gruff voice greeted coolly.

Kseniya quickly saluted. “Good morning Captain Ackermann. What brings you here, sir?” Her brash and unapproachable demeanor quickly softened to submissive but dedicated in the presence of her superiors. They no doubt set an example for her and her treatment of Annie.

“Isamu is getting a little fidgety. He’s worried about the kidnapping being a complete failure.” He glanced at Annie. “I told him he had nothing to worry about. I told him that Annie would get the job done. Isn’t that right Annie? You don’t to make me into a liar, do you?”

She quickly shook her head. “No sir. Isamu has nothing to worry about.”

“And since the hell when are you on a first name basis with him?” he asked quietly approaching her.

“What I meant to say is that Maki-san has nothing to worry about.” _I hope I said that right._

“Better. Do you have that ring Keith gave you? You didn’t lose it already, did you?”

She shook her head and pulled the spiked ring out of her pocket. “No sir. Here it is.”

“Good. If they suspect you they’re probably going to look for bite marks. But do us all a favor and don’t let them suspect you, alright?”

“Of course not sir.”

“Do you remember what the consequences are for not returning with Eren Jaeger?”

“There are none. Because failure isn’t an option.”

“I don’t know about you Kseniya but she doesn’t sound very sure of herself. Keith said she sounded a little skittish before…Still feeling tense Annie?”

“No sir.”

“Sir, I believe she’s lying to you.”

“I believe you’re right. Refresh my memory. Do I have a high tolerance for liars? Do I tolerate liars at all?”

Kseniya grinned and cracked her knuckles. “No, I don’t believe you do.”

“Then go ahead and refresh her memory for me.”

“Yes sir,” she said as she advanced on Annie, grin widening before punching her square in the jaw.

“Try not to go overboard again this time Kseniya,” Kenny instructed smoothly as he boarded the elevator to head back down. “Last thing we need is you accidentally tossing another idiot off the walls.” The machine slowly clicked and clanked to life.

She slammed Annie up against one of the cannons and delivered a roundhouse kick to the stomach, causing the blonde to sputter up blood. “With all due respect sir, as I don’t mean to insult your intelligence…” She watched Annie slump to the ground, trying to catch her breath as her minor wounds began healing. “We both know that wasn’t an accident. He was a flight risk. So I let him fly.” Her knee collided with the smaller adolescent’s temple, brown eyes alight with sadistic glee as she watched Annie fall onto her side barely able to maintain consciousness. She got down on one knee before her as the elevator began its descent. “I believe Captain Ackermann told you to stop lying. I know he was referring to you being a dishonest little cunt, but he didn’t say his orders were exclusive to that. So get off the ground you worthless piece of shit!...Oh no, she’s unconscious. One of you make yourselves useful and clean up the blood. Gross.”

* * *

**Wall Rose, Karanese District Gate, 6:30 AM**

The eastern Wall Rose bell was ringing, ushering out swarms of civilians to see off the Survey Corps. This had always been Saskia’s least favorite part of an expedition; whenever they departed they were heroes, the protectors of what remained of mankind. But when they returned they were murderers, the lowest of the low, some going so far as to accuse them of being beneath the Titans for sending children to their death. The accusations alone were heinous but since 844 it did nothing more than trudge up terrible memories of Flagan Darlett, the man responsible for sending Isabel to her death. Though they never spoke of it she knew Levi felt similarly.

“Sir, it’s almost time.”

The Garrison Commander in the area took a deep breath. “We’ve driven away all the Titans in the area,” he began, loud enough so even the rearguard could hear him all the way up from the wall. “Thirty seconds until we open the gate!”

Levi and his squad were positioned near Erwin, Eren between them, ready to disperse as soon as they were in open territory. The young Titan shifter noticed two children watching them from the window of their home, reminded of the times when he was their age and eagerly would watch the Survey Corps prepare to embark. It occurred to him in that moment that not only was he amongst their ranks, he was in the presence of the very same soldiers he admired from afar. Levi, Hanji, Mike, Erwin, and Saskia were all proudly serving well before the fall of Wall Maria. Now it was his turn to play the part as a one of the new generation of proud soldiers, following in their example.

“It’s the Survey Corps!” the little girl exclaimed with excitement and admiration.

“The call the emblem on their back of the Wings of Freedom!” the young boy explained.

“So cool…”

He smiled at them. _When I was your age I admired the Survey Corps. I wanted to fight, to protect, to destroy the threat. I promise you I will so that you can grow up in a world free of Titans, free of fear and oppression. It isn’t only the Survey Corps who fights for humanity._ He looked towards the front and saw the General, who firmly believed that the civilians were just as powerful as the soldiers. Instead of blades their weapons were their voices, their fight for the common man, and the impending revolution should they recognize the power they all held. _Together we’ll fight the Titans. We’ll fight the corrupt. We’ll fight for our birthright…for our freedom!_

“It’s time!” one of the soldiers positioned before him announced. “Humanity will take another step forward. Show me what you can do!”

Jean offered a single nod. Mikasa’s cool expression never faltered but she carried an air of fiery determination. Sasha tightened her grip on the reins of her horse. Krista gulped nervously, then chased away all of her anxieties to the best of her ability.

Fists and blades were raised high into the air, followed by battle cries.

“Open the gate!” the Garrison Commander ordered and his subordinates quickly complied. The iconic image of Rose slowly lifted from the ground with a grating rumble.

With Hanji to his left, Saskia to his right, and Levi and Mike not far behind Erwin took a deep breath. His sister braced herself for the bellowing to come; it was her second least favorite part of any expedition when stationed in the vanguard before departing.

“ADVANCE! WE WILL NOW BEGIN THE 57th EXPEDITION BEYOND THE WALLS! ONWARD!”

The chatter and well wishes coming from the streets were drowned out by the galloping of war horses leaving the safety of Wall Rose and entering Titan territory. From above Kseniya and Annie watched, preparing the blonde for her mission. Isamu stood behind them, arms folded over his chest.

He looked quite youthful for his age, his black hair slicked back and brown eyes narrowed as he watched them depart. He motioned for the ‘Garrison soldiers’ to ready the elevator for Annie.

“I cannot stress enough the importance of this mission, Leonhardt-san,” he began. His tone was firm but reassuring. “Tell me what is expected you.”

“Retrieve Eren Jaeger. When he is in our custody we will leave him to his father’s discretion. As soon as the rest of the Survey Corps begins their rescue operation Kseniya will do all she can to eliminate his comrades except for Levi Ackermann, Mikasa Ackermann, Erwin Smith, Bertholdt Hoover, Armin Arlert, Historia Reiss, Reiner Braun, and Saskia Messmann.”

“Grisha has expressed recent interest in the one named Ymir. She too is not to be harmed.”

Annie nodded but Kseniya elbowed her in the arm. Bowing her head Annie corrected herself. “Hai, Maki-san.”

“In addition to dismantling the Survey Corps I want you to confirm whether or not Marco Bodt still breaths. Understood?”

Kseniya bowed as well and repeated Annie’s words. Though he preserving his heritage didn’t seem to be a high priority of his, Isamu Maki wanted his subordinates to address him using the language of his ancestors.

“It’s time, Leonhardt-san.” He nodded towards the elevator which would transport Annie outside the walls. She nodded and boarded the machine.

Kseniya waved to her. “I would say ‘good luck’, but if you are to do as you’re told then you won’t need it. And you _will_ do as you’re told.”

* * *

**Titan Territory  
**

Having just entered the land beyond the walls the battalion had to travel through the narrow, former alleyways and streets that once made up a town in Maria. Though unable to disperse into the formation yet the dilapidated buildings surrounding them gave a slight advantage the moment Hanji noticed the concerned look on Mike’s face. She turned towards the direction he was facing.

“Ahead to the left, a ten meter class!” she announced. Two soldiers not far behind the vanguard immediately sprang into action to slaughter the creature. “I am very interested in seeing what’s inside its stomach...But I’ll leave it to the support team!”

The first attempt at slaying it failed, the cut not having been deep enough. Sasha passed by the moment it happened and squeaked nervously. She felt a heavy hand fall onto her head and turn it forward.

“Stay strong!” her superior instructed. “Leave it to the support team and keep going!”

Erwin extended his left arm. “GO INTO LONG-RANG SCOUTING FORMATION!” he ordered and the battalion reformed a well-organized series of rows and flanks he had devised.

Mikasa was in the third line of the third row, responsible for information relay. Squad Levi and Eren were in the center of row five, standby. Reiner was to the far right in the fifth line of the second row and Armin in the fourth line, also in charge of relay. Jean found himself in the fourth line of row three, his responsibilities the same as the others.

Less than ten minutes after the formation had been established a red flare had been fired by the recon flank at the top right. More red flares were fired off moving from the far right to the center. Saskia saw and almost instinctively left her position to aid and had to remind herself that on this expedition she wasn’t to leave her post, no matter what. Erwin fired a green smoke flare and redirected the battalion.

“There is another reason I moved you to the vanguard,” he said to Saskia after firing. “Six years ago you saw what you thought to be a deviant. It is now safe to assume that was in fact a shifter, quite possibly the same we will encounter here. Had you been with Levi you would not have been able to relay that information to me. I need you by my side to confirm the enemy’s identity upon apprehension. We don’t know how many of them there are, but if we can apprehend the one we have already sighted and have some sense of familiarity with…”

“I understand. Do you wish for me to move forward and clear the way for the rest of the formation?”

He shook his head. “Do not confuse me for my predecessor.” To any other he would have sounded stern, almost offended, but she knew deep down it was his way of reassuring her that he would not take advantage of her the way Shardis had. Though she had made considerable progress in shaping her identity as Saskia Messmann, the General rarely made an appearance and still had difficulty interacting with the Commander; outside the walls rank came before interpersonal relationships, making it difficult to separate Erwin from Shardis as he was no longer her brother and carried the same title as the man who almost turned her into his plaything. Despite his words of reassurance there was something about his countenance she found suspicious, similar to the way Reiner had lied when claiming he had never been to Sina before, but she hearkened it up to the acclimation process she was undergoing.

“Yes sir. I apologize.” She looked to the right, in the direction that the black flares were being fired, and took a deep breath. _I am General Saskia Messmann_ , she told herself. _But I am not a perfect soldier. I am not a savior. I must trust my fellow soldiers to conquer all obstacles they face, both inside and outside of the walls._

No one knew the far right recon flank had been destroyed. No one knew that the aforementioned mystery shifter had entered Titan territory and followed behind them, using the sounds of thundering hooves to cover the eruption of noise produced by her transformation. With the Titans surrounding them from all sides they would not be able to spare any attention elsewhere; the bolt of green lightning would go unnoticed except by Kseniya and her lackeys lining Wall Rose.

An enormous, skinless hand reached out for the shaking Armin and slowly lifted his hood. She smiled at him but the reasons for it and his understanding of it were polar opposites.

Deep within the neck of the Female Titan, Annie herself smiled. Unlike her Titan, which attempted to smile for reassurance, her smile was accompanied by tears. “Don’t worry Armin,” she whispered to herself as the Titan she controlled continued moving deeper into the formation. “I don’t want to hurt you or Eren…I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ll do everything I can to stop them. If not for you I wouldn’t have the motivation to do try and fight back. Someday I’ll tell you the truth. All of you. Until then…Hate me. I deserve it. Hate me for what I’ve done and I’m about to do. Don’t think of me as…as…”

_“You’re weak, but you have guts.”  
_

_“Th-thank you. Annie, you’re actually pretty nice, aren’t you?”_


	23. The Hunter and the Hunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title has nothing to do with Eren's last name. It's about the tables being turned on Annie/the Female Titan.
> 
> THE ACTION SEQUENCES IN THIS CHAPTER WERE SUCH A BITCH TO WRITE I'M SO SORRY FOR SUBJECTING YOU TO HOW SHITTY THEY ARE.
> 
> Quick thing about the honorifics. When Isamu says 'Volkova-san' he's referring to Kseniya; 'Volkova-sama' is a reference to Katya.

“JEAN! Avenge the bastard who rushed to his death!” 

The Female Titan’s fist halted mid-air. 

_Did I…kill Eren?_ Annie wondered, starting to panic within the confines of the warm muscles and tendons she was attached to. 

“That’s the one…That’s the one who killed him! He rushed to his death on the right flank! Avenge him!” 

_Have I failed? Again? Already?_

“It crushed my best friend! I saw his body under its foot!” 

_I didn’t feel anything stuck to the foot…He’s buying time._ “Clever boy,” she whispered. She noticed Reiner charging towards her, looking ready to go in for the kill. 

He hooked into the right shoulder blade and flew by her face. For a brief moment they made eye contact, the look on his face providing her with a sense of reassurance. He wasn’t going to let her fail. 

_What is he up to?_ With a disturbingly sweet smile she raised her fist and caught him in her right hand. She pretended to squeeze tightly and he played along, pretending to struggle and writhe in her grip. For added effect she lightly pressed her thumb over his head. From where Jean stood and Armin kneeled it looked like she had completely crushed him. The blood they saw splatter in all directions didn’t belong to Reiner, however. He burst out from her palm and rushed to grab the injured Armin. 

“We’ve bought enough time, right? Let’s get the hell away from it! If it isn’t a man-eater, it won’t follow us!” The Female Titan rose from her kneel position and began to run in the opposite direction. “That big bitch got scared and decided to go home!” _Good luck Annie._

Only Armin noticed how she seemed to inspect her right palm, billows of steam rising forth as Reiner broke free. He also made mental note that she seemed to release him, her fingers not being forcibly opened when he made his escape. How could he manage to inflict any sort of injury while trapped in its tight grip? 

* * *

**Center Rear Flank, Squad Levi**

Levi could feel the vibrations travel from the ground up and shake his very core. His narrow eyes shifted to the direction of the source. _The guest of honor is arriving. Shit._ He saw a green smoke round to the right. “Green. Auruo, you fire it.” 

“Roger.” 

_For now, everything seems to be going fine._ A shiver ran down Eren’s spine. Considering where they were everything should have anything but fine. _But is it really? We may already have casualties on the front lines._

“Reporting! Message to pass along!” A soldier from one of the right relay flanks veered in their direction. “Right flank recon has been destroyed! Our recon system is partially inoperative. Pass this on, to the left.” 

“Did you hear that Petra?” Levi glanced over his left shoulder. “Go.” 

“Yes Heichou.” She immediately bolted to the left side of the formation to the relay flanks. 

_The right flank?!_ Eren began to sweat nervously. _I think that’s where Armin is. But Armin and the others should still be in position, near the center. The Titans can’t have made it in that far…_ A series of explosions immediately caught his attention and he looked to the right. _A black round? Deviants?_

“Eren, you fire it.” Levi’s stern voice brought him back to reality. 

“R-right!” 

“What a mess,” the captain mumbled to himself. “We let it penetrate deep into our formation.” _Perhaps keeping Saskia in the vanguard was for the best…If the right flanks have been completely wiped out, she might try to take it on herself to avenge our fallen comrades. Idiot. No, no, she knows better by now. It was probably to keep her safe. Commander or not, his emotions might still influence his decisions. He could have sacrificed an entire flank for his strategy and for her safety…For the General and for his sister. Whether he’d admit to it or not is a different story._

_It’s almost here…The Titan,_ Eren’s thought, internal monologue delivered shaky and tense. _Beneath those smoke rounds, is there someone fighting?_

* * *

**The Vanguard**

“Seems Titans passed through here,” Erwin observed. “There’s nothing growing on the road. We can bring the carts through too. General, advance into the forest and clear the area of any Titans you find inside without using too much gas. We’ll need a designated area to set up the trap.” 

Saskia nodded. “Yes sir.” _An understandable reason for the change in position_ , she thought to herself as she flicked her wrists and snapped Iolana’s reigns. She leaned forward to aid in gaining momentum until she became nothing more than a black and green blur. _But it would make far more sense to place me in the vanguard for that reason in the first place, not wait for an excuse to do so._

“Send word to the rear that only the central cart guard should enter the forest,” Erwin commanded, preparing to position the spring-loaded barrels as soon as Saskia cleared the area for them. 

“Yes sir!” two of the vanguard said in unison and fell back to relay the message. 

Sasha noticed their disappearance and turned to her Squad Leader. “Um, excuse me, sir…The center row appears to be entering the forest, but wouldn’t the rest of us collide with the forest?” 

“We’re going around,” he replied. 

“Yes sir!” 

The rest of the 104th graduates began to notice the strange turn the formation was taking, literally and metaphorically. As they took their orders to guard the forest from any Titan threats attempting to enter Saskia dismounted Iolana near the middle. Seeing as she wasn’t human, she know Iolana would be safe from any Titans and wanted her to be ready available in the event that she had to make an escape. Though accustomed to moving on foot, be it on the ground or in the treetops, she was now stationed in the middle of the forest.   If tied up Iolana would be left behind in the event of a call for retreat. 

“Not very many here…But the presence of a human will draw them out. Such a wide expanse of land within the forest is certainly ideal. Iolana, remain alert. The final fight begins here!” Her increase in volume was both dangerous and deliberate, immediately drawing out a ten meter that had been waiting behind one of the enormous trees. She smirked, and drew her blades. “Did you truly think I would not notice you? You are, unlike myself, quite hard to miss. And I do not only refer to size…You have no sense of clandestinity, do you? I will not complain. The sooner you come out, the sooner I cut you down!” 

Even if the Titan was incapable of comprehension it still recognized a threat, or at the very least a target, and swiped at her with its enormous arm. She released a hook into its wrist and ran up its arm, sending another into its forehead. She flipped midair and landed on its forehead facing downward, long hair falling down onto its abnormally shaped nose. She made eye contact with the lumbering creature. “Now you see me…” she whispered, then rammed her blades into its eyes and dropped down to its shoulder only seconds before it attempted to grab her, accidentally shoving the weapons deeper into its lenses. Completely blinded for what she estimated to be a minimum of twenty seconds she drew two more and sliced off the frantically waving hands that were trying to grab for her. Steam began pouring forth from its eyeballs as they began the regeneration process and she swung around to the back of its neck, delivering the fatal blow. She jumped and hoisted herself up onto a large branch as the lifeless body hit the ground, letting out a disappointed sigh. 

“I was hoping to have a little fun before capturing our target…” She cupped an ear and grinned. “You will suffice.” She lept from branch to branch until she found the Titan in question. 

* * *

**Squad Levi**

“Heichou. Levi Heichou!” Eren called. 

“What?” He tried to refrain from rolling his eyes, anticipating an idiotic question. 

“Well…We’re in the middle of the woods! If the center enters alone, we won’t know if Titans are approaching! It seems something’s approaching us from the right…How are we supposed to dodge the Titans or protect the carts?” 

_He finally noticed…_ “Don’t go on and on about the obvious…We can’t do that anymore, of course.” 

“Th-then why?” 

“Look around, Eren. At all these big-ass trees. It’s the perfect environment for 3D Maneuver Gear. And try to use that tiny brain of yours…If you don’t want to die, think.” 

“Yes sir!” _I see. I just can’t keep up right now because I’m still new. He won’t just tell me the answer. I have to figure it out for myself. I’m sure that’s how they all learned to fight._ He glanced at Auruo who was mumbling to himself. 

“What the hell? Seriously? Damn it all…What the hell is going on here?” 

He noticed the panicked expressions Petra and Erd were sporting and the hardened look on Guenther’s, an obvious attempt at hiding fear and uncertainty. _Wait. Wait a minute…No one knows what’s really going on? Maybe not even Levi Heichou?_ “A black smoke round?!” 

“It’s from directly behind us!” Erd shouted over the noise it emitted. “It’s whatever was coming toward us on the right.” 

“Draw your blades.” Everyone turned to Levi, more confused than before. “If we see it, it’ll only be for a second.” He narrowed his eyes, feeling the familiar vibrations from the ground again. _That little shit is going to start whining any second now…_

A soldier appeared from out of the trees and attempted to strike the shifter but was slammed against a tree trunk. She was finally within sight of the squad and vice versa. 

“Go!” Levi ordered. _Saskia, you better not be hiding in those trees too…_

One by one the members of the squad began to panic as more members of the rearguard reinforcement were slaughtered like cattle, an ugly crimson staining every tree the Female Titan ran past being all that remained of them. Panic turned to desperate screaming for orders and demands to engage. He tuned out each and every one of them, keeping an eye out for the location of the trap. His peripheral vision caught a glimpse of Titan skeleton to the far left. 

_Erwin sent her in to clear the area_ , he realized. _None are steaming anymore…The kills aren’t fresh. They’ve had time to assemble to trap. We must be close._ He looked over his shoulder. “Everyone, cover your ears.” He raised his right arm and released a sonic round. 

“A noise grenade?” Eren asked, removing his hands from his ears. 

“What is your job? To just let yourself be swayed by whatever you’re feeling at the moment? No, it’s not. Our squad’s job is to keep that brat from getting a single scratch on him. Even if it costs our lives.” 

_It wasn’t to keep watch on me?_ Eren’s confusion amplified. 

“We keep going on our horses, got it?” 

“Roger!” Petra shouted. 

“Keep going? For how long? And it’s right on top of us…Again. The reinforcements! If we don’t help, they’ll be wiped out again!” 

“Eren, eyes on the road!” Guenther yelled. 

“Keep your pace up…Stay at top speed!” Erd added. 

“But sir, why? If Squad Levi doesn’t defeat it, who will?...Another one’s dead! And maybe we could’ve saved him! One’s still fighting…We could still make it!” 

“Eren, eyes back on the road! Keep going!” Petra echoed. 

“Are you telling me to look away?! To abandon my comrades and run?!” 

“Yes, that’s right! Obey Heichou’s orders!” 

“I don’t understand why we’re leaving them to die! Or why he won’t explain! Why?!” 

“That’s because Heichou decided the reason should not be explained,” Auruo replied. “You just don’t understand because you’re still green! If you get it, then shut up and obey!” 

Eren glanced at his right hand. _No…_ He sheathed his blade and raised it to his mouth. _I can fight on my own. Why am I relying on others? I can just fight on my own._ He opened his mouth. 

“What are you doing, Eren?” He turned to Petra, thumb still gently cradled between his teeth. “You’re only allowed to do that if your life is in danger. You promised us!” She saw him begin to clench his jaw. “Eren!” 

_Saskia’s younger self would be so proud of him screaming about trying to save his comrades…_ Levi thought to himself sarcastically. “You aren’t wrong. If you want to, do it. I can tell. He’s a real monster. And it has nothing to do with his Titan power. No matter what power you use to suppress him, no matter what cage you put him in, he will never submit to anyone.” _At any sage Saskia age would be proud of that._ “Eren, the difference between your decision and ours is experience. But you don’t have to rely on that. Choose. Believe in yourself. Or believe in the Survey Corps and me. I don’t know…I never have. I can believe in my own abilities or the choices of the companions I trust. But no one ever knows how it will turn out.” The memory of the day he agreed to join the Survey Corps bubbled to the surface. 

_“It all comes down to where you place your trust. I chose to place my trust in you today. Did you trust me, even if only briefly?”_

_“Do not focus so much on what is ‘best’, ‘right’, ‘good’, for those words are much very open to interpretation. Instead of being able to reach a conclusion, you become so wrapped up in what they even mean that it becomes difficult to think straight. And exerting all that effort, only to pick a path leading to nothing but regrets?”_

“So choose for yourself whichever decision you’ll least regret.” 

The adolescent looked at his hand, over his shoulder at their pursuer, and back at his hand again preparing to bite. 

“Eren!” Petra interrupted. “Have faith,” she pleaded. 

“Eren!” Levi barked. “You’re taking too long! Decide!” _We’re almost there…_

The brunet clenched his eyes tightly shut and grit his teeth. “I’ll go forward!” he declared, and not a moment too soon. After hardly three minutes had passed the Titan slammed her fist to the ground, almost snatching Eren. They pressed on and Eren noticed the trees were lined with soldiers, the ground covered in boxes and barrels. From up above Erwin and Saskia were watching, waiting. 

“FIRE!” 

Hundreds of thousands of metal arrows sprang from the loaded barrels, sinking deep into the Titan’s flesh. Eren couldn’t take his eyes off of the sight behind them. It was in that moment he realized that he had been bait. 

“Advance a bit farther, tether the horses, and switch to Maneuver Gear,” Levi ordered. “You guys will be off on your own for a while. Erd, lead the squad. Once you’re a good distance away from the Titan, hide Eren.” He noticed Iolana already tethered up ahead. “Take my horse.” Levi activated his gear and turned back to the scene unfolding behind them. He joined Erwin and Saskia, hooking into the tree they were positioned at and gained his footing by her side. “Looks like it stopped moving...” 

“We can’t let our guard down. But you did well, leading it here.” 

“Men in the rearguard squads died buying us the time we needed. Without them we couldn’t have done it.” Levi noticed Saskia fighting a wince. 

“Is that so?’ 

“That’s right.” Levi peered down at the ensnared shifter. “Thanks to their sacrifice, we’ll get to meet the person inside the nape of this one’s neck. I hope they haven’t pissed themselves.” He looked at Saskia, whose brow was furrowed in contemplation as he drew a blade. 

Erwin glanced down at her. “Is it the same one?” 

“From what I gathered while observing its movement as it entered the trap I can confidently say this is the same Titan I saw six years ago,” she replied with a slow nod. She narrowed her eyes at the target and then turned to Levi. “Wait. Not yet. Tread lightly.” She drew one of her blades and held it up high. “Second and third waves, fire!” she commanded to the squads positioned below. “Fire the back-ups as well!” 

“You think that’s necessary.” Erwin looked at her curiously hundreds more spring coiled projectiles embedded into the Titan’s flesh. “Exactly how great a threat is this shifter? 

“You do not find it necessary?” she countered, eyebrow raised. “It is not that I overestimate her abilities. Something is not right.” She shook her head. “There was something different about it before.” 

He nodded and ordered more of the loaded barrels to release. Hanji enthusiastically pulled the trigger on one. “How’s that?” she said aloud, though she doubted the shifter could hear her. “Couldn’t even scratch an itch if you had one, right? You probably couldn’t budge for the rest of your life. It’s rigged to tighten your joints as your wounds close.” She chuckled and looked up at her superiors. “Still won’t let out that all-important person inside of you? What’s taking Levi and Mike so long?” She saw both descending upon the captured shifter. 

Seconds before their blades made contact with her hands a crystal-like coating materialized over her skin and they shattered upon impact with the impenetrable layer. Mike rejoined Erwin and simply held out his broken blades, shaking his head. 

“Is that what you were referring to?” 

Saskia shook her head. “No. I had no idea that the Female Titan was capable of such a thing. Curious indeed,” she grinned. “I wonder what more it is capable of…How broad is your repertoire?” 

_So it has the ability to shield portions of its body with a tough skin_ , the Commander mentally noted. _It’s similar to what I’ve heard of the Armored Titan. Will it weaken if we continue to attack using 3D maneuvers? We don’t have time to test it out. In that case…_ He raised a hand and summoned one of the many soldiers positioned in the treetops came down to his level. 

“Sir?” 

“Prepare the explosives. Blow its hand off.” 

“Yes sir!” 

“Commander, rethink your order,” Saskia advised. “Would we not run the risk of killing the person inside? A standard-issue explosive has tremendous force.” 

“Set it to sever the wrist,” he added and approached the subordinate, putting a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “On my signal, set them off all at once.” 

A nervous sweat ran down her forehead. _It would appear the danger is, relatively speaking, behind us. But this feeling feeling…_ She looked up at the shifter, Levi standing on its head. _As though it is waiting to release a trump card. It has come so far. I highly doubt whoever is inside…was not prepared…The crystallization serves no more than to protect it. A defensive maneuver. Not offensive. That is what we need to look out for._

“Oi, how about coming out already? I’m a busy man you know,” he goaded impatiently. “Do you know what’s going to happen to you from now? Think you can get yourself out of this situation?” 

_Levi, what are you doing?_ “Do not taunt the bitch,” she muttered under her breath 

“I wish you’d consider what a pain in the ass this is for us. You killed my troops in a variety of different ways…Did you find it fun? Right now I’m having fun. So are you, right?” 

She shook her head quickly. “Levi, stop it,” she hissed as though he could hear her. 

“General.” Erwin’s firm tone brought her back to reality after noticing the look on her face, one she never expressed outside the walls- panic. 

“The hardening of its skin will protect both the shifter and the Titan itself. But surely she must possess some sort of offensive ability. She could not rely on the Titan’s strength alone. Someone willing to come this far would not have done so without taking into account the potential for a situation comparable to the one it is now. She would need to be prepared in case of emergency. I feel as though it is holding back, restraining itself. Look at how still she is. Is she contemplating? Planning an escape? It is not fighting back…but I cannot think of a single reason as to why it would be incapable do.” _She was running away from Maria…What did she do after that? Think damn it, think!...It was loud…A loud sound, followed by another. It was followed._ “It drew more Titans,” she breathed. “It screamed. And that idiot is only going to provoke it!” She pointed at Levi. Even if she couldn’t hear him she knew him well enough to realize he was antagonizing the person within. 

“I’m guessing you understand what I’m feeling. Oh yeah…there’s something I want to ask you. Are you okay with having your hands and feet cut off? They’ll just grow back, right? But I was wondering about your real body inside. We can’t afford to have you die on us.” 

An ear-piercing shriek erupted from the creature’s throat forcing everyone surrounding her to cover their ears. A whirlwind whipped up, snapping branches and stirring a dust storm. Both vision and hearing were obstructed. 

_Fuck!_ “Levi, enough! Get off of her!” she ordered as soon as the dust began to settle. 

_Now she’s screaming at me. Great._ “Man, you scared me…” he griped, uncovering his ears and ignoring Saskia’s command. 

“That is the Titan we saw six years ago! Do you not remember what its scream did?!” 

As Levi processed her words Mike rejoined the Commander and General. “Erwin, Saskia, I smell them coming.” 

“Direction?” he demanded. 

“Scores from all directions! All at once!” Mike reported gravely. 

“Hurry with those explosives!” 

“Erwin! The first wave is from the east! They’re almost here!” 

“Wagon guards! Intercept!” Saskia yelled to the ground below. _Damn it Levi…_

The flank that had been guarding the supply carts flew towards the three Titans that made it into the forest, ready to engage. Like a deviant, all three Titans ignored them. But three Titans, all being deviants and acting with a pact mentality was not only unheard of, it sounded impossible. 

“Oi, you! What the hell did you just do?!” Levi was angrily stomping a foot on the Titan’s head. He sneered in the direction of the man-eating infiltrators and took his signature stance, propelling forward and annihilating the group in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately a much smaller one had made it through unnoticed and latched onto her leg, chewing on the exposed tendons and muscles. 

“If memory serves, Rico Brzenksa’s report made mention of Titan’s attacking and eating Eren’s Titan form. It saw him as a threat _and_ as a human. She…called them to keep us from apprehending her!” Saskia realized. “She is creating a barrier of Titans to keep us from taking her into custody!” 

_They’re coming after the female?!_ “Troops, engage! Protect the Female Titan to the death!” 

In a flurry of flesh, steaming blood, and steal, the squads positioned in the forest took the incoming hordes head-on but because they were not attracting the attention of the Titans they were having extreme difficulty landing enough kills to protect their captive. Erwin was overcome with a sense of dread when he saw that even his second-in-command and third-in-command struggling to keep up. In less than a minute the destructive puppet of the shifter was ripped apart and consumed. Erwin inhaled sharply and bellowed over the commotion, “Troops! Retreat! Fall back into formation! Return to Karanese District!” 

Defeated and dismayed, the Survey Corps could only watch as their last hopes at taking one of those responsible for the fall of Maria was devoured. 

“They beat us.” Erwin almost looked impressed. 

Levi, hooked into one of the large tree trunks kneeling slightly, wiped the blood off of us his cheek and turned to Erwin. “What’s with that look? Don’t tell me…” 

“The enemy was willing to give up everything. I never imagined she would allow herself to be devoured by Titans to destroy her secret.” 

Saskia was on her knees on one of the thick branches, trying to catch her breath and cope with the heat from the rising steam and multiple layers she had on. “Destroy, protect…Strange how they are synonymous in this context.” She ran the back of her palm across her forehead, sleek with a mixture of sweat and Titan blood. 

“All our talk at the court martial, and this is what happens…If we return empty-handed, who knows what will happen to Eren or us.” 

“Nothing good. That much I can say for certain.” She was breathing deeply and unbuckled her cape, dabbing her cheeks with the green fabric to get rid of the sweat. _Damn this heat back to the pits of Hell where it belongs…_

“Let’s think about that after we get back,” Erwin advised. “For now let’s do our best to get back without incurring any further casualties. For now, anyway.” _The steam from the corpses is affecting visibility. It could interfere with the signal flares._

“I’m going to summon my squad.” 

“Wait, Levi. Reload with gas and new blades before you go.” 

“I can’t afford the time. I think I have enough to last…Why?” 

“That’s an order. Follow it.” 

“Roger that, Erwin. I trust your judgment,” he said with half a sigh before leaving. 

“General.” 

The panting woman steadily rose to her feet. “Yes Commander?” 

“Go with him.” 

She raised an eyebrow, recalling the incredible frustration she felt after being switched to the vanguard. “Oh? Go with Squad Levi? Are you certain?” 

“I didn’t say Squad Levi. I said with him,” was his ominous reply. 

She blinked in confusion before jumping over to the branch he stood on and grabbed his forearm. “What is going to happen?” she murmured. 

“You saw it too, didn’t you? Rather…didn’t see it?” 

“I do not recall seeing the human within, if that is what you are referring to. But she could have been devoured.” 

“She could have been. But with that scream at her disposal, as her contingency like you said, do you think that was to bury her secret or to escape? It was impossible to see everything that happened when she was attacked.” 

“You think she still roams the forest.” 

“I think she has done more than that.” 

Saskia nodded. “I see. Yes, of course, I will remain with him in the event that the infiltrator is encountered so we may apprehend her.” 

“Good. Keep to ground level and observe the entire area. Let Levi work from above and signal to him should you notice anything. And General?” 

She halted her descent midway. “Yes?” 

“I’m glad you were able to put your feelings aside in regards to my decision. I don’t believe that having positioned you with his squad would have made much difference. They survived, didn’t they? And you destroyed the minor Titan threat in the forest, giving us ample time and space to ready the traps.” 

“That is not why you made the decision in the first place though, is it?” she asked rhetorically before swinging forward, not giving him a chance to respond. She was right in her accusation and couldn’t help but continue to question why. The answer would only continue to evade her, and Levi, for some time. 

“You are far too intuitive for your own good,” he muttered to himself once he was certain she was out of earshot. 

* * *

**Wall Rose Eastern Elevator, Karanese District, 8:13 AM**

One of the pseudo-Garrison soldiers collapsed the telescope he was holding. “Still no sign of Annie,” he announced. Kseniya growled under her breath and grabbed the instrument from his hand to take a look for herself. 

“That maggot…Maki-san.” She turned in the direction of her superior, who appeared to be deep in thought. “Do we consider this a failure?” 

“Leonhardt-san is not without backup,” he reminded. “Even if she does not have the boy yet, she will soon enough. Patience, Volkova-san. It is not your strong suit but it would benefit you.” 

“Hai. I ask because if she does fail, we will need to find an alternative way to get Eren. The only way I can think of is to have Zackley summon him to the capitol under the guise of another trial, perhaps even an execution. We could even apprehend Historia that way, and any of the others if you wish. Perhaps now is the time for Mika-” 

“Iie. For now, focus on the boy. It’s imperative that we have the coordinate in our possession, as well as Volkova-sama’s key. But I like your idea. We will summon him to the capitol and apprehend him there. If Leonhardt-san is lucky, she might be able to play a role still.” 

“That’s also risky. If something were to happen between her and Eren…She is stationed in Stohess. What of Luzia Messmann? Wouldn’t she be in immediate danger?” 

“You worry too much Volkova-san. Keep to your orders and let us take care of the rest.” 

“Hai.”


	24. On My Signal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had written a lot of this chapter beforehand, transcribing the episode and what not, but I've made some changes to the plot since then. Apologies if it seems a little awkward, lacking flow, or continuity errors. There is, to a degree, supposed to be some of the latter because of the dramatic irony going on. And brace yourself for more shitty action sequences...
> 
> Transcriptions are from episode 21 and 22.

While engaged in a riveting discussion about fear-induced bladder control problems, Guenther spotted a green flare up above and turned to the rest of his squad members. “Oh, I’m sure that’s the signal from Levi Heichou. We’ll rendezvous with him! Cut the chatter until we get back.” He landed on a branch and set off a green flare to reveal their location.

 _This is it._ Annie, fully clothed in a Survey Corp cape that Erwin stashed away in a large cutout in his bundle of ‘paperwork’, rose to her feet. “All or nothing. Failure is not an option.” As she flew to their location the vanguard, minus Saskia, was already well ahead of them and riding out of the forest.

“Erwin…Why did you ask Levi to resupply? And where is Saskia? There’s no time to waste. You changed her position for a reason, after all.”

“The Female Titan was eaten. But did you see the person inside get eaten? I didn’t.”

Hanji turned to him and gasped. “You can’t mean…”

“Yes. If your original hypothesis was correct, and they can still move to a degree after regaining human form…And if they’d prepared Maneuver Gear in advance..The one within the Female Titan is wearing our uniform right now. The enemy is now camouflaged as one of our men. When the Colossal Titan vanished, whoever was inside had been wearing Maneuver Gear, so that they could escape in the steam. Don’t you think the same possibilities apply here?”

“Based on what we saw when Eren emerged from the Titan, we concluded it would be impossible. His equipment was destroyed and his uniform was gone. Above all, Eren was so weak he couldn’t even stand unassisted,” she reminded.

“The Female Titan was able to attract other Titans with its cry. We failed to predict this and the operation failed.” _Had Saskia remembered that right away the plan would have fallen apart. Annie would not have been able to fake her death and escape._ “If Titan abilities vary depending on skill it was a mistake to use Eren, a total novice, as the basis for our assumptions. If we are to outwit the enemy we’ll need to think outside the box. If the enemy has some way to retain its strength it may be able to transform once more. Here’s what I have gleaned from this battle…If we only focus on making the best moves, we will never get the better of our opponent. When necessary, we must be willing to take big risks, and be prepared to lose everything. Unless we change how we fight humanity cannot win!”

He made sure not to answer her question about Saskia’s current location. Hanji was lost in thought and didn’t press for further details. She did recall from her cadet days Saskia trying to explain to Shardis the strange Titan she saw six years ago, presumably the same one they did in fact encounter today, having some sort of ability. Shardis brushed it off as a deviant type. Saskia may have forgotten the aforementioned ability as the focus was placed on capture of the Titan, not the Titan itself. What didn’t make sense was why the one in charge of the operation seemed unaware of the Female Titan’s scream, when he too defended her assertion six years ago.

Far behind them, as Erwin explained the situation to Hanji, Annie almost completely beheaded and dismembered Guenther. The shock from the sudden attack left Eren immobilized, hanging from his gear and staring at the remains of the soldier in disbelief. Auruo grabbed him by the collar and pulled him forward.

“Eren, don’t stop! Onward!” He threw him forward, forcing him to activate his gear or risk falling to the ground below.

“But Guenther!” He noticed a cloaked figure and immediately recognized it as the one who killed his comrade. “Who’s there?!”

“Damn it, what do we do?” Auruo called back to his remaining squad members. “Erd, where should we go?”

“There isn’t time to reach the horses! Head for HQ as fast as you can!” he ordered, wondering where their captain was.

“Is it from the Female Titan? Or is there more than one of them?”

“Damn you…How dare you?! Come at me!” Petra challenged. _How could General Saskia have not noticed this unidentified presence? Where is she? And Levi Heichou?_ “I’ll defeat you, even if it kills me!”

Having been ordered to follow on horseback, Saskia was far behind them and could overhear the commotion ahead caused by the squad but she had yet to find Levi, which was stranger still. Out of all the people she should have been able to identify by sound alone he was at the top of the list. Her attempt to listen for him but interrupted by a burst of dark yellow lightning, startling her horse.

“She has returned.” She snapped at the reigns. “Now is not the time to succumb to fear, Iolana! There is an enemy to dispose of!”

Eren continued forward through the treetops as Squad Levi fell behind to engage the Female Titan, watching over his shoulder in amazement at their ability to coordinate without speaking and having lost a squad member. That is, until Erd was caught between its teeth and cut in half. His legs fell to the ground and she spit out the upper half of his severed corpse. Petra was losing her composure and Auruo was too focused on helping her than fighting the enemy. Whether or not it was instinct or rage that overtook him was inconsequential; Eren turned around and unleashed his ultimate weapon, the beast within.

Directly ahead, directly behind, and diagonally ahead Mikasa, Saskia, and Levi all heard Eren’s distinguishable roar as another yellow burst of light erupted from midair. The cadet turned around, Saskia sped forward, and Levi shifted his course back in a forty-five degree angle. While on his way to the battle between shifters Levi casually went by Guenther’s severed body, overhead the two halves that once made up Erd, and brutally beaten Auruo. It was when he noticed Petra, smashed against a tree with a snapped spinal cord that he stopped.

* * *

**That Morning, Survey Corps Headquarters, 3:29 AM**

_Finally get Saskia to shut up about talking to Petra and I can’t find the damned ginger…_ Levi mentally griped as he oversaw the cadets enjoying what would be the last meal for some, leaning against the far back wall of the floor above. Saskia was down below with them doing her best to ease their anxieties. _Then again…I am mildly distracted…_

“Levi Heichou!”

He turned to his right and saw Petra running up to him. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I need to talk to you right away. It’s very important.”

He skeptically raised an eyebrow at her but shrugged it off. “I’m listening.”

“Could we please speak in private?” she asked biting her lower lip.

 _Damn it…I was enjoying the view._ “Fine. My office. Exactly what did you want to talk about?” He unlocked the door and let her in, leaning against it after closing it behind him.

She took a deep breath and clasped her hands together. “General Saskia.”

 _Did she use her name? Am I hearing things or is she intoxicated?_ “What about her?”

“I…” She hung her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Speak up, Ral. And if you’re going to apologize for something look me in the eye.”

She nodded and glanced up. “I’m so sorry for everything. I know that over the past few months my behavior has been childish, petty, and inappropriate. I don’t say that only because she is my superior officer. With competition like that I didn’t stand a chance. But can you blame a girl for trying?”

“Competition? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb.” She forced a laugh and then brought her fists up to her chest. “Listen to me Heichou. I do truly care about you and I want you to be happy. All I’ve ever wanted for you is to find the happiness you deserve. Even if I can’t be the one to bring you that happiness.” She ran a finger along her eye to wipe away a few stray tears. “I can understand why you’re attracted to her. She’s very smart, she’s so kind and caring, passionate and dedicated, and she is very pretty. Her strength and fortitude are amazing but that’s hardly surprise because of how she was raised. What is surprising is that, even though she was raised to be a hardened soldier and has seen more death than any of us, she smiles more than anyone else here. But most importantly you seem so at ease around her no matter what the situation. The two of you must share a very deep bond, one I don’t think anyone else could ever understand, because your pasts are similar.”

 _…that was painless._ “Saskia has been bitching at me for months to tell you that. She didn’t like that I was ‘stringing you along’ and wanted you to be able to find that same happiness. Even if she and I aren’t...involved.” _That was close. “_ She made it pretty damn clear that I was being a dick for letting you cling to false hope, or however the hell she put it. I’d been putting off the conversation because I hate apologizing, regardless of whether or not it’s warranted. I tend not to give a shit. Habit.”

“She…she really felt that way?”

“Surprised?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I really shouldn’t be. That’s just the kind of person she is, isn’t she?”

“Tch. Compassionate to a fault. For better and for worse.”

“Then…then I have a request. Stay with her. Stay with her and get married -but don’t forget to invite us to the wedding- and have lots of adorable, brilliant children who grow up to be amazing soldiers like the two of you and be happy together forever and-”

“Petra, Petra, shut up and calm the hell down,” he briskly interrupted her ramble, putting up a hand to silence her. She was clearly trying to convince herself that was how she wanted him to find happiness, but her sentiment about wanting him to be happy was genuine. “One thing at a God damn time. Saskia and I aren’t even-”

“I told you not to play dumb. Everyone knows Heichou. If not now, soon enough. And the sooner the better. I’ve heard rumors that the cadets have started a betting pool on how long it’s going to take. Apparently it was Eren’s idea.” She exhaled slowly. “Can you promise me that you’ll try to be with her, no matter what? That you won’t let anything stop you, especially yourselves? Promise me that you’ll let yourself be happy.”

_Let myself?_

* * *

**Present**

_I promise._ Resolve amplified he continued on towards the battle of the shifters. Down below he saw Iolana head towards the route they took when they entered the forest to make an exit. Levi didn’t see Saskia leave and there was no way the horse could’ve possibly heard a whistle to get her attention, which meant Saskia was still somewhere in the forest no doubt heading in the same direction as him. Without her horse with her it would be harder to make a quick getaway, as there was no longer any point to remaining inside to engage the Titans. There was only one thing that could have caught her attention, the fight between Eren and the infiltrator. But if she was still inside and Levi hadn’t noticed her that meant she had been far behind him the entire time.

 _Didn’t Erwin order her to stay beneath me, not behind me? Doesn’t matter. I need to find Eren. And the bitch responsible for their deaths…_ He took one last look at his squad and then pressed forward.

Saskia was closer, having utilized her parkour-like movement to get there as quickly as possible. In between her and a helpless, crestfallen Mikasa was the Female Titan pulling Eren out from his beheaded Titan and holding him captive in her mouth. As she began sprinting off Mikasa’s grip on her blades tightened and she clenched her teeth.

“Mikasa!” Saskia called to her. “Pursue! We have to get Eren back at all costs!”

“Why?! So you can use him as bait again?!” she screamed as she propelled forward.

“Of course not!” the General replied, appearing out of nowhere by her side. “Because I do not want to lose him. Especially not to the likes of her. Levi should still be in here somewhere. With our abilities combined she has no hope of leaving the forest with Eren. To hell with whether or not she lives or dies! If she lives, we find her again, next time more prepared! No matter what we WILL save Eren! Go and distract her! Buy me as much time as you possibly can. I will do what I can to sneak up on her and get Eren out of her mouth!”

Mikasa nodded. _Don’t need to tell me twice._ “Give…” She moved even faster. “Give Eren back!” She spun past the Female Titan’s face and sliced into her cheek. She continued to swarm her, attacking her shoulder, thighs, anything and everything she could possibly hit.

 _She is acting out of anger_ , Saskia observed from behind. _Her movements are sporadic, uncoordinated, and irrational. If you want Eren back you cannot attack blindly! An exposed area is not always a weak spot!_ She remembered the pressure point hidden behind the ear Levi taught her about the hard way. _Damn it Levi, where are you?!_

Mikasa had inflicted enough damage to cause the Titan to lose its balance; lacking endurance and already running at a slower pace than before, she was vulnerable to even the most basic attack now that she was on her hands and knees. It wouldn’t take long for her to recover however and Saskia could no longer wait for Levi to appear and assist. But with Mikasa acting so rash and recklessly it was almost impossible to hone in without running the risk of tangling cords or worse, hitting Mikasa herself.

“Why won’t my blades penetrate? I know that he’s alive…I know that Eren’s alive! No matter where she goes, I’ll kill her, rip her apart, and get you out of that filth. I’m sorry Eren…Just wait a little longer…”

 _Not like that, you won’t. Stupid child._ Mikasa was about to continue her assault but a strong arm gripped her torso and pulled her back. Look up she saw Levi holding her back. “Fall back for now.” He too recognized her erratic behavior interfering with her ability to fight properly. He need not ask where Saskia was, intuition screaming at him that she was nearby, ready and willing. “Maintain this distance,” he ordered and they followed the Titan, a considerable amount of space between them. “It may be tired. It does not appear to be going very fast. He seems to have been bit right out of the neck. Is Eren dead?”

Mikasa looked ready to kill Levi for even suggesting such a thing. “He’s alive,” she asserted. “The target appears intelligent, and its goal seems to be capturing Eren. If it wanted him dead, it would’ve crushed him. The target is fighting to escape after going through the trouble of putting him in its mouth.”

“Its goal may have been to eat Eren. If that’s the case, he’s in its stomach. It’s more reasonable to assume that he’s dead,” Levi replied casually, trying to keep Mikasa’s state-of-mind as open and realistic as possible.

“He’s alive!”

“I hope you’re right.”

She glared at him. “If you’d only protected Eren, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“I see…You’re the one from back then.” _The Ackermann girl._ “Eren’s close friend?” _‘Adopted sister’ my ass._ “We’ll limit ourselves to a single goal. First, give up on killing the Female Titan.”

“It killed many of our comrades!” she protested.

 _I’m aware._ “As long as it can harden its skin, we can’t kill it. Do as I say. We’ll pin our hopes on Eren still being alive, and rescue him before it leaves the forest. I will tear away it…You draw its attention!”

“General Saskia ordered me to distract it by engaging it so she could launch a surprise attack, hoping it wouldn’t notice her in time to harden its skin. Seems she taught you well,” Mikasa retorted before continuing on with the original plan Saskia devised.

 _Perhaps she did. Though she’s taking her sweet ass time getting here._ As he kept his eye on the target, Mikasa hacking away at whatever parts she could make contact with, the Titan noticed she was being pursued from behind. She spun around and launched her right arm at him.

Saskia watched in awe as Levi spun up the shifter’s arm like a tornado, temporarily disabling the limb. As he flew around her, penetrating its eyes to blind and damage the other three limbs to immobilize her, she wondered what inspired such a fierce attack, then noticed four absent soldiers. _…where is his squad?_ Her green eyes widened. “Dear God, no,” she breathed. Her heart began racing as she braced herself for what was to come. She knew she was the only one who could console him and the only person he willingly cried in front of, but after this he may very well try to level the headquarters or even Wall Rose itself. For the first time since she began going outside the walls General Saskia was nowhere to be found; instead Saskia the confused and upset young woman occupied her skin. She couldn’t even imagine how contorted and mangled the bodies of the four fresh wanderers of the plutonian shoreline became. She punched the tree she was watching from with the side of her fist. She left a deep indent, her hands and wrist covered in deep scratches. Her teeth grit, eyes dark and narrowed she watched with sadistic delight as he hit the back of the neck and the Titan tumbled down, backed up against one of the large trees. Her eyes perked up when she caught glimpse of pillars of steam in the distance, taking that as her cue, but then quickly darted her gaze to Mikasa.

Insurmountable rage began boiling inside of her but she held back. This shifter killed Levi’s squad, the people he was closest to second to her and Erwin, and she had takenk Eren. This was Levi’s and Mikasa’s fight, but should their well-being become compromised she wouldn’t hesitate to jump in and protect them while attempting to slay the shifter.

Levi continued his relentless assault until the heavy head fell forward, exposing her weak spot. Mikasa’s pace slowed, giving Saskia the impression that she was contemplating her next move; or rather trying to decide whether or not she should go against whatever order Levi had given her. She latched into its shoulder, blades at the ready. Saskia’s eyes immediately turned to Levi.

“Stop!” he ordered but Mikasa paid no mind. Levi launched in her direction as pushed her out the way just in time to keep the Titan from smacking her, the hit no doubt shattering her bones to pieces should she have taken it. She gasped when she noticed the awkward way he landed on the Titan’s hand before continuing his assault. He split open her jaw, Eren resting on her massive tongue in a cocoon of saliva.

“Eren!” Mikasa cried. Levi took advantage of the few seconds he had left to retrieve the adolescent before she could regenerate, careful to land on his uninjured foot when doing so. He picked him up under one arm and landed on a branch not far from Saskia.

“Hey!” he called to Mikasa, well aware that she had every intention of continuing to fight the Titan now that it had been subdued to the point where she might stand a chance. “We’re getting out of here!”

“Eren…” Her face lit up in relief.

“I think he’s okay. He’s alive…But filthy. Forget about it,” he commanded as the blood coating his face began to evaporate. “We’ll retreat.” He briefly glanced at the Titan. “Don’t lose sight of the core objective. Is it more important to get what you want? Isn’t he an important friend?”

 _A repeat of six years ago. But this time Levi was there all along, and he saved Eren._ “Be proud of your brother, Isabel,” Saskia whispered with a smile. “He really is the hero you always thought him to be.” She could’ve sworn she overheard a snarky voice to say ‘Told ya so!’.

“No, I…” Mikasa didn’t finish her sentence or even her thought as Levi sped off. He glanced over his shoulder once last time and widened his eyes in shock when he saw the Titan was crying. Whether it was because of a failure or guilt for her actions was likely to forever remain a mystery he had no intention of solving.

“Levi!”

He immediately snapped his head upward, flooded with relief that she was there. He couldn’t think of a time he needed her more. Saskia jumped down and switched to 3D gear, situated between the two of them. “I’ll tell you everything when we get back,” he said in his usual monotonous tone, though he struggled to hide the overwhelming sadness with his forced façade of stoicism and apathy.

“And your foot?”

“Fine.” _Of course you would notice…Thank you for not interfering with my battle._ He gulped heavily, careful not to look down as they flew above what remained of his squad. _If only you had come sooner…_ He inadvertently tightened his grip on Eren. _But why did Erwin order her to stay behind?! If she had been here none of this would have happened! We would have captured her! They would…they would still be alive…_

 _You may no longer have a squad but you still have a role to play as a Lance Corporal. Maintain the mask for just a little longer._ “Levi.” Her firm tone brought him back to the present. “We will talk later. Until then…Do not think for even a fraction of a second that your foot is fine. Or ankle. If your horse cannot be located you are to ride Iolana on the way back to the wall. Am I clear?” She turned to Mikasa. “How are you fairing, Cadet Ackermann?”

“Fine now, General Saskia.”

“And physically?”

“No severe injuries to speak of.”

She nodded. “Good. Let us reconvene with the rest of the battalion.”

“General…Why didn’t you come sooner? If you were that far behind did you know she was still in the forest?”

Mikasa’s question was innocent curiosity; she didn’t fault her superior for obeying an order. Regardless the words stung, both out of regret for not coming sooner and because she knew Levi was wondering the same thing. “I have no justifiable reason for not coming. That said, I was confident in the abilities of those present. It would appear my faith was blind and a poor call of judgment.”

“You didn’t know,” Levi replied. He wanted to be angry with her for not coming sooner but had he done so he would be a hypocrite after his actions the day he almost killed her. There was a tinge of comfort in knowing that she had placed such strong faith in them despite lack of knowledge on what they would face. It seemed that she had been too far behind to have arrived in time anyway; she must have realized that not long before Levi saw the lone Iolana exiting the forest. “You were following orders.”

“I should have been here. I should have been prepared.”

“How many times must I tell you not to blame yourself for what happens out here?”

A grin of mirth graced her lips. “Until I become a miracle worker. How many times must I tell you that?”

 _This is worse than a lover’s spat._ “General,” Mikasa began quietly as they neared the exit. “If I may…I agree with the Lance Corporal. You were given an order and you are the most dutiful and dedicated soldier in the corps. To disobey that order means you would have given in to your emotions.”

“Having an obligation to the corps means I have an obligation to the corps itself as a whole, not every command thrown at me. Remember what I taught you about there being room for emotion outside the walls.”

“Had you come and sustained a serious injury or died, you would have failed us all.”

“By dying?”

“By being weak enough to end up in that position in the first place.”

“That’s enough cadet,” Levi scolded, glaring at her as they reached their destination. He acted as though the drop was harmless but an immense pain shot through his leg when he hit the ground. He hid it well but Saskia knew better.

“She has a point,” Saskia responded. “Levi, it will be harder for you to carry Eren on foot. Take my horse.” She took Eren from him and he mounted Iolana, trying not to wince. “Moving on horseback only slowed me down. But I wanted her to be available in case of emergency. I believe your injury constitutes as such.”

* * *

At the head of the camp Saskia and Erwin were engaged in a bitter argument. Hanji and Mike watched with frustration and surprise.

“What happened in there? I thought she and Levi were supposed to work together.”

 _They were…But was it too late?_ “Who knows what happened?” she shrugged but Mike could smell a hint of deceit.

Near the back Mikasa approached the cart Eren’s unconscious form was laying in. She rested a hand on the sturdy wood and smiled softly, relieved beyond words that he was alive. When she turned her head she met a gruesome sight as soldiers continued to identify, or attempt to, and pile the bodies of their fallen comrades they retrieved. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Saskia approach Levi who stood before four wrapped up remains. “I wonder…if she is all he has now,” she murmured to herself. “A great burden to be someone’s one and only source of support. Unless of course…she is simply his one and only.”

Levi heard her footsteps behind him as he knelt down and began tear the badges off of their uniforms. He stood with minor difficulty, looking down at the bloody collection of fabric in his hands. She stood silently by his side, immediately relaxing both for his sake and out of respect for the four fallen.

“I didn’t tell her. She approached me and apologized for everything. She wanted me to promise that I would let myself be happy. She understood. She was upset, but she understood. She even addressed you as ‘General Saskia’. She seemed to regret the way she behaved towards you.”

“Did you make the promise?” she asked quietly. He nodded slowly. “You do not fault me for not having arrived sooner?”

“Ask me that again and I’ll beat the shit out of you.” His hands started to tremble. “If anyone is to be held accountable it’s me. I should have been the one to question Erwin and regroup with them. I failed to-”

“No,” she interrupted firmly but calmly. “If you say that then you imply that they would have been reliant on you. It undermines their strength…and the dedication, as made evident by their sacrifice.”

“This is uncomfortably familiar.”

“You and I both know these things happen more often than not…” she replied shakily, kicking at the ground. “This is not the appropriate place for this conversation.” She nodded to where their horses were located.

When they stopped he pocketed the badges he took from them and let his hands fall to his sides. “This is what I get for being close to people.”

“What about me?” she inquired, looking slightly hurt as she turned to face him. _Six years…You have invested a great in these past six years. Do you regret it?_

“Tch. I barely had a choice.” Both were surprised that he managed mildly humorous sarcasm. Speaking seriously again he said, “It was you or no one.”

“Yet you regret being close to people.”

He stood closer to her, hardly any space between them. “Yes. People. Plural.” His limp hand weakly reached out towards hers and she reflexively met him halfway, almost making him jump in surprise. With a gentle squeeze he elaborated. “One is enough. You’re all I need. A decision I’ll never come to regret.”

Fighting a blush she quietly cautioned, “Levi, you know that people are staring at us right n-”

“Tch. Let them. I don’t care. I’ve hit my breaking point. I’m numb to the fucking core, Saskia. I have little to care about anymore.” He leaned into her to take pressure off of his left foot, head against her shoulder. “Except this damn annoying sprain. Did Erwin explain his shitty plan? Placing us so far apart?”

 _“_ No. He would not speak of it. But he did grow very irritated with me for questioning him. And now I face punitive measures.” She gulped. “Writing the letters to the families.”

“You’re fucking kidding.”

“I wish I could say I were. He seems more disappointed in my acting as infantry and not cavalry than he does our failure. When we get back, will you need to-?”

“Yes,” he interrupted, squeezing her hand even tighter. “Or does Erwin want you to start right away?”

“It can wait.” She smiled faintly. “Can I truly call myself ‘generalized’ if all I do is paperwork? That aside I feel that I have an obligation to my fellow soldiers. At the end of the day…we are only human.” She inhaled deeply. “Miserable humans. And we can only help protect humanity if we start by doing that very thing to those who come to us. Both on and off of the battlefield. You know I will always be here for you, until my dying breath.”

“I know.” There was no reluctance or hesitation, something she never expected from him, especially in a public setting. “As I said, only one. Like hell that one would be someone I couldn’t rely on. Like hell that one wouldn’t be the only person who ever went out of their way to show how reliable they are. You’re crazy but you’re the most dependable person I’ve ever known.”

She raised an eyebrow. “How many people have you ever truly known well enough to make the comparison?”

“Just shut up and take a compliment for once, idiot.”

“Considering the source I suppose I can make an exception. You stay off of that foot. I am going to go see how Eren is doing. I will probably remain there for the duration of the ride back, unless I am needed elsewhere.” With great reluctance she let go of his hand and went to the cart where the teenager was sleeping. Levi watched as she walked away until an argument elsewhere caught his attention.

Hanji and Mike saw from the distance, the latter smiling and the former quietly cheering, “Finally! Progress! If only this wasn’t what prompted it though…”

“Tragedy brings people together. It’s what brought them together in the first place.”

“True. But it isn’t what’s kept them together,” she added knowingly. “And right now they really need each other, probably more than they realize.”

Armin and Jean dropped another covered body onto one of the carts. “This is the part I never get used to,” Jean grumbled.

“No one does,” Armin said simply.

“How are my friends going to die? How am I going to die? It’s all you can think about.”

“I try not to dwell on it,” the blond said with mild encouragement. “If I pictured how I’m going to die, I probably wouldn’t be able to fight.

“Yeah,” he agreed as he knelt before an unidentified soldier. “You’re right.”

Connie and Sasha weren’t far from Levi and Saskia as they were tending to the other horses, but the animals obstructed any view they might try to take advantage of. It was one of the perks of their height, or lack thereof.

“How long will I stay alive?” he mused gloomily.

“You’re alive now, aren’t you?”

“For now.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” she pressed. “You’re alive!”

“Can you say that in front of the bodies of those who aren’t?” he replied somewhat harshly. She had no response. “I might not be able to go home anymore…”

After the argument with the General, Erwin returned his attention to making a record of the deceased. “We’re almost done,” one of the squad leaders in charge of retrieval told him. “There were about five dead we couldn’t recover.” The number was borderline miraculously low, considering they were still in Titan-infested land.

“Not even a part of them?” Erwin asked, reading the roster of those who died during the expedition.

“They’re the only ones we couldn’t due to the Titans…It’s probably best for the families that we not bring those back,” the soldier advised.

“Say they’re MIA.”

“Yes sir. We saw several Titans near the forest, but none are headed this way as of yet.”

“We’re moving out now.” Erwin handed him the clipboard. “Tell all the squads.”

“Yes sir.”

As Erwin prepared to leave the voice of a frantic cadet behind him brought him to a halt. “I cannot accept this Commander Erwin! Oi, you!” He turned around to see the owner of the voice. “Ivan’s body was right in front of us!”

“There was a Titan right next to him,” the squad leader reminded. “It could result in another casualty!”

“If they attack we can just defeat them!” the cadet argued.

“Ivan’s an old friend. We’re from the same town,” a second cadet next to him added. “I know his parents. If nothing else, I’d like to bring him home!”

“Don’t be selfish!” the squad leader scolded.

Doing his best to heed Saskia’s advice about putting pressure on his foot and ankle, Levi slowly approached the confrontation. “Squabbling kids?”

“Levi Heichou,” the squad leader greeted.

“If you confirmed he’s dead, that’s enough. Whether you have the body, dead is dead. It won’t change anything.”

“No,” the second cadet murmured, unable to accept Levi’s words.

“We’ll say Ivan and the others went missing,” Erwin repeated firmly. “That’s my final decision. Give it up.” He departed, Levi following behind hoping to pull aside and change his mind about forcing Saskia to write every letter to the families. He couldn’t have possibly forgotten how Shardis had her do the same thing and it served as motivation for the changes in the formation.

“Don’t the two of you have any human feelings at all?!” the cadet yelled after them.

“Oi, Dieter, you’re going too far!” his squad leader scolded.

“Erwin, a word before we go.”

“You too?” He stopped and faced his second-in-command. “What is it?”

“Every letter? Every damn letter? That’s too much.”

“She disobeyed a direct order.”

 _He really is hung up on the order he gave, not the failed mission_. “She has an obligation to the Survey Corps, not to every order you issue to her,” Levi echoed. “She was trying to fulfill that obligation.”

“And what good would that have done? Had she stayed with your squad she would have gone ballistic over all the soldiers dying behind you.”

Levi grit his teeth. _What squad?!_ “Had she been positioned closer them, I might still have a squad,” he hissed before storming off.

Only minutes later the wagons and carts were finally loaded and everyone had mounted their steeds. Mikasa was riding alongside the cart Eren was in, Saskia sitting beside him.

“Thank you for riding with him, General Saskia.”

“Eyes forward, Cadet Ackermann,” she replied. “Do not compromise the formation. But you are welcome.”

“Yes ma’am.”

From the far back one of the riders in a cart for the deceased suddenly shouted, “Titans!” Two were charging in their direction, Dieter and his friend in front of them. They had a bundled body with them, no doubt their friend Ivan.

“That’s Dieter!” his squad leader, also in the cart, exclaimed. “That fool.” He fired a red flare.

“The rear line has sighted Titans!”

“Onward at full speed!” Erwin ordered.

Levi examined their surroundings. “I don’t see any tall trees or buildings. Fighting them out here will be difficult.”

“We’re better off outrunning them until we reach the walls.”

Levi clicked his tongue in disapproval and started to fall back.

In back one of the Titan’s swiped at Dieter, knocking Ivan’s lifeless form off of his horse. The other Titan grabbed the second cadet, prompting Dieter to fly off of his horse and onto the Titan to rescue him. The first continued on towards the corps. Saskia took notice and readied her blades.

“Don’t you dare,” Levi warned as he reached her side. “You’re in no better state than I am. There’s another way.”

“The weight,” she realized. He gave a single nod and continued to fall back as the squad leaders in the cart prepared for combat.

“They’re going to catch us!” Armin panicked, looking over his shoulder.

“Do we have to fight?” Jean asked almost as nervous as the blond.

“3D Manuever Gear has limited utility in open areas! And look…They just keep coming!”

“Then what do we do?! Where the hell is the General?! Isn’t this her specialty?!”

Armin noticed the pile of bodies in the cart, planning the same tactic as Levi and Saskia. “We…”

The cadet who had been grabbed was mercilessly devoured. Dieter’s labile state interfered with his ability to focus and he was quickly grabbed. Saskia gave Mikasa a nod of confirmation, she being one of the few cadets she trusted with such an operation and Mikasa rode back until she was within range. Her gear attached and she propelled upwards, annihilating the man-eater in seconds. A traumatized Dieter stumbled out of its hand.

“No! They’ll reach us!” a soldier cried as the second Titan closed in on them.

“I’ll get behind them,” his comrade replied. “I’ll draw their attention, then you-”

“No.” They turned to the right and saw Levi riding beside them. “Just abandon the bodies. They’ll reach us.”

“But…”

“In the past, many bodies haven’t made it back. These guys aren’t anything special.”

“Are we doing this?! Are we really doing it?!” the first exclaimed, holding onto the pile as if the corpses were fragile porcelain dolls.

Levi looked over his shoulder, wishing he could engage, but the pain in his left leg erased any hope he had in defeating it. “Damn it,” he hissed.

“We have to!” The back of the cart opened and they began tossing the bodies out, lightening their weight dramatically. Armin and Jean couldn’t tear their eyes away.

Levi caught a final glimpse of Petra before her body was left behind to rot. _I’m sorry you won’t have the chance to pursue the same happiness you wish for me._

Because of the Titan attack they were thrown off course and had to stop once in safer territory to determine their location and the best route back. Dieter, still visibly shaken, was approached by Levi.

“Lance Coporal…I…”

“This proves that they were alive. To me at least.” He handed Dieter a badge. “It was Ivan’s,” he lied. _It was Guenther’s._

He left the sobbing cadet behind and went to the cart where Eren lay but Mikasa was there instead and told Levi that Saskia was with Erwin. He looked forward and saw the two of them talking but the tension was visibly diffusing. After the conversation ended they parted and Saskia looked around for Levi, eyes smiling when she saw him.

“Thank you,” she said as she ran up to him. “He revoked the punishment. He thought a great deal about what you had said, the obligation to the corps and not his every word. How is your leg?”

“It’s been better.”

“Levi…”

“Tch. I’m walking, aren’t I?”

“With less difficulty than before, yes.” She pulled him aside so they could speak alone. “That cart. It was holding-”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Either we lighten the load and outrun them or your dumb ass runs back there to try and fight them all. Did you send out Ackermann or did she decide to take action like a dipshit again?”

“She was close enough and I knew she could subdue the Titan. It was only one. But, Levi, I…”

“They’re just bodies. Had you ran out there the load may have gotten heavier...giving us one more to throw away. Not a risk worth taking.”

“That is why I did not engage. I only take a risk when I am confident that I can overcome.”

“And you weren’t confident? Don’t tell me you’re ill.” He covered his nose and mouth.

She chuckled softly. “No, no, it was not that. It was because there was already a plan in place, one which I had plenty of confidence in. You seem to be fairing well enough. Well enough to maintain the appearance that you are fairing well enough, that is.”

“The shock has worn off,” he murmured. “That doesn’t mean I don’t still need-”

“I know. When we get back.” She put her hands on his shoulders and ran them soothingly up and down his arms. “We will talk then,” she assured, the sound of her voice being all the balm he needed at the current.

“Thank you Saskia,” he whispered, hanging his head slightly. He could think of no other place in the world that was safer than her embrace.

 _Normally he would abhor showing ‘signs of weakness’ before others but…Soldiers are humans. Even Humanity’s Strongest. I think that he, above all, deserves some time away from all of this to recalibrate and to mourn._ She was half-tempted to pull him in for a hug but she knew that would be too much, and it may very well elicit the emotional response he was fighting back at the moment.

_“Thank you, General Saskia. Thank you for being there for him.”_

Saskia’s back stiffened and she stopped moving, blinking in confusion. _That voice…Am I hearing things?_ Levi noticed her strange sudden change in demeanor.

“What’s your problem?”

“Hm? Nothing, nothing. I thought I heard…I think the stress is beginning to wear me down. I may rest for the duration of the ride back.”

He flicked her on the forehead. “Don’t lie to me, idiot.”

“I am being serious! I must be overwhelmed.”

“If you say so. Everyone’s getting their shit together. Time to go.”

“Right.” Levi left, thinking she was behind him, but she was standing still, eyes wide. _I must be hallucinating_ , she thought to herself as translucent outlines of Guenther gave a nod of approval, Erd shooed her in his direction, Auruo asked ‘What are you waiting for?’, and Petra smiled before thanking her one more time.

“Oi, Saskia! Unless you want to get left behind, get your ass over here!”

“I am coming, calm down!” she yelled as she caught up to Levi. _If you see a sprightly little red-head please give her my regards._

“Ready to get shat on by angry civilians?”

She sighed. “You know that is my second least favorite part of expeditions.”

* * *

**Wall Rose Eastern Gate, Karanese District, 9:52 AM**

“Aren’t there fewer than there were this morning?”

“Man…Far fewer.”

“Another disaster.”

“Just this morning they left raising a ruckus, but they’re already back?”

“What was the point?”

“Who knows? But judging by the gloomy expressions they managed to waste more of our taxes, if nothing else.”

“Lance Corporal!”

Levi looked up and saw an excited older man approach him.

“My daughter is in your squad. I’m Petra’s father. Before she sees me, I wanted to talk to you. She sent me this letter. She mentioned that you respected her abilities enough to let her join your squad. That she was going to devote herself to you. Well, I guess she’s too starry-eyed to consider how her father feels! Well, as her father, I think it’s too early for her to marry. She’s still so young, with so much to experience…”

“You’re right,” Levi said stoically. “She’s too young.” _I think it’s illegal to marry a corpse._

“Commander Erwin, answer us!”

“Did this expedition learn enough to justify the number of dead?”

“Do you think the dead have no regrets?”

“And the living don’t?” Saskia muttered to herself, squeezing her eyes tight. “What was Erwin thinking?...Perhaps it was a just a misunderstanding of orders given.” _Anything otherwise would imply that…No. I refuse to believe my brother sabotaged that mission. He did all he could to prepare us for what we faced today, but even the Commander can only do so much when we all know so little…If I had only remembered that scream we could have slit her throat! So many lives were lost…And poor Eren no doubt blames himself. The military, the monarchy are going to be furious…_

Eren sobbed in the cart, terrified of what the government had in store for them.

* * *

**???**

“You knew that she would fail, Captain?”

“We wanted her to, so go easy on the kid this time…if you can. You’re sharp Kseniya, worrying about Annie being stationed in Stohess. The plan is for the monarchy to summon Eren and determine his fate. Do you honestly think they’ll let anyone take their precious little shifter away from them? And how do you think he’s going to fight back? Not in human form. But lover boy has figured out far more than we hoped they would’ve uncovered by now. He knows too much about Saskia’s origins, and Erwin sent word that she’s already getting suspicious. I dare you to take a guess at who’s gonna start talking. We still need the last two walls destroyed, and Annie will have the chance to do that if she and Eren go at it again. But in the process…Blood’s going to be spilled in Stohess. Messmann’s blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MESSMANN'S BLOOD?! They're gonna kill Saskia?! But wasn't Annie supposed to make sure not to kill her?! Isn't she important to them?! Or is Mikasa the Oriental they're after?!  
> WTF PEOPLE MAKE UP YOUR MINDS?!  
> JK they know what they're doing. DO YOU?  
> OMG ERWIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!
> 
> The reason I had Levi lie about the badge is because we never see him go retrieve Ivan's and he already had four on him.
> 
> So, did I do a good job of showing Petra do a 180 (that 'redemption' I was talking about)? I wanted to go back to Erd's words of wisdom, and she did question whether or not squealing to Erwin was the right thing to do.


	25. Inferno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mention of suicide/euthanasia
> 
> Implied sexual content
> 
> Think of this as chapter 23.5, a standalone even. There was no way I could fit this in with everything else going on. It needed its own chapter.

**Survey Corps Headquarters, Levi’s Office, July 12 th, 10:30 AM  
**

The mood at the Survey Corps HQ was always tense and volatile after an expedition, especially for those who experienced their first. Many had to be admitted to the infirmary for severe illness as a result of the duress, others because they posed a threat to themselves. One cadet had already committed suicide before they reached the building. Both Sasha and Krista were physically ill, Jean had a raging migraine, and Connie was disassociating. Armin forced himself to be strong for Eren’s and Mikasa’s but it proved fruitless; she had attempted to do the same for the both of them. Reiner forced a poker face to bring some level of reassurance and Ymir stayed at Krista’s bedside. Many expressed surprise that Bertholdt, the most anxious and timid of the group, managed to keep his composure.

Six years ago Saskia and Levi grieved a shared loss but the enemy, the one responsible was already in sight and accessible. A plan was in place to enact revenge for all those who had suffered at the hands of Flagan Darlett. And while Saskia damn near internalized Levi’s pain she hadn’t experienced a direct loss; what’s worse, he didn’t lose one but four to the enemy they hoped to capture. In the six years that she had known him there were only a handful of times she couldn’t read him or anticipate what to expect from him. All she could do was watch and wait at his bedside, hands folded over his stomach as he stared at the ceiling, eyes empty like a lifeless husk. Truth was he didn’t know what to say or think, still in shock by it all, and was waiting on her to initiate.

After well over half an hour of silence she cleared her throat to get his attention, and he lazily rolled his head over to face her. _I don’t even know what to say. I will have to work impromptu. Survey Corps tradition._ “This is one of those few moments where I don’t know what to say. Apologies do not bring back the dead and the last thing you need right now is an expression tantamount to pity. Problem is I don’t know what you want or need right now.”

“…neither do I,” he admitted quietly.

“How is your leg?” After their return the sprain was addressed but the medical staff made sure to tell Saskia to keep an eye on him; sometimes he was no better than her when it came to undermining injury.

“Still attached.”

“So I noticed.” _The biting sarcasm will arrive any moment now._

He slowly sat up. “You do realize there isn’t a damn thing you _can_ do or say right now, don’t you?”

“I’d like to think that after all this time you know me well enough that, at the very least, I would stay with you. At some point I would expect you to talk but…This is one of the few occasions where I dare not force it.”

“At the very least? Then what can you do at most?”

“Whatever you’d like me to do.”

“What if I told you to fuck off?”

She shook her head. “Out of the question. You can ignore my presence if it helps but I’m not going anywhere.”

“Tch. Of course not.”

“Do you truly wish to be alone?”

“I already told you I don’t know what I want!” he snapped and lay back down.

“Before we returned to the walls you said that you would talk.”

“That was then.”

“What changed?”

“Shut up.” He rolled over onto his side facing away from her, careful not to put any excess pressure on his leg.

She sighed. “…perhaps it is in your best interest to be alone for a little while.”

His eyes widened. _What? She…she wouldn’t. Saskia wouldn’t._ He felt a shift in weight distribution behind him and quickly reached out for her arm, forcefully pulling her back down onto the bed. “Sit the fuck back down. That’s an order.”

She was only so surprised by his quick action. Folding her hands in her lap she nodded slowly, even though he couldn’t see her. “If you insist. Fact of the matter is nothing like this has happened before. And I don’t only refer to the objective of the expedition. I really am at a loss…I ended up rather lucky, didn’t I? No squad to lead or anything like that. I didn’t lose anyone close to me. Only once before have I experienced that loss, but when it happened there was at least someone who shared my grief. And the reason for the loss was already being dealt with. Not this time though. I can happily say that I didn’t lose my best friend…” Her voice began to crack. “But none of that makes a difference if I have to see him suffer like this. I feel so useless.” She twirled her thumbs.

“You are,” he said bluntly.

“And you’re right. There isn’t anything I can do.”

 _No, you’re wrong. Don’t think that._ “You could shut up. That would be a nice place to start.”

“You want me to stay but you want me to remain quiet. Alright, I can do that.”

“I don’t fucking care.” _Don’t go. Please don’t go. You’re all I have left._ “Do whatever the hell you want.” _Fight me. Fight for me. Prove you want to stay with me no matter how hard I try to push you away._ “Makes no difference to me.” _Put me in my place. Call me out on my bullshit._

“I think I’ll let you be for a little while and come back later. How does that sound?”

He shrugged. “You know where the door is.” _You always call me out on my bullshit. Why stop now? Of all the times to stop, why now?!_

She hesitated, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. “…Levi?”

“Are you leaving or not?”

“I just want to say one thing before I go. No, I need to say one thing.”

“Tch. With you ‘one thing’ means a fucking conver-”

“I love you.”

He fell silent. He had waited years to hear those words and have the chance to say them back. Despite that he found himself incapable of doing so. He was on the opposite end of the spectrum, retreating back into his shell, caught between his former habit of isolation and current attempts at being as honest with her as possible. But his anger got the better of him, ever if she wasn’t the source. He wanted to punch her so hard that all of her teeth were knocked out and her jaw dislocated. He wanted to strangle her. He wanted to slice her lungs open. Never before had he felt such a strong compulsion to render her silent. Judgment clouded by anger and desperation for catharsis was a dangerous combination and right now. Saskia wasn’t merely irksome, she was a potential threat. He wanted to hurt her, for her to fear him, to instill just as much pain in her as he felt be it physical or emotional, and above all her wanted her to stop caring about him. If she did he would be able to do the same with ease. She had been a constant source of encouragement, an ally, he respected her, she was dedicated and diligent, and no matter what she would always be there for him whether he liked it or not. He hated that she could read him. He hated how she went out of her way to be available for him in times such as this. He hated that he was her top priority. He hated that she cared about him without warrant or reason at that. He hated that the feeling was mutual. He hated that she was all he had left. Slowly he sat up and turned to face her.

“I hate you.”

Saskia was visibly taken aback. She knew he was speaking out of anger and was more than willing to be his verbal punching bag; had he addressed anyone else in such a manner it was unlikely they know how to react to such a statement. And while she knew his anger and hurt were mingling in with his diction a part of her sensed legitimate hatred towards something about her, not she herself. That much she was able to accept but she was unsure of how to respond while still maintaining her role as the shoulder to cry on. If she argued he would argue back. If she agreed he would mock her response.

“If you hate me then why am I still here? Why did you order me to stay? I’m not trying to start an argument, I’m truly curious.”

“When else will I have the chance to tear you down?”

“You’ve been waiting for this moment? Is that it? You had ample opportunity six years. Again, still curious.”

“Maybe. Does it matter?”

“Maybe. You matte-”

“Shut up! For years I’ve had to endure your never ending motivational speeches, your baseless compassion, your altruistic façade, and your fucking concern for my life and my best interest the same way Shitty Glasses treats her fucking pets! You have _no idea_ how much I wish I could kill you where you stand.” His breath was ragged and heavy.

No longer did his words appear to faze her. “Then let me do you a favor.” She stood before him, arms folded behind her back. “Now I’m in a position where all my vital organs are unprotected. Go ahead. Go right the fuck ahead and kill me.” She leaned down so their faces were but centimeters apart. “But before you strangle me, which I’m in the perfect position for you to attempt, I’d like to point out one thing. You can barely tolerate anyone else here and you don’t trust anyone else either. The Survey Corps is all you have now…unless you have a secret double life you’re leading. Somehow you came to tolerate me, probably because you had no choice since we were stuck with each other. And for reasons I don’t think either of us know you fully trust me. Sure, you trust Erwin, but who’s the one you go running to every time you became overwhelmed and upset? Me, which I find quite curious considering ‘you hate me’. If you cave in to your rage, if you kill me, you have no one. You’re completely alone.”

“Who’s to say I’m not already?” he leered. “Admitting this leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth, but you’re right. I can _tolerate_ only you. But I didn’t have a choice after you took me in like a charity because you’re such a fucking saint.”

“If you’re already alone then what are you living for? What’s the fucking point?” she hissed. She surprised both of them with her word choice but refused to show it or back down. She had to corner him if she wanted to have any chance at breaking his resurrected shell and getting through to him, and the harsher the better. Aggressive as it was, it was the only way to get through to him. Fighting fire with fire accomplished nothing, so she resorted to fanning his flames until he exhausted himself.

Levi smirked. “That’s a good question. What is the fucking point?”

“I’m not telling you to off you yourself!” She backed away and shook her head as she began to pace back and forth before him, smacking her forehead over and over again with her lower palm. Fanning the flames was one thing but now she feared she might have poured water on them instead.

“Then you do it,” he said casually. “Put me out of my misery.”

Saskia froze. “What did you just say?” she gasped.

“You’re deranged but aren’t hearing impaired. And since you care so much, since you’re such a fucking saint-” Levi was unable to finish his sentence as Saskia was suddenly kneeling over him and pinning him to the bed. She had one hand on his sternum to hold him down, careful not to exert any pressure, and another on his mouth to silence him.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Say. **ANYTHING**. Like. That. Again!” she yelled in his face. Her entire body was shaking, her lips were trembling, and she was blinking rapidly to keep gravity from stealing the tears pooling in her eyes. Her breathing was loud and unsteady. Moving back she exhaled slowly, removing her hands from him and wrapped her arms across her chest as if trying to hug herself. The thought alone disturbed her more than words could say.

He chuckled lowly as he leaned up, using his elbows behind him for support. “Why not? Can’t bear the guilt? And here I thought you cared,” he mocked. “Since when is my existence your responsibility anyway?”

Eyes narrowing she replied, “Using that same line of reasoning is no different than holding yourself accountable for what happened to your squad.” She was close to cornering him. This was the Levi she had been fighting to pull out from under the weight of blind rage and self-loathing. This was the Levi who was silently begging and pleading for her not to leave.

 _You can do better than that._ “Do you want to know why I hate you?” He straightened his posture, hands on both sides of him and still beneath her from when she pinned him down to the bed. “Tch. That’s a stupid question. Of course you do. You’re a constant distraction. I’m losing sleep trying to meet deadlines. When I’m not losing sleep my bed feels empty. When I am asleep I can’t get you out of my head so every dream becomes a damned nightmare because I have to deal with you. And when I wake up there you are…every fucking morning. I can’t get away from you. Your being everywhere constantly reminds me of the fact that I hate you. I hate your smile, I hate your touch, I hate the way you always smell like vanilla, I hate your intelligence, I hate your strength, I hate your compassion, I hate your integrity, I hate trusting you...” He cast a brief glance in her direction so he could take in the surprised look on her face, then looked away again.

“Above all,” he added quietly, “I hate you because you’re proof that despite the fact that this world, which I once hated, is inhabited by Titans…You’re living proof that natural beauty does exist. I hate you because I can’t hate anything anymore.” He turned to her once more. “How does it feel knowing that you’re the biggest, the only, weakness to Humanity’s Strongest? So much for preserving all that’s left of humanity if you hold me back.” He was mildly sarcastic in his word choice though his monotonous tone suggested otherwise, as she had come to expect.

Saskia shook her head, eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m not. If I’m holding you back like you claim, that’s your own damn fault for succumbing to your feelings. It’s not my responsibility to police your emotional responses. That aside you’ve never been Humanity’s Strongest to me. And you never will be. Whatever you are to everyone else is what you are to everyone else, end of story. So I can’t answer that question, knowing what it feels like. To me you’ve always been Levi. Stupid, stubborn, arrogant, abrasive, passive-aggressive Levi. No more, no less.”

“Tch. Yeah, I’m a keeper. Stupid, stubborn, arrogant, abrasive, passive-aggressive, and my favorite- anyone I get close to dies because of me. Kenny definitely taught me well if I can kill people without even raising a gun-”

“Shut up!” she yelled, smacking him in the face. “You’re lucky, indescribably lucky that all I did was smack you…”

“Am I wrong?” A stinging red handprint blossomed on his cheek. “Am I?!” He aggressively grabbed her collar and pulled her closer. Instinctively her hands landed on his chest to keep from losing her balance, unsnapping some of the buttons in the process.

“Yes! Very fucking wrong!” She started pressing her palms into his bare chest, slowly pushing him back down onto the bed. “Are you the Female Titan?! No! Are you Flagan Darlett?! No! You didn’t dig those six graves Levi!” She grabbed his shoulders and threw him back down, his tight grip still on her collar tearing through the fabric. “You’re giving yourself far too much credit if you think you can take responsibility for the premature termination of those six lives alone!”

It was silent save for the sound of the two of them trying to catch their breath. They found themselves back to where they started, neither knowing what to think or say. All they did was stare each other down while still keeping the other in a firm grasp, tension amplified by not knowing what to expect from the other. But if they remained as they were they might level not only the headquarters but the entire district; as euphoric as the adrenaline rush felt they knew they had to come down from it or nothing would be accomplished.

Saskia took a deep breath. “…is it…somewhat…out of your system now…?...are you…feeling a little better…after that?” she asked softly, unsure of how volatile he might still be. The dangerous look in his eyes told her to tread lightly. What she didn’t realize was that her gaze was just as menacing.

“Barely. I already told you, I’m numb.” Still staring her down, he exhaled deeply. “I don’t feel a God damn thing.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Nothing at all,” he echoed, gaze slowly shifting down to her lips before reestablishing eye contact. Instead of unpredictable they now looked predatory.

“I can change that,” she insisted. “You just have to let me.” _Please let this be the last time he engages in this behavior…Surely there are other ways for him to cope. I’m still here for a reason._

“Go ahead and try.” His buried his face in the curve of her neck, closing his eyes as he tried to revel in the frisson her scent should have induced. The slightest hint of vanilla once drove him insane. Now he wasn’t even remotely provoked. “I just want to feel something, anything right now,” he murmured against her skin. “Even if it hurts. I’d rather be dead than feel dead.”

She leaned down and kissed the base of his throat, a subtle apology for the way she held him down earlier. “I think you and I have the most bipolar relationship in the history of human interaction.”

He fought a bitter laugh as his head hit the pillow. “Exactly what the hell do we have?”

“I don’t know. Maybe there isn’t a word for it.” She removed his hands from her clothes to prevent further damage, but a small part of her felt that the effort would prove futile soon enough. “Quite honestly I couldn’t care less about a label. My best friend, my best friend with benefits, my lover…I’m having difficulty distinguishing between them now. I doubt there is a difference. So long as I can have a sliver of you. That’s enough for me.”

He furrowed his brow. “That’s not good enough for me. I can’t settle for a sliver of you. I refuse to settle for second best. I refuse to settle at all.” A hand slipped around her back and traveled upward underneath her shirt, the light brushing of his fingertips over her skin sending a shiver down her spine. He stopped just shy of her bra. He raised his head so they were cheek to cheek, his lips right by her ear. “Either you’re mine…or you’re nothing,” he growled, low and guttural. His nails dug into her skin.

Her lips descended to his neck once more.“If you’re asking me to choose, you already know my answer.” She steadily worked her way upwards, deliberately exploiting his notorious impatience with a series of gentle kisses.

Levi separated the tiny pieces of metal that held the fabric together. “I wasn’t asking.”

She couldn’t recall exactly when as she was too busy trying to cling to consciousness that was slowly being eaten away at by a haze of desire, but at some point in between the desperate gasps for air, the tearful embraces, and animalistic growls she heard him whisper, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ship has set sail! Unfortunately it's a rowboat in a hurricane.
> 
> I've written and rewritten this scene, this moment we've all been waiting for with bated breath, well over ten (maybe even fifteen) times. No matter what I didn't like how it turned out. This is a blend of what I thought were the best parts of each different rendition. Don't be surprised if I come back and edit it.
> 
> OHEMGEE who am I kidding this is terrible. *hides under a box*


	26. Living Nightmare

**Survey Corps Headquarters, Hanji’s Office, July 12 th, 12:29 PM**

Having been kicked out when trying to find the records of Luzia Messmann’s deceased child pursuing further was dangerous as Moblit would be recognized. Had someone else gone in to request the records with or without having looked at the 822 census even more suspicion would be aroused towards the Survey Corps as a whole. As much as they wanted to dig deeper into the mystery that was Luzia’s fiancé, and possibly Saskia’s father, there was nothing more they could do at the current. With the expedition over Hanji thought it best to tell Saskia what they were doing; better to find out now before the political skirmish they were caught in escalated. Levi was still greatly opposed to making any connections between her and Kenny, but it was clear that his emotions were getting the better of him.

“There isn’t a damn thing we could tell her without having to elaborate further.” Levi stood at the window, making mental note of gray clouds off in the distance rolling in their direction. “If we tell her that her parents never served she would want to know why we looked into it in the first place. And why did we do that? Because she could have Oriental blood. If she has Oriental blood she’s…valuable.” He shuddered at the use of the word, both its denotations and connotations. “I’ve already told her that Isamu and Kenny have worked together in the past. Kenny’s men were the ones who went after Mikasa’s mother and the girl herself."

“There is no perfect time to tell her.” Hanji took off her glasses and face planted onto the desk. “Not something like this.” She looked up at him. “The situation with Eren and the monarchy is only going to get worse. I also think she has every right to know that she’s been lied to. If we could locate Luzia Messmann and find out if she’s Saskia’s mother that would be fantastic. But even if we can’t, even she isn’t, Saskia still has every right to know that she’s been lied to about her parentage.”

“What disturbs most about this entire mess is the fact that, despite knowing as much as I do, I have no idea what to do with that information. I have all these puzzle pieces but I don’t know how to put them together. She already knows I’m keeping something from her. She didn’t badger me for answers, surprisingly.”

“She probably trusted that, if you are keeping something to yourself, you have good reason. There’s a difference between keeping something from her and keeping something to yourself, after all.”

“I don’t know what she thinks I’m doing. All she said was she knew that I ‘wasn’t telling her something’. Whether she thinks I’m keeping something from her or keeping something to myself, I have no idea.”

“Do you even know what you’re doing Levi?” she asked quietly.

“…that’s a good question. I am certain that Saskia is caught in the middle of something. The census records and behavior of the receptionist at the bureau confirmed. I just wish I knew what that something was.” _The Living Weapon that Isamu wanted…Why do I remember that conversation so well? I don’t even remember how old I was. Five, six, seven…Something within that range. What else did he and Kenny talk about? There was something else. Something significant. Something I feel I should already know._

* * *

**Survey Corps Headquarters, First Year Cadet Male Dorms, 12:31 PM**

“Eren, I promise that they won’t take you. Your friends from the 104th Trainee Squad are here. Though he would never admit it you are one of the few cadets Levi can bring himself to tolerate. That’s truly saying something. I want you to believe me when I say I know how you feel. I have never shared this with anyone other than Levi, Erwin, Mike, or Hanji…but the reason that I always felt responsible for everyone’s safety, that it was my duty to ensure everyone returned alive, that I had to be as strong as possible was because of how I was raised. And if I made a ‘mistake’, a word which Shardis had a very broad definition for, I was punished. Synonymous to child abuse. I have many scars covering my body, approximately one-third of which I have received in outside the walls. I was terrified of making the wrong decision because of what Shardis might do to me. I had been conditioned to believe that if I made the wrong decision every causality, injury, even supplies we were low on…That was my fault. Something I had to learn, something Levi damn near screamed at me time and time again, is that I cannot hold myself accountable for things I have no control over. And that was a situation over which not only you lacked control, it was a situation where none of us had control. Not even the Female Titan.”

After returning Eren refused to leave the dorms. Mikasa tried to drag him to the mess hall to eat lunch but he refused. Saskia anticipated that he would hold himself accountable for what happened and having plenty of experience with operating under a similar mindset, she hoped that she could ease his woes a little. Eren was no different than Levi earlier that morning, unresponsive and disconnected.

“He’s been like this since we came back,” Mikasa said quietly, brushing his hair out of his face. He didn’t acknowledge her familiar touch. “I don’t know if he heard you. I don’t even know if he’s listening.”

Saskia nodded slowly. “It can’t be forced. He will come back to us eventually. Just don’t push. Guide. If that makes any sense.”

Mikasa squeezed his hand tightly, clutching it to her chest. “They won’t take him. They can try…but they’ll have to go through me first.”

“I understand that you are protective of Eren, but don’t forget that you aren’t the only one working to protect him. He isn’t alone in this. Neither are you. I noticed something about the 104th graduates, something I have never seen before with new recruits. The lot of you, having experienced the fall of Maria and the Battle for Trost together, have already forged very strong bonds as friends _and_ as soldiers. You know each other’s philosophies and ideologies, life stories and history -some of which you created together-…That will prove to be greatly beneficial to you, no different than understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses in combat.”

Mikasa nodded slowly. “Thank you General, for your assistance.”

“You know you can call me Saskia.”

“You’ve known the Lance Corporal since he was a cadet, correct?  Why are you so close to him?”

She blinked in surprise, for a brief moment questioning if her sense of hearing was starting to deteriorate. “Why am I close to him? What do you mean by ‘close’?”

“You don’t go around abusing your authority. You don’t enjoy barking orders or giving punishment for the slightest infraction.”

“Mikasa, if that’s what you think of Levi, please do remain mindful of the fact that you have not been here for very long. A great deal of what you may have overheard about him…rumors, simple as that. One negative experience with Levi and suddenly he’s evil. If that were so he and I would always be butting heads. Intensely and consistently. Remember, assaulting Eren was my idea.”

“He didn’t question you,” she grunted.

“We had to think on our feet. He didn’t eagerly jump out there. He knew it had to be done to save Eren’s life.”

“You must have known him for a very long time then.”

“Only six years. It’s a long story and not mine to tell. We didn’t get along at first. We would get into fights all the time, verbally and physically.”

“You won most, right?” She looked slightly hopeful.

“We’re evenly matched. Why are you so curious about Levi and I?”

“I find it strange that someone as kind as you can be so close and affectionate with someone so…aggressive as him.” _Eren started that stupid betting pool for a reason._

“I suppose it is strange…” Saskia smiled softly. “But I think that’s what makes a friendship, or any relationship, so beautiful. The inexplicable. The way things fell into place. You were living with Eren for only a year before Maria fell, correct? Were you already very close then?” Mikasa nodded. “Levi and I were no different. Granted we are still very prone to getting into fights and arguments, explosive ones at that. But if we didn’t…Can you really claim to have a close bond with someone if you don’t experience such trials together? How boring would that be? If there’s one thing I’ve truly come to love about my time with Levi it’s that no matter how intense our arguments or fights may be I always know that the storm will pass and we can move on amicable as ever. What is it about him that you dislike so much? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“He left a terrible first impression,” Mikasa replied with a slight glare.

Saskia chuckled. “He’s not one for ‘good’ first impressions, that much is true. But he certainly does leave an impression. He is very polarizing and he won’t deny it. He doesn’t allow the opinions of others to faze his self-image. If you or Eren need me, you know where to find me. Make sure he eats. That’s an order, Cadet Ackermann.”

“Yes General.”

When Saskia returned to her office she found Levi inside reclining on her couch, pretending to be obedient when she told him to keep pressure off of his leg.

“What brings you here?” Her eyes were fixated on his injury.

“Do I need an excuse to see you?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“You’re supposed to be off your feet-” Her nose twitched and she noticed a mug on her desk. Panic Tea. She had a feeling it had nothing to do with the thunderstorm about to hit. She sat at her desk and emptied the mug of its contents while he silently waited for her to finish, trying to think of the best way to start the conversation.

 _No perfect timing, no perfect way to word it._ “Shardis lied to you about your parents.”

She folded her arms over her lap, slightly slouched over. “…I know,” she said quietly. He was about to sit up but she gave him a warning glare and he refrained. “He never told me anything about them. No names, no combat history, nothing. I wanted to know more about the people whom he held in high enough esteem to ‘raise’ their child. I looked into our archives a few years ago, before I met you, and found no other soldier with the surname ‘Messmann’. My record didn’t include any information on immediate family members. I continued to play along…partially because I didn’t want him to know that I had found out, but mostly because I didn’t want to know why. Or how. Or what it means.”

“You’re going to hear everything I have to say whether you like it or not. No interrupting until I’m done.” She nodded and he took a deep breath. “I made Hanji look into the archives and, like you, she didn’t find anything. I told her to look into public census records. She sent her boy toy to do it since it was less likely that he would be recognized as a member of the Survey Co- close your mouth, I told you not to interrupt. Sending him was a surprisingly good idea on her part because the kid has a photographic memory and is a good artist. He was able to draw up copies of what he found and the little shit struck gold over in Sina. From the 822 census he found a woman named Luzia Messmann, a native of Shiganshina now living in Stohess. Her marital status was ‘engaged’ which wouldn’t have been important unless they had a child together. According to the document she had a daughter. The name had been blacked out except for the initials, ‘S’ and ‘M’. The kid’s birthday was February 25th, 822. She was listed as deceased. Luzia’s fiancé’s name wasn’t listed. When Moblit asked to see the birth and death certificate for the infant he was kicked out. The reason I started looking into this is because I noticed something about you after _she_ joined. Once I saw her face, and tried not to vomit, I noticed you had similar traits. The only reason I could think of omitting her fiancé’s name would be if he were Oriental. It’s too risky with the slave trade.” He hesitated which she took as a sign to brace herself. “The way conditioned you to be the ‘perfect soldier’ was very meticulous. Like Shardis knew what he was doing. Like he had a particular expectation, a concrete idea of what the ‘perfect soldier’ meant. Highly reminiscent of the stereotype about Orientals. How or why you came here, I don’t know. Bottom line, I’m convinced you’re part Oriental. Whether or not Isamu knows about you or your father, I couldn’t say. But I think you were brought here to be molded into perfect soldier. _Someone_ familiar with that stereotype brought you here for that reason. Shardis could’ve sought you out himself. Maybe Luzia sold you to the highest bidder.”

She leaned back in her chair, slowly trying to digest his words. It was a lot to take in at once. “When did you start looking into this?” she asked quietly.

“Not long after we came back from the old headquarters.”

“Why did you wait until now to tell me?” Her tone shifted from confused to mildly annoyed.

“Because if someone wanted to make the ‘perfect soldier’ out of you it’s possible Isamu could be directly connected. He wanted to make something called the Living Weapon. Sounds a lot like what Shardis subjected you to, doesn’t it? And if Isamu is directly connected then Kenny could be too. His men were the ones who tried to take Mikasa’s mother and almost took her, no doubt with the intention of selling them off to the highest bidder. But instead of selling a female with Oriental blood to some creepy old fuck with a fetish for little girls, you ended up here. That’s what I don’t understand.”

Difficult as it was to view any of this new information from a logical perspective he brought up a very valid point, and she forced herself into the most objective mindset she was capable of at the moment. “You’re referring to the stereotype that Oriental men are inherently powerful, while women are beautiful and…”

“Born with the ability to make a guy cum just by batting her eyelashes.”

 _Both a killing machine and a sex object. Thank you, Levi. Very helpful._ “That’s certainly one way of phrasing it.”

He furrowed his brow. “You’re taking this oddly well. Too well.”

“You were afraid that Shardis’ attempt at conditioning me into this ‘Living Weapon’ would cause me to go ballistic.” She pointed at the empty mug. “Hence the Panic Tea. Considering everything that we have had to endure over the last month or so I think I’m still in the process of taking in the fact that it’s possible for humans to create a Titan form and control it.” She chuckled. “I can see it now, everything hitting me all at once. That’s going to be lovely.” She wrapped her arms around herself, bracing herself for the impending storm. “I’m not angry. I am glad that you told me. And I understand your hesitation for doing so. Shardis aside it implies a connection between Kenny and myself, and that’s not something which would bode well with you…to put it nicely. But from now on what you know, I know. That is non-negotiable.”

“Of course.”

A fork of lightning cut through the sky and the thunder began to rattle her windows. She quickly rose to close them, inhaling deeply through her nose immediately after. She felt something tugging at one of her straps and looked over her shoulder. Levi had hooked his finger into the strap that ran diagonally down the back of her leg, slips curving into the faintest smile when he noticed it was twisted around the back of her knee.

“Tch. You still can’t put them on correctly? You’re unbelievably hopeless.” He tugged a little harder, beckoning her towards him.

Rolling her eyes at his mildly adorable childish behavior she sat next to him and he immediately dropped his head onto her lap. “But that’s what I have you for, right?”

“Shut up. Pillows don’t talk.” He closed his eyes.

“Pillows? Levi, you’re not going to-?...Little jerk just fell asleep on me,” she deadpanned. “At least he’s off his feet.” She folded her arms over his chest and leaned down to kiss him on the nose. “Amazing how harmless he looks when he’s asleep.”

_Thwack!_

“Pillows. Don’t. Talk,” he grumbled, flicking her on the forehead.

“You need to be nicer to your girlfriend,” she scolded.

“Tch. You need to obey your boyfriend, who is conveniently your superior officer.”

“Abuse of authority.”

“Don’t care,” he yawned.

“I understand you’re exhausted but wouldn’t you be more comfortable on a bed?”

“That would require moving and I’m supposed to stay off my feet, remember?”

Her lips curved into a thin line. “…well played. Fine, but I’m only allowing it because you look so cute when you sleep.”

“You watch me when I sleep? That’s fucking creepy.” He peeked an eye open. “You gonna be alright?”

She glanced at the window. “It’s just water. Nothing to be afraid of. Now get some sleep.” _  
_

“You better be here when up,” he muttered, turning his head so he was facing the couch.

“And why wouldn’t I be?”

“Hell if I know.” His voice began trailing off. “Just…be here…That’s an order…” It wasn’t long before Levi fell asleep, still positioned with his head on her lap.

As peaceful as he appeared she knew the real reason he wanted her to be there when he awoke from the inevitable nightmares that would plague him for months to come. Much to her surprise no one came to her office, granting him roughly four hours of a restless sleep. She could feel his pulse escalate and he broke into a cold sweat, all the while she spoke to him softly recounting some of her favorite memories they shared. When he awoke he was startled, extremely alert, and hypersensitive to every sensory stimulus in his immediate environment. He tried to catch his breath, feeling as though some unseen supernatural force was ripping the air right out of his lungs. Jumping slightly when he felt something soft on his forehead, he looked up and saw Saskia dabbing her sleeve on his cool skin to get rid of the sweat.

“I thought about waking you up to end it, but it really won’t make much difference will it?”

“Does it ever?”

“No, I suppose not.” _Again, useless. No…still useless._

“You better not be thinking that you’re completely useless. If you were, I wouldn’t be here. Dumbass…” He flicked her on the forehead again. “Tch. You’re quick to worry over nothing. Have I ever told you that?”

“Only a handful of times.” _  
_

“Do me a favor and commit it to memory.”

“What do you think is going to happen now?” She reclined back into the arm of the couch and he hoisted himself up, leaning into her chest. As her chin dropped to his head, now her turn to use him as a pillow, she rolled her eyes when she realized where his head conveniently landed.

 _There is a God after all…_ He nestled into her chest, devious smirk on his face. “Seeing as the Military Police enjoys sucking the monarchy’s dick more than doing their job, though they could be the same thing, they’re more likely to take their side on any matter. That includes the verbal diarrhea pouring out of Nile Dawk’s mouth at the trial. I see one of four things happening should they get their way. The Military Police execute Eren, the monarchy publicly executes Eren, the Military Police execute Eren and the Survey Corps officers who were summoned, or the monarchy publicly executes Eren and the Survey Corps officers who were summoned.”

“Myself…You…Erwin.”

“Sounds likes a gay old time, doesn’t it? Your turn. What shitshow do you anticipate?”

She unconsciously tightened her grip on him. “No one touches the Survey Corps and no one comes anywhere near my cadets. **No one**. They are my responsibility and the Survey Corps is the only home I’ve ever known. And what happened to me as a child, as a young adult, that was part of someone’s agenda. It had nothing to do with the Survey Corps itself. There’s also the terrible reputation it holds. Strange as it sounds I enjoy knowing from first-hand experience that the rumors about us, they’re exaggerations, misconceptions, or completely inaccurate. Sort of like…an inside joke meant just for me.”

“…you’re weird.”

“When I was very young I used to think this building was a castle and because I was given special treatment, not referring to Shardis’ conditioning of course, I thought I was a princess. I had been legally adopted by the Commander, and that intimidated some people. I remember once when-”

“Wait.” He sat up and carefully moved his legs over the edge of the couch, wincing slightly. Turning at the waist to face her he repeated himself and put up a hand to silence her. “Wait. Shut up with the reminiscing for a minute. Were you… _legally_ adopted?”

“We don’t know, remember? You said so yourself. You don’t know how I ended up here.”

“If you were legally adopted, closed adoption or not, there would be some sort of documentation. Unlike the census records it’s not available to the public. Only Shardis and the biological parents would have copies.”

“There’s also the fact that the department refused to disclose my- I mean the birth and death certificate of Luzia Messmann’s daughter. There might not be any adoption records if the child is legally dead.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s the case. Hanji was right when she said it’s unusual for a child to have their mother’s last name if a father is listed, regardless of marital status. The name scribbled out was long enough to have been ‘Messmann’ and the first initial was ‘M’. But that might not have been the child’s birth name. The name on the birth certificate is likely to be the same as the father. The census record listed the child as three days old and deceased. With me so far?”

“The birth name would be that of the father and reflected on the birth certificate. The last name was legally changed before death, explaining why it might read ‘Messmann’ on the census record. That means it was her legal name when she died.”

He nodded. “This is where it becomes messy. If that child is you then the death certificate is obviously a forgery. If the child’s name was legally changed from the father’s name to the mother’s before death, it would be reflected on the census record. And the death certificate would list the new name. But it would be kept with the birth name because the documents revolve around the same person. The information on an individual is kept together in one file.”

“In other words…The reason Moblit was denied access to the birth and death certificate is because the birth name wouldn’t match that on the census record, nor the death certificate.”

“The name change wasn’t just to cover up Oriental blood. It was to cover up the fake death. And after the name was changed the only way someone could tie the two names together is if they had access to the birth certificate and the death certificate. The child’s name was probably scribbled out in case anyone knew Luzia had a daughter because they would expect the name at the time of death to be the father’s last name.”

“…that would mean the father’s last name begins with ‘M’ as well.”

“And if that child is you, whoever wanted you in the Survey Corps clearly has a lot of political influence. Otherwise the government wouldn’t be in possession of a fake death certificate, nor would they go to such great lengths to protect it.”

“OK.” She puckered her lips and inhaled deeply through her mouth. “Assuming all of this is true…Luzia Messmann and an unknown Oriental man are my birth parents. My surname by birth is not ‘Messmann’. I was taken into the Survey Corps to be turned into the ‘perfect soldier’ those of Oriental descent are believed to be capable of. To cover this up a fake death certificate was issued, still listing the birth name. The census record has the name scribbled out except for the initials. The last name also begins with ‘M’. I was given the ‘Messmann’. No one in the Survey Corps questioned this…The other high ranking officers would have known, and the rest wouldn’t because it’s almost impossible to remember the name of every soldier. Somehow my existence was brought to Shardis’ attention and he used his connections to have a death certificate forged."

“This is going to sound outlandish, but to fair you’ve said crazier things. Do you remember when you said that what Flagan was doing could go all the way to the monarchy? And he was in fact working for one of the highest nobles, Lobov? I think that…if you were brought into the Survey Corps to become the ‘perfect soldier’…Shardis wouldn’t always be the Commander. Some sort of trail is being left behind for you to follow. And if I had to guess those involved in human trafficking are behind it. They could influence the monarchy. And if that’s why you were taken into the Survey Corps, that information would have to die with Shardis and all the other high ranking officers at the time of the ‘adoption’.”

“But because Shardis couldn’t be with me forever, whoever is behind it wants me to figure this out. They want me to figure out that I am this Living Weapon that Isamu was hoping to create.”

He fell back into the couch. “Fuck, this really has been a…day. There isn’t a word for it.”

“You know, neither of us ate lunch because you were sleeping.”

“Not hungry. Nauseous, if anything.” He crossed his arms over his chest, grinning out of mirth. “I lost my squad, got a girlfriend, fucked up my leg...in less than half a day. After I publish my autobiography I’ll be so damn rich. Maybe I’ll finally be able to live in Sina like I once hoped-”

She shot him a disapproving glare and lightly punched him in the upper arm. “That’s enough,” she scolded. “You’ll only make yourself feel worse.”

He lazily rolled his eyes in her direction. “What’s one more?”

“If your leg wasn’t injured I would hug tackle you right now.”

“Someday you’ll literally smother me with affection.”

“Maybe. But until then, I’m going to eat.” She jumped to her feet and stretched her arms. “If you want to sleep more, well, my couch is your couch. Same applies to the bed. I’ll bring you back something, alright? And before you ask, yes, I will make you tea when you wake up.”

“Damn right you will.”

 _Translation, ‘thank you Saskia, you’re wonderful._ She tried not to snicker as she made her way down to the mess hall she was surprised to see Armin still down there, hardly having touched his food. After grabbing some food for herself she sat across from him. He tried not to acknowledge her presence.

“I can tell something is on your mind,” she began, taking a careful sip of her warm soup. “Something…frustrating. Perhaps I sound like a doting mother when I say these things to you, but should you find yourself in such a situation-”

“It’s not that,” he replied monotonously, his tone very close to Levi’s. “I want to figure something out, but my feelings are getting in the way. And I don’t feel comfortable sharing everything. Not just yet. But when I can, I will.”

She nodded. “Understandable. Be sure to remain conscientious of the fact that as a soldier you have an obligation to share information if it pertains to our work, regardless of your personal feelings.”

“Yes, I know.” He lazily stirred his soup, now cold. “General, if you were in my position what would you do?”

“I have been in your position once before. I was given an order but I couldn’t follow it. I followed my intuition instead. However, the difference between my experience and yours is that my objective was very specific and in my eyes…wrong. I don’t know what’s tumbling around in that brilliant mind of yours but this is my advice to you. Do not let your emotions cloud your judgment. Consider the facts as objectively as you possibly can and after doing so let your intuition guide you from there. Some think they’re the same, feelings and intuition. Not so. Emotions are colored by past experience, preconceived notions, personal philosophies, and attachments. Intuition pays no mind to any of that. That ‘gut feeling’ you have…Listen to it. It’s there for a reason.”

“OK. I’ll use that approach and see if it helps.”

“It will,” she replied confidently. “Don’t mistake my words as arrogance. It’s a reflection of the faith I have in you. During the open terrain training I said that there is space for emotions outside the walls. But I also said those emotions are a direct result of the bonds you share with your comrades. It’s also a test of character. Exactly how much will you allow your feelings to influence your decision making, especially in such dangerous territory?” She noticed Armin still hadn’t touched his soup and switched their bowls, having grown used to the taste of cold and stale food courtesy of Shardis’ punishments. “But the walls can be just as dangerous as the great expanse beyond, waiting for us. Your character is always being tested. It’s par for the course in the military, as you saw when one of the cadets…took his own life before we returned to headquarters. Eat. That’s an order.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Remember when I told you about our history? What was the first name of the Survey Corps, when it was still a lose affiliation of anarchist separatists who envision a world for the people, by the people?”

“The Scouting Legion.”

“Why?”

“They took it upon themselves assemble a formal military branch which scouted the land outside the walls.”

“And the name after that?”

“The Recon Corps. Short for Reconnaissance.”

“Why?”

“The new objective was to begin the assault on the Titans. To begin the fight for the world outside.”

“And now? Why the Survey Corps?”

“A combination of the two. Because we have a better understanding of Titans and enhanced weaponry it’s easier for us to go out and fight them even farther from the walls than the Scouting Legion could reach and the Recon Corps’ ability to fight back.”

She nodded. “The reason I ask this is because, as I said, you are one of the few. The majority want to stay within the ‘safety’ of the walls. There is no room for such a mindset in the Survey Corps. We want to break down the walls as well but our motivation for doing so is drastically different than that of the Armored and Colossal Titans. Perhaps even the female. We want to destroy all Titans and take back the world which rightfully belongs to us. If there are no Titans there is no need for the walls. So if you have any sort of idea, even pithy postulation, share it. Our knowledge will always be limited but our actions stem from what we do with that knowledge. And the more we act the more we learn. Risky as it may sound, if we cannot bring ourselves to take risks what right to we have to hold onto any hope for survival? When you’re done eating I want you to go see the Commander right away and discuss your thoughts with him. That’s an order,” she said firmly.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. I knew you of all people would understand. You might not be the strongest in body but you are damn near unrivaled in mind.”

 _I wish I wasn’t…Then I wouldn’t suspect Annie…_ “Thank you General.”

“Of course.” She finished her meal, put away her tray, and grabbed another to bring to Levi. After she left Armin did as told but a new idea began nagging at him.

 _Someone incapable of sacrificing everything, even their humanity, can accomplish nothing._ He watched her depart. _But she sees it differently. She believes that holding onto our humanity is what allows us to survive. The Commander would sacrifice his men without hesitation if it meant completing his goals. The General ensures all are prepared to avoid as many causalities as possible. He uses action determined in the moment, she uses knowledge implemented in the moment. Is his approach the reason we failed to properly identify the Female Titan? Risks riding on hope as an absolute, or any means necessary no matter how great the potential cost?_ He bit his lip and then continued to eat. _I doubt there is one right approach. Both of their methods have worked in the past. Still, I wonder how different things would have been if she were in the charge._

* * *

**Old Survey Corps Headquarters, Mess Hall, 6:23 PM**

As promised Saskia made Levi’s tea after he awoke but he wasn’t able to enjoy it in her office. Erwin gave a direct order to both of them to smuggle Eren to the old headquarters and supervise him.  He gave no reason but promised to reconvene with them as soon as possible.  They had been waiting for roughly two hours. Both males were seated at one of the tables while Saskia kept going back and forth to replenish Levi’s drink in effort to ward off his growing frustration and impatience. Eren couldn’t help but wonder if the tides had turned in the betting pool as he watched the two.

Come dinner time the three ate in silence and Erwin still had yet to arrive. Out of habit Levi almost rose to pace back and forth, tired of sitting still for so long, but Saskia pushed down on his shoulders to keep him in place.

“Don’t even think about it,” she warned.

“Tch. Stop babying me, woman.”

“I will tie you this chair if I have to,” she hissed.

He looked over his shoulder at her so Eren couldn’t see the grin on his. ‘That’s incentive’ he mouthed out and she flicked him on the forehead. Normally they would never act so casually around a subordinate but Eren had already been exposed to their ‘other selves’ when outside the walls, making him the exception. It served as inspiration for the betting pool, which now not only entailed how long it would take but who would be the initiator. Only two or three placed money on an already established secret relationship but determining the initiator bordered on the impossible.

“They’re late,” Levi griped. “Erwin and his men are keeping us waiting.”

Saskia leaned back against the cold stone wall facing the table Eren and Levi were seated at. “At this rate the MP escorts will arrive before them.”

“He’s probably constipated and having a rough day,” he reasoned.

As Saskia pressed a fist against her mouth to stifle laughter Eren, anxious the entire time, broke into a smile. “You’re talking a lot today, Heichou.”

“Don’t be stupid. I always talk a lot,” he said casually, finishing his tea. “Oi, woman. Make yourself useful and get me some more. This time in a _clean_ mug.”

Eyes flat and arms crossed over her chest she said, “Do I look like a serving wench? I’m by no means obligated to listen to you.”

“Tch. I’m your superior officer. Do as I say.”

“Absolutely not. That’s abuse of authority.” Her expression softened when heard the familiar clicking of his tongue as he reached for his injured leg, trying not to grimace. He wasn’t faking it but even if he had she couldn’t resist after seeing that. “I’ll be back soon.” She retrieved the empty mug to make another cup.

“You had better,” he called over to her.

Silence fell over the room once more but Eren was quick to break it before it overwhelmed the atmosphere. “I’m sorry. Back then, if I hadn’t made the wrong choice…” His already balled fists tightened. “This never would’ve happened.”

“I told you…” Levi began in a strangely quiet tone. The memories were still all too fresh; the easiest way to mask his pain in conversation was to appear stoic as usual, but disconnected as well as though the subject were inconsequential. He found the best way to do so was to speak quietly appearing uninterested. “No one ever knows how things will turn out.” Either he was a psychological masochist or his mind had a mind of its own, as the images of Isabel’s severed head and Farlan’s mangled form flashed through his mind.

Though she was within Eren’s line of sight he still didn’t see Saskia arrive. Overhearing part of the conversation, she set the tea down and rested her palms on the edge of the table facing the adolescent. “You cannot be faulted for what you do not know.” Though she held eye contact with Eren her physical closeness to Levi told him that her words were directed at both of them. She knew him well enough to know what was running around in his head.

The door opened and Eren rose, the officers turning to face it. Saskia kept her back towards it, placing minor strain on her neck as she looked over her shoulder.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Not at all, sir,” Eren stammered. He had no idea what was going on or why he had to stay with Levi and Saskia, in the old building at that, but after she shared her conversation with Armin with both her superiors Erwin deemed it best that the impulsive Eren stay out of the conversation. Hence his surprise when he saw the rest of the 104th graduates in the Commander’s presence. “You guys!” he said surprised. “Um…”

“We have identified a person of interest who may be the Female Titan,” Erwin announced. Eren gasped loudly as he added, “This time, we won’t let her escape.” The group gathered at the table, each holding a document drafted that outlined the plan. Saskia stayed on her feet, looking over Levi’s shoulder reading his copy instead.

Erwin spread out a map of Sina. “It will take place in Stohess, on our way to the capitol. “This is our first and last chance. Once we pass that point, Eren will be remanded to the capitol. Our pursuit of those who seek to destroy the walls will become fraught with difficulty. Ultimately, humanity stands to go extinct. We will stake everything on this plan.” Eren nodded. “Here it is.” Erwin began running his finger along the map. “When we pass through Stohess, Eren will act as a decoy, and lead the target into this underground tunnel. If we can get her to the lowest level, given the tunnel’s size and structural integrity, even if the target transforms we can immobilize her. But if she transforms before then…Eren, we’ll need your help.”

“Yes sir. As for the target…Are we sure she is in Stohess?”

 _We stationed her there_. “Yes, our target is a member of the Military Police.”

“The Military Police?”

“It was Armin who arrived at that conclusion. He believes the target also killed the two captured Titans. She may be a former trainee from the 104th, the same as you.”

 _This must be what Armin was struggling with earlier_ , Saskia thought to herself.

Eren’s eyes widened. “W-wait a second…The 104th?” He could barely choke out the words. Process of elimination made it very obvious to whom Erwin was referring to.

“The name of the girl we believe to be the person of interest is-”

“Oi, wait…”

“Annie Leonhardt.”

“Annie’s the Female Titan?” he asked dubiously and shook his head. “Why? Why would you think that Armin?”

“From the start, the Female Titan knew what you looked like. And she reacted to your nickname ‘suicidal bastard’, which only the 104th trainees would know. And the biggest reason is that I believe Annie killed the test subjects, Sawney and Bean.”

“How can you tell?” Eren demanded.

“Only someone very skilled could have done it. And they’d have to use their own Maneuver Gear, which they’re accustomed to.”

“Yeah, wasn’t that why they inspected our Maneuver Gear? But they didn’t find anything on Annie…”

“Annie brought Marco’s Maneuver Gear to the inspection. That’s why she managed to avoid getting caught.”

“Huh? What are you talking about? What does Marco have to do with this?”

“I don’t know.”

Though he already overheard the idea thrown about during their conversation prior, Jean was becoming more and more suspicious of the possibility that Annie was involved in Marco’s death.

“Are you sure it was his?” Eren was starting to lose his temper.

“Yes, I know what I-” 

“Oi, kid,” Levi interrupted. “We get it. Do you have any other evidence?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I think Annie’s face resembles the Female Titan’s,” Mikasa added.

“Huh?” Eren jumped to his feet. “What are you talking about? That isn’t evidence-!”

“So you have no proof but you’ll do it anyway,” Levi said casually. _This’ll be quite the learning experience for a certain General to my left…_

“You have no proof? What? Then why do it? What if it isn’t her?”

“Then we’ll know she’s innocent. That’s all.”

“And then I’ll feel bad for Annie.” Armin slouched his shoulders and shrank back. “However, if we don’t do something, you’ll end up being sacrificed to the people at the capitol!” he reminded.

“You’re crazy to think Annie’s a Titan.”

“Eren, now that you know we suspect her, isn’t it ringing any bells? You fought the Female Titan. Didn’t anything remind you of Annie’s distinctive combat style?”

He did his best to push the memory of the fight aside but the high kick delivered by the Female Titan was not only reminiscent of Annie’s style, it was also the moment right before his capture.

“Mikasa, there are two things I would like to point out to you. First, the Female Titan may bear a resemblance to the person of interest. But we have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not that can be used as a determining factor.” Saskia nodded to Eren. “Take a good look at him. His bone structure, his eye color, everything. Does it from differentiate from his Titan form? Yes, yes it does. Second, if we lack the evidence to prove Annie Leonhardt is at fault then we also lack the evidence to prove her innocence. I hope you are prepared for the consequences of either outcome. The Military Police has a stronger and more amicable relationship with the monarchy than we do. Should Nile Dawk so much as scoff at the idea we lose a large fraction of what little support and credibility we have left.” She flexed her fingers inward, scraping into the wood and gathering a nasty collection of blisters beneath her fingernails. “Above all Eren is not the only one being summoned to the capitol. Three others present in this room are, and the three most powerful in the Survey Corps at that. If anything were to happen to us the Survey Corps would fall apart. What source of protection does Eren have then? That is _not_ only a reference to politics. While I will not refuse to participate in this plan I take great issue with putting my life on the line when I have minor incentive to do so.”

“Eren’s safety isn’t incentive enough?!” She jumped to her feet.

“Of course it is! And I would be more than willing to challenge the monarchy if that’s what it took to protect him! I’m referring to the identification of the Female Titan. I repeat, if we can’t prove her guilt then we cannot prove her innocence. How can we justify taking such an extreme course of action if she is in fact innocent? It also reveals our intent to seek out those responsible for the fall of Maria, for any and every shifter within the walls. Do you honestly think the Female Titan would be working alone? If Annie is guilty we alert the enemy of both our presence and our capability in stopping her. It’s an indirect challenge but we will be prepared for retaliation. If Annie is innocent we alert the enemy of our presence and motive while still unaware of who they are, giving them the upper hand. What was the enemy after? Eren. If we cannot identify the enemy then we may damn well have to place him in solitary confinement here in the headquarters until we not only identify the enemy, the one who poses a threat to Eren’s safety which is clearly a high priority of yours, but eliminate them as well.” She took a deep breath. All save for Erwin and Levi looked slightly startled. She turned to Erwin. “If Annie is innocent, what is our contingency? Or will we continue the Survey Corps tradition of diving in headfirst, impromptu?”

“It was enough to allow us to take Eren into our custody,” he pointed out. _She knows that Luzia lives in Stohess. Perhaps that is where this sudden outburst is stemming from._

“You better not be ranting and raving about that ‘risks and hope’ doctrine of yours. Weren’t you the one who said people can’t be faulted for what they don’t know? If this is all we have, it’s all we have.” _If this is about Luzia, I’m punching that little brat in the face._

“With all due respect Lance Corporal, Commander, the General does bring up some valid points,” Armin said quietly.

“Tch. If you’re gonna defend her outburst then speak the hell up.”

“Yes, of course. Earlier I referred to Marco’s gear. Again, I don’t know why it’s significant but I do know if was his as I recognized some of the damage to it. He and I worked together to try and fix it. While preparing for the expedition I helped with repairing 3DMG because of my experience helping Marco. I like to think that if I can assist in repair work for an expedition, my experience is substantial enough. I accurately identified the gear not only as damaged but Marco’s specifically because of the particular damage it took. What reason would Annie have to use his gear, or anyone else’s gear for that matter, if she had something to hide?”

“She did it. It’s her. It was Annie.” Jean gritted his teeth. “No one saw how he died…And when I found him he didn’t have his gear. She killed him and took it. Or injured him, took it, and a Titan got to him. I don’t know but it doesn’t matter. Annie did it. I’m convinced that bitch did it. Is that enough for you?!”

“…it’s more than before, particularly recognizing the repair work on gear belonging to someone who was found both without and no known cause of death. It also would have been easier to take it from someone she knew, someone who would not suspect her of having the intention to harm or kill them. But all that proves is Annie was in possession of his gear. I’m not suggesting we find hers. That would take up far more time than we have to spare, assuming we have any at all.”

“The Female Titan smiled at me when she lifted my hood. She knew who I was.”

“She could have learned Eren’s nickname through word of mouth. But it’s unlikely she would have recognized you unless she knew you personally.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Levi glanced up at Saskia. “Teenage hormones count as evidence?”

“Did I suggest anything along those lines?” she asked rhetorically. “Just the recognition.”

“Furthermore, I think that deep down Annie is a good person. She could’ve killed me, Jean, and Reiner. She even grabbed Reiner and tried to crush him but he broke free from her grip. It almost looked as though she let him go. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.”

“Tch. She had no issue killing my squad.” 

“I think that’s the point Armin’s making. The Female Titan spared members of the 104th but took no issue with killing those with whom she had no affiliation. Jean, you were present. Did you get the impression that the Female Titan let Reiner go?”

“I was standing on the other side so I didn’t see him break free but…now that you mention it, yeah, her fingers seemed to uncurl right before he got out.”

“I have one more question, in regards to the plan itself. I was summoned to the capitol same as you but…would my abilities not be best utilized if I were to follow Eren? Levi can’t fight and your presence is absolutely mandatory.”

“You want to be present in the event that a skirmish breaks out.”

“I do, Erwin. Is that permissible?”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, July 12 th, 8:29 PM  
**

“Feeling better Annie?” Kseniya dipped a small rag in a bowl of water, wrung it out, and folded it up. She tried to place it on the bed-ridden shifter’s forehead but Annie weakly slapped her hand away.

“Stop acting like you care,” she growled hoarsely.

The brunette sighed and placed the wet rag on Annie’s forehead, smoothing it out. Cool water trickled down her temples. “I do. And though our circumstances for becoming involved with these four are very different, the greatest difference between us is that I follow orders. That’s why you suffer.”

“What’s my offense this time?”

“Oh none, none at all. Merely referring to your history of screwing up. Funny how the one time we hoped you would fail is the time you put the most effort into trying to accomplish the objective given to you.” She propped her elbows on her knees and rested her chin on her folded fists. “We really are lucky, you know. I was just another orphan in the underground until the captain found me. Found my last name interesting and my language skills useful. And you and the other two, Reiner and Bertholdt, would still be veeeeeeery sick if Dr. Jaeger hadn’t given you the injection.  If only Dr. Jaeger hadn’t made that screw up with the injections…We’ve really got our work cut out for us, you know. After his ‘morals’ got in the way of his loyalty and Marco had to be put down, we had to put all our focus on Eren and Historia.”

“What about Mikasa and Saskia?”

“Can’t say,” she shrugged. “Maki-san handles the Oriental business. Pun not intended. I’ll never forget the look on that Survey Corps kid’s face when I kicked him out for requesting those records…They’ll have to try harder than that!”

“And Levi?”

“Not sure what Kenny wants with him. Probably to put him in a time out. I still think it’s hilarious that he was supposed to infiltrate the Survey Corps thanks to one of Kenny’s many underlings. But not only does God damned angel recruit him, she’s his girlfriend!” She carelessly twirled a strand of her dark brown hair. “We had to change up Erwin’s objective since he knew who Levi was and, more importantly, knew Captain Ackermann. Erwin knew too much…just like his father. But unlike his boring old daddy dearest history teacher, he was useful. He was willing.”

 _She’s insane. Everyone is just another plaything for her._ “What’s so special about Orientals?”

Kseniya put a finger to her lips. “Privileged information. You’ll find out soon enough, trust me. Figure of speech, I would never expect you to trust me. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to confirm whether or not the little traitor is still alive. You rest up, alright? Eren and the Survey Corps have already been summoned to the capitol. You have two days until they’re going to execute their plan.”

Annie made a shooing motion towards the door and the brunette rolled her eyes as she rose. “Try not to miss me, maggot,” she taunted as she left the weak shifter to rest. After being defeated by Levi, Annie had been trapped in her Titan form in the Forest of Giant Trees believing she was left for dead. Much to her surprise a rescue operation led by Kseniya of all people was already in place. She didn’t even know that Kseniya had experience fighting Titans that she was able to go outside the walls. Then again, Annie hardly knew anything about her aside from her heritage and that Kenny took her in after finding her in the underground. And that she detested her.

“Krista is actually the illegitimate child of Rod Reiss…Marco was a shifter whose ‘morals’ ended up being his downfall…Eren was accidentally given the coordinate injection…Mikasa is related to Kenny…” She let out of soft groan of pain. “Thinking about all of this is giving me a headache…But why tear down the walls?” She sighed. “Doesn’t matter…All that matters is being able to go home.” She bit her lip. “I just want to go home.”

Out in the hallway Kseniya took a deep breath. The manor she called home doubled as their base of operations, but they had countless spies and assassins stationed throughout smaller bases in both Rose and Sina. The manor belonged to Isamu and provided plenty of space for storing weaponry, rooms for Grisha to use for studying and research, and Kseniya’s favorite- the interrogation room. She giggled with girlish glee at the thought of all the different ways she could ‘convince’ Marco to join them again and ‘punish’ him for leaving in the first place. Assassinations were Kenny’s area of jurisdiction so if the boy was found alive and unwilling to cooperate, he would be the one to deliver a fatal blow.

She folded her arms behind her head and wandered aimlessly down the hall to a large spiral staircase, talking quietly to herself. “I wonder what they would’ve done if Messmann remembered Annie’s scream? Eh, doesn’t matter now. Erwin must’ve been pleasantly surprised to see just what our little Annie is capable of, turning her Titan skin to crystal like that. He did a good job orchestrating everyone’s positions so Annie would fail _and_ the Survey Corps would take such a huge hit. The showdown in Stohess will be so fun!” When she reached the bottom Kenny was waiting at the bottom, a military police uniform folded in his arms..

“Good evening Captain Ackermann.”

“Volkova, I’ll make this quick. Erwin’s plan won’t go into effect until two days from now. But in between now and then we have no idea what might be going on in Stohess. Once Annie returns to her station there…She’s almost as much a flight risk as that kid she failed to kill. Two damn days? We can’t wait that long and our spies in Stohess have all said the same thing- Luzia has been more ‘social’ ever since Eren’s trial. Luzia might try to find her mutt. And since the girl already knows about her mother there’s nothing stopping her from going to Stohess between now and then, not even our guards. Messmann blood will be spilled in Stohess but we can’t wait two days. Forget the shifter kid. Go to Stohess, find Luzia, and ‘remind’ her that she and Keith made a deal.”

“You say Messmann blood will be spilled, Captain. And while Saskia is very valuable Luzia is too.”

“For now. Don’t kill her. Just gently ‘remind’ her that…her visitation privileges were revoked when she gave Saskia to us. Might not have been the original plan to get our hands on her, but it all worked out in the end.”

“Of course it did, considering who all is at the helm of this. Know what I find funny? If the original plan hadn’t fallen apart and the Central Military Police raised little Miss Messmann, she would’ve spent a lot of time around you. And lover boy. It’s almost like they were destined to meet!” she said dramatically, pretending to swoon as she batted her eyelashes. “It’s so precious.”

“If by precious you mean revolting and annoying, I agree. But if she really is as tough as they say I’ll give him credit for having decent taste in women. Now get moving. You’re posing as a member of the Military Police. Don’t forget that headband. At first glance the others will recognize you but it’s dark out. Last thing we need is you being gunned down because someone thinks you’re invading our territory.”

She nodded and took the uniform from him. “Yes sir. And what of Katya’s research, if I may ask?”

“Still nothing. When we know, you’ll know.”

“Yes sir.”

* * *

**Old Survey Corps Headquarters, First Year Cadet Female Dorms, July 13 th, 3:29 AM**

“Ymir, Ymir wake up.” A gentle voice and an even gentler shake of her shoulders snapped her out of her nightmare. She did her best to maintain her composure the beads of sweat running down her face made that almost impossible. She blinked rapidly, eyes adjusting to the low lighting in the room. Krista was standing over her looking worried.

“The hell Krista? Why are you waking me up?” she groaned, slowly lifting her head.

“Because you woke the rest of us up,” Mikasa’s cool but clearly agitated voice replied from the other side of the room.

She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes, surprised to find moisture had collected. _I was…crying? Shit._ “My bad, but don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

“I doubt that,” Sasha piped up. “You were talking pretty loudly in your sleep. It woke up Krista and she woke up the rest of us. You were rambling about the craziest things! A big war, an invasion, lots of snow, something called a ‘Soviet’…The rest was all mummbly and jumbly.”

Krista sat down beside her and took one of her sweaty hands in between her own. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Tch. No.” The taller girl pulled her hand away and flopped back down onto the bed. “Everyone just shut up and go back to sleep. If it happens again _don’t_ wake me up.” _I need to see these things to better understand them_.

“Ymir, I was concerned-”

“Well don’t be. Go get some sleep Krista. We’re gonna need it.”

After the commotion settled down everyone fell back asleep except Ymir. _I was outside of the walls for sixty years before changing back into a human form…But these things I’m seeing never happened then. And there are no Titans either…except myself. What am I seeing?! Was I outside the walls for more than sixty years?!_ She tightly clutched her pillow. _There’s no way in hell I could have existed more than one hundred years ago before the Titans first appeared…That’s impossible._ She shook the thoughts away. _It’s just a stupid nightmare. Doesn’t mean anything. ‘Operation Barbarossa’. What kind of name is that? Just a figment of my imagination…Just a stupid nightmare…_

Far from the headquarters in a dense forested, a Titan completely covered in fur with long arms that almost dragged along the ground smiled.

“The little one is waking up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing Ymir is experiencing is a minor reference to chapter 62. If you haven't read it yet it won't spoil anything for you, but if you have you'll probably pick up on the connection being made.
> 
> So what the shit Ymir? Why are you having dreams about World War II? And why is the Beast Titan talking about you 'waking up'? HOW ARE YOU CONNECTED TO THE BEAST TITAN IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
> 
> And Erwin, dude, for realz, WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
> 
> Messmann blood will be spilled in Stohess. Will Saskia be attacked and kidnapped? Is Luzia in danger now that she's been identified by the Survey Corps? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ba- Twisting the Knife!
> 
> Transcription is from episode 24.


	27. Still Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sibling feels, some Levaskia feels, Kseniya being a bitch, meeting Saskia's mom...Just another quick filler chapter dedicated to what WE ALL KNOW HAPPENED OFF-SCREEN. Levi cried. A lot. Prelude to Annie/Eren fight. Also, also, also...we know what the fuck is up with Erwin. Kinda. We have a better idea. Well you do. I know :p
> 
> Also, awkward Levi is awkward. Feels is not his specialty.

**Old Survey Corps Headquarters, Levi and Saskia’s Bedroom, 7:02 PM**

“I just want to be sure. What if, what if we cannot prove either guilt or innocence and she’s detained? You know what happens to young women in prison…”

“I do, and considering the person in question I don’t give two shits about what happens to her. I want her head on a pike.”

“You’re impossible…First Mikasa, now Annie. Is everyone guilty until proven innocent?!”

“Yes!”

“…this is going nowhere.” Shoulders slumping as she sat on the bed, Saskia kicked off her boots, and tossed her jacket aside. “All I’m taking away from this delightful exchange is a sore throat. And seeing as we can’t keep using the ‘Saskia was told to watch him by the medical staff’ excuse forever either we change the subject and stay mildly frustrated with each other or say our goodnights now and go to bed angry.” She began untying her straps but had minor difficulty because of how miserably tangled they were. “How do I end up like this…? I’m really starting to amaze myself with how often this happens. Yes, I’ve definitely outdone myself this time.”

“Tch. I don’t know if I should be impressed or disappointed.” Levi shoved her hands aside and bent down towards her, one by one untying the straps from the waist up. “Clearly you’re a lost cause.” Condescending as he sounded it was a front for everything he had been suppressing since the expedition’s failure.

“So I’ve been told…I didn’t intend on causing such a stir, truly I did not, but Mikasa was starting to- Levi?” She looked down and saw his hands still holding her straps but no longer untying them. Now they were shaking.

“Do I want to find the person responsible…or am I just desperately looking for someone to blame?” That morning aside, she hadn’t heard him use such a pathetic, sullen tone in six years.

“If you wanted someone to blame you would’ve taken out your anger on Eren. You would not have told him he had nothing to apologize for. Or Erwin for positioning everyone the way he did. Or me for not having been there in typical General Saskia fashion. Or yourself, as the leader of the squad. These stupid straps can wait. Talk to me, as you said you would.”

“What more is there to say?” he choked. “You saw it too. Briefly, but you saw it.”

“I said ‘talk to me’.” She rose to her feet. “But nowhere did I make mention of a stipulation that it must be verbal.” Six years of knowing him did nothing to remove the initial surprise of seeing how timid, skittish, and withdrawn he appeared in moments such as this. He was like a cross between an injured woodland creature and a feral alley cat; if not approached gently and reassuringly he was quick to bring out the claws in self-defense. She started by removing his carefully interwoven fingers from the half-unbuckled strap that ran horizontally along her upper chest. As soon as her warm fingertips barely grazed his cold, pale hands they immediately retracted. She internally cursed for moving too quickly only to find herself pulled into an almost crushing embrace. Arms around her waist, hands locked near the middle of her back, and face buried in the curve of her neck Levi finally began to let out everything he had been holding in since that morning. He cried a little when they exchanged their long overdue confessions after returning from the expedition but that was an overwhelming mess of emotions from across the spectrum. This was unadulterated mourning.

She was slow in her movement to return the embrace and the moment she did she was jerked forward when his hands moved upwards, tightly gripping her shoulders. It was a nonverbal way of saying he was terrified of losing his hold on her in even the slightest or he ran the risk of losing her altogether; any third party observer would see him using all his strength to possessively imprison her while in truth he was mustering what little strength he could to cling to the only person he had left. He hated the feeling of being reliant on another for any sense of security and stability, but that feeling only served as a reminder of how greatly he needed it. It wasn’t a sign of weakness, even if it felt that way, because he knew it took far more courage to show vulnerability and was nowhere near as exhausting as the never-ending act of trying to hide it from the rest of the world.

He had always been a man of few words and actions spoke volumes to him. She could go on and on about how eventually everything was going to be alright somehow, how she was there for him no matter what, how he wasn’t to blame and so on, but she might as well be talking to the walls if she did. He knew why she did it, believing that constantly hearing it was not only a reminder but a source of reassurance and comfort. And it was, but he already knew. Telling him time and time again wouldn’t reinforce the point or make him believe it any more than he already did. They were both aware of the difference between knowing and feeling and while her verbal reminders let him _know_ it, her surprising admission that he didn’t need to resort to verbal expression was what allowed him to **feel** it. She was all he had left, which he could accept as factual the moment the image of his deceased squad members etched itself into his brain. He had thought it to himself numerous times that morning when he demanded she stay with him, but it didn’t transcend the cerebral level. He was incapable of feeling after what he saw, the shock having dulled his senses. Words couldn’t reach him. All day he had been going through the motions, saying and doing what he thought he should if he was actively engaging with the world around him. She didn’t even need to tell him that she loved him, but he did want to opportunity to say it back.

Her way of connecting with other souls and sentient creatures was primarily verbal, complemented by physical gestures. If anything he didn’t want to tell her just so he could finally say it, he wanted to tell her so she could finally hear it. He by no means disbelieved her words but in this suffocating period of emptiness they were lost in the void, nothing more than a string of letters of sounds. Now in recovery mode words scratched the surface. But he needed something tangible, something he could see, something he could physically feel to send a jolt to his core that would fully pull out of his emotionally catatonic state. He had said it was better to be dead than feel dead but to say one ‘feels dead’ while claiming to be ‘numb to the core’ was contradictory. His emotionality didn’t come to a halt nor did it disappear. His ability to feel had been stolen from him, a complete privation that robbed him of a portion of his humanity. In a way he had died on the inside and there were only two ways to bring back the dead- pray for their revival, or break open the coffin and force them out of the grave. Though it was unlike her not to resort to verbal reassurance it was very much in her nature to make sure he was aware that not even death itself could come between them. What she didn’t realize was that in choosing to state words need not be exchanged she was now telling him everything he needed to hear. The resonating of her heartbeat, her unsteady breathing as she tried her damndest not to cry too, and her complete silence were the words he needed from her. And never before had anything sounded so clear.

Now she finally understood what he meant he told her there was nothing she could do or say. There was nothing she could do _for him_ , as the act of mourning was something only he himself could do. There was nothing she could say _to him_ , because there were no words that could offer him anything he didn’t already have. He knew she was there, he knew he could trust her to be there, and he knew she loved him. But her physical presence and verbalization couldn’t prove any of that. Letting him come to her and staying quiet while granting him the time to rid his system of this parasitic depressive state proved it. Countless times in the past she thought in forcing it he would be rid of it sooner, but this usually ended with an argument that she saw as a result of his already aggravated state. That only worked when he did it to her. The method wasn’t universal. The most impatient person she knew needed all the patience she could offer, not a ‘we’ll talk later’ and then start a countdown or nothing would change. She might not have known exactly what was running through his mind at the moment, and as much as she wanted to what he felt was far more important to uncover. He wasn’t only letting her know, he was screaming it at her full-force and out of his own volition at that. It was unprecedented and there were fleeting moments where she considered pinching herself to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

It was made apparent through his eyes. They were once recondite storms, the only storm Saskia could ever find both comforting and beautiful, waiting for someone to brave the elements and find the indulgent passion hidden behind the intimidating power. Now there was no storm, no power, and no mystery. But they weren’t empty either. In fact they had never been more passionate before. The intensity of his own anger frightened him. His leg injury was a minor scratch compared to the damage the image of his dead squad had done to his sanity. All the unknown variables working against them had gone from a challenge accepted to an absolute nightmare. The desire for revenge was overwhelming. And for the first time since joining the Survey Corps he didn’t trust himself not to act upon it. Though doing so was a very normal response to such emotional stimuli he didn’t want to be that person again; he knew himself well enough to know that his former self could easily take advantage of his fragile state and resume control. He was the only one who knew he was dangerously close to that breaking point but the thought had crossed her mind. Her suspicions were confirmed by the embrace as it served not only to revitalize that spark within, the very same spark she saw in him after they first met, but an attempt to warn her that the spark might cause irrational, explosive behavior on his part. Her warmth rekindled the fire inside him but the embrace itself acted as a restraint of sorts, keeping him from nurturing that flame within by channeling the searing wildfires of Hell itself. The wounds were still open and gaping, and the healing process for such a profound evisceration could take years; with the fresh trauma so deeply embedded its novelty was more a threat than anything else.

You never know how much you have until you lose it. You never know what little you have left until you seek it out. For a brief moment he found himself wondering if what he felt for her wasn’t love at all but a need to keep a tight grip on the only person alive who cared about it so intimately.

844

_“Don’t look so damned heartbroken, I’m not calling you repulsive. It’s just different. It’s not you.”  
_

845

_“Believe it or not I’m pretty fond of the person you’ve become. But I don’t just want to know that person and vice versa.”_

846

_“We’ll keep doing what we’ve been doing. I’m not doing anything without you.”  
_

847

_“I wish you weren’t the General. Then I would be able to put you on my squad. And that would be enough.”_

850 _  
_

_“I hate it when you start torturing yourself over things you have no control over.”  
_

_“What more do I have to do to make you understand that you aren’t just blades and a badge?! What more do I have to do to make you realize there’s more to you than being a soldier?! Why do you do this yourself?”  
_

_“And the last thing…that I want for you…is to be with someone who can’t see beyond that.”  
_

Levi was without a doubt a man of very few words. And yet he could bring himself to say all of that and then some to her in order to cater to his audience. The very thing she was doing for him right now, which initially caught him off guard but he wouldn’t dare reject. One thing he would never fail to appreciate was her ability to continue to surprise him no matter how much time had elapsed. He felt a slight twinge of guilt for calling his own feelings into question, especially all the work he put into making them known. He suspected himself guilty of starting to shy away from them for fear of becoming attached to the point of being intertwined only to lose that other half but they had both come too far now for anything less.

He could feel her chest tighten and her breath hitch behind gritted teeth. She was cursing quietly. Somehow able to find his voice despite how raw his throat was he managed to weakly mutter, “If you need to cry, just fucking cry.”

Stubbornly she shook her head. “No. I’m not the one who lost my squad.” She cursed again and sniffled quietly. “I’m not supposed to cry right now. Whenever something happens to me, whenever I’m the one who’s a hot mess you never cry. So, so I told myself I wouldn’t since the roles reversed. So…so just shut up and cry, damn it.”

“You’re such an idiot.” He slowly raised his head until his chin was on her shoulder. “If I keep this up I’ll dehydrate. I…I’m done for now. And my leg is killing me.”

"Off your leg, now," she ordered.

"Yes mother," he sarcastically griped with a soft sniffle

“You sound like you’re feeling better.” Finally able to crack a smile she murmured, “I’m glad. I…I hate seeing you like this.”

“You won’t need to worry about it for much longer.” With extreme reluctance he loosened his grip on her shoulders, hands slowly trailing down on her back. They slid over her hips and traveled from her stomach up her torso.

“Wh-what are you-?”

_Click!_

“Taking care of your straps, obviously. What did you think I was doing?” He shook his head, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand after the final strap came undone. “Tch. Shame on you Saskia. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Get your hands off of my chest.”

“Fine.”

“That doesn’t mean put them on my waist.”

“Then you need to be more specific. What about the rest of your straps?”

“I’ll do it myself. Off your leg. **Now**.”

“Tch. Bossy. Who the hell do you think you are, my superior officer?”

“Even if I still were, you wouldn’t listen to me.” After a good seven minutes or so of struggling to remove the rest of her straps she unbuttoned and slid out of her shirt. Levi, watching the entire time as he took care of his own uniform, couldn’t hide his amusement even if he wanted to. There was a sizable damp spot near the collar of her shirt and Saskia knit her brow, slightly confused by his prior statement upon noticing it. “What did you mean when you said I wouldn’t need to worry about it much longer?” She changed into her sweatpants and sat on what was now her side of the bed, folding her legs beneath her.

He laid his head down in her lap again. After a slight pause he reached up and twirled a strand of her glossy black hair around his finger. “They wouldn’t want that,” he replied quietly.

She remembered the specters she saw on their return to the walls. “I don’t think they would either.”

“Question.” He looked up at her, eyes red and puffy. “Petra told me that the cadets started a betting pool on us. On how long it was going to take.”

“Anyone who put their money on anything other than ‘already established…sort of’ lost. What’s the question?”

“…why me?”

“Would it annoy you if I answer your question with a question?”

“Yes.”

She cupped his cheeks, still moist from earlier, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “How unfortunate. Why not you?”

“Tch. Cop out.”

“I mean it. Why not you? You were afraid that I could have ended up spending the rest of my life with someone who didn’t even know me, only saw a portion of me. The portion that once defined the entirety of my existence, and yet was so empty and void of a true identity. You’re the only person who noticed that. You’re the only person who tried to bring out the real me. And upon doing so…There was clearly something appealing about what you uncovered. And all the while I was afraid of how easy it was for you to pick me apart and reassemble me like that. But in hindsight, I no longer see it that way for the very same reasons you found my concerns baseless. It all came from me, ultimately. And as scared as I was, there was something very alluring about the idea that there was another person inside of me, an authentic individual. If what I said before about lonely people gravitating towards each other is true, then there was no stopping it. You tried to pull me out, I let myself be pulled by you. It was my choice. You came to me just the same as I did you, courtesy of that gravitational force brewing between us until the inevitable head-on collision we experienced this morning. What say did I have in the matter? And…”

She leaned down and kissed his forehead again, this time keeping her face a few inches above his. A thumb stroking his cheek bone she continued. “And had I not, had I fought it, I can’t say I would regret it. But the only reason I can say that is because I would still be trapped within the pseudo-safety of my isolation…no different than the pseudo-safety of the walls. I would equate my pain with security. I wouldn’t even recognize it as pain. If that pseudo-safety in isolation is analogous to the pseudo-safety of the walls then you, every dimension and facet that totals up the man I fell in love with, is analogous to the freedom and the outside world I’ve dedicated my life to fighting for. Which is funny, in a way, considering that without your intervention I wouldn’t know the meaning of the word ‘freedom’ and I certainly wouldn’t be as dedicated to fighting for the outside world as I am now. The world beyond the walls wouldn’t simply be an object to retrieve, nor something damn near mythical thanks to the old books I’ve found. It’s no longer something I want for humanity as a whole. I want it for myself too. And if, to continue the analogy, you’re the equivalent of the outside world I now want for myself…Then there is nothing in all of existence that I want more than you.” She planted a third kiss, now on the lips, before raising her head and sitting up straight. “Was that a sufficient answer to your question?”

“Didn’t have to be so damn long. But…yeah, sure.”

“Are…you…getting a little flustered?”

“No.”

“If I asked you the same question would you be able to answer it without stumbling over your words?”

“Goodnight.”

“That’s fine. I don’t need an answer to the question. Knowing it is enough. Words aren’t your forte…You’re much better at showing it. Want to know a wonderful way you could show it? Get off me.”

“Bossy.” He lazily rolled over to what was now his side of the bed.

“Says the one who enjoys abusing his authority,” she scoffed as she got under the covers.

“Tch. At least I _have_ authority to abuse,” he smirked.

As much as it pained her to resist retorting it was nearing quarter to ten. “You hush and go to sleep.”

His smirk quickly faded. “I make no promises.”

“I expected as much, and that’s perfectly understandable. I can stay up with you until you do fall asleep. And if you awaken from a nightmare, then wake me up.”

“That’s a promise I will make. But only for tonight. We’re still on the offensive…I can only remain on the sidelines for so long.”

“We’re always on the offensive. Sometimes it isn’t as noticeable because…it’s personal. In a world like this, one where Titans have tried to claim everything that’s rightfully ours…we were born on the offensive. It’s all a matter of…” She yawned and her eyes began to flicker shut. “…whether or not you’re willing to break your restraints…and take up arms…” She was about to nestle into her pillow but found herself snuggling against warm bare skin as Levi pulled her against his chest, arms around her waist.

* * *

**Wall Sina, Stohess District, Residential Ward, 9:03 PM  
**

“Evening, Luzia. How’s things?” After picking the locked door Kseniya let herself into Luzia Messmann’s home. She was still awake, very anxious as of late and made minimal effort to hide it. The brunette pulled out a chair at her kitchen table and laced her fingers together, resting her elbows on the high-quality furniture. “Never mind, let’s skip the bullshit. You know why I’m here, don’t you? Of course you do. You might be stupid enough to damn near violate your contract but you’re smart enough to know that we’ve figured it out. Have you forgotten all the underlings we have stationed throughout the walls?” Kseniya motioned to the other end of the table. “Come on, don’t be shy. We’re both adults, right? And adults have civil conversations.”

Reluctantly she complied. Saskia, excluding her Oriental facial features and smaller stature, was damn near the spitting image of Luzia Messmann. She had sleek back hair that settled upon her shoulders and vibrant, forest green eyes. She was a little shorter than Kseniya, though the difference was hardly noticeable, and a naturally muscular frame hidden beneath layers of feminine clothing only the wealthy class of Sina could enjoy.

“You’re so quiet. Something to hide?” Kseniya cocked her head to the side. “You’ve been out and about quite recently, haven’t you? Why? Why now? You’ve had plenty of opportunities to try and violate that contract before. Why now?” She took off the standard issue Military Police shotgun slung over her shoulder and rested it against her chair. “Don’t bother lying.”

Luzia rested her arms on the table, nervously tapping her fingertips on the glossy wood. “…I hoped that I could pass through into Wall Rose and see the Survey Corps before their departure this morning. I had no intention of interacting with her. I just wanted to see my little girl-”

Kseniya burst out laughing, arms around her stomach as she almost doubled over. “ **Your** little girl? You gave up any and every connection when you gave her to us! Funny, isn’t it? You thought that giving her to the Survey Corps would keep her safe from the Central Military Police, from Captain Ackermann, only to hand her over to one of his comrades!” She took a moment to catch her breath. “It really was meant to be, especially with that name you gave her. It only amplifies the warrior blood inside her pretty little veins.”

“Even you cling to those beliefs?” Luzia asked condescendingly, a slender eyebrow raised.

Kseniya pointed a finger at her accusingly. “Prove me wrong!” she challenged. “You’re the last full-blooded Saxon, and your blood is the only reason you were chosen to create the Living Weapon. Had Saskia been full-blooded Oriental and a girl she would have been left for dead. But Saxon warrior blood combined with Oriental warrior blood? Male, female, it didn’t matter! No matter what the sex of the child was we were guaranteed a Living Weapon, and you **literally** gave it to us! Not only that, but her name-!”

“Did you come here to berate me about my daughter?” Though on the verge of losing her temper Luzia knew better than to let it get the better of her, especially when interacting with the volatile underling sitting across from her. The first, and last, time she made that mistake ended in her staring down the barrel of Kseniya’s gun. Despite it having been four years ago she still found herself wondering if the brunette would’ve pulled the trigger had Kenny not been present to yank on the leash of his rabid attack dog.

She broke into a devious smirk. “Oh no, not at all. In fact you should be proud of her. She’s becoming everything she was born to be. She’s fulfilling her role quite nicely. There have been a few hiccups along the way but nothing my superiors couldn’t handle. Kenny wanted me to give you a scolding is all. No need to be so aggressive, dear Luzia. Keith was very explicit in the consequences of your handing her over. Contact is forbidden and she isn’t allowed to know about you or her father.” _Wonder what she would do if she knew how Saskia became ambidextruous?_

“She will never know about him.” It was more a dubious statement than question. “How can you expect to keep it a secret from her?”

“Whether or not she finds out his identity is left to Maki-san’s discretion.” Kseniya waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry your pretty little head over it. She’ll learn what she is sooner or later, and the only way for her to fully understand is to tell her she’s half-Oriental. I wonder how she’ll react…One of our insiders told us that she had immense difficulty moving away from living to kill over to killing to live. Major identity crisis. What will she do when she founds out the only reason she exists is to be the very thing she expelled from herself? Not only that, but both her mother and father being pure-blooded descendents of warrior peoples. She believes that names and date of birth affect personality, you know. When she finds out about hers…I hope I can be there to see the horrified look on her face when she learns everything. Buuuuuuuuuut I may have said too much.” She winked. “Keep it between us girls, hm? If you’ll excuse me, I have other matters to attend to. Oh, and Luzia?” She rose and grabbed her weapon, gripping tightly. “Remember that our base of operations is here in Sina. Every move you make, breath you take, word you stutter…We will know. And if you piss us again you’ll get more than just a scolding and a slap on the wrist.”

“Do you really think threatening my life, after all these years, means anything to me anymore? All I had, my baby, my pride and joy, was taken from me by the very people I was hoping to protect her from. There is nothing more you can do to me. Saskia is too valuable for you to harm her. Go ahead and threaten me, but even though she’s not with me physically knowing that she lives is more than enough. And that’s something you can **never** take away from me.”

“Hm, suppose not. But you aren’t entirely correct. She could be harmed, just not conventionally. If she were could you say the same thing? If it were, say, your fault?” She flashed a smile that Saskia would envy and waved her fingers in a parting fashion. “Have a lovely rest of the night Luzia.” _It may be one of your last_. She threw the gun over her shoulder again and left Luzia’s home.

Outside in the dimly lit alleyways members of the Military Police patrolled the streets, almost all of them sporting something to identify them as an ally. Bandages, jewelry, a ‘stain’ on their uniform, or even a smudge of paint on their guns. Kseniya anticipated an encounter with an ally who wouldn’t recognize her. A specific ally, young and very new to the ever growing group she was affiliated with. Her suspicions had been confirmed when she felt the end of a barrel pressed to her back.

“Hands where I can see them!”

“Like my fists in your face?”

Immediately recognizing the voice the rookie dropped her weapon and folded her hands apologetically. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t recognize you, it’s dark and-”

“Enough,” Kseniya groaned and then pointed to her headband. “I might be taller than you, much taller, but I know you can see it. Where is your marker?”

“Well, I wanted to die my hair but instead of the desired color I ended up with this hideous light brown.” She twirled a strand of her short hair around her finger as if to model it.

“Damn rookies,” she muttered under her breath. “You’re too jumpy. If you had shot me, fatal or not, you would be in serious trouble…Probably put to death in front of the rest to make an example. The only chronic mistake maker we can tolerate is Annie.”

“Right, sorry, it won’t happen again, I swear!”

“I would certainly hope not Hitch. For your sake.”

A few blocks over a pair of mahogany eyes watched the exchange before quickly retreating back into the protection of nightfall.

* * *

**Old Survey Corps Headquarters, Erwin’s Temporary Office, July 13 th, 3:35 AM  
**

Forearm pressed against the cool glass of his window, the Commander’s vacant blue eyes were fixated on the empty courtyard below. His mind however was trapped in a memory almost twenty-years-old. Heavy eyelids closed and inhaling deeply did nothing to push out the visions taunting him, a reminder of how he became wrapped up in the schemes of the enemy.

_“You know that we killed your father, don’t you? Was that your reason for joining the military? To learn the truth? Why you found discrepancies in his lessons and the textbooks?”  
_

_“Yes. I joined to learn the truth and use that information for the betterment of humanity.”  
_

_“That’s noble of you cadet. Lesson number one- never volunteer information. You’re smarter than your father. I can’t fault you for your reasoning but there are…others with far greater interest in that information. Obsession, even.”  
_

_“You’re referring to the girl. To Saskia.”  
_

_“I am. She’s uncovered the resources we’ve carefully guided her to. Keith said she’s taken quite a liking to you. She admires your spirit. Anything that she takes an interest in, we take an interest in. How about we strike up a bargain?”  
_

_“A bargain sir?”  
_

_“Already calling me sir, eh? You learn fast boy. After some careful deliberation with our colleagues we’ve come to a reasonable compromise. Will you hear me out?”  
_

_“It seems like I don’t have much choice right now.”  
_

_“Quick and observant. I like you. It’s very simple. Befriend her. Keep an eye on her. Create a bond the likes of which she’s never had. A familial bond. If you can manage that, to guide her from the shadows just as we have, then Keith has agreed to make you his successor. Monitor her progress. Report to us regularly. I need to know everything about my project and her…growth. I saw to it myself that she was bred for perfection. She knows more than you could begin to fathom. She can grant you access to those truths you seek. And she will be an invaluable ‘weapon’, if you will, in the fight against the Titans. All we ask is that you bolster her.”  
_

_“If I were to decline? Would you kill me? You yourself are volunteering quite a bit of information.”  
_

_“You’ve known too much for years now. It doesn’t what we tell you at this point. I won’t ask for a yes or no. So ask I’ll you this instead. How dedicated are you to the betterment of humanity?”  
_

_“I will fight to protect it no matter what the cost.”  
_

_“Then what reason have you to refuse, cadet? Can you rationalize any doubts you might be experiencing right now?”  
_

_“I am experiencing them but to rationalize when I lack adequate information…That is something I cannot do. If it will aid in the liberation of the human race then I have no reason to decline. I will do as you request Captain Ackermann, Maki-san.”_

The same bizarre grin that graced his features upon seeing Annie’s performance in her Titan form resurfaced. “It’s amazing how quickly time has gone by…”

So lost in thought, a light knock on his door caused him to jump slightly. He was silent for a moment as the grin began to flatten. “Come in Saskia.”

The door opened slowly and the short woman entered, rubbing her hands up and down her bare arms. A subtle summer chill was whipping its way throughout the building, nipping at her exposed skin. “Can we talk?” she asked quietly. _I should have grabbed my damn cardigan…_

“What about Levi?” Erwin didn’t turn to face her.

“He has woken up a few times and…I doubt he’ll get much sleep tonight. He’s somewhat relaxed and felt comfortable enough to be by himself. If that is what you were referring to. My leaving him alone right now.”

“It is.” He looked over his shoulder. “Now I’m going to ask the question again with a different implication. What _about_ Levi?”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“I know. Is this about the formation again?” he asked with an annoyed sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Fuck the expedition and fuck the military, the entire institution. I didn’t come here to berate and barrage and demand and argue with my Commander.” She gulped heavily and straightened out her posture. “I came here to talk to my older brother. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him and I miss him. Does he have some time for me?”

“…he does.”

“Let’s just get right to it, then. I know that a relationship within the military is dangerous for countless reasons. And it’s even messier considering the personal and professional relationships the three of us share. But I’m not here to question anyone’s decisions or defend my actions in the context of what I am to the Survey Corps. I came here to minimize the growing tension between you and I. Or, well, to try…at the very least…”

“A conversation six years in the making,” he replied quietly. “It really was inevitable.”

“Maybe. Sure. Let’s say it was. It doesn’t matter. Fact is Levi and I are together and you’re not capable of stopping that. Separate the Lance Corporal and the General all you like, but-”

“No matter what you say I’ll never be able to condone it.” Though his choice of words was harsh he remained awkwardly quiet.

“I’m not asking for your God damned permission. I don’t need it.” She raised an eyebrow. “Is it because it’s Levi?”

“Because it’s you. You and Levi.”

She rolled her eyes. “Still incapable of accepting the fact that I’m an adult?”

“You’ll never be an adult in my eyes. Partially due to the fact that I have to strain them to see you.”

She scrunched her face. “My height? Really? We’re taking that route?”

“You wanted to ease the tension. Humor tends to do the trick.”

“Suppose so. I won’t apologize for the drama that has begun to unfold because of the decisions I made, nor will I apologize for making those decisions. I know that you will never allow yourself to become romantically attached to someone and that’s fine, if that is what you truly wish to do. But I sincerely hope you aren’t imposing the expectations you hold yourself to onto Levi or I.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why? Why go so far? Why mix personal and professional? Why…why do I feel as though my only family is trying to sabotage my own happiness?” Her shoulders dropped and she kicked at the floor. “I feel terrible for throwing such an accusation at you but…it does feel that way. And it really stings, Erwin. It burns.”

“You know I would never deliberately do something like that,” he assured.

“There’s a difference between knowing and feeling.”

“You and your catch phrases…” His head dropped and he shook it out of slight amusement. “Your happiness and well-being are important to me. They always have been. And yes, it is difficult to balance these multiple roles we are obligated to fulfill. I’m confident I don’t need to explain what I expect from the secondary and tertiary; you know well enough by now. And I’m sure the two of you have already discussed the possibilities of personal and professional overlapping, and how to address such concerns. I will leave all of that to the two of you. Your professional relationship is your own responsibility. Hell, you were once my superior officer. I don’t think I could tell you how to do your job even if I tried. As far as personal goes…What right have I to intervene? That won’t stop me from being concerned and I won’t hide the fact that the thought of separation has crossed my mind. Knowing that you're sharing a room, a  _bed_ is...unsettling. These ‘sleepovers’ are only going to continue. Granted this time it’s different because he’s mourning the loss of his squad and there isn’t a soul alive that Levi would ever dare shed a tear in front of other than you. I still find it funny considering what his intentions were when he came here.” _When Captain Ackermann convinced Nicholas Lobov to approach him with a deal about the papers._

“No comment about how you’ll beat him mercilessly if he breaks my heart?” She tilted her head to the side.

“Would you like me to?” he joked. “I like to think he knows better. And if I could bring myself to trust him not to harm you six years ago, when you began working together, well, there was a reason you managed to work _well_ together despite all the fighting. Then you continued working together on damn near everything. And this is the result. Something went right, perhaps a little too right for my liking, along the way. He’s one of the few people I can confidently say I trust with my life. I know I could trust him with yours as well. But trusting him with your state of being alive and your life itself are completely different and not something I can say I’m prepared for. I know your ears are well-trained but I doubt you can hear through the floors. How did you know that I was still awake?” He raised an eyebrow curiously.

 _Only when I’m below Hanji’s office can do that, and God how I wish I couldn’t…_ Fighting a disgusted shudder she shrugged. “I doubt many are able to sleep tonight. Most will have nightmares. And while it may seem that our collective nightmare is only beginning…I know that in the end we will be okay.”

 _‘We’? I wouldn’t be so certain of that._ “You have today and tomorrow to convince everyone else of that.”

“It’s going to take more than words to convince them, Erwin. It will require action and unfortunately that’s not something I alone can deliver nor is it something available to us until we enter Sina.”

He gave a soft hum of agreement. “You should attempt sleep. I know it’s not something you excel at-”

She arched her eyebrows. “You don’t think that in the end everything will…?” Surprise squelched her vocabulary. “You don’t seem…confident that we even have a chance.”

“It’s three in the damn morning. I don’t know what to think right now.”

“Then don’t. Just believe me when I say we will be. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it now would I?”

“No.” _The time has finally come. Don’t let my efforts go to waste._ “No you wouldn’t. Saskia, I…am glad that you’re happy. After having been robbed of your childhood and forced to suppress your emotions for almost thirty years you certainly deserve it.” With mildly ominous delivery he added, “But remember that nothing comes without a cost.”

“Survey Corps paychecks are meager compared to the Garrison and MP but I’m sure I’ll manage,” she grinned. “My younger self couldn’t say the same because her faith was blind, but I have faith in my Commander. Even if he irritates me sometimes. I might not fully understand your thought process but there was a reason I strongly held to my belief that you would someday bear the title of Commander. I was right about that, wasn’t I? You earned it. You’re capable of seeing us through this crisis before it escalates. I can set my personal discomfort and ideology aside for this and for you.”

 _Earned it? Not in the way you would think._ “You give me too much credit.”

“You sound like me,” she chuckled. “You did all that you could have done with what little you knew. Honestly, I feel guilty some for not remembering her scream.”

“But there’s a difference between knowing and feeling, isn’t there?”

“And now I feel guilty for neglecting that fact,” she conceded. “Despite it being one of my ‘catchphrases’.”

“You honestly believe that there’s hope for us, even now.”

“I believe in the risk we’re taking. That’s why I _know_ there’s hope for us. This **is** the Survey Corps, after all. Considering our lackluster history, the one I to this day still see as an inside joke, I see this as par for the course and what we do best. The Survey Corps has survived this long, hasn’t it? Reputation aside let’s also remember that it was founded by radical anarchists who wanted a society that was for the people, by the people. The founders didn’t want humanity to be protected by an institution that is, as Levi elegantly phrased it, ‘sucking the monarchy’s dick’ such as the Military Police. Which he also said may very well be their job. I can’t speak for you but I don’t like the idea of the Whore of the State being my ‘protection’. And this time it’s personal. For all of us. They might intend to kill one who is not only a key player in our exhausting game of survival, they may be planning to kill one of our own. A child at that. No one is coming anywhere near Eren, not so long as I’m around to intervene. It’s impossible not to mix personal with professional in this situation, especially if _their_ reasons for wanting to neutralize him are personal.”

“You think so?”

“They expect us to hand him over without giving us a chance to present our case first? Levi was right about the court martial. The Military Police didn’t get their way and now they’re whining. And since they ‘suck the monarchy’s dick’ they’ll be heard. The monarchy has never liked us and we’ve never liked them or their armed watchdogs. This is politics and politics is inherently corrupt.”

“The Survey Corps has seen its fair share of corruption,” he reminded pointedly. _And the unseen corruption…The corruption you’ll encounter soon enough._

“Subject changed rather quickly…Exactly what the hell _is_ keeping you up right now? I can’t think of a time I’ve your confidence so…shattered?” Her lips curved to the side in uncertainty, unable to find a better word for the aura he radiated.

“Fragile,” he corrected. “Not broken, but easily if provoked further.”

“We still have all of today and tomorrow to mend it some, but you’ll be of little use if you haven’t slept at all.”

“You are the last person who should be scolding me for not sleeping enough,” he laughed softly.

“That doesn’t mean I am not correct,” she countered. “And my ability to function on little to no sleep far surpasses yours. Oh, I see now! This is why you aren’t overreacting and being overprotective of me. You’re too tired to think straight but once you have slept enough you’re probably going…to…maul him. That’s…great. That’s just great. I take back what I said about you getting sleep, you’re fine as is-”

“Saskia, I’m not going to maul him or be overprotective.”

“Now, now. You’re only saying that because you’re sleep deprived.”

“Do you _want_ me to?”

“…well it would certainly alleviate this feeling of mine, as though we’ve become distanced from each other.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “Ever since Eren’s trial we haven’t seen much of each other outside a professional context.”

“More time with him though.”

“Well yes, obviously, but- Wait, wait a minute. That’s not the ‘cost’ you were referring to, is it? The cost of my happiness? Having to…pick between the two of you?”

“What? No, no I…wasn’t implying that you would be in a position to pick one over the other. Not that I enjoy dwelling on the topic but to sate my masochistic curiosity I must know, why did it take _six fucking years_?” he asked placing great emphasis on his last three words.

“Mutual idiocy!” she declared almost proudly. “One of the many things we have in common. Clearly part of the overwhelming compatibility,” she added with light-hearted sarcasm.

“Clearly,” he echoed. “What changed?”

“Nothing has changed, we’re still idiots,” she said casually and then her eyes lit up. “Oh, you mean why we’re now…Oh. Um…I don’t really know. It escalated at an alarming pace…” She rubbed her chin. “There was a lot of yelling at each other…I recall having a very strong desire to punch him regularly…”

“Sounds healthy. Were you…the ‘threat in the equation’?”

She almost burst out laughing as she slowly recalled the very awkward conversation they had about Levi the day after he joined the Survey Corps, a conversation Erwin directly quoted. “That is a _very_ good question. Who was the ‘threat in the equation’? I don’t even know.” She held out her palms and moved them up and down emulating a scale trying to balance itself. “It teeter-tottered in my favor just as much his…We both were, in our own ways.”

“I won’t press further. That’s something I most certainly don’t want to know about.”

“Then I will say no more, for the sake of your sanity.”

“I’ll be honest though, I do envy Levi. Having someone to turn to in moments like this-”

“Don’t make me come over there and scissor kick you,” she threatened with narrowed eyes. “My intentions for coming here did not revolve around my situation. It was because of our situation. You have no significant other by choice but you do have me. This new dimension to my relationship with Levi has by no means altered our relationship. At least, I hope it hasn’t. I am still here for you as well. I’ve been more vocal about it with Levi because I always felt that he needed to be reminded he had someone, because of his horrendous past. I always believed that the strength of our bond went without saying.”

 _Your naivety is alarming._ “He needs you more.”

“That doesn’t mean you need me any less. And I most certainly still need you. As I said previously…I miss you. I miss the time we spent together, the things that define us as brother and sister. You sound like a father, insecure about his daughter dating for fear of being replaced. But you, Erwin, are irreplaceable.”

 _Attachments are dangerous…Don’t lose your focus._ “While you’re here I should tell you that I want to revoke the permission I granted you.”

“To follow Eren? This, this is what I was talking about. History has shown we’re wicked collaborators. I no longer think that to be the best course of action either. Pun not intended. I’d wager to say that you and I, we are thinking the same thing in regards to how we should approach it.”

“I’d wager to say you’re probably right. We’ll find out later while fleshing out the plan further.”

“It’s a date.” She clapped her hands together. “One quick suggestion before I attempt to retire. While Eren is elsewhere trying to apprehend Annie Leonhardt…we’ll need someone to pose as a double for him. And Levi is still annoyed with Jean for that prank he pulled before we went on the expedition, when he was brave enough to replace his bleach with honey…He wants to see his punishment extended further…” Her voice trailed off as she waited for the wheels to start turning.

“…you want to force him to dress up as Eren for the sake of Levi’s amusement?” He dropped his face into his palm mouthing out ‘Are you fucking serious?’.

“No, no, it’s an extension of punishment, honestly! One which…I may have jokingly suggested…to try and make him feel better…and he is now hoping I can convince you to-”

“We’ll discuss it further later today.”

“Sleep on it?” She forced a pout. “I’ll ask for nothing come the holiday season if you promise to at least consider it. Should that happen, it would satisfy seven Christmases.”

 _Will I live long enough to see another Christmas with you? Might as well give you your gift now._ “I’ll sleep on it.”

“Wonderful. This is sure to put a much needed smile on his face,” she beamed. “Speaking of, I should go back now. Make sure he’s still alright. He’s trying very hard to pull himself together but-”

“Then what are you waiting for? A formal invitation?” He nodded towards the door.

“Hug first.”

 _Make it harder for me why don’t you._ “Alright, come here co-conspirator.”

* * *

**Levi and Saskia’s Bedroom**

_Saskia,  
_

_Yeah, words aren’t my forte, whatever. But I suck less at writing them than I do saying them. I did already answer the question…sort of, but every sentence began with ‘I hate’. Obviously I don’t hate you, you just annoy the shit out of me sometimes. Other times I want to throw you out a window. And on rare occasions I want to throw you off the roof. But I never could bring myself to do that; blood only looks good on you when it’s the blood of your enemies. Shit this is terrible. I’ll just get to the point. Why you? I don’t know, you figure it out. You’re the one who wants to know and you know me well enough to come up with something. That’s the most you’re getting out of me…for now. I love you, dumbass.  
_

_-Levi  
_

_PS- You have my autograph again. Congratulations. But I’m still not drawing a fucking smiley face. <3 There, look, I drew a heart just for you because you like sappy shit. Happy? Tell anyone and you’re dead to me. Show anyone and you’re dead._

Saskia glanced back and forth between the neatly folded note she found on the bedside table and the one who wrote it, sleeping peacefully on the (twice made in her absence) bed. She giggled breathily, trying to remain as quiet as possible to keep from waking him. Looking down at the note she murmured, “You do have a way with words…A vulgar, noneloquent, colorful way with words. I wonder what Hanji would say if-”

“I will **murder** you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not pleased with how this chapter turned out. So if you think it's crap, you ain't hurting my feelings. I think it's crap.
> 
> POP QUIZ! Who was spying on Kseniya and Hitch?


	28. Lone Wolf's Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think of this as another .5 chapter, one of those in betweens as a prelude to something freaking huge (that thing being the Eren/Annie fight).
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Hints of physical abuse and explicit mention of rape/sexual violence.

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, 10:42 PM**

Kseniya trudged up the spiral staircase of the large estate. _Funny how pretty is it on the outside,_ she thought to herself as she stretched her arms and yawned, _but so damn ugly on the inside. And not just the bland décor…_ She lazily pushed open her bedroom door and tore the Military Police badges off of her jacket, dropping them onto her desk in a neat pile next to the Garrison badges. She exchanged the light brown outwear for her robe, a light chill having settled upon the building once the sun set. After slipping into her sleepwear, a white t-shirt covered in black stains and smudges and lounge pants, she sat at the foot of her bed and heaved a heavy sigh, one hand rubbing her aching forehead.

 _Two days we go into Stohess. Is this really the only way to find Katya’s research? Shit, if she and the other Volkovs before me saw what I was doing would they…would they approve?_ “Damn it,” she breathed and closed her eyes. _I can’t wait for this to be over. But at whose expense? Oh…right…_ An image of a beaten and bruised Annie flashed through her mind and a burning sensation spread under her closed eyelids. _It would be a miracle and half if that girl ever forgave me. Hell, I don’t think I could ever forgive me. But better me than one of them. If Kenny or Keith were in charge of overseeing her…A guy who damn near gets off to slitting throats and another who raised a little girl to be a killing machine…I don’t even wanna think about how they’d ‘punish’ Annie for her ‘mistakes’ and ‘reward’ her for her ‘accomplishments’._ The brunette shuddered and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. The accumulating moisture was beginning to seep through her eyelids and trickle down her cheeks.

 _How did our families end up like this? Katya was killed because of what she knew and the Jaeger family promised to protect her discoveries. Protect from who?! Fucking assholes like Isamu and Kenny, yeah, but the Jaegers and Volkovs of today have NO IDEA where they are. Alright, start from the beginning…Katya kept her research in a journal or something and probably used a code. After she died her best friend, and former assistant, promised that she’d protect it. She had married into the Jaeger family. And since then the Jaegers have protected the research. No Volkov has ever touched it, ever seen it, we just know it exists and have a responsibility to decode it if need be. But Grisha has no fucking clue where it really is. He just has Katya’s key. Well, no, Eren has Katya’s key. Even Grisha doesn’t know what the key unlocks in the basement, just that the Jaeger family secrets are down there. So how did me and him get stuck with these crazy assholes?_ She slowly opened her bleary eyes and fixed her gaze on the floor.

 _Katya’s rivals in research are the intellectual predecessors of this organization. The real royal family, one of the last Orientals and leader of the slave trade, the former Commander of the Survey Corps and current Trainee Instructor, and a long time associate of Isamu. Rod Reiss, Isamu Maki, Keith Shardis, Kenny Ackermann. Those four monsters were all handed the torch by someone who had something to do with Katya’s research needing to be hidden. The people that killed her for it. The people that knew to recruit the Jaeger and Volkov families…_ She swallowed, palms clammy.

 _And they lead this freakshow with an ass-backwards chain-of-command that THEY probably don’t even understand. Who leads who? Who knows what? Who’s expendable? For the love of…What was Katya researching anyway?! Didn’t she have a Survey Corps to lead?!_ She grit her teeth. _And because she decided to play scientist here I am, generations later. Parents killed by Kenny who then took me in and made me his ‘loyal guard dog’. Probably thought that my parents didn’t tell me the family secret ‘cause of how young I was. Well, four-year-olds can keep secrets dumbass. Then Grisha gets roped into using whatever the Jaeger family knows to recreate the shifter gene and goes to two villages suffering from some kind of disease, telling them he has an experimental cure for their children. Three families agree to give their kids away to try this ‘cure’…and get turned into Titan shifters. Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt. And when Keith saw how badly Marco wanted to join the MP, to serve the royal family, he thought he’d make the perfect shifter to have the coordinate ability. He’s not wrong, he would’ve. So Grisha ‘accidentally’ gives him the wrong injection, already having given Eren the injection after Maria fell._ She sniffled.

 _When they found out what had happened they ordered Marco to eat Eren to absorb the coordinate ability, or however that works. Marco wouldn’t do it. So I…I had to order a kid…two years younger than me…to go murder her friend. And because she probably screwed up, and God do I hope she did and that Marco’s still alive somewhere, I had to punish her. Better me than one of the others, since she’s a…young female. Fucking monsters._ She shuddered again at the thought of what her hypermasculine superiors might do to punish the young shifter, to show she was their property and strip her of whatever sliver of authentic identity she had left. A more graphic image surfaced to the forefront of her mind, as she had already seen the aftermath of how they preferred to punish, to dehumanize, any and every insubordinate. Had she not played the part as a villain herself, Kseniya no doubt would have been subjected to their sexual violence as well.

 _But just because I’m pretending to be one of them, because I only hurt Annie to protect her from even more pain and suffering, because I hate myself for what I do to that kid…does that make me any better than them? Just because Grisha and I want nothing to do with any of this, because we’re trying to save these kids, to get that research and keep it away from the crazy bastards who run this circus..._ She pulled out her headband and flung it onto her desk like a boomerang.

“If I have to ask myself…” She ran a hand through her messy dark hair. “Probably have my answer right there. This, this right here…Me. This is what my ancestors died fighting for and protecting? For the next Volkov, for me, to become the enemy?” she whispered to herself, shaking her head slightly. “This is probably the closest we’ve come to uncovering her research, wherever the hell the Jaegers of yesteryear put it. Assholes hid it a little too well in my opinion…No clue what that key unlocks anymore, since that basement has been untouched for so long. But the answers to finding her research are down there. Hell, if we’re lucky the research itself could be down there. We just need to decode that crap. Seriously Katya, what were you researching? What did you find? Why did you have to keep a secret? What was so damn important about it? And how in the hell did it piss off enough people to get your stupid ass killed?” Kseniya flopped back onto her bed and stared upwards out her window.

“What in the hell did you find?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
> 
> Is this the same Kseniya who was beating and taunting Annie only a few chapters ago? The one who's at Kenny's beck and call? Yes. Yes it is.


	29. Intertwined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been editing and re-writing and revising and changing damn near everything in this chapter since November. I really don't think it'll get any better than this, and as far as chapters go I don't think this is that great at all. But...I think it was the best I could do. I need to move the story forward and I had a general idea of what I wanted to do here, so I rolled with it. This is what became of that.

**Old Survey Corps Headquarters, Levi and Saskia’s Room, July 13 th, 5:28 AM (Two Days Before Entering Stohess)  
**

“He said he would sleep on it. I wanted to wait until after you woke up to tell you. Thought it would be a nice way to start the day. I wonder…If need be, who could pose as me? Mikasa bears the closest resemblance but is far too tall…No, I take that back. You could pass for me!”

“What?!”

“All you would need is a stuffed bra and wig. As far as Oriental facial features are concerned, you’re always scowling so your eyes are always narrowed…sort of. Minor resemblance.”

“I don’t think I could pass for an idiot.”

“…you can make your own God damned tea.”

Levi’s and Saskia’s morning banter usually served as a fool-proof way to start the day with a smile/smirk/grin, but only one of them was capable of making such a facial expression. The impending operation had soured everyone’s mood, including the higher ranking officers despite being accustomed to dealing with the Military Police’s and the monarchy’s gripes. But this situation was on a level of its own. No one knew what to expect, few expressed confidence, and even fewer genuinely felt it. The pressure to take that away from shaky and insecure cadets had been placed on five people- Hanji, Mike, Saskia, Levi, and Erwin. Having held positions of leadership for such a reasonable amount of time they were all adept at hiding their own fears for the sake of others but in private they were just as tense. For the first time since they assumed their positions of leadership they found themselves just as clueless as their subordinates. The most substantial piece of information they had to work with came from one of the smartest cadets the Survey Corps had to offer. Other than that, they had nothing.

Breakfast was strangely quiet for the five of them, Hanji included. Without a starting point there was no conversation to engage in, no plans to discuss and debate, and surprisingly no complaints from anyone about the low quality coffee (Levi and Saskia being the tea drinking exceptions). It was on the verge on becoming a game. Who would dare to break the silence first?

Hanji was thinking of ways to perfect her traps. Mike was wondering how they would deal with the Military Police should a shifter battle break out. Saskia and Levi were gradually coming to a shared realization Erwin was already fully aware of.

 _The concept of ‘rank’ and ‘title’ being synonymous changed when I, as General, was second-in-command. And when a Lance Corporal, when Levi took my place…The only difference became…_ She almost jumped in shock upon reaching her realization. _Has Levi thought about it?_

 _Without a squad…_ Levi spared a quick glance in her direction, noticing the contemplative look on her face. _She must be thinking the same thing._

* * *

**February 15th, 847, Early Evening, Saskia’s Office**

“Finally!” Saskia clapped her hands together, radiating unbridled enthusiasm. “Squad Levi has been assembled. Soon you’ll have your own office. Are you excited?” She looked up from the dossiers scattered across her desk. “I’m excited. Are you excited?”

“I’m glad it’s over,” Levi groaned as he leaned back in her chair and exhaled slowly.

She propped an arm up and rested her chin on a folded fist, narrowed eyes studying Levi carefully. He raised an eyebrow at her curiously. “What are you doing?” _And why do I feel like I’m going to regret asking that?_

“Title. It has been decided. You’ll need a title!”

“A…what? Why?”

“Simple.” She pushed some of the papers aside and hopped up onto the desk. “It’s true that you will be leading a squad but you aren’t a _Squad Leader_. Not in the traditional sense now that we’ve revived the Special Ops Squad. That said, you’ll need a title only to be used by your squad.”

“…again, why? And off the desk.”

“But…it’s my desk…Never mind, that’s a losing battle with you.” She complied and began pacing back and forth, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

“That has to be one of your stupidest ideas yet. Just when I think you can’t get any more ridiculous-”

She put a finger to her lips. “Hush. A title would be necessary because it’s a way for them to show that they’re members of Squad Levi -the Special Ops- when speaking about or addressing you. It would be exclusive.”

“You’re more excited about this than me, and it’s my damn squad,” he observed, but his words fell on deaf ears as she was far too deep in thought. Shaking his head, he rested an elbow on the arm of the chair and dropped his cheek into an open palm. “Moron…”

“It can’t be something too precise. It needs to be generic while still denoting authority. Let’s see…Major? No, you do not meet the height requirement for that...Petty Officer? Petty perhaps, but ‘Officer’ is _too_ generic and already used in plural form to refer to those above cadet…Brigadier? This is a squad, not a brigade! Colonel, Marshal…No, they are all too specific!” She sighed and stopped her pacing, hands on her hips. “It has to be more generic…such as Captain.”

He visibly tensed. “Absolutely not,” he said through gritted teeth.

Her eyes widened in surprise, jumping slightly at his kneejerk reaction to the word. “Why the strong disappro-? Oh!” She smacked her hands over her mouth. “I forgot. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, forget it, I never said it, I didn’t suggest it-”

“Calm down,” he scolded with a slight roll of his eyes. “I don’t talk about it often, with good reason, and you’re too caught up in an irrelevant ramble to realize what the hell you’re saying.”

She fidgeted uncomfortably. “Still, I forgot, and of all the things to forget-”

“It’s fine. Now drop the subject.” _The last thing this world needs is another Captain Ackermann…_

Lazily she dropped onto her couch, waiting for some of the tension to dissipate before continuing on. “OK...” She looked defeated. “My well of inspiration has run dry. Our militaries are very simplistic compared to the structures of those of our ancestors. That’s it!” She shook her fists in triumph, reveling in her epiphany. “Not only did they have different structures but these structures varied. Varied by branch…and by culture. Thus, we shall resort to a title in a dead language.”

“That won’t go unnoticed,” he pointed out.

“Of course it will, if chosen carefully. A dead language not related to the vernacular. And there are a lot to choose from. Like…Heichou. I don’t recall the language but I know that both it and its respective culture are long since forgotten. It’s perfect.”

“It’s stupid.”

“It will grow on you.”

“No it won’t.”

**Late July, 848, Survey Corps Headquarters, Rooftop, 9:42 PM**

“You’ll get sick if you stay out here for too long.” Levi kicked lightly at Saskia’s arm, which was folded beneath her head as a makeshift pillow while she lay stargazing.

“I’ll be fine. I’ve done this during the onset of a blizzard.”

“Only to make yourself sick.”

“Well we aren’t experiencing a blizzard, or an onset of one, are we?” She grinned at him and he could do little more than roll his eyes. There was no reasoning with her when she was swept away by her fascination with the astronomical. “Sit with me?” she offered. “Surely you don’t have anything better to do. Otherwise you wouldn’t come looking for me.”

“Aren’t we self-entitled?” He dropped down next to her, one knee bent and an arm resting over it.

“Your squad is doing very well.” She sat up slowly, stretching her arms. “I would say I’m impressed but, well, it is _you_. It’s to be expected.”

 _That came out of nowhere…_ “Kiss ass.”

“Jackass.” She nudged his shoulder playfully. “Really though, as both your former superior officer and best friend I’m obligated to tell you that…I’m proud of you.”

“Didn’t you just say it’s not impressive?”

“Your squad’s skill level isn’t impressive because it’s only natural that a squad led by _you_ would be so capable. Your hand selected choices were perfect and for someone with limited social skills, the cohesion your subordinates exhibit is quite remarkable. And I can’t say it enough, how very pleased I am to see a woman on your squad. There are hardly any of us in the military as is so it’s very refreshing to see one on the Special Ops Squad. Especially one so talented.”

“Yeah, Petra’s a sweet kid. Has a good head on her shoulders and can keep her shit together when under pressure. Not initially…but you already know that story.”

“Her first time outside the walls? Of course, I was there. As I was saying, I’m proud of you for overcoming your insecurity-”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“-of being able to lead a squad after how much guilt you buried yourself under-”

“Shut up,” he growled.

“-when Isabel and Farlan-”

“Not another word,” he snarled, heavily punctuating each word.

Her nose scrunched reflexively. “If I can’t be proud of you then at the very least, you should be proud of you. Capable soldiers will not follow an incapable leader.” She left it at that, hoping she gave him something to think about before angrily departing. After a few moments of unexpected silence she turned towards him and the icy glare that greeted her told her he had no intention of leaving, not until he gave her a piece of his mind.

“Why didn’t you shut up when I told you to?” he demanded in an eerily calm, quiet voice.

“Someone had to say it.”

He grabbed her jacket and pulled her forward, leaving little space between them. “Say what?” he hissed. “That once upon a time I fucked up, but now I’m a wonderful leader and it’s all thanks to that miserable day? Because I learned from my mistake, the mistake that got Isabel and Farlan killed, I’m capable of leading a Special Fucking Ops unit? Is that your idea of encouragement?!”

“Fine, whatever, be pissed off at me. Don’t consider the true intent behind my words-”

“True intent? What the hell else could you mean other than ‘congratulations on your monumental progress after the biggest fuck up of your entire life’?!”

“Why should I even bother explaining if you won’t stop interrupting me?!”

“You have ten seconds-”

“I’m proud of you because you said you wanted me to be on your squad and that would be enough but I’m not and you’re still doing an amazing job and you have no one to blame for your success but yourself!” _Six seconds…Not bad._ She took a deep breath. “You’re doing just fine on your own. Whether you like it or not,” she said softly, prying his hand off of her. She laid back down to return to her prior activity. The silence returned, more suffocating than before. It seemed to last for hours until Levi surprisingly broke it.

“You didn’t hear this from me…” he reluctantly began. “But I think I needed to hear that. Do me a favor and don’t tell Saskia.”

She tried her hardest not to laugh at his flustered, embarrassed, almost shy tone. “Don’t worry Levi, your secret is safe with me,” she winked and then placed a hand over her heart. “On my honor as a soldier in the Survey Corps, I will never tell the General that you appreciate being told that you’re doing a fine job leading a squad despite lingering insecurities.”

“I don’t give two shits about the General. She’s a stone cold bitch.” He looked down at her. “Don’t tell Saskia, or she’ll turn into a sentimental idiot and make me want to knock her teeth out. If I’m feeling merciful.”

“I wasn’t aware that you capable of showing her any mercy.”

“You’d be surprised at what I’m capable of showing that shitty brat. She just has to tolerate my bullshit long enough to see it.” He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. “And somehow she does…Shitty brat or not, I could never take that woman for granted.”

“I sincerely believe that neither General Saskia nor Saskia Messmann could take you for granted either. Mind you I’m just a lowly cadet and you have no reason to take anything I say into consideration.”

“Sorry, did you say something?”

She frowned and elbowed him in the arm. “You’re a jackass.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a horrible person, I know,” he said with a tiny smirk.

She slowly sat up again, this time leaning into his side. “My favorite horrible person,” she said sweetly, tilting her head up so she had a clear view of the black expanse hovering over their world. “Is it just me or does the sky look especially beautiful tonight?” _The company I have seems to influence that._ Her heart started to flutter and she gulped nervously, unsure of what caused the sudden palpitating.

Levi looked up at the stars that had captivated Saskia, then took advantage of her distracted state to carefully study her via peripheral vision. Signature smile on her lips, her fair complexion gave off a subtle glow under the moonlight and her bright green eyes, lost in the radiance overhead, cast a light of their own like two candles in a darkened room. “It’s nothing special.”

“Oh? And what frame of reference do you have to make such a criticism?” she challenged.

“There are more aesthetically pleasing things I’d rather waste my time staring at.”

“If you find it aesthetically pleasing, is it truly a waste of time?”

He gave a soft hum of contemplation. “Guess not. Speaking of the squad…You’re the only person who has a decent grasp on why I was so reluctant to do this. Truth be told, it wasn’t just insecurity about being responsible for their lives. You’re easily distracted so you probably haven’t noticed I’m not much of a ‘people person’. Just like you I have my own way of doing things. I think that’s why we’ve been able to work together for this long without killing each other. You give me my space, I give you yours. Adding more people forces me to be…social.” He shuddered. “On paper I’m your superior but your work isn’t any different since ‘stepping down’. In a way you are still second-in-command…or maybe we both are.”

“Perhaps…Yes, I guess that might be true.” She nodded thoughtfully. “I’m ‘third’ for sake of simplicity and avoiding drastic change in our chain-of-command. But what does that have to do with the Special Ops Squad?”

“We made space for them. It’s the only difference between us. Our work has always been intertwined.”

 _Always intertwined…_ “In an ideal world, it always will be. I think…that might be the world I’m fighting for.”

“And here she is, that sentimental idiot I worried about encountering.”

“Eat shit, Levi.”

“Hold still so I can knock your teeth out.”

* * *

**Present**

_The difference between General and Lance Corporal became the leadership over the Special Ops. That was confirmed when the position of General was second-in-command. Before I took office, second-in-command had always been reserved for the position of Lance Corporal. And if there no longer exists a Special Ops Squad then he and I are both second-in-command in both **rank** and **responsibility**_ , Saskia realized. _In the event, the very rare event that this plan fails Erwin will be held accountable. That could leave us without a Commander. Something he’s no doubt already aware of._

 _Should Erwin be forced to abdicate will he want a replacement in line, or both of us leading?_ Levi looked down at his left leg. _Maybe that answers my question._ _  
_

After examining their faces Erwin was certain they figured it out. “After breakfast the five of us need to have a meeting regarding a matter of utmost importance. There are going to be some minor changes that need to be broken down so there are no misunderstandings.”

Hanji looked back and forth between the three of them confused and hoping for some clarification but Mike shook his head at her. If there was one valuable lesson he had ever taken away from the General, a lesson she forcefully drilled into his skull the day she was almost killed by her now paramour, it was that sometimes it’s best not to get involved in any sort of ‘matter’ pertaining to their superiors.

The brunette shrugged. “Depression is starting to spread around here like a contagion. There has to be something we can talk about before getting into our work. Something that’s more appropriate for table conversation. We have all of today and tomorrow, right? So let’s enjoy our last morning of normalcy before we all go insane from stress. Then again…some of us do have ‘other’ forms of stress release,” Hanji added with a childish snicker, desperate for a little comic relief. She noticed how Saskia shrank away after hearing her and was highly surprised by her superior’s reaction. “Someone looks slightly embarrassed,” she sang.

Erwin almost choked on his coffee.

“What? Embarrassed? Me? Of course not!”

Mike’s nose twitched. “You smell like deceit.”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about!” she squeaked, finding refuge behind her mug. But it wasn’t Mike’s nasal lie detector she was hiding from, it was the strained look on Erwin’s face as he fought a menacing glare that would send hordes of Titans running in fright.

“Wasn’t aware that sex was appropriate table conversation,” Levi muttered.

Erwin could no longer fight the glare.

After breakfast the cadets were given the afternoon off. Most hadn’t slept or eaten and the few who did hardly looked to be in good health. It would be unreasonable to expect much out of them right now. This also gave the five officers time to talk amongst themselves about how they would tackle their current situation. Before they were all able to congregate however, Hanji insisted on pulling Saskia aside and having a quick, private chat.

After making sure that Moblit wasn’t in their room Hanji locked the door and firmly sat Saskia down, hands on her shoulders. The General watched curiously as her friend eagerly took a seat on the other bed, dropping her arms on her lap. “Time for a little girl talk. What was wrong with you at breakfast? You were redder than the Garrison insignia! I know you were never given ‘the talk’, but…You remember how awkward Erwin used to be whenever the topic came up, and you would tease him about it because at the time he was overreacting. Now his worst nightmare has come true it seems like…you’re the one who’s getting awkward and embarrassed! What’s going on? You told me that you and Levi used to make out to settle arguments and you slept together before you were even officially a couple. So spill!”

“Oh no, I am _not_ postponing a very important discussion for this.”

“You’re not panicking over your feelings again, are you?”

“Goodness, no!” She quickly shook her head. “No, that problem is behind me. Him. Us. It’s just…” She rubbed the back of her neck, cheeks ablaze from how heavily she was blushing. “Levi told me…that my body is my responsibility…That I need to figure out, well, what I need. And I haven’t been able to do that. I don’t even know how to start.”

“Is that all? Ack, sorry, that came out wrong!” she laughed nervously. “I’m not trying to undermine your conundrum. And not knowing is leaving you a little…? How does it make you feel?”

“I won’t say I’m unhappy but I thought that Levi would, in already having experience…I don’t know. In being with someone experienced I felt that I might have a starting point. A little guidance, something to work with. The first time was a failed attempt at casual. Of course it isn’t like that anymore, but it’s still…missing something. And that something has to do with me, I know it. But…I also feel guilty in saying that I’m…”

“Dissatisfied.”

Saskia sighed heavily. “Am I being selfish?”

“What? You, selfish? Not in this lifetime. I think I know what the problem is. You see, sex is a lot like Titans.”

“Oh dear God, this conversation is over!”

“I might not be the best go to because I tell you everything you don’t want to hear, but I can also tell you what you want to know!” She waited for Saskia to relent, which she did with a soft huff. “Levi has been with women, he’s no stranger to sex. But he knows nothing about making love. Flings, hookups, whatever you want to call them are regular Titans. There are classes but nothing about them is unique. It ends the same. There are kinks and fetishes you come across now and then. Those would be Deviants. You never know what to expect. Then there are Titan Shifters. They have a unique weakness and ability but most importantly there’s a human being inside. Shifters are making love. Every Shifter is different; you need to pay attention to those details. Making love, that’s between people who pay attention to unique things about their partners. It sounds to me like you’ve had sex but haven’t quite yet made love. It’s just the basics, and I agree, that’s boring as hell. We’re taught that men are attracted to submission, remember? That affects us on a psychological level.”

“I’m ashamed of myself for admitting that your analogy made perfect sense. Levi said I need to learn what those ‘unique things’ are. How do I do that?”

“By counting your blessings for being ambidextrous.”

“What do you mean by that?” Her green eyes widened in horror. “Oh my God, no, please, stop talking. I can only handle so much conversation about sex; must we get into masturba-?!”

“This is the psychological effect I’m talking about!” Hanji interrupted, throwing her arms up in the air. “Women are supposed to be ashamed of enjoying sex. Sex is supposed to be all about what men want and making babies. Here’s my advice. This isn’t something you address in one go. Take is slow, lots of foreplay, and you’ll figure it out. Relax and let yourself enjoy it. Levi might know what to do but he won’t know what to do _for you_. I’m sure he’s anxious about it because of that, because he loves you. And once you have it figured out you can put that flexibility of yours to good use and try some really crazy positi-!”

“HANJI!” she yelled, throwing a pillow at her. “Shut up!”

Hanji blocked with her forearms. “Sorry, sorry, I got a little carried away…Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s go reconvene with the boys.”

“I hate you. I really, truly, legitimately hate you. I just wanted you to know that.”

“Your honesty is greatly appreciated,” the scientist replied, a triumphant grin gracing her lips as she led the way to Erwin’s room where the others were waiting.

“I hope that was as important as you made it sound,” the Commander said eyeing the brunette suspiciously.

Saskia quickly jumped in before Hanji could potentially say something damning; she seemed a little too giddy from her ‘victory’. “It was, yes, but we are here now so…” She looked back and forth between her brother and her paramour. “Who wants to start?” _I doubt Levi will, seeing as the very reason we’re having this conversation is because of what happened to Petra, Erd, Guenther, and Auruo…_

“Saskia and I are both second-in-command now that there is no longer a Special Operations Squad.”

 _Or…not…_ “When I served as second-in-command that rank was no longer synonymous with ‘Lance Corporal’ as it had been in the past. While that mattered not when Levi took the rank, the responsibilities I had while holding that rank didn’t change. Because he was already leading the Special Operations Squad we came to the conclusion that the squad was the only real difference between us. And he also once told me that, in a way, as my responsibilities as General never changed, I was still second-in-command in a way. Tertiary on paper, but really and truly…nothing did change when I ‘stepped down’. Even though rank and responsibility no longer define one or the other we needed to keep it from getting messy so serving as third-in-command was a way of preventing that. Which I hadn’t realized until he pointed it out to me. Anyway, without that one difference present anymore we are both second-in-command in rank and responsibility by Survey Corps definition. Titles no longer define that.” _A promotion because of four deaths. How revolting._

“The reason that’s so important to clarify is because of how we’re going to handle what happens in Stohess…and after. We don’t know what’s going to happen. We won’t until it does. And we need to have all our pieces in place for every possible scenario. That’s hard to do with a right-hand-man _and_ a left-hand-woman.  We need to establish a way of allotting things evenly between us since her promotion is official. All that’s missing is Zackley’s signature, but I doubt he’d take issue with her assuming office.”

“If you thought that things were going to be a little unstable as is…Much like how we’re going to handle what happens in Stohess, this too will have to be established as it happens. We’ll have to make sure not to step on each other’s toes, rather to have an even and equal eminence. We won’t know where such boundaries in our respective amount of authority lie until we encounter a crisis. Your patience is required, and preemptively appreciated.”

“I’m a little confused as to how this makes anything different, especially if you’ve arguably been an unofficial second-in-command all along,” Hanji said rubbing her chin.

“It has less to do with them and more to do with me,” Erwin replied. “The Survey Corps will be blamed for the damage, casualties, and we may lose our funding. We may be dismantled. Eren may be put to death. As the Survey Corps’ Commander and leader of this operation I may face the same fate. Incarceration if luck is on my side. But if serving in this branch has taught me one thing, it’s that it is best not to invest too much faith in luck being on our side. The point is that without a Commander and two secondary leaders we will also need a contingency in the event that I am taken out of the picture. This won’t affect the rank of anyone else, but it will impact how we interact with each now that Saskia has more authority to exercise and it must be balanced with another officer who has the same authority. That officer being Levi.”

“There won’t be any blatantly obvious differences until we encounter a crisis, like you said.” Mike turned to Saskia and she nodded slowly.

“With that said, I need to speak to these two alone. Hanji, I want you and Moblit to run a patrol. I wouldn’t put it past the Military Police to spy on us. Mike, go over whatever supplies and gear we have here with us. That’s all we’ll be able to bring into Sina, as we won’t have the opportunity to stop at our official headquarters. The MP has a reputation to maintain, and can only allow themselves to be so accommodating.”

“I’ll see to it.”

“We’ll leave right away!”

After they left, the door closing behind them, Erwin folded his arms over his chest and inhaled deeply. “Before we discuss the change in power dynamic any further there is something else I feel obligated to discuss with the two of you. No matter the outcome,” he began, “I want you to make me a promise. No matter what happens in Sina, no matter what happens to me, no matter **what** , do not allow the Survey Corps to fall apart. Do all you can to keep it intact. I grant you both, and you alone, full authorization to use any means necessary.”

“You sound convinced that we’re on the verge of falling apart,” Levi noted. “Otherwise you wouldn’t bother calling in your right hand man and…attack dog to discuss that too.”

“ _Ignoring that_ , he’s right. Levi and I are both second-in-command now. Our security is guaranteed but as Commander you would be held accountable, meaning the security of your position is already compromised. And the title of ‘Commander’ isn’t needed to carry out the responsibilities of the rank. Because we are both second-in-command we have an obligation to take over until the office is properly filled, but we have no way of determining how that will be done if there are two of us. We can’t have two Commanders or Acting Commanders, can we?”

“No, we can’t. This is the contingency I spoke of earlier. And so we can be ready in the event of a forced abdication on my part I want you at the forefront in Stohess.”

“You don’t want _us_ at the forefront.” Levi nodded towards the youngest. “You want _her_ at the forefront.”

“What? Why only me?” She looked back and forth between them, then noticed that she was standing in front of Erwin and Levi was seated off to the side. His hand was clutching his left leg.

“Why do you think, idiot? I can’t fight right now. And I don’t have the luxury of spending time to heal. As far as combat goes I’m useless. That shit is all on you,” he replied briskly, annoyed by both the reminder of his injury. They had grown so comfortable working together that the idea of working entirely independently on separate operations was uncomfortable. It wasn’t the physical distance but the lack of involvement from the other party. Erwin had anticipated this to be a potential issue.

“That isn’t going to be a problem, is it?” He gave Saskia an expectant look.

 _Fighting without Levi on the battlefield…It sounds so alien…But I can’t let Erwin know that. I can’t let Levi know that! I shouldn’t even feel that way._ Saskia masterfully hid her reservations. “Novel, but not problematic. Then again, that isn’t something I guarantee until the time comes, is it?”

“You damn well better make it happen.” Levi’s sudden control of the conversation flow surprised both Saskia and Erwin. “Your actions don’t only reflect on the Survey Corps, they reflect on me. When your ass is out there on the front line I expect you to perform at your best, if not better. I agreed to work with you for a reason. You fuck it up, and that tells me I made the wrong decision. When you’re out there remember it’s all going to serve as a reminder of what that reason was. Am I clear?”

“Yes. Absolutely. But I expect the same of you once you are able to fight again. Do not make me regret the extension I made six years, nor the desire to continue on.” Her sharp tone matched his. “But Erwin, the likelihood of that being necessary is negligible at best.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be prepared for any and every scenario. As far as our entry, I decided to follow your suggestion. Kirschtein will pose as Eren. Because we are still first and second-in-command, as far as everyone else knows, Levi and I will be riding together. I want you to ride with ‘Eren’ so he is not unsupervised. There’s no doubt in my mind they would expect it of us, and if are already prepared to do so-”

“We look ready to cooperate,” Levi finished.

“And it would safer to have one of our own in there with him than an MP escort. What would you like us to do?”

“When Hanji and Moblit return we’re going to revise the traps we used in the Forest of Giant Trees. I want to have plenty ready and spread throughout Stohess in the event that Annie, assuming she is the Female Titan, shifts. You two…for now, there isn’t much you can do. You’re as prepared as you can be so see to it that the others are as well. We’ll start drills again today. The cadets, like the rest of us did, are going to learn the hard way that we can’t schedule our actions around their emotional healing.” He paused, then quickly turned around and looked out the window to try and distract himself from age old memories that were starting to surface. “Should a skirmish break out they will have the advantage of being able to use their 3DMG this time. Saskia, I’ve decided that I was you to remain on the ground. Don’t lead any groups. Don’t interfere with any collaborative combat. That’s not to say I want you to refrain from fighting, but you’re an observer. Try and lead them through the tides, not alter the tides.” _If you were to be moving about the rooftops you might see Kseniya…Will she be out there? She’s Annie’s supervisor, but I haven’t heard anything about her being present in Stohess._

 _Why does he seem so sullen? Is he…thinking about Colleen?_ “I had best familiarize myself with the layout of the roads then. May I have the map to study?”

“Hm? Oh, yes, here.” He took the rolled up parchment off his desk and handed it to her. “As a primarily residential district its layout is quite straightforward, unlike most commercial and industrial wards and districts. You shouldn’t have any trouble with it.”

“I’ll start right away. And, um, Erwin?”

“What is it?” His volume gradually began to taper.

“‘It’s hard to forget someone who gives you so much to remember’,” she said quietly. “I’ll be in my room should you need me.” Her pace was uncharacteristically slow and the look on her face seemed more like a retreat than departure.

After she exited Erwin waited until she was out of earshot. Once it was safe to speak he turned to Levi. “Who do you think she’s trying to convince?”

Levi's eyes slowly trailed towards the doorway. “She’s trying to convince herself. She can’t accept the possibility that the Survey Corps can fail.”

“I hope she doesn’t write off that promise as pointless.”

“You and me both.”

“Keep an eye on her. Something is amiss.” _You can’t fall apart Saskia.  Not now. Not yet._

“I could say the same about you,” Levi replied casually as he rose, en route to the bedroom he and Saskia shared. Instead of studying the map as she planned on doing she was laying face down on the bed, the map still rolled up and on the corner of the desk.

“Residential,” she muttered, lifting her head slightly so she wasn’t speaking into the pillow. “Damn it. Damn it all to Hell and back.”

He almost slammed the door shut, making her jump. “What is wrong with you?” he demanded harshly.

She rolled over onto her back, propping herself up by her elbows. “Levi, don’t lecture me. I don’t want to hear it.”

“And I don’t want to say it but apparently I have to until you start listening.” He stormed up to her, roughly grabbing the collar of her shirt. “You can’t think straight. Your feelings are clouding your judgment. You don’t know how or why you ended up here, and you need to get over that. You’re chasing after a figment of your imagination. The ‘Luzia Messmann’ you hope to find isn’t real. You know what is real?” He pointed downwards. “Those brats. And they need you to focus on the current objective, not a personal agenda. Unless you no longer believe we won’t fail.”

“Of course not!” she protested, prying his hand off of her. “We’ll…we’ll win.” She sat up and clenched her fists. “Everything will be okay in the end.”

He dropped down to eye level, palms on either side of her. “Are you saying that to me, or yourself?” he asked acrimoniously. “You don’t sound very convinced.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s possible. The safety and well-being of your _real_ family is in jeopardy if this fails. Luzia Messmann is **nothing** to you. She’s nothing at all.  It’s just a name. Don’t put a face to it.” She turned her head but her grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. “Let’s pretend she did sell you. Let’s pretend she was paid up front, before you were born, and that’s how she managed to buy a luxurious home in Stohess. How would you react if she told you that? Would it make you feel complete, Saskia? Could you handle an answer like that? Being told by the woman who brought you into this world that she never wanted you, only the benefits she could reap from your birth?”

“I have no idea how I would react. The only way I would know is if I talked to her.”

“Let’s pretend you were kidnapped. Let’s pretend she loved you. Let’s pretend she always hoped that someday the two of you would reunite, and you do.” His expression hardened. “Now let’s pretend Eren crushes her while fighting the Female Titan. What then?”

Her jaw began to tremble. She knew Luzia’s presence in Stohess put her in immediate danger but she never thought of it in those terms. Harsh and cruel as it sounded, Eren was a threat to her. “Then…then I…” Saskia swallowed heavily.

“And let’s pretend he knew that was your biological mother, only to later learn he killed her. He still feels responsible for what happened to my squad but he did nothing to cause that. But this would be different, wouldn’t it? It would be his fault because he couldn’t control his Titan. Would you want to protect him? That’s why the monarchy wants to kill him. Would you share their sentiment? She is your dearly beloved mother.”

_SMACK!_

Breathing heavily she snarled, “How fucking dare you ever insinuate that I would deliberately allow one of my cadets come to harm, especially by inflicting that harm myself! Of all the heinous accusations that could ever be thrown at me that is by far the most revolting and preposterous I have EVER heard! I would **literally** offer my beating heart to humanity before harming one of my cadets! I would rather rip it out with my bare hands than inflict so much as a paper cut to one of them!”

The stun from her outburst combined with striking him in the face caused him to let go of her chin but did little to diminish his anger. “Then start acting like it!  Instead of getting so defensive over someone who doesn’t exist, defend the cadets you claim to care so much about.”

“You ever, **ever** say anything like that again I will tear your head off.”

“What? That you would deliberately harm your precious cadets?”

“That they deserve it for things beyond their control.”

After a slight pause he couldn’t help but crack a satisfied smirk. “I was hoping you would say that.”

Her eyes widened and she began to breathe heavily. “You…you went out of your way to anger me like that?” she asked incredulously. Deep down she knew she shouldn’t have been surprised.

“It brought you back to your senses,” he replied monotonously. “If that’s what needs to happen to keep you focused on what really matters, the people that truly matter then you’re damn right I’m going to get you riled up so you realize how moronic and childish you’re being.”

“…is it really that childish to want to know a little more about my family? About where I come from?”

He pulled the twine off of the map and let it unravel. “Your family is down the hall. Where you came from doesn’t mean a damn thing. Where you are now is all you should concern yourself with.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “And right now I’m very concerned about where you are.”

“You mean the state that I’m in.”

“That you _allowed_ yourself to be in.”

“Yes, you’re right. I did allow those thoughts and feelings to get the better of me." She rose and stood next to him, eyes on the map.

“What was so damn important that made Hanji hold up the meeting?”

“She wanted to talk about our sex life.” Saskia looked down at the map, softly humming _The Wings of Freedom_.

Murder in his eyes, he slowly he lifted his head and turned to her. “She what?” His tone was unnervingly calm.

“She noticed how awkward I became this morning when the topic came up.”

“We all noticed.”

“And she wanted to know why.”

“I sincerely hope I misheard you. If not, then you just told me that the two of you held up the meeting to discuss our sex life. And, more importantly…you discussed our sex life with the LAST person-!”

“Erwin should be the person you should be concerned about,” she interrupted coolly, tracing a finger along the grid-like layout of the streets. If she was to direct those stationed overhead she needed to know where she was going in the first place.

“Seeing as Erwin will never know because you’re not stupid enough to tell him and I can’t help but feel that he’d lock me out here in what’s left of Maria if he ever found out the ‘finer details’ from me, he isn’t a concern. Hanji is a concern.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s Hanji!” he hissed. “Son of a bitch…What did you tell her?” he demanded.

“Nothing I was able to articulate until getting those thoughts out of my head.”

“That being?” he pushed.

“After using an analogy I hate to admit was spot on because it involved Titans, she came to two conclusions.” Saskia couldn’t face him, not because of his frustration but her own shyness regarding the topic. “I’m putting too much pressure on myself in regards to…what you, what you told me to do and how my body is my responsibility,” she squeaked. “And that’s making it difficult for me to enjoy it because I’m too busy focusing on why I’m _not_ to be able to.”

 _That…is probably my fault._ “And conclusion number two?”

“You’re probably anxious. Could you bring yourself to admit you’re anxious?” She leaned down and folded her arms on the desk. “The thought hadn’t occurred to me until she mentioned it. And if it’s true then we’re both guilty of not sharing something.”

Admitting to insecurity wasn’t something he enjoyed doing, especially to a person he felt obligated to making feel secure. “No wonder we’re compatible. We’re the only people who deal with each other’s bullshit. Which is very exhausting…” He shot her a mocking smirk, drinking in the shocked look on her face before adding, “But, like I said before, worth it.” He reached out to put a hand on her cheek and she leaned into his touch. “Listen Saskia, maybe I put a little too much pressure on you. Truth is Hanji’s right. I didn’t care for the women I’ve been with in the past. Call me callous, call me selfish, I’ve heard it countless times from you already.”

A slight grin tugged at her lips at his deadpan delivery, but then she shot him a confused look. “But that wasn’t the case before, with me that is. Perhaps that was why I was so expectant that it would ‘breathtaking’ from the start. True, I wasn’t your girlfriend at the time and in denial of my own feelings…”

“And that was a realization I wanted you to come to on your own.” He then muttered under his breath, “Even if it took six mother shitty fucking years.”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered,” she teased, and then her eyes lit up. “Studying this wasn’t an order. It was something I requested to do.”

“I was ordered to make sure you get it done.”

“In other words you were ordered to stay with me. And if there’s no deadline…” She bit her lip. “I would, um, like to, perhaps, maybe, try putting Hanji’s advice, her advice into, um…practice? No, not practice. Implementation,” she corrected with a nod, mustering as much confidence as she could. “A much better word.”

“What did you have in mind?”

She shook her head. “Nothing at all. It is Survey Corps tradition to improvise.”

Roughly an hour later Erwin asked Mike to go see how much progress Levi and Saskia made. To most a locked door would mean they were still working. But to someone with a nose as sensitive as his he knew better than to disturb his superiors.

“They’re still working?” Erwin asked surprised when Mike returned empty handed.

“I think they’re taking every possible position into consideration. They are very thorough, after all.”

At the other end of the hall Hanji sat at her desk, reading an interesting text Saskia found when she last entered the sub-basement called _Kama Sutra_. “My work here is done,” she said proudly to herself as she turned the page, taking mental notes.

**3:19 PM, Erwin’s Room**

“Why is the ink on this map smudged? And what caused these crinkles?” Erwin spread the paper to try and smooth out the creases.  "On second thought, don't answer that.  You look rather flushed.  Are you feeling alright?”

Saskia’s arms were folded behind her back as usual, this time to hide the ink on her hands courtesy of once sweaty palms and fingertips having pressed down on the map. She was far too distracted at the time to notice exactly where her hands fell when they hit the desk.  She brushed off his concern with a soft laugh. “If I were ill would Levi have willingly spent the last three hours in an isolated space with me? Now that that’s out of the way…” She started pacing, giving him the occasional glance. “Colleen. You’re thinking about her again.”

“I envy you. The day Colleen died was the day I decided I could never afford to be involved with anyone. Romantically. I can afford to have a sister,” he added reassuringly. “I don’t know when I’m going to die and I don’t anyone to go through what I did, or worse, when she died. The first woman I ever felt anything for. But you and Levi are veterans. I wasn’t, and I survived. She was, and she died. You’re never concerned about the other outside of the walls. You're confident in the other to take care of themselves. And you’ve known each other for so long you came to terms with the possibility of losing each other long ago. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but you accepted it. I never had that chance. The Lance Corporal and General are able to cooperate and collaborate just as easily as Levi and Saskia. I’m grateful that the two of you are second-in-command…together. If anything were to happen to me I know the cadets are in good hands because the two of you…I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.”

Saskia pulled up a chair and sat by him. “I don’t think Colleen would want that,” she said softly. “She was the closest thing I ever had to a maternal figure. She was the one who taught me why smiling is so important. She hated bloodshed more than any other soldier I’ve ever known but she knew it was a…necessary evil. I didn’t understand that way of thinking when I was five, six, whatever. So one day, when she was still Team Leader, I found her repairing her gear. I had just turned six and she was in charge of the first phases of my 3DMG training. I was helping her, because my tiny fingers could reach some of the smaller parts better than hers, and she said to me ‘For someone so young you act very much like an adult’. I was a little pissed off because she used the word ‘act’. To me that was an implication that it was fake or I was failing at what Shardis expected of me. She could tell that I was pissed off so she continued. ‘I know it must be hard to have a chance to be a kid when you grow up here’.”

He ran his hand down his face. “Saskia, please stop.”

“Let me finish. I asked her what she meant when she said I didn’t have a chance to be a kid. She told me a little about her childhood, her family, why she entered the military. I asked her why she joined the Survey Corps if she didn’t like bloodshed. She told me that not enough people behind the walls have a reason to smile and she hoped to change to that. Again I was confused, because why is smiling so damn important? She looked me straight in the eye and said ‘We live in an ugly world, but people who smile are people who can see the beauty that remains’. I asked her where that beauty was. She told me I would see it outside the walls. Yes, I smile to lift the spirits of others. I smile to ward off pain. But that isn’t how it started. I started smiling because my first time outside the walls Colleen showed me something that I couldn’t find inside this cesspool of corruption and degradation- how to climb a tree.” She could see Erwin fighting a smile as she continued on.

“Shardis wasn’t happy with her when she did that but she stood her ground and said ‘Saskia is a small and growing child, and if you want me to have anything to do with training her I’m going to treat her like one’. When Colleen taught me how to climb a tree, that was the beginning of the way I move now. Relying more on my body than my gear, jumping and swinging from one tree to another, infantry instead of cavalry. He tailored my training to what I took away from that one experience. Climbing a damn tree. If not for Colleen I couldn’t smile for I would see no point. I never would have developed the stealth skills that eventually branded me ‘the Silent Knife’. I wouldn’t be your sister. I would have killed Levi. She left me with plenty to remember and I’m grateful that we crossed paths because she was such an important person both to my maturing…and to me. Thinking about what happened makes me sad, of course…” She shuddered. “I respect her memory by remembering her words. I know she wouldn’t want me to dwell, she would want me to carry on. As I moved forward I took everything she taught with me. She wouldn’t want you to dwell on her death. She would want you to remember her through all the memories you shared, not as a mangled corpse.”

Erwin was quiet for a long period of time. Saskia waited while he gathered his thoughts. “How come you never told me this before?” he asked quietly.

“I know how painful the memory is for you. I saw no point in bringing it up unless you did.” She leaned forward. “Through the power of tough love Levi was able to make me acknowledge that it’s possible for the Survey Corps to fail.” She faked a gag. “I feel the need to wash my mouth out for saying such a thing. Hard as it was for me to accept, he was able to get through to me. Again. I want my Commander to know that I am preparing myself for the worst. And I want my brother to know that I will be able to take care of myself. Neither need to worry about me.”

He pat her on the head. “I’m not anymore. You have a tendency of allowing your idealism to get the better of you and considering how close you’ve become to our newest cadets I couldn’t help but wonder if you would…fall back into an old habit.” He gave her a knowing look.

“I can understand why that would concern you. We’ve never placed so much responsibility on three cadets.”

“I know. And I’m sure they’re scared. We all are. But as commanding officers we have an obligation to put our fears aside so they don’t interfere with our work, and to set a precedent to the newer soldiers. You told them that it’s perfectly acceptable to remain an emotional being outside of the walls, and I don’t disagree. Something I think you failed to teach them is that those feelings can’t dictate their actions; if left unchecked it can happen.”

“In other words, while it’s perfectly acceptable to be afraid…we need to show them that it’s possible to face any and every oppositional entity without allowing fear to rule us. I would only disagree with you under one circumstance.” She held up a finger. “Only if there was a thunderstorm raging outside right now…Why are you glaring at me?”

“Why is your finger covered in ink?”

“…there’s nothing I can say that won’t incriminate me so I shall leave that to your imagination. Well then, I should get ready and collect my little gaggle of goslings and STOP GLARING! But if you must place blame anywhere, I take full responsibility.”

“Perhaps you work a little too well together.”

* * *

**Levi and Saskia’s Room, 10:52 PM**

“You deserved that.”

“Shut up.”

“Letting him see the ink on your hands…”

“I said shut up!” Saskia yelled as she wrung out her thick locks in a fluffy towel. Her soaked uniform was hanging off the back of the desk chair. Had she not adapted Levi’s habit of always bringing at least two spare uniforms with her she would have nothing to wear until it dried. “I didn’t let him. I…was careless, yes, but I didn’t show him intentionally.”

“What were you talking about when he saw?”

“My fear of thunderstorms…”

“And what happened as soon as you took those shitheads out for a five hour training session?”

“A thunderstorm…”

“You deserved that.”

“I heard you the first time!” She whipped the towel at him. “At least the storm has ended...” She glanced at the shaking shutters, at the mercy of the lingering winds. “Levi?”

“What?” He was laying on his back holding an unsullied copy of the Stohess map up, studying it as they had neglected to earlier.

“I think I understand what Erwin meant. When he was talking about ensuring that the Survey Corps remain intact.”

“Enlighten me. He really did sound like he was afraid that it’s falling apart.”

“He entrusted us with the Survey Corps as a whole, yes? This is rhetorical but at the end of the day every soldier is a what? A human being. The Survey Corps, every military branch, is the sum of its parts. The soldiers. And the humans beneath the uniform.”

“Not the Survey Corps as an institution but…the soldiers? Ridiculous. That’s no different than what Shardis did. He would never do that to you.”

Saskia shook her head. “I don’t believe that he meant _every_ soldier. A building needs a foundation, a base of some sort. And they all begin the same. Same materials, same skills needed to create the foundation that will support the building everyone else sees. If the Survey Corps is a building, then what would the foundation be? The first building block? The cadets. I think when he instructed us to ensure it remains intact he was referring to them. Senior officers are nothing without cadets to train and take their place. They are the next generation, our future.”

“Then we’re screwed.”

She gave him a backhanded slap on the upper arm. “Honestly…Then again, this might be the very reason he explicitly said he’s glad that they’re in _our_ hands.”

“Why? Because you enjoy smacking me?”

“No, silly. You’re more openly critical of them in a way that helps foster their abilities and performance. I’m more openly warm in a way that supports building confidence in those abilities and how it impacts their performance.”

“I handle their constitution, you handle their fortitude. Making sure they continue their training in a balanced manner.”

“Yes, of course. But…I suppose what I was implying…is that you take on a more traditional paternal role and I take on a more traditional maternal role. Considering how closely we work with them we’re more than just the Work Wife and Work Husband. We’re the closest things they have to…parental figures.”

“Oh.” He quickly turned away. “Sure, that works too I suppose. Anyway-”

“Are you blushing?”

“No.”

“Then look at me.”

“No.” He covered his face with the map.

“And you accuse me of being childish,” she snickered.

“Maybe that’s because you **are**.”

“An argument could be made that the one being childish right now is you.”

“If you want to start an argument then keep slacking off.” He handed her the map. “Or memorize the routes.”

“This red dot right here is where Hanji’s improved traps will be, correct? Each team’s location is marked numerically…And this is the underground tunnel they will lead Annie to. What are all of these Ls for?” She pointed to various spots on the map.

“Absolute worst case scenario those would be the easiest ways for me to get around Stohess. He’s leaving that to your discretion.”

“If you’re needed how am I supposed to inform you?”

“Red flare.”

“I’m surprised he’s allowing you out there…” She continued to study the map.

“I’m not. I don’t know why but he’s being extremely cautious…Cautious enough that I think he doesn’t believe this will work. It might not be the operation itself. Remember, we have to get past the MP. They won’t hesitate to shackle him.”

“Dawk wouldn’t dare put my brother in chains,” she murmured darkly, eyes narrowing. “Unless he has a death wish.”

“If he had a death wish he would’ve stayed in the Survey Corps.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character Colleen, who was also mentioned in my five-part song challenge for Saskia and Erwin, belongs to xxtheblackdevilxx on deviantArt. Here's her bio- http://xxtheblackdevilxx.deviantart.com/art/Attack-on-Titan-Colleen-Berliner-451669926


	30. Before We May Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same day as before, but I wanted to give the cadets some screen time. Now...we enter Stohess :)

**Old Survey Corps Headquarters, First Year Male Cadet Dorms, July 13 th, 6:02 AM (Two Days Before Entering Stohess)**

“You guys go ahead and get breakfast; we’ll catch up with you.” Reiner looked down at Bertholdt, still in bed and sweating profusely. “I want to keep an eye on him…just in case.”

“Alright. See you later,” a glum Connie replied, closing the door to the dorm.

As soon as the door closed Bertholdt sat up, wiping the sweat away with his blankets. “I can’t believe they think I’m sick…I’m always sweating.”

Reiner, sitting on the bed right next to Bertholdt’s, folded his hands together. “Looks like the extra blanket trick worked.”

“They’re going to notice if we ‘disappear’,” the tallest muttered. “How are we even supposed to help Annie?”

The blond shrugged. “Erwin hasn’t heard back yet about what they want us to do. They didn’t even tell him anything about…whatever her name is. The psycho woman giving Annie orders. I think they might want us to stay out of this one, but I don’t know what they want from him. It would make more sense to keep us here…in case something were to happen to Annie.” He kicked at the floor.

“Isn’t that all the more reason to do something?!” Bertholdt asked frantically.

“Keep your voice down!” he hissed, glancing nervously at the door. “Annie and the two of us answer to different superiors. The only time we were supposed to work together was, you know…‘the kick’. She’s staying close to the brass, we’re infiltrating. All we know is that Erwin plans on keeping General Saskia on the ground to direct the teams when the fight between her and Eren breaks out.” _I almost feel sorry for her…How long has she known him? Seen him as an older brother? But all along he’s been answering to them. Finding out the truth about him will break her heart._

“You’re attached to her. You need to let it go,” the other scolded. “It’s dangerous. She’s dangerous. The fact that she’s so close to Levi makes it even worse.”

“Erwin has her on a tight invisible leash. And I’m not attached,” he added defensively. “But this place is pretty damn gloomy and she’s entertaining. That’s all.”

“If you say so…”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

Bertholdt shook his head. “No, I only…” He needn’t elaborate further as they were both thinking the same thing. If they could have it their way they would be loyal soldiers to the Survey Corps, not spies working under another spy. The thought of the inevitable betrayal made Bertholdt nauseas and began to tear away at Reiner’s sanity. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. It’s not our mission.”

“Right. Yeah, there’s no need to discuss it. Annie will do what Annie has been ordered to do. And we’ll follow Erwin’s instructions. It’s as simple as that.”

Bertholdt nodded. “Simple as that,” he echoed.

“If you’re going to lecture me on attachments, then you need to get over your crush on Annie,” Reiner said harshly. “Even if she is our comrade.”

“I could say the same to you about Sasha.”

“That was when we were trainees,” he scoffed. “She doesn’t mean anything to me. Not anymore.”

Bertholdt narrowed his eyes. “Now I’m calling you a liar.”

Before Reiner could retort the door opened and Moblit entered carrying two glasses of water. “The cadets said that one of you seemed feverish,” he said, “so I brought these for you.” _Neither look like it though. Are they faking to get out of the operation?_

Fist over his mouth, Bertholdt started coughing. “Thank you,” he replied, voice cracked and groggy.

“If you’re not feeling well you should probably go to the infirmary,” Moblit advised as he gave the cadet the water. “The others might catch it.” He eyed Reiner and nodded towards the door.

 _Damn it._ “Hadn’t thought of that. Thanks for coming over,” he said as he rose and left the dorms, en route to the mess hall.

“This building is a little smaller than our current headquarters. Do you know where the infirmary is?”

“No, but I don’t think that’s necessary.” He finished both glasses and handed them back.

“We can’t afford for an illness to break out. If you’re not feeling well then you have to go. I might not be a senior officer but I’m still an officer vicariously through Squad Leader Hanji, so I’m ordering you to go. I’ll escort you there.”

“A-al-ri-right,” he stuttered, maintaining the guttural tone that generally accompanied an ailment of the throat.

After Moblit took him to the infirmary he was given a makeshift bed and some tea for his throat. Still sweating from nervousness induced by maintaining his façade, he was flushed and warm enough to convince the small medical staff that he was ill. He took a deep sigh of relief, faking a cough every now and then while he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. He was concerned that Reiner was becoming too attached to the lifestyle they had been faking for five years. He tried his best to distance himself, for once in his life grateful for his inherent social anxiety. But Reiner was social, a leader, and one the others looked up to and admired. In turn he admired figures of strength and potential, namely the petite General who had bested him in countless arm wrestling contests and a perky but capable cadet from a hunting village and an affinity for potatoes.

Annie’s failure had made her seem to be a liability, but they weren’t informed enough on her role in the entire scheme to say for certain. Inability to communicate with her superior, a woman whom Bertholdt had come to loathe because of her treatment towards Annie, made it difficult to determine. But he had seen firsthand the struggle Reiner was facing, the struggle to maintain his focus and not lose himself to what they both wished they could have when in truth they were forced to destroy it. Reiner was undoubtedly a liability.

“You’re a terrible faker.”

Bertholdt turned his head to the side. In the darker corner of the makeshift infirmary Ymir was lying on a cot, a cold compress on her forehead. “…what brings you here?” he asked quietly.

“I had a weird dream last night. I was talking in my sleep and Krista woke me up to make sure I was okay, and to shut me up. I had trouble falling back asleep and I woke up this morning with a throbbing headache. I was really dizzy…Needed help moving around to get up here. What’s your story? Trying to get out training?”

“There’s training scheduled for today?”

“There will be. This is the military, not a babysitting service. Hopefully I’ll be well enough by then to head out there…” Her dark eyes traveled towards the window. “Though it looks like we might have some shitty weather later. Did you hear the rumor about the General?”

“There are a lot of rumors about her,” he pointed out. “Some…are rather disturbing.”

“Slicing off Titan faces and then screaming at them to submit to her will? That’s not disturbing, that’s hilarious!” she chuckled. “Imagine someone as small as her doing that to, I dunno, the Colossal Titan. I would pay to see that.”

“Heh, yeah, that would be rather amusing…”

Holding the cold compress to her forehead she turned onto her side to face him. “Rumor has it she’s terrified of thunderstorms. No one knows why but she can’t stand them. Outside the walls she can deal with it because…she doesn’t have a choice. But behind closed doors she has panic attacks. Cruel as this might sound I like that.”

“You like the idea of one of our superiors, someone in charge of making us stronger, being afraid of something?” he asked surprised.

Ymir shook her head slowly before dropping back down to the pillow, regretting moving at all. “It makes her seem more…human. Sure, the thought of all those outlandish rumors being true is great. It’s no wonder Reiner calls her General Badass. But I don’t want to be trained by someone seemingly invincible. Her, the Commander, the Lance Corporal, any of them. They have to put up this tough act to make us feel more secure, that they can protect us no matter what. I’d rather be protected by someone who can feel fear than someone who doesn’t know fear at all. Someone who can’t feel fear can’t provide any sense of safety to people who feel it.”

“I see what you mean…” He heard the nurse coming and started coughing. She pressed the back of her hand against his forehead. Warm, but not necessarily feverish. But he was still red and sweating. She came back with more tea for his throat and a cold compress to fight off the high temperature.

After she left Ymir gave him an expectant look. “So what’s the reason? Are you in disbelief too?”

“About what?” he asked, feigning cluelessness.

“Annie. As the Female Titan. It wasn’t the most obvious thing in the word, but you didn’t hide it very well. Your crush on her. If I found out Krista was in cahoots with the Bitch Titan, Fat Titan, and Tall Titan I…I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Are you two actually…together?”

Ymir chuckled. “Good question. When I know, I’ll be sure to tell you.”

* * *

**Mess Hall**

“She was mumbling in her sleep, twitching a little…She was definitely having a nightmare.” Krista sighed. “She wouldn’t say what about though. She didn’t get much sleep after I woke her up, and now she has a terrible headache.

“Bertholdt is sick too,” Jean replied, poking at his cold porridge. “Squad Leader Hanji’s assistant overheard us talk about it on the way here, and he’s taking him to the infirmary I guess.”

“Ymir is there,” Sasha muttered. Even her appetite was bordering on null. “She could barely walk this morning. Maybe it’s the stress? She’s eating well enough…I haven’t been able to steal food from her, so that has to count for something.”

“Look over at those five.” Connie nodded towards Erwin, Mike, Hanji, Levi, and Saskia. “They look depressed and defeated. Reassuring…”

“They’re under a great deal of pressure organizing this operation,” Armin said in their defense. “I doubt they’re defeated or depressed. It’s still early in the morning too. Everyone looks downtrodden.” He motioned around the entirety of the small mess hall.

“Eren, you need to eat something,” Mikasa urged quietly. He said nothing, only stared at the table. She glanced around at the male cadets, Reiner joining them as she did so. “Did he sleep at all last night?” She turned her head towards Eren and saw his eyes were hazy and glazed over, dark purple rings beneath them.

“Not really,” Jean said somewhat bitterly. “Apparently he’s forgotten how many people are counting on him and-”

“That’s enough,” Krista scolded, furrowing her brow. “Apparently he hasn’t. Otherwise he wouldn’t be losing sleep. Put yourself in his position for a moment before judging him.” She gave Eren a light pat on the back but he hardly acknowledged her.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” Connie said somewhat ominously. “I always thought there was something weird about Annie. She was always distant. She didn’t care about anyone but herself.”

“We don’t know any of that for certain,” Armin said somewhat defensively. “We’ll find out the truth when we go to Stohess.”

 _Maybe it’s just me_ , Reiner thought as he carefully eyed the smaller blond, _but it sounds like Bertholdt might have some competition. Why did Annie smile at him when she lifted his hood? He’s one of the last people she would’ve wanted to see out there._

“You’re pretty quiet.” Jean elbowed Reiner.

“Huh? Just thinking about Bertholdt. The last thing we need is for all of us to get sick.”

“Levi Heichou would go ballistic.”

“Finally, he speaks!” Eren’s frenemy exclaimed with a slight roll of his eyes.

“Shove it Horse Face,” the young shifter replied. His stomach ached from denying his appetite and eventually he gave in, much to Mikasa’s relief.

When breakfast ended the cadets were given most of the day off to gather themselves; training was inevitable. In two days they were about to undergo one of the riskiest operations in the history of the branch. Considering how unprepared they already were they least they could do was ensure the cadets were ready, relatively speaking, on either a mental or physical level.

Though few were close to Annie, some having felt her to be untrustworthy from the start, it was still a shock to all of them. But the fact that they underwent their trainee days together made her all the more dangerous if she were in fact the Female Titan. She knew everything they had been taught, every move and maneuver they could use to try and thwart her, giving her an insight on how to counter it. This fact excluded Annie’s own skills, namely having made it into the top ten of their class.

Annie wasn’t the only one troubling them however. While most had forgotten Armin’s and Jean’s testimony, the latter felt the need to discuss it further. On the upper levels of the building, one floor above the rooms claimed by the officers, Jean asked Armin to meet him after breakfast. He needn’t ask why as he already knew what Jean was thinking.

“Confronting him would be stupid, but you and I both saw it.” Jean settled on the top of the staircase.

Armin, standing against the wall across from him nodded. “Yes, we did. But we don’t know what we saw. Perhaps he did break free. The steam rising from her palm could have been from his attempts to break free, which is why she let him go.”

“Maybe,” Jean shrugged. “But when he was in that bitch’s huge hand blood spurted out. And it didn’t evaporate so it wasn’t Titan blood. He did some sort of damage but didn’t draw blood. That says something about her skin. Maybe it’s tough, like what they say about the Armored Titan. But you…” He narrowed his eyes. “You already knew that. You’re the one who came to the conclusion that Annie is the most likely suspect. You’re one of the most observant people I know. And you didn’t…” He cocked his head to the side. “You’re not in the same boat as Jaeger, are you?”

Armin shook his head. “No, I’ve accepted the high possibility that Annie is the Female Titan. Otherwise I would not have presented it to Commander Erwin.” _But that was initially difficult to accept…General Saskia didn’t talk me into it, but she pointed out how detrimental it would be if I hadn’t. She put it into perspective._

“And you hate that, don’t you?”

“Don’t we all?” he countered weakly.

“Why did you hesitate to attack her?”

“Why are you interrogating me?”

“Because you like Annie.”

“…Annie, perhaps. But not the Female Titan.”

“What in the hell is the difference?” Jean was having difficulty monitoring his volume.

“This matter is just as personal for me as it is you,” the blond pointed out. “She used Marco’s gear. You think she killed him.”

“I _know_ she killed him. How else would she have gotten her blood stained hands on it?” he spat.

Armin put a finger to his lips. “Keep your voice down. I don’t think confronting Reiner is a good idea. We don’t want to spark an unnecessary divide amongst us. And I don’t think presenting this to the officers is necessary either. Reiner should give a testimony first and we don’t have time for that. We need to keep our focus on entering Stohess.”

“Didn’t the Commander put you in charge of leading Annie to that underground passageway?”

“Yes, he did.”

“You’re smart, you would know exactly what to say to make her cooperate. But you don’t want to deceive her like that, do you?”

“What I want doesn’t matter. If giving up a piece of my humanity in the form of deceiving her is what I need to do, then I will do it. I won’t like it, but does anyone like giving up a piece of their humanity?”

“The General,” Jean said with a shrug. “But she’s…weird. She has a weird way of seeing things. And yet here she is, third-in-command. Thanks to the Commander, no less. The person who fundamentally disagrees with damn near everything she thinks about leadership and humanity and…stuff.”

“They’ve known each other a long time. He trusts her enough to have a position of authority. If not he wouldn’t have advocated for her to have one. The rank ‘General’ was invented specifically for her, remember? That was what she told Eren and what she told us the first night we sat down with her and had dinner together. I don’t believe her to be objective enough to listen to what Reiner would have to say, though. She strikes me as an idealist. She’s strong and can strategize but I don’t know how I feel about having someone like that training me and giving me direction.”

“I’m neutral. She knows what she’s doing or she wouldn’t be General. Commander Erwin advocated for her, but he wasn’t the Commander at the time. Shardis was the one who gave the OK.” He waved a hand dismissively. “None of that matters right now. One thing at a time. Today is break day…kind of. Tomorrow is debriefing and preparation day.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I want to enjoy what little time we have left before…God knows what. I don’t want to get myself into a panic until absolutely necessary. I just don’t know what to do about Reiner and that’s getting in the way of my being able to enjoy this ‘free time’, if you can call it that.”

“There isn’t anything we can do.” Armin rubbed his temples. “This is all so overwhelming. But I can’t let Eren see that. You told him that we’re counting on him. He’s counting on us too, you know. Don’t forget that.”

* * *

**Kitchen, 12:31 PM**

“I wanted to do something helpful.” Sasha looked through the relatively barren cupboards, desperately searching for anything that constituted as ‘ingredients’. “Cooking with meat is my specialty, coming from a hunting village, but there isn’t much of that to go around.”

“So why do you need me here?” Connie looked at the table, covered in mixing bowls, plates, utensils, perishables, and dry goods.

“To make sure I don’t eat any of it, of course!” she grinned. She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “This isn’t much to work with but I’m sure I can whip something up! I’m amazed at how many potatoes we have left over.”

“That’s because we made sure to keep you away from them,” he teased.

Because the building was so old it didn’t have anything gas powered like contemporary structures did. Instead they had an open fire grill to work with, which would prove very difficult for anything other than roasting. But Sasha was determined and now that the food was out Connie was morally obligated to ensure she didn’t take any of it for herself. They kept the windows open to allow some cool air in; despite that they were still sweating up a storm. Boiling water proved to be the most difficult, as Sasha tried holding a sizable pot with plenty of it and her arms were starting to cramp.

“Connie, you need to hold this!” she squeaked. “If I drop it the flame goes out and the grill is soaked! We can’t start another one!”

“OK, hold on…here we go…got it!” he exclaimed triumphantly. _Damn, this is heavy._

“Phew!” Sasha wiped the sweat off of her forehead. “That was a close one!”

Had Krista not knocked on the door before coming into the kitchen she probably would’ve scared both of them, causing Connie to drop the pot. After going to see Ymir and Bertholdt she offered to get tea for the both of them, different herbal blends to treat her headache and his ‘sore throat’.

“It’s a good thing these are labeled,” the brunette murmured as she pulled boxes out of the cupboard.

“Uh, Sasha, I wouldn’t take those.” Krista’s eyes were wider than a baby woodland creature facing down a pack of wolves. “They belong to the Lance Corporal. General Saskia has some too, I was told. She isn’t as-”

“If he’s as afraid of germs as we’ve been lead to believe then he can handle losing two sachets for ill cadets,” the taller girl reasoned. She dropped the sachets into two mugs, used a measuring cup to scoop out the warm water, and handed them to Krista. “Give them both my best! Especially Ymir…Nightmares and now bad headaches? Hardly able to walk too. Better get this to her right away.”

“Mm hm. Thank you,” the petite blonde smiled cheerfully and left to return to the infirmary.

“What were Ymir’s nightmares about? Did she say?” Connie asked as Sasha held a strainer of vegetables over the hot water, trying to steam them.

“No, but she was muttering things about a war and an invasion. Lots of snow. And she said the word ‘Soviet’ a lot. I have no idea what that means though. Have you ever heard it?”

Connie shook his head. “No, I haven’t. Weird.”

“She looked pretty spooked when she woke up too.”

“If this continues she might not be of much help when we head into Stohess.”

“I know. I hope that isn’t the case. We’ll need all the help we can get,” she sighed. “Hooray! Vegetables are done! Sort of. Well it’s better than rotten, right?”

“Better than nothing at all,” he shrugged, almost dropping the water in the process.

* * *

**Infirmary, 12:58 PM  
**

Krista was given a mask to put over her nose and mouth in case either patients were contagious. She gave Bertholdt his tea to which he responded with a hoarse ‘thank you’. After insisting he rest his voice she approached Ymir’s cot, tucked away in the darkest part of the room to help endure the photosensitivity. She pulled up a stool and sat next to her.

“Can you sit up? I should have taken a straw from the kitchen, shouldn’t I? I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

Ymir plopped a hand down on Krista’s head and ruffled her hair. “Don’t worry about it sunshine. I’m a big girl, and big girls don’t use straws.”

“Sick ones do,” the blonde muttered as Ymir slowly sat up. She leaned against the back wall for support, cringing the entire time. One hand held the cold compress and the other was pressed deeply into the bed to stay steady. Krista got onto the bed and knelt in front of her, helping her slowly sip the tea.

Ymir coughed a little, wiping some droplets off of her lower lip. “Did you get that from the kitchen or an outhouse? Because it takes like shit.”

“It’s medicinal. It’s not supposed to taste good.”

“Bertholdt isn’t complaining,” the taller girl griped, watching her counterpart in height enjoy his drink.

“They’re made with different herbs so they’re going to taste different. Come on, drink.” Krista pinched Ymir’s nose. “If you can’t smell, then you can’t taste. This should help.”

“Alright, you’ve made your point,” she replied, her voice high-pitched and nasally.

Giggling at how silly she sounded Krista carefully lifted the warm mug to Ymir’s lips so she could take a few sips. “See? Not so bad now.”

“It will be when you unplug my nose.”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that…”

“Oi, what are you so giddy about?” she snapped.

“Normally you sound so cold and aggressive, but now that you sound so ridiculous it’s hard to take you seriously.” She pressed a hand to her mouth to hold back her laughter. Ymir simply pouted and accepted more tea as Krista offered it.

* * *

**1:42 PM**

After enjoying a late lunch that Sasha and Connie threw together Eren decided to retreat to the dorms until called out for training. Mikasa wouldn’t allow that. She followed him there and, just as the doorknob was secured in his hand, hers was secured in his other.

“Eren…Please don’t hide away in there all day,” she said quietly.

“I ate, didn’t I? Still not enough for you?” he asked monotonously.

“This isn’t about me, this is about you. You aren’t taking care of yourself. I know there is a lot of pressure on you, and I know I will never be able to understand what that burden feels like. But don’t forget that…Jean was wrong.” She firmly tightened her grip and spun him around. “We aren’t completely dependent on you. Yes, you play a big role in all of this for reasons we don’t entirely understand. And you will have to fight. But you won’t be alone out there. Armin and I will be with you. Squad Leader Hanji will have traps set up all over Stohess. Other soldiers will be there too, not just those from out class. And the Commander, the Lance Corporal, and the General are going to deal with the Military Police somehow.” Mikasa put her other hand on his cheek, gently running her thumb along the dark rings under his eye. “General Saskia gave me an order yesterday to make sure you eat. The day we returned she ordered me to make sure you eat. She told me to help bring you out of this state. ‘Just don’t push. Guide’. That was her advice. Do you remember any of what she said to you?”

“That Shardis abused her,” he muttered. “I was disgusted after hearing that. The man that trained all of us tried to turn her into a weapon. She’s covered in scars because of all the terrible things he did to her when she was young, a teenager, and a young adult. That Levi Heichou cares about me, which makes me special. She and I have a lot in common…I know this because of other conversations we’ve had, just the two of us. And she promised that the monarchy would never take me away. That they would never allow me to be executed.”

Mikasa shuddered at the thought and pulled Eren into a hug. “We won’t. We won’t let them take you.”

Slowly he returned her embrace. “This is all too much.”

“I know. But this isn’t your burden alone. Wasn’t that also Saskia’s point? We can’t be faulted for things beyond our control. But some of things beyond her control included being responsible for the lives of all her comrades. She knows that isn’t true anymore, because she can count on her comrades to protect themselves and her as well. That’s why we’re here Eren.”

“We’re here to fight for our freedom,” he countered, brows knit.

“No. Why _we_ are here. You have helped save so many lives and I hope you don’t feel that people will expect you to do that and only that.”

Eren his conversation with Saskia about their shared uncertainties and insecurities about what they can and can’t do. They both felt appreciated for their accomplishments, but only a select few appreciated them as accomplished individuals. Reflexively he hugged Mikasa tighter.

“And if they do, I’ll pummel them.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.” He tried to fight a smile and failed miserably.

…

Somewhere upstairs, around 2 PM, Jean could be heard screaming, “WHY DO I HAVE TO PLAY DRESS UP?!”

* * *

 **Wall Sina, Eastern Walled City, Stohess District, July 15 th, 7:22 AM** _  
_

_“Looking good Annie! That’s my girl!...What are you doing Annie? No breaks!”_

Annie’s sapphire blue eyes slowly flickered open as the bright beams of sunlight poured into her room, hitting her eyelids. _Just a dream…_ she thought to herself and she sat up, still incredibly exhausted. Her light blonde hair was a mess. _From before we got sick…Convinced that if I were physically stronger I wouldn’t catch it._ Judging by the sun’s position in the sky she knew she was late for her daily patrol. “Damn it, Hitch,” she cursed under her breath. “Thanks for waking me up…”

She lazily put on her Military Police uniform, not bothering to smooth it out. Half-lidded, she groped around her bedside table for the spiked ring that Shardis had given her and dropped it into her pocket.


	31. Fallen From Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annie- from the Hebrew name 'Hannah', meaning 'grace'
> 
> Transcriptions from episode 24, episode 25, and parts of chapter 34 of the manga.

**Wall Sina, Eastern Walled City, Stohess District (Cadet Triad Unit)**

Three carriages passed through the outer gate, the first led by Nile Dawk. A row of Military Police cadets lined the streets, saluting as he passed. Amongst them was Annie Leonhardt. As they moved along to keep up with the carriages they were meant to monitor she heard a familiar voice call her name from an alleyway. 

“Annie!” Armin whispered loudly. 

She stopped in partial disbelief and slowly turned her head, then quickly ran off to see if he truly was there or if fatigue was causing her to hallucinate. When she entered he stood before her, covered in a green cloak. Her eyes widened, mouth slightly agape. _What…what’s going on?_

“Hey,” he began, voice shaky. “You’re one of the Military Police now aren’t you?” 

“Armin…” she breathed. “Why are you dressed like that?” 

“I’m a pack bearer. I have my maneuver gear hidden under my rain coat.” He pulled apart the flaps to show her. “Look.” 

“What’s going on?” 

Taking off his hood he asked, “Annie, would you assist me in helping Eren escape?” _How did it come to this?_

_If only_. “Escape where? If you disobey the monarchy where will you go inside these walls?” Her tone reflected disinterest to hide her true emotions. 

“We’ll just hide for awhile,” he swiftly replied. “I don’t intend to fight the monarchy head-on. It will be reported as a rebellion by a portion of the Survey Corps. It’ll buy time. Time we’ll spend finding enough ammunition to counter the other factions at the tribunal. And we _will_ find it.” 

_Bringing Eren under the guise of a tribunal was Kseniya’s idea._ “Enough ammunition?” It sounded laughable when the words passed her lips. “Is something so convenient just lying around? What’s your evidence?” 

He hesitated and with downcast eyes replied quietly, “I’m sorry, but I can’t say.” _Please turn yourself in. We can help you. We’ll take you away from whoever put you up to this._

Annie let out a sharp exhale. “Sorry, but I can’t help you. I won’t tell anyone, but you’ll have to do it on your own.” _I may be killed for not going along with this, but if that will end everything…If I have to resort to such extreme measures of disobedience, I will._ She turned on her heel and began to leave to rejoin the rest of the MP. 

“Annie! Please!” he begged. “Eren will be killed!” 

_No he won’t_. She stopped. _But if I act as if I know that…_ She waited to hear what he had to say. 

“Clueless people who only care about saving their own skin will unwittingly set humanity on a path toward self-destruction! I know I can’t convince you. But even so…I have to make a big gamble! Of course, I’ll do my best to avoid causing you trouble.” 

_It’s far too late for that._ She squeezed her eyes tightly. 

“But to get through the checkpoints within Wall Sina, I need Military Police help! This is the only way!” he insisted. 

She looked over her shoulder. “Armin…Do I really look like such a good person to you?” 

He hesitated. “A good person…? That’s a term I don’t care for much because I feel that’s a term for someone who suits your convenience. No one exists who suits everyone. That’s why if you don’t do what I ask Annie…” He raised his head. “To me you’ll be a bad person.” 

Immediately she turned around. There was a deep conviction burning in his eyes, and it killed her to see it. He believed in what he was doing. He knew he was doing the right thing. But he was trying to get help from the wrong person. Either he knew her secret and wanted to help her, or he knew her secret and was lying to her to expose her as the Female Titan. 

_They wouldn’t instigate a fight here, would they? They must be desperate…How many more lives is Erwin willing to sacrifice to maintain his ruse?_ She studied him thoughtfully. _Unless this really is organized by only a handful in the Survey Corps. Erwin would have no reason to expose me._ She took her standard issue rifle off of her shoulder and leaned it against the wall of the alley. “OK.” She turned at the waist and slipped the metal ring Shardis gave her onto her right hand. “I’ll do it.” 

With Annie now in his company Armin reconvened with Mikasa and Eren, who slipped into Stohess with Hanji and the others hours prior in order to prepare. They had been hiding for a few hours now, one waiting patiently and the other eager to prove everyone else wrong. It was a long, awkward, and painful walk to the underground tunnel Annie was almost entirely convinced that this was an act of rebellion led by Eren until she saw where Armin had led them to. 

_They want to apprehend me. They want to trap me. Erwin is still playing the role of the honest and noble commander I see…His role is more important I suppose._ “Here?” She peered down the dark stairway, not taking another step further. 

Eren’s taunting wasn’t enough to make her move. She continued to resist so long as they insisted on traveling underground. He was getting desperate and anxious, still in disbelief. Armin could sense it and had to dispel his own personal feelings for the sake of the mission, but clung to a tiny thread of hope that Annie could explain herself. Mikasa said nothing, only watched carefully as their companion unconvincingly rambled on about the fears of a ‘frail maiden’. 

“What’s gotten into you?!” Eren yelled, spinning around to face her. “Hurry up and come down here! Stop being absurd!” 

“Eren! Don’t shout!” Mikasa scolded. 

“It’s okay, Mikasa,” Annie assured in an eerily calm voice. Her expression darkened slightly and as the winds began to rustle she added, “For a while now there haven’t been people in this area.” _This is the plan then. Erwin can keep wearing his mask. I have to throw mine away. I’ve finished playing my part…They don’t need me anymore. First my father, then the ones who promised to save my life. One gave me away because I was too weak, another took me in with a promise to make me strong._ Her fists balled. _And somewhere on these rooftops Kseniya is watching, laughing at me and my situation. You did make quite a gamble trusting me Armin…_ “Gosh, I really feel hurt,” she pretended to pout. “When did you start suspecting me, Armin?” 

“Annie…” His hand trembled, the flare gun he held almost too slick to grasp properly from the sweat coating his palm. “What did you have Marco’s 3DMG? Those small scratches and dents…they’re memories of the maintenance we did on it together. I knew right away.” 

“I see. I…found it.” _If they no longer have need for me, what reason have I to continue being obedient?_

“So you’re the one who killed the two Titans we captured alive?” 

“Who’s to say? But if you suspected that one month ago why didn’t you do something about it then?” _I only had two purposes. To bring the Titans into the walls and to try and take Eren from the Survey Corps, in that forest. But they wanted me to fail. They wanted to expose me. Of course Armin would have figured it all out. My ‘allies’ set me up and now my ‘enemies’ are setting me up. I can’t tell the difference between anymore. All to prevent Erwin from being revealed. Now, I’m useless._

“I still can’t believe it…” he gasped. “I wanted to believe that my eyes were deceiving me. That’s why I…But the same could be said for you Annie. You didn’t kill me back then. That’s why this is happening.” _Why didn’t she kill me? What stopped her?_

The wind picked up. “In my heart of hearts, I never thought you’d back me into a corner like this.” There was a hint of sincerity in her voice. “Back then…Why didn’t I?” she whispered to herself. _How stupid to ask myself that._

“Oi, Annie!” Eren yelled. “I still think maybe you’re just an unlucky fool in the wrong place at the wrong time who’s making up stupid stories to cover for herself. Just come over here!” he demanded, advancing a few steps. “You can prove a lot by coming underground with us! Come with us and prove yourself!” 

“I can’t go in there. I failed to become a soldier.” 

“That’s why this is so stupid!” he cried. 

Armin caved in to his emotions. “Tell us, Annie! We can talk this through!” 

“Forget it,” Mikasa said coolly, throwing her rain coat off and drawing a blade. “I can’t listen to any more of this. We’re not getting anywhere. I’m going to slice you up again, Female Titan!” 

Stumbling slightly, Annie burst out into a fit of wild laughter. _This is so absurd. He’s right. I don’t matter to them anymore, so what difference does it make if I take a stand now? Let Erwin and the others play pretend. I’m tired of playing pretend…I’m tired of all of this…I answer to no one now. So why not? They injected me for their own selfish purposes, but I am still my own weapon. And I do love a good fight. Entertain me Eren, while I still care enough about my own life. One last time._ “Armin…I’m glad I was a good person to you. For now, your gamble paid off. But…my gamble…begins here!” _If I’m lucky Kseniya will be caught in the crossfire!_

As she raised a finger to her teeth Armin’s arm shot up, firing a sonic round. 

There was a small struggle as soldiers, disguised as civilians, ran out of their hiding spots to bind her. A thick cloth was put over her mouth to prevent her from biting. Still having some mobility, she extended her right arm and flick at the ring, pulling out a tiny blade. Upon seeing it Mikasa grabbed Eren and Armin and raced to the bottom of the tunnel. An enormous bolt of yellow lightning split the skies. 

**Wall Sina, Eastern Wall City, Stohess District (Superiors Triad Unit)**

As initially planned Levi and Erwin were in the first carriage while the ‘third-in-command’, the lowest ranking of the three officers rode with ‘Eren’. Levi had been uncomfortably silent the entire time, shooting Erwin the occasional glare. He wasn’t sure why, but he had an idea of what it was that made Levi so angry. 

“If you take such strong issue with it, you should discuss it with her,” the Commander said calmly. “Not take out your frustrations on me.” 

“It was your call. And it was deliberate,” Levi spat accusingly. 

“No.” Erwin shook his head. “It was the natural consequence of your injury. I doubt she’ll come to realize that, without you to fully carry out your duties she will have complete authority. I doubt she even realizes that I will without a fraction of a doubt be incarcerated.” _Thank you Annie, for ensuring that._

“Always one step ahead, aren’t you?” Levi asked with slightly narrowed eyes. “She’s not capable of handling that much authority. She’s not a leader. She _can_ lead, but she’s not a leader. She fights for the world she dreams about, a long lost world she’s read about in old books and has romanticized with her stupid idealism. Give her that much power and she’ll become selfish. Inadvertently and with only the best of intentions, but I’ve already warned her about how that’s exactly what the road to Hell is paved with.” 

“I recall very clearly. It’s a good thing that she doesn’t believe in Hell or God then, isn’t it?” 

“What about when she cracks under the pressure? You and I both know she will and it won’t take much.” 

“She will have you, Mike, and Hanji to support her. When that time comes, which it most likely will, your injury will no longer be a concern. You will have shared authority.” 

“By that point it won’t be equal. That would be impossible because all of the decisions she’ll have made and actions she’s taken between now and then. It’ll set us on a very specific path defined by her ideals which I for the most part agree with. But I’m not going to fight for a world based on her ideology alone.” He exhaled sharply. “What was going through your head when you made that call?” 

“That there was no one else more suited for the task and it worked in our favor.” 

“No one else…? You’re fucking kidding. I think Shitty Glasses would make a better pseudo-Commander. She’s scatter brained as all hell but she’s capable of thinking objectively without being pushed.” 

“Do you remember the promise I asked the two of you to make?” 

“Don’t let the Survey Corps fall apart. Of course I remember.” 

“Do not let it fall apart no matter what happens today and no matter what the cost. When pushed into a corner she will be able to act objectively. However…you never knew her when she was a child. You never saw her back then. And while she was still very much a mental slave to Shardis, she had much more fire. By the time you met her she was becoming somewhat jaded, which is why she was so elated by your joining…even if it was forced. That fire came back. Even if you didn’t know her back then you’ve seen the change, arguably better and more clearly than anyone else. That is why I can trust her to act objectively and make necessary sacrifices.” 

“Because of how she acted as a kid? Enlighten me on how that’s going to save our asses.” 

“She often took initiative to decide punishment and lead trainings much more harshly than she does now. She would collaborate with other superiors. Though she can no longer claim that life as a soldier is all she knows the Survey Corps is the only home she has ever had. And I know that she will do anything to defend it.” 

“Anything, huh? She thinks the reason you put in charge is because she and I are the most capable of taking care of the cadets. Parental figures. That was the comparison she used.” 

“Do you disagree with her? Do you think her incapable of doing anything and everything to protect the Survey Corps as a branch of the military and organization of individuals the way a mother would protect a child?” 

“…I guess not. But how much will it take to bring that out of her? How cornered will she have to be to act objectively?” 

Erwin raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re the last person I thought incapable of knowing the answer to that question.” 

“Then again, _enlighten me_.” 

“Consider the position we’re in. She already has been.” 

In the last carriage Saskia and Jean too sat in awkward silence. Saskia’s demeanor was very different than the usual professional persona she adopted when engaging in official business; it was dark and frightening, but collected all the same. Jean was afraid to initiate conversation but if she was going to be leading them he felt he had a right to know what had soured her mood so dramatically, partially inspired by Armin’s reservations about being trained by someone with ideals more suitable for civil and social services than a military. 

“General Saskia?” he asked quietly, readjusting the itchy dark brown wig. Luckily they were given a chance to stop at headquarters to collect any necessary documentation for their defense; whilst there they took a wig from the closet dedicated to all sorts of appearance altering paraphernalia meant for undercover operations. 

“Yes Cadet Kirschstein?” Even her tone was low and startling. 

“Asking if you’re alright would be a stupid question…Why are you so angry? You seem really angry.” 

She glanced at the covered window and folded one leg over the other. “You are aware of the fact that Military Police and the Survey Corps have a longstanding rivalry. At this point I would sincerely hope you know that.” She shot an expectant look out of the corner of her eyes. 

He nodded. “Yeah, of course I know that.” 

“Good. I take issue with the Military Police by default but I take even greater issue with Nile Dawk. Since my younger years he has been, in my eyes, a traitor.” 

“Traitor? That’s a strong word.” 

“Which is why it is such a fitting one,” she said briskly. “He was a Survey Corps cadet. He and the Commander were good friends. Not long into his ‘service’ he met a woman…Instead of listening to reason and rationality he listened to his hormones, transferred to the Military Police, and when he was of age he wed that woman. To this day I am still baffled how something as insignificant as infatuation could cause him to make such a decision. A poor one at that. And now he has the audacity to criticize us? To perpetuate this sophomoric, asinine rivalry despite knowing what it is the citizens do not? The things we see, the difficult decisions we must make? Many think us to be stealers of children and killers of our own kind, Kirschstein. That is because they know not what lies beyond the walls. They only know of the life within, the life that the Military Police ‘protects’. Nile knows the truth about the Survey Corps and yet he has done nothing to squelch these inaccuracies so firmly rooted in the collective mentality of civilians. He hates me all the same.” 

“Hates you? What did you ever do to him?” 

“When I was young I still had a decent amount of authority by default, as I was the legal dependent of Shardis. Some only took me so seriously, but most understood that -even though it was not my responsibility- the Survey Corps was my home. As such I took it upon myself to maintain order and stability. This came in many forms, one of which being discipline. He did not take very kindly to having punishment for a severe infraction being determined by someone twelve years of age. In his mind I was too young to be given that…amount of authority. My age was indicative of my intelligence, or lack thereof as far as he was concerned. I did not let this perception he held of me cloud my judgment, but granting me the authority to decide his punishment vicariously questioned a direct command issue by Shardis. He was the one who told me to decide what to do with Cadet Dawk. That was something I took great issue with, and as such it served to intensify the chosen punishment.” 

“Makes sense. So he’s carrying a grudge that old for this long?” 

She smirked. “There is more to the story. He thinks me to disturbed courtesy of the violence I was exposed to as a child. I understood it to be the norm, or so he claims. I have not done much to challenge this view but I have my reasons for that. I care not for what he thinks of me and the actions which caused him to carry this belief were…certainly violent by nature, but not because of the one taking said action.” 

“Violent actions?” he asked confused. “He’s pissed off that you like to torture Titans?” 

“If only. No, not at all. He cares not for my performance outside of the walls. The way I see it there are monsters within the walls and outside of the walls. Humans and Titans. I think that humans are more dangerous because they are already within the walls. Anyone and anything, human or Titan, who poses a threat to the survival of humanity is a monster to in my eyes. And there have been many soldiers who took advantage of their station for selfish means, hoping that they would not be found out. Few are ever so lucky. Eren’s trial was special because it nothing to do with military performance, but when a normal military tribunal is called there is both a defense and prosecution. Both sides present their case against the accused and, if found guilty, soldiers are put to death without question. You see, there is no standard form of execution. Multiple methods can be implemented but the most common is also the most barbaric. If found guilty then a member of the prosecution is granted permission to carry out the execution.” 

“Seriously? Holy shit,” he breathed, already knowing where the story was going. 

“After he had transferred to the Military Police a conspiracy within it was discovered. He played no active role but he had admitted to being aware of it and taking no action to stop it. To spare you the boring details our Commander, at the time a Superior Team Leader, and I found out about this and were able to compile enough evidence to have them tried and executed. The option for execution is made available to anyone in the prosecution. I took no issue with it. I was not going to take human lives after all, I was going to rid the world of monsters…no better or worse than the Titans. Nile Dawk saw me behead three ‘soldiers’ at the ripe old age of thirteen. Since then he has been convinced that I suffer from sort strain of psychopathy or hemothymia.” 

Jean’s eyes widened. The woman who tried her best to offer guidance, was a great listener, and adamant advocate for putting the interests of all others first had killed people. She had beheaded other soldiers with no regret, remorse, but rather a sense of duty and sliver of pride for being the one privileged enough to rid the world of those ‘monsters’. He couldn’t blame Nile Dawk for being slightly disturbed. 

She cocked her head to the side. “You have become very quiet again. Is it because of what I said? The military is rife with corruption, you know. I am glad that you joined us instead of the Military Police, and not simply because of my tremendous bias against them. You bring a lot to the Survey Corps, as does every soldier.” 

“Not what you said…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “It really is true. You’re always smiling. When talking about killing Titans, executing dishonorable soldiers, you still smile. It looks a little creepy.” 

“You are not the first to tell me that. And I highly doubt you will be the last.” **  
**

Something reminiscent of thunder startled the horses, forcing the carriages to an abrupt halt. 

**Inside the City  
**

Eren and Armin stared wide eyed in horror at the mangled remains of their comrades, crushed at the end of the tunnel. Their blood had splattered all over the walls. 

“Oh my God,” Armin gasped loudly, heart thumping heavily in his chest. 

As the Female Titan reached in to try and grab Eren, Mikasa took his hood and began sprinting dragging him along with her. Armin did his best to keep up despite having little time to catch his breath and come down from the shock. 

_“You’re weak but you have guts.”_

He shook Annie’s words out of his head, trying to convince himself they were empty words as part of an attempt to keep up her act. 

Her enormous arm reached in as far as possible to try and grab Eren. Inside the Titan Annie was almost hysterical from her realization that she was no longer needed and free to do whatever she wanted. She was desperate to have one final fight with Eren, hopefully die by his hands as a way to show her former superiors they knew not what they were up against. She wasn’t even sure if they had truly seen the Rogue Titan in action, doing more than lifting boulders and plugging gates. She had and few things had satisfied her more than watching him use her signature move on Jean when they were still in training, and their epic battle in the Forest of Giant Trees. Even if she knew she was being used and on the verge of being discarded she still would have enjoyed the fight. Such times were when she felt truly alive. 

“Damn, that ring!” Armin exclaimed. “She saw through my ruse from the start. She knew this was an ambush all along! There _had_ to have been some other way!” 

“Save your regrets for later!” Mikasa spat fiercely, eager to arm herself and jump into the fray. “What do we do now?!” 

“We must join up with Squad 3 and get up above ground…After that, it’s Plan Two. We fight Annie, the Female Titan!” He turned to the shifter. “Eren, we need you to turn into a Titan as planned and help us capture her! You can do that, right?” 

“Yeah.” He sounded neither convinced nor convincing. 

“Oi!” Up ahead the soldiers in Squad 3 were signaling to them. 

“It’s Squad 3!” 

“The first capture plan failed?!” one of them exclaimed. 

“It failed!” Armin shouted. “Please proceed to Plan Two!” He skidded when he saw the cracks over head were no longer letting in light. Had he not he, Eren, and Mikasa might have been crushed by the Female Titan’s foot as she slammed it through the pavement above and into the tunnel. As enormous gust of wind rushed past them, blurring their vision. They covered their mouths and noses to keep from inhaling the particulates flying by. When they finally opened their eyes they saw what she had done. 

“She stomped right through?!” Armin looked directly forward and saw a leg from one of the members of Squad 3 sticking out of the rubble like a white flag of surrender. 

“We have to save them!” 

“Eren! Stay back!” Mikasa called, grabbing his hood once more and pulling him back. 

“Oi! What are you doing Mikasa?!” He struggled in her grip though he knew it was pointless. 

Through the hole she created the trio could see the Female Titan occupying the streets overhead. 

“That damn female…She’d let Eren die?!” Mikasa was completely confused by the Titan’s actions. 

“She gambled,” Armin replied looking at the damage before them. “She opened a hole, gambling that you wouldn’t be killed. It’s a reckless move, but it makes her more dangerous!” 

“Annie will stop at nothing to take Eren away!” 

**Outskirts**

“What happened?” Nile dismounted to get a better look but all he saw was a pillar of smoke. “Security!” he called to those stationed overhead. “Don’t worry about that! Find out what happened!” 

“Roger that!” 

“Strange…” he muttered to himself. “That explosion sounded like…” 

“Nile!” Erwin stepped out of the carriage, Levi behind him. “Send every soldier we’ve got! You need to consider this a Titan appearance.” 

“What’re you talking about?! This is Wall Sina! There’s no way a Titan could appear here!” he argued. 

Saskia grit her teeth. “I have had enough of him. Kirschstein, out.” She snapped the buttons at the top of her cloak and pointed at the door. “That is an order.” 

Jean never thought he would be relieved to hear those words. Immediately he jumped out and as soon as the MP tried to stop him he tore off the wig, demanding he never be referred to as ‘Jaeger’ again. Saskia coolly and slowly followed behind him. The change in her demeanor was striking but not surprising. 

“Commander, I’m coming with you!” 

“Grab your gear from Squad 4!” 

“Roger!” He threw his cloak on. 

“Your enthusiasm is good, but don’t forget about trying to stay alive.” 

“Yes sir!” he said to Levi before sprinting past the dumbfounded Military Police Commander. 

“What…? Erwin, what the hell’s-?!” 

“Commander, General, these are for you!” Two soldiers dropped down from the rooftops, each carrying a briefcase with 3DMG inside. They both geared up, Levi pleasantly surprised to see the straps on her uniform had stayed in place. 

“Just a minute Erwin!” Nile yelled. 

“Every soldier who can move, follow me!” he ordered, ignoring the MP Commander. “We’ll rendezvous with the squad assigned to capture the Female Titan!” Saskia remained close by his side. 

“Erwin, wait!” Nile’s voice had grown hoarse from yelling. He held up his rifle, trying to bar their entrance, then pointed directly at his forehead. The row of soldiers behind him followed suit. Neither he nor Saskia budged. 

“What you’re doing is clear…It’s treason against the monarchy!” 

“Nile, is your brain as hollow as that barrel?” Levi asked condescendingly. “You don’t even get what’s happening, do you?” 

“Take off your gear Erwin, Saskia!” 

**Underground Tunnel**

“What can we do? Our way out is blocked. She’ll attack us the moment we try to use our 3D gear to zoom out. But unless we do-” Armin cringed as the Female Titan stomped through the tunnel again, this time far enough away that the dust didn’t come near them. “She’ll crush us if we stay here.” 

“I’ll get you out!” Eren exclaimed as he rose, fists clenched in determination. “Like the time I stopped the cannon! Follow me!” He gave the others a moment to stand. “Let’s go! Stay close!” He brought his thumb to his mouth and pierced the flesh, but nothing happened. He cried out in pain before attempting again and again. Despite his efforts his was still unable to shift. 

Blood was smeared across his lips, chin, thumb, and wrist. “Huh? Come on! Not again!” He fell to his knees in defeat. “Not now…Damn it, it hurts!” 

“You can’t turn into a Titan without a clear objective. Try it again with a powerful image in your mind!” Armin suggested. 

“I’m trying, but…!” He chomped down again, drawing even more blood. He was on the verge of applying so much force that his bones would break. 

Mikasa knelt down beside him. “Are you really? You’re still hesitant to fight Annie, aren’t you?” 

He stared at her and then his eyes fell to the ground. As much he didn’t want to admit it deep down he knew it was true. 

“Eren?” 

“Tell me you’re not still thinking that Annie being the Female Titan is just our imagination. What did you just see happen in front of you? Wasn’t it that woman who killed your comrades? Are you still saying it didn’t happen? Every question she threw at him was purely rhetorical. 

_Stop badgering me!_ “Shut up! I’m doing my best!” He bit down again, tearing at his hand like a dog fighting over a chunk of meat. 

“You realize it, right? You know that the Female Titan is Annie. Then you know that you have to fight her, right?” 

Eren could do little more than stare at his bloody fist. 

“Or do you have special feelings for her that are getting in your way?” 

“What?!” he gasped. 

Armin drew a blade. “I have a plan! Mikasa and I will go out, simultaneously. From that hole, and from the entrance. Annie will react to one or the other.” He pulled his hood over his head. “When she does, Eren, you escape from the other way!” _She hasn’t tried crushing the tunnel for awhile now…She’s waiting._

“Wait! That means one of you is going to die!” 

“If we stay here all three of us will die! Mikasa, take a position!” 

Cloak already on, she replied, “OK, I’ll take the front!” They both ran off in their respective directions, leaving Eren to gather his bearings. 

“How…how are you…able to fight?! How?!” he screamed. 

Neither answered him until Mikasa paused. “We have no choice,” she said simply. “The world is cruel place,” she reminded as she pulled her hood over her head. 

Eren tried for their sakes to collect himself, but his thought process was interrupted by a rumbling overhead. Too distraught to move he looked up and saw a huge pile of debris falling directly above him. 

_Come out Eren_. Annie’s fit of hysteria continued. _Come out and fight me. You know you want to. You hate me, don’t you? Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you? I hate me too! So let’s hate me together. Come out…come out…COME OUT!_

“Eren!” Armin saw the Female Titan stomp over the tunnel again and activated his gear, heading in her direction. Mikasa did the same, catching the shifter’s attention. 

_There you are…Now fight me Eren. Fight me!_ _You’re no pacifist. You’re dangerous. Show me how dangerous you can be. Fight me damn it!_

The Female Titan caught who she believed to be Eren, trying to coax him into shifting. Mikasa sliced off her fingers and burst out of her grip. “Annie, I won’t let you have Eren!” 

While Mikasa engaged with the shifter Armin returned to what remained of the tunnel, trying to find Eren. 

“Eren!” He saw the brunet covered in rubble, bleeding from the forehead. Blood coated the rocks he was stuck atop of. Though he lacked great physical strength Armin was able to pull some of it off of him. “Eren, open your eyes!” 

The Female Titan heard the commotion and followed the source of the noise, Mikasa right behind her. She went for the neck but the shifter covered the weak spot and turned around, sweeping her arm at Mikasa. Though she didn’t hit the target she was able to lodge into the Female Titan’s arm and slice through it to slow herself down and make a quick exit, just in time to avoid being slammed into the rooftop of a nearby building. After falling to the ground, the wind knocked out of her, the Female Titan inspected carefully to ensure her pursuer was debilitated enough that she could no longer follow. Once satisfied she began to run towards Eren again. 

Another squad down from the rooftops and sped towards her. 

“Don’t let her get away! We’ve got to keep it inside!” their leader ordered, though the words went without saying. 

More squads entered the fray. “Don’t try to kill it! Stopping it is enough!” 

Their attempts were all futile upon the realization that, as a soldier, she was familiar with 3D Maneuvering Gear; both how to operate it, and how to interrupt its functionality. 

The Military Police soldiers that Nile dispatched could only stare in horror and disbelief as they watched her go on her tirade. On the grounds below Jean ran through the crowds to get to the scene of the skirmish. 

“Man, they’re so easygoing,” he muttered to himself, observing the MP soldiers. “I was actually one of them too…What happened to that? Damn it!” 

Armin was finally able to reach Eren, though he was still partially buried. “Eren! Say something!” 

“Oi! What’re you doing?” Jean jumped down into the wreckage and ran up to them. 

“Jean! Eren’s buried under here!” 

“What?! Wasn’t the plan for him to turn into a Titan?” 

“He couldn’t do it. The fact that the Female Titan was Annie probably held him back.” 

“What?” 

“Anyway, we have to dig him out! Jean, give me a hand!” he cried weakly as he lifted a sizable piece of stone off of Eren’s back. 

“He couldn’t do it?” _Still? Damn it Jaeger! Get it together!_ He narrowed his eyes. “Eren! You’ve got to be kidding!” He knelt before the injured soldier. I told you once that we’d have to rely on you, remember? We were going to put the world, humankind, and my own life in your hands. Is _this_ what we get in return?!” His eyes began to brim with tears. “Marco…” He dropped his head to the broken cement. “Marco’s…Damn it!” 

Eren’s eyes opened and he slowly began to stir. Before they could do any more to help him another large piece of cement came flying towards them from the shifter’s fight with the other soldiers. Armin and Jean jumped out of the way just in time but Eren was buried further, his ribs now crushed and a huge wooden beam jutting out of his shoulder. 

“There’s no time.” Jean armed himself. “We have to do something about her first!” 

Armin watched him run off and then turned to Eren once more. “I once told Jean…” 

One eye slowly opened. 

“A person who can’t give up anything, can chance nothing. To endure becoming a monster you have to be willing to discard your own humanity. Annie definitely is able to do that. I don’t know what her reasons are…But the one who is able to do that wins!” He sprinted off to join the battle. 

Overhead a well hidden Kseniya watched as Eren struggled to break free. She turned to the fight and hung her head. “The failure to kidnap Eren…made her expendable. Now plans have changed.” She looked over in the direction of the confrontation between superior officers, though she couldn’t see anything that was going on. “With the plan to bring Eren here, to fight Annie, he would taken into custody. The perfect bait for little Miss Messmann and the Rogue Titan.” She looked down at the young shifter and shook her head. “I’m done. I can’t fucking do this anymore. If Annie dies and I’m no longer needed to protect her, I want no part in this. Friends close, enemies closer? I have no friends and I refuse to keep up this shit.” She pulled her hood over her head. “They have eyes and ears everywhere, but I don’t give a fuck. I’m out. Done. Consider this my resignation, ‘Captain’.” She sped off in the opposite direction of the fight, less likely to attract attention that way. Destination nowhere, or at the very least anywhere but Sina. She would something, somehow, eventually. 

_Maybe I’ll even join them…_ She shook her head and scoffed at the ludicrous idea. Kenny’s words about Messmann blood being spilled in Stohess echoed through her head, but she had no time to spare to go to the residential district to save Luzia. And knowing that woman she would refuse to leave, hoping that the presence of a Titan meant the presence of the Survey Corps. And the presence of the Survey Corps would guarantee, at the very least, a glimpse of Saskia. Even if it meant her life. 

“Annie!” Armin shouted, causing the Female Titan to temporarily cease her actions. “Unless you kill me here, saying your gamble start here will be full of crap!” 

_If only you knew…_ she thought to herself. _Seeing how long I can survive is my gamble. So come after me Armin. If Eren won’t fight me, then please kill me. But only you._

Jean ordered Armin to follow him and they headed towards Hanji’s network of traps. At the rooftops where she waited, grinning and laughing a little maniacally Moblit shuddered some. 

“She’s coming, she’s coming,” Hanji chanted. 

“Squad Leader! You’re getting too excited.” _Is there such a thing?_

The bait, Armin and Jean, zipped by. Hanji rose and steadied the spring loaded barrel next to her, remote in hand. Across the block twenty-four other traps were manned by three soldiers, ready to activate them as soon as the Female Titan was within the center. She heard the familiar sound of the springs and turned her head just in time to see the projectiles coming her way. She reached out for Jean and pretended to aim for Armin as well, though she had no intention of deliberately hurting him. Try as she might she couldn’t move from that spot and collapsed to the ground. A spike covered net was thrown down to secure her in place. 

“Let’s do this!” Hanji cried excitedly, twirling the trigger around in her hand. “I thought we’d never have use for a third resort, but was I ever wrong! Gotta hand it to Commander Erwin! Now then…” She dropped down to the streets. “Be a good girl and behave yourself,” she sweetly as she approached the Female Titan. She put a blade up to her eye. “Here, unlike last time, you won’t be able to call Titans to come and devour you. But that’s okay. I’ll do it in their place. I’ll devour all the information I can dig out of you.” 

The large blue eye narrowed as she kicked the ground barrels away, effectively breaking free. All the ground soldiers quickly return to the rooftops. 

“She shook free?!” Mikasa exclaimed exasperated. 

“Crap! Not enough traps! Don’t let her get away! After her!” 

Eren was still immobilized but Armin’s words were tumbling around in his mind much like the second time he shifted and Armin had to yell at him to get up and gain control. _I know…_ he thought to himself. _I was there…I believed in my friends and their friendship and I failed…Remember…_ He forced himself to recall the macabre sight of what remained of Squad Levi that he found in the forest. But it wasn’t enough. Another memory, the strongest and most potent of them all, took their place. It was dated, the oldest at that, but nothing could purge that image from his mind nor the rage he felt as he watched his mother’s limp form be swallowed alive. 

His deep blue eyes widened as a familiar surge of strength raced through his veins. _I’m going to…wipe her out…_ His body steadily began to rise and with it his muscle mass increased in proportion. _No…I’m going to kill her! There’s no time to think about what’s right! I’ve got to act! Forget about what’s right! Yeah…The world is a cruel place!_

Another yellow streak cut through the sky to the ground below. 

**Outskirts**

As Jean made his way into the city to help Armin and then act as bait for Hanji’s trap Nile waited for the Commander and General to disarm. Being at eye level Erwin did no more than stare him down. Saskia’s left hand slowly moved towards her blades. Another flash of yellow lightning cut through the sky and shook the ground. 

“Now what?!” 

“Jaeger, that’s what,” Levi replied, sounding bored as ever. 

A group of MP soldiers came over to Nile with a startling report- two Titans had been spotted in Stohess. 

“Titans battling each other?!” 

“Yes. The damage to the city is mind-boggling…There are large numbers of both civilian and military casualties.” 

Saskia’s face flushed red with rage. 

“Erwin! Is this all the result of your operation?!” 

“It is. I acted completely arbitrarily and on my own. I won’t make any excuses.” 

Enraged, Nile put the gun aside and grabbed him by the collar. “You should’ve known the consequences of such an operation inside the city! Why’d you do it?! How could you go through with it?!” 

“To earn a victory for humankind.” 

“Don’t give me that!” Nile screamed, going for the gun once more. “You’re a traitor! If I executed you where you stand, none of our superiors would complain!” 

“My soldiers,” Saskia began in a low tone, “are dying because of you, because of you standing in my way.” She firmly gripped the handle. “Civilians are dying because of you standing in my way. Stohess is falling to pieces because of you standing in my way. Unless you want to fall to pieces as well, I highly suggest you move.” 

“Of course you were in on this too, you demonic little-!” 

“Be my guest,” Erwin said calmly to break up the dispute. “But take over my command.” 

“What?!” 

“Make sure she doesn’t escape. Pere is in charge of deployment. Beiler is in charge of logistics. Work with them to force the Female Titan up against the east wall.” 

“Wait, hold on a second!” Nile began to put down his weapon. 

“Also, General Saskia is-” 

“General Saskia is about to lose her damn temper!” she interrupted tersely, much to everyone’s surprise. Never before had she spoken in such a way while on official business. Saskia gracefully stepped in between them and drew a single blade. She placed it perpendicularly atop of Nile’s gun so as not to ‘accidentally’ slice off his hands, lightly applying pressure. “Perhaps you did not hear me the first time. You never were a very good listener, ‘Cadet Dawk’. If you do not remove yourself from my path within five seconds after my having articulated this sentence…” Her arm began to tremble. “And if that **fucking gun** is not out of my brother’s **fucking face** within that all too gracious grace period, I am going to shove this blade so far up your ass you will taste nothing but shit and steel for weeks!” she barked. “Now **move**.”

He looked back and forth at her and Erwin in disbelief. “Do you seriously think this is for the good-?” 

She began a countdown, applying more force with every passing second. “One.” 

“-of humankind?” 

“Two.” 

“I believe it’s a first step.” 

“Three.” 

Seeing the rage in her eyes and the firm, unwavering stare Erwin gave him Nile felt corner. “Everyone, lower your weapons!” 

There was a loud _CLANK!_ as Saskia knocked his rifle out of his hand with the handle of her blade. “That was not all that difficult, was it? Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. A first time for everything.” She grinned smugly before departing. 

_‘Shit and steel for a week’?_ Levi thought to himself as he watched her leave to enter the epicenter of the chaos. _She’s spent far too much time around me._

“Cuff him!” 

“Yes sir!” 

“Send every man we’ve got and make evacuating the citizens and rescue the highest priority!” 

Levi looked at him curiously. 

“Yes sir!” 

“Erwin, I’ll leave your execution up to a proper court.” 

“I would be honored. Levi, you stay put. You know how you despise needless deaths.” 

“Yeah, you’re right about that. Whether it’s dying needlessly or causing one. I’ll stay unless she gives the signal.” 

“I hope she won’t have to.” 

Saskia did her best to ignore Nile as she ran down the streets she committed to memory, trying to hit every spot marked on the map denoting placement of their squads. _Levi and I are in charge now…Nile is going to have Erwin put to death…No, focus Saskia! Get to where the teams are and- Is that Hanji’s net?! Shit!_ She sprinted fasted after seeing what remained of the failed trap. _This is all happening too quickly. I need to use my gear._ She hooked into the remains of the burning buildings of Stohess, using the trail of flames and debris as her guide to the others. 

However with no one overhead to guide as originally planned there was little point in seeking them out immediately. From a tactical standpoint absolutely but from a personal she felt she wasn’t as needed as initially thought. Her absence had already taken its toll, so what difference would a few minutes make? 

The night prior she had pulled Moblit aside and demanded that he tell her Luzia Messmann’s exact address. He insisted it wasn’t in the census record until she had him up against the wall, which prompted him to say otherwise. As she made her way in that direction she saw the streets weren’t torn to pieces. Hopefully it would remain that way. She dropped to the ground, rushing through the crowd of panicking citizens until she found the house. The world around her disappeared; all that mattered was the door in front of her and whatever (or whoever) might be inside. With all the commotion it was unlikely that Luzia remained there but she thought she, at the very least, might gain some sense of inner peace from seeing the house for herself. So long as she didn’t stay too long she would be fine. She should be fine. 

The door was unlocked. 

_She must have left._ Saskia entered anyway and almost dropped her blades when she saw a woman with black hair sitting at a kitchen table, her back turned to her. _Was she…waiting for me? Did she know I would be coming? Does she know about the Survey Corps? About me in the Survey Corps?_ The neglected child inside her was about to break into a sprint until she noticed that the woman who was presumably Luzia Messmann hadn’t moved. She slowed her approach, brow knit in confusion. 

Her hands were on the table. Beneath one of them was a photograph, and the other covered a note. But the note wasn’t scrawled in black ink. It appeared to be scrawled in blood. Eyes wide she gulped heavily and put a hand on Luzia’s shoulder. Her head toppled back. There was a deep laceration running across her neck, blood dribbling down from it. Two more slits were made on her face giving the appearance of a smile. The cuts were fresh. 

Saskia covered her mouth and held back a gag. She could barely breathe and felt ready to void the contents of her stomach. A shaky hand reached out to close her eyelids. Though she tried to avoid eye contact there was no mistaking that the color was the same as her own. She took the photograph and almost burst into tears. It was a picture of Luzia holding a newborn. On the back the words ‘My beautiful baby girl Saskia’ was written in incredibly fancy and neat penmanship. It was dated February 25th, 822. She grabbed the note and read aloud, eyes widening and voice lowering with every word. 

“‘Dear Saskia, I was told that you’re always smiling so I thought you and mommy dearest should match. Isn’t she lovely? Give my regards to Lover Boy. I hear you make quite the cute couple. All My Love, Kenny.’” She quickly ran to the sink and emptied her stomach, realizing the note was written in Luzia’s blood which now covered her fingers. The blood was no doubt her own, the note freshly scribbled. Breathing heavily she pocketed both items. 

The ground began to tremble and through the large windows she saw the Rogue and Female Titans coming in her direction. She bolted out of the house and ran in the opposite direction of the shifters just in time to avoid the Rogue slamming into the street Luzia’s house occupied, crushing it and what remained of her inside. She covered her eyes to avoid damage from the shrapnel and once the smoke cleared saw a twisted arm sticking out from beneath blood-stained wood. 

_He was hoping I would find this before the fight broke out. If he waited too long the house may have been destroyed by then. Which can only mean that he knew I was supposed to be out here on ground level, but did not anticipate that Nile would stand in my way.  He must have had some idea regarding when the evacuation would be called though.  Perhaps he thought I would not be prevented from entering._ She pocketed the items. “But he did not want me to come in time to stop him, to save her,” she deduced. “His timing was all too precise. If Erwin is to be taken away he cannot know. There is only one person I can trust with this information. The only one meant to see it aside from myself.” 

_“Now let’s pretend Eren crushes her while fighting the Female Titan. What then?”  
_

“It matters not, Levi.” She began pursuing the shifters in their game of chase. “She was already dead.” 

Her body went into autopilot mode as she could no longer think clearly with the image of Luzia’s bloody and broken body burned into her mind. She found herself on a rooftop with Hanji, Armin, Jean, Moblit, and a handful of others. 

“Saskia!” Hanji exclaimed. “Where have you been? You were supposed to-” 

“Blame Nile,” she replied coldly. Her eyes were unreadable. 

Hanji was about to inquire further but Mikasa’s joining interrupted them. She was about to go after Eren but Hanji forbade her, pointing out that he was on the verge of losing control. From the bridge Erwin, Nile, and the rest of the MP soldiers escorting them watched it unfold. 

After having broken free from the Rogue Titan, the Female darted for the wall in effort to provoke him further. She jumped up, digging her crystallized fingers deep into the rock. 

“She’s…” Jean tried to talk but panic consumed his ability to speak. 

“Trying to get over the wall?!” Hanji immediately pursued but Mikasa beat her, having disobeyed the order to stay behind. 

The ravenette sliced away at the flesh beneath the crystallized flesh, just above the knuckles as she did when the Female Titan grabbed her before. She was moving too fast for the shifter to regenerate her digits. Mikasa dropped down onto her forehead, drinking in the look of horror in her eyes. “Annie…” She pushed with the tips of her boots. “Fall.” 

As gravity took hold of her Titan, Annie remembered the last moments she spent with her father. He was apologizing for what he had done and begging for her forgiveness. Before she was forced to leave him behind, possibly for good, he left her with some words of wisdom. 

_‘It’s okay to make the whole world your enemy’. The world was my enemy the second you let them inject me and turn me into…whatever I’ve become._ She lay motionless inside the Titan body as the Rogue continued beating it to a pulp. _Is this where it ends? I can only hope so._

The Rogue Titan, as well as Eren, had lost all common sense. A shimmering red coursed through his veins and his normally green eyes were a violent sapphire. Saskia set off the red flare. With the head ripped off the nape was completely vulnerable. 

“This is bad! He’ll eat what’s inside!” 

“Everything will be fine,” she said in an oddly relaxed tone. “Reinforcements are coming.” 

_Promise I’ll come home?_ Annie could feel a vicious quaking surrounding her on all sides. The Rogue Titan’s fangs had torn the thin layer of flesh that had been covering her. _I have no home. Not anymore._ Another crystal coating began to materialize, this time covering her human form. _I have nothing. Even though you promised you would always be there for me…_ A long tear trickled down her face. _You shouldn’t make promises if you can’t keep them. Wh…what is this? What’s this feeling? Where’s this crystal coming from? No…no, I’m supposed to die! Let it end here…Why can’t it end? Why…can’t I wake up from this nightmare?_

Seconds before the Rogue Titan could yank Annie out Levi slice through the back of the neck, cutting Eren loose. “Don’t devour our precious witness, you moron!” 

As the smoke settled Armin helped Eren sit up. His face was covered with red markings from being attached for so long. Those on the ground worked to pull the crystal out as the flesh of the Female Titan evanesced. 

“Damn it, what gives?!” Jean tried in vain to crack the cocoon she was encased in with a now completely broken blade. “After all this time you decide to sleep?! Annie! Come out of there! Come out so we can settle this! You’re being a coward! Annie! Annie!” He raised his arm again but a tight grip on his shoulder made him freeze in place. 

“Stop it,” Levi ordered. “It won’t do any good.” 

“Make a net with wires!” Hanji ordered. “We’ll tie her up and take her underground!” _If we don’t learn anything from Annie, what will we have to show for this? We’ve had so many casualties…so many lives were lost. If all we have left are questions what have we accomplished?_

Levi approached Saskia, who stood near Armin and Eren. She put a hand on the shifter’s head and ruffled lightly. “You did well Eren,” she said softly, but proudly. “We will handle everything from here.” 

“Oi, Saskia,” he called and nodded towards where Nile and the rest of the MP had Erwin cuffed. 

She quickly joined up with him. “Two nightmares become reality, and I am not even sleeping,” she murmured, leaning towards him. 

“Two? Erwin’s arrest and…?” 

“I will tell you later,” she whispered right before they reached the others. 

The somber tone and empty eyes were enough to convince him that pressing the matter was pointless. “I don’t think we can call this a success,” he said bitterly to Erwin. 

“No,” the blond disagreed, his eyes fixed on the wall. “We managed to keep the Survey Corps, even if it was just by the skin of our teeth.” 

“I hope we’re so lucky.” 

“Luck has never favored the Survey Corps, lest it be dumb luck. We promised that it would happen,” Saskia reminded. “Despite the cretins who might attempt to hinder my ability to work…” She shot Nile a heavy glare. “I still keep my word.” She turned around. “I did not see Mikasa down there with the others.” Looking up at the wall she saw the cadet was still dangling from it, staring wide-eyed at one of the cracks the Female Titan made. 

“Are horses ready yet?! Hurry up!” Hanji turned in the same direction Saskia faced. “It’s dangerous here with pieces of the wall falling off. Hn? Mikasa? What’s she still doing up there…?” 

Inside the wall was a Titan. Mikasa saw its eye move to face her. _It’s alive_. She prepared to strike. 

“Hey, isn’t that a Titan?!” 

“Why’s there a Titan inside the wall?!” 

“Is it moving?!” 

“Hanji!” Moblit called. “Your orders?!” 

She said nothing as she stumbled upon a disturbing realization. _Hold on a second here…Was a Titan in this part of the wall by accident? Or is the inside of the whole wall packed with Titans?! Titans inside the wall…along the whole length of it?!_ As her breathing quickened she heard the sound of panting as someone ran up to her from behind. A hand fell to her shoulder. 

“Pastor Nick?” 

“Do not…do not let…daylight shine…on that Titan…” 

“Eh?” 

“You must block light with something, anything…from shining on that Titan…You have got to hurry!” 

Saskia raised an eyebrow and folded her arms over her chest. “And to this day people still wonder why I detest organized religion.”


	32. The Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE MANGA THEN I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU DO SO AS THERE WILL BE SPOILERS GALORE COMBINED WITH THE ORIGINAL PLOT. The manga jumps around a lot chronologically at this point and there are some sections that are easy to omit so there are events from chapters 34-38 here. I didn't do that intentionally; that's the way the manga is set up during the beginning of this arc.
> 
> Also, character death warning.

**Wall Sina, Eastern Wall, Stohess District, July 15 th, 8:08 AM**

An enormous tarp had been secured over the crack in the wall, covering the mysterious Titan housed within. Wiping the sweat off her face with the back of her hand Hanji muttered, “Well, for now we gotta make do with this…” She lifted her glasses and sighed. “Real repairs will start after sunset. For the time being the breach is being filled with quick drying filler compound. At the same time the weakened parts next to the breach are being strengthened.”

Pastor Nick was on his hands and knees, carefully peering over the edge to see how secure the tarp was. “Mm hm. That shall do,” he said approvingly. “Do you think the citizens saw this?” He glanced up at her.

“The citizens in vicinity are trying to keep away from this place because of the battle, but I can’t guarantee no one saw anything.”

“…I see,” he replied with a heavy sigh.

“Well now.” She clenched a fist over her chest. “It’s time for us to talk, don’t you think?”

“About what?”

 _Feigning ignorance? I don’t think so._ “What is that Titan? Why is there a Titan inside the wall in the first place? And…why have you people…kept quiet about it the whole time? I’d like you to answer these questions,” she said firmly.

He rose slowly, legs wobbly from a combination of age and anxiety. “I cannot do that. I am a busy man. My church and my followers are in utter chaos right now. And it is all your fault, you insolents. I shall make sure to demand indemnities for all the damage you have caused. Now, let me off the wall.”

“Alright.” Hanji grabbed tightly onto Pastor Nick’s collar and pushed him towards the edge. “Would you like to be let off from right here?” she asked calmly.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” he cried. “You’re being ridiculous!”

She narrowed her eyes. “It’s you who’s being ridiculous here,” she spat.

“You are committing a grave offense! And you’re committing a deadly sin against humanity by stepping on its right to life,” he tried to reason.

 _And yet you defend a creature that lives only to do just that?_ “The reason why your sect has been so vocal against the plans about the wall’s reinforcements and building of an underground tunnel is what we see in that gap, isn’t it? It was the monarchist government that gave you the right to decide matters concerning the wall, correct? That is…your little cult is not the only ones who know this secret…I can’t even imagine how many people are in the know. And yet do you guys know the reason why we, the Survey Corps, shed our blood? It’s to get back the freedom the Titans stole away from us. We’re willing to pay with our lives for that.”

Her voice began to shake. “We’ve been continuously putting our lives on the line for a chance to make progress, however small, towards that goal, believing that someday it will pay off when humanity finally gets released from the grips of fear that is the Titans…Until now, we’ve never managed to find any information as important as what we saw here. But even now, you’re still trying to play dumb with us? Do have you any idea how many comrades we had to abandon to the fate of being devoured by Titans? You don’t, do you? And all this time you guys have been keeping quiet about the truth. You had the nerve to keep quiet…” Her grip tightened. “Now listen you, I’m not asking for a favor. I’m ordering you. Start talking. If you don’t, I’ll go find another. And I will ask him what’s more important- keeping a secret or keeping his life. In any case, I doubt that taking only your life will be enough. Or maybe money is the way to loosen your tongue? How much do you want?”

“Let go…of me…” the old man wheezed.

She exhaled slowly. “Are you sure you want me to let go?”

“Yes…now…Now!” He spread his arms out. “Let go of me!”

* * *

**Stohess Government Building, Underground Room, 8:27 AM**

Breathing heavily, a cool cloth on his head, Eren tried his best to recover in a sound but prompt manner after the fight had ended. Saskia, along with a Military Police escort, brought him to the room he was currently resting in. As the local government made the rounds interrogating soldiers Mikasa, Armin, and Jean stayed close by to keep an eye on him; they feared for his safety should he be left under government scrutiny and suspected they would be interrogated at some point as well.

“So with this it’s pretty safe to assume that Eren’s summon with the king is canceled, right?” Jean turned to the others.

“Yes.” Armin nodded slowly.

“But that pales in comparison to all the other things that happened. Annie really turned out to the be the Female, going all Titan-mode in the town, wreaking havoc and then turning into the sleeping beauty right after. And then…you discovered that there are Colossal-type Titans in the wall?”

“Yes.” He pulled his knees to his chest. “They’ve been standing inside the walls for at least one-hundred years…And I think they’re going to take a walk soon, all at once.”

Jean burst out laughing and congratulated Armin for maintaining a sense of humor, his own way of combating acceptance of the possibility. Mikasa put a finger to her lips and scolded him to be quiet.

“You know, about the wall, I never could determine how the wall was built in the first place as there are no brick joints or traces of peeling or things like that.” He scooted back until his back was against the wall. “I wonder if it was made by using the Titan’s hardening ability. That ability could have a lot of applications, like Annie crystallizing herself. That would mean that we’ve always been protected from Titans by Titans.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “Is that a joke too? ‘Cause it sure ain’t funny.”

The door opened. “Armin, come with me. Commander asks you to attend the meeting.”

“Understood,” he replied with minor hesitation, reluctant to leave Eren in a building run by politicians and crawling with members of the MP.

“Well,” Jean yawned, “I think I’ll be going up to the surface too. Being in this damp underground room can depress anyone. You’d better get out of here too, guys.”

Asked by both Armin and the soldier sent to bring him, Mikasa declined to attend. She felt her place was with Eren.

Though the official summons had been postponed the local government a brief meeting was still held that evening to discuss the decisions made by the Survey Corps, and the actions they had taken earlier that day. Erwin sat at one end of the table, the highest of the Survey Corps’ high standing behind him. At the other end sat the Mayor of Stohess while all other seats were occupied by lesser local officials and members of the Wall Cult.

“Erwin, I have a few questions regarding the plan you implemented today,” the mayor began, lifting up one of the many documents before him. Holding a monocle over it he continued, “If you firmly knew what goal you pursued why didn’t you ask for Military Police cooperation?”

Erwin cleared his throat and folded his hands on the table. “Mayor, we did not ask for help because it is impossible to know where the Female Titan’s allies might be hiding,” he lied. “To ensure the success of this gravely important mission only those whose innocence could be proven were chosen to participate.”

“I acknowledge the fact that the ‘Female Titan’, Annie Leonhardt, was hiding among the citizens living in the walls. But still, what about the heavy damage that the district has suffered during her capture?”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “The plan was to deal with her without causing damage to the surroundings. But unfortunately it did not turn out the way we expected, and property and priceless lives of the citizens were lost. Our lack of ability was the cause…for which I profoundly apologize.” Upon opening his eyes he added, “On the other hand, though, if we had let her escape and the wall had been destroyed by her accomplices the resulting damage would’ve been magnitudes greater. That frightening perspective was also one of the reasons why of the two evils we chose the least and acted.”

“But do you have proof that your actions prevented humanity’s demise? You couldn’t get any information out of Annie Leonhardt, correct?”

“At present, she remains detained in our custody underground. Since her whole body is covered with particularly hard crystal, it is impossible to question her for information.”

“In other words…all in vain?”

“No, I do not think so. In my view, the very fact that we succeeded in capturing one of _them_ is valuable enough.” _Her situation is unfortunate…but she is not my primary concern. There is only one I am concerned about._ “Because that proves beyond doubt that there are people like her among us. Let us track them down and corner them. All the enemies that are hiding inside these walls. Every single one of them…”

The door burst open. “Commander Erwin!” Touma shouted. “Bad news!” Panting heavily, drenched in a nervous sweat he swallowed heavily. Wall Rose is-!”

* * *

**Wall Rose, Two Days Prior (July 13 th, 1:21 PM)**

Standing atop an abandoned tower, Nanaba surveyed the vast landscape before her. She was in the company of Mike and Touma. A tent had been pitched at the top for what was now serving as a makeshift outpost.

“Do you really think that among those children there is Annie Leonhardt’s accomplice?” she asked, giving Mike a skeptical glance.

“Well, I don’t know,” he shrugged. “But that is not a possibility we can afford to ignore.” He looked down at the hut in front of the tower where the cadets were staying. Come late afternoon all but Armin, Jean, Eren, and Mikasa had been gathered and taken to an isolated part of Wall Rose. Though no explanation had been given as to why Reiner and Bertholdt suspected it had something to do with keeping their identities hidden under the guise of the Survey Corps’ inability to prove the innocence of any cadet other than the four who would be in Stohess.

Connie and Sasha sighed collectively, staring out the window. Both had a cheek resting on their palm, sighing in unison at regular intervals out of sheer boredom.

“My village is not far away from this place.”

“My hometown is close by as well. We’ve come all the way to the southern districts of Wall Rose but we’re not even allowed to go visit them.” She huffed softly.

“It’s not like we have something to do anyway,” he replied, ignoring the chessboard at the far end of the table they occupied. “We just keep spending day after day lazing around like this because of lack of anything better to do.” An idea struck him. “Well damn…Maybe we should slip out at night?”

“Huh?”

“I was told not to come back until after I became a decent human being, you know. And I was told that there was no way a midget like me could become a soldier.”

“Your family never saw the General or Lance Corporal, did they?” Sasha snickered.

“Doubt it. But I’m a genius.” He grinned smugly. “And I’ve become a real soldier and even managed to rank among the top ten trainees of our year. That’s why they all would stare at me if I came back to my village. I’d like to go back there, if just for a short period of time…while I’m still alive.”

“Connie.” Reiner and Bertholdt had been quiet the entire time until the blond suddenly spoke up. “If you’re serious about this, I’ll help you out.” _It’s the least I can do before everyone learns the truth._

“Why would you?” he asked curiously.

“Don’t you find it odd that we were ordered to stand by in civilian clothes? They even specified we were not to wear our uniform or train. We’re soldiers for crying out loud! So why would they give that order to us? But the biggest concern is our superiors.” _In more ways than one_. “Unlike us they’re all fully equipped and ready for battle. But this place isn’t the front lines, it’s territory inside the walls! Just what are they preparing to fight with?”

Connie thought about it for a moment. “Well there are bears in the area.”

“Yeah, bears,” Sasha echoed.

“If it’s against bears, guns will be more than enough,” Reiner pointed out. “No one understands what’s going on and everyone is anxious. You two are the only ones among us who are still so carefree. I want to see what our superiors’ reaction will be if you do slip out.”

With another heavy sigh Sasha dropped her head to the table. Not long after her mahogany eyes widened. “What the?!” She bolted upright, grabbing Reiner’s arm. “I hear rumbling,” she began frantically. “That sounds like heavy footsteps!”

All eyes turned to her.

“What are you saying Sasha?” Reiner asked as calmly as possible, trying to relax her some. The more relaxed she was the more rationally she could explain. “If you’re saying that there are Titans somewhere close by then this means Wall Rose has fallen…” _Who would have caused that? How? Is it…that other Titan?_

Outside Mike’s nose began to twitch. He quickly spun around glancing in every direction. “Touma! Take a fast horse and report this to the Commanders! There are no Titans among the cadets of the 104th class. Wall Rose has been breached!” Enormous lumbering figures started coming into view. “A vast number of Titans are invading from the south!”

* * *

  **Survey Corps Headquarters, July 15 th, 7:47 AM**

Saskia had spent the time in between capturing Annie and the yet-to-be-scheduled meeting back in Stohess staring at the crystallized shifter since her detainment that morning. She would sit in the underground facility, a place she was all too familiar with, leaning against the wall. Her eyes remained fixated on the crystal. Her odd behavior hadn’t gone without notice but no one knew how to approach her considering where she was, save for Levi.

“Isn’t this the place Shardis used to train and torture you as a kid?” There was blatant disgust in his tone.

“Yes,” she mumbled. “But it no longer is. It’s an empty underground chamber.”

“Why are you staring at her so intensely?” He stood next to her and crossed his arms over his chest.

“She was crying.” Saskia pointed at the blonde teenager deep inside her diamond-like prison. “Look.”

“Tch. Threw a temper tantrum because she was caught. Who cares?”

“There’s something familiar about that face…” She shook her head. “I’m making connections that don’t exist. That must be it. But that sullen expression is highly reminiscent of the failure I used to feel when Shardis would punish me for-”

“That’s enough,” he interrupted harshly. He neither wanted to hear her compare herself to Annie, the killer of his squad, nor did he want her to begin reminiscing of such a miserable time from her young life. Being in the very location where it happened certainly didn’t help. “You shouldn’t be down here.”

“I go where I damn well please. And…this is one of the safer locations to discuss…the thing I said I would talk to you about.” Her hands dropped into her pocket and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. “But you must promise to hear everything I have to say before commenting. No interruptions, no interjections.”

“What has you convinced I will?”

“It’s a habit of yours, first and foremost. Then there’s the matter of…the subject matter.” _Say it. Say it. For the love of…just say it._ “After entering Stohess I saw that so much damaged had already been caused that I felt there was no harm in seeking her out. I…abandoned my post, technically speaking. But the fight had already broken out. Nile held us up for too long. I couldn’t participate in the plan as we had hoped. The night before I forced Moblit to give me her exact address, which I assumed he saw in the census records, and used what I recalled of the map to find it. That area had yet to be damaged.” She paused, a sliver of her eye peeling open to get a good look at his face. As she suspected he was already irate. Once she elaborated she was confident that his anger would no longer be directed at her, and it would probably warp from anger to confusion and frustrated anxiety.

“I went into the house. I found three things. This is one of them.” She handed him the photograph. There was no mistaking the resemblance between the woman and Saskia. He looked at the back and bit his tongue after reading the words, but only for so long could he remain silent.

“She gave it to you?” He handed it back to her.

She hunger her head. “No,” she whispered. “Someone else did. That area had yet to be damaged but…she was already dead. Her…her…her throat had been slit and the edges of her lips cut to form a smile.” She started to tremble and slowly handed him the note. “Read it out loud.” Her voice was hardly a whisper anymore.

 _Slit throat? Already dead? No. No, not possible…not possible…_ he tried to convince himself as he unfolded the note. Though written in blood, highly contaminated, he held it anyway and did as she asked.

“‘Dear Saskia, I was told that you’re always smiling so I thought you and mommy dearest should match. Isn’t she lovely? Give my regards to Lover Boy. I hear you make quite the cute couple. All My Love, Kenny.’” His mouth moved silently as he tried to form words but there was little more to be said.

“The cuts were fresh. The note was written in fresh blood. Some of it…got on my fingers…” She started gagging again, just as she had when she arrived at the disturbing scene. Hand over her mouth, she forced it back. “I threw up as soon as I noticed that…” She fully opened her eyes and turned to him. “You would know better than anyone else so I need confirmation.”

He nodded, unable to take his eyes off of the note. “Yeah…This is his doing. No mistaking it. Which also confirms your Oriental blood because of his connection to the slave trade. They wanted to shut her up.”

“Permanently…Same as I do. That’s so fucked up. My fucking nickname…It’s a reference to stealth, yes, but…She…she has been silenced permanently.”

“All the more reason to believe it was his doing. This means he knew you would be there.”

“And that he hoped I would uncover it before the fight broke out.”

“He knew about Moblit obtaining her information and inevitably relaying it to you.”

“He knows about us. He knows that I always smile. There’s only one way he could know that.”

“…one of her cohorts…” He nodded towards Annie. “…could be in this very building.”

“I haven’t even bothered trying to figure out who or why. Not yet. It’s all still sinking in.”

“What was the third thing you found?”

She snorted. “Her dead body. I…She and I…” She covered her face with both hands. Not only was it to hide her tears, it was also a subconscious act to physically cover up what she was about to share next. “I have her eyes.”

“I don’t know if this should be burned or kept as evidence.” _Your days are numbered. You’re a dead man walking, Kenny._

“Are we compiling a portfolio now?!” she snapped, breathing heavily and accidentally raking her nails down her cheeks as her hands fell limply to her sides.

“Hearsay alone…won’t be enough.” He folded up the note, holding it in one while clenching the other into a tight fist. As anticipated he was curious, he was anxious, and he was furious. He couldn’t recall a time he had felt so enraged. There was another feeling tearing away at him though he was hesitant to admit it. This taunt was tantamount to a declaration of war. If he was willing to wage war Levi dare not refuse the invitation.

“Enough for what?”

“I’m gonna find him, and I’m gonna fucking kill him. Considering the personal attack he launched on you I’d be more than happy to let you get in a few blows before I do it.”

“I don’t care about revenge.” She quickly shook her head. “I just want answers. This is all about my Oriental blood, isn’t it? Why not go after Mikasa? Not that I would want such a thing to happen but wouldn’t it be easier to find her?”

“Find her? Yes. Take her? No. If anything they’d try and strike a bargain with you.”

“Me instead of her.”

“Exactly. Sounds like the kid’s father was in on this too, and when the time came to take his wife and kid he was killed.”

“It does, doesn’t it? All for that ‘Living Weapon’ they wanted to create. Breed. Whatever. Oriental woman are only good for the sex slave trade, correct?”

“Sadly.”

She hiccuped and wiped her eyes. “Mikasa is only half but being female, she still would have sold into it. I’m female and half-Oriental. Wherein lays the difference?”

“In their eyes Luzia must have been something special, racially speaking. If you’re that Living Weapon then probably something strong, like Oriental men are believed to be.”

“Then I’m going to find out what.” She stormed off towards the stairs, en route to the sub-basement to try and find a handful of ‘special races’ Luzia may have descended from. Her name already narrowed it down.

“The hell you are.” He quickly caught up to her, grabbed her wrist, and spun her around. He ignored the shock and annoyance in her eyes. “We don’t have time for that and as much as you want to know, and you have every right to, it isn’t a priority right now.”

“Yes it is.” She pulled her wrist out of his grasp. “That name ‘Living Weapon’. Oriental blood for strength. Being born female and despite that not being sold into the slave trade, presumably because of my mother’s ancestry. Shardis trying to create the perfect soldier. He knew what he was doing. He knew about my ancestry. He’s working with them. How else would I have ended up here? And why? To be trained, to be conditioned, to become a God damn mindless, soulless killing machine. Why on Earth would someone want to create that? What is there to kill? Titans, that’s what. And if I had to guess I would say that she, the Armored Titan, and the Colossal Titan answer to them. Breaking down the walls to let the Titans in so this perfect weapon, ‘living’ but barely alive, could kill them. I’m in the Survey Corps after all. I have been since infancy. It’s not a solid argument, I know, but if you think about it even for just a moment…it’s plausible. I can think of no other reason why they wouldn’t attempt to make the ultimate killing machine. Humanity’s greatest weapon against our greatest enemy, our _only_ enemy in their eyes. It’s just a matter of figuring out who ‘they’ are. Kenny, Keith, the head of the slave trade whose name always escapes me-”

“Isamu Maki.”

“He probably engineered all of this! You said so yourself, Kenny knows him. They’ve worked together before. Who’s to say they aren’t now? Who’s to say they haven’t been this entire time? Flagan could have been one of their Survey Corps spies from when I was younger. He answered to Lobov, a noble. That would explain their ‘funding’ and access to resources needed for this God damn operation-”

“Will you shut up and take a breath already?” He put his hands on her shoulders and pressed his forehead to hers. The closer he was to her physically the easier it was to keep her attention, and proximity of a lover is generally something craved in the first place. “I’m not saying you’re wrong but I’m not saying you’re right either. Sure, it’s plausible, but if you keep thinking along those lines and your mind becomes fixated on that narrative alone only for you to be proven wrong…Then what?”

“Then I’ll be very angry.”

 _Her sense of humor has come back. Always a good sign._ “If you’re going to do anything or think about anything, keep it limited to what we have. The note, the photograph, confirmation of your ancestry, of that bastard’s involvement. I suspect our time here is going to be very limited for awhile. Eren’s trial has been put on hold. We need to be ready for that. Erwin is jailed until our meeting with the mayor of Stohess. That’s in a little over an hour. We both promised him that we would keep the Survey Corps intact but that won’t be possible if one half of the highest office is falling apart and putting her attention elsewhere. Unless you’re ready and willing to break your promise to him and lose another family member, that is.”

“You’re a little _too_ adept at ensuring I remain focused and putting things in perspective.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “But I can’t be angry with you for that…seeing as you are right.”

He bit his lip, still wrestling around with the final emotion he knew he had no choice but to confront. “Do you remember when Hanji guessed that I’d have difficulty admitting to anxiety, and she was right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“You can probably tell that all of this, connected or not, is making me very anxious.”

“I would be shocked if it didn’t. Your skin is only so thick, as much as you hate to accept that fact.”

“What if I told you, hypothetically speaking that I’m more than angry and anxious. I’m something that I haven’t been in a long ass time. I forgot how strong and overwhelming it can be.” _I can’t even say it out loud. Great._

“You’re silly, trying to make yourself admit to that of all things.” She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his, the slightest hint of vanilla still lingering. “It’s alright to feel that way. Just because I’m more prone to showing my sensitivity doesn’t mean you have to put up a front to make me feel secure. We can be scared together. Deal?”

“One condition.” He held up a finger, placing between their lips. “Get your ass upstairs and get back to work.”

“I will but-”

He pressed his finger against her lips to silence her. “Non-negotiable. Now.”

“But I-”

“No wonder you jumped right up to second-in-command. You don’t know how to follow orders, only give them.”

“We’re on equal footing. Now you truly have no authority over me and I am anything **but** obligated to listen to you.”

 _She hasn’t realized she has more authority than I do…? Maybe there is a God._ “Whatever. Just get your ass upstairs.”

She nodded and wiped her eyes one last time. “Right. There’s work to be done and very little time to finish it all in.

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, 7:52 AM  
**

“Fucking Survey Corps!” Kenny fired another shot from his rifle into one of the black pine trees surrounding the estate. “Annie was useless but if that little shit squeals, we’re fucked!” He fired again. “And now Kseniya’s ran off to who knows where like a pansy ass little bitch! She’s a liability. If she squeals, it could be all over.” He had successfully emptied the chamber. He threw the unloaded gun on the ground and stomped back and forth. “Now what?! Now fucking what?! You’re the damned mastermind here!” he yelled at Isamu. “The biggest tattle tale of them all is dead but now we have two more to worry about!”

“Three if freckles is alive,” Shardis reminded. “She never did confirm that, did she?”

“I told her not to, to go see Luzia one last time before Stohess. Shit! At least Erwin’s cover hasn’t been blown, so the other two are safe. Historia doesn’t know a thing but now that she’s past a certain age, according to Rod, that memory trigger ability their family has could surface. Who knows what Levi overheard when he was still my little puppet? Rod said being around people is enough to stir up some long lost memories. Hell, if Saskia remembers the reason she’s afraid of thunderstorms then we’re beyond screwed.”

“That memory may work to our advantage,” Isamu said somewhat ominously. “If Rod was telling the truth when he told us what he shared with her.”

“So now what do we do about Jaeger? The kid, not his father. Wasn’t the whole point of getting him into Stohess to apprehend him?”

“Annie was supposed to tire him out during their fight and, when the time came Kseniya would have been the one to take him.”

“Thanks for sharing that with me Isamu. It’s not like that little bitch was my subordinate or anything…At least Saskia got the note and picture. That little brat in the MP, Hitch, confirmed that much for me. Isn’t at useless as she initially came off to be. Must’ve been quite a sight to walk in on.”

“Quite the family reunion,” Shardis chuckled.

“Something else about Kseniya’s absence that worries me…” Kenny reloaded the rifle. “We lost our translator and the only living Volkova. Only person who would know diddly shit about where Katya’s research might be. She might be trying to find it herself.” He fired again.

“She won’t be able to understand it without help from Grisha I’m sure,” Shardis replied. “And who else can she turn to? The Survey Corps’ resident ‘mad scientist’? Even if she’s no longer with us, they would still be against her by principle. Speaking of principle, Levi is probably plotting your death as we speak.”

Kenny grinned. “He has been for years.”

“You got his girlfriend involved.”

“She’s been involved from the start. If anything he’s the one who got involved with her.” He fired. “Pun not intended. So what’s the plan for Mikasa now? She was never meant to be backup in case Saskia proved to be a fail.”

Isamu frowned. “She was bred perfectly.”

“Yeah, yeah, so you’ve said. We weren’t able to sell Mikasa. What do we do with her?”

“Jaeger bait,” Shardis suggested. “Even in their trainee days…They might as well have had it written on their foreheads.”

“And Saskia?”

“That plan hasn’t changed. We already secured our bait for her. Though seeing as his involvement was willing I don’t think it’s appropriate to call him ‘bait’. Regardless, Erwin will bring her to us one way or another. This arrest works in our favor.”

“Whatever you say Isamu. And the Wall Titans?”

Isamu turned to the manor, where Rod Reiss was inside. “We’ll figure out something.”

Kenny rolled his eyes and fired. “About time that ass makes himself useful. What the hell kind of idiot knocks up a peasant knowing he has some magical power that might get passed down to the bastard kid?”

Shardis shrugged. “That kind of idiot, apparently.”

* * *

**Wall Rose, July 13 th, 1:24 PM**

Nanaba used to gear to land right outside one of the windows of the large hut. After a sound click it unlocked. “Is everywhere here?”

“Nanaba?!” Krista exclaimed. _Was Sasha right?_

“There’s a vast number of Titans approaching from the south, distance five-hundred meters. They’re heading here. You don’t even time to don your combat attire. Get onto horses right away, go around the neighboring villages, and get the villages to evacuate immediately. Is that clear?”

“From…the…south?” Connie gasped.

“That means the wall got destroyed?” Reiner looked to Bertholdt, noting the mutual confusion in his eyes.

“Unfortunately you’ll have to postpone your lunch until you’re finished with your work.” Sasha let out a squeal of protest, despite having already eaten what she and Connie cooked for everyone present. “Now, get a move on!” Nanaba yelled. “You won’t be able to laze around if you’re dead!” As the cadets scrambled out she jumped up to the rooftop and approached the other Squad Leader. “Mike. Titans’ current position?”

“Right in front of us,” he replied gravely, “At least, as far as my nose can tell. There’s nine of them in the immediate area.”

“Which means the wall got destroyed again. Should we hunt them down? If the Trost District and Klorva District had been breached we would’ve known. If a part of the wall other than the gates has been destroyed then the scale of damage to the wall is basically unknown. And even if it was only the gate destroyed there are no boulders big enough in this area, so even Eren couldn’t plug it if he were here. In other words the worst imaginable scenario is taking place right now…as we speak.” _Touma, please get to the Commander in time._ “As it stands, Wall Rose has really been breached.”

She dropped onto one knee, hand partially covering her mouth. “We have failed to find out the truth identity of the Colossal and Armored Titans as well as failed to learn what other powers the enemy has at their disposal. The day has come…” She looked towards the oncoming horde. “We- no, the entire human race has lost.”

Mike glanced down at her. “No,” he said firmly. “Not yet. We will have lost when we give up and stop fighting.” He nodded towards the cadets below as they hurried onto their horses. “As long as they keep on fighting our defeat isn’t certain.”

After incredibly brief deliberation Nanaba rose. “Can’t let them see how pathetic we are.”

“Well then, let’s fight.”

Mike instructed the cadets break up into four groups, one going towards each cardinal direction. Their priority was to evacuate and avoid battle as best they could. The group heading to the south would have the additional task of finding destroyed locations, meaning it would need more people. Sasha volunteered to go north, being familiar with the terrain as she hailed from that general area. She knew Connie came from somewhere close by but he never specified exactly where. The disturbed look on his face and shaken demeanor said it all.

“My village is located south from here, in the direction the Titans are coming from.” He took a deep breath. “I can guide you to the nearby villages. After I do, please let me go to my village. They’ve most likely passed through it and there’s probably nothing I can do anymore but…I have to go anyway.”

 _He’s in a panic…But he’s still a soldier. He knows how much is at stake._ “Alright,” Mike approved, “I’ll leave guiding to the southern villages to you.”

After reminding Connie of his promise Reiner made it clear he wouldn’t take any other direction than south. He asked Bertholdt what he planned to do. Though he wasn’t entirely sure what Reiner’s intentions were, or exactly which side of Reiner was making the decision to go with Connie (let alone make that promise in the first place), he agreed to go.

The Titans seemed to be moving faster than usual. As soon as he noticed this Mike turned around. Though mentally prepared for the worst he had done well in taking out the group of Titans in the area, until an animal-like Deviant type appeared. It crushed his horse. It ordered a regular Titan to stop crushing him between its enormous teeth, later killing it for disobeying. It inspected his gear curiously before plucking it from his partially mobile form. It then gave the Titans permission to tear Mike apart.

Ymir felt another headache coming on.

* * *

**July 16 th, Wall Sina to Wall Rose Breach, 4:16 AM (Approximately Twenty Hours After Receiving Word of the Breach)**

Hanji, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Pastor Nick, Levi, and Saskia were heading to the area where the breach was estimated to be. Because of the interruption, more specifically nothing conclusive at their meeting, Erwin had been jailed again until the matter could formally be sorted out. The ride was uncomfortable, mostly because of the presence of the still silent pastor. Armin was expressing typical concerns of feeling useless while Eren had an angry outburst about the Wall Cult withholding information on the Titans inside the walls. After Mikasa managed to make him settle down he still had one pressing question for the pastor.

“What can be more important than preventing total annihilation of the human race?”

Surprisingly Hanji came to his defense. “I wonder about that. The pastor looks like an honest, upstanding person to me.”

“Then you should get a new pair, Shitty Glasses,” Levi grumbled. Saskia bit her lip and looked away to hold back a most inappropriate chuckle. One of them had to maintain a professional demeanor and with Levi partially out of the picture he had no need to remain professional until his leg fully healed.

Hanji ignored him. “That’s why I think maybe, just maybe, there might be a cause more important than preventing the downfall of humanity.” Saskia almost literally bit her tongue.

“Well from where I stand this one seems to have guts, but what about the other fanatics from their little sect? I highly doubt all of them can boast this kind of willpower.” Levi put his hand on the revolver underneath his black coat. “Oh well. There’s lots of ways to make people talk. I may be useless in combat right now but I sure as hell am capable of keeping tabs on one old man. So do us both a favor and don’t do anything that would result in new holes opening up in your body.” _Of all the tasks to be saddled with…At least I get to hold a damned weapon._

Saskia folded one leg over the other and leaned forward, head turned towards Hanji. “Hanji, if memory serves your hobbies are exclusive to Titans and unwarranted advice. Eccentric as you may be, however, your actions are not without purpose. Explain the rock you are holding and have been fondly fondling since we boarded.”

“It’s not a new hobby, but it’s no ordinary rock either.” She held it out for the rest to see.

“It looks sparkling shit.”

Saskia hissed his named under her breath and gave him a backhanded slap on the upper arm. “Please continue Hanji. And you be silent until she has finished.”

“Kiss my ass, Messmann.” Even he couldn’t deny he was having a little too much fun again playing obnoxious subordinate to her.

“Aw, aren’t you two adorable?” Hanji knew that would quiet both of them. “Anyway, it’s a piece of the Female Titan’s hardened skin that was left behind.”

“It didn’t disappear?!” Armin exclaimed.

“It got cut off of her fingers when we had her tied up with the ropes. Unbelievable! It didn’t evaporate and it didn’t disappear! And I had an epiphany. When I compared this piece to broken fragments of the wall, the crystal composition and structure turned out to be very similar. In other words, the wall itself was made by Colossal-type Titans who then became its supporting pillar.”

“So it’s really just like Armin said,” Mikasa gasped.

“Then…Then-!”

Hanji clamped a hand over Armin’s mouth. “Wait right there!” she said excitedly. “Allow me the honor to say it, Armin. As it is now, it’s gonna be difficult to plug Wall Rose, right? There’s no boulders huge enough. But…what if…the transformed Eren…could plug the breach…using that Titan ability to harden their bodies?”

“I had not considered the possibility that the hardening ability was not exclusive to the Female Titan.” Saskia tilted her head to the side. “From what we have seen of shifters thus far they all have some sort of unique ability.” She glared at Hanji, who was stifling laughter as she began to recall their most recent conversation about sex. “That said, then if your hypothesis is correct then the Female’s exclusive ability was only her scream.”

“A damn loud scream. I was standing on top of her head when she did it.”

“You provoked her,” Saskia scoffed.

“Doesn’t mean she was any less of a loud cun-”

“Levi!”

“…just like you.”

“You two, stop being cute!” Hanji ordered.

Eren shuddered. “Plugging the breach with my body?”

“The material properties are identical so after you undo your transformation what will be left is a huge fossilized statue that won’t evaporate or disappear. What if it could actually be possible? That’s what I’ve been mulling over…”

“I think it’s well worth gambling on that possibility.” Armin paused, his own word choice stirring up a memory as well when Annie spoke of her ‘gamble’. “And if we could use that repeatedly then even our chances of conquering Wall Maria look brighter! The standard approach today required us to bring a lot of raw materials first, so there was a need to have a lot of staff and to plan supply routes. Any progress forward could only be made after establishing supply points along the way. That’s the approach that would take twenty years to come to fruition. But if the need to bring carts along is eliminated then I believe it may be possible to head straight towards Shiganshina.”

Hanji put a fist over her mouth as she considered Armin’s proposal. “I see…With a small group we could make it all the way to Wall Maria in no time…” she mused aloud.

“How about we carry out the outside-the-wall operation at night?”

“At…night…?” The brunette leaned forward, intrigued.

“Yes! Titans can’t move at night! I’m aware that torch lights aren’t enough of a light source to run at full speed at night but even at a slowed down pace a small group would have a chance to make it to Wall Maria before dawn.”

“Even though our situation is desperate as never before…there is still hope…” Hanji squeezed the rock tightly.

“If and only if we are willing to take the risk. We have no right to cling to even the thinnest sliver of hope should we abandon our resolve.”

“I know General. And we would be taking a big risk by assuming Eren can plug the wall. But I still propose we make a gamble.”

“I doubt he could give us a definite answer even if we asked,” Hanji said gently. “But still, do you _think_ you could do it?”

All eyes fell to him.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered without an ounce of confidence in his voice.

“It’s not about if he could do it or not.” Eren gulped as Levi narrowed his eyes slightly and stared him down. “Do it. You must do it, you have no choice. You’re aware of the situation we’re all in.”

Saskia’s expression hardened. The situation was a little more personal for her than it was most. “The Survey Corps is doing all it can at present. And at present there is very little it can do. Failure is **not** an option, Cadet Jaeger.”

“Yes sir! Yes ma’am! I will plug the breach without fail!” _Without fail…That ability Annie used, it has to be something that’s possible for me too. She could, so I should be able to as well._ He grit his teeth and pulled out the key from under his shirt. “I’m fed up with not knowing what the hell is going on. First, I’ll plug Wall Rose. Then I’ll plug Wall Maria. And after that, the basement. If what my old man said about every answer being there is true then there should also be some clues to his whereabouts. All the answers are there, I know it. When I reach it I will finally learn where to direct the anger boiling inside me…”

“Hm?” Hanji looked up. “The Ehrmich District. We’re almost here.”

“Our stop, then. This is as far as me and the pastor can go with you. I’ll leave everything to you. You are the impromptu chosen squad by one half of those with complete authority.”

“Complete authority?” Eren asked he got out. “What about Commander Erwin?”

“He is temporarily incarcerated. Can’t give orders from behind bars.”

“Erwin bestowed his complete authority to Levi and myself to be divided equally,” Saskia explained. “I chose the four of you. Hanji and Armin for brains, Mikasa for brawn, and Eren because…Levi said so himself, he is useless,” she teased. “One of us should be with you at all times. That certainly brings back memories!”

“Have fun getting eaten, Messmann.”

“Have fun doing your good deed for the day and attending to the elderly.” When he turned towards her to retort she stole a surprise kiss. Only those standing as close to him as she was could see the slight blush. “Try not to cause too much trouble without me.”

“Try not to die.”

“Aren’t they cute?” Hanji fawned.

“That killed it,” he muttered.

“Yes, agreed, it has been slaughtered.” She tightened her blue ribbon. “Stay safe,” she said referring to the note written in blood he had in his pocket.

“Stay rational,” he replied referring to the photograph she had in hers. “Oi, Mikasa!” he called.

“Yes sir?” She turned on her heel and looked at Levi.

“I don’t know why you’re so attached to Eren but remember to control yourself. Don’t make another blunder.”

All the others save Saskia shared looks of confusion. Mikasa leered. “Yes sir. I will make sure there won’t be any.”

As Levi forced Pastor Nick to get a good look as the faces of melancholy and despair of the evacuating citizens Moblit and Hanji were making sure that Eren was in proper condition to ride in Titan territory. Armin and Mikasa waited patiently. Saskia brushed her fingertips over the smooth surface of the photograph in her pocket.

 _Luzia…Mother…I know not why you were killed, and by Kenny Ackermann of all people. But I do sincerely hope…_ She looked up, trying to catch the last glimpse of the night sky she would be able to take in for leisure for possibly days. _I hope you are proud of me. I hope you did not die simply because I am your daughter, or because you are my mother. I hope you lived knowing something about me, anything at all. Surely you would have heard my name as a Survey Corps elite. Or did you hate us too? I do not believe you discarded me. My intuition tells me you hoped that someday we might meet…If I could ask you only one thing now, though I know you cannot hear nor answer me…What was my father like? What kind of man was he? Would he be proud of me too?_ Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden commotion around her.

“Her, of all people?” Eren exclaimed.

“Go find her,” Pastor Nick advised. “She might know the truth unknown even to us. It is up to decide to share what she knows or not. Revealing her name to you is the only compromise I can make. The rest shall depend on you.”

“That girl…If she’s from the 104th Trainee Squad this means she’s on the very front lines right now…”

“Let’s hurry!” Eren shouted. “We need to get to the breached area as soon as possible anyway!”

“Wait a sec! I still don’t know the names of our new members who came from your 104th Trainee Squad so could you…”

“She’s the most petite girl!” he replied.

“She has long blond hair and, um, she’s pretty!”

 _Hardly helps._ Mikasa rolled her eyes. “She’s the girl who always hangs around with Ymir.”

Upon hearing the name Hanji’s eyes widened, Levi hid his shock, and Saskia took a deep breath.

* * *

**Wall Rose, Castle Utgard, July 13 th, 10:53 PM (Nine Hours After the Sighting)**

Nanaba’s and Gerger’s teams had reunited not far from the ruins of the castle, taking refuge there for the night. No one amongst them could explain or fathom how so many Titans appeared, or even a single Titan for that matter, as they hadn’t located a breach. They sat around a tiny fire, looks of despair and confusion painted on every face. Gerger was trying to hide his tension behind discovering a bottle of wine, though he dare not drink it just yet.

Orders were given for everyone to rest but the day’s events proved to be anything but somniferous. Krista was hoping to get more answers on how Titans appeared if there was no breach while Connie insisted that the Titan they found in his hometown was his own mother. Reiner was quick to brush it off and Ymir did little more than mock his height.

Not long after sleep had finally taken all but two, Ymir and Reiner, one of the officers ran down from the very top where she had been keeping watch. “Everybody, wake up!” she screamed, catching her breath. “Get to the roof!” There was hesitation from all parties, some still barely awake despite the noise. “THIS INSANCE!” Once everyone was at the top they saw the entire area was on the verge of being overtaken by highly active Titans.

“What is…going on…?” Krista breathed.

“Hey, look! Over there!” Connie shouted. “Huge…just what…is that…?”

Reiner’s and Bertholdt’s eyes widened as soon as they caught a glimpse of the Beast Titan. Ymir’s head began to throb as if sonic rounds were ricocheting in her skull. Her vision blurred for a moment and she was overcome by a strange sensation of familiarity.

Both cadets and officers alike had been too distracted by the bizarre sight before them to notice that Titans had begun ramming into the tower and breaking down their sorry excuse for a barricade on the entrance.

“You gotta be bullshitting me…” Gerger jumped up onto the ledge and drew his blades. “Don’t fuck with me! I didn’t even get to drink that wine all because of you freaks!”

Nanaba looked over her shoulder. “You rookies step back. From this point on, it’s the 3DMG’s turn.”


	33. Monsters They Saw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are from chapters 39-42.
> 
> Character death! Also, regarding the time skips. I wanna address it now so no one gets confused while reading. In the manga the meeting with the officials in Stohess takes place the day of Annie and Eren's fight. Touma comes during the meeting with news of the Titans. However, the sighting took place two days prior. Yet we're told Hanji is headed to the site of the breach '20 hours later'. But that's not possible as she was 1.) at the fight between Annie and Eren and 2.) at the meeting with the officials (she can be seen in the background of one of the panels, right behind Erwin). That's why I have her and Levi's part set to 20 hours after they were informed; the manga says '20 hours after the breach'. This meant needing to fill some vacant hours but I already had material ready for that. Hope that prevents any confusion you might experience otherwise while reading.

**Wall Rose, Utopia District, July 15 th, 8:39 PM**

Having worked under Kenny and Isamu for so long, Kseniya knew all the places to avoid lest she run the very high risk of being caught. With Pine’s Manor in one of the more pristine, but rather isolated, forest areas of Mitras she knew it would take awhile for any dispatched underlings to leave the district and spread the word- she had defected, the penalty for which is death. 

Even if they felt her useful enough to keep alive because she could translate Katya’s research she would never do it for them. At the moment she wasn’t sure what to do other than hide. She considered changing her name and appearance but to do so required revealing her current ones which would immediately give her away. Keith, Kenny, Isamu, and Rod had eyes and ears everywhere through all sorts of different factions from Sina’s nobles to the underground. 

_Probably safer in Wall Maria at this point_ , she thought to herself, peeking out from behind the closed shop she had been hiding behind for a good portion of the day. She saw that there was a lot of commotion in Sina, namely amongst the Military Police and fractions of the Garrison, but was too busy trying to fend for her life than find out what was going on. She did find it odd that most of the commercial and even some of the industrial wards were closing for the day. She highly doubted it had anything to do with Stohess; that was twelve hours ago and this panic was fresh. 

She threw her head back and sighed. The sun had already set and she was starving. No longer could she abuse the privileges she had while working for the obscure group which could only be branded as ‘the enemy’. She was about to take another look when she heard a shuffling nearby, the sound of hesitant and stealthy footsteps. She still had her 3DMG and was more than capable of protecting herself without causing much of a scene, even in a back alley of the most populated wall. Slowly her hand inched towards a single blade, all she felt she would need to take down this seemingly unarmed person. There was no clanking of gear so unless someone with skills as high as her own had come to kill her, as the top four would never worry themselves with something so trivial when they had so many underlings, they would have a gun or a blade. But a gun would make too much noise, even in the crowded locale and a blade could be tied back to someone if they weren’t careful. Without her in command of any lackeys anymore, a good portion of them became rather inept. 

Her blade was halfway drawn when the figure came into full-view. A shadowy hand went underneath a jacket of some sort but instead of presenting a weapon it tossed an apple to her. She caught it in her free hand, now recognizing the person by their stature and distinguishable facial features. 

“Holy shit,” she breathed, letting the blade slide back into place. “You’ve been alive and in hiding this whole time? Well done, kid.” 

“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the manor?” 

“I’m done with those fuckers,” she replied bitterly, taking a bite of the apple. She wiped the juices from her chin with the back of her hand. “After what happened in Stohess I- Did you hear about that?” 

“I heard there was a lot of damage caused and a huge tarp is hanging over part of the eastern wall.” Marco laughed softly and sat down next to her. “I always had a feeling that cruel, violent person wasn’t the real you.” 

“It can be.” She tossed the finished fruit aside. “Thanks, I needed that. If my life is being threatened then you bet I can be that cruel, violent person but Annie…” She rubbed her temples. “It’s crazy. It’s so crazy. I had been working with them since I was four. Made up that story about being an orphan from the underground. Kenny killed my parents and took me in. Long story, different story. But when they brought you four in I knew Annie was in the most danger, being a girl. They…had done some really deplorable, disgusting things so female subordinates who didn’t meet their standards. I didn’t want that happening to her so I volunteered. Told ‘em that, since I’m a girl and she’s a young kid who was just ripped from her very distant and inattentive family, she’d probably take to me like a sister or something. In truth I wanted to protect her from the **worst of the worst** , but I still beat her and stuff all the same. When I figured out what was gonna happen to her, that they had figured it was time to discard her, I was done. Just couldn’t do it anymore.” 

“Are the other two Reiner and Bertholdt? I know that three shifters were made besides me, and Eren obviously, using kids from those villages that were hit by a disease a few years ago. Their home was close to hers.” 

She nodded, messy brown hair bouncing on her shoulders. “Yeah, Armored and Colossal respectively.” 

“I already figured that out. Reiner’s build? Bertholdt’s height? It just…made sense.” 

“Yeah, guess it does. Something about your human self influencing the kind of Titan you can create.” _Was that…part of Katya’s research?_ “Doesn’t explain why you turn into a war machine instead of a gentle giant,” she grinned. 

“I think there’s more to it than looks and personality. Name meaning could influence it too,” he replied thoughtfully. “I know that those in charge did truly believe that our names influence the people we become, and my first name comes from a war God from a culture unrelated to our ancestors’ ancestors _."_

“So if I were a shifter does that mean I’d have furry ears and a tail? Shit, that would be creepy. Any idea what this commotion is all about?” She pointed with her thumb towards the busy streets behind the building whose shadows they took refuge in. 

Marco nodded. “Yes. Titans were seen in Wall Rose. It’s been breached.” 

“Breached?” she gasped loudly. “How in the hell…? The boys weren’t given orders to break the walls. Erwin’s not able to command the Survey Corps right now after the mess in Stohess. He never had the chance to give Reiner or Bertholdt orders to start knockin’ things down. The plan was for him to give his authority to Levi and Saskia, and neither of them knows about those two. Even if they did they wouldn’t order a breach.” 

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking…about joining them.” 

“Are you fucking insane?” 

“The others could vouch for me, and I would explain everything that Kenny and Keith and Isamu are doing. I want to. I think they have a right to know.” 

“Saskia does already know about her Oriental blood, apparently. Shit Marco…Well if you’re doing it, don’t do it now. The timing would look really suspicious. Even if the others can vouch for you, you’re a shifter. And you’d have to out Reiner and Bertholdt too. Little Miss Messmann is pretty fond of the blond, I hear. She kicks his ass at arm wrestling or something.” 

“Really?” He stifled a laugh. “But she’s so tiny.” 

“Tiny, sure, but apparently she’s got quite the build for someone that small. Granted she’d been training for this kinda stuff since before she could walk.” Kseniya rolled her eyes. 

“I heard rumors about that…I still can’t believe I used to think this was for a greater good. Joining the Military Police, protecting a false king, helping them with their undercover operations. No one benefits from what they’re doing, not even them.” He sighed. 

“How do you figure that?” 

“Because when Saskia finds them and learns everything, the things even we don’t know, she can tear them apart. It’s what she was ‘bred’ to do, isn’t it? Their plan will backfire when she finds out.” 

“And how in the hell is she gonna find out?” 

“All the more reason for me to join them,” he asserted. 

She shook her head. “No, not yet. This is really bad timing. I mean, there’s a damn breach in Wall Rose caused by who knows what. When I was leaving Stohess I remember thinking the same thing to myself…Jokingly, of course. But then again if Levi could into the Survey Corps and the General’s pants, there might be hope for us too. Not for getting with Saskia I mean.” 

“I wouldn’t be all that interested anyway.” 

“Still got feelings for him even though he thinks you’re dead and is trying to move on?” 

“…when you put it like that, you make it sound as though it’s a bad thing.” 

“I know I don’t seem the type but I’m…a really sensitive person. I’ve been crying and screaming on the inside for the past fourteen years of my life. You gotta let him go Marco.” Her eyes dropped to the ground. “Let him go.” 

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” he said quietly. 

“Maybe I am.” 

“You had feelings for one of our former comrades?” 

“Maybe I did.” She drew her knees to her chest and rested her chin atop them. 

“Was it someone I knew?” 

“No. It took me awhile to get over it, since Kenny shot him point blank for ‘failure to perform’. This was a long, long time ago. So I’m telling you now to just get started on letting him go. For all you know he might’ve moved on already.” 

Marco fell silent, struggling to accept the possibility. “Um, so, what happened to Annie?” 

“I left before the fight broke out. Her and Eren were forced into a final showdown.” 

“ _Final_?” 

“Yeah, final. Annie is dead. That innocent little girl is dead…” She sniffled. “And it’s all my fault.” 

He winced upon seeing her facial expression. Though he only encountered Kseniya a few times throughout his years working for the others she always looked malicious and almost maniacal now and then. Now she had to let all of that go which was nothing but beneficial, but in the process face all her guilt and regrets. “Come on, they have spies everywhere. I know of some better hiding places.” 

“They better not be in Rose.” 

“Oh no, they’re in Maria,” he joked. “No spies there.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Castle Utgard, July 14 th, 5:38 AM  
**

Despite their best efforts Titans had broken through the weak wooden barricade set up over the entrance. While the superiors continued to cut away at the creatures the cadets were ordered to go inside and create a new, well-fortified one. In the event that their worst fears should be realized they were to return to the top of the tower. 

Reiner grabbed a torch off of the sconce as they bolted down the spiral stairway. “I’ll go check how deep the Titans have already penetrated into the tower! And you guys go find planks, sticks, anything and bring them here!” 

“Reiner!” Krista yelled as he bolted off. 

“Hey!” Connie called after him. 

“Reiner, wait! Wait I said!” Bertholdt grit his teeth. 

“Reiner…That guy never changes, huh? Even when this is happening for real and not in training anymore. Always taking the most dangerous assignment. We can’t hold a candle to him.” 

“Yes,” the tallest agreed. “It’s his bad habit.” 

Connie looked at him confused as to how his compliment could be a bad habit but said nothing  The others did as he instructed, gathering what few raw materials they could find. As Reiner ventured down he found it to be even deeper than expected, hoping a greater distance would buy them more time to erect a barricade. But in accordance with Survey Corps tradition neither time nor luck were on their side as he stopped as stared, mouth slightly agape at a smaller Titan hobbling up the stone steps. 

He quickly slammed the door shut, using all of his upper body strength to hold it in place. Even if it weren’t aged it was still wood, a naturally weak material. A flimsy limb pushed its way through the door right over his head. He froze, the situation bearing an uncanny resemblance to the death of his childhood friend Marcel. Damn near paralyzed by the memory, he would have been torn to shreds had Bertholdt not appeared with a pitchfork seconds before its enormous head emerged through the broken door. 

He plunged it through the Titans eyes. Reiner quickly snapped out of the terrifying flashback and jumped out of the way, to the other side of the pitchfork. With his added strength they were able to start digging into the skull. 

“Reiner, are you okay?” Bertholdt asked through labored breaths as they kept pushing. 

“Yeah,” he nodded, tightening his grip. “Bertholdt, we’ll survive. And without fail return to our hometown.” 

“Y-yeah, we will!” 

“Reiner! Bertholdt!” Ymir yelled from overhead. She, Krista, and Connie were pushing a large cannon, the same as the Garrison would use, towards the edge of the staircase. 

“Hey, isn’t that a…What about gun power?! And cannon balls?” Reiner could only spare them a quick glance, trying to keep all of his attention on the abomination trying to break in. 

“We’ve got none of that!” she replied. “That’s why we’ll be giving you this whole thing! Outta the way you two!” 

With the pitchfork lodged in its skull it was difficult for the Titan’s eyes to regenerate. Reiner and Bertholdt and ran out of the way of cannon as it slid down the staircase and slammed right into the blinded creature. The door was completely broken but the Titan had been subdued. Connie presented a knife he found and suggested cutting the nape but Reiner advised against it, saying the damage inflicted was more than enough for now. They needed to save their strength for anything else that might come along, such as the Titan stepping over the one they debilitated and right behind Connie. 

Krista, the first to see it, screamed his name in panic. She was too far atop the steps to do anything other than hold a torch and watch her friend get devoured. Reiner shoved both Connie and the Titan out of each other’s paths, and the creature found a new target in him. It clamped its absurdly large teeth down onto his right forearm. Being of such a small class Reiner managed to lift it up and carry it over his back towards the window. Ymir, standing protectively in front of Krista, advanced upwards a few steps forcing the petite blonde to do the same as he neared their general area. 

“Reiner, you can’t be planning to jump out of the window together with him!” Connie cried. 

“What other choice do I have?!” 

Connie sprinted up the steps, dagger at the ready. “No, wait!” He penetrated the Titan’s cheek. “If I can just slice the muscles in his jaw…!” He dragged the dagger through the thick skin. “Your arm’s free!” 

As Reiner stumbled back to inspect the damage the Titan flopped onto the window to regenerate. Ymir and Bertholdt didn’t deem it worthy of the privilege; she kicked it in the jaw while he lifted one of the legs, sending it crashing to the ground below. There was no time to revel in their small victory though, as they as knew should something like that happen again they wouldn’t be so fortunate. 

Bertholdt wanted to make a brace for Reiner’s arm, one of the many tricks his mother had taught him, but they couldn’t afford to use wood for anything other than the barricade. Krista tied a tourniquet just above his elbow, then took Gerger’s wine and poured it over the open wound letting the alcohol disinfect it. He hissed in pain as the sweet-smelling liquid down his limb. 

“Sorry!” she squeaked. “Sorry. The bone is fractured, I think.” 

“Yeah, looks like it,” he agreed. 

“OK, we have a brace, and now we need some bandage…Oh, I know.” She ripped off some fabric from the hem of her skirt. She kneeled down and carefully wrapped it around the wound. “Um, I’m afraid this dirty cloth is all we have…I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. Thank you.” 

“You okay there Reiner?” Connie asked. 

“Yeah, more or less,” he replied as Krista finished tying the knot of the makeshift cast behind his neck. 

Ymir watched jealously, eyes narrowing. She scratched at her fingertips. “Hey, Krista, I cut my finger too,” she whined. 

“That’s barely a cut,” Connie scoffed, putting his hands on his hips. “Just spit on it and you’ll be fine.” She glowered at him. “Reiner, I’m sorry about earlier. Seems like all I do is get saved by you, huh? Come to think of it you risked your life to save me from Annie too, didn’t you? One of these days I gotta return the favor.” 

He was about to make a joke that Connie should convince Sasha to go on a date with him if they survived this until he realized he didn’t even know if she was still alive. He thought of being pushed away from a Titan by Marcel, only for his friend to get eaten by it instead. “It’s nothing. Just forget it. I’m a soldier. I only do what I’m supposed to.” 

“It’s no wonder you and General Saskia get along so well,” Krista smiled as she smoothed out her skirt and sat down by him. “You sound just like her! But you don’t smell like vanilla.” 

Though he hid it well Bertholdt saw the pained expression on his friend’s face. He truly did admire the General and the day of their betrayal drew closer and closer. Out of all the officers in the Survey Corps, not counting the Commander who was his superior under Kenny, Saskia was the one he admired most. Hanji’s eccentricity irritated him some and he had no care for her interest in the hard sciences. He had never conversed with Mike and now he would never have the chance, though he didn’t know that. And Levi was anything but approachable; he also had a history with Kenny that he wanted to avoid. Process of elimination aside he felt there was a lot to be said for someone who, unlike him, could easily balance a life inside the walls as a soldier and outside the walls as a warrior. His slipping sanity would be the death of him if the Titans or judiciary didn’t get to him first. 

Ymir looked outside and watched their present superiors fight relentlessly, almost tirelessly. How they weren’t out of gas yet she had no idea. “That’s the Survey Corps for you alright,” she grinned. “They’re on a whole different level than soldiers from the other divisions.” All save for Reiner and Bertholdt felt a small swell of pride for having chosen the division that they did. She also caught a feint glimpse of the Beast Titan that Connie noticed earlier. The headaches returned and she blacked out. 

“Just sleep now. You must be so tired,” it said as it climbed over the wall and entered Maria. “You need to start remembering…Perhaps they should stop for awhile so you can rest.” 

**July 15 th, 9:31 PM**

Ymir slowly opened her eyes and tried to sit up but felt too dizzy to do so. There was a pair of small hands on her shoulders easing her back down, a pair easily identifiable as Krista’s. She shielded her eyes to block out light from the candle. “Why the hell do I feel like I just fell off one of the walls?” she asked quietly. 

“You collapsed yesterday morning,” the blonde replied. “You ended up with a concussion.” 

“Yesterday morning?!” Ymir immediately regretted yelling. 

“Don’t worry. No one knows why or how but the Titans stopped attacking. They all ran off in another direction together, like something was guiding them away. It was strange, but no one’s complaining. Reiner’s arm is better and our superiors are all okay.” 

“…what the fuck? That’s…not how Titans…Titan. That’s not how you Titan.” 

“I wasn’t aware that was a verb,” Krista laughed softly. “Aside from your head, do you feel pain anywhere else?” 

“Nah, just my head…” She blinked a few times. “I had a bunch of weird dreams. I thought you didn’t dream when you faint. Only when you sleep.” 

“You’re right, you don’t dream if you collapse.” Krista knit her brow. “That’s strange. Were they like before?” 

“I think…? I barely remember them. The last one I remember…There was some guy talking about a story he wrote. A story about a hero who…helped a king or something by killing a monster that kept attacking their city. He was saying something about being inspired by a monster he saw in real life.” _…and then I ate him. As a Titan. Was that a dream or a memory? It seemed familiar but…Whatever. It was just another stupid dream._

“A monster? Like a Titan?” she gasped. 

“Dunno,” Ymir lied with a shrug. _Am I having dreams about life outside the walls? But I don’t remember anything like that happening…_ “Are we still in Utgard?” 

“Yes. We couldn’t run the risk of leaving with you-” 

“I would’ve been dead weight.” _Same could be said for Reiner._

“…that’s one way to put it I suppose…” she replied, averting Ymir’s gaze. “Our superiors also wanted to reserve gas and blades. The others are up top keeping an eye out in case the Titans return.” 

“You said I collapsed yesterday morning.” Ymir eased herself up slowly, leaning against the cold stone wall. The head pains were starting to dissipate. “When did the Titans leave?” 

“Not long after.” 

“…I see.” 

“We got pretty lucky, huh?” Krista smiled. “You’re getting some color back. Good. Looks like you’re starting to feel better.” 

“Yeah, though it’s gradual.” 

“That’s to be expected. Can you stand? Can you walk?” 

“Dunno. I haven’t tried.” She steadily rose, still leaning against the wall. The faster she moved the quicker the pain lessened. “I think I’m okay now.” 

At the very top of the castle the familiar sound of footsteps bolting down the stairs could be heard. Outside, heavy and louder steps were coming in their direction. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Connie cursed under his breath with every step he took. 

“About fucking time you wake up!” Reiner yelled. 

“Reiner!” Krista scolded. “She didn’t intentionally faint!” 

“Of course I did. Just to inconvenience him.” 

“Screw you. You got up just in time though.” _When she collapsed the Titans disappeared. When she wakes up, they come back. That’s no coincidence._

“Titans have been sighted in the distance,” Bertholdt elaborated. “They’re coming our way again. Fortunately our superiors have just enough gas and blades left to fight them off.” He gulped. “But only for so long.” 

“I wonder what happened to the other groups.” Connie sighed. “Hope they’re okay. Okay as can be.” Clearly he was worried about his best friend’s safety. 

Ymir grunted. “Now’s not the time to worry about anyone other than yourself.” 

From up above, through the large window they could see something being thrown over the castle and heard it crash to the ground. Someone started yelling about the horses. 

“Damn, they’re close,” Reiner muttered. _Why can’t you just go back to sleep?_ He cast a quick glare in Ymir’s direction. 

“It’s not over yet!” Rene shouted outside overhead. A whistling noise cut through the atmosphere as an enormous piece of granite was hurled in their direction and slammed into the high point of the castle. It carved through the old structure, taking Rene and Henning with it as it slammed into the ground. 

The cadets quickly ran to the top to see damage with their own eyes. A large chunk of the surrounding barrier had been taken out. Nanaba and Gerger were kneeling next to the surprisingly intact bodies of their fallen comrades. 

“Nothing we can do for them anymore,” he said. “They died instantly. Be careful.” He glanced at them. “A boulder came flying from the direction of the wall. They got crushed by it.” 

“Oh no,” Krista gasped, bright blue eyes turning to a somber navy. 

“From the direction of the wall?” Ymir muttered. _That’s where that thing went…The thing Connie saw._ She kept her cool, arrogant demeanor to hide her fear and shock. _I remember it looking at me before I collapsed._

“The one we saw headed for the wall earlier!” Connie shouted. “The beast-like Titan! It’s his doing!” When the group of Titans came into full view he turned to them. “A great number of Titans incoming! More than twice before!” 

“What did you say?” 

“The moment they chose to show up…” Nanaba put a hand on her knee. “All this looks suspiciously like they’re acting according to some kind of actual plan.” 

_I faint, they disappear. I dream about myself decades ago. I wake up, they return. All this looks suspiciously like they’re…Like I’m part of ‘some kind of actual plan’._ Ymir fought a shudder. 

Krista tugged at her sleeve. “Are you alright?” she asked quietly. 

Ymir tugged her sleeve out of Krista’s small hand. “What did I say about worrying about no one but yourself?” she scoffed. 

Off on a far end of the wall, barely within their line of sight, the Beast Titan sat on it howling victoriously. 

Nanaba and Gerger jumped down and continued their assault, watching as the vacant tower to the left of the one they currently occupied. 

“Shit. Guess that’s it for the convenient tower.” 

“I’m pretty much out of gas.” _I thought we would be in the clear…Lie to the cadets. A great idea!_ “You?” 

“Same, plus I used up all my blades.” _Tell them we’re fine on supplies…Brilliant._ “The dull one in your hand is your last one too, right?” 

“Yeah. I wonder how many the four of us have killed here.” 

“Dunno. I had no time to count.” 

“All things considered I think I did pretty well here.” 

“Only…before…I’m gone…” Gerger’s eyelids started to droop as blood trickled down his forehead and along the curve of his cheeks. “I wish I could have a drink…Wine or something…Anything really…” 

“Gerger…” She remembered Mike’s words and was about to scold him for his pessimism until she noticed his injury. 

“Sorry Nanaba…” Blood was dripping down his chin. “I hit my head…and I…have no strength…left to fight anymore…” His gear unlatched from the exterior of the castle. 

In her attempt to catch him she was caught instead. 

Gerger found a hole in one of the lower levels and managed to drag himself inside. He found the wine bottle Krista used to disinfect Reiner’s wound. “Thank you God…” Weakly he reached out for his and held it over his lips. Behind him a Titan watched impatiently from the gap. “Huh? So cruel…Not a drop left…” He began shouting hysterically, damning whoever drank the wine as the Titan grabbed him. 

Up above the cadets, all too used to seeing such a sight watched as Nanaba and Gerger were torn apart and eaten. Krista angrily grabbed a loose piece of the castle’s granite and threw it down at the monsters below. 

“Stop it Krista!” Ymir yelled, pulling her away from the edge by the back of her shirt collar. “The tower is barely holding as it is. Any more, and it’ll come crumbling down. 

“B-but…in our place…Nanaba and Gerger…” 

Connie dropped to the ground. “Shit. At this rate, this is where all of us…All we can do now is sit and wait for the tower to collapse and them to devour us right after?” Though phrased as a question it was appropriate as a statement. “Is that it? Is that really it? Isn’t there something?! Something we can still do?!” He slammed a fist against the wall. “Shit, shit, shit!” He hugged his legs to his chest. “At least I wanted my death to have some meaning, some purpose. But we’re all gonna be annihilated without completing our missions.” 

Bertholdt knew what Reiner was thinking in effort to formulate an escape plan and shot him a disapproving glance. 

The smallest of them grit her teeth and narrowed her eyes. “Me too,” she declared angrily. “I don’t want to go down without a fight. I wish I had some sort of weapon. Then we could die fighting together.” 

Ymir’s eyes widened. Never did she think such words would pass Krista’s lips. She sighed. “Krista…How can you still say that bullshit? Don’t you dare look to our superiors’ death that way. They didn’t die so you could use their death as a convenient excuse to commit suicide.” 

She shrank back. “You’re wrong…I never…” 

“You’re not like Connie here or our commanding officers! I would know! It’s not like you really want _not_ to die. You always think in what way you could die so you get praised for it. Am I wrong?” 

“No…I-it’s not like that…” she stuttered. 

Ymir firmly clamped her hands down on Krista’s shoulders. “Krista. You might have forgotten something I said to you long ago, but…since it’s probably the end…I want you to remember. Try and remember what you promised me back when we were trainees in the snowy mountains.” 

_‘Claim back your real name and live under it’. When she reveals her secret to me…I must claim back my name._ She nodded slowly. “I remember.” 

Vermillion started to spill behind the mountains in the distance. They hadn’t realized just much time they spent watching, waiting, conversing, and the lapses in between. Somehow they made it to sunrise. 

“We got to see the dawn of our last day before dying…” Connie sounded somewhat relieved. There was comfort in the light, even if only a little. 

“Connie. Give me that knife for a moment.” 

“Here.” 

“Thanks.” Ymir pat him on the head. 

“What do you need it for?” 

“Well…for fighting,” she replied casually, as though it were obvious. 

“Ymir, what are you planning to do?” 

She looked at Reiner and chuckled. “Dunno. I’m not sure myself.” She turned to Krista, the look in her eyes reminiscent of a permanent parting. “Krista, I have no right to tell you how to live your life, so consider it my wish. Live your life with your head held high.” She ran for the ledge and jumped, slicing her palm with Connie’s dagger. 

_Krista, I used to be like that too. Thinking that it’d have been better if I had never been born. I was hated for the simple fact of my existence in the world. And I…died…for the happiness of a great many people. But…there was one thing I wished for with all my heart._ The space between her eyes and her temples looked like exposed muscle. _If I’m ever given a second chance in life, this was my sincere wish._ Though the skies overhead were clear a haphazard streak of lightning snaked down over Ymir, encasing her in a bright yellow jagged pillar. _This was my sincere wish. I wanna be able to live only for myself._ Ymir disappeared, nestled within the nape of a Titan with wild dark hair, pointed ears, and vicious fangs. Everyone watched with shock, awe, and a slight hint of terror as she fought her way through the horde. 

“You’re kidding me…” Connie said breathlessly. “Even Ymir…transformed into a Titan…” 

Krista slumped on the ledge, one arm dangling over it. “Ymir,” she whispered helplessly. _This was your secret…Why? Why reveal it? Don’t you remember what happened to Eren?! To Annie?! They’ll kill you for this! You…you’re going to die…You never should’ve revealed this secret!_ She choked back her tears. 

Reiner and Bertholdt were paralyzed, the most fearful of them all. The horrendously early death of Marcel played over and over again in their minds, a living reminder of the event on the grounds below. The Titan responsible for it, the one they called the Dancing Titan because of her fast and unpredictable movement. It was the power Marcel would’ve had if he hadn’t been eaten. 

Krista, still on the edge, almost fell off the tower but Reiner caught her by the ankle squeezing a little too tightly. After realizing what he was doing he let her go and she slumped to the ground, still too stunned by what she witnessed and afraid for Ymir’s life. 

“Krista, did you know that Ymir was a Titan?” _She didn’t just kill Marcel, she stole the ability Dr. Jaeger injected him with. Does she know about us? Who we are? What we’re doing? Is she what remains of the opposition?_

“No, I didn’t. We’ve been so close all this time but I had no idea.” She wasn’t merely shocked, she was in denial. 

Reiner complained that she should have contributed the way Eren had while Bertholdt suspected she may have had ulterior motive for keeping this a secret. It was then that Connie realized the greatest difference between the two shifters. 

“Hold on a sec! Eren didn’t even know himself that he could transform into a Titan, right? But in Ymir’s case it looks to me that she had some idea about her Titan powers, ya know? If so then whose side is she on?” 

“On whose side? You mean Ymir could be an enemy of mankind?” 

Connie nodded at Krista. “Yeah. Now that I think about it she always made a disinterested face no matter the situation like it had nothing to do with her at all. Wasn’t it ‘cause she possessed this kind of hidden power? And I could never tell what she was thinking.” 

The tallest stepped forward and looked down grimly, though it was hard to tell if he was looking at Krista or the Dancing Titan. “Just what is Ymir’s objective, I wonder?” _Did she take Marcel’s power deliberately? No, that’s not possible. That was a normal Titan that ate him. And she…gained his shifting powers that way? It turned her into a human? No, she’s not human. She’s…_ He looked over his shoulder at Reiner. _She’s just like us. Not human, not Titan. Only a monster._

It wasn’t long before, due to her size and quick burning through her stamina, the Dancing Titan became just as overwhelmed as she was outnumbered. Though she fought her hardest her strength was waning with every passing second. Krista gulped, tears welling in her eyes. She stomped one foot onto the ledge. 

“Don’t die Ymir!” she screamed. “Don’t you die at a place like this! Don’t you put on the good guy act, do you hear?! Don’t tell me you hold us so dear that you want to die for us, **idiot**!” Connie grabbed her waist and tried to pull her off but she pushed him away. “You’re a person who values herself above anything, aren’t you?! You’re Ymir, the person with the worst personality imaginable, and don’t you forget that! Live for yourself then! If you’re planning on dying protecting this tower…THEN TO HELL WITH THIS DAMN TOWER! **JUST BREAK IT DOWN ALREADY**!” Her throat was on fire from all the shrieking and yelling. 

The Dancing Titan complied, quickly climbing up to the top where Krista was cheering for her while the others thought the blonde had lost her mind. 

“Wanna live…grab on…” the shifter managed. There was no time to express their heightened surprise, as Eren had never talked in Titan form before. None of them had thought it possible. They all grabbed on to her messy black tresses and held tightly. The Titans below were still trying to reach their intended prey and began knocking into the tower, causing it to collapse. The Dancing Titan clenched her claws hands onto the other side and watched as the crumbling half buried the Titans beneath the rubble. 

It wasn’t long before the cumbersome creatures began to push their way out. The Dancing Titan was able to kill off a handful before they all regained their strength and once again overwhelmed her. They started to pull the shifter’s form apart, eating the chunks they tore off. Krista slowly advanced towards the scene. Her sanity was questioned further. 

“Wait! Ymir!” She started to break into a sprint. “There is still…still something I need to tell you! I have yet…I have yet to tell you my real name!” 

_Krista…You idiot._ Ymir waited impatiently inside her Titan hoping one of the others would get her back to safety before the Titans noticed how close Krista was, but it was in vain. As it reached for her she protested that it not kill, not in attempt to save her life but to tell Ymir her real name. Seconds after she was in its grasp, a flurry of dark green zipped by, slicing into the Titan’s neck killing it immediately. 

Mikasa landed on nearby rubble. “Krista, and all of you, stand back. We’ll handle this from here,” she said as the rest of the troops entered the fray. 

“Rearguard, disperse and check the surroundings! Everyone else, strike at the Titan’s gathering all at once!” Hanji ordered, a blade in the air. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Eren dismount and go in for the kill. Though he was defying orders in doing so he couldn’t resist the temptation of finally making his first kill as a member of the Survey Corps in human form. He felt something grab him by the waist and pull him far away from the battle zone, over to the unarmed cadets. 

“Were you or were you not ordered to stand back Cadet Jaeger?!” Saskia barked as she dropped him to the ground. 

_She used my last name…I’m in deep shit._ Eren only winced, knowing an apology wouldn’t be accepted but took solace in the fact that there was little to nothing she could do to punish him. There were no horse stables in the vicinity to cleaned. 

“General, what are you doing here? Where’s the Commander and Lance Corporal?” 

“That is currently classified Connie until we address and amend the immediate,” she replied, turning her back to the fight. She had put Hanji in charge of the fight that was already ensuing while she would handle any oncoming Titans in the area, should they be stupid enough to cross paths with the Survey Corps. “Casualties.” 

“Four. Nanaba, Gerger, Rene, and Henning,” Bertholdt reported grimly. 

“Everyone else is accounted for?” 

Krista pointed to the battle. “Not everyone…Ymir is in there.” 

She looked over her shoulder and watched as the last of the Titans were destroyed while Ymir was pulled out of the remains of a now evaporating Titan corpse. 

_I will need to share this Levi and Erwin right away. The one bearing the ancient giant’s name is in fact…_ “I see…Injuries.” 

Reiner nodded towards his arm. “Just me.” 

_Do not expect my sympathies._ “How long were you stationed here?” 

“We got here the night of the 13th,” Connie replied. “We weren’t stationed so much as we were taking refuge. Seemed like some bandits used it at some point because there was food and stuff inside.” 

“The 13th you say? The day the wall was breached and Titans entered Rose. Despite the unfortunate deaths of your superiors you were able to survive. I am proud of all of you, Ymir included.” 

“But I get yelled at for killing a Titan…” Eren grumbled. 

“You were given very specific instructions to remain by my side. It is only natural that you will be scolded for disobeying that order. Hanji!” She jumped over the debris and met up with the Squad Leader. “I have already been informed on Ymir’s…identity. How is she?” _Your secrets, whatever they may be, we still have yet to uncover. Curious as your name may be you are still my cadet and I will still care for you, protect you, and fight alongside you unless there is substantial proof that I should have reason to do the contrary. Until I know who you really are, you are not my enemy. Unlike some within my presence…_

“High temperature, weak, lost her right arm and right leg, barely conscious, but nothing life threatening.” Hanji looked down at the shifter she helped support as she tried to sit up. 

“Excellent.” She stepped aside as Krista ran up to Ymir and got on her knees. 

Placing a hand beneath her head she watched her eyes slowly began to open. “My name is Historia.” 

Ymir smiled. 

**Wall Rose, Platform, July 16 th, 6:43 AM**

One by one everyone climbed up to the top of the nearest portion of the wall. Ymir was lying on a cot, her wounds slowly healing and her lost limbs regenerating. Historia was trying her damndest to argue with Hanji and Saskia that Ymir wasn’t a threat. They were willing to hear her out but they couldn’t forget the contents of Ilse Lagner’s journal and old story Saskia found about a giant bearing the same name as the cadet. 

“Please believe me! It’s true! Ymir revealed her secret and fought for us as a Titan! She even disregarded her own life for us! It clearly shows her loyalty to us as comrades! I know that her actions up to that point were inexcusable…She withheld information of vital importance to mankind. I suppose until then she was only concerned with herself…but she has changed. And now Ymir is mankind’s ally! As someone who’s known her for a long time I assure you she’s a lot simpler than she might seem!” 

“I see…” Hanji turned to Saskia who remained silent. 

“Continue. I will go examine her condition.” The General spun on her heel, easily maintaining her cool, somewhat harsh demeanor reserved for missions now that she was in the presence of potential threats. Contrary to what one might think Ymir wasn’t anything but a threat at the moment; her secret and wasn’t what worried her. “Noteworthy improvements on her condition?” she asked the medical team surrounding her. 

“The bleeding has stopped and now there’s something like vapor oozing from the wounds.” 

She slowly waved a hand through the mist rising out of the cadet. It was humid. _This is highly reminiscent of the time Eren accidentally created the Titan fist. There was an explosion of steam just like this, but in much higher quantity. I believe that was also mentioned in the report compiled after Eren first shifted in Trost when Mikasa and Armin were questioned about what they had seen, and the skeletal structure that he made to stop the cannon ball. Hanji will want to see this._ “Hanji, come here. There is something I need you to examine.” The two traded places, Historia following behind the scientist. Saskia began to pace the wall, arms folded behind her back. 

“We came here with a mission to find the breach in Wall Rose and plug it, no different than what happened in Trost. That plan has not changed, though it had to be altered some after finding the lot of you at the remains of Castle Utgard. Has everyone been accounted for?” 

“Yes ma’am!” 

“Perfect. Presuming Ymir is a Titan shifter her wounds will heal on their own, though that does not mean she does not require medical attention. However, with the resources we have with us taken into account there is very little we can do for her at the current. Once she is stabilized we will address the matter of her ability. I have no intention of straying from our original and _only_ objective.” Movement down below caught her eye. 

Mikasa quirked an eyebrow. “Hannes?” 

“The vanguard of the Garrison. They have arrived to relay what they discovered regarding the breach. Hannes, where is it located? We will depart immediately, following your lead.” 

After climbing the wall he paused to catch his breath. Everyone gathered around him eagerly. He shook his head. “There is no breach.” Eren helped him up. “We’ve been searching all night, and I can guarantee you that at least between the Klorva District and Trost District there is no abnormality in the wall.” 

Saskia took a deep breath. “Of all the times to display your wretched sense of humor-” 

“It’s no joke, General. We met up with the soldiers dispatched from the Klorva District on the way and double-checked the wall, retracing each other’s paths. Also, all this time, we haven’t even come across a single Titan.” 

“But we’ve seen Titans here, inside the walls, no doubt about that,” Armin replied. 

“You’re sure you searched the wall thoroughly?! Maybe you’re still drunk or something?” Eren suggested quite seriously. 

“As if I’d drink in a situation like this! And come to think of it, why are you guys even here?” 

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa hesitated but Saskia quickly swooped in. 

“Hannes, regardless of whether or not the walls were damaged there was a Titan sighting. If the wall was not damaged then the Garrison troops are not needed. If Titans are present the Survey Corps is, and Titans were in fact present. We have the casualties to prove it! That said, keep your questions directed at one-half of the current head of the Survey Corps, not my cadets. I need not be your superior to make it very clear that is not a request.” 

_What crawled up her ass and died? She’s usually only like this with the Military Police…understandably._ “Head of…? One-half of the current head?” Hannes looked at her confused and the others followed suit. Only Hanji, Erwin, Saskia, Levi, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren knew about the change and the reason for it. Moblit had since been informed by Hanji. 

“Classified,” she said swiftly, brushing off the collective curiousity. “Hanji, with no breach there is no point in pursuing the mission. I am ordering a cease and desist, though it will not be marked a failure. Even if there was no abnormality in the wall to be found, some variation of abnormality occurred in Wall Rose. We will remain here on standby in Trost until a new plan has been formulated.” Hanji nodded and she, Saskia, and Moblit began to brainstorm explanations for what happened and what to do next. 

Hannes shook it off and advised the three from Shiganshina not to let their guard down, and that his troops would take their leave. After his departure Eren muttered, “What the hell is going on here?” 

“What does all this mean, I wonder…” Armin said quietly. “Nothing was going on for five years, but now all these strange things keep happening one after another…” 

“Eren.” 

The brunet turned around and saw Reiner trying to catch up to him, Bertholdt close behind as usual. “What is it?” 

“I need to talk to you.” 

While Hanji was entertaining the idea of Titans being able to dig under the walls Saskia’s heightened sense of hearing caught the beginning of a conversation she had been dreading. She put a hand in her pocket and ran her fingertips over the smooth surface of the photograph. The feeling of something familiar, intimate, and tangible served as a reminder that this was unfortunately reality. 

**4:42 AM**

“Hanji, there is one last thing we must do before departing.” Saskia’s mood took a sudden shift. She looked as though she was restraining severe anger, and anyone who read her expression that way would have been correct. 

“Of course General.” Hanji pulled out a notebook. “The results of Annie’s full background check came back. Among the trainees of the 104th squad there are two people originating from the same area as her. Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.” 

Saskia inhaled sharply as the words ‘traitors’ and ‘monsters’ began playing over and over again in her mind to the point where she almost screamed them aloud. 

“Ah, well, we have to take into account the fact that due to the chaos five years ago all the family registrar documents are a little sloppy and sketchy. It seems it took them this long just to dig through all the poorly organized data.” After inquiring about the relationship of the three during their time as trainees Armin felt now was the opportunity to bring up his shared concern with Jean. 

“When I presented the possibility that Annie was the Female Titan I also mentioned how Jean and I saw she didn’t kill Reiner. At the time I thought it was because we were friends. We trained together and lived together for three years. But Jean and I talked a few days ago and he was convinced Reiner was somehow involved. That Annie let him go. The blood that came out of her hand didn’t evaporate so it had to be human, meaning he didn’t injure her. She inspected her palm after he was out of her grip and there was steam rising from it. Initially is appeared to be injury but…Annie would not have heard me when I said I thought Eren was near the center of the formation. Reiner would. It’s possible that he carved that information into her palm.” 

“Out loud you say…Did any of them show indication that they were interested in Eren’s whereabouts?” 

Armin’s eyes widened. “I offered my guess on Eren’s location because Reiner prompted me to.” 

**Present**

“Hey, are you guys coming?” Armin called to Mikasa and Eren, the former having noticed the latter conversing with Reiner. 

“Hanji,” Saskia interrupted quietly but briskly. “Prepare yourself.” The brunette nodded as the General tightened her blue ribbon. 

Eren put a hand on Reiner’s shoulder. “Look, you’re simply tired. Right Bertholdt? You just went through hell so no wonder you’re a little delirious.” 

“Y-yes! He’s right! You’re simply too tired Reiner!” 

“Besides, if you really were the Armored Titan behind the mass murder of mankind why would you even wanna have this talk with me? You can’t expect me to simply agree and meekly follow you, right?” 

Reiner paused, then looked like he just woke up from a terrible dream. “Oh really, yeah, that’s right, what was I thinking?” He fumbled over his words. “Have I really gone mad or something?” 

_You look like it..._ “Anyway, let’s go back to town for now.” 

“I’ve been here for too long. I’ve spent three years of my life living here surrounded by fools, that’s why I said a stupid thing like that…” He laughed nervously. “We were just brats who knew nothing back then. And our families knew even less. If only we’d never gotten sick, never heard of that remedy, never learned about those fools’ existence I’d have never had to become the shitty pathetic bastard I am now.” He began taking off the makeshift cast and sling. 

“I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. But what I do know is that no matter what results my actions and the consequences my choices brought about…” He threw the fabric aside and revealed his regenerating wound, a steam rolling out from it Eren knew all too well. “…as a warrior, I gotta take responsibility and fulfill my duty to the bitter end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POP QUIZ! Ymir's dream referenced a real life story (an epic, to be precise). What is it?


	34. Now You See Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions from chapters 42-45.

Eren’s mind was screaming at him to move but he was paralyzed by intrigued and a sliver of disbelief. It was no different than what happened in Stohess. Until he saw the Armored Titan and Colossal Titan arise from the human forms of Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover he was completely vulnerable.

Mikasa needn’t wait for a visual confirmation. As Reiner advanced on Eren she dove in front of him and slice off half of Reiner’s forearm, shielding Eren with her armed and determined body. Bertholdt, equally as shocked as Eren by Reiner’s rash decision, was in perfect position for her to decapitate him. He jumped back just in time for her blade to only nick his wrist and create a sizeable laceration in the side of his neck.

“Eren! Run!” she shouted as Bertholdt fell onto his back, her boot planted firmly and mercilessly on his ribcage.

Eren was dizzied from the shock and pace of the sight transpiring before him. Mikasa hadn’t landed a fatal blow, Reiner was trying to save Bertholdt, and a chorus of panicked screams and domineering yells all echoed her command. Still unable to move, Reiner towered over him. He stood in front of a now crying Bertholdt who kept a hand clasped over the injury on his neck. The blond stared him down, ignoring his own injuries. Eren tried to gather himself and move back but the roar of two bolts of lightning and the pressure from a massive cloud of steam took care of the job for him, knocking back the rest of the soldiers as well.

He had his visual confirmation though it only served to paralyze him further, this time in fear as the Armored Titan loomed over him and grabbed him in one of his massive fists. The damage Mikasa inflicted on Bertholdt prevented him from completely shifting but that didn’t stop the Colossal Titan, who could only materialize from the sternum up, from grabbing the unconscious Ymir as well. Historia was the first to notice and screamed her name but everyone’s attention seemed to be fixed on Eren, now a hostage at the mercy of the merciless Armored Titan. He jumped down from the top platform and skidded down the other side of the gate, all the while Eren bracing himself for potential impact.

 _Reiner…Bertholdt…_ Even the voice in his head was frazzled and weak. _You fucking…TRAITORS!_ He was struck by a sudden rush of adrenaline, followed by the yellow lightning bolt as he plunged his teeth through his thumb like a butcher to livestock. The hand of the Armored Titan shattered like glass, evaporating bone and muscle flying in all directions as the Rogue Titan burst forth.

Mikasa, hanging from the wall to oversee the Rogue Titan fight, was directly beneath the slowly materializing Colossal Titan. His exposed ribcage penetrated the top platform of the wall. She looked upwards at her former comrade’s Titan form, teeth grit and eyes narrowed. They were ablaze with unbridled fury. _If only I…when I had the chance…had cut off their heads…It was our biggest chance too. And I, of all people, could have done it…Why haven’t I?_ Overwhelmed by her regret, her expression softened as she returned her gaze to the skirmish below. _There won’t be a chance like that again. Never again._

As the ribcage slowly began to construct itself the Colossal Titan raised a scarlet fist over the troops before himself, the lot of them still partially incapacitated from the blinding clouds of steam. Hanji managed to rise to her feet. “EVERYONE!” she shouted to those behind her. “GET AWAY FROM THE WALL!” Everyone leapt down from the platform and hooked into the interior of Wall Rose as the sans flesh limb swept across the platform. All except for one, the dazed Saskia, whose body had a limited tolerance for high temperatures. If she stayed there she either would’ve been crushed or worse, thrown over the edge and down into the melee. Hanji had only one option if she wanted to save the General- shoot a hook into her body and drag her limp form off the top of the wall. But with all the steam obstructing her vision and already hanging off the edge herself the chance of lodging into Saskia without causing severe damage, such as piercing her lungs, the odds of saving her in time were dangerously close to less than one percent.

Historia, who was without her gear, almost fell to her doom but Nifa grabbed her in time. “Ymir got caught!” the blonde exclaimed, struggling in the her grip even though there was nothing she could do to save the shifter.

Connie looked up to see for himself and gasped loudly. “He caught another?!” The soldier in the Colossal Titan’s grip was upside down and for a brief a moment Hanji feared it was Saskia, until both of them were tossed into the enormous shifter’s mouth. If Saskia hadn’t grabbed then the worst case scenario had been confirmed. She was thrown over the edge where the Rogue and Armored Titans were fighting.

“HE ATE THEM!”

“…Bertholdt…” Armin whispered in disbelief. To see the transformation was one thing, but to see him act like a normal man-eating Titan was more horrifying by a tenfold.

With Saskia presumably dead, crushed by either the impact or caught in between the fight of the shifters, Hanji was now in charge of the entire operation. Rather, what it had become. A large responsibility had been placed solely on her shoulders but she was no stranger to taking initiative, no matter what the situation. There was no time to mourn and no time for retrospection. There was only time to act. The others looked to Hanji, waiting for her orders though all were able to intuit what she was about to say. Partially fueled by her newly granted responsibility to lead but primarily fueled by a surge of adrenaline and rage she gathered her bearings and braced herself for what was quite possibly the hardest battle of her life. “EVERYONE!” she bellowed, doing her best to channel Erwin. “PREPARE FOR BATTLE! WE’RE GONNA BRING THE COLOSSAL TITAN DOWN!   HE’S THE ENEMY OF MANKIND!” _God damned…son of a cunt…I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!_ She swooped upwards, the others quickly following her example. “CHARGE ALL AT ONCE!”

All of them went for the nape in perfect coordination but another caustic cloud was released, this time was the very area they were aiming for. Once more they were thrown back and the cloud swirled around him to create an impenetrable barrier. So long as the Colossal Titan kept releasing steam he was shielded from any attempts to inflict harm

“What should we do?” Armin asked helplessly.

“Nothing,” Hanji replied in a tone more acerbic than intended. She too felt helpless and hopeless, as well as responsible for the no doubt excruciatingly painful death of one of her closest friends. “We’ll just have to wait. Squads 3 and 4, you’re on standby behind the target! Rashad, you’re in command! Squad 2, you guys are on standby here. Nifa, I’m leaving you in charge.” She glanced over at Armin, still standing by her side. “It’ll be interesting to see how long he can keep burning like that, but what’s certain is he’ll run out of fuel eventually and have to come out. We’ll wait for that moment to make our move.” She grit her teeth, radiating an aura of terrifying resolve. “Now, listen to me closely. We can’t take them alive anymore.” She took a deep breath. “ **Don’t** hesitate. Armin and…Squad 1, follow me!” She leapt off the edge of the wall. “OUR OPPONENT WILL BE THE ARMORED TITAN!”

Up above Connie was complaining about the scalding atmosphere while he and Historia tried to pull some of the weakened soldiers to safety.

“Connie, Krista, fall back farther away!” Nifa ordered. “I’ll leave taking care of the wounded to you two!”

“Um, excuse me!” the petite cadet piped up over the commotion. “I’m sure that Ymir is not dead yet so please, I’m begging you, find a way to save her.”

“Right…” _Keep your priorities in check, cadet._

“Where are Reiner and Bertholdt?!” Connie yelled in a panic. “The two of them aren’t equipped with 3D gear at the moment! Please…save them somehow!” Nifa was about to question to him until she realized he was either in denial just as Eren had been or didn’t see the transformation.

“I think…” Nifa furrowed her brow. “I think a more important question we should be asking ourselves is…” The soldier looked around carefully. Master stealth or not, Saskia always left a trail in some form or another. “Has anyone seen the General?!”

Only the Rogue, Colossal, and Armored Titans knew the answer to that question.

* * *

**Wall Rose, Trost District, July 16 th, 7:38 AM**

The local government of Stohess had eventually relented, allowing the Commander of the Survey Corps temporary leave from his incarceration to lead his troops in the fight against the Titans. With the Garrison having led the expedition around the interior of Rose to find the breach Erwin had Levi, Jean, and Pastor Nick relocate to Trost where Pixis was currently stationed. That wasn’t all he had brought with him. After reaching the top of the wall where Pixis was idly drinking he greeted Erwin and congratulated him on the recent capture.

“Yes, we did,” the blond confirmed. “But unfortunately we weren’t able to make any further progress after that.”

“Still, the fact itself must have gotten those central government guys thinking whether they have the balls to commit suicide together with their old trite customs or not,” Pixis grinned. Though the Garrison as an institution harbored no antagonistic relationship with the Military Police or monarchy, its commander wasn’t particularly fond of either and made no secret of it.

“Indeed,” Erwin agreed. “Please look. There is a testament to that over there. As you can see, they finally ordered the Military Police to leave the safety of the inner walls and come all the way here, to the area under the immediate Titan threat.” Down below the streets were crowded with Military Police soldiers of all ranks.

“Is it true that there’s no Titan invasion?” Jean asked sounding surprisingly disappointed. Never would he wish for one for the sake of combating humankind’s greatest threat, the way many thought Eren did, but he was underwhelmed by the lack of action.

“Looks like it,” another Survey Corps soldier replied. “I too was thinking it was weirdly quiet for a Titan invasion.”

Jean looked at the ground. “I wonder if the guys are alive.”

Not far from the cluster of SC soldiers the Military Police were complaining about how relaxed everything was, as if the trip to Trost was meaningless.

“Oi, Levi,” one of them casually called over to the Lance Corporal, who was incredibly irked by the familiarity in his tone. “Where’s our prey?” he asked eagerly.

Levi blinked at him, an eyebrow raised condescendingly. _This little shit acts like this is a game._ “Oh? You guys look like you regret it’s peaceful here, huh? Sorry for not providing you with a hot Titan date,” he said, feigning a sincere apology. “Well, you may be outta luck this time around, but you know there’s always plenty of opportunities to go outside the walls on an expedition.” He shed the masks and returned to his typical stoic, apathetic expression. “So how about we all join forces and go fight Titans?” he suggested with the same eagerness of the MP soldier who sparked the conversation. “You know, you and us together, side-by-side?”

The all exchanged nervous glances, some glaring at the soldier who asked Levi when they would be able to fight Titans.

“Well…”

“We, uh…we have our work to do inland you know, so-”

The pathetic excuses were cut off by a member of the Garrison sprinting towards them. “The vanguard squad…is back!” he announced through labored breaths. “Somebody…inform Commander Pixis!” He fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath as he waited for the Pixis who was accompanied by Erwin. They gathered around him in a circle and eagerly awaited the update.

“We…found no abnormalities or breaches in the wall…”

Pixis put his hands on his knees and leaned closer towards his solder. “I see…I thought so.”

“B-but the situation is grave anyway! When we were on our way back to Trost to deliver our report, we encountered the Survey Corps led by Squad Leader Hanji and General Saskia! They had several new recruits from the former 104th trainee squad not equipped with 3DMG on them…Among those recruits…there were three…WHO TURNED OUT TO BE TITANS!”

“Huh?” Jean asked in confusion then started yelling at the exhausted soldier. “There were more Titans among them?! Three you say?! Who?!”

Erwin held up a hand, signaling the cadet to quiet down. “Jean, wait. What happened after their identities were exposed?” he asked calmly.

“The Survey Corps engaged the Colossal Titan and Armored Titan. When we joined in the battle it was already too late. And in the end, Eren Jaeger and another cadet were kidnapped.” He turned away from Erwin and Levi. Even if he didn’t know the extent of their respective relationships he was still very much aware of how important the General was. “But that’s not all.”

“Keep talking kid,” Pixis urged.

“We don’t know if she escaped somewhere…if she was eaten…if she got caught in the fight between the Titans…We don’t even know if she’s alive.” He gulped heavily. “General Saskia…has gone missing.”

Though he knew better than to shoot the messenger Levi came very close to making an exception. “I’m sorry, constant exposure to flares has probably damaged my hearing, so I don’t think I heard you correctly. Say that again…if wouldn’t mind.”

“General Saskia is missing. And Squad Leader Hanji…before she lost consciousness from her injuries…told Hannes something, and only Hannes…who told me to give it to you. Squad Leader Hanji is…extremely confident…that Saskia is dead.”

 _They know how important she is. They would never put her in harm’s way. Not deliberately. Reiner and Bertholdt had no orders to reveal themselves. They acted completely on their own, and wherever they are now they took her with them. They wouldn’t try and get to Maki-san, would they?_ “Where did they go?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. No one does for certain. You need to get there immediately, everyone. This is the Colossal Titan and Armored Titan we’re talking about. Eren was kidnapped and Saskia is probably dead. That’s…the equivalent of losing…I don’t even know how many soldiers! Hannes stayed there to keep an eye on the injured, Garrison and Survey Corps. Those injuries could be fatal…”

No time was wasted in preparing to find Hanji and Hannes, who hopefully had some idea of where the traitors and kidnapped cadets had disappeared to. While getting their supplies together a fresh face in the Military Police pulled Erwin aside.

“Kenny wanted me to give you a message,” Hitch said quietly, angling herself in a way so that no one would have a clear view of her face and be able to read her lips. “Kseniya defected the day of the battle. Also, ‘lights out in Stohess’. He said you would know what that meant.”

Erwin nodded as politely as possible to maintain appearance, knowing that Levi was watching his every move. “Yes, I do know. Thank you. Is Kseniya a concern?”

“She knows enough but wouldn’t be able to reveal anything. No evidence and technically an enemy herself. Kenny said he would figure something out but right now he doesn’t think she’s a threat.”

“Understood.” They parted and he approached Levi, who was back in the cart.

“What was that about? MP cadet shitting herself at the thought of fighting Titans?”

“A generic question. It’s amazing how much they forget from their trainee days if they join the Military Police,” he lied. _Saskia’s mother is dead. I wonder if she found out somehow? Reviewing the list of Stohess casualties perhaps?_ “Levi, I want you to know-”

“Save it,” he spat. “If she’s dead…she’s dead. Nothing more to it.”

“She likes to surprise us.”

“Tch. She sure as shit did today by _dying_.” He carelessly waved a hand towards the wall. “Go find Shitty Glasses, save Jaeger, whatever the hell it is you need to do. I’ll stay here and brood while being lectured about how God’s compassion will redeem me from the sinful life I’ve led thus far,” he said facetiously before shooting a glare at Pastor Nick.

“Do you honestly think she died?” Erwin asked earnestly.

“Considering the situation, the fact that I wasn’t there, and that Hanji herself believes it…” He shook his head, eyes more vacant than the ghost towns in Maria. “I’m not getting my hopes up. If she’s alive, then I’ll let myself revel in a surprise. If she’s dead, which I’m bracing myself for, then I won’t be disappointed.”

“If she is dead we can take solace in the fact that she died with a smile on her face. She would have died as she lived. Fighting for the good of humankind. Few things pleased her more.”

Levi grit his teeth. “I know that, asshole. Done yet?”

Erwin shook his head. “No. Not until I come back with her.”

“I don’t wanna see her battered corpse.” He shuddered.

“Not until I come back with her **alive**.”

“You two really are siblings, so alike in the most annoying ways…Like having to make me repeat myself. Are you done? Because I’m about to shove this pistol down your throat and fire if that’s what it takes to shut you the hell up.”

“Can I count on you to still be here when we return? We both know the real reason you considered joining, and furthermore considered staying.”

“Of course I will. I like proving people wrong,” he challenged, using sarcasm to slowly let out the overwhelming anger that was threatening to corrode all reasoning and rationality. He felt ready to go on a rampage which only worsened his emotional state, stirring up old memories of the days when he felt justified in and satisfied by committing murder.

“And if I prove you wrong?”

“Then I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Either way…I win,” he smirked with forced arrogance.

There was no more either could say and even less that either wanted to hear so they parted on those words. Before the able-bodied soldiers left, Levi motioned for the Garrison messenger to come over. He stared the young man down before grabbing him by the collar. “That’s **General** Saskia to you,” he hissed before letting him go. The Garrison soldier stuttered an apology and quickly rejoined the others for their departure.

Levi leaned his head back and looked up at the bleak, empty sky. “Hey, old man.” He turned his attention to Pastor Nick. “What do you know about religions other than your cult? You must know some defining characteristics. The things that set them apart from yours.”

“If you’re referring to knowledge of the world before Titans that information is banned-”

“But you have access to it regardless since you suck off the monarchy in exchange for protecting your own secrets. Don’t make me ask twice. Unlike with Erwin, I wouldn’t hesitate to pierce your gut with a few bullets. And Hanji was right in saying there are plenty others we could interrogate if…something were to happen to you.” He ran his thumb along the sleek, chrome pistol still tucked away under his coat.

“There is no need to issue threats over something so trivial.”

“A clergyman calling religion trivial? And here I thought I’d heard it all…Know anything about stars?”

“Stars?” he asked slightly confused, then rubbed his chin in thought as he tried to recall. “Yes, I know a little about something related to religion and stars. It wasn’t a form of stellar worship but some ancient peoples believed that there are patterns and shapes made out of stars, and these constellations determine the sort of person you will become. These different personalities determined by stars also adhered to a system for finding ideal matches in significant others and predicting the future. Every constellation has a story behind it, each and every one having some connection to one of their false gods.”

“Know the story about a fish?” He folded one leg over the other.

“Ah, yes, the Pisces.” Pastor Nick rested his hands in his lap, seeming genuinely eager to share what he knew. “A creature known as Mother Earth, who was also a sort of ‘Titan’ in this people’s culture, wanted revenge against their gods for having been imprisoned. She and all the other Titans had been trapped by them. This civilization believed that Titans were the first creatures, who later gave birth to gods, who created mankind. When the gods usurped Mother Earth, called a ‘Titan’ in their language but more so a spirit of Earth itself, mated with the realm they had been trapped in. A union of the elements, you could say. This gave birth to a creature with fire coming from its eyes, one-hundred heads, and made the most awful noises. Screeches, roars, yelps. A hideous being, and a sort of ‘Titan’ itself.”

“They had a pretty loose meaning for the word, huh? So what’s that got to do with Pisces?”

“When this beast was unleashed to kill the gods two of them, a goddess of love and her son…the god of promiscuity…” He raised the corner of his lips in disgust. “They hid from this beast by turning into a pair of fish and swam away to safety.”

“I see…What about the water goat?”

“Capricorn? They have a related story. The trickster god is the one who warned the others that the ‘Titan’ offspring was coming and suggested they change into animals to hide from it. When the king of the gods fought the monster this trickster god helped repair some of the injuries the king sustained which allowed him to kill the beast. When changing into an animal to hide from the monster he took the form of a goat with a fish tail.”

Levi fell silent for a moment. _Even if it’s a bunch of bullshit I’d rather hear it from her than this old geezer._ “So according to those old stories ‘Titans’ lived first, then created gods, who created humans?”

“Not exactly. The ‘Titans’ of those stories were the ancestors of their false gods. Races giving birth to another race.”

 _That story Saskia found about that other ‘Titan’…was from one of the ancestors of what’s left of the human race. The first living being was a Titan._ “But Titans were still the first living beings.”

Pastor Nick looked like a cornered woodland creature. “According to that story, yes.”

“What about others? There were plenty of different humans before the Titans. Did they have similar stories?”

He hesitated. “Well, I…As a clergyman I have an obligation to offer a few words to the deceased so I should say a prayer in the honor of General Saskia Messmann.”

Levi snorted in amusement, both at his words and dodging of the question. “She doesn’t believe in any kind of deity.”

“Then she faces eternal damnation.”

“If Hell is real, then considering the world we all live in she’d feel right at home there.” _Not only are there Titans in the walls, making the walls, but a bunch of old stories claim that Titans are…the first beings to exist. If that’s true…humans descend from Titans? Hanji would be so excited she’d piss herself if she heard that, even though it’s impossible. Still, they know something about the old stories about Titans. Something they’re willing to die to protect._

* * *

  **Wall Rose, Platform, July 16 th, 12:25 PM**

Mikasa jolted upright with a start, something she immediately regretted as her entire body was cocooned in aches and strains. She looked around and saw a discouraging majority of the Survey Corps severely injured with only a handful being able to tend to their wounds. She tried to recall what had happened, the source of her pain, but a throbbing in her skull made it a challenge she was in no condition to undertake.

“Mikasa!” Armin ran up to her, thankful to see she finally gained consciousness. “Wait, don’t move just yet-”

“Armin!” Once he was within arm’s reach Mikasa grabbed his cloak and pulled his closer, yanking fiercely on the weakened fabric. “What happened to Eren?! Where is he?!” she demanded frantically.

“Mikasa, calm down! And don’t move around!” he advised. “The extent of your injuries is still unknown!”

Ignoring him and all other rationality she pushed him aside and leaned over the edge of the wall to examine what was once a warzone. There was an enormous crater and a few regular Titans clawing at the wall, trying to make their way up.

She spun around, further straining the muscles in her neck and back. “Where is he?!”

“Eren has been kidnapped! Along with Ymir…by Bertholdt and Reiner.”

Her eyes widened while his filled with tears. Slowly she began to recall some of what had happened. During the fight between the Rogue Titan and the Armored Titan, the former seemed to have bested the latter. However they were directly underneath where the Colossal Titan was still generating itself and the shifter threw itself off of the platform and onto the other shifters below, causing the crater.

He sat down beside her. “The moment the Colossal Titan’s body hit the ground, he suddenly vanished. At the same time those of us who were on the lower part of the wall got hit with a heat wave and wind pressure from his fall, and took damage that temporarily immobilized us. The attack was so intense that those who were on top of the wall couldn’t even get close to us for awhile. Amidst all that, it was nearly impossible to see anything, but what I did manage to make out was Eren’s fallen form after having suffered defeat at the hands of the Armored Titan. The Armored Titan was the only one who managed to withstand the attack. He bit out the nape of the neck of Eren’s Titan form. When the heat and wind receded a little from the remains of the Colossal Titan…Bertholdt appeared carrying Ymir in his arms. He was wearing the 3DMG of the soldier he swallowed earlier together with Ymir. He then jumped onto the Armored Titan’s back, holding Ymir.” _Even if it was impromptu, it was a very well staged kidnapping. No one would’ve suspected him to gain gear by…eating another human being._ “After that they made their escape, taking Eren and Ymir with them. It’s been five hours since then.”

“Is there anyone…chasing after them?” she asked meekly.

“No.” He shook his head.

“Why?!” She grabbed him again, shaking his shoulders some.

“Because we can’t transport our horses to this side of the wall.” _Eren poses a direct threat to them since they’re responsible for what happened to Maria and what almost happened to Rose. But why is Ymir important enough to kidnap? The Colossal Titan took her along with the soldier to gain 3DMG. He gained nothing from Ymir other than Ymir herself, yet he swallowed them together._ “All we can do right now is wait for the elevator to arrive here so that we can transport the horses and start pursuit to take Eren back. For now, please just get ready for that. And start with checking how bad your wounds are.” He pointed at the incapacitated soldiers. “Squad Leader Hanji and the other superior officers are heavily injured and can’t move at the moment. To deploy the formation for enemy detection, even a small one, we’ll need a lot of people. As many as possible in fact. Especially skilled ones…” His voice trailed off and his lips curled into a thin line. “Do you understand?”

She attempted a nod but the movement agitated her headache. She groaned softly in pain. “This again…”

“Are you hurt somewhere?”

“No, it’s nothing. Just hit my head pretty hard it seems. I’m fine…but…when Annie in her Titan form kidnapped Eren…I started pursuit right away, I fought her together with Lance Corporal Levi…and…somehow managed to recover Eren. But this time…” She hung her head in shame to hide the tears slipping past her normally impregnable defense of collectedness. She turned away from him and stood up, wrapping her red scarf around her neck. “Say, Armin. Why…why does Eren always end up going far away from us?”

He chuckled slightly. “Now that I think about it, you may be right. Even in the past Eren always ran off on his own, leaving us behind. Whether he wanted it or not, things always ended up this way. It’s just the fate that the star he was born under bestowed him I guess.”

Mikasa sat back down, facing the other direction. Her scarf covered her face from the nose down. “All I want…is just to be by his side…” Though the fabric distorted her words some, those who knew her well enough could easily intuit what she was thinking and expressing. “That’s all I ever wanted, and yet…” She stopped when she heard heavy footsteps coming their way.

“Hey guys,” Hannes greeted, “Are you hungry?”

“Hannes,” Armin said in slight surprise. He hadn’t noticed how many, if any, members of the Garrison remained. He only noticed who was missing.

“Here, eat this. Field provisions is all we have, but hey.” He handed a box to each of them and joined them. Taking a bite of the crunchy, bland cracker he muttered, “Yup, neither bad or good. Just normal, like always.” He took a drink of what little water they had and sighed when he noticed the other two weren’t eating. “It’s always been this way, no?” He rubbed his chin. “Since long ago it was always your job to take care of the trouble that willful brat lands himself into, right? It’s what they call the inseparable bond you can’t escape even if you try, ya know? Geez, seriously…The times and circumstances change but you don’t. You’re still up to the same old routine as when you were kids.” He fondly recalled the times when Eren would start a fight with the other neighborhood youth, Armin would have to hold him back, and Mikasa would end the conflict the only way she knew how. “Don’t you agree?”

“The height differences between local bullies and Titans is a little conspicuous though,” Armin said with a lopsided grin.

Hannes continued reminiscing with them, and then began praising Eren for his initiative and tenacity. He was doing all he could to encourage the other two to understand that they weren’t in this alone, even if they had always functioned like a solitary trio. He spoke of the peaceful times when they were able to live in contentment and his desire to be able to live in such times again. “I’ll go with you.” He clenched a fist. “Those good old times just won’t be back for me without all three of you together.”

Shortly after the three of them finished their small lunch a brigade on horseback rode towards them.

“They’re here.” _What took them so long?!_ Mikasa thought to herself impatiently.

“To think that they’d come riding horses on top of the wall…” Armin looked over his shoulder. “Krista, I’d like you to stay here after all.”

She narrowed her deep blue eyes. “I won’t,” she replied stubbornly, “so don’t make me repeat myself. I can’t simply sit back while Ymir is being taken away.”

“Krista’s right, Armin.” Connie folded his arms over his chest and watched the others approach. “You and Mikasa should understand that better than anyone, right? We all have more than enough reasons to pursue them. I personally still can’t believe all that shit about them. I refuse to believe that Reiner and Bertholdt are our enemies until I hear that from them directly.”

“Yeah…”

“Nicely said!”

There seemed to be more disagreement than agreement amongst them however as more and more noticed a specific absence.

“Commander Erwin!”

“Huh? Even the Military Police tagged along?”

“You arrived just in time sir!”

“Is the situation the same?” he asked.

“Yes sir!”

He felt a strong grip on his ankle and looked down. Hanji had dragged herself from her cot over to him. “Hanji?!”

“G-give me…the map…” She could barely look him in the eye, still feeling responsible for Saskia’s death. He did as she asked and everyone got down on their knees around her. She unfolded it and pointed to a forest area. “There’s a Forest of Giant Trees here, although pretty small. That’s where you should head to. I doubt the Armored Titan would bother to cover his track in any case. Still, there’s a very good chance they’re hiding there.”

“What makes you think so?”

“It’s a gamble but even if they have the power of their Titan form, they’re still in danger from Titans outside the wall. After all the fighting they had to do they must be pretty exhausted. Not as much as Eren, but still. It seems Annie had to sleep a long time after her rampage.” She exhaled slowly, still in the process of recovering. “Now, let’s assume for a moment that their place of destination lies beyond Wall Maria. Let’s also add to that the fact that at the moment they have no stamina left to cover such a long distance. With that taken into account, their immediate concern should be finding a place to rest where Titans won’t reach them, so that they can stay there until nightfall when Titans are unable to move! You have time ‘til nightfall! If you can make it to that forest before nightfall you just might be able to catch up with them!”

Erwin nodded. “I see. We’ll take that course of action then.”

“Hold on!” one of the Survey Corps piped up. “Where…where did the General go?”

“Yeah…Squad Leader Hanji was leading the fight, wasn’t she?”

“Did she return to you, Commander Erwin? To fill you in?”

“There’s no way the _Military Police_ would follow _General Saskia_!” someone laughed.

“Everyone, shut up!” Jean shouted and then put a fist over his mouth.

Hanji managed to get onto her knees. “Erwin, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I could’ve saved her, but I wasn’t fast enough. I panicked, and then, and then she…” She made a choking sound to keep from crying.

“We’ll mourn if and only if we have proof that she is in fact dead, which I don’t believe to be the case.”

“I saw the Colossal Titan throw her off the wall down to where Eren and the Armored Titan were fighting! I went down there to fight myself and saw nothing! No bloodstains, no torn limbs, no shattered skull, no shredded clothing, nothing! The sweep must have been so forceful that she was thrown too far away for anyone to see! No one would survive impact like that, especially not someone who was probably suffering from heat exhaustion!”

“That’s enough!” Erwin yelled.

“Hanji, I can think of only one scenario which would have allowed Saskia to survive,” Armin piped up timidly. Her emotional state gave him the impression that she was both unwilling and incapable of listening to reason and he anticipated a verbal lashing from her. “It’s very farfetched but…do you remember how fond Reiner was of Saskia?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is a play off the phrase 'now you see it/me, now you don't' in reference to Saskia's disappearance (and possible death) as well as Bertholdt's and Reiner's true identities having been revealed.
> 
> 'Luzia' is the Portuguese and German version of the Latin name meaning 'light'. 'Lights out in Stohess' is a play on both her name and the saying 'lights out' for knocking someone unconscious or killing them.
> 
> Still any guesses on the story Ymir referenced in the previous chapter?


	35. Duty and Loyalty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are from chapters 45-48.

**Wall Rose, Klorva District, July 16 th, 1:39 PM**

Word had yet to spread to every subordinate about Kseniya’s defecting, making the trek between districts easier than expected. Marco had paid careful attention to the Garrison schedules and how they coincided with the patrols of their former comrades. They waited patiently in Utopia for a few hours before it was safe to cross.

“Why were you in Utopia?” Marco asked quietly. “It’s the northernmost area in Rose. Closest to Sina. Closest to them.”

Kseniya quirked an eyebrow at him. “You think it was easy getting to Rose in the first place? Northernmost, yes, but I had to take a break somewhere and with everyone in Sina in a panic it was easy to blend into the crowds. Why Klorva?”

“I haven’t been staying in Klorva. I’ve had to keep moving ever since Trost. The most recent district I stayed in was Karanese but when the Survey Corps passed through on their most recent expedition I knew I couldn’t stay. I would have been too tempted to find them and tell them everything…and to be with Jean again.”

“Makes sense. But now you’re reconsidering?”

“Sort of,” he replied scratching the side of his head. “They were very good at keeping secrets from us, weren’t they? I had no idea about Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt until she tried to kill me. I only knew that three children were taken from places outside the walls that were experiencing a disease of some sort.”

“Four originally, but one was eaten by a Titan.”

“Eaten…? If a shifter eats another shifter they gain their abilities. But is the same true for a normal Titan?”

She shrugged. “No clue. We’ve got a lot to talk about, you and me. Share everything we know. I don’t care what it takes. They’re going down.”

Marco nodded in agreement. “Right.”

During his time in Rose, Marco had also become very familiar with the patrol routes in the streets of every district he stayed in. There were a few changes from time to time but at the moment it was relatively safe for them to walk in broad daylight to his current place of residence.

“First thing you’re gonna tell me is how you survived.” After they left the alleyway and were in direct sunlight she noticed a large scar running along his right cheek, starting close to his eye socket.

“Sure, sure. But until then, we shouldn’t talk about any of that,” he advised in a hushed tone.

“Right, sorry. I’m just really glad to have an ally in this. You ever heard the expression ‘lone wolf’? You already know what my last name means. And I’ve felt like one for most of my life.”

They took a turn and passed a gathered crowd murmuring amongst themselves, though they weren’t as quiet as they thought they were.

“Did you hear about what happened to the General?”

“Sure did.”

“A real tragedy. They give, give, give, and all that damned Survey Corps does is take, take, take.”

“At least she was an orphan. No parent should have to bury their child.”

“Doubt there was anything left to bury.”

“Another young life wasted.”

Kseniya and Marco exchanged confused glances as they continued on. They wanted to stop and ask for further detail from the citizens but ran a high risk of encountering a former comrade in doing so. If Saskia was in fact dead they would be the second to know after the Survey Corps.

“This is it.” After reaching the westernmost part of the district, uncomfortably close to the wall, Marco stopped at a rather quaint looking home. Kseniya assumed that he wouldn’t be able to live in such a place but since he was on the run, something their former superiors were confident in after learning of Annie’s blunder, the first places to search for him would be ghettoes and shanties.

The inside however was as she expected, simple to the point of barren. Constantly moving about meant not being able to have too many material possessions, both proof of the fact that he was still alive and unnecessary weight to carry with him as he traversed. It almost looked like something out of Wall Maria when its districts were still inhabitable. One room encompassing the kitchen and dining space, a makeshift bend, and a small desk with tiny notes scattered across it. The ice box had almost completely melted.

“It’s not much, but it’s enough to get by,” he said almost apologetically and then ushered her to what hardly constituted but nonetheless was used as a dining room table.

She exhaled slowly. “Finally, proper back support.” She hummed in contentment as she tilted her head from side to side, making Marco flinch with every popping sound. “Alrighty, let’s swap stories. How are you still alive?”

“During the Battle for Trost,” he began, sitting at the end of his makeshift bed positioned perpendicular to her, “Annie had attacked me, but the wound was only enough to incapacitate me. I played dead and she took my gear, replacing it with her own.”

“That was to sabotage something the Survey Corps had accomplished. Go on.”

“As I lay there I was a very easy target. My wound had almost completely healed when a small Titan picked me up and tried to devour me. I was able to blind it a little by stabbing it in the eye but it almost bit me in half.”

“That’s what the reports said.”

“ _Almost_. Do you see this scar on my face?” He ran a fingertip along the pale, raised line. “The reason it’s only on my face is because of what it came close to damaging. I lost a leg, an arm, and even a rib. But it stopped at my face. In other words it didn’t reach my brain. I guess I didn’t taste very good because it dropped me onto the ground after that. I knew that if I regenerated fully, everyone else would know I was also a shifter. I had to keep playing dead, forcing my wounds not to heal. It was more painful than being chewed in half. I almost stopped when Jean found me but I knew I couldn’t…because I would give myself away.” He hung his head and bit his lower lip. “That was the most painful part of it all.”

“…it’s my fault Marco.” She leaned back in the chair. “I gave Annie the order.”

“But someone gave you an order too, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“If you didn’t follow orders you were killed. After everyone realized that Dr. Jaeger accidentally gave Eren the coordinate ability instead of me and I was ordered to eat him so I could gain it…and then refused…Annie came for me. The weird thing is, I can’t say I’m angry about it. I’m not angry at all, at you or her. You were just trying to survive. And I don’t think Annie is so callous and heartless that trying to kill me didn’t bother her.”

“It messed with her head. Nightmares, all that stuff.”

“She feels guilty. She feels remorse. Regret. Wanna hear something stranger?”

“Sure.” She shrugged casually. “Why not?”

“You probably won’t believe me.”

“Try me, kid.”

“If she were somehow given the chance to approach me and apologize…I would forgive her. As long as she meant it and wasn’t only apologizing just to apologize I would forgive her.”

“I already told you, Annie’s dead.”

He shook his head. “I heard rumors going around about the Survey Corps having caught a traitor to the human race. A young girl who joined the Military Police. Titan shifter. Encased in an enormous crystal.”

Kseniya’s deep brown eyes widened. “She…she’s alive?” she gasped.

“Yes, but trapped in that crystal. I think she’s being held in Survey Corps custody. Titans, and now shifters, are their area of expertise after all. She’s probably being kept in a very secure facility in case she broke free,” he suggested.

“With Rose breached the Survey Corps has to find it and plug it. And now people think Saskia’s dead? Maki would lose his mind if that were true. Even if that Living Weapon project is a load shit she’s still his ‘creation’. I think there was a story in the pre-Titan world like that…A scientist wanted to create a living being out decayed body parts and it worked, but the creature ended up being pretty intelligent and ran off on his own. Developed a sense of self and so on. Sounds a bit like the Living Weapon project if ya ask me.”

“How do you mean?”

“Think of those body parts that were assembled by the scientist as the bloodline Maki wanted. He was aiming for the perfect Oriental warrior who would be a weapon for him to control and wield that would not only destroy all the Titans…and then kill off a bunch of non-Orientals because he’s convinced they’re the reason there are so few of his people left. They had to go into hiding underground, right?”

“But he runs the slave trade.”

“Remember what I said about how I ‘protected’ Annie by hurting her? I think he’s trying the same thing. Better another Oriental oversee the lives of all others than someone else who would have every reason to exploit them without seeing them as people. If I can give Maki credit for one thing, the thought of which makes me wanna vomit, it’s that he’s…trying to look after his own…? Sort of? Anyway, Maki couldn’t find anyone to create the perfect weapon. But then he met Luzia Messmann. Pure blooded Saxon, and the last one at that. I learned that the thing about the Saxons is they had pretty strict rules when it came to marriage. Don’t marry outside your class, don’t marry outsiders. That was probably what led to their downfall. They were too dependent on themselves for self-preservation. So either the Saxons die with Luzia or live on if she can have a kid who’s half-Saxon, half-Oriental. That way it wouldn’t matter if the kid was male or female; Orientals are warriors with an honor code, and Saxons are raiders who thrived on the blood of their enemies. That was what Kenny said anyway. He also said that there were two kinds of Saxons once…One left where they originally settled and merged with another group to create a huge kingdom. The other, Luzia’s ancestors, stayed and kept raiding like there’s no tomorrow. They resisted all kinds of subjugation but were eventually defeated. Lots of their culture was lost but a little bit is known…Like how they secretly kept record of pure bloods to make sure the Saxons survived as a peoples. It kinda worked…? Well obviously that’s impossible now but Luzia still wanted some of her blood to live on or whatever, even if it meant makin’ babies with an outsider of a different class.”

“And not long after Saskia was born.”

“Yup. But when Maki tried to take her away and have the Central Military Police raise her, led by Kenny, Luzia knew she couldn’t turn to the Military Police because that wouldn’t be any different from handing her over. So she went to the Survey Corps and played up the fact that Saskia is half-Oriental so Shardis would take her. Either Shardis didn’t recognize her at first or he was just screwing her because he didn’t wanna take the baby, but once she dropped the ‘O’ word he was all over it.”

“I know that both Kenny and Isamu have worked together for awhile, but how did they become connected with the Reiss family? And Keith Shardis too?”

“Remember my ancestor Katya, Third Commander of the Survey Corps? Well she was pretty interested in Titans. She wanted to know as much as she could about them. But there were some other people in the military trying the same thing, this little group of intellectuals. They were…” She began counting off on her fingers. “Funded by the Reiss family because they were in power at the time, a scientist in the Survey Corps, one of Maki’s ancestors living in the underground, and a guy from an assassins guild. See a pattern? This quartet kept passing on the torch to those who would continue their research. Rod Reiss from the Reiss family, Maki from his ancestor who also wanted to avenge the Orientals, Shardis from the Survey Corps guy, and Kenny who knew a guy who knew a guy that killed a guy or something…I dunno. He’s nuts too. The first researchers found out Katya was studying too and killed her but her research was tucked away somewhere safe. My family and the Jaeger family have been protecting it since always but we did the job a little too well. So Kenny killed my family and took me in not knowing I was already aware of the family connections, and hoped I would play translator because Katya probably wrote her notes in our ancestral language. And they forced Dr. Jaeger into it. Me and him were working together the entire time to try and find Katya’s research first.”

“Is that why he turned Eren into a shifter?”

She nodded. “Yeah. He lied and said since it was his own son it was someone he’d be able to monitor even after Maria fell…which he knew would happen. That must’ve sucked, knowing you would be a part of your own wife’s death.”

“Where do Reiner and Bertholdt come in? And Annie?”

“After roping in Dr. Jaeger by saying ‘Hey, we’ve got the Volkova kid, come be our friend’, they needed some people who would obey them no matter what. Best option for minions? Kids. There was a disease spreading in some of the villages outside the walls, where those three are from, and since they weren’t close enough to proper medical care a lot died. Bertholdt’s mother was the resident healer but she couldn’t do much more than make poultices.   Kenny and Dr. Jaeger went to those villages promising they had advanced medicine and would be willing to give it to them but it had never been tested before, so they’d need someone to test it on. Ideally someone young because they thought it was best if most of the youth survived and ‘they were confident it would cure the kids’.”

“It was actually the shifter gene. And the kids offered up were Bertholdt, Annie, and Reiner.”

She snapped her fingers and pointed at him. “Exactly. Well, the fourth kid too, but he’s long gone. It did cure them somehow.” She shrugged. “I wish I knew how. I’ve always found medicine pretty fascinating.”

“And they offered it to me because they wanted someone dedicated to the MP and the king. Which is also why they wanted me to have the coordinate ability.”

“Mm hm.”

“Why is it called a ‘gene’? It’s just a liquid injection.”

“I’ve wondered that myself. I remember this one time I was in Grisha’s lab helping with something and I saw on one of his many notepads the word ‘Titan’ and an arrow pointing to the word ‘human’. At first I thought it was general shifter stuff but I figured if that were the case the arrow would go the other way, since they were makin’ fake Titans from humans. Also…it doesn’t work on animals. I’m sure it’s been tried but nothing happened if it did. And shifters, there Titans always have some kinda connection to their human form. Or their name in your case.”

“I remember discussing that earlier.”

“This is wild but hear me out. If you think about how well the shifter ‘gene’ takes to a human…What if there’s a relationship between Titans and humans? Like, I dunno, wolves and dogs.”

Marco’s eyes widened. “I…I had never even thought about that. I always assumed that the ‘gene’ manipulated our own. Putting an additional gene into our bodies.”

“Maybe. But that would only explain why you can shift, not why your Titan reflects something from your human form or personality. Also, Grisha never said anything like that to the other four.”

“Humans…related to Titans? I…I don’t know. That raises more questions than it answers.”

“Yeah, I get that. You survived because the Titan didn’t bite your brain right? It didn’t hit your brain stem either. And the part of the human body where that’s located is the same as the weak spot on a Titan.”

“…that’s true…They also resemble humans. Not the monsters called ‘Titans’ in the ancient stories from our ancestor’s ancestors. And even some of _them_ looked like humans.” He laughed nervously, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. It was a disturbing idea to entertain. “You’re really interested in Titans, aren’t you?”

“Nope. But Katya was. And I wanna know why. Why generations of Volkovs and Jaegers have dedicated their lives to secretly protecting whatever it is she found. Hell, I don’t even know how our families became so close. All I know is Katya had rivals, something she might not’ve even known, and they killed her because of the things she learned. And they’ve been trying to get their hands on it since.”

* * *

**Wall Maria, Forest of Giant Trees, July 16 th, 4:08 PM**

“What is wrong with you?!”

“I-I-I’m sor-r-ry!”

“Sorry? You’re sorry?! What if you killed her?!”

“I thought she of all people would have moved in time…”

“Well, ya thought wrong dumbass. Shit…”

“At least you caught her.”

“Barely had the time to! And it wasn’t exactly pleasant. Though I suppose I’m preaching to the choir.”

“Shut up! I…I needed his gear so we could escape!”

“Whatever, cannibal.”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up! Keep your damn voice down…Unless you wanna attract your fellow man eaters.”

“How about you both keep you voices down?” The bickering pair turned to Ymir, who was slowly coming to. She glanced to her left and saw Eren, still unconscious and, was without his arms. A thin veil of steam hit her face and she noticed she was no different. They were both laying on a large branch, Reiner and Bertholdt standing on one across from them. An also unconscious Saskia was laying near them, . Ymir jutted her chin towards her superior. “Why’s she here? Won’t that only attract the Survey Corps?”

“None of your damn business,” Reiner snapped.

“They’ll probably try and come anyway,” Bertholdt pointed out. “For Eren.”

“And maybe you,” the blond taunted. _Not that we’ll let that happen. She knows something about that giant Beast Titan. She has to. The way the Titans went away when she lost consciousness. The way they came back when she woke up. It all started after that thing went by. And that’s what we need to go back home. If Ymir has some kinda connection to it, we go through her to get that damned monkey. Then it’s over._ He glanced down at the General. _Over for us, at least._ “Oi, Eren,” he called. “Are you awake?”

The brunet’s eyes slowly opened and he was greeted by the sight of the enemies of mankind. His immediate thought was to shift and kill them until he noticed his arms were missing. Steam hissed from the stubs as they slowly grew back.

“Eren.” Ymir held up a half-grown arm. “Look, I’m like this too. Guess we’re both having a bad day.”

“Ymir…” He was surprised to see her there and couldn’t help but wonder if she too was an enemy despite her injuries. He was completely on the offensive, feeling as if anyone and everyone around him was a potential enemy. “Why are my arms gone?”

“Sorry about that,” Reiner said casually. “I did that. We were in too much of a hurry for me to bite you out of the neck cleanly, your arms were in the way.”

“I see…I guess I lost then…” He waited silently and once he had enough of an arm formed to injure intensely enough he flung it towards his jaw.

Bertholdt jumped to his feet. “Eren, stop it!”

Ymir grabbed his half-arm and pulled it away seconds before he could’ve taken the bite. “Just wait a second, Eren. Take a good look around us.” It was strange to hear Ymir sound so composed and rational. For a brief moment he was reminded of Erwin. “This is one of the giant forests inside Wall Maria. It seems we’re quite a long distance away from the wall. Of course, that means there are Titans all over the place. Look.” She nodded down at a small group surrounding the trunk. “That one’s probably a Deviant as well. It looks like it’s just lying there but its eyes keep looking in our direction. There are too many small ones under us…That’s a threat as well.” She tilted her head slightly to direct his attention behind them. “And there’s a huge one. Although it’s just watching us, without approaching…a subtle one for sure,” she analyzed. Resting an arm on Eren’s shoulder she pointed in front of them. “And then those guys. Those bastards…they’re wearing 3D Maneuver Gear. Reiner’s is what you were wearing.” Though he was sneering viciously at her she continued.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to recklessly transform into a Titan right now. Not only can they do the same, but they can easily escape up into the trees. Even if that wasn’t the case there are just too many Titans here. It’s difficult to survive in Titan territory, even possessing Titan powers, get it? You can’t just lose it here.”

“Actually…you guys can’t turn into Titans in the first place.” It came off as an order until he elaborated. “It’s not that convenient. There’s a limit to your physical strength. Right now, it looks like your bodies have their hands full with just recovering.”

Though far from calming down Eren’s realization that they were right, rather he lacked the physical capabilities required to shift, was tantamount to reasoning with him. As one who answered primarily to instinct instead of rationality if his body was hindered in a way that was impossible to overcome he had to relent. The most he could do was offer a verbal beating, albeit an unoriginal one. “Fuck you,” he snarled. “Who cares what you say?”

“Well,” Ymir continued, slightly annoyed with Eren’s confrontational attitude, “when it comes to Titan powers, I don’t know a whole lot either. All I know is they function very differently from us…And there’s one other problem.” She pointed to the other end of the branch they were standing on. “Even when she’s not trying, she’s damn good at stealth. Or perhaps you were too pissed off to notice? If you transform you’d knock her off that tree. If that were to happen…I hope she breaks her neck from the impact. Ya know, instead of the Titans getting her first.”

Eren’s eyes widened. His anger was now swirling around with volatile confusion. Ymir’s graphic description briefly reminding him of his mother’s brutal death didn’t help matters at all. “What…what do you want with her? Didn’t you want me? You said you’d stop knocking the walls down if I went with you!”

Ymir pulled a leg up to her chest and rested an arm on it. “Better question. What are you guys going to do with us now?”

Reiner narrowed his eyes. “We’re taking you back to our hometown. We already know that you’re not just going to tag along obediently. But as Ymir just said, we’re deep in Titan territory. If we try to kill each other now, when we’re all weakened…we’d just get eaten by other Titans. In other words we have no choice but to stay here until nightfall when the Titans stop moving. Where you guys get away from us…or we capture you. We have no choice but to wait ‘til nighttime.”

“What’s your reason for staying here instead of running back to your ‘hometown’ as the Armored Titan? Did you get tired and decide to take a break?”

He paused contemplatively. “…I’ll leave that to your imagination,” he replied evasively.

Ymir mulled over it all and came to the conclusion that no matter what she and Eren were completely powerless. For a brief moment she wondered what happened to the rest of the Survey Corps and if they’d be on their way but reasoned it was too risky to do so now. “The Titans at the castle moved just fine in the middle of the night, didn’t they? So what about these ones?”

“These Titans can’t move at night. You should already know that Ymir,” he said accusingly, though neither she nor Eren knew exactly what he was accusing her of.

Hearing that Eren came to the conclusion that he had to try his damndest not to let his feelings interfere with the situation, and would try to gather as much information from them as possible. He didn’t know if Ymir was an ally or the extent of her power, he didn’t know Reiner’s and Bertholdt’s entire plan or motives, and he didn’t even know much of what he already knew in the first place that was already relevant. The most obvious thing about the entire situation was that General Saskia was there for a reason. After all, he saw her get swept off the wall and almost plunge to her death. And while she hadn’t plunged to her death it did, in hindsight, appear that she had plunged to her doom.

This uncharacteristic composition he held didn’t last very long as the conversation took a strangely casual turn. A turn where Ymir equated casual with dark, after forcing Bertholdt to admit that Reiner was starting to suffer from something akin to a split personality. In his frustration, he reluctance to accept his self-perceived failure to prevent his emotions stopping him from completing the objective he shared with Annie and Bertholdt, Reiner pushed Eren over the edge. Eyes wide, voice frantic and trembling, and a rising temperature quickly replaced the forced composed demeanor Eren attempted to hold.

“You are just murderers,” he began softly. “You killed so many innocent people…” Suddenly he shrieked, “ **You are mass murdering PSYCHOPATHS**!”

Reiner grit his teeth. “I know that already!” he yelled back. “I don’t need you to tell me!”

“ **THEN DON’T GO AROUND GRIEVING AS IF YOU ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK! YOU GUYS AREN’T HUMAN! YOU’RE THE ONES WHO TURNED THIS WORLD TO HELL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU MURDERERS?!** ”

Reiner’s agitated movements made the branch tremble, jerking about the unconscious soldier some. “ **WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM US THEN?! DO YOU WANT US TO ATONE?! DO YOU WANT US TO APOLOGIZE?! DO YOU WANT TO TELL US THAT ‘KILLING IS BAD’?! WILL THAT SATISFY YOU?! THE PERSON YOU KNEW DOESN’T EXCIST ANYMORE! IF SCREAMING MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, CARRY ON SCREAMING!** ” He heavily punctuated his last three words before stopping to catch his breath.

Eren chuckled a little. “You’re right,” he agreed. “I’m being naïve. There’s nothing I can do…but….” He grinned. “…make sure…that you die in the most excruciating way possible…” He chuckled again, the grin only widening. “I swear I will,” he hissed loudly.

 _Who’s the psychopath now?_ Ymir thought with a roll of her eyes. “Not like that.”

“Huh?”

“Please Eren, I can’t expect anything of you if you keep saying childish things like that…” She returned to her usual condescending self.

“…what?” He was still puzzled.

She narrowed her eyes sharply. “I’m saying that if you make such small fry your enemy, it’s not much of a match.” He realized the condescension was directed at the other two as she turned to them, her gaze darkening. “Oi, Reiner. What was that monkey?” she demanded. The image of the enormous, fur-covered Titan ran through her mind and her pulse steadily began to rise. Something about the very thought of the thing made her furious and she was glad to have two punching bags right in front of her.

“Monkey? What are you hinting at?” _Don’t play stupid…_

 _Don’t act like you don’t know…_ “Didn you know? Considering that you two were gawking at it with eyes twinkling the entire time?”

“What is this about a monkey?”

Ymir leaned towards Eren. “Well, just listen. That monkey, the Beast Titan, was the main culprit behind the uproar this time around. It brought forth Titans inside the walls…I wonder if it was measuring our powers.” She stifled a gasp when a familiar voice whose owner she couldn’t recognize rang out so clearly in her mind as if the wind carried it straight into her ears.

 _All but yours_.

“So those guys are after that one’s location?”

“If you find him, you’ll be able to go back to your hometown, right?”

 _Bring them to me instead_.

“Y…” Eren jumped to his feet. “You tell me everything you know!” he demanded.

_Hush. Not a word…Not a word, little Titan…_

_What is that voice…? It wasn’t in those weird dreams but…I have heard it before._ A quick, breathy exhale shoved aside her nervousness regarding the uncertainty, and was perfectly painted as an expression of impatience. “Just wait a moment…The circumstances don’t allow that. But, well Eren, if you think killing those two will put an end to all our troubles you’re making a big mistake.”

“WHAT IS THE ENEMY?”

“Enemy?” Even Ymir wasn’t entirely certain now that a phantom was haunting her waking hours too. “If I say that it-”

“YMIR!”

She jumped, haven forgotten about Reiner and Bertholdt. The strange voice and its mystery owner completely occupied her attention.

“Do you think that this world has a future? If you know that much, think about the path you should take from here. It’s still possible for you to come over to our side, isn’t it?” _Do it. Lure that thing to us. You have to be connected to it. You and your damn headaches and nightmares…_

She quirked an eyebrow. “Are you telling me to trust you?” she asked fighting a laugh and failing poorly. “No way! There’s no way you’re going to trust me either.”

“That isn’t true. I can trust you,” he asserted with seemingly baseless confidence. “Your goal is to protect Krista, right? That’s the one instance in which we should be able to rely on each other. It might seem like I’m joking but don’t you think we can both agree on the notion that we both want to do something about Krista? And…” He glanced at Eren, who still hadn’t fully healed. “Do you think Eren’s powers are more reliable than ours? It seems that you were planning on using Eren to get out of here. You’re probably thinking you have to save your own ass before we take you and the General away. Frankly, that’s true. We can’t guarantee your safety either. Only hers. You’re your own responsibility. But when it comes to just Krista, there might be something we can do. Your own little life, or Krista’s future. It’s up to you.”

 _…did he say that this world has no future? What…?_ Eren kept looking back and forth between the two as they conversed. _What is that ‘monkey’? What’s this all about? And why the General? Of course she’ll attract the Survey Corps! They probably think she’s dead and want to skin these assholes alive! I wouldn’t stop ‘em…unless they didn’t let me join in…_ “Oi!” Ymir turned to him, a look of boredom plastered over her freckled face that could put Levi to shame. “What about the identity of the enemy?!”

“Who knows?” With her limbs fully healed and her thoughts almost completely sorted out she was ready to strike a bargain. She only had to wait until the sun set.

As they waited Bertholdt pulled Reiner aside, casting a quick glance at Saskia to see if she had come to. Relieved that she hadn’t, as she would be difficult to convince as well, he asked in a hushed tone, “Reiner…Do you really trust Ymir? Her Titan is small, but incredibly fast. If we don’t restrain her properly, she could probably defeat us in an instant. Actually, she ate Marcel, didn’t she?”

“Exactly. But precisely because of that, her position is obvious. She was finally able to become human again. She must have just wanted to play her cards right and live, right? Until she met Krista…She met someone she considered more important than herself. Enough to go flying into a swarm of Titans for her sake.” After firmly stating that he back to his old self, the person who smashed into the gate of Shiganshina with eagerness, he reminded Bertholdt of the work Annie had done for then as trainees. Though it seemed her role wasn’t as active as theirs she had started following clergymen of the Wall Cult who would sneak around the Trainee Corps grounds. “Krista is an important person from one of the Wall Cult families. In other words if the ‘coordinate’ we’re looking for isn’t Eren himself, then our mission isn’t finished yet. When the time comes the search will definitely be much easier if Krista is here on our side.” The same as Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt weren’t aware of Dr. Jaeger’s ‘blunder’ with the coordinate injection. All they were told was that, aside from the Beast Titan, it was something -or someone- they needed to bring back to their true superiors if they wanted to be allowed to return home.

“Yeah,” the taller one agreed quietly. “Let’s finish it.”

“The next time we come here we’ll have Annie, Krista, that _thing_ , and we’ll go back to our hometown.”

“And then we’ll never come here again.”

“Yeah. And then all our work will be done.”

They both looked down at Saskia, who was still breathing slow and steadily. After they had gotten her to safety she didn’t have any major injuries to speak of, which saved both her life and theirs. Should they make enough mistake then much like Annie they would be expendable, the only difference being Annie both made mistakes and no longer had any purpose amongst their ranks. She had been bruised but strangely enough that was the extent of her injuries. Even if an injury would have worked in their benefit in keeping her mobilized, thus easier to take to their superiors, it would have made it harder for them to put her to use right away.

“What do you think they’ll do with her?” Bertholdt sounded slightly concerned. “You don’t think they’ll make her a Titan too, do you?”

Reiner shrugged. “I have no idea. All I know is that she’s very important to the guys we answer to. I’m sure, once she realizes the dangers the others would be put in if she refuses, she’ll cooperate.”

Bertholdt was relieved to hear that. Though he did worry about Saskia’s overall safety out of what little compassion he allowed himself to exercise he was confident she would be much safer when in the hands of those who had orchestrated an overwhelming majority of her life. Reiner’s attachment to her was what prompted the instinct to save her, but common sense was what allowed him to act upon that instinct. Acting out of their own accord and not taking an order from Erwin, whose own orders came directly from the top of the top, was risky but after her life had been put in danger they had no choice. Whether or not their superiors were ready to proceed with their plans for her wasn’t something he concerned himself with. Bertholdt was exhausted in every way and getting that woman out of his immediate environment and into someone else’s far more capable hands sounded like the only thing that would let him finally sleep through the night for the first time in five years.

“But…What if we’re rushing it?” Reiner sounded like he reverted back to the person he claimed no longer existed. “We had to save her, obviously, but is it really time to hand her over? We don’t know when they plan on-”

“Reiner, stop it!” Bertholdt grabbed him by the shoulders. “It doesn’t matter what they want now, only what they want in the end! And what they want in the end is her and the damn monkey! If they have her, they might not need us to find that thing! They might let us go! Isn’t that what we want?! To go home?! You, me, Annie…finally, to go home? You need to remember what our priorities are! Annie made a huge sacrifice for things to even get this far! And you’re willing to throw it all away just because they might not be ready? Of course they are! They’ve been ready since her mother became pregnant! All they needed was for her to grow up and get strong enough to-!”

Reiner punched him square in the jaw and then pointed at Ymir and Eren, who were both staring at them with wide eyes. “Now look at what you’ve done,” he seethed. “Was it necessary to create an audience?”

His impending tirade was interrupted by a loud rumbling and exploding sounds. All eyes turned towards the direction of the source and could barely make out the outline of soldiers on horseback, pillars of colored smoke trailing above them like a forewarning to Bertholdt and Reiner.

“Are those signal flares? The Survey Corps troops…already?!” Bertholdt started to panic.

“But they shouldn’t be able to assemble their enemy detection formation without transporting a large number of horses outside the wall…I was thinking it might be too early to make that kind of judgment. Maybe Commander Erwin is there.”

“He’ll try to take her back to keep up his act,” Bertholdt whispered. “What happens to us then?”

“We figure it out if and when that happens,” Reiner whispered back. “Our opponents are persistent.” He turned to Eren and activated his gear. Though the smaller one pretended he was going along without resistance he quickly gave up the act and began to struggle pathetically in Reiner’s grip, threatening to kill him all the while.

As those two struggled Bertholdt knelt down by Ymir. “Ymir, after you went back to being human, did you still remember who you ate?”

“No?” _An odd question…_ “I don’t remember but that was just about five years ago…Was it one of your comrades?” The despaired look in his eyes affirmed her guess to be correct. “I see…I’m sorry, I don’t even remember. Do you hate me?” His answer was more important to her than he probably realized; if she were to work with them, age old grudges needed to be put aside or disappear altogether.

“I wonder. I don’t…really know. I’m sure you didn’t want to eat anymore either. Just how long were you wandering along outside the wall?”

“About sixty years…” _That doesn’t sound right, but that’s what I remember._ “It was like I was having a never-ending nightmare.”

Reiner had successfully subdued Eren and strapped him onto his back. “Ymir, Saskia has her wrists bound. If you have one arm around Bertholdt, will you be able to hold onto her in the other?”

“Yeah. She’s small enough.”

“That’s not the problem. We couldn’t ditch her gear. We kept it in case something happened to ours. It’ll add some extra weight.”

“Why is she so important to-?”

“That’s none of your damn business even if you do help us!” he spat. “Can you do it or not?!”

Ymir turned towards where the General was still reclined and watched as she spat out the fabric once wrapped around her wrists that she had undone with her teeth and roll off the branch she had been on. Before hitting the ground she latched into a Titan to grab the attention of all the others and slew as many as she could to secure a safe run.

“No…No, definitely not.” She looked in the direction Saskia was headed as she wrapped her arms around Bertholdt. “Signal flares?! The Survey Corps came to rescue us?!”

“What do you mean you can’t carry her?! We have to-!” He noticed their third captive’s absence and realized she had been faking her unconscious state. She had heard everything. “Shit! Shit, SHIT, **SHIT**!” He quickly shook his head. “We can’t chase after her or we’ll be going right towards them! All the way here already…This is all because Eren had to go nuts back there…”

As they sped off in the opposite direction Ymir noticed Krista riding in what appeared to be a sloppily assembled vanguard. “Reiner! It’s Krista! Krista’s come all the way here! If you’re going to take her now is the time!”

Both Reiner and Bertholdt refused. They had absolutely no tactical advantage and Ymir was letting her feelings get the better of her. She quickly realized that she had an advantage over them, a spacial one. She started interfering with Bertholdt’s gear, threatening to shift and stand in their way if they didn’t turn around immediately. Initially trying to appeal to their emotions was pointless but she had a plan nonetheless, or at the very least claimed to. Regardless of whether or not she did or didn’t she could easily kill them all and dared them to test her.

As they Survey Corps approached the forest Saskia kept taking advantage of the Titans following her to move about, using up far less stamina than if she only ran.

“What’s happening to those Titans? They’re just collapsing!” Connie yelled.

“No!” Armin cried and pointed at a swift green blur. “They’re being slaughtered!”

“Holy shit, she is alive!” Jean exclaimed.

“With her, we’ll have no trouble saving Eren,” Mikasa added.

“But what if she’s injured?!” Historia asked. Though concerned, Ymir was still her top priority.

“She’ll be fine!” Erwin shouted over the noise. “She’s had to fight while sustaining injury before.” He grabbed the reigns the horse galloping next to him, one with no rider, and urged it forward ahead of them so she would be able to join the brigade properly. “Outlandish as it was Armin, just as with Annie…it seems your theory was correct.”

**Wall Rose, 12:26 PM**

“Fond of her?” Mikasa scoffed. “He pretended to care for everyone!”

“I know, but just listen,” Armin pleaded. It did sound as though he was coming to Reiner’s defense. “When the Colossal Titan swept the wall he wasn’t aiming for anyone in particular. If Saskia wasn’t able to make it off in time, which is confirmed by her absence, it’s possible she was caught. Even while fighting Eren, Reiner still had to pay attention to what Bertholdt’s Titan was doing. The time it took to generate, if any debris from damage it caused to the wall would have interrupted his fight with Eren, and so on. I highly doubt he was expecting to have the Colossal Titan fall on top of him either. If Eren had caught her we would’ve seen her come out of his Titan after he lost the fight, but being so focused on the fight itself I don’t think he would’ve even noticed her had she been thrown off. When the Colossal Titan vanished Bertholdt was standing in the remains holding Ymir, whom he had swallowed. If the Armored Titan caught the General he could’ve done the same to protect her. Or to use her as leverage or a bargaining chip once we inevitably come to rescue Eren and Ymir. They could try and force us to choose between those two or her. But the fact remains that no one saw what happened, only what caused her to disappear. You said so yourself Hanji, there were no remains on the other side of the wall. I know it’s very farfetched and highly improbably. But just as Connie refuses to believe Reiner and Bertholdt are our enemies until he hears them say it, I can’t bring myself to believe she’s dead unless we find something. Even if that something is nothing at all.”

“If he swallowed her, it was to steal her gear like Bertholdt did.” Jean shook his head. “Face it, she’s dead.”

“Losing a loved one makes it easy to accept the possibility of death quickly, doesn’t it?” Historia looked up at Jean, eyes full of determination. “I’m sorry for bringing up the memory, but please don’t let what happened to Marco make you so jaded about the survival of others. There’s a chance she’s dead but…but there’s also a chance she’s alive. However, we can’t hope for her survival if we aren’t willing to take a risk and try to find her! And I believe the same about Ymir as well!”

Hanji cracked a smile through her tears. “That sounds just like something Saskia would say…about hope and risks…Thank you Krista. I really needed to hear that. Well don’t let my pathetic injured self hold you up! You’ve two cadets and a General to save!”

**Present**

After mounting Saskia began to fall back until she was next to Erwin. “I feigned lack of consciousness and overheard a great deal that I must relay to you when we return.”

“I am only here temporarily, because of the alleged breach,” he replied. “Titans are the responsibility of the Survey Corps. If there is no Titan threat, which there won’t be after we return with Eren and Ymir, I will be escorted back to prison. You and Levi are still in charge. Speaking of, Hanji believed you dead and relayed that to the rest of us…Levi included.”

“…how did he react?”

“Bitter, cynical. The usual. But he didn’t question it because of the circumstances. Not because he had no faith in you,” Erwin added encouragingly.

“I very much look forward to surprising him with my return, then.”

“As do we all.”

A commotion stirred among the cadets and the two of them caught a feint glimpse of a flash out of the corners of their eyes.

“Something lit up?!” Mikasa hoped it was Eren.

“Just now inside the forest there was a flash for an instant!” Armin felt the same.

“We can assume it’s the light from Titan transformation!” Erwin shouted. He hadn’t forgotten that he technically wasn’t in charge but this had become second nature for him. “Everyone split up! Find Eren and take him back! We can assume that the enemies have already transformed into Titans! Battle is NOT the priority! No matter what retrieval MUST be prioritized!”

As they neared the forest entrance Titans began picking off members of the Military Police, as they made the easiest targets. Having never faced them before they had no sense of timing for using their gear to escape Titans or developed a sort of intuition for predicting their movements. Hannes ordered his soldiers to reroute to distract the Titans while the Survey Corps cadets entered the forest, Saskia leading them in the general direction that they ran off before she escaped. Not too far in they heard a Titan snarl.

“General,” Mikasa began, “are you able to fight? You aren’t injured, are you?”

“Even if I were injured I would still fight.”

“In other words no injuries bad enough to keep you from fighting,” Armin inferred.

With a tiny snicker she replied, “I may be crazy but I am no fool. I know my limits.”

“Any idea what we’re getting ourselves into?!” Jean cried. Historia’s mention of Marco, while meant to be encouraging, made it hard to focus on matters at hand.

“A forest, of course. Eren was rendered unconscious. Ymir-” She stopped midsentence when the group noticed a small Titan with disheveled hair and large black eyes perched right in front of them.

While some readied to attack Connie managed to cease any impending conflict, immediately recognizing the Titan as Ymir. As he tried to get her attention and her assistance in finding the other three she remained still, except for her eyes. Large onyx orbs quickly darted about scanning each and every one as they approached. It wasn’t until Historia joyously cried out her relief that the shifter moved. Before Saskia could warn her not to approach Ymir lunged for the blonde, trapping her behind her sharp fangs and then bolting away.

“She…ate Krista…” Connie gasped.

Jean let Historia’s message sink in. “Don’t just stand there! After her!”

“She’s working with Reiner and Bertholdt!” Armin exclaimed. “We got taken in by her!”

“Do you know anything about this Saskia?” Connie asked.

She nodded. “Yes, I do. But all you need to know is all you just witnessed. Historia is now a captive as well and Ymir is leading us to Reiner and Bertholdt. They coerced her into cooperating with them because they need Historia for something related to their mission as a whole! Ymir sided with them, knowing it would allow her to be with Historia!” She grit her teeth. _Now that I know where your loyalties lie…How easily manipulated you are…Controlled by your emotions…No regard for who you harm and what you destroy if it means having your precious princess all to yourself…You are indeed a monster._ “Now is not the time to discuss the matter further! Reiner was holding onto Eren but he has more of an advantage out here than the Colossal Titan would, so I am certain Bertholdt is now guarding him. Prepare to engage with the Armored Titan! But if you have the opportunity, do **NOT** hesitate to kill either of them!”

“General, I just can’t do that until I hear from them that they’re our enemies!” Connie shook his head. “Even if you heard it…I’m not calling you a liar, but I need to hear it too!”

“Yeah, same here,” Jean echoed. “So let’s find those bastards and get a confession!”

Another flash went off not far from where they were.

“The fact that they are going to fight us and take hostages is not enough of a confession?!” Saskia shouted. She was about to spit out some of the things she overheard until she realized that what Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt were doing reminded her of another trio she knew not long ago. They were acting under the orders of another with promise of a better life and they were struggling with schisms in their own moral character. She started to question her own stance on the matter but quickly uncovered the strongest difference between them- Isabel, Levi, and Farlan didn’t need to break down Wall Maria or the gate of the Trost District to meet their ultimate objective.

 _They spoke of taking me to their superiors. That it was time to move on to the next phase. They are allied with Annie. Annie infiltrated the Military Police. They infiltrated the Survey Corps. These two spoke of Historia’s family being part of the Wall Cult, which we learned from Pastor Nick…who receives his protection from the monarchy. But why would they want the assistance of someone affiliated with the Wall Cult if they tried to bring the walls down?_ Saskia narrowed her eyes as the Armored Titan came into full view. _Questions later. Kill now._

The Dancing Titan latched onto the Armored Titan’s back and Bertholdt quickly and awkwardly joined, Eren strapped to his back. Though large and cumbersome he was still quick enough to leave the forest and enter open terrain before they could get to him. Everyone stopped when they reached the end, save for one.

“Keep moving!” Saskia ordered as she dropped down to the outskirt of the forest, where the Garrison had rerouted the horses to. The cadets did the same, chasing after the huge shifter.

Erwin, still outside with the others, felt the ground tremble violently. Had he not been riding a warhouse the creature surely would’ve been so startled that it would buck and throw him off. He caught up with Saskia, who had taken the lead. “Update.”

“Ymir’s Titan took Historia. It has something to do with what the other two are after. Eren is unconscious and on Bertholdt’s back, who is currently hooked into the Armored Titan. The plan remains.”

“Agreed,” he nodded. Raising a blade he yelled, “All squads! Just go ahead and let the Titans follow you! COME WITH ME!”

“Erwin, you monster!” a member of the Military Police shouted from behind. “Are you planning to use us as decoys again?!”

“That’s not my intent!”

“Nor mine!” Saskia shouted back, reminding everyone who was in charge. “Despite your inexperience with Titans your branch is fighting nobly! You are fulfilling your duties as soldiers! Question the objective and you question your reason to fight in the place! Question your reason to fight and you have no right to call yourself a soldier! If you are in fact soldiers then you WILL see this mission through to the end at any cost, you WILL assist in the retrieval of our kidnapped cadets, and you WILL help in the slaughter of all Titans who oppose us!”

Riding side-by-side with Saskia and listening to her lead the three branches as one unit to save their cadets, Erwin had almost completely forgotten he too was a traitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About Marco- I've looked at that picture a bajillion times JUST to be sure. Though the corpse is covered in and surrounded by a bit of a black haze, you can see the outline of the bite on his head. From what I saw a chunk of his face was missing but the bite didn't go high enough to reach his brain and his neck was still intact. I do think that, even in human form, if a shifter has trained their ability enough, some of the regenerative power carries over and gives them the ability to survive after losing numerous body parts except for the heart, BOTH lungs, or the brain/brain stem. And let's not forget most of this shifter stuff is pseudo-science anyway.
> 
> Still no guesses on the book Ymir referred to in that dream of hers? What about Kseniya's book reference? Hint- it created sci-fi!


	36. The Road Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are taken from chapters 48-51
> 
> I'm so awkward with action scenes...Apologies in advance.

**Wall Rose, Trost Gateway, October 3 rd, 849, 5:28 PM**

“How can you sleep at night Commander Erwin?!”

“Was this expedition worth all the young lives lost?!”

“How can you be so apathetic?! Don’t you care that you’re tearing families apart?!”

Even before being promoted to Commander, Erwin was used to the heckling and harassment from civilians. He was far too collected of an individual to begin with, and deep down he firmly believed in every decision he made despite the outcome (sacrifices being no exception). Though the civilians had every right to be angry as many had lost loved ones they didn’t seem to understand it wasn’t the Survey Corps or Erwin who killed them- it was Titans. But they needed a scapegoat and he was happy to take on the role if it meant the other officers could be spared from it.

Hanji, who was riding not far behind shook her head. “I’ll never understand how he puts up with all of that.”

Levi, close enough to overhear, replied, “Have you forgotten who his sister is? He’s had plenty of practice tuning out bullshit.”

Saskia, within earshot, chuckled. “So you give me credit for preparing him to become our Commander? You of people should know I am impervious to flattery.”

“Must be convenient to have an orphan for a General and ‘former’ thug for a Lance Corporal! No one would miss them!”

Saskia’s expression quickly hardened and she and Levi faced forward, no more words exchanged until they reached the headquarters. Once they arrived she was strangely quiet. “That was…new,” she finally said after she hopped off of Iolana, heading towards the stables to tether her. “Creative,” she added with a slight, contemplative tilt of her head.

“You say it like it’s a good thing,” Levi muttered, following behind her with his own steed.

“No, not all.” Her smile looked forced. “Merely…looking for…that silver lining all things supposedly have.”

**Levi’s Office, 8:42 PM**

“Why do these damn officer reports require we list how many Titans we killed?” Levi tapped his pen on his desk. “As if we have time to keep count…” He heard the lock on his door come undone and it slowly creaked open. Saskia poked her head inside.

“Are you terribly busy? I have a question and it might take some time to answer, perhaps more than one night and you do appear busy so perhaps tonight isn’t the best night to pose the question in which case I should, no, I will-”

“For the love of God stop rambling and just come in, idiot.” He dropped the pen. “I need a distraction anyway.”

“Officer report?” She sat down on his couch and took off her jacket.

“Yeah, officer repo- Fold it. Don’t give me that look, fucking fold your jacket.”

She mumbled his command under her breath in a mocking tone as she complied. “Three solo kills, seven assists.”

“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” he smirked as he scribbled the numbers down. “What’s your pressing question?”

“…” She kicked a foot back and forth. “I was thinking about earlier, the comment on how no one would miss us.”

“You’re one of the last people I ever thought would be bothered by that.”

She shook her head. “That’s not it. Not quite. I started to wonder…I can already guess Erwin’s and Hanji’s reactions for the most part but despite how well I know you I cannot come up with a solid answer.”

“Answer to what?”

After brief hesitation she leaned back into the couch. “What would you do if I died?” she asked with a childlike curiosity.

Her question caught him off guard, as made evident by his attempt to prevent his facial expression from betraying his feelings. “That’s not something I think about on a regular basis. If it happens, it happens, and I’ll deal with it when that time comes.”

“Pretend it has,” she insisted.

“Where is all of this coming from? Why do you want to know? Why do you want me to think about it?” He was starting to get agitated.

“Because I can’t figure it out,” she replied simply, rolling her shoulders. “And there’s no one else who could give me a substantial answer. Well, perhaps Erwin, but I feel it would be…generic. ‘He would mourn and, to honor your memory he would let himself be inspired by your passion and dedication. That, among other things, would drive him to continue moving…ONWARD!’” She wrapped one arm around her stomach and slapped her other hand over her mouth. The pressure building from the laughter at her deliberately poor impression of Erwin, the laughter she was trying so desperately to contain, made her feel like she was going to burst. Levi couldn’t help but grin a little.

“You sure that isn’t bothering you? The ‘convenience’ comment?” He slowly raised a slender eyebrow at her.

“Of course I’m sure. I know better, as do we all, and I’ve heard similar comments made multiple times. I know I would be missed. What would you do? How would you show it?”

“Trying to get me to start planning?”

“Yes, and after you do I’m off to write my will,” she joked. “I am truly curious though.”

“Because you haven’t seen it before.”

Slowly she sucked in her breath through puckered lips. She didn’t want to bring up Isabel and Farlan for multiple reasons, the primary being reminding Levi that dreadful day. Even if he had come to terms with what happened she still treated it very delicately, arguably more delicately than she needed to. It was possible that was a reflection of some inner demon she had yet to wrestle with. “I didn’t want to word it like that because I felt it might lead to-”

“Isabel and Farlan. Why are you so apprehensive to talk about them? Yes, I got pissed off at you when you were congratulating me on my squad leadership but…What happened, the event itself, only haunts me in my dreams. Not the fact that it happened. Not what had happened. Now how or why or any of that. Just seeing it. That’s all.”

“For the same reason I haven’t told onii-chama about how Colleen helped raise me. After her death he vowed to never become romantically attached so…I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up because I don’t know how uncomfortable it might make him. We’re getting off subject though. What would you do?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know. You haven’t died yet. And I can’t give you an answer if you’re dead…so you’ll have to settle for that.”

She scrunched her face. “Really? That’s all?” she asked dubious and deadpan. “That’s all you have for me?”

“I already told you, it’s not something I think about. And I’m not gonna think about it until I have a reason to. But this I can tell you for certain. That fuckhead was wrong. You’d be missed, orphan or not. I would miss you. There, I said it. Good enough? ‘Cause you’re not getting it in writing.”

“Well, seeing as this is _you_ I am speaking with about an emotional topic, yes, I suppose that is good enough.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He wasn’t sure whether to be offended or not.

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. “When was the last time you and I, or you and anyone else had a serious conversation about your emotions?” She paused, leaned forward, and put a hand on the side of her mouth. “This is when you say ‘what emotions?’” she whispered loudly.

“You’re in the perfect spot for me to knee you in the jaw.”

**Present**

It wasn’t until he felt a sharp pain on his thumb did Levi realize he was crumpling the note was from Kenny, getting a papercut in the process. _Now I know. When you die, I get a papercut. How’s that for an answer?_

Many, even in the military, would say that romance can be a distraction. But if the couple is able to remain professional then it can be worth it, as it’s better to love and lose than never love at all. To never experience love, both giving it and receiving it, was something you would forever regret. It was one of the greatest risks worth taking. Levi wasn’t entirely sure he believed that. He enjoyed the romance and affection, strained as it had been at times. Saskia was never a ‘distraction’ because he knew her as a soldier long before he had feelings for her. He knew she could take care of herself; even if she wasn’t immune to death he trusted her skills and was able to focus on his own objectives. When they worked together they were damn near unstoppable and insurmountable in everything they took on, and everything that challenged them, but he could live without a work partner. The reality of it had yet to sink in so he wasn’t even in mourning until he realized the thing he had lost.

Despite having led an entire congregation built on lies and false hope, Pastor Nick still liked to think himself a virtuous man. His prayer earlier was genuine, hoping that Saskia’s immortal soul be pardoned for her blasphemous beliefs (or rather, lack thereof). He knew little outside of her public image but even the greenest of MP greenhorns tucked away in the safety of the capitol could sense a connection between she and Levi. As such, he was surprised to see no act of mourning from the man who had just been informed that his significant other was dead.

“It probably isn’t my place to say this-”

“Then don’t,” Levi interrupted briskly.

“Why are you not mourning your loss?”

“Why are you asking? My ‘loss’ is none of your damn business, old man.”

“If you truly loved her-”  He stopped mid-sentence as soon as he felt cold metal against his forehead.

“Are you so senile that you’ve forgotten basic grammar? ‘Loved’ is past tense. Just because she’s dead doesn’t mean my feelings for her are.” _I hate talking about feelings…_ “And there’s other ways to mourn than bawling like a whiny bitch over something I can’t control or change, whether I like it or not.” Levi exhaled heavily and tucked the pistol away. “If I didn’t truly love her I wouldn’tve told that Garrison fuckhead to show some God damn well earned respect and call her ‘General Saskia’, not just Saskia…as if he knew her. If I didn’t truly love her I wouldn’t still be here babysitting your wrinkly old ass because I wouldn’t care about finishing what _we_ started. And if I didn’t truly love her I wouldn’t have put a gun to your head just now. It wasn’t to make you shut up, though I’m glad it did. I know she’d fall over laughing if she saw it. She hates your church, she hates your God, she hates your holier-than-thou pretentious preaching and lectures about why we all suck at life, so by extension she hates you. What kind of significant other would I be if didn’t go out of my way to appeal to her sense of humor, especially at the expense of the safety of someone she despises and thinks to be a monster? If that’s not true love, I dunno what is.”

* * *

**Wall Maria, 4:56 PM**

The Dancing Titan managed to embed the very tips of its claws into the Armored Titan’s back, allowing the wound to close around its grip to secure its position. Though still wobbling and bouncing awkwardly with each step its means of transportation was taking, it pulled Historia out with its free hand sending spittle in every direction.

“Krista!” Bertholdt exclaimed as the petite blonde gagged on her own breath, no different than a newborn needing to be smacked to stimulate the respiratory system.

As she slowly came to her tiny blue eyes opened and were greeted by enormous onyxes. The Dancing Titan tightened its grip on her and she struggled about, despite knowing it was futile. Once she caught her breath she saw why the grip had tightened- the Titan form’s controller was pulling out from the nape and needed to ensure Historia wouldn’t fall while her control had been minimized.

“Ymir?!”

The shifter’s face still attached by what looked like tendons and she was struggling to breath in all the steam that was being released from the severing of her strings on the large, swift puppet. “Krista…No, Historia,” she managed as she pulled herself out further, shoulders visible. “I’m sorry. Suddenly swallowing you like that. You are mad, right?”

Historia looked around and saw Bertholdt, Eren on his back. “Ymir…What is this?! What are you doing?! We came to save you and Eren…”

“You didn’t need to!” the taller one yelled. “Just be still.” _Don’t know…how much longer…I can control the Titan arm…from outside. Can’t drop Historia…_ “I’m going along with Reiner and Bertholdt! You too! Come with me! There’s no future inside these walls!”

“What…?”

Ymir was becoming disoriented from trying to operate her Titan from the outside, losing strength faster than she anticipated. “‘It’d be better if you’d never been born.’ There’s nobody there that will say things like that, alright Krista? It’s not so bad outside the walls.”

Historia’s jaw dropped, eyes widening in shock. “Of course the Titans wouldn’t say something like that! AREN’T THEY WAY TOO BUSY TRYING TO EAT US?!” she screamed.

“Every…EVERYONG HAS A FAULT OR TWO, RIGHT?! IF YOU CAN JUST IGNORE THAT BIT, THEY AREN’T SO BAD!”

Even the deaf could tell this wasn’t Ymir speaking. She held no such stance despite what her actions seemed to imply. “What you’re saying, and what you’re doing…I CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL!” Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Bertholdt’s face, more anxious than usual. That was all she needed to piece the mystery together. “As I thought. You’re being threatened by Reiner and Bertholdt, right?” The Armored Titan grunted as if to express disagreement and Bertholdt tried to speak up and say the same but Historia ignored them both. “THAT IS IT, RIGHT?! YMIR?!” She paused for some sort of confirmation until she decided she didn’t need it. Regardless of what Ymir was doing or where her loyalties were invested, Historia already knew where she had placed her own. “I’LL FIGHT TOGETHER WITH YOU! SO RELEASE YOUR HAND! EVEN IF YOU HAVE YOUR REASONS AND THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN’T TELL ME! NO MATTER WHAT!” Tears began trickling down her cheeks, mixing with the thick coating of saliva. “ **I’M ON YOUR SIDE**!”

The hodgepodge cavalry of all three branches was starting to enter a range that would make combat feasible. It didn’t take long to figure out that if Ymir hadn’t waited for Historia and escaped immediately it would be impossible for them to be caught before nightfall. Their hope was dangling from a thin and fraying rope, but they still had a rope to cling to.

 _Why would they want to take a member of a Wall Cult family hostage if their aim has been to destroy the walls?_ Saskia bit her lip in frustration. _No. Far too simplistic. Whoever we are dealing with, whoever has the audacity to allow their underlings to infiltrate the Survey Corps with the intent of harming my cadets…I am going to rip out every single bit and piece of information before ripping out their limbs! I will strangle them with their own intestines after forcing them to watch their loved ones suffer the same fate! I-!_ Her macabre internal rant ended when she tasted copper liquid ooze onto her tongue. She had bitten through her lip. She licked the blood off and spat the pool out. She narrowed her eyes to try and sharpen her view. _Close. Dangerously close. Dangerous for them._ “Hannes!” She turned to her left. “Physically speaking you are in better condition than most of us and you have experience fighting Titans. I want you to move in and-”

“Say no more General!” he replied with a grin. Snapping his reins he yelled over his shoulder, “Those kids were my responsibility long before they were yours!” Upon reaching the five Hannes made his way up the Armored Titan’s back and tried to cut Eren loose. The contact was all that was needed to help him regain consciousness.

“Cadet Ackermann!” Saskia yelled and Mikasa was soon by her side. “Strong as he may be he is no Survey Corps soldier. Assist Hannes!” Mikasa gave no verbal response, only nodded. Saskia’s order couldn’t have been delivered any sooner, as the Dancing Titan cut Hannes’ cables seconds before the cadet had joined the fray. Out of the corner of her she noticed Erwin looking slightly pleased. “Why the look of triumph? While I am confident this mission will be a success, is it not a tad too early to celebrate?”

“That’s not it,” he said, regaining his composure. He hadn’t even realized the face he was making until she made mention of it. “It’s just nice to be reminded that I made the right decision.”

She frowned. “I have complete authority but I am not Commander-”

“You’re Acting Commander, and your exercising it well. How about we avoid another pointless argument on the subject focus on the objective at hand?”

She made a sound of annoyance similar to Levi’s signature click of the tongue. “If I am Acting Commander, you are to refrain from issuing orders.”

“It was a suggestion, not an order.”

Mikasa continued her assault, trying to break Eren free but the Armored Titan was covering the captive with one of its hands. The Dancing Titan swept an arm across its shoulder knocking Mikasa off. She quickly activated her gear to reassume position but slightly altered her strategy. _Like I thought. First…I have to kill Ymir!_

Historia jumped out. “Mikasa, wait!” she cried, though it came off more as a pathetic plea for mercy than a command so she could explain.

“Krista?!”

“Wait…DON’T KILL YMIR!”

“That depends on Ymir now, doesn’t it? I’m just killing people that get in my way! What are you going to do?! CHOOSE!”

“ **WAIT**!” Historia sucked in a deep breath. “Ymir will be killed if she doesn’t obey them! She has no choice!”

“There’s a limit to the lives that I can care about,” she replied coldly. “And that was already decided six years ago. So asking me for compassion is a mistake.” Her expression went from stoic to cruel. “After all, I have no heart or time to spare. Krista…Eren and Ymir. Which will it be? Will you get in my way as well?”

The Dancing Titan tried shoving Mikasa off again but Historia smacked its enormous forehead. “Ymir, stop it! Don’t resist! You will die! DON’T MOVE!”

Saskia smirked from the vanguard. “I need not even tell her and she did just as expected,” she said quietly to herself as she watched the rest of the 104th instigate combat. Mikasa’s rage-fueled monologue distracted the opponent granting them time to advance without interference. Capable as she was Mikasa also knew the value of strength in numbers and, as the General had said, she didn’t need to be told to create time for her comrades to join her. Saskia then turned to her brother. “Erwin. You know what we need to do now. Hannes is in perfect position to ensure the safety of the cadets. Time to forge a…temporary alliance.”

He nodded. “Let’s bring the Titans to them.”

Eren continued struggling despite Bertholdt begging him to stop. Jean and Mikasa were demanding he be released but Connie was able to wait retaking their captured comrade. He desperately needed confirmation, regardless of all he had seen and heard thus far.

“It’s a lie, isn’t it Bertholdt? Reiner? Were you fooling us all along up until now? That’s cruel…” _Sasha isn’t gonna take this well…if she’s even still alive…If Squad Leader Mike never came back, and he’s one of our strongest then Sasha’s chances of survival are…really, really low…_ He shoved the distracting thoughts of the unknown whereabouts of his best friend aside.

“Oi, oi, oi, are you guys trying to get away like this?” Jean was starting to crack under the pressure of the overwhelming burden that came from accepting the truth. “C’mon you guys…Aren’t we comrades that shared hardships under a single roof together, three years back…Bertholdt?” The shifter tried to tune him out but Jean continued. “It was so artistic, how terrible you looked when you were asleep! At some point, everyone started to look forward to your next masterpiece every morning, we’d even predict the weather that way…But…you…” An image of Marco’s remains flashed through his mind and he lost whatever composure he had left. “You sure slept quite soundly, didn’t you? Consider you were a perpetrator together with your victims.”

“Was it all a lie?! When we all pledged to survive…When we all said we’d all live to become old men, and drink together…all of that…was it a lie?” Connie was barely audible by that point.

Had Mikasa not sharply interrupted they would have continued on and on. “If you hesitate for even a moment we won’t be able to get Eren back anymore.” _Orders or not, that’s unacceptable! I’m not going to let that happen…even if I have to take them all on myself!_ “They are a plague upon mankind. And that is enough.”

Bertholdt struggled to find his voice. “Who…” he began softly, and then swallowed heavily. “WHO DO YOU THINK ACTUALLY WANTS TO KILL PEOPLE?! WHO LIKES DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS?! WHO DO YOU THINK WANTS TO DO THIS?! Being hated by people…it’d only be natural. What is done can’t be undone. But…we…couldn’t be forgiven. Only the time that we were acting as soldiers was enjoyable. IT WASN’T A LIE CONNIE, JEAN! IT’S TRUE THAT WE DECEIVED EVERYONE, BUT NOT EVERYTHING WAS A LIE!” _TURN AROUND! The true liar is right there…The one who gave us our orders in the Survey Corps. He’s the one you want. We just want to go home! But we can’t if we don’t…if don’t keep killing…if we don’t get Eren, maybe even General Saskia._ “I REALLY DID THINK OF US AS COMRADES!” _Even if that was dangerous…but it couldn’t be just the three of us forever…It would be too suspicious…and we DIDN’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE!_ “We…we have no way to apologize…but…somebody…please…somebody…I’m begging…” _I can’t do this anymore. Eating another human. Kidnapping innocent people who don’t even know why they’re targets._ “Somebody please find us…” It wasn’t until his voice cracked that he felt the warm tears running down his face.

 _Who is he trying to fool?_ “Bertholdt. Give Eren back.” _I won’t ask.  
_

He was too terrified of Mikasa to look at her. “I can’t. Somebody has to do it. Somebody…will have to stain their hands with blood.” _Why us? Why did it have to be us? They have so much power and influence…Why not strike directly?! Why be so secretive?! Why did they even give Saskia away in the first place?! If she’s so important didn’t he raise her himself?_

From the ground Hannes started shouting at them to vacate. Eyes forward and barely able to speak, all they caught after the command to leave was something about Erwin and Saskia, and disbelief about what they had done. Breathing heavily he yelled, “THEY BROUGHT ALL THE TITANS HERE! YOU GUYS, JUMP OFF AT ONCE!”

Saskia and Erwin were leading the Titans who had been following them all along, the ‘temporary allies’ she spoke of, straight to the Armored Titan.

“ALL UNITS, DISPERSE!” Erwin yelled as soon as the Titans were close enough to engage the enemy.

“PULL AWAY FROM THE TITANS!” Saskia watched as each and every one of the cadets who had been fighting dropped to the ground and got on their horses. Eren and Historia were not among them.

The Armored Titan began to plow its way through the swarm of man-eaters. The soldiers could do no more than watch as the Titans tried to tear it and the Dancing Titan apart, the former trying to break through while the later fended them off to protect Bertholdt, Eren, and Historia.

“What is this?!” Jean demanded. He suddenly felt completely helpless. “Is this Hell?”

“No,” Erwin said firmly. “This is the beginning!” He turned to Saskia, who still technically held the authority. She was reluctant to give the order, which he anticipated.

 _We prepared them for this. And the presence of their superiors increases survival odds. I have to trust them. Young…_ She draw a blade. “We bring Hell to them!” _Inexperienced…_ “ALL UNITS!” _But brave, dedicated, passionate about this cause that has united the three branches under one common goal..._ “ **CHARGE**!” _To watch these traitors burn!_ She didn’t hesitate to advance but the rest were confused by the order, especially one coming from the officer who strived to prevent taking measures such as this.

Erwin looked over their shoulder and saw a disturbing mix of fright, apprehension, and insecurity. “THE FATE OF MANKIND’S EXISTENCE WILL BE DECIDED BY THIS MOMENT! WITHOUT EREN, THE FUTURE WHERE MANKIND CAN INHABIT THE EARTH **WILL NEVER COME**!”

It came full circle. Though she was issuing the commands she and Erwin had, for the first time, put their differences in ideal leadership aside. She was prepared to make sacrifices she never in her wildest dreams would’ve considered an option and he was appealing not only the sense of duty instilled in them but their emotional being. They moved forward, catching up to the Acting Commander of the Survey Corps.

“WE WILL TAKE BACK EREN AND RETURN IMMEDIATELY!” she continued. “HE IS OUR PRIORITY! THE TITANS WE LED HERE WILL DESTROY THE TRAITORS FOR US! DO NOT EXPEND ANY ENERGY, BLADES, OR GAS ON ENGAGING THEM UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! FOCUS ON EREN AND ONLY EREN!”

Only the Survey Corps had advanced. The Military Police watched as they raced off, starting to grasp an understanding of why they continued to fight despite their countless losses and lack of faith the people had in them. This didn’t stop them from questioning their sanity, nor did it stop the Titans from devouring the distracted MP soldiers.

Jean’s eyes widened. “There it is! He released his hands!”

“Now is our chance!”

“Oi, Mikasa! Can’t you see the Titans all around?! Would anyone even be able to get over there? Slipping through amongst all those Titans…”

“She is getting ready to make a reckless move again.” Saskia narrowed her eyes.

“She no doubt plans to move ahead of us and rescue Eren alone. Your orders?”

“We need to keep them from engaging, but if any extreme sacrifices are to be made they must be made by us. They are the future of the Survey Corps. I made you a promise, Comm- Erwin. I promised that I would do everything in my power to keep it intact. But power is not something measured in quantity, only quality. You trust me as a qualified individual to exercise aforementioned power and I will do so using means and methods that will not only keep our branch together but make our spineless enemies tremble in fright whenever they hear the words ‘Survey Corps’. You and I shall move forward to distract the Titans, allowing them time and opportunity to take Eren back.”

“I don’t know how he does it, but all Levi needs to do is say ‘stay rational’ and you do. I sincerely doubt anyone else can boast the same ability.”

“Are you calling your Acting Commander irrational?”

“No.” He drew a blade, ready to raise. “Restless and unorthodox. I’m prepared to advance.”

“Issue the command.”

Seconds after the words passed his lips, a pair of even larger lips wrapped around his right shoulder. They teeth hidden behind them plucked the limb from out of its socket like the delicate wing of a butterfly.

She didn’t remember how or when, having blacked out from the shock, but the next thing Saskia knew she was standing on its back. Its flesh had been shredded layer by layer, its eyes gauged out, its elbows and ankles severed, and she had two blades deeply embedded in its neck carving through the nape like a thick cut of meat. One would have to strain their eyes to see any part of her body that wasn’t coated in evaporating blood. Her own blood pumped wildly, heart rate far beyond a healthy measure. Her eyes were feral. Naturally, she was still smiling.

The troops began to slow down but with the Titan slain he would be freed soon enough. “ADVANCE!” he repeated as Saskia flew off to kill a handful that were advancing upon them. “EREN’S RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES! **ADVANCE**!”

They wanted to question the command but, distracted as she was, the Acting Commander didn’t say otherwise. The cadets realized the two deliberately put themselves in harm’s way so they could get to Eren. The other officers were being picked off their horses like grapes plucked from the vine, crushing them into a fine red wine. They couldn’t allow their sacrifices to be in vain and rushed forward, ganging up on the shifters once more. Only this time they were all surrounded by actual Titans.

“Saskia, they’re going to be distracted by conversation again,” Erwin managed as he rose to his feet, clutching the vacant socket in a vain attempt to slow the bleeding. Crimson seeped between his flexed fingers. “You’re still strong enough to keep fighting them in huge numbers. I can’t, not like this.”

“If you requesting permission for what I think you are…” Saskia looked down at him from the shoulder of a Titan she had just lodged into. Before it could grab her she swung around its back, slicing through the weak spot in the process, and jumped back down to the ground. Breathing heavily she put a hand on his uninjured shoulder. “I trust your judgment. You cannot stay here and fight these large numbers. If you believe yourself strong enough to continue on as planned, continue on as planned! Stop them from engaging in trivial prattling, trying to appeal to whatever emotionality they are possessed into thinking the traitors have. **Save my cadets** …” She looked at where his right arm once was, tore some fabric from her cape, and quickly wrapped it around the horrific wound as tight as she could. The bleeding wouldn’t slow by any noticeable measure but it was slightly covered, leaving it less likely to infection. “ **By any means you deem necessary**.”

 _I never thought I would hear her say that…_ “Even if it means my life?”

“Especially if it means your life. Willingness to go to such lengths reflects your awareness of how dire the situation is. Far be it from me to interfere with your natural fighting style in what may very well be your last battle.”

Armin had just finished telling Bertholdt that Annie was being held captive as well, deep underground in the Utopia District where she was subject to the most inhumane methods of torture. He lost his mind, changing from the shy and mild-mannered soldier they had known him to be to a raving lunatic. In his fit of madness he was completely open and vulnerable. His rant was interrupted by a deep laceration from his sternum to his shoulder.

 _You should have known better than to act on your own._ Though Erwin dare not articulate it as he would expose himself Bertholdt could tell by the vicious glare he was not only angry because of the disobedience, but livid after the kidnapping. Knowing how desperate they were to return home there was no doubt in his mind that they would’ve taken Saskia straight to his two superiors. Not until he had the chance to tell her the truth would he allow her to go anywhere near them, regardless of the repercussions it would have on their relationship. It was one of the many sacrifices he deemed necessary to take.

In injuring Bertholdt, the strap keeping Eren tied to his back was severed and he began to plummet. Mikasa leapt and caught him before he could hit the ground, and the cadets along with Erwin rejoined the soldiers below. Saskia and the rest at ground level saw the descent and took that as a sign of success and the signal for a retreat. In the commotion trailing behind them Historia, after successfully killing her first Titan, and dropped down near the others. Connie grabbed her but she insisted he let her go as Ymir’s life was in danger if she ceased compliance, but he refused.

“No matter how you think about it, the chances of both of you dying are higher if you stay here now, right? Even an idiot like me can understand that much.” She wanted to continue arguing but an enormous shadow looming over the pair silenced them both.

Jean looked over his shoulder. “Reiner, that bastard…HE’S TOSSING TITANS AT US!” _Just how desperate are these assholes?_

They did their best to avoid the projectiles but one landed close enough to Mikasa’s horse, knocking her and Eren off. She scrambled to undo the binding on his wrists but stopped and stared when they both saw an all too familiar Titan advancing upon them- the one that killed Eren’s mother. Though she was no sturdy shield Mikasa was the only thing standing in between the abomination and the one she cared about above all else. She would gladly give her life if it meant protecting him. But so did Hannes, who jumped in between the hand reaching for Mikasa and the adolescent herself, slicing off its fingertips.

As he did his best to protect them, the Dancing Titan caught sight of the recently released soldier whose status as Commander had temporarily been revoked. Not far off was the Acting Commander with whom he collaborated. _It’s all your fault, isn’t it?!_ Inside her Titan, Ymir glowered. It was about to throw Erwin off of his horse but instead reached for the Titan following behind him and tore its head off with its ungodly sharp fangs. _This is trouble…What should I do? If Reiner’s done for, then…should I help the Survey Corps and cut out of here?! But then what would I do after that? Even if I survived this there’d be no avoiding the hell that the inside of the walls will soon become. But I won’t be able to protect her to the end with my power! Now’s the only time to send Historia over to that side…_

Historia finally freed herself from Connie and leapt onto the Dancing Titan’s head, screaming at Ymir about everything she’d said in the past about living for herself and no one else. Erwin had been cornered and, due to blood loss and the subsequent fatigue, could no longer stand or fight. Armin was attempting to help Jean when he saw Hannes’ lower half ripped off by the Titan who had killed Eren’s mother. Eren was beginning to go ballistic, ranting and crying about how helpless and useless he was. Saskia was running on instinct and adrenaline, moving from Titan to Titan to try and keep the perimeter clear; she left the Titans already inside the invisible perimeter she created to those still able to fight.

Mikasa managed to get Eren onto his feet and channel that fire of his into something other than self-destructive. The Titan seemed very intent on taking Eren and Mikasa, almost as if it had been waiting for six years. It reached out again but this time Eren slammed a right hook into its palm, which seemed to have done some damage even if on a minute level. He reassumed his stance, ready to deliver another hit. Right behind him a Titan took the same stance and as Eren punched the air the Titan behind him lunged, tackling the other one to the ground. In a fraction of a second all other Titans ceased what they were doing, some with letting the mangled corpses dangling from their mouths drop to the ground, and charged to join the one Eren seemingly commanded.

As badly as everyone wanted to stare in awe and shock as the Titan who inspired Eren’s inevitable joining the military was finally killed. But now was the opportunity to leave, perhaps the only one they would have. Inside the Armored Titan, Reiner was cursing Grisha again and again for having given the coordinate ability to Eren. One by one everyone in the ring they belonged to began to doubt whether or not it was an accident that it was given to Eren. After Erwin set him free instead of allowing Reiner and Bertholdt to take him and Saskia to their superiors he had no reason to doubt it any longer. And after having taken matters into their own hands and undermining the authority Erwin was supposed to secretly hold over he and Bertholdt, the man’s true colors were showing.

Be it a recent change or an act from the start Erwin was pretending to work for Kenny and Isamu. The most likely reason was to stay close to Saskia and tell her everything about the Living Weapon project to bring it down. He was the true infiltrator, and the shifter who possessed the coordinate ability and the result of the Living Weapon project were under his command, supervision, and protection. Having gone so far as to let his arm be eaten off during the rescue effort it became quite clear that a change of plans was in order, and though neither Bertholdt nor Reiner would be able to directly contact their superiors anytime soon they would take action as soon as they learned about the injury. Whatever was to become of their former Commander no longer mattered though; first they had to focus on surviving Wall Maria before they could even think about what they could do in order to get back to their village.

 _If one of those Titans were to eat Bertholdt, we would have new Colossal Titan_ , Erwin realized. _One over whom we have no control or any sort of established history. Those two…need to survive Wall Maria. We can’t afford to have a new Armored or Colossal Titan. We can’t afford to have an Armored or Colossal Titan period. Not anymore. I knew they would cave eventually and try to return home but I never thought they would kidnap Eren and Saskia to make it happen._ Even if he didn’t have an emotional attachment to Saskia he had to return with her alive. Even if he didn’t care about the Survey Corps at all there was one thing he did care about- his father, a man who died because he uncovered a dangerous truth. That truth was essential to bringing down a government whose priorities didn’t involve the survival of humanity as a whole. Saskia knew bits of that story, she knew about the pre-Titan world, and she believed that the knowledge of the past would secure their future. No matter who Erwin took orders from he would always be on the side of humanity, even if it required him to enable the enemy.

There was only one way to decrease the odds of his concerns about new shifters becoming reality. As Saskia called the retreat Erwin glanced at Historia and the Dancing Titan.

“Ymir?” the blonde asked as she noticed the shifter’s attention divert to their former comrades.

“Yo! You ugly hag!” Connie called impatiently. “What are you doing? Let’s hurry back!”

A large clawed finger fell on top of Historia’s head, stroking a gently as her Titan form possibly could. “So…rry…” it murmured, leaving behind a numb Historia. Had Connie not pulled on the reigns of her horse she may never have rejoined what remained of the battalion.

**Wall Rose, Trost District, 9:33 PM**

Garrison, Survey Corps, and Military Police soldiers scrambled to get the injured to the very top and begin treatment promptly. Rico Brzenska forced a disoriented Historia to hydrate, Connie almost collapsed from fatigue, and Mikasa was put on a stretcher to have her injuries examined.

“Commander?! Commander?! Can you hear me?!”

“Shit, he’s losing consciousness!”

_SMACK!_

“Erwin Smith, you had best remain conscious or so help me- How dare you close your eyes when I am speaking to you?! As Acting Commander I order you to-!”

“General! That isn’t going to help!” One of the lesser officers pulled Saskia away from Erwin so he could be put on a stretcher. Being pulled by the arm sent a painful jolt throughout her system, starting in the forearm. It barreled through every layer of skin, swan through every river of blood, bit through every worn muscle, and punched every hyperactive organ.

Saskia almost doubled over but firmly held her ground on shaking legs. “Shut up!” she yelled. “Yes it will!”

“No, it won’t! HURRY UP AND TAKE HIM AWAY!”

“You…you dare defy your superior?! Bring him back here! BRING HIM BACK RIGHT NOW!”

“General!” The officer hooked her arms under Saskia’s underarms and held tightly as she struggled to break free, demanding that both she and Erwin be released. She refused to believe Erwin, her Commander and older brother, had been reduced to such a state. “General, you need to calm down so your own injuries can be taken care of!”

“I have returned to these walls with far more than a sprained wrist! Now let me go!”

“You don’t have a sprained wrist!”

Saskia looked at her left arm and hand, having felt the familiar pain before but brushed it off as a sprain. If Erwin could fight with one arm surely she could fight with a sprain. What she hadn’t realized, in her continuing to fight, was that the ‘sprain’ was actually a small break near the wrist. In handling Iolana’s reigns, climbing the wall, and smacking Erwin in the face she agitated it further. The bone was starting to poke out of the skin. She immediately ceased and inspected further. With Erwin both in custody and injured, Levi still recovering, and she now having sustained great damage the leadership of the Survey Corps was completely compromised.

“General, you need to have that treated, _now_.”

She said nothing, allowing herself to be dragged along to have the fracture examined. Coming down from her hysterical fit and beginning to succumb to her fatigue she weakly muttered, “If he does not survive…I will return to Maria myself, find the traitors, and annihilate them…”

“General,” the medic said softly, “try not to speak. This needs to be set…Do we have something we can put between her teeth?”

To the surprise of those in earshot Saskia laughed. It was a bitter, cynical laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. With hazy eyes she replied, “Eren’s thumb.”

The injured were loaded onto carts and ushered to the lifts where they were taken down one-by-one. A Survey Corps soldier went to get Levi and Pastor Nick so he could rejoin his men, the clergyman going back into Survey Corps custody. The casualty numbers had been relayed at his request though the soldier was reluctant to give them. At the bottom of the lift he saw Erwin, on the verge of a coma and one arm gone.

“A Titan finally got to him,” he said quietly. “I wonder how many will collect winnings on that bet?” He watched the parade of injuries go by, waiting for a cart that had enough space for another passenger. The seventh to come down was carrying a hunched over Jean with a few supplies next to him. He was looking down, lips moving, talking to whoever was in there. He looked up for a brief moment and noticed the Lance Corporal, smiling in relief and waving for him to come over. Curious he followed the cart and got in. Saskia was lying on her back and Jean was holding her arm with strained caution to keep the makeshift sling in place, even though it was unnecessary. After having told she had been killed he insisted, needing something tangible to remind him that there was one less soldier lost.

“Get out Kirschstein,” he quickly ordered. “I can take over. I need to be off my feet anyway.” Jean nodded and hopped out to assist wherever he could, having been one of the few fortunate to walk away with no severe injury (by Survey Corps standard).

“‘I need to be off my feet anyway’,” a soft mocking voice, accompanied by a mocking grin murmured. “Old man. When we get back home, will you still sign my cast?”

“Of course,” he replied quietly, then sarcastically added, “I’ll even draw a smiley face this time.”

Saskia exhaled slowly but heavily. “I don’t ever want to do that again. I can’t do this Levi. I just can’t. Acting Commander…” She shook her head.

“And I can’t do it alone. Remember the promise you made to Erwin? Are you gonna back out? Give up on the Survey Corps?”

“He trusted me to be able to lead them but I…” Her voice tapered off. “I was so caught up in trying to figure out the right moves to make, asking myself ‘What would Erwin do?’, that I didn’t notice the Titan next to us. He’ll never admit it, of that I am certain, but he gave his arm-”

“So you wouldn’t die. Even while being treated he’s still in Military Police custody. Had you been eaten everything would fall on me and…You already know where I’m going with this. That aside, I’m not a natural born leader to begin with.”

“And I am?” She used the back of her free hand to wipe her glistening eyes. Now was not the time to be seen crying, especially after her hysterical outburst.

“He trusted us for a reason.”

“He had no other choice,” she snapped. “There is no one else he could hand over the authority to. Especially not with a right hand and left hand readily available.”

“We shouldn’t be arguing right now,” he said firmly.

Her brow formed a deep v-shape. “Why? Because I’m injured and mildly hysterical? Because it’s essentially a pointless argument, but I’m too shaken and angry to care?”

“Lower your damn voice.” He knelt down by her uninjured arm and tightly squeezed her free hand. He tried his hardest not to blink for fear that she might not be there when he opened his eyes. “For the last few hours I thought you were dead.” His voice was void of emotion. “I was…starting to mentally prepare myself for what that meant. What that would be like. I’m still coming down from that. I don’t want to argue with you because it makes it difficult, _you_ make it _very difficult_ , to let me celebrate the fact that you’re still alive.”

She swallowed back a swelling lump in her throat. “I’m scared. I’m scared of being expected to wield authority that I shouldn’t even have in the first place,” she whispered loudly.

“I told Erwin that you would crack under the pressure from having to do that. I told him…I didn’t think you could handle it. And honestly Saskia, I still can’t say I do,” he admitted with no shame. If she was insulted by that sentiment she had no right to complain about the position she was in, literally and figuratively. “Not completely. But he told me that part of the reason he was so confident in your ability to do the thing you dread most, having more authority than you can handle, is because the Survey Corps is under attack. You’ve spent your entire life being a part of it. And you don’t take very kindly to the Survey Corps being threatened. Hell, you think Nile is a traitor for transferring out of the Survey Corps. Are you even listening to yourself? You said ‘when we get back home’. You called headquarters ‘home’. Erwin also said that because of how protective you are of the Survey Corps, you can be objective when cornered. Do you feel cornered right now?”

“I sincerely hope that was rhetorical.” Her eyelids began to flicker, feeling heavier than lead.

“Then prove me wrong. Show me that you’ll do whatever it takes to win this war.”

“I did something very…very unlike me. I told Erwin that he and I had to be ready to die to ensure the cadets could do their job, as they are our future.” Her voice was drowsy but she forced herself to stay awake. “And after his arm was torn off, something I don’t remember as I blacked out when it happened, he wanted to help them knowing he was of no use to me missing his limb. ‘By any means you deem necessary’, ‘especially if it means your life’. I even said something about how that was the best way for him to act as it may very well be his last battle. But I didn’t do it to appeal to his logic. That too was my way of thinking.” Try as she might she couldn’t fight yawning.

“And the fact that you did that, that you can make those decisions, scares the shit out of you because it goes against everything you’ve ever done, known, and believed. Guess what? The war isn’t going to wait for you to get comfortable in your new role. Suck it up. No battle was won by crying and complaining.”

“…reluctant heroes?”

He sighed again, this time out of annoyance. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you this entire time. Get some rest. You look like shit and we’ve got a long ride back.”


	37. The First Strike

**Wall Rose, Klorva District, July 17 th, 8:31 AM   
**

After the pursuit within Maria, Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackley issued an order to the Military Police that all soldiers involved be allowed opportunity for three-day long relief of duty to recover from the trauma. Even if they hadn’t gone over the wall and fight Titans the deaths of their comrades left many shaken. It was the perfect ruse to grant Hitch time to deliver an update to her superiors. 

The interior in its entirety was a cesspool of rumor and gossip with much of it centering around Erwin ‘finally’ losing an arm; it was his comeuppance for causing the death of so many young lives. As a ‘firsthand witness’ under his control Hitch was obligated to make sure Kenny knew fact from fiction. 

She slipped into an alleyway where a dark figure waited, leaning against the wall. His hat was tipped down low; he didn’t like the lowest of the low in his armada of peons to see his face. She gave a salutary nod and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the same wall but keeping a respectable distance. “He did lose his arm, that’s true,” she began. “Some think he did it to protect the General.” 

“Well, there’s one thing he did right. What about her injuries?” 

“Is Maki-san upset about that?” 

“What do you think?” Kenny snapped. “She’s his pet project, his pride and joy.” 

“A broken arm. She and Erwin were treated right away at the Survey Corps headquarters, but he was transferred to a building under MP supervision immediately after. He is still in custody, after all.” 

“And the shithead shifters?” 

“I don’t know. But I don’t think he gave an order for them to reveal themselves. It would’ve been too risky for him, especially if he had to put himself in a position where his life was on the line. With the General present, that is. He’s supposed to watch over her. They had kidnapped Eren and another Survey Corps cadet who turned out to be a shifter. Historia was raising a fuss about not having rescued her. One can’t help but wonder…” 

“Another shifter, eh? Not one of ours. They were probably desperate to get home and wanted to turn in Eren to be relieved of duty. Wonder why that other kid was significant…Must have something to do with Historia thinking her to be so damn important.” 

“They also kidnapped the General. Probably for the same reasons, if you’re right.” 

“They did _what_? Isamu is gonna order their execution for that.” He paused. “Then again, it might not be too early to take her in. And Erwin still has his uses despite losing a limb. Tell ya what. You’re pretty damn good at gathering necessary intel. Interested in a promotion? You heard about the other traitor of ours, right?” 

“Kseniya.” 

“Replace her. I’ll whip up something to have you switched from placement in Stohess to the Central Military Police as a cover for your future activity. Sound good?” 

Hitch’s eyes lit up. She too had answered to Kseniya, keeping an eye on Annie whenever the brunette wasn’t around and occasionally contacting Erwin for Kenny. Considering her disdain for Kseniya she couldn’t think of a greater honor than replacing her. “Yes, absolutely, I’ll do it!” she whispered loudly, overwhelmed with enthusiasm. She had worked hard to get in Kenny’s good graces, having the chance to work for him now and then when those above her were unavailable, and dreamed of the day she’d rise in their ranks. 

“Excellent. I won’t need to clear it with the others; that spot needs to be filled and you know enough about the job to do it…meeting basic satisfactory standards, that is. Hopefully you pick up on it as quickly as Kseniya did.” 

_Funny…I almost shot her. Wouldn’tve been a big loss if I actually had!_ she internally squealed. “I promise I won’t let you down, sir. There is something I’ve been wondering, though.” 

“I can only tell you so much.” 

“Yes, I know. It’s not something anyone can give an exact answer to. Not yet at least. What do you think the General will do now?” 

“How do you mean?” 

“She and the Lance Corporal are Acting Commanders because Erwin is still in MP custody. But everyone says she doesn’t like to be in positions of authority. Do you think she’ll step down? Or stay where she is to ‘see it through’, whatever she thinks ‘it’ is?” 

_I know exactly what ‘it’ is. No doubt Erwin does too…Which is exactly why he’s still useful to us. He’s too attached to the kid. She knows we’re keeping an eye on her. She knows we know about her. Might know about the connection between breaking the walls the Living Weapon. Rod wiped her memory of that night we met her, but being around Historia might undo that. She might start to remember what that dumbass told her…That could work in our favor too._ “She doesn’t like the pressure or the attention. Erwin confirmed that. But the Survey Corps is her home and she’d do anything to protect it. He’s confirmed that too. Do you know what the difference between bees and hornets is?” 

“What’s that?” 

“Bees tend to avoid threats, just going about their business. Their best weapon, their only defense, kills them. Hornets fly wherever they want whenever they want and if something gets in their way they attack. Right now we might look like the bees nest she’s trying to keep from poking, but in truth she’s a hornet we’ve been provoking for quite some time. She’s gonna make the next move. The real question isn’t what she’ll do. We know what she’ll do. It’s whether or not she’s ready to do it. Have we provoked that bug enough?” 

“I don’t follow, sir.” 

“What agitated hornets do. If she’s ready to sting. She’s lost two seemingly loyal cadets -one who had a dangerous respect for her-, another cadet whose motives we don’t know but has some connection to the Reiss kid, her ‘brother’ lost an arm to a Titan and may have been trying to protect her in the process. If that turns out to be true she’ll start hunting. Not to mention the other Acting Commander is injured as well. The Survey Corps is weak but she could never accept that as possible.” 

“Is is true about them? About Saskia and Levi?” 

“It is. We never planned for it but…With five minds working together we’ll find a use for it. We already found one for her mother once she became a thorn in our side.” 

“May I make a suggestion sir?” 

“I’m listening.” Kenny pulled a cigarette and matchbox out of his pocket. 

“She’s already afraid of losing more, I bet. The Survey Corps, what’s left of it, is all she has, right? Wrong. She’s got him. Her relationship is part of the Survey Corps because they work together but she’d still have him if it fell apart. So sabotage it. Break them up. Destroy the trust between them.” 

“What will that accomplish? Not that I’m opposed to breaking that little shit’s heart.” 

“Her priorities. She can’t have it all.” 

“Pick between Levi and the Survey Corps. I like it.” He exhaled, wisps of dark smoke crawling from his lips. 

Hitch coughed lightly and shook her head. “No sir. The Lance Corporal she has to work alongside to keep the Survey Corps together or her lover. If she really is that dedicated to the Survey Corps she’d try to keep both but Levi can act on his own if he feels his trust has been betrayed. Let’s pretend she found out about why Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie did what they did. She’d see them as victims of circumstance, right?” 

“Yeah…” 

“And two of them are her cadets. She’d want them back, to protect them. Along with the one connected to Historia, perhaps at Historia’s request. So much pressure. Right?” 

“She would.” 

“And if they’re all stuck in Maria she’ll need some help finding them. Get their attention. She can do that. All she has to do is go into the Survey Corps Headquarters’ basement. All she needs is a scream.” 

“She needs Annie.” 

“Do you think Levi her lover _or_ Lance Corporal Levi would be happy with her using the girl who killed his squad to find the two traitors? If we can find a way to push her into taking that course of action…” 

“Like I said.” He finished his cigarette and flicked it onto the ground, stamping on it with his boot. “Erwin still has his uses. Don’t follow his example though. Do nothing, say nothing until you hear from us.” He tilted his head in parting. “See ya around kid,” he said as he walked by his new informant and saboteur. After leaving the alley he found the carriage he arrived in, his four comrades crammed inside. 

“She’s perfect for replacing Kseniya, minus the translator part. And she had a brilliant plan. I suggest we put it into action right away.” 

“And after it’s been seen through?” Shardis tapped on the window and the driver snapped the reigns, taking them back to Sina. 

“She’ll know too much and she’s too clever. Put her down like the mangy mutt she is,” Kenny replied with a smirk. 

“How is Saskia?” Isamu asked. 

“Alive. Injured, but alive. Sounds like Erwin took a hit for her. Did he do it because of the project, or to protect his ‘sister’? That’s what we need to be asking ourselves right now.” 

“What do you propose be done with him?” 

Kenny raised an eyebrow. “Before we talk about Erwin, let’s talk about the night we met Saskia. The night you spoke to her. She’s spending enough time around your bastard to have her memories restored. Again Rod, verbatim, what did you tell her?” 

**Elsewhere in Klorva**

Kseniya sat down at Marco’s makeshift table, a mug of coffee in her hands. “They’re gonna do something, I know it. Erwin’s not a plaything, he’s valuable to them. Whatever happened out there with the Armored Titan and Colossal Titan, Erwin losing his arm, Saskia breaking hers, none of it was planned. Not by those five.” Leg bouncing nervously as she took a slow and steady sip, wincing at the temperature, she couldn’t help but think of Annie still presumably trapped in crystal and held captive. “They’ll make a move. They’ll do something, probably to Erwin. He knows it too, he’ll see it coming. He’ll probably take advantage of what happened to tell Saskia before something can happen to him or her-” 

“Kseniya,” Marco abruptly cut her off, voice calm and collected. “This is out of your control and quite frankly, not something you should be concerning yourself with. Not what they’re going to do.” 

“Are you kidding me?” she asked dubiously. “I used to work for them, I know what they’re like.” 

“I know, so let me finish.” He stood next to her and gave her a reassuring look. “Don’t think about what they’re going to do. Think about what we can do. If Erwin did ‘go rogue’ like you seem to think then maybe this is the chance I’ve been waiting for and something you can take advantage of. We could get in touch with them and tell them what we know. They can use that information to prepare themselves before your former bosses ‘strike’.” 

She forced a laugh. “If this wasn’t a matter of life and death I’d call your naivety precious. You have no idea just how much power they have. And the Survey Corps has been crippled…Literally crippled! The three most powerful people in that branch have suffered a major injury. Erwin is still in MP custody because his trial keeps being pushed back. Not to mention…I think Saskia might do something stupid.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“The Military Police is tearing the Survey Corps apart. She hates the MP and the SC is her home. But she’s not a good leader. According to Erwin, anyway. He’d know better than anyone else though. And if she’s Acting Commander she might take that authority and do something reckless and impulsive if she thinks it means she can protect the Survey Corps. And she’s so forgiving and understanding, Erwin’s words again, that…If Reiner and Bertholdt explained their situation and apologized…Would she take them back? I don’t know. But if she did the Survey Corps would be accused of harboring fugitives and the other soldiers would turn on her for taking in traitors but if she thinks she’s protecting innocent people…That’s the kind of thing she does. Based on what Erwin reported and Kenny had relayed to me she’ll do things like that.” 

“…maybe that isn’t so bad…They don’t have a lot of manpower now so their strength would lie in intelligence. Erwin holds a lot of information on the enemy, but so do Reiner and Bertholdt. So does Annie. And if I were them I’d be more than happy to share what I know about the enemy to the people they’re targeting. Maybe not ally with them but tell them what I know.” 

She dropped her chin on a folded fist. “That sounds so crazy,” she breathed. “But this is such a desperate situation for them to find themselves in. I bet Erwin gave her that authority so she _would_ do something reckless, which would give him an excuse to tell her the truth without looking like a complete asshole. I doubt she’d go that far though. She’s with Levi. Annie killed his squad. And with Annie being an ally of Reiner and Bertholdt…If she helps those two, she helps Annie. I’ve never been a squad leader but I’ve been something similar. I had people work under me and I looked out for those people, pretending to be a sadistic bitch. Regardless of whether or not I really did see them as disposable playthings or valuable human lives I wouldn’t be too happy about a traitor rejoining us, especially if that traitor screwed over those under my command.” 

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Still, it doesn’t feel right to keep all of this to ourselves.” 

“It isn’t right. But that doesn’t make revealing it all any more okay.” She kicked at the ground. “I need some air.” 

Marco nodded. “Just be careful going outside.” 

“I’ll be in the alley. If anyone sees me there…” She slipped into her shoes and threw on her jacket, faint outlines of where her badges were once proudly displayed on the shoulders and back. “I’ll deal with them. Don’t worry, if I have to take a life or two then I’ll book it. I won’t let them find you because of me.” 

“That’s not reassuring…” he replied nervously. 

Kseniya sighed and shrugged as she opened the door. “Best I can offer,” she said before taking a peak outside to ensure she was in the clear. She quickly closed the door and turned the corner into the shadows of the alleyway, back rigid as she moved slowly along the wall. Not far off she could hear an uncomfortably familiar chuckle, which sounded more arrogant than usual. 

“What is she doing here?” she whispered quietly as a hand dove into her pocket, reaching for her switchblade. She followed the laugh to its source, breathing quietly and remaining as still as possible as she listened for her chance to strike. 

Marco didn’t know Kseniya very well but he knew she had a long standing history working under their former superiors as one of the best. She was crafty, resourceful, and dangerous. While those traits had kept her alive they were a double-edged sword; she didn’t have a short temper and she wasn’t rash but she did have strong sense of justice and honor, even if it manifested in strange ways. And he knew that, though she advised against it, she was starting to consider approaching the Survey Corps soon to share all she knew. They would have no reason to believe her and she knew that but she was desperate to stop their powerful and well-organized enemy. Desperation combined with the saboteur’s skill set would cloud her judgment and her hesitation to act would deteriorate quickly. 

When Kseniya returned to Marco’s home she didn’t bother explaining why she had blood on her hands, nor did she take the time to remove it. Without a word she took her rifle and left. Marco felt no need to ask, knowing she wouldn’t have engaged in a fight resulting in bloodshed without reason. And whatever that reason was it forced her to leave. A part of him intuited that, as their agendas seemed to align more than before they would meet again soon enough; he had a sneaking suspicion that the circumstances would be the polar opposite of ideal though. 

Glancing down at the table he said quietly to himself, “She didn’t even finish her coffee. More for me.” He looked at the door. “Good luck. Stay safe.” 

**Survey Corps Headquarters, Medical Wing, 9:12 AM**

“Did they have to take him?” 

“It was either that or keep him here with a Military Police escort. I don’t know about the rest of you but I’d rather we not have an MP fly hovering over him at all times. Who knows what the escort could report back on the rest of us?” 

Saskia turned her head away from Hanji with an irritated huff. She didn’t want the Squad Leader to see any admission of agreement. _Stupid Military Police and their…existence._ “And is there any news of Sasha?” 

“The wall is still being combed. Cadet Braus has strong survival instincts…If she isn’t still alive, she went down fighting I’m sure. But on the rare chance that she is, she went to the nearest gate. She’d be found by the Garrison soldiers manning the district.” 

“I hope so. We need more smiling soldiers. Especially after…all of this nonsense.” 

No words were exchanged regarding Mike’s fate. After Connie said that he separated from the group and hasn’t been seen since they silently accepted that he had been killed. 

“What did you learn after being kidnapped?” 

Saskia shook her head. “I’m sorry Hanji, but that goes to Erwin first.” 

“Saskia, he has no authority right now…” 

“Do I strike you as one who seems to give even the slightest fraction of a fuck regarding that fact?” She shot Hanji a glare. “I’ll write up a report and have it sent-” 

“The Military Police will look at it. Patient or not he’s still their prisoner,” the brunette reminded. “It’ll need to be approved by them first.” 

Saskia cursed under her breath. “Yet another disadvantage to being Acting Commander.” 

“Share it with your cohort perhaps?” Hanji suggested. “I think the other Acting Commander should know.” 

“Already tried this morning, insisting that he come down here. He refused. Something about how my bones were being set and I’m not _that_ adept at multi-tasking.” 

Hanji sighed and shook her head. “Typical Saskia. Well you’re up now and he does owe you another autograph,” she winked and nodded towards Saskia’s cast. While she had been asleep Hanji scribbled her name onto Saskia’s cast, claiming bragging rights to being the first to sign it. More specifically she could brag to Levi that she beat him to it, and though he brushed it off as trivial he was slightly annoyed that Hanji went out of her way to try and annoy him (because it worked). 

“That he does. But he also has much paperwork to do…” 

“He’s not the one in bed or getting a bone set. He can multitask. I’ll go get him for you.” 

“Only if you’re up to it. You were injured too.” 

“Indeed I was,” Hanji replied, making her way to the door, “But I could sleep it off. Bet you’re jealous.” 

“Just go get Levi.” 

“That would be a yes.” 

Saskia huffed again as the Squad Leader left and then scanned the room. Most of the other injured soldiers were unconscious still or too weak to process much of what was going on around them. Historia had been severely dehydrated and Mikasa protested almost as much as Saskia, insisting she need not lay down despite having broken ribs. A few visitors had been in and out through the day. Connie had stopped by the most to see Historia; he was the only one who saw firsthand the anger and betrayal she felt after Ymir left with Reiner and Bertholdt and trying to cheer her up or distract her served as the perfect distraction for him. He too was eager and anxious to learn about the whereabouts of Sasha. 

After Levi came in he drew the curtain around Saskia’s bed to provide some semblance of privacy for them to discuss confidential matters. 

“How are you feeling?” 

She sat up slowly earning a glower of disapproval from Levi but she easily brushed it off. “Come now, it’s just a broken arm. My spine is still very much intact. I can sit.” She lowered her tone. “Braun was very angry with Hoover for having put me in danger. The latter seemed to feel threatened, as though there would have been dire consequences should harm have befallen me.” Levi glanced at her broken arm and then raised an eyebrow at her. “Harm by their hands. Stop giving me that look and listen. They spoke of a Titan with a monkey-like appearance. The Beast Titan, I believe they called it.” 

“What the hell is a monkey?” 

“That stood out to me, their knowledge of an animal that went extinct during the rise of the Titans. Its natural habit is nothing like the region we live in, or its former climate conditions for that matter. Braun and Hoover knew of it, and so did Ymir. They seemed to think she knew something about it and she spoke of it, the monkey that is, with casual familiarity. They had access to information about the pre-Titan world. But of all the things…The fauna? Ymir assumed that by capturing this Titan they would be able to go back to their home village. They also wanted to ‘deliver’ Eren and myself. I can’t recall much more after that. It feels as though something is blocking my memories…” She winced and put her hand to her forehead. “Surely Eren must remember something. He conversed with them directly.” 

“He’s exhausted. Doesn’t remember a damn thing.” Levi pulled out a marker and leaned over her and scribbled ‘fucking crazy bitch’ on her cast, mouthing out the words as he wrote. He paused after seeing the hopeful smile she was giving him. “Don’t push it Messmann,” he warned as he drew a smiley face. “You’re already on thin ice with me.” 

“Why?” she asked, blinking in confusion. 

“Because you were dead and then you weren’t. You’re impossible to keep up with…” he said with faux frustration. “I’m serious though. The next time I’m told you died you had better be dead.” 

“That’s what you get for listening to Hanji,” the General teased. “Anything on Sasha?” 

“Not that I’ve heard,” he replied sitting down. “Or Mike.” He noted the surprise on her face at the mention of their comrade; it was the first time anyone had spoken of him since the incursion. “Though he’s one of our best…that’s all the more reason to believe he’s dead. Probably threw himself into a dangerous situation, the sort that our elite are accustomed to, and took on more than he could handle. It’ll be a miracle if Braus is still alive. How long are you supposed to be in bed for?” 

“Today.” 

“Which means you’ll be up and about come late afternoon.” 

“That was my plan, yes.” 

“Tch. Sure, go ahead, agitate your injury.” 

“It’s only a broken arm. I’ve received worse and worked with aforementioned injuries. You of all people would know…You were there when I received it.” Saskia leaned back into the pillows. “Granted that injury was also in part due to Shar- Right, sorry, should not discuss such things in the presence of others. This curtain provides such a false sense of privacy. Regardless, there isn’t much any of us can do at the current other than paperwork. Which is of course by no means a complaint on my part! I will not be able to properly handle my gear for awhile though. But there are no plans to traverse Maria at the current so I see that as non-problematic.” She bit her lower lip. “I hope my brother is alright.” 

“Of course you do,” he replied with mild sarcasm. “Focus on your own recovery.” 

“But that’s your job,” she grinned. “If he’s mistreated even the slightest I will have their heads. Remove them myself if I must,” she added in a whisper. 

“I think the MP is distracted anyway…Doing their job of all things, for once. After reports of the breach most citizens of Rose fled to old underground cities below Sina. It’s only a matter of time before food shortages and clean water run out.” He muttered something under his breath expressing disbelief that anyone would willingly go underground. “There’s something else I want to speak to you about. I don’t think I’ll be able to reach a conclusion until we have confirmation on Braus. But…” His eyes dropped to the floor, hands in his lap. 

“But?” she pressed softly. 

“These kids can’t…We need more solid leadership and structure within the ranks. I’d like to rebuild my squad. The Special Ops Squad.” 

“Oh.” She paused, mulling over his words. “Which means I-” 

“No. You would still be one-half Acting Commander. We’d need you to be, especially if I’m attempting to lead a squad. Those kids have seen enough, they know enough. Trost and everything that’s followed…They’re more than just another bunch of cadets.” 

“I agree. But you aren’t telling me this because of potential changes in rank and authority, are you?” Her question was rhetorical. She knew he was nervous to lead again. “I will handle the Survey Corps as a whole. You should work with them. A smaller group you’re already familiar with. I think it’s a good idea. We can’t spread ourselves too thin and we needn’t worry about overstepping any boundaries if we’ve delegated these very specific tasks and obligations for ourselves.” 

“This is the part where you tell me how proud you are of me for coming to this decision on my own, right?” 

“Of course not,” she scoffed with a slight grin. “You said it for me just now.” 

Levi rolled his eyes. “Go to hell.” 

“I’ll see you there.” 

* * *

  **Wall Rose Community Medical Center, July 24 th, 11:19 AM**

After one week’s passing Wall Rose had been declared safe again, though there were still no answers to what had caused the threats in the first place. Sasha had been found alive and with few injuries, something she attributed to encountering her family. She had promptly been returned to the Survey Corps headquarters. Saskia didn’t have the chance to relay what she had learned to Erwin due to his still being in custody. Thanks to a joint effort with the notoriously stubborn Pixis he and the Survey Corps Acting Commanders were finally able to see Erwin. 

“Well, truthfully we had no choice but to declare Wall Rose safe within the week.” Pixis took a seat left of Erwin’s bedside. “We’ve already let the refugees return to the surface. And perhaps I should say it’s fortunate that even amongst the chaos, only one incident required military intervention. When we tried to evict the illegal residents squatting in the city underground, there was a conflict with the Garrison unit in the area. There were no deaths but this incident had a huge impact within the wall. It was like hell had been unleashed for a moment. After seeing it for ourselves we can be certain that one week after Wall Rose falls, people will begin to destroy one another.” 

On the opposite side of the bed Levi leaned back in his chair and folded one leg over the other. “I’m sorry Erwin. You’d finally recovered to the point of being able to talk. I’m sure just hearing about this week is enough to make you want to go back to bed.” 

“No, I’ve had enough sleep.” He had the unkempt facial hair to prove it. “Continue.” 

Levi couldn’t help but stare at where his right arm once was. “It’s too bad about your arm.” 

“How many people do you think I’ve fed to Titans by now? One arm’s hardly enough to make up for that. I’ll pay off my debts in Hell one day.” 

Saskia was surprised at the remark. He almost sounded as though he regretted his actions as Commander up until now, but she said nothing and masterfully hid her shock. Despite the silence Erwin could intuit the response his words had elicited. 

“Well said Erwin,” Pixis replied grinning. “Will you let me join you in Hell when that time comes?” 

“What are you talking about old man? Have you had enough too?” 

“It sounds as though someone has not had enough to drink yet,” Saskia teased. 

“Indeed, I would like a drink now. But the alcohol’s been confiscated,” he griped. “Somebody is determined to keep an eye on me to the bitter end.” 

All eyes fell upon Anka, the Garrison soldier who had accompanied him. Her posture stiffened but she remained silent, avoiding their gaze. 

“Looks like you have quite the exceptional subordinate,” Erwin chuckled. 

Saskia’s sensitive ears picked up footsteps coming down the hall. “Hanji has arrived. She is not alone…I believe that is Cadet Springer with her.” 

“You and your weird ears,” Pixis muttered as Levi told her to enter. 

Hanji and Connie saluted those in the room. “Excuse me, Erwin- So you were here as well Commander Pixis. Perfect timing. I’m here in regards to the investigative report for the incident. This is-” 

“Connie Springer of the 104th!” he quickly interrupted, eager to share what they had learned. Though Reiner and Ymir had mocked the notion he entertained Connie knew Hanji would take some interest in what he saw in Ragako. 

“His hometown of Ragako Village is of interest. He joined my investigative squad due to his knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the incident.” 

Levi glanced over the cadet. The efforts he put into assisting Hanji only strengthened his belief that Connie would make an excellent member for the yet to be revived Squad Levi. “Connie…You’ve worked hard…” He could see the exhaustion and despair in the young man’s eyes, but despite it all he persisted. _That’s the kind of attitude we need._

“Proceed with the report,” Saskia ordered. 

Though Ragako appeared to have suffered from an explosion there were no bodies to be found or even the slightest trace of blood. And from what their forces had managed to gather it seemed that the number of Titans who appeared in Wall Rose matched that of the population of Ragako. There hasn’t been a sighting of any Ragako resident since. Levi recalled bits and pieces of his conversation with Pastor Nick, the whole of which he shared with Saskia after telling her about putting a gun to his head (which did amuse her to no end as he predicted) and both had an idea as to where the discussion was headed. 

“And thus there is a high likelihood that the true forms of the Titans that appeared this time…are the residents of Ragako Village.” Hanji elaborated further, sharing the comparison of the picture of his mother to one of the Titans still in the village and how it spoke to Connie. The cadet’s discomfort was growing and becoming almost painfully visible but he remained, something else Levi took note of. 

“In other words the true form of Titans…” Erwin paused. “Are actually humans.” 

Levi exhaled slowly. Saskia bit her lip. Anka’s jaw dropped. Pixis remained silent and motionless. 

“At present we don’t have any evidence to prove all Titans are like that. However, if this supposition is correct then perhaps that explains why the Titans’ weak spot is the back of the neck.” 

The General put a hand on the back of her neck and her eyes widened. “The brain stem and spinal cord.” 

Hanji nodded. “It’s in the same location for Titans despite difference in size, Deviant or regular, and it’s where the shifters are located inside their Titans. When cut it prevents the regenerative abilities Titans have. In the case of shifters, damage to where they connect which results in removal and destroys the Titan they create. The shifters themselves are almost like the brain stem. I believe this to be something separate from the rest of a Titan’s physiological composition.” She continued to explain, referring back to things she observed as well as overlooked in her previous capture but Levi had to cut her off. 

“So all that flesh I’ve risked everything to slice is actually human flesh.” 

_No Levi, please do not think that. Do not make the comparison_ , Saskia mentally pleaded. _You are not that person anymore. You no longer kill humans. You are not a hired hand, nor are you Kenny’s lackey.  
_

“And up until now I’ve just been flying around killing people, right?” 

“Squad Leader Hanji said that at the current it is a working hypothesis and nothing more,” she said more sharply than intended. 

While Pixis began to muse aloud what this could mean for differences between shifters and actual Titans, Levi noticed the bizarre grin on Erwin’s face. 

“Hey, Erwin…Erwin?” 

_This is marvelous. Do they even know? I doubt it. If they found out perhaps they would call off the Living Weapon project. So many Orientals have disappeared and Saskia explained the significance behind the one who spoke, who said ‘Ymir-sama’. What if they didn’t disappear? What if they were turned into Titans as they tried to immigrate? What would Isamu do if that were the case?_

“Erwin, I do not believe now is the time to be smiling,” Saskia scolded. 

“What… _are_ you smiling about?” the perturbed Lance Corporal asked. 

The smile quickly faded; he wasn’t even aware he was making it. “Ah, nothing,” he replied quickly and unconvincingly. 

“You’re a creepy guy…” Levi muttered. 

Erwin frowned and said softly, “People have said that I was little.” 

“Is that the real reason you joined the Survey Corps?” 

“Lance Corporal Levi Ackermann!” Saskia scolded, kicking his chair. He shot her a glare for using his surname but her hardened expression could not be penetrated. 

“Relax General,” the blond said calmly before returning his attention to Levi. “Give me a break. Don’t you feel sorry for me after getting one of my arms eaten?” 

Though still annoyed with Saskia he didn’t want his anger to get the better of him. “Ha…perhaps.” 

“In any case, where are Eren and Krista currently?” 

“Ah, we’re dealing with that as well,” Hanji replied. “For now we’ve hidden them in a safe place. They will stay put while the chaos passes.” Erwin launched into a passionate speech about how vital they were to humanity’s survival but Pixis quickly brought him back down to Earth. “Anyway…Levi, you had something to say, right?” 

Levi leaned forward in his chair, folding his hands together. “Saskia and I discussed this to work out all the finer details. If I were to have my squad again she’d go back to ‘third-in-command’, but only if you were still with us. Since she and I are both Acting Commanders we decided that I’ll recreate the Special Ops using graduates from the 104th, while she oversees our large scale operations.” 

“Large scale?” Erwin looked at Saskia confused. “How was that conclusion reached?” 

Once again she gave a reply he would never have expected from her. “We have no other option. The 104th is incredibly experienced and knowledgeable, something we dare not let go to waste. But as history has proven I am no squad leader. I do, however, know all the ins and outs of the Survey Corps’ grand scale functioning. This way we need not concern ourselves with a power struggle or imbalance, a risk we run with two Acting Commanders. Additionally, Lance Corporal Levi -just as I am more familiar with the Survey Corps as a whole- is more suited for working on an interpersonal level with the aforementioned graduating class. Little deliberation was needed to create this framework.” 

“Acting Commander my old wrinkly balls,” Pixis chuckled. “Listen to yourself, General. I’ve known you since you were knee-high, always barking orders and rattling off Survey Corps bylaws and codes of conduct. You might be General Saskia but right now you sound more like an actual Commander, not Acting Commander.” 

“Merely fulfilling my obligations to ensure the Survey Corps remains intact.” 

“The reason you were put on this Earth,” he said sarcastically. 

“The reason I am still on this Earth,” she corrected. 

He turned to Erwin. “Seems you set quite the example for your little sister. Well, I’m sure you have Survey Corps-specific plans to discuss and information to share so I’ll take my leave. But don’t worry, any of you. You have the full support of the Garrison. I’ll see if I can talk some sense into Nile and have these charges dropped. No idea why they’re so insistent on dragging it out this long.” 

After he and Anka left, Hanji and Connie exchanged awkward looks. “I think this meeting is meant for the most elite-y of the elite. Come on Connie. Let’s leave them to it.” 

Levi looked up at her. “No, just those two. I’ll wait for you outside Saskia.” He followed behind Hanji and Connie. 

Saskia took the chair he had been sitting in, wracking her brain for the best way to initiate conversation. Erwin beat her to it. 

“You didn’t need to scold Levi like that.” 

“I did not appreciate his remark about-” 

“He was being a sarcastic asshole. You of all people should know it…and expect it. Why are you so formal and high strung right now? It’s unnecessary.” 

She swallowed heavily. “I should have paid more attention.” 

Erwin glanced at the stub where his arm once was. “You had orders to deliver. The Acting Commander is more important than a Military Police prisoner whose rank is in question.” 

“No, that is not true.” She quickly shook her head. “I cannot give you my report. Not here. No doubt they are eavesdropping.” 

He shrugged, the lack of his right arm making it look very awkward and a little uncomfortable. “So…the entire Survey Corps? Willingly? Never thought I’d see the day.” 

“Pixis was not wrong. Someone needs to fill your shoes. Lance Corporal Levi told me how he has difficulty believing I can remain objective, which I understand. But the Survey Corps is under direct attack, something I **will not** stand for. I can and I _will_ put my ideals aside to keep blood pumping through its veins, be it Titan or otherwise.” Her eyes fell to the floor. “I’m scared though.” 

_There’s the informal tone._ “You should be. It’s a terrifying position to be in. But you hide it well. You always have, even as a child.” 

“Shardis’ doing.” 

“And yet you do it still. Because you were trained to? Perhaps. I like to believe it’s because you have the capacity to do so. I know this is asking a lot of you. But I also know you would do anything to protect the Survey Corps. You made that quite clear in Maria.” 

“How can you say that?” she gasped quietly. “You almost died because of me.” 

“Right now I’m not a Survey Corps soldier; more spokesperson if anything. I wasn’t one out there either. I was only there because I have experience fighting Titans. I didn’t need to take orders from you. We didn’t need to collaborate. But I did listen to you, and we did collaborate. That’s…what we do.” 

“That’s what we did…before you became Commander.” She hung her head, eyes slightly narrowed and curled inward. “Haven’t done it in quite some time. And when we tried you lost a limb. You’re right-handed for fuck’s sake!” 

“Saskia, there’s no need to yell.” 

“How can you take it all in stride?” She stood up and started pacing. “I’m going to lose my fucking mind trying to keep the Survey Corps together but am I…Am I, are Levi and I the only ones who can do it?” 

“Mike is dead and Hanji has a great deal of research to tackle regarding the composition of the walls and this new hypothesis about the Titans. You know your limits, you know your strengths, and you and Levi work well together. There’s a balance between you.” 

“You’re just saying that to placate me,” she spat. “You don’t trust us working together because of our relationship.” 

“If you want a future with him you need to fight for it. He gives you incentive to continue warding off death, just as you’ve been doing all these years.” Erwin sighed. “Do you honestly believe I’ve never been scared before? When I was sworn in as Commander I felt like I was going to void my bowels. I almost fainted. Leading my first expedition was a nightmare. Even if it went well by Survey Corps standards I was still afraid. For some time I didn’t trust myself to make the right decisions. But knowing that a person who was raised by the one I replaced and had lived under two Lance Corporals, not counting Levi, put faith in me and advocated for me was very encouraging. Doubting my faith in you means that you doubt me. And I wouldn’t be here without you. It means you doubt yourself as well. The latter I’m sure is true and will be for awhile. What of me? Do you doubt me Saskia?” 

She kicked at the floor. “…you should get some more rest. You’re starting physical therapy tomorrow.” She headed for the door. 

“Any pointers for learning how to use my non-dominant hand?” he asked trying to lighten the mood. 

Before opening it she said quietly, “Don’t let Shardis teach you.” Saskia found Levi outside the building waiting for her but Hanji was not with him, only Connie. When she inquired he said that she caught a carriage and was heading to Trost’s barracks, mentioning something about meeting Moblit there. 

“Do I still address you as General and Lance Corporal, or Acting Commander One and Two?” Connie asked as Levi flagged down a carriage for them. “Which of you is One and Two, for that matter?” 

“As a newly appointed member of the Special Operations Squad you call him Levi Heichou. I still go by General though,” she replied as the three of them got in. She looked at Levi. “I need to return to headquarters. If you feel it necessary I can reconvene with you later.” 

He nodded. “Do so. We still have some things to discuss.” 

“Understood.” 

Connie, feeling like the third wheel in more ways than one, tried to keep conversation going that he could participate in. “General, I have another question. Eren told us that you said to him you don’t fight. You told him that when you were outside the walls studying him. But I’ve seen you kick ass firsthand. What did you mean by that?” 

“It is not in my job description,” she replied simply. “I worded that poorly whilst Eren and I spoke, it would seem. Though a soldier I may be my work is not restricted to the battlefield. Unlike Squad Leader Hanji, who leads our scientific endeavors courtesy of recommendation to our 12th Commander, my job was always meant to be as such.” 

“Why did Pixis call you Erwin’s sister?” 

Only Levi noticed her jaw tighten slightly. “Oh, that. It is not something many soldiers know about. By many I of course refer to the newer ones, those who have not had time to rise in ranks. When Erwin joined the Survey Corps he was always like a brother to me. Little time had elapsed between going from ‘like a brother’ to ‘my brother’. We disagree on how to lead, what it means to be a soldier, but, well if do not have something to fight for _and_ something to fight over…are you really family?” _How is it different from a biological family? Is it more…‘real’ because of a bond in body and bloodline, or is a chosen family more ‘real’ because it is not dictated by science and law but the heart? Can the two be compared?_

“Guess not. I didn’t have any siblings but my parents and I…” He clenched his fists in his lap. “My whole village thought I would be a nobody unless I became _somebody_ in the military. I thought the Military Police was what I should’ve done but…If I joined I wouldn’tve learned about what happened to my parents. Heh…I’m an orphan now. That’s gonna take some getting used to.” 

“Many in the Survey Corps are. You might not notice it right away but our branch is notorious for, among many other things, having the strongest sense of camaraderie when compared to the Military Police and Garrison. Not only do we survive tragedies together but those tragedies, those shared experiences, give us something to bond over. That and most who join are orphans, reformed criminals…Someone with a story. The Military Police does not want people like that ‘polluting’ their already putrid organization and the Garrison is very…inorganic. Amicable but the soldiers do not spend a great deal of time getting to know each other well beyond the work environment. Even if they do have a story it is rarely shared.” 

“Hey, Lan- Levi Heichou.” The title felt strange on Connie’s tongue. “Eren said one of your old squad members told him you used to be a criminal. Is that true?” 

“Tch. Don’t believe everything you hear, Springer.” 

“That’s a yes, right?” 

Saskia stifled a chuckle and Levi elbowed her. “Yes. What of it?” 

“Is that why you joined? To turn your life around?” 

“No,” he replied bluntly then added with slight hesitation, “But it’s why I stayed.” 

Connie noticed Saskia shift awkwardly. “So you are together. That’s what you really mean.” 

“Oh look, we are nearing headquarters!” Saskia squeaked, cheeks turning light pink. “I will take my leave now and meet with you and the others later.” 

Levi shot her a glare, one roughly translating to ‘Damn you for leaving me alone to be bombarded with questions’. The carriage came to a halt and Connie saluted her as she got out. Before the door closed she overheard him ask Levi again, mentioning the bet Eren started over when they would ‘finally hook up’. She laughed it off as she entered the building. Inside she was greeted by some panicking officers and a vandalized interior. 

“What in the ever loving fuck happened here?!” she demanded. 

“Oh thank God General, you’re here! We don’t know when or how but sometime after you, Lance Corporal Levi, and Squad Leader Hanji left someone or a few someones broke in and did all of this!” 

“How is that possible? The building is-!” 

“Full of soldiers, yes, but security is lower due to our most recent losses. We’ve scoured the building for clues and found a few things. Some windows were broken, probably the point of entry and exit. Whoever did this knew the layout of the building because no one saw anything other than the mess left behind.” 

“What clues did you find?” 

“They were all in the lower chamber where Annie Leonhardt is being kept.” 

“That area is _supervised_.” Saskia marched to the lower chamber, fists balled at her sides. 

“Yes, but when word got out that someone broke into the building we all had to-” 

“There is no excuse for any of this!” she yelled sternly. When she reached Annie’s chamber she made sure the crystal and its occupant were undisturbed. Near its base were a Military Police badge, a folded note, and a smaller note pinned to the ground with a variety of knife she had never seen before. She got on her knees to inspect the objects. On the back of the badge the letters ‘C.M.P.’ were scrawled in sloppy handwriting. 

“Whoever wrote that was in a hurry…” 

She picked up the larger note and unfolded it. There was a word, or what she assumed to be a word, written in a foreign alphabet she had seen before but didn’t know how to translate. She was very confident however that she had seen that particular word in the past. Beneath it was a crude doodle of four-legged sharp toothed creature. 

“Is that a wolf?” Her eyes widened when she remembered why she was familiar with the word. “That reads ‘Volkova’…” 

Carefully so as not to cut herself, she plucked the knife from the ground, noting the rust-colored blood stains decorating the smooth blade. Whatever sort of knife it was, it was high quality craftsmanship. She inspected it and was surprised to see a lack of dents, chipping, and other indications of wear; she surmised that the knife was either new, hardly used, or both. She unfolded the smaller note and slapped her hand over mouth. It was the same penmanship from before, meaning one person had assembled these objects and made sure they were left behind just for her. 

_This is what K used to kill L. It belonged to her._

The soldier she was arguing with before finally caught up with her. “Do you know what any of it means?” 

She whipped her head in the officer’s direction. “Has anyone else seen or touched these?” 

“No. As soon as we found them we left them for you or Lance Corporal Levi to examine. Being Acting Commanders we thought it only appropriate.” 

“I see.” Saskia pocketed all the items except for the knife, which she cradled in her palms. _What Kenny used to kill Luzia. Once again, I hold her blood in my hands. But is this a warning…or a hint of some sort? Surely they have enemies they made through their activities, not merely people who have inadvertently or deliberately interrupted their operations. Someone is delivering this information to me._ She looked up at Annie’s crystal, running her finger tips along the smooth surface. _And left before Annie at that. The infiltrator took quite a risk coming to a lower level where the exit and entrance are the same. Superb timing. They must have possessed some familiarity with the building’s general layout to get in and out so quickly. Which means…this person…might have had connections to our traitors. A double agent? A former member of their gang who has turned against them?_ She glanced at the knife. _I see the connection between Kenny and the CMP and the weapon used to kill Luzia. But what does the Third Commander have to do with this? And with a name like Kenny the Ripper, surely he must have blades of his own. Why use Luzia’s? Who retrieved it? They knew where she lived. They knew what Kenny did. They know I’m connected somehow. They must know plenty about me. Why would a known throat-slasher use someone else’s knife to kill them?  
_

Slowly she rose. _It could be a message. He wanted me to see her dead body, or he wouldn’t have left that note and photograph. Using her knife…it could have some significance. And our mysterious interloper…An ally, a double agent, a neutral party? Whatever the case Levi will most certainly be interested in knowing the CMP has some ties to all of this. If only we knew what ‘this’ was comprised of in its entirety. Left in front of Annie…instead of my office…yet clearly intended for me…_

“General…?” 

“Await instructions,” she said as she walked past the soldier. 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Saskia jogged up to her office and quickly scoured her personal library for every book on military and weapons history she owned, intent on identifying the knife. After piling six large tomes, all with pages yellowed and words faded, she began her research. It took her well into the evening hours as the only books she could find with images resembling the knife were in dead ancestral tongues. 

_If this knife is primarily in texts of that language and its relatives…_ She leaned back in her chair and folded her hands behind her head. _…is it the language of Luzia’s ancestors? Oriental women are supposedly good for nothing but appearance and fornication. I’m a woman and yet I was raised like an Oriental male, inherently strong. Luzia’s bloodline must be a warrior peoples or something akin to it. This knife could be exclusive to that bloodline, that culture. But what does that mean about the Living Weapon? What does that mean about me? Perhaps that’s the reason she was killed with her own knife. A symbol of the culture’s power, valuing strength, interest in warfare…?  
_

She dropped her face into her palms. “I’m over thinking this…as per usual. What would Levi say to me if he were here? What would he say to make me focus?” She began counting off on her fingers. “He would call me a dumbass, say I’m obsessing over certain notions so much that I’m excluding other details while I read, tell me to take a break considering how much time has passed…and then call me a dumbass again. He is horrendously predictable sometimes.” She glanced out her window and saw the sun was beginning to set. “Shit, a great deal of time has passed! I need to go right away. I can continue reading when I return.” 

She packed up the objects left by the intruder but kept the knife on her person. The fact that the weapon belonged to her mother brought a strange sense of warmth and comfort, and a small part of her was hoping for an opportunity to use it. She gave final instructions to the soldiers who were to monitor the building and surrounding area in her absence, keeping an eye out in case their intruder(s) returned. If they found even the slightest thing to be out of the ordinary she was to be alerted immediately. She retrieved Iolana and rode off to the secret location where Eren and Historia were being kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who broke in? Marco, Kseniya, or both?


	38. Lineage

**Wall Rose, Hidden Location, July 25 th, 2:07 AM**

Saskia tethered a restless Iolana in the stable next to their temporary secret base and approached the watchtower. Hanji was stationed above carrying out her shift. She was emotionally drained which naturally led to physical exhaustion but filled her body with copious amounts of coffee to stay awake. Trying times such as these called for developing a ‘healthy’ caffeine addiction, according to the Squad Leader. 

“Hanji,” the General called. “Come first light you, Levi, Moblit, and myself are going to have a very long conversation. Please, don’t ask. Right now you’re on guard duty and you must focus on your assigned task. I simply wanted to let you know instead of springing a surprise on you.” 

Hanji noticed the satchel slung over Saskia’s shoulder and the way she protectively pressed her uninjured arm against it. “Yes, we will. Looks like you’ve got something to report, but I have news of my own. Pressing matters.” She nodded towards the cottage. “Levi told me to let you know he needs to speak with you immediately.” 

“Needs to or wants to? There is a difference.” 

“Considering how cranky he is I don’t think there’s a big difference right now,” Hanji snorted, glad she wasn’t on the receiving end of that stick. But she relished more in the fact that Levi hadn’t taken to shooting the messenger as well. 

_Let me guess…‘Tell that dumbass Messmann I’ve got choice words for her ears only’, or something to that effect._ “Did he say why?” She knew the reason didn’t matter, not if his countenance was as abrasive as Hanji made it seem, but there was no harm in trying to prepare one’s self. 

“You’re starting to lose your grip, aren’t you?” the brunette asked rhetorically. “Your feelings are getting the better of you, you know. Like the way you lost your temper when we visited Erwin.” 

“It was a momentary lapse in both judgment and composure,” she said defensively. “It will not happen again.” 

“You called Levi by his full name in front of Connie. Needless to say he had questions about his last name.” 

Saskia’s eyes widened. _That’s why he became so irritated_ , she realized and mentally kicked herself. “What did he do about it?” 

Hanji shrugged. “Not much he could do. He told Connie that he’s adopted and has him under order to keep that a secret. He’s banking on Connie being ‘such an airhead that he’ll forget’, to use his words. You need to be more careful from now on,” she warned sternly. 

Saskia kicked at the ground. Her comrade was doing a marvelous job at filling the gap left by Erwin’s removal insofar as scolding her the way an elder sibling would. “Mikasa was already suspicious when I asked if she had a relative named Kenny. Well…to be completely honest with you, my slip up may not have been ill timed.” 

“Ill _timed_? There was a time you intended on telling the cadets about-?” 

“Eventually, yes. However I do believe I made it quite clear we officers will revisit the matter. I’m certain that whatever it is you have to share is directly related to my update.” 

“I’d be very surprised if it was.” 

“Whatever has you concerned, I would be correct in assuming it involved the Central Military Police, wouldn’t I?” Saskia raised an eyebrow. 

Hanji tilted her head forward slightly, eyebrows knit. “How did you know?” 

“I didn’t until now, until you confirmed it. But I certainly had reason to suspect. Again, we will continue this conversation in a few hours. I have neither the patience nor the sound reasoning to repeat that. Furthermore I feel it disrespectful to share such sensitive information with you and you alone instead of a group setting. Return to your post.” 

_Reason to suspect?_ “You’re damn right we will,” Hanji agreed with a firm nod. 

Saskia entered the cottage, careful not to wake any of the sleeping cadets. Some were nestled comfortably on the living room furniture while others were huddled and slumped together on the floor, sharing their heavy blankets and body heat. Though it was summer they were in a poorly insulated facility, which she took no issue with. The curtains, thick and black, were down so no natural light was coming in and she had to navigate in the darkness, using the sounds of breathing and rustling of covers. Eventually she made her way through the kitchen, where some were sleeping at the table, to the three bedrooms in back. They were small but not cramped and provided privacy for Levi and Saskia, Hanji and Moblit, and additional security for Eren and Historia. 

One room could barely contain loud snoring which she immediately recognized as Moblit’s. Behind the door of the middle room was a delicate feminine voice mumbling incoherently and a warm body astir, Historia talking in her sleep and Eren tossing and turning in his. The last room had a thin sliver of light coming out from under the door. Levi was awake, waiting for her. Letting out a small sigh of disappointment in herself she opened the door slowly, wincing at every creak and groan. 

Levi was sitting at the far end of the bed, one arm resting on the window sill. The curtains were slightly parted from his occasional peeking. Pretending it was his turn for guard duty was the only way he could pass the time and fend off boredom. 

“Was that really necessary?” He didn’t bother looking at her as she entered. 

“No it, I mean, I was angry because of what you said to Erwin considering his condition and I, I don’t know, it slipped-” 

“It slipped. It slipped?” Slowly he turned his head towards her. In the dim light cast by the lantern on the bedside table she could see his knuckles were white and scraped. “That’s the best you’ve got?” 

“…explaining to Connie isn’t the entirety of the issue, I take it.” _The life he left behind has come back to haunt him and possibly claim me. Whoever is behind this…They had best treasure what little time they have left._

“No. No it isn’t. Hanji told you about the CMP, right?” 

“I asked and she confirmed.” 

He mulled over her words but couldn’t make any sense of them, as made evident by the puzzled look on his face. “Less cryptic, if you don’t mind.” 

“There was an attack on our headquarters. Not an attack, I guess, but someone or a group broke in and left behind some curious items and I believe one was a warning about the CMP. Not from the CMP however. It’s the reason I’m late.” 

“Pleasantly surprised you have a legitimate reason. I thought you got distracted stargazing.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Ignoring that. I was doing research on one of the items. I do firmly believe whatever Hanji reported is directly connected.” She sat next to him, doing her best to ignore his visible flinching at the proximity. He made no effort to hide his frustrations towards Saskia herself and the situation as a whole. “We need to tell them everything. Everyone must be on the same page now, as I have even more reason to believe that whoever Leonhardt, Braun, and Hoover worked under are related to the Living Weapon project. To me, Eren, Historia, the Reiss family, the Wall Cult, all of it.” 

“I was thinking the same thing after I heard what Hanji found. The reason she went to Trost with Moblit. She was keeping Pastor Nick there, afraid the Wall Cult might retaliate. She thought his life was in danger because he cooperated with us. Not to mention the things he told me…and didn’t tell me. Connections between humans and Titans. Under the ruse of investigating a theft and homicide, the CMP tortured and killed him.” 

Saskia gulped nervously. “I see. Then we must. If that is the case, we **must**. Even if they aren’t connected, it is in the grand scheme of things. Eren is in danger, Historia is in danger, and I’m in danger. We’re all part of the Survey Corps. Even if our respective threatening parties aren’t the same our connections to one another-” 

“I get it,” he interrupted impatiently. “What happened at headquarters?” 

Saskia quickly explained the strange break in. Multiple broken windows though only one seemed to be the point of entry and exit, a way to throw off the soldiers inside. Leaving the items in what was supposed to be the most heavily guarded place, and a place with only one way in and out at that. A familiarity of the building was implied. And strangest of all, the items for Saskia were left in front of Annie’s crystal instead of inside her private quarters. Someone was very determined to go down to that crystal and leave those objects, confidently riding on a thin sliver of hope that the General would be the only one to see them. 

“I don’t know how long this can be kept a secret. The Military Police will want to investigate. They…would have jurisdiction…as it is military property…regardless of the branch.” She sneered, irked by the power imbalance and monopolizing of authority at the Military Police’s disposal; a legally granted and protected ‘right’ at that. “I will do all I can to keep them out of there when I return. Anyway, here’s what I found.” She opened up the satchel and showed him the badge with the letters ‘C.M.P.’ scrawled on the back. 

“You think this was a warning?” 

“Yes, but not in any way synonymous to ‘threat’. Not from the CMP itself. There was this, the most curious object of all. The letters read ‘Volkova’, hence the wolf scribble. I don’t know what this could mean but it’s possible this is their mark, a way of identifying themselves. A connection to Katya Volkova as 3rd Commander, or Katya Volkova as a person? Both perhaps? But this…This is what I was researching.” She cradled the knife, carefully passing it to him. 

“It pinned a note to ground which said that this knife was Luzia’s. It was used by Kenny to kill her. The handwriting is the same as that on the badge and the other note. Someone went to Stohess to take this knife after she was killed. Note that the knife is hardly damaged or worn, so I don’t believe it has been used a weapon. The craftsmanship is high quality. I think it may have been decorative or commemorative. It’s also of historical significance. I’ve never seen anything like it so I looked through my books on history of weapons and military strategy. I found pictures of it in books written in the same or related languages but I couldn’t find a name, as I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for.” 

“Kenny killing someone with a knife that isn’t his? Not his style. Don’t mistake that for me dismissing this though. There’s something familiar about it.” He inspected it carefully. “I’ve seen it before somewhere…I don’t remember when or where.” 

“Did Kenny have one?” she inquired as gently as possible. 

“No idea,” he shrugged and handed it back to her. She placed the items back into the satchel save for the knife, placing it on the bedside table instead. Her action earned a curious raise of an eyebrow from him. 

“Knowing that it belonged to her…I felt very safe keeping it on my person, strange as that sounds. On the way I did not want it to become damaged so I put it with the rest of the items. But I like keeping it within view, within arm’s reach.” Saskia nervously bit her lip. “In sharing this…you would also have to share…some things about yourself…” 

“Tch. A little late for that, Messmann.” 

She hung her head. “What do you want, an apology? Will that satisfy you? Honestly Erwin, what were you thinking?” She dropped her face onto her right palm. “Before I left he said by questioning him I am doubting him. He even asked me if I do. I didn’t answer his question. I couldn’t.” 

“Why not?” Levi turned so he was fully facing her, his back against the wall. “You think he can’t handle the truth?” 

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Was he truly left with no choice? Why not choose Hanji as Acting Commander instead of two Acting Commanders? She is far more qualified. Why put this on us? Because he ‘believes in us’? He’s far too pragmatic to use such nonsensical whimsy as justification for his final decision as commander. He has something else planned but he has no intention of sharing what that is. And you were concerned my judgment would be impaired. What of him? You don’t believe he did the right thing, do you? The logical thing? The…‘Erwin’ thing?” 

Levi tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to think about Erwin right now. As much as I want to hearken it up to injury and blood loss he made these decisions long before we ever had to implement then. And they were only meant to be backup plans too. Yet here we are serving as Acting Commanders for the Survey Corps. Always one step ahead, isn’t he?” 

“Naturally,” she replied with a half-hearted laugh. “Are you due to go out and stand watch?” 

“No. We didn’t know when you’d arrive and thought it best the Acting Commanders have as much time as possible to get caught up before morning.” He paused. “You’ve put me in a very awkward position, ya know. Even if it wasn’t deliberate. But at this point we have little choice,” he relented. “Want to get back on my good side? Get some sleep.” 

She nodded quickly. “I will, but only on the condition that you rest as well. There is so much going on, most of which we don’t understand, and it’s wearing us down. I’ve had the luxury of being able to explore and find answers. You haven’t. No avenues or resources. All you know is that he’s in the picture and wants something from me. I’m a target, which you are taking personally. Tell me something Levi. Do you feel the need to protect me?” 

He moved aside to make space her. After getting under the covers he replied, “No. I don’t need to protect you. You can protect yourself.” 

“But do you feel the need to, despite knowing that?” she pressed. 

“No. I don’t feel a need to. I know I need to keep that fuckface away from the only thing I have left and the person that matters most to me. What about you? You become overprotective at the slightest hint of a threat.” 

“That I do, it cannot be denied. It’s a habit I can’t afford to indulge in this time. If are to inform them of all things transpiring in the shadows, they must be ready. Informed. I won’t always be there to protect them, to look out for them. That’s your job now.” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

“This was your idea,” she countered. 

“Only because I know you couldn’t do it,” he retorted. 

“…I think it best we not go to sleep angry with each other. Let’s save those feelings for the enemy.” 

“Then stop reminding me of-” A sudden shifting of the weight distribution caught him by surprise, trapping the rest of his words in his throat. 

Saskia leaned up and looked over her shoulder. “Levi, hush. If you truly wish for me to be silent then do not instigate or initiate conversation, especially one reflecting your insecurities.” 

_Here we go again._ “Then stop bottling yours.” 

Her nose wrinkled as she dropped back down to the pillow, managing a very quiet ‘good night’. She didn’t think he would return the sentiment and was correct in thinking so. Little good had transpired over the last few days, and technically it was morning. 

* * *

_“Good evening Miss Messmann.” The older man took off his hat and put it over his heart, bowing respectfully. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”  
_

_“…who are you?” Little Saskia shielded her eyes from the heavy rain, peering over her shoulder. Shardis was conversing with three other men. One was wearing a hat tipped low to cover his face and was heavily armed. Another had long brown hair and large round glasses, clutching a briefcase. The last had short black hair and a very stern expression.  
_

_“My name isn’t important. You’re going to forget about this encounter.” The well-dressed man got down on one knee in front of the young girl. “You will see me in the future though. Perhaps then you will remember this encounter and the things I’m about to tell you. My friends over there.” He pointed towards the men speaking with Shardis. “We all came here to see you. You are very important.”  
_

_“Important?” she asked confused. The man made her feel uneasy. The heavy rain and thunderstorm complemented her discomfort.  
_

_“Yes, very important. You have a gift. A very powerful gift. Your ancestors had it and, unlike most humans, it continued to be passed on. Now it’s in you.”  
_

_“Passed…on?”  
_

_“The same way children resemble their parents, they can also pass on special gifts from their ancestors. And you’re going to use this gift when you’re an adult to stop the Titans. All of them.”  
_

_“I…I am?” What he said intimidated her.  
_

_He smiled, though what seemed to be an attempt to comfort her frightened her further. “I know it sounds scary. It’s a heavy burden. But you were born for this. We made sure of that.”  
_

_“How?”  
_

_“By finding someone with a special gift, the gift you have now.”  
_

_Saskia started to shake nervously. “Why…why would someone do that? Why make one person destroy all the Titans if the Survey Corps exists?” Her fists balled at her sides. What right did this stranger have to insult the Survey Corps’ mission and countless sacrifices?  
_

_“A good question,” he nodded though his compliment sounding rather condescending. “If that power lived on in a person, isn’t it only fair that it be put to good use? To save humans? To destroy the enemy? To keep that power locked away would be selfish, don’t you agree?”  
_

_She wasn’t sure if he was trying to instill guilt in her, but if that was his goal it was working. “…maybe…” she relented.  
_

_“You’ll understand when you’re older,” he said reassuringly, making her shudder. “I have a special gift too, you know.”  
_

_Thunder boomed overhead making her flinch. “You…you do?”  
_

_“Yes, I do. I can make people remember things, I can implant false memories, and I can make people forget things. Now it’s time for you to forget everything I’ve told you, and forget this night. The next time you see me you will remember my words. You are destined for great things, Saskia.” He put his fingertips to her forehead and she blacked out._

* * *

_“So why bring the kid along?” An irritated man with short black hair nodded towards Levi.  
_

_“Couldn’t leave him alone underground,” Kenny shrugged. “Oi, Levi! Make yourself and clean or something.”  
_

_Young Levi didn’t question and one of the servants, dressed in what looked like a military uniform, handed him a broom nearly twice his size and pointed to an adjacent room that needed to be swept. He worked diligently, surprised to find that a large estate had such filth. He thought someone living in a place like Pines Manor, someone who clearly had a lot of money, would hire people to clean for him.  
_

_“You said something in your message about finding the perfect mother for the weapon. What’s the story there?” Kenny leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head.  
_

_“She’s very poor but certainly worth investing in. Not only does she have special blood, she still has the gifts of her ancestors.”  
_

_“You’re shitting me. What can she do? Fuck with memories like our nobleman buddy?”  
_

_“No, even better,” the other man replied excitedly, almost mystified. “She’s like me. A warrior bloodline. I doubt she’s aware of her abilities, but once the Living Weapon is born…It won’t matter now if it’s a girl or a boy, saving us a great deal of time. Oriental and Saxon ancestry will guarantee inherent speed, strength, and other useful skills.”  
_

_“Saxon? I thought they were all dead.”  
_

_“As did I.”  
_

_“And once the kid is popped out…What then?”  
_

_“If the child were to be raised by the military we could cultivate those abilities. I want to place it in your care. I would be able to watch over the child and you, well, you have practice.” The black haired man looked in Levi’s direction, not knowing the boy had been eavesdropping on their conversation as he swept.  
_

_“Isamu, I’m not a babysitter. I’ve already got my hands tied with that little maggot over there.”  
_

_“That’s why the arrangement is so perfect. You’ve been teaching him how to use knives, correct? It’s your specialty. Saxons were not conquerors, they were raiders and plunderers. Instead of large swords and heavy armor to invade they can work from the shadows to take what they need. Silently. A knife would be a sufficient weapon if the child were to be molded like that. And that’s exactly the sort of mold I had in mind. The only major difficulty we must overcome is her pride. Saxons were known for looking down upon marrying or bedding someone below their status or a foreigner. No doubt the reason most believe them to be wiped out.”  
_

_“Convince her a kid will continue on the legacy of her people, despite being a mutt. Maybe pick a name to pay homage to them?”  
_

_“I had considered it. There’s a very fitting name, should it be a girl.”_

… 

One room over Historia’s eyes were squeezed tightly, tears trickling down her face. She didn’t know why or how but at a young age she noticed she possessed a strange ability to influence memories. Though it wasn’t one she exercised often she knew that those who remained in her presence long enough would be able to recall events long since forgotten, including memories she tried to make them forget. She had been mentally fighting Saskia and Eren from remembering what Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir discussed. Though she didn’t know what it was it had influenced their decision to threaten Ymir as well as Ymir’s decision to abandon her. But she could feel memories of others being stirred, memories that had been forcibly suppressed in a manner similar to her own talent. For the longest time she thought that she could completely erase memories but that no longer seemed to be the case if the memory left a strong enough impact on the individual. And now she could feel such bindings coming undone on her superiors while they slept, their dreams recalling events once held hostage. If the memories had been forcibly suppressed then at some point in their lives both Levi and Saskia had stumbled across things they weren’t supposed to know. And to those not meant to carry that information made it dangerous. 

If only her ability extended to being able to see or hear and process these recollections. If only she knew could know what it was they weren’t supposed to. 

It was in that moment she realized Ymir’s blackout and bizarre dreams were probably due to having spent so much time around her. Sniffling, she rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palm and sat up. _If being around me is enough to cause these things to happen…_ She glanced over at Eren, who had finally settled down. _Being close to me is dangerous. What are they remembering? Why were they forced to forget? No, I can’t let this happen. But I can’t allow myself to be kidnapped either._ She shuddered. _My mother was right. Everything would be better if I had never been born. Maybe…maybe I should make her dying wish come true. Squad Leader Hanji’s friend was killed because of me. The Central Military Police is getting involved because of me. God only knows what I did to Ymir. What’s the point in living if all I do is causing those around me to suffer?!_ Tightly clenching her fists she whispered to herself, “The first chance I get…I’ll do it. It’s better that way.” 

Ymir’s words about never being told it would be better had she not been born echoed in the back of her mind. She grinned cynically. “And yet you abandoned me…” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Platform, 3:38 AM**

Since her break-in the day prior Kseniya had kept her distance from the Survey Corps headquarters, but remained close enough to keep her eye on the activity in the streets. The last thing she wanted to happen was for the Military Police, especially the Central Military Police, to ‘investigate’ just as they did when Sawney and Bean were killed. She sat cross-legged on the wall, shifting uncomfortably every now and then. It felt awkward to be in that position while still wearing her gear but she needed it on her person in the event of a skirmish or to make a quick getaway. 

After nightfall she found the safest place atop the wall, using her gear to scale it since the lift would catch attention, and observed. Carrying a stolen pair of binoculars she kept fixated on the building, she was pleased that no one other than Survey Corps soldiers were on the grounds. She wanted to follow Saskia, curious as to why one of the Acting Commanders would leave the building after a break-in but knew she would be caught and violently interrogated. The time for formal introductions had yet to present itself. 

She yawned quietly. It had been awhile since she’d gone a few days with little to no sleep and she wasn’t as skilled at forced insomnia as she was but a few months ago. Her eyelids were heavy but she couldn’t run the risk of falling asleep. She would no doubt be caught and there would be no one left to watch for less than desirable interlopers, those with an agenda directly opposing her own. 

“I would kill for some coffee right now,” she whined, tongue longing for the taste of a cup of high quality Sina brew. “If any of his underlings show up and have coffee with them, I will kill them and take that coffee. Maybe not in that order…Coffee would spill. Wouldn’t want it to go to waste.” 

By this point Marco had probably relocated but she had yet to encounter him again. Though she didn’t know if Hitch had bled to death after their altercation it was close enough to his temporary residence that he could’ve been found. She hoped they would meet up soon after she had made the decision to start interacting with the Survey Corps. Her actions were risky at best and life threatening at worst; having someone to collaborate with would make it easier to divide the work, especially after she had put some serious thought into it and decided it was time to make her move. 

Despite not understanding why the girl had it on her, she was glad to have encountered Hitch since she was carrying Luzia’s knife. At some point Kenny must’ve given it to her; no one other than the MP had touched the homes in Stohess during clean up and the knife was far too valuable, arguably priceless in terms of monetary worth. Saskia would never understand the significance had she seen it in Sina, leaving it to rot alongside her mother’s broken body. It would have appeared to be no more than a murder weapon. With it in her possession and the information she had access to, Saskia would soon come to understand the significance of her bloodline and both the gifts from her naïve mother and sociopathic father. 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Hidden Location, Levi and Saskia’s Bedroom, 5:47 AM**

“Wow…I can’t believe that…Wow.” Hanji was unable to intelligently articulate her shock and handed the badge back to Saskia. “I don’t know what any of this means…But someone knew the CMP was going to strike and wanted to tell us. Sounds like Kenny and this Isamu guy aren’t as popular as they probably think they are if they’ve got enemies other than you two.” 

“Not just us,” Saskia replied coolly, placing the badge in her bag. “The entire Survey Corps. There are far too many overlapping events and details which have convinced me that whatever, whoever drove Braun, Hoover, and Leonhardt to do what they did…They’re related to the Living Weapon project.” 

“Sounds like it,” Moblit agreed, recalling the bizarre encounter he had when looking into the 822 census. He speculated that the CMP had influence there as well and the receptionist worked under or alongside them. 

“Saskia, I’m really sorry about your mother. But if someone retrieved this knife from her home in Stohess maybe there’s more to find there. It might be worth investigating. Perhaps you should try beating the Military Police to finishing their clean up.” 

“No Hanji, I can’t.” She shook her head. “Luzia’s name will be listed amongst the deceased, unless they were able to keep that a secret as well. If not I risk giving away my real identity and become an even greater target. The CMP is already involved. I would rather not arouse suspicion amongst the Military Police as well. And no, for once the primary reason is _not_ my antagonistic relationship with Nile Dawk. Where I go, the bull’s eye will follow and eventually reach the rest of you. I would prefer to delay that for as long as I can. I doubt that to be something you take issue with.” 

“Why are you reluctant to share this with Erwin?” the youngest asked. 

“We didn’t have enough to go off of before and he’s under too much stress now,” Levi explained. “We can’t add to his burdens. We can’t run crying to him when we have the power and resources to look into this on our own. It also leaves a bad impression on those who’re dependent on us.” 

“So that’s why you were willing to take on the Survey Corps as a whole while Levi reassembled his squad? You suspected the connection and knew Levi could keep you in the loop while you did some investigating of your own.” 

The General put her hands up, palms forward. “Guilty. Do you two think now is the time to share this with the others? And by others I refer only to Squad Levi. For now.” 

“The enemy, whoever they are and whatever they want, has made their move.” Moblit nodded. “I think it’s time we take what we know so far and put it to use. If the superiors are going to do anything, the cadets need to know what we’re doing and why since they’ll be a part of it. Especially if there’s potential that it’s related to them.” 

“Namely Eren and Historia,” Hanji added. “Just when I thought things couldn’t get crazier. Guess we don’t need to worry about Connie spilling your secret now Levi!” she laughed, trying to lighten the mood. He glared at her and she grinned nervously. “Well, it’s true…” 

“Lance Corporal, are you sure you can share this? I know it’s uncomfortable, that’s not what I mean. Kenny raised you, you came into the Survey Corps after living as a criminal in the underground, and now Kenny is targeting your…um…” Moblit looked at Saskia, then returned his gaze to Levi. Though not a taboo topic and no effort was made to keep it a secret few spoke of it, treating it like a scandalous affair. “Your girlfriend. It might make you look suspicious, as though you led him to us. Especially to Mikasa, since Kenny is a disowned family member of hers.” 

“She already hates me for kicking the crap out of Eren,” he shrugged. “What’s one more?” It was a fair point, one Levi hadn’t considered. But he was far more distracted by the dream he had during the few hours of sleep he was able to get in. It had played over and over in his head, seemingly desperate for recognition. Uncanny was an understatement; it was uncomfortably familiar, like a dark memory he buried six feet under with the rest of his old life. The familiarity was inexplicable. 

He wasn’t alone in this, but Saskia was far more concerned about the well-being of the soldiers under her charge and the mystery third party; her primary focus on the interloper was uncovering the identity, or at the very least their reason for leaving behind the name ‘Volkova’. Whoever it was knew what the name meant and may possess supposedly exclusive knowledge of the Survey Corps’ history. If they knew more about its history they might know something about the connection it seemed to have with this criminal ring, one which could extend beyond her and the three shifters who threatened the survival of the human race. 

“That’s the spirit Levi!” 

“Tch. You’re trying too hard, Shitty Glasses.” 

“…credit for trying?” 

“No.” Hanji pouted when he briskly shot her attempt down, dragging her enthusiasm and optimism with it. Effortlessly ignoring her shift in mood he continued. “Back to relevant matters, there’s something I need to tell you about Pastor Nick. I couldn’t yesterday because of the shitheads in earshot and the lack of Saskia, who knows far more about this stuff than any of us. He shared some things with me about the pre-Titan world.” 

“He what?!” Hanji gasped loudly. 

“You remember the story Saskia found about the mythical ‘Ymir’, right? I asked him if he knew anything about religion from the world before Titans and somehow he got on the topic of other cultures with similar figures. The ones he told me about were the same stories as the astrology crap that _this one_ buys into.” He nudged Saskia with his elbow. 

The ravenette nodded. “Basically it came down to this- before humans existed there were Titans, though they were nothing like the Titans we have today. They had names, identities, distinguishable appearances, and unique abilities not unlike our shifters. These Titans gave birth to what our ancestors called Gods, who later created the human race. I started to think about myself and Mike. How is it that he had such an incredible sense of smell? How is it that I can move about so quickly and quietly, and have a powerful sense of hearing? These traits seem beyond human, do they not? What if those individuals our ancestors called Gods were not truly deities but merely glorified humans? Godlike if you will, who possessed the abilities of their Titan ancestors?” She gave them a moment to let it all sink in before relaying the most disturbing detail. “What if Titans _are_ our ancestors? It could explain why the Titans who ‘invaded’ Rose were originally human.” 

Hanji nodded slowly, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Like a reverse evolution…And things like Mike’s nose and your swiftness are remnants of those ‘glorified humans’? The same way parents pass on things like hair and eye color to their children?” 

_That’s…that’s what the man in my dream said_. “Something to that effect, yes.” 

“Then whatever turns humans into shifters taps into that leftover genetic material and creates a distinct Titan form, like the Titans from those old stories,” Moblit concluded. 

“Not only that but Titan shifters create Titans which have some sort of resemblance to their human self, physical or otherwise.” Saskia began counting off on her fingers. “The Colossal Titan in human form is very tall. The Armored Titan has a muscular build similar to its human form. The Female Titan has muscle memory allowing it to use a fighting style that was unique to its human form. It was part of how Annie was identified as the Female Titan! In Eren’s case, the Rogue Titan is his temper personified. He’s quick to lose self-control, and as a human he’s very impulsive. That could be influenced by dormant Titan ancestral blood.” 

“Sickening,” Levi muttered. “But…not something to be ruled out.” 

“Holy shit,” Hanji breathed and rubbed her chin. “This further supports the relevance of the back of the neck being their weak spot. My greatest question is this- why is it self-harm which allows for transformation?” 

“I thought about that too and couldn’t come up with anything.” Saskia glanced at Levi who shook his head. “Neither of us could. Or why they eat humans. But if this Beast Titan resembled a monkey, a now extinct animal which -according to many science books in the headquarters’ sub-basement- have strong connections to humans…and there is a Titan resembling such an animal…That sounds like more supporting evidence for ancestry.” _Unless it too is a shifter, it almost sounds like one of the Titans of old…No, that’s not possible._

“Throw all of this at me when I don’t have any of my notes or reference materials around, why don’t you. And Reiner and Bertholdt wanted to capture or kill this Titan so they could return home? Must be an order from their superiors. Superiors who are trying to create a human capable of destroying all Titans.” 

“We won’t have long to experiment with Eren and see if he can create a crystallized replica of his Titan form,” Levi reminded. “We’ll need something lined up for when this place gets found. Saskia, yesterday we decided that we’re going to make our move before we get stabbed in the back while simultaneously finding the backstabbers. When we find their base or any location they use for their operations, we’re going to kill every single fuckhead holding the fort and take it for ourselves. The more we claim the closer we get to finding them before they find us while taking them out in the process. Can you get on that? I’m sure our mystery friend will stop by again. Yeah, we’ve gotten this far on our own. But the way I see it, those little gifts don’t tell us anything we wouldn’t eventually learn through our own work. Someone is speeding up the process.” She gave him a nod. 

The Squad Leader exhaled slowly. “For now I want to keep this hypothesis about humans being descendents of Titans a secret. I can try to come up with some experiments to test it properly. We can’t sit around speculating and work solely off of these ‘maybes’ we’re coming up with, no matter how plausible they may be. Can we agree on that?” Her suggestion went unchallenged. “Alright then. Let’s go make things even messier than they already are.”


	39. Expanding the Arsenal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are from chapter 53. Also, time starts getting loopy in the manga at this point and my deviation from the plotline officially happens here and it might seem off/incoherent/jumpy if you apply the manga timeline to it. Remember, divergence! It begins NOW!
> 
> Colleen Berliner belongs to xxtheblackdevilxx on deviantArt.

**TW: Minor references to gore**

 

 **Wall Rose, Hidden Location, July 25 th, 9:28 AM**

“THE EXPERIMENT IS OVER! ALL UNITS, PULL BACK!” 

Hanji and Moblit carried Eren’s body to their carriage. Steam rose up from his deformed face as it began the reconstruction process, fogging the squad leader’s glasses. Mikasa insisted on going with them while Levi ordered Historia to do the same for the sake of her safety. The others finished one last survey of the area to make sure there were no witnesses to the series of experiments Hanji had been conducting (and Moblit, drawing) for the past three hours. 

As they rode back to their temporary hiding spot Hanji peered out from the back of the wagon, trying to shrug off the death glares Mikasa kept sending her. _We really can’t do this quietly…When he turns into a Titan that smoke goes up no matter what. Even deep within the mountains like this…we have to assume that they’re watching us from somewhere…_

Up front Levi was driving the carriage, Saskia sitting next to him. It was agreed that with a broken arm and a trip to headquarters already in the near future it was best for her to stay off her horse when it could be helped. Iolana had earned a break as well. 

Levi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye before returning his gaze to the dirt path they were following. “I’m pissed off anymore, if that’s why you’re so quiet. Not at you, that is. Calling the experiments this morning would be an understatement.” 

She suppressed a chuckle. “Have you forgotten exactly to whom you speak right now? I can tell. Where I fail is knowing when my actions may or may not draw ire. As of late, that is. No, I’m quiet because I’m contemplating something else.” 

“What Eren wrote in Titan form?” he guessed. 

“Yes. ‘Father’ and ‘had me’ perhaps indicate he knows something about his father’s whereabouts but the memory is suppressed. It’s the third thing he wrote. ‘Find the wolf’. First a note reading ‘Volkova’ with a drawing of a wolf beneath it, and now this? I’m aware there exists the possibility that I am making connections between unrelated things. But…I still can’t help but entertain the idea that they _are_ in fact connected somehow.” 

“It’s bizarre. Can’t fault you for it. I was thinking about it myself, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” 

“Nor I. In any case…” She looked over her shoulder. “That should not be a priority just yet. Eren’s state is our priority right now.” 

“When Hanji and Moblit brought him in there it looked like he was out cold. If he stays that way it gives the rest of us some time to stop and catch our breath.” The cottage was coming into view. “How long are you staying?” 

“A gross majority of that is dependent on Eren. Initially I came with the intent of seeing the results of Hanji’s experiments. Then the break in happened. Headquarters has been left in capable hands, if that’s concerning you.” 

“No. I trust your judgment…despite it recently being skewed from your interpretation of one damn comment.” 

“…are you certain you aren’t still angry?” she asked half-mockingly. 

“I don’t need to be angry at you to tell you you’ve done something stupid.” 

“Suppose not.” She paused. “There’s something I want to ask you. It’s likely to prompt lengthy conversation, which is preferable as I would very much like a substantial answer, but I’m going to pose it now so you have time to think about it. What did you mean when you said that I am either yours or nothing?” 

“Exactly what it sounds like,” he replied swiftly as he began to slow the carriage down. Those traveling alongside and behind followed suit. “If you don’t matter to me then you’re nothing to me. Simple as that.” 

“Oh. It…sounded somewhat more possessive than that. Then again you do have an awkward way of expressing your feelings. On the rare occasions you deem it worth your while to do so, of course!” she grinned. “And is it safe to say that if I didn’t matter to you, I wouldn’t anger you, as your reaction means you pay attention to my actions both of merit and flawed to a fault?” 

“Considering you don’t flaunt your fuck ups.” The carriage came to a steady halt. “Yeah, that’s fair to say. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t extend the courtesy.” He gave a faint smirk. 

“Ah, yes, of course. Because all your criticisms are acts of ‘tough love’.” 

Mikasa followed Hanji and Moblit as they carried Eren in, catching bits and pieces of the conversation between the General and Lance Corporal. With a shudder and disgusted sneer she asked, “Am I the only one whose stomach churns hearing and seeing that?” 

“You’ll get used to it,” Hanji assured as Mikasa moved the haphazardly arranged furniture out their way. 

“Only because you provoke and promote it,” Moblit muttered. 

“Someone had to,” she replied, nose in the air. When they reached the room Eren and Historia shared they gently placed him on the bed, propping him up just enough to remove his jacket. “Mikasa, can you soak a cloth in cold water and bring it to me?” Hanji put the back of her hand on Eren’s forehead. “He’s still very warm.” 

“Your fault,” the adolescent said quietly as she left the room. 

Hanji sat on Historia’s bed, hands folded in her lap. “Am I going too far? I did tell him that sacrifices were necessary to better understand exactly what Titan shifters are, how they operate, their origins…But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. We have a much better understanding than we did a month ago. It’s become a popular notion that Eren is the key to humanity’s survival. I can’t baby him. He wouldn’t let me if I wanted to. I can’t help my inherent curiosity; utilizing it is part of my job.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how to determine a cost-benefit ratio.” 

“Your scientific mind is part of the problem when you put it that way,” Moblit replied. “Is something like that really as simple as plugging variables into an equation? Instead of worrying about doing too much, just keep doing what you’re good at -what we _need_ you to do- and listen when others tell you it’s time to stop. Otherwise Mikasa will keep running in to rescue him…and he has attacked her before in Titan form.” 

She forced a smile and glanced up at him. “Where’s this sudden sagacity coming from? 

He shrugged. “You asked, I answered." 

Out in the stable Historia was isolating from the others, namely Saskia. She had yet to digest that the mystery man who killed her own mother was also responsible for the death of the General’s coupled with the fact that this man had raised Levi. Him being a blood relative of Mikasa made it all sound even more absurd. She sat on a bale of hay next to one of the horses, gently stroking its shaggy mane. Though she had calmed down, scaring herself out of suicidal ideation by the very fact that she had taken those thoughts seriously, she couldn’t shake the ever growing feelings of abandonment. She never thought much of being an unwanted bastard child until she found someone who could accept the person behind the mask, even if that person behind the mask had yet to soundly define what this mythical entity called ‘Historia Reiss’ was. But now Ymir, the only one able to see through her ruse, was gone for reasons she didn’t understand. She was too angry and upset to bother trying to rationalize them. 

“There you are!” 

Historia jumped as a perky voice yanked her away from her miserable thoughts. “Oh…Hi Sasha. I don’t mean to be rude but I was hoping to be alone for awhile.” 

“I know.” The brunette came in at sat down on a bale next to her, smoothing out her skirt. “You’re thinking about Ymir. You probably feel abandoned and betrayed. You don’t have to answer, I already know. I…can relate, sort of.” 

“How could you possibly relate to what I’m feeling?” the blonde huffed coldly, picking at the hay bale. 

“You aren’t the only one here who had feelings for one of the three who left us,” Sasha replied quietly. “No one aside from Connie knows this, and I’d really appreciate it if you kept this a secret between us girls.” She took a deep breath, looking ready to confess a secret life of heinous criminal activity. “I have, no, I _had_ strong feelings for Reiner.” There was a twinge of guilt in her voice, as if she were somehow associated with the destruction the Armored Titan caused. “Learning who he was and what he did…It’s hard to believe that’s the same person who always took on the burdens of others and looked out for the rest of us. Though he was probably doing it to ease his guilt.” She chuckled bitterly and wrapped her arms around herself. “Who am I kidding? ‘Same person’…Those aren’t the same people.” 

“We were all tricked. Even Ymir. That’s why she left.” 

“Then you had nothing to do with it,” Sasha replied encouragingly. “You feel left behind, and in a way you were, but she didn’t intentionally abandon you. You said that they threatened her, right? And we all know Ymir is a little…uh…” She tapped her chin in thought, searching for a tactful word choice. 

“Selfish.” 

_I didn’t think she would be so blunt._ “Yeah, selfish. But since she was being threatened by two of the three people that were responsible for the fall of Maria and the Battle for Trost, I can’t blame her for acting selfishly. Maybe that’s the hunter in me talking. Sometimes you need to be selfish to survive. Who knows? She could be doing this to survive so she can come back to you.” 

Historia hesitated. “Is everyone really that…okay about it?” 

Sasha tilted her head to the side. “Okay about what?” 

“Ymir and I. I mean, we’ve never been very affectionate in public but it seems like everyone already knew…something was going on between us.” 

“There were little things that gave it away, other than Ymir constantly flirting and being jealous when guys would get close to you. I’m still confused. What did you think we wouldn’t be okay with…?” 

“We’re both girls!” the blonde exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. 

“Oh, that?” Sasha tried hard not to laugh for fear of invalidating Historia’s feelings. “Why would that bother us? We’re your friends! And let’s not forget Jean that though did have that crush on Mikasa…He can deny it all he wants, probably to bury the pain, but he and Marco had something much stronger than a friendship.” 

Historia propped an elbow on her knee and rested her chin on her folded fist. “I grew up on land owned by a wealthy lord. I always overheard people gossiping about arranged marriages but the way they spoke of it made it sound like they only cared about bringing wealthy families together. The money and having heirs. Sometimes my mother would catch me looking at other girls, some a little older than me at the time, who worked neighboring lands. She would say things about ‘people like _that_ ’ being a waste of space because they couldn’t have heirs.” 

“Your mother was very cruel to you but I don’t think that’s what she meant. Remember, we live in a world overrun by Titans. The human population gets lower and lower with each passing day. The wealthy few get richer in the safety of Sina but only marry other wealthy people. The rest can barely afford food and medicine. It does make sense that people would take issue with someone wanting to be with another man or another woman because they can’t have children, and can’t contribute to what’s left of our numbers. That doesn’t make it right to treat others as if _they’re_ the reason our population is low, of course.” 

“But what about all the orphans?!” Historia protested, this time raising her voice with gusto. “People who are too busy having their own children don’t have time or pay attention to children who’ve been left behind by negligent parents or whose family members are dead! Someone needs to take care of them!” She exhaled slowly. “Since you shared a secret I guess it’s only fair I do the same. Promise not to laugh?” 

“Only if you promise not to judge me for what I told you.” 

She nodded. “I promise. This is so embarrassing, I never even told Ymir…but sometimes I would imagine a future where Titans were long gone. Someone would have to take in the children in the orphanages, and I think once the Titans are gone the Survey Corps won’t be needed anymore…so I would daydream about adopting a bunch of children with Ymir.” Her face turned bright red and she quickly buried her hands in it. 

Sasha put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s very sweet. That’s certainly a future worth fighting for. One where we can be free to pursue things like having families or other careers. Hanji knows a lot about science…I’m sure she would make an excellent medical doctor. If she can listen to her patients when they tell her not to poke around in their insides, that is.” 

“That would probably be helpful.” 

“That’s much better.” Sasha pinched Historia’s cheek. “You’re smiling.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose Community Medical Center, 1:38 PM**

Saskia would need to remain at headquarters unless a new situation arose which required her direct involvement. Once she returned she would have to keep the Military Police from imposing their authority to conduct an investigation. But the divide and conquer tactic would prove counterproductive if she had no way of being able to contact Levi and Hanji after her return. Luckily Hanji had already planned for that. They could count on one hand how many other soldiers could be trusted with the location of their hideout; one of them was Nifa of Squad Hanji. 

Her presence had been requested by Erwin. She had done a superb job at keeping the break in a secret and did her best to relay what little information she had been privileged too. Erwin hardly seemed surprised but she harkened it up to fatigue from his condition, as well as the collected demeanor he was notorious for. His news, the reason for her visit, shocked her to the bone. Considering the volatile relationship between the MP and SC it bordered on terrifying. 

“Summoned to the capitol? What for? Has an official trial been scheduled? If so, shouldn’t it be conducted by Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackley?” 

“Yes, it should, which is why I have no reason to believe they intend to put me on trial just yet. Their reasons for summoning me to the capitol remain to be seen. I need this relayed to your Squad Leader and the Acting Commanders immediately. Commander Nile will be escorting me so I see no reason to fear for my safety. Though I’m certain our dearly beloved General will be all the more concerned by that fact alone.” 

“I’ll leave right away to let them know. Is there anything else you’d like me to tell them?” Nifa asked as she rose from the chair at his bedside. 

He paused, trying to formulate the best way to word his additional message. “If Saskia becomes angry, or even the slightest bit irritated, please pull her aside and tell her to ask herself ‘WWCD?’. She’ll understand what it means.” 

“Understood. I’ll take a long route to the location in the event that someone tries to follow me.” 

“One final thing.” He grabbed a neatly folded note and gave it to her. “This is for the eyes of Acting Commanders only.” 

Nifa nodded, pocketing the message. She saluted and exited the room. 

Out in the hall he heard her speaking with someone and braced himself for a most unexpected visit. “Good afternoon, Instructor,” he greeted as cordially as possible. 

Shardis took the chair Nifa previously occupied. “Kseniya’s still out there.” 

“I thought she wasn’t a threat.” 

“She isn’t. But it doesn’t hurt to keep tabs on the traitor. Speaking of hurting…” He casually leaned back in the chair. “That gullible MP cadet is dead. Stabbed to death.” 

“You believe Kseniya to be responsible, which is how you concluded she is still alive and active.” 

“When the Military Police soldiers were granted leave, Zackley conducted a psychological evaluation to see if any needed counseling. It isn’t their job to fight Titans so a handful were traumatized. When Hitch met with him he gave her a little present from Kenny- Luzia’s knife. It was his way of letting her know that they needed to talk. She had some interesting suggestions, I’ll give her that much…But tricking her was _too_ easy.” He shook his head. “Anyway, when her body was found Luzia’s knife was gone. The general population seems to believe that everyone in the military is armed to the teeth -daggers, dirks, knives, anything sharp and easy to conceal- so it didn’t take any effort to convince the civilians who found her that it was a suicide.” 

“One less useless pawn to worry about.” _I doubt he came here to tell me that._ “This idea Hitch had that you alluded to prior…What is it?” 

“Force Saskia to pick.” 

“Pick between…?” 

“Lance Corporal Levi and Levi her paramour. We’re going to sabotage their relationship so she has no choice but to choose the former. In other words, choosing the Survey Corps.” 

“How are you going to do that?” _They wouldn’t be able to. There’s nothing they could do._

“I always thought that bitch Berliner had ruined the kid’s perfect bloodline by teaching her about compassion. But her compassion always gets the better of her, doesn’t it?” Shardis grinned. “Since Reiner, Bertholdt, and the other shifter who went with them were former cadets of hers she would try and protect them from further harm, wouldn’t she? And I’m certain that she would see much of her younger self in Annie. If she knew that those three had no choice, if they were just puppets recruited as children…it’s safe to say she’d feel sorry for them, isn’t it?   That she might go so far as to find them? The best way to do that would be to use Annie’s Titan scream. And there’s only one way that can happen.” 

“She has to find a way to free her.” _Saskia would never. She wouldn’t…no matter how unfortunate their circumstances…she wouldn’t…_ He fought a wince. _I shouldn’t have given Nifa that message._

“Quite the predicament she would find herself in. Betray her conscience or betray Levi. She’ll come up with an excuse to convince herself that it isn’t an act of betrayal but rather for the greater good. Keeping the promise she made to you. By freeing the shifter who killed Levi’s squad. Neither the Lance Corporal nor her paramour would be too happy about that. I doubt anyone in the Survey Corps would be. Ostracizing would force them to come back us, this time with the weapon. Without the Survey Corps she has nothing. But with a little help from you and knowledge of a living blood relative…She’d break under the pressure of having to make so many decisions and be forced to let others make them for her. That was the whole point of making her an Acting Commander.” 

_Go right ahead and think that._ Erwin nodded. “Exactly. But you still haven’t explained how she’ll be put in such a position to begin with. What could possibly force her to free Annie?” 

“Leave that to us. For now all you need to do is play along. You’ll see her soon enough. I’m really looking forward to seeing the look on her face when she learns your ‘bond’ was just an act. Her entire world is about to shatter.” 

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it myself.” _The last time her world was shattered she was set free. Do you truly think yourself capable enough of caging her again? And even if you did, how can you be so certain you will be able to control her?_ “If it was ruled a suicide, what was done with Hitch’s body?” 

“If Isamu’s guard dogs aren’t fed, they get rather cranky.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Hidden Location, 5:23 PM**

Standing atop the lookout point, Jean narrowed his eyes and adjusted the focus on his telescope. There was a rustling in the trees and a heavy, rhythmic thumping along the dirt road. He was about to call for the others until he was able to make out the faint outline of Nifa. 

_What’s doing here? How does she know where we are?_ Jean climbed down the ladder, still suspicious because of the privileged knowledge she possessed, and waited. She slowed down her steed and approached him, breathing heavily. “Why are you here?” he demanded. 

“I need to speak…to the Acting Commanders…and Squad Leader Hanji…immediately.” Her sentence was punctuated as she tried to steady her breathing. “It’s about…Commander Erwin.” 

“Uh huh. And I’m a Titan shifter. Come on, off your horse.” Eyebrows knit in annoyance, she complied and Jean tied up the animal. “Alright, let’s go.” He wrapped an arm around her bicep and dragged her into the cottage. 

“That’s unnecessary Jean!” she hissed, trying to break free from his grip as he opened the door. 

“We’ll leave that to the triumvirate, thank you very much,” he snapped. 

Inside Levi was arguing with Saskia who, despite her broken arm, was trying to help wash and rinse the dishes. Mikasa was arguing with the two of them to be quiet because Eren was asleep, though there was no way of telling if he truly was asleep or still unconscious. Sasha was yelling at the three of them because their arguing was ruining her attempt at eating dinner peacefully, the closest she would get to a birthday celebration (they had no time to waste tomorrow on trivialities). Connie was yelling at Sasha for yelling at the other three because it wouldn’t accomplish anything. Hanji stepped out of Eren and Historia’s room and started yelling for everyone to quiet down so she and Moblit could continue working. Armin and Historia were quiet the entire time, the former being engrossed in a book and the latter lazily sprawled on one of the couches. When the door opened Historia leaned up and joined in the chorus of shrieking, banter, profanity, and threats. It wasn’t because of Jean and his ‘captive’, but the fact that Historia told everyone to ‘Shut your damn mouths’ and likened them to stray dogs howling at night, keeping the neighborhood awake. Her actual language was far more colorful than that. 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Jean. Not used to being the center of attention, he began to sweat nervously and question his course of action. He cleared his throat. “…do we take her hostage?” 

Levi rolled his eyes. _This is my new squad. **This** is **my** new squad?_ “Let her go Kirschtein. She has permission to be here.” 

“She is our messenger because I, Levi and all of you, and Erwin cannot all be in the same place at once,” Saskia explained and ushered for the exhausted soldier to come in and sit down. 

Immediately Hanji asked, “Were you followed?” 

“No Squad Leader,” she replied, shaking her head as she sat at the kitchen table. “I took a longer path, occasionally veering off the dirt roads so there wouldn’t be many hoof prints.” 

“There is only one person who could have sent you.” The General sat beside her. “What did Erwin have to say?” 

“Earlier today he received an official letter from the monarchy. His condition is stable enough for him to be discharged but he wants to stay for a few more days. He’s still having difficulty adjusting to using his left hand. No trial date has been set so when he does leave the clinic he’ll need to be jailed. Because there hasn’t been a trial there’s been no verdict, so he’s still considered a criminal. You know, guilty until proven innocent.” 

“Why the hell would the monarchy issue that?” Levi folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter. “If he’s going to be imprisoned it should be at the military headquarters under Zackley’s supervision, not the capitol. That’s reserved for enemies of the state who have no military affiliation.” 

Nifa nodded quickly. “That’s the problem. He technically has no military affiliation right now. He isn’t considered an active member of the Survey Corps. He was stripped of his rank and title the moment he was handcuffed…but now they’re taking it much more seriously.” She bit her lip upon noticing Saskia’s face flush with restrained anger. 

“But all the charges against him have to do with action he took while _in_ the military,” Hanji noted, scratching her head. “That doesn’t make any sense…” 

The messenger shrugged. “That was what the letter said. It had the official letterhead of the monarchy, it was penned by the king himself, and the wax seal had the emblem of the royal family.” 

“This is troublesome.” Saskia began tapping her fingers on the tabletop. “The only time an exception is made to that policy is when a non-military figure is conspiring with military persons, such as what happened six years with Flagan Darlett and Nicholas Lobov. Lobov and all his military affiliates were branded enemies of the state but were indicted under martial law. Erwin currently has no military status but if what happened in Stohess is considered a criminal act, and act which he led as the Survey Corps’ Commander, then the entire Survey Corps could be branded as enemies of the state. An entire military branch cannot be tried by the military court; it’s considered a conflict of interest. If they were to take us to trial for past connections to him then it would be conducted by the monarchy.” 

“And by monarchy, you mean Central Military Police.” 

“Correct Mikasa. That was the fate of the Survey Corps’ founders, when it was called the Scouting Legion. Before the walls were completed there had to be some line of defense. However the Scouting Legion was strongly opposed to a monarchy because they feared it would lead to class warfare. The original plan was for one wall to be built, but it wasn’t long before majority rule decided that the more walls they had the ‘safer’ they would be. The Scouting Legion was correct; the poor were seen as expendable and forced into what was once Wall Maria. The working class occupies most of Rose as it is between the other two, able to transport goods and services to both. I don’t think I need to elaborate what became of the center.” 

“That’s a fascinating history lesson but if you wouldn’t mind getting to the point-” 

“The point Levi is that the Scouting Legion, despite being the first line of defense, was assembled by a principle which united them all long before the branch formed. It wasn’t recognized as part of the military until much later because the Scouting Legion began as an anarchistic response to concerns they shared about humanity’s political future. The branch survived in idea only, when it was quickly reformed as the Reconnaissance Corps, as the founders of the Scouting Legion were all assassinated by the upper classes. We, in the eyes of the wealthy and powerful, have always been criminals because we were founded on the principle that denied them the affluence and authority they have today.” Saskia rested her hands on her lap, slowly curling them into tight fists. “They will compare Erwin’s actions to those of our founders and the rest of us will be guilty by association.” 

A heavy silence hung over the cottage. Few knew of the history of the founders, let alone their radical ideologies. It went without saying that, due to her devotion to the branch and very personal interest in its history that Saskia was either an apologist or shared the same views. 

“And of course no one will say a damn thing about the Female Titan having been part of the Military Police,” Jean remarked, trying to break the tense atmosphere. 

“You were almost one of them, too,” Connie added jokingly. 

“The Survey Corps is more exciting.” 

Levi inhaled sharply. “Exciting? How about instead of jerking off to the thrill of possibly getting your brains blown out of your skull at any given moment, you count your blessings that you’ll never have to cross blades with any of the people in this room.” 

“…yes sir.” 

“Your desire to lighten the mood is appreciated but now is not the time. Nifa, tell me about the escort.” 

“That’s even stranger, General. If he’s being summoned to the capitol one would think that the Central Military Police would take him there. But instead Nile Dawk will be escorting him; he isn’t doing it on behalf of the CMP either. He’s doing it as Commander of the Military Police.” 

“How very curious…” _If Nile Dawk himself is a part of this I will take great pleasure in ripping out his intestines with my bare hands._ “Though the CMP prefer discretion if and when it can be helped. By which I mean when secrecy works in their interest. If there isn’t anything else, I would like to retreat to my quarters and try to process all of this.” As soon as Saskia rose Nifa did the same, following closely behind her. 

“He wanted me to tell you something,” she said quietly, and leaned forward to whisper Erwin’s cryptic message. 

The cadets gave Hanji and Levi curious looks but the brunette shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s got nothing to do with our operations. It’s something personal.” 

Saskia nodded slowly, putting a hand on Nifa’s shoulder to show her gratitude before slowly closing the door behind her. Nifa turned the others. “Because Commander Erwin will be at the capitol for an indefinite amount of time I won’t have any way of getting in contact with him. We always have no way of knowing how long this ‘trial’ will drag out, if General Saskia’s idea about this ‘ideological warfare’ being correct. I can still go back and forth for you when she returns to headquarters but you won’t be here for much longer…” 

“We’ll figure out something when the time comes,” Levi said with a dismissive wave. “Right now I’m more concerned about the Survey Corps being labeled insurgents who’ve been plotting to violently overthrow the government for over one-hundred years. That’s not to say I’m against the idea but I think that should be kept within certain circles.” 

Moblit poked his head out of the bedroom door. “Eren’s waking up.” 

Mikasa lit up. “How is he?” 

“A little disoriented but the fever is gone. He’s still warm though. Where’s General-?” 

“Don’t worry about her right now. Braus, you have hunter’s intuition; go put it to good use and stand watch. Reiss, get some cold water and rag to help Jaeger cool down. Ackermann…behave. The rest of you, find something to clean. This place is turning into a shithole, worse than when we found it.” 

Eren slowly sat up in bed. Historia placed the bowl of cool water on the bedside table before standing at the foot by an impatient Mikasa. Hanji sat across from him on Historia’s bed while Levi sat at the end of his, hunched over and hands folded. 

He dipped the rag into the water and dabbed the damp fabric on his skin. Steam still rose, causing him to sweat. He felt slightly dizzy, probably from lack of food and drinking water. “No way…” His voice sounded like sand paper on gravel. “I was asleep for a whole day…” 

“Thank goodness, he’s back to normal,” Hanji said with a loud sigh of relief. “Looks like I’ll get by without Mikasa dicing me up.” 

“Eh?” 

Ignoring him and Mikasa’s subtle glare she continued. “More importantly, do you remember what kind of experiment we did?” Hanji glanced at one of the many drawings Moblit created during their testing that morning. 

“No…I have no memories from after the experiment started. What happened with the ‘hardening’?” 

“Unfortunately, no such phenomenon occurred after you shifted, Eren.” 

His jaw dropped. “There wasn’t anything at all?” he asked with a hint of disbelief, hoping Hanji was playing a cruel joke on him. 

“Yeah…After the experiment was over we checked to see whether anything remained of your Titan body, but there was nothing.” Hanji briefly ran over the failed results but none of it jogged his memory. “And then all of a sudden, without any logical connection, you wrote ‘father’, ‘had me’, and ‘find the wolf’. Afterwards whatever you were writing was so jumbled it couldn’t be read, but you seemed pained. Do you remember any of it?” 

“I don’t remember.” 

She flipped through her notes. “Afterwards, after struggling for about thirty minutes, you exited the Titan, probably out of your own volition. We could tell that your memory was fuzzy and you were barely conscious.” She explained the test results that followed, each ending in failure. 

Eren was shaking. Gripping the sheets and swallowing anxiously he said, “So then…that means the plan to retake Wall Maria is impossible right now, huh? And all because I couldn’t harden my Titan body.” 

_Enough with the pity party._ Levi turned to face him. “Yup, that’s exactly right. We were quite disappointed. And thanks to you today’s atmosphere is as shitty as a gutter. At this rate time is just passing by without a single good thing happening. What’s going to happen next? Titans might arise from the earth, or fall from the sky while human remain like toothless prey. It’s a shitty situation, in any case.” 

“Eren tried his best.” Mikasa, much to Levi’s delight and surprise, wasn’t confrontational or defensive. If anything she sounded scared. 

“I know. So what of it? What does it matter if he tried? He can’t plug up the hole right now.” 

“But even if you blame Eren for it-” 

Levi cut Hanji off. “Hey, I just have a nasty mouth. I’m not blaming him. Identifying deficiencies and complaining about the situation is an important ritual. Listen, the stink of the gutters is always in the walls. It fills the air. It’s been like that for over a hundred years. It’s always shit inside these walls. That’s the present situation. I only realized that these past several years. After all, I’ve been breathing this shitty air since I was born. I thought it was normal. But the air I breathed outside the walls was different. It’s a world like hell, but freedom that isn’t within these walls is out there. It was there that I realized for the first time just what I didn’t know.” 

“In other words, what Levi is saying is this. This time, we succeeded in finding out that you can’t harden your Titan, Eren. And of course that’s not all!” Hanji exclaimed. “We were also able to find out the amount of time you can last when you consecutively transform into a Titan, as well as your versatility and limitations. Everything from the experiment this time can be useful information! We may be paying the price for raising up all that smoke like we did. But now we’ll also see whether we can make use of the experiment results.” She put a clenched fist in the air. “In other words, let’s keep trying our best. That’s what Levi’s saying.” 

Levi narrowed his eyes slightly. “Yeah…” _That’s not exactly what I meant._ “Thanks…” _For nothing._

After Eren had another brief dizzy spell, Hanji told him the next step- to look further into the Wall Cult and the information they’re so desperate to keep to themselves. Hopefully Erwin might overhear a thing or two during his time in the capitol. 

* * *

**11:12 PM**

“General, are you sure it’s alright for you to be out here? If someone were to attack, with your broken arm-” 

Saskia shook her head and leaned against the lower ladder of the lookout point. “Don’t worry about me, Connie. If anything I would hear them before you could see them. Focus on maintaining focus.” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

The cottage door opened and Levi stepped out, holding up a lantern. “Springer, has she been bugging you to let her help keep watch?” 

“No sir.” 

“Nor do I have any intention of doing so,” she added a little sharply. 

“You’re acting sensible? I don’t know if I should be relieved or concerned. You gonna be out here much longer? We need to talk.” 

“I am and I know.” She nodded towards their temporary housing. “Behind the building.” 

After checking for cobwebs and spider webs Levi leaned against the back of the building, setting the lantern on a patch of dirt near his feet. Saskia sat near him, legs pulled up to her chest. The two of them remained in silence for quite some time, taking a moment to do as Levi suggested and catch their breath. The rest of the world seemed to be in a peaceful slumber, the only sounds coming from the crackling of the lantern. 

“It’s gonna be awhile before we can do this again.” He slumped against the building. “You babble on about shapes in the sky and I do my best to ignore you.” 

“In trying to ignore something you have to acknowledge its existence. If you acknowledge it, can you truly ignore it?” She rested her cast on the railing and turn to him with a teasing grin. 

“What are you doing out here?” 

“Thinking about what Erwin told me. Rather, what Erwin asked Nifa to tell me should I become incredibly angered by…the newest development, which I clearly have been. I am to ask myself ‘WWCD?’. ‘What would Colleen do?’. It’s quiet out here, an ideal spot to meditate on the question.” 

“Come up with anything?” 

“My uncharacteristic and unprofessional burst of anger may not be isolated, and in recognizing that I can keep it from happening again. She would tell me that losing my temper will do more than cloud my judgment. For far too long my understanding of and expressing emotionality was black and white. The gray area, the place where I feel centered and content, is in what Colleen taught me. Be compassionate. Compassion is limitless; it occupies no end of the spectrum of emotionality. Compassion is more than a feeling, it’s a state of being. A state I had comfortably settled into six years ago, with a little assistance now and then.” 

“Tch. If by ‘a little assistance’ you mean ‘like pulling teeth’.” 

She chuckled. “Yes, I’m stubborn, I believe we established that long ago. Granted you’re just as bad as I am. I’ve started to lose sight of my priorities, the things I _must_ focus on…Confusing the things I want to for the things I need to. Pressure is added by being Acting Commander, yes, but that’s no excuse to deviate from what I need to be.” 

Levi ran his fingers through his hair. “You make it sound like you’re the only one. Who could blame any of us for being overwhelmed? There’s nothing wrong with losing your shit every now and then. So long as you get your shit back together. I can only tolerate so much shit from other people.” He paused. “How is being compassionate going to help you continue moving forward?” 

“Anger is heavy, it weighs you down until you’re trapped beneath it. Compassion is light, and instead of having to carry it, it will carry you.” 

“You’re starting to sound like an idealistic lunatic.” He let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. “All is right in the world again.” 

“If my idealistic lunacy betters the world then you have no right to chide me for it.” 

“I’ll say whatever I damn well please to you, woman. If I wanna call you an idiot, I’ll call you idiot. If I tell you to shut up, you better shut your God damn mouth. And if…” His voice began to taper. “If, hypothetically speaking, I wanted to tell you that I’ll miss you when you have to go back…I wouldn’t say it.” 

“Because, hypothetically speaking, I would already know?” 

He grunted, slightly amused by her answer. “No, because I hate saying sappy shit. Not only hypothetically.” 

She chuckled softly. “I’m an idealistic lunatic and you’re an aloof jackass. You’re correct. All is right in the world again.” 

“Of course I’m right.” He looked over his shoulder to see if the lights were out. A few candles were still going in Hanji and Moblit’s room, hardly to his surprise. He pointed towards the outside of the forest so they could talk without fear of anyone overhearing. She nodded in agreement, taking the lantern as she stood up. “Don’t take any other advice from Colleen and start climbing the damn trees,” he murmured in a mock scold. 

Saskia pursed her lips together to stifle her laughter as she leaned against one of the large trunks, holding up the lantern as Levi pulled a small note out of his pocket. He smoothed it out and held it up for both of them to reread. 

“This is the craziest thing I’ve ever read. That says a lot considering how long I’ve been forced to listen to your prattling.” 

“I haven’t even the faintest idea what to make of this. Or what to do with this information.” She shook her head dejectedly, feeling as though she failed a mission she hadn’t even begun. **  
**

“Some of our soldiers you dispatched after the traitors ran off must’ve picked this up and relayed it to him while we were on our way here. They’re not making an effort to hide what they’re doing. But now the Central Military Police is crawling all over Wall Rose. Headquarters can’t say no to a Military Police investigation. If it’s conducted by CMP in disguise-” 

“Yes, I understand.” She gulped. “I have no choice, I have to go back immediately.” 

“Can’t say I’ve heard of the Reeves Company but Trost is commercial; it’ll be easy to find. You get to work on finding bases immediately, expanding the search from each. I’ll do what I can to find another secret Survey Corps location we can relocate to. We have no choice but to make up the rest as we go.” 

“This is the Survey Corps. It’s what we do best. That…and staging a coup to overthrow the government and reinstate a new, reliable one.” 

“Our founders would be so proud,” he muttered deadpan. 

“Very! We’re picking up where they left off. We’re fulfilling their wish. I still remember the day you agreed to work with me…and when I made mention of how I believed the seemingly unrelated acts of fraud, murder, theft, siphoning, and so on were in fact related and traceable to the monarchy itself. You thought me deranged for believing such a thing.” 

“Fret not, I still think you’re deranged,” he chaffed. “But I never said you were wrong.” 

“Perhaps this is merely my ‘idealistic lunacy’ at play, but never ever I have had the opportunity to weed through the walls to wipe out the monsters hiding under human flesh.” She squealed softly and added in a loud whisper, “How exciting!” 

“Yeah…exciting…Nutcase.” 

“Say what you want and what you will. There isn’t a single thing that bring me down from this elated-” 

“Erwin’s in their custody. All of our actions reflect on the Survey Corps. With him in their possession they could easily eliminate him if we publicly screw up. We will be branded enemies of the state, like our predecessors.” 

She grimaced. “I suppose that would ruin it.” 

“Ya think?” He tore the bottom piece off of Erwin’s note and stuffed it into the lantern, watching it curl and crumple as it succumbed to the flame. “I’ll show them the note tomorrow, before we leave. As for that last bit…Not yet. First on the list is the Reeves Company.” He folded the note back up and stuffed it in his pocket. “I’ll figure something out after that.” 

“I will continue to look into the significance of the knife as well. Its use as a murder weapon by one party and a clue left behind from another…in the midst of all this…We need to arm ourselves with as much information as we will conventional weaponry.” 

“You really think your plan for finding locations of operation will work?” he asked skeptically. 

“If I didn’t, I would not even bother attempting exerting the energy implementing aforementioned plan. Our options are limited by our resources, and our resources are quite limited. It will, at the very least, give us some of the answers we so desperately seek. And more likely than not it will also point us in the direction of the next questions we need to ask.” 

“You’re a little too quick to trust sometimes. I would know…I was plotting your death the moment we met,” he reminded. 

“I recall. You were even armed for the occasion,” she replied with a chipper smile. 

Suddenly he snickered. “Awkward and frustrating as it was, the talk this morning was pretty funny, in hindsight.” 

She quirked an eyebrow. “You derive entertainment from sharing some of the most sordid details and painful memories in all your thirty-four years?” 

“No. But the look on Ackermann’s face…I was bracing myself for her to start throwing furniture when she found out we had the same last name. Then she found out you two have a shared racial origin and she looked ready to shit a brick at the idea of being related to _both_ of us. Whenever she pisses me off I’ll remember that face and I won’t be able to take her seriously,” he said somewhat epigrammatically. 

“…I suppose…” Saskia bit her lip. “It was…perhaps it was a little comical, yes…” 

He backhanded her on the shoulder. “Lighten up. You’re allowed to laugh at your peons.” 

“Oh I am well aware. Countless times did I amuse myself at your expense. For example, that time in October of 845, when I found out you were the one who had been hiding my vanilla tea for well over a month. And so I took a bucket of manure from the stables and dumped it on your bed in retaliation.” 

Slowly Levi narrowed his eyes at her. “…that was you?” 

Complexion deathly ashen, she laughed nervously. “Come now, it was six years ago. No need to react so immaturely.” _The Glare of Murderous Intent. Oh how I have **not** missed you…_

“And dumping a pile of horse shit on my bed is a sign of how mature you are? Shut that hole on your face, there’s no talking your way of this one. I’m getting you back for that. Don’t know when, don’t know how, but I will.” 

“Who’s the immature one now?” 

“Fuck off to headquarters already.” 

“As you wish Lance Corporal.” She stuck out her tongue as she handed him the lantern, then turned on her heel. 

He furrowed his brow. “Wait. Wait a minute. One last thing before you leave.” 

“Yes?” 

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him, turning her so they were face-to-face and only a breath’s distance from each other. “I don’t know when the hell I’m gonna see you again and...” He hesitated. _I have her attention…Now what?!_ “There isn’t gonna be anyone at headquarters to yell at you to get your stupid ass in bed on time. There won’t be anyone here to tell me about the wonderful job I’m doing, despite my not believing it. Earlier, when Eren woke up, I went on a long-winded rant that came out of nowhere, which Hanji interpreted as ‘Let’s keep doing our best and believe in ourselves’. Maybe it sounded that way but I wasn’t trying to give a pep talk. I wasn’t telling Eren to not give up, I was telling him he better succeed. If he doesn’t what hope do we have for retaking Wall Maria? We’ll have diddly shit, that’s what. So…just because I won’t be around to yell at you doesn’t mean you can start neglecting your well-being.” 

“Failure isn’t option, I agree. Failure is not even in my vocabulary. But ‘faith’ and ‘confidence’ are. I have faith in you, I have faith in them, and I have faith in myself. And I say that confidently. There is neither time nor room for doubts, insecurities, and second guessing. I realize this. I accept this. Things may not always go our way as we press forward but in the end, no matter what happens or who tries to stand between us and victory, we _will_ have our way.” She put a hand on his cheek. “You should know better than to worry about me. I’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah, well, aren’t you the one who keeps saying there’s a difference between knowing and feeling?” he scowled, averting her tender gaze. 

“You tell me to wait, pull me to you like a ragdoll, and now you’re being evasive? And you call my behavior nonsensical. But yes, you’re right…We have no adequate means of accurately predicting when we shall reunite, and in what manner. Nothing whatsoever to predicate it on. That said, I propose that I not leave quite yet…” 

He stared blankly at her. “If you think you’re laid in the woods you’ve got another thing coming.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, July 26 th, 3:42 AM**

Saskia hopped off Iolana, tied her up, and made sure she was fed and hydrated before going towards the entrance. As soon as she placed her hand on the door she froze and spun around, hearing light footsteps not far from the outside of the front gate. The owner seemed to be circling the premises at an unusual pace; not running from something but not running towards anything either. She followed as swiftly and softly as possible until the sound stopped, and she found herself near one of the larger cracks in the stone wall surrounding the entirety of the Survey Corps’ property located in the large shadow the headquarters cast. She could hear the person on the other side breathing heavily. She kept her back against the wall, not daring to peer through the break, and waited. There was a rustling noise, something light like the fabric of clothing. A piece of paper was shoved through the crack. 

_Seems as though someone was waiting for me…_ She quickly snatched it. _No CMP or MP soldier would come alone, especially at night, if they had any malicious intent._ She looked down at the paper and immediately recognized the handwriting. 

_Did you get my presents?_

“There’s plenty more where that came from.” The voice was female, older than adolescent but not quite young adult, and had the slightest hint of an accent she’d never heard before. “I’ve been watching this place while you were gone. No CMP or MP folks came poking around.” 

“Trying to keep the break in a secret, or keeping your breaking in a secret?” Saskia asked quietly. _Time to find out if my plan will work…_

“Trying to keep Kenny’s piss ants away from here while no one was here to man the fort. If anything they were waiting for you. That’s why it was so boring while you were gone…Alright, yes, I was waiting for you. I saw you leave but I have no idea where you went and right now I couldn’t care less. That’s not why I’m here.” 

“Who do you work for?” she demanded. 

“No one.” 

“Oh?” Saskia may have only had one working arm but that was all she needed to hoist herself up and jump the ledge. Before the visitor could react Luzia’s knife had been drawn and was at her throat. “I would not be so certain of that. Not anymore.” 

“You really do live up to your reputation,” the mysterious young woman said, backing up against the wall with trembling knees. She was wearing faded military issue slacks, a plain white shirt, and a hooded jacket. Her face was covered but strands of dark brown hair tumbled out. “I know there’s nothing I can do to prove that I’m not an enemy or that I’m on your side, none of that. I know. But I came here anyway, if that says anything at all.” 

“Before you launch into an incoherent ramble in hopes of justifying your intrusion, your trespassing, your violating my home, you will answer a very simple question for me. Is your loyalty a commodity?” 

“No amount of money or gold or priceless antiques could convince me to work for someone. No, I’m done with that. I’m done pretending to be ‘loyal’ to people who take me in thinking I don’t know they killed my parents. I’m done pretending I don’t know half the things I do. My loyalty’s not for sale. It’s earned. So if you’re trying to make a deal with me, trust me when I say you were already on my list.” 

“Question two. You speak as a former underling of Kenny Ackermann and his associates. This means you possess knowledge of bases they have disguised as harmless locales. If you are willing to cross paths with me, are you willing to chance an encounter with your former superiors and their clientele?” 

“If it means stopping them.” 

“Question three. I do not want to become attached to you until I know you can be trusted so you will remain expendable until you have proven otherwise to myself and the Survey Corps. And I will give you that opportunity. Regardless of whether or not you betray me I will benefit from your every move, your every word, your every breath. You will work for me in locating these and shutting down these bases so the Survey Corps may claim them. If I grant you permission, you will also take orders from others I deem worthy of shifting that authority to. As you are still no more than a mere plaything to me I refuse to know your name. What shall I call you until I have decided if you are of any use to me whilst you breathe?” 

“K. Just K.” 

“Question four. My final question. Contrary to what the Military Police will say I am not an unreasonable woman.” Saskia put the knife away, but kept her eyes on her new subordinate. “How soon are you able to start?” 

“You say the word, and I’m there. I’ve been getting restless. I’m more than ready to try and take away any places they’ve claimed as their own. It’ll cut right into their communication network, making relaying information across Sina and Rose increasingly difficult. I’ll be your saboteur, your spy, your informant, whatever. ‘Cause I need you just as much as you need me.” ‘K’ extended a shaky hand. “Does that work for you, General?” 

“You are no Survey Corps soldier and have no right to address me as such,” Saskia spat. “But your services are exclusive to me unless I say otherwise, and even then it will be situational. With that said…” She extended her hand and shook her new subordinate’s, smiling brightly. “Please, call me Saskia.” 

_“Saskia, do you why compassion is so important?”  
_

_“Compassion?” Eleven-year-old Saskia scoffed. “Such drivel is a waste of time.”  
_

_“Not true,” Colleen said with a slight laugh. “It’s the strongest weapon in the whole world, after love.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historia and the orphans, Isayama stole that from me. Her in chapter 71, with all the orphans, that had NOTHING to do with her cutesy daydream about adopting a ton of kids with Ymir. Seriously. I've had that in my head the whole time.
> 
> Regarding the talk Sasha and Historia have- in a world where population is a serious issue I sincerely believe that there would be discrimination towards same-sex attraction based mostly on that instead of religious reasons like in the real world. I wanted to try and flesh out the social and political climate of the AoT universe, or at least my take on it. Also, I like adding more fluffy friendly stuff; we don't get enough of that in the anime and manga because people are too busy dying to hold hands and sing Kumbaya.


	40. Innocence Be Damned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are from chapter 53. Colleen Berliner belongs to xxtheblackdevilxx on deviantART.

**Wall Rose Community Medical Center, July 26 th, 6:13 AM**

A pair of blues, normally stoic and reserved, was much gentler than usual that July morning. A pair of green eyes, normally alight by the magic of life itself, was dull, narrowed, staring out a hospital room window. 

“If I can lose my arm and still manage to fight Titans, a little time spent in prison doesn’t worry me in the slightest.” 

“Even if it is in the capital?” Saskia asked in a hushed tone, eyes widening in surprise. She glanced over her shoulder and stared at Erwin in disbelief. She moved away from the window and turned her body around to face him. “You…sound like me. Idealistic and optimistic to a fault. Now my concern has amplified.” The anger that racked her petite form since receiving the news was slowly inverting to overwhelming nervousness. 

“I’ll make a deal with you, as a way of guaranteeing that I won’t rot in a prison cell. A way to promise that I’ll see you again, perhaps sooner than you think.” _Under the most unfortunate circumstances imaginable._

“You and your negotiations and gambles…” 

“The next time you and I see each other I’ll tell you the real reason why I’ve been so apprehensive about letting you and Levi become so close. Or close to any potential significant other, for that matter.” 

“The…real…reason…? I thought-” 

The befuddled and slightly flustered young woman was interrupted by a heavy thumping on the door. “Erwin, I hope you’re decent, because it’s time to leave for Mitras.” 

“Just a moment Nile.” Erwin gave her a warning look. “Behave yourself.” 

She scrunched her face and put her right hand on her hip. “I am not the one you should be lecturing,” she replied defensively. “He always instigates our spats.” 

“You’re the one who threatened to anally penetrate him with an assault rifle,” he reminded bluntly as he got out of bed. 

“Only because he was being unreasonable. And said rifle was in dangerous proximity to your face.” 

“Dangerous for me or for him?” 

“Him, of course,” she said with a grin. “Alright, I accept your terms. You will share the real reason with me the next time we meet. Do not go back on your word. I have no tolerance for that.” She shook a finger at him. 

“I’m aware. I need to get ready now. Hopefully Nile can try to exercise a little patience. It takes me a bit longer to get dressed now.” He glanced down towards where his right arm once was. “How long did it take you to learn how to use your right hand?” 

“Not long. But that had absolutely nothing to do with my own willpower,” she added quietly. She ran a fingertip over the scar on her left palm. “You, however, happen to possess an ungodly amount of willpower, so I doubt it will take you long to acclimate.” 

“There’s that optimism I was waiting for.” _Arguably the last time I will see it._

She leaned closer. “Last we spoke, Levi was making plans for finding the Reeves Company. I will continue to protect headquarters. You need not worry about us.” 

_I don’t. Not yet._ “I trust you to be able to take care of yourself.” 

She scoffed. “If only Levi could follow your example. It…it will not be a long amount of time, yes? Certainly they are just as anxious to hold a trial and close your case as we are.” 

“It’s a bureaucracy. There’s no way of telling.” 

“Well…if they do…if something possesses them into thinking I will have the patience for such courses of action, I will storm in there armed and ready to unleash some _very_ choice, colorful words at them.” 

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t put it past you. Though…I’d rather you didn’t.” 

“Erwin! Hurry up in there!” 

Saskia gritted her teeth and glared at the door. “Maybe I will give him a piece of my mind first…” She looked up at Erwin and exhaled heavily. “Until next time.” 

“Until then.” 

They saluted each other but it didn’t feel like an appropriate closing gesture, and the salute quickly turned into a hug. 

Saskia giggled softly. “Both of us only have one functional arm right now. We match.” 

“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?” 

“Please don’t tell Levi!” she squeaked, frantically shaking her head. “He’ll kill me.” 

“I wouldn’t dare.” _He’ll have some choice and colorful words for me the next time we meet._

She slowly pulled away and smiled. “What am I worrying over? Surely they know better than to lay a finger on you.” 

“Why? I’m no longer the Survey Corps Commander.” 

“Not what I meant.” She shook her head and walked backwards towards the door. “Anyone who touches my brother should start sleeping with one eye open.” 

“And my sister should start sleeping.” 

She rolled her eyes. “If there is one silver lining to this separation from you and Levi, it is no longer being subjected to your constant reprimanding.” 

“I’m sure we’ll make up for lost time.” 

“I sincerely hope not,” she grumbled as she opened the door, trying to ignore the weight in her chest. Knowing that he would be alone in the capital, surrounded by enemies he might not even be aware of, she couldn’t help but feel like she was abandoning him. Or worse, left for dead. 

As soon as she stepped out into the hall Nile took a defensive stance, back stiff and arms folded across his chest. “Thanks to you it’ll take ever longer,” he scowled. 

“You would have done the same if it were your family in that room,” she frowned. “Be angry with me all you want, I truly could not care less. But be patient with him. He has yet to adjust to even the simplest of day-to-day routines without his right arm.” 

“And whose fault is that?” 

She narrowed her eyes, fighting the urge to throw him to the ground and stamp on his trachea. “Yours. It is your fault. You and the rest of the Military Police were holding us back out there!” she barked, subconsciously raising her arm and balling her fist. “If Hell does exist, there is a special place there reserved for people like you.” 

“People like me? What’s that supposed to mean, Messmann?” 

“Failures ruled by their fear,” she hissed. “Enjoy your life of complacency and false sense of security.” 

“Psychopath,” he spat as she stormed off. After a few more minutes the door opened and Erwin was dressed in his Survey Corps uniform, something he hadn’t worn since his hospitalization. 

“You can’t even try to get along?” he asked his old friend as they made their way outside. 

“She always starts those pointless arguments,” Nile sneered, lip curling up in annoyance. Erwin simply shook his head. 

The ride to Mitras was long and awkwardly silent. Once they finally reached the capital city Erwin, who hadn’t been in quite some time, was surprised to see theft along the heavily traveled roads out in broad daylight. 

“A young band of thieves? Even the capital is in this state…” 

“It’s the same anywhere.” Nile was so used to seeing such things that he was completely unfazed, whereas Erwin sounded like a tourist. “Even if you bring them in, the holding facilities are already filled to overflowing. If you’re lucky they’ll have a cell set aside just for you.” 

“You’re in a rather foul mood today. Not entirely Saskia’s doing, I hope.” 

“If only. I don’t know why I had to be your escort. This is Central Military Police business. Do they want me to hold your hand along the way? And I’m not in the mood to reminisce about our trainee days, so don’t even try.” 

“That’s cold of you Nile.” 

“I figured…” Nile paused. “That you’d be long dead by now. Have you already stuck that right arm into the next world? Do you still believe those delusions you spouted off when we were kids?” 

“Yeah.” _More than ever._ “Those delusions are turning into reality.” 

_Your conviction has always been admirable, I’ll give you that. Even if misguided._ “…that’s good to hear,” he replied quietly, unsure of what to say. What point was there in encouraging his delusions? 

“By the way Nile…Pastor Nick was killed after being tortured by the Central Military Police. Did you know about that?” 

If there was one topic the entirety of the Military Police could agree that they hated discussing, it was the CMP. Nile’s mouth parted slightly. “…no?” _Should I?_

“I see. It seems they wanted to find out about Eren’s whereabouts. Why do you guys want Eren so badly? To go so far as to dirty your hands with murder.” 

“We…merely obey orders from up on high,” Nile admitted. The Military Police had far less autonomy than they touted, and this fact greatly embarrassed the Commander. “I don’t know their reasons. If we’re the outward face of the Military Police, the Central Military Police is the opposite. Their chain-of-command is different and we have no links to them…Even we have no idea what they’re thinking. There’s no one officially in charge of them. No matter what they do, there’s no reprisal. Did you want to ask something so obvious? You’re not getting anything out of me, you know.” 

“What do you think?” His tone shifted from serious to innocent curiosity. 

Nile raised an eyebrow. “…about?” 

“Do you think handing Eren to them will save these walls from danger?” _Maybe I can plant a few seeds in the MP before the bloodshed begins. They Survey Corps will need as many allies as possible._ “What do you think?” he pressed. 

“That’s not something for me to think about,” he said briskly. “I just do the work given to me.” 

“Is Marie well?” Erwin forced a smile. This was possibly the last time he would see Nile, and he didn’t want their conversation to be bitter and centered on work. “I heard your third is on the way.” 

Nile growled in annoyance. “Can you focus your questions a bit?” he asked, gritting his teeth. _This isn’t like him at all. Maybe the drugs from the clinic haven’t worn off._

“Now that I think about it, you were excited about being in the Survey Corps with me. But you fell in love with a woman at our favorite drinking spot and chose the path of protecting a single woman.” 

“Yeah, that’s right. I betrayed you guys and shamelessly lived on to the present day.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. “But I don’t regret it,” he asserted. “Making a family is my pride.” 

“I respect you. Our colleagues that died would feel the same. You managed a way of life we were incapable of.” 

“Not if the rumors about your Acting Commanders are true.” _Those are the last two people who should ever reproduce, ESPECIALLY with each other._

Erwin chuckled. “Yeah, that odd pair may be an exception. However…” He returned to the serious, stoic man Nile thought the painkillers had been suppressing. “Obeying a system and protecting your position won’t necessarily result in protecting your family. This little world is trying to change.” The passion in his voice was rising. “Hope or despair? Who will the one to choose? Who will choose? Who do you believe in?” 

The carriage began to slow down. The royal palace was in sight. 

“Erwin…what are you trying to do?” He was nervous about what the answer might be, but even more nervous for his friend. 

“A gamble, as usual. That’s all I can do. You do your job…” He patted Nile on the shoulder. “I just wanted to give you a warning.” He opened the door. “One more thing.” Looking over his shoulder he said, “Contrary to what many may think, I was in love once too.” 

“I knew that! But you chose the Titans, didn’t you?! You’d rather fight Titans than try to live happily with her. Taking the Titans over a fine woman like Colleen…There’s something wrong with you!” 

“Colleen could never have been happy living a life where she didn’t have to fight for something bigger than herself,” Erwin countered sharply. “Like the greater good. Because when the time came for her to make that choice, she chose hope. Not everyone can be so brave in the face of opposition.” He slowly ascended the steps to the palace entrance, leaving Nile sulking in the carriage. 

Inside there was neither need for an escort nor a need to be checked by the guards. They were expecting him and he already knew exactly where a party of two would be waiting for him. A few staircases, a handful of lefts and rights, countless hallways, and eventually he found the room where Kenny and Isamu were waiting. Kenny looked relaxed and casual as usual, drinking a strong whiskey that could be smelled from out in the hallway. His feet were propped up on a small table, the top of which was covered haphazardly in cards. Isamu was looking out the window, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“Enough with the tapping buddy, the guest of honor has arrived.” Kenny held up an empty snifter. “Look at the fancy glasses these shmucks have. It’s just whiskey, not that wine the pansy nobles here like to sip with their pinkies in the air!” He shrugged. “Want one?” 

“Depends. How strong is it?” Erwin sat down across from the older man. _This might be the first time I’ve noticed it…Do they both look out the window when irked?_ He quickly glanced at Isamu. 

“Strong enough to make you forget that you lost an arm. Speaking of which…” He filled the glass to the point where it was almost overflowing, clearly quite inebriated himself. “Mr. No Patience wants to hear allllllll about that. Not the arm getting chewed off, the part where Saskia went psycho.” 

“I don’t know if ‘psycho’ is the correct word.” Erwin took a slow, steady sip and burst into a coughing fit. He doubted even Saskia could handle such a strong drink. “She said that she blacked out. She doesn’t recall any of it.” 

Isamu spun around. “Is that so? What else did she say?” he asked eagerly. 

“It felt as though her body was moving on its own. Pure instinct, pure adrenaline, something to that affect. She’s fought in a similar manner in the past, that’s her signature style in fact, but never before has she been unable to recall it. A disconnect between mind and body was what made this experience different. That was how she described it. That was the ‘berserk’ state you had spoken of earlier, I assume.” He took another sip. _You won’t be so excited when you’re on the receiving end of it._

“Yes, that’s it. I knew it. The weapon inside of her is awake. All it took was you losing an arm. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? An emotional trigger…She is a Pisces, after all.” 

“Has there been any sign of the defectors?” Erwin turned to Kenny. 

“No one’s heard or seen a thing. And as much as I love traitors getting their guts ripped out by Titans, those boys could create a new Armored and Colossal Titan if they’re stupid enough to be eaten.” 

“Must a shifter be alive when eaten for their power to be absorbed by a normal Titan?” 

“Do I look like Grisha to you?” Kenny scoffed. “Hope not…I’m much prettier than him.” 

“If shifters don’t need to be alive, then even if Annie had killed Marco Bodt a Titan could have eaten his corpse and absorbed the power of the Warrior Titan. However that doesn’t seem to be the case. We know Annie failed to kill him but we don’t know whether or not he survived the Titans in Trost. Regardless of whether or not he did, the power of the Warrior Titan still exists within these walls. Unless the shifting ability dies when the person carrying it does, as it binds to the body, thus preventing it from functioning.” 

“Hm…Hadn’t thought of that. We’ll have to run that by the doc.” 

“There’s also the Dancing Titan.” 

It was Kenny’s turn to almost choke on his drink. “The hell did you just say?” 

“The other cadet who left with Braun and Hoover had the power of the Dancing Titan, the power that was given to their friend when you recruited them. She must’ve originally been a regular Titan who consumed the child and gained the power of the Dancing Titan. Even if the boy was killed the power is still at our disposal. Why exactly she left with them I can’t say, but according to Historia they were threatening her. We can just as easily use the princess as a bargaining chip to take back the Dancing Titan.” 

“Well shit. And it’s not even my birthday.” 

“I have an idea regarding Saskia. She hasn’t shown this ‘berserk’ state before and hasn’t had the chance to do it again since. But if the trigger to bring it out and finish forging the Living Weapon is indeed an emotional one, then you should wait to break up her relationship Levi. When Shardis and I spoke he said that in the end Saskia would be forced to come here, having been ostracized by the Survey Corps and abandoned by Levi. If this triggers the berserk ability she inherited then you will have a hard time being able to control her. Remember, the first time it happened she took down a Titan. A human wouldn’t stand a chance. Use Levi to trigger it again, but not until she’s already here.” 

Kenny leaned forward. “You sound like you’ve got a plan.” 

“As far as they know I’m going to be incarcerated here until a trial is held. We know that no such thing is going happen. She is already worrying about me. Give her more reason to. Instead of forcing her to arrive with nowhere else to turn, lure her. Give her incentive to leave them, not reason to come here.” 

“Using you as bait? Seriously? You only had a few sips…The whiskey’s not _that_ strong.” 

Isamu nodded slowly. “It would work. Not only would she worry about you, exposing yourself as a traitor will certainly add to the pain she feels after she and Levi are no longer together. I like the plan Erwin. I think we should do it. We simply need to wait until they’ve become compromised.” 

“Pfft. Knowing Levi as well as I do, he’ll either push her away or scare her off. I taught that kid a little too much a little too well. The funny thing though…Had Luzia not found out what you wanted to do with widdle baby Saskia, I would’ve taught her too. It’s almost like they were destined to be together. For better or for worse.” 

“The sooner that ‘relationship’ ends, the better,” Isamu muttered. “Weapons are supposed to kill, not…love.” He uttered the last word with extreme disgust. “That’s what I get for settling for a Pisces, I suppose.” 

“Same as you had to settle for Luzia,” Kenny joked. “I’m glad that dumb bitch is out of the picture. Harassing her stopped being fun a long time ago.” 

“Where are Rod Reiss and Shardis?” Erwin asked curiously. 

“Rod’s been a little mopey lately.” 

“We realized that Saskia is probably beginning to recall the last time we saw her, that rainy night, because of all the time she’s spending around Historia,” Isamu explained. “He never told her exactly what she’d become, other than that she was born -designed- to be powerful.” 

“That must’ve been a lot for a child to take in. And if it was raining that night, it wouldn’t surprise me if that was where her fear of storms stemmed from. Levi will be seeking out the Reeves Company by tomorrow at the earliest. If he follows my orders he’ll be leaving their temporary hiding spot tonight.” 

“And that’s where good ‘ole Keith is. He’ll be taking some of the boys out tonight to burn the place down after those kiddies leave. Being a former Survey Corps commander comes in handy for things like that.” Kenny rubbed his hands together. “This is gonna be quite the interesting family reunion. Me and little Mika, you and your ‘sister’. And, after twenty-eight long and heart-wrenching years, father and daughter.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Karanese District, 3:30 PM _  
_**

The trek back and forth was arduous and bordered on life-threatening, but Saskia’s first order was for Kseniya to follow Erwin all the way to the capital to ensure he arrived in one piece. One the way back, and later once inside Wall Rose, she was supposed to keep an eye out for any bases that looked vulnerable. The closer to the SC headquarters building, the better. The ones in Sina were currently untouchable but the General firmly believed that their centralized structure would be their downfall; once the weaker bases were taken their underlings would have to retreat further and further into Sina until they were all trapped in the same place with their bosses. Communicating with Saskia herself would be difficult during the daytime so she took to hiding in her usual haunts as she waited for nightfall so she could relay her findings to the General. 

“I thought I might find you here.” 

Kseniya was about to draw a blade, breath caught in her throat, until the owner of the familiar voice started laughing softly. She put a hand over her heart, breathing deeply. “Don’t scare me like that Marco,” she chided. “How did you know I’d be here?” 

“Well, I didn’t think you would be in Karanese. But I figured that if you were, this is where you’d be.” 

The location in question was a former base which fronted as a bar. Earlier in the year a violent brawl broke out, resulting in five civilian casualties and two others with severe injuries, and the bar was forced to shut down. With no cover the base was abandoned and the building had been left alone since. It was coated in wispy gray cobwebs and the wood was rotting in spots where liquored had spilled, but it was the safest place for Kseniya at the moment. 

“I did it.” She lifted her hood and rubbed her tired eyes. “I was watching their headquarters and early this morning I confronted her. I confronted Saskia Messmann. She told me that I have to work for her, gather information on the enemy all over Rose and Sina. She’s completely **crazy**. She wants to knock out every single spot like what this bar used to be, corner them all into the capital, and carve them up like a yuletide roast. She wants a full-blown revolution. And it’s not just her, she and a select few in the Survey Corps are plotting a coup. A damned coup. They knew more than I initially thought. And it’s true, about her creepy smile. She had Luzia’s knife to my throat one minute, making all her demands…and the next thing I know we’re shaking hands and she says in this sweet voice ‘Call me Saskia!’.” 

“You sound pretty excited.” Marco sat at one of the few barstools that were still intact while Kseniya paced behind the counter, hoping to find some spirits still good enough to drink. “I’ll admit, I’m a little jealous. What have you told her so far?” 

“Nothing. That’s the weirdest part. She insisted that I not say anything yet, just gather some information for her. She wants to ‘compare notes’ later, after she’s decided if I’m…worth keeping around. Doesn’t want to get attached only to have to kill me later, basically. So I’m not entirely sure what they do and don’t know. I just have an idea about a few things. That makes this a little difficult…” She rested her arms on the countertop. “I can tell her everything I overhear and learn, but do I tell her about the things it could be related to? Things she might not already know about? Do I let her draw her own conclusions, and correct her if she’s wrong or do I stay quiet?” She rolled her shoulders. 

“I don’t know. I’ve never met her. I only know what she looks like and a few things I overheard from our old bosses. But you might want to tell her that there’s a rumor going around that their headquarters was broken into. The Military Police will be obligated to investigate, and they can’t say no to an MP warrant. _Especially_ if it’s another branch of the military.” 

Kseniya hung her head. “Shit. Me and her can’t meet in the middle of the day, only at night. We can’t be seen together, and she’s more or less confined to that building since the other Acting Commander is somewhere else. And no, before you ask, I don’t know if your beloved is with him or her or dead. If I find out though, I’ll be sure to tell you, alright? What to do about this rumor though…?” She tapped her fingertips on the countertop. 

“Is it true?” Even in the dimly lit old building he could see her raised eyebrow. “Oh, I see, it was you. I need to stay on the move so I can’t be here for much longer. But if I stumble across anything interesting, I’ll do my best to find you and share it.” 

“I think Saskia would be a little pissed if she knew I had outside help…Then again, she’d be pissed if she knew about all the stuff I was sharing with you right now!” she laughed nervously. “Listen Marco, I really appreciate everything you’ve done. I know there’s gonna come a time when you get your chance to help out. Hell, they might let you join! As nice as she’s being though, Saskia wouldn’t hesitate to kill me if she had even the slightest reason to suspect treachery on my part. If something does happen to me, if I do something incriminating and she hacks into me, I want you to know that -though we didn’t know each other long or all that well- you’re pretty much my best friend. Only friend. So through process of elimination, best friend.” 

* * *

**Survey Corps Headquarters, 11:28 PM**

No one was surprised that Saskia was outside at night, though it was strange that she exited the building through the front instead of going to the roof. Regardless no one found it suspicious. Was stargazing too painful, as she did it with Levi for company for the past six years? Did she need to go for a walk to clear her head? Was she doing a late night patrol, exercising caution after the break in? All of these ideas and more were highly likely so no one thought anything of it. 

The General waited patiently by the crack in the wall which she designated as their permanent meeting spot. She closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing in effort to slow it down. It was hard for her to invest attention in any work that day knowing Erwin was in the enemy’s clutches. To make matters worse there was a terrible itch under her cast which had been irritating her all day but she had no way of getting at it. 

“Hey Ge- Saskia.” 

“Good evening, K.” She poked at the cast, directly over the itchy spot. _Damn this thing._ “The trip to Mitras.” 

“No problems. He looked a little annoyed when he came out, but Nile Dawk was with him…From what I’ve heard and what little I’ve seen, he’s a dick.” 

“To put it nicely, yes. Number of vulnerable locations in Sina that you are aware of.” 

“Zero.” 

“Rose.” 

“Two. There’s one in Karanese that’s no longer used as a base so I don’t know if it counts. Its cover was a bar. After a skirmish a few months back they were forced to close down, so the place was no longer usable.” 

“Is there anything of value inside?” 

“Not that I found. It was completely cleaned out, except for a few bottles of alcohol. No vodka, sadly.” 

“What was the building used for?” 

“Gambling and bookkeeping, mostly. If anyone owed anything to anyone important, that was where they would go to…pay their dues. They were given two choices- win a game and use the earnings to clear their debt, or lose the game and be killed. Assuming they played. Most saw no point, since the bosses always cheated.” 

“I see. Yes, removing financial records would be high priority. It would be a detriment if they were uncovered. And the second location?” 

“It’s in Trost, in one of the warehouses owned by the Reeves Company. Last I heard though, Reeves’ loyalty was being called into question. He lost a lot when Trost was attacked and thought his goods were insured through the bosses. Turned out they expected that from him, and he hasn’t been able to make up for all the losses. His loyalty might be for sale, if you’re interested.” 

“…no.” 

“Got it.” Kseniya folded her arms over her chest. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“I will not guarantee an answer.” 

“You don’t want me to tell you what I know just yet because that’s a lot like knowing my name. It makes me a person, not a puppet, and you don’t wanna be attached. That’s what you said, anyway. To wait until you trust me and then I can spill all.” 

“That is assuming you earn my trust.” 

“Right, assuming I do. Are you sure it’s not because you’re afraid of what I might know? Might be overwhelming, things you didn’t know about, things you suspected but hoped weren’t true?” 

_That is a fair question indeed, and one I dare not entertain._ “Do you know of any places near these warehouses which could be used as a hideout? Even if only for a day?” 

“By who? The enemy?” 

“By anyone.” 

“Um…Yeah, I know of two or three places.” 

“Excellent. Levi will be making his way to Trost to locate the Reeves Company. I need you to find him and tell him about these safe places you know of.” _Eren and Historia CANNOT be kidnapped whilst they apprehend those in charge of the company. There will be far too much commotion to keep an eye on them. Maybe those two should have come back with me…_ “He will be expecting you.” 

“Expecting me?” _I don’t like the sound of that._

“I planned on encountering you after I returned. I did not think it would be so soon, nor did I think it would be under such amicable circumstances. I was preparing for another break in. He knew. He thought me foolish, perhaps even sophomoric for it, but he has come to anticipate such things from me. Keep yourself covered, lay down any weapons you have. They will have no reason to attack if you do.” 

“How will he know I was sent by you though?” 

“Oh, that is quite simple. Tell him this. ‘No time for reluctance, only heroes’. He will understand the reference. No one else in the world knows what it alludes to. Tell him about the safe hiding places. He will know what they are to be used for. Do not ask if he has any information for me. If he has something to say, he will say it. You are not to associate with anyone in his company, verbally or non-verbally. Need I repeat any of that?” 

“Nope. Find Levi, tell him about the safe places, don’t ask questions, and don’t talk to anyone else. ‘No time for reluctance, only heroes’.” 

“Do not neglect to keep your face covered and to disarm. Should you fail to do so, no amount of references and cryptic messages will protect you.” 

She nodded. “Got it. There is one thing you need to know though. Something I caught wind of while scoping out the area. A rumor is going around about the break in. I don’t know who started it or how many have heard, but word travels fast in these walls.” 

“I see.” Saskia fell silent. _The Military Police must not be allowed to enter, no matter what. No matter the cost._ “Tell me K, what are rumors?” 

“Huh? Uh, well, rumors are things that people hear that might be true…might not…and they gossip about ‘em.” 

“At their **core** , what are rumors?” 

“Well, baseless.” 

“Baseless _what_?” 

“Words?” 

“Precisely. And how do you keep words from spreading?” 

“You destroy paper trails and shut up the talkers.” 

“Need I elaborate on what you must do?” 

“Kill the gossipers, kill the rumor. Hold up, they’re just innocent civilians who don’t know any better,” she protested. _She can’t be serious. I thought Little Miss Messmann had a heart of gold, not ice._

“If they perpetuate rumors which will bring direct harm to the Survey Corps as an entity and its soldiers or rumors which empower the Military Police by adding to their self-perceived authority and legitimate jurisdiction they are **not** innocent. They are monsters wearing human flesh…even if they do not know it. One need not be conscientious of how despicable their activities are for them to be despicable. And if man’s worth is to be measured by action, then they themselves are just as despicable as their activity.” 

_Then what does that make me?_ “OK, good to know. What if…someone is faking it? If they play the bad guy to protect someone? Say, some other bad guy might try to corrupt an innocent person. And if someone knows that, then they pretend to be a bad guy too claiming to have the same interests and goals, and they say they’ll corrupt and monitor the innocent person. But really it’s all pretend.” 

“That depends on how much harm is caused by the charade. More importantly, is the one performing the charade being swept away by the allure of the power they hold over another person? Have they lost sight of their intentions? Are they bound to this false persona, so much so that it consumes them? Becomes them?” 

Kseniya started trembling, then quickly shook away her negative thoughts. _She’s just one person. Her opinions aren’t the only way to see things. And yet…it still stings. If Erwin really was faking it the whole time like some people thought, then wouldn’t that apply to him too?_

“But we cannot forget that at some point in our lives we will all wear a mask. Whether we let it sink into our skin and become a new face or remove it and reveal the flesh we were born with…that is what makes all the difference. To answer your question, that person may be despicable but they are not beyond redemption if they are aware of the harm their actions have caused, if they are aware that the persona they adopted was for the good of another, and they do not let it destroy them from the inside out. I believe…” Saskia leaned back and glanced up at the stars. “I believe that we are all born good. But there exist an abundance of toxic influences in our surroundings. Sometimes we indulge but possess the willpower to break away. Sometimes we indulge with no reservations. Those who do the latter lose their humanity and become monsters hiding beneath human flesh. Far more dangerous to humanity as a whole than the Titans, as we are trapped within the walls together.” 

“Well, if we’re all born good, where did those ‘toxic influences’ come from?” Kseniya challenged. 

“Something outside of us. We develop bonds, attachments, opinions on others and the inanimate. They are drawn out by the things around us. It is not something within us which becomes corrupted, but something outside of us which corrupts the inherent good. Is that what you were asking?” 

“Yeah. But where did those influences start from? Not how do they start affecting us, but the original?” 

“Just because we are born good does not mean the same can be said for the world around us, save for nature. Nature is incapable of corrupting.” 

“Pfft, okay. Tell that to all the people who’ve been bushwhacked or eaten poisonous berries.” 

“A plant does not deliberately hit someone, it is obeying the physical laws of this world. Like gravity or how water kills flame. And do the berries go out of their way to be consumed so their harmful properties can cause illness after being ingested?” 

“…am I really talking to the same person who almost slit my throat and then shook my hand while smiling?” Kseniya joked. “Alright, I give, there’s no winning with someone who has an answer to everything. 

“Everything? I would not say I have an answer to everything…Only everything you asked me thus far.” She squinted, trying to get a better view of the constellations. “K, when were you born? I care not for year, only month and date.” 

“June 23rd. Why? Oh, right, astrology. You believe in that stuff.” 

_Ah, a Cancer. That would explain the concern about one’s moral character. And very close to Colleen’s birthday._ “That I do. Go ahead and call me a lunatic. Many already have. I have grown quite used to it.” 

_I wonder what she would think about Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt…_ “Another question about being good or bad. What if someone is coerced into doing something bad? Like a kid who doesn’t know any better? If they know better when they grow up…Can someone like that atone, or are they forever doomed?” 

“…this is why you left the clues by Annie. You knew her. You were concerned about her. Perhaps even…pretended to be something you are not to try and protect her from those with blatantly malicious intentions and a conscience that had corroded away long ago? Now you question your own moral compass after having followed their example, walking that same path. Does it still point north? Or is the arrow spinning in circles, making you dizzy? It must be exhausting, dwelling over such questions. To the point of obsession, maybe?” 

_DAMN she’s good._ “I should get going. Give your message to Levi, do away with some gossipers.” 

“Evasion usually equates to a positive affirmation, you know. You want to distance yourself from the subject because you have yet to confront the guilt you carry.” 

“Drop it already, would ya?!” Kseniya hissed, kicking back against the wall. “You said you didn’t wanna know about me so why the sudden interview?” 

“No, I said I did not want to know your name. Your public identity. That is not the same as the young woman beneath the hood, the covert but not necessarily clandestine. How else am I to determine whether or not you are to be trusted? As I said, we are measured by our actions. What some fail to recognize is that the ‘words and actions’ paradigm is a false dilemma; the adage ‘actions speak louder than words’ reflects that. Actions are non-verbal communication, and verbally communicating is an action.” She paused. “For someone who is very intent on sharing information to take down a common enemy, you seem very eager to open up about yourself. Even to a complete stranger.” 

“Complete stranger? Pfft, I know more about you than you know that I know. And…it’s not like I’ve ever really had a chance to talk about me and who I really am anyway. I know who I am, but I haven’t been able to share that with the world for almost as long as I can remember.” The brunette kicked at the ground. “It’s refreshing, ya know?” 

“I can certainly empathize with that, and if you know me so well then you are no doubt aware of the reasons for that. Perhaps there is a pre-established subconscious comfort level. So too can I empathize with needing to find Levi. If he has a message for me do not report back unless instructed or you sense urgency. If you know who you are, then surely you should be able to trust your intuition. You are, after all, born under the crab.” 

“I’m guessing that’s a compliment?” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Secret Location, July 27 th, 2:15 AM**

“Close one…” From a distant hilltop Connie watched as the CMP searched their former hideout. “If we had slept there tonight as well, what would’ve happened to us?” 

“Levi Heichou?” Armin looked over his shoulder at his Squad Leader, who was checking that his gun was loaded. “Are those guys Central Military Police?” 

“Who knows? To think they’d come here directly…I’ve been underestimated. Let’s hurry to the meeting place.” He looked up at the sky and felt a strong combination of longing and loneliness. It was too quiet; wasn’t there supposed to be a soft laugh or a playful insult thrown his way whenever he looked at the night sky? _She better not be looking at it too right now…_ “Good thing the moon’s out.” 

“Where is the meeting place?” Sasha chewed her bottom lip. Being out at night in such a dense forest had her on edge, hunter’s instinct on overdrive. A hunter’s success isn’t marked by their kills, but their own survival. 

“We’ll find out soon enough. Let’s get moving.” 

The cadets exchanged confused looks. Eren recognized that tone; he used the same voice in the Forest of Giant Trees when he was keeping the plan from his squad. As far as Levi was concerned they were just fine without that knowledge. 

They walked under the cover of the trees for at least a half-hour in absolute silence, Levi refusing to stop moving forward no matter who whined or for what reason. He was determined to close the gap between them and the informant, if Saskia’s plan had in fact worked, as quickly as possible. Then and only then would they have a little wiggle room in their schedule. And the sooner that happened the better, as he was about to yell at Jean to either keep holding it or piss his pants. 

An unceremonious rustling caught their attention and instinctively they all drew. A person roughly Jean’s height wearing faded military pants, a white shirt, and a half-buttoned up hooded jacket stepped out. Immediately the person took off their 3DMG, dropped a pocket knife to the ground, and held up their arms as a sign of surrender. From under the hood came a low, shaky female voice. “‘No time for reluctance, only heroes’”. 

Levi exhaled and put his gun down, motioning for the rest to do the same. “Looks like the plan worked. You sure took your sweet time. Make it quick.” 

“There’s a former base in Karanese that had to be shut down because its cover was closed. A bar. There’s another in Trost, warehouse owned by the Reeves Company.” 

“Reeves? Isn’t that where we’re headed?” Connie asked quietly and Mikasa elbowed him to be quiet. 

“As for hiding spots, there are two or three available. I say two or three because one was near a residential part of Trost and might’ve been bought. The final two…One of them is in Trost, close to the gate. It’s a pretty nice place but there a rodent infestation so it had to be evacuated and cleared out. Getting rid of the rodents caused some damage to the building so it’s in need of renovation, and right now no one is allowed in. The second is an old farmhouse connected a brick tower with multiple levels, including a basement-” 

“I know it,” Levi interrupted. “That’s all I needed to hear. I’ve got nothing for her. Not yet. But I do have a question for you…if you’ve got the time.” 

“All I’m supposed to be doing right now is finding bases that are easy targets, and I know where the majority of the ones still functioning are located. I’ve got some time.” 

“What do you get out of this? Revenge? Are you expecting compensation from us for your aid? Why do you want to stop the project?” 

“It’s not about the project for me,” Kseniya replied earnestly. “It’s…more personal than that. Family killed, manipulation since I was a kid, same old story. I guess…” She shrugged. “I want my life back. Simple as that.” 

“Wouldn’t bank on it being that simple if I were you. But, just like your mouthy little boss, you aren’t obligated to listen to me.” 

She nodded and started putting her gear back on, while Levi and his squad continued on towards Trost. 

“Heichou, who was that?” Eren whispered loudly, looking back at the mystery woman at six second intervals until he was finally given an answer. 

“Let’s just say Saskia made a friend.” 

“And ‘her plan worked’?” Sasha raised an eyebrow. “She was planning on getting that stranger to work for us?” 

“That ‘stranger’ is the person who broke into headquarters,” Levi said simply. 

Jean grunted uncomfortably. “That’s wonderful, but can we stop now?!” 

“…we’re almost in Trost. You can hold it a little longer.” 

“Shit.” 

“Tch. You better not, unless you’re gonna clean it up.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Trost District, 6:39 AM**

Trost looked like it had been ravaged by Titans again. The market stalls were dilapidated, starving strays wandered the streets, and one could count a single hand how many vendors were on each street. Labor workers trudged along under the brutal summer sun pushing carts of produce, wood, and other basic building materials. 

_A lot of people are staring at us_ , Levi mentally noted, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise. _Shame Saskia isn’t here to keep an eye from the rooftops…_ He quickly glanced upwards before returning his attention to the street, only to find that he and his squad were being swarmed by the workers. 

“Hey…you…You’re Levi, aren’t you?!” 

“Huh?” 

“It really is! I’ve seen him before too!” 

“It’s Humanity’s Strongest, Levi!” 

“Hey, hey…He’s tiny! I’ve only seen him on horseback…” 

“…you’re in the way.” 

They insisted on blocking the path. 

“Lance Corporal, please listen! As wretched as we are, please listen to us. We missed a lot of work thanks to that flashy evacuation of yours.” 

“It’s not just us. With the growing distrust in the city along the wall, nobody comes around anymore. If we can’t make any money, we can’t eat. The Garrison went off somewhere and robbers came in their place.” 

“And despite all that the taxes are as high as ever. What should we do? Why did this happen? Why have the Titans attacked again and again? I know why. It’s because you guys in the Survey Corps aren’t working hard enough.” 

_Colleen, Isabel, Farlan, Guenther, Erd, Petra, Auruo…I’m about to punch this asswipe in the face for all six of you. Hope you can see it._ Levi kept his cool, having grown used to the taunts and harsh remarks from the angry citizens. That didn’t keep his fists from balling. 

“My business is like this- if I don’t earn money, then it’s my fault. Putting in the effort but not getting the deserved reward is commonplace. But you guys are different, no? You can eat even without doing anything or showing any results.” 

_One of the rare occasions I’m glad Saskia isn’t here. She’d throw this shithead through a window and then demand an apology while chewing off his fingers. Classy._

“Hm? Walking along this street, all high and mighty, on a shopping trip?” 

One of them was inching uncomfortably closer to Sasha. “Bringing along women too, you’re sure sitting pretty.” 

The disgruntled worker continued on but Levi was momentarily distracted by the sight of an old woman across the street holding an infant. Not only did she distract him from the man who was now yelling in his face, but he just barely heard the sound of an approaching wagon. It cut right through the middle of the street parting the gathered crowd as well as the squad. On both sides two men jumped out, grabbing ‘Eren’ and ‘Historia’ respectively. 

**Vacant Home**

Levi found the empty building Kseniya spoke of and Eren and Historia snuck inside, waiting while he and their comrades found the Reeves Company. 

Eren was anxiously rocking back and forth on a stripped box spring, sweat trickling down his temples. Historia sat at a small table near the window, careful not to get too close in case someone was nearby searching. 

“That guy doesn’t look a bit like me! His horse face and all…Will they be okay? If they get found out too quickly something terrible will definitely happen to them.” He started biting his fingernails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And, after twenty-eight long and heart-wrenching years, father and daughter."
> 
> Well, I didn't really try to make a secret out of it. Pulled a bit of a Captain America: Winter Soldier, you could say.


	41. One Less Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are from chp 53 and 54
> 
> TW for molestation

**TW: Molestation  
**

**Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, July 27 th, 4:42 AM**

“What a shame it is that Sasha was not able to celebrate her birthday yesterday,” Saskia mused aloud, snipping away at the weeds in the gardens she and Hanji had planted years ago and tended to since. “If I get the chance I should do something nice for her.” _Perhaps K would be able to pick up something for me in the markets?_ She softly hummed the old anthem to herself, wiping away the sweat dripping down her forehead as she continued working. Despite her disdain for such high temperatures few things could keep her from keeping the garden as healthy and vibrant as possible. 

Though she heard it coming she made no effort to avoid a small projectile headed her way. A pebble hit her on the back, coming from the direction of the place where she and K met. _This shall be interesting_ , she thought and slowly rose, giving the magnolias one last look before approaching the interloper-turned-subordinate. 

Back to the wall she asked quietly, “What are you doing here?” 

“Not following your stupid orders, that’s what,” Kseniya snapped. “I get it. I get that the rumors need to be squashed. But why go after the people spreading them? Why not wait for the MP to come, try and force their way in, and you put them in their place? If you can convince them that you’ve got nothing to hide without granting them entry then won’t people shut up about it? Problem solved?” 

Saskia chuckled. “You truly are a Cancer. Good, I am glad you see it that way.” 

“…come again?” 

“A little defiance now and then is very healthy. I never wanted them to die, nor did I want you to kill them. What I wanted was to see how you would react to such a command. Rumors are but words and nothing more lest we give those words power. When rendered powerless, what can they accomplish? Absolutely nothing. Killing those who use aforementioned words, that is an acknowledgement of the power. Validation of it. That demonstrates fear of the power, not an act of conquering the power in those words. It is cowardice.” 

“Then what was the point about that talk about innocent civilians not being so innocent because they perpetuate what you’re fighting against, whether they know it or not?” 

“If they deliberately do so then they are not innocent. If they inadvertently do so they may very well be monsters hiding behind a human façade…but does that mean such behavior will continue? That they, should their actions cause harm, cannot make amends? Your understanding of the word ‘innocent’ is very black and white. Static. A state, not character trait, with no room for fluidity. And yet you, K, want to believe that such fluidity can exist…as you seek it for yourself. Will you not believe it until you experience it yourself? Is that what you wish to gain? I certainly hope not. We…” _Erwin was right all along, to a degree._ “We will need to sacrifice those parts of ourselves, to cover our hands in blood, in order to move forward. Whether or not we are able to wipe them clean, to become whole again, regain the parts of ourselves we willingly gave up for a purpose greater than ourselves, that is what makes all the difference. I suppose I was not very specific last night, was I?” 

“There was a bit of a time constraint.” Kseniya exhaled deeply. “You’re crazy, you know that? You’ve got a warped view of the world and the people in it, even if you are fighting in the name of justice and the greater good…whatever that is. Do you really think you’re doing it with dignity, honor, all that stuff?” 

“Dignity and honor are very subjective. Furthermore, they have never been things I strive for. I have my own principles and I will abide by them regardless of whether or not they coincide with conventional definitions and visions of ‘dignity’ and ‘honor’. If I can accomplish that, press forward without violating my principles, I fail to see how there is no dignity or honor to be found.” She turned towards the wall, as if trying to see the woman on the other side. “Why are you so concerned with all of this?” 

“I’d like to know a little bit about who I’m working for, for one. What their motivations are. And like I said before, I’ve never been able to show my real self or even be my real self for…far too long. I’m getting a little perspective on those kinds of things from a source I, about a month ago, never thought possible.” 

“I am glad I can provide you with that, even if we may not agree. I am very much accustomed to being seen as extreme, unorthodox, bizarre, and what have you. According to Nile Dawk I am a bona fide ‘psychopath’ because I enjoy killing threats to humanity, the threats within the walls. What does such a stance say about him? That he lacks initiative to do the same? That he wishes to keep his hands clean, let another do the work for him? If he must distance himself in such a manner, if he is so outwardly disturbed by seeing those things and having to carry out such actions…then maybe, just maybe, it is because there is a piece of him that he has yet to reconcile with. A piece which takes no issue with the very things he criticizes me for. He cannot accept the fact that deep down he is comfortable with being the one to deliver capital punishment. I presented the idea to Erwin once, and while he did not express agreement he did not seem averse to entertaining the possibility.” 

“…must be nice to have someone you can call family.” _Even if it is fake._

“None to call your own I take it? Do keep in mind a family tree is not watered by blood.” 

“Speaking of…” Kseniya bit her lip. “You seem a lot more open to hearing about these things than I initially thought, so I’ll just throw this out there. If you want me to elaborate I can. I knew your mother.” 

Saskia’s breath was caught in her throat. “I, um, yes, well I figured as much seeing as you could identify the blade as hers-” 

“I used to harass her at Kenny’s command. Tell her all about you and what a wonderful person you were growing up to be and how she’d never see it, how she had nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with you because she didn’t make you the great thing my old bosses wanted. I was ordered to tell her about your accomplishments and then taunt her. Saying things about how she wasn’t the reason you were strong and she didn’t get to watch you grow up. Like she wasn’t even your mother at all.” 

“…she…she was in blood…But, in a way, you are right.” 

Kseniya’s back stiffened. “What?” she gasped. 

“She had no active role in raising me.” She paused. “Someday you and I will sit down and talk face-to-face. A normal, casual, relaxed conversation. And when that happens I want you to tell me about her. Until then, there will be no more mention of Luzia Messmann.” 

“She’s on your mind that often, huh?” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Trost District, Reeves Company Warehouse, 6:50 AM**

‘Eren’ could only watch in disgust as the man who apprehended them let his wrinkled hands roam all over ‘Historia’. Though a part of him was glad that it wasn’t actually her, he was far more concerned over the fact that Armin was being molested before his eyes and there was nothing he could do about it. 

“So…how about it?” the old man said breathing heavily, a hand under ‘Historia’s’ chin as he jerked ‘her’ head sideways. “Let me hear your voice,” he murmured into ‘her’ ear. “Huh, how about it? It’s fine, right? I want to hear a cute girl’s voice…C’mon…” 

Jean had to look away, feeling ready to vomit. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going through Armin’s mind, but he could hear the sniffling as his comrade’s eyes began to fill with tears. 

Up on the roof Levi and his squad were taking position, preparing to break in. “How are things inside?” 

Mikasa, sitting on the opposite side had a direct view into one of the windows of the warehouse. “If we don’t hurry…they’re going to see through Armin’s disguise.” _No…they would feel it._ “Plus, he’s quite pitiful right now.” _Please hold on a little longer Armin…Please, just hold on._

Levi, catching the apprehension in her tone, felt like he too might vomit. _This stupid old assface works for another stupid old assface I have to recruit? Some damned pervert that helps other shithead perverts get their hands on little girls, especially the ‘rare’ ones like Saskia and Mikasa?_ He shook the disturbing thoughts away. “I see.” 

_If I’m to be on his squad, then it’s time to try and be amicable…But not force it._ “How’s your leg?” she asked, attempting concern. 

“I can more or less move it. Not too bad.” 

“In other words, you’re fine because General Saskia isn’t here. Otherwise you wouldn’t be allowed to gear up.” 

“That’s what I said.” _Where’s all this coming from? Is she trying to nice? If she caught a fever she better stay the hell away from me._ “Is the guard gone?” 

“Yeah. But there’s a wagon coming. We should get in and take him out before anyone else goes inside.” 

“Then stop dicking around and move.” 

Atop the building Jean and Armin were in, Connie watched as the wagon pulled up. Three men stepped out, the one in the middle dressed like he was trying to impress the higher classes in Sina. _That’s gotta be the president_ , he thought to himself as he peered down. After they went in he gave the hand signal to Sasha. Mikasa and Levi were in position inside, Armin and Jean were laid as bait, and the rescue was now underway. 

After a brief argument over whether or not the captives were truly the intended targets the three men noticed that the guard was gone. More importantly, ‘Eren’ and ‘Historia’ were staring them down with an inferno of defiance (though the latter was red in the face and looked shaken). 

The president pulled a pair of gloves out of his pocket. “Alright, so how shall we handle this?” He looked at his henchmen. “Let’s start by stripping them of everything they have…” There was a shifting sound to his left. Before he could catch a glimpse of the source one of the men behind him tried to cry out in pain as a knee flew right into his cheekbone. The sickening cracking sound it made was the only noise in the building. 

_Shit…We’ve been had._ Reeves was hardly surprised that his men had made a mistake, but that didn’t stop him from fearing for his life as the other man was suddenly thrown to the ground. The seemingly invisible force that threw him down made sure to smash a fist in his face, for good measure. It wasn’t long before he himself was tackled. ‘Eren’ and ‘Historia’ bolted from their chairs, taking the severed ropes with them, to tie up Reeves and his men. All he could do was weakly mutter more curse words, thinking about how enraged Kenny would be when he learned about their latest blunder. 

“Connie!” Mikasa yelled to the open window overhead. “Are you sure there were only three of them?!” 

“Yeah, that’s it! No one else is around!” 

_Maybe…there is a way out of this…_ Reeves quickly pulled a pistol out of his coat and tried to aim for Mikasa, but a finely sharpened arrow pinned it to the ground. 

“You could have hit Mikasa!” Jean barked. 

“It’s not my fault she took her eyes off our target!” Sasha yelled defensively. 

“Ah, well…” Connie took a look around. Everything was quiet in the neighborhood again. “Somehow…it all worked out.” 

Levi and Mikasa dragged Reeves -the only one they left conscious- over to a wall of crates. Not far to his left his men had been laid out in very neat rows and columns, each one of them unconscious and bound. Jean and Armin took over the two that had accompanied him and unceremoniously shoved them up against the crates near their superior. 

“You the boss of this crew?” Levi put a hand on his hip, glaring down at him. 

“No!” he lied, doing his best to force tears. “I’m just the chauffeur filling in for someone. I’m a regular old man…So please, treating me like this, sir, I don’t know anything.” He whimpered pathetically, but immediately dropped the act when he recognized the adolescent standing near him. _Why couldn’t that arrow have hit me?_

_Back then…Blocking the gate…_ “This is the guy.” Mikasa pointed at him. “His men were calling him ‘president’ around town.” 

“Well then, Mr. President,” Levi began condescendingly. “I can’t get that comfortable in this little hideout of yours. Let’s go somewhere else.” He sneered at the henchmen, some of whom were starting to come to. “I think your men can hang out here a little while longer.” He noticed one of them was trying to chew through the fabric binding his mouth. “Hey, fix his gag,” he ordered. 

“OK,” Armin said nervously and began to untie the gag. 

“I heard,” he wheezed through the spittle that collected, “that you’re actually a boy…Because of you, I used to be normal like everyone else…But because of you, look at what I’ve become. Do something about it.” 

Armin froze, but Jean quickly pulled him aside. “Armin, I’ll take care of this.” 

Levi looked over his shoulder, already halfway to the door with Mikasa and Reeves. “What are you doing? Hurry it up.” 

Jean nodded towards them and Armin eagerly rushed off. “You want something done about that?” Jean glowered at him. “Don’t like that a little boy got you hot and bothered? Want to be normal again? I can fix that for you.” 

“But you ain’t a pretty little th-” 

_STOMP!_

His eyes widened and he was rendered silent by a most indescribable pain originating just a smidge below the waistline. 

“Look at that, your boner’s gone. Problem solved. No need to thank me.” 

**Wall Rose, Trost District, Wall Platform, 7:31 PM**

“What are you planning, bringing me all the way up here?” Reeves pulled a cigarette and matchstick out of his coat pocket. 

“Do you know where we are Mr. President?” 

“This is **my** town,” the disgruntled man replied bitterly. “The front gate of Trost…Well, the former front gate. Humanity’s southernmost line of defense between our world and theirs. It’s dangerous and scary, but profitable…a fine ‘ole town.” 

“This is what we call it. The place of humanity’s first victory over the Titans. And the place that proves humanity’s helplessness. We used the power of a Titan to plug up a hole opened by a Titan. We’ve made so many different attempts, but ultimately humanity just couldn’t compete with them. Of course it wasn’t just by the power of a Titan that we closed the hole. Countless soldiers gave up their lives to make it possible. That, on top of miracle after miracle after miracle has kept your town alive to what it is today. One of those miracles is Eren. Whom you tried to take away.” _Does this guy even know what Kenny wants to do with Eren? Then again, I doubt even Kenny knows what he’s doing…Eccentric old asswipe._

Reeves exhaled a cloud of smoke and chuckled. “So it looks like you brought me all this way to lecture me. Gimme a break, will you? I’m way too old for that.” 

“Yeah, let’s stop this already. I can’t stand seeing an old man getting yelled at,” he agreed sarcastically. “What I really want to know…” He sat down next to the businessman. “…is the details of your negotiations with the Central Military Police and what you’re trying to do.” 

“Negotiations? We’ve never had anything like that. We’re just following orders. And we’re following those orders in order to make sure we don’t lose everything we have. But both our night raid and the abduction failed. Our company will have all of our property seized by the government, and their families will get thrown onto the wayside out on the streets. And then in order to silence me and my men, we’ll all end up dying in some freak accident. Let me give you a good piece of information. The guys at the CMP are total morons.” He laughed off how the CMP underestimated the Survey Corps, and the fact that Mikasa was able to take down so many of his men by herself. 

“Yeah, they’re a bunch of morons,” Levi agreed. “I get that. But are you really gonna sit back and let a bunch of idiots like that kill you, Mr. President?” 

“They may be idiots but they’ve got absolute power and authority. You guy gets gobbled up by idiots who don’t even wear clothing, don’t you.” 

“…I suppose that’s true. But the thing is, we can also kill those Titans,” he countered. “It’s just like with the Titans. If you’re gonna die anyway at least go down fighting.” 

“I can’t,” Reeves swiftly replied. 

“Why?” 

“I’ll just fail, and then more of my men will die.” 

Levi narrowed his eyes slightly. “Don’t worry about it. One way or another, they’re gonna die.” 

The monotony in his voice enraged the businessman. “What did you say?” Reeves growled. 

“Your town here, Trost.” He nodded towards the city sprawled before them. “Is on the verge of collapse. For a while, it was occupied by Titans and half of it was destroyed. But still, there are people here. That’s because there’s people working to fill up the hole in the wall, and soldiers standing guard in case Titans attack. And another big reason is because the Reeves Company is bringing people and jobs together. If the Reeves Company were to vanish that would be the final nail in the town’s coffin.” _They’re well aware of that._ “When that happens it won’t just be your employees that will end up on the streets…Apart from the soldiers, it’ll be every person in town.” _And who will they turn to in their time of need? Those who promise them a better tomorrow. Those with power. Those who ‘guarantee’ their safety. The damned CMP._ “I wonder how many of them would survive through the winter? I guess maybe getting killed by the Central Military Police would be easier.” 

“Yeah…that’ll probably happen…Because you won’t hand over Eren and Krista. Countless people will die. What’s your point? As if you’re going to hand over humanity’s miracle to save my men and the people of this town?” 

“Precisely. I’m going to give you Eren and Krista.” Ignoring the backlash from the cadets behind him, he held up three fingers. “However, I have three conditions. From now on, the Reeves Company will join the Survey Corps against the Central Military Police and the government.” 

Reeves shuddered. “What?! Are you trying to start a war here?!” 

_The war began a long time ago. You’re just late to the party._ “Second, the Reeves Company will put all of their trust in the Survey Corps.” 

“Trust?” he sneered. “That’s a word we only use as a joke in the merchant’s world.” 

“Merchants? Right now, I’m talking to you, Dimo Reeves. I’m asking you about your way of life. What kind of person are you? Are you going to let your men die and the people of this town face defeat? Or are you going to face those with absolute power and authority over humanity, and fight? Neither one is necessarily the right choice to make. Right now, it’s up to you to choose what you want.” 

_Say it like it’s so simple, why don’t you._ He made a guttural grunt, trying to preserve what little dignity he had left both as a businessman and a human being. “Only an amateur would sign a contract before hearing all the conditions.” 

“Ah, excuse me. Third, from now on whenever the Reeves Company acquires rare food and luxury items, they will give the Survey Corps first crack at them. Like black or vanilla tea.” 

After Sasha voiced her approval, adding drool for dramatic effect, Levi and Reeves shook on the agreement. 

* * *

**Outside the Walls, 8:21 PM**

“How can you be sure this is it?” Ymir brushed some low-hanging leaves out of her eyes, following close behind Reiner and Bertholdt. “You’ve said that at least ten times now…and we’ve been wandering for days.” 

“Well this time I’m absolutely certain,” Reiner snapped, briefly glancing over his shoulder. He was carrying a small torch, guiding their way through the lightly wooded area. He was following a natural path heavily eroded into the dirt, wide enough for them to walk without fear of the flames licking the brush and foliage. “I remember this path. There’s a fork coming up over there that leads to the watering hole. See! What did I tell ya?” He pointed to his left when the path he alluded to was in sight. “This is where our village is.” 

“If you say so…” She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing up and down along her biceps. Even in July the evening hours could be chilly. 

“It feels wrong coming back here without Annie,” Bertholdt murmured guiltily, making Ymir scoff. “This was just as much her home as it was ours…Sort of. Her village is a little farther west. But Reiner’s right, this is it.” 

“So what do you gain by coming here, huh? The guys you worked for, you can’t hide from them forever.” 

“I’d rather take my chance with the Titans. At least their motives are easy to figure out. And we know how to fight them.” 

After countless days of wandering, fighting Titans, arguing amongst themselves, and braving the elements they had finally found Reiner and Bertholdt’s childhood home. Ymir didn’t know what they intended to do with her and they weren’t quite sure themselves, but she seemed to know something about the Beast Titan. Even if they had defected that Titan was the reason they were recruited as children, or at the very least part of the reason, and they wanted to know what was so special about it. Above all, they wanted to go home. 

“You have no way of knowing if your family is even alive,” Ymir pointed out with a bored yawn. “The reason you were taken as kids was because everyone got sick, right? Maybe it killed ‘em all off.” 

“Maybe,” Bertholdt agreed. “We have no way of knowing until we see it ourselves though.” 

“And if they are alive? Bet they’ll be really proud to hear what their sons did to the walls,” she taunted. 

“They won’t care!” Reiner yelled again as the modest wooden houses came into view. “They’ll…they’ll be happy to see we’re alive and that we’re back. It won’t matter anyway since we never lived inside the walls. Our villages never cared about what was going on inside the walls, only how to survive outside of them.” 

Ymir gagged and pinched her nose as they entered what appeared to be the village square. “What’s that rancid smell?” she asked, her voice squeaky and high-pitched. 

Bertholdt coughed into his hand and shook his head. “I don’t know, but it’s awful. Like something rotting.” 

“There aren’t any fires going and it’s really quiet,” Reiner noted as he looked around before covering his nose and mouth with his forearm to block out the smell. “There’s my home. Let’s go.” 

“What’s my cover story? We eloped?” she snickered as he fussed with the door. The wood was rotting and the hinges were rusted over. “Doesn’t look like this has been used in awhile.” 

“Shut up Ymir,” he growled. “No one asked you.” 

“So why bring me?” 

“Because you know something about that giant furry Titan. How many times do we have to play this game before you start telling us what we wanna know?” 

She rolled her eyes as Reiner finally got the door to open. Inside he was greeted by a perversion of a familiar, formerly comforting sight. The perishables had degraded, the non-perishables were being attacked by rodents and insects, cobwebs and dust accumulated in layers, and termites had been eating away at the wood. The fact that it still stood bordered on a miracle. 

“What are you waiting for?” Reiner nodded towards the inside. “Go check it out. I can’t go in with the torch…and someone needs to keep an eye on her or she’ll try to run again.” 

“Alright.” Betholdt slowly stepped in, carefully ducking under all the webs so as not to disturb the spiders, some of which could grow to the size of average adult hand. Aside from the critters who had claimed it for themselves, there were no signs of life inside. After he pulled up panel in the flooring that led to the cellar he stumbled backwards, almost falling onto a nest of rats. There were still no signs of life, but there were most certainly signs of death. Two bodies, both of which he recognized as Reiner’s parents, were bound and gagged, left to waste away and rot in the cellar. On the underside of the trap door was a piece of paper pinned in place by a familiar looking knife. 

“What the hell’s going on in there?” Reiner demanded as he watched his friend stumble over his own footing as he grabbed the note and quickly left. 

“…you don’t want to see…trust me…” He quickly shook his head. 

“What’s that?” Ymir tapped on the paper Bertholdt clutched in his sweaty palm. 

“It was pinned to the cellar door by a dagger,” he replied, coughing. “We need to get out of here before we breathe too much of this in.” 

“What? Breathe what in? What was in my house?” 

“Dead bodies, that’s what! I told you, you don’t want to see them!” 

Reiner paled, almost dropping the torch. “…dead?...Was it the sickness?” 

“Yes and no. Come on, let’s get out of here. It’s probably lingering on all the bodies. That’s what the smell is.” Bertholdt quickly sprinted out the way they came. 

Reiner was tempted to look for himself but he had the torch and without it Bertholdt was blind save for the moon, which was playing hide-and-go-seek with the clouds. When he and Ymir caught up with him the three took a moment to revel in the scent of the fresh air, breathing deeply before the tallest grabbed the torch and held up the note at eye level. 

“That smell was rotting corpses? Gross.” Ymir coughed the last of it out of her system. “What was the sickness that spread through your villages anyway?” 

“We don’t know. Never will at this point-” 

“It was Grisha Jaeger’s doing,” Bertholdt interrupted, and then cleared his throat. “‘Dear Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Marcel- If you’re reading this then you made it back home before we gave you permission. Congratulations! Enjoy the view? They may have been bleeding out of every orifice and puking like there was no tomorrow thanks to my good ‘ole pal Grisha, and we did have to bind and gag everyone to keep them from tattling. But I’m sure we can all take solace in the fact that they died happy, knowing their children were safe. OK, I shouldn’t say that. Four of the children were safe. You four. Welcome home! Love, Kenny’.” He crumpled up the note and tossed it angrily. 

After an awkward silence Ymir asked quietly, “Are you two going to explain any of this to me now? Why did they do this to you? And killed your families?” 

Reiner ran a hand down his face, trying his hardest to keep his composure. “We…we always lived under the threat of the Titans out here,” he began. “Our families descended from some of the few who got here after the walls were built, when they stopped letting humans in. They scattered because Titans are attracted to large groups of humans, but some tight knit communities were formed. About three or four families each. To try and ‘please’ the Titans we would often send out slackers, anyone who wasn’t doing their part to put food on the table or keep houses intact. Our families were superstitious like that, thinking we could bargain with the Titans if we kept giving them ‘offerings’. When we were kids we believed it…because it seemed to work.” 

“When we were about five or six everyone started to get sick. We didn’t know if the water was contaminated, something foul was in our livestock’s diet, a deadly fungus was growing nearby…One day two men came to our villages, one calling himself a doctor and the other a member of the Central Military Police. They said they had heard about a strange illness getting into the walls and traced it to where our villages were. We weren’t sure how that was possible because we never traded or communicated with anyone in the walls, but if a doctor and soldier knew that _we_ were getting sick who could argue? The doctor said that he had an experimental remedy, enough for about five people to test it on. But he insisted it be tested on children because if anyone should be saved it was the kids. They still had their lives ahead of them. That was what they said.” 

“The five they picked were you two, Annie, Marcel, and…?” 

“They said they already tested it on one child in the walls who was sick and it seemed to work but since we had a different way of life they didn’t know if it would work the same. But no cared; the marvels of modern medicine couldn’t compare to our folk remedies. That’s why my mother, the resident healer, was so eager to volunteer me. She was tired of not being able to cure people.” 

“And if Bertholdt was going I didn’t want to be left behind. Neither did Marcel. On the way back they picked up Annie. She was getting sick too; her father thought if he taught her how to fight her body would be strong enough to stop the illness but it didn’t work. Once we were in the walls we thought we would be taken to a fancy hospital. Instead we were taken to the underground and turned into shifters. A lot of people think it’s only under the capital but the underground is actually a series of large settlements beneath every wall. They’re all connected by a network of pathways. The soldier, a guy named Kenny was in fact part of the CMP. He runs them. And the doctor was Eren’s dad, Grisha Jaeger. Looks like they knew about the sickness because they spread it themselves, and the shifter injection worked like a cure…among other things. They kept telling us that they’d let us go outside the walls again someday and we thought that meant going back home. What it really meant was training us as shifters, and eventually destroying the Shiganshina gate. Somewhere in there we met you…unfortunately,” Reiner added with a sneer. 

“Eren blamed me for his mother dying. I wonder what he’d say if he knew that his father was behind the destruction of the gate?” 

“We didn’t learn who the fifth kid was until the Battle for Trost. He was elsewhere under the supervision of someone who lived in the capital, Kenny’s best ‘friend’. Grisha admitted to injecting Eren, saying he wanted another shifter he knew they could control, and who better than his own son? But he gave him the wrong injection. He gave him the Coordinate ability, which was supposed to go to the fifth kid. The solution was simple- eat Eren, get the Coordinate ability back. But the fifth kid refused to do so, so Trost was staged to kill him and no one would know.” Reiner paused, giving her a moment to process everything. “It was Marco.” 

Ymir’s jaw dropped. “Marco was a shifter?” she gasped. 

Bertholdt nodded. “He was. He was so dedicated to joining the Military Police someday because he was mostly raised and trained in Sina, where the MP protects the royal family. It didn’t take much to brainwash him, but when he learned that a shifter’s ability could be taken by eating them he refused to do it. Annie received most of her orders from someone who works under Kenny, since the plan was for Annie to join the Military Police as well, and she was tasked with killing Marco. We would get ours from Kenny and then later on another one of his henchmen…Erwin Smith.” 

“You’re making that up.” 

“Hard to make up something like that.” Reiner folded his arms over his chest. “Erwin was promised the position of Commander if he did them a favor, ‘them’ including Shardis. Watch over Saskia Messmann and help turn her into what they called the Living Weapon. The guy who worked with Marco, a guy named Isamu Maki, was obsessed with revenge. He’s Oriental, and by the time the walls were up most Orientals had just arrived here from their homeland in the Far East. He believes in this idea that your race gives you special abilities, and that all Oriental women were inherently beautiful and men were strong. He wanted to shame those who abandoned the Orientals while at the same time honoring his ancestors by proving how strong they could be, and he wanted to do that by making a person strong enough to destroy all the Titans. But to do that he needed a way to the Titans, so he used shifters.” 

“He decided to make a human with the perfect pedigree who would be capable of killing them all. Someone who would be born with the abilities of the perfect warrior.” 

“Is that what you mean when you say that you’re warriors, not soldiers?” she asked. 

“That’s what Isamu always said. Abilities aside, it was why they called Marco the ‘Warrior Titan’. He was the first shifter they made. It was also his way to help us dumb kids remember who we really were and not lose focus, or prefer the military life to the mission we were given. Infiltrate the military, help break it down so he would be able to come and save the day with his perfect ‘weapon’ Saskia, and use her to destroy all the Titans. Whether or not any of the things he says are true, I’m not sure. I mean, Mikasa obviously has those abilities. And so does the General.” Bertholdt nudged Reiner. “What? Am I not supposed to call her that?” 

“I told you getting attached was a bad idea.” 

“Yeah well it doesn’t matter because we got screwed over in the end anyway, in case you forgot.” He pointed towards what remained of their village. “We were told that so long as we did our part humanity would never know what we did and that we could go back to our families. But once we were trainees that changed. That was when we were told that Annie would join the MP while we would join the Survey Corps, because there were still more things they needed to know about Titans. The main reason, or so they said, was because five years ago, not long before we attacked Wall Maria, the Survey Corps went on an expedition. They found the journal of a dead soldier from a few years back…In it she wrote that she communicated with a Titan, one who spoke in a combination of our language and the language of Isamu’s ancestors. He figured that it must’ve been an Oriental who was turned into a Titan but retained its ability to speak.” 

“It called her ‘Ymir’ and referred to itself and the Titans as ‘Ymir’s people’. But you’re obviously not the Beast Titan. And yet that Titan knew your name. Venerated you.” 

“Not to mention you could read that can of food I caught you with in Castle Utgard,” Reiner reminded. “And you know what a ‘monkey’ is. Those animals have dead since before the walls and never lived around here. But they did live in places where Isamu’s people came from, so he was told about them by his family. Oh, and let’s not forget the attack on Castle Utgard. As soon as you fell unconscious the Titans ran off but when you woke back up they returned.” 

“Yeah, I noticed that too,” she admitted. “And while we were there I heard a voice in my head. I know I’ve heard it before but I don’t know where. I’ve been having weird dreams too, dreams where I was still a normal Titan but in what seemed like a different world. A world where people spoke the language on that can of food. And other languages. I don’t know what the hell they are or what they mean, but if this Beast Titan has been around long enough for Isamu’s ancestors to know about it…before the walls were built…when people started coming from the east…” Ymir put a hand to her forehead and winced slightly. “My memory goes back sixty years, but I don’t remember life as a human before then. No, what I mean is I don’t remember being a human sixty years ago. Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I can’t remember because I was turned into a mindless, regular Titan long before that. Even if that isn’t the case there’s something weird about that Beast Titan. Familiar. And I wanna know why. Are you two still interested in finding that thing? Even if you’re not under anyone’s orders anymore it was important to them, important enough to lie to your families and turn you into shifters, then kill ‘em off to keep them quiet.” 

“What about Historia?” 

She sighed. “Obviously I wanna go back to her Bertholdt, but…she needs to figure out who ‘Historia Reiss’ is. And I need to figure out if there’s more to me because of that giant monkey. There’s one thing I’m still confused about though. You said Messmann is that weapon they wanted to make, but that weapon was supposed to be an Oriental guy.” 

“We don’t know who her mother is,” Reiner replied. “Just that her mother also descended from warriors, so it didn’t matter if Saskia was born a boy or a girl.” 

“And her father was some unlucky Oriental guy who got roped into their scheme just like your parents did?” 

“Huh? No, the exact opposite.” Bertholdt shook his head. “Isamu is her father.” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, July 28 th, 1:31 AM**

_“Kseniya, don’t sit so close to the fireplace.”  
_

_“Why not papa? It’s comfortable and warm.”  
_

_“I know. Come over here by me.”  
_

_Four-year-old Kseniya did as she was told, walking to the other side of the room where her father sat. He pulled her up on his lap. “Do you know the difference between wolves and dogs?”  
_

_She briefly meditated on his question. “One is bigger and meaner?”  
_

_Sergei Volkov chuckled. “It might seem that way. Dogs used to be wolves. But long ago humans noticed that wolves are great hunters, so they took them in as pets. They would use wolves to help them hunt. Those wolves became dogs. They were slaves, but so long as they were promised a place by the fire they were willing to give up their freedom.” He pointed to the fireplace. “That’s how they became dogs. They were okay with not being free anymore.”  
_

_“Is that bad?”  
_

_He nodded. “Very bad. Now dogs can’t survive without humans to feed and protect them. Wolves know how to survive on their own. They don’t need someone promising them food and warmth because they’re strong enough and smart enough to find it on their own. Do you know why I’m telling you this? Because you’re a Volkova. Someday you’re going to be on your own. But you need to promise me that you’ll never submit to someone else.   You don’t need a master to give you the things you need to survive. You are your own master. Never let anyone put a leash and collar on you. If someone says you can sit at their fire and they’ll give you food, what do you do? What do you say?”  
_

_“Say no. And do it myself. Like a wolf.”_

_“Not like a wolf. You are a wolf.”_

Kseniya leaned against the cold stone wall, one of her most vivid (and only) memories of her father tumbling around in her head as she waited for the General. Whilst traveling around Wall Rose she had heard about a scuffle near the Reeves Company warehouses and some young people trespassing on the home that was to be renovated, and knew Saskia would want to hear the good news. Instead of an eager ear however she was sporting a rather foul mouth, courtesy of an unexpected visit the afternoon prior. 

“If you had known, would you have acted? And if so, what would you have done?” There was murder in her tone. 

“Done about what?” Kseniya asked nervously. _Was there something I was supposed to know about…?_

“The Military Police, and by Military I of course mean the Central Military Police, did stop by yesterday afternoon making mention of a break in they heard about. However they had no warrant so, despite berating and badgering for at least two hours, two hours I will never get back, I was under no obligation to let them search the grounds. You were very careful in breaking into our headquarters…Are you certain that no one saw you? If not, then someone in our building is leaking information…And if we do indeed have someone leaking information, then I must plug the dam before it breaks. I have neither the time nor the patience to swim to shore in that flood.” 

“No one from the SC caught me going in or out. So I’d be real surprised if someone outside your gates and walls did.” 

“I see. I have no solid method of conducting an investigation amongst my own ranks for a traitor. Most would assume that the person who infiltrated our facility boasted about their feat, and word spread from there. Should they believe I suspect one of them as the leak, what is to stop them from thinking I believe one of them as having taken part in your fine work?” 

“Yikes…That’s a tough one.” 

“Worry not. It is my concern, and I shall handle it accordingly.” 

“What if they do come back with a warrant?” 

“I wish them all the best in successfully obtaining one.” 

“Speaking of obtaining things, word’s going around a skirmish at the Reeves Company’s warehouses. And people saw what were described as teenagers sneaking around that abandoned house. But only teenagers, both in and out.” 

“So Eren and Historia are safe. Excellent. And Levi has recruited the company’s president.” 

“I didn’t hear anything about that so-” 

“If there was a skirmish but no talk of casualty then the president is alive; the contrary would spread rapidly. Sina would know within the hour. If he is alive then he is in Levi’s custody. If he is in Levi’s custody then Levi has recruited him. I have utmost faith in the Lance Corporal to…persuade him.” 

“Threaten, you mean.” 

“Arguably interchangeable. Not necessarily belligerent, mind you. Bribe? He is a capable negotiator, we shall say. K, I have a question for you regarding one of the clues you left behind. The CMP badge was a warning. The knife belonged to my mother. But why the note reading ‘Volkova’? And more importantly, how do you know about the significance the name has to me, to the Survey Corps? How do you know about the meaning of the name?” 

“I know the meaning because Katya Volkova and I have a shared ancestry.” _Not a total lie…since she is my ancestor…_ “It’s significant because she was one of your Commanders, right? Well she was something more. Something else. Somewhere in that big building you must archives and records of all the prominent soldiers from yesteryear. And pictures and portraits too?” 

“Yes, all dossiers are accompanied by an image of some sort.” 

“Find one of Katya Volkova. Something about it will stand out. It’s one of those ‘so easy it’s hard’ so don’t obsess over it. Just give it a quick glance and it should stand out. That’s all I can say for now.” 

“Why withhold?” 

“Because you’re not the person I’m supposed to explain the whole thing to,” Kseniya said firmly. “When you see it though, you’ll know who that person is. You’ll know why I was so desperate to leave those assholes, and even more desperate to help you guys. Not necessarily your branch, but some specific people in it.” 

“Understood.” 

“Huh? You’re taking orders from me now?” 

“Not an order. A suggestion. And one well worth taking. You left that note for a reason, after all. Either to help us or to throw us off. As it stands I have no reason to lean towards the latter.” 

“…what’re you gonna do when the MP come back? They’ll find a way to get a warrant. You know how the military likes to play favorites.” 

“I will formulate a plan when the time is right. But now is not the time. However, I do plan on reconvening with Levi soon, as I know there is only so much information he will be willing to share with an outsider. Even if you do answer to me…you do not answer to the Survey Corps. He has no reason to trust you.” 

The brunette shivered. “Thanks for the reminder. You’re crazy and he’s scary. You’re perfect for each other.” She rolled her eyes. 

Saskia chuckled. “I know you intended for that to be a sarcastic remark but I cannot help but take that as a compliment.” 

“I’m sure you can’t. I’m gonna get back to scouting. You look up some images of her and you’ll find the thing you need to find. But like I said, I can’t fully explain it to you. Not until I talk to him first.” 

“Him?” 

“Again, you’ll know it when you see it.” 

After they parted Saskia went straight to the military archives, sifting through the dusty shelves for all the available information on Katya Volkova. Because she lived in a time before photography there were few reliable handmade pictures of her. It took a generous amount of time until she finally found a decent portrait of the former Commander. She lifted it up to the light of her lantern and narrowed her eyes, studying carefully. Around Katya’s neck was a chain necklace, and hanging from that chain was a golden key. 

Her eyes widened. “‘Find the wolf’,” she whispered to herself, recalling Hanji’s most recent experiments. 

It was the key to the Jaeger basement.


	42. Fan the Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions are from 55, 56, and a small piece of 57
> 
> TW for talking of molestation and sexual abuse/violence

**Wall Rose, Abandoned Mill, July 30 th, 5:29 PM**

There were many ways to weed out a rat. One of these ways was to leave it alone, surrounded by the people it was trying to fool with no one to control the environment. The rat would become lax, not having to worry about an authority figure to police its behavior around. After letting its guard down the rat’s comrades, presumably on equal footing, would notice the odd behavior and respond accordingly. 

Thanks to the official messenger Nifa, Saskia knew where Levi and his squad were going. She knew what they were planning. And she knew that she had to contribute. She would not be able to find the leak inside their headquarters so long as she remained; but if she were gone, the traitor would accidentally reveal themselves. 

Unlike wolves, rats are not known for a pack mentality. 

_“K, while I am gone I want you to keep an eye on the building. If the Military Police come, kill them before they have the chance to knock on the front door.”  
_

_“Even if it’s Nile Dawk?”  
_

_“Yes, even if it is Nile.”  
_

_“Saskia, I know you hate the MP, and sure a lot of them suck…but they can’t help the fact that they have to answer to the CMP. They’d probably get killed for not following orders.”  
_

_“Better by us than the CMP. But show no mercy. Use your best judgment. Should you need me, ride Iolana to the mill.”  
_

_“Wait, you’re not riding her? Are you walking there?!”  
_

_“Yes. I cannot afford to leave any tracks behind. Even if they should come to know where we are, I do not want to leave a direct path for them to follow.”  
_

_“So…you want me to take a break from weakening enemy bases?”  
_

_“Until I return, yes. Be our eyes and ears while I am gone.”_

“So you left headquarters in the hands of a total stranger. The same person who broke in last time you were gone. I suppose since we have a mole in there somewhere we can’t really trust anyone other than my squad, Hanji, Moblit, and Nifa.” 

“It certainly seems so, unfortunately.” Saskia sipped her vanilla tea. “I still can’t believe part of your bargain was to be able to have first grabs at their products. Should I be surprised? Of course not. And yet…” She shook her head slowly. “It matters not, so long as you successfully negotiated. And I do appreciate the request for vanilla tea.” 

“Request?” Levi slowly, almost dramatically, lifted his mug of black tea to his lips, raising an eyebrow at her. “It wasn’t a request. It was part of the condition. One which Braus was certainly in favor of.” 

She put a fist against her mouth and chuckled softly. “Of course she did. You know, it was her birthday not long ago...” 

“She not-so-subtly hinted at that and ‘wondered’ if there would be anything Reeves was receiving that she might like. Wasn’t a very good attempt at guilt-tripping or whatever she was trying to do, but she got a belated gift. I haven’t seen anything as disgusting as that girl eating meat since living in the damn underground.” 

She snorted. “Surely you exaggerate.” 

“You can’t even begin to imagine what she subjected us to.” 

“Yes, I supposed I had to be there to understand the horrors of that experience.” She paused, carefully studying him. “You seem to be oddly cheerful.” 

“Hm? Me? Cheerful?” He set the mug down on the wooden table the two of them were sitting at. “Did you trip and hit your head on a rock? I’m always a ray of sunshine.” 

She ruffled his hair. “I meant for someone about to go torture people. That apron looks quite cute on you, by the way.” 

“Shut up,” he grumbled, trying to fix the mess she made of his hair. 

Saskia leaned back in her chair and sighed, inhaling deeply. “K knew of this place. We already knew of this place, though we never utilized it. I wonder how our enemies did?” 

“Probably for the same things we’re gonna do. And by we, I mean Hanji and I.” 

“What?” She straightened up, tilting her head slightly. “Just the two of you?” 

“First and foremost, torturing people together isn’t my idea of spending quality time with you.” She quickly opened her mouth and he pointed a finger at her. “ _Even if_ they’re enemies of the Survey Corps. That, and if anyone says something remotely offensive about the branch you’ll take it personally and rip their head off.” 

“Yes, you’re right, I would…react strongly should I hear such drivel spill forth from those abominations,” she conceded. “And someone should stay with the younger ones. Hearing all of that…” She shook her head. “You and I grew up with it. Borders on a lullaby, with the macabre comfort that comes with knowing you are slowly but surely tearing your foes down literally and figuratively. But they…they have limited experience with Titans, damn it! They worst they should be subjected to right now is Sasha’s ‘horrific’ eating habits. Not the sounds of others being tortured, tortured by the ones who are looking out for and teaching them no less.” 

“I agree. Sadly there are only so many levels in this rickety old place we can safely tread. Luckily this one was just far away enough for them to not hear us-” 

“Anyway!” she squeaked loudly, hiding her tomato-red face behind her mug. “The thing I found. A thing I must inform you of.” 

“Tch. You’re such a child. What is it?” 

“I was right about ‘Volkova’ being the ‘wolf’ Eren wrote about as a Titan. Or, well, I have significant reason to believe so. I am still treading carefully with K in regards to what she shares, But she…she said to look for an image of Katya Volkova after I asked her for the significance of that clue. She and Katya have a shared ancestry, which is how she knew the language and script. She will not elaborate, not until she speaks with Eren first.” 

“About what?” 

“…I never realized this before…Then again, I never spent much time admiring the old portrait of Katya, only reading up on her exploits. But the picture of her, in it she…she was wearing the key. The key to the Jaeger basement. And K will not say anything until she has the chance to speak to Eren about it. He is to know first, she says.” 

“Know…?” 

Saskia shrugged noncommittally. “The connection.” 

He nodded slowly. “Good to know, I guess. Clears up what that scribble meant. It’s a start. Better than what we had only a matter of days ago. Has your new friend heard anything about Braun, Hoover, and Ymir?” 

“I haven’t asked her to look into it. But if she does I am certain she will relay the information. With Nifa remaining close by, K is able to watch the building while still giving information to Nifa to bring here and vice versa should the situation call for it. However I would prefer K do it herself. I want to see how she exercises her better judgment, her metric if you will.” 

“You sound pretty invested in figuring out what makes her tick.” 

“And what reason have I not to be? I trust her, but only so much. I don’t know what it will take for her to fully earn my trust but she is on the right path. I believe her to not only be invaluable as an informant but as a human being…even if she doesn’t see herself as one. By my standards, that is to say.” She finished her tea and wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “Time for our own methods of information gathering to commence.” 

He nodded in agreement. “They should be done eating by now. Hopefully none of them puke upon hearing all the howling and screeching those guys will do while Hanji and I ‘interrogate’ them.” As he rose his eyes lit up. “Speaking of puking, a topic I really don’t like spending too much time on, Arlert…Something happened to him when he was pretending to be Historia. Kirschstein knows but won’t say anything. He thinks it’s on him to talk about it. See if you can put his mind at ease, alright?” 

“Absolutely,” she replied vehemently. “Has this disturbance also manifested in body as well as mind? Does he become physically ill or weakened by the memory? Fever, disorientation, and the like, or is he afebrile?” 

“Can’t say since he won’t talk.” Levi pulled on his rubber gloves, fighting an amused smirk. “One last thing…For someone who still blushes like a teenager whenever sex comes up in conversation, you seem oddly comfortable sitting around in nothing but a bra and pant-” 

“It’s July damn it!” she sputtered. “It’s very warm in here!” 

“Whatever you say Saskia…” 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?!” she huffed, grabbing the rest of her clothes and quickly getting dressed. 

“If I had any say in the matter,” he began, tone a combination of mocking and lilting, “it would be here with you.” 

“Shut up!” she barked as he closed the door behind himself, suppressing a tiny laugh. He missed being able to mock her on the regular. 

Downstairs the members of Squad Levi sat at a small wooden table, not unlike the one Levi and Saskia were at only a few floors above. He nonchalantly passed them, feeling their eyes on him as they braced themselves for what he and Hanji were about to do. It was repulsive, but a necessary evil. 

“As you guys learned about a half-hour ago these old walls are pretty thin. Saskia isn’t going to aid in the interrogation because frankly…” He snapped on the last glove. “I don’t trust her not to go overboard. She’ll be down here with the rest of you to try and keep your mind off of it.” He went down the stairs to where Hanji and their first victim were waiting. Not long after Saskia, still blushing furiously, came down to their level and sat at the unoccupied end of the table. 

“Levi already explained everything, I assume?” she asked quietly, receiving a series of nods and grunts. “I see.” Before she could offer any words of encouragement, anything to keep their minds off of the torture conducted only one floor below, shrieking and howling echoed up from the chamber. 

“It finally started.” Jean dropped his forehead into his palm. “Jeez, I was set against the Titans, but before I knew it, I didn’t know who the enemy was anymore. Why are we staining our hands with something like this?” 

“You aren’t.” Saskia shook her head. “Levi, Hanji, and myself are. We’re…used to it.” 

Eren looked at Jean sympathetically. “There’s no helping it. If we mess up here, all of humanity will be devoured by the Titans and that’ll be the end of it. We’re pulling a coup d’etat. According to the strategy our superiors put together…” He glanced at Saskia. “This is probably just the beginning.” 

“We’re all rebels now,” Sasha groaned. “What will happen if we fail?” 

“We’ll probably be hanged in the town plaza,” Jean grumbled. _At least I can see Marco again, if it comes down to that._

Armin rested his arms on the table. “We’re trying to change a system that’s been in place for over one-hundred years, after all,” he reasoned. “There’s no precedent other than the failed attempts of the Survey Corps founders, and we don’t really even have a full grasp of what they did and didn’t manage to do. Shouldn’t we put our efforts into something that will bring the populace on our side? We need to take advantage of the Titans’ incursions. If we shifted responsibility to the royal government and then incited the populace, maybe we can do it. But in that event, arms will be directed against the citizenry and any number of tragedies will occur. When you consider all of humanity, there’s no helping it. If only we could shift responsibility for some significant event onto the royal government or the Military Police then we, the Survey Corps, could enter the stage like heroes. We need to give the impression that the Survey Corps is absolutely necessary. Then, surely the populace will be easier to fool.” 

Everyone at the table gave him a strange look. 

“I’m just saying!” he added with an awkward grin. “We’re already criminals. Our enemies now aren’t being killed because they’re trying to devour us. We’re enemies because our ways of thinking are different. Simply because our allegiances differ, from now on because of that, we might have to take the lives of others.” His head sank to the table. “We’re not good guys anymore.” 

Saskia bit her lip. “In my mind we always have been, but I was brainwashed as a child. And now I have begun to see us in a very different light. While it’s true that these murders are rooted in ideological differences, those ideological differences stem from their decisions and actions. Yes, we are criminals. In the eyes of many we always have been. Especially now that we are waging war on the Military Police, the Central Military Police, and the royal government…And we aren’t actively making a secret of that. However, they are interested in protecting their power by manipulating and taking advantage of the disenfranchised. Levi told me something he realized when talking with Dimo Reeves. If Trost were to economically collapse the CMP would move in and make promises. Promises to protect and provide for them. However, they would be responsible for that collapse, allowing them to swoop in grab that power. The only people we’re ‘fooling’, to use your words Armin, are the enemy…and those who support them. But not by elevating our own image, rather by destroying that of the enemy. Assuming that our plans work out.” 

“I thought you never followed through on a plan unless you were absolutely certain it would work out.” Mikasa folded her arms over her chest. 

“When working by myself, absolutely. But Levi and I are Acting Commanders; there a great deal of our work which we must collaborate on now. When we collaborate I must place my faith in him and his abilities, but I must also accept the possibility for mistakes. If it’s not a situation I am in absolute control of, then I cannot reasonably expect things to work out as I would like. I cannot project my own ideals onto the efforts and accomplishments of others.” 

Though she was only so successful in maintaining subject changes and distracting them from the torture downstairs, Saskia was able to lift their spirits some by talking about Sasha’s birthday and other light topics. Evening quickly turned to dusk and they retreated to their respective rooms for the night, hoping to get inside before Hanji and Levi emerged with blood stained clothing and stoic expressions. 

“Eren, Armin, I must speak to you for a moment. One at a time. Armin, please wait upstairs in my room. Levi knows you will be in there so you need not worry about…seeing anything from…his recent activities.” 

“Alright General.” Armin jostled up the steps while Saskia followed Eren into his room. It was being shared with Armin and Jean, the latter of whom was currently chatting with Sasha and Connie. While they could be trusted with what she was about to share she felt it only appropriate to tell Eren first and the rest later. 

“What’s going on Saskia?” Eren lit the candle on the dresser in between his bed and Armin’s. He sat down, folding his hands together. 

She sat next to him. “You do recall, after the experiments, that Hanji said you had written some things while in Titan form, correct?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“One of the messages was ‘find the wolf’. I couldn’t help but wonder if there might be a connection to that and our Third Commander, Katya Volkova. The name ‘Volkov’, or ‘Volkova’ for women, comes from a word meaning ‘wolf’. K told me that I would find answers in an image of Katya. If your father did tell you something about ‘finding the wolf’ then he too knows why it is so very significant. I did find a decent image of her and saw what it was K wanted me to find. Something she herself wishes to discuss with you before explaining it even to us.” 

“…the person who broke in…left a clue for me?” 

“Both of us, I believe. K knew that I would see the value, the significance it held to the Survey Corps. Anyway, when I found the picture of Commander Katya I saw something familiar hanging around her neck.” Saskia lifted up Eren’s key with her fingertip. “The key to your basement. The basement which holds the secret to the Titans, according to your father.” 

His eyes widened. “She…what? How could she have had it?!” 

“I have no idea. K said that she intends to speak to you and tell all. That aside, your father possesses a similar knowledge, one he clearly wanted you to someday find. This would imply that Katya Volkova herself has some sort of knowledge relating to the Titans. What that could be, I couldn’t say. But consider the time she lived in. The walls had recently been finished. She was Commander a matter of decades after the founders, the radicals, were executed for treason. Those ideals were still fresh. Knowledge of the world outside the walls is forbidden, is it not? Titans live outside the walls. It is, in my opinion, safe to say that Katya knew something about Titans which posed a threat to the monarchy. The centralized government. The CMP. And your family has a connection to it. I wish I could answer the other questions you doubt have but K told me very little. Please try not to obsess over it until K is able to speak with you.” 

“…I can try…but I can’t promise anything,” he scowled as question after question began piling in his head. It felt like a literal weight in his skull and he reflexively put his forehead in his hand. 

Saskia squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “In due time Eren. For now, attempt rest.” She rose, stifling a yawn. The walk from headquarters to the old building deprived her of a great deal of sleep. “I will see you in the morning, alright?” 

“Yeah. Goodnight Saskia.” 

She waved from the doorway. “Goodnight Eren. Sleep well!” She quickly made her way upstairs to the room she was sharing with Levi. Armin was sitting on the floor, leaning against their bed. His legs were pulled up to his chest, chin resting atop his knees. He glanced up at her and she noticed his eyes were bright pink. 

She slowly approached him, sitting beside him. “Levi said you’ve been acting strangely since you posed as Historia. Your demeanor does seem rather…sullen. He wanted me to speak with you, to see what was bothering you.” 

“When you were growing up, Shardis only physically and mentally abused you, right? It…didn’t go any further than that?” 

“No. Had it, Erwin and Levi would’ve competed to kill him. Why do you ask?” 

“You can talk all you want, say nice things to try and make me feel better, but you wouldn’t understand.” He shook his head. 

“…I see. When posing as a young woman your disguise…was too convincing.” She had to choose her words very carefully. Just as she dreaded potentially triggering someone after experiencing trauma outside the walls in the line of duty, she equally feared triggering memories of any other sort of trauma. Though it was more prominent in the Military Police than any other branch, as it was easier to get away with a crime the stronger one’s ties were to the royal capital, there was no denying that sexual assault occurred in every branch, irrespective of gender. 

He nodded slowly and sniffled. “Yeah…That’s one way of putting it. After we took care of Reeves’ henchmen one of them, the same one who…thought I was a girl, his gag was coming undone. So Levi Heichou asked me to fix it, and he said to me that he wasn’t normal anymore because I was a boy and he…Because he thought I was a girl, that made it okay, what he did. In his mind that made it okay. But because I wasn’t a girl, like I was trying to play a trick on him, he wasn’t normal anymore. And because it was my fault…” He started to choke up. “He said it was my fault he wasn’t normal anymore, and I was supposed to…do something about it. Jean overheard and pulled me away from him, saying he’d deal with it. I don’t know what he did but if he wasn’t there, if he hadn’t stepped in, then that guy-” 

“Would have continued to run his mouth off but you would not have obligated to…address his situation. He had a sexual identity crisis and blamed you for it because, as you said, it seemed as though you tricked him. Deliberately.” She exhaled sharply. “Did Levi overhear any of that?” 

“No. He and Mikasa were too far away, dragging Reeves to the exit. Only Jean did. He saw what that guy did and…Maybe he felt guilty because he couldn’t do anything, just watch. So he intervened when he was finally able.” 

“I highly doubt Jean did that to ease his conscience. I think that, based off what I know of him, he did it out of concern for a friend. He didn’t want you to be subjected further to such treatment.” 

“Are you angry at Levi Heichou? It’s not his fault he couldn’t hear what he said so-” 

“He and Mikasa had to keep an eye on the inside of the building so they knew when the most opportune time to break in and take out the guards would be. He said Mikasa was keeping watch as she had a better view to the inside, but Mikasa said nothing about it to him. Otherwise he would’ve dealt with that man himself.” _Isabel had a handful of similar experiences…Levi would have absolutely no tolerance for that._ “Why wouldn’t she say something? Is it because I’m not a girl? Would it have been a big deal if I was?” 

“It _is_ a big deal. I’ll speak to Levi.” 

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. I don’t want any trouble caused because I couldn’t deal with it,” he quickly interrupted. 

“Your safety is a priority, Armin. You are a priority. You will never again be placed in such a compromising position. You will never again need to pose as Historia.” 

“But someone has to! Otherwise she could be kidnapped…and she would have to put up with be fondled and…and…” He gulped heavily and buried his face in his knees. 

“You’re right. I can’t relate to the experience. Nor would I pretend to be able to. But I never want you feel unsafe. Well, I suppose I shouldn’t say that since this is the Survey Corps…We fight Titans for a living, after all. But here, under our watch, with no Titans in sight, something like should never happen. I’m deeply ashamed that it did, truly I am. Is there…anything you need? Anything you can think of that we can do?” 

“…is it unreasonable…for me to…not have to pose as Historia again?” he asked hopefully. 

“Not in the slightest. And we will take extra measures to make sure nothing like that ever happens again.” She stood up and extended a hand to him. His palm was sweaty and his hand was shaky but she helped him to his feet. “Does physical contact make you uncomfortable right now?” she asked softly. 

“No, I don’t think so…” 

“Do you want a hug?” 

“I…uh…OK…” 

**11:38 PM**

“Anything?” Saskia looked up from the book she brought with her, one of many she had been eagerly sifting through for information on her mother’s knife. 

“They confirmed what was in Erwin’s note, about the Reiss family.” Hanji had taken the blood stained apron and gloves but there were a few splatters that made their way onto Levi’s clothes. “There was little talk about the Survey Corps though…Suppose you missed out after all.” He peeled off his blood-stained shirt and soaked it, trying to get the stains out. 

“I’m glad I stayed with them. They needed it. I told Eren what K shared with me. I also spoke with Armin.” Suddenly she slammed the book shut. “Never again will he pose as Historia. Do I make myself clear?!” 

“What the hell’s gotten into you?” he asked, taken aback by the sudden shift in character as he wrung the shirt out. 

“Ask Mikasa,” she spat. “She saw it, but apparently didn’t deem it necessary to tell you what she saw. Jean helped after it happened. He dealt with the disgusting bastard so Armin wouldn’t have to be around him any longer.” 

He slowly lifted his head and looked up at her, blinking contemplatively. “…no. No, no, no. Tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.” He dabbed the shirt on his face and neck to remove any lingering splotches. He gave it one last soak before wringing it out again, and emptied the rust colored water out the window. 

“I am. Because he had to play princess and was mistaken for a pretty young woman, he was treated just like one in the worst ways possible.” 

Levi almost punched the wall but it was made of rock and would surely break bones, so he settled for throwing the bucket across the room instead. Saskia felt it whirl past her and flinched when it cracked on impact with the wall. 

“Once again…I put someone in a risky position…” He was breathing heavily, images of two dead bodies from six years ago and four from only a month ago running through his mind over and over again at a million gruesome miles per second. He remembered the few times Isabel had to deal with sexual predators in the underground, namely the times he found out after the fact and wasn’t able to stop anything from happening to her. He slammed his palms down onto the table. “I can’t do this anymore. I CANNOT do this anymore. Every time someone’s placed in my ‘care’, under my ‘supervision’ something ALWAYS goes wrong because I’m not paying any fucking attention! All I’m good at is killing people. That’s it. You were bred to do it, but I was born to do it. I can’t bring myself to consider the consequences because I’m too caught up in the adrenaline rush that comes with stabbing and pummeling every shithead that’s in my way! Do I even care? Do I even give a shit about them?” 

“…if you didn’t…you wouldn’t be upset about this self-perceived inability to watch over them,” she replied quietly. She anticipated an outburst but didn’t imagine what the extent of it would be, so his every word and action caught her off guard. 

“Self-perceived? Self-per-fucking- _ceived_? You were there six years ago! You saw the God damn precedent I set!” 

She slapped the table before jumping up. “You CANNOT keep using that as a metric for every mistake, mishap, and miscalculation!” 

“Tch. That’s easy for you to say. You’ve never had a squad. You’ve never been accountable, truly accountable for the lives of a select few.” 

“And time and time again you oppugn the concept of me doing just that, yet here you are saying I could never understand. Of course I couldn’t! Not if everyone is so damned convinced that I am incapable! I’ve never, not once, been presented with the opportunity!” 

“You wanna trade places?! Get some field experience?! Can’t let you get specialized after all, or your precious fake title is rendered even more pointless than it already is!” 

She opened her mouth, not to respond but express her shock. As she repeatedly told herself that was speaking out of anger he was mentally kicking himself and wishing he could retract his words. 

“I didn’t mean-” 

“I know.” 

“Not even gonna let me apologize?” 

“What’s the point if I already know?” 

“In other words, just drop it and move on?” 

“I don’t want to dwell on this, this conversation, this argument…After having held it so many times it’s lost its luster. You don’t listen to me. But, to be fair, there are a handful of things I have great difficulty believing that you tell me…Sometimes actively repudiating your claims.” She took a deep breath. “You’re the last person I should be arguing with. I’m the last person you should be arguing with. Let’s…let’s just agree that Armin will never pose as Historia again, and more measures will be taken to supervise.” 

“Yeah…Yeah, that’s doable.” He paused. “We aren’t arguing more, but there’s more for us to argue about right now. Or am I imagining things?” 

“This might be why ‘office relationships’ are discouraged.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t deride me, woman.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off as such.” She sat back down and rubbed her temples. 

“How long are you staying until?” 

“Why?” 

“I’d like to know how long I have until I’m allowed to go completely insane.” 

“I…was hoping that I could stay until the leak is uncovered. My presence could subvert the effort.” 

“Who knows how long that could take?” 

She shrugged. “We’ll see. But that’s what I would like to do.” 

“You really missed me that much?” he teased. 

She looked down at the book, blushing again and began flipping through the pages of the heavy, faded tome trying to find where she had left off. “Still nothing on the knife.” 

_Nice subject change._ “A part of me wants to say give it up because any existing information is probably too dated to translate, but I’d rather not deal with that pitiful glare- That one, the one you’re giving me right now. You’re so precious when you think you’re scary.” 

“Ha! Tell that to Nile,” she replied with a slight laugh as she continued flipping. It wasn’t long before she reached a page with a large image of a knife bearing a strong resemblance. She opened the shoulder bag she had slung over her chair and pulled it out. 

Levi leaned forward curiously. “Did you actually find something?” he asked skeptically. 

“Give me a moment and I can answer that question…I see a similarity. Here.” She spun the book around the pushed it closer to him. “Do you see it?” 

He glanced back and forth between the picture and the weapon. “Hard to tell because the picture is black and white and this book is old…but I can see a bit of a resemblance.” 

She eagerly took it back and began running her fingertip along the lines of text, desperate for even a word or two she could translate. “I’m seeing a lot of…They look like related words. I’m guessing the same name but in different languages. They all start with ‘s’…‘Sax’ is the name closest to our vernacular. Wait…There is a warrior people with a name like that. They and their cultural relatives at the time would be ancestors of many people still alive today. Their name that’s closest to our language is ‘Sachsen’, but a very common pronunciation and spelling was ‘Saxon’.” 

“You think those were your mother’s ancestors?” 

“If the Living Weapon needed absolute warrior blood, warrior ancestry, then yes. I can think of no other reason she would have a sax. They would be very rare, as the Saxons were conquered. Very little is known about them other than that were not a conquering peoples but rather raiders, and had an intricate caste system. A large number of them left their homeland and traveled across the waters to an island which they sort of conquered…They merged with the locals and created a new culture. There’s more information available on them because there are so many records of the migration and warring.” 

“Across the waters? I refuse to believe there’s a body of water that large until I see it for myself.” 

“Alright then.” She closed the book. “I accept your challenge.” 

“Of course you do. Reeves is coming tomorrow…We need to figure out our next move.” 

“That we do. Goodness, I truly did my brother for granted…In regards to his rank, I mean. It’s easy to plot and plan when you have a context readily available. But now it’s on us to find or even create the context.” 

“The goal is getting Historia on the throne. Let’s start from there.”

* * *

**Survey Corps Headquarters, July 31 st, 3:12 AM  
**

_“Kseniya, do you know how wolves hunt?”  
_

_“No. How mama?”  
_

_“They are sneaky. When they find prey they are slow, quiet. They do not run straight towards them. They wait until they are very close and then charge, chasing after them until their prey is too tired to run anymore. Hunting it like a game for wolves. They have sharp claws but do not use them for hunting, they use them for digging.”  
_

_“Then how do they kill the rabbits and squirrels after they catch them?”  
_

_“They have strong and powerful jaws. A wolf catches its prey using its teeth and will break its neck,” Zlata Volkova explained. “And after, they tear them into pieces.”  
_

_“Mama, why do people kill wolves for fun?”  
_

_“Because wolves have fur that people turn into coats. Never let anyone take away your furs, Kseniya. Wear them with pride. They, like wolves, are a symbol of how nature can be both beautiful and dangerous.”_

Kseniya watched from a close alleyway as a skulking Military Police cadet neared the building. The young soldier probably didn’t know why he was told to spy on the headquarters so early in the morning but the more she thought about it, the more she realized she didn’t care. Anyone wearing the MP badge was an enemy that could take her back to be punished by her former superiors in the most dehumanizing ways possible. She refused to let them take away what little dignity she managed to preserve after serving under them. Once close enough she broke into a sprint, tackling the soldier to the ground and breaking his neck before he had the chance to see who his assailant was. She dragged the limp, lifeless body back into the alleyway, checked it for any valuables or orders from the higher ups, before reaching the district’s landfill. 

Not wanting to leave even the smallest hint of evidence behind, she went all the way to the incinerator and began hacking the body into pieces with her 3DMG, throwing them into the flames one at a time. When the body was completely disposed of she wiped the blood and sweat off of her forehead, making her way back to the Survey Corps’ headquarters. 

_Gross as it might’ve been for a kid to hear, I think I finally understand why she told me about the way wolves kill._ Kseniya yawned softly. _Good riddance too. Like hell I’ll let those assholes skin me alive like a trophy._

Since Saskia left a few days prior, there had been no signs of the CMP until that night. The fact that they were using an unsuspecting cadet disgusted her to no end, but she had no choice. She knew better than anyone else that, civilized as their world was, humans still had strong traces of animalistic instinct. And no one was higher than the wolf on the food chain. 

_All this because Katya wrote stuff…_ Bored, she snuck into the back field on the SC’s property to get a better look at the garden Saskia tended to so carefully and lovingly. _Katya wrote some things about some Titans, and now over one-hundred years later there are Titan shifters and Living Weapons and assholes like Kenny and Isamu. Messmann wasn’t kidding…Words really do have a lot of power, if we give it to ‘em._ She took a moment to admire the largest block, one made entirely of magnolias. She noticed something carved into the wood surrounding the beautiful plants and bent down to read it. 

“‘Dedicated to a little flower who never had the chance to bloom.’ I thought the tradition in the military was poppies? Oh, right, that kid who joined with Levi, her last name was Magnolia. That whole thing was a mess…Getting tricked into joining the SC like that, just so Kenny could keep tabs on him. I wonder what Saskia’s gonna say when she finds out her ‘brother’ was using her to draw out Levi so he could recruit him, but didn’t give a shit about his friends. She really liked that girl if I remember correctly.” The wind started to pick up and she brushed her dark hair back behind her ears. “Still no CMP in disguise as MP coming around with a warrant. The leak must’ve let them know Saskia was gone. But why not take advantage of her absence to storm the place? They’ve been way too quiet…I should have that Nifa girl tell Saskia.”

* * *

 

  **Abandoned Mill, 7:15 AM**

“Seems like your memories of the conversation coincide.” Hanji laced her fingers together and dropped her chin on them. Eren and Saskia stood on either side of her, both having fully recalled the details of Bertholdt’s and Ymir’s conversation. “And they both came back at the same time? Odd…” 

“If we’re interpreting this correctly, when a normal Titan eats a shifter then it will gains the powers that shifter had.” 

“That’s what it sounded like to me,” Eren agreed. 

“Based on what Ymir said, it seems they don’t willingly want to be wandering around naked, eating people. Even then they’re still a threat to the human race. But that’s all the more reason to pity them. Judging from the conversation I think Ymir ate one of Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie’s friends.” 

“When we were beyond the walls fighting those traitors, the Colossal Titan kept throwing regular Titans at us,” Eren recalled. “Do you think they were doing that so a Titan would eat me and gain my shifting ability?” 

“It would make sense, considering the lengths they went to in order to kidnap the both of us,” Saskia replied nodding. “And it would explain why your father turned you into a shifter. If we pretend that he had some knowledge of the other three, along with those they answer to, who better to turn into another shifter than someone he could trust? Not only that, but the ability to control Titans you seem to have, that which they dearly coveted, would also have been passed on to a Titan which ate you. How he stumbled across such a thing I couldn’t say, but it would seem that he deliberately gave you that ability. And if he does know something about our enemy, that could explain why he went into hiding the very day Wall Maria-” 

“No!” Eren shouted, balling his fists. “No way! Because if he knew they were attacking that day…he wouldn’tve left my mom there to get eaten! Or me and Mikasa to almost get eaten too! How the hell could you suggest that?!” 

“Eren, I’m not saying your father is a traitor too. He very well may have had a contingency plan to ensure your safety but the plan fell through.” _Please remember what we discussed last night…_

“Screw that. He didn’t know anything about it.” 

“Of all the times for Erwin to be incarcerated…Otherwise I would head straight to, well, anywhere but the royal capital, and tell him all of this…” Hanji slowly shook her head. “I can’t begin to imagine how he does it, how he keeps himself together.” 

“He has no other choice,” Saskia reminded firmly. 

As Eren stormed out of the Squad Leader’s room he was bumped on the forehead by a panting Nifa, who was about to knock on the door. He glared at her before briskly brushing aside, destination nowhere. She gave him a strange look but quickly shook it off. 

“I’m sorry if I interrupted anything,” she said between labored breaths. 

“You always are, but you never do,” the General smiled and waved her in. “Sit. Share. A message from K?” 

“Yeah.” She nodded as she unfolded the note. “She said not to look at it until I found you so, here goes. ‘Saskia, Early this morning a clueless MP cadet was around spying. I had no choice…Did what I needed to do. But this is the first time they’ve shown up. You’ve been gone for a few days and no one’s tried anything. It would be the perfect time for them to strike, to barge in with a warrant, but I haven’t seen any of those guys in the area. Whether or not they’re in Rose at all, I can’t say since I need to stay here. But near HQ? No one. It’s weird. I don’t like it. Don’t know if it means anything, but you said to use my best judgment. Inactivity from these guys is more alarming than activity…Hope you’re doing alright out in the middle of nowhere. -K’. She’s oddly personable for someone who broke into our headquarters.” 

“Since one of the stipulations for our alliance with the Reeves Company was sharing what we know I insist you stay, Nifa. Gives you a chance to have something to drink and catch your breath, and share that update with our other questionable allies,” Hanji grinned. 

Levi and his squad were waiting two levels below for Dimo Reeves to arrive. He did around the same time Hanji, Saskia, and Nifa came down, his son accompanying him. As Nifa hydrated Saskia heard Levi mumble something about being reluctant to hold an alliance with a guy a little older than the cadets who looks as though he never washes his hair. It took all of her willpower not to burst out laughing, as she wanted to make a good impression on Reeves and his son. 

“Nifa, thanks on working with the transmissions throughout the night.” 

_Did the Lance Corporal…compliment me? Did he offer a compliment?!_ “…thanks,” she murmured with a smile, wiping her lips with the back of her sleeve. Water, flavorless as it might be, never tasted so good. 

“Cut to the chase and tell everyone what K said,” he ordered. 

_That sounds a little more like the Lance Corporal I remember._ She glanced over at the two businessmen. “But…what about them?” _Is it really okay for them to hear these things?_

“They’re from the Reeves Corporation.” _What part of ‘alliance’ do you not understand, kid?_ “It’s fine. Speak.” 

“It’s not a problem leaving my seat, sir,” Reeves said politely as he stood up. 

Saskia shook her head. “That is not necessary. You are entitled to this information as per the negotiations held between you and the Lance Corporal. We offer you transparency.” _In exchange for vanilla tea! Levi, you’re the best._

“I’m trusting in you.” Levi gave the president’s son a warning look. 

“Huh? You’re trusting in my brat right here, who I just introduced today?” He put a hand on his son’s head, earning him a glower from his offspring. 

“He is of your corporation, is he not?” _Levi was right…He does need to wash his hair…  
_

“Flegel, was it? I welcome you.” 

“You’re…Levi, was it?” Flegel asked with a mocking smirk. “If you’d really like to make a welcome, shouldn’t you be putting out some tea?” 

Levi radiated a visible aura of anger, making everyone take a step back. Some were holding their breath. 

He then glanced up at Saskia. “Then again, isn’t that a woman’s job? That’s what women in the military do right? Tend to the injured and make the food?” 

She narrowed her eyes. “Women in the military also tend to injure-” Levi stepped on Saskia’s foot and she bit into her lower lip. 

Reeves pushed Flegel’s head down to his knees, growling in irritation. “I’m sorry. I’ve been taking him around to functions with the intent of having him take over for me someday. He’s been spoiled so he still acts like a child. We’ll leave, and you can just tell us what we need to do afterwards.” 

_Getting really tired of repeating myself…_ “No. We’ll listen together here. This concerns not just the Reeves Corporation but the fate of the world. Which is why your power, and your trust, is important.” 

“Understood. We’ll stay, so please continue.” 

Nifa cleared her throat. “Well then, in regards to Historia ascending the throne as queen…” 

“Queen?” Armin gasped. 

Nifa hesitated. “Lance Corporal Levi…?” 

He sighed. “I’ve neglected to tell my squad but it appears that the current Fritz royal house is just standing in for the real royal family. The true royal family is the Reiss family.” 

Historia visibly paled. 

Armin quickly raised his hand. “We’ve heard something about allowing Historia to ascend to the throne as queen, but is that the main objective of this mission?” 

“Exactly. A good portion of the people involved with the Living Weapon project are hiding behind this stand in, using the Reiss family’s money to fund their endeavors. With the Fritz family gone and Historia on the throne we take away a good chunk of our enemy’s resources _and_ give the people a representative who gives a shit about the concerns of the average citizen.” 

Saskia folded her arms behind her back. “Cadet Reiss, your thoughts?” 

“Ah…I…It’s impossible,” she stuttered. “I can’t.” 

_A repeat?_ He saw Saskia glancing at him impatiently. _But this time it won’t be an act._ Levi slowly approached her. “Right? Being told all of a sudden to become the most authoritative figure amongst the people of this world. After all, there aren’t very many people who could possibly answer right away ‘Yes, that’s fine’. But…none of that is important.” Though he was barely taller than her, his piercing glare and grit teeth made her feel like he was towering over her. “Do it.” 

“I couldn’t possibly do it.” Historia broke into a nervous sweat. _Me? Queen? What?_

Levi narrowed his eyes. “You don’t want to?” 

“I couldn’t…possibly…” 

“Levi, how many times must she say it before you understand her position?” Eren recognized Saskia’s tone. It was a side she hadn’t shown since threatening Nile when in Stohess, and before that at Eren’s trial. “She cannot do it.” 

“Understood.” Levi suddenly picked up the cadet by her collar. “Then run away. Run away from us with all your power. And we’ll also use all our power to capture you and use whatever means necessary to make you obey.” 

“You overheard what some of those methods are last night,” Saskia reminded. “And if you will recall, I was barred from joining the interrogation because I do not take well to insults towards the Survey Corps. Defecting is by **far** the greatest insult. Imagine what I would be tempted to do to you?” 

“It seems this is your fate. If you dislike that, then fight. Try to defeat me.” _This isn’t working. Why are you being difficult?_ He let go and she fell to the floor, gasping for air. _Go ahead, tell me I’m a terrible person. Someone here needs to be._ “What do you guys think you’re doing tomorrow?” Levi snapped as his squad began protesting his actions. “That you’re going to eat your meals tomorrow? That you’ll be able to get enough sleep tomorrow?...Is _that_ what you’re thinking? That the person next to you will still be there tomorrow? I don’t think that. And normal people don’t think about that every day either. Which is to say, I’m not normal, I’m an aberrant person. I think it’s because I’ve seen too many abnormal things. And I know I’m not the only person in this room who can say that.” He turned towards Saskia. “But if tomorrow Wall Rose were to be broken, in such abnormal circumstances we could respond faster than anyone and fight.” 

“While we would rather it not happen, there are a plethora of groups and individuals alike who oppose us. How else can we keep them from acting other than by keeping them from breathing? Not only am I ready, but I am comfortable with being _that_ person. I am eager to be that person. The one who delivers the final blow to each and every single one of them. The same can be said about the Lance Corporal.” 

“This may very well require beating people until they are unrecognizable…because I would choose the hell of people killing one another rather than the hell of being devoured by the Titans. Because at the very least…all of humanity won’t need to take part in it.” 

“Only those of us willing and able. However, if we had any legitimate authority in this world, authority that stretches beyond the military then there is a chance that those who would have died need not meet their expiration. That is the preferable route, is it not? It is up to you, Cadet Reiss.” 

“Will you follow?” 

“Or will you fight?” 

“They’re both fine, so pick one. However…” Levi got down on one knee in front of her and put a hand on her head. “There is NO TIME, so **decide NOW**!” 

“I’LL DO IT!” she cried. “My…my next role is to be queen, right?” She was shaking. “I’ll do it. Please leave it to me.” 

Levi took a moment to relax. “Alright. Stand.” He took her hand and lifted her to her feet. “I’m counting on you, Historia.” 

“We **all** are,” Saskia added. “Well then, now that matter of business is out of the way…We have a plan. A plan which goes beyond berating Historia into doing what only she and she alone can do.” Saskia motioned for Nifa to read the message K had written for her. 

“We need to force their hand, in other words,” Levi elaborated. “We can use their inactivity to our advantage by forcing them to act in a relatively predictable manner, so we can be ready to counter them.” 

“This does not detract from securing Wall Maria, despite it seeming as though we are moving in a very different direction. This next move is part of the greater plan to retake Wall Maria. Are you all ready to stage a kidnapping?”


	43. Under Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions from chapters 56-58. Time and location are gonna start to get jumpy but everyone's gonna reconvene soon enough, so it won't drag on for too long! Promise!
> 
> Graphic violence warning!

**Wall Rose, Cave, July 31 st, 3:28 PM**

“If I can do business as far as Wall Maria again I’ll do anything. Even going along with all of this, like a fool.”

“What are you doing?” Eren snapped as Reeves smeared dirt across his face.

“You guys are supposed to have been kept here for two days. It’ll be suspicious for there not to be a bit of filth at all.”

Near the entrance Flegel was sulking, hands in his pockets. “Oi, dad. Why are we going along with what those midgets said? One of ‘em is trash that would raise a hand against a little girl like this. The other is a mouthy bitch who threatened to torture her. If they had gone on for one second longer, I would’ve sent them both flying!” He punched at the air for emphasis, though his jab by no means exhibited any strength or proper form.

“Listen Flegel. I hope you will understand this someday as well, but the way you look at people is the key to being a businessman. He’s clumsy and she’s overprotective, but they’re both softhearted. Honestly, given the state of our corporation, and the Trost district just hanging on by a thread, there are any number of ways they could’ve gone about doing this. He’s definitely someone that clawed his way up, and she doesn’t strike me as the sort of person that takes advantage of others to get the job done. But miss, oh, I mean your majesty.” He turned to Historia. “Your bosses are scary in their own way, but they’re not bad people. Once you’ve become queen, give ‘em a good whack. And just dare them to hit you back.”

Eren laughed. “That’d be good! Right? Try it Historia. I wonder what kind of face Levi Heichou would make. Hell, General Saskia would probably be proud of you for standing up to them like that!”

“Oh.” Reeves pulled a handful of tiny blades out of his pocket. “Can’t forget this. These were made-to-order. They have to be this small, to hide them. Both hands, both feet, under the tongue also. When I was told to capture you before, I was told you must not be injured.” He slipped some in between the ropes around Eren’s wrists, between his toes, and one in his mouth. “For the lady as well.” He slipped a few into Historia’s restraints. “So they won’t be seen. When the time comes, Eren must be injured, whichever of you two does it. Whether that’s when the plan is seen through, or when we arrive at Lord Reiss’ that’s the time to take charge of the situation. Considering that the place they want to bring you both to doesn’t belong to him, but instead Isamu Maki, gives us a bit of an edge. You’ll be taken straight to where they work out of, and your bosses will be able to follow.”

“Mr. President!” One of Reeves’ workers poked his head into the cave. “The MP have arrived.”

“What? That’s much earlier than expected…” He quickly dropped to his knees and tied a gag around Eren’s mouth. “Good thing we prepared early, you brats,” he said with forced anger. “From now on, we hate each other.”

Only seconds after he finished and stood up, wiping the dirt off of his knees, a tall man in a black trench coat entered the cave. “Well done, Reeves.” He approached Historia from behind. “Hey.” She slowly looked over her shoulder. “Do you remember me? ‘Krista Lentz’. I was there when you took on a new name. It’s been about five years, huh ‘Krista’. You’ve grown.” He leaned down and she could his breath, which reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, hitting her neck every time he exhaled. “No…You haven’t changed that much.”

She started to hyperventilate as Kenny took Reeves, his men, and his son outside to discuss the reward Reeves’ earned. Two of Kenny’s subordinates stayed in the cave, watching Eren and Historia.

The moment Reeves noticed they had their own carriage prepared for transportation, he felt nauseous. This wasn’t in accordance with their agreement. They were supposed to use one of his carriages, ideally buying it from Reeves in the process. The one Kenny brought also had room for more cargo, giving the impression that he planned on taking more than the two inside the cave.

The two chatted as casually as possible, Flegel and the workers following behind them, as they walked into the woods nearby. “By the way Reeves…Do you a know a man by the name of Levi Ackermann? Or a woman named Saskia Messmann?” _Your company had a recent spike in how much black and vanilla tea you imported…Question’s already been answered. What pathetic lie will you concoct this time?_

“Levi Ackermann? That’s the first time I’ve heard the full name, but that’s the Lance Corporal from the Survey Corps, isn’t it? And Saskia Messmann, the child soldier, that’s their General. Everyone knows them. Plus they’re surely after my life. They must be searching like mad for these two kids we just captured. Can you do something about them?”

Kenny grunted in amusement as he began walking in circles around Reeves, like a predator does its cornered prey. “I taught Levi quite a bit,” he began. “That runt is my pride and joy. As for Saskia, she just so happens to be our good pal Isamu’s pride and joy.”

“Huh? But Saskia was orphaned as a kid…That’s how she became a child soldier.”

“Oops.” Kenny stopped behind Reeves and clamped a hand over his mouth. “Looks like I said too much. Me and my big mouth.” He swiftly drew a dagger from his pocket and slit Reeves throat open. Flegel and the workers were quickly apprehended and given the same treatment.

“Captain Ackermann.” One of his subordinates from inside the cave approached Kenny as he flicked the blood off of his knife. “As expected, both of them had numerous blades on their person.”

“I thought so. Is everyone from the corporation dead?” _I was too busy with Reeves to even notice…Must be my old age. Or thrill of the kill._

“Yes, three people. That seems to be it.”

“Reeves and his shitty little son…” He looked down at their bodies. “How pitiful. They were killed by the Survey Corps.”

“Yes…pitiful indeed.”

Not far off the rest of the Survey Corps waited with baited breath for the carriages to take off so they could follow. Saskia, positioned in the treetops, watched carefully as Eren and Historia were taken. She overheard a series of heavy thuds against the ground. The cadets were unceremoniously tossed into the large carriage.

“Alright, everyone!” Kenny yelled, loud enough so the Survey Corps could hear if they were indeed within earshot. “Do you remember why we brought this big ass carriage? It wasn’t just so that dumbass Reeves couldn’t sell us his. There’s room for one more body, one we’ve been waiting a long time for.”

Saskia’s eyes widened and she quickly dropped to the ground, seeking out Levi. The Lance Corporal already knew what Kenny was about to say and before either he or Saskia could get a word out, Levi grabbed her by the shoulders, spun her around, and gave her a harsh shove forward.

“Fucking run,” Levi hissed.

“Find Messmann!”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Royal Capital, 2:15 PM**

“I see. Yes, naturally she and the others would be positioned around the place where Kenny is to retrieve Eren and Historia in order to follow them post-kidnapping.” Erwin nodded slowly as Isamu poured freshly brewed tea for the both of them. “But before putting a wedge between her and Levi, you’re going to separate her from the rest of the Survey Corps.”

“Kenny has no intention of taking Saskia right now. It’s merely a scare tactic.” Isamu knelt on the other side of the low-laying table on a thin, comfortable cushion. “The longer those two can be kept apart, the sooner we can force Saskia into betraying them. Naturally they will all have to go into hiding because they will believe Kenny and the CMP are hunting them down. But why play a pointless game of cat-and-mouse? It won’t push Saskia to act irrationally. Now, pinning murder on her and Levi on the other hand…”

“Murder? Reeves and his company, I take it?” Erwin took a slow sip of the tea. It tasted medicinal and he hid his disgust so as not to appear ungrateful.

“That’s right. If they are together, then it’ll be easier to catch the Survey Corps’ highest authority. But separate, the MP will have to look for one or the other. And you and I both know who is easier to engage in combat, and who is more adept at stealth.” Isamu sipped his tea and smiled. _Just like okaa-san used to make it._

“Why engage with Levi at all?”

“To scatter his focus. A part of him is always going to worry about my daughter, no matter how capable she may be. But he’ll have to make a choice as well. Saskia, or Eren and Historia? He wouldn’t be a very good Squad Leader if he went for her instead of those two, would he?”

“No, he certainly wouldn’t. Surely this must only be the first step. Separating them may induce the ‘berserk’ ability we spoke of.”

“Doubtful. Her own survival is at stake. She trusts Levi to take care of Eren and Historia. If it were all up to her, she would reveal herself and attack Kenny I’m sure. The same way she did the Titan that took your arm.” He nodded towards Erwin’s right shoulder. “But that’s not her responsibility. And Levi will keep her from getting involved as soon as he hears that Kenny is ‘trying to find her’. Kenny is, after all, _his_ enemy. If anyone is going to kill him it will be Levi. In Levi’s mind, that is to say.”

“What is to be done with him? Kenny seemed on the fence about bringing him back.”

Isamu poured himself another cup. “Six years ago Kenny learned Levi’s whereabouts. We knew that Nicholas Lobov was embezzling funds and informed you, so you and Saskia could perform your investigation. You told her to spread the rumors, we told Lobov to wait until he found Levi and to approach him with an offer. Take the papers from you and he would be rewarded with a comfortable life in Sina. Who did he think he was, keeping all those funds to himself and not paying his dues to us? Levi was indeed recruited and, as we came to anticipate from what you told us about their interactions, stayed because of Saskia. When the time comes for Saskia to live up to her birth right as the savior of the human race and redeemer of my ancestors, I highly doubt Levi will want any part in enabling her. Especially if she is a traitor in the eyes of the Survey Corps. He will be even more inspired to stop us. If he were in our custody where we could keep a close eye on him just as you did for us, then he would not be able to stop us. And without his guidance the rest of the Survey Corps would be completely lost. They would surrender their ideals and hopes…They would see how futile all their efforts were.”

“And Eren and Historia?” Erwin fought a grimace as he finished the last of his tea.

“We’ll wait until we have Saskia. Our plans for them are sure to cause another fit of rage, and I want to have the chance to see this ‘berserk’ mode of hers for myself before utilizing it.”

“At one point there was talk of using Mikasa as well.”

Isamu shook his head. “She was to be back up, and while she did exhibit the strength to be expected from one who claims Oriental blood it doesn’t extend beyond that. No exceptional speed, stealth, an additional skill. As far as my standards go she is quiet average.”

“If Saskia is your frame of reference, then aren’t we all?” Erwin joked, internally cringing as Isamu poured more tea for him.

“Indeed,” he agreed with a cordial smile. “Now, if we are to use you as bait…She already anticipates an incarceration. Will that be enough?”

He shook his head. “No. She knows how much I love a good gamble, and she never carries out a plan unless she’s absolutely certain she can remain in control. When we put the two together…”

He nodded slowly. “I see. Yes, that would work…And if heightened emotions are what cause her to become berserk, then keeping her caged will be perfect. I’m amazed at how much you’ve thought this through.”

 _You have no idea._ “I only want what’s best for humanity. And if that happens to be Saskia at her prime, then who am I to keep her from fulfilling that potential?”

“But she is stubborn, isn’t she?” he sighed.

“Both resistant and resilient.”

“There is a saying amongst my people. ‘The frog in the well knows nothing of the ocean’. Once she sees how limited she’s been, what she’s truly capable of, and how much good she can do then there’s no doubt in my mind she’ll jump out of her narrow little well and wade those deeper waters.”

* * *

**Wall Rose, Trost District, August 1 st, 10:29 AM**

As lower-ranking Military Police soldiers carried away two bodies left out in the streets, one of the higher ups was being swarmed by reporters.

“Including his subordinates and son, altogether four people were found killed in the mountains. All of them had their throats cut by sharp blades. Nothing was stolen so it can’t be the work of thieves. It seems to be the work of professionals.”

“Are there are lead suspects at this time?!”

“When you say ‘professionals’, do you mean criminals from the underground?!”

“Four days ago, the residents here witnessed two members of the Survey Corps being attacked. Indeed, just as was reported to the Military Police, and as with the careful investigation request. Our careful investigation has made clear the involvement of the Reeves Company. And at once I realized that in order to recapture Eren Jaeger, the Survey Corps must’ve attacked Reeves. The culprits must be escaping with Eren as we speak. As of today, after receiving a writ from Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackley the Survey Corps will cease all activity and all members will be ordered to appear for questioning.”

“Why would the Reeves Company want to apprehend Eren Jaeger?!”

“With their Commander currently incarcerated, who in the Survey Corps could’ve possibly done this?!”

“I’ll take that second question. Normally we would think it to be a questionable character like Eren Jaeger himself, but not long ago there was a break in at the Survey Corps headquarters. When the Military Police came to investigate, their General barred them from entering. She hasn’t been seen since. However this event doesn’t coincide with what was witnessed here in Trost, so she could not have been connected to Eren Jaeger and his whereabouts at the time. Someone else in a position of authority, such as the Lance Corporal, would have to have been watching over Eren because of how ‘invaluable’ they claim him to be. But the General hasn’t been seen since her belligerent interaction with our men and the Lance Corporal hasn’t been seen for quite some time. We suspect, therefore, that the two had met up somewhere and done away with the president, his son, and his men together.”

Not too far from the site of the commotion, Marco held his breath as he took in every single word the soldier spewed at the reporters. _The person who leaked about Kseniya’s break in, they must’ve had a part in framing the Survey Corps for these murders_ , he internally reasoned. _And if the Survey Corps as a whole is coming under investigation then nothing will stop them from storming that building. I need to warn Kseniya!_

* * *

**Wall Sina, Stohess District, August 3 rd, 8:13 AM**

The Military Police stationed in Stohess had spent the morning going door-to-door and throughout the commercial hubs of the district distributing information on the soldiers-turned-fugitives of the Survey Corps. With the destruction of their district still very fresh in their minds, and only a small fraction of the repairs completed, it was hard for the citizens to argue with the MP. Luckily only Levi’s and Saskia’s faces were shown, albeit crudely drawn, on the papers they were handing out so it was relatively safe for the cadets to traverse the area and find the safest routes to take. Remaining stationary was no longer an option.

After the news got out Kseniya (still going by ‘K’) of all people had found the members of Squad Levi, Hanji, and Moblit, and helped them escape from one wall to the other in the middle of the night. There was nothing stopping the Military Police from storming their headquarters and she saw no point in trying to prevent it, leaving the post Saskia had left her with. She hadn’t seen Saskia since she parted ways with the others but Levi had his suspicions that she would be somewhere in the area, hoping to stop the MP from taking their building. It was in her nature to preserve the Corps in any way she knew how, for better and for worse. She also relayed to them everything Marco had shared with her from the announcement made in Trost two days prior, though she dare not name a source. The information had already circulated so widely that she had no reason to cite one either; everyone and their mother had heard about the accusations less than an hour after the MP gave their statement to the press. But she promised to keep an eye out for the General, assist her in any way possible, and try to get word to Levi and the others on her status as soon as possible. Levi had never been so grateful to a stranger before.

“It seems we can use that road over there.” Jean had been moving about through some of the less crowded streets to find which routes would be the safest for them to take. They had been following the carriage as best they could since having to scatter but were forced to take mostly back roads, sketchy alleys, and obscure streets that wound in strange directions. He handed Armin one of the papers the MP was giving out. “These are being distributed.”

“With this, the Survey Corps is basically disbanded…”

Jean sighed and leaned against a horse stable. The alley they were currently in wasn’t much of an alley at all, but an abandoned street that had been transformed into a stable for travelers. The location was perfect, considering the number of bars nearby.

“Yeah, I feel like we’re finished. I had prepared myself to be eaten by Titans in the end, but to think I’d end up a criminal…”

“That’s…not decided yet,” Armin managed. He felt equally pessimistic about their current status, but was one of the few who thought there was still a chance for the SC, even if it was hanging by a thin, fraying thread. “With Commander Erwin incarcerated, this falls to Levi Heichou and General Saskia. There’s absolutely no way they would bow their head like this and let the Corps disband!” He did his best to reason out their current situation, how they could still carry out their plan, but no one wanted to hear it.

“Even if everything went well I…really wouldn’t be able to kill anyone.” Jean felt as though he should be admitting that with shame, as though it may have been required of him and he was too weak or scared. “Even if Heichou were to order it, I don’t think I would be able to.”

“Me too!” Connie piped up. “Levi Heichou thinks it’s fine to use to force people to do whatever you want! Like he did with Historia! And General Saskia, behind that smile, she’s just as harsh…and she likes it! She said so herself. She likes being that way.”

“He was so accommodating with the corporation, too!” Sasha added. “And still he was so threatening with Historia who was already like an empty shell…Surely he’d do the same thing after she became queen to control her more easily! And the General, well she’d just be cheering him on the whole time!”

Jean brought up a trembling fist. “In any case I never intended to join such a violent organization. At the time I devoted myself to saving mankind.”

“No, you can’t waver now,” Armin protested and turned to Mikasa, thinking she at the very least would show some level of agreement. “Right Mikasa?”

“I realized their peculiarity from the beginning,” she said coolly. “But to get through the current circumstances, I think following Levi Heichou is the best way to go. If possible, I hope everyone can decide as well.”

A few rooftops over Levi, Nifa, and a few other members of Hanji’s squad were watching as the caskets which held Eren and Historia were being loaded on to hearses. He noticed that this hearse had room for only two.

 _Did they…? Bastard! He knew we were there, listening, but he didn’t plan on taking Saskia at the time…_ Levi gritted his teeth as Nifa focused her telescope. _He wanted to separate us. That’s not all though…_ He surveyed the roads around them, making note of each and every vehicle and warm body. More specifically, their relative location to his own. “Something is off. This is different from what the Central Military Police has done up until now. Is he still with them? I thought he would’ve gone back to the capital to share the good news…”

“‘He’?” Nifa asked curiously.

“Have you heard of ‘Kenny the Ripper’?”

“The mass murderer from the capital?” Nifa glanced up at him. “They say over one-hundred MP soldiers trying to capture him had their throats slit. But that’s just an urban legend that was popular in the capital over a decade ago.”

 _That’s right, Nifa wasn’t there when Saskia and I shared everything. She doesn’t know that the Kenny Ackermann we’re up against and Kenny the Ripper are the same person._ “He exists. It’s all true. When I was a child I even lived with him for a while…” _My way of thinking is heavily influenced by his. When stalking a target in a group…two diagonals from the back…and a perch with a clear view…_ He heard someone climbing up the other side of the roof.

Two shots had been fired. One grazed his shoulder but it was meant to miss. The other blasted Nifa’s face off, exposing her skull as it shattered.

Levi quickly leapt back behind the chimney and heard more gunfire. One by one the rest of Hanji’s squad members were being taken out.

 _I was…responsible for these guys too…_ He was breathing heavily, eyes wide. _And again…Every time, it happens…Whenever I’m responsible for someone…They always…Every time…_

“Hey, Levi.” Kenny stalked up the rooftop slowly, giving his former protégé a chance to ride out his panic. “You’re all grown up, huh?” A clanking sound came from the other side as Kenny emptied his cartridges and put in fresh rounds. He used his strange looking 3DMG to latch into the chimney and flipped over it. Hardly to his surprise, Levi was there waiting for him.

“You really haven’t changed much, huh?!” He fired twice, Levi deflecting both shots as he drew a blade. _Do I even need this runt? Can’t kill him just yet, need to destroy his love life first. But after that…_

He continued firing, this time Levi using the closest thing he had to a shield, his Survey Corps cloak, to keep from being hit. With the garment being torn to shreds he had no defense left. He looked to his left where Nifa’s remains were sliding down the rooftop from the commotion overhead. Her skull was an empty cavity, brain having rolled down onto the street below. Only her lips remained intact, and the way they twisted and contorted with fear was almost exactly like the expression Isabel’s disembodied head sported.

 _Every time, every single time, I always let this happen…_ He broke into a sprint, moving from rooftop to rooftop, Kenny not far behind. _Shit, my movements are being read,_ he realized. _At this rate I’ll lose the two in the caskets again, as well as my subordinates…_ Kenny’s subordinates burst out from the rooftops, their firing almost severing the thin thread his life had become dependent on. _An ambush! That bastard…_ It wasn’t long before his gear was hit, and gravity eagerly reached up and slammed him onto the pavement. By some miracle the wind wasn’t knocked out of him, but in exchange a bullet grazed his left cheek. Any closer and he would’ve been blinded in one eye. There was only one place in sight where he could temporarily take refuge, a tavern.

Using whatever wiring was left he hooked straight into the bar itself and flew in, landing on his feet atop the counter. _This is awkward._ He tried to wipe some of the blood off of his cheek as he caught his breath. To his right the barkeep was trembling, paler than alabaster. _Time to make some friends…_ “It…it’s Levi,” he said quietly, hoping not to draw any more attention than he already had. “From the Survey Corps.” _I doubt that’s reassuring for him to hear right now._

“The scent of a filthy rat seems to be coming from this place…A tiny runt of a rat, that is…” Kenny dramatically burst in and pulled his guns out. “FOUND YOU! The great Central Military Policeman has come to kill the evil villain! BANG! BANG!” _I forgot how much fun it is to scare the shit out of civilians while out and about…All in a day’s work!_... _Wait, where did…? Damn maggot!_ “What? He’s not here?”

 _Enough with the games, psycho._ “I’m here Kenny,” he called from behind the bar. _Now what?_ “It’s been a long time.” _Yeah, that’ll intimidate him._

“Oh…how nostalgic. Show me your face.”

“Stop fucking with me. You’ve been spraying bullets at my face this whole time, haven’t you?” _Or are you that senile already?_

“Yeah, well, I came to see the color of your brains today.”

“I didn’t think you were still alive, Kenny. So, you gonna tell me why and how someone like you got into the Central Military Police? Or have they always been ass backwards, taking in anyone off the street?”

“Well aren’t we high and mighty, Mr. Lance Corporal of the Survey Corps. Though I suppose you shouldn’t be putting on airs, runt. You wouldn’t still be alive if your lil’ girlfriend hadn’t come along and let you stay. No wonder everyone hates the Corps…it’s full of worthless shit like you.”

“What does the CMP have to do with the Living Weapon Project? Or is that just your game, and they’re all playing along so they can get their paychecks?”

“Brats can’t understand adult matters. Oh, my bad. You’re a runt, but you’ve gained some years, huh? I’ve been enjoying your activities but to think the strategies I taught you would be put to use like this…But I wouldn’tve hidden out in a bar like this. I would’ve hidden in a much classier joint.”

Levi pulled a rifle out from behind the bar and turned to the barkeep, a finger to his lips. “Yeah, you’ve always been a classy son of a bitch. Why don’t you get a little closer so I can see _your_ gorgeous face?”

“Why did you become a Survey Corpsman? I think I have some idea. All we did was live amidst garbage. It took everything just to survive. And the day we learned just how big the world was, it hurt…deeply.” He started moving closer to the bar. “Our shitty selves and our shitty lives had no meaning at all. However, there was salvation. The project. Your little girlfriend.”

Levi reached up and turned a bottle around, giving him a slightly distorted view of everything behind him. “Uh huh. I’m sure you’re real concerned about humanity’s future.”

“You’re one to talk. You’ve been hiding behind her this entire time, and screwing her when you got bored. You should be ashamed of herself for treating such a perfect specimen like that. You wanna know the truth? The CMP has always been involved in the same things the Corps does. But instead of rushing out into Titan territory, we’ve been working from inside the walls to find other ways to do away with them for good. ‘Hobbies’, if you will.”

“Hobbies, huh? Blowing away the heads of my subordinates…Is that your hobby as well?” He waited for Kenny to come even closer.

“I’ll kill as many as it takes, all for the sake of a bigger goal. You’re killing for your own sake too, aren’t you? That’s all you’re good for.”

“Maybe…And if that is the case, I learned from the best.” Levi held the rifle overhead, using the reflection in the bottle to aim. He fired, hitting Kenny in the ribcage and sending him flying out into the streets.

Kenny’s subordinates flew into a panic, unsure if he was dead. Something crashed through one of the windows and they immediately fired at it, assuming it to be Levi. When the smoke cleared the saw it was just a chair, a diversion, and Levi had escaped when they ceased firing, using that smoke as his cover. Though his gear was damaged from the wiring being severed he still had enough to send a hook straight into one the CMP soldier’s throats, killing him instantly.

“Duran got killed?!”

“Don’t shoot yet! He’s coming! Wait until he’s within range!”

…

“NOW! FIRE!”

Instead of hitting their target they pierced through their dead comrade, Levi using the body as a shield. He had only a few seconds to take advantage of the distraction it caused and sliced through both of their necks as he flew past them. Hardly to his surprise, though much to his disadvantage, Kenny brought ample backup. Despite being followed he had to find his squad, though it meant getting them caught in the crossfire.

Sasha was the first to hear the gunshots. It was time to switch to their backup plan- attempt to follow the caskets holding Eren and Historia while retreating themselves. The gunfire was getting closer. They knew Levi was coming for them with an update and the new plan. As they continued following they caught glimpses of their Squad Leader fighting overhead and the strange 3DMG that the Central Military Police were using, armed with guns instead of blades. It was ideal for engaging in both long distance and close range combat against other humans, no doubt the reason for its creation.

Levi continued hacking his way through his pursuers; even after hearing his speech about being an ‘aberrant’ and willing to kill so others wouldn’t, that didn’t keep them from feeling nauseous. None anticipated seeing him cut through other human beings with no remorse or hesitation. Even Sasha, raised in a hunting village, knew the value of doing anything and everything in your power to survive but she wasn’t any less disgusted by what she saw.

The way he moved overhead though wasn’t just a means of escape, he was giving them direction. As soon as he was momentarily in the clear he dropped down into the wagon Armin was driving. “Stop following after the casket wagon. Our movements have been seen through. What’s more, Kenny is still with them. He didn’t plan on taking Saskia, he just wanted to split us up. They won’t touch Eren and Historia until they have her. They need all of them for some reason. We need to give up on them for now. All this time they were only using those two as bait to lure the rest of us out and kill the remaining members of the Survey Corps.” _Without the Corps Saskia has nothing. Would she attack them for revenge, or seek them out to? No, no fucking way would she give in just because the rest of us were killed._ “I’m sure the enemies are lying in wait ahead, as well. The other three have already been killed.” On wobbly legs he rose, preparing to enter the fray again.

“Armin, aim for the closest level ground to the left. Sasha and Connie, lead the horses. Jean, return gunfire from the rooftops. Mikasa and I will support the escape with our 3DMG.”

“What do you plan to do about Eren and Historia?!” Mikasa demanded. _This is the first time he’s addressed us by our names. Is it really that personal for him?_

“We’ll have to find them by other means. Of course, that’s if we’re able to leave this place alive. When you can kill the enemy, **kill**. Understood?”

Though reluctant they had no choice but to agree. The plan worked for the most part, as only so much success could be expected in such a volatile situation. One of Kenny’s soldiers fell into the wagon and Jean aimed for her. He told her not to move and she too hesitated to strike, but it wasn’t long before she was on her feet. Jean however was still hesitating.

 _I can’t do it…I can’t kill another person…I don’t care who she is or what she’s done, she’s still a person!_ He froze. The others saw but there was nothing they could do, either too far away or unarmed.

Armin fired.

* * *

**Wall Rose, Karanese District, Run-Down Bar, August 3 rd, 3:31 AM**

Kseniya had just returned from helping the members of the Survey Corps escape from Rose to Sina when she decided to go back the dilapidated building that once fronted for her bosses’ illegal operations. Though far from the Survey Corps headquarters, she reasoned that the MP were in the process of mobilizing to strike and the building could go without supervision for a brief period of time. Even when they did finally launch their attack she wasn’t sure what to do without her new boss to give direction. Saskia told her to use her better judgment, and instinct told her that she would in over her head if she tried to act on her own.

When she entered the old building she could barely see inside as her lantern was running low, but there was a distinguishable human form leaning against the bar. It was breathing heavily, loudly, and the deep heaving of the chest made it clear the person was female. She was wearing 3D gear. Her left arm was in a cast.

“Saskia?” Kseniya gasped loudly, quickly entering and dropping down to her knees in front of the panting woman.

Saskia nodded weakly. “It’s me. I…I knew that…headquarters…wouldn’t be safe for me…I remembered you…you had mentioned this place…Thought it was one of…the last places they would…bother to look…”

“You’re probably right,” the brunette agreed. “Did you…run here from that old mill?”

She nodded again. “Ran…and ran…and didn’t stop running…” She sounded like she was dry heaving. “Is there…anything to drink in here?”

“I already told you I couldn’t find- Oh, non-alcoholic. Um, I know I kept some basic supplies in here in case I needed to hide out for a bit. Hold on.”

“Thank you…very much…”

Kseniya went behind the bar and found one of the few water bottles she had stored. “It’s warm, but it’s water.” She sat down next to Saskia, taking the top off before handing it to her. “You aren’t wearing your Survey Corps cape or jacket…”

Saskia, after downing half of the bottle, pointed across the room. Kseniya lifted her lantern and saw a pile of fabric. “Couldn’t…keep it on…Too hot…”

“Right, I remember hearing you getting sick from the heat when you were still a tiny thing.”

“You heard…correctly…”

“I helped Levi and the others get to Stohess. Wasn’t sure why they’d wanna go there, since they’re even closer to my old bosses-”

“Eren and Historia…” Saskia finished the bottle and threw it across the room. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “They were taken…by the CMP…by Kenny…He was…also going to take me…Levi told me to…to run elsewhere…I went east…They followed…the CMP and Kenny…Our plan…It fell apart…” She sniffled, curling her lips inward. “I couldn’t protect them,” she choked. “To hell with them…being humanity’s last hope…I couldn’t protect two of my cadets…I failed them…”

“If Kenny was coming for you too, there wasn’t much you could do without getting everyone else in a tight spot too,” Kseniya replied quietly, hoping her words would provide even the slightest amount of comfort. “And they don’t matter to the CMP or the other assholes, so there would’ve been casualties. Would’ve taken a toll on you and Levi…And that Squad Leader. What was her name? Hanji, right?”

“Yes…She and Moblit escaped…with Levi?”

“With them, yes. But I don’t think they stayed together once they got over the wall. Said something about her squad members already in Sina, hiding, for when this moment came. Levi and his squad were going to get Eren and Historia, according to you, but I dunno where those two ran off to.”

“…speaking of Stohess…” She started to calm down, taking some solace in her faith in Levi and his ability to see their plans through. “Can you…can you tell me…about my mother?”

“Uh, sure, I guess. Any particular reason?”

Saskia opened up her bag and brandished the knife. “I found out…what this is…A sax…She was Sachsen…wasn’t she?”

“If we’re using our language, yeah. But ‘Saxon’ is the name most would use. Think of ‘Sachsen’ as a dialect and ‘Saxon’ as standard language, if that makes sense. That’s how the guys pronounced it anyway, so that’s how I always thought of it.”

“You wanted me to know…because…they were warriors…Saxon blood and Oriental blood…meant the Living Weapon could be…a boy or a girl…Is that right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. She was the last full-blooded Saxon, actually. I know a little about the history because Kenny and Isamu talked about it a lot, and why it was so important to have a warrior-blooded mother. There were two groups-”

“Some stayed here…some traveled across the water…and made a new culture…”

“Looks like someone’s been doing her homework,” Kseniya grinned. “Yeah, so the ones who stayed here, they were eventually conquered. But they continued fighting back when the king of the people who conquered them was gone, because their defenses were down.”

“Smart move.”

“The problem is they didn’t like marrying outside of their social class or outsiders. So, after being conquered, a lot of the higher class Saxons assimilated because, well, more money. The ones who fought against their conquerors, they were mostly slaves. The lower classes were mostly slaves taken in from nearby villages they’d raided and stuff. But some of the higher class Saxons, they weren’t having any of it. They pretended to play nice while secretly plotting to either revolt or something, because they were desperate to keep the Saxon blood and culture alive. The people who conquered them destroyed a lot of their culture.”

“So long as there is at least one person who remembers, an entire people and their way of life can survive. That’s what I’ve always believed.”

“That’s pretty much what happened. They kept marrying other Saxons, even middle and lower classes. Problem was…marrying only Saxons meant eventually cousins were marrying cousins and nieces were marrying uncles. It took a loooooonnnnnng time because there were a large number of them, but it reached a point where only a handful of pure-blood Saxon families remained. And most were too closely related to marry or have kids so some…married other cultures. But your mom’s family, hers was the last. That’s why she had the sax. It’s obviously pretty new and wasn’t used for anything other than display. Every Saxon family had one, but once they started marrying with other groups they saw no point in having a sax. They figured that they’d abandoned their people, so why bother preserving their people’s culture?”

“That’s…that’s quite sad, actually.”

“That knife right there, I’d bet that’s one of maybe five or six in the whole world. When Saxons would marry into other cultures they would sell the sax if they needed the money or destroy the damn thing.”

“Symbolically breaking their connections to their heritage.”

“Kenny always wanted one but even he had a level of respect for their meaning, because Saxons were brutal. And he obviously has a soft spot for being brutal so in a weird way he respected the Saxons. It just didn’t feel right, he would say, like he was stealing from them…and a small part of him was afraid that the spirits of the Saxons from before the conquering would come to disembowel him. I laugh at the idea, but at the same time I wish they would’ve.”

“She was very proud of her bloodline, then?”

“Well, obviously. I mean, look at your name!”

“I’ve never been able to find the meaning of the name ‘Saskia’.”

“Seriously? This’ll probably make your day then, ‘Silent Knife’. The Saxons got their name from the sax. And ‘sax’ itself means knife. ‘Saskia’ means ‘Saxon woman’. Going further, ‘knife woman’. She named you after your ancestors. In a way…even if you didn’t have that knife right there, you’re still keeping ‘em alive just by being alive.”

“Really?” Odd warmth washed over her, wrapping around her like a cozy comforter on a dark December night. “That…that feels strangely encouraging. As if I’ve been branded.”

“Right? The warrior seal of approval,” she chuckled. “My name isn’t as exciting. ‘Hospitality’.” She slapped a hand over her mouth.

Saskia managed a smile. “Considering recent events…I think it’s alright if we get to know each other a little better. I find the meaning most appropriate. What is your name?”

“…Kseniya.”

“Alright Kseniya, tell me a little more about my mother.”

“She was definitely taller than you. Oriental blood can make people short. She wasn’t very athletic but she had a bit of a muscular build. She also believed in astrology and name meanings influencing people’s personalities. She wanted you to grow up strong and tough and able to look out for yourself, but she didn’t mean for things to turn out like this, raised as a child soldier…She was tricked. She didn’t know about the Living Weapon until after you were born. Here’s how it was supposed to play out. Isamu would take you to be raised by Kenny and the CMP, where you’d be close to the capital and their base, and make you into whatever it is they were hoping you’d be. Luzia found out and she ran all the way to the Survey Corps and begged and pleaded with Shardis to take you in. He was hesitant but when she mentioned your Oriental blood he agreed; figured you wouldn’t be useless to the military. What she didn’t know was that Shardis is…actually part of Kenny and Isamu’s little circle. That’s how so many of their people got into the Survey Corps. He knew all along who you were when Luzia came to him but he had to play along. He knew about the project, about Oriental blood, so instead of Kenny he raised you to be the ‘perfect warrior’. Well, no, he raised you to be the ‘perfect soldier’ but all of Isamu’s underlings…he calls them ‘warriors’. Especially the younger ones who infiltrated the military, so they wouldn’t get confused and forget ‘who they really are’.”

“I do remember Braun and Hoover making mention of that…The former had mentioned being a soldier, and the latter corrected him by saying that they were warriors.”

“Yeah, those kids…That’s a story for another day. Last thing you probably wanna talk about right now are the ones responsible for what happened to Wall Maria and Trost.”

“You are correct. Could you…do me a small favor? Tell me I’m hopeless.”

“…how’s that a favor?”

“Just do it, please. But sound very abrasive, harsh. You’re trying to be playfully sarcastic, but it’s in your nature to always come off as irritable, unapproachable. However I know better, so it matters not what tone you use. Use my surname though, not my given name.”

“Alright.” Kseniya cleared her throat. “‘You’re hopeless, Messmann’. How was that?”

“Not the same,” she sighed. “But it helped. I don’t miss him as much as I did a matter of seconds ago.”

“…not even gonna ask.”

“I need to find Hanji and Moblit. I need to know what it is they are planning.”

“It’s dangerous for you to be out on the streets. For any SC members. The MP, they finally got a writ from Zackley ordering the Corps to stop everything and go in for questioning.” _Way to keep up the façade old man._

“If the MP answers to the CMP then they know how valuable I am to Kenny and the others. They wouldn’t harm me, though they would apprehend me. And they would make no secret of having taken a high ranking Survey Corps soldier into custody. Therefore, the others would know where I am and that I am relatively safe, as I am needed. I do not plan on allowing myself to be caught but if it were to happen we would still ultimately benefit from my blunder.”

“Suppose you’re right. Do you need to rest? The floor isn’t comfy, but it’s something to lay on…”

Saskia shook her head and steadily rose to her feet. “Need to? In the interest of my physical well-being, absolutely. But in the interest of the Survey Corps and humanity’s future…I can sacrifice a few hours of sleep. You said they went into Sina, Hanji and Moblit. No doubt to brief her squad on what’s going on. Only Levi’s squad and Nifa are aware of the Living Weapon Project, as we weren’t sure who all could be trusted…As made apparent by the leak in headquarters. However, I doubt Hanji stayed there. Even when conducting her experiments she is very much an independent worker. It would not surprise me if she returned to Rose to do some investigating of her own.”

“So she’s mobile.”

“Quite likely, yes.”

“All the papers that the Military Police are giving out have pictures of you and Levi, so your cadets can get around without coming off as suspicious. That also includes Hanji and Moblit. They can get around.”

“Excellent. Now the question becomes where they would go to, and why.”

“Aside from the already weak bases, there were some I managed to clear out. I told you about them. Did you tell Hanji about any of them?”

She nodded. “In case of emergency I told both Levi and Hanji about their locations.”

“Well if the Corps is under attack and you had to go into hiding while Levi goes after Eren and Historia, makes sense that she’d try and find one of those to give the Survey Corps some footing. Expand your areas of influence, places you can network, that sort of thing.”

“Yes, that would make sense. Knowing Hanji she would go after an inconspicuous one.”

“One…hidden in plain sight?”

“More likely than not.”

“Then I know where she is. She’s in Trost.”

* * *

  **Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, August 4 th, 12:03 AM**

Deep inside the Survey Corps basement a crystallized captive began to stir from the comatose-like state she had fallen into not long after her capture. Though the translucent prison provided protection from the change in the environment outside the crystal, Annie felt a gradual rising in temperature accompanied by a crackling sound. She dare not open her eyes, unsure of how it could impact her situation (and she had no desire to know where she had been taken). Would the crystal melt? Would she be roasted alive inside? Would she survive somehow?

Regardless of the outcome one thing she knew for certain- a raging fire was spreading around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get it? Under Fire? Gunfire, Survey Corps being investigated, the fire alluded to at the very end? I'm so damn clever.
> 
> Why's Hanji in Trost? In manga canon she and Erwin frequently meet at an SC Trost branch headquarters. With all the jumbled-ness of where he's at and what he's up to he can't be there obviously, but Hanji can't tag along with Levi either, so she's still gonna hit up that spot. Except here it's not an SC branch building, as Kseniya explained.
> 
> And what the flip is Erwin up to, playing the bad guys like that? How's he planning on helping the SC when the rest of the world thinks he's in prison?
> 
> The quote. I must clarify. Yes, it is a Japanese cultural/Zen Buddhist proverb. HOWEVER IT WAS PENNED BY A TAOIST PHILOSOPHY, MY HOMEBOY CHUANG TZU. Taoism heavily influenced Ch'an Buddhism, which entered Japan where it became Zen. So, yeah. LOOK AT MY USERNAME DAMN IT. OF COURSE I GOTTA THROW IN THAT QUOTE AND A HISTORY LESSON FOR Y'ALL. You're welcome.


	44. Pyre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Transcriptions from chapter 59.
> 
> Enjoy a little Levaskia fluff and stuff before shit hits the fan.

**Wall Rose, Trost District, Secret Survey Corps Branch, August 3 rd, 9:31 AM**

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so good at sneaking up on people. I don’t even have to try and yet…” Saskia laughed nervously and cast a glance at the doorframe where two bullets were lodged at approximately her eye-level. “I must admit Hanji, for someone so incredibly jumpy at the moment your aim is impressive.” 

Hanji and Moblit, as Kseniya predicted, had taken up the now empty building formerly used as an enemy base. The General had forgotten to take into account that, though the sun had been up for a few hours, most of her comrades were running on little more than caffeine and anxiety. She had also neglected to remember her knack for being a little too quiet in her gait. 

A shaky, sleep-deprived, and now rather embarrassed Hanji put down her rifle and became a babbling mess. “I’m so sorry! I was worried about the MP or _GOD FORBID_ the **CMP** coming in here because of the cease and desist and as soon as heard footsteps I panicked! Forgive me!” 

“Only if you stop making so much noise,” Saskia replied with forced sympathy. She didn’t appreciate almost being shot in the forehead, and she certainly didn’t appreciate being mistaken for a (Central) Military Police soldier. 

“I think I’ll hold on to this…” Moblit, who had taken to securing windows and other sensitive spots, quickly snatched the rifle while mumbling something about too much coffee. “Otherwise the MP’s claims about us committing murder will no longer be libel.” His dark joke was only so well-received. 

“I’m just relieved to see you’re okay.” Hanji looked ready to burst into tears and ran up to Saskia, pulling her into what would’ve been a bone-crushing hug had her left arm not already undergone a recent fracture. “Shit, your arm, I forgot, I’m sorry!” Out of nowhere she hugged Kseniya. “I don’t even know who you are and I’m glad you’re okay…I wish more people could just be okay…Why can’t we all just get along?!” 

“Uh…There, there…” Kseniya awkwardly pat her on the back. 

“How much sleep has she gotten since we last saw each other?” The General pointed at the now sobbing Squad Leader as she turned to Moblit. 

“Guess,” he replied simply. 

“None. Delightful. Alright then, time to get to work.” 

“All you do is work,” Hanji blubbered, still clinging to Kseniya. “Why can’t we just take a break from all this political crap and go back to fighting Titans? I miss the Titans!” 

“I’m sure they miss you too, Hanji. As I was-” 

“Sawney and Bean were so young! They still had their whole lives ahead of them! Why did they have to be taken from me?! Moblit, I think it’s time we consider having children. Two boys. Named Sawney and Bean…to honor their memory!” 

_She’s really outdone herself this time._ “Hanji, hold still please.” Saskia reached out for the sensitive spot behind the ear Levi taught her about a few years back, and Hanji fell unconscious. “Kseniya, could you pick her up and put her in the corner for me?” 

“Gladly,” the brunette obliged with a hint of sarcasm. _Your arm might be broken but you could easily carry her! Didn’t you do that once before…in a Titan’s mouth?! Lazy ass General…_

“Wonderful. This is wonderful. You know, there are so many things I love about the Survey Corps, and one of those things is that there’s never a dull moment. It’s always full of excitement! Killing Titans, your significant other is led believe you’ve died, your brother is incarcerated in the capitol, and one of your closest friends almost shoots you in the head. All within a matter of weeks! Life is such a grand adventure!” 

“General, how much sleep have _you_ gotten since we last saw each other?” Moblit asked cautiously, though he could already intuit the answer. Her raising an eyebrow at him affirmed his guess to be correct. “Regardless, I speak for both of us when I say I’m relieved to see you’re alive and relatively well.” 

“If not for our infiltrator-turned-informant I may have died of dehydration.” She motioned towards Kseniya. “I believe you two have already met, briefly, but now you can put a name to a face and a face to a name. Kseniya, this is Moblit Berner, Hanji’s second-in-command and better half. Moblit, this is Kseniya.” 

“Nice to be properly acquainted.” He extended a hand and she shook it. 

“Nice to have proper acquaintances, for once,” she replied, lopsided grin on her face. _Is…this what I signed up for?_

“Considering this is the Survey Corps, I wouldn’t get used to it. No offense General, but we have been attracting a lot of…unwanted attention from undesirable characters lately.” 

“No offense taken unless you put me in that category,” she chuckled. “I return the sentiment regarding your safety. Good health will come in handy whilst we overthrow the government. Which brings me to why I’m here. First, I want a status update. No need to filter anything; Kseniya is on our side.” 

“Oh yeah? How do you figure that? Maybe I’m just playing nice to get into your good graces and then back stab you last minute,” she snickered, folding her arms over her chest. “But seriously, I’m overjoyed to hear that. The threat of being killed by ‘the Living Weapon’ no longer looms over me.” 

“Call me that again and it will.” 

“Noted.” 

“When we were in Sina we met up with the rest of our squad and told them about everything that happened with the Reeves Company and Kenny Ackermann. Whether or not he was still with Eren and Historia once they were taken to Sina, I can’t say as Levi led the pursuit. Hanji wanted to come back here and try and restore what little authority we can barely lay claim to by getting another building going. Headquarters isn’t safe for anyone anymore…Any minute now the Military Police could barge in and arrest everyone there as accessory and force them to confess to crimes they didn’t commit.” 

“Right now I care less for brick and stone than I do Eren and Historia. What was Levi’s plan? Post-pursuit, that is.” 

“He wasn’t quite sure himself, since he didn’t know where they were being taken. We all assumed the capitol because that’s where they’re holding Erwin but he seemed to think there was another place they might be taking them…He didn’t say where, or why he thought that.” 

“He’s probably right. The capitol isn’t their base per se, it’s more like the garden in their front lawn. Their base in a place in Mitras called Pine’s Manor. It belongs to Isamu Maki. It’s HUGE. The highest of the high live there, myself included back in the day.” _Which…wasn’t all that long ago…_

“How would Levi know it to be an alternative?” 

“Kenny raised him, right? Well, Kenny didn’t spend all his time in the underground. He and Isamu had been working together since before Levi wound up in Kenny’s ‘care’. Kenny must’ve taken him there a few times when he was still pretty young. Can’t leave someone alone in the underground for too long, especially if they’re tiny. I mean babies! I didn’t mean short, I meant…You know what I meant.” 

“Pines Manor? Strange, I’ve never heard him make mention of it before. How exactly did Kenny and Isamu come to know each other, to be involved in this venture which led to creation of yours truly?” 

“That…that’s part of the stuff I need to talk to you-know-who about first. You got the hint, right?” 

“I did,” Saskia nodded. “Katya Volkova was wearing the key to the Jaeger basement. You need to explain to Eren why that is. To prevent confusion, hearsay, and what not I would very much like to be present when you and Eren have this conversation. I highly doubt it’s intimate in nature.” 

“That’s fine. That’s preferable, honestly. So long I tell him _everything_ before I tell other people _anything_. As for where they’re being taken, Pine’s Manor makes more sense. Kenny handles almost all the political aspects of the work so he’s in the palace most often, while everything else is taken care of at the manor. Not to mention space for holding people captive. Other than the royal dungeons there’s nothing like that in the palace, and that’s the last place they’d want those two being kept. Other people would see them. Pine’s Manor is secluded in the middle of a forest. It’s a little to the northeast of the capitol itself.” 

“And Stohess is in the east…That would explain why they would go to Sina through that district, if they are in fact taking them to Pines Manor. After establishing a presence here, what were you and Hanji planning next?” 

“Wait,” he said with a shrug. “To hear from you or from Levi. It’s hard to plan out our next move when we don’t even know the status of the current plan, which is rescuing Eren and Historia.” 

“Are they in any life-threatening danger?” 

Kseniya shook her head. “Not yet. Eren’s important but only for so long. Historia though? It was never made explicit why they wanted her, but from the things I heard over the years this is what I put together. Being a bastard child, she has no recognizable claim to the throne. But the fake royal family doesn’t have an heir and Rod Reiss, bless his hypersexual soul, somehow only managed to have one kid despite his many failed marriages and even more failed affairs. If the Fritz cover was blown they would have a lord with proof of his right as king and an heir, ready and available. But if she were to refuse for whatever reason then she’s a threat. She knows too much, but if need be she would be the only heir Rod Reiss has. That’s why he kept her alive. In fact, I think after she was forced to take on a fake name she was also forced to join the Trainee Corps. I bet they told her it was so she could start a new life or some crap like that, when really it was a way for them to keep an eye on her.” 

“What if the cover isn’t blown? The current king is going to die one way or another, and Rod Reiss might not be around long enough to be the replacement or procreate. It was my understanding that he was past his prime anyway…” 

“This is something about the Living Weapon Project you don’t know, I’m guessing. Reiss, right now he’s just money. He’s the backup plan for the throne if and only if something were to happen to Fritz. If Isamu has his way…You read up on the pre-Titan world, right? You know how some great kingdoms and empires, they were established by conquering, right? How future kings and queens and princes and princesses would lead their own armies to victory, and continue to do so to expand their territory? Not sit on their lazy ass all day like the current king?” 

“Yes…” _I don’t think I like where this is going…_

“If Isamu has his way, if he gets ‘his weapon’, then you would be put on the throne. That’s the whole point of the Living Weapon. To be _that person_ , the one who led them all, saved them all. He’s got other reasons, personal reasons for taking part, but that’s what it’s supposed to be. Fritz is, in Isamu’s mind, keeping your seat warm. But if something were to happen to Fritz between now and Isamu’s delusions becoming reality, there’s the Reiss family. Historia is just a perk though. Having an heir is ideal, sure, but if she’s not up for it-” 

“She is,” Saskia interrupted. “But not for their sake. Rod Reiss is one of our targets. With him gone she will take the thrown. Granted Levi and I had to harass into doing it…But there’s no one else. We didn’t even know the Reiss family was the true royal family until recently. Without that bit of knowledge I don’t know what we would’ve done…Though I’m perfectly content without any ruling body. The people should rule themselves.” She leaned against the wall and rubbed her chin. “In the mean time…There isn’t much we can do in the mean time. Not if wanted posters with my face are being distributed all over Rose and Sina. We need to hear back from Levi. We could spend all day tearing those things down, but it wouldn’t help. Not if they’re handing them out as well. It’s only a way to kill time, if anything at all.” 

“Or you could go to Pine’s Manor yourself,” Kseniya suggested. Saskia perked up, eager to hear more. “The way I see it all your options are limited to Sina. Same goes for Levi. You sitting around here doesn’t help either team. If they don’t manage to get those two back they’ll need to hide out in Sina and rethink their strategy to get them. If they don’t get them, they’ll be taken to Pine’s Manor for sure. Levi and his squad will end up there eventually. It’s very close to the CMP headquarters; hell, that building is on the land Isamu owns. The CMP compound is equidistant between the palace and Pine’s Manor. One will take you to the other. The thicker the forest, the closer you are to Pine’s Manor.” 

“Is that where the name comes from? I must admit for an extravagant home in Mitras that also doubles as a base for this nefarious group, it’s a rather bland title.” 

“Ohhhhh, let me guess. You heard ‘Pines’. Plural. It’s ‘Pine’s’. Possessive. ‘Maki’ means ‘pine tree’ or something like that. It was used as a code whenever taking about him or the manor in public. Saying you were gonna ‘go see the Pine’s’ sounds like a sojourn to the forest to get the hell away from all the noise and disgruntled citizens to become one with nature, so it was safe.” 

“It’s not a terrible idea, but I can’t sneak into Sina into broad daylight. Not in my current condition.” 

“Wanna know how I was able to help your boyfriend? When I was Kenny’s right-hand-woman I played a lot of parts. In fact Moblit, we’ve met before. I kicked you out when you were snooping around for information on Luzia and Saskia, remember? I thought you looked familiar! But the thing I did most often was pretend to be in the Garrison. A lot of their people are in the Garrison. It makes passing information throughout the districts or the walls go so much faster. I know where all the lifts are, I know the patrol routes for Garrison soldiers. Since we’re in Trost, in the south, then I could make sure you get into Ehrmich, but you’d have to get into Mitras yourself. By the time you’re that far in it would be dark, so it shouldn’t be a problem for the Silent Knife, right?” 

“And once you return?” 

“Gather intel and bring it back here.” Kseniya looked at Moblit who nodded in agreement. “They might be looking for me too so I won’t spend a great deal of time here, of course. Don’t wanna get you two in trouble. And Saskia? There will come a time when I can share everything I know. It’s probably closer than we think. You asked me to use my better judgment, and telling all right now would just make things even messier. I doubt you want that. Doubt anyone does.” 

“I concur. But how will we get to the gate without being spotted? They are actively seeking out Survey Corps soldiers, namely Levi and myself.” 

“…your cloak. I’ll wear your cloak to throw people off. As for your appearance, maybe put your hair up in a bun?” 

Saskia fell silent, hesitant to respond. As she told Mikasa, her confidence in the risks she takes comes from being in control of the situation. While the option presented to her was doable it was less a risk than it was risky. _But…a gamble like that…That’s exactly what Erwin would do._ She pulled the ribbon out of her ebony hair, letting it cascade down her back. “If it can penetrate flesh, I’m certain my mother’s knife can cut through hair.”

* * *

 **Wall Sina, Stohess District Outskirts, 8:29 PM**

After barely managing to escape Kenny and his underlings, Levi and his squad took temporary refuge in the northeastern outskirts of the district inside a rundown and rickety stable. It was remote and untamed, thus the higher classes frowned upon venturing through it or settling it. Hardly to Levi’s surprise they weren’t followed, with Kenny and the rest of the CMP heading in a similar direction but following a specific path which led to only one of two places- the royal palace or Pine’s Manor. 

Since the dream he experienced at the abandoned mill he had been having flashbacks, more congruent and coherent. He remembered other times he had gone there with Kenny and more conversation about the Living Weapon Project. How he forgot and what was causing these memories to surface he wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t in any hurry to find the source. And while logic seemed to dictate that Kenny would be taking their captives to the CMP headquarters Levi’s intuition told him otherwise. 

Sasha was tending to his wounds while Armin continued struggling with coming to terms with his actions that morning, and had voided the contents of his stomach numerous times. The squad as a whole made an effort to ensure he stayed hydrated. Mikasa, who was on guard duty at the time, found him outside vomiting while leaning against a tree to keep himself steady. After helping calm down and get back on his feet she went inside the stable and gave Jean the rifle. 

“How’s Armin?” 

Eyes downcast she quietly replied, “Still outside.” _I feel so useless right now…Ever since he posed as Historia, Armin has done and said so many strange things. I can’t help but worry about his mental state._

Sasha’s turn came at the most inconvenient time- dinner. While the aromas from what they cooked around the campfire and few provisions they had with them taunted her relentlessly, something started to trigger her hunter’s instinct. 

“What’s the matter Armin? Can’t eat in a filthy little horse stable like this?” _Can’t say I blame you._

“No…Jean?” 

“What is it?” 

“There’s one thing I don’t get. When I was trying to draw my gun, honestly I thought I wouldn’t make it in time. Sorry, but she already had her gun pointed at you…and yet…How come I was the one that fired first?” His hands were shaking and he swallowed hard, fending off what felt like more vomit. 

Jean looked at the ground. “That’s…” 

“Jean?” 

“Because she hesitated for a moment, right?” Levi cut in. 

Jean squeezed his eyes shut, reluctant to face his friend. “I’m sorry. It was because I didn’t shoot.” 

“So that’s how it was…The person I killed must’ve been a nice person. Someone more human than me. I pulled that trigger right away, but I-” 

“ _Armin_.” _How many times do I have to explain this?_ “Your hands are already dirty. You can’t return to how you used to be,” Levi said bluntly. 

“Why would you say that?!” Mikasa exclaimed in a loud whisper. 

He ignored her. “Accept your new self. If your hands were clean now, then Jean wouldn’t be here right? You were quick to pull the trigger because it seemed like your comrade was going to be killed. You’re sensitive. You knew in that situation you couldn’t just go halfway. You knew that, in that moment, if the goods and the horses and your comrades were lost there would be no hope ahead. Armin, we were saved thanks to you dirtying your hands. Thank you.” His tone was uncharacteristically genuine, but only to an untrained ear; one that hadn’t spent a great deal of time sifting between through the sound to find the true meaning behind and emotion behind his words. 

“Levi Heichou, I thought your way of doing things was wrong. No, that’s what I wanted to think because I was afraid of hurting people. I was the one that was mistaken. Next time I’ll definitely shoot.” 

_If only we could hope there won’t be a next time._ “Yeah, your softness put us in a bad spot.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jean hung his head. 

“I won’t say what’s right or not because I don’t know either. Were you really mistaken? Sometimes the best way to assess a situation…is to take the path you’ll least regret. Do you regret not shooting?” 

“Yes and no. If I had then Armin wouldn’t be in this situation. But because I didn’t he was forced to do something he would’ve needed to do eventually. And I made a mistake to learn from.” 

Levi raised his metal cup to his lips about to take a drink until he heard branches snapping. Setting it down he called to Sasha, stationed on the other side. “Calm down Potato Girl, no need to shoot. Or do you not recognize your General?” 

Saskia emerged from the bramble and low-lying forest. “Hanji almost shot me this morning. Twice. No sleep and copious amounts of caffeine can do that to a person.” She sat next to Levi. Her hair now rested on her shoulders. Her beloved blue ribbon was now a fabric necklace, complete with a tiny bow. 

“Sounds like you’ve had an eventful two days.” _Is there a nice way to tell her how crappy her hair looks this short?_

“I could easily say the same to you,” she replied pointing at his cheek where he had been grazed by the bullet. 

“General, how did you know where we were?” Connie asked, astounded by the seemingly impossible feat. 

“There are only two places where Eren and Historia would be taken. Most would assume the CMP headquarters, but it would be far too difficult to monitor our dearly beloved young shifter there. There is one other place…” She gave Levi a piercing glare out of the corner of her eye. “I will elaborate later. My informant, she is the reason I am alive. I was suffering from dehydration. She found me in one of their former bases. We now have a name, Kseniya. And she told me of a place that they were more likely than not taken to for some very interesting reasons.” 

_What’s with that dirty look?_ “You trust her word?” 

“It helped me find all of you. This is no doubt the last thing you want to hear, but Levi and I must discuss the matter further before informing all of you. It makes no sense to spew out bits of information as opposed to a solid plan created from the complete picture made by piecing those bits together. I hope you all understand it’s not my wish to withhold anything. I fear that sharing those things before Levi and I, as Acting Commanders, can make some sense of them will leave to confusion and preconceived notions. Both of which should be avoided at all costs, in case that wasn’t clear.” 

“It’s clear. But…there’s one thing that isn’t.” Mikasa tensed up. “You promised us that we wouldn’t have to get our hands dirty. That you and Levi Heichou were more than willing, pleased in your case, to be ‘aberrant’. Today’s events either proved you wrong or made you a liar.” 

Levi raised an eyebrow at Saskia. “For the love of…Please tell me you didn’t say that.” 

“I…I did, but I didn’t word it properly,” she admitted. “Torturing members of the Wall Cult fell upon Hanji and Levi. Taking on the dirty work when the opportunity presents itself, we will absolutely do it so you needn’t have to. But there will be times when you find yourselves caught in a situation in which you have to make the choice. I didn’t mean to say that you would never stain your hands as we have and will no doubt continue to do. But we will not deliberately put you in a situation where that will happen. We will not ask that of you unless survival depends on it. Does that make sense Mikasa?” 

She wrapped her arms around herself and hunched over slightly. “Yeah…Yeah, it does.” _The world is cruel. The world is beautiful. Can it be both at once? Does it alternate? Are beauty and cruelty mutually exclusive? Looking at women like Squad Leader Hanji or General Saskia, perhaps not._

“I’m sorry if you felt I had lied to placate you or, or any other reason for that matter. I was so caught up in reassuring that you would never have to do what Hanji and Levi did that I neglected to mention you find yourselves in positions where you would need to make a decision comparable.” She paused. “Well then, I’ve said all I can about what I’ve been doing. Oh! Yes, of course. One of their bases which Kseniya destroyed, Hanji and Moblit have taken it for us. It’s in Trost. Hidden in plain sight. A huge risk, but neither of them are as recognizable as Levi or myself. They’re fine, for the most part. As I said before Hanji is very on edge due to lack of sleep and drinking too much coffee. Kseniya said that she will continue to move about gathering information. When she used to work for them she took on many disguises but the one she used most often was that of a Garrison soldier, so she is able to move back and forth throughout the districts and walls with ease. So…” She turned to Levi, her expression having softened. “Care to tell me how you got this nasty little injury?” 

“Kenny was still with them.” Mikasa shifted uncomfortably at the mention of the name while Saskia stifled a gasp. “For once I was glad you weren’t there. Not only because he might’ve tried to take you, but it was my fight. The next time we run in to him, he’s mine. I’m saying that to all of you. He talked about you, Saskia…Accused me of using you, hiding behind you to have legal protection, and some rambling about the project. Apparently it’s how he found salvation. Wasn’t aware you were a saint.” 

“A saint I most certainly am not…but in the eyes of Isamu Maki, I am to be the queen. It would appear we threatened the wrong person,” she said facetiously. She quickly explained what Kseniya had told her about their reasons for needing both Historia and Eren, as well as the conversation she insisted upon having with the young shifter regarding Katya Volkova’s possession of the key to his basement. 

“In other words, she may know something about the contents of the basement. What’s so special about the lower level of his childhood home. If it truly does hold the key to annihilating the Titans then I cannot say I’m very surprised by the fact that, if any historical figure were to possess they key, it would be a high ranking Survey Corps soldier. Mikasa, I apologize for putting you on the spot but did Grisha ever say anything about the basement? Make mention of why it was locked, why he didn’t want anyone entering? A cryptic allusion to what was beneath your very feet?” 

She pursed her lips. “I…I can’t think of anything at the moment…But I do remember a time when Eren asked him ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’. He said…How did he phrase it…? ‘Do not hunt until the wolf is in sight’.” 

“I interpreted that as not taking action until absolutely necessary. To not force the inevitable,” Armin added. 

Saskia’s eyes widened. “You are correct…but there’s more to it than that. Eren’s last name ‘Jaeger’…Before I go on I should tell you that I firmly believe our names influence the sort of person we will become. Which reminds me Levi, I learned the meaning of my own. I’ll tell you later. Anyway, many of our ancestors took on names which reflected the name of their family founder. ‘Kristofferson’ for example, meaning ‘son of Kristoffer’. Others reflected occupation, such as names ending in ‘mann’, though I’m not entirely certain what ‘Messmann’ or ‘Ackermann’ mean. ‘Jaeger’…Brace yourselves. ‘Jaeger’ means ‘hunter’. Yes, I know, hardly a surprise and quite fitting, but there’s more. ‘Volkova’, or ‘Volkov’ for men, comes from a word meaning ‘wolf’. If one is not to hunt until the wolf is in sight, that might mean…Grisha or Eren are not to take action until encountering someone or something with a direct connection to the Volkov family, specifically Katya herself. How very curious…”

* * *

 **10:54 PM**

The cadets were sleeping around the embers of the campfire while Saskia and Levi stayed awake for guard duty and to prepare for their next move. She made no secret of the fact that she was quite sore about his keeping Pine’s Manor a secret, especially after having told her that he never met Isamu Maki and only encountered him a time or two. But he insisted that it felt as though these memories he had of the place were hitting him in dreams and flashbacks with no trigger other than their line of work. How could he deliberately hide something that his own mind had been keeping from him? He too saw little reason for Eren and Historia to be held captive in the palace of the CMP compound when Isamu Maki had a large estate available to hide them in. 

“If we can storm the CMP headquarters, take it for ourselves, we can also take any and every resource they have inside to then lay claim to Pine’s Manor.” 

He nodded slowly, contemplating the possibility. “You’ve suggested stupider things.” 

“You take issue with it?” 

“We don’t know what to expect in Pine’s Manor unless I suddenly recall much more about the place, and I don’t know exactly how many memories I have of it. It would be easier with Kseniya in tow, but we know nothing of her battle skill.” 

Saskia recalled the time Reiner accompanied her to Sina to deliver their reports and she caught him lying about never having been before. “Braun lied once about never having been to Sina before. Is it not safe to say that if they did answer to Isamu and Kenny, then they at some point would’ve gone to Sina where their bases are located?” 

He blinked in shock. “…are suggesting we head over to Maria to find them so they can be our tour guides?” 

“No!” she whispered loudly, not wanting to wake the cadets. “No, no…But they clearly have knowledge we will benefit from. We intended on interrogating Leonhardt, after all. If Braun and Hoover were to come into our custody, as well as Ymir, we should plan on interrogating the first two while considering Ymir accessory to their most recent offenses. Aiding fugitives. And let’s not neglect the possibility that they could hinder our efforts to go to Shiganshina if they remain in Maria. Assuming they’re alive, of course. If taken into custody that would no longer be a concern.” 

“Someone sounds desperate to jump back into action,” he teased. 

“I think Hanji said it best this morning. ‘Why can’t we just take a break from all this political crap and go back to fighting Titans? I miss the Titans!’” she said in the most dramatic, over-the-top impression of the Squad Leader she could manage. 

Levi had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. “I’m sure they miss her too.” 

“Exactly what I said,” she beamed. Giving their surroundings a quick over she added, “We have a mild tactical disadvantage carrying out watch duty here. While I would very much prefer remaining close to this bunch right here, our vision is obstructed as we’re surrounded by forest. Entirely reliant on our sense of hearing.” 

“With you here we should be just fine.” 

She blushed slightly and turned away. “Yes, I suppose you’re right…” 

He smirked. “Unless you’d rather we go elsewhere…momentarily. Just to get a better view, of course.” 

“Of course. I would have absolutely no ulterior motive,” she replied somewhat defensively, quickly shaking her head. “But I may be able to see their headquarters if we are in fact close to it.” 

“Lead the way General.” 

As Saskia and Levi went through the woods to ‘get a better look’ at the land around them Jean, who was having trouble sleeping, fought a groan. “Adults are so weird,” he mumbled to himself. 

The pair stood near the edge of the cliff, just barely outside the brush. “I spoke with Kseniya about my mother. Apparently Kenny sent her to harass Luzia on a regular basis. The knife, the sax, translates to just that. To ‘knife’.” Her eyes sparkled. “Do you want to hear the best part?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Even if I say no you’ll tell me.” 

“It’s how the Saxons received their name. My mother was indeed of Saxon descent, and the very last full-blooded one at that. ‘Saskia’ means ‘Saxon woman’. And if ‘Saxon’ means ‘knife’, then my name ultimately means ‘knife woman’. And what’s my ridiculous nickname? The Silent Knife! Quite the coincidence, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah, that’s all it is. A coincidence. About time you started using some common sense.” 

She scrunched her face. “Asshole.” 

“Bitch.” 

“Stupid asshole.” 

“Moronic bitch.” 

Saskia chuckled. “Hanji can have her Titans. This is what I miss. Hm…I still don’t see anything, but the paths around here…They don’t seem natural. Not entirely manmade. The result of excessive travel, perhaps?” She leaned forward slightly, pointing at the paths in question. 

“Looks like erosion to me,” he agreed. 

“And one of these many dirt roads will lead to the CMP headquarters, which is halfway in between Pine’s Manor and the palace.” 

“If we take Pine’s Manor, the CMP headquarters is useless.” 

“If we go straight to Pine’s Manor we might draw unwanted attention, and the security personnel will have backup available.” She straightened up and pivoted a foot back and forth in the ground. “This is…more likely than not…the last night were we can carve out some time, just you and I. No Lance Corporal and General. Only Saskia and Levi. After tonight we’re going to confront them, we’re going to get Eren and Historia back…and yet we have no idea how long it will drag out, how long until it’s over. When we can go to Shiganshina, and if the secret to the Titans truly is inside that basement.” 

“…Kenny…said to me…that all I’m good for is killing.” He folded his arms over his chest. “I said the same thing, remember?” 

“That I was bred to do it, designed to fit a mold. And you were born not only aptitudinal, but with an inherent desire. Affinity.” 

“He wasn’t that eloquent.” 

“From what I’ve heard about him, primarily from you, he has a willfully limited vocabulary. Anything pertaining to violence, threats, insults, and profanity. No more and no less. None of which are mutually exclusive, of course.” 

“Hearing him talk about you…Not just what I’d mentioned before but the hypocrisy. He kept running his damn mouth off about you being everyone’s salvation. Just a pretty face to put on a pedestal. No more than a body designed to fit a mold,” he echoed. “No ability to think for herself, to be independent, to be anything other than the Living Weapon. And he had the gall to say I should be ashamed of myself for the way I treat a ‘perfect specimen’.” He shook his head. “It’s always one night. One night, then days on end without being able to be close to you.” He put a hand on her cheek. “Or touch you. Let alone see you, talk to you. What I wouldn’t give to escape from this world for awhile.” 

“You’re not the only one. And we can’t be alone either. Our physical interactions are quite limited, injuries aside. I wish I could do more than simply hug you.” 

“It does more than you realize.” He took a step closer, leaving nothing between them but her injured arm. “You know…you weren’t the only one who took comfort in sharing a bed during that thunderstorm, when we were babysitting Eren. Even if our argument the morning after suggested otherwise.” 

“Honestly, that night meant more to me on an emotional and physical level than our first time. It’s as you said…We were disconnected from each other. And I can’t help but wonder if all this time spent apart, or strictly professional, could result in disconnecting again.” Her right hand slid along his forearm and traveled up to his bicep where it rested. _Curse this white fabric to the deepest pits of Hell. Have I forgotten what it feels like, his skin against mine?_ “I think it goes without saying that neither of us want that.” 

_I can’t think of anything I want more than her touch right now…_ His other arm worked its way around her waist. “Do you remember what I said when we were alone in the woods by the cottage?” 

“Nothing was going happen.” 

His thumb lightly grazed over her jaw line before tilting her chin up. “Do you know why I said that?” 

“Because of your hygiene and sanitation obsession?” _This is absolute, pure, unadulterated torture._

“No. Because then, we had an alternative. But out here…” 

She leaned in closer. “Out here…?” Her lips barely brushed against his as she spoke. 

“We don’t.” 

Over by the campfire the embers were almost completely out. Armin’s eyes flickered open as he awoke from a rather unsettling dream. He sat up and looked around for the General, hoping he could talk to her about it. Jean, who was still having trouble sleeping, shook his head at him. 

“Don’t bother. They need some ‘alone time’ right now, if you know what I mean.” 

“What?” Armin gasped quietly. “Here, in the woods? Levi Heichou wouldn’t. There are insects and dirt and… _nature_.” 

Jean shrugged and folded his arms behind his head. “You can always go see for yourself.” 

“No, no, that’s alright. I just awoke from a nightmare. I’d rather not have another if I can help it.”

* * *

 **Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, 11:30 PM**

Kseniya returned to Trost and put back Saskia’s cape for safekeeping. Hanji was finally able to get some rest while Moblit kept an eye on the place. She decided, now that Saskia was back in the field and the Survey Corps was reestablishing themselves, it was time to visit their headquarters. 

While she watched the building from the alleyways she had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. _Why does seem like a calm before the storm? Would be nice if Marco were here…Then we’d have eyes from two angles._ She held her breath before exhaling slowly. _This…this is gonna be a long night. I can feel it. This is gonna be a- What the hell?!_ No one entered the building, no one left the building. The flames seemed to spring to life on their own, though they were no doubt the work of the leak. The windows shattered from the heat and screams of the soldiers trapped inside resonated out into the streets.

She backed up against the wall, a hand over her mouth to stifle her own loud crying. There was nothing she could do and she had no way of alerting Hanji, Levi, or Saskia in a timely fashion. All she could do was watch as flames spread throughout the building, climbing from out the shattered windows and crawling up towards the sky like a funeral pyre. 

It wasn’t long before the Military Police showed up to try and contain the situation. Their response was suspiciously well-timed. Her eyes widened in realization. The Military Police had stated that Saskia was last seen at headquarters before mysteriously disappearing. They also pinned the murder of Reeves, his son, and some of their workers on her and Levi. And now that Kseniya had been seen running around in a Survey Corps cloak to cover for Saskia they could claim the General had been seen briefly in the area. They could claim that her sudden return lined up all too well with this ‘accident’. They could claim that she, along with the rest of the Survey Corps, had damning information in the building or that the soldiers inside knew too much. 

They could, and they no doubt would, charge Saskia with arson, premeditated murder, and treason. 

Kseniya sank to the ground. _Things were starting to turn around…And…And now they…ANNIE IS STILL INSIDE!_ She had half a mind to bolt out there and run into the building to carry out the crystallized teenager. Before she could talk herself down from the ridiculous whim she heard familiar footsteps behind her, footsteps she hoped to never hear again. 

“Well, well, if it isn’t the wolf who smells an awful lot like a rat…” 

Her body was screaming at her to run, to activate her gear, to be anywhere but there, but her fear had paralyzed her. She didn’t bother looking up. She closed her eyes and waited for a chemical soaked cloth to cover her mouth and nose. 

_Damn you…Shardis…If you take me to Pine’s Manor…you’ll be making a big mistake…_ Her body fell limp in the alleyway. Shardis picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, signaling for a carriage to come to take them to Mitras. 

A few rooftops away Marco, who noticed the smoke and immediately came to investigate, watched in horror as her unconscious body was thrown into the carriage. He looked at the Survey Corps building one more time. _No more waiting. It’s time for me to join them too!_ The carriage took off in the night, Marco following close behind the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hitch might've been killed but her 'break up the General and Lance Corporal/Levi and Saskia' plan is now being implemented. But what exactly do they hope to accomplish by setting fire to the SC headquarters, and later throwing all these criminal charges at Saskia? Is it possible that, in destroying the trust between the two Acting Commanders, they might be attempting to destroy the Survey Corps itself...?


	45. Urge to Save

**Wall Sina, August 4 th, 6:42 AM   
**

Saskia waited as patiently as possible while Levi was elsewhere pacing to keep from yelling at the arguing cadets. Even they weren’t sure which building to go to first, who to attack first, where Eren and Historia might be, and so on. The campfire had been doused and their meager amount of supplies packed but no one was ready to leave. The only thing working in their favor at the moment was the secluded area they were in; it was unlikely anyone traveling along the dirt roads nearby would hear them. But that didn’t seem to be a concern, which made it all the more concerning. 

“Levi!” she called. “Feel free to tell me I’m either paranoid or overanalyzing, but does it or does it not seem a little _too_ quiet out here? I am aware that this location is almost exclusively CMP property…but isn’t that all the more reason to be suspicious? Would they send all of their soldiers out? Should they not keep a handful stationed here to carry out routine patrols?” 

He stopped his pacing and the cadets ceased their banter. It was a little unnerving. 

“Yeah…If you’re not hearing anything, then there’s probably nothing to hear. Can’t say that sits well with me.” 

“Did you notice anyone leaving the area on your way here?” she inquired, tapping a foot. _Were they expecting us and decided to hold Historia and Eren elsewhere? Perhaps they are keeping them in separate locations…_

He shook his head. “No. Not in large groups at least. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t others we missed. If I know you as well as I like to think…you’re afraid the place is vacant. We came out here for nothing, and they still have Eren and Historia. Essentially trapping us here with the intent of hunting us down.” 

“That is indeed a possibility. Or those two are at the manor, but the CMP soldiers are mobilizing elsewhere. They want to force us into a moral dilemma. Save two of our own, or fight the CMP to protect the civilians.” 

The cadets cursed under their breath while Levi, in typical Levi fashion, cursed out loud. 

“But we can still take advantage of this…somehow. We’ll figure out something along the way. This is, after all, the Survey Corps.” Ideas were coming to mind but before she could verbalize them something struck her auditory nerves, something dangerously close and mobile. “We may be expecting company after all.” Saskia went through the forest, stepping out just enough to see where the source of the noise was coming from. On the dirt roads below a carriage was starting to roll its way up. She narrowed her eyes, hoping to see who was inside. 

“General, what’s going on?” Mikasa, the first to catch up with her, asked as she stood on the tips of her toes to peer over her superior officer’s shoulder. 

“There’s a carriage coming, but the curtain is drawn. I cannot tell who is inside. But judging by the attire of the driver, and the fact that they have entered Sina, it is clearly someone of influence and affluence. It may be one of our targets.” 

“Uninvited guests?” 

Saskia straightened up and looked over her shoulder. “Uninvited? I wasn’t aware that you were expecting company, Levi. Regardless, I don’t know who’s inside.” 

“The fact that they’re in Sina says to me it doesn’t matter who’s inside,” Jean replied, anxious to re-enter the fray. “It’s an enemy. It has to be.” 

“We shouldn’t be so hasty,” Armin warned. “Let’s at least wait until they’re closer or we can tell where they might be headed. For all we know Eren and Historia could be inside, and if we attack blindly we might injure them.” 

Saskia narrowed her eyes, focusing on the suspicious carriage. _They seem to be going awfully fast…No, not fast. They’re **gaining** speed. Are those…footsteps?_ “They’re going faster. I think someone is pursuing them on foot.” 

“Someone followed them into Sina…on foot?” Levi asked dubiously. If that were the case then the pursuer would have been able to subdue any CMP soldiers on the way to the innermost section of the wall, a feat not even a large group could manage. 

“So it would seem. Maybe. I’m not sure. But I can hear someone following behind and the carriage is clearly moving faster which more likely than not implies-”

She was rudely interrupted by a familiar streak of lightning splitting the sky in half, striking the ground near the carriage in question. 

“Please let that be Eren,” Mikasa murmured to herself. 

“It’s not. I didn’t recognize the gait. Not Eren’s, not Ymir’s, not Reiner’s, not Bertholdt’s. Which means that is either Annie, whose footsteps I am not familiar with…or another shifter.” 

Much to their disdain and fright it proved to be the latter. The Titan looked roughly the height of the Rogue Titan and Armored Titan, easily fifteen meters high at minimum. It had very short and unkempt black hair and dark, golden-brown eyes. It had a muscular form far more defined than the Rogue Titan but did not have the Armored Titan’s bulky structure. Running along its arms and the back of its legs were fang-shaped protrusions; they were made from the same crystal that the Female Titan could produce, possessing the distinct sheen and color. Dark specks were sprinkled across the cheeks. 

“Another one?!” Connie exclaimed. “Great…” 

“Why here and now?!” Sasha shrieked, shrinking back but quickly gathered herself. “I think Jean’s right. We should fight it and find out who’s inside.” 

“Wait!” Saskia extended her arm to keep them from advancing. “Watch what it’s doing.” 

The unknown shifter gently pulled the horses off and set them free, and they galloped away. It then lifted up the carriage, making it visible to the rest. Next it tore the cover of the carriage off, throwing it aimlessly aside, and plucked out a familiar looking brunette. It looked down at her pitifully, setting her carefully on the ground. 

“That was Kseniya,” the General breathed. “She must’ve been caught…This shifter pursued to save her?” 

_Since when do Titans have freckles?! Wait…wait a minute…_ “General,” Jean began, tone somewhat frantic. “I think I know who it is. Will you trust me to go out there and find out?” He pointed in the shifter’s direction. 

“With what intention? You insisted on fighting, did you not? Additionally, I am not your squad leader. That decision is best left to Levi and Levi alone.” 

“Who the hell do you think it is?” the Lance Corporal demanded. 

He paused awkwardly. “A…a friend. Someone from the 104th.” 

Levi scoffed. “Oh, a friend? Like Annie, Reiner, and Bert-?” 

“I know who he’s talking about,” Armin interjected, “and if shifters do have a resemblance to the human inside, like Reiner’s build and Annie’s hair and Eren’s temperament, then I’m certain he’s right.” 

“And if you’re wrong? Not only do we have to throw ourselves into an impromptu rescue operation, we need to kill whoever is inside a Titan we know nothing about and whoever the hell else is in that carriage.” 

“I’m not in prime condition for combat either,” the General reminded, but her demeanor took a sudden turn when the shifter pulled another person out of the carriage. After carelessly tossing it over its shoulder, driver and all, it began to squeeze the person tightly. Whether it intended to injure or kill made no difference to her. 

“I retract my statement.” She pointed towards the captive. The distance now negligible they were all able to see the shifter was crushing the life out of their Trainee Instructor. “His head is mine!” Before anyone could attempt to restrain her she was gone. The others, save for Levi, were left in a state of tremendous anxiety. They knew she couldn’t fight and if Jean’s guess about the shifter’s identity was incorrect she was en route to her executioner. 

“Fucking idiot. Jean, you go for the shifter. Mikasa, back him up. Sasha, Connie, check Kseniya. She looks unconscious. Armin, you’re with me. We need to talk some sense into that dumbass before she does something she’ll regret.” _So much for not letting your temper get the better of you._

The informant was indeed unconscious, her breathing slow but steady. She reeked of chemicals, and Connie and Sasha assumed she had forcibly consumed or inhaled something which reduced her to this state. 

The shifter was startled by the sudden commotion below, reflexively tightening his grip on Shardis. But it began to relax after eyeing them carefully. It seemed to recognize them, making Jean all the more confident that he was right. 

“Even if it’s him, there’s no guarantee he’ll recognize any of us,” Mikasa pointed out as she and Jean ran towards it. “Eren had that problem at first. And we have no idea how many times he’s shifted before. He’s more prone to losing control if he hasn’t done it many times.” 

“Then we’ll make him recognize us!” he snapped defensively. 

Saskia was already standing beneath the seemingly gentle giant, screaming at him to put Shardis down. 

“He’s mine! Put him down right now or I’ll skewer you too! If anyone’s going to tear him apart limb from limb, **IT’S GOING TO BE ME DAMN IT**!” 

“Shut your mouth you damn barbarian!” Levi hooked his arms beneath hers to try and keep her still. “Enemy or ally, that thing won’t listen to you.” 

“General, regardless of whether or not Jean’s right the person inside isn’t going to recognize _you_ ,” Armin pointed out while she continued trying to wriggle her way out of Levi’s grip. “The last thing we should be doing is startling a potential ally and inadvertently inciting a violent reaction.” 

“Didn’t you say you were gonna stop being so temperamental?” 

_Of all the accusations!_ “This isn’t about revenge,” she spat, “It’s closure.” 

“Bullshit. You’re just looking for an excuse to ‘tear him apart limb from’-” 

The shifter set a bruised and dazed Shardis down in front of the three. 

“‘-limb.” _Ally or not, I already hate this guy._ “Will you hold still?! Clearly Shardis isn’t going anywhere, not in that state. It looks like Jean and Mikasa are about to cut out whoever’s inside. Wanna collapse from the heat again?” She settled down, but not before sending a quick glare in his direction. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now back up before you lose consciousness too.” 

He let her go and she reluctantly complied, keeping her eyes on her former legal guardian. The shifter showed no resistance as Mikasa cut open the nape and Jean pulled someone out. The Titan began to deteriorate, falling to the ground as the flesh faded and the skeleton melted. The gust of steam threatened everyone’s balance. Though dizzy Saskia didn’t succumb to heat exhaustion. Instead she bolted off into the cloud. With everyone’s vision obstructed it was impossible to see where she had gone, but they could make an educated guess after hearing the penetration of human flesh and scream of pain. 

Only so much attention could be invested in her relatively predictable actions as everyone waited with bated breath to see if Jean was in fact correct about the shifter’s identity. The steam had barely dissipated when they heard an excited Jean and a warm Mikasa. Though extremely confused by the situation they let out a collective sigh of relief. It wasn’t until the steam finally cleared that their joy came to a screeching halt. 

Saskia’s blade was covered in blood and splatters decorated her clothing. Shardis had been diagonally sawed in half, starting from the crook of his neck, through his ribcage, and to his waist. She dropped her blade, which made an obnoxious clank when it hit the ground. She raised her hand to her face and stared at the blood coating her palm. She had absolutely no recollection of what happened, which she was about to voice until the heat bested her and she collapsed. Mikasa caught her in time; had she not the woman would have fallen into a large pool of blood and received a concussion. 

“There goes our chance for an interrogation,” Levi muttered under his breath with unbridled annoyance. 

“What…happened?” Sasha’s voice was shaky at best. Violence was to be expected but that high a degree hadn’t been anticipated. “Did the heat make her snap?” 

“I doubt it. Remember when Commander Erwin lost his arm? She killed that Titan responsible, but also described the experience with very little detail,” Armin reminded. “She had blacked out when it happened. She doesn’t remember doing it, but she remembers a feeling akin to losing control over her body and her mind going blank. Maybe…maybe the same thing happened again.” 

“Why does that keep happening?” Connie wouldn’t bother denying that it was unsettling and somewhat frightening. What triggered it, and who would be next? 

After a series a hoarse coughing fits Marco found both his voice and his footing. “I know why. But I never thought it would actually happen…We can’t let them take her now that their dream is being realized. If she’s having bouts of losing consciousness and committing acts of violence, they’ll have their Living Weapon as soon as they get their hands on her.” 

“But last time she didn’t fall unconscious. She killed the Titan and when she ‘came around’ continued fighting with us.” Mikasa raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously as she felt the General begin to stir. “How is it you know about that?” 

“I used to work for them, just like Kseniya did. But I ran away after they ordered me to do something terrible and revolting. I faked my death and have been in hiding ever since. I saw her get kidnapped and followed them here to save her but I hoped I would meet you all again eventually. I want to share everything I know so I can help you stop them.” 

“We’ll deal with that later. First we need to find the CMP compound and trash the place. If we can kill everyone inside and steal whatever spare gear they have lying around, hopefully it’ll send a message that we’re not fucking around. After that, Pine’s Manor. If luck is on our side for once then Eren and Historia will be there. Any questions?” 

“Just one Levi Heichou.” Jean looked at Kseniya and then Saskia. “How are we supposed to drag those two around?” 

Marco blushed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Suppose I shouldn’t have thrown that carriage and freed the horses, huh?”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, 5:32 PM  
**

After having been dropped off by Kenny, Eren and Historia were surprised by how luxurious a ‘prison’ they were being held in. With her royal status she did indeed receive rather respectful treatment from the Central Military Police guards. And with Eren’s importance (as well as temperament) as a shifter he too was given free range of the building save for a few places, most notably a laboratory. The two elected to spend most of their free time together though, finding the entirety of their kidnapping to be suspect at best. 

They were under supervision when by themselves, and doors were to remain open while they slept, but were granted time alone during meals. During dinner that evening Eren was especially sullen and quite distant while Historia seemed anxious, constantly avoiding eye contact and rubbing her palms together; the occasional stutter would force its way into her attempts at speaking. She had to be the social creature during their stay. Krista Lenz would have been somewhat comfortable with that, but Historia Reiss found herself treading through virgin territory. 

“You’re hardly eating anything Eren.” She looked over at her comrade, who sat directly across from her at the large, lavish dining table. It felt criminal to eat on it; the tablecloth was so elaborate and expensive that even the smallest of stains was a sin. 

“Not hungry,” he mumbled, poking at the roast beef which had been prepared for them. 

_If I were in your shoes I don’t think I would be either…_ “Um…is it undercooked?” 

“No, I’m just no hungry,” he repeated with growing agitation. 

“Sorry,” she murmured and returned to her meal. 

“Do you think they’ll come?” He glanced over at the doorway. “Do you think they’ll figure out where we are?” 

She nodded. “Yes. I…I feel confident in them. Lately our superior officers have been very good at finding important information. I’m sure they can piece things together and figure it out.” 

“Yeah…maybe…” 

She set down her utensils and straightened her back. “I owe you an apology.” 

“Huh?” he asked, looking bewildered. “What did you ever do to me?” 

“I…I’ve found that there are more things humans are capable of than turning into Titans. Since I was younger I noticed that I can influence people’s memories. Make them forget, force them to remember, implant false memories. And I…I tried to keep you and General Saskia from remember things Ymir had said. I wanted to protect her…I didn’t know what she told Bertholdt and Reiner and so I got scared.” 

He rolled his eyes and shoved his plate aside. “My appetite is gone after hearing those two names.” 

“I’m sorry I did that to you. I didn’t know what had happened and was afraid because she was being threatened by them. I thought she might’ve agreed to doing something bad for the sake of her own survival or a selfish desire, and couldn’t let anyone know if that had happened. Even when I don’t try though, sometimes people seem to remember things just by being around me. That’s why you two were able to remember the conversation.” 

He gulped. “I’ll be honest, that was a shitty thing to do to us. Ymir abandoned you. Why would you bother protecting someone like _her_?” 

“But there’s more. I could feel that Levi Heichou and General Saskia had already been forced into forgetting things. I don’t know how to explain it but because I can do this myself, I can sort of feel when other people have been subjected to it. Someone forced them to forget things from their pasts. Being around me seemed to undo that. I don’t know why that would happen to them or who would do a thing like that. My only guess is it’s something that runs in the family…meaning my father did it to them. With Levi Heichou’s connection to Kenny and my father’s involvement in the project I can see _how_ he encountered them, but I don’t know _why_ he would do it.” 

“Perhaps they overheard things they weren’t supposed to know.” 

She nodded slowly. “Yes. But what? What could’ve been so harmful to the project if an outsider knew it that they would be forced to forget? And how did they learn these things in the first place? I guess what I’m saying is…they knew things about the project before all of these recent discoveries. They knew things about it but they had to forget.” 

“Well if that’s the case you can’t make people forget things. Only suppress memories.” 

“It seems that way I suppose. And if that’s how it works…Ymir kept having strange dreams. She’s spent more time around me than anyone else. I think those dreams were actually memories from her life before being turned into a Titan. If so, she might be able to remember useful things. How she became a Titan, for example.” 

Eren let her words digest and tried to formulate a response. Before he could there was a sudden loud commotion beyond the dining room doors. A fight had broken out and both rushed to the doors, ears pressed against it in hopes of overhearing familiar and _friendly_ voices. 

Guards were being interrogated and slaughtered like cattle. Reinforcements were cut down with minimal effort. Orders were given to scour the building. The two waited for the sounds to die down. Once confident that the coast was clear, they ran out of the room to find their comrades. 

Almost everyone had been cut down in the foyer, the lack of security surprising their rescuers. They broke up into teams to search the manor, Kseniya and Marco giving a brief layout of the manor before separating; Kseniya accompanied Levi (Saskia insisting they use this as opportunity to prove her trust wasn’t misplaced) while Marco went with the General. Eren and Historia need not go far before running into Mikasa and Sasha tearing their way through guards who were en route to the entrance to confront the interlopers. 

**6:40 PM, Kseniya’s Former Room**

After Kseniya told the cadets where the incinerator was Levi ordered them to discard the bodies while Saskia gently reminded to clean up the blood as well. While they scrubbed and carried, the brunette finally had the chance to sit down with Eren and tell him everything. Marco would have his chance to tell his side later; this took great precedence. 

The room had been stripped bare save for the curtains on the windows. They were too fancy to simply tear down in a fit of rage for her abdication, the fate which befell the rest of her old furniture. Saskia leaned against the wall near the door to monitor activity outside, Levi standing not far from her. Eren and Kseniya stood in the middle of the room facing each other. 

“First, I wanna say that we would’ve met eventually. Sadly it couldn’tve happened under better circumstances.” She kicked at the floor and folded her arms over her chest. “Our families are tied together, ya see. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but…your father is working with them.” 

Saskia and Levi hid their shock so as not to interfere. 

“I know,” he replied bitterly. “He was here when Historia and I were ‘dropped off’. Wouldn’t speak to me or-” 

“There’s a good reason for that,” she interrupted calmly, drawing his ire. “Your father and I were part of this for the same reasons. We were forced into it. My parents were killed when I was really young and I was taken in, but my parents made sure to tell me my family’s secret. So when I met Grisha he already knew who I was and why I was here, and vice versa. This ‘organization’ going has no official name because it’s not an organized group like, say, a military branch. It’s a small handful of people each fulfilling a specific role with an army of minions they’ve gathered over the ages. It’s been happening for over one-hundred years. The current group was more or less recruited by the last bunch except for Rod Reiss. His family has always funded this, but I’m pretty sure he’s being used. But our families…It all goes back to Titans.” 

_What DOESN’T go back to the Titans?_ “How did our families get to know each other?” 

“You have an ancestor who was best friends with one of mine. She was a researcher and…well, exactly what she uncovered isn’t known. But she was killed for it if that tells you anything. The people who killed her were the predecessors of Kenny, Isamu, and Shardis. Her research was taken after her death by your ancestor, who married into the Jaeger family, and your family has been watching it ever since. This group has been trying to obtain it. I don’t know what she uncovered but odds are she wrote it in our ancestral tongue so I’m needed to translate it, and a Jaeger is needed to make sense of it. Also, to provide it. But your father always said he didn’t know where it was. Pretty sure he was lying. Me and him talked about it a lot whenever we could get away from them…He had some ideas but never elaborated because it was completely over my head. He told me that after Maria fell he found you in Rose and gave you that key. I think you were asleep? Yeah, you were, ‘cause he couldn’t risk confrontation. Anyway, that key used to belong to my ancestor but was given to the Jaegers for safe keeping. So my guess is that research is hidden in your basement, buried from the debris of Maria’s collapse and the Titan takeover so these assholes couldn’t get their hands on it.” 

“…if he’s a part of this…then that means he knew Maria was going to collapse.” 

“Yeah…He’s the one who gave Marco, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie the ‘Titan gene’. And you too, obviously. I don’t think he meant for your mom to die, but he couldn’t tell her. If she knew she would be a target and believe me when I say that being killed by a Titan is merciful compared to what these assholes would’ve done to her. It’s not painless, but it’s quick. I know, I know, that sounds like a horrific thing to say. I’ve seen what Titans will do. I’ve fought them before. But Titans don’t rape and torture.” Kseniya paused, waiting patiently for him to let the disturbing words sink in. 

“Our families though. Her name was Gloria. And she was a scientist in the Survey Corps who assisted my ancestor…Katya Volkova. The Third Commander. It’s up to you, me, and possibly your father if he can keep up the charade to find her research. Because whatever she was researching, they didn’t kill her because she knew too much. She knew what they wanted to know. They want to get their hands on her research to complement the Living Weapon project. And we can’t let that happen.” 

“I see. The contents of the basement are supposed to hold the secrets to the Titans. No wonder they want to take it.” 

“The whole point of the project is to create the perfect human, the perfect weapon, who can act as a savior for us all by destroying the Titans. And if they get their way that person will also take the throne. But because the ‘weapon’ will be just that, completely mindless, they can rule through that person. Your father told me a great quote once by a thinker from the pre-Titan world. ‘The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule’. And that’s exactly what they’re doing, even if they don’t see it that way.” 

“Gloria, you said?” Saskia narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “If that is so…we may already have a clue available to us. Commender Katya penned our anthem, and in the song ‘Gloria’ is referenced twice. As our weapons, more specifically what we hold in our hands, and in the beginning of the song. It sounds like a fanciful way of saying it’s a glorious victory but…The line goes ‘This is our first Gloria’. Perhaps that line is written to her. Telling Gloria that they have made great strides in their efforts, and now it’s on to the next battle. Be that in combat or a lab. As for the weapons, you said that Gloria was her assistant, correct? That might be what the line ‘in our hands’ refers to. The tangible outcome of their research.” 

Kseniya rolled her shoulders. “I don’t know. It could be. I never knew the words myself, just that she wrote it. It’s definitely possible though.” 

“What could she have discovered that long ago that we haven’t been able to discover ourselves? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doubting your claims. But we live in a time that’s far more technologically advanced than Katya did. That means she must’ve learned something our ‘modern marvels’ couldn’t,” Levi pointed out. “We can speculate more later. I’m going to see if those kids have properly cleaned up the mess they made. Eren, come with me. These two need to talk.” 

“We do?” The ravenette tilted her head to the side curiously but received no response. When it was just the two of them she approached Kseniya. “Do you know what he’s talking about?” 

“What you did earlier,” she replied quietly. “Marco and I know what that is…That thing you do where you black out and get extremely violent. That’s all part of your lineage. Part of being the Living Weapon. You would never run off into a cloud of steam like that, not with how sick heat makes you. But you sort of…lost your mind because something triggered it. And it’s happened twice now. But that doesn’t mean it’s more likely to happen again and again and again. I think. I hope. It shouldn’t. Actually I don’t know so I’ll just shut up.” 

Saskia shifted uncomfortably. “That’s…that’s alright. At least I have some understanding of it. So…is there anything else you wish to share? Such as why you were kidnapped? We had very little time to discuss on the way here as we were too busy ransacking the CMP compound.” _My plundering ancestors must be so proud._

“…oh…right…you figured out I have some outside help.” The brunette paled. “Um, yeah, it was…‘cause I saw something I shouldn’tve. And Marco saw me get taken, so he followed. We ran into each other after I defected and he convinced me to reach out to the Survey Corps. I…went against my word, I guess. I’m sorry.” 

“I told you to use your better judgment,” the General reminded. “Thus far you have yet to fail me.” 

“Heh, yeah, _yet_. Aren’t…aren’t you gonna interrogate me on what I saw? All that stuff?” 

“No, not without Levi present.  I do have one question, regarding Dr. Jaeger. He was forced to inject them when they were younger?” 

“Yeah. Even worse, they forced him to create a disease and unleash it on their villages, then convince them he had a cure to save them but insisted they use it on the kids because, well, you know, ‘future generation’. Kenny told those three that once they were better they could go home. He wasn’t lying about that part. They did have a bargain of some sort about those three going back to their villages.” 

“Yes, regarding this ‘Beast Titan’ they talked about with Ymir. They had to capture it. Do you why that might be? Why the ringleaders would want it?” 

“Not a clue. We’ll figure it out.” 

_They were only children…Completely misled. By now I doubt they even have families to return to. For Hoover and Braun the Survey Corps was all they had._ She jumped when Kseniya snapped in her face. “What? What is it?” 

“You were spacing out. Come on, it’s late and I’m hungry.” 

“Ah, yes, it is evening, isn’t it?” 

“Something on your mind?” Kseniya opened the door to a rather comical sight- Eren scolding the others for not having properly removed the blood stains from the walls. “Shit, Levi really has him trained…” 

“No, nothing of importance. Losing myself in whims and flights of fancy as usual.” _They were led to believe they were in mortal peril? Just how desperate are these men? And…what does that mean for those two now? Or Annie for that matter? I wonder if they and Ymir are even alive…_

* * *

 **9:49 PM**

After a delightful meal prepared by Sasha the cadets, Marco, and Kseniya ate together as though they hadn’t a care in the world. The latter was quickly accepted by the rest after they saw the close friendship she had with their long-lost comrade and all the help she had provided for them thus far. There was no talk of Titans or why they were even in the manor. But Eren was still mentally wrestling with all he had learned from Historia and Kseniya, Historia was trying to figure out how to tell the others what she told Eren, and Marco and Kseniya couldn’t help but feel pangs of guilt. 

While Sasha cooked the two told Levi and Saskia about the fire and the criminal charges; needless to say the latter had no appetite and retreated to the bedroom Levi had claimed for them (the cleanliest looking one). He managed to make her eat a little, lying to the others that the stress and fatigue was wearing her down. 

“Everyone’s dead.” Saskia turned into a broken record. Though silent for the majority of the evening, when she did speak her vocabulary had been reduced to two words. She didn’t burst into tears upon learning the news, nor did she break anything in a fit of anger. She showed no response whatsoever. She simply sat at the large bay window and stared outside. After a few hours she was able to articulate more. “Assuming Hanji, Moblit, and Erwin are still alive then those three and everyone here are all that remain of the Survey Corps. And they want to…to pin it on me. To draw me out so I will turn myself over to the CMP and let Kenny and Isamu have their way with me.” 

Though he didn’t show it Levi was incredibly shaken himself. “That must be why we hardly encountered any CMP soldiers on our way to Sina. Throughout the night and into the morning they sporadically dispatched them posing as regular Military Police to ‘contain the situation’. Since it’s a crime scene they can get away with pretending it’s for the sake of investigation. But the real reason was to take the building. We’ve lost our headquarters…Among many other things. Kseniya is worried about Annie and I am too, but for different reasons. If the fire kills her then we lose our witness.” 

_She’s more than a witness, she’s a child…She was in **my** building. That made her **my** responsibility. And I failed her. Her, and every soldier I left behind. Left for dead. The one responsible for the leak must’ve set the fire. It was a suicide mission._ Saskia drew her legs to chest. “I failed them all. I should’ve stayed. I…I’m a disgrace to the military. I let them die. I may as well have lit the match.” 

_Was wondering when this would happen…_ He sat on the edge of the window, his back to her shoulder. “Don’t start that crap again. The Survey Corps needs you now more than ever. Shit, I need you now more than ever. I can’t do any of this alone. Torture and beat the shit out of people, fine, that’s just another’s day work. Has been for as long as I can remember. But being responsible for the lives of others? I don’t have a very good track record.” 

“Neither do I. I abandoned my siblings in arms, leaving them at the mercy of a spy on a suicide mission.” 

He shook his head. “No. No you didn’t. You put all your trust in them, like any good officer would’ve done. You had no way of knowing how far the traitor would go. You had no idea what the CMP was planning on doing. You did everything you could have, should have, with the limited information you had at the time.” 

She hung her head. “I hope the sub-basement survived. If the history of humanity is lost, then humanity has no foundation for which its future can be built upon.” 

“We’ll get back into Rose eventually and deal with it then. And submissive as he might be I’m sure Nile will have difficulty believing you set fire to headquarters. Whether or not he’ll voice that disagreement, I can’t say. But the thought will definitely be gnawing away at him.” 

“I think I agree with Hanji…I miss the Titans. They were much easier to kill.” 

“Great, you’ve completely lost your mind. No way in hell would a sane Saskia prefer fighting the ‘easy’ enemy instead the real threat. The biggest threat to humanity has always been inside the walls, according to you. And it’s no longer working in the shadows. You really want to run from that golden opportunity?” 

“At whose expense?” she sniffled. “At whose expense has this golden opportunity been able to present itself?” 

“I stopped keeping track six years ago,” he replied quietly. “Two was enough for me.” He stood up, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around so she was facing him. He undid her ribbon and tied around like a headband. “Do me a favor. Never cut your hair this short again. You look too much like Mikasa and it’s a little creepy being attracted to someone who bears a strong ass resemblance to a fifteen-year-old I could be related to. Besides, long hair looks better on you. I got you that ribbon for a reason, in case you forgot.” 

“I most certainly recall. That was a…” She forced a nervous laugh. “A rather awkward night!” 

* * *

**Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, February 25 th, 845, 8:12 PM**

“Will you stop putting up a fuss and close your damn eyes already?” 

“And why should I trust you, hm? For all I know you’re going to drop a centipede down the back of my shirt again.” 

“That was three months ago. Birthday present to myself. And it was just a rubber one. There’s no way in hell I’d ever touch a real one.” 

Saskia exhaled sharply and put her hands over her eyes. “There. Covered.” 

“I said close them-” 

“They’re closed! Damn it all…” 

She felt a light tugging on her scalp and her ponytail came undone, black hair cascading down her back. 

“Keep your eyes closed and put out your hands.” 

She did as instructed and felt something thin, light, and silky fall into her palms. “Open?” 

“Open.” 

Settled on her hands was a dark blue ribbon, and judging by the texture of the fabric it must have been made in Sina. She looked over her shoulder. “Please don’t misinterpret this as being ungrateful, as it is quite lovely, but…why?” 

“Because you’re too stubborn to cut your long ass hair but you’re too stupid to use something better to tie it up. The fabric looks fragile but it’s actually pretty durable.” Levi shrugged. “It seemed to suit you.” 

“I don’t know if that was an insult or a compliment but I refuse to let you ruin my birthday, so I shall interpret it as the latter,” she huffed, sliding the ribbon underneath her hair and lifting it up to tie it together. 

“Really? That scrunched nose says otherwise.” 

“You…you shut your mouth. Goodness this is a very sheer texture. My fingers keep slip-” 

“I’ll do it, I’ll do it.” He took the ribbon from her nimble fingers and effortlessly tied it in the perfect ponytail for her. “Hopeless.” 

“How…do you…?” 

“I used to help Isabel with her hair when she was younger.” 

“Oh…I see. It…” She looked in her mirror, inspecting from every angle. “It’s perfect. I love it. Another question.” 

“Do you interrogate everyone over what they give you for your birthday?” 

She chuckled. “No, silly. I was merely curious as to the color choice.” 

“Because green is your favorite.” 

“…do you need to go to the medical wing for an eye examination? Because, though they’re neighbors on the color wheel, this is more a cobalt blue than a green.” Easily interpreted as sarcastic, Levi knew her well enough by now to know she was mildly concerned for his eyesight. 

He dropped his face into his palm. “No shit. I _didn’t_ get a green one because that would’ve been predictable. Plus you have enough green shit as is. Your bedding, your couch, your uniform, your eyes. And…” He paused. “And the color reminded me of the first time I saw the sky. Outside the walls. Also, it’s the same shade of blue on the Wings of Freedom; everyone and their mother knows how obsessed you are with military paraphernalia.” 

She ran her fingers through her hair to smooth it out. “I can understand why you would want to give a practical gift, but one that’s both practical and an aesthetically pleasing fashion accessory seems like an odd choice for you.” 

_Two words. ‘Thank’ and ‘you’. That’s all you need to say._ “I could easily say the same to you about this,” he replied pointing at his cravat. 

“I had anticipated copious prejudice due to why you came here and where you came from. I gave it you in hopes that a more refined look would cause others to take you more seriously. Image will heavily influence how others perceive you, after all.” She twirled her hair. “Truth be told I was trying to find a more appropriate hair tie and was going to take that and cut it into multiple strips so I could use it with a few to spare. But I thought, had its physical integrity been maintained and utilized for the intended purpose, it would look good on you. Which is most certainly does…” Her voice trailed off. “It worked out in the end because you got me this.” She pointed at the ribbon. “Thank you very much, Levi.” 

“Was that really so hard to say?” 

“If you’re going to be mean about it then I rescind my expression of gratitude. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have paperwork to do.” 

“For the love of- Hold it.” He grabbed her arm to keep her from returning to her office. “It’s your birthday, dumbass. And you want to spend it doing paperwork?” 

“Of course. You know how much I enjoy paperwork.” She turned around and worked her way out of his grip. 

“Yes I do, and it’s weird. You’re weird. Can you, for one day, not be weird? Be normal and try to, oh, I don’t know, enjoy something other than work? And stargazing,” he added quickly. 

“You, a self-proclaimed ‘aberrant person’, are _lecturing_ me…” She pressed her fingertips over her heart. “…no, **reprimanding** me for failing to be ‘normal’? You yourself have called me aberrant, and now you expect me to defy this inherent nature I, according to you in all your infinite wisdom, possess?” 

“That’s the whole point of a birthday, Saskia. Today marks the day that the world was consigned to a tragic fate.” He firmly planted his hands on her shoulders. “Having to tolerate you. And, being the selfless individual I know you are, you owe it to the world to take this day as an opportunity to apologize. The best way to do that is pretend to be normal. That way the world gets a break from your usually insufferable personality, and you get a break from the world. Some time to relax. And I humbly request that, for all our sakes, you heed my advice. You know I only have your best interest at heart.” 

Her cheeks puffed slightly, nose scrunching and brow deeply furrowed. “…I don’t even know where to start…” she hissed through gritted teeth. “You callous, asinine, arrogant, obnoxious-” 

“Shh, don’t say anything at all.” He put a finger to her lips. “The first step to relaxing is shutting your mouth.” 

“Whutsa shecond shtep (what’s the second step)?” she asked. 

“Being sure to remember the first ste- Did you just lick my finger?!” He took out a handkerchief and wiped off the saliva. “Gross. I don’t know where your tongue has been…” 

“Well I don’t know where you finger’s been so we’re even!” 

A long, awkward silence was accompanied by a long, awkward staring contest. Finally the two looked away from each other, Saskia biting her lip and Levi rubbing the back of his neck. 

“OK, so, relaxing, I think I’m going to give that a try.” 

“Yeah, good, relaxing sounds good.” 

* * *

 **Present**

Saskia shook her head. “I still have the photograph and my mother’s knife. Had I lost those…Levi, how exactly can we take back our headquarters while holding this building? It is well-supplied here. Perhaps we can use it as a temporary base.” 

“That’s what I was thinking. And we need to talk to Kseniya and Marco more before moving forward. I also want to know more about what happened when Eren and Historia were kidnapped. She’s been acting pretty strange this evening…Something’s up with her. Normally I’d suggest you talk to her since you’re better at that sort of thing but-” 

“Heartbroken as I am I will not let this interfere with my job. So long as there is a Survey Corps to command I remain the General, and I must devote myself to it in mind and body. I will use this anger and sadness as motivation. A painful reminder of why exactly we do what we do. I made a promise to my brother. I will do all I can to ensure the Survey Corps remains intact.” _But what…exactly does that mean, in light of recent events? We need information, and Kseniya and Marco might not be enough. Our numbers have dwindled dramatically but we are in no position to conscript. Is there a way to address both needs at the same time? Information and boost our numbers…_

“We’ve accomplished a lot in one day. Rescuing Eren and Historia, killing a large number of CMP soldiers, and learning even more about what we’re up against. Not to mention their objectives and motives. We can chip away at their respective roles one at a time. Without Rod Reiss their funding disappears, as does their backup plan for a ruler. Without Kenny the CMP will crumble. And who knows what will happen with Shardis gone?” 

She shifted uncomfortably. “I still…I still don’t understand…I never intended for that to happen. I didn’t mean to do that. You believe me, don’t you? And Kseniya’s explanation?” She looked up at him with pleading eyes. “I…I don’t want to become a monster like them.” 

“You won’t. Not even in an alternate reality. Bizarre as it sounds, her explanation lines up with what they want from you. Maybe it’s a result of Saxon blood, I don’t know.” 

“Or Titan ancestry…” 

“What?” 

“None of us want to entertain the idea further, I realize this.” She stood up. “But the fact remains that we are sorely lacking information and cannot rule out the possibility. You heard the stories from Pastor Nick. Mike and myself are examples of how it may very well be true. We don’t know and while we need not explore it there is no doubt in my mind that, as we pursue Katya Volkova’s research we will stumble across a plethora of facts and figures otherwise inaccessible. We must continue to learn, even if what we learn disturbs us. That, in my eyes, is all the more reason to continue. Is there anything we’ve learned about the Titans that _isn’t_ disturbing? Even their weak spot.” She tapped on the back of her neck. “How it coincides with human anatomy. That connection is undeniable.” 

He folded his arms over his chest. “I’m not arguing with you. But let’s take advantage of this night, this place, to gather ourselves. We have two of their former members in our ranks now, one who’s good at gathering information and another who is a Titan shifter and was in the top ten of the 104th. It’s too soon to say we have an upper hand, so it’s too soon to celebrate. But we have far more than I ever thought we’d obtain as quickly and easily as we did. This is another chance we have to stop and catch our breath. I highly doubt we’ll get the chance to do that again anytime soon. All that aside, you’re in no condition to be making executive decisions and frankly I don’t trust my own judgment right now. I’m far too livid to address anything rationally.” 

“You’re hiding it quite well, as per usual.” 

“So are you, which bothers me. If you don’t let it now you won’t be able to remain in a position of leadership. Your judgment will remain skewed. It’ll eat away at you. There’s a difference between using pain as motivation and clinging to it. You’re afraid of becoming a ‘monster’, right? Losing your humanity? Last I checked monsters don’t show emotion. They don’t even have any. If you keep clinging you’ll become numb to the core. And I know what you’re thinking. Letting it go sounds a lot like forgetting about them, the ones who died in that fire. Disrespecting their memory. But clinging to what happened and how it’s impacted you immortalizes them as weak victims, not the brave soldiers we knew them to be. Is that how you want to remember them? Do you think they want to be remembered that way?” 

“No. No one would.” 

“Then stop doing it. Mourn, and move forward. Not away. Forward. Cry, scream, whatever you need to do. And remember that the reason they were killed wasn’t because they were easy targets. It’s because they were a threat. The Survey Corps is a threat. And they don’t seem to understand that bringing down our numbers doesn’t make us weaker. It’s our responsibility to make them **painfully** aware of that fact.” He took a deep breath. “Tomorrow we’ll tell the cadets about what happened. We’ll figure out our next move.” 

She nodded slowly. “OK. I…I can agree that…You’re right in saying-” 

“You won’t be able to relax if you keep talking.” 

She gulped heavily. “I know…But I…It’s more than the soldiers…This is very personal for me…That building is the only home I’ve never known. Now it’s destroyed and infested with those…those…‘Monsters’ isn’t strong enough a word for them. For what they’ve done. They’re trying to take everything from me until I have nothing left but the promises they offer and pipedreams they cling to. I won’t allow myself to be reduced to that, to their plaything. But what will they take next? What’s left? The Survey Corps itself. As a branch, as a group of people united under a shared objective, as a beacon of hope. They’re taking that hope away from the people with fear mongering to replace it with something far, far worse. It’s just as Kseniya said.” 

“Saving humanity being a false front to rule it. But they can’t take everything from you. Material things, perhaps. But the Survey Corps isn’t material, and not even in an alternate reality would you break a promise to Erwin. Especially one about the SC. What about Erwin, for that matter? Even if he’s physically separated from you, even if he’s in prison, in enemy hands, he’s still your brother and he still loves you very much. They can’t take that away.” 

Her chest trembled and she hung her head, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “You’ve made your point. I can’t…I can’t hear any more of this. Shut up and-” 

“ _And_.” _I hate being the one to give the motivational speeches…She always starts crying. Then again when she does it, I just get pissed off._ “There’s another person they can’t take away.” 

“This is…” She sniffled. “This is the part where I burst into tears and…and you hug me, right?” 

“Yeah, this is the part.”

* * *

_“Convince her a kid will continue on the legacy of her people, despite being a mutt. Maybe pick a name to pay homage to them?”  
_

_“I had considered it. There’s a very fitting name, should it be a girl. As much as I would prefer a child with an Oriental name, a name meaning ‘Saxon woman’ is perfect. Saskia. Should Luzia and I have a girl, her name will be ‘Saskia Maki’.”_

Levi jolted upright in bed, breathing heavily. _Her name…I hated her as soon as I heard her name…Her father is…Shit._ “Saskia, wake up.” He looked to his right and saw that half of the bed was unoccupied. A note was left of the pillow. He quickly picked it up and unfolded it, beads of sweat dropping onto the paper and spreading the dry ink. Eyes quickly scanning it, his jaw started to tremble. Even in the dimly lit room he could see that her gear, along with a spare 3DMG and gas tanks were gone. How far she had gone, he had no idea. But he had no intention of going after her. He gave the note one last read before tearing it to pieces. _  
_

_We need to bolster our numbers and we need information. More importantly, they were only children. Deceived by false promises of a better future. That said, they are still of the Survey Corps. And you’re right- I would **never** break my promise to Erwin about keeping it intact._

Levi wasn’t sure what angered him more- realizing he had known along that Isamu Maki was Saskia’s father, or her act of treachery.

* * *

 **Wall Sina, Stohess District, August 5 th, 4:29 AM**

“I want to save Annie, believe me, I do, but…I dunno, maybe this isn’t the right way.” Kseniya wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “She’ll probably kill me on sight.” 

“Second thoughts? We’re too far from Pine’s Manor to go back now.” Saskia rummaged around in her shoulder bag for some provisions. “We’re racing first light, but we’re almost to the wall. Why are you so upset?” 

“Too much too fast, ya know? The building is set on fire, I’m kidnapped, we destroy the CMP compound, find Eren and Historia, take Pine’s Manor, and now…you wanna go back to the Survey Corps headquarters, kill everyone inside, free Annie, and then go into Maria to find the three defectors using the Female Titan’s scream? I didn’t sign up for this…How in the hell do you manage to cope with all this stress? One day, just one day of all this Survey Corps excitement and I’m ready to tear my hair out.” _Has she even thought about how Levi will react once he finds that note?! She’s trying to free the person who killed his squad!_

“It is overwhelming, yes, but do remember I grew up in such an environment. I acclimated at a young age. To the amount of stress that is. Whether or not I handle it well…That’s a different story.” 

“Messmann, you’re fucking crazy if you think this’ll work.” 

Saskia shrugged. “I’ve been called worse.” _I hope she isn’t having second thoughts._ She stopped and studied Kseniya. “Are you coming with me?” 

_No, I’m sightseeing._ “…suppose I have nothing better to do.” _Probably not the best response…Whatever. No going back now, and if it means Annie can be saved then it’s worth it. Wolves travel in packs. Wolves look out for their kin. Even if Annie hates my guts…She was under my supervision before. Circumstances have changed but my obligation to look out for her hasn’t._

They reached the wall before sunrise, but with very little time to spare. Kseniya rolled up her sleeves. “…I’ll get the lift ready.” _Why the hell am I still crying?_

“Fantastic.” After the two stepped on and reached the top of the wall, Saskia handed the brunette a can. “And drink this. You’ll need the energy.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” She pulled the tab and quickly downed the drink, trying not to gag on the medicinal taste. _How can she drink this stuff…willingly?_ Kseniya took a deep breath and gathered herself. “Alright…let the rescue operation commence.” 

“Now you sound like a soldier.” 

“Do you even know how to get Annie out of the crystal? I thought it was too tough to crack.” 

“I have an idea. And if a Titan Shifter’s abilities can be influenced by the human inside just as the appearance can, Eren’s temper being a great example, then my idea is correct.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote is by H. L. Mencken
> 
> Levi's dream is a continuation from chapter 39, 'Expanding the Arsenal'


	46. Soldier's Obligations

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, August 5 th, 12:10 AM**

“I swear I have no idea where she went! But if General Saskia is going to Rose, then I’m certain Kseniya went with her. She’s always been worried about Annie ever since she left. She used to watch over her.”

A small part of Levi wanted to believe that Kseniya, who was also missing, manipulated Saskia into leaving. But he knew better and a gradually dwindling part of him wished he didn’t. A dwindling part of him wished he wouldn’t have to interrogate Marco about their other new ‘ally’ after finding the note. A dwindling part of him wanted to think Saskia knew better than to run off injured with a semi-stranger to the second most dangerous place in the known world. A dwindling part of him wanted to trust her still.

Levi took a deep breath and let go of Marco’s collar. “If I find out you’re lying, and this is a trick to hand Messmann over to your former bosses, I will break you in half.”

Marco nodded quickly, rubbing his sore neck. “I would be tempted to do the same if I were in your position. If it counts for anything, because I know you have no reason to believe me-”

“Nothing gets past you, does it?”

“I never thought she would do something like this.”

“…are you implying _Messmann_ manipulated _her_ into going?” _At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me._

“No, no, not at all. I don’t know the General personally, but I do know that she cares a lot about the Survey Corps. She, at the very least, could take back your headquarters and deal a serious blow to Isamu and the others. About that note though…that promise she made…You would know better than anyone if she’s actually going to through with it or not.”

“Sadly, I do. She would never run off to do something like this if she wasn’t completely confident in her ability to make it happen.”

After finally being able to sleep in real beds for the first time since God only knows when, the blissful slumber was cut short for all. The cadets had been ordered to wait in the foyer while Levi interrogated Marco upstairs. Some could barely keep their eyes open while they waited for the two to return. They were highly surprised to see Marco come back alone.

“What was that all about?” Sasha asked through an obnoxiously loud yawn as Marco came down the stairs.

“Kseniya’s not the only one who’s gone,” he replied quietly. “He wanted to know if she was still here and when he saw she wasn’t he woke me up and, well you all saw him practically dragging me out there. But before anyone overreacts, he has good reason to be so angry.”

“Doubt it,” Mikasa grumbled, rubbing an eye with the heel of her palm.

“General Saskia is gone. She and Kseniya left together. She…she left him a note saying that she’s going back to the Survey Corps headquarters. She wants to free Annie, go to Wall Maria, and use the Female Titan’s scream to track down Bertholdt, Reiner, and Ymir.” _I shouldn’t be the one telling them, but their Squad Leader is in no position to do it right now…And they all have a right to know._

A heavy silence fell over the group, which Eren was quick to break.

“To kill them right?” he asked somewhat frantically. “She hates them, all of them, because of-”

Marco shook his head. “Before you all went into Stohess, Erwin made the General and Lance Corporal promise to protect the Survey Corps no matter the cost. So she’s taken it upon herself to bring them back. She wants information but she wants to rescue them too. After finding out what happened to us when we were so young…She feels bad for them.”

Connie laughed nervously. “Ha! Good one Marco. The General running off like that…”

“It’s true,” he insisted. “The Central Military Police set fire to your headquarters. Everyone inside was killed. You’re all that’s left of the Survey Corps. And they’re trying to pin it on General Saskia to lure her out so she’ll turn herself over to the monarchy. Ultimately, to Isamu. Kseniya saw them light the fire which is why Shardis kidnapped her, and why I followed.”

“…she betrayed us.” Eren grit his teeth. “She pities the enemy. She’s **recruiting** the enemy!”

“Does this mean she’s defected?” Jean asked quietly. “Do we treat her like a traitor? Because defectors are…you know…” After the emotional whirlwind that came with her having supposedly been killed, Jean couldn’t find it in himself to say ‘sentence her to death’.

“I…I don’t know. I can’t speak for your Lance Corporal who, right now, is the only Acting Commander.” Marco glanced over his shoulder at the floor above. Levi could be heard stomping back and forth in the room they spoke in, trying to make sense of the situation and what to do next.

“Of course we do!” Eren jumped up, fists balled and shaking. “She knows what they did and she thinks they deserve a second chance! How insane is that?! They worked for the people who want to turn her into that Living Weapon…and she wants to help them?!”

“We still can’t do anything until Levi Heichou decides what our next course of action is,” Historia pointed out. “It’s alright to be angry-”

“Shut up! Why the hell do you care?! You’re probably glad she did this because it means you can see your girlfriend again!”

“Glad?!” she huffed and slowly rose to her feet. She stomped over to Eren. “In case you forgot I’m very angry with her for leaving me behind, picking those two instead! I’m just saying that we can’t do anything yet! We need to wait for instruction first! We can’t act rashly, especially now that one of the officers has run off!”

“Will you both stop shouting?!” Sasha yelled, hands over her ears. “There has to be a misunderstanding here…”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Mikasa replied coldly, adjusting her scarf.

Bickering continued, worsening with every passive-aggressive jab and seething remark. Marco, feeling responsible for causing it all, tried to detract by explaining what Kseniya had told Levi, Saskia, and Eren about her ancestry and the connections between the Volkov and Jaeger families. It had served its purpose in quieting everyone for a spell. But Armin, the pessimistic voice of reason, pointed out even if they had Katya’s research, they might not be able to use it if it. If it was written in an older tongue that only Kseniya could decipher, the supposedly invaluable knowledge stored inside was inaccessible. And no matter how good her intentions were Marco saw no point in trying to defend his comrade as she was an accomplice to traitor they once called ‘General’.

Historia, to everyone’s surprise, took initiative to ease the mounting tension; keeping the peace was something they would’ve expected from her long gone alter-ego, Krista. She hoped that what she shared, even if it couldn’t curb the collective feelings of anger and betrayal, would provide them with a tiny spark of hope and inspiration. Now was as good a time as any to overwhelm everyone with more information, but this time it was news that could work in their favor. If she could share it with Eren, the cadet with the shortest fuse and most unpredictable reactions, she could share her secret with any of them.

Upstairs Levi was pacing back and forth, trying to sort out his thoughts. What now? What would they do next? What _could_ they do? What if they encountered Saskia? What if she came back empty handed? What if she did recruit them? An enemy of his enemy was by no means an ally unless they proved themselves to be trustworthy or if he had to take a gamble, as he did with Reeves. With he and his son dead no one would protect Trost save for the CMP, just as he predicted. What would that mean for Hanji and Moblit? They were now in enemy territory. The CMP had claimed an entire district in Wall Rose.

What if Saskia never came back?

He stopped, finding himself grappling with a new dilemma. Which bothered him more- her reason for leaving, or the fact that she left without saying anything? Was it because she knew he would protest? That never stopped her in the past, so why would it make a difference now? Did she think he would ‘find it in his heart’ to agree with her? If so, then she didn’t know him as well as they both thought.

_Can you promise me that you’ll try to be with her, no matter what? That you won’t let anything stop you, especially yourselves? Promise me that you’ll let yourself be happy._

Remembering the promise he made to Petra, he was even more conflicted. He didn’t want to break a promise, especially to a valued, deceased comrade. Now it seemed allowing himself to be happy and being with Saskia were mutually exclusive, as she was showing mercy to mass murderers.

He pounded a fist against the wall. “Of all the things…Why?” he asked no one in particular. “How could you…? What happened to ‘in this together’? Were you full of shit all along?” He inhaled sharply. “I warned you that your kindness might get you killed some day. If it doesn’t…If your kindness doesn’t kill you out there…Then I…” He grit his teeth. “I’ll have no choice…” He pressed his forehead against the wall.

He told her she was either his or she was nothing, either she mattered to him or she didn’t. It was painfully clear she was no longer the Saskia he knew and loved; this renegade crusader of justice for the unjust was only a cheap imitation, absolutely worthless. So why did he have reservations about killing her?

* * *

**Wall Sina, Military Police Headquarters, Nile Dawk’s Office, 5:57 AM**

“The investigation hasn’t even found the source of the fire. All we have to link General Saskia to the scene of the crime is a few eyewitness accounts from hours before it even happened.” Nile dropped a file of papers onto his desk, reports from the Military Police occupying the Survey Corps headquarters. He spun around in his desk chair to face the window, arms folded over his chest. “That kid practically wanted me killed for transferring from the Survey Corps to the Military Police.” There was a strange hint of nostalgia in his voice as he reflected on the memory of the day he transferred and all the violent glares she had thrown his way.

“Perhaps it was an act of desperation,” Pixis shrugged. “The Survey Corps’ actions have been questionable lately and God only knows how far she would go to protect it. Maybe, in her weird little head, she’d rather destroy it herself than let the monarchy dismantle it. I can’t even begin to imagine Erwin’s reaction”

“He’s going to be devastated when he finds out. Not the fire, but the one he left _in charge_ , the person who’s been like family to him, deliberately destroyed everything they’d worked to build.” _‘A gamble as usual. That’s all I can do. You do your job. I just wanted to give you a warning’. Is this what you meant Erwin? Were you part of this? Or did you anticipate someone else to attack the Survey Corps? Is this why you were so curious about the Central Military Police? Are they responsible? What does anyone stand to gain from attacking them, or attacking Saskia?_

“Regardless of who did what, the Survey Corps has been branded a terrorist organization and Saskia Messmann is the most wanted person within the walls. Most wanted human, rather…unless she’s also a shifter,” he added jokingly. “God help us if that tiny thing could turn into a huge creature.”

“I’m not convinced.” Nile shook his head and turned to face the Garrison Commander. “I’m not convinced she did it. She’s disturbed, that’s a claim I’ll stick to ‘til the day I die. But the murderous sort? Not to her fellow soldiers. Not unless they commit a heinous criminal offense. And no matter how much she hates the Military Police, if she had reason to believe _everyone_ in that building was responsible for criminal activity she’d say something. She’d be willing to collaborate. Not to be confused with cooperate.”

Pixis chuckled as he opened his canteen and took a swig. “I’m the one drinking, and you’re the one talking nonsense.”

“You don’t think so?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Now, now, I didn’t say that. Perhaps old age and cannons has ruined my hearing. For a moment there it sounded like you were complimenting your ‘lifelong enemy’.”

He grunted defensively. “Absolutely not! But just because I can’t stand her as a person doesn’t mean I wouldn’t defend her reputation as a soldier if it were challenged by questionable accusations. And a great deal of that reputation as a soldier, her dedication to their cause, comes from her loyalty to Erwin. Not defending her in a situation like this is tantamount to not defending him, and that’s not something I could allow in good conscience.”

“Are you planning on taking this to the Commander-in-Chief?” Pixis suggested facetiously. _He’d brush it off as sentiment._

“Of course not.” He propped his elbows on his desk and laced his fingers together. “Do you think Saskia would destroy the Survey Corps headquarters and kill her comrades in cold blood?”

“I don’t. I also wouldn’t put it past her to do something extreme. Don’t forget how the Survey Corps was founded. She grew up learning about it in a culture that doesn’t frown upon their history like the rest of the military does.”

_Erwin did talk about this world changing…A revolution. That’s exactly what the founders of the Survey Corps tried to instigate. Are they…targeting the monarchy like the founders did?_

“Nile, you’re not planning on doing something stupid, are you?” he asked suspiciously.

“I’m not planning on doing anything other than my job.” _For now. Erwin, what are you **really** up to? Perhaps I should see this building for myself._

* * *

The CMP compound was in ruins, everyone inside slaughtered and their supplies stolen. The trails of blood made it clear that those who remained of the Survey Corps were now occupying Pine’s Manor. Keith Shardis’ body had been found ‘dismembered in the wilds of Sina’. The description of the remains left no room for doubt that Saskia had been triggered, this time killing her former legal guardian. Losing a member of their top tier hardly impacted them and their ability to move forward though. Shardis raised Saskia; now she was an adult and he served no purpose other than allowing Isamu to live vicariously through recollections of her childhood. But he also had Erwin for that.

That was how much of Erwin’s time had been spent. His company was limited to Rod Reiss, Kenny Ackermann, Isamu Maki, and Grisha Jaeger. He wasn’t sure if the false king, who always looked dazed and drugged, was even aware of his presence (or aware of much at all, for that matter). He was so bored it almost physically ailed him. All he had to entertain himself were his memories of much simpler times, back when he could put off worrying about the consequences of his double life. His most treasured memories, all he had left to treasure, were bittersweet at best and heartbreaking at worst.

Like when Saskia learned the word ‘placenta’ after helping their veterinarians deliver a foal, and actively sought out opportunities to flex her vocabulary muscle (“Yesterday’s lunch bore an awfully strong resemblance to a placenta.”). Or the time she found a few cadets who snuck away from a training session during the winter and tricked them into a snowball fight, using it as a lesson in dodging and hand-eye coordination. To this day she insisted she didn’t know there was a rock in one of the snowballs she threw, and refused to apologize to Moblit for hitting him with it in the back of the head (“Regardless of whether or not it was deliberate, he deserved it for skipping training.”). And who could forget the time he helped her dump horse manure on Levi’s bed when Mike caught a hint of her missing vanilla tea coming from Levi’s room? He would never forgive them if he found out (“I believe it goes without saying that this stays between you and I. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m in dire need of a shower. And tea.”).

The past twenty or so years of his life had been leading up to the final confrontation he could sense looming over the horizon. He didn’t care whether or not Saskia forgave him so long as he had the chance to tell her everything, but he found himself questioning his own motives. Was it because the information would benefit her, he could try to expunge the guilt from his conscience, or both? As the days went on he was becoming more and more convinced that she wouldn’t forgive him, perhaps kill him even, when she found out how many innocent people had to die all for the sake of the project. More specifically, the role he played in those deaths.

While he was glad Saskia was able to get revenge on the man who abused her for twenty-two years, having become that man’s successor still ate away at him. Holding Shardis’ former office made him feel as though he inherited all of his crimes, including everything he did to Saskia. The day he took office was a joyous occasion for her which made it all the more painful for him. He almost passed up the promotion at the last minute, on the day he was sworn in.

**Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, Erwin’s Office, January 22 nd, 847, 3:23 PM**

“Are you nervous?”

“Of course I am. Being sworn in as Commander…That’s a large responsibility.”

“One you willingly took on. Why would you accept if you didn’t believe yourself capable?”

“Because no one else wanted to-”

Saskia put a hand on her hip and wagged a finger in Erwin’s face. “No. No, no, no, don’t you start with that too! It’s bad enough having to hear that from Levi. I refuse to believe that you don’t want to be Commander of the Survey Corps.”

“Of course I want to,” he relented with a sigh. “But…am I the best choice?”

“Yes! How many times must I say it!” She threw her arms up in the air, stomping around in circles. “Insufferable, stubborn, dense…Stop fussing with your uniform, would you? You look fine. I’m going to go check on Levi…I hope he doesn’t have a conniption over this. Hey, what’s that look for? Am I not entitled to a little wishful thinking now and then?” she grinned.

He shook his head, fighting a grin himself. “Just go before he decides to go AWOL.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. The after party in the capitol however…That’s when we will most certainly need to keep an eye on him. I don’t worry about him running off, of course, but, well, such a formal event…He’ll be crabbier than usual. It would hardly surprise me if he were already in a terrible mood.”

When she arrived at Levi’s office she saw her prediction was correct as made by the grouchy expression he was sporting.

“Might as well get it out of your system now.” She closed the door behind herself.

“Same goes for you,” he snapped, slipping into his jacket. “You better not start hyperventilating in there.”

“Can you truly fault me for being excited?”

“Yes.”

She ignored him. “You’ll become a formal Squad Leader, of the Special Ops no less. And Lance Corporal.” Saskia squealed, fists to her chest. “How exciting!” she gasped loudly.

“I heard you the first time.” Levi smoothed out his jacket. “Remind me again what happens after. I wasn’t really paying attention the first time you told me. Or second. Or third.”

She rolled her eyes though hardly surprised by his admission. “After the inauguration ceremony here, there is a celebration held in Sina. Black tie affair. Every branch does it and will be in attendance. The ceremony here will last a little longer than usual because we will be swearing in two officers, Lance Corporal and Commander no less. And after that, we’ll be off to the capital for a lovely evening of superficial camaraderie, ass kissing, and the sweetest wines from the lushest fruits in all three walls.”

“If your dumbass gets drunk and you puke on me, I’ll throw you out a window.”

His grumpiness was like a gentle spring rain compared to her scorching summer enthusiasm. She had been looking forward to the day Erwin would become Commander only months after meeting him. Though it took some convincing, the day Levi agreed to take on the role of Lance Corporal was arguably one of the happiest days of her life.

The entirety of the Survey Corps was in attendance, as well as Commander-in-Chief Darius Zackley, packed tightly together in the ceremonial hall. She expected Erwin to already be there up front with Shardis but he was surprisingly absent. As the two of them took seats at the front of the room she looked around but couldn’t find him.

“Either I am shorter than I recall, thus rendering me incapable of seeing over the crowds, or he is not here yet. That is very unlike him not to be punctual, especially for an event such as this.” She bit her lip nervously.

“He probably got so anxious he pissed his pants.”

“You hush,” she scolded. “Oh, there he is!” She noticed Erwin walk into the room and up to the front as quickly as possible while still maintaining a dignified stride. “I must try my absolute hardest to maintain my composure, but already I feel a pressure building behind my eyes.” She choked back a sniffle.

“He’s your brother.” Levi straightened up in his seat when Shardis cleared his throat and called for attention. “Aren’t you supposed to get more emotional than usual?”

“But I must swear you in immediately after. How can I properly do so with puffy pink eyes and-? Oh goodness, I can barely contain myself.” She pursed her lips and clenched her fists tightly in her lap as Erwin placed his right hand on a heavy tome, the Survey Corps’ code of conduct. He hid it well but his hand shaking on the thick text.

“Please state your full name, branch, and rank.”

Erwin took a deep breath. He quickly glanced out of the corner of his eye in Saskia’s direction and saw how hard she was fighting to hold back her tears of joy. After she gave him an encouraging nod he cleared his throat. “Erwin Smith, Survey Corps, Squad Leader.”

“Do you, Squad Leader Erwin Smith, solemnly vow to uphold all the duties of Commander?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to hold this office with pride and carry out your responsibilities with dignity, honor, and unwavering devotion to the people?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to set aside all personal bias and assert your authority purely in the interest in the betterment of humanity?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to cast aside all adherence to conventional jurisdiction and political authority should it interfere with your ability to carry out your sworn duties? Do you vow your fealty in all earnest sincerity to humanity alone? Do you vow to justly observe laws of the common man, and not the will of their masters? Do you vow to actively reject those who may attempt to shackle you and capitalize humanity’s struggle, and its inevitable victory?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to offer all you have and all you are to assuring the survival of the human race, and the creation of a bright future in which we live free of tyranny and fear?”

“I do.”

“Then I, Keith Shardis, 12th Commander of the Survey Corps, hereby formally step down from my position and announce you, Erwin Smith, the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps.” Shardis saluted the newly inducted officer. “May the wings on your back carry you until such time that humanity must turn to another for its survival.”

Erwin saluted back. “I accept with both humility and gratitude.”

Shardis turned to the rest of the soldiers. “Survey Corps! Salute your new Commander!”

A loud thumping sound echoed throughout as they, in unison, rose and pounded a curled fist over their hearts.

“Why all the talk about rejecting the law and ‘shackles’ and ‘masters’?” Levi muttered to Saskia.

“It’s a reflection of the ideals of our founders. Some of that is actual dialogue preserved from a transcription of one of their first executive meetings. One of the few things to remain from that time, before their executions, which I have stumbled upon.”

The buzz behind them died down as Shardis approached Saskia and passed the book on to her. “Your turn, General.”

She nodded, exercising her swiftly tapering willpower so as not to hug tackle her new Commander when she walked by him. The most she could do was lightly elbow him in the arm and flash a smile, a silent but hardly modest ‘Told you so!’.

Once they were at the front of the large ceremonial hall Levi was struck by an odd, borderline uncomfortable realization- he was the center of attention. Saskia may have been the one officiating the inauguration but he was the one taking the oath. He was making a promise in front of a large audience who would tear him to shreds if he failed to keep it. Everyone would also bear witness to the blurring of their personal and professional lives. _Everyone_. He could see the epiphany had struck her as well, her petite frame begin to shudder from her deep breathing and other attempts at relaxation. For someone so excited she seemed to have a powerful case of stage fright. Still, the fire in her eyes hadn’t gone out.

There were other eyes, from Hanji’s swooning and sparkling fixation to Erwin’s calculating and stoic gaze, which only served to exacerbate the tension. To most it was just another simple oath of office. But to Levi and Saskia, whose personal and professional relationships had never before been so heavily intertwined, it was an extremely intimate moment. And they had an audience completely oblivious to that fact.

She held up the book and he placed his right hand atop it. Both had minor difficulty maintaining eye contact.

“Please state your full name, branch, and rank.”

“Levi Ackermann, Survey Corps, Assistant to General Saskia Messmann.” No longer a cadet but still without an officer rank, the best title they could come up with for him was a reflection of the work he and Saskia had done together.

“Do you, General’s Assistant Levi Ackermann, solemnly vow to uphold all the duties of Lance Corporal and Special Operations Squad Leader?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to hold this office with pride and carry out your responsibilities with dignity, honor, and unwavering devotion to the people?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to set aside all personal bias and assert your authority purely in the interest in the betterment of humanity?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to work industriously and honestly alongside your Commander, becoming his most trusted ally and sterling advisor?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to cast aside all adherence to conventional jurisdiction and political authority should it interfere with your ability to carry out your sworn duties? Do you vow your fealty in all earnest sincerity to humanity alone? Do you vow to justly observe laws of the common man, and not the will of their masters? Do you vow to actively reject those who may attempt to shackle you and capitalize humanity’s struggle, and its inevitable victory?”

“I do.”

“Do you vow to offer all you have and all you are to assuring the survival of the human race, and the creation of a bright future in which we live free of tyranny and fear?”

“I do.”

Saskia, book still in hand, then turned to Erwin. “13th Commander Erwin Smith, do you accept General’s Assistant Levi Ackermann as your second-in-command and Lance Corporal? Do you acknowledge him as the leader of the Special Operations Squad?”

Erwin rose. “I, 13th Commander Erwin Smith, acknowledge his merits and contributions to our cause. There is no finer candidate, nor anyone else I would accept, as my Lance Corporal. Or leader of the newly revived Special Operations Squad.” It was a very polite way of saying he preferred Saskia remain second-in-command but had no qualms with accepting Levi in the position, as it came with the title ‘Lance Corporal’. If anyone else were to try and take the title ‘General’, Erwin would personally see to it that heads would roll.

“Then I, Saskia Messmann, 1st General of the Survey Corps, hereby formally step down from my rank as second-in-command and announce you, Levi Ackermann, my successor and the 24th Lance Corporal of the Survey Corps and the leader of the Special Operations Squad.” She saluted him, heart beating so wildly he swore he could hear it reverberate into her fist and travel down her forearm. “May the wings on your back carry you until such time that humanity must turn to another for its survival.”

He returned the gesture, unable to recall a time he did so ingenuously and not merely out of military protocol. “I accept with both humility and gratitude.”

With a booming voice she issued her final order as second-in-command. “Survey Corps! Salute your new Lance Corporal!”

**Saskia’s Office, 10:39 PM**

The soiree in Sina was just as Saskia had described. Levi detested it, but her presence and incessant mockery of it compensated a tenfold. Nile offered his congratulations to Erwin while giving a backhanded compliment to Levi, saying he was relieved Saskia’s authority had been reduced. Pixis, though more intoxicated that usual, managed to offer coherent heartfelt congratulations to the three of them (though what he was congratulating Saskia for, they had no idea). Erwin jokingly mourned his dashed dream of her being his second-in-command (read- minion) after years of taking orders from her, and she assured him that no ranks or title would ever stand in the way of her giving him a hard time. She also promised to do the same for Levi, who knew that was her way of reassuring him nothing changed. Despite having spent a great deal of time mocking the pomp and circumstance, she declared a toast between just the three of them to celebrate the most powerful and capable triad of officers the Survey Corps had ever seen.

Upon returning Erwin had to retire early, a big day ahead of him tomorrow, but Saskia was able to take advantage of everyone else’s slumber and finally give him the hug tackle he rightfully deserved before he left. Levi dreaded what she might do to him once they were alone. He lost count of how many times her hug tackles had led to one of them being concussed.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” she teased, pulling her ribbon out and letting her long hair cascade down her back. “Granted I could do without these abominations.” She kicked off her heels and dropped lazily onto her couch, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. To no one’s surprise her dress was green, but much simpler than the dress she wore to their Christmas party a few years back. It was a cocktail dress that went below the knees with a modest v-neck cut.

“It was excruciating. The only highlight was the slow dance.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Since when are you a fan of dancing?”

“I’m not. But I am a fan of people I don’t like leaving me the hell alone. And I got to have some fun at your expense, dragging you out onto the floor. Literally.”

“I almost rolled my ankle!”

“I know. It was hilarious,” he smirked.

She frowned and folded her arms over her chest. “You’re the worst.”

Standing next to the couch he leaned over her. “I’m also your superior now, so you better tone down that attitude.”

“The incentive being? Exactly what punitive measures would you take against me for mouthing off?”

“Three years worth of revenge for having to put up with you being a brat.”

“Abuse of authority,” she grumbled.

“You say it like I should care,” he replied nonchalantly as he straightened up. “God damn it, I can’t wait to get out of this suit.”

“You don’t need to stay here, you know.”

“What’re you talking about? This is the last night we have to spend a mildly substantial amount of time together. Come first light my responsibilities increase a shitload.”

She sat up. “True…But remember, this doesn’t mean we won’t still see each other. Yes, much of the time will be mostly for professional purposes and much of your attention will be needed elsewhere. That was the deal though. You accepted the promotion on the condition that General Saskia not go anywhere, and I have absolutely no intention of doing so.”

“Sure, that’s fine, but what about Saskia Messmann? I don’t want all our time spent as General and Lance Corporal.”

She stood up and put her hands on his upper arms, rubbing slowly and reassuringly. “It won’t be. At first perhaps but once we’ve established a comfort level, a rhythm, will it truly be so difficult to find ways to spend time together just as we are now? It…it takes a lot to come between us, from what I’ve gathered.” She smiled brightly. “Even when we’re fighting or angry with each other, we still manage to be civil until things smooth over!”

“…you’ve got a weird definition of ‘civil’, Saskia.”

* * *

**Present, Pine’s Manor, Dining Room 3:28 AM**

“Hope she doesn’t expect me to ‘be civil’ until this ‘smooths over’.” Levi sighed. “So much for the greatest triad the Survey Corps had ever seen.” He dropped his forehead into his palm. “I could use a drink right now…”

After Historia’s explanation of her ability to influence memories he didn’t even bother attempting sleep, partially convinced that he was already sleep and trapped in a bizarre dream. He was also reminded of the idea that humans might descend from Titans, one of the last notions he wanted to entertain at the moment. He had pulled her aside and asked if she could make him forget that he ever loved Saskia and she told him that while she could bury the memory she couldn’t erase the feeling itself, which would probably dig the memory back up. She also mentioned that it seemed to work more on people she was close to, and Levi certainly wasn’t one of them, which she wasn’t remotely apologetic about. Above all she said that, even if she were able to, she would refuse no matter how many times he might lift her off the ground and yell at her to comply. That tactic wouldn’t work a second time.

For whatever reason she also felt the need to stay in his company, something to be expected from ‘Krista Lentz’ but not ‘Historia Reiss’. No one questioned as there was already enough bizarre things going on. Saskia betrayed the Survey Corps, Eren’s key belonged to the 3rd Commander, and Historia could erase memories. What’s one more?

Those who managed to keep their appetite helped themselves to the abundance of food in the spacious kitchen but ate in shared silence. The rest didn’t even leave their rooms. Levi once again found himself in the uncomfortable position of having to neglect all of his frustrations and hurt to keep an already fragile situation from completely crumbling. Knowing that the person who usually served as his cohesion was the cause for the entire mess made that extremely difficult. Historia, whatever her intentions were, wasn’t helping.

“I think that would only make you feel worse.”

“No, it wouldn’t make me feel anything. That’s the beauty of alcohol. You’ll understand when you’re older.” He was sitting at the end of the large table, running his finger along the rim of a full cup of black tea. It was cold from neglect, suiting him perfectly.

“What happens if we find her?” Historia asked quietly, seated diagonally from her Squad Leader. She was forcing herself to develop an appreciation for coffee and her voice had a slight drawl from fatigue.

“Simple. She’s a traitor. A defector. Only one way to deal with people like that.” He was almost numb to the core and it reflected in his voice. “I doubt she would disapprove of having her head chopped off, seeing how fond she is of people adhering to military protocol. Hell, she’d probably she proud.”

“How can you say that so casually?” It was a poor attempt to scold. She was far too shocked and shaken by Levi preparing himself to kill Saskia to come off as a voice of reason or authority. “I mean…She’s only doing what she thinks is right…”

Levi raised an eyebrow at the pitiful looking cadet, and much to her relief his voice didn’t raise along with it. “Do you pity a traitor, Reiss?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “You know what her biggest problem is? Hard to choose, I know, but if I had to name one, it would be just that. Not what doing she _thinks_ is right, but always doing what _she_ thinks is right. She’s so convinced that in always acting out of the goodness of her heart she’ll be able to convince the world that whatever she thinks or does is the right way to go about it. Good intentions are what send you to Hell though. I told her that once, right before I almost killed her.”

 _I don’t even want to know the story behind that._ “Maybe this is the right thing, whether we like it or not,” she argued. “And if it’s not right, I still think she’s a good person because she has the interests of others in mind. People she wants to help. It’s possible to be misguided but still be a good person.”

He suppressed a bitter laugh, reminded of a dearly beloved redhead who would’ve countered with the same point. “Honestly, I hope she does die out there. I don’t care how, but I’d much rather she die out in Maria or beyond. I don’t want to kill her. But I can’t let her live. She’s gone too far this time. There’s no forgiving this.”

The rightful monarch frowned. “You’re not thinking clearly. Yes, we can disagree with what she did, but we can still take advantage of her actions. If she does come back with any of them, then we can get information. You’re letting your emotions influence you too much. Not that I can blame you…But, but still! It’s bad enough that her judgment has been clouded by feelings. You’re criticizing her for it but you’re doing the same thing.”

“Suppose that means I broke the vow of putting aside personal bias,” he muttered to himself. “No better than her…Alright, Future Queen. What would you do in my position?”

“What would I do as a Survey Corps officer?”

“No.” He straightened his posture, suddenly very serious. “When you’re queen you’re going to be faced with having to make extremely tough decisions. Every fucking day for the rest of your fucking life. How would you handle a traitor?”

She rubbed her palms together and thought as carefully as a sleep-deprived, caffeine-riddled adolescent could. “I…I would hear what Saskia and Kseniya have to say before doing anything. And Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Ymir for that matter. I couldn’t afford to be rash when there’s so much at stake. Even if it’s unconventional and painful those conversations could offer valuable information.”

“That’s a vague as hell answer if I ever did hear one,” he scoffed.

“You wanted an answer and I gave one.”

“Why the hell are you hanging around me like an affection-starved puppy?” The brusque Squad Leader they had come to know and love made a momentary reprisal.

“Because…I think that, to a degree, I can understand what you’re feeling regarding the General.”

“Oh? Do tell,” he said mockingly. “Tell me all about how the very thought of that bitch makes you want to strangle the nearest person in sight.”

“Ymir did the same thing to me. She went with Reiner and Bertholdt and left me behind, confused and angry. I also know that Ymir was manipulated by them whereas General Saskia left because she wanted to, which is the fundamental difference. But-”

“But nothing,” he interrupted. “How many ‘too good to be true’ promises did she make to you? How many miserable things do you two have in common? How long have you known her?”

“…five years…”

“Six. I win.” Not wanting it to go to waste, he finally started drinking the tea. “To sort of address your question about what we’re going to do, there’s something I need to ask you first. Do you have any qualms with killing your old man?”

She quickly shook her head. “No, because his actions have hurt and killed many innocent-”

“Save the passionate speeches for your coronation. Now answer another question for me. I damn near choked you just to force a yes or no from you. Why are you trying to make me feel better about this whole ass backwards mess?”

“If you and General Saskia hadn’t pushed me so hard, literally in your case, then I never would’ve been able to make a decision at all. No, I wouldn’tve been able to make the **right** decision if you never pushed me. I thought about it, and in hindsight it felt like your way of forcing me wasn’t to convince me to do it, but that I could do it. Why bother trying to convince me if you’re not confident I could do it? Having royal blood doesn’t mean I need to be on the throne. Especially if you thought I would be a terrible queen. The Survey Corps wouldn’t gain much from putting a terrible queen in power. And…and if General Saskia could put faith in me to become the ruler of humanity despite having anarchistic views, if she could go against what she believes for the greater good of everyone else, then maybe her leaving like this is similar.”

“I didn’t ask about Sas-”

“I wasn’t done,” she said fiercely. “Maybe right now she’s going against something she believes in because this is for the greater good. That’s not the same as the personality flaw you mentioned earlier, since she isn’t trying to change anyone’s minds. She isn’t trying to make people see things her way. She wants the same things that the rest of us want.”

“Does she now? First you can screw with memories and now you can read minds. What does she want?”

“Peace, and the truth. You need the second before you can have the first. Sometimes the truth is ugly and trying to find an ugly truth forces people to do hurtful things. But isn’t that usually how it goes? When things are dire, they tend to get worse before they get better?”

“You think her leaving and making this worse means it’ll all work out in the end when she comes back? If she has the balls to come back?”

“Now you’re putting words in my mouth.”

“Considering how little sleep you’re running on I’m surprised you can make words at all.”

“Do you _really_ think killing her will go any good?”

Levi tapped his fingertips on the table top. “…suppose we’ll find out when the time comes, won’t we?”

“You’re _really_ going to do it?”

“Would you rather do it instead?”

“No! I don’t want anyone to do it! It feels like more senseless violence!”

“What she did was senseless.” _Why am I not yelling right now? I’m so full of surprises…_

“Perhaps. But who did it?”

“What the hell kind of question is that?”

“Was it General Saskia trying to help the Survey Corps, or Saskia Messmann trying to help other humans?”

“Both. General Saskia thinks she can get us more soldiers and more information, and Messmann feels sorry for a bunch of mass murdering shitheads.”

“Didn’t she always say that whenever she does something risky, she only does so if she’s completely confident her plan will work?”

“That’s what she says.”

“Then she actually believes she can go beyond Maria and back, convince them to come with her, and get vital information.”

“I know what you’re thinking, and venturing into Titan territory like this isn’t a sign of bravery. It’s not a sign of recklessness either. It’s a terrible plan but at least she thought it through.”

“What is it a sign of?”

“…conviction,” he relented. “That much I give her without wanting to puke. After all, you can’t spell ‘conviction’ without ‘convict’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So will Levi actually try to kill Saskia? How far will he go? Does he even want to try...or succeed? Share your thoughts!


	47. Crossroad of Freedom and Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I put in here regarding shifting are my own ideas and not canon, so don't feel like you missed anything if it seems new or conflicts with anything that's since been. Remember I came up 80% of this around the release of the Castle Utgard chapter.
> 
> Again I apologize for how much I suck at action sequences. And yes some of it is gonna seem kinda lazy and lacking but that's deliberate for both here and later chapters.
> 
> References to animal cruelty. Oh yeah and people die in here too. Semi-graphic.

**Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters, August 8** **th** **, 9:23 PM**

The trek took longer than preferred, but with Saskia wanted by different factions with eyes and ears everywhere speedy travel was impossible.  When they did reach the headquarters they had to wait until dark so they could strike from the shadows.  They had no idea what lay in wait for them inside and needed the element of surprise on their side.

Initially they were to sneak in the way Kseniya had when she left her clues but after the arson many repairs had been made to the building.  Even if it was mostly stone the ‘Military Police’ couldn’t chance any more damage being done, so her former point of entry was no longer accessible.  They were able to get onto the grounds through the breaks in the stone wall around the perimeter they had once used for communication.

There were no patrols outside, a dead give away to anyone with basic military knowledge that this was not occupied by the MP.  They would have active patrols inside and outside at all times, covering every inch of ground.  While this didn’t come as a surprise, rather quite welcomed, they find it odd that the stables had been burned down as well.  A stone building would, for the most part, contain the fire save for the flames which jumped out the shattered windows.  Kseniya didn’t recall seeing that happen and it was more likely than not that it was a separate act of arson.  Saskia had a sinking feeling in her chest, fearing for the well-being of her equine companion.  Odds were high that Iolana was dead, though she tried her hardest to push the thought out of her mind.

 

“Two guards.”  Saskia glanced at Kseniya, who was crouching beside her.  It was difficult taking refuge in front of the building itself but they had to get as close as possible without being seen and still be able to assess the situation.  Their safest bet was the shadows of the scorched stables.  “Standing in front of the entryway.  Neither have standard military issue rifles.”

“Probably pistols,” the brunette replied.  “Giving the illusion that they’re unarmed can bring an enemy’s guard down.  They aren’t expecting anyone to attack after all.”

She scoffed and cracked her neck.  “That was their second mistake.”

“Oh yeah?  And the first?”

“Destroying my home,” the General hissed.  “Then claiming it for themselves.”

“Yeah…That was a dick move, to say the least.  Do you think they really believe you’ll turn yourself in after this?” 

“If so they’re even stupider than I initially gave them credit for.” 

“Same,” Kseniya nodded.  “And I used to work with ‘em, so I’ve seen that idiocy firsthand.  Lemme guess…They’re just staring forward too?  Not walking back and forth, ya know…patrolling?” 

“Indeed.” 

“Well this has trap written all over it.  They’re sacrificial lambs.  Probably won’t even fight.  Not you, anyway.” 

“If they try to attack you I will be more than happy to stand in between.  They wouldn’t dare strike me.  Being the ‘Living Weapon to be’ comes with a level of diplomatic immunity.” 

“Your arm is still healing,” she reminded in a maternal tone.  “In a cast and usable, but still healing.  Don’t you dare use it as a shield to take a bullet for me or it shatters.” 

“Or course not.  I’ll bludgeon them over the head with it before they can even pull the trigger,” Saskia smirked. 

“At your height?  Pfft.  Good luck.” 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.  Assuming they are there simply to give the impression that the building is well guarded from the outside, what do you think we will encounter inside?” 

“If they’re anticipating you?  A welcoming party with hugs all around.”  Kseniya herself was unsure whether or not she was sarcastic or serious. 

The oldest wrinkled her nose.  “Disgusting.  I’m beginning to lose my patience so what say you and I go on inside and…get the party started?” 

“I don’t think I can ever take you seriously again after hearing that.”  The brunette suppressed a laugh.  “Yeah, let’s go.  Do we have a plan of attack?...Okay, fine, just run off without me and- Oh God!”  Kseniya cringed and looked away as Saskia began stabbing the guards to death with Luzia’s knife (as well as bludgeoning one with her cast a few times).  She should hear blood dripping from their wounds, spilling from their throats, and sputtering from their mouths as they attempted to breathe or cry in pain.  The steps and door had blood splatters everywhere. 

Saskia looked over her shoulder, the blood on her face creating a striking contrast with her light complexion.  “What are you waiting for?  Let’s move!” she barked. 

“I’m coming,” Kseniya grumbled, trying to hide her nervous shake.  Even if it wasn’t out of character the bloody assault was unexpected.   _Excuse me for not being Levi and somehow capable of knowing your every move before you freaking make it!_ “Are they armed?  It’ll be hard using 3DMG against a bunch of humans.” 

Saskia checked the bodies for weapons and pulled two pistols, extending her arm to hand one to Kseniya.  “Do I need to count to three, or are you able to keep up without my having to signal you?” she asked impatiently as the brunette checked the magazine. 

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t need a handicap.  Geez, they even left the safety on?  Called it.  Only giving the impression that they’re guarding this place.  And since I’ve been in before, no, you don’t need to remind me of the layout.” 

“You say it as though I intended to in the first place.”  Saskia pulled the doors open and Kseniya quickly drew in case of enemy fire.  There were lanterns and candles everywhere but they seemed more decorative than for convenience sake.   _They really made themselves at home here, didn’t they?_  She caught no sounds of human activity on the lower level, which made the lighting more suspect.  “They do seem to be anticipating company,” she whispered.  “It all looks…cozy.”  She spat out the last word with considerable venom. 

“Doubt they’re anticipating me.” 

“Then we have twice the element of surprise.  As such killing them will be even easier.” 

“The gunfire might catch attention from outside,” the taller one pointed out as they both cautiously advanced, looking every which way as they moved. 

“I know.  Use only when necessary.  Stealth is your friend.” 

“No, stealth is _your_ friend.  But I can be quick if I need to.  Some of Kenny’s training involved dodging bullets in narrow hallways.” 

“A useful skill,” Saskia complimented. 

They reached the end of the entryway which branched off into two hallways; one led to the kitchen and mess hall while the other led to the cadet dorms and Saskia’s office.  “This is where we split up, right?” 

“Yes.  I will go overhead, as I currently hear more footsteps there.  But it sounds as though it’s only the second floor.  I wonder why?”  Her eyes widened.  “Intel.  They’ve raided our offices for intel.” 

“Isn’t that a given?” 

“You don’t understand.  Hanji’s office has invaluable intel regarding Titans.  The sort of information and research results which Katya Volkova was killed for.  I ordered that it be locked away in the event of an assault so it should have survived the fire.”   _If they found Ilse’s journal…_  “I need to make sure Hanji’s research is secure.”  She bolted for the stairway. 

Kseniya nodded and ran down the other end of the hall.  She assumed the reason the place seemed so empty and poorly guarded was because they were in the mess hall.  She turned the corner and skidded to a halt, a bayonet almost piercing her ribcage.  Her eyes widened and she lowered her weapon. 

“Ivan?” she whispered loudly. 

The young man in front of her slowly lowered his rifle.  “Kseniya?”  He broke into a slight grin. 

“Kenny told me that he killed you.  ‘Failure to perform’.” 

“What?  No…He transferred me to work more with Maki-san after we were…you know.” 

“Caught making out, yeah.  I remember.” 

“This is fantastic!” Ivan exclaimed.  “I knew you would come back.  I knew you wouldn’t betray us.  I knew it had to be an act.  You left so you could work your way in, earn their trust, and bring her to us, right?  I wish I could be as brave and resourceful as you.  Where is she?  We need to take her to the capitol right away!  To her father!” 

The brunette paled.  The person she told Marco about, her pre-teen love interest, was still alive courtesy of Kenny’s lies.  And he was completely and utterly brainwashed.   _Had I caved, that could be me_ , she realized. 

“I’m so happy to see you again.  You’re a hero, you know that?  So dedicated to the cause.”  He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, voice choking.  “It’s no wonder you were my first love!” he added. 

His praise made her cringe and she could feel intense nausea clawing its way up her esophagus.  Water began to pool in her mouth as she choked back the pressure. 

“Ivan, what’s going on down there?!” someone yelled.  Kseniya recognized the voice as another one of Isamu’s men. 

 _Both Kenny and Isamu have their lackeys in here.  They’re that desperate to see Saskia firsthand.  They really do believe she’s some sort of savior._  “Ivan, listen-” 

“Don’t worry!” he called over his shoulder, ignoring her completely.  “You’ll never believe who’s here!” 

“Vanya!” 

“What is it?”  As he turned back to face Kseniya a bullet pierced through his left eye socket penetrating deep into his brain. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered in their shared ancestral tongue as the young man’s body fell to the ground.  The nausea gripping her core twisted and contorted to an adrenaline rush fueled by rage.  She grabbed Ivan’s rifle, holstered the pistol to use as a secondary weapon, and stalked down the hall. 

“Yeah, you’ll never believe who’s here!” she yelled.  She could hear more people scrambling to their feet, coming for the one who betrayed them.  “That’s right assholes, it’s me, Kseniya!  And yeah, Saskia is here too!  But there’s no way in hell she would EVER turn herself over to you!”

Upstairs Saskia was effortlessly subduing the underlings of Kenny and Isamu, all of whom had been ordered to let no harm befall her.  She would’ve been bored by it if not for the anxiety gripping her wildly beating heart.  Even she didn’t know the full extent of Hanji’s research material.  Who knew what could be done with it should their opposition take it for themselves? 

She was surprised by how many renovations had been done to the interior.  The true Military Police would’ve left it untouched for as long as possible to try and identify the source of the fire; this was tampering with evidence. 

 _They may have taken Hanji’s work before the fire was set_ , she realized, slicing her way through another handful of underlings.   _And they certainly went out of their way to make this place seem less like a military headquarters and more a hotel or tavern.  The nerve of these ignoramuses…_  She heaved a heavy sigh of relief when she reached Hanji’s office.  She threw the door open and found that, other than the scorched walls and furniture, the lockbox Hanji’s notes were kept in was fully intact.  It didn’t appear to be tampered with either. 

“I’ll need to leave that there for now.  What the hell?”  She glanced downwards.  “Why is Kseniya firing like a madwoman?”

* * *

“She’ll come around eventually.  Once she hears the truth from Maki-san himself-” 

“Shut up!”  Kseniya aimed at the last one standing.  “Saskia will **never** work with you guys.  She’s devoted her entire life to the Survey Corps.  She’s not going to throw it all away.  Now tell me something.  Is Annie Leonhardt still here?  Is she alive?” 

“Hey Kseniya…have you ever eaten horse meat?”  The woman nodded towards a plate of steaming meat on the table.  She pulled something out of her pocket and tossed it at Kseniya’s feet.  It was a tarnished metal plaque reading ‘Iolana’. 

“…you…demented…”  She ran up to the woman and, with all her strength, pierced the bayonet through her chest.  She continued pushing until she had her up against a table.  She jerked the rifle, throwing her onto her back, and slammed down.  The bayonet rammed right through her and pierced the wooden table, pinning her to it.  “If you really think Saskia’s some kind of savior, how could you do that to her?!  Hey, I don’t care if you’re dying, look at me when I’m yelling at you!”  She grabbed the woman’s chin.  “You’ve got a few seconds, so do your beloved future savior a favor and tell me what she wants to know.  Is Annie Leonhardt still alive and is she here?!” 

The woman’s body fell limp against the table, eyes glazing over.  Angrily the brunette pulled the rifle from her dead body and it slid to the floor.  She pounded the bayonet into her over and over again until she hit the stone floor and snapped it.  By that point the face was so battered, the skull crushed, it was unrecognizable.  She heard more footsteps racing towards her and quickly pulled the pistol, finger on the trigger.  As soon as a head came into view she fired.

 

Not a second before she saw her armed comrade Saskia quickly skidded out of the way.  She could hear Kseniya cursing at herself inside.  With a slight laugh the ravenette muttered, “Why do tall brunette women have a habit of trying to shoot me lately?” 

“Took care of everyone down here.  You?” 

“The second floor is secured and Hanji’s research is safe.  The lockbox wasn’t even tampered with.  Perhaps they assumed that whatever Hanji knew was less than or equal to their own knowledge.  If so, I sincerely hope they’re wrong.  Then again, they did manage to wrangle Eren’s father into their crimes.” 

“Remember, these are the guys who are continuing the work of Katya’s rivals.”  Kseniya stepped over the bodies littering the floor.  “In other words, they have no idea what the frick they’re doing.  We really need a name for these clowns.  Calling them ‘descendents of intellectual rivals’ is such a mouthful, and it makes them sound a lot smarter than they actually are.” 

“Yes, that is certainly something to meditate on,” she replied facetiously.  “Those I faced didn’t attack but they remained silent.  Unfortunate.” 

“Same down here.  I asked about Annie but no one would tell me.  The only way to find out is to go the basement and see for ourselves.  So, the other floors?” 

Saskia shook her head.  “I heard nothing.  Should they be guarded, I would like to think that they would come to us…Still it wouldn’t hurt to check.  I will go to the basement.  You check the other floors, alright?” 

“Sounds good.  Hey, Saskia, before you go, there’s something you should know.”  Kseniya looked around for the copper plaque.  She picked it up and tossed it to her comrade.  “I’m sorry.” 

Saskia cradled the plaque gently in her palms.  “I suspected as much.”  She clutched it against her chest.   _My beautiful warhorse._  “How did the plaque survive if the stables burned?  Why did they have it?” 

“Um…That’s how.”  Kseniya pointed at the slab of meat on the table, biting her lip.  She winced as Saskia punched through the door. 

“When you’re done, find me in the basement,” she ordered calmly as she walked off, plucking splinters from her clenched and trembling fist. 

“Will do.”   _What the hell do I even say to Annie?_  She made her way to the third floor, careful to ignore Ivan’s corpse on her way out.

* * *

 **Basement**  

“If only I had time to inspect the sub-basement,” Saskia murmured to herself as she raced past the secret entrance, en route to Annie.  “The walls are stone…Surely the flames wouldn’t have been able to travel through them.  But such high temperatures could still cause damage.  I hope Annie wasn’t roasted alive in that crystal.” 

She heard no gunshots or sounds of skirmishes up above.  It wouldn’t have surprised her if only the first and second floors were occupied.  she doubted that the basement might be on account of how poorly ‘guarded’ the building was to begin with.  They only seemed concerned with having a presence in the building as opposed to having the building itself.  As she ran she saw empty bottles of liquor.  “They didn’t even have the decency to clean up after themselves.”  She almost burst out laughing when she realized she sounded like Levi. 

Once she reached the room housing Annie’s crystal she skidded to a halt.  She was confident in her theory of how to free Annie.  What she hadn’t thought about was whether or not to wait for Kseniya.  If she freed Annie and managed to calm her, only for her former abuser to enter the room, she had no idea how the teenager would respond.  If Kseniya were there as she was freed from the crystal, Annie might blindly attack upon seeing her.  Either way she first needed to inspect the crystal for signs of damage. 

She was pleasantly surprised to see it was as smooth and cool as the day it formed.  The fire caused no visible damage.  Annie’s chest could be seen rising and falling inside, breathing slowly but steadily.  She appeared completely unharmed, at least on a physical level. 

“That’s incredible,” Saskia breathed.  “She’s still alive in there…This only further strengthens my theory.  The crystal has nothing to do with the ‘hardening’ ability.  If so, Eren would’ve shown it in moments of duress.  Reiner and Bertholdt could’ve easily done so instead of attacking.  We would’ve had no way to break it, as I’m sure they must know.  This is something exclusive to Annie.”  She took a deep breath and stepped back. 

Kseniya had told her many things about Annie but one recurring theme Saskia caught in all her stories was this- Annie was strong because she had to be, not necessarily because she wanted to be.  The rest of the trainees said she rarely showed emotions, but that didn’t mean she lacked them.  Far from it.  The conclusion she reached was that Annie was just like her.  Betrayed and manipulated from childhood to be far stronger than her mind and body could handle, forced to reach her breaking point and transcend, not allowed to experience love or fear.  But such ultimatums lead to one or the other.  In Saskia’s case it was love; in Annie’s it was fear.  She didn’t know if creating this crystal was a conscious act on Annie’s part but it certainly reflected fear.  Fear of self, fear of others, fear of her past, fears for her future…pure, unadulterated fear in tangible form.  This crystal, this impenetrable encapsulation, was her only escape.  Even if the entire world could see her she was untouchable.  But she was hardly alone; assuming she was conscious her feelings could still plague her.  The fear she tried to run from was encased in there with her.  In the end, fear was the only company she had. 

Saskia inhaled deeply and cleared her throat.  “Annie!  I know you’re inside a large crystal, and I don’t know if you can hear me, but that won’t stop me from trying to get through to you!” 

 _Whose voice is that?...I’ve heard it before…_  Having been inside the crystal for so long the material world began to feel like a hazy dream.  Even her thoughts came out in a slurred voice.   _On that day…The day I hid in here…_  

“I know why you’re in that crystal, Annie!  And I want you to know that you needn’t do it any longer!  You don’t need to live in fear!  I can show you!  Only a handful of years ago, I was just as you are now!  Ashamed, uncertain, scared!  I knew nothing of myself or what it meant to _have_ a self, a distinguishable identity!  I had been raised to fight!  No, no, that’s poorly worded…I was bred to kill!” 

 _Is that…Saskia…Messmann…?  That’s her story…_  

“It makes perfect sense that you would be frightened!  You were coerced into doing terrible things!  But after all I’ve come to know about you, I don’t believe you to be a terrible person!  You did those things to survive!” 

 _What did Eren call me?...Unlucky fool…caught up in the wrong place…wrong time…Something like that…_  

“Annie if you can hear me then I need you to listen very carefully!  The Survey Corps is in trouble and needs your help.  All of humanity is in trouble and we **desperately** need your help!  Others might not agree with me, but I never take a risk unless I am certain I will succeed.  And I am beyond certain I can help you overcome those fears you rightfully have, and help you find ways to atone for mistakes and atrocities you had no choice but to become engaged in!”  She balled her fists at her side and inhaled deeply. 

“NONE OF IT WAS YOUR FAULT!” 

The crystal cracked. 

“Saskia!”  Kseniya ran into the room, leaning against the wall as she tried to catch her breath.  “It’s clear.  The only weird thing I saw was this room that had a piano in it, totally destroyed now, and there were lockboxes that had been broken open.  There were some scorched remains of papers that looked like sheet music.  They probably yanked the lyrics and composition to _The Wings of Freedom_.  Seems they suspected there are some clues about Katya’s research in there too.  Not sure how they’d even think of that.  Maybe they aren’t as stupid as I hoped…Any luck?” 

She nodded, extremely relieved.  “Annie is alive.  I’ve been speaking to her, trying to see if she can hear me.  I don’t know but- What the hell is that?!”  Saskia approached the crystal to inspect the tiny crack that formed, the sound of which had been drowned out by Kseniya’s running and shouting. 

 _I know that voice…Angry brown eyes…She liked to hurt people…_  

“What happened?”  Kseniya ran up to Saskia’s side and looked where she was pointing.  “I think she can hear you.  But if that’s the case she can probably hear me too.  Look, clearly you were able to reach out and get through to her.  I need to take it from here.  Let me be the one to free her.  This is something I really need to do.  Please Saskia,” she begged.   

The General nodded and slowly backed away.  “Of course.  I left the bag of supplies outside.  Once Annie is out of there she will no doubt be dehydrated and malnourished.  Meet me in the infirmary.”  Saskia left to retrieve the satchel. 

The brunette stood in front of the crystal, both palms pressed gently against it.  “Annie…I want to say I’m sorry,” she began.  “But I don’t think that’ll mean anything to you.  If I were in your position it wouldn’t mean anything to me, that’s for sure.  I never wanted to hurt you.  I did it to save you.  I know that sounds stupid, I know it doesn’t make sense.  I was working under those assholes a few years longer than you and I knew what they were capable of doing to people who they thought were weak and useless and disobedient.   _Especially_ young women.  I’d heard all the horror stories.  I even heard it happen once!  And there was nothing I could do to stop it…”  She started to choke on her words. 

“When the time came for you to, ya know, start playing your part I couldn’t let that happen again.  I was so afraid of something happening to you and I volunteered to be your supervisor.  I pretended I was as ruthless and cruel as those bastards we used to call our bosses.  Believe it or not, I went easy on you!  I beat you senseless, knocked you unconscious, berated you constantly.  I know it was horrible and I can’t even begin to imagine how it made you feel.  I lost sleep, sometimes even puked my guts out just thinking about the times I left you bruised and concussed.”  She hung her head. 

“I hurt you so badly for years on end.  Knowingly!  Willingly!  But if I didn’t…I don’t even wanna think about what they could’ve done to you!  I pretended to be a heinous piece of shit like them so they never treated me that way!  I was damn near one of ‘em!  And I hated that!  I hated the person I had to be!  I don’t know if that person was just an act or if it really was me!  If all that violence and cruelty was something I had a knack for, and it came out given the circumstances!  But that doesn’t matter.  My personal crisis doesn’t matter.  I don’t matter.  Not in this situation.  The way I see it, only you matter!”  Tears trickled down her cheeks. 

“Reiner and Bertholdt, they had support!  They had allies!  They had very specific orders!  Marco had special treatment because he was close to the monarchy!  But you?  You actually got sick from the disease they released on your villages.  You had no allies while pretending to be part of the MP, or even before that.  Your orders were infrequent, inconsistent, and dehumanizing.  You were freaking KIDNAPPED and forced to kill people who were just as innocent as you!”  She dropped to her knees. 

“But I heard what Saskia shouted!  None of it was your fault!  Deep down you’re a good person, I know you are!” 

 _That’s what…he had said…What Armin said…He did deceive me…That hurt…But I believed him…Maybe I just wanted to?...No…Armin wouldn’t…He wouldn’t say such a thing…if he didn’t mean it…_  

More fractures began to form. 

“If you hate me forever, that’s fine!  I deserve it!  No…no, I don’t deserve anything from you because I’m not worth it!  But I would kill so you could have the chance to get the hell outta here and try and live and be free from them!  And I did kill!  I killed so many of my former comrades!  I even killed the first person I ever had feelings for!  I saw how messed up in the head he was, how much of a puppet he was, and all I could think to myself was ‘that could’ve been me’.  And if it were, I don’t even wanna think about what I would’ve done to you!”  She pounded a fist on the crystal. 

“You’re young!  You turned sixteen this year!  You deserve more than a crystal prison and terrible memories, so much more!  So please…even if you don’t listen to me…and I don’t blame you if you don’t…listen to Saskia…She’s weird, and sometimes she does some crazy things, but my God does she care.  She cares about every fucking person in this whole screwed up world.  She wants only good things for good people and horrific things for bad people.  She wouldn’t be here screaming at you, trying to free you, if she didn’t want to help you.”  She hit the crystal again. 

“It’s difficult, I know, it’s so difficult to face the world because the world we live in is a fucking MESS.  Forget the Titans!  People like Kenny God Damn Ackermann are running around controlling the Wall Cult and the monarchy!  Ever since the walls went up, there was always a Kenny God Damn Ackermann!  You have no obligation to stop him because of everything you’ve already been through.  But I believe in the General’s goals.  In what she and the Survey Corps are trying to do.  And we really need your help.  If we don’t take this bastard down there will always be a Kenny God Damn Ackermann, and someone like me to enjoy kicking around someone like you!  But the next one might not be pretending!” 

A large crack formed down the center and Kseniya fell back, staring up at the translucent crystal.   _I’ve got nothing left.  Nothing but this._ “My parents told me the difference between dogs and wolves once.  They said dogs used to be wolves, but humans promised a place by the fire and food if they became pets.  They gave up freedom to live a comfortable complacent life…and eventually it gets to a point where dogs are totally dependent on humans.  They’re living in fear; fear of not obeying their masters and being turned out in the cold.  Doesn’t that sound familiar Annie?  We became dependant on those guys for survival and lived in total fear of them.  But we don’t need to do that anymore.”  She stood up and brushed herself off.  “Would you rather continue on in the false security created out of fear, or would you rather be free?!” 

The crystal shattered. 

Kseniya jumped forward and caught Annie before she hit the ground.  She was pale, her lips dry and cracked, and her pulse weak.  Thin layers of crust had formed over closed eyelids.  Every breath was accompanied by grating, scratchy sounds coming from her throat.  She was like a ragdoll in her arms. 

“How in the hell did you survive for this long?” the brunette whispered.

* * *

  **Survey Corps Headquarters, Medical Wing, August 9** **th** **, 2:33 AM**  

Saskia and Kseniya cleaned away the bits of filth they were able to reach without removing Annie’s clothes.  When she was well enough they would prepare a bath for her.  The fire had ruined the running water in the building as a whole, but some of it was conveniently renovated in the cadet dorms the CMP soldiers occupied.  She was barely conscious but slightly responsive.  Her jaw muscles were weak making it hard for her to close her mouth.  She had difficulty chewing and they needed to crush up the food as finely as possible.  To hydrate her they had to fill a clean syringe and slowly squirt water into her mouth.  It wasn’t long before she fell asleep.  They took turns every half-hour watching over the adolescent, waiting for her to come to.  One napped while the other monitored her health. 

“Kseniya, wake up.”  Saskia nudged the sleeping, snoring brunette.  She groaned and swatted her hand away, mumbling something about more time.  Rolling her eyes, Saskia removed the jacket Kseniya was using as a blanket as pinched the fat on her upper arm.  “Wake up!” she hissed. 

“Ouch!” she whispered loudly.  “OK, shit, I’m up...No need to get violent.” 

Near the bedside of the weak adolescent were two lanterns they grabbed during their ascent.  It provided just enough lighting to help them clean, hydrate, and feed Annie before letting her get a proper rest.  They anticipated she would sleep for much longer, but being a shifter it made sense her body would complete necessary repairs much faster than that of an average human. 

Saskia stood at her bedside and Kseniya sat next to her, trying not to laugh at the fact that she came up to the woman’s shoulders.  Slowly the eldest reached out and put the back of her hand on Annie’s forehead.  “Your temperature is normal,” Saskia said softly, trying not to startle her more than she no doubt already had.  “That’s good.  How do you feel?  Hungry, thirsty, sore?” 

“Gross,” Annie managed weakly.  “I need…a bath…How long…was I…in the crystal for?” 

“Almost a month,” Kseniya replied.  “The fight in Stohess was July 15th.  It’s August 9th.” 

“Is there anything else you need?  I realize you must be very confused and overwhelmed right now but if you’re still hungry or-” 

“Answers,” the blonde interrupted hoarsely.  “I heard it all.  From both of you.  You said you need my help.  I’m out of the crystal now.  What do you want?”  She narrowed her eyes.  “And why should I believe any of it?”

 _The sort of reaction I had expected._  “You shouldn’t have to,” Saskia replied simply.  “I apologize if we gave the impression that you are obligated to, that you owe us anything.  We aren’t forcing you to do.  Though it would be greatly appreciated if you helped.  Oh goodness, that sounded like an attempted guilt trip, didn’t it?”  She turned to Kseniya who shrugged as if to say it didn’t matter what impression they gave as they still lacked even a sliver of Annie’s trust. 

“Why should I trust anything you say?!”  She shot up in the bed but quickly regretted it, feeling dizzy and lightheaded. 

“Called it,” the brunette murmured quietly to herself, earning a glare from the General. 

“A little compassion is not asking much!  Refrain from making such comments!” she hissed before turning to Annie.  “Again, whether or not you trust me isn’t a priority at the current.”  Saskia eased her back down and reached for a cup of water.  “You’re still quite pale, and shouting will only make your throat feel worse.  We searched what remains of the infirmary but there’s nothing-” 

“What remains?  What happened here?”  She hesitantly took the cup. 

“The building was set on fire.  The CMP took it over, pretending to be the regular MP investigating the place,” Kseniya explained.  “Long story short it was a ploy to get Saskia to turn herself in to the capitol.  To the assholes.  Become the glorious being that is the ‘Living Weapon’.”  She waved her hands to emphasize her sarcasm. 

 _That would explain the heat I felt…_  “What can I even do?  What are you looking for me to do?”   _More importantly, why should I care?_  

“Scream.  We need to find Bertholdt, Reiner, and Ymir, but we have no idea where they are.  They could be in Maria or beyond.  Our knowledge is limited to that.  It would be easier if we could have them come to us than scour for them.  I realize that would attract Titans.  But I am more than prepared to fight off any and every one we encounter.” 

“After which you kill me right?  When I’m no longer useful?” 

“Absolutely not!”  Saskia almost sounded offended.  “You have every right to live your life free of fear, and as I said before I have been in a position comparable to yours.  I cannot in good conscience stand by when I know, when I can see before me, another human being suffering in ways I have…and do nothing.” 

 _Can’t stand by in good conscience?  She’s worse than Erwin made her sound out to be._  “I suppose if you went to all this trouble you wouldn’t kill me.  Can’t imagine how that conversation went with your boyfriend, telling him you were coming to ‘save me’.” 

“That’s a conversation he and I will have upon return.  And I promise you here and now that I will not allow him to harm you in any way because of lingering feelings from the 57th expedition.  From him or anyone else in the Survey Corps.  Listen, Annie.”  Saskia straightened up her posture.  “You feel that we have no reason to kill you if we’ve gone to all this trouble just to have a simple conversation with you, yes?  If we are in fact telling you the truth then you can be reunited with your comrades, Bertholdt and Reiner.  You could help rid the world of the monsters in the capitol, and attempt to live your life in peace…however you define the word.  If we’re lying and betray you just as the rest of the world has, well, you are accustomed to that.  You would be prepared.  There is no loss to you.  You can only benefit should you be willing to take that risk.  Or, now that you are free, you could walk away.”  She motioned towards the door. 

“However, when I say ‘free’ I do not mean granted ‘freedom’ or pardons.  I implore you to remain mindful of the fact that, should you refuse an alliance or benign relationship of any sort then there is nothing I can do to prevent the rest of the Survey Corps from killing you.  I would have no incentive to.  My personal feelings, the ones I am expressing now regarding my past and how it parallels your experiences, will not be a factor in any future decision making.  And while I can’t speak to what atrocities those in capitol would have in mind should they come to learn you are free, I sincerely doubt you would wish to find out firsthand what the aforementioned atrocities are.” 

“…do I need to give you an answer now?” 

“Oh of course not!  I do realize this is a lot to take in.  That, and you have yet to fully recover.  Please try to focus on that.  You said you wanted to bathe?  Some parts of the building have warm running water.  I’ll see what I can do.”  With a pleasant smile Saskia excused herself, leaving the former enemies alone in awkward silence. 

“So,” Annie began quietly.  “When did you become a Survey Corps lapdog?  Oh, I’m sorry.  Lap ‘wolf’.” 

Kseniya ignored the mockery.  “I’m not technically with the Survey Corps.  Just Saskia.  I’ve been giving them information on the Living Weapon project, things only someone with inside intel would know.  I want this to end, and it’s not fair for me to sit back and wish and whine when I’m capable of doing something to help, right?  The General is taking ridiculous initiatives to try and speed that along.  But I like her and agree with most of what she believes in.  Pretty sure she trusts me which makes me feel better about myself after...all the things I did to you.  If one of the people at the forefront of this revolution-in-the-making is asking for my help that’s gotta say something about me.  Something good.  I think.” 

“Suppose that’s fair,” the blonde relented quietly and slowly sat back up, drawing her legs to her chest.  “Is Marco alive?  Has anything been confirmed?”  The memories of the attempted murder gave her alarming palpitations and a sharp-shooting pain in the back of her neck.   _No, not this.  Not now!_  

“Yeah, he’s alive.  He told me that he played dead, even letting a Titan bite him, and halted his regeneration-” 

Annie retched, slapping a hand over her mouth.  Kseniya grabbed a wastebasket and held it up so the younger one could vomit what little contents her stomach held.  When she was done Kseniya gave her more water to rinse her mouth out with, and again to hydrate. 

Wide eyed and breathing heavily, a panic-stricken Annie quickly shook her head.  “I don’t want to think about Trost.”  She dropped her face into her hands.  “No more.  Make it stop.”   _This can’t happen.  I’m supposed to have this under control.  I’m supposed to be stronger than that!  I don’t need to rely on my Titan!_   

“Annie, we can change the subject-”  Kseniya stopped abruptly when she noticed thin wisps of steam rising from the blonde’s face.   _That…can’t be good…_  Her heart started to race.   _Is she going to shift?!_  

“Annie, I drew a bath for you and found a civilian clothing and a uniform in your size.  I hope you don’t mind wearing Sur-”  Saskia dropped the outfit and ran up to her bedside.  She carefully pulled Annie’s hands away from her face and saw the streaks of warm, exposed muscle and tendon running along her face.  “Annie, what happened?” she asked calmly. 

“I started thinking about something I never wanted to think about again and now…Now I…I can’t make it stop!”  She retched again. 

“Why do you look as though you’re about to shift?” the General asked cautiously. 

“Because I might!” the blonde shrieked, the lines on her face becoming more and more defined.  “You’re in the Survey Corps, you have Eren!  You’re supposed to know these things!” 

“Clearly I don’t.  Please explain it to me.” 

“Thinking about Trost and Marco makes me sick,” she muttered.  The pain in her neck began to spread down her spinal cord. 

“An understandable reaction to an upsetting memory.”  Though the heat coming from the adolescent’s body was making her feel light headed, Saskia felt compelled to sit beside her. 

“To shift you need an objective.  Sometimes objectives create themselves.  If the human is afraid and can’t handle the situation the human hides and the Titan takes over.  That’s why we need to harm ourselves to shift.  And thinking about that…That thing I did…My body is hurting itself.  I feel pins and needles inside.  I’m overwhelmed and can’t handle what’s going on so the Female Titan is going to come out and get rid of whatever is upsetting me.”  Hands over her ears, Annie shook her head.  “I can’t get these things out of my head.  Trost, your expedition…Why did you have to break me out of that crystal?!” 

Kseniya gave Saskia a warning look, silently urging her to back away.  The General refused. 

“No one made you break out.”  She carefully reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, making the teenager jump.  “If you weren’t receptive to our words, your crystal would have remained intact.  Somewhere deep down there is a part of you that wants to be free.  Not free from the crystal confines, but free from the fears which created them.  That crystal broke because you, somewhere in the very core of your being, know that you’re ready.” 

“What am I ready for?”  The desperation in the once apathetic and disengaged blonde’s voice was heartbreaking. 

“To overcome your greatest fear.”  Saskia squeezed her shoulder lightly.  “Yourself.  While we can run from those wish us harm, we can’t run from ourselves.  Likewise the fear is always there.  The hardest and most terrifying task one can undertake is to overcome that fear.  To overcome the self.  I know you can hear it.  It might be feint, fragile, nervous.  But there is a voice somewhere inside of you instructing, demanding, insisting that you take your first step towards overcoming and consequently _becoming_ Annie Leonhardt.” 

The muscular streaks on her face began to sink into her skin, replaced by streaks of tears.  Annie, too overwhelmed to speak or hear any more, threw herself at Saskia and began sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder. 

It took awhile for her to calm down and the bathwater was cold by the time she stopped.  Having almost shifted, the cool temperature felt glorious against her skin.  While Annie bathed Saskia and Kseniya waited in the cadet dorms. 

“That was extremely dangerous,” Kseniya hissed in a low voice.  “Why did you do that?  What if she had shifted?  She would’ve crushed you!  And me for that matter!” 

“I don’t think she was going to.”  Saskia laced her fingers together, fists in her lap.  Something very similar happened to Eren once.  It was the day we learned that shifters needed an objective.  He had been failing our tests that day and was very upset with himself.  Levi and I found it quite curious that his wounds, the bite marks, had not healed.  During lunch he dropped a spoon, a minor inconvenience but still annoying.  And when he tried to pick it up he created a Titan fist.  Annie had no objective but because she was scared her mind created one.  This led to throwing up, feeling ‘pins and needles’; her body’s acts of self-sabotage were the self-harm required to shift.”   _The Titan coming out to protect the human?  That implies a connection with the Titan itself.  It isn’t a puppet one controls, nor is it an alter ego.  It’s just as much a part of them as the heart beating inside their chest.  Why else would it react to harm befalling ‘the human’, even bringing harm to the body so it can forcibly shift?  It’s a source of protection.  Never would I have imagined such an intimate bond to be necessary or even possible.  A strong connection with one’s Titan self could reflect the ability to access genetic remains of Titan ancestors…_  

“I’m glad you were able to calm her down.  She’s going to need to come to terms with a lot of stuff so that doesn’t become a reoccurring issue.”  She dropped her chin in her hand.  “What’re you gonna do when we get back with the others?  Annie alluded to it.  Levi is gonna lose his mind.  He’s probably already raging pissed.” 

“Perhaps.  But I took initiative as one of the Acting Commanders to ensure the safety of innocent people who are also victims of our aggressors.  And said people do have insight and information which we can benefit from.  Certainly he can keep his personal feelings from coloring his professional judgment.” 

Kseniya raised an eyebrow skeptically.  “If he could that, you two wouldn’t be sleeping together.” 

She turned away to hide her flushed cheeks.  Coughing into her fist she squeaked, “Anyway!  As I was saying!  When we return with the four of them then, as Acting Commanders, Levi and I will extract information without resorting to hostile means.  While I know that the rest of the 104th graduates will never fully accept them, especially Jean as he concluded Annie to have killed Marco and Eren because he…is Eren, I do expect a certain level of professionalism from all parties.  We need not be friends to be able to cooperate and form mutually beneficial alliances.” 

“Pfft.  Try telling that to the Military Police.  I’d love to see them ‘cooperate’ with the Survey Corps…willingly.  That’d be hilarious.” 

“I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t feel like a personal victory for me,” Saskia smirked.

After Annie was done she dried off and put on the clothes Saskia found for her; she even went so far as to find a white hoodie.  It felt strange, inappropriate even, to wear a Survey Corps uniform but so long as she wasn’t expected to wear the cape (again) she wasn’t going to protest.  She fixed her hair as best she could without a brush and stepped outside.

“I was thinking about what you said.  If you’re going to find Reiner and Bertholdt, and Ymir if she’s with them, then you’re going to need my help.  I can guarantee you they aren’t spending time inside Maria.”

“Oh?  Where are they?” Saskia asked.   _No more conversation?  She’s that eager to help?  No…no, I doubt that is the reason.  There’s something else she wishes to know or gain._

“The one place all three of us ever wanted to go since those bastards took us.  Home.”   _If my father is still alive...He said he was on my side.  And that he wanted me to come home._ Her eyes narrowed slightly.   _He’ll regret making that wish._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Russian 'Vanya' is a diminutive (pet name) for 'Ivan'.


	48. Know Thy Ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a forewarning, this chapter starts out a little violent.

_It’s night.  We’re at the Old Survey Corps Headquarters, in the bed I claimed for myself.  She’s lying next to me.  We’re on our sides, facing each other.  She knows what I’m thinking...and she’s smiling regardless._

_“Levi, please do not fret.”  She puts a hand on my cheek but I feel nothing.  Not even the ghost of her touch.  “I miss you too.  We will see each other again.”_

_I’m not sure if I want that.  I’m not sure exactly what it is I want.  As usual she thinks she has it all figured out.  She moves until she’s on top of me.  Her hair is long again, and down.  She's wearing nothing but moonlight._

_“I promise I’ll come back.  Would I say that if I didn’t mean it?”  She sounds sincere.  She is.  And it is pisses me off._

_“You shouldn’t have left at all.  You should have said something first instead of abandoning your post.  Abandoning the cadets.”  I hesitate but her smile broadens.  She knows where I’m going.  She knows what I’m thinking.  No point in not saying it.  “Abandoning me.”_

_“You’re strong, Levi,” she tries to reassure me.  “You do not need me present to-”_

_“Screw your compliments.  That’s not the point.”  She looks taken aback, not surprised by my words but by my timing.  She knew I’d snap at her eventually.  “It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t need you here.  And you’re right, I don’t; it does make my job easier a little though.  But that’s something you decided for me.  A decision you made for us.  That wasn’t fair and you know it.”  My words aren’t harsh, but even a soft accusation is enough to upset her.  Exactly what I was hoping for.  At least I know I got through to her._

_I put my hands on her hips, slowly moving upward._

_“You’re right about another thing.  I miss you.”_

_On her bare stomach._

_“I miss your the feeling of your skin against mine, your soft touch.”_

_I reach her chest.  She blushes but I feel no warmth._

_“The sound of your voice.  I can’t think of a more comforting, soothing sound...other than your heartbeat.”_

_Her clavicle._

_“And your smile, but that goes without saying.”_

_Her neck._

_“It’s strange though.”_

_My hands stop moving._

_“Angry as I am…”_

_I grip it.  She chokes on her breath._

_“Selfish as you truly are...”_

_I squeeze tighter.  She struggles to breath._

_“I can’t bring myself to let go.”_

_She tries to pry my hands off.  Her neck feels brittle._

_“I still hold onto you.  Why is that?”_

_CRACK!_

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, August 7th, 4:41 AM**

Levi was breathing heavily, beads of sweat running down his forehead.   _Just a dream_ , he told himself.   _Just a messed up dream._  He probably would’ve calmed down quickly if not for the fact that he, in his sleep, had pulled the sheets off the bed.  They had twisted so forcefully they were partially torn.

He exhaled slowly as he sat up, rubbing his sore eyes.  “I finally manage to get some sleep and what do I do?  Dream about killing Saskia and rip up the bed while I’m not even conscious.”  He glanced down at the ruined bedding.  “Well done Levi.  Well done…”

Two days ago the news broke that Saskia and Kseniya left.  The cadets were told about the fire and that they, along with Hanji and Moblit (assuming they were still alive), were all that remained of the Survey Corps.  Historia shared her bizarre secret and then had the gall to try and tell her superior officer what to do about his traitorous former paramour.  No one fell back to sleep after that and an indefinite hiatus had been declared by the Lance Corporal until ‘everyone gets their shit together, myself included’.  The day consisted of arguments and avoiding each other.  Friendships were being tested, loyalties being made clear.

Just as he had with Reiner and Bertholdt, despite seeing their transformations, Connie wanted to hear it from Saskia herself.  Sasha wanted to believe that deep down she had her good reasons, but she also to avoid as much conflict as possible (“Hasn’t there been enough fighting amongst ourselves already?”).  Jean had been distraught after being told she had died and realized he held a level of respect for the General, which made it difficult for him to hate her completely (despite how much he wanted to).

Eren was livid and avoided by most everyone save for Mikasa, who shared his sentiment- she needed to be killed for sympathizing with and trying to save the enemies of mankind.

Armin wanted to remain neutral, trying to find a balance between logic and emotion, but everyone was playing a tug-of-war with him; it only made him all the more evasive.  Historia, after making her stance known to the others and her conversation with Levi, refused to speak of it further.  Marco didn’t make his feelings known; despite his alliance with Kseniya he didn’t declare support or disapproval.

These divides led to countless debates almost leading to countless fist fights.  The tension created was enough to make the whole of the mansion’s atmosphere suffocating.  But they always had to err on the side of caution as it was still very likely that they could be targeted.  The safest place for them to be, the manor, also left them cornered should the CMP attempt an assault.  As a result no one could go outside.  The only means of escape they had from each other was the seemingly endless number of rooms in the gaudy estate.

Levi didn’t have that luxury.  While he could escape the migraine-inducing fighting of the cadets he couldn’t escape the feeling that something, someone, was missing.  Even when he slept she still insisted on haunting him.

“You’re such a bitch, Messmann,” he grumbled to himself as he got up and got dressed.  There was no point in trying to fall back asleep, not if he was going to have dreams like _that_.  Hardly to his surprise some of the others were awake, either because of their acclimation to the ‘up with the sun’ military routine or anger depriving them of sleep.

“Stupid, selfish bitch…”  He held back a gag and set down his putrid, sad excuse for coffee.   _Only Kenny would drink crap like that._  That was what he told himself; it surely had nothing to do with the fact that Saskia always made it so well, just to his liking.  Surely.

“Heichou?”

He glanced up as Sasha stepped into the kitchen.  Her normally vivacious eyes were puffy and pink.  Her voice was a little hoarse.

“What?”  He didn’t mean to sound so irritable, but who could blame him?

“Do you...have a moment?” she asked cautiously.

 _I hate this conversation already._  “Until we’re back in the field I have all the time in the world.  What do you need?”

Sasha poured herself some coffee, ignoring his warning that while it appeared to be coffee it was actually liquid fecal matter.  She sighed, took a sip, tilted her head in slight confusion as the coffee tasted just fine, but quickly shook it off.  “Advice, I guess.”

“Go on.”  He gave a rather impatient wave.

“I’m confused.  I’m starting to wonder if I even belong here anymore.  I know that sounds ridiculous after everything we’ve been through and where we are now.”  She paused.  “Feelings are usually one of those things that can’t be helped, right?”

“Sadly, no, they can’t.”

“If you feel strongly about someone who’s done something horrible, what does that say about you?  Does that make you a horrible person too, even if you don’t act on it?  And no matter how hard you try to purge the feelings you can’t help but be reminded of who you thought that person was?  I’m sure this is stirring up uncomfortable memories for you, but that’s exactly why I thought you might have some advice for me.  Because the same thing happened to you.”

“And who are you to make those kind of assumptions about the General and I?”  Levi raised an eyebrow at the brunette.

Sasha sighed, expressing extreme disappointment with herself.  “An idiot who still tries to differentiate between Reiner Braun and the Armored Titan.”  She pursed her lips before taking another sip, trying to wash back the bitter taste the words left on her tongue with an even stronger bitter flavor.  “And an idiot having trouble accepting they’re one in the same.”

“You aren’t in love with an enemy of mankind, Braus.  You’re infatuated with the person he tricked us all into thinking he was.  Simple as that.”   _What’s wrong with these kids?  Do as I say, not as I do._

“Yes, I know,” she insisted.  “And I don’t want to feel this way.  I don’t know how to stop though.  So what should I do?  I don’t want this to interfere with my duty.”

“What a loaded question...Look, if you were a horrible person, then you wouldn’t be on my squad,” he said matter-of-factly.  “As for the advice you’re looking for, I don’t have it.  Still haven’t quite figured that out myself.  The best I can offer is to try not to think about it and focus on what’s important, what’s right in front of you.  We need to hold this place for as long as possible while figuring out our next move.  At some point we need to establish communication with Hanji and Moblit, or at the very least confirm they’re alive.  We can’t afford to be distracted by our emotions...myself included.”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Mitras, Royal Palace, August 9th, 10:23 AM**

“Erwin.  I have a question for you...and I need you to answer honestly.  You’re the only person I could get a straight answer from.”

“Regarding?”

Kenny propped his legs up on the table, drawing a look of ire from one of the CMP soldiers posing as a royal butler.  After shooting a sneer back and taking a long, slow sip of his whiskey he replied, “Your old squad leader.  The blonde.  What was her name?  Cecillia?  Carina?  Caroline?”

“Colleen.”

“Yeah, that one.  Were you ever suspicious of her?”

“How do you mean?”

“Her and Saskia.  Good ‘ole Keith, bless his soul, he hated that woman.  Rightfully so.”

Erwin almost bit through his tongue.

“She seemed a little too eager to get close to her.  From the start at that.  Keith was pissed off that she might make her soft.  It wasn’t until he told me about Saskia’s first time outside the walls that I started wondering if she knew anything.”

“Knew anything?”  Erwin forced a laugh.  “How could she?”  

Kenny shrugged.  “That’s what I kept asking myself.  It was the tree climbing that caught my attention.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than harmless recreation.  Since Saskia was _supposed_ to be raised by me I felt it only appropriate to get a little more familiar with exactly what I would be working with.  You know, Saxon culture and what not.  And they had a tree they considered sacred.  Maybe I’m just being paranoid but put the tree climbing with how close she was to Saskia, and how quickly she insisted on being part of her training…”  He paused and waved a hand dismissively.  “Nah, now that I say it out loud it sounds pretty damn stupid.”

 _I was there during her first expedition.  And yet somehow Colleen managed to take Saskia out of my sights.  And the way Saskia described her experience with Colleen is reminiscent of how Shardis treated her.  But instead of holding her to high standards and forcing her into a mold, Colleen...prevented her from conforming.  If not for that seemingly innocent activity Saskia would be a complete different person.  “_ Colleen has been dead for fifteen years.  Why is that something to be concerned about?”   _If that was her intention, it would explain why someone who abhorred bloodshed was in the Survey Corps._

“Some of our people stole the lyrics to _The Wings of Freedom_.  After looking at them carefully, Isamu and I are starting to wonder if we’ve been hunting down the wrong ghost.”  Before he could elaborate a low ranking CMP soldier burst into the room.

“I apologize for the intrusion,” she began, “but the Commander of the Military Police is here to see you, sir.”

Kenny stared blankly at her.  “...and?”

“He says that Darius Zackley sent him here.”

“That was nice of Zackley not to let me know ahead of time,” the CMP Commander griped with a slight shake of his head.  “Did he say what for?”

“It’s about the Survey Corps headquarters.  Nile Dawk conducted an ‘investigation’ and found some troubling things.  I’m fairly certain he wasn’t given clearance to do so...”

Kenny rolled his eyes.  “God damn it.  Alright, I’ll go meet with him.”  He looked at Erwin.  “As far as Nile knows you’re in prison.  Messenger girl-”

“It’s Benderling, sir.”

“Does it look like I care?  Escort him down to the prison.  Erwin, in case your ‘old pal’ Nile requests a visit you’ll need to look the part.  The guards will have to rough you up a bit to make it seem like you’ve actually been in a cell since your ‘arrest’.”

Erwin nodded as he rose.  “I understand.  We can continue our conversation later.  My interest has been piqued.”   _...didn’t Colleen teach Saskia how to play that song?_

\---

Nile shifted uncomfortably as Kenny took a seat across from him.  “Thank you for taking the time-”

“Skip it and tell me why you were inside the Survey Corps headquarters.  You knew we had that building secured.”  With a glower he added, “Not to mention you weren’t given clearance.”

“I was hoping for some updates on the condition of Annie Leonhardt.  After not having received any I thought it best to go there myself instead of keep waiting for a letter that might never arrive.”

Kenny raised an eyebrow at him.   _What a terrible liar._ “I see...Alright, well, what did you find that was so damn important you had to come all the way out-?”

“Everyone inside is dead.  And Annie Leonhardt is missing.  Her crystal was shattered.”

Kenny exhaled slowly to quell his steadily growing rage.  “Interesting...I take it there’s more?”

 _‘Interesting?’  That’s all he has to say?  He seems more curious than alarmed._ “While looking for survivors I noticed something very strange about the bodies.  I was given the impression that there were two separate skirmishes.  One group, on the first floor leading to the mess hall, put up a fight.  The other, on the second floor, didn’t.  I highly doubt they were caught by surprise considering how many there were.  It seemed they...didn’t bother fighting back.  There were no signs of struggle or forced entry into the building either.  The guards were relieved of whatever arms they had, and they also went down without a fight.  Whoever entered might have been someone they recognized as an authority figure.”

The CMP Commander’s lips curled inward.   _There’s only one person aside from us they wouldn’t fight._  “So you suspect there were two people involved in this.”

“Yes sir.  And I believe these people are the same ones who freed Annie Leonhardt.  There were two sets of bloody footprints leading to the basement and three sets leaving.  Looking at the footprints, one could tell that they were unmistakably military issue attire.”

“All three pairs?”   _That’s where Kseniya ran off to.  Useless whelp is trying to aid the Survey Corps._

“Yes sir.  There was...something else.”  Kenny was slightly amused by his hesitant tone.  Clearly Nile was desperate to end the conversation as soon as possible.  “I’m not sure what to make of it.”  Nile dug around in his pocket and pulled out a blue ribbon.  “But I’d recognize this thing from a mile away”

**Palace Dungeons, 12:13 PM**

After Nile left Kenny went down to the dungeon and began ranting and raving.  His tongue could barely keep up with his thoughts, and Erwin was only able to catch bits and pieces.  He wasn’t able to respond or inquire further.  All he could do was watch and listen.

“The only reason they wouldn’t put up a fight is if Saskia were present.  She was there!  She freed Annie!  And she had an accomplice!  But no one from the Survey Corps would help her free Annie!”

“Naturally.”   _I doubt he even heard me…_

“Nile spoke with the Garrison soldiers that morning and they heard the Trost lift being operated...but those idiots didn’t see anyone using it!  Only Kseniya would have the knowledge needed to operate it without being caught!  Why would they leave the safety of Wall Rose with a Survey Corps enemy?!”

“I’m not sure.”   _Assuming that’s what actually happened._

“Trost’s lift would take them south, towards Shiganshina, but no one has the balls to attempt reaching the Jaeger basement alone.  So why go south?!  To go _outside_ of Wall Maria?!  There’s nothing out there!”  Kenny skidded to a halt, eyes wide.  “Isamu’s going to shit a brick,” he murmured.

“What makes you say that?”

“Further south and beyond the walls would take them to Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt’s home.  God damn it, she’s going after them!  And she’s using Annie as a tour guide...Probably bait too!”  He threw his arms up in the arm and continued his furious pacing.

“But why?!  Isn’t Levi trying to keep her leashed?!  Why would she do something like that when Annie killed the pansy squad he loved so dearly?!  Why would she hunt down their sworn enemies?!  Without him!  Would she up and leave?  Tell me Erwin, would she do that?!”  Kenny was far too caught up in his conniption to remember he needed to let Erwin out of the cell he was literally thrown into.

“...I honestly can’t say.”   _She would never do something so drastic if she wasn’t absolutely confident in her ability to accomplish her goal.  But what is her goal?  To bring Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Annie back?  To interrogate and torture them?  Surely Levi would support that endeavor.  But that doesn’t explain why Kseniya is most likely the only one with her, or why she went without another Survey Corps soldier.  How did she manage to free Annie?_  He paused.  “May I see the ribbon to verify it is in fact hers?”  Kenny dropped it in his bloody palm and he eyed it carefully.  “Yes, this is the ribbon Levi gave her.”  He put it in his pocket as a plan began to brew.   _If she’s with Kseniya and Annie they have no doubt told her about me.  There’s no point in pretending any longer._  After another pause Erwin snickered softly.

“What’s so funny?”  Kenny raised an eyebrow.

“Saskia, of course.  Her actions have put her in a great amount of danger.  If that is so...I can’t even begin to imagine the level of danger this puts you in.”  He smirked.

Kenny blinked in confusion but Erwin could see the wheels slowly begin to turn.  “...is that so?”  The CMP leader grit his teeth.  “We’re in danger?  Would you care to elaborate on that?”

“It would appear the Survey Corps is preparing to go on the offensive.  The CMP compound, Isamu’s ugly estate...Naturally the capitol is next.  And like the poor fools who worked beneath you, you can’t fight back against her, can you?”

Kenny’s fists shook at his side.  “Most of us suspected that if there was a traitor amongst us, it was Grisha.  As far as traitors go he’s harmless.  But you were near her.  You were supposed to help forge her.  Instead...you decided to play house.”  The CMP Commander gripped the cell bars.  “Just who in the hell do you think you are?!” he roared.  “Do honestly believe the Survey Corps has any chance of destroying the Titans?!”

Erwin chuckled.  “If we didn’t, why are you after Katya Volkova’s research?  She was one of our Commanders, after all.  And the project began around the time she took that office.”

“I don’t have time for this,” Kenny snarled.  “Those of us who give a shit about the future of humanity have work to do.  I’ll come back for you later.  I won’t kill you...but mark my words, Smith- you’re never leaving this prison.”

He quirked an eyebrow.  “You think that bothers me?  The past twenty some years of my life have led up to this.  The final confrontation.  I’m not the only one who’s going to die here.  I made peace with that the moment I agreed to help you.”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, Dining Room, 7:21 PM**

“You’re actually taking their side?!  I want to say I can’t believe it, but since you were so hellbent on joining the Military Police-!”

“That’s got nothing to do with it Jaeger!  We can’t always run into everything guns blazing and hope it works out because ‘we’re the good guys’!  Not all of us are so desperate to get ourselves killed!”

“Then what do you suggest we do?!”

“If Saskia dies outside the walls, that takes care of itself.  If she comes back, that’s up to Levi Heichou.  But in case you’ve forgotten the biggest threat isn’t outside the walls, it’s in the capitol!  They’re holding your dad hostage!  If they hadn’t manipulated him then there wouldn’t be any shifters!”

“So we let them off the hook just like that?!  Even after what she did to Marco you’d let Annie roam free?!”

Jean grit his teeth.  “That’s between him and Annie!”

“What a cowardly response...She can’t be given special treatment because of her history with the Survey Corps!”

“General Saskia’s not an immediate issue so she’s not an immediate threat!”

“STOP CALLING HER THAT!”

Mikasa swiftly hooked her arms beneath Eren’s and pulled him back before he could take a swing at Jean.

“That’s enough, both of you,” she scolded.  “There’s no point in arguing over the obvious.  We need to stop acting like she’s an exception to the rules and virtues she grew up devoting herself to upholding and enforcing.  But we can’t make plans to kill someone whose location is unknown.  The Titans will likely kill her, along with this Living Weapon project nonsense.”

“Of course you’d say that,” he scoffed as he sat back down.  “Why not stop and think for yourself instead of always taking Eren’s side, no matter how stupid his opinions sound?!”

“Actually Mikasa.”  Armin braced himself for the icy glare she would no doubt send in his direction.  “Killing her won’t stop it.  It would only halt it.  They’ve been searching for Katya Volkova’s research since her death in order to use it for one sole purpose...even if that purpose and their motives aren’t entirely clear to us.  If she died they would work to find or ‘make’ someone to replace her while continuing the hunt for the knowledge Katya was supposedly killed for.”   _What could she have possibly learned that they needed so badly, she would be killed for it?_

“Armin’s probably right, as usual.  And while I wanna believe there’s more to it, hesitation and that way of thinking is what kept Eren from being able to fight Annie right away.  Isn’t that right Jean?”  Connie deferred to him.  “You were there, after all.”

“Would you all like to know what I find funny?”  Historia slammed her balled fists onto the table.  “After all that talk of having to become queen, even threatening my life to make me comply, our damn Acting Commander isn’t taking a thing I say seriously.”

“That’s because nothing you’re saying makes any sense!  All you care about is seeing Ymir again!  Why bother taking you seriously when you’re not being rational?!”

“You’re the last person who should lecture anyone on being irrational, Eren!”

Sasha put her hands over her ears, trying to drown them out.  She began a countdown, wondering how long it would take Levi to storm in and break up another explosive mealtime.  She barely made it to three before the doors slammed open.

“I know we’re all getting a little restless, cabin fever is starting to set in.  Since you all have so much God damn pent up energy, I want you to find the largest room in this big ass mansion and run laps until you all collapse.  Am I understood?”  The fact that he wasn’t raising his voice gave him a far more intimidating aura than usual.  His command was met with grumbles and complaints but no one dared to actively protest.

Armin waited for the others to leave before approaching his squad leader.  “Levi Heichou, are you and Marco still working?”

“Why aren’t you running laps?”

“I have an idea about Katya Volkova’s research, and I want to see if Marco knows anything about it.”

“Fine,” he relented, and Armin followed Levi upstairs to the room he and Marco first spoke in.

“Good evening Armin,” he greeted as pleasantly as possible.  The look on Marco’s face told Armin he and Levi overheard the entire argument.  He was standing at Kseniya’s old desk, now covered in countless pages of notes and crumpled papers.

“Good evening Marco.  I have a question about Katya Volkova.”

“I can’t say I know much about her, but I’ll try my best to answer.”

“Do we know why they want her research?  Obviously, they benefit from having it in their possession.  But in what way?  It occurred to me earlier that all along we’ve been assuming they wanted it because of the findings from Katya’s own experiments.  I started to wonder what it might contain that they don’t already know.  Jean had pointed out that Dr. Jaeger is being forced to work for them, and that he is responsible for creating the shifters.  Either that knowledge wasn’t lost with her work, or it wasn’t Katya’s to begin with.  How else would he know?”

“I never thought about it like that.”  Marco furrowed his brow.

“Her friend Gloria supposedly kept those secrets safe somewhere.  And Gloria happens to be Eren and Grisha’s ancestor,” Levi reminded.  “That little tidbit might be ‘passed down’ for all we know.”

“Perhaps, but that isn’t my point.  Katya was killed because of her research.  And they are very desperate to get their hands on this research.  Research which, from what little we know, doesn’t coincide with the Living Weapon project.  They want to make the ultimate human weapon, so why create shifters?”

“Know thy enemy, I suppose.  But Armin, we don’t even know if Katya’s research was about shifters.  Even Kseniya didn’t know what it was about.  She always struck me as dead set on finding it, perhaps as a way to put Katya’s spirit to rest.”

“What if the research wasn’t entirely the result of her own experiments?  Was she killed so they could uncover her secrets, or because she had uncovered some of theirs?”

Marco’s eyes widened.  “That...makes far more sense, now that I think about it.  Continuing your hypothetical scenario would mean they did always know how to make shifters and were adamant on using us, even though it has nothing to do with their perfect human.  We only played a small part in that.”

“If they’ve had the knowledge to make shifters for over one hundred years, why wait until now to use it?  That’s what I’m still trying to figure out.”

“This project has cycled through leaders ever since it began, each with their own motives for getting involved.  Why Kenny thinks himself to be some sort of agent of salvation is beyond me, and Isamu is a traitor to his own people who are already marginalized enough as is.  But if they’re also in possession of their own research it too would need some tweaking.  If you looked into Hanji’s office you’d see papers everywhere...only a third were theories and conclusions.  The rest were incomplete thoughts, speculations she had yet to explore, and piss poor doodles.”  Levi sat down and sighed.  “In other words, they might not have been able to use it.  Or they might not have had everything they ‘needed’ to put it into practice.  Remove Kenny and Isamu from the equation and all we know about the Living Weapon is that it’s centered around the idea that a human being can reach a point of perfection in mind and body; so perfect that they can empty themselves of an independent identity and be solely devoted to destroying the Titans and freeing mankind.  Hardly ‘living’ if you ask me.”

“That’s probably the case.  Which means that they know much more than we initially thought.  Did Kseniya work near Dr. Jaeger at all?”

“She would spend time around him.  I can count on one hand how many times I ever saw him though.  I always thought it was because of the history between their families, which was spoonfed to me as a benefit to humanity’s survival.  Sort of like a family tradition.  Maybe the reason they weren’t able to use this technology until now was because there wasn’t anyone with a knack for it.  And the ‘current Jaeger’ just so happened to be that person.  It’s a bit of a stretch, but they do like to stay as small and discreet as possible, so they couldn’t bring in just anyone to handle the sort of work Dr. Jaeger did.”

“For all we know the people who started this whole Living Weapon mess might’ve done so in response to someone, like Katya, getting their hands on how to create shifters.  Still doesn’t explain why they would be making shifters themselves, but that’s something we’ll have to work on down the road.  Regardless, we could’ve had it backwards all along.  Staying mindful of that will come in handy in the future.  You get off with a warning tonight, Arlert.  And I thank you from the bottom of my heart, whatever’s left of it, for pointing out the massive flaw in Mikasa’s ‘logic’.”

 _She’s the only one he addresses by given name when it can be helped.  I had no idea his last name bothered him so much._ “I’m trying to choose my battles carefully when those spats break out.”

“You chose well.  You’re dismissed.”

Armin bid them both goodnight before saluting the Lance Corporal.  Once he was out of earshot Levi’s eyes settled upon Marco and narrowed slightly.  “What was Jean talking about?  Saying it was between you and Annie?”

“What?  Oh, that.”  Marco choked back a nervous laugh.  “Well I, um, I had told that if I were to see Annie again...I would be willing to hear her out.  Maybe because I can empathize with her a little, even if she doesn’t have my sympathies.  Or maybe it’s for my own closure.  I’m not sure.”

Levi shrugged.  “Suppose that makes sense.  Still keeping an eye on you.”

“As any good leader would.”

“You’re quite the kiss ass, aren’t you?  You and Kirschtein are perfect for each other.”  He rolled his eyes as Marco flushed deep red.  “Learn to take a joke kid.  Back to our previous discussion.  Based on what you’ve told me it’s safe to assume most if not all of Mitras is inhabited by the CMP, both benefactors and beneficiaries.  When we eventually storm the royal capitol we don’t need to worry much about collateral.  Wiping that city off the map will be doing everyone a favor.”

“The question becomes when and how, as it could draw attention from the Garrison who would immediately alert the Military Police.  I hate to say it Lance Corporal, but only because you won’t like it...With Kseniya’s knowledge of Garrison shifts and the fact that they wouldn’t harm Saskia we might have more luck seizing the palace after they return.”

“You’re right.  I didn’t wanna hear that.  Mostly because you’re right.  And odds are good that Kenny, Isamu, Dr. Jaeger, Rod Reiss, and the false king are all hiding in that palace?”

“At a time like this?  I can’t think of anywhere else for them to go.  They’ve taken many heavy hits from the Survey Corps, with some help from Kseniya, making the palace the last place where all five of them could safely continue their work.  Not to mention Rod Reiss needs to be kept in a secure location; if he dies so does their funding.  They also failed to kidnap Eren and Historia.  They’ve failed everything since Trost I would say.  There is a small chance that Kenny and Isamu are working from the underground, but there’s strength in numbers.  I don’t think that’s a risk they’d take right now.”

“Agreed.  Kenny’s a lot of things, but unfortunately stupid isn’t on that list.  All of them, save for Dr. Jaeger, are to be killed immediately.  That leaves another problem of _how_.  3DMG isn’t meant for humans and we don’t have the time to get out hands on that variation Kenny and his lackeys use.  If the city is just a cover for the CMP soldiers and supporters they’ll be armed to teeth.  Once we get rid of them we can take their weapons.  Still, carrying all of that around along with 3DMG will be cumbersome.  When was the last time you were in Mitras?”

“That would’ve been before the Battle for Trost.  It was during the graduation ceremony that they were able to sneak me to the capitol so Dr. Jaeger could give me the coordinate ability, only to discover it had been given to Eren.  That was when I learned about how...a shifter’s ability can be inherited, and when I decided I was done.”  He planted his palms on the desk and exhaled slowly.  “That entire battle was a cover for Annie to hunt me down and kill me.”

“After you rebelled they let you walk away?”

“They did, but only because, well, what could they do in that moment?  Kill me?  No, that wouldn’t be ‘fun’ enough for them.  But being cornered by someone who turned out to be a comrade I wasn’t entirely aware of and pierced through the stomach, playing dead as a Titan almost chewed me in half, and halting regeneration...even when Jean found me...that would’ve loved to hear all about that.  The moment the Colossal Titan appeared I knew they were retaliating.  All that for one person…”

“You know what else I just realized?  Ymir was turned into a Titan and became a shifter by eating one of their comrades not long before Shiganshina was attacked.  If Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt, or Ymir were to be eaten then we would have a new shifter to deal with.  One with no allegiance or awareness.”

“Perhaps then,” Marco began hesitantly, “it’s best if General Saskia does bring them back then.”

Levi let a small tirade play out in his head before changing the subject.  “How well do you remember the city’s layout?”

“Well enough to draw up a very rough outline of all the major roads and buildings.”

“Good.  Do it.”

“Of course.  I’ll try and get as much done as I possibly can before fatigue gets the best of me.  Or Jean gets on my case about not getting enough sleep.  Whichever comes first.”

The Lance Corporal was silent for a moment, trying to push out uncomfortable nostalgia that was creeping in.  “...yeah...whichever comes first.  I’m exhausted.  All this babysitting is draining and I’m barely able to sleep as is.  I’m gonna go make sure no one did in fact collapse and attempt to get some sleep myself.  Try and have that map ready by the morning.”

…

_Nighttime, again.  We’re on the rooftop of the Survey Corps headquarters.  She’s kneeling on the ground and I’m lying down, head on her lap.  She’s staring up at the sky while absentmindedly playing with my hair.  This time I can feel her._

_“Sometimes dream reflect our desires.  Sometimes they reflect what we fear.  Do you want to hurt me?  Or are you afraid that you might have to?”_

_I hesitate to respond.  I don’t want to hurt Saskia.  This Saskia anyway.  This is the Saskia I remember.  The one I miss, care about...The one I trust._

_“Like this?  Never.  But what you’ve become?  Something has to be done.  You can’t be trusted.”  I sit up and turn around to face her.  “I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”_

_“Because I held to my principles?  Because I will not allow further harm to come to the innocent?  They were manipulated, used, tormented-”_

_“Just like you.  You pity them because you can relate to them.  Is that your motive?  It was only a guess, but after seeing what you did to Shardis...”  I never want to see that happen again._

_She bites her lip.  “I don’t even remember that.  My mind was empty.  And yet I regret it immensely.  It disturbs me some to say this, but I would rather have tortured him as it seems more fitting.  But that?  And the cadets bore witness to it as well...God, it really is me, isn’t it?  A natural propensity to become a...monster?  The thing they want to turn me into.”  She shivers._

_This makes far more sense.  “So that’s what this is really about.  Undoing what they started separates you from them.  Even though you’ve never done anything on their terms or to their benefit.  You’ve never once agreed with their ideals or philosophies.  You, the real you, the you that Shardis tried to suppress and the person you were afraid of, is the antithesis of what they want you to become.  Why do you think they’ve had to try so hard?  Go to such lengths?  It isn’t because you’re fighting them or having an identity crisis.  The thing they want to create and unleash...it isn’t in you at all.  And whatever saved Erwin and killed Shardis, that thing you’re scared of, that’s how you show your love for humanity.  Demented as it might sound.  When did I say you’re most in your element?”_

_“Hair up, uniform on, top three buttons of my shirt undone, and covered in the blood of my enemies.”_

_“Exactly, the blood of your enemies.  A killer can protect, but it someone who truly cares about protecting others to bring themselves to kill.  And if you don’t believe me then why not look back into your memories and ask your younger self.  You told me that Colleen hated violence and gore but saw it as a necessary evil.  She could put her disdain aside if it meant being able to protect humanity.  This is the person who taught you how to smile and made you understand why being close to others is so important.  That same person wasn’t afraid to get violent if the situation called for it.”  I wish I was actually having this heart-to-heart with Saskia.  I think she could benefit from hearing some of these things._

_“That ugly thing comes out when I need to protect those I love?  It makes sense in the case of Erwin, but not Shardis.  That was selfish murder.”_

_“You knew deep down that if he succeeded you’d probably be in the hands of our enemy right now, bending to their will.  You knew deep down exactly how much harm that would bring humanity, contrary to what they’ve been possessed into thinking.  That’s why you killed Shardis.  Not petty revenge for yourself.  With him out of your life you never had to worry about losing yourself and being a puppet.  And with him out of this world no one else could be harmed by him.  He was behind the arson on our headquarters.  He kidnapped Kseniya.  Had neither of those things happened there’s no doubt in my mind you would’ve tortured him relentlessly.  You call that thing ugly and seem afraid of it.  But it’s just as much a part of you as everything Colleen taught you.  Everything beautiful and to be embraced.  And that’s something within yourself that you need to reconcile.  Will your little rescue operation accomplish that?”_

_“If and only if we are all given a chance to undo the damage that has been done, in whatever form that takes.  I don’t care if they don’t help us.  Information alone will suffice.  But if they wish to I will not turn them down.  They were harmed in ways comparable to you and I.  A stolen childhood.  Forced to kill and fight against their will.  Forced to take a side in the fight for humanity’s future.”_

_That’s something I didn’t see coming.  And this is my dream.  My Saskia._

_“Were I not handed over to the Survey Corps, were my mother able to raise me, and I had the chance to live a normal life I cannot say one way or another if I would have vested interest in the fight for humanity’s future.  What incentive would there be for me to join the military?  What would I know of suffering if I lived a comfortable life with her in Stohess?  Why would the plights of others be of any consequence to me?”  She shakes her head.  “Such thoughts make me feel ill, but it’s true.  There is no way of knowing.  Any speculation I attempted would be colored by my perceptions, my biases, my convictions, my affinities...There is no way to know.  But it is not something I care to know the answer to, as that hypothetical scenario is not the life I lead.”_

_“But one of a vigilante for mass murderers is?”_

_“Three disenfranchised youth with no choice but to trade in their happiness in order to learn the skills needed to survive in a most unforgiving and dark world.  Manipulated into joining the military with promises of a good life should they carry out their respective tasks.  I wouldn’t call that vigilantism, just as you wouldn’t call it charitable.  This isn’t an area in where I lack experience.”_

_Real or not, she would say that.  She would make that comparison.  She would compare me, Isabel, and Farlan -and our circumstances- to that of Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt._

_If this is just a dream then there’s no harm in me_ **_actually_ ** _shoving her off the roof, is there?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Colleen Berliner belongs to xxtheblackdevilxx, an active writer on deviantART.


	49. Puzzle Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at action sequences. I'm sorry for subjecting you to this.

**Wall Maria, Survey Corps Supply Station, August 10th, 4:32 AM**

Saskia jolted upright, breathing heavily as her foggy vision slowly unscrambled itself.  Kseniya, who was sleeping near her, slowly leaned up on her elbows and yawned.

“Another nightmare?” she asked quietly, trying not to wake Annie.

The General nodded slowly, pulse beginning to slow down.  “Yes...I’m alright, I just need to catch my breath.”

“Maybe you need some air?  It’s gotta be close to sunrise, and we’ve got a lot of distance between here and Shiganshina.  I’ll pack up our supplies.”  Kseniya rolled over and stretched out her arms and legs.  “You go get the horses ready, give the area a once over, and most importantly clear your head.”

Saskia said nothing, only nodding as she rose from the cold stone floor of the supply station they had taken refuge in for the night.  They were a good distance away from Wall Rose but Shiganshina’s inner gate was still beyond the horizon.  She fixed up her appearance as best she could before heading outside.  Vermilion was bleeding over the treetops, chasing away the indigo.  The horses looked restless but otherwise undisturbed.

Much to their collective relief the CMP soldier had lied to Kseniya about eating Iolana.  The creature was found locked in a tool shed near the training grounds, starving and frightened.  Saskia walked up to her equine companion, stroking her mane.

“An ordinary nightmare I can handle,” she murmured softly.  She could hear Titans beginning to stir from their nightly stasis.  “But these horrific visions of Erwin soaked in his blood, emaciated, wasting away in prison?”  She shielded her eyes and surveyed their surroundings, carefully taking count of the footfalls and approximating their distance.  “All the ‘what ifs?’ are going to deprive me of what little sanity I have left.”  The horse whinnied softly and she cracked a weak smile.  “Yes, one thing at a time.”

Inside Kseniya was gathering the few supplies they took, mostly gas for their gear and some dehydrated rations.  Annie was quiet, just as she had been for most of the trip.  The night prior she was somewhat talkative, cheerful almost when Saskia asked about her fighting style.  Kseniya couldn’t help but crack a smile when the blonde’s eyes lit up and she launched into an elaborate explanation of her techniques.

“You’re not too worn out from shifting are you?”  Kseniya peered over her shoulder as Annie slipped on the white hoodie and Survey Corps jacket. 

“Not terribly.  Why?”  She pulled her hair up and pinned it in place.  “Afraid I’ll no longer be of use?”

“Afraid you’ll get killed.  Check your tank and make sure you’ve got enough gas.  And don’t forget to eat before we leave.”

“Yes mother,” she grumbled as Saskia returned.

“What’s the status on Titan activity?”  Kseniya gave her a worried, curious glance.

“I didn’t see any but I certainly heard them.  They’re up and around.  Annie, how do you feel?  I know yesterday was exhausting...It’s been quite some time since you’ve shifted.”

Annie shrugged as she rummaged through the less-than-appetizing bags of dehydrated rations.  “I’m fine.  I’m more concerned about shifting when we’re outside the walls.  The movements of Titans can be predicted here.  They’re concentrated in an enclosed space.  Not to mention, when we’re closer to old settlements, we can hear buildings being crushed or knocked over.  Once out there we won’t have that luxury.”

“I am aware, and I am just as concerned.  We will continue on as we have until we reach Shiganshina.  Sadly the inner gate is irreparable.  And while we do have a very large hole to ride through, our exit is also the Titans’ entry.  That said, I don’t think we should attempt going through the inner gate and leaving Shiganshina until after dark.”

Kseniya sucked in her breath through puckered lips, brow knit.  “I dunno.  Sure, dark offers protection, but just as much for them as us now that we know some can still be active at night.  Even if you can hear ‘em, we might be too close to get away.  Especially while at the gate and the break in the outer wall.  I think timing doesn’t matter.  We’ll see when we get there.”

The three mounted their steeds and bolted south.  They had covered a generous amount of ground yesterday before Annie started to feel overwhelmed from shifting, something they had hoped to avoid resorting to.  Saskia had directed them to the nearest supply station which, unlike the outposts, was meant to sustain a company for extended periods of time.  They were sturdier and had many lower levels, deep enough in the ground that Titans could no longer smell prey nearby.  Each had a watchtower and those far beyond the walls, before the Survey Corps became a full-fledged military branch, were still equipped with archaic siege weapons.  A small part of Kseniya hoped they stumbled across one to see how they operated.  Though a medic at heart she could never divorce herself from her training as an engineer.

For hours they rode evading Titans both solitary and in hordes, a perk that came with being in a small group.  Come noon they had engaged three times.  Six hours and five aggressive battles later (three of which required Annie to shift) they reached another Survey Corps supply station.  This one was within walking distance of the Shiganshina inner gate.  Saskia wanted to push on and take advantage of the setting sun but Annie was too tired from shifting, and the nearest outpost and supply station were too deep in the abandoned district.

“Hey Saskia?” Kseniya began as she examined her blades for damage.

“Yes?”

“How are you holding up?”  The brunette paused.  “I mean about Erwin.”

“What about him?”  The General’s tone had fallen flat, breathing a winter’s chill into the room.

“I just wanna know if, well, maybe you’d like to talk about it?  I mean, you haven’t said much about him...and it can’t be easy, coping with being left behind.” _Twenty-some years of trust and devotion.  That’s gonna sting._

“You’re right.”  She turned to her.  “I do feel abandoned, though I know it to be irrational-”

“Not really.”

“I’m still coming to terms with it.  It’s only been a month since it unfolded.  I rarely if ever made mention of it to Levi.  I could not afford to let those feelings best me.  I had to focus.”   _If they harmed him in even the slightest I...I haven’t the faintest idea what I’ll do.  Perhaps lose control of myself again?  When we save him, I want to be me, not...whatever that thing is._  “I don’t wish to discuss it further.”

“Yeah, alright.  Sorry.”

“It’s fine.  You had good intentions.  Annie?”

“What?”  The blonde was sitting cross-legged on the floor, picking at the unsavory dried food.

“Why did you agree to join us?  The look in your eyes told me that you had some sort of business of your own to attend to.”

“To go home.”  Her eyes falling to the floor.  “I’m not out for revenge, not on the cowards pulling the strings from the safety of the capitol.  My father on the other hand...If he’s still alive, I’m going to kill him.  If he’s dead I want to see the rotting corpse for myself.  I want to see what’s become of that pathetic old man.”  She shifted her position slightly, straightening her back and glanced over at the ravenette.  “How is Armin?”

“Armin?  Last I saw, quite well.  Still the sharpest mind the Survey Corps has to offer.”

She pushed a few loose strands behind her ear.  “If there was ever a moment I seriously considered defecting, it was during the inspection to find who killed your test subjects.  We were talking about which branches we would be joining.  I was surprised to hear Armin say he was joining you.  I told him that he wasn’t very strong, but he had guts.  And he said ‘You really are a nice person, aren’t you?’.  It wasn’t out of surprise.  It sounded like relief.  If someone as smart as Armin saw that and felt the need to say it, it had to be true, right?  That's what I found myself wondering.”

"What if they fight back?  We never discussed a plan for if they refuse.”

“Because they will not,” the General replied simply.  “I will return with them.  I would not have taken so great a risk if I weren’t confident in my ability to see it through.”

“You keep saying that, but that’s not what ‘risk’ means.  That’s the opposite of a risk.”

“When I say I only take a risk if I am confident in my ability to ensure what must be done is done, I mean that I am confident in my ability to risk everything to meet said goal.  A goal which in and of itself is a risk.  Like the time I saved Hanji’s life.  I cared little to nothing about my own well-being save for whatever might have hindered my ability to keep her from being eaten.  All I cared about was making sure she wasn’t.”  Her shoulders dropped.  “I believe my reason for defining it as such is Erwin.  He would always talk about making gambles but that was very hard for me to believe, as he is so logical and composed.”

Annie dropped her chin in her palm, an eyebrow raised.  “I thought he was a painful distraction.”

Saskia nodded.  “You’re right.  I need to focus on the immediate.  Not exactly my specialty…”

“I know something that might cheer you up.  I can tell you about your mom.”

“No longer can I neglect my curiosity.”  Her expression softened.  “I would love to hear about Luzia.”

“My interactions with her were hostile and aggressive, sadly.  But that only meant that I got to see the most badass side of her!  There was one time I went with Kenny to go see her on your birthday.  He ‘wanted to celebrate’.”  Kseniya rolled her eyes.  “Anyway, Kenny got wasted.  Brought the liquor and ended up drinking it all himself.”

“Shock,” Annie muttered.

“He’s going on about how she’ll never see you and then said she was never fit to be a mother to begin with.  That turned into Saxons dying out because they were shitty parents.  Her face was the darkest red I’ve seen in my whole life.  Then he said you were lucky to be half-Saxon.  If you were half-Oriental, half-something not warrior blooded, and born a girl then you would’ve been killed or ‘Better yet, help rake in a fortune from old men like me who have an ‘appreciation’ for exotic beauties’.  Luzia **isn’t** having it.  She grabs him by the collar and snarls in his face, ‘If you so much as look at my daughter with lust in your eyes I will deep fry your lonely cock and feed it to you’.  Then, still holding him by the collar, she opens the door and -I kid you not- **lifts him** and **throws him** out onto the street.  She was built.  Oh, then there was the time…”

Kseniya spent over two hours recalling her favorite encounters with Luzia, all of which had Saskia rolling on the floor with laughter or tearing up with pride.  When she ran out of stories she urged Saskia to tell a few from her younger years, an idea Annie supported with as much enthusiasm as she allowed herself to show.

“From my youth?”  She tapped her chin.  “The best stories of my younger years involve Squad Leader Colleen Berliner.  She was torn into pieces before my eyes when I was thirteen.  It was the first death I witnessed which deeply impacted me on a personal level.  She’s the one who taught me to smile.  I learned so much from her.  Even how to play _The Wings of Freedom_!  She played it for me once and promised to find the sheet music so I could learn.  After she gave it to me I taught myself.  When I mastered it I she was so proud.  Some evenings when I finished my chores early, she would steal me away and listen to me play over and over again.  She really loved that song.”

Annie leaned back, resting her palms on the cold floor.  “What’s the _Wings of Freedom_?  I thought that was just the Survey Corps’ emblem, not a song.”

“It is, but it wasn’t always.  Our original insignia is what the Trainee Corps uses, the crossed blades.  And that song is the Survey Corps’ anthem.  It was penned, both music and lyrics, by Katya Volkova and in turn inspired our current emblem.”  Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Kseniya stifling a gasp, her pupils dilating, but continued on.  “Remember, we didn’t always have 3DMG.”

After a few more hours of idle chatting Saskia insisted they attempt rest, especially Annie who was struggling to keep her eyes open.  Once the blonde was asleep Saskia and Kseniya crept up to the watchtower where they could speak in private.

“Crossed blades.  You’re sure it was crossed blades?”

“Of course I’m sure.  Why?  Why did you give me that look?”

“‘We grip two steel blades, Gloria’.”  The brunette started pacing, snapping her fingers when a question struck her.  “How did it end up being the Trainee Corps emblem?”

“Before the Trainee Corps all three branches conscripted.  That led to the socioeconomic divides we have today.  The first line of defense had to surround the outermost cities, so the Scouting Legion came from and occupied what would become Maria.  Fields devoted to livestock and agriculture, they needed to be kept separate so they could prosper without interference from the other.  What would become the Garrison was the second line of defense.  Their emblem comes from Wall Rose, and the wall’s name from its agrarian origins.  The richest congregated far from the ‘peasants’.  Their literal social circle became Sina.  It was only logical that those closest to the royal family be the ones to protect it, so the Military Police was bred in that cesspool of-”

“Saskia, this is really fascinating, but I need you to focus.  Can you gimme some Trainee Corps history?”

“The Trainee Corps began as loosely organized chapters in the major districts and was absorbed into the military as we know it when space could be designated.”

“And after the Survey Corps took on the new emblem, the Trainee Corps adopted their old one.  Crossed blades.”

“Correct.”

“These assholes have infiltrated the Survey Corps and the Trainee Corps using the same guy.  With the connections the branches seem to have, I’d bet that means the ones holding humanity hostage know more than we hoped they would.  Shit, they might even know Gloria Jaeger’s maiden name.  We won’t be able to look into her history without that.”

“How do you mean?”

“Last night I started thinking about Gloria’s birth family.  Did they extend any help in protecting Katya’s findings?  For all we know, we might be barking up the wrong family tree.  Katya doesn’t matter.  Her research does.  Gloria matters.  Katya made that pretty clear in the song.  Today we’d probably call her Lance Corporal.  If we can get her maiden name maybe we’ll stumble across something by seeing what’s up her descendants are up to.  They might have Katya’s research and the marriage was just a cover to throw people off track.”  Kseniya folded her arms over her chest.  “Who knows how many doors that key might open?”

* * *

**Wall Maria, August 11th, 5:58 AM**

“You really expect us to believe you don’t know anything about the Beast Titan?”

“You needed it to go home, but your home is destroyed.  You don’t gain anything.”

“Fine.  But how do you benefit by keeping it to yourself?”

“It annoys you, and that amuses me.  Dunno how many times I have to say it but I don’t know much more than you.  Berating me for answers won’t jog my memory.”

“Maybe a good blow to the head will.”

“That’s how you get rid of memories, moron.”

“Ymir, Reiner?  You need to come see this.”  Bertholdt motioned the other two closer towards him and pointed at the ground below.  After finding their villages in ruins they burned them to the ground to keep the disease from spreading, using their Titans to contain the flames.  They had taken refuge atop the inner part of Maria, near Shiganshina’s inner gate.  “Do you see that Titan?  It seems like it’s looking for something.”

“Probably us,” Ymir snorted.  It suddenly broke into a mad dash; deeper into Maria, the general direction it was headed, white wisps were climbing to the clouds.  “Or not.  Don’t tell me it’s the Survey Corps again.  Don’t they have that ‘Living Weapon’ nonsense to worry about?”

“They do,” Reiner affirmed.  “But someone is over there killing Titans.”  More and more began running through the broken gate towards the mysterious billows of steam.  “And there’s no one stupid enough to try other than the Survey Corps.”

“Do you think they came for us?” Bertholdt asked nervously.

“I hope so.  I wonder how Historia’s doing…Is that her?”  A mess of blonde hair caught Ymir’s attention

“Annie?!” Reiner exclaimed.  “They freed her?  But why bring her if they're coming for us?”

“There’s only one reason.”  Bertholdt looked over his shoulder at his companion.  “To draw us out using her scream.”

“The same scream that’ll attract swarms of Titans?  If that isn’t the epitome of desperation I dunno what it is.  But there’s only three.  Who’s with her?”  She narrowed her eyes to get a better look.

Her answer came in the a form of Titan having its face sliced off.

 _Of course it’s the General._  Reiner grit his teeth.  “I’m tired of running.  I don’t care what they do to me or what they think of me.  I’m willing to accept responsibility for my actions.  If by some miracle they let me live, I’ll do anything I can to help bring down this empire of manipulation and barbarism.”

“We didn’t have a choice!  No matter how many times we say it, do you really think they’ll even bother giving us the chance to explain?”

“A choice?  Not then, no.  But we do now.  And I choose to go back and attempt atonement rather than stay out here where my death is certain.  Argue with me later Bertholdt.  Annie is about to scream and put herself, and General Saskia, in serious danger.  If I can prevent that by turning myself in I will.”

...

There were too many Titans surrounding the inner gate.  They had no hope of killing them all while also leaving enough time to move through the hole before more could come without Annie shifting.  Saskia was to stay at ground level while Kseniya used both the wall and the Female Titan itself as launching points to keep the shifter from becoming overwhelmed; she was also tasked with going atop the wall to see when the area had been cleared so they could take advantage of a very small window of opportunity as soon as possible.

The other two created considerable distance between themselves and Annie.  Saskia ordered Iolana to stay only as close as needed when the time for evacuation came.  The warhorse whinnied and galloped off.  Annie brought her thumb up to her lips.

A boisterous crackling, accompanied by a bolt of lightning crashed down from the heavens.  Kseniya and Saskia shielded their eyes from the impressive, blinding light.  When they were able to see again a confused Annie stood before them.  In the distance a cloud of steam appeared midair and the Armored Titan emerged from it, shaking the ground.

“They were up there all along?!” Kseniya exclaimed.  “That saves us a lot of time!”

“Where are Bertholdt and Ymir?”  Annie’s hands went for her blades.  Even without the Female Titan’s scream, the presence of the Armored Titan would draw unwanted attention.  It was already grabbing and tearing apart any Titans within arm’s reach.

“The Colossal Titan is an easy target,” Saskia pointed out.  “When Ymir’s Titan appears he will more likely than not be riding atop.”

Another bolt of lightning came crashing down and with it the Dancing Titan.  They could see Bertholdt on its back.  The shifters did not advance.  Though hardly the place for diplomacy, it was now or never.  

“Annie’s not moving,” Bertholdt observed.  “Is she a hostage?  Do you think she came of her own free will?”

The Armored Titan exhaled a cloud steam expressing agreement.  If Saskia was there to kill them, they truly had nothing to lose.  She remained armed, the logical thing to do in Titan territory; regardless of the logic they remained apprehensive.  Saskia held up both arms.  

“This is not the place for negotiations, so I wish to propose an armistice,” the General declared.  “If you do not believe me, I understand.  Were I in your position I would be suspicious and terrified.  By now you have seen Annie.  I welcome you to question her.  How and why she came.  Whether or not she was subjected to torture or placed in harm’s way.  The only place you will be able to safely converse, however, is in a Survey Corps outpost or supply station.  I realize it sounds like a trap.  Unfortunately all I can give you is my word that this is no ruse.  Come with us, speak with Annie, and I would be more than happy to answer your questions.”  The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.   _Titans approach.  Sounds like a five meter to my left, a seven meter and fifteen meter to my right, and...behind me...Fast._  She spun around.  “Annie, Kseniya, move!”

The Deviant charging from behind may have ignored them, charging simply to charge, but the risk wasn’t worth it.  The other two took to Iolana, who had come to recognize them as her secondary riders, while Saskia ran to greet the interloper.  The quadruped reached out for her, narrowly missing as she ran right in between its curling fingers and further beneath its arm.  In one fluid motion she aimed her hooks into its eyes and swung around, releasing her anchors as she sliced off its weak spot.

Seeing that only increased Bertholdt’s anxiety.  They might be next.  “We have no gear, no gas, and we can’t keep fighting as Titans if more come in droves.  I say we go with.”

“Return to the supply station!  Avoid if possible, engage if you must!  Annie, you are not to shift!”

“You heard your boss, horse-whose-name-I-always-screw-up.  Hold on tight Annie!”

Saskia looked over at the other three.  “I made a promise that I would return with the lot of you alive and unharmed!  Lest you wish me to develop a reputation for failing to keep my word, move!”  She let out a tiny sigh of relief when the Dancing Titan came forward while the Armored Titan took a running stance.  “Ymir, I want you in front!  Bertholdt cannot fight, so you are to follow Annie and Kseniya!  Reiner, you and I will guard the others!”

The Dancing Titan sprinted past the General, almost knocking her to the ground to catch up with Annie and Kseniya.  The blonde was about to jump off to engage an oncoming seven-meter but the Dancing Titan leapt for it, catching its neck in its jaws.  The head snapped off, slicing the nape into several steaming lumps of meat.  Even within her Titan, Ymir ended up with a metallic tang agitating her tongue.

Not far behind the Armored Titan was kicking, elbowing, and throwing the Titans which made the mistake of coming too close.  It tried not to engage, only debilitate.  It had to be cautious with Saskia near its feet; she too realized this and took to running across the rooftops of the dilapidated buildings.  As she jumped from one building to another, careful not to lose her footing, she couldn’t help but recall part of Eren’s horror story from Trost.  Her fear almost became a reality when an arm shot up before her, causing the roof to collapse.  The fall knocked the wind out of her.  The Armored Titan reached in and snatched the man eater before it could grab her.  The shifter’s puppet threw it to the ground and stomped on it over and over again before ripping it in half and throwing the pieces in different directions.  

Up ahead Annie and Kseniya took a sharp turn on Iolana, veering towards the supply station.  The Dancing Titan crashed into a fallen house trying to keep up with their sudden shift in direction, sending debris flying.  While both the shifter and her Titan remained unharmed it noticed that Bertholdt was no longer there.  What almost became the first recorded Titan panic attack was immediately quelled when it saw Kseniya on the ground panting heavily and helping the other shifter to his feet.  Kseniya combined her strength and the force from the Dancing Titan’s crash to pull Bertholdt off in time before the debris could crush him.

“You alright big guy?” the brunette asked extending her arm.  He nodded quickly and reached for her hand.  It was calloused from years of violent obedience but there was a warmth beneath the rough flesh that echoed a gentle heart.

“Y-y-yeah,” he stuttered.  “I’m okay.”

 _Over Annie already?_  Ymir internally rolled her eyes and the Dancing Titan shook off the debris, grabbing them both and continuing forward, trying to catch up to Annie.  The blonde had reached the supply station and was tying up Iolana, the other horses having been lost in the fray, and working on the door.  

“Where’s Saskia?!” Annie demanded with a shriek almost as bone-shattering as her Titan’s scream.

“Somewhere back there.”  Bertholdt pointed to the Armored Titan, who was furiously crushing a Titan with its enormous feet.  

“If she dies because of him, he’s dead to me,” the blonde hissed.  “Don’t just stand there!  Help me open the damn door!”  He rushed to aid the angry adolescent as Kseniya cut Ymir out of her Titan, leaving behind steaming remains.

“Saskia better not get too close to that,” Kseniya muttered, “or she might be fucked.”

“Potty mouth,” Ymir mock scolded.

“You’re any better?”

“Like you even know the first thing about me.”

“I know you’re a bitch.”

“Both of you shut up!” Annie barked again.  “This damn door won’t budge!”

“Maybe you’re supposed to push instead of pull?”

“YMIR!”

“Only trying to help…”

“Bullshit!” Annie seethed, muttering colorful insults under breath.  “How did Saskia open this last night?!”

“These are designed with special locks so non-military personnel can’t get in and steal supplies.  Lemme give it a try.”  Kseniya brushed past the other two, fussing with the large wheel-like handle.  She was vaguely familiar with its design; every Military Police headquarters had an underground bunker created in the event of a Titan breaching Sina.  “It’s like a combination lock.  Annie, keep lookout.  Ymir, if Saskia and Reiner aren’t over here within five minutes head over in Titan form and see what’s going on.  Bertholdt, once I unlock this I’ll need your help pulling it open.  They’re very heavy.”  She began breathing heavily as she struggled to move the ridiculous handle.

The seconds felt like hours but after a few more pulls, pushes, and turns, Kseniya unlocked it.  Bertholdt immediately grabbed on and the two began to pull, their heels embedding in the dirt.

“We’re still relatively secure.”  Annie kept her blades out in the highly probable event that were to change.

“What’s...going on...with the other two…?” Kseniya managed through labored breaths.  The door was partway open but she and Bertholdt worked up such a sweat that they were losing their grip.  She motioned for him to get on the other side to push from within while she continued to pull.

“Reiner’s digging around in a fallen house for something.”  Ymir’s pursed her lips.  “Or if our collective luck is as bad as it seems, someone.”

“Got it!” the tallest exclaimed, trying to catch his breath.  

“Looks like he’s carrying Saskia...She must’ve fallen through that busted rooftop.  Bet that Titan he shredded was inside waiting for her.  Hold up, how warm is the Armored Titan’s skin?!”

* * *

**7:30 AM**

“If she dies I swear I’m gonna kill all three of you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“Shut up and dunk this cloth in some more water.  Her forehead is still really warm.”

“Don’t give me that attitude.  I’m helping you.”

“No Ymir, you’re helping _you_ since Saskia is your ticket to seeing Historia again.”

“I never said my intentions were pure.”

The desire to ‘celebrate’ their reunion after the anti-climactic rescue was put on hold.  Saskia was taken into what appeared to be an officer’s sleeping quarters.  Concern outweighing embarrassment, Kseniya yelled at Reiner and Bertholdt to vacate and find water while she removed Saskia’s uniform, drenched from steam and sweat.  She tore up the General’s cape into rags and soaked them before placing one on her forehead, one around each wrist and ankle, draped one on her neck, and scattered some over other parts of her body to preserve Saskia’s dignity and hide Kseniya’s modesty.

Knowing that, like Marco and herself, Annie had been fed differing information than her comrades she told the three to find a room for themselves and share everything they knew to try and piece together the truth out of all the discrepancies.  This left Ymir with assisting Kseniya who took no issue with the task, though it had little to do with the task itself.

“Stop staring at her like that,” the pseudo-medic snapped.   _How did she survive being in the Armored Titan when they tried to kidnap her?_

“It’s not my fault I have an appreciation for the female form.  Levi is a lucky guy.”

“Dunno about that,” Kseniya said quietly as she reapplied cloth to Saskia’s forehead.  “I think Saskia’s great.  I support what she wants to do.  I’ve had a lot of time to think about myself and my own desires after defecting, and how I understand right and wrong.  Saving lives and second chances?  That’s wonderful, and I don’t think she’s in the wrong.  But she honestly believes once we get back she and Levi will be able to talk it out.  He won’t lose his mind the second he sees the one who killed his first squad.  Her worldview is almost totally black and white.  In some way or another it’ll all work out for the best.  And by ‘best’ I mean what she wants.  I think that’s part of why she hates being in a position of leadership.”

“She does?”

“The position or rank or title, whatever, ‘General’ was invented for her.  She prefers to be the support and hates taking credit for things.  It’s something she’s working on...At least that’s what she told me.  And I believe her, as I doubt she’d do something bold and dangerous if she didn’t think it helped the cause.  Listening to her talk though, passionate as she is, sometimes I can’t tell if -in her mind- there’s a difference between the ‘greater good’ and what _she_ thinks is best.  Like the world will conform to her ideals because she’s striving to do what she thinks is the right thing.”

“Then why did you come with her?”

“Annie.  I needed to make sure she was safe and try to get her on the path to healing and acceptance.”

“So the ‘cruel overseer’ Reiner and Bertholdt told me about was just an act, huh?” Ymir asked as she checked Saskia’s clothes.

“Yeah.  I don’t know if Annie believes me and I don’t care.  But I know that  they would’ve done terrible things if they found any fault in her.  I think they went out of their way to find excuses to punish female subordinates.  As soon as I found out what they would do I immediately molded myself to be just as cruel and manipulative as them.  I felt this need to protect her from their depravity so I offered to ‘ensure she behaved’.  I was in charge of her punishment so I could be certain the abuse was limited to physical and emotional.”  Her eyes twitched and she rubbed at them with the back of her wrist.  “It reached a point where I didn’t know if it really was all an act or if I had some God given talent for cruelty and happened to have this chance to flex the muscle.  I still don’t know.”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course!  I beat her, demeaned her, I did so many awful things to Annie…”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“No, I hated it.  And I hated feeling like I had to do it, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You probably couldn’t do anything else.  Doesn’t make you a bad person.  Sometimes we have to do things we hate, things that revolt us, in order to survive.  This isn’t a world where you’re free to live.  You need to fight for your right to exist.”

“I can’t argue with you on that front.  If I did, then I’d have to think those three are the evil people the rest of the human race wants them to be.”

“Yet you can think it about yourself?”  Ymir raised an eyebrow.

Kseniya stifled a laugh.  “Yeah, I’m a hypocrite.  Geez, are they still talking?  I figured they were all fed various forms of the same lies but...I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  Any of her clothes dry?”

“Undergarments only.”

“Thank God,” Kseniya breathed.  “If she woke up like this...”

Ymir gave her a thumbs up.  “It’ll be our little secret.”

“Damn pervert...Hell no, you are not putting those back on her.”  Kseniya made every awkward and embarrassed expression her muscles could muster as she removed the cold cloths and slowly put the two garments onto her superior.

“Sure you don’t want help?”

“No!” she hissed loudly, putting the cold cloths back in place.  “Oh, and you’re welcome for the rescue.”

“I didn’t ask for it, though I am grateful for the chance to see Historia.”  Ymir nodded towards the partially open door.  “Bertholdt begged that someone save us.  If you’re going to be thanked by anyone it’ll be him.  Reiner is probably reserving it for the General.  After we found their villages destroyed all he talked about was Saskia, whom he admires; me, whom he hates; the Beast Titan, which he’s very eager to kill; and Sasha, whom he’s got an itty bitty crush on.”

“The villages were destroyed?  What happened to Annie’s dad?”

“He was a rotting pile of goop.  I’m not exaggerating when I say that’s all that remains of him.”

“Did they...learn anything about the Beast Titan?”

“No.  Why is that thing so important to you guys?”

“I don’t know the entire history behind it, but I do know that thing is one of the biggest threats to the project.  Isamu himself has a lot of personal interest in seeing that thing killed.  Something to do with Oriental migration.”

Ymir winced and rubbed her left temple.  “They’re convinced I know something about it, and I’m starting to believe them.  When we first saw it...it seemed familiar...and whenever I hear about it, I get this weird headache.  Not an actual headache, but that throbbing feeling when you’re trying hard to recall something from your past.”

“Right, I forgot, you ate Marcel and went from regular Titan to shifter.  You must’ve encountered it at some point then, when it turned you from a human to a Titan.”

“I wish I knew when that was.  I can remember events up to sixty years ago, but I know it happened long before then.  When I was a Titan my memories faded more and more with each day.  All I could think about, while I was still able to think, was how badly I wanted to be a human again.”

Kseniya froze, eyes darting about and blinking rapidly as she processed the shifter’s words.  “Is that why Titans eat humans?” she asked quietly to herself.

“Hell if I know.”  Ymir shrugged.  “I couldn’t see why.”

“The closest a Titan, rather a former human, can get to being human again is trying to ‘become one’ with a human.  That might be what drives Titans to hunt us.  Then how come shifters are the only way for a Titan to become a human again, except they take on the shifter’s abilities…?  Never thought I’d say this since he was a boring conversational partner, but I kinda miss Grisha.”

“How exactly does Saskia plan on keeping Annie and the rest of us safe from the inevitable wrath of Levi and the rest of the Survey Corps?”

“Like I said before, her relationship with Levi isn’t on the line...Not in her mind.  I’m guessing that’s where it comes from, but she’s not idealistic to a point where she expects everyone to hug it out ‘cause we have a common enemy and we’re all victims.  She thinks that’ll allow for civil dialogue and negotiations.”

They both heard a stirring come from the bed.  Kseniya pointed to the door and Ymir left with a nod, the taller woman sitting at Saskia’s side.

“Hey there General,” she said quietly.

Saskia shielded her partially open eyes from a dancing light. She tried to sit up but the person who greeted her conscious form shook her head.

“No, no, no.  You stay down,” Kseniya mock-ordered, easing her back down.  “You fainted from heat exhaustion.  We’re back in the supply station.  I’ve been doing my best to keep you cool.  How do you feel?”

“My head hurts and my stomach is doing somersaults.  Where are the other four?”

“I thought it best if Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt take some time to share everything they knew.  I wanted them to find the differences in what they thought to be true, and from the lies try and piece the actual truth together.  Ymir was helping me but I told her to let them know you’re awake.”

Saskia looked down.  “I’m hardly wearing anything.”  She gave Kseniya a suspicious glance.

“Uh, well, funny story-”

“You did exactly what any proper medic would do.  It’s awkward, yes, but I’ve also had to strip soldiers to tend to wounds, indiscriminate of gender.  You were in charge while I was incapacitated.  Did they respond well to your orders and assuming the position of leadership?”   _It’s time I take my leadership position one step further._

“They didn’t voice any complaint.”

“I’ve figured out how I can provide the protection I promised them.  I want your honest thoughts.”

“Yeah, sure thing.  But how about you put some more clothes on first?  Your shirt is dry for the most part.  I had to tear up your cape to make those cloths...Sorry.”

“It’s another layer, one I most certainly do not need in weather conditions such as these.  How are they?”

“Suspicious, confused.  Annie was trying hard to defend you, Reiner seemed kinda relieved that it was you who was in charge of the rescue, and Bertholdt has mixed feelings but is glad that someone did come eventually.  Ymir only cares about seeing Historia.”

“Have you briefed them on our missions and objectives?”

“Thought about it but wasn’t sure how sensitive that information was.”

Saskia slipped into the rest of her clothing.  “I will do so then.  If they agree to be a part of it.”

“So...this is gonna sound weird but...the rescue operation was…”

“Underwhelming?  I’ll admit I anticipated more combat, going deeper into Titan territory, and the like.  But I can’t say I feel disappointed...I’m relieved they’re alright.  That’s all that mattered to me.”

“I think I see what you mean now when you talk about ‘risks’.  Alright then.”  Kseniya jumped to her feet.  “What’s this thing you wanted my opinion on?”

“Hold on a moment.  Come in Annie.”

The blonde looked somewhat startled as she opened the door, a fist still curled and ready to knock.  “It’s creepy how you can do that.”

Kseniya grabbed a water bottle and shoved it in Saskia’s face, non-verbally ordering her to drink before continuing.  She complied with a slight grin.  “Did you need something?”

“Ymir said you were up.  I was able to exchange information with the guys and we found endless contradictions in the things we thought to be true, as well as things we were told to pretend we didn’t know.  But they’re more interested in you right now, and what you plan to do when we leave this place.  Reiner wants to trust you but he’s still suspicious, as anyone in his position would be.  Bertholdt...he’s just scared.  I don’t think he’s convinced this is a rescue.”

“Would he have preferred Levi?” Saskia joked.

“That’s what I asked him.  Right now you’re the lesser of two evils.”

“I am still evil then.  When I have permission from Dr. Volkova, I would be more than happy to help put them at ease and address every concern they have.”

“You tired at all?” the pseudo-medic asked.

“A little lethargic.”

“In the ‘I have no drive’ sense or ‘my body feels like a ton of bricks’ sense?”

“The latter.”

“Then Dr. Volkova says you need hydrate more and try to get some actual sleep.  But drink first!”

While Saskia rested the other four took inventory.  As one would expect to find at a properly stocked Survey Corps supply station, there was spare gear -still fully functional- as well as gas and rations.  They took turns checking in on the sleeping soldier, none of them aware of how deep a sleeper she was.  When they were done Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholdt took the opportunity to have their first real meal in a long time, though it was no more than the flavorless dehydrated rations the other three had been stuck with.  It was still better than mediocre meat from piss poor hunting and tiny berries.

After they finished eating they all took a well-deserved rest, each waking around what they assumed was late afternoon.  Saskia awoke not longer after, having eaten while they dozed.  Her condition improved as much as one would expect it to in such a short amount of time and Reiner apologized profusely for rendering her into such a state.  She took no issue with it, as it was either be carried and inevitably succumb to the heat or try to run while struggling to breath.  The former made her less of a Titan target.

They did their best not to bombard her with too many questions, in part due to Annie having answered their most pressing ones.  She told them of how she broke out of the crystal and the choice she made to fight for her freedom, regardless of whether or not the rest of the world felt she deserved it.  She also, unbeknownst to Saskia and Kseniya, decided to join in the fight against the government, and ultimately the Titans.  After voicing her decision to her former partners in crime she began to second guess herself, but when Reiner shared his intent to do the same her confidence had returned.  Saskia gladly welcomed their aid.  Ymir made no secret of what she planned to do, though it went without saying that (as she told to Kseniya) her intentions were far from pure.  Bertholdt was the only undecided one.

The thought of revenge was tantalizing, but it wasn’t necessary.  Protection from the Survey Corps _by_ the Survey Corps sounded impossible.  He knew what he wanted but he wasn’t sure how to get it.  He didn’t even know if he deserved it.  The latter he kept to himself.  While Saskia talked he only pretended to be listening.  The more comforting words she offered, the more uncomfortable he became.

“Regarding what Annie said, I would rather the three of you, and you as well Kseniya, not view yourselves as victims.  You have survived up until this point through your own resourcefulness and willpower, have you not?  All four of you have survived.  Not a single person in this room is a victim of their schemes, their abuse, their malevolent intentions.  ‘Survivor’ is the appropriate word.  I humbly request you remain aware of that from this point forward.”  She folded her hands in her lap.  “I am not here to convince anyone of anything.  I am only here with an offer.”  She breathed deeply.

“You have done horrible things, by conventional definition.  I know people who have a broken moral compass but have done acts of kindness, favors for others with no concern for their own benefit.  Your actions do not define your character, they are merely reflections and physical manifestations of what you believe.  Did you believe the horrible things you did made you horrible people, as you had horrible intentions?  Or did you do horrible things, unsure of how you saw yourselves, because you wanted to survive?”  She paused.  “Levi once told me there is a difference between selfishness and survival.  I find this to be an extreme example of that.  Unless you wish to prove me wrong and explain that you did in fact have malicious intent, that you wanted to be branded murderers, to lose the trust of those you considered friends and vice versa.  Did any of you want any of that?  You will have a chance to present your case and I will personally see to it that no harm befalls you.”  

“I don’t feel well.”  Everyone turned to Bertholdt.  “I’m...still really tired.”

 _Kid’s not a very good liar.  Dr. Volkova to the rescue.  Again._  “Come with me.”  She motioned for him to follow her.  “I’ll get that room cleaned up, the one Saskia was in, and you can sleep in there.  Bed might be a little damp…”

He could tell they caught his bluff but he didn’t care, he just had to get away from the ‘uplifting’ conversation.  It was too much to take in.

“You need to work on your lying skills, big guy,” she said softly as she gathered up the remains of Saskia’s Survey Corps cape.  “Why so eager to get out of there, hm?”

“Ah, well, it’s just-”

“Still pretty guilt-ridden too?”  Her tone took a sudden shift to sympathetic.  “I mean, I didn’t let in Titans, but...Being around Annie, hearing her and looking at her, I can’t _not_ think about the things I did to her.  Talking about it with Ymir didn’t really help.” She sat down on the bed and pat the empty spot beside her.  “Relatively speaking I’m a neutral party here, so you can talk to me.”

Bertholdt reluctantly sat on the bed, putting as much distance between them as possible.  “You don’t feel undermined?  As if her enthusiasm for making things right will somehow erase everything we feel?”

“Nope.  She’s been in our shoes in her own way, and found things to keep her going other than that painful childhood.  I can respect that.  Hell, I envy it to a degree.  I wish there was more to me than my past.  I’ve only got a month between me and when I defected, sure, but I don’t feel like I’ve done much since then.  Maybe I’m expecting too much from myself...By that same token though, I dunno what unreasonable looks like.”  She casually rolled her shoulders.  “I can only do so much, but that’s not gonna stop me from trying.”

“What do you want to accomplish?”

“I want this all to end but I’m not the person for that job.  That won’t stop me from helping those more...equipped than me.  Like you guys, for example.  Well Annie for sure.  Can’t say I can devote my time and energy to supporting you...You don’t even know what you want.”

“Peace.”

“But the impending conflict scares you, doesn’t it?”

“Aren’t you scared too?”

“Of course!  But...I mean...Ya know…”  She nervously rubbed her forearm.   _He’s the anxious one and yet here I am stuttering._  “It’s inevitable.  So I’m gonna be here for everyone.  Not like Saskia.  Her definition of help is fight the good fight.  I’m alright with running around gathering information.  That’s what I’m ultimately after.  What I want to accomplish.  It’s personal in more ways than I can count.  How about you actually get some sleep and we talk more tonight?”

“...sure.”

* * *

 

**9:32 PM**

Kseniya leaned back against the brick wall of the watchtower.  “I had good intentions.  Nothing good came of it.  So here I am doing a ‘bad thing’, helping the most hated people in the known world.  But for the right reasons.  And it’ll lead to good things.  Lives being saved, second chances, all that stuff.  And before you ask, I don’t know if you deserve a second chance.  That’s not for me to decide.”

“Who decides?”  Bertholdt rested his arms on the brick wall.

“Most would probably say God,” she shrugged.  “The General would say something like the grass.  I say that’s up to you.  Do you deserve a second chance?”  She glanced over at him.

He shook his head.  “I don’t know.”

“Yeah you do.  It’s scary, acknowledging you have it in you to be a better person.  Someone strong enough to try, brave enough to fail.  Someone who isn’t afraid to be hated or loved.  Are you strong and brave?  Can you accept hate or love?”

“I’m used to being hated.”

“But are you okay with it?  Not the same thing.”

“I begged that someone come save us.  If I need to **beg** to be _saved-_ ”

“Then you’re honest,” she interrupted.  “More than can be said for most people.  Geez, I sound bitter and cynical tonight.  Not sure why...Maybe I’m still a little underwhelmed by our anticlimactic rescue mission.  You’re a good listener, you know that?  You listened to my rambling earlier though I was supposed to be lending an ear.”

“No…”  He shrugged off the compliment.  “I’m just quiet.”

“I noticed.  It’s refreshing.  Here’s the thing.  We’re all bracing ourselves for the return.  We’re insecure lunatics, but we’re doing what we can to change that before we get there.  Assuming we get back ALIVE you’ll need to steel yourself.  Figure out why you, just like everyone waiting for us on the other side of those walls.”  She motioned towards Wall Rose.  “Why you should be allowed to live.  You do think you have the right to live, don’t you?”  She sounded slightly worried.

“Sure I do.  I don’t know what’s going to become of me, and that makes it hard to think about how I can move forward.  What I should even try to do with myself.  Annie and Saskia have a lot in common, so she has someone to look up to.  Reiner, even when he’s unsure of himself, he doesn’t hesitate...and that’s how he figures himself out.  I don’t have something like that.”

She exhaled slowly through parted lips.  “Yeah, I know what you mean.  Here’s an idea.”  Her eyes lit up and she gave him a light backhanded tap on the back.  “We figure it out together.  Because honestly I have no idea what my future will look like.  I want to find and supply information.  Whether or not I can, I don’t know.  If I’m the person for it, I don’t know.  If I’ll get the chance, I don’t know.  Who ‘Kseniya Volkova’ is, I don’t know.  But there’s no turning back.  Not now, not ever.”

“Do you by chance have a nickname?” he asked hopefully.

She chuckled.  “‘Kseniya’ is rough for those who aren’t familiar with the language.”  She began counting off on her fingers.  “There’s Ksena, Ksyunya, Ksyusha, Ksyushka, and my favorite Ksyushen’ka...Take your pick!  Anyone who really struggled, they called me ‘Kay’.”

“When I was younger everyone called me ‘Bertl’.  It annoyed me until I was taken.  Reiner did it occasionally to tease me but when I told him it bothered me for other reasons he stopped.”

“That’s pretty cute.  Cuter than-”  She stopped, a loud crumbling interrupting her thoughts.  She turned around and faced Maria, eyes widening in horror as a large hand hoisted up an even larger fur-covered creature.

“Is that…the...?”  She could barely choke out a complete thought.

Bertholdt grabbed her arm and pulled her down before the Beast Titan could see them.  Its booming voice shook the partially collapsed wall as it spoke.

“The scent of a familiar bloodline...A distant child of the wolf...”  At first it sounded intrigued, then suddenly enraged.  “The first fraud…”

Rumbling noises came from all around as the sleeping Titans began to stir.

Downstairs, Ymir awoke in a cold sweat.  “It’s here,” she murmured frantically before shaking everyone else awake.  As she roused them from their slumber Kseniya and Bertholdt appeared, both shaking and panting heavily to try and catch their breath.

“We have a problem,” the brunette managed.  “The Beast Titan...We saw it...And it knows we’re here.  It knows I’m here.”

“What?  Kseniya what are you talking about?” Saskia demanded.

“It recognized the scent of my ‘bloodline’.  It smelled a ‘distant child of the wolf’.  Then it said ‘the first fraud’.  There’s only one thing the Titan-that-makes-Titans could mean by that.  That’s why they want her research.  Katya was the first shifter.”

“Ymir, you don’t look like you’re gonna faint,” Reiner observed.

“Maybe because I don’t feel faint!” she snapped.  “What the hell is this feeling?”  She put her hands on her head and started pacing.  “There’s something nostalgic about it…”

“It’s responsible for turning you into a Titan,” Kseniya reminded.  “Maybe you’re somehow connected to it ‘cause of that?”

From atop Maria the Beast Titan narrowed its eyes at the supply station.   It looked down at the mindless creatures meandering about and raised a lanky, furry arm pointing towards the supply station.  “Kill them.  Spare your sister.”

Ymir heard the order but it wasn’t directed at her.  It was a warning.  “Titans can’t break through here, right?”

“They would have no incentive.  When a human is out of sight and their scent is distant, fading, Titans will lose interest.  That is why these supply stations are below ground level.”

“What if they were ordered to try?” the dark-skinned female pressed.

“I doubt they could fit, unless one were to break the door apart and smash through the floors.”

_SLAM!_

* * *

**Wall Sina, Mitras, Royal Palace, August 9th, 5:38 PM**

“I don’t see why you’re so upset.  We were hoping for this.  We wanted her to take that failure of a shifter and use her to find the others.”  Isamu calmly poured himself another cup of tea.  “We wanted to drive a wedge between her and Levi, riding on the hope that she would do it for us.”

Kenny grumbled something under his breath, lips curving to the side in disgust as he did.  “Yeah, we were.  Honestly I wasn’t entirely certain she’d do it.  Here’s something we didn’t take into consideration.  They’re her cadets.  She’ll pity them, she’ll try to protect them.  Not just from Levi but from us too.  They’ll ruin it.  They’ll tell her about Erwin.  And she might believe them.  We’ve got no way of knowing.  If that happens we lose our bait, our trap, the incentive.  If we try to apprehend them we she returns that’ll only affirm whatever they told her.  She’s coming back with an army of shifters, and Kseniya, who will tell her **everything**.”

“We don’t know for certain if they’ll join her.  All we wanted was for her to try.  Even if she returns empty handed, Levi will despise her.”

“Something she’ll try to fix.  We didn’t think that through.  Suppose there’s no point in bitching.  We’ll deal with it when she’s back.  How about the song?  Has anyone found anything?”

“Nothing substantial...No one is leaving until Gloria's original files are found.  As soon as we have that, we’ll be one step closer to finding out the things Katya learned that our predecessors couldn’t.  Starting with the Beast Titan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY we're ready to head back with the shifters and wtf Katya was the first shifter and the Beast Titan knew her?
> 
> 'Kseniya' means 'hospitality'. Bertholdt is the Colossal Titan. Folks, I introduce our newest ship, Colosspitality.
> 
> And yes those are the 'diminutives' for Kseniya (also spelled Ksenia).
> 
> Saskia knows how she's gonna protect these dudes...So what's her plan? Any guesses?


	50. Collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember peeps, Colleen Berliner is NOT MY OC. She belongs to a friend over on deviantART, xxtheblackdevilxx. I highly recommend you look her up and check out her works. She specializes in reader inserts and has a very lovely, even musical (if you will) writing style

**Wall Maria, Survey Corps Supply Station, August 11th, 9:44 PM**

Once was enough for even the smallest Titan to leave a deep imprint in the thick metal door.  Under the Beast Titan’s control, thus imbued with its power and intellect, they scrambled to break in and kill all save for Ymir.

“We’re trapped,” Reiner breathed, slowly backing away.  “Unless we can escape through the watchtower,” he added glancing upwards.  No sooner after he spoke, they heard it come crumbling down.

“They’ve got us cornered.”  Kseniya grit her teeth.   _Katya.  Was a shifter.  The first.  She uncovered it.  The way to become a shifter.  But how?  What inspired it?  For that thing to know her...she would’ve gone outside the walls...as a Titan...Ponder later Kseniya!  Gotta focus!_  “There’s no other exit?”  She turned to Saskia.

Pale to the point of bordering on transparent, the General shook her head.  “I haven’t a clue...but to not build one would be absolutely foolish.  If there were one, it would be somewhere on the lowest level.”  She turned to the stairway.  “Let’s go.”  She waved them forward, not making the descent until they were all ahead of her.

Another Titan slammed a meaty fist against the door, sending it crashing inside.  Arms snaked in and began groping around.

“We’ll need to grab new gear from the armory while we’re down there.”  Annie’s bangs clung to her sweat-drenched forehead.

“How many levels do these things have?” Ymir asked, trying to push out all the guilt that was creeping in.  If she hadn’t been there, would they be in danger?  The Beast Titan could feel her presence and vice versa.  Turning around and acting as a shield crossed her mind.

“Three, sometimes four.  If there is an emergency exit it should lead north, towards headquarters.”  Saskia could feel the stairs quaking behind her as a five-meter began forcing its way inside.  The first level was starting to give way, taking some of the stairs with it.  “Faster!”   _I’m sorry Iolana...I’m so sorry…_

The first floor caved in.  Had they gone any slower the five-meter would’ve grabbed them before they could pass the second floor.  The fall caused some of the steps to weaken, which served to hasten their pace.  If the stairs collapsed beneath them they would plummet two flights down before hitting solid rock.  With the upper level destroyed larger Titans were able to start piling in, trying to bring the building down to its foundation before they could reach the lowest level.

The following moments became a blur; no one could recall when or how they all acquired new gear so quickly, or how they found a door which blended in all too well with the rest of the stone wall.  Saskia found it disturbingly familiar.

 _Just like the sub-basement_ , she thought to herself as they slid it open.  Large chunks began to fall from the ceiling, almost crushing them as they dove in.  The Titans began jumping on what remained of the floors to bring the entire building down.  Again they tried reaching in to grab their victims, and to retrieve their ‘sister’.  Reiner and Kseniya sliced off their fingers, giving them ample time to retreat.

The emergency exit was pitch black but they could feel sconces lining the walls.  It was dusty and reeked of dirty water and calcium buildup.  The wailing and groaning of the Titans echoed throughout the seemingly endless passage.

“Where do you think this will spit us out?” Reiner asked.

“I haven’t a clue.”  Saskia shook her head.  “How in the world were these used in the past?  They need some sort of circulation or one would suffocate…Does anyone feel a draft?  Suppose that’s a silly question to ask, what with the door being left open.”

“You had no idea this was here?” Bertholdt asked incredulously.  He was under the assumption that she knew all of the Survey Corps’ secrets, and then some.

“No.  Truth be told, I rarely ventured far down in a supply station.  I...I only did as I was told.  Kseniya.  You said that Katya was the first shifter?”

“According to the Beast Titan, yeah,” the brunette confirmed.  “It could smell me, and apparently I smell like Katya.  Meaning they met.  What else could it mean by ‘first fraud’ other than a shifter?  If she was that would explain why they wanted, rather needed her work so badly.  I mean, yeah, the way to create shifters clearly hasn’t been lost.  But she was the first to do it.  My guess is the ones who killed her, they were trying to create something similar but she beat them to it.  And in her experimenting she encountered that thing…”

“That might explain why they don’t recognize our Titans as one of them, but rather as a human,” Annie mused.  “The Beast Titan somehow ‘informed’ them of imposters.”

“I still don’t get why she was dabbling in that in the first place.”

“Perhaps for the same reasons our former bosses did.”  Bertholdt shrugged.  “We all knew we weren’t the first shifters; someone created and perfect that formula long ago.  Katya, it would seem.  But they never resorted to using shifters until recently.”

“If they never figured out how to make shifters, then that’s probably why,” Ymir replied.  “Eren’s dad knew.  Seems like bits of her research got passed down.  If that’s the case, then there’s something more she learned.  Probably something to do with the Beast Titan.”   _I’m a shifter now...but it told them to spare me.  It called me their ‘sister’.  Who am I to that thing?_

“Meaning they also knew about it...Which would make sense, seeing as Isamu learned of it from his ancestors.  I bet the ones who started this, a handful were Oriental.”

“What does that have to do with any of this?”  Saskia raised an eyebrow in the direction of Kseniya’s voice.

“The place they came from is very far away.  I think the reason there are so few is because they encountered many Titans on the way here and got eaten, or they were turned.  Isamu has a personal gripe with the Beast Titan and while he never elaborated, he always made it clear that a huge part of why he’s involved in the Living Weapon project is because of his ancestors.  I dunno...I’m sure he’d love to tell you.  Wouldn’t even need to interrogate him.”

“I’m sure,” the General echoed.   _If the majority of Titan did in fact come from Orientals, that would explain the one who spoke...The one who said ‘Ymir-sama’.  But she doesn’t know much of her connection to it.  What more of a connection could there be aside from having been turned?  Why did that Titan speak of her using such a respectful honorific?  And of course, her name..._

“I also have an idea as to why Titans hunt humans.  They used to be human, right?  And Ymir can attest to how miserable that is and how badly they just want to be human again.  The closest they can get to being human is ‘being one’ with a human.  Consuming it, in other words.  That’s my idea.”

“Kseniya, do you remember where the secret base Hanji and Moblit created is located?  As soon as we return I want you to go there and share all of this with her.”

“What’re you gonna do?”

“Now is the time to discuss that, I suppose.  As I said before, I will not allow any harm to befall you four.  Even if the rest of the Survey Corps takes issue with it, _my_ providing protection places _you_ under Survey Corps protection.  All of you have shared invaluable information with me without needing to be prompted, threatened.  And you have made it very clear that you wish to aid us.”

“Save for one.”  Ymir, who was walking behind Bertholdt, gave him a rough pat on the shoulder.

“Yes, save for one...Bertholdt, I need to know here and now what it is you plan to do.”

Some of Kseniya’s words echoed in the back of his mind.  “I’ll join you.  I’ll do my best to help.”

“Perfect.  That will make for a well-rounded squad.”

“A what?!” Kseniya gasped loudly.  “Is _that_ what you wanted my thoughts on?”

“Sort of.  I more so wanted your thoughts on being my second-in-command.”

“Your WHAT?!”  Her shriek echoed loudly through the dark tunnel.

“And Marco will need protection as well...Considering your history together I think it only makes sense to add him as well.  That, and Levi won’t be overburdened.  His squad is already a handful...Another member could throw off their balance.”

“So he is alive,” Reiner muttered.  “That’s good.”

“Jean must’ve been happy about that.”  They could hear the grin in Ymir’s voice.  “Sure, he fell hard for Mikasa but that was purely infatuation...or a cover.  But him and Marco?  You two shared a dorm with them when we were trainees.  Tell me you saw it too.”

“They could’ve taught you a thing or two about subtly,” Reiner teased, and Ymir stuck out her tongue at him.

“Squad Saskia.  Wow.  Does that mean we get to call you something different, just like Levi’s squad?  Are you ‘Saskia Heichou’ now?”   _And I’m second-in-command...Katya would be proud, I guess?_

“No.  ‘Heichou’ comes from an Oriental word akin to ‘Lance Corporal’, making it exclusive to Levi.  If memory serves the equivalent of ‘General’ would be…‘Taishou’.”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Pine’s Manor, August 12th, 7:29 PM**

The tension had mostly died down in the sense that the fighting stopped, but the resentment still lingered.  Levi was coming to his wits end.  Saskia was gone (perhaps for good), Hanji’s whereabouts were unknown, and they had no way of contacting Pixis to receive the aid he promised.  Erwin could have been killed long ago and they would have no way of knowing.

What really began to push him was Eren’s accusation that they had lost focus.  Putting Historia on the throne was essential to securing the chance to make their way to Shiganshina.  But when would that happen?  After storming the capitol and committing the highest act of treason?  Wouldn’t there be a political mess to clean up first?  Since when did the ‘Living Weapon project’ take precedence?

To the man who wanted revenge against the despicable man who raised him and a treacherous former lover, it took precedence.  But to the soldier, to the Lance Corporal, to the Acting Commander of the Survey Corps, he couldn’t become absorbed in these things.  Killing Kenny would be part of securing the throne.  Stopping the Living Weapon project would mean putting all Titan fighting resources in the hands of the Survey Corps.  That had to be his perspective.

“You wanted to see me Heichou?”

“I thought about what you said.  You were right.  I got caught up in things that don’t matter, not to our mission.  We’re heading for the capitol soon.  We’re taking it tomorrow night..  Once we have that, Shiganshina is next.  No distractions, no interruptions.”

“Not even Saskia?” the brunet asked suspiciously.

“ _Especially_ not Saskia.”

* * *

They had no way of knowing exactly how much time elapsed but their circadian rhythms told them it had been close to two days.  They had no idea how far underground they were.  They were tired and hungry but had to keep moving.  Conversation became sparse not long after Saskia shared her plan to form a squad, partly out of a collective anxiety revolving around the idea but mostly because of fatigue.  Kseniya however still had one very important question for Saskia.

“I know you don’t wanna talk about Erwin, and that’s fine.  But...what about your father?”  She glanced in what she assumed was Saskia’s direction.

“My father?  That depends on what happens when we find him.  There’s certainly a great deal I wish to ask him.”

“Naturally.  What I mean is-”  She stopped when she heard a thud.  Saskia walked right into what she assumed was a wall.  “Are you alright?”

“Never better.”  The General took a step back, moving her hands along the solid surface she bumped into.  “We literally just reached a door.  Let me see if I can find the handle...Hm...Locked.  I can feel the keyhole...Annie, can I have your hair pins?”

“Sure.”  The blonde pulled them out, her soft hair gracefully rolling down to her shoulders.  “Can you pick that in the dark?”

“If this door leads to where I think it does then yes, I certainly can.”

“Where do you think it goes?” Ymir asked.

“A location known only to a few, and one that is very special to me.”  She got down on her knees and carefully used the pins to pry the lock open.  After a few minutes there was a clicking sound, indicating success.  She stood up, brushed herself off, and opened the door.  There was no light coming in but a small lantern remained lit on a table near the front of the room.  The tiny flame cast large dancing shadows over the rows of bookshelves.  “This is the sub-basement of the Survey Corps’ headquarters.”

“Here’s hoping it isn’t crawling with guards again,” Annie muttered as she attempted to pin her hair back up with the bent bobby pins.

“Saskia, I need a serious answer from you.”  Kseniya stepped in front of her superior.  “I know you never met him and he has done terrible things.  But is the fact that he’s your father gonna stop you from killing him?”

The General furrowed her brow.  “Terrible things…?  What the hell are you talking about?  Why would I kill him?  What has he done?”  Her voice grew louder with each question.

“You...you don’t know?”  Her shoulders dropped.  “I thought for sure Levi would’ve said something…”

“Why would Levi…?  Kseniya, elaborate.   **Now**.”

“The guy that raised him is best buds with your dad so I figured he’d have told you...He probably overheard things as a kid, ya know?  I mean, Isamu doesn’t really keep it a secret that you’re his pride and joy.”

She blinked, then looked over her shoulder.  “Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, did you know?”

“Of course,” Reiner replied.  “But we all thought you did too…”

“...Isamu Maki...is my father…”   _I carry the blood of one the most dangerous men within the walls.  The one behind the project.  And...Levi knew?!  He knew and he said nothing?!_   She was quiet for an uncomfortably long period of time.  After a deep inhale she turned back to Kseniya.  “My orders haven’t changed.  Find Hanji and Moblit.”

“And tell her about Katya?”

“That will have to wait, unfortunately.  We’re going to Sina.  See if they have had any contact with Pixis.  He promised to lend aid to us, that the Garrison would be our ally.”

“How will you get into Sina?  We don’t know what time it is so there’s no guarantee that you’ll have cover from nighttime.  When we left it was just us two, later three, and I knew the patrols really well.  But a larger group…”

“Considering this your first assignment as a part of Squad Saskia.”

* * *

**Wall Rose, Trost District, Secret Survey Corps Headquarters, August 13th, 10:21 AM**

“We still haven’t seen any of your soldiers in Sina, sadly.  But after how long it’s been they’re no doubt gearing up for the next phase of the coup.”

Hanji laced her fingers and dropped her chin atop then, an elbow on each leg.  “I still can’t believe Saskia would go in there and free Annie.  What she did...could very well tear the Survey Corps apart.”

Once Nile shared his findings with Zackley and later Kenny, the former sent word to the Garrison to inform them that Saskia was in league with -and as dangerous as- the ones who destroyed Wall Maria.  After their talk in which Nile expressed his doubts to Pixis, he knew the MP Commander would eventually act on his own.  And while his findings were shocking, the reaction of the Commander-in-Chief and Commander of the CMP was even more so.  Already knowing the CMP Commander to be a man of questionable character, he had begun to question that of Darius Zackley as well.

“It could.  She wouldn’t act without reason though.  Whatever that reason was, we’ll never know until she comes back.  If she does.  The MP is growing pretty restless around here.  I think the CMP gave the order to find you.  They either have reason to suspect or know for certain that you aren’t with Levi.”

They heard the front door open downstairs.  Heavy footsteps came up the stairs.  Hanji reached for her shotgun.  Pixis pulled a pistol from his jacket.

Still standing out in the hallway, Kseniya pushed the door open slowly.  She didn’t want to risk getting shot at again.

“It’s only me!” she called.   _I...have no way of knowing if Hanji is in there.  Damn it!  Had to ditch my gear so I’m completely unarmed._  “Saskia and I came back.  With...company.”  She heard Pixis sigh in relief and Hanji gasp, though she wasn’t sure if it was because of her news or because she wasn’t a Military Police soldier.  “And, uh, she was wondering...if the Garrison was still willing to lend aid to the Survey Corps...in the form of sneaking her, me, you and Moblit, Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir into to Sina to reconvene with the others and figure out what the next part of the plan is for taking down the asshole keeping Historia’s seat warm.”

“Aid from the Garrison, eh?” Pixis asked with a grin.  “Hanji, who is that young lady out in the hallway?”

“Kseniya Volkova.  Come on in.  Saskia owes us an explanation, and she sent you on her behalf?”

She spun on her heel and slowly stepped in.  “She wants to keep an eye on the other for, make sure they stay safe and out of the public eye.”

“She’s protecting them.  She didn’t feel ‘confident enough’ in the ‘risk’ she took to be able to talk to me face-to-face?”  Hanji almost sounded offended.

“That’s also for her to explain.  I know I’m not being helpful right now.  I did agree with her that it’d be best if I came though.  Should any MP or, God forbid _CMP_ , jerks come along they would either tear us all apart or drag us back to the capitol.  But Saskia, the CMP can’t touch her.  This was her way of protecting me too.  You have less incentive to kill me after all.  I think.  I hope...”

“And how does she plan on protecting the shifters?”

“By assembling an all shifter squad.”   _Even though heat makes her sick...Bad idea, Saskia._

Hanji raised an eyebrow.  “With whose authority?  It took a lot of negotiations to allow us to revive the Special Operations Squad, you know.  She can’t simply declare herself a ‘squad leader’, especially since she’s already General.  Do we have a second Special Ops Squad now?”

“Not a terrible idea she’s got, but she will need to get permission from Darius Zackley first,” Pixis added.

Kseniya’s eyes widened in irritated surprise.  “You don’t know about Zackley?  Good God...He’s one of them!  He used to work for me!”  She pressed a pointer finger to her chest.  “He’s a ‘bad guy’.  She doesn’t need a damn thing from him.  None of you do!”

 _That explains why he was so dismissive to Nile, and told him to meet with the CMP instead._  “Is he now?  If that’s the case I think we can work something out.  The Garrison will take you into Sina and keep an eye on the walls to make sure Nile’s ignorant soldiers don’t interfere.  But I’ll need proof first.  We can’t simply waltz into his office and throw such an accusation at him.  Do you have any proof you can present here and now?”

“...Annie Leonhardt’s testimony?  That’s something the Survey Corps wanted.”

“The Survey Corps is compromised.  And the Survey Corps _isn’t_ the one asking,” Pixis replied sharply.

“Then no, I don’t.”   _They’re counting on me.  I can’t let them down.  Especially with this being my first damn assignment!  Think, think, think...Does the Garrison really owe the Survey Corps anything?  Is there some kind of leverage I can use?_  “The Garrison played a big part in the clean up of Stohess, right?”

“Yes, we did.  The Military Police tended to the civilians while we worked on the walls.  Including keeping the Titans within the walls a secret.”

“Did you have access to the list of civilians that the MP compiled?”

“I did.”

 _Luzia would be on there.  But...why did they suddenly kill her?_  “A woman named ‘Luzia Messmann’ should be on there.  If not it’s because the CMP went above and beyond the keep her very existence a secret.  She’s Saskia’s biological mother.  I don’t know why but some reason they decided it was time to kill her.  See, Saskia was supposed to be raised by Kenny Ackermann.  Yeah, _that_ Kenny Ackermann.  He’s actually Kenny the Ripper.  Fun fact.  Anyway, when Luzia found out she took her baby as far away as she possibly could, thinking that she’d be safe in the military.  She used her Oriental blood to convince Shardis to take her in and raise her to be a soldier.”

“That makes far more sense than keeping her out of respect for deceased parents.  Go on.”

“Turns out Shardis was one of them.  Luzia didn’t know.  This whole thing we’re fighting goes back hundreds of years, starting with my ancestor Katya Volkova…3rd Commander of the Survey Corps.  I would love to get into all the details, really, I would, but we don’t have time.  Back to Zackley though.  Luzia was kept alive, never seen as a threat to their ultimate goal.  And yet for some reason they decided to kill her in Stohess.  That was the entire reason Annie and Eren fought there.  Saskia found her mutilated body, and is now in possession of a family heirloom as well as a photograph of the woman they all but erased.  They had a reason.  What that is, I don’t know.  I defected the very day that skirmish went down.  It was all a cover.  Same as Trost was a cover to kill off another shifter they had under their command, one who survived and is allied with the Survey Corps right now helping the Lance Corporal of the Survey Corps.  I’ll sum it up with this- for some reason Saskia’s mom was suddenly a threat to this very well informed and funded organization going back to the early 700s.  One woman who, for twenty-eight years, they kept under their thumb, under their watch, and had nothing to fear from her.  Out of nowhere they stage a massive battle, trying to kill Annie in the process because they didn’t need her anymore, because she was suddenly a threat.  One woman with no resources, no allies, nothing.  Very few knew she even existed!  So...if you can somehow interrogate him and trick him into revealing that he knows about Luzia, that’s proof alone right there.  Even if he doesn’t know why they killed her, only a select few could even know about her.”

Pixis took a moment to digest her claims before turning to Hanji.  “Can you verify any of this?”

“Some, yes.  Luzia Messmann was a real person and they did try to keep her identity a secret.  Kseniya here was actually acting as a public servant for the census bureau when Levi had reason to believe the story Shardis told her about her ‘parents’ was a lie.  He suspected she was half-Oriental, which we now know to be true.  I can also confirm the role Keith Shardis played in this.”

“And this ultimate goal of theirs...Is Zackley well informed on it?”

“He’s the reason that Eren was given to the Survey Corps,” Kseniya swiftly replied.  “The CMP has eyes and ears everywhere.  And the MP would’ve killed him.  Had the CMP told them not to...It would’ve raised some eyebrows.  He was ordered to do it.”

“I see.  All we need is a confession to the existence of this ‘Luzia Messmann’?  You, young lady, are a stranger, but I have no reason to doubt Hanji’s word.  I will have my best soldiers escort you, all of you, to Sina and keep an eye out for the Military Police while you...do whatever it is that needs to be done.  I’ll go pay the Commander-in-Chief a visit and have a nice long chat with him about how he’s an asshole.  I’m sure Kitz, Rico, Anka, and Gustav will be thrilled with this mission.”  Pixis took a long overdue swig from his flask.  “But orders are orders, as you’re now coming to learn...What was your name again?”

“Kay is fine.”   _Unless you can pronounce ‘Ksyushen’ka’._

“Only Rico, Anka, and Gustav know that I have been meeting with Hanji and Moblit.  However Kitz is of a higher rank them those three.  Paranoid as he may be, Rico will be able to keep his ass in line.”  Pixis rose from his chair.  “Let’s get to it then.”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Mitras District, August 13th, 2:58 PM**

As Marco had postulated, the ‘civilians’ populating the royal capitol were in fact Central Military Police in disguise.  The entire city became a battleground when the Survey Corps, with Marco in tow, broke in and began an indiscriminate slaughter on the vile, heartless soldiers.  Their gear was all but useless as it helped them move about to avoid being shot, but a handful were armed with the same gear Kenny and his soldiers used during his previous confrontation with Levi.

Splitting up didn’t work to their advantage, but staying together put them at a great disadvantage; divide and conquer, while hardly strategic, was the closest thing to strategy they had.  Levi had equipped all of them two flares- black to declare an enemy area had been completely cleared and red to indicate mortal injury.  Unbeknownst to the rest he gave Armin a green flare.  When asked what it was for, all he was told was ‘You’ll know when you see it’.

Well over half of the sparsely populated city had been decimated within an hour or so.  Levi anticipated Kenny, or whoever happened to be in that castle, to make a grand entrance as soon as they finished.  What he didn’t anticipate were lifts operating from the other side of the district’s wall, and cannons being fired at large masses of CMP soldiers.

Through the smoke and debris Levi found Armin and pulled him aside.  “Go up there,” he ordered, coughing from the now polluted air.  “If you see it, fire.”

“Heichou, what am I looking for?!”

“I already told you, you’ll know!  Now go!”

“Yes sir!”  Armin hurried to the wall, deftly using his gear to maneuver his way up without getting in the way of the cannons.  He recognized Kitz and Rico from the Battle for Trost, and saw the soldiers accompanying them wearing Garrison uniforms.

 _The Garrison is here to help?  But who told them?  Hanji and Moblit perhaps?_  It was then that Armin noticed the lift come up once more.  Eight soldiers, all wearing Survey Corps uniforms, mounted the platform of the wall.

“Annie…?” he barely managed, knowing she couldn’t hear him.  But she saw him, and she looked as relieved as one possibly could in their circumstances.  Then he turned to face Saskia, her fierce eyes locking with his own.

Armin fired the green round.

* * *

**Wall Sina, Royal Palace, Dungeons, 2:37 PM**

Though many floors deep into the Earth, Erwin could sense the shift in atmosphere.  The entire castle was tense.  Something was amiss.  What exactly that thing was, he hadn’t an inkling.  For the most part he couldn’t bring himself to care.  He spent much of his time meditating on Kenny’s odd question to distract himself from his concerns for his sister’s safety.

 _Reason to suspect Colleen?  She exposed Saskia to a world beyond her sheltered upbringing, she helped her break her emotional shackles.  Colleen’s way of raising and guiding her was the antithesis to everything Saskia was ‘meant to be’.  It couldn’t have been deliberate.  She couldn’t possibly know.  That information was far too sensitive...Only the Jaeger and Volkova families would know.  Unless the Berliner family had some tie?  Perhaps someone from one of the two families married into the Berliner family?  The only other explanation I can think of...is Gloria marrying into the Jaeger family...while keeping her birth family informed…_  He sighed heavily.

 _I suppose, by this point, it truly doesn’t matter._  He leaned his back and stared up at the grimy stone ceiling.   _I’ll see her again soon._  Erwin suppressed a bitter laugh.   _Who am I kidding?  There is no place in Heaven for someone like me.  All I have, all I will ever have, are the memories.  I shouldn’t even be allowed to have that.  No wonder she was torn to pieces before my eyes.  I...could never be worthy of someone like her._  He glanced down at his bruised, bloody, shaking palm.   _Not with all the innocent lives I’ve taken.  Everywhere I go, I leave a trail of blood of the innocent.  If only I had the strength to rip out my eyes...I don’t want to see the look on Saskia’s face when I tell her everything...especially about Isabel._  He closed his eyes.

 

* * *

**The Scholarly Journal of Katya Volkova, 7XX**

My hypotheses for why the transformation is triggered by self-harm are as follows- 1.) Titans are drawn to the scent of human blood because they consume humans or 2.) the harm triggers the flight-or-fight response, causing ‘flight’ in the human and ‘fight’ in the Titan (a form of self-defense by hiding one and fighting back with the other).  There exists the possibility that both are connected.

-

After the second trial of injection I have come the conclusion that self-harm causes transformation is due to my second hypothesis.  If human blood were a draw to bring out this ‘Titan within’, I would have attacked Gloria after she injured herself to draw blood.  There was no desire to consume her or engage in any other Titan behavior.

Gloria refers to the process as ‘shifting’ but I feel this to be too simplistic, and that it inaccurately implies a mere switch from one form to another.  A more appropriate term would be ‘atavistic transcendence’ which I define as follow- a regression in form to a primal ancestral being but maintaining the rationality and consciousness of a more evolved species; having the superior physical abilities of their ancestors but the superior mind/mental and cognitive processes and faculties of a modern human lifeform; going both backwards and above.  Gloria remains unconvinced that humans and Titans share a biological connection.

-

Tonight we had a most disturbing encounter.  After practicing using my Titan ability more, a being claiming to be of a world predating that of the Titan appeared.  I fear that my ability may have summoned it.  It demanded that I identify myself; sharing nothing more than my surname it then addressed me as ‘the wolf’.  This beast is familiar with the language of my ancestors.  It demanded that I cease my fraudulent behavior or there would be severe consequences for all of humanity.  As the Reconnaissance Corps’ Commander I cannot show fear, especially not to a self-proclaimed progenitor of the Titans we face, an ‘Old-World Titan’, and refused to do so.  It said that, while we would not meet again, my arrogance will be the undoing of humanity.

-

The opposition has learned of this ‘Beast Titan’ I encountered and are more determined than ever to perfect that which I have already accomplished.  They remain convinced that learning how to control Titans is the key to destroying them, and the best way to do so is to find a way to become Titans themselves.  Rumors are spreading of a family which carries an ability that allows it to control Titans.  If such a thing exists, it is highly likely that this ‘power’ is a remnant of Titan ancestry.

* * *

**Newly Established Trainee Corps Central Base, 7XX**

A redheaded adolescent with sharp brown eyes dropped a small satchel on the bottom of a rickety bunk bed.  Despite its questionable structural security it was surprisingly well furnished, with soft sheets and fluffy pillows; these little luxuries were no doubt incentive to make everyone train hard so they would compete to join the Military Police.  But the brown-eyed female had no desire to become part of such an inherently corrupt institution.  She was far more concerned with the academic aspects of military life.  She was, in her mind, born to join the Scouting Legion; by the time she graduated it would have been renamed the Reconnaissance Corps, or Recon Corps for short.

She sat down on the bed and bounced lightly to test how comfortable it was and found the pillows and bedding to be quite deceiving when a spring came out and poked her in the thigh.  She hissed in pain and annoyance.

“You prefer the bottom bunk?” a soft voice from behind asked.  The redhead looked over her shoulder and saw a somewhat familiar brunette with deep aquamarine eyes.  She rose and approached her fellow trainee.

“I take it you’re my bunk mate.”

“That would be me!” she smiled.  “I honestly have no preference as far as beds go-”

“I would prefer another bed.”  The brunette pointed at the exposed spring.

“This isn’t the interior.  What were you expecting?”

“Not an infection caused by rusty old metal penetrating my skin,” she half joked.

“If it’s that much an annoyance I’ll take it.  Really, I don’t mind.  Anyway, if we’re going to be bunkmates I think proper introductions are in order.  I saw you outside during the induction but didn’t quite catch your name.”

“It is an uncommon one.  My name Ekaterina Volkova, but my nickname is Katya.  It’s much easier to pronounce if you aren’t familiar with my ancestral language.”

“No kidding.  It’s nice to meet you Katya.  My name is Gloria.”  The brunette extended her hand.  “Gloria Berliner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who read chapter 82 of the manga, I will destroy your already decimated feels in the upcoming chapters. We now officially in the next arc, which I (in my notes and files) call the 'Siege Arc'.
> 
> Yup. The one thing she never thought she'd ever do, and the thing people always suspected she never could do. Saskia's gonna be a squad leader because why the fuck not. It can't be that hard, right?
> 
> As for our 3rd Commander, that's the direct transliteration from Russian Cyrillic to the Latin alphabet. Phonetic would be 'Yekatarina'. Whenever it comes to transliterating I hate using phonetic...Not sure why, it just feels wrong.
> 
> So who saw that coming? Gloria's maiden name? This means Colleen and Eren are distant relatives; Eren is a direct descendant. Colleen is not, or she would be a Jaeger too. How does Katya have direct descendants then? She died in combat and, as far as we know, never married. Her descendants carry her name. We will find out soon enough...


	51. The Siege, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AruAnnie feels dead ahead!

_“I’m more than happy to pay our Commander-in-Chief a visit, Ms. Volkova.  But if I can’t find any proof to back up your claims I hope you’re ready to take responsibility for what comes next.”_  

 _“I am.  This isn’t for me though.  This is for them.  If it helps at all...Zackley worked directly under me.  He was good at keeping up the façade, but he sucked as an underling.  Dunno if that can provide you with anything but, well, it’s still something.  Thank you.”_  

 _“Don’t mistake my intentions.  I’m not doing this for you.  I told the Survey Corps I would help.  That’s exactly what I’m doing.”_  

 _“With all due respect sir, I_ ** _am_** _a member of the Survey Corps now.”_  

 _“Is that so?  You’re ready to ‘give your beating heart to humanity’?”_  

 _“And then some.  It’s in my blood.  There is one more detail which might help, regarding the timing of one of their most recent assaults.”_  

 _“What would that be, Ms. Volkova?”_  

 **Wall Sina, Mitras, August 13th, 3:09 PM**  

“Armin, stand down.  We’re not here with any hostile intentions-” 

“I’m sorry Saskia, but I can’t take orders from you.  Not anymore.” 

“A direct command from Levi, I assume?” Hanji said rhetorically.  “We need to get down there and speak to him right away.  You might not be able to listen to General Saskia, but there’s nothing stopping you from doing as **_I_** say.  Now stand down.” 

The blond cadet hesitated and began taking mental notes.  Their body language, the way they avoided eye contact and nervously rubbed their arms or moved closer to Saskia, the one providing them with protection.  The fact that they were all wearing Survey Corps uniforms. 

“Annie.  Because you are still our witness you are technically Survey Corps property.”  Armin tossed the empty flare aside.  “I have no choice but to escort you down myself.” 

She nodded slowly and followed him down onto the lift. 

“I’ll take you three.”  Hanji motioned to Reiner, Ymir, and Bertholdt.  “Moblit, please escort General Saskia and Kseniya.” 

On the lift Annie folded her arms over her chest and kept her distance while Armin gripped the bars.  “I’m sorry it came to this,” she said quietly.  “That you were put in this position because of me.” 

“Don’t apologize.  Not because I forgive you...but an apology won’t change anything,” he replied, hoping his words would soften the blow reality was throwing at them. 

Once everyone was on the ground Armin led the group towards Levi, who met them halfway.  Hanji and Moblit stepped aside.  This was between the Acting Commanders and bitter (former?) lovers. 

“You actually had the gall to come back.  To come back...with them.”  Levi pointed at the four shifters as he advanced slowly. 

“Yes.  Yes, I did come back.  As promised.”  She matched his pace, moving forward towards him until they were face-to-face, creating an invisible line between them.  She didn’t want him getting any closer to the shifters than he already had.  “You of all people should know that I keep my word.” 

He suppressed a bitter laugh.  “For once I wish you hadn’t.  By technical definition you defected.  Are you aware of that?  You truly do think yourself immune to the rules, don’t you?  Unfortunately for you I don’t.  I took an oath and I have an obligation to uphold it.”  Levi grabbed Saskia by the collar and threw her up against the wall, almost knocking the wind out of her.  Reiner had murder in his eyes but Bertholdt held him back. 

“What the fuck were you thinking Saskia?” Levi hissed.  “No, don’t even bother answering that question.  I don’t want to hear your excuses.” 

“But Levi-” she managed before he cut her off. 

“Save it.  Do you have any idea what the consequences of your fucking brilliant plan are?  Obviously not, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it.” 

“Just give me a chance to-” 

“Like hell I will.”  He exhaled sharply.  “What happened to always having the Survey Corps’ best interest in mind?  What happened to protecting what’s left of it?  What about your brother?  Don’t you care about what happens to him anymore?” 

“How does-?” 

“Are you fucking serious?!  Are you seriously going to ask me that?!” he yelled in her face. 

She narrowed her eyes at him.  “If you would let me get a word out then yes, I will ask!” 

“Seeing as you’re even more simple minded than I initially took you to be, I’ll keep it as simple as possible to accommodate for your fucking stupidity.  You’re a traitor, Messmann.” 

Saskia had been called many things, from idealist to psychopath, and she had been able to take each comment in stride.  ‘Traitor’ wasn’t one she could brush off so easily. 

“A _traitor_?  How does this make me a traitor?!” she practically screamed.  

“Friend of my enemy is an enemy by association.”   _It wasn’t always that way...but I’ll make an exception for you, Messmann._  “And I don’t sleep with the enemy.”  

She fell silent, eyes glossing over as she recalled bits and pieces of Kseniya’s comments on their way back from Maria. 

“It is finally sinking in?  I can’t trust you.  And if I can’t trust you then how in the hell can you expect me to love you?  Again, the answer is simple.  You **can’t**.”  

Suddenly she broke into a grin, surprising them both.  “Do you remember how you once told me that you could never be angry with me if I didn’t matter to you?” she said loud enough so only he could hear her.  He hated to admit she cornered him with his own words and had no retort prepared.  Luckily for him an interruption kept him from having to come up with one. 

“Get your hands off of my Squad Leader.”  Annie’s fists balled at her side.  It was painful to physically restrain herself.  Light pink streaks were forming along the creases of her narrowed eyes. 

Levi had to hold back another laugh.  This was beyond absurd.  “Squad Leader?  That’s your brilliant plan?  That’s how you’re going to protect them?  Do you really think Zackley would sign off on that? 

Saskia smirked.  “Considering to whom he answers, I’m sure he would be perfectly okay with Isamu’s daughter putting the dissenters on a leash.  They told me.  They told me everything.  And you knew.  All along, you knew, didn’t you?!”  She pried his hands off of her.  “No more secrets about my parents, my origins.  We agreed to that.  And yet you hide THAT from me!  From everyone!  Who have _you_ been answering to?  Did you also infiltrate the Survey Corps to earn my trust, among other things, as part of their convoluted scheme?  And you **dare** question MY loyalty?!  You have the gall to call me a traitor.  I never kept my intentions nor my actions a secret.  I never kept any information to myself.  And on my way back from one of the most dangerous places in the known world, I come to find I am the offspring of one of THE MOST DANGEROUS MEN IN THE KNOWN WORLD!  Which YOU ‘conveniently’ already KNEW!”  Out of the corner of her eye she saw Annie clutching her forehead.  “Annie, take a deep breath.  I’m alright as are you.  You control the Female Titan.  It does not control you.  Not anymore.”  

Not wanting to be left in the dark more than he already was, Levi cast Saskia curious yet demanding glare.  “If she shifts, if **any** of them shift, I won’t hesitate to kill them.”   _Why am I hesitating right now?  What she did to my squad is unforgivable._  

“I expect no less from you.”  She tersely brushed past him and return to her unofficial squad, hands on Annie’s cheeks to force eye contact.  “Annie, you are in no immediate danger,” she assured.  “Remember, you are more than capable of protecting yourself without resorting to hiding within your Titan should the situation become hostile.  This is something I, as your Squad Leader, expect you to both accept and act upon from now on.  I can help you, but I cannot and will not coddle you.  That hinders, halts the healing process, and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone save for monsters in human guise.  Is that what you are?”  Annie quickly shook her head and let the words sink in, the streaks dissipating.  Saskia looked at the others, non-verbally commanding that they keep an eye on Annie; she wasn’t done with Levi yet. 

“Had you paid enough attention to Eren, then you would know exactly what happened,” the General spat, storming back to him.  “Spontaneous shifting.  We saw it before, you and I.  The spoon, remember?  What prompted it was Eren’s frustration with his inability to shift, and what triggered the fist itself were the injuries on his hands.  The ones which hadn’t healed.  It serves as a defense mechanism.  The body experiences injury or finds a way to injure itself.  The human is able to retreat and their Titan puppet emerges to protect them from whatever said human identifies as eminent danger.” 

“And you expected me to know that even though you yourself didn’t until recently?” he countered. 

“Did that event ever concern you?  Or did you simply harken it up to lack of training and thus control over the Rogue Titan?  Is that what shifting is to you, Levi?  Is that what Eren is to you?  A convenient weapon, a trump card never to be discussed or used save for the most dire of circumstances?  I’ve never seen it that way.  I’ve always seen it as a struggle for the shifter themselves.  And now I know why.  Because it would appear, out of the two of us, I’m the only one who still recognized them as a human.  A human with an ability they never asked for.  A life they never asked for.” 

“Just because they never asked for it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held accountable for what they do with it!”  He pointed at Ymir, Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt. 

“Even if it’s at the behest of another?!  Then why doesn’t that apply to the rest of us?!  Why are exceptions being made?!  Why are you ‘giving me the privilege’ of knowing what my heinous crimes and sins are...telling me I have committed treason...reminding me of the penalty...and yet here I am, still breathing?!  Could I not just as easily call you a traitor for failing to kill me?  You’re right.  You did take an oath.  It’s your duty.  So do it,” she challenged.  “I won’t even fight you.”  She loosened her belt and let her 3DMG drop to the ground, hands held up in surrender.  “Cut me down with your blades.  Strangle me with your bare hands.  We both know you’re capable.  Or will you too commit treason and let me live?”  She leaned forward and whispered, “Either I’m yours, or I’m nothing.  What am I to you now?  While you wrestle with having to make your decision, now would be the opportune time to ensure you are fully informed.  That you know all you must in order to make the right choice.  While I know not if this holds any bearing I think it only fair I tell you- I don’t care what you say, because I still love you.”  She leaned back.  “Finish what you started six years ago.  You’re within your right.” 

Levi had dreamt of this many a times.  But in his dreams he was in control of the situation.  And now, here in reality, she was giving him the opportunity.  Why didn’t take her up on the offer?  Because he wanted to be the one in charge?  To see the look of desperation, the silent pleas coming out in the form of trickling tears?  Was that what he wanted?  To take sick satisfaction in ridding the world, his world, of one more nuisance, one more foe? 

Was...she...a foe? 

Did he...still...love her? 

Had he tried to convince himself he didn’t for when this moment came? 

These questions ran through his mind so quickly he could hardly keep up with his own train of thought.  She expected no answer, only action from him.  But what could he do?  What did he want?  What would he regret? 

No answers came, not because he didn’t meditate on it but because both his time and attention were stolen by a warning shot fired high into the air.  A shot fired from an all too familiar gun, in the hands of an too familiar man-turned-devil. 

“And what in the hell do you think you’re doing Levi?” Kenny called as he casually descended the steps to the royal palace.  Everyone had been so caught up in watching the argument unfold they hadn’t noticed the enormous doors open.  Not even Saskia caught the sound, as she was too absorbed in the spat.  “Didn’t I warn you about getting close to her?” 

Historia visibly shrank back upon seeing the man who killed her mother, the man who would’ve killed her had her father not intervened (which she now knew was for his own benefit).  Both Acting Commanders spun around to face him.  He still had his finger on the trigger but now aimed his rifle at Levi.  “You’ll have to forgive my terrible manners,” he said apologetically to Saskia while still keeping an eye on Levi.  “But it is my sworn duty to ensure this maggot knows his place.  Far away from you.” 

A small part of Levi wanted to take Saskia in his arms and kiss her just to piss off Kenny, though he couldn’t deny he was irate Kenny dared coming this close to her.  Perhaps he did still care for her...or perhaps it was because of how much he hated his former guardian. 

Kenny kept a healthy distance, knowing the rest of the Survey Corps could launch an attack on him at any given moment.  He set the rifle down and got on one knee, placing his worn out hat over his heart and bowing his head.  “It is an honor to finally to meet you, Maki-ojou-sama.” 

Saskia need not know the translation of ‘ojou’ to know what the honorific meant.  Teeth clenched, eyes narrowed, nails digging into her palm as she balled her fists, it took every ounce of restraint and self-control she had to keep her from tearing him in half with her bare hands.  “What did you call me?” she hissed in a low tone, taking one step forward.  “An honorific implying venerability, and one whose surname is **Maki**?”  Saying the name made her slightly nauseous.  

“I realize it will take some getting used to, after having been lied to and referred to by a false name for so long.  One which should have died with your mother.” 

The threads of patience have gone from slowly unraveling to snapping one-by-one.  “If the joy of killing you wasn’t already in Levi’s hands I would tear your throat out, right **here** , right _now_.”  

“Your anger is understandable, but I assure you no good would come from killing me.  I and I alone can give you what you want.” 

“And what is it that I want?” 

“You wish to see Erwin again, don’t you?”  He rose slowly, needing to be careful with his pace and his timing.  He could only push her so far before they were close enough to the castle.  “And you are entitled to answers from your father.”  He started walking backwards towards the palace. 

“I have no father.” 

“Another lie you’ve unfortunately grown up believing.  But you also thought you had no mother, not until you found traces of her existence.  What makes him any different?  He didn’t help raise you.  He wasn’t there to see you grow up.  Why vilify only him?” 

“There is no point in explaining.  My words would be lost on you.” 

“Then let’s go inside and have a civil conversation about it, shall we?”  His voice was smooth, soothing almost, as if trying to placate a temperamental toddler with the promise of candy and new toys.  “And of course, you will see Erwin again.  The two of you have so much to discuss.”  The palace doors opened behind him, held by two guards after they heard his voice from within.  “Assuming he’s still able to speak after all the torture we subjected him too, of course.  He brought it upon himself though.”  Kenny’s paced started to quicken once he was inside.  Any second now, any second now she would snap...and disappear. 

No sooner had he finished his sentence Saskia’s mind went blank and she bolted inside, chasing after him.  Once inside the doors slammed shut. 

Levi looked at the rifle.  He knew there had only been one bullet inside; Kenny only wanted to create the illusion of danger.  He was the only one in danger now.  They wanted to lure in Saskia, but instead they lured in a beast.  Whether or not that was deliberate he didn’t know but it didn’t matter.  Once again he failed to act.   _Why didn’t I stop her?  I had plenty of time before she...changed..._  

They lost. 

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Moblit breathed.  “That...that happened.  They actually took her.” 

“Why are we still standing here?!” Sasha yelled.  “I don’t care what their plans are and I don’t care what the rest of you think of her.  Their victory hinges on whether or not they can use General Saskia, not if they have her.  And Commander Erwin too!” 

“I take it you have a plan then?” Mikasa asked sarcastically.  “We can’t rush in recklessly.” 

“Hold on,” Kseniya said loudly before another argument, this time with more people, could break out.  “You...you don’t know about that either, do you?  Damn it!  I should’ve said something...She sounded like she knew but...Shit.”  The brunette dropped her forehead to her palm and inhaled slowly before locking eyes with Levi.  “Erwin is one of them.  His incarceration has been a trap this whole time.  He’s in on this.” 

Levi didn’t know what to say to the accusation.  He respected Erwin more than words could say.  It wasn’t possible for him to be one them, working alongside the bastard who ‘raised’ him.  “You better be fucking with me, Volkova.” 

“Do I look like I’m fucking with you?!” she shrieked.  “He is!  He’s been spying on Saskia for years and telling them all about her!  You never noticed how things were a little _too_ convenient?  How he always seemed to be one step ahead?  He coordinated the fight in Stohess to kill Annie, whom Kenny decided was no longer needed, while having a way to draw Saskia in to find her mom’s dead body.  Kenny’s the reason Nicholas Lobov found you and your friends.  All the money he was embezzling, when those rumors began to spread -the ones Erwin and Saskia spread- he ran crying to Kenny.  Erwin knew that his former protege was joining the Survey Corps.  Why, even Kenny himself didn’t know.  He thought it would be fun, he made that pretty clear.  But Erwin knew you before he actually _knew_ you.  He also tangled her gear.  I know the blame was pinned on that asshole Flagan, but Erwin was the one who messed with Isabel’s gear.”  

Before Levi could threaten her life, Bertholdt spoke up.  “When Trost happened…”   _No, I need to say it.  I need to hold myself accountable._  “When I broke the Trost gate he told me to do it after you left for that expedition.  He told you it was going to be brief, right?  And because of that he wanted Saskia to stay behind so not all of your manpower would be exhausted, in case something were to happen.  He wanted to keep the two of you as far away from each other as possible to make time for the Titans came in.”  

“He wanted me to try and get close to her so it would hurt her even more when we revealed who we really were.  The arm wrestling she and I always did...that was part of it.  But the kidnapping of her, as well as Ymir and you Eren, that was something we did on our own.”  Reiner paused and glanced at Bertholdt.  “No, not us.  That was my decision.  My poor decision.” 

Annie hesitated, looking away from those standing on the other side of the invisible line between the two groups.  “He helped me break in to kill your test subjects.  And he placed you and Saskia far apart on your most recent expedition…”   _Why did she help me?_  She felt a pressure building up behind her eyes.  “...to give me time…”  Tears began rolling down her cheeks.   _Why does she care about what happens to me?_  “...to kill your squad…”  She dropped to her knees, sobbing into her palms.  

Levi was stunned into silence.  Everything they had just confessed to made sense, and he wanted to shoot himself for thinking that. 

Marco crossed the invisible line. 

“Oi, Marco, where are you going?!” Eren shouted as the other shifter walked past Levi, who didn’t seem to notice. 

Jean put a hand on Eren’s shoulder and pulled him back.  “Shut up, Jaeger,” he said quietly.  “This is...something he’s gotta do.”   _He couldn’t really forgive Annie.  Hear what she has to say, sure, but forgive her?  Sympathize, no,_ ** _empathize_** _with her?  He...he’s not on their side._  

Marco knelt down in front of Annie.  “Annie?” he murmured only loud enough so she could hear him over her loud crying.  “I always had a feeling that when we all hit our breaking points you would be the one who struggled the most with controlling your emotions.  Not letting your Titan interfere to protect you.  You always tried so hard to seem unfazed, as if nothing could hurt you when you suffered most of all.  Saskia seemed to help with that.  Did she?”  Annie nodded slowly.  “Good.  I’m glad…”  His fists tightened in his lap.  “It’s my fault you’re struggling like this.” 

She glanced up, vision too blurry to make out his face.  “What are you talking about?” she managed.  “How is this your fault?  I tried to kill you!  You didn’t do anything!  You aren’t a monster like the rest of us!” 

“You’re right.  I didn’t do anything.  If I had then you wouldn’t be monsters.  I knew they would have me killed after I refused to eat Eren.  I came up with a plan to try and get away before they could.  But when the Trost gate broke, I knew it was a cover.  When you said you were ordered to kill me -and I did notice your hesitation- I should’ve told you.  I should’ve told you I had a plan and tried to take you, all you three of you, away from there.  It wasn’t a very good plan, but if we were caught we would’ve looked like regular defectors and killed on sight.  No one would know about the things we had done.  No one would have to worry about the gates or walls ever again.  Everything would be better.  Sure, we’d probably be burning in Hell…but I would take Hell over them.”  He pointed at the royal palace.  “There’s so much I could’ve prevented if I had said something.  I don’t even know why I didn’t.  But I didn’t, I left the three of you to suffer, I didn’t try to help you...and that makes me a monster too.”   

“Shut up, SHUT UP, **SHUT UP**!”  Her voice grew louder and louder and she put her hands over her ears, shaking her head back and forth.  She tasted a faint hint of bile on the back of her tongue.  If this continued she would shift.  

He swallowed heavily.  “I’m sorry Annie.  I’m sorry this happened to you.  I’m sorry to all three of you.”  He glanced up at Reiner and Bertholdt.  “And I’m not angry at you.  You were following orders.  Had I obeyed they wouldnt’ve made you do it.  That’s just how it is.  If you want to live, comply.”  He held out his hand in front of her.  “Come on.  Stand up.” 

Annie wiped her wet palms on her pants before slowly accepting his unexpected gesture.  Her legs trembled as he helped her to her feet.  “Apologize all you want, but I still feel horrible.”  His eyes were warm, face friendly, and it sickened her.  Was he taunting her? 

“You probably will for awhile.  That’s how healing works.  And it’s good that you’ve started.  I hope my presence doesn’t make you so anxious you spontaneously shift.” 

“Me too.  I don’t want to violate her orders.” 

“I am truly sorry to the three of you.  I abandoned you.  Left you for dead.  But I’m here now and if you’re willing to give me a chance then we can stop them together.  We can get back at them for everything they did to us.  You too Kseniya.  I can temporarily join your squad and we can give them what’s coming.” 

“Marco, enough with apologies, we get it,” Reiner said sternly.  “You messed up too.”  With a small grin he added, “No wonder they decided to call you the Warrior Titan.  You, the amicable and soft-spoken one, going on about revenge.” 

Bertholdt nodded.  “Let’s get our Squad Leader back.  She was going to ask if you wanted to join since Squad Levi is...pretty full.  Ymir, you’re still with us?” 

“Of course!”  She gave Marco a playful clap on the shoulder.  “Us freckled fags gotta stick together, right?” she asked with a cheesy grin. 

“Sure, you could say it like that…” 

“Guys, I hate to be _that person_ as this is a heartwarming moment, but we aren’t the only wounded parties here.”  Kseniya nodded to Levi and his squad.  “They weren’t screwed over the same ways that we were, but there’s no denying that everyone here has suffered at their hands.  And, if Squad Levi is willing to hear me out, I have a plan.”  

Levi was still struggling to process everything they had said about Erwin.  He needed to hear it for himself before he could believe it, no matter how convincing their claims were.  “I’m listening.  Reluctantly.” 

“They drew Saskia in using Erwin as bait, right?  As far as she knows he’s in their dungeons, so that’s where they’re luring her to.  She’s literally out of her mind right now she won’t question it, and seeing him is all she wants.  Once they show her an empty cell they’re gonna shove her in and keep her there until she comes to.  Probably won’t happen until Erwin shows he’s alive, unharmed, and a backstabbing son of a bitch.  And when this berserk thing happens she gets fixated on the source, right?  That means she’ll be following Kenny the whole time; it makes sense anyway as he’s the most physically capable out of them.  Find one, we find the other.” 

“Who are you talking about when you say ‘them’?” 

“Kenny, the false king, Isamu, Rod, and Grisha.  Of course Grisha is no threat.  He’s on our side.  Well, not necessarily _our_ side, but **definitely** not on theirs.  He’ll probably still be ‘locked up’ in their laboratory library study thing.  He’s basically a hostage there.  We need to get him out or find a way to protect him during the onslaught.  Not only is he innocent, he also has invaluable information that will surely complement the things we learned while in Maria.  Like how my ancestor Katya was the first shifter!  But we can get into that later.”  Kseniya casually waved off the comment.  “The false king will be where he’s always been, the throne room.  Isamu has his private quarters that he barely left last I saw.  He really liked to sit around on his ass and drink gross Oriental tea.”  She noticed Mikasa hold back a gag and assumed she had tried it.  “Rod does too.  He’s completely oblivious to the fact that they’re using him so he’s ‘living the good life’ totally ignorant of the fact that they have him trapped in there until he’s served his purpose.”  

“You suggest we divide up and take out every single one, then?” Hanji asked, feeling as though everyone else forgot she and Moblit were there.  She wouldn’t be terribly surprised as they were both quiet the entire time.  She wasn’t on either side of the invisible line; it was drawn by Levi and Saskia. 

“Yeah.  I know splitting up into groups having one of us alone with you sounds like an opportunity for us to attack you.”  Kseniya motioned towards the rest of Squad Saskia, then to Squad Levi, Hanji, and Moblit.  “But better we remain under your watchful eyes then run off on our own, right?” 

“I hate to admit it, but yeah, that does sound safer.  I trust my squad to eliminate you should the need arise.  Which I’m sure it will,” Levi added coldly.  “How do you suggest we divide this up?” 

“A group for each one of them.  I can lead one, Hanji and Moblit can each lead one, and you and one of your squad members will take the other two.  From there we figure who goes where and who goes with them, from a tactical standpoint.” 

“Just how many men will each group be fighting?” Moblit asked.  “It will be overflowing with soldiers in there.” 

“Some more than others.  The prison is hardly guarded since they’re pretty keen on breaking bones and amputating limbs so there’s no hope of escape, whereas Rod and the false king both have tons of bodyguards.”  She began to sense the collective reluctance, even from her formerly fired up squad members.  “This is really intimidating since the fate of the world is on us, ‘cause these guys _run_ the world.  The Wall Cult inspires, the monarchy keeps order, the military police protects.  It’s a smart formula.  What are the two things people cling most to in times of crisis?  Guns and gods.”  

“With all the chaos going on, do you think it’s possible that the false king’s body guards will abandon him?” Moblit asked.  “Rod has been tricked into thinking that he’ll be king with Historia acting as his proxy.  But if he isn’t necessary, if Saskia is there now so they can try to put her on the throne iinstead…” 

“In other words we can more accurately guess where the guards won’t be, not where they will be,” Armin piped up.  “Another thing we’ll need to take into consideration.” 

“Mikasa.”  Levi turned to his cadet.  “You graduated top of your class.  I’m picking you to lead a group.”  She nodded.  “Why are you agreeing?  That wasn’t a request.” 

“If my father sees me perhaps it will bring his guard down, tricking him into thinking I’ve ready to be his proxy.  I want to take full advantage of that.” 

“I know my way around the palace, so I can help you,” Marco offered. 

“I’ll lead the two of you in case Rod Reiss is heavily guarded.”  Historia and Marco nodded at Hanji. 

“My team will find Grisha.  I’m a familiar face, he knows he can trust me.  We’ll find a way to sneak him out.  And as the current generation of Volkova I have an obligation to collaborate with him.” 

“I’m going with you!” 

“The hell you are, Eren,” Levi replied harshly.  “You’re too pissed off at your dad for a rescue to run smoothly.  You’re with me.  Even if the orders were given under false pretenses I’m still obligated to keep an eye on you.  Speaking of keeping an eye on someone.”  He looked at Annie.  “Friends close, enemies closer.  You’re coming with me too.  We’ll head to the dungeons, eliminate Kenny, free Saskia, and get some answers from Erwin.  She trusts you for reasons I’ll never understand, so your presence might help her calm down.” 

“He might be Saskia’s father, but he’s also the reason my parents are dead.”  Mikasa readjusted her scarf.  “If we need to keep him alive for interrogation then so be it, but I also have a score to settle with Isamu Maki.  Sasha, Connie, you two have a camaraderie that works to your advantage both on and off the battlefield.  You two are with me.” 

Moblit had been anxiously awaiting the chance to flex his leadership muscles.  “I’ll lead the team to go after the false king then.  There’s one problem though.”  He did a headcount of those remaining.  “There are five left.” 

“I’ll be the first to admit that I would only get in the way.  The sounds from the cannons will no doubt attract the attention of the Military Police.  I’ll join the Garrison.  They don’t know as much as I do and will have a hard time keeping Nile Dawk from interfering.  I won’t have that problem.  I will handle the Military Police and prevent them from getting over the wall for as long as I possibly can.”  Armin made a dash for the lift before anyone could comment but there was no need, as they had a silent consensus. 

“You two being anywhere else would cause too much infighting, and I don’t despise you like the others do.”  Kseniya turned to Bertholdt and Reiner.  “You’re with me.” 

“Fine by me.”  Ymir rolled her shoulders.  “I’d be more than happy to kill the man keeping my queen’s seat warm.” 

“Process of elimination leaves me with killing the false king, but I was hoping for that.  The thought of almost having served him makes me sick.”  Jean shuddered as he recalled his former daydreams of a comfortable life in the interior. 

“OK.  Everyone knows their teams and their objectives then?” Hanji asked.  “We only have one shot at this.  We need to make it count.”

* * *

_Brother.  Find.  Safe?  No.  Save.  Enemy.  Find._ ** _Kill_** _._  

Saskia was capable of thought but only simple sentences and fragments, one word each.  Her mind wasn’t able to process her surroundings, though she did feel warm liquid coating her hands and splattering across her cheeks.  Her body moved, it kept moving, pursuing a target her eyes couldn’t see but her rage grasped at with invisible fingers.  Corners were turned, stairs were descended, walls were slammed into as she continued her furious chase of an invisible enemy. 

 _Cold.  Dark.  Down.  Forward.  Follow.  Maim.  Destroy.  Maul.  Torture.  Mercy?  Never.  No.  No!_ ** _Kill_** _.  Find, break, rip, destroy, shred, blood, everywhere, mess, revel, smile, satisfied, revenge, take, mine,_ ** _KILL_** _._  

“Saskia?” 

Her senses returned her with such force she thought she ran into another wall.  Her deep green eyes adjusted to the low lighting.  She could make out Kenny’s form not far before her, hands on his knees and panting heavily.  She heard him muttering curses and relief that he ‘hadn’t been caught’, and she could only assume she was the one pursuing.  Something warm and sticky was dripping from her chin and fingers; she looked down and saw blood smeared across her hands.  She brought her sleeve up to her cheek and dabbed lightly; color spread through the fabric, dyeing it crimson. 

 _What have I done?  Whose blood am I wearing like a barbarian warmonger?...That voice!_  She whipped her head in the direction it came from.  It was pathetic, raspy, grating even, but most welcome.  “Erwin?” she whispered loudly, approaching the cell she heard the sound come from.  “You’re...you’re alive.”  The tears began to build up behind her eyes.  She squeezed an arm between the bars, the blood acting as a lubricant.  He weakly reached out, his fingers barely brushing against hers when the stone wall turned behind them just like the hidden entry to the sub-basement.  

“A touching reunion.  One I’ve been looking forward to for a long time.” 

She lifted her head slowly and looked over her shoulders. 

“Twenty-eight years I’ve been looking forward to this day.” 

She reluctantly pulled her arm out and turned around.  Though the lighting was limited to one small torch it was perfectly placed behind the man speaking to her, giving him the sinister glow of a specter.  If only he were just that.  Dead.  Imaginary.  His only remnants in nightmares and fading memories.  But he was very much alive, facing her with a smile as to be expected from a father who was overjoyed -more than words could express- to finally meet his dearly beloved child. 

Isamu nodded to Kenny, thanking him for risking his life to lure Saskia in.  Kenny gave a faux dismissive wave, as if to say it wasn’t a big deal, all in a day’s work, when it was quite clear the man had been terrified in her hunt for him.  He glanced at the halfway open panel Isamu used to enter the dungeon and his comrade nodded.  Kenny made his way out, muttering some sort of congratulations to his friend for finally being able to meet his child before turning the large stone behind him.  It slammed shut and locked in place, blending in with the rest of the wall. 

Saskia didn’t want to show any fear but she knew nothing about this man other than that he was dangerous.  There were no weaknesses to speak of other than delusions and his ‘love’ for his child, something she dare not explore to try and exploit.  His strengths were numerous, amplified by the advantage gained in being within his domain. 

“Welcome home.” 

She gulped and pressed her back to the bars of Erwin’s cell.  “This is not my home.”  She tried to maintain composure but her legs trembled, struggling her keep her upright.  The cell bars were supporting the majority of her weight.  “My home was burned down because of you.” 

“It will take some time, this adjustment, I know.  But soon you will come to find that you were always meant to be here...with me.” 

There was no reasoning with him.  As far as she could tell he was a madman.  She didn’t know what to do or say for fear of triggering whatever temper had given Erwin the countless bruises and breaks she couldn’t see but knew he must’ve had.  So great was her struggle to stay standing that she didn’t move when Isamu came closer to her, eventually embracing her.  Her breathing quickened and she griped the cell bars, but the blood made her hands slide down with a loud screech.  He took a step back, hands on her shoulders. 

“Even in this dim light I can see it.  You have the cheekbones of an Oriental.”  He put a hand on her cheek to get a better feel of the bone structure.  “You look so very much like my mother.  There isn’t a father dead or alive, past or present or future, who could be prouder of his child than I am right now.  You’ve finally come home and are ready to embrace what you are.  Everything you were bred to be, meant to accomplish.  But enough of that.  There’s plenty of time to discuss it later.  First, I...”  Isamu paused.  His lips slowly parted as he searched for the right words.  The perfect words.  What does one say to a child they’ve known of but never met before?  Especially after twenty-eight years? 

As he took a step back Saskia felt an inner strength she wasn’t even aware she possessed stir inside her.  No, she wasn’t going to fear him.  She wasn’t going to break under the weight of the shadow and mystery surrounding him.  And she definitely wasn’t going to let him dominate the conversation.  “What is it you want?”  She wanted to keep her questions as simple and straightforward so he couldn’t start building labyrinths out of her words when offering answers. 

“The same as you.  The same as most everyone else, I would imagine.  A world free of fear-” 

“Don’t try making yourself out to sound so noble.”   _No.  Maintain control of yourself, and you can control the conversation._ “What is it that the ‘Living Weapon’ is supposed to do?  Destroy all the Titans, correct?” 

“Yes, you will.” 

She squeezed her fists tightly and let out a slow exhale.   _He knows too much about me.  He’s more than capable of trying to push me too far…_  “And it needed to be someone of warrior blood, correct?”   _It might be in my best interest to play along.  Show no resistance.  Compliance will benefit me more right now.  If I can trick him into thinking there is concordance he may be more willing to share, exchange information._  

“Yes.  Truth be told I hoped that, when I found myself in the position to be a part of this mission, the Living Weapon would be completely Oriental like myself.  You’re well read when it comes to the world before the Titans.  I’m guessing you must know why there are so few of us.” 

“Our-”  She felt physically ill implying any sort of connection between them.  “Our ancestors came from the far east.  They had a longer distance to travel.  A grand majority were taken out by the Titans, either eaten or transformed.  By the time the first had arrived here the walls were almost complete and many were denied entry.  They were persecuted as most people assumed they had led the Titans to the walls.”  

“And they had no choice but to resort to what would become the underground." 

“You want avenge then.  To show a mistake was made in denying entry to...such a powerful people, who could’ve helped dispatched the Titan threat much sooner.  Why ally yourself with the Wall Cult if you actively break the walls down?” 

“The Wall Cult created the concept of the Living Weapon.”  He smiled, revelling in the shocked expression on her face.  “It was not always the ‘cult’ we know today.  It was a ruse at first.  The Reiss family was able to use the coordinate ability to force those Titans you found inside the walls to harden like that.  The founders of the Wall Cult were not pleased with the idea of turning to Titans for protection; pretending to worship them allowed them access to information about the pre-Titan world and the Reiss family.  They were the first to try and break them down...though there was little their primitive technology could do.  But their ruse had turned on them.  Many began to worship those walls and the cult flourished.  They were left with no choice but to continue the farce, and should they share the truth about their ‘Goddesses’ the Reiss family would kill them and their congregations.  This is how their shaky alliance began.  They weren’t going to let innocents die for a mistake they made so they did all they could to preserve information on the pre-Titan world before the crown forbade it.  But that was stolen from them.  At first they suspected the crown but they denied involvement, claiming not to have even known such things existed.  Do you know who took it?  Who would want to save information like that?  Who would have just as much disgust for relying on Titans for protection, and for the crown?” 

“The ones who carried on what the rebels started.  The early Survey Corps...when it was still the Scouting Legion.  If you hate reliance on Titans for protection, why use shifters?” 

“An enemy we could control.  Create something to be feared, prove we can stop it, and then what reason would the people have to doubt we can stop the Titans altogether?” 

“If you don’t know what Katya was studying, why are you looking so hard for her research?  You’ve already accomplished a great deal without it.” 

“We knew that the Jaeger family had involvement.  But we also knew of shifters long before we found Grisha.  Why do you think that is?” 

“...Katya’s rivals were making them too.” 

“It’s where her inspiration came from, and she perfected it in becoming the first shifter.  Sadly we had no one who could recreate it within our ranks.  A brilliant mind like Grisha’s is hard to come by.” 

“Why wasn’t Katya killed after her breakthrough?” 

“A rival she may have been, but in the end we could reap the benefits of her research so long as she was able to continue on.  Though the Reiss family hated the Survey Corps they saw its value as humanity’s ‘first line of defense’.” 

 _Her enemies were not in the Survey Corps then.  They were elsewhere.  How did she come to know of what they were doing?_ “But she was killed anyway.  She uncovered something, something worth taking, and they decided it was time to strike.  Gloria beat them to it though.  Katya knew she had enemies.” 

“Anyone who makes a name for themselves will have enemies.  Certainly you yourself must know this.” 

 _How could Katya have perfected the shifter gene?  We’ll never know until we find that research!  Once we free Erwin I know we’ll be able to find the path to it.  He’ll get us on the right course.  He always does.  Give me a little more time onii-chama, and I’ll get you out of there.  I’ll do whatever I must to keep you safe._  

“You’re quiet all of a sudden.  Is everything alright?” 

Saskia narrowed her eyes.   _A little aggression won’t hurt anyone more than it already has._ “I was tricked into unleashing that beast inside of me.”   _This must be how the shifters feel._  “I learned that the father I had someday hoped to free from my enemies is in fact one of them...A leader, at that.  I doubt I have the time to explain in full everything that irks me at the current.”  She did her best to ignore Erwin’s beaten, bloody form a few cells over.  “Why did Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt need to capture the Beast Titan in order to go home?”  

“You know what that thing does.  If you are to eliminate the Titans then you must eliminate that which creates them.” 

 _I’ll keep that in mind for future Survey Corps endeavors._ “And how did you plan on killing it?  What would’ve stopped it from changing you, or I for that matter?” 

“I hoped to extract information from it first.  How is possible to change normal humans in regular Titans?  Why is it that consuming a shifter will turn a normal Titan into a shifter themselves, taking on the power of the shifter they consumed?  Is this Titan a shifter?  If so, who did it consume?  One of our own, centuries ago?  I doubt it as the ability to shift had not been perfected...except by Katya.” 

 _Evading my question?  I assume you had no plan then.  “_ The history books are wrong in saying Katya Volkova was killed by ‘friendly fire’.” 

“Volkova-sama was a shifter but she was not eaten.  Again, as one well-versed in the pre-Titan world you have read about the beliefs and practices of ancient cultures.  Many of those myths included something akin to a Titan, except they are nothing like the Titans as we know them.  Do you know why the Titans suddenly appeared when they did?  Of course not.  Neither do we.  But that thing does, as it is responsible for making them.  Why?  Why do it, and why at that time?  Either shifters existed before our research began, meaning regular Titans did as well, or those ‘Old World Titans’ were in fact real.  And one still roams.” 

 _Their ‘Gods’, the glorified humans, were real too...and those abilities were passed down.  Historia, Mike, myself, we carry remnants of those powers.  That must be where the stereotypes of the different races stem from.  It would be hard to conceal such a thing.  Perhaps the reason why the Saxons were defeated, wiped out.  They were seen as dangerous, or a relic of an age long gone with no place in a new world.  The Living Weapon had to come from a warrior peoples because of that.  That’s the very reason they remained a warrior race._  “Did the Beast Titan target the Orientals?”  

“Come again?” 

“Orientals carry the stereotypes of strength and beauty.  That would make for an excellent Titan in the eyes of this so-called ‘Old World Titan’.  Just like the shifters you control, it too is making Titans to control.  It knows of these stereotypes, stereotypes stemming from inherent abilities certain humans possess.  Mikasa is a shining example of how dangerous our people can be.  And the Reiss family possessing the ability to influence memory.  That’s a very specific ability much like what shifters possess.  You see where I’m going, don’t you?” 

“The Old World Titans gave birth to those who would be called Gods who gave birth to the average human.  Some races maintained the abilities of their ancestral race, like you and Mikasa.  The Reiss family kept the ability from its Old World Titan ancestor.  Yes, it’s true.” 

 _I doubt an Old World Titan would be pleased with the mediocrity of its descendents.  It’s...trying to reclaim the planet from the human race!  It’s making an ARMY of Titans by exploiting dormant ancestral abilities!  That’s why the human race is so homogeneous.  It was carefully selecting.  But...how did it survive in secret?  Why did it decide to strike when it did?_  “While we may share a common enemy, know that there is nothing you can do or say to convince me to join in ending the Beast Titan’s reign of terror.”   _Enough interrogation.  Surely Katya’s research can confirm this newly acquired knowledge, and offer more.  Right now my priority must be Erwin!_  “I have no allegiance beyond the Survey Corps.”  

“Commendable, but the Survey Corps ends here.  Tonight.  Where will you go then?  Who will you have to turn to?” 

“Should you manage to do the impossible, certainly not the ones who murdered them,” she spat. 

“I see you haven’t outgrown your phase of teenage rebellion just yet.  I look forward to driving that out of you, as any good parent would.”  He unlocked Erwin’s cell and shoved her inside, causing her to fall face forward on the dirty cement floor.  “Until then, the two of you have much to discuss.  Never forget, even when he breaks your heart, breaks your spirit…”  He locked the cell again.  “I will always be here for you.  As any good parent would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be split up into bits and pieces moving forward, kinda like a Game of Thrones episode, for each team. Lotsa new info is being thrown at you guys, hopefully answering some of the questions that haven't been addressed in full yet. And yes, Kseniya was correct- Gloria is far more important than Katya, despite her being the first shifter. We'll see why in chapters to come. Major character deaths impending. You have been warned.
> 
> Saskia first meeting Isamu was fun to write. Figuring out her approach, her initial reaction, how he would view her, and how their conversation would go...That was really cool to work with. But my absolute favorite part to write was Marco, especially his one-on-one with Annie. He did say he would forgive her after all. Wanting to join forces, feeling guilty for leaving the others hanging? I had to. He's that kind of person. Loyal, caring, and wanting to make amends. Not to rid himself of his guilt, but to help Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. He truly does feel like a lot of this is his fault. Now the question becomes how the others (especially Jean) will react to this. He's loyal to everyone, but that loyalty is evenly split between two warring factions. How can he reconcile or justify that to the friends who were overjoyed to see he was still alive, only to find him offering aid to their sworn enemies and still viewing himself as one of them? I really feel that he stole the show. I hope I portrayed that well, did that sentiment justice.
> 
> And oh my God, Saskia and Levi. I've been planning that scene for over a year. Had that conversation written up a lot time ago. So happy to finally share it with y'all!
> 
> Please share your reactions, thoughts, and ANY predictions you have for what's to come! What Pixis might find, what more there is to Gloria, who will die, how Erwin's confession to Saskia will play out, if Kenny is as loyal to this cause as he's led everyone to believe, how the MP will respond, what Historia will do when she sees her father, what Grisha will (or won't) tell Kseniya, how Levi and Eren will act having Annie with them, if the other shifters care about Saskia or are using her to get their revenge, ideas about the Old World Titans (like connections to Ymir), and anything else running through your minds!
> 
> For those who forgot, 'chama' is a combination of 'chan' and 'sama', which Saskia uses to show both how close she and Erwin are while still showing respect for his station. And the reason Isamu calls Katya 'Volkova-sama' is because she was a Commander; even if he disagrees with the SC he respects her having been in a position of power (while Kseniya was referred to as 'Volkova-san'). New translation- 'Ojou-sama', as a standalone or added to a name, is used when speaking to a female (usually younger) of prestige; in this case, the daughter of someone with great power and influence (implying she herself has those things as well because of her familial ties). In other words Kenny isn't just acting to anger Levi in trying to dictate his relationship with Saskia, but showing respect to her as well.
> 
> For those who get creeper vibes from Isamu, NO, he does not have incestuous feelings towards his daughter. But he does, to a degree, see her as an object (which in his mind is no different than his child, as he played a role in 'making her' for a specific purpose) so any type of admiration or weird compliments like admiring her facial features is really just admiring how 'perfect' she turned out in regards what she was 'born to be'.


	52. The Siege, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. This has been a miserable hiatus. More than writer's block, in case the length didn't give it away. I wish I could post journals here the same way on dA but to sum it up- full-time job, bipolar disorder, family crises/drama (more so than usual...somehow), trying to maintain a life outside work which ended up being no more than me being exhausted and spending time with my beloved, oh yeah and also I got engaged.
> 
> I'm going to try hard to be more proactive about writing and not just do it when the mood suits me. I need more discipline as an author and from now on am going to try doing a little bit of writing every day. I have so many written projects I'm working on (some of which I even have yet to post) and tons that still need to be finished. I'm still very much in recovery mode but I'm doing what I can.
> 
> Thanks everyone for your support. On with the show!

**Wall Sina, Mitras, Royal Palace Dungeon, August 13th, 3:32 PM**

Saskia coughed heavily as she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees.  Using the back of her hand to wipe the grime from her chin, she glanced over her shoulder and saw Isamu depart using the same secret corridor Kenny had.  But she had neither the time nor the energy to concern herself with him.  More pressing matters were bleeding in front of her.

“Erwin,” she breathed, slowly moving closer until she was kneeling beside him.  “Erwin, say something to me.”  Shaky fingers checked his pulse.  Slow, but steady, as was his breathing.  “Please,” she whimpered, biting her lower lip.

Hearing the desperation in her voice was a far more brutal torture than anything he had endured in the dungeons.  He didn't deserve that kind of concern over his well-being, not from her.  “You cut your hair.”  He forced a weak smile, reaching up to pat her on the head.  “It looks nice.”

Hand to her heart she exhaled loudly, letting out a tiny chuckle of relief.  Tears of joys sprang from her half-lidded eyes.  “Thank goodness you're alive.  Not that I doubted you, no, never, but...I, I should have talked you out of coming here.  I knew it was a trap.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.”

She had no idea how right she was, deepening the ache in his chest.

“But it's going to be alright now.  I’m here.  I promise I will make them pay for what they've done to you.”  She reassuringly rested her hand on his shoulder.  His clothing was damp; hope screamed at her that it was sweat, but common sense shook its head and whispered it was blood.  “I promise we will get you out of here.”   _ We will, won’t we?  Of course.  Of course we will.  We have to. _

“We?”

She nodded slowly.  “What's left of us...They've struck many blows, it's true, but the Survey Corps remains strong and intact.  All that's missing is our Commander.  We're going to get you out of here, you'll have all of your injuries treated, and then you can assume your post once more.”  Carefully putting her other arm around him so as not to worsen his injuries she added softly, “And I swear as both your loyal General and your loving sister, I will stay by your side through it all, until the very end.”  She pulled back and studied him as best she could in the low lighting.  From what she could tell most of his injuries were quite recent.   _ There must be something I can do to take his mind off of this fresh pain. _  “I do believe that you have a very important question to answer.  You said you would tell me the next time we saw each other.”

“I did?  My head…Everything is fuzzy.  I’m sorry.”

“Then rest your head a bit.”   _ To what extent did he suffer? _  “Recline and I'll remind you.  Something lighthearted to discuss...How I missed such conversations.”

He seemed reluctant but eventually found himself on his side, head in Saskia's lap.  “I can hardly remember what it's like to have the luxury.”

“Of simple, lighthearted conversation?”

“And a pillow.  I think I recall.  The reason I never wanted you to be involved with Levi.  Or anyone.”

“That's right.”  She felt the blood starting to soak into her pants.   _ Severe head trauma?  No, he is far too coherent.  But that’s a good thing!  These...are all...these are good signs. _

“It's quite a selfish reason.”

“Oh, of that I have no doubt,” she replied with a grin.  “Please don’t leave me in suspense.”

“When a father is unable to give his daughter away at her wedding, it falls to her brother.”  He paused.  “I won’t live long enough to have that privilege.”

“No Titans will keep you from attending my wedding!” she chuckled, fighting back the memory of her very recent explosive argument with Levi.  “What would make you think such a thing?”

“I don’t fear that Titans will be my undoing.  What Isamu meant before...After I tell you a truth I am literally dying to share, you are completely justified in killing me.”

She frowned.   _ He is quite delusional. _  “Erwin, you know I could never-”

“I've been spying on you for them since I joined the Survey Corps.”

Her breath was caught in her chest.

“I’m one of them.  I have been all along.  They killed my father, and they knew I joined the military to get answers.  I knew too much but they would let me live if I proved myself an asset.  They told me to get close to you.  Pretend I cared.  I’m not your brother.  I never was.”

Her entire body tensed.

“That’s what I told myself.  Those thoughts changed but...I never stopped.  I couldn’t.  I was in far too deep.  That’s why Shardis made me Commander; your endorsement made no difference.” 

“And how do I know they didn’t threaten to kill you should you not spin such a disgusting story and feed it to me?”  She swallowed a nervous lump.  It was a stupid question.  If they wanted him dead they would’ve killed him already, and she was doing her best to overlook that fact.

“I helped Annie kill the test subjects.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I kept you and Levi apart in the Forest of Giant Trees so Annie would have a chance...and so his squad would be killed.”

“No.  No you didn’t.”

“I went so far as to not only police my speech and body language but my very thoughts in order to maintain my charade.”  He paused, waiting for another rebuttal but it didn’t come.  “You never found it odd how I always seemed one step ahead?”

“Of course not!”  She suppressed a laugh.  “It’s because you’re brilliant.  Now you’re...you’re...you’re delusional from blood loss is all.”

“I made sure we found Levi and brought him into the Survey Corps.  You never knew the entirety of that plan.  When he confronted us that day there were things I said that you knew nothing about.”

“Erwin, that's enough-”

“I ensured Isabel’s gear was damaged.  She and Farlan were hindrances, and she was making you soft.”

She lowered her head.  “...and Colleen didn’t…?” she asked quietly, hesitant to utter the name.  Making mention of a woman so kind and pure of heart in a place like this felt blasphemous.

“The only reason Shardis tolerated her was because she had an active role in your training.  She helped shape you into the weapon, even if it wasn’t the original mold desired.”  He coughed hoarsely, a metallic tang assaulting his taste buds.

“...I...still don’t believe you...If I did, I would scream and cry and want to break you in half...I haven’t the energy for any of that.  Thus it simply can't be true.  It can’t.”  Her voice quaked.

“You don’t even want to know why?”

Her chest felt heavy.  “No,” she whispered, shaking her head.  “I’ll hear no more of this.”

“It wasn’t because I wanted to hurt you.”

The comforting hand on his shoulder now shook with a tight grip.  Whether it was anger over the possibility of his words being true or the sheer horror that she even entertained that notion, she wasn't sure.  “Stop.  Please.  Stop adding to this elaborate lie-”

“Or that I agreed with it.  But I had an advantage over them  They thought I was loyal.  They had no idea I would tell you everything when the time was right.  I’ve waited two decades for this moment, Saskia.  Neither you nor the grim reaper will take this away from me.”

She couldn’t argue further, not when he used that tone.  It wasn’t coming from a person she was arguing with or a brother with whom she was growing increasingly frustrated, a frustration exacerbated by the fact that she couldn’t act on it.  It was coming from her Commander, someone for whom her respect was unwavering.  That tone left as quickly as it came however, and his serious demeanor came crashing down in a matter of seconds.

“You...were a child...I barely knew you, I didn’t care about you, but you were  **only** a little girl.  They hardly understood what they expected from you, but they expected it in spades.  I didn’t need to know you well or care for you to know there was no justifying forcing that on a child.  All I could do was sit and watch it all happen as they hoped, waiting for you to make a move so drastic you were finally beyond their control.”  He gave her a moment.  “They loved talking about you going to Maria after freeing Annie, and finding Reiner and Bertholdt.  How you would be shunned and have nowhere to go but here.  When you finally did they were shocked, even if they claimed it was part of their plan.  I counted on it.  Counted on you to do something so seemingly stupid because once you did there was no turning back for you...so it didn’t matter if they knew to whom I was loyal.  That’s why I’m in here...and have been since we learned of your departure.  They underestimated you.”

“You think I did the right thing?” she asked with a trembling voice.  While it wasn’t a matter of concern in that moment, it was still a concerning matter nonetheless.

“Were any innocent lives lost?  Were new enemies made?  Did you see any other choice?  If you say no to those things and still doubt yourself, then you did the right thing.”

“How do you figure?”

“When you do the wrong thing you make excuses, shirk the blame, anything to justify to others and yourself the damage caused.  I would know...I made a career out of it.”

She brought her right forearm up to her watering eyes.  “Erwin?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t prepare yourself for death anytime soon.  I still need you at my wedding.”

“Saskia, you can’t excuse what I’ve done,” he argued firmly.  “You can’t make an exception for me.”

Her heart was racing and she struggled to steady her breathing.  “We’ll talk more when we’re out of here and you’re better.  When you can think straight, with Levi and Hanji present.  Until then cease this desperation for death.  It won’t absolve your sins.  Neither will confessing them to me.  I am far from divine.”   _ How many people did he lead to their demise...all so he could make this confession? _  “Speaking...of divinity...Kseniya said something to me recently, something I would like to ponder further but I'm not quite sure where to begin.  What...what do you think Heaven is like?”

“I try not to think about it.  There are far too many people there I wish to see again and know I never will.  Not because they're dead, because I can't join them there.  Heaven is a taunt.”

_ He's starting to sound better.  A little more vigor. _  She paled at her realization.   _ That's...usually how it goes...isn’t it? _  “Surely you have some idea.  I need to know.  What does it look like?”

“Heaven is what this world would be were there no Titans.  We would all be able to live prosperous lives, free of fear and able to explore every inch of this world.  We would reach beyond the horizon.”

“And what's beyond the horizon?”   _ Has he forgotten all he confessed just now?  His attitude is...inconsistent.  Maybe it's the subject change, he must be distracted. _

Her free hand unconsciously traveled to her chest and pressed lightly, ensuring her mother's blade was still on her person.

_ Surely that must be it. _

* * *

**Hanji, Historia, and Marco**

After stripping the bodies of the CMP soldiers of their weapons, the Survey Corps prepared to storm the castle.  Instead of a wall of guards they were greeted by emptiness.  Kseniya surmised that the guards had dispersed to protect those considered priority, causing Hanji to wonder if they had already anticipated the divide and conquer strategy from the Survey Corps.  There was no time to discuss further, as they knew Armin could only hold off the Military Police for so long.

Marco’s knowledge of the castle’s layout was slightly dated, causing Historia to lose her patience more and more with every wrong turn.  Bullets felt wasted on the guards they encountered but completely clearing the castle was a secondary priority no matter how badly Historia wanted to save all of hers for her father.  Her coldness and apathy towards it all disturbed Marco slightly, but Hanji wasn’t surprised.  Though she could never relate to her situation she could only imagine how the abused bastard daughter of a demented lord blinded by greed and arrogance could possibly feel.  Marco had also been absent when Krista Lenz was put to rest.

Just as Armin had predicted it was easier to anticipate where the guards wouldn’t be, not where they would be.  Still they couldn’t allow their own defenses to fall on the thin sliver of hope that they would have a relatively easy time finding their way to Rod Reiss.  When they did reach his quarters there were no guards and the rightful ruler burst into the room enthusiastically, albeit rashly; even if there were no guards stationed outside a trap waiting inside was certainly plausible.

Instead what they found was a pathetic old man, curled up in a corner muttering to himself.  When he saw Historia he seemed to come to his senses.  What followed was a grandiose ramble which put his equally arrogant (former) cohorts to shame.

“I knew Kenny was jealous.  They were all jealous of me.  My money, my power, my **name**.  I knew they would turn on me.  Kill my guards, fight over who will take my head.”  He jumped to his feet and looked at his estranged daughter, sighing in relief.  “But you came to save me!  My little angel, my guardian angel...Despite all I’ve done, done to you even, you still love your father.  I am so blessed to have you as my daughter.  Isamu must be jealous too!  All he’s done for Saskia and not once has she come to thank him-”  

The petite soldier raised a pistol at him.  “They won’t be taking your head.  I can guarantee you that much!” she yelled.  “I’m here to claim that privilege myself.” 

* * *

**Moblit, Ymir, and Jean**

“I’m almost insulted by how easy this is,” Ymir grumbled as the three of them neared the throne room.

“It’s a damn castle!  Did you really think the throne room would be hard to find?  But don’t forget, we don’t even know if he’s there or how valuable he is to these lunatics,” Jean reminded.  “And there could be a welcoming party of guards.”

“I suppose,” she sighed, then broke into a grin.  “So how’re things with Marco going?”

“That’s none of your business,” he snapped.  “And it’s not relevant-”

“Oh but it is!  After all, his survival could be at stake after that little ‘reunion’ he had with Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt.  It was pretty touching, wasn’t it?  How he admitted to being responsible for the things we’ve blamed those three for?  What a sweetheart, looking out for his fellow shifters-”

“Shut up!” he yelled, voice carrying down the corridors.

“Both of you need to be quiet and focus,” Moblit scolded.  “It looks like we’re getting close.  Be ready.”

Ymir ignored them.  “Not only that, but Saskia wants to welcome him with open arms into her all-shifter squad.”

“There is no Squad Saskia,” the youngest retorted.  “Only rejects and criminals.”   _ And to think I was torn up when she was reported KIA... _

“If something happened to her I would have Historia to back me up.  Do you think Marco would stand a chance in court?  What if the military decides he’s too much an unknown variable, like they did with Eren?  Unlike Eren he doesn’t have political conspirators keeping him alive.  Not anymore.”

Jean skidded to a halt and grabbed Ymir by the collar.  “I swear to God, if you don’t shut your mouth right now-!”

“You, boy!” a low voice slurred from the other side of the room.  “Bring me some more wine.”  The owner of the voice held up a glass but was far too inebriated to hold it properly, and it shattered at his feet.  “And another glass.”

Jean let her go with an aggressive shove and the three of them could only stare.  Rumors had swirled about that the false king was a heavy drinker.  What sat on the throne offered confirmation in the form of an unshaven and disheveled alcoholic.

“There’s no way he always looks like that,” Moblit muttered to the other three.  “No one would take a king seriously if he looked like that.”

“Or smelled like that.”  Ymir pinched her nose.  Even the stench of the alcohol revolted her, as it was fairly low quality.  “No accounting for taste…”

“They must’ve gotten him drunk while we were taking the city so he wouldn’t get in the way once we broke in.”  Jean shrugged.  “Underwhelming, but it makes our job a hell of a lot easier.”

“Which means they knew we were coming here,” Moblit pointed out.  “A double victory.  Take General Saskia while also using her as bait.  We may have walked into an enormous trap.” 

* * *

**Kseniya, Reiner, and Bertholdt**  

“We can’t take all of those guards.”  Kseniya cautiously peered around the corner.  They were close to the study Grisha was confined to, a bevy of guards between them.  Despite being armed with weapons more appropriate for combat against humans the narrow halls made it far more difficult than anticipated.  Having minimal knowledge of the building’s layout courtesy of Marco’s dated recollections didn’t help.  

She pulled back around and pressed her back against the wall, breathing deeply.  “Might need to make a run for it...Unless you’re hit in the heart a bullet means nothing to the two of you.  And Kenny gave me lots of ‘dodge in the hallway’ training.”  She shuddered at the memories and unconsciously brushed a hand over her left thigh, tracing along the scar left by a bullet that grazed her when she was thirteen.

“There has to be a way to take some out before we advance.”

“Unless you have a grenade on you Bertl, which I highly recommend against using  **inside** , I can’t think of anything.”

“Since when is she allowed to call you ‘Bertl’?” Reiner asked, eyebrow raised.

“She’s not.”

“Then you never should’ve told me about the nickname.  Damn it!  Here I am, supposed to be the leader and all, and I’m completely clueless.”  Curses swiftly flew from her lips in her ancestral tongue.  “What would Saskia do?...Hm, probably run in smiling and behead them all like a maniac.  Not feasible.”

“By now she probably knows all about Erwin betraying her.”  Reiner sighed.  “If he has even a shred of decency in him, he’d tell her himself.”

“You have no right to criticize him for betrayal.  Neither do I.  But unlike Erwin, we’re getting a second chance.  I’m not going to let down the person who gave me that chance.”

“Inspiring,” the blond said sarcastically.  “But it still leaves us without a plan.”

Kseniya’s eyes lit up and she turned to the other two, a mischievous grin spreading across her lips.  “I beg to differ.  How’s about the three of us put on the act again?  Ya know, for old time’s sake?”

“They won’t buy it.”  Reiner shook his head.

“Saskia brought you two back from Maria, right?  And who are these idiots brainwashed into worshipping?  In other words, if their ‘future ruler and savior of humanity’ deems you worthy of living  _ and _ brought you here...Bring Saskia into the equation and they can’t argue, for fear that they’re going against their ‘savior’s’ will.  What’s there to call into question?”

“You,” Reiner snorted.

“Like I said, the  **three of us** put on the act.”  She leaned towards them and whispered the vague outline of her plan, then waited impatiently for the slightest hint of approval.  In effort to coax it from them she murmured, “It’s all we’ve got.”

“There’s no point in hiding Volkova!” one of the underlings shouted towards them.  “Surrender now and-!”

_ Can’t wait for the boys. _  “And you’ll what?!” she barked defiantly, then taunted, “Kill the one who helped Saskia?  The two she saved from the horrors of Wall Maria?!”

There was a slight hum of whispers and irritated grunts.

“Why else would we be here?!” she continued.  “Saskia showed me the error of my ways, and like a true  _ warrior _ I dedicated myself to aiding her cause without question!  Can any of you say the same?!  She risked her life to save our worthless souls, venturing into Titan territory to do so!  Kill us and you throw all that down the shitter!”

“How do we know you aren’t lying?!  That this isn’t a trap?!” 

“I’m far more afraid of what Saskia would do to me if I fail her than any of your empty threats!” she quickly spat.  “Wanna incite her rage?  Forbid us from seeing Grisha Jaeger!”  She placed immense emphasis on her next three words.  “ **I dare you** .”

* * *

**Levi, Eren, and Annie**

The way to the dungeons wasn’t heavily guarded which Levi assumed to be one of three things- an invitation, a dare, or a warning.  No matter what the opposition intended, they wouldn’t be intimidated.  Nervous and unsettled, yes, but not intimidated.

The mere sight of Annie was enough to make Eren experience the risk of spontaneous shifting, and any effort to calm himself by thinking about the information they could choke out of her was quickly countered by the reminder that Saskia brought her back.  He wasn’t sure exactly who he was angrier with- the one who killed the first lineup of Squad Levi, the one who broke the Shiganshina gate, the one who kicked Wall Maria and Wall Rose, or the one who was dead set on giving them a second chance.  Ymir was an unknown variable and Marco, though an apologist for the first three, was still a friend and earned the benefit of the doubt.

Levi sensed his confliction, a victim of it himself, though his dilemma was focused solely on one person.  “Eren,” he said sternly, “don’t bother trying to make sense of it.  We’ll deal with it later.  We have a different objective right now and we need to focus.  We won’t get a second chance.”  He shot Annie a glare, hoping she would pick up the subtle threat in the double entendre.  

“Easy for you to say,” the brunet spat.  “You never considered any of them your friends.  You weren’t betrayed-”

Levi came to an abrupt halt.  “I wasn’t what?” he asked brusquely, a challenge in his tone.

Eren stopped and tugged nervously at his collar.  “I didn’t mean it like that Heichou.  I was just referring to them.”  He pointed at Annie, who reluctantly slowed down.

_ Suddenly I’m the voice of reason?   _ “You said so yourself Lance Corporal, now’s not the time.  We need to get to the dungeons and-”

“And what?!” he barked at the blonde, making her jump.  “Save Saskia?  Why?  Why should I?”

“You?  Why should  _ you _ ?  This isn’t about you!” she argued.  “I thought the rumors about you being a selfish bastard were purely exaggerations, but clearly I was wrong if you think this has anything to do with what’s going on between you and my Squad Leader.  Or is that what you meant when you said we have one objective?  To find the dungeons and ensure she stays locked away to rot?  Torture her maybe?  Is that what you want?  Is that who you are?  I find that hard to believe.  A person like her couldn’t love a person like that.”

“You have no right to claim knowing  **anything** about her!  You’re nothing more than a charity effort, something she can use to convince herself she isn’t a monster!”  The disturbingly realistic dream he had on the Survey Corps headquarter rooftop echoed in the back of his mind.  “You’re nothing,” he repeated.

Annie did her best to brush the words aside.  It was something she had been told all her life, something she had eventually began to believe, and something she never challenged until recently.  She felt no need to retort or entertain his anger further.  The argument was coming to a standstill but the tension continued to grow like a weed.  The weed was quickly uprooted when the stone wall began to move.  Just like the Survey Corps’ sub-basement a hidden panel revealed itself, and with it Isamu Maki.

* * *

**Mikasa, Sasha, Connie**

“If Marco’s right then Isamu’s personal quarters aren’t far from here.”  Mikasa offered this optimistically to quell their collective paranoia.  When they neared the stairs there were guards, all of whom they took down with surprisingly little effort.  When they ascended the stairs there were fewer guards who required even less effort to eliminate.  And now that they neared the chambers of one of the most important people in the palace there were no guards.  The implications were terrifying.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Sasha asked with a shake of her head.  “Because it isn’t.” 

“Yeah, I agree.”  Connie looked around, almost desperate for a guard or two to jump out and attack them.  “Something’s wrong here.  If this guy is so important why is no one here to protect him?  Sure, having all these bullets saved up means a guaranteed kill…”

“Marco didn’t say anything about him being able to fight,” the brunette added.

“Half the time he lives in the royal capitol, and the other half of the time he lives in the underground in charge of human trafficking.  He, at the very least, knows how to use a gun.”  Mikasa stated this as though it were common knowledge.

It was true that Marco had no idea what Isamu was capable of, though Levi had heard rumors about Oriental communities preserving their traditions down to ancient combat techniques.  Annie confirmed this rumor to hold some truth to it, claiming her father taught her things he had learned from an Oriental in her home village.  He knew a great deal about the land of his ancestors; though its name was lost to history its moniker ‘The Land of a Thousand Smiles’ survived.  Mikasa had heard of that place before along with many other Oriental lands from her mother, who traced her ancestry back to a place known as ‘The Islands Over the Fires’.  At one point she had wanted to share her mother’s stories with Saskia, recognizing Isamu’s name as one from the same language as her mother’s ancestors. Any feelings of loose kinship she might have held towards the officer were demolished, however, the moment she got it in her head that rescuing those three deplorable shifters was a good idea. 

Sasha’s nose twitched.  “That must be the tea Marco mentioned.  How can anyone drink tea that smells like that?!  He really is a madman…”  She faked a gag.

As the smell became more potent the scenery began to shift.  The walls were adorned with various paintings of thinly outlined mountains, men and women with oddly shaped hair wearing long ornate robes, beautiful birds they had never seen before, and terrifying demonic creatures.  Mikasa became visibly uncomfortable, as the familiar artstyle stirred up memories of some of her mother’s belongings, precious memories which quickly spiraled to the homicide she committed at the tender age of nine. 

 _It felt natural...It was easy.  Is that really in our blood?_ she wondered.  Mikasa never entertained the thought before, but after seeing Saskia’s blind rage three times now a disturbing curiosity began to brew inside her.  “There’s the door.”  She pointed ahead at two wooden panels, one in perfect alignment with the stone walls and the other attached to a rail allowing for it to slide over the other.  Though she had never before seen a ‘fusuma’ her mother told her that her childhood home was full of them, some acting as walls which -when left open- completely altered the shape of the building’s interior.  

As soon as they reached it she kicked it down, her way of ridding herself of any affinity or curiosity still lingering inside of her.  Sasha and Connie hadn’t the faintest idea why she felt the need to attack a door so viciously but they weren’t going to question her actions so long as she still had some of that energy leftover for the enemy inside. 

In the middle of the room was a small table, a half-empty cup of green tea on the center.  Seated at the table was a tall, almost lanky man with an ugly hat, and an even uglier grin. 

“You Orientals have the worst temper tantrums.”  Kenny calmly sipped the tea, his lax aura making the three of them all the more anxious. 

“Wha...what the hell are you doing here?” Sasha demanded, trying to keep her composure.  “Where’s Isamu Maki?” 

“What’s wrong?”  He ignored her, keeping his eyes on Mikasa who could only tremble under his gaze.  “You don’t look happy to see me.  Why not?”  He rose slowly.  “After all, we are family.” 

 _This is the man who had my family killed.  This is the man who almost had me kidnapped.  Why can’t I move?  What’s wrong with me?  I have nothing to be afraid of._  “We share an arbitrary blood relation, nothing more,” she managed coolly.  

He feigned agony, dramatically placing a hand over his heart.  “Oh Mika, little Mika, that stings.  And here I was looking forward to a family reunion.  Looks like Isamu’s the only one who gets that.” 

“Cut the shit!” Connie barked.  “The only thing that Isamu bastard is getting is a bullet to the head.  But don’t worry, you can have one too if you’re that jealous of him.”

Kenny couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Well aren’t you a brave one, Connie Springer.  Yeah, that’s right, I know all your names.  Your birthdays.  Your hometowns.  Shame the Beast Titan got to Ragako before we could.”

Connie grit his teeth and reached for his gun but Sasha gripped his forearm tightly.  If they let him get under their skin they wouldn’t survive the confrontation.  The odds were already against them, as they were prepared for the man Marco described as an ‘eccentric moron’, not a professional assassin. 

“What do you know about that thing?”   _Once Levi Heichou goes to the dungeons he’ll realize Kenny’s here instead.  If we can stall long enough, we have a chance._  Sasha glanced at Mikasa, hoping the leader of the three would catch on to her plan but she still looked like she was in shock.  

“That it needs to die.  That it turns humans into Titans.  That only Saskia Messmann can kill it.  You know, the basics,” he shrugged. 

“What more?” she insisted, stepping forward.  “You didn’t start the hunt for it.  You didn’t start any of this.  You jumped on board when it was convenient for you.” 

“Don’t act so noble.  I’ve heard some bizarre reports from our many spies about you, Sasha Braus.  You think we’re evil, but you’re the one who gets dreamy eyed at the mention of the shifter with a penchant for breaking through the inner gates,” he mocked.

“I, I do not!” she stammered, her poor attempt at a lie snapping Mikasa out of her stupor.  “And don’t change the subject!”

“And since the hell when am I obligated to share anything with you kids, huh?  Oh, let me guess.  This is the part of the story when the overly confident villain shares the details of his elaborate plan only to find the heroes have broken free and take him down.  Is that what you think?  I almost feel bad for you kids.  You’re on the wrong side.  The real villains here are you!  And as one of the heroes of this story I have an obligation to eliminate the evil doers, and anyone else who gets in the way.  We  _ will _ save the human race, not the Survey Corps.  And Saskia Messmann, not ‘General Saskia’, is gonna be the one to deliver the final blow against the last Old World Titan.”  He cussed under his breath.  “Well fuck me...Even heroes get caught up in monologue.  Alright, I’m getting bored.  So how’s about you three do me a favor…”  He drew his pistols and aimed at their feet.  “...and entertain me with a dance?”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Military Headquarters, 2:47 PM**

While Kitz and Rico led the rest of the Garrison, Pixis brought only Anka and Gustav with him to see the Commander-in-Chief.  The fewer the better as it wouldn’t arouse as much suspicion and alarm, and Zackley was likely to let his guard down if Pixis’ detail was comprised of two younger soldiers.

"The list of Stohess casualties?  Why would you need to see that?  It’s been quite awhile since the fight that almost leveled the entire city.”

“Only a month,” Pixis replied casually.  “Is there any particular reason I can’t see it?”

Zackley raised an eyebrow at him before leaning back in his seat.  “We’ve been in the military for a long time together, you and I.  I’d like to think that, by now, you know that’s not how it works.”

“And I’d like to think you’re not hiding something.  We can’t always have our way though, can we?”

“Hiding something?”  Zackley chuckled and looked up at the young Garrison soldiers.  “Be honest with me, how much has he had?”

“I’m as sober as a priest!” Pixis exclaimed.  “Alright, I suppose one would need to offer a reason to look at that.  It’s rather sensitive information.  But you know what I don’t need a reason to look at?  A public record.  One which you happen to be in possession of the original copy of.  The documentation used to keep record of everyone who attended Eren Jaeger’s trial.  I’d like to see it.”

“What use could you have for that?  Those documents are even older than-”

Pixis motioned for Anka to check Zackley’s many bookcases to find the registry in question.  She nodded and calmly proceeded to the shelves, ignoring Zackley’s attempt to physically bar her.  He wasn’t able to get very far as both Pixis and Gustav, almost in perfect synchronicity, brandished a pistol.

“What use could I have?  I think we both know the answer to that question.”   _ If Volkova was wrong or lying, she owes my weight in liquor. _  “Why don’t you do the smart thing and sit your wrinkly old ass down, and us wrinkly old asses will have a nice little chat, hm?”

Zackley, unarmed and cornered, returned to his seat but had no intention of speaking.  All he could do was watch with growing anxiety as Anka’s slender fingers, carefully tracing the title of every thick book she passed, grew closer and closer to the document in question.

“Sir, I found the registry.”

“Excellent.  Would you be so kind as to open it and look for that name?”

Again she nodded and began flipping the pages carefully.

“Pixis, I don’t know what you’re up to but I assure you there’s been a grave misunderstanding here.”

“Kseniya Volkova joined the Survey Corps,” the Garrison Commander said smoothly, breaking into a grin when he saw Zackley begin to sweat nervously.  “And she had some lovely things to say about you.  Apparently you’re a terrible subordinate.”

“Who?  I can’t say I’ve heard that name before.”

"What about this name?  ‘Luzia Messmann’?  I’m sure it sounds familiar.  You know, Saskia’s biological mother?  Not the fictional one Shardis made up when he took her in as an infant?”

“Saskia Messmann’s mother was a Survey Corps soldier-”

“This is almost embarrassing.”  He shook his head and sighed.  “To think I once respected you...See, Luzia Messmann -who you’ve apparently forgotten about in your old age- was present at Eren Jaeger’s trial.  You and your weird cohorts knew that, and for once you couldn’t stop her from acting on her own.  By making her a citizen of Wall Sina she had every right to attend that trial, didn’t she?  You couldn’t bar her entry without causing a scene, could you?  But Anka isn’t going to find a ‘Luzia Messmann’ in there.  Couldn’t have anyone asking questions about whether or not she was related to the soldier bearing the same last name.  The name she probably used when signing that registry was a giant middle finger to all of you.  All she needed was to see her daughter once, just once, and after that, what did it matter?  Even if you took Saskia from her as a baby, you could never take away her memories of Saskia as a grown woman.  What was that name again?  Started with an ‘R’ I believe…”

“A ‘Romilda Berger’ is confirmed to have been present at the trial for Eren Jaeger, sir.”  Anka presented the registry to Pixis and showed him the signature.

“Romilda Berger, that was it!  Thank you, Anka.”  He raised an eyebrow at Zackley.  “Well?  Anything?  Oh, and before you threaten me with the CMP, the Survey Corps is dismantling them as we speak.”

Zackley, to the surprise of all present, laughed softly.  “This is my punishment for what I did forty years ago,” he murmured.

“Cryptic mumbling about regrets won’t do you any favors, I’m afraid.”

“Yes, Luzia Messmann was at that trial.  I saw her and relayed the information to Kseniya, who gave it to her superiors.”

_ That’s what she meant about the strange timing of their delayed homicide.  An entire month passed between Eren’s trial and Luzia’s death. _  “And suddenly, compliance.  Go on.”

“There’s nothing I can tell you that Kseniya can’t, or hasn’t already.”

“Can she tell me what it is you’re being ‘punished’ for?  She looks a little young to be over forty.”

“Ask that rat, Isamu Maki.  Mark my words Pixis- never cross an Oriental.  They’re all spineless, manipulative, depraved cravens who use old grudges against you.  We never should have let them inside our walls.”

“I’m sure he’ll tell me about it when he and the others are taken into Survey Corps custody.” 

“That goes for half-breeds too,” Zackley continued viciously.  “Saskia Messmann and Mikasa Ackermann are dangerous.  They shouldn’t be allowed to live.”

Pixis nodded slowly, pretending to share his sentiment.  “We know they’re dangerous.  That’s why they’re alive and the majority of the CMP isn’t.  Is that really it?  Perhaps you’d like to spew a little more racism at me?”

“Racism?  You can only be racist against humans, not vermin.  And there’s only one type of human.  Anything else,  _ especially _ Orientals, is an abomination.”

“Well.”  Pixis inhaled deeply.  “This has been rather eye opening, hasn’t it?”  He turned to Anka and then Gustav, both of whom expressed disapproval of his humor.  “Those are your famous last words then?  I’ll admit, this has been anti-climactic.”

“The important thing is we got what we came here for, sir,” Anka reminded.

“Go ahead and kill me Pixis.  It won’t accomplish anything.  Because in the grand scheme of things I don’t matter.  None of us do.  Don’t you get it?  We’re wasting our time trying to fight them.  It’s inevitable.  The Titans will win.  Humanity will be destroyed.  It’s only a matter of time.  All thanks to the God damned Orientals.”

Pixis sighed.  “Despite their countless failures it seems like no matter what we do, the Survey Corps still ends up having all the fun.”

* * *

**Wall Sina, Mitras District, Wall Sina Platform, 3:49 PM**

When Armin offered to stay behind with the Garrison he anticipated awkward conversation, a bombardment of questions, and the eventual arrival of the Military Police.  What he didn’t anticipate was a standoff, both branches armed and ready to gun the other down atop Wall Sina...nor did he anticipate he would have to play peacemaker, as well as peace _ keeper _ should he somehow manage to do the former.  He had no choice but to stand between the two branches to keep them from opening fire, lest they wish to hit him and start a full-blown war with the Survey Corps.

The Garrison, while only so informed on the situation, followed Pixis’ orders without question.  They supported the Survey Corps.  If Pixis had reason to believe their claims and feel compelled to offer aid despite their shaky, poorly defined chain-of-command they wouldn’t question him.  Pixis was unorthodox and eccentric, true, but he was no fool.  He had been in the military long enough to accurately judge one’s character with a mere glance and how to identify invaluable allies.

Without Erwin’s presence Nile Dawk saw this all as no more than a front for collaborative treason.  After all the Survey Corps had been left in the hands of a former criminal (old habits die hard) and  _ her _ .

“Commander Nile, listen to me!” Armin insisted for what felt like, and probably was, the thirtieth time.  “This isn’t by order of Saskia Messmann.  As it stands her position as a soldier is questionable.  An argument could be made that she committed high treason.  But that’s for the Sur-”

“No,  _ you _ listen  _ to _ me!” he snapped, rifle still aimed at Rico Brzenska.  “That little shit accused  _ me _ of high treason for transferring  _ out of _ the Survey Corps.  You really expect me to buy that bullshit?  That she would act against humanity’s best interest?  Saskia Messmann is many things, one of them being downright insane, but she’s devoted.  Obsessed, even.  Her world revolves around the Survey Corps.”

“He’s not lying Nile,” Rico asserted.  “She found the ones who let Titans ino Maria, and the one who destroyed Stohess.  She’s offering them protection.  But he’s also been given reason to believe Darius Zackley is an enemy and has gone to confront him.  Those shifters, on the other hand, are not...impossible as it may sound.”

“Not enemies?!” Nile screeched.  “Your Commander is nothing but a senile alcoholic!”

“Everyone, shut up and listen!” Armin yelled, fists at his sides.  “Zackley is an enemy.  I barely know the situation with Saskia but right now that doesn’t matter.  The fact is that the man we’ve been bowing to all our lives is no king, only a puppet.  He’s part of a mass conspiracy that can be traced back to the earliest days of the military.  I realize how outlandish this sounds, but think about all the things we’ve seen and learned since Maria was lost.  Tell me why it’s hard to believe that our government has been corrupt since the beginning, yet we’ve all accepted that humans can turn into Titans!  Is it only because we’ve seen it for ourselves?  No, that can’t be enough.  If we needed to see something before taking action, there would be no Military Police.”  He turned to Nile.  “Your branch investigates rumors and accusations.  Everything you do comes from a possibility, not certainty.   _ Maybe _ someone possesses contraband material, and that’s enough for you to raid their homes to find it.   _ Maybe _ someone is running an illegal operation, and that’s enough for you to seek them out and interrogate without mercy.  And maybe it’s time you suspend your disbelief and accept that there’s more going on in the palace than any of us could possibly understand!  Why is that asking so much?!”

“Where do you think our orders have come from, kid?!  Questioning the validity of the monarchy undermines the very existence of the Military Police!”

“Then stop serving the king and start serving the people!”  Armin was shaking with rage.

“Think about it Nile,” Rico advised.  “I know you can see the bodies from here.  They were all Central Military Police.  Why would the residential areas surrounding the palace be crawling with CMP soldiers masquerading as civilians?  What were they guarding?  Who’s really in charge?  What in the hell have we, as blind pawns, been supporting this whole time?  I might not understand it all myself but this much I do know- Trost was saved by a teenage boy who took the form of a Titan.  That was unprecedented.  A corrupt government, on the other hand, isn’t.  For as long as we’ve been able to record history there’s always someone desperate to grab power and impose their will.  Right now the Survey Corps is fighting the people trying to do just that.  If you stand against us, those who’ve accepted this dark and disgusting truth, then you support the ones responsible for it.  It’s that simple.  Choose.”  Her finger tightened around the trigger.

_ Who do you believe in? _

Erwin’s words echoed in the back of his mind.  Nile signaled to his soldiers to lower their weapons.


	53. The Siege, Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- references to sexual violence, suicide, graphic violence (and my terrible writing of said violence because I suck at action)
> 
> MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. PLEASE READ NOTES AT THE END BEFORE COMMENTING.

**Wall Sina, Mitras, Royal Palace, 3:46 PM**

**Bertholdt, Reiner, Kseniya**

Kseniya held her breath and began a mental countdown.  They had ten seconds before she took drastic action, though she sincerely hoped that wouldn’t be necessary...as she was completely unprepared for that.

There was a series of clicking sounds.  Weapons were unloaded, the safety turned on.

“Smart move,” she declared.  If she was going to keep the upper hand she had to pretend she knew more than she did, and that she was worth far more than she felt.  She looked at her companions and nodded for them to step into the hall.  “If it’s a trick and we’re met with resistance though…”  She whipped around the corner, slowly moving forward.  With every step she took her eyes darted from one guard to another until she looked them over at least five times each.  She stopped in front of the one she assumed to be in charge.  “I would say I pray Saskia have mercy on your souls, but even if she were capable I doubt she’d deem you deserving of it.”

The act disturbed her, uncomfortable with being so comfortable to slip back into it.  She couldn’t let that show either.  Especially not that.  But she couldn’t be the only one putting on an act, and she now began a mental countdown for Reiner and Bertholdt.   _If they don’t say something in five seconds, swear to God I’ll scream at them like the evil supervisor I’m supposed to be.  Used to be._

“So, are you stepping aside?”  Reiner asked so casually it bordered on rhetorical as he folded his arms over his chest, puffing it out slightly to enhance his already intimidating muscular frame.  “Or is this gonna get ugly?”

 _Shoot me now_ , she internally groaned.   _They’re not THAT out of practice.  Bertl, do something aggressive or they’ll never buy this...If this is riding on the skittish one, we’re screwed._

_SLAM!_

“We don’t need to ask permission,” Bertholdt scolded the shortest of the three after throwing him face first against the hard stone wall.  “What would Saskia think if she heard you _asking_?  She’d think that she wasted her time saving you, that’s what.  Walk, idiot.”  He grabbed Reiner’s collar and pulled him forward.

The blond stumbled along and cursed loudly as he wiped the blood from his nostrils, glaring at his childhood friend.

Kseniya had to hide her surprise, and her pride.   _Bertholdt...shoved Reiner into the wall...and broke his nose...Be still my beating heart._  She gave Reiner a semi-forced condescending look to maintain her facade, but legitimately condescending for his horrible acting.  “Move aside,” she ordered.  Rather than wait for submission she gruffly pushed her way past the guards.  One of them weakly held out her shaking hand, the key to Grisha’s lab in her sweaty palm.  Kseniya pulled it with such force the jagged metal cut the guard’s palm.  She slammed the key into the lock and threw the door open.  Looking over her shoulder as Bertholdt pulled Reiner inside she narrowed her eyes at the guards.  “No interruptions.  Wouldn’t wanna have to tell Saskia about your insolence and make her dirty her hands with the blood of worthless assholes like you.”  She slammed the door behind the three of them and slumped against it, exhaling heavily as she locked it.

“I can’t believe that worked,” she laughed quietly to herself, mouth cupped by her free hand.  She was about to applaud Bertholdt on his acting skills when she saw him apologizing profusely to Reiner, trying to wipe away the blood and offering to realign the bone before it healed in an awkward position.  Reiner, more than capable of fixing it himself, was ready to kill his stuttering sweaty mess of a friend.  Kseniya slowly shook her head.  “Yeah, that shouldn’tve worked.  At all.”  She straightened her posture and pocketed the key, scanning the room for signs of life (ideally Grisha).

He was seated not far from them, motionless, an empty glass in his hand.  Their boisterous performance and somewhat humorous entrance clearly hadn’t surprised him.  She sighed in relief and eagerly approached the man who was the closest thing she had to a father since the murder of her real one.

“Oh God, you’re alive.  You’re okay!” she breathed, pace quickening.  “I’m so relieved.  I didn’t know what we’d find behind that door.”  She waited for him to rise so she could embrace her friend but he stayed seated, setting down his empty glass.

“You don’t have much to celebrate, I’m afraid.  I won’t be leaving here.”  He looked at the adolescent and offered a weak smile.  “But I too am relieved to see you’re well.”

“Not leaving?  What’re you talking about?  We’re gonna escort you out.”

“Kseniya, I can’t leave.  Not after everything I’ve done.  I harmed children, my own son included.”  Grisha shook his head.  “If I told him Carla knew what was to come, would he believe me?” he mused.

“She what?” Reiner asked in a nasally tone.  He grit his teeth and with a sickening cracking sound realigned the bone, cussing furiously.  “She knew?  Then why didn’t she leave?”   _And why isn’t Bertholdt throwing him into a wall too?!_

“The same reason you came,” he replied vaguely before clarifying.  “It was an act.  I couldn’t marry someone without knowing I could depend on them to aid in our efforts.  And Carla did much more good than I could ever hope to.  She was much more helpful…” 

“Helpful?  What did she do?”   _Both of Eren’s parents were in on this?  I feel sorry for anyone who married into the Jaegers.  It got Gloria AND Carla killed!  Mikasa better move on..._

“Kseniya, I need you to listen to me.  We don’t have much time.”  He paused.  “I remember the day your father told me you were born.  I was so happy for my old friend.  I grew up thinking Sergei and I would be the ones, it would be our generation...but it wasn’t.  After you were born I knew I wasn’t meant for that.  I, like my parents and theirs before them going back for countless generations, was meant for preparing the future generation.  I knew that you were _the_ generation of Volkova.  It would end under your watch.  Through your work.  I needed to contribute.  It sounds selfish, doesn’t it?  Having a child with the intention of grooming him to carry on my goals?  I sound like Isamu.  There is a fundamental difference between he and I, though.”

“Doubt it.  Isamu has done a lot of twisted things, but he didn’t poison whole villages to cover up kidnapping,” Reiner spat, swatting away Bertholdt who continued to fuss over him. 

“I wish it hadn’t come to that.  But what could I do?  I would apologize to the two of you, and to Annie and Marco, but I don’t deserve forgiveness.  I don’t want it.”

“Good.”

“Reiner, shut up.”  The brunette clenched her teeth in annoyance.  “Grisha, you’re not making any sense.  If we don’t have a lot of time, which we do, why are rambling on about regrets and the good old days?”   _And why in the hell does he think he’s gonna die here?  Does he not trust us?  I’ll beat the crap out of anyone who tries to stop us!  He should know that, he’s seen me do it!  More times than I’d care to admit..._

“Everything rests on your and Eren’s shoulders.  Everything.  Finding your ancestor’s research.  Decoding it.  Stopping the men holding humanity hostage.  Destroying the Titans and reclaiming this world.”

“Reclaiming.  So it was taken.”  She sat next to him.  “Katya was the first shifter.  We...we had a sort of encounter with the Beast Titan.  Called her the first one to fake being a Titan.”

“Appropriate that what began with a Jaeger and a Volkova shall end with it.  Once the knowledge in her work has served its purpose, there will be no more Titans.”

“Grisha, you gotta tell us everything you can about it.  Leave the research hunting to me and Eren and the Survey Corps.  We’ll do it.  But the big furry bastard, is it...really one of those Titans from the ancient stories?”

“It didn’t take the world from humans.  Humans almost destroyed the world and it took advantage of our weakness.  We were, no, we are a broken race.  We kill each other without hesitation over the smallest, pettiest things.  We’d rather fight each other than real threats because it’s easy.  It’s convenient.”  He looked at Reiner, ready for him to yell again.  The blond was quiet, waiting for him to continue.  Bertholdt was still expressing concern and apologizing for acting aggressively towards his friend, but he was dividing his attention between Reiner’s injury and Grisha’s words.  

“Isamu could tell it better, though he feigns ignorance about what he knows.  I doubt he would even tell Saskia.  It’s a story his ancestors knew.  No, not his ancestors.  A similar people.  Another type of Oriental.  But its story doesn’t matter.  All that matters is that it is the last Old World Titan we know of, the last thing capable of creating Titans.  The others were slaughtered by the ones who became known as Gods, people with special talents like the Reiss family.  It roamed the world in secret before taking refuge in the mountains...sleeping, waiting, plotting.  According to Isamu it wants revenge.  It wants to take this world back for the Titans.  It tried for centuries and failed until finally creating the one you know as ‘Ymir’.  This isn’t her real name.  The Beast Titan gave it to her, and let her roam in his stead before sleeping.  She was responsible for many tragedies that befell the pre-Titan world, such as a plague that almost wiped out our ancestors.  Though nothing she did could neither hinder nor accelerate the war that ravaged many lands.”

“So there was a war...fought across the world?”

“The second of its kind,” Grisha told the Slav.  “That’s how advanced their technology was.  And that was when the Beast Titan decided to emerge from the mountains.  Ymir would slaughter the weak and he would transform the worthy, but none ended up as powerful as her.  If he were to turn Saskia or a Reiss, anyone with traces of their Godlike ancestry still manifesting, he would have another.  She was no different than an Old World Titan before becoming a shifter.  But this information won’t serve you well in your efforts to find Katya’s research or end the Titans.”

“What about Gloria?” Kseniya pressed.  

“We can find that information in old military records,” Reiner said.  “I still wanna know about what Carla Jaeger was doing, and how she was ‘helping’.”

“They’re tied together,” Grisha replied.  “I wasn’t sure when or how to tell you this, but there’s a third family.”  He pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket and passed it to Kseniya.  ‘Saskia’ was written on it in elegant feminine script.  “Give this to her.  It’s been in my care for fifteen years.  She needs to know the whole truth.  Things even Erwin didn’t know.  Things only the Jaegers could know.”

“A third family?  Gimme a name!” she insisted.

“Kenny had his suspicions.  If not for Levi, he would’ve found out his suspicions were correct.  Their fight in Trost...He wasn’t there to hunt down the Survey Corps.  Not entirely.  He was looking for the third family too.  You need to go back there.”

“Grisha, **what** is the name of this family?”

“Saskia Messmann needs to read this first.”  He tapped on the envelope.  “She’ll know.  I would say more, but I was sworn to secrecy by someone who has passed away.  I won’t betray her last wishes.  She’s the reason I was able to do any ounce of good, Carla a thousand lifetimes worth of good.  Get this to her as soon as possible.  It will be made clear once she reads this.  Promise me Kseniya.  Promise me no one else will see this letter.”

She nodded and pocketed it.  “Yeah, I promise.”   _He...doesn’t look so good…_

“Take with you everything you can carry.”  He weakly motioned towards the piles of paperwork, his research neatly compiled and tied together in heavy bundles.  

 _It’s all set to go.  He was preparing to give it away.  As if he knows for certain he’s gonna die._ “Of course we will.  Whatever you say, Grisha.  I’ll make sure it happens.”

“And please, make sure Erwin gets out alive.  He was never one of them but had been putting on an act for two decades.”  He coughed violently.  “He’ll be relieved to know about the third family.  He loves his sister, but there’s another in his heart-”  His sentence was abruptly interrupted by another cough, followed by a gagging sound not unlike a cat with a hairball.  Blood sprayed from his mouth onto the table.

Kseniya’s eyes widened and quickly darted to the glass he drank from.  “Grisha, what was in-?!”  She jumped in fright, one hand over her wildly beating heart as Grisha fell forward onto the table.  Blood trickled out of his mouth and nose.

“He poisoned himself.”  Bertholdt pointed at the glass.  “He made sure he had just enough time to tell us all of that.”  He noticed the rapid shift in the brunette’s demeanor.  First startled, she not looked ready to crumble beneath the weight of silent mourning.  “Are you alright?”  He felt stupid for asking, but else could he say?  State the obvious instead?

She forced a nod and hastily began gathering the bundles of paper.  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied through trickling tears.  “Still annoyed that he wouldn’t say anything about Gloria…”

“Then open the letter.  It’s for Saskia Taishou.”  Calling her by that title was comforting to the young shifter.  Reiner felt as safe as one possibly could living in a world such as theirs knowing someone like Saskia was his ally, sworn to protect him when he hadn’t a clue about what his future held.  “She’d understand.”

Kseniya shook her head.  “Nope, not happening.  Her eyes only.  I promised Gri-”  She dropped the bundles which hit the floor with a loud thumping sound.  Like magnets of opposite polarity her face and palms met, shoulders trembling furiously as she began sobbing and sniffling loudly.

“That might catch their attention.”  Reiner turned to face the door, gun at the ready.  He jutted his chin towards their female companion and Bertholdt nodded quickly. 

“It’s not like we can carry all of this ourselves, right?  So...let’s wait for the others...and they can help us-”

“Help us?”  She looked up at him, face glistening from her tears smeared across her cheeks.  “They don’t give a shit about you or me or Reiner or Annie.  Hell, Marco’s in hot water.  Ymir is safe so long as the royal pipsqueak loves her.  And Saskia is a mess now that she’s pretty much screwed up what she and Levi had, and is now losing Erwin **as we speak**.  And he was faking it too?!  I don’t know what the hell to believe anymore…”

“I know you’re upset, but you need to keep it down,” Reiner whispered loudly, back against the wall and eyes on the door.  “They’re moving around out there.  Either something’s happening outside or they’re getting suspicious of what’s going on in here.  Start packing.  Cry later.  We don’t have the time.”

“I know it sounds harsh but he’s right.”  Bertholdt bent down and started picking up the bundles she dropped.  “It’s a good thing these were tied together or we’d never be able to make any sense of them,” he mused.

Kseniya got on her knees beside him and helped.  She had to hold her breath to keep from crying.  

Reiner’s back stiffened.  “Hurry up you two,” he hissed.

There was a pounding on the door.  “Hey, Volkova!” one of the pawns shouted from the other side.  “Is he talking?!  What’s he saying?!”

“I told you not to interrupt!” she barked.  Her ability to turn back into the young woman she pretended to be, the young woman she almost became, scared her senseless.  “You keep doing your job and I’ll do mine, or so help me I’ll pick you up and throw you over the wall into Titan territory!  Don’t think I won’t!  You saw me do it to your bitchy girlfriend!”  Her fist clenched.  “Is that where this is gonna go, huh?!” 

Somewhere in the castle a gunshot rang out. 

* * *

**Historia, Marco, Hanji**

“Hi...storia?” Rod stammered confused as she advanced on him.  He scrambled back into the corner.  “What are you doing?”

“I told you!” Historia shouted, her raised arm shaking with an eagerness to fire.  “I’m taking your head!”

“But...but why?  I’m your father.  I love you.  You know that, right?  Of course you do.  You carry our family’s special ability.  You’re the only one.  I tried before, tried to make children that were godlike but their mothers simply couldn’t handle the pregnancy.  That’s why she hated you, you know.  So much pain for nine months, and three days it took for you to be born...”

“Stop stalling,” she spat. 

“Historia, hold on,” Hanji suggested, bordering on issuing an order.  “This _is_ your father after all.  Why not give him a chance?  Hear him out?  You’re clearly very special.  I’d like to know how.”

The blonde looked over her shoulder and grit her teeth, growling in frustration.  She was about to argue but she knew Hanji was right- there was no one else alive they knew of who could share things about their ancestors, from the Old World Titans to the ‘Gods’ that had defeated them.  Though her enthusiasm was really an act to stroke Rod’s ego it did aggravate Historia even more, but it was the semi-judgemental look on Marco’s face, one that said ‘this is our only chance, don’t be selfish’, that prompted her to turn on the safety and drop the pistol.

“Talk.   _Now_.”

“About our Titan ancestor?  She’s magnificent.  She presided over a river bearing her name, and those who drank from it would receive all the knowledge in the world.  Do you know what that implies?  We all have the secrets of the universe buried in us.  And her river didn’t teach those things, it allowed people to remember them.  Isn’t that wonderful?  It’s why I named you ‘Historia’.  A keeper of history.”

“What was her name?” Historia asked, curiosity slightly piqued.

“Mnemosyne.  It means ‘memory’.”

She rolled her eyes before looking at Hanji and Marco for approval.  They both offered a single nod.  Historia rolled up her sleeves.  “A gun is too good for you.  Too quick.  You won’t feel a thing.  I can’t abide by that!”  She sprinted towards her father.  She grabbed him by the hair and yanked upwards, punching him in the jaw and then throat.

Ignoring his yelps of pain and pleas for mercy Historia threw him into the wall and grabbed him by the throat, slamming his face into the wall repeatedly.  The bones in his nose, cheek, and jaw began popping out of place before they protruded from out of his skin.  She then tossed him to the ground and stomped on his neck, shrieking angrily and screaming with every heavy drop of her foot.

“I hate you!  You left me to die!  You worthless piece of shit!  Burn in HELL!”  She shifted all her body weight into the left side of her waist and laced her fingers together, throwing herself onto the ground and ramming her left elbow into his brain stem.  She rolled from her side to her knees, fingers still laced together and she repeatedly slammed them onto his neck and head, eventually cracking his skull.

“Historia, that’s enough!” Marco shouted, pulling the young monarch away from the bloody remains of her father.  

Initially met with resistance, she went entirely limp when she saw the blood all over her hands and staining her clothes.  She could feel cool splotches on her face where it had landed on her skin.  Her hands began to shake, eyes widening as she stared at them utterly horrified.

 _Sometimes the truth is ugly and trying to find an ugly truth forces people to do hurtful things._  Her words to Levi echoed in the back of her mind as she stumbled backwards, a lump forming in her throat.  Marco stepped aside just in time so she fell against him, her back to his chest.  “This was supposed to be easy,” she whispered loudly.  “This was supposed to be simple.  He was evil.  We’re here to kill people like him.  So why...why do I feel like I’ve sunk to their level?  That I’m no better than them?”

Marco put his hands on her shoulders, not entirely certain of what to say.  He was in no position to convince anyone that their actions, or any actions, were moral and just.

“Only if you wanted to kill him.”

Historia and Marco both looked over their shoulders at the Squad Leader, her vision slightly inhibited by his height.

“Only if you wanted to kill him would you be like him,” she said sagaciously.  “But you didn’t want to.  You agreed to, for the sake of others.  You want to see this end just like the rest of us, but you don’t want to have someone to make that happen.  And that right there?”  Hanji nodded to Rod’s remains.  “That isn’t one of the ‘good guys’ killing the ‘bad guys’.  That’s the outcome of what your mother did to you and what Rod _didn’t_ do by abandoning you.  That was an act against the man who made your life a living hell.  You wanted him to feel the same pain you’ve had to live with since you were a child.  You didn’t want to kill him.  You wanted to hurt him.  However, he did have to die.”

“Hanji...” the blonde whimpered before bursting into tears.  Marco turned her around and hugged her, not caring about the blood she was smearing all over his clothing as she tightly wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his chest.  No matter how much truth the brunette’s words held, and they held a great deal, it did nothing to alleviate Historia’s pain.

Somewhere in the castle a gunshot rang out, followed by a scream. 

* * *

**Moblit, Jean, Ymir**

“Walked into a trap?  Either way they were willing to let this waste of a human die.”  Jean cracked his knuckles reflexively and took a step forward.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you think you’re doing horse face?”  Ymir stepped in front of him and shoved a hand into his chest.  “He’s mine.”

“What?  Why do you get to kill him?  Do you have any idea how much Marco suffered because of this bastard?!”

“Do you have any idea how much Historia suffered because of this bastard?!” she countered and shoved him back.

“Didn’t I tell you to get me more?!” the disheveled man bellowed.  “You deaf, boy?!”

“We’re in the middle of an argument fuckface, don’t interrupt!” Ymir shrieked at him before returning her attention to Jean.

As the two continued to bicker over who would kill the ‘king’ Moblit’s shoulders dropped.  “Bringing these two was a mistake,” he said quietly to himself and approached the king, who was holding up his half-shattered glass, eager for more alcohol.  “I have to do everything around here…”

“If my girlfriend is taking the throne, then I’m gonna kill him in her name!”

“How romantic!” Jean mocked.  “You think this is a fairy tale?!”

“No, it’s an early birthday present!”

“That’s even stupider!”

“You’re stupid!”

“That’s your best comeback?!”

_CRACK!_

Ymir and Jean, both holding fistfuls of the others’ shirt, looked in the direction of the throne.  The limp body of the false king fell forward, his chest against the ground and his vacant eyes staring up at the ceiling.  They both slowly glanced over at a half-pleased, half-frustrated Moblit.

“Are you two done yet?” he asked casually and they both nodded slowly.

Somewhere in the castle a gunshot rang out, followed by a feminine scream. 

* * *

**Levi, Annie, Eren**

“Where’s Saskia Taishou?”

Isamu couldn’t hide his surprise.  Not only was Annie the first to speak, she was using Oriental terminology.  This was no doubt at Saskia’s request, and that made it difficult to hide the immense pride he felt as well.  Even if his daughter only knew a smatter of their ancestral tongue, _his_ daughter still _knew_ and _used_ bits and pieces of _their_ ancestral tongue.

Levi couldn’t hide it either.  If anyone would be demanding information from Isamu it would be him, not the blonde of questionable loyalty.  No, he would be in charge here.  Not Annie and her unwarranted devotion, not Isamu with his slick riddles and tricky wording, and not Eren who was running on rage geared towards two of the three people in his presence. 

“Shut your mouth, abomination,” was the best he could manage, and his tone made Annie visibly shrink back.

“Be careful how you treat her,” Isamu warned, purely out of the goodness of his heart.  “That one is the most sensitive shifter.  You have no idea how many times we had to knock her unconscious to prevent a spontaneous shift.  I’m amazed she hasn’t sustained some sort of permanent brain damage.  Or perhaps she has, which is why she’s demonstrating loyalty to my daughter?”

“She’s not your anything,” the Lance Corporal spat, again surprised but now by himself.  Was he defending Saskia?

Of course Eren had to angrily inquire.  “She’s one of them Heichou, whether you like it or not.  Why couldn’t you have killed her out there so we could be done with it?!”

Annie looked ready to murder him.  Levi took issue with Isamu making his blood relation to Saskia seem significant, yet he was fine with Eren’s anger regarding him not having committed homicide?  Or was his silence indicative or something else?  Whatever the case they couldn’t afford to begin fighting amongst themselves, and seeing as it was too late for that they couldn’t afford to continue.

“You’re never going to see Saskia again, so why does it matter where she is?” Isamu asked evasively, almost rhetorically.  “All that matters is she’s safe.  I’m sure we can all agree on that.”

“Safe?  Not if she’s in here with you,” Annie fired back.

“Though she is having her heart broken as we speak,” he continued, ignoring her.  His vagueness only served to confuse them further, which he couldn’t help but exploit for his own entertainment.  “You were told about Erwin, weren’t you?  Whatever you were told was a lie.  Everything that boy said was a lie.  Both to all of you…”  His eyes narrowed.  “And to us.  And now he must face the consequences by telling Saskia the truth.  Everything he had done for the sake of his own agenda.  He really thought he could stop us, turn her against us.  If the thought didn’t anger me so, I’d find it laughable.”

“He...lied?”  Levi was relieved beyond words that Erwin’s alleged involvement was a front, but that didn’t mean Erwin didn’t still commit certain acts to keep up a ruse.

 “He did, and he hid it well behind a mountain of corpses.  So many died at his hand, directly and indirectly.”

 “That’s enough about Erwin.”

“Oh no Levi, there’s so much more than you want to hear.  You can’t admit to it though.  Are you not suspicious...of your friends?  You know the two to whom I refer.  And your first squad.  He ensured Annie would have time to kill them.  Perhaps you would like to find him and finish what you started six years ago?”

“Heichou, he’s stalling for something!” Eren pointed out and grit his teeth.

Annie perked up, looking back and forth.  “Where’s Kenny?”

Somewhere in the castle a familiar gunshot rang out, followed by a feminine scream.

“I think that’s your answer.  Should you pursue him?  It sounds like one of your companions was harmed.”

Annie dropped her weapons and assumed her fighting stance.  “Go find them.  I’ll take care of him.”

“You think your second-hand techniques from The Land of a Thousand Smiles can best a pureblood from the Islands Over the Fires?”  Isamu glanced at Levi.  “Are you really going to let more people die on your watch, Lance Corporal?”

He glowered at Isamu before looking in the direction the gunshot came from.  “Don’t kill him.  We need whatever’s in his skull before we smash it open.”

“Understood.”  Annie made the first move as Levi departed.  Eren need not be told to stay behind; neither of them trusted Annie alone with her former superior.  Her kick was not only blocked but Isamu grabbed her leg and threw her to the ground.

He circled her like a predator would prey as she slowly sat back up, the wind having been knocked out of her.  “You can scream to summon Titans.  What does that reflect?  A desire to die?  An affinity for the man-eaters?  And your crystal skin...What are you hiding from?  What are you so scared of?”

Annie jumped to her feet.  “Not a damn thing,” she wheezed.  “Eren, what are you doing?!  Find the way to the dungeon!”

* * *

**Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie**

“Hold on just a moment.”  Sasha put up a hand almost pleadingly.  “At least tell me one thing.  If you’re going to kill us it doesn’t matter what we know.”

“Then why should I say anything at all?”  Kenny raised an eyebrow. 

“Point.  But can’t you extend the courtesy of granting a dying wish?  All I want to know is...what was Katya researching?  What did she know that you didn’t?  You have information about the Beast Titan.  You have a way to create Titan shifters.  What more could you need to save the human race?  That’s what I don’t understand.”

“Katya Volkova would’ve destroyed the human race if her research ever got out!” he shouted.  “We don’t need it to use it, we need it to destroy it!  Find what’s useful, if anything, and eradicate the rest.  She knew things no person should’ve ever known.  And if we’re going to save humanity we need to understand what those things were so we can make sure they never come to light.  Now look me in the eye and tell me my intentions aren’t noble, Braus.”

“Those...are rather noble, actually.”

 _Good job Sasha.  He’s too worked up to act rationally.  If we can just disarm him, we might actually have a chance here._  “It is,” Mikasa agreed, lying the same as her brunette comrade.

“Alright you, shut it.”  He waved his gun dismissively at Mikasa.  “This one here is an uneducated twat from a hunting village.  Of course she’ll be starry-eyed by anything I tell her.  You I don’t believe for a second.  Not a damn second.  Know why?  Because you’ve been blinded thanks to that Jaeger boy.  Say little Mika, do you remember what happened the day you two met?  When those men came to your house and killed your parents?  Almost sold you to creepy old men like me?  Grisha told us what you did.  Know how that happened?  It’s the Oriental in you.  What would you if you had a second family, a real family, waiting for you right here in this palace?  We once thought you could be backup in case, God forbid, anything happened to Saskia.  We don’t need you for those purposes, but you could still help.  You’re not entirely hopeless.”

“Why would I want to be around a ‘creepy old man’ like you?”  Her fists balled at her sides.

“Alright, I concede, I’m not the best company,” he admitted, hands up in defeat.  “But there’s so much Isamu could teach you about your heritage.  You know, like that embroidery your mother was trying to teach you before she was stabbed to death.”

“How...did you know she was doing that?” the ravenette demanded.

“Don’t let him get under your skin!” Connie hissed.

“He shouldn’t know that!” she barked.  “How...how could you possibly know about that?!”

“Mika, be reasonable.  He was my cousin after all.  And the thing about family, the thing you have difficulty grasping, is we make sacrifices for each other.  You’re smart enough to have noticed there aren’t many Orientals running around, especially in those quaint little farming villages.  Oh, and being into Oriental girls, that runs in the Ackermann family.  My cousin got damn lucky landing one himself.  I once asked him what he thought about selling you.  He said he wasn’t comfortable with it because you’re a half-breed.  In other words, half as valuable as your mother.  Thing about your father though, he had good intuition.  He thought you might have some ‘special skills’ thanks to your blood, even if you are a half-breed.  I could not in good conscience let that go to waste.  Those men knew they would probably die, though they were suspecting it would be good ‘ole Dr. Jaeger to put ‘em down.  Not two little shits.  Sure, daddy dearest had to die in the end, but if he knew the diamond in the rough that you were I know he would’ve happily handed you over.”

“You’re lying.  You’re lying!” she screamed and her accusation was met with the barrel of a loaded gun.

“Watch your tone young lady,” Kenny warned fiercely.

“Maybe what you’re saying is true.  I have no way of knowing,” she relented.  “But that doesn’t matter.  I have a family now.  I don’t need you or any of your cohorts.  What I need is to end you.”

“The little Jaeger boy is your family, right?  Is that it?  So long as you have Eren all’s right in the world?”  He faked a gag.  “Disgusting.  If there’s one thing you’ll come to learn real quick in this cold world of ours, it’s that romance is a load of shit.  Being swept off your feet, spending your lives together, heart all a flutter.  It’s a distraction.  Romance is worthless.  The only type of love that really matters is the love within a family.  And you really expect me to believe that you can bring yourself to love these worthless fucks?”  He motioned towards Sasha and Connie.  “Or any of the others?  You care about ‘em like family?  Would make sacrifices for ‘em like family, same as your dad did for us?  Maybe Saskia, with your similar heritage-”

“She can rot for all I care” Mikasa shouted, immediately regretting her words when Kenny raised his gun again.  It wasn’t pointed at her.  The deranged look in his eyes made it clear he intended to fire.

“Family is all about sacrifices.  And when you fuck up, your family has to suffer the consequences of your actions.  For your insolence little Mika, your ‘sister’ here can pay the price!”

A gunshot rang out, followed by Sasha’s scream.  It wasn’t a scream of pain, not of the physical sort as the bullet didn’t hit the intended target.  She had been shoved out of the way, into Mikasa’s arms.

“Well...that was unexpected,” Kenny grinned, blowing the smoke from his freshly fired weapon as Connie fell to the floor, a hole straight through his chest.  His heart had been penetrated.

Sasha screamed again, this time Connie’s name and expressions of disbelief.  She couldn’t stop shaking and began retching as blood started to pool on the floor around him.  Mikasa tried to keep her upright but she was too traumatized herself from what they had just witnessed.

“Guess I’ll need to try again,” Kenny said with a casual shrug, pointing at Sasha.  “That’s right Mika, keep her still for me.  Wouldn’t wanna shoot you too...maybe.”

A whirring sound, accompanied by a thin black blur shot into the room.  A 3DMG anchor whipped past Kenny’s hand, knocking the gun to the floor and slicing his skin while it embedded in the wall behind him.  He doubled over in pain as Levi retracted the anchor.  As he straightened up he couldn’t help but laugh as he licked the blood away, reveling in the look of horror on Levi’s face.

“Another one dies on your watch Levi.  Well done, boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wouldn't take a bullet for their best friend?
> 
> The heartache isn't over. Note that Saskia and Erwin weren't in this chapter. They'll have one all to themselves.
> 
> Needed some comic relief here, and Ymir and Jean were just too perfect for it. They don't interact enough in canon in my opinion, and fighting for the 'honor' of their respective partners...They would. You know they would. Even if said lovers weren't competing. Because in my head canon, where Marco is obviously alive and a Titan shifter among many over things because fanfiction, Jean and Ymir are forever locked in a pissing contest.
> 
> I took a little creative license with Mnemosyne. She does have a river bearing her name in the Orphic mystery cults, and drinking from them does give someone all the knowledge in the universe. However in Greek mythology this has no connection to do with humans already having that knowledge, that's something I made up to tie in with the Reiss family ability. It, however, isn't true (telling you here since there's no way they could learn that in canon) but rather an exaggeration of the mythical power and stories surrounding the Old World Titans and the 'Gods'.
> 
> The plague that Ymir brought was the black plague, yes.
> 
> 'Oh, and being into Oriental girls, that runs in the Ackermann family.' I had my own theory about the relation between Levi and Kenny long before their canon blood relationship was revealed. My question for you- what is their relation here in TTK? I won't say whether you're right or wrong before the in story reveal but I'd like to hear your thoughts :)
> 
> Follow up question- who is the Beast Titan? As I said before I honestly thought the AoT world was a post-apocalyptic version of our own, as there were a few references. And that's how I've written it. The war Grisha spoke of it obviously World War II, and this wasn't picked at random. I had an idea that tied it well into the plot I made, one which is now very much canon divergence (and good fucking riddance, since the new canon is shit). But again I ask you, after saying that this world I'm writing in is a desolate future rooted in the real world, who is the Beast Titan? What story did he come from? I'll reveal it in the story itself later, but if you can figure it out PLEASE DON'T SPOIL IT. And if you don't know, think of it as incentive to do some exploring. Mythology is rich and fascinating and tells us so much about ancient cultures and how they shaped the cultures and geopolitical entities we know today. Those stories reflect their values, and many traditions -from religious to political to microcosmic social- have survived into the present. You can see where Saskia gets her love of world history and ancient cultures from, yours truly. If you know who my interpretation of the Beast Titan is, again, please don't spoil it in the comments section, and if you don't know but are curious and would like to figure it out before the in-story reveal then look to East Asian mythology. Not Japanese though.
> 
> Final question- again, I won't give a yay or nay. But after what Kenny said I'm curious if you have any theories about Katya's research. It couldn't have been just the shifter gene or that information would've been lost to time and Grisha never would've been able to recreate it. And she was obviously a polymath if she was brilliant in both music and life sciences, so are there any other fields she might've dabbled in? Kenny made it sound like a threat to their plans. And her research has some connection to the third family (I think we already know who that family is, and who wrote the letter for Saskia). Some things to think about until the heartbreaking chapter to come.


	54. The Castle Has Fallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH AHEAD.
> 
> You might want some tissues or something handy. As I told my friend xxtheblackdevilxx from dA, I'm not posting this chapter unless it makes me sob. And sob I did. This chapter is bloody but not violent, so head's up.
> 
> Play for full effect- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBI0D5uKtY4

**Wall Sina, Mitras District, Royal Palace Dungeon, August 13th, 3:47 PM**

“Beyond the horizon…”  Erwin exhaled deeply, eyes fluttering.  He rolled his head towards her.  “I don’t know.  I feel so tired Saskia.  I can’t think straight.” 

“Don’t say that.”  She forced a smile.  “What lies beyond the horizon, that’s what we’re searching for, isn’t it?  What if that’s where Heaven is?  What would we find?  And don’t say freedom.”  She chuckled softly.  “That’s a given.  And a cop out.”

Erwin smiled weakly.  “Fair enough.  Beyond the horizon,” he repeated, “are rolling fields abundant with wildlife and plants we’ve never seen before.  A sun that never sets, always hanging where the sky and earth meet so we can forever take in its beauty.  No stargazing for you,” he teased.

“That isn’t Heaven.”  She furrowed her brow.  “That’s far worse than Hell.  That’s...the Military Police!”

He burst out laughing as best one could in such an injured state.  “What will it take for your hatred of them to dissipate?”

“Nile Dawk on his knees begging for forgiveness, which I will never give, would be a glorious start.  Hey now, eyes open.  You need to stay awake, alright?  No sleeping until you’re out of here.”

“Do you still feel guilty over going to Wall Maria?” he asked suddenly.

She raised an eyebrow.  “What in the world prompted that?”

“I gave you a very simple order.”  His voice was beginning to give way, the tears turning dark red as they slid down his chin and dropped onto the barely intact blood-stained uniform he wore.  “Humanity doesn’t need a Living Weapon.  But it does need you, and Levi, and everyone else.  I knowingly let hundreds die because I believed you could save thousands.  You’ve already saved six…You kept your promise by rescuing Annie, Marco, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir.  By accepting Kseniya’s assistance.”  He reached up, hand trembling.  She grabbed it and guided it to its destination, her cheek.  “I’m so proud of you, Saskia.  Not because you followed my orders.  Because you did what had to be done.  Damn the consequences.  Damn anyone who would stand in your way.  Damn what it might require of you.  The Survey Corps is going to survive because you took an enormous risk.  And by your definition...a risk means believing.  You never lost faith in the cause we’ve both devoted our lives to, even if my methods were deceptive.  You never had to sink to that level.  You stayed true to what you believe in, not what they wanted you to believe.  You never abandon your principles.  You never gave up hope.”

She nodded slowly, her hand still over his.  “Of course not,” she replied softly, blinking rapidly as her eyes began to well up with tears.  “I could never go back on my word, not to you.  You...you’re my Commander.  But more importantly, you’re my brother.”  Her chest trembled and she squeezed her eyes tightly, jaw clenched.  “You’re my brother, and you mean more to me than you’ll ever know.”  She hiccuped and sniffled, trying her damnedest to hold back her tears.  “I swear on my honor as 1st General Saskia Messmann, and as your little sister, I won’t let them win.”

“I know.  I know you won’t.  I trust Levi and Hanji to make sure that won’t happen, but you’re the only one I trust to make our victory happen.  Yours and mine...our family’s victory.”

She wiped away stray tears with the back of her free hand, trying to keep them from falling on his forehead.  “It’ll happen.  I promise.”

“I look forward to seeing it.”  His voice was distant.  “I look forward...to the day...I can walk you down the aisle...and let you forever be Levi’s problem,” he joked.

She couldn’t bear to tell him about their argument, about the crumbling of their gradually weakening relationship.  If Erwin’s greatest fear was not living long enough to see them wed, and he was dependent on her for comfort right now, she couldn’t let him know his fear might be a reality...but not for the reasons he anticipated.  This miserable fact only made her cry harder, and once more she felt her heart fracturing into bite sized pieces that reality wouldn’t stop chewing on.

“I’m sorry.  Being the Living Weapon would have placed great pressure on you.  This is no different.  I realize that.  I don’t expect, or even want, your forgiveness for everything else...but could you possibly forgive me for placing these burdens on you?”

“Of course!” she practically shouted.  “Of course I do.  It’s...it’s not a burden.  It’s my duty.  You believed in me, you made me the General.  I won’t allow your faith to be misplaced.  Even...even if that too was only part of this ruse you spoke of-”

“It wasn’t.”  His tone was comforting and encouraging.  “That was my idea, entirely independent of what they wanted from you.  Colleen, she was inspired me to do.  She inspired me in more ways than I can count.”

“Did you...already know about the tree climbing lesson?”

He nodded.  “Yes.  She told me.  We often talked about you in great length.”  Seeing the ebbing and flowing of his physical strength was almost as heart breaking as watching the ebbing and flowing of Saskia’s composure.  “Kenny...had asked me about her...I think he suspected she was somehow involved in a counter-movement, like what the Volkov and Jaeger families were part of.  It wouldn’t surprise me if she had been.  There was something about her...one of the many things about her that captivated me...An air of mystery, but not aloof and distant.  As though she were part of something bigger than herself, than all of us.  That was always the impression I had of her.”

“She did give that impression, didn’t she?” Saskia replied thoughtfully.  While she never contemplated it before, never verbalized the idea, it made perfect sense in a way where it need not be articulated.  Colleen, much like Erwin, did appear to be one step ahead of the world around her.  Not in the sense that she was calculating, instead intuitive.  “I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would have been without her.  Horrific, that’s for certain.  But the depths of that horror…”  She shook her head.  “The thought alone could give me nightmares.”

“I also think...she may have known...about what I was doing.”  The guilt in his voice was immense.  No matter what his intentions may have been, Colleen would never condone the things he did for the sake of the human race or his (only) family.  “The only pain greater than knowing what she must have thought about me is the pain from...what you think of me now.”  His breathing became slow, though hardly relaxed.

“I don’t think less of you,” she insisted.  “You...you were only doing what you thought was best.  What’s wrong with that?”

“People you came to care for died because of me.  You endured so many losses...because of me.  I remember a time when you and Petra were close.  I always hoped that someday you could salvage...the friendship you once had...but after I received the order...I took another person from you…”

“But...but you didn’t want to hurt them, right?  You didn’t want them to die.  Right?”

“No…”  He swallowed heavily.  “I never wanted anyone to die because of my involvement...but…”  He glanced up at her.  “Better them than you.”

“Erwin…”

“I firmly believe that.  If killing someone meant ensuring your survival, that you could keep fighting, prove them all wrong, make something of this God forsaken world, I would gladly-”

“Stop!” Saskia shouted and hung her head, bangs brushing his forehead  “I don’t want to hear any more of that.  It’s one thing to kill should the target be a threat...but to kill because their existence was a hindrance?  That...No, I won’t hear any more of it.”

His lips curled into a thin line.  “No matter what I say now...I’ll only upset you…” 

“No, no not all.  Please, just, be careful with your wording.”  She paused and began running her fingers through his hair, ignoring that is was matted with blood.  “How do you feel right now?”

“Exhausted.  My chest hurts.  Some things are broken, other things bruised, but I couldn’t say what.”  The color in his face was slowly draining.  “Other than that...I’m okay…”

She nodded.  “Good.  Great.  That’s...that’s what I wanted to hear.  Hey, um, Erwin, I have another question.  This might be an odd one but, well, it’s one of those things where...even if you know...it’s still nice to hear or say.  You, um…”  She pursed her lips before continuing.  “You know that I love, right?”

“Of course I do Saskia, of course I do,” he replied quietly.  Erwin grit his teeth and tried to swallow back the pain, only to cough up blood instead.  He turned his head so as not to get any on her face, then strained his neck to face her again.  His blue eyes were heavy with regret and anguish but there was still a tiny spark to be found in them if one looked hard enough.  Granted, Saskia was the only one who could see it.  The only one who could feel it.  “I love you too.  You’re my little sister...whether I like it or not.”  He forced a smile once more.

She choked out her next words and squeezed his hand gently.  “And you know I would do anything for you, right?  Because I love you?  Because you’re my brother and you mean so much to me?  So...so fucking much…”

He tried to nod but found himself incapable, winding in pain.  “Yeah,” he managed.  “I know.  I know you would...You already have...You’ve done...so much for me…”  Still smiling he added, “I expect no less...from my wonderful little sister...I’m so lucky...to have a sister like you...There is no greater sister, no greater sibling than you Saskia.  I mean it.”

She could feel his hand begin to go limp in her grasp.  “I wish I had told you more often.  I should’ve...I should’ve said so more often than I did.  I rarely ever said anything.”

“Why say it?”  He coughed again, now heaving.  “You’ve shown it.  Many...many times...you’ve…”  His breath came out raspy, gradually weaker.

“Erwin, I think…”  Her chest trembled.  “I think maybe you should rest for a spell.  We don’t know when they’ll come rescue us.  That's right, close your eyes and rest for a little while.  Everything will be okay in the end, right?  I promise it'll all be over soon.”  Her free hand moved over her jacket again, feeling for her mother’s relic.

“Over soon,” he repeated.  “I...look forward to it…”

“Erwin?”  Still holding his hand to her cheek, she hovered her free hand over his chest until she felt a slow, unsteady beating.

“Yes?” he coughed, this time sending blood onto her face.

As she slipped her the hand into her jacket she whispered, “Tell me again what Heaven is like.  Picture it in your mind.”

Erwin’s lips slowly parted.  “Heaven...it’s…”  He could hardly finish a thought, let alone a sentence.  He tried to move his lips, to form words, but no sound came.  He wanted to answer her, but was distracted by another female voice.  It was distant, soothing, and it beckoned him like an old friend.

_...It’s okay Erwin.  She’ll be alright.  Now, it’s time to go home... _

Saskia let go of his hand and it collapsed onto his chest.  She moved one arm beneath him and lifted slowly, cradling his head against her chest.  With shaking hands she brushed the disheveled hair from his face, styling it back to the way he used to keep it.  She ran her fingertips along his cheek leaving behind tiny streaks of blood.  She kissed her brother on the forehead. 

“Because I love you,” she murmured against his skin, closing his eyelids.  “It was because I love you, I swear.  I am not angry with you, no matter how badly you want me to be.”  Saskia leaned down and pressed her forehead against his, her hand on his cheek.  “I could never hate you, Erwin.  No matter what you have done, no matter how many innocent people died…”  She started rocking back and forth slowly, as if trying to soothe a crying infant.  “You are my brother.  Nothing you could do will ever change that.  I will always love you.  ”

* * *

 

**Castle Entrance**

Kseniya, Bertholdt, and Reiner were carrying as many bundles of papers and journals as they could; the eldest of them appeared to be in shock still.  Marco, Jean, Moblit, and Hanji had gone to retrieve the rest.  Historia was sobbing into Ymir’s chest, holding the crown Ymir had given her in her small and shaking fists.  Ymir unable to hold back a few tears at the sight of her beloved under duress.  Eren was, to the surprise of everyone, helping an injured Annie limp back to the rest of them.  He was the first to say something about the notable absences.

“Where’s Mikasa?  And Levi Heichou?  And Sasha and Connie?”  He looked around Kseniya reflexively dropped her pile into Reiner’s arms, eliciting a soft ‘oof!’ from him.

“Dunno,” she muttered as she slipped an arm behind Annie and helped keep her steady.  Though there was a greater difference in height between Kseniya and Annie than Annie and Eren it was quite clear the younger shifter was uncomfortable with the physical contact.  “Haven’t seen ‘em.  That gun...sounded like Kenny.  I thought you went after him.”

“So did we.”  Annie glanced up at her former supervisor.  “Instead we found Isamu.  He was blocking the way to the dungeons.  Lance Corporal Levi left to find the source of the gunshot.  I tried fighting Isamu and Eren went to find the dungeons…”  She looked at the other shifter.

“I couldn’t find anything.”  Eren shook his head.  “I think the hidden panel in the wall he came from went to the dungeons though.  Maybe.  He seemed really confident that we wouldn’t find a way there so that’s why I figured it led down there.  When I came back Annie was on the ground.”

“Isamu did a number on me.”  The blonde blew her bangs out of her face.  After Saskia used her hair clip to unlock the door to the Survey Corps’ sub-basement it hadn’t held quite properly since; her hair fell haphazardly around her cheeks and to her shoulders.

“You tried taking him yourself?” Kseniya asked surprised.  “That...was damn brave.  Did you at least injure him a little?  I’m guessing he made an escape.”

“Yes to both.”  Annie managed a grin.  “Bastard got away, but he was limping a little too.”

“Glad you made it back in one piece,” Reiner said over the stack in arms.

“Same to you.”  She gave him and Bertholdt a nod of acknowledgement.  “What’s all that?”

“It belonged to Dr. Jaeger,” Bertholdt replied solemnly, noting both Kseniya’s and Eren’s expression.  “He...drank some kind of poison.  If it counts for anything Eren-”

“It doesn’t!” he shouted.  “I don’t wanna hear anything from you, so just, just  **shut up!** !”

“You shut up!” Ymir snapped, hugging Historia tighter.  “Once again, all you’re good for is yelling and whining when you have no idea what the hell is going on!  Be quiet and listen for once!”  The fact that Ymir was being the voice of reason spoke to how broken the soldiers, and their branch as a whole, had become.

Luckily the others returned with more of Grisha’s research.  Hanji gave Eren a sympathetic look but said nothing, instead turning to Kseniya.  “He must’ve said something we can use.”

“He said plenty.  And I’ll bet my life whatever is in these complements it all.  But we shouldn’t talk about that stuff without the Lance Corporal, Saskia Taishou, or Commander Erwin here.”

“I don’t like the implications of his absence.”  Marco shook his head.  “If Isamu was where we believed Kenny to be, and Kenny’s gun was heard from where Isamu was supposed to be…”  His brow furrowed, not out of confusion regarding the situation but to hide the helplessness and guilt he felt for leading Mikasa’s group into a trap.

Jean sensed it in his silence and nudged his freckled boyfriend’s shoulder with his own.  “It wasn’t your fault,” he said sternly.  “You went off what little you knew.  Look at all the good it did.”  He raised the papers he was carrying and nodded towards Historia’s crown to emphasize his point.

“Not if it came at the expense of anyone’s life,” Marco replied funereally.  “Nothing is worth that.”

Moblit raised an eyebrow at the dark-haired shifter.  “If that’s what you think, you’re in the wrong branch.  But yes, I agree, Levi’s lack of presence is...disturbing.”

“To put it gently,” Hanji added.  “Even if no one was injured, seeing Kenny...having to fight him...After all the abuse he endured from Kenny, I wouldn’t blame him for-”

“It’s too quiet for that to be the case,” Annie pointed out, when another gunshot rang out followed by the sounds of a collapsing ceiling.  All heads turned in the direction of the stairs. 

“Should we…?” Reiner began, looking to the others.

“Absolutely not,” Hanji replied firmly.  In that small group she was by default leader and her word went uncontested.

“So what do we do, huh?!  We can’t stand here with our thumbs up our asses!” Eren insisted.  Levi’s vulgarity was clearly rubbing off on the cadet.

His answer came in the form of the front doors bursting open.  Armin was standing there, hands on his knees and panting heavily.  “I held them off...as best I could…” he began.  “But so much time had passed...I started to get worried myself…”  He looked up and immediately noticed the absences, but after seeing the collective injuries and range of emotions -from livid to mournful- he was reluctant to ask.

Nile Dawk pushed past him, signaling for the other Military Police soldiers to follow.  He looked to Hanji, whom he correctly assumed to be in charge.  “Give me a status update.”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“I’m being serious.”  He grit his teeth.

“Does it look like I’m fucking around?!” she shrieked.  Had the material in her hands not been so valuable she would’ve thrown it at him.  After taking a deep breath she looked to Eren and then Marco.  “Show Nile the secret entryway you believe went to the dungeons.  And you take the others to Isamu’s quarters.”

“Who and what and where?” the MP Commander demanded.

“The dungeon...where Erwin and Saskia are being held captive.  Hostage,” the squad leader elaborated.  “As for upstairs...We don’t know for certain what’s there, other than tragedy.”

“Alright then.  Come on boy, show me where this ‘secret entryway’ is.”

Nile’s condescending tone amplified Eren’s rage a tenfold but he kept it under control, fearful of a spontaneous shift.  Marco divided his pile of books between Hanji, Jean, and Moblit before leading the MP soldiers upstairs.  All were relieved that no one bothered asking about Annie, assuming they had even noticed her.

It didn’t take long for the MP soldiers to come back.  Marco was helping a seemingly lifeless yet uncontrollably sobbing Sasha down the stairs; she could barely even walk.  Mikasa had tears running down her ashen cheeks but remained silent, fists balled so tightly at her sides that her nails drew blood.  Levi trailed behind the soldiers, vacant as the rest.  His empty eyes remained fixated on the body they carried, covered in one of the bedsheets they salvaged out of respect.

“He’s gone.”  Levi looked to Hanji.  “He took advantage of the shock, stole Connie’s gear, shot the ceiling, and used it as a getaway.  Kenny’s gone.”  He saw Annie’s sorry state.  “And...Isamu is too.”  He forehead fell to his palms.  “This whole thing was a fucking failure.”

“Nile is still looking for Erwin and Saskia.”  Hanji swallowed heavily, keeping her eyes off of the covered body the other soldiers were holding.  Sasha kept darting for it but Marco managed to hold her back.  “There’s...hope...that it wasn’t a complete failure…”

“We lost a soldier.”  He couldn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth.  “I don’t give a shit who survives.”  He looked up at her.  “If one dies, we all might as well shook ourselves in the damn skull now.  This...this wasn’t supposed to happen.  God damn it this wasn’t supposed to happen.”  He punched the nearest wall.  “THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AGAIN!”  He kept punching until his knuckles blood, then started punching with the other hand.  He didn’t know who he was angrier with- Kenny for killing Connie, or himself for not having prevented it.

* * *

**Eren and Nile**

 “This is the part of the wall Isamu came out of.”

 “Tell me again who this Isamu guy is?  Messmann’s biological father?”

“It’s kind of hard to explain...Levi Heichou could explain it better.” 

“I hope so.  For his sake.  You’re all in deep shit if this is what it looks like.”  Nile eyed the wall.  “Does it open from this side too?”

“How the hell should I know?  I only saw it used once, and when it did some crazy bastard who dreams of using his daughter as a one woman army to destroy the Titans and liberate humanity stepped out of it and started rambling more bullshit at us!”

“...that’s quite the testimony, Eren.”  Nile pressed against a suspicious looking portion of the wall, like sunken relief art, and an entire entryway the size of a regular door slid open.  “Go back to the others.  I’ll find Erwin and your psycho General.” 

“I don’t care what happens to her,” Eren muttered bitterly before departing.

Nile raised an eyebrow at him but quickly shook it off and entered the passage.  There was no lighting and he eventually walked straight into another wall, the pressure and force of his blunder being enough to push it open.  He rubbed his sore forehead before stepping through, and found himself in the dimly lit dungeons.  Initially he felt relief, until he saw one of the most disturbing sights he could possibly conceive of.

Saskia was kneeling on the floor.  Blood, clearly not her own, stained her clothing and coated one of her palms.  Some was sprinkled across her face like dainty macabre freckles.  On her lap lay the bloody remains of Erwin Smith.  His head was cradled against her chest, and a strange looking knife was plunged deep into his chest.

Nile shook with rage.  “You...you little...WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” he shrieked at her, rattling the cages.  “WHAT IN THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE YOU DAMN MANIAC?!  YOU’LL BURN FOR THIS, I SWEAR IT!” 

She said nothing, only hung her head.  Nile used the butt of his rifle to break the lock and threw the cell’s door open.  He grabbed Saskia roughly by the arm and yanked her to her feet, Erwin’s limp remains tumbling unceremoniously from her lap.  He pulled a pair of handcuffs out from his belt and slapped them onto her wrists, securing them tightly.  He dragged her along by the cuffs, stomping his way back through the secret passage.  He called for any soldiers with free hands to come assist, telling them nothing about the strange sight of Saskia covered in blood and handcuffed which greeted them.  ‘You’ll understand soon enough’ was what he’d said before yelling at them to go through the passage, now somewhat lit by the sconces from the dungeon.  When they returned they were carrying Erwin’s body, though they had nothing to cover it with.

“Go,” Nile ordered, pointing towards the others.  “Let them see.”  They obeyed and he followed behind them, still pulling Saskia along.  The force was unnecessary as she wasn’t resisting.  When they reached the castle entry way the others were already in shock from Connie’s death.  They weren’t remotely prepared to see Erwin’s bloodstained body, the sach still on proud display so the world could identify who was responsible for the literal and figurative mess.

Hanji wretched and slapped a hand over her mouth, looking away.  Historia fainted, crown hitting the floor with an obnoxious clank, and Ymir’s embrace kept the monarch from tumbling too.  Reiner dropped everything he was holding.  Annie’s breath was caught in her throat.  Kseniya felt the room spin.  Eren’s rage dissipated and he fell to his knees, unable to process the sight.  Levi, now with a few broken fingers, was able to ignore the pain upon seeing his dead friend and possible lover covered in her brother’s blood.  He raised his head slowly, unable to hide the horror coursing through him.  He looked at Saskia in utter disbelief, hoping she would give some kind of explanation, but what he saw completely defied the underlying foundations of his reality.  She was hardly recognizable under the layers of blood she wore.

“Nothing to say, huh?!” Nile shouted in Saskia’s face with an ugly sneer.  “Good!  Makes my job easier!”  He tightened the cuffs, hoping to draw an expression or even tiny groan of pain, but Saskia remained as silent and motionless as her brother’s dead body.  “Saskia Messmann, you’re under arrest for the murder of Erwin Smith.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piet%C3%A0_(Michelangelo)
> 
> This is how I imagine Saskia and Erwin to be after she euthanized him. It partly inspired their final moments as well as their posture. I think both artistically and thematically it fits well, with the interpretations of the piece taken into consideration.
> 
> Colleen Berliner made a cameo in this chapter. Didja catch it?
> 
> So be honest with me. Was this worse to deal with, weaker than, or on the same level as Erwin's death in canon? Did I do sibling feels justice?
> 
> And in case anyone's wondering, Isamu practices judo, which is why Annie's reliance on kicks put her at a disadvantage.
> 
> When Ymir says 'Once again' to Eren after telling him to shut up she's specifically referring to when Reiner and Bertholdt kidnapped her and Eren and she had to yell at him to calm down then too. It's been awhile since then so I wanted to clarify :)
> 
> Regarding what Erwin said about Saskia and Petra, I am working on a side one-shot about the two of them before Petra became a member of the Special Ops squad.


End file.
